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ANONYMOUS PQ READERS SHARE TRASHY TALES OF LOSING THEIR VIRGINITY JACKIE BEAT A GAY MAN’S GUIDE TO DYKE SEX MUSINGS OF A BLUE RIBBON BISEXUAL

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PQMONTHLY.COM Vol. 2 No. 12 Dec-Jan 13/14

RE-EMERGENCE OF HIV IN HARVARD PATIENTS BELIEVED TO BE FUNCTIONALLY CURED


2 • December/January 2013-2014

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PQ TEAM A WORD (OR 400) FROM YOUR NEW EDITOR Melanie Davis

Owner/Publisher melanie@pqmonthly.com

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Director of Business Development

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Special Projects pablo@pqmonthly.com

editorial TEAM daniel borgen

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overturn, more rights to fight for, and hearts and minds to win. So why the hell am I “still” such an advocate for community media? Because I believe in it. Because I believe it’s necessary. For those of you who don’t know me, let me recap: Before founding PQ Monthly alongside a pretty great group of hard-working, dedicated people, I spent about three years at Just Out, where I procured a job after chasing the publisher around Blow Pony one fateful evening (and I will be forever grateful she took a chance on an unproven, aspiring maker of words). It was there I learned a lot from a very strong editor, Amanda Schurr. I studied English and Professional Writing at Portland State University, and spent several years working for the English Department and Tutoring Center at Clark College in Vancouver — which is where I first caught the writing bug, thanks to a handful of inspirational instructors and mentors. (I’m looking at you, Jill Darley, Alyssa Brownlee, and Rita Carey.) I also make coffee about 30 hours a week, which helps pay the bills and provides me health insurance. In terms of advocacy, I spent quite a few years working with Q Center, where I helped organize fundraisers and helmed the creation of Q Patrol alongside some dedicated queers. Of late, my attention has turned toward Cascade AIDS Project, which I believe is one of the most important resources in our region. As editor, here’s what you can expect from me: I am probably going to make some mistakes. I am betting each issue isn’t going to be perfect every single time. With a community as diverse as ours, it is a challenge to ensure every perspective is represented every time. That said, I will work tirelessly to represent everyone. This team — and we are a team — always has you in mind. Always assume positive intent, PQ editor Daniel Borgen, left, sporting his scholarly, super-serious “editor’s glasses” and enjoying Bridge Club with one of his favorite because the one promise I can make is this: We do our absogirls, Jason Krause (right) lute best month in and month out. If you think something’s missing, email me. If something else outrages you, email me. I’ve worked in community media for almost six years now, and If you love something, email me (I love those messages most). Our inboxes I’m always asked why I stay in it — I also hear variations of this query and our ears are open, all the time. constantly: “Why do we still need queer media? Isn’t this city inteWe’re all in this together, dear readers, and we’re much better and far grated enough?” And I have to admit, compared to many other parts more effective when we strive for cohesion and harmony, and avoid petty of the country, we have it really good in the Northwest. But, we still quarrels and fighting amongst ourselves. There’s so much outside oppreshave a lot of work to do, as an inconceivable recent spate of gay bash- sion, let’s skip the horizontal variety. I promise we’ll be the better for it. --Daniel Borgen ings proves. Oh yes, and we have some constitutional amendments to

A SMATTERING OF WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE:

ON THE COVER

Sammi Rivera

Director of Video Productions

Gay bashings, unfortunately, are not a thing of the past............................... Page 7 Learn more about Margarine Powers and Gregory Gourdet........................ Page 8 We profile some local businesses (and a band)............................................. Page 11

contributing writers TJ Acena, Ben Burwitz, Belinda Carroll, Marco Davis, Gula Delgatto, Andrew Edwards, Leela Ginelle, Kim Hoffman, Shaley Howard, Konrad Juengling, Richard Jones, LeAnn Locher, Monika MHz, Miss Renee, Katey Pants, and, of course, your PQ Editorial Team

Deconstructing “tranny”.................................................................................... Page 12 Jackie Beat dishes to PQ Monthly..................................................................... Page 15

503.228.3139

OHSU’s Ben Burwitz on the latest in HIV research............................................ Page 15

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Skip the red buckets this year, kids................................................................... Page 16 “Losing my virginity,” anonymous stories from PQ readers............................ Page 22 A gay man’s guide to dyke sex........................................................................ Page 24 PHOTO BY ERIC SELLERS

THE NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE OF PQ MONTHLY IS RIVENDELL MEDIA, INC. BRILLIANT MEDIA LLC, DBA EL HISPANIC NEWS & PQ MONTHLY.

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Our inspiration for this month’s cover was “Hotel Deluxe Chic”-- read full credits on page 8

Also: Hot Flash transitions, Shitney Houston, Coastal goings-on, and more. Columns: Everything is Connected, The Lady Chronicles, OK Here’s the Deal, ID Check, The Bi Cycle, Whiskey & Sympathy, Cultivating Life, Purple Elbows, and more. December/January 2013-2014 • 3


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NEWS BRIEFS

Oregon Labor Commissioner Brad Avakian (far left) and Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley (center) put House Speaker John Boehner’s feet to the fire; the Oregon Family Council makes the news again (the audience growns).

