Cult Culture (2015)

THE PRATTLER

ISSUE 2

NOV ‘15

COVER ART BY HANNAH BRANDT

Culture

The Prattler

L E T T E R FROM.THE E D I T O R CULTURE /’k lCH r/

1. The arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively.

2. The cultivation of bacteria, tissue cells, etc., in an artificial medium containing nutrients.

3. Maintain (tissue cells, bacteria, etc.) in conditions suitable for growth.

Art is a living entity, a cultivation of craft, work and a vision that is ever changing. Like labcultures, the environment is of outmost importance—but unlike lab cultures, our art is not in a sterile environment. It lives on Pratt campus, amidst the five boroughs and stretches back to our hometowns whether those be Seoul or San Francisco. In creating the Culture element of the issue we were interested to delve into the mind, the environment, and the work that sets us apart from the other petri dishes in the lab of the art world.

Lucille Pratt Editor

Words by Ayushi Shah Illustration by Emma Damiani

“I hate my work…I don’t know what is going on with me. I disappoint my professors. I fail at everything no matter how much I try. I’m taking up space.”

THE LAST FEW DAYS, I ASKED people what they were thinking.

Simple question. I got answers like, “If I can make it in time for the concert tonight” and “What’s for dinner?”

Simple answers. Amid those simple answers were replies like, “ I’m not good enough,” or “ I don’t want to do this anymore.” One person even replied, “a vivid flickering image of me jumping in front of the subway.”

Worried, scary, sometimes creepy thoughts. These thoughts come all the time, perhaps for only a second but thoughts affect your life, and sometimes they can control you.

So the thoughts consume you?

A student that wishes to remain anonymous talked to me and she, let’s call her Art Student, said:

Now Art Student spent her entire life being pretty average. She was happy, outgoing, funny, energetic and always smiling. She was great at art in her high school. That same girl suddenly became controlled by her thoughts and emotions. She changed her appearance, her physique, and her behavior all because of her thoughts.

Art Student describes her depression and thoughts as a heavy backpack.

Think about a Pratt foundation student’s backpack. She says she’s carrying this backpack all day, everyday.

She walks to class through three feet of mud, fog in front of her eyes and this really, really heavy backpack of all her thoughts. She finds herself with sore shoulders carrying the burden of these thoughts. So what does she think of these thoughts? How does she deal with these thoughts?

Well, Art Student has three options. There’s the idea that thoughts have meaning and your thoughts are related to who you are. Art Student’s

past will reveal the reasons for her thinking these thoughts right now, because her thoughts mean something. Maybe she’s used to being one of five people good at art, and now it’s really hard for her at an art school.

Option No.2 is, your thoughts have absolutely nothing to do with you.

People shouldn’t take their thoughts seriously. Why does Art Student thinks she disappoints everyone?

She got to Pratt and continues to excel in most of her crits. She has friends, is in clubs. It makes no sense to think that she’s failing.

People accept their negative thoughts at face value. THEY DO NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. Don’t trust your thoughts but instead challenge them. Think : Why do I think this when it is actually false?

The last option of is that your thoughts have no meaning at all.

Not only do they have nothing to do with you, but they don’t mean anything. When Art Student carries her backpack around with her everyday with all that weight on her shoulders, she is giving that backpack so much importance. Put it down.

It’s still there, just not in your face.

The idea is that if you don’t engage in the bad thoughts, they don’t matter that much. They’re not you.

Culture The Prattler

The Prattler Culture

S T I C K S S T I C K S

& Words by Kyu Ho Lee

they are playing with other players around the world and are given information about the players such as their names, age, interests and background. But in reality this is all a computer simulation. At one point the two other players, that were not actual people, cease throwing the ball to the volunteer and play amongst themselves. All the while the scientists record how the brain is reacting.

The moment where the player is excluded, the insula and the anterior cingulate cortex are activated. The anterior cingulate cortex is sort of a neural alarm system that tells us when something is wrong, usually in response to physical pain.

We tend to make distinctions between physical and emotional pain, but in reality our brain cannot distinguish between these two. Beilock notes people who have taken paracetamol over the course of several weeks HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN reported less daily social pain as their brain so badly that it physically hurt? That you had became less reactive to social rejection, which to drown yourself in alcohol or something else isn’t to say that we should all start taking mild just to fall asleep? All of us have been hurt painkillers. Studying ourselves and how our once or twice in our body works is a AS ARTISTS AND DESIGNERS lives, some more than good way to begin others. We can all tes- WE LIVE IN A PLACE THAT VALUES to understand why tify that the pain of we act the way we CRITICISM AND OPINIONS. heartbreak is real. In do as well as how a recent article in the much of an effect Guardian, psychologist Sian Beilock explained we can have on the people around us. Keeping the science behind heartbreak and the reason it this in mind we should learn to approach othhurts so much. ers with the same care we give to ourselves.

