Aberdeen Heights-The Glen Community Matters March 2018

Community Matters The Glen at Aberdeen Heights

March 2018

How and why to teach your grandchildren about gratitude The way that you live your life can offer the best lesson

By Lisa Fields for Next Avenue

One of the best gifts you can give your grandchild isn’t something physical to wrap up and offer as a birthday present. Rather, you can help to instill a strong sense of gratitude in your grandchild with your words and actions, which can help the child see how much good is in his or her life.

“Gratitude is our positive connection to the past,” said Nansook Park, professor of psychology at Michigan State University, who studies the effects of gratitude on children. “It gives us the sense that there are good things around us, and those good things in our life are the result of contributions by others.”

Feelings of gratitude can alter a child’s perception of the world, his or her family and himself or herself.

Research has shown that children who feel grateful are more satisfied with life, more compassionate, more likely to perform well academically, more likely to have

Better serving our residents Aberdeen Heights is pleased to announce that we’ve received a certificate of achievement from MoLANE, a consortium of long-term care stakeholders in Missouri, for our ability to reduce antipsychotic medication use over the past five years.

This effort was part of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) National Partnership to Improve Dementia Care, which aimed to protect residents from being prescribed antipsychotic medications without a valid, clinical indication. Following these improved guidelines, we now have an antipsychotic medication-use rate below the national average of 15.5 percent, while residents are better served using individualized strategies.

We are proud of this accomplishment and happy to be a part of this initiative to improve resident care!

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close relationships with their family members and less likely to be susceptible to stress, depression and early sexual encounters with peers.

Children need to be taught about gratitude to glean its benefits; it’s a learned skill. But it’s easier to teach than you might think. Grandparents can help cultivate a strong sense of gratitude in grandchildren of all ages, from toddlers to teens. Here’s how: Be a role model From a young age, children observe adults to learn important life lessons. If you demonstrate

Community Matters is published monthly for residents and friends of Aberdeen Heights by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America Inc., a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organization. Learn more at: PresbyterianManors.org.

James “Jamie” Kneen, executive director To submit or suggest articles for this publication, contact Lily Landy, health care administrator, LLandy@pmma.org.

Telephone: 314-909-6010 Address: 505 Couch Ave., Kirkwood, MO 63122 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

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Community Matters March 2018

that you feel grateful and express your gratitude consistently, your grandchildren are likely to follow suit.

“Research shows clearly that young people learn by observing, not by listening,” Park said. “Young people who grow up watching adults around them practicing gratitude in daily life are most likely to internalize those concepts and adopt that kind of practice.”

Grandchildren whose parents or grandparents don’t demonstrate gratitude are less likely to cultivate gratitude themselves, even if the adults in their lives tell them to.

“If you don’t model it yourself, it will have no impact,” said psychologist Eric Dlugokinski, professor emeritus at the University of Oklahoma.

Going beyond ‘thank you’ From a young age, children are taught to say “thank you” for gifts or kindnesses. But saying the words reflexively doesn’t mean that they’re grateful.

“They are often doing that because they have been prompted and they know it’s a social convention,” said Katelyn Poelker, assistant professor of psychology at Hope College in Holland, Mich., who studies the effects of gratitude on children.

“It’s maybe more of a ritual than, ‘Wow, I totally understand all the trouble this person went through to get this toy I really wanted.’”

You can help your grandchildren understand gratitude by teaching them why to say “thank you,” not just when.

“It’s important to explain the rationale behind those automatic thank yous,” Poelker said. “You can only feel gratitude when you understand what the other person had to do to make it a reality for you. A younger child can’t think it through the same way as an older child. Explain it: ‘Grandma called Mommy to see what you wanted, and then she drove all the way to the store and picked it out.’”

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Uncovering silver linings Naturally, you want to protect your grandchildren from disappointment.

You can’t stop upsetting events from unfolding, but instilling them with a strong sense of gratitude can help.

“It’s part of life to win some and lose some,” Dlugokinski said. “It’s not whether you are defeated at something, it’s whether you bounce back. Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from losses.”

“It doesn’t have to be a long conversation,” Poelker said. “Explain that actions have consequences. If you take the time to explain things on occasion, that’s where the power of those interactions really lie.”

Offering perspective Although teens may seem focused on themselves, they haven’t necessarily forgotten about gratitude.

“People often think that young people are entitled and ungrateful, but that is not always true,” Park If your grandchild is accustomed said. “Adolescence is for young to thinking about things that he or people to focus more on themselves she is grateful for, it will be easier and try to build a sense of identity. to find silver linings in upsetting Thinking about how others situations and bounce back. contribute to their life is not exactly “Gratitude is encouraging young what they are interested in doing. people to shift the focus away from This does not mean that they are not what went wrong,” Poelker said. “It’s grateful.” framing disappointments and losses in terms of what you still have. Even You may help teens embrace gratitude by pointing out sacrifices if you lose the soccer tournament, that others have made for them. you still got to spend 16 weeks with the soccer team: The great “Encourage them to see things from friendships, the lessons learned and multiple vantage points,” Poelker maybe next year, we’ll be better.” said. “It sets them up to better appreciate all the kind things that Giving praise have been done for them when you Complimenting your grandchild is an excellent way to express gratitude in an accessible way.

understand what it took for the other person to make that happen.”

Expressions of gratitude When your grandchild receives a gift, you can encourage him or her to write a thank-you card. If you start early on, card-writing can become a positive habit.

“If adults make it fun with young people and truly explain the meaning of activity, [writing thankyou notes] can be a part of family ritual,” Park said. “However, if adults demand or preach young people to do it as an obligation while they are not doing it, it is not only less effective but it creates resentment and resistance.”

Younger children can get into the habit by drawing thank-you pictures.

Older children can dig deep within themselves.

“I would recommend that the note explain why the child is grateful, rather than, ‘Thanks for the gift,’” Poelker said. “You strengthen that bond, acknowledging something deeper than, ‘Hey, you got me something.’ It’s beneficial both for the benefactor and the beneficiary.”

“It’s good to recognize success,” Dlugokinski said. “It’s especially good to recognize effort. If somebody has tried as hard as they can and did not achieve, recognize that. They can come back and use that same effort and make it work next time.”

Don’t just tell your grandchild that you’re grateful for his or her actions; explain why.

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Tell us your story We will be celebrating Older American’s Month and National Nursing Home Week in an upcoming issue of Community Matters. The Older Americans Month theme is “Engage at Every Age.” If you have ways that you are intentionally staying engaged in activities you’ve always loved, using technology or if you just want to tell the world what you love about living in your senior living community, we want to share the story.

Contact Lily Landy, health care administrator, and your story could be featured in an upcoming edition of Community Matters.

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