LOCAL On Nov. 25, Oregon Family Council spokeswoman Teresa Harke made upsetting remarks over a proposed ballot measure that would allow businesses refusal of samesex customers, specifically bakeries. What happened next angered the Jewish community when she offered: “Would you expect a Jewish bakery to serve a neo-Nazi who wanted a cake with a swastika on it?” Rattling the LGBT and Jewish community? Way to salt something sweet. A week prior to Harke’s statements, Oregon Family Council filed the “Protect Religious Freedom Initiative” — the official measure they hope will allow wedding businesses the right to turn away same-sex couples. Previously, the council created the Protect Oregon Marriage committee — and they’ll likely have a big fork-full in the upcoming 2014 ballot in an attempt to knock down the equal rights we’re campaigning for. These are perilous times we’re living in if there can’t even be gay cake. There’s nothing sweet about Sweet Cakes. This bakery recently came under attack after owners Melissa and Aaron Klein turned away a same-sex couple’s request for a wedding cake — claiming it was a religious conflict. Fleur Cakes owner Pam Regentin also refused a same-sex couple several months ago, citing religious differences as well. Despite this oven-hot hostility, Oregon statute clearly states that businesses must not discriminate against religion, race or sexual orientation. Willamette Week investigated how these two bakeries would respond to requests for divorce, stem-cell success, baby-out-of-wed-lock, and Pagan solstice cakes. Good news: Sweet Cakes offers rates on any one of these cakes. But if you’re a gay witch — you can forget about it. Mazel tov is in order for Portland teen Duncan McAlpine Sennett whose video went viral on Nov. 26, when his congregation Beth Isreal posted his Bar Mitzvah speech on YouTube. At just 13 years old, Sennett’s D’var Torah speculated over aspects of the Bible in which Jacob marries two women — his first cousins. Sennet’s conclusion being: Gay marriage can’t be that bad. In fact, it’s perfectly fine. Former federal law clerk Margaret “Gosia” Fonberg won back health benefits for her domestic partner after a fiveyear battle with the District of Oregon’s Employment Dispqmonthly.com

pute Resolution process. In 2009, she was clerking under U.S. Magistrate Judge Thomas Coffin when attempts were made to enroll her partner in her health plan. On Nov. 25, the Executive Committee of the 9th Circuit’s Judicial Court ruled that Fonberg had been discriminated against. She and her partner have since been reimbursed. A recent glowing report from the Human Rights Campaign showed that Portland, Eugene and Salem are topranked cities for the LGBTQ community. Northwest, represent. Portland scored 100 points, with Eugene and Salem at 93 and 91. Ratings made considerations for recognition of same-sex relationships, local laws, LGBTQ services and plenty of other factors — factors that Oregon clearly has down pat. On Dec. 3, Labor Commissioner Brad Avakian sent out a letter to Speaker John Boehner in regard to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, urging his vote. Avakian cited statistics that show no increase in discrimination-based litigation in Oregon, in response to Boehner’s argument that ENDA would unnecessarily increase “frivolous lawsuits.” In response to Avakian’s letter, Senator Jeff Merkley furthered this motion by sending out an email in support of the Labor Commissioner’s recent letter to Speaker John Boehner, saying: “In 2007, here in Oregon, we made employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity illegal—to ensure that no one will be fired at work because of who they love.” He encouraged his supporters to sign Brad’s letter. Now that’s brotherly love. The Equity Foundation has undergone significant change and is looking ahead to 2014. For the first time, a membership will allow people a say in how the organization grants funds to non-profits. Executive Director Karol Collymore writes: “We believe Oregon communities should be safe for LGBTQ individuals and that sexual orientation and gender identity should not be the basis for social alienation or legal discrimination.” Local artist and queer rights activist, Nic Adenau is seeking support for his forthcoming project, LGBT20.com. He plans to document the experiences of bullied LGBTQ youth by creating a virtual space online through this website, plus an art book. Adenau embarks on a tour across various west coast cities beginning January 2014. All proceeds from book

sales will go toward the bullying epidemic. Way to go, Nic! As of Dec. 7, Oregon United for Marriage reached its petition goal of 116,284 signatures needed for the 2014 ballot. Collections of signatures will go on, to ensure no stone goes unturned. This referendum could overturn the 2004 amendment banning same-sex marriage. If nullified, Oregon will become the seventeenth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Did you know the number ‘17’ in numerology marks a desire for peace and love for humanity? Kismet, if you will.