Whenever we get physically hurt, our brain registers the pain through neural circuits.

These circuits (the insula, the cingulate cortex and the somatosensory cortex) are activated regardless of where the pain is taking place. So whether we break an arm or rip a tendon, the pain is similar. Scientists are now saying that this notion applies to emotional pain as well.

In an experiment conducted by two UCLA neuroscientists, Naomi Esenberger and Matt Lieberman, volunteers were asked to play a game called Cyberball, a virtual game of catch.

The volunteers are tricked into thinking

As artists and designers we live in a place that values criticism and opinions. And those who are really passionate about their work will understand the power of a harsh critique. But it is important to keep in mind that all of us are human as well. There’s a thin line between a critique and an attack. When we critique something we are in a sense attacking it and taking it apart. But it is important that when we do this we are trying to nurture new ideas in the process and refrain from attacking the person. After all we are all here to learn; not get broken hearts.

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Culture

The Prattler

THE SPEAKING GARDEN Words and Illustrations

by Annalyse Little

ON A SUNNY DAY IN AUTUMN, you might find yourself sitting on campus sipping a pumpkin spice latte. The ground is painted with piles of fallen leaves in various shapes and colors, and at that moment the world seems quite and still. But the silence is an illusion. The plants and trees around you are buzzing with the commotion of everyday life.

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The Prattler

Culture

PLANTS CAN’T MOVE AROUND, WHICH IS WHY MOST people assume their lives are boring. While this may be an evolutionary disadvantage, these organisms have learned to survive. In fact the cumulative mass of plant life on the planet is one thousand times higher than the cumulative mass of all the animals. With over three thousand species of plants on Earth, they have clearly developed clever ways of survival.

Like our own, one of those strategies is the capacity to smell. Smell is simply sensing a chemical that has dissolved in the air and reacting to it. You might smell the flavor of the coffee in your hands, and react by immediately drinking more. Well, when a fruit on a tree ripens it releases a pheromone called ethylene into the air. The unripe fruits smell this and they start to ripen faster in an attempt to catch up. This sense of smell is why fruit trees tend to ripen at the same time. Using smell, plants can also warn neighboring plants of oncoming danger.

For example, if bugs are attacking a maple tree, it releases a pheromone that alerts nearby trees. This causes the neighboring trees to produce a chemicals that will help fight off an impending bug attack. Like the maple tree

can also talk to insects. The carrion flower grows tiny hairs, has warms petals, and smells of rotting flesh in an attempt to mimic a corpse. They do this to trick flies and beetles into helping it pollinate. Cooler still, some corn and cotton plants release a chemical into the air when caterpillars start eating them. This chemical attracts parasitic wasps that fly in and eat the caterpillars. During a lab experiment, scientist found that just playing a sound track of caterpillars eating triggers the same response. This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “ear of corn”.

While you sit there in the grass, you might not be aware that the plants around you are listening. The world seems quiet to you; you can’t hear the slow rush of water in the pipes a few feet below. But the plants can.

Some plants can hear running water from very far away and their roots have been known to wrap around the pipes, trying to reach the source of the water. This is pretty impressive when you consider that the external parts of the pipes are completely dry.

Coming back to this sunny day in autumn with your cup of love about to be as dry as these pipes, I urge you to listen. Before you finish your overpriced cup of coffee, and run back to your busy life, take the time to appreciate your fellow inhabitants of the world. But be careful what you whisper in a garden, because if you listen hard enough, they just might whisper back.

BOTANISTS OFTEN CALL THIS NETWORK THE WOOD WIDE WEB, BECAUSE SCIENTISTS HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR TOO. helps its fellow companions, we do to. If you drink that pumpkin spice latte before it cools, you might scream out in pain, warning others to not make the same mistake.

But plants do not just communicate through pheromones in the air. They can also send messages through their roots. One plant can warn others about environmental stresses such as a drought by sending messages through their roots. In a large root network, like that in a forest, trees and plants can send aid to those in need. A tall tree will nourish a smaller shaded tree until it is big enough to reach the sunlight. And trees that stay green all year round share vital nutrients with those who lose their leaves in the winter.

