Nonsense (2019)

ISSUE IV – NONSENSE – SP 2019

NIT Y U M M URE O C CULT &

Serendipity in Amber Liu

S i ers up

THE PRATTLER | CULTURE & COMMUNITY

2

Ch ine Gr o Iw se as e wi d e x t s p pos om cen ng up pra ar t bur e wa s t i d c es .T tice in t n w it to s fe aff h ro he h s. O ing in , ‘bles ec t ng ugh many Phi sin cen the s hu ne m g l i w ’ se ppi t ha ult i: a ha r old ea My joi at f i nes ta mo b el Au une er rel r ing r -gene , lw a i n g ns us n i e i r n a o e f a r f t y t u d o a t t i c s v i he rm l s en her Gla e nt o e s a n s , s tb e em Id f lo ea l er e dy s nig er g i r t h al t he idn at reu or s. I da ed htl y, c l ive day n a ’ b t h y r i f o a a o o e q t r c au dd dl lled sw ns, un a rd ues uck outin er 6 d g ht t a t i st om q i, th ion n p eo I ju f ro i n a how c my the d f co .m. b ories st w up i n m er t e , h o o r s g r v f o e e r u e an h nt e rot w om a ain r in s e it r in . old g th he s t er fen ndpa pra e ver, g o W r h g e b . c ff e e s e m t nt s As As . hui ic e h l ie f go o i r ro su m tim s t ra a nd m en r d a o r b u s dit I e y i l o t n u i i u n w o c g nes o w ar r ta ka e h m of m ions : ho c c a si an wa n o n t h a t m er r o pra nt on o n o ya m ws y, o om na l ge ,I ctic ex i ro m ya unt I fe w d m r k l c y s y ed un e ep o nt e ep ten how ’s s ll i ad om b i t d n i e s t a l w n , o l, m em the e e c u a ba o ne r m ed s ing rw k n s y so thu to g y, ly a comm ev u re y hi ng— grand not in n t he u e r l t t n e mo ic e el a v i t r iqu ac ha “r i t lea ate it y tha ot h tio es I wo fac t g ht r so her w db e t e n ne v r n r r ”b d k e e e o s u o l t a m h e u o p g h dd ic er th a la n av ld m d in p at s t ha ip W dir e nc e i ve , a s ing s. sa eop es l ecdo t w ha ake iors. W ded m e . I n t reg u i d m a l v t t e e y o u c t ly p m b o y e h e l e a r e e i e f s I w lin urn ng tes n of of on ca r f a mi t ed es one a batc ever us one ho i sh eet . I re mi t h hou up s s c h i e ’ j s t cs n i u i o on po o inn wh go g it n w it s t ns t he i nt cr er q f g u ur al ht id ook t on k i n ht w i ea o r wa g e e m e ev T he r y c n g i n he do hou se i into te a f e s s e A us sa er til xa a sk ,b or, u s tha a yo l i ne e eds ets di for to nt G ome mpl l ex n a t d ne s r i ex i n h e e i nc ire b , b avc l s t t t a a a o u tp t i ho nd et w roo c t i o n at i ld dys’ me f ho s, a ient se e t h h e m. , l of t hei cus to r w th nd sti ines ere n p ea m de rh Illu to es ra i t . s i y l m c E e on c st r n iz o lin ati to ver y oth t ic a in use s un e th prac on in l fen g i a c a u t tt en t by s g s ultu g w r y, l er he u a l . Th Ma o h o r gy gi e e ui ng ur c , i n ha to end a re aK an s i w it wa t o ell h a d ts h f on e tt rd y s i a ro wo emp ow n the pa r t w a a . ts od n h d a a n to e isto y we oia so r a a d m ch ya re rn c eo ne ross som nd oose blu as p r d sim oes our e se ract to fi r y f nd or fin ren ice to pl s c di e g g as pi , fro lari un a s w a in er s t y. ty m p s fa su m ish eace hou We p in i li co g o of m ld n’ who era ok er r a s n k in t ju a p to dg noc d th osit sho , w he e w k ee ion ot ha th i as n in t. g t g s er i t ta t’s he r ir ric or e cus

t io

n

3 CULTURE & COMMUNITY | THE PRATTLER

Illustration by Ava Mallory Scott

The Cats of Pratt Oliver Ray Since the Prattler kids never interview us cats,

I had to fight Earl the other day because he tried

I’ve decided to take matters into my own paws. Let’s

to say I have a crush on Shadow—I do not! Earl al-

start with me. My name is Benji, or Socks, or some-

ways loses the fights, but the students like him any-

thing equally ridiculous. Can’t you guys just choose

way. “The students are nice and so is the staff; I miss

one? And let’s get one thing straight: I am not small,

Conrad though,” Earl told me. Most of us agree. Shad-

and even if I were, I could still fight you.

ow has her boxes, but we all miss the engine room.