NATIONAL Two Seattle workers, Michael Hall and Amie Garrand, filed a lawsuit against BNSF Railway on Dec. 3 in Seattle’s U.S. District Court, alleging they were denied rights when the company refused to add their partners to their benefits plans in violation of the Equal Pay Act. A day later, the National Railway Labor Conference announced they would begin health care coverage for same-sex partners beginning January 1. Washington has been in the spotlight since the state legalized same-sex marriage last year. BNSF has since reached a settlement with the two workers, which is enough to make you want to whistle “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” U.S. District Judge Robert J. Shelby heard arguments on Dec. 4 from Salt Lake City, Utah, attorney Peggy Tomsic to overturn the state’s ban on same-sex marriage. In a city where the Mormon church takes precedence, Tomsic argued against the state’s notion to protect “responsible procreation” and an “optimal mode of child-rearing” by asking how “allowing a heterosexual, post-menopausal woman to marry was different than allowing a gay or lesbian couple to wed,” reports the Huffington Post. Final decisions should be made by early in the new year. On Dec. 5 a report concluded that over 7,000 couples have wed in Washington within the first nine months of same-sex equality passing, according to the Department of Health. The one-year marker came on Dec. 6. Since Superior Court Judge Mary Yu officiated the first wedding last year, about 17% of the state’s 2013 marriages have been same-sex ‘I do’s.’ Here’s to throwing more rice in 2014.

--Kim Hoffman December/January 2013-2014 • 5


NEWS

6 • December/January 2013-2014

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FEATURE

ANTI-GAY HATE CRIME AT BAGBY HOT SPRINGS--THE VICTIM SPEAKS; PERPETRATORS STILL AT LARGE By Nick Mattos, PQ Monthly

while do have a hate crime [classification] — Intimidation — the officer wrote it up [in A hate crime took place on Dec. 2 at the police report] as assault in the second Bagby Hot Springs — and the Clackamas degree. Assault in the second degree carCounty Sheriff has asked the community’s ries heavier fines and penalties than intimhelp to find the perpetrators. idation in the first degree, which may have In an exclusive interview with PQ been why the officer listed those charges.” Monthly, Portland-area resident Mik HolLieutenant Wurpes notes that, if they are land explained that he and Brian Barker able to find the suspects, the District Attor— a longtime friend from out of town — ney will be able to tack on more charges, decided to visit Bagby Hot Springs after a possibly including Intimidation. dinner in Estacada. “I’ve been visiting Bagby However, the Sheriff’s office has not yet since I was a little kid with my dad,” Holland found the suspects. “We only have vague explained, “and Brian had never been.” descriptions of who the perpetrators were Taking pictures along the way, Holland and a possible vehicle, so this is a difficult and Barker made their way up the Bagby case,” he says. “This is an open investigaHot Springs Trail around 11:30 p.m. After tion, and we’ve set a deputy and supervisor preparing their tub, they were joined by a [onto this case]. The one thing we’re hoping pair of brothers — “we could obviously tell for is that we were able to seize the flashright away that they were related.” Local artists Mik Holland headed up to Bagby to take some photographs (like the one on the left) and ended up bloodied, bruised, and battered light used in this crime and send it to the “At first, the conversation was really (right). Oregon Crime Lab; we’re hoping to get finfriendly — where are you from? What are gerprints or DNA off the light.” your names?” explains Holland. “The older one explained screaming — the other guy had assaulted Brian in the face.” PQ broke the story on our blog on December 9, asking for “I don’t remember much, but Brian coming back and readers to share the descriptions of the perpetrators at large that they were both Russian Siberian, and that were from the Camas/Washougal area and worked as construction looking at me saying ‘Mickey, you’re bleeding.’ I said ‘I know, with their networks. The community’s response was overworkers.” The four men shared beers and cigarettes; while but just tell me I’m alright.’ He lied through his teeth and whelming — due to thousands of hits in a span of minutes, Holland and Barker had relatively little to drink, “the broth- said ‘you’re OK, you look great.’” In a state of shock, Hol- the PQ website briefly went down due to the spike in traffic. ers drank heavily,” Holland says, noting that they drank land and Barker quickly got dressed and started screaming However, it was to great effect: witnesses and other memfor help as they made their way out from the tubs. about fifteen beers between the two. bers of the public with information about the attack quickly In a surprising twist of community helping community, reached out to PQ and to the Clackamas County Sheriff. “As they got more intoxicated, the conversation got more personal and touched on sexuality,” says Holland. “They Holland and Barker’s first help came from a group of four As of the time this issue went to print, Lieutenant Wurpes asked if Brian and I were gay, and Brian said he was gay gay men who were also enjoying Bagby’s soaking pools that noted that the Clackamas County Sheriff was following up and that I was bisexual. There was some elementary curi- night. Registered nurse John Harrison (not his real name) on numerous leads in regards to the case, some of which ousity with their questions – ‘I don’t understand; if a boy is recalls the moment that a bloodied Holland arrived at his came from public after they saw coverage of the story. “The a positive is a girl is a negative, why would you be attracted tub: “I got up, got dressed, and checked out his head – he had evidence in this case is still being processed,” Lieutenant to the same sex?’ It was all just stuff I didn’t want to com- some serious lacerations, I believe there was three, on his Wurpes also states, noting that “the crime lab processes ment on, so my answers were short and curt, but Brian’s forehead. I knew he needed to get to a hospital immediately.” quite a bit of evidence so this may take some time.” Harrison and his three friends armed themselves with responses were more lenient and frankly more crass and Overall, both the victims and the witnesses are conbrazen. Overall, though, it wasn’t a negative conversation, sticks to prevent further attacks and escorted Holland and tinuing to recover from the frightening incident. “I think Barker down the trail. “As we were coming down the moun- we all agreed that one of the scariest parts of the situation but I still felt uncomfortable.” To avoid the conversation, Holland and Barker left tain,” explains witness Owen Thomas (not his real name), was being out there in isolation and not sure what to do their tub and found another tub. “When we got to our “I had a conversation with Brian, Mik’s friend who was… next,” said Harrison. “Afterward, we talked about how you new tub, we noticed that the brothers were following us punched in the eye trying to wrestle the flashlight away don’t think about those situations until you’re in them… and asking questions — acting like they were overly intox- from [the brothers].” In this conversation, it was revealed It makes you much more wary of the people [at places like icated and lost,” says Holland. “We sent them on their way that Harrison, Thomas, and their friends had actually inter- Bagby]. They seemed really nice in the parking lot, very and watched them go down the trail, then went back to our acted with the attackers on their way up. friendly with the dogs, and even told us that one of the tail The group made their way down Bagby’s long trail; Hol- lights were out on our truck. Then, they assaulted someoriginal tub. As we sat down in the tubs, we noticed they were coming back up the trail; we could see their lights and land and Barker were ultimately picked up by an ambu- one with a flashlight. One or two more hits and the guys knew it was them right away from their lights.” They arrived lance and taken to OHSU, where Holland was treated for would have been dead.” at the tub and claimed that they had lost an iPod at the site his injuries including head trauma and lacerations. In the Despite this, and even though his attackers remain at time since then, both Holland and Barker have experienced large, Holland intends to return to Bagby Hot Springs. “I of the tub, confronting Holland and Barker. “That’s when I felt the first blow to my head from what psychological after-effects that they describe as consistent have so much life experience with Bagby ¬— I love this ended up being a twelve-to-fourteen inch heavy-duty flash- with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a common result of place. I just want others to know to be careful and caulight,” explains Holland. “He hit me twice, then bludgeoned such attacks. tious there. If you’re going to this place… it’s really just a “Talking about it in plain speech, this was a hate crime,” place of unknown. Watch your back, and make sure that the back of my head. I grabbed him and pulled him into the water, I remember holding his head next to my chest says Lieutenant Robert Wurpes of the Clackamas County if something occurs to care for one another like the [witand the bubbles of his breath against my skin. I heard Brian Sheriff’s Office in an interview with PQ Monthly. “However, nesses who helped us] did.” The Clackamas County Sheriff ’s Office continues to seek the community’s help in finding the alleged attackers and the vehicle spotted at the scene of the crime: The first alleged attacker was described by Lieutenant Wurpes as a male of possible Eastern European descent, 67 inches in height, 180 lbs, with blue eyes and short blonde hair. At the time of the attack, the alleged perpetrator was wearing blue jeans, a green vest, and a grey sweatshirt. Holland notes that this alleged perpetrator identified himself as Alex, noted in conversation that he was of Siberian descent, had no facial hair, weighed about 155 lbs, and “looked Estonian.” The second attacker was described by Lieutenant Wurpes as a male of possible Eastern European descent, 72 inches in height, 200 lbs, with short brown hair and a Russian pqmonthly.com