Botanists often call this network the Wood Wide Web, because scientists have a sense of humor too.

As cool as it is that plants talk to each other, they

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Culture

The Prattler

C OMIC C ULT U R E Comic by Bradley Railey

The Prattler

Culture

S E C R E T Words by James Tae Illustrations by Nicola Householder

THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY choices when it comes to picking your classes. Many of these courses are hidden among some of the more boring and required courses you have to take. Here are a few of the secret courses being offered.

1. Intro Into Acting Prof. Don Andreasen For those who want to act or learn about the art of acting, this covers monologues, scenes, and improv.

2. Science of Light Prof. Mark Rosin Introduces students to light and optical phenomena in nature, technology, and art. Topics will include how light travels in different settings and how light is captured by film.

3. Only The Dead Know Brooklyn Prof. Samantha Hunt Do you love Brooklyn? Do you want to know more about the rich history of this borough? Do you like field trips? Then this the class for you.

4. Planet Ocean Prof. Jennifer Telesca 71 percent of the earth is covered by water. This class examines islands, waves, empires, economies, nightmares, and fantasies relating to the ocean. The goal of the class is to unfold the hidden mysteries of the sea.

5. The Civil War Prof. Ann Holder Covering many of the aspects of The Civil War that you were never taught in school, this class examines the war from two different angles to understand its causes.

6. Buddhism Prof. Chris Vitale What is Buddhism? Is it a religion, cult, philosophy, or trend? Whatever it is to you, this class investigates this complex topic, looking at questions such as “What did the Buddha actually say?” or “Is there a god in Buddhism?”

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7. Culture of Food Prof. Josh Karant Food is great and the culture surrounding it is even greater. This class explores food as a narrative for culture while dining on some of the most interesting cuisine NYC has to offer.

8. Star Trek: Allegory and Analogy Profs. Iván Zatz-Diaz & Ric Brown Are you a Treckie? Enough said.

9. Singing Prof. Philip Carroll Have you ever wondered how singing works and why everybody does it in the shower? Do you want to sing in class? Then take this one.

10. Popular Literature: Game of Thrones Prof. Tracie Morris GAME. OF. THRONES! 11. The New Circus Prof. Jennifer Miller Come one come all to the greatest class at Pratt. Step right up and learn about the exciting world of circus theater. Come master the art of juggling, stilt dancing, puppetry, slack

COURSES rope walking, unicycle riding, object balancing, basic acrobatics, and clowning.

12. Modern Conspiracy Theories Prof. Josiah Brownell Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory? Because of the internet, new and interesting theories are being spread worldwide at faster rate than before. This class considers the contexts of old, new, crazy, spooky, and scary theories. Most importantly this class will uncover whether or not any of them are true.

13. Magic, Science, Religion, and Art Prof. Ira Livingston This class looks at how magic, science, religion, and art differ, interact, resonate, and intersect with each other. At the end of class you will have an opportunity to invent your own religion.

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Mental Illness Awareness Week happened from October 4 to October 10, but going on from then, we need to erase the stigma on mental illness for one another. The National Alliance of Mental Illness provides more statistics and resources on its website www.nami.org, and the Pratt Health and Counseling Center in Willoughby Hall offers free, confidential services to every enrolled student if you are seeking more information or professional treatment for an illness of your own.

Remarking that a classmate “dropped out” is indeed a plain way to state their choice, but when NAMI reports that 64 percent of young adults do not continue to attend college for a mental health related reason, it can also stigmatize the classmate. In conversation, you need to be compassionate with your language and intentions. If you feel that you have not harmed whoever you are talking about, be conscious that you may be speaking to or around someone who copes with a mental illness.

The following morning in our class, when the professor called her name, someone said that she had “dropped out”. It was too brief a moment to interject, but I regret not speaking in defense of our classmate. While I know that it was not intended to humiliate her, the phrases “dropped out”, “couldn’t make it here” and “quit” all carry a coded meaning of laziness and lack of direction.

I have considered forfeiting my education so I can treat my own illness, and I had feared that other students and professors would view my decision as apathy about college.

I genuinely believe that Pratt is a progressive, inclusive community, but I often hear comments that unknowingly harm our peers who have mental illnesses. A girl whom I have a class with this semester, for instance, recently confided in me that she was on medical leave to seek treatment for depression. She spoke of how she feels like seeking help only silences her further and that she expects others to view her as pathetic.