Pratt is okay, I guess. I like the room with all

Little Mama is such a drama queen. He’s actual-

the plants. I try to help with the art up there but the

ly been learning a lot listening in on the poetry class-

students don’t take me seriously and say I’m smudg-

es, but you didn’t read that here. I told him he should

ing the work. Thomas says the Writing Center sucks,

write a piece for the Prattler but he reminded me “not

but that’s just because they won’t let him in to see the

until they start calling me something other than Lit-

fish. The humans definitely like him a lot, but it’s not

tle Mama!”

like I’m jealous or anything.

Mustachio is the only one left—the lazy old cat.

Shadow only has nice things to say about Pratt.

He’s always complaining about how the food could be

Yesterday she was telling me how the students give her

better though I’ve never seen him turn it down. He

a blanket or box almost every day, but then mainte-

wanted me to take a picture of him to go with the arti-

nance takes them at night. “They only started giving

cle. He loves those student agendas, but that’s only be-

me more! The students are so sweet, they love us so

cause he’s on the cover. Vain feline.

much,” she told me. I think she’s biased, but whatever.

Students never give me anything.

That’s Pratt: it’s not like I love it here or anything.

I could leave, I just don’t feel like it right now. But I definitely could. Now, go away before I scratch you.

ing Do wn Sti gma:

Men & Submission Meredith Aristone Men are often criticized and made fun of, even seen as weak or emasculated if they admit to wanting to be dominated in the bedroom, particularly in the world of heterosexual guys with female partners. The male G-spot is in the prostate, but if they find anal penetration pleasurable, both society and close friends ridicule them, turning male submissors into Internet jokes and memes. Why are

we still shaming men by refusing to let go of restricting stereotypes when they

should have the freedom to enjoy human intimate experiences?

Break

THE PRATTLER | CULTURE & COMMUNITY

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In February, Twitter User @Darkskintigga posted an animation of a woman

using what’s likely a dildo on her partner, captioned, “Is a man gay for letting HIS

WOMAN use a strap on him? Let’s argue!” He is correlating a sexual act with sexual orientation. This is an oppressive mindset because it perpetuates the idea that the style of sex a man enjoys dictates his overall identity. There’s no reason that a man can’t possess conventionally ‘masculine’ traits in addition to submissive tendencies. There are similar online jokes and pictures implying that a person (represented by the man whom the sex toy is being used on) is easy to take advantage of or willing to go to humiliating extremes for a small price—insinuating that anal

with submission, stripping them of their voices by automatically affiliating them with a preference that they may not even have, and by deeming submission a loss of power in ways that extend beyond sexuality.

The choice to engage in prostaterelated sex is no different than something as basic as a man wearing a pink shirt.

Is he weak or incapable for wearing a ‘feminine’ color? In previous centuries, pink was viewed as a gender-neutral color, then shifted to being perceived as masculine. It has been a symbol of wealth. Now, it’s associated with flowers, lip gloss and vaginas. We live in a construct-ruled society in which inanimate concepts like colors or sexual acts are gendered. Gender can only belong to beings that are alive, and every one of us has the individual right to decide what is and isn’t for us without cowering in shame for what we enjoy.

Alista ir Ch n by

women to be dominant in a heterosexual relationship, a generalization fueled by assumption. This is impractical as it is associates femininity

ratio

This demonstrates dated gender roles and implies that it is taboo for

Illust

“We live in a construct-ruled society in which inanimate concepts like colors or sexual acts are gendered.”

ew

sex alone is belittling, or a dignity-stripping act for straight men to even consider.

5 out ridiculous news stories is Florida’s open government policies, specifically the ‘Sunshine Law.’ This law allows open access to government documents in an effort to create more transparency, leading to news sites’ ability to access police accounts that make up Florida Man. I contacted Craig Pittman, Tampa Bay Times reporter and author of Oh, Florida!: How America’s Weirdest State Inf luences The Rest of the Country, for an expert’s opinion.

He told me other states followed Florida’s lead in passing open government laws, and yet we don’t see them producing three to five boggling news stories a day. “One specific factor that I always mention is a fairly serious one,” Pittman explains. “Florida consistently ranks 49th in the nation in spending on mental health.

To which I can only say: Thank God for Texas.”