accent. Holland adds that this alleged attacker identified himself with a name beginning with J (possibly James), stated that he was 22 years of age, was about 180 lbs “with a slight gut,” and had a bit of grey in his hair. The vehicle is a 2007-2010 Dodge pickup with an extended bed and Washington plates. The vehicle may be dark blue or charcoal grey; Holland comments that it was likely a diesel model. Community members with any possible leads or information about the case are encouraged to contact the Clackamas County Sherriff tip line at (503) 723-4949 and reference case # 13-36459. As they are still recovering from the after-effects of this attack, Holland and Barker request that members of the media and public please do not contact them. Watch the PQ Monthly blog at PQMonthly.com for new information as it becomes available. December/January 2013-2014 • 7


COVER INSPIRATION

COVER MODELS Q&A

On Margarine Powers, the city’s newest scintillating drag sensation, from the reigning queen of everything, Poison Waters: “I invited Margarine to entertain in my New Year’s Eve Happy Hour Show because I love her and I know my audience will love her too. My shows highlight a nice range of entertainers — not only is she new, but she is unique, with a great, lively spirit and energy I know will enhance everything. Margarine seems to be everywhere all at once, on the tips of tongues and roaming throughout various social circles, not confining herself to one group or another. Every queen is different, and that’s what makes the local world of queens so great. Marge seems to relate to everyone and everyone seems to have embraced her.” From the queen of comedy, Ms. Carla Rossi: “Margarine is loud, crass, and incredibly drunk — she dresses like a bejeweled grandmother, and you can’t exactly tell whether she’s a staunch racist or a brilliant social commentator. She’s everything I ever wanted to be! She came out of nowhere, rivals Drag Race queens with the sheer amount of tips she’ll make from a Whitney number, and she’s booked every hot show in town, like New Year’s Eve with Poison Waters. Come to think of it, I hate Margarine Powers.” From the mouth of the angel herself, Ms. Powers on her fame and her relationship with her sister, Shitney Houston, who was born on the same night last February. (Love Ball.) “My process is quite easy, usually just a light dusting of bronzer and perhaps some mascara. I’m quite the natural beauty.” “I think Shitney takes so long because I imagine it’s quite hard doing one’s makeup on the bus. I think that’s where she usually does it. On the bus, en route to her part time job as a checker at the Dollar Store. It was mostly coincidence that we made our grand debut the same night, and I consider her a dear friend. There’s room enough in this town for both of us, but just barely. Shitney has very wide hips. I’ll never forget the time I loaned her money so she could get her skin tags removed. It really opened up a whole new world of strappy tanks for her.” Thank you to the gorgeous Hotel Deluxe 8 • December/January 2013-2014