THE NATIONAL ALLIANCE OF MENTAL ILLNESS holds Mental Illness Awareness Week on the first week of October every year, and this year it aimed attention to the stigma surrounding mental health. Since NAMI reports that over one quarter of college students have been diagnosed or treated for a mental illness within the past year, the Pratt community must understand how to treat this topic with respect and sensitivity.

Since the beginning of this semester, I have been grappling with my mental illness. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was twelve.

Eight years later I recognize that maintaining my mental health is a part of my daily routine – at least seven hours of sleep, dependence on medication, hours of broad daylight I have to spend recuperating in bed – and maintaining it is crucial to my success at Pratt.

Words by Quinn Roberts

MENTAL ILLNESS AWARENESS WEEK

The theme is “Pratt Tabloid!” Contact the prattler team for more information at:

ADVISORS Michael Kelly & Sean Kelly

43 CORN COBBS, HUSKS OR STALKS

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS?

theprattler@gmail.com

ART DIRECTORS Alison Lee & Spencer Seligman

WANT TO HAVE YOUR ARTWORK FEATURED IN THE NEXT ISSUE?

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Lucille Pratt

Cult

The Prattler

The Prattler

Words by Calvin LaVallee

I gave up my research, partially out of frustration but also because one of the zombies stole and tore up my notebook while yelling about being overworked during midterms. Be warned reader, if you see someone you once knew lurching about campus with baggy eyes and a grayish complexion do not question their condition.

My first instinct was to check the cafeteria.

One of the easiest ways to infect the students would be to introduce a zombie virus into their food. Having avoided the cafeteria for over a year now I had no idea what I was in for. I bravely chowed down. Although the food was frightening in its own right it was not tainted, as I was not turned into a lurching horror. I also noticed many of the schools professors dining on the same food and they seemed more disappointed than sickly.

Still no closer to any answers, I decided to confront a school administrator. Due to some unfortunate timing there was no one immediately available, as it was Saturday. I spent hours trying to locate anyone of importance before finally finding and accosting the President who had disguised himself as a night janitor.

He was unsurprisingly aloof, pretending not to understand my questions and insisting that his name was “Wesley.” After an unfortunate misunderstanding with Pratt security, I was removed from Myrtle Hall.

AS THE MIDDLE OF THE FALL SEMESTER approaches the Pratt campus undergoes many changes. The leaves turn brown and fall off the trees, fewer people spend time out on the lawn, and roughly half of the student body is transformed into terrifying, shambling, husks of their former selves. While I initially suspected this was some attempt at creating a more diverse student body by incorporating the oft forgotten community of the living dead, I soon suspected there is something far more sinister at play.

Words by Beth Forrest Illustrations by Beth Forrest and Alison Lee

O UR CAMPUS IS A HOST TO MANY DIFFERENT plants but there is one that stands out among the hedges and flowers. This year the stalk stands alone with no companion in front of Steuben Hall. This stalk is a corn plant. It’s small and doesn’t sport any ears but it has been growing in that spot all summer. This isn’t the first corn stalk that has appeared at Pratt. In the fall of last year two stalks of corn sprouted just outside the revolving gate next to Khim’s Millennium Market but vanished completely by spring.

Two years in row these corn plants have appeared, so they must have been planted by someone, but who? I talked to two grounds keepers to see if they knew anything about the plants, but neither of them were aware that the plant existed so of course they knew nothing about its purpose. Are they placed by a corn passionate student to remind them of their rural home? Are they a professor’s agricultural experiment? Has someone here become the Johnny Appleseed of corn, attempting to spread these plants through Brooklyn? What purpose do these plants serve if they produce no food? Will we find another corn plant sprung up in a different part of campus next year or maybe in further years?

While in the cafeteria I came upon some of my undead classmates sprawled out on one of the tables and cautiously asked them some questions about their condition.

Cult

HOW MANY CORN COBBS, HUSKS OR STALKS ARE HIDDEN IN THIS ISSUE? ANSWER IN CENTER

“What are you talking about?” said one of the freakish ghouls, his bloodshot eyes scanning my face, likely for the best spot to take a bite.

“I’m just really tired. It’s been a week since I’ve had more than an hour of sleep.”

The others proved even less insightful, coldly rejecting my questions with groaned complaints like, “I have a midterm in 20 minutes, and please stop talking so I can rest.” and “Stop poking me with that pencil.” Also, “Calvin if you don’t let me sleep before my presentation I will actually bite you.” Exactly the kinds of things you’d expect people hiding their tragic transformation to say.

