6 minute read
Thriving online
Thriving
online
Deborah Webster outlines a new project aimed at protecting children in the digital world, helping them to build resilience and thrive online.
During my 10 years as Taking Care trainer and coordinator I was privileged to be an advocate for the protection of children and young people in PCI. Initially the focus of this role was real-world safeguarding in church ministries and organisations. However, over that decade, technology advanced dramatically; smartphones, tablets, and other connected devices, rapidly became everyday items. With this advance came the need for protecting children and young people, not just in the physical world but also in the digital world.
Though much work had been done on internet safety, I became increasingly alarmed about the impact this new connected world was having on the mental health and wellbeing of young people. A fire which was clearly being fuelled by social media.
In 2017 I took a step of faith. I left my role in PCI to become a full-time student at Queen’s University. I had no idea what God had in store for me after this PhD. All I knew was I had three years to study a subject he had given me a passion for: the relationship between social media use and adolescent wellbeing.
My research was conducted in post primary schools across Northern Ireland. Through focus groups and interviews with parents, teachers, and pupils, it was clear that social media was impacting the wellbeing of young people in several different ways.
Firstly, despite the often-negative perceptions of adults, social media has clear benefits for the wellbeing of young people because of the connections it provides. This has become prevalent during recent lockdowns where many parents were thankful their teens could remain in communication with their friends. Whilst physically isolated, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and Snapchat were a welcome replacement for break time, the school bus, the common room and the sports field. They were a much-needed space to hang out, laugh and chat about everything and anything. As social beings created in the image of a relational God, social media plays a part in fulfilling our inherent desires for interaction and communion with others.
Secondly, as Theodore Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of all joy.” Nowhere is that more prevalent than on social media. Comparison was the theme that came up the most in my research. Young people constantly compare their own bodies, appearances, clothes, homes and holidays to those of others. Whether peers, social media influencers, celebrities or complete strangers, often these
comparisons lead to envy which in turn lead to low self-esteem. The writer of Proverbs speaks wisdom into this tragedy when he states: “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones” (Proverbs 14:30). As vulnerable humans, we can all be so easily damaged by the negative impact of social media.
From my research it was clear that there is a desperate need to equip young people to become digitally resilient. Teaching them how to enjoy the good things our connected world offers, while
also preparing them to cope with the not so good. Whilst online safety has been well rehearsed, the wider implications of online use have been largely overlooked and there is therefore a growing need to enable children and adolescents not just to survive, but to thrive online.
Whilst writing my thesis, I often reflected on the words of a beautiful, articulate 13-year-old girl I met in one of the school focus groups. She eloquently described how using social media damaged her self-esteem and that the pressure she felt to look good online was unbearable. My heart broke and a desire to make a difference for people like her burned inside me. I couldn’t help but think perhaps God was guiding me to do something about this. Whilst I began my PhD unsure of what he had in store for me after it, perhaps this was where my next chapter lay.
So, with a £500 grant from Queen’s Graduate School, I had a logo designed, a website put together and I launched a social enterprise called Thrive Academy. The purpose of Thrive Academy is to help young people thrive online by providing bespoke education in digital resilience. This is done through lessons for young people, training for teachers and youth leaders and workshops for parents. Completing my studies and setting up my own business was both exciting and terrifying at the same time, especially during a pandemic and with home schooling thrown into the mix!
While not being able to physically go into schools so far this year, I have been able to move Thrive Academy online. This has allowed me to continue to deliver parent workshops for churches, organisations, and schools via video conferencing. Thankfully these practical, informal, and non-judgemental sessions have been well received, both north and south of the border. Like everyone though, I am looking forward to getting back into schools, churches and organisations to deliver face-to-face training whenever that is allowed.
If you would like to find out more about Thrive Academy or you are interested in the services we provide please get in touch. It would be great to hear from you (deborah@thriveac.org; www.thriveac.org).
Five top tips to helping your child thrive online:
Talk to your child regularly about what they are doing on
their phone. Ask them about the apps they are using; who they are communicating with; what they are enjoying about their phone. Remind them that if they ever come across anything that they feel uncomfortable with, even if they feel it is their fault, they can talk to you about it.
Have times and places in the family home that are screen free,
such as mealtimes. Make it the norm that there are no phones used at the dinner table, whether that be in the home or when eating out. Work hard at incorporating nonscreen time activities into family life, such as board game nights, sports, camping trips or other hobbies and interests.
Decide on a place where their phone can charge overnight.
Younger adolescents in particular should not have their phones in their bedrooms at night-time. This can disrupt their sleep, which is critical to their physical and emotional development at this stage in life.
Decide on boundaries or rules
and keep to them. Any boundaries set down should be appropriate to the age and stage of your child. How you parent a 16-year-old is very different to how you parent a 10-year-old. But do remember that your child, whether aged 10 or 16, is still growing, and hasn’t reached adulthood. If your child feels that the boundaries or limits you have put in place are unfair or unreasonable (which they probably will!), remind them that these are temporary and will grow and stretch as they grow older and mature.
Reflect on your own behaviour.
This is perhaps the most challenging part! There is of course a lot of truth in the saying that children copy what they see. Us grown-ups may need to reflect on our own behaviour towards our mobile phone and social media use – I know I certainly do!