for providing the suite we shot in. Wardrobe provided by Spartacus. Fur on loan from Gary Germer and Associates. Styling and direction by Michael Talley, Eric Sellers, Ryan Sager. You know him, love him, eat (and drink) at his beautiful restaurant perched atop the Nines. But did you know he’s a first generation New Yorker born of Haitian parents who grew up in Queens, went to a small East Coast boarding school, and attended NYU and the University of Montana? “I miss my friends and family but I don’t miss NY,” says Gregory Gourdet. “I used to, but everything is different from when I lived there. My parents aren’t there anymore so I no longer have a house to call home. I have amazing memories of ridiculous nights in the city, though. I miss the danger and excitement but we were all younger then. It was a time and place that can’t be recreated.” On his menu at Departure: “I aspire to make delicious, bright, flavorful, clean, and pretty food. Our dishes are ingredient-driven, inspired by Asian cuisine. Departure isn’t your quintessential Portland restaurant. Things are on a bit of a different scale here and we take care of many people—it’s been important for us to stay very connected with the local community because they are the best customers and the ones we see the most often. Yes, tons of famous people stay here and we do their events, but I experienced this insanity when I cooked in NY.” On his love affair with Portland: “I love the dichotomy of pushing myself constantly at the restaurant and doing my part to help push Portland food culture as well as being able to be in the natural silence of mountains, forests and rivers. Often times in the same day.” Can we plan on another summer shindig, courtesy Mr. Gourdet? “Yes. I am always planning something big. Some events are public and some are private so let’s be friends if you want to get down. I like friends and I like big.” Catch the full interviews with each model online!

--Daniel Borgen

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NEWS

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December/January 2013-2014 • 9


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JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE AN ASSHOLE By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

For a big chunk of my life, I managed a Gap. It feels like a hundred years ago, and I spent a lot of time in those stores — but I spent the most at Pioneer Place, steering patrons toward overpriced, boxy knits and chunky sweaters, dictating proper denim folding techniques and handing out important retail assignments. That era will always cast its big khaki shadow on me: I met one of my current best friends working there, and my only meaningful, longterm relationship started in the men’s section next to a wall filled with meticulously arranged oxfords. It was also at the Gap I met Kristen. Back then, I was a simpler gay, and I didn’t really have a strong grasp of the “classifications” of different peoples — you were either cleancut, bleached, and into tanning beds, or you wore denim jackets and band pins like Kristen did, an “alternative.” Simpler times. Kristen redefined sass for me, and helped me open up a whole new world of sarcasm. I was a strange blend of uptight and laid-back then — I had no problem using the store credit card to buy the whole staff goodies week in and week out, but God help you if you ever violated our dress code. I once scolded Kristen for wearing a Shins pin to work. “What would happen if I just adorned myself with Stevie Nicks pins?” “Nothing, Daniel. You’d just have Stevie on your chest.” Besides our weekly sass-fests, she also took it upon herself to educate me musically. It was all Whitney, Mariah, and Celine for me then, and she made me mix CDs, introducing me to the likes of Neko Case, (old) Wilco, The Thermals, and countless others. It was, as they say, a whole new world. For a while, I veered too far to the right, bemoaning anything pop in favor of all things “indie,” but soon I’d ease up, striking the right balance. (If I dabble in anything, it’s always extremes.) But that transformation sparked something in me, offered an epiphany that seems painfully obvious now. We’re a sum of our parts, and no one has lived our lives but us. Which is why I get so angry when: People get snarky about other people’s tastes. Late last week, the Internet was ablaze with news of Beyonce’s gutsy move (dropping an album at the stroke of midnight with no advance notice, complete with videos). Equally as prevalent were people trying so desperately hard to prove how much they didn’t care, and how idiotic we all were for being so excited. Two things, really — one, you live in the world of social media, things will be repeated. If it gets you

