Lawrence Community Matters March 2018

Commun ty Matters Lawrence Presbyterian Manor

March 2018

How and why to teach your grandchildren about gratitude The way that you live your life can offer the best lesson

By Lisa Fields for Next Avenue

One of the best gifts you can give your grandchild isn’t something physical to wrap up and offer as a birthday present. Rather, you can help to instill a strong sense of gratitude in your grandchild with your words and actions, which can help the child see how much good is in his or her life.

“Gratitude is our positive connection to the past,” said Nansook Park, professor of psychology at Michigan State University, who studies the effects of gratitude on children. “It gives us the sense that there are good things around us, and those good things in our life are the result of contributions by others.”

Feelings of gratitude can alter a child’s perception of the world, his or her family and himself or herself.

Research has shown that children who feel grateful are more satisfied with life, more compassionate, more likely to perform well academically, more likely to have close relationships with their family members and less likely to be GRATITUDE, continued on page 3

Jan Jess, left, and her friend Hazel Nitcher.

Celebrating social workers Resident Jan Jess served social work students at KU for 20 years March is National Social Work Month. Social workers are an integral part of any long-term care community, and this month in particular, we want to show our own staff how much we appreciate them. This year we also are turning the spotlight on one of our own residents, who worked for many years providing social services to the senior population.

Jan Jess had always wanted a career where she could help others. It wasn’t until she moved to Lawrence with her husband, a journalism professor, that she finally had the opportunity to pursue that dream.

Paul Jess had been teaching at the University of Michigan in the 1970s when he was offered a position at the University of Kansas. Jan, Paul and their three adopted children picked up and moved to Kansas.

“I saw a door open for me to finish my degree then,” Jan said.

HONOR, continued on page 2

HONOR, continued from page 1

Jan was accepted into the master’s of social work program and earned her degree in 1982. That year, she also was named Outstanding Nontraditional Woman Student at annual the KU Women’s Recognition Program. Nontraditional students included those like Jan who were married or returning to their education after an absence, as well as those starting college later in life, like single parents and veterans. The award singled out a woman who had Jan Jess’s Women’s Recognition program from 1982. made a “unique contribution” to the authored and presented papers on how many students Jan had likely university community. gerontology, worked on recreational helped to place in the workforce. “It A letter supporting her nomination programs for seniors, and helped was right at 6,000 students. I was noted that Jan’s goal was always to draft improvement plans for longinstrumental in finding them good work with elderly people. She coterm care communities. “Clearly places to learn and work,” she said.

Jan Jess is a woman of talent and In 2013, Paul moved to Lawrence purpose. She approaches her work Presbyterian Manor. After a few with and for the elderly with years of traveling back and forth genuine enthusiasm and concern. from their home, Jan joined him in She strives to lift the barrier of 2015. Paul died later that year. misunderstanding which separates Community Matters them from other members of Jan’s daughter, Jill, wrote an is published monthly for residents society.” essay about her mom for a recent and friends of Lawrence Presbyterian Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America Inc., a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org.

Christie Patrick, executive director Angela Fonseca, marketing director To submit or suggest articles, contact afonseca@pmma.org.

Telephone: 785-841-4262 Fax: 785-841-0923 Address: 1429 Kasold Dr., Lawrence, KS 66049-3425 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

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Jan’s first social work position was with the then-new hospice program of the Visiting Nurses Association of Douglas County. Soon, however, she was hired back at KU as assistant director of the field practicum program in the School of Social Welfare, helping students to find work.

“I traveled all over Kansas doing liaison work for the students,” she said, adding that she “absolutely” enjoyed working with college students. “There was never a dull moment.”

Jan stayed in that role for 20 years, retiring in 2003. During one of her last meetings, someone had tallied

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Community Matters March 2018

Mother’s Day. In it, she wrote that listening to her mother’s readings on gerontology and death and dying were as good as having a “mini-MSW.” She added, “I believe my mother has always wanted me to know that I am intelligent and talented and a joy and good enough for myself and for anyone who had the good fortune to know me.”

Social work is notorious for a high burnout rate. Jan said she fought those tendencies by focusing on the positive.

“You have to tell yourself you’re on the right track if you’re feeling good about your work — helping families especially.”

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GRATITUDE, continued from page 1

susceptible to stress, depression and early sexual encounters with peers.

Children need to be taught about gratitude to glean its benefits; it’s a learned skill. But it’s easier to teach than you might think. Grandparents can help cultivate a strong sense of gratitude in grandchildren of all ages, from toddlers to teens. Here’s how: Uncovering silver linings Naturally, you want to protect your grandchildren from disappointment.

You can’t stop upsetting events from unfolding, but instilling them with a strong sense of gratitude can help.

“It’s good to recognize success,” Dlugokinski said. “It’s especially good to recognize effort. If somebody has tried as hard as they can and did not achieve, recognize that. They can come back and use that same effort and make it work next time.”

gratitude by pointing out sacrifices that others have made for them.

“Encourage them to see things from multiple vantage points,” Poelker said. “It sets them up to better appreciate all the kind things that have been done for them when you understand what it took for the other person to make that happen.”

Don’t just tell your grandchild that you’re grateful for his or her actions; Expressions of gratitude “It’s part of life to win some and explain why. lose some,” Dlugokinski said. “It’s When your grandchild receives a “It doesn’t have to be a long not whether you are defeated at gift, you can encourage him or her something, it’s whether you bounce conversation,” Poelker said. “Explain to write a thank-you card. If you that actions have consequences. If back. Resilience is the capacity to start early on, card-writing can you take the time to explain things bounce back from losses.” become a positive habit. on occasion, that’s where the power If your grandchild is accustomed “If adults make it fun with young of those interactions really lie.” to thinking about things that he or people and truly explain the Offering perspective she is grateful for, it will be easier meaning of activity, [writing thankto find silver linings in upsetting you notes] can be a part of family Although teens may seem focused situations and bounce back. ritual,” Park said. “However, if adults on themselves, they haven’t demand or preach young people necessarily forgotten about “Gratitude is encouraging young to do it as an obligation while they gratitude. people to shift the focus away from are not doing it, it is not only less what went wrong,” Poelker said. “It’s “People often think that young effective but it creates resentment framing disappointments and losses people are entitled and ungrateful, and resistance.” in terms of what you still have. Even but that is not always true,” Park if you lose the soccer tournament, Younger children can get into the said. “Adolescence is for young you still got to spend 16 weeks people to focus more on themselves habit by drawing thank-you pictures. with the soccer team: The great Older children can dig deep within and try to build a sense of identity. friendships, the lessons learned and themselves. “I recommend that Thinking about how others maybe next year, we’ll be better.” contribute to their life is not exactly the note explain why the child is grateful, rather than, ‘Thanks for the what they are interested in doing.

Giving praise This does not mean that they are not gift,’” Poelker said. “You strengthen Complimenting your grandchild that bond, acknowledging something grateful.” is an excellent way to express deeper. It’s beneficial both for the gratitude in an accessible way. benefactor and the beneficiary.”

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Lawrence Presbyterian Manor 1429 Kasold Dr. Lawrence, KS 66049-3425 Return Service Requested

Tell us your story We will be celebrating Older American’s Month and National Nursing Home Week in an upcoming issue of Community Matters.

The Older Americans Month theme is “Engage at Every Age.” If you have ways that you are intentionally staying engaged in activities you’ve always loved, using technology or if you just want to tell the world what you love about living in your senior living community, we want to share the story.

Contact Angela Fonseca, marketing director, and your story could be featured in an upcoming edition of Community Matters.

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Community Matters March 2018

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