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M: What do you think of really famous cults, like Scientology?

E: I think that they’re very dangerous.

Even things that start kind of benevolent never stay that way because there’s always someone who abuses the power and that’s certainly the case with Scientology--based on that movie, I mean that’s all I really know [laughs].

I mean, I don’t know of any good cults... there’s like twelve step programs that can be good. But they’re designed, deliberately, to not become cult-like by constantly having new elected leaders, but every once in awhile there’s like a splinter group that will break away from that and decided “well, we’re different” and that’s when it becomes a cult.

ERICH IS A LOW-VOICED, MILD MANNERED CULT ENTHUSIAST WHO MOONLIGHTS AS AN ACADEMIC ADVISOR. HERE, HE TALKS ABOUT THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS, WHAT A CULT IS, AND HOW HE FELT WHEN HIS FRIENDS STARTED DOING COCAINE. M: How would you define a cult?

E: I define cults as any group of people that are brought together by a common [interest], usually a leader, a kind of spiritual movement, a feeling of interconnectivity, something that they can lose themselves in, because I’ve been in a few riots in my time and I see the same thing.

People you think you know and are super normal and all of a sudden-- it’s almost like they become sharks.

Their eyes roll back in their head and they just get like super violent and I’m just like who are these people.

It’s like there’s a switch that goes off when they’re in [a] group. And I mean I’ve felt the high of being part of a clique...but there was always some kind of individuality retained. Once a cult becomes a cult, that’s all gone. You’re just subsumed in a leader, which is never a good idea. You’re just free of responsibility. Also they tend to [ask you to do] two things [to] help you get “free”. One is to give up all worldly possessions, which a cult leader will certainly encourage because then you just turn over all your money to the group. The other is to become a vegetarian and by not eating meat you get kinda weak in the head and very suggestible, so you’re easily lead and lack the aggression that it takes to break away from the group of people who have the hold on you. ... Those two things I think are key to any good cult operation.

M: I heard from Sean Kelly that you have your own cult.

E: [Laughs] Well I was working on one, off and on. I was gonna make a film with Ethan Spigland and I was working on a cult, and I had Sean signed up to be one of the other key leaders for this kind of elaborate, non-violent, aggression therapy fight club kind of thing where different people would represent issues that would be battled out, like Israel and Palestine as professional wrestlers fighting...all of this crazy stuff that all came to me in a deep meditation moment. I mean, it was crazy. I just wrote it all down in a moment of inspiration and I was all zened out, but amongst the things I was required to do by this weird higher power energy was to not eat meat...and as I did that I got dizzier and crankier and then I got super super sick. And when I came out of it I was really delirious for ten days. When I came out of it all that jinx-y enlightenment was kind of robbed, stolen from me by evil interdimensional archons [laughs]. But, you know, it was only ever gonna be a mock cult, it was gonna be like a movie, and it still might be if I can get that mojo back. Part of it was pre-apocalypse enthusiasm because the world was supposed to end. I was really excited.

Words by Maggie Ba rnard Photo by Jo na th an Hendin Selfie by Erich Ku ersten

M: Your film A Poet’s Journey is in Pratt Library’s film collection. How do you feel about that?

E: I think it’s great. I started watching it a few days ago, because, you know, my ex-wife is in it so it’s hard to show if I have a current girlfriend...and she’s really obnoxious but now that there’s been enough distance from it, I mean I think it’s fascinating. [For the film] I was just writing and thinking about the...idea of, you know, reuniting, getting to that place of non-duality where you’re no longer thinking in terms of us and them. Everything is just one...that’s when you can give your possessions away because everyone’s just an extension of you...but part of it too was just-- there were so many open mic nights I went to with really bad poets and I was just like I have to make fun of all that.

M: Can you tell me a little of what your blog Acidemic is about?

E: Originally it got started because one of my old assistants was friends with Asia Argento and I was a big fan, so we needed a reason to sort of get together with her... magazines have been started for less. As we were putting it together I was trying to think of my own kind of style...you can’t really write about films objectively because it’s all about your own personal history. ... If you can bring an acid or shroom, psychedelic version...no matter how unique to you it is, it’s still kind of a universal thing people can relate to.

Also...I’m sober and in AA, so I wanted to prove that you can be sober and still write about those things without condemning them. That you can be pro-AA and prodrugs at the same time.

Cult

M: What makes the movies [you feature] good? What do you look for in them?