riled up, maybe you should disconnect. And another thing — some of us like the great B. Get over it. It doesn’t threaten you or your musical tastes. And it certainly doesn’t make your choices better. Another thing: Sometimes I like to smoke pot and drink with my friends while singing karaoke to old Amy Grant albums. It also doesn’t preclude me from going to the hot indie show at the Doug Fir the following weekend. Tastes run the gamut, and judging another person’s doesn’t improve your social standing. It makes you an asshole. And when you’re on a coffee date, and your date is yammering on and on about how many about how many books they’ve read and how they just don’t believe in television whatsoever because “only soft brains watch TV,” you can let them in on a little secret. You can watch “Modern Family” reruns after work and still read some Joan Didion before bed. Or you can spend a lazy Sunday morning on your couch with short stories and still catch your favorite Julia Roberts rerun that afternoon. I also do not care, per se, what you read: I care that it satisfies you and makes you happy. So if reading ten thousand Danielle Steele books a year pleases you, then fucking do it, by all means. I am also straight over gay men criticizing the art of drag because “it’s so feminine.” Here’s the thing — that’s not real. Most of my closest drag queen friends will pound the masculine right out of you if given the opportunity (yes, I am talking sexy times). Hating drag doesn’t make you more of a “man.” It makes you a hater of art. The queens I know spend hours and days and weeks cooking up looks and numbers, and hours getting ready the day they have a show. They practice choreography, lip syncs, and any number of things. Maybe drag just isn’t your thing — that’s fine. I don’t get the “Housewives” anymore. But I sure as hell do not judge my friends who do. I wish I knew why we do this to each other — and I’m not talking about casual ribbing that’s fun in doses (and entirely appropriate). Perhaps it’s inevitable because of the age we’ve entered. Social media makes everyone a critic (critics without credentials) and every person has a Yelp review at the ready; they’re just waiting in the wings, eager to pounce. A long time ago, a college professor told me this about literature: It’s fine to admit holes in your knowledge, and not everything is for you. I wish we’d collectively apply this to everything — and delete our Yelp profiles.

Email your rant (even about this column) to Daniel@PQMonthly.com 10 • December/January 2013-2014

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BUSINESS BRIEFS a European tour and will embark on a U.S. tour. Give Lovers a listen and enjoy them in concert, when they are in a city near you. Catch a listen to their latest CD: “With their seventh album, A Friend in the World, Lovers fuse intimacy and empowerment into a modern atmosphere of honesty, new feminist humor, and rhythmic complexity. The result is at once arresting, tender and romantic.” http://www.loversarelovers.com/video/ For more information please go to: https://www.facebook.com/loverstheband You can see Lovers in concert here: http://www. loversarelovers.com/tour/.

Gabriela fell in love with Lovers (pictured above) during this year’s Eden PNW, a new destination weekend for women and the women who love them. LOVERS At Eden PNW, which happened the first weekend in October and will happen again October 2014 (I highly recommend you attend in 2014, it is a blast!), I was introduced to Lovers. The members of this all-queer female band create all their own lyrics, music, sound, and vibe. Carolyn “Cubby” Berk, Emily Kinigan, and Kerby Ferris are three of the most amazing artists I have heard in quite a while. I sat in the audience listening to Lovers play their enchanting and deep music — needless to say I was touched by Lovers. I purchased every CD they had and have been listening ever since. Not only is the music fantastic, the lyrics connect on a visceral level. Inspiration for their music comes from each other, their travels, and their surroundings. Lovers has recently come back from

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AFFORDABLE WILDLIFE RESPONSE Recently, our big Dachshund, Wilhelm, got sprayed by a skunk. Yuck! We decided to consult a professional wildlife trapper. We found Melissa Wright, owner of Affordable Wildlife Response. The next day Melissa brought two traps to our house and used chocolate marshmallows as bait. Within 24 hours we had trapped two skunks on our property. Affordable Wildlife Response specializes in trapping nuisance wildlife, locating their point of entry to the structure they are nesting in, and closing these entry points. “I love interacting with my customers and helping them to better understand how urban wildlife live and think. Most people think these critters come from the forest, which is not true. Urban wildlife are born and raised in our neighborhoods and are quite comfortable living amongst us and taking advantage of all we have to offer,” says Wright. She is so right, like the skunks living under both my deck and my guest house, taking advantage of my hospitality and endangering my dogs. “It is rewarding to be able to solve a problem the customer can’t or chooses not to handle on their own”, says Wright. I know that I was relieved to see the skunks being carried away and having the entry points to our structures closed off. Wright has been in business for

a number of years and is super-efficient. A one-woman show, Wright may not be able to immediately answer the phone when you call, please give her up to 24 hours to return your call. Mention PQ for a 15% discount. In her free time, Wright is a goalie for two different ice-hockey leagues. I joked with her about how being a goalie certainly must help when trapping “beaver”. Contact Melissa for all your trapping questions and needs. www.AffordableWildlifeResponse.com. 503-408-9453 THE MUTTLEY CREW Winner of the “Best in the Biz” from Spot Magazine 20092011, The Muttley Crew is a top doggie daycare and grooming establishment. Jeff Slaughter, Owner and Groomer, has over 30 years’ experience in grooming and vet tech pet care. The Muttley Crew Grooming Team has over 60 years combined grooming experience and dog handling. Upon entering the shop, you immediately feel a happy energy, which transfers to all the dogs in their daycare, making for a pleasant experience when bringing your dog there. Everyone makes you feel welcome and handles your dog like it is one of their own. The grooming is very affordable, including nail clipping for $5.00 for small dogs. Doggie daycare packages — which include lots of attention from the handlers — come in customizable sizes to fit your family needs. Along with grooming and daycare, The Muttley Crew offers 5 and 6 star dog foods including: Innova, Primal Raw, Taste of the Wild, Acana, Orijen, Evo, and many more along with a variety of raw bones. Do you have questions regarding grooming, food, or pet care? Please contact the team at The Muttley Crew. Conveniently located near a great coffee shop right off of Hwy 26W, at 806 NW Murray Blvd. Call 503-626-8212 or email: TheMuttleyCrew@comcast.net www.TheMuttleyCrew.com.