Illustration by Harper McVey

Florida Man: Behind the Myth Lawrence Scotti The Florida Man meme bears no crucial bias and no political agenda. It may be the single funniest meme the internet has crafted, originating from news headlines typically beginning with “Florida Man,” followed by any nonsensical sequence of actions you could imagine.

Great examples include: “Florida Man robs store dressed as Spiderman” and “Florida Man Steals $33,000 Worth of Rare Coins, Cashes Them in CoinStar Machine for $29.30.” The meme has gained popularity recently from a trend of Googling “Florida Man” along with your birthday. Boom: whatever news story that pops up is your new identity. I’m curious to know why Florida is so unhinged, so I did some Googling of my own.

“It may be the single funniest meme the internet has crafted.”

What’s more, Florida averages out as the hottest state year round, and studies show that hotter temperatures, on average, yield more crime. Florida has issued over one million gun licenses and is the originator of the Stand Your Ground law, which states you have the right to use deadly force to defend yourself if you believe your life is in immediate danger. On top of this, Florida went from the least populated state in 1940 with 1.8 million residents to almost 20 million today, 95% of whom are crammed in within 35 miles of the state’s coastline. These circumstances seem to make at least some sense as to why there is constant chaos in the Sunshine State.

These unique factors fuel Florida’s reputation as a wonderful, warm wasteland, infinitely generating unbelievable news stories.

CULTURE & COMMUNITY | THE PRATTLER

The leading idea as to why Florida pumps

THE PRATTLER | STAFF COLLAGE

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7 STAFF COLLAGE| THE PRATTLER We are millennial artists living in New York City: of course it is unrealistic for us to see eye to eye in every regard, but that is precisely what makes our role as creators so exciting, as well as our job at the Prattler so deeply rewarding.

It is not just in the harmony, but in the dissonance too that we support one another. When we allow room for challenging ideas—to question how we each fit alongside our peers in this great, nonsensical world— we come together in ways more beautiful and uplifting than we ever were apart.

At its core, the Prattler forms an elaborate collage of our school and the diversity of its backgrounds, values, and imaginations. More so than a newspaper or magazine, it is a survey of our community, and an enduring testament to student voices.

THE THE PRATTLER PRATTLER || THOUGHTS THOUGHTS

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Worst Concert Ever

THOUGHTS

Carly Tagen-Dye

“wrecked” by the 45 minute drive to Manhattan from their home in Oyster Bay. Pineapple Attack had a ninesong set, but stretched it out to last a painful hour and a half. Audience members reported not knowing when one song ended and another began. “It was kind of like if KISS met Mötley Crüe met Pavement, but they all got in a car accident, and Pineapple Attack’s music was the result,” another spectator said.

Fullilove awkwardly strutted around, eyes

hidden behind a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses. It was obvious he was afflicted with L.V.S. (Lead Vocalist Syndrome). During “That Girl Is Like A Bag Of

NEW YORK, N.Y.

Attendees at a rock concert in the Bowery last night claimed it was the worst performance they have seen in their lives. The Riot Jungle, located on East 4th Street, is famous for its gritty rock ‘n’ roll. Owner Rick Sartino takes pleasure in hosting up-and-coming artists nightly to whoever is willing to indulge. However, Long Island’s Pineapple Attack brought a new meaning to the term ‘slacker rock.’

“I should have known how far downhill things were going to go when they opened with a cover of ‘Wonderwall,’” audience member Jack Frankel says.

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos,” he nearly took out an audience member with a high kick. The other band members were no more redeeming. Stobart could only play a handful of chords, yet still had nearly $1,000 worth of pedals at his feet. From behind his drum kit, Mancuso was sneaking Doritos, his sticks covered in red dust. The performance reached its climax during the final song, “Let’s Throw A Brick Through A 7-11.”

Fullilove climbed up onto a balcony in a final stunt attempt, which ended with security rescuing him due to fear.

Pineapple Attack ended the night by thanking their miniscule crowd, many of whom had already left. The band parted asking if anyone had a couch for

The band, comprised of Rob Fullilove (vocals),

them to crash on for the night. As Sartino said, “It’s

Danny Stobart (guitar), Daryl Dobson (bass), and

safe to say that no one wants to spend any more time

Charlie Mancuso (drums), walked onstage, already

with the band than they have to.”