E:Well, I look for signs that there’s a deep interconnection with things. [A] good one is the 1980 Flash Gordon remake ‘cause there’s a lot of masonic symbols in the bad guys. So if you look at those kind of things, it’s generally-- unless the person’s carrying out some sort of Illuminati-dictated programme of...familiarization, the way say like the dollar bill has the masonic all seeing eye-- then usually it just means they’ve done a lot of research and it connects to these points along the collective unconscious. The more you think about it the crazier it makes you, like Rosemary’s Baby, to think that there’s this grand conspiracy and everyone’s moving ahead but not you because you’re not in on this dark collective, you know what I mean?

I sort of felt that a little bit when all my friends started doing lots of cocaine because I never really liked cocaine.

We’d be all hanging out and then all of sudden they’d start collecting money and then they’d call somebody and then this skeevy guy would show up and then basically they’d all disappear all night into like one bedroom and I’d like the only one not doing anything...I think that kinda cult stuff attaches itself to that feeling. Unless you’re part of a cult group. I’ve been at parties where I was told everybody there was into devil worship and they all seemed really weird, but they didn’t invite me or anything [laughs]. You know they’re not-- there’s no real such thing...

Or they’re just keeping it from you.

M: Have you ever been to a satanic ritual?

E: No, but I’ve done various things. A ouija board in the 70s as a kid, a lot of weird meditations with sage and stuff. But...A, No one’s invited me. B, I think it’s kinda corny. C, I don’t think anything good could possibly come of it. I’m just sort of fascinated by it in the abstract.

M: So you wouldn’t go if someone invited you?

E: Oh, of course I would.

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The Prattler

L E T T E R FROM.THE E D I T O R

Cult

CULT /k lt/ e

1. A system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.

2. A relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister.

3. A misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.

Pratt is a cult of art and by extension a cult of expression, of creation. As a community of artists.

Pratt students venerate our practices, our processes and ultimately, our outcomes in a way that is different (dare we say deviant?) from other schools in the world. We wanted to celebrate this in an issue that explores the groups and individuals that make our time at Pratt unique.

Lucille Pratt Editor

Ceballos Words by Alvaro red Oriel Illustration by Ja I AM SURE YOU ALL HAVE ALREADY felt some type of unnatural forces or encountered an unusual soul.

If not, you will at some point, here at Pratt. Beside all the beauty and glamour, Pratt Institute also has a dark side. Let me tell you about the secret voodoo rooms here at Pratt.

To get to them you may need to first acquire a PHD in Ninja master, and be a professional contortionist. It is really hard to climb and crawl your way to them. It is like an impossible, yet possible labyrinth. They are very tiny and dark rooms. Once inside you will feel you are in a prehistoric cave. You will find all kinds of paintings on the walls, such as hands, eyes, dogs, and evil eyes glaring at you. These rooms are filled with personal artifacts, dusty rugs, pictures frames, different kinds of candle, masks, paints and even condoms and cigarette butts. There are lights in these caves, but they do not work.

Make sure you bring a lantern.

a Poe

Words by Mariy PRATT TAKES HALLOWEEN SERIOUSLY. But not all of us are capable of creating a costume worthy for a runway. If your costume this year was a disappointment to you and your friends, here are some ideas for next year: GOD Wear a nametag that says, “God.” IRON CHEF Put on a chef’s hat and hold an iron.

QUARTERBACK Tape quarters to your back.

NICKELBACK Tape nickels to your back.

SUGA MOMMA/DADDY Attach Culinart sugar packets to body.

PAPER SHREDDER Carry a piece of paper around and when someone asks you what you are, tear it.

AIRCRAFT CARRIER Hold a toy airplane in your hand.

SKETCHBOOK Rip old sketchbook in half, attach front to front of self. Attach back to back of self.

THE SEVEN SEAS Write the letter C seven times on your face.

TREE Dress in brown clothing, attach leaves.

FRIDGE MAGNET Paint a shoe box black and tape it to your back.

BRAWNY PAPER TOWEL MAN Wear flannel shirt and hold paper towels.

SELF-PORTRAIT Have a picture frame and hold it in front of your face.

LIFE Give people lemons.

BAKED POTATO Wrap yourself in tinfoil.

FORMAL APOLOGY Put on some nice clothes and wear a sign that says “sorry.”

SHOT IN THE DARK Dress in all black and carry a shot glass.

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COVER ART BY JORDAN AUFFREY