--Gabriela Kandziora

December/January 2013-2014 • 11


FEATURE

PARKER MARIE MOLLOY ELABORATES ON “GAY DUDES, CAN YOU JUST NOT?”

Glee creator Ryan Murphy (among others) could use some extensive sensitivity training, according to trans rights advocates. By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

Transwoman writer Parker Marie Molloy broke the queer corner of the internet recently with her Huffington Post article “Gay Dudes, Can You Just Not?” — wherein she said what’s on so many transwomen’s minds by calling on the drag queen and gay male communities to stop using the anti-trans slur “tr-nny.” Angry, funny, and encyclopedic in its reasoning, the article captures the tone of a long-suffering younger sibling finally saying “enough!” Example: “A common argument in favor of using ‘tranny’ is, ‘But that word is just part of drag culture!’ Here’s my rebuttal: I don’t care.” You should definitely take the time to read her whole article (Google it). Before doing anything, though, try this experiment she invites readers to conduct in her piece. From her article: “a quick way to see why ‘tranny’ is a slur is to perform a few quick Google Image searches. First, search ‘transgender woman.’ Next, search ‘tranny.’ Notice the difference? Yeah, that’s why I’m not thrilled when someone calls a trans woman a ‘tranny.’” GOT THAT? OKAY, HERE’S OUR INTERVIEW: PQ: In the transwoman communities I’m a part of, there’s long been grumbling about the drag queen community’s free use of the word “tr-nny.” It was exciting to see you voice this so unequivocally in the Huffington Post. I wonder what kind of feedback you’ve gotten from gay men or drag queens? PMM: The response to that article has been without a doubt the most intense and divided I’ve ever experienced. The comments section was filled with strong opinions, both in agreement and strong dissent to what I wrote. A handful of gay men took the time to write me some very thoughtful emails, demonstrating a genuine curiosity and willingness to be educated on this topic. All-in-all, I feel as though the reaction was generally positive given that the piece itself accumulated thousands of likes and shares in the first few days alone. PQ : You ma ke t he point t hat “tr-nny” is a lmost always uttered during violent hate crimes against transwomen, which to me is the most powerful argument against its use by anyone outside the community. Do you think the drag community and the subset of gay men who use the word are ignorant of that fact, or do you think that that fact itself makes its use “edgy,” and 12 • December/January 2013-2014

they’ve just found, so far, that they can get away with it? PMM: Honestly, I can’t say why they use it, as I’m not them. What it seems like, however, is that many of them simply don’t care. I’m not sure whether it’s because they believe they get a free pass when it comes to using the word, or whether it’s simply ignorance on their part in regards to the word’s hateful history. PQ: I love how you dissected “tr-nny” jokes to show that their premise is that transwomen are somehow “inherently hilarious.” It infuriates me that people like Jon Stewart or Louis CK, who wouldn’t be caught dead being homophobic, trade in that sort of “humor.” Do you think people like them have just never met transwomen, or just assume they can get cheap laughs with those sorts of dehumanizing “jokes”? PMM: There’s this really amazing Tumblr called Your Moment of Hate that painstakingly highlights every single instance of transphobia on both “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report.” What makes the type of transphobia so brutal is the fact that their use of transphobic language isn’t part of a joke, it is the joke. I watched the premiere of the “Michael J. Fox Show” when it first aired. In the second episode, there was a scene where MJF is talking with one of his co-workers about the wild times they used to have. One part of this scene talks through how MJF’s co-worker had one picked up a cocktail waitress from a bar only to find out that she was “really a man.” That was the entire joke: there is nothing more disgusting than “accidentally” sleeping with a trans woman. To then take it a step further and call a trans woman a “man” is blatantly transphobic. I could go on for hours about television shows that employ this same technique for laughs. “How I Met Your Mother,” “Mike and Molly,” “Glee,” and “Saturday Night Live” are examples of shows that have made this same exact joke in multiple episodes. The important thing to note here is when these shows use the word “tranny,” they’re using it to describe a very specific kind of person. No, they’re almost never talking about drag queens or men who cross dress; they’re almost universally referring to transgender women/ transsexual women like me. I’m just really sick of being the butt of the joke. If these people, the writers of these jokes, truly knew any real, live trans women, I bet it would be a lot harder to make these lazy jokes. Honestly, this is why I’ve decided to be so open about my experience as a transgender woman. The battle to be taken seriously as human beings (in my mind, we’re dehumanized) has to begin with an effort to win the hearts and the minds of the public, one at a time. PQ: Transwomen grow up in an incredibly transmisogynist culture, where we receive relentlessly negative messages about our identities, balanced by almost no positive representation. It makes coming out and affirming ourselves difficult. This is even true of entertainment produced by members of supposed ally groups, like Ryan Murphy’s “Glee” and “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” as you pointed out. That imbalance, to me, is why these things need to be called out, and why we shouldn’t just “have a sense of humor” about them. What’s your response to people who say we should just “learn to take a joke” because all subcultures are made fun of? PMM: It’s one thing to be self-deprecating, it’s another to be on the receiving end of near-constant bullying. It’s not the single “joke” that hurts, but rather, the inability to escape the jokes. People watch television and go to the movies as a way to decompress. For those minutes or hours you’re watching something, you’re supposed to

