Lawrence Community Matters November 2018

Commun ty Matters Lawrence Presbyterian Manor

November 2018

Three tips for having difficult conversations with your aging parents

By Catherine Holder

An important part of caring for your aging parents is understanding their situation and knowing what they want. If you don’t know, then it is up to you to figure it out.

Having open and frank discussions with your parents help avoid the stress and uncertainty about the future. It is a good idea to talk to parents about their wishes now instead of when they become much older or infirm. These talks will help them plan for future life events, resolve any conflicts within the family, and take the decision making burden off of you.

There are five essential conversations to have with your parents: The financial talk – Find out about their financial situation. Do they have enough to live on and enough for the future? Do they have a durable power of attorney naming someone to handle their financial PARENTS, continued on page 2

The artwork on the front of our building is a symbol which forms a cross. Robert S. Slemmons, the architect of Lawrence Presbyterian Manor, commissioned John Whitfield from Topeka to do the metal work to speak of the campus’ Christian concern to all who pass by.

Proudly serving Lawrence for 42 years For almost 42 years, Lawrence Presbyterian Manor has provided various services for seniors and has become well-known in the Lawrence community and beyond.

Generations of families have lived within our walls and enjoyed the ease of senior living and the peace of mind of quality care. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren alike have roamed our halls, filling it with laughter and sounds of excitement. Each year brings another lineup of celebrations, focusing on family and fellowship. Educators, homemakers, professionals, artists, musicians and many others have created an exciting environment to live and work in.

At Lawrence Presbyterian Manor, we have one goal – to provide quality senior services guided by Christian values. As one of three continuing care retirement communities in Lawrence, we are proud to provide the care and services our residents and the Lawrence community need.

SERVING, continued on page 4

PARENTS, continued from page 1

decisions if they are unable to? Do they have a will?

The health care talk – What medical issues do they have? What medications do they take? Do they have a health care power of attorney appointing someone to make medical decisions if they are incapacitated?

The aging talk – What happens if they need significant care? Do they plan to age-in-place at home? What senior living options should they consider?

The family legacy talk – What do they want you to remember about them? What are the family stories, treasured recipes, and heirlooms to pass to future generations?

The end of life talk – What are their wishes when they have a Before you start these talks, keep terminal or end-stage illness? Do they have advance medical directives in mind the following to make the conversations easier and more or a living will? productive.

Be patient

Community Matters is published monthly for residents and friends of Lawrence Presbyterian Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America Inc., a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org.

Christie Patrick, executive director Angela Fonseca, marketing director To submit or suggest articles, contact afonseca@pmma.org.

Telephone: 785-841-4262 Fax: 785-841-0923 Address: 1429 Kasold Dr., Lawrence, KS 66049-3425 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

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Community Matters November 2018

Talking with your parents about their future will not be a one time conversation but an ongoing process.You must be patient and willing to wait until your parents feel comfortable. They will need to be “ready” to talk with you or to make certain decisions about their future. The hardest part will be for them to admit they need help and that you will be taking on more responsibility for them. Understand they still see you as their child who they should be helping, not the other way around. Try to feel out the right times to talk about health care concerns and when to talk about finances.

Be transparent with other family members While it is tempting to manage all information about your parents

and keep it to yourself, you may be perceived by other siblings as too secretive, controlling, or influential. Try to include siblings in conversations or at least give them updates on what is transpiring so there are no unpleasant surprises.

Most siblings will be happy for you to handle things as long as you keep them in the loop. Difficult siblings who have contrary opinions can be extremely challenging. But if you give them consistent updates, you can take some of the drama away from them. They can’t accuse you of hiding something or going behind their back on some matter.

Of course, if you have exceptionally difficult family members, realize that you can’t please everyone all of the time, and focus on what is in the best interests of your parents.

Keep notes Since this is an ongoing process, when your parent expresses what they would like to do in the future, be ready to record their thoughts.

Recording thoughts and wishes makes it easier to follow up in future conversations.

Based on what they say, you can figure out what needs to be done and what steps to take.

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HEALTH & WELLNESS

dementia: understanding caregiving needs

TUESDAY NOV

13 9:30 Am AT

seminar

Lawrence presbyterian manor • 1429 kasold drive • lawrence, ks 66049 Join us on Tuesday, November 13, at 9:30 a.m. for a presentation that will help you understand the symptoms of dementia and intervention strategies when caring for individuals with dementia including a way to assess pain or discomfort. We will also discuss strategies for care planning throughout the course of the disease. Attendees will have the opportunity to ask questions and discuss specific situations with our presenter, Jennifer Divine.

PRESENTED BY: Jennifer Divine, Patient Care Coordinator Great Lakes Caring Home Health Hospice

Please RSVP to Angela Fonseca at 785-841-4262 or afonseca@pmma.org by November 8.

Visit the Facebook event page for more info and updates!

RSVP

www.facebook.com/lawrencepresbyterianmanor www.lawrencepresbyterianmanor.org

CONTINUING EDUCATION SERIES

® ®

The Just Ask Series is a part of the Lifelong Learning Program.

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Lawrence Presbyterian Manor

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Lawrence Presbyterian Manor 1429 Kasold Dr. Lawrence, KS 66049-3425 Return Service Requested

SERVING, continued from page 1

Over the years, we have evolved our services to ensure our residents had the best care available.

And even with changes over the years, one thing is still the same, the rich and full lives of our residents will continue into the future.

Just like our services have evolved, our building has, too.

In this last year, we watched the installation of new windows for our main building, and now we are seeing updates to our exterior finishes.

One thing that will remain constant on our exterior is the large metal

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Community Matters November 2018

artwork on the front of our building. and your patience.”

The artwork on the front of our building is a symbol which forms a cross.

Robert S. Slemmons, the architect of Lawrence Presbyterian Manor, commissioned John Whitfield from Topeka to do the metal work.

The sculpture is based upon a passage of scripture, Revelations 2:18-19, which reads, “This is the message from the Son of God, whose eyes blaze like fires, whose feet shine like polished brass. I know what you do. I know your love, your faithfulness, your services,

At the time of the building opening, then administrator David Slack received a letter from the architect stating, “it seems to me that the Presbyterian Manor should speak to the community, some message of your Christian concern. This little portion of scripture says that something to me.”

We are proud that after all these years this original artwork still stands as a symbol of love and concern for all those cared for within our walls, and it will remain there for many years to come.

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