Illustration by Janie Peacock

Azul Rodriguez

ievou s, dousi ng you wn. They can be misch clo the to d kin y ver to hu rt We haven’t been mi se the y’r e not here ck is tur ne d, but I pro ba ur yo ile wh ing with sil ly str clown ing is comple x you sm ile . The art of ke ma to is d nte wa es he ld you. Al l the y’ve ever n and Ch ine se dy na sti log y. Ancient Eg yptia tho my d an y tor his fol with a ric h d to rel igiou s klore , the se fig ure s were tie ten Of .E. B.C 00 25 allowed cou rt fools as early as whose div ine intellect an en lig htened fig ure as wn clo the ed ret wh ich interp not an idiot; Eu ropean d etiquette. The fool is an r vio ha be l na tio tunately, them to defy conven mock the king. Un for es gra nte d the rig ht to on ly on the re we s cou rt jester throne. ce lost its place on the the clown ha s long sin ges of smi ling face s r resu lts wil l be twisted ima Google clow ns and most of you h a slew of “Ev il Clown” ntions. You wil l also be met wit wit h jagged teet h and bad inte hundreds of clow ns wit h k plac e in October of 2016, as sighting s, most of which too re’s never been a sing le United States. However, the the oss acr tted spo e wer knives are not notorious mu rion or abu se by a clow n. Clowns reported case of chi ld abduct n from urban legend. derers―the killer clow n is bor

The Clown

THOUGHTS | THE PRATTLER

Do Not Fear

9

“Clowns are not notorious murderers―the killer clown is born from urban legend.”

Coulrophobia is somewhat of an enigma to child psychologists. Although this fear is extremely common, research has shown hospital clown visits to be highly therapeutic for young patients. This may seem irrational, but fear often is too. Perhaps many of us hold this fear because clowns ask too much trust of us. A clown

Illustration

by Valentin a

Ramierz-Cru We li ve in z a ti me w h e n c h ild re n apping ra n h ave ne te s a re do ver b e en w n 4 0% , sa fe r. K id ing rad a r a nd mo st for their c p a re nts h h ave a li ve ild re n v ia c ie ty h a s tr sm a c a k rt phone . D e ne ver b e e spite th is n m o re d , ou r so u n sup erv is tr u st in g is e d u nti l . T he d ay d s o f ri d in a rk h ave d for p a re nts g b ik e s ie d . Ha llo a s k id s e v w e e n is a e ry w he re m ajor c on ‘Tru n k-O a c ern re forc e d to r-Tre at’ p sp e nd the a rk in g lo ts h o ers a nd p o li w it h the h d ay in isone d c a n op e s of av dy. We ne oid in g st ra me d ia h y e d to n gstop lett in st e ri a s sc g horror st a re u s ou orie s a nd t of ou r tr bu t if w e a lw a y s li v a d it ion s.

Tru st is d e in fe a r a freer, me we deny o if fi c u lt , rr ier world u rs e lv e s th . e p o ss ibil it y o f

is a stranger with a painted smile you invite into your home. Clowns are expected to be happy, fun-loving, beings who bring joy to kids, and a clown turned sour is represents a betrayal of innocence.

THE PRATTLER | ADVENTURE

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D E I M T R A FI N I N M O U C L IL

o TO Feing L E lia A P y Ju

ld

IZ n b AL tratio s Illu

“That should be enough for now,” you say, taking a look at the sentence you just spent forty

minutes crafting for your

final essay. You pick up your phone and

SCHOOL SUBJECT

head straight to Twitter to check out the latest news. The first thing on your timeline is a BuzzFeed quiz: “Pick Your Favorite

Song and We’ll Tell You What Kind of

BAND

You Are.” Boring, you think to yourself. In fact, between all the horrific news about

NOUN

POLITICAL FIGURE

or

’s latest scandal, nothing is helping you

CELEBRITY

get your finals-procrastination fix. At last, you see an article that catches your attention: “ NUMBER

Conspiracy Theories That Will Keep You Up At Night.” The first theory on

the list? “Lizard People

the Country.” You scoff. Sure, that seems realistic.

VERB

Even though all the theories are completely

, you can’t seem to stop

ADJECTIVE

yourself from reading. “Aliens Built the MONUMENT

“Chuck E. Cheese’s sneaks NOUN

, “The Moon Landing Was Fake,”

Into Their

.”

FOOD

At this point, you’re addicted and continue to spend what feels like hours

-ING VERB

the internet for more conspiracy theories. You look at the clock and see that it’s already

TIME

in the morning. Time to put the phone away and get some sleep; you can VERB

your essay tomorrow. You turn off your desk lamp, careful not to wake your roommate, and crawl into bed. However, all you can do is VERB

to sleep. What if COMPANY

Did CELEBRITY

there. You just can’t seem to get yourself

tracks everything you say? Is the Mandela effect real?

really die and get replaced with a NOUN

? You convince

yourself that the last one must be true, there is just too much proof. Maybe all of them are true. Is it so ADJECTIVE

to believe that a secret NOUN

really does run

the government and is hiding information from us? Maybe the world really is

ADJECTIVE

After all, that one article did say “Illuminati Confirmed…”

.

n y l k o o r B

MELANIE CARLSTAD

ACROSS

Cats Illustra t ion

by J

a

1. Striking bird ; shares its na me with Pratt managing ed ler’s itor r e st 4. Car service ma with direct ph e one line in W D 5. Pratt’s radi illoughby o station nam ne e 9. Undergrad student mem ber of the Boa 11. No pie sold rd of Trustees here 12. Get this in Thrift Hall 13. Celebrity Pratt not affilia ted with the In 14. Pratt’s care stitute er center (abb rev.)

16. Scaly inha bitants of the Writing Cente DOWN r; not fond of Pratt cats 2. Require 17. See 29 d purchase for founda 3. Unreliab 19. Emmy aw tion year; le horizonta ard-winning toxic when humanities pr burned l tr a n sp 6. “An Inte ortation ofessor with a near 30-yea rview with r tenure _ _ _ _ _ _ _” (P 7. Architect 21. Unreliable rattlerOnli ure buildin vertical transp ne article) g or ta ti on 8. Nicknam 23. Dangerous e for Pratt weapon near ’s least desi Dekalb gate 10. Anima 27. Manhattan rable fresh l sculpture man dorm skyscraper de ‘s it signed by Pra ti n g o n 12. Woodsh his laurels tt alum William Van ’ op profess Alen or for foun 28. Treasure dation yea call a yes-m trove in Steube r; not wha a n t you’d n’ s ba se m 15. Provost ent 29. Building la Kirk. E _ _ beled with a m _ _ ajor not offer _ _ (not to b 18. Where ed e slept on) Pratt cats go to warm 20. No cam u p eras (or ta lking) allo 22. Energy wed drink often given out o 24. Upstate n campus campus w ith cows 25. Popula r cafeteria employee 26. Famou who remem s Pratt fash bers everyo ion dropou ne’s name t ______ Johnson

CROSSWORD | THE PRATTLER

School

With

Art

11

A POEM FROM US Today it seems I’m out of time; today I leave a friend of mine.

Farewell to the e-mails and journalist drama; farewell to clocking in wearing pajamas.

To all of the writers who kept me inspired, as well as designers whose art I admired: Thank you for being much more than a team, bringing to life visions I’d only dreamed.

Goodbye sweet Prattler, you wacky brain rattler.

Above all, you taught me that my words do matter.

CULTURE & COMMUNITY 02

THE SERENDIPITY IN SUPERSTITION Amber Liu examines superstitions and how her own perspective of family customs has changed over time.

03

THE CATS OF PRATT With the help of Oliver Ray, Benji the cat interviews his feline friends about their opinions on Pratt.

04

BREAKING DOWN STIGMA[...]

Meredith Aristone challenges our societal notions of masculinity, from the bedroom to everyday life.

Yours, Aaron Cohen Editor-in-Chief

05

THE MYTH OF FLORIDA MAN Lawrence Scotti investigates Florida’s enduring legacy of truly absurd news headlines.

ISSUE IV FEATURE 06

STAFF COLLAGE

Warning: sustained exposure to the Prattler.

Side effects may include: this.

PRATTLER STAFF CREATIVE DIRECTORS

DESIGN ASSISTANCE

Pamela Wang

Madeline McKowen

Jooyoung Park

Josh Weinstein

THOUGHTS 08

Carly Tagen-Dye reviews the worst concert she has ever attended: Pineapple Attack in the Bowery last night.

Maura Kelly EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Aaron Cohen

Danielle Wilson

MANAGING EDITOR

EDITORIAL ASSISTANCE

Janie Peacock

Aliza Pelto

WEB DESIGNERS

WORST CONCERT EVER

09

DO NOT FEAR THE CLOWN Azul Rodriguez unpacks the long history of clowns and questions why they have become so feared.

VISUAL SPACE

Noah Semus Nicholas Lucaccioni

10

Aliza Pelto crafts a choose-your-own adventure story of conspiracies and procrastination.

ADVISORS Christopher Calderhead Eric Rosenblum

ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED

11

BK ART SCHOOL WITH CATS Melanie Carlstad creates a crossword puzzle concerning all things Pratt.

EMAIL US AT THEPRATTLER@GMAIL.COM OR VISIT US AT PRATTLERONLINE.COM

COVER BY EMMA MOORE