be able to put your own worries away, forget about your troubles. There’s no escaping it. Turn on “Nip/Tuck” and watch a scene featuring what some would consider to be a justifiable beating of a trans woman. Later in the show’s run, there will be a plot line about a mentally unstable trans woman who only transitioned because she wanted to be able to sleep with straight men. Turn on “How I Met Your Mother” and observe Neil Patrick Harris’ character tell someone with a deep voice that they “sound like a shemale.” Watch “South Park” to see transitioning genders compared to someone “thinking that they’re really a dolphin.” Look to “Mike & Molly” to see someone make a disgusted face as someone says “you slept with a tranny!” Turn on MTV’s “Awkward” to hear a character console his friend over the prospect of dating a girl with flaws by saying, “It’s not like she has a dick, right?” (Because dating a trans woman is clearly the most flawed state a human could find themselves). Watch “Glee” to see a trans woman being denied access to the restroom, and only given access to a private restroom away from the other students (which is not a positive outcome for any trans person) under the conditions that the other students stop twerking. The character on “Glee” (created by multiple GLAAD Award nominee Ryan Murphy, the same man responsible for those abhorrent story lines on “Nip/Tuck”) has been called the following names: he/she, him slash her, Tina Stomach-Turner, Lady Boy, Precious Based on the Novel Barf by Sapphire, and God’s Mistake. All this in addition to being called “tranny” by characters on the show without the same treatment given to those who have used homophobic slurs (homophobic slurs are always called out by other characters). When you make those jokes, which again, only exist under the premise that trans women are inherently disgusting and therefore hilarious, you’re not “laughing with us.” There is laughter, and it is loud, and directed squarely at us. PQ: While transwomen and drag queens are often linked and confused in the public imagination, in my experience there’s very little overlap between the two communities. This would seem to make it hard to have a dialogue and education around drag queens’ use of the “t” word. The result is that some people, including gay men, seem to feel a license to use it out of their affinity for drag queens. Do you have any idea how, besides writing great articles like yours, this issue can be resolved moving forward? PMM: Honestly, I don’t know. I can shout from the rooftops that it’s not okay to call someone a tranny, but the trans population is relatively small. Without the help of others, and as long as gay men like Ryan Murphy feel comfortable defaming us in mainstream entertainment, it’s an uphill battle. What we need are people who have our backs. We need people willing to call people out when they hear someone say “tranny.” It’s not okay, and as is the case in the above examples, it’s almost universally directed at us in the media. It’s not a gay man’s word, nor is it a drag queen’s. (Yes, I know, some drag queens are trans, but they’re not by definition. Some lawyers and doctors are trans, too. Profession/hobbies and personal identity are different). Would these gay men be just as accepting if sitcoms all referred to them as the homophobic f-word? No, rightfully so. They proved this last week when Alec Baldwin got caught using that word, costing him his job. I’m not calling for Ryan Murphy, Neil Patrick Harris, or Dan Savage to lose their job. What I am doing is simply a asking them to be as considerate to trans people as they’d like straight people to be to the gay community. pqmonthly.com


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December/January 2013-2014 • 13


SPORTS

PERSPECTIVES

OK, HERE’S THE DEAL … CLITS, CLIQUES, AND POLITICS By Monika MHz, PQ Monthly

Television kind of sold it to me, just as much as they sold it to us all. I was barely in double digits when I’d been initiated into the white lie — white like supremacy — that people of color are promiscuous and sexually predatory. Latin@s on the screen were lovers. Oh yeah, we were spicy, fiery, and other food words, just out there being passionate about sex and love. If you’re like me, you probably even wrote “passionate” on your OK Cupid profile. And stay on your toes white people, because we were probably seducing your partner. Be afraid. The “Latin@ Lover” isn’t just one of those harmless positive stereotypes: they never are. It’s born of a culture where people of color are portrayed as animalistic, and less than the “civilized” [read: white] people. And a starting point from which media machismo and violence are woven into general perceptions that we’re prone to crime. The Lover contributes to the demonization, exotification, and criminalization of overt sexuality and the Latin@s who possess it on their own terms. To me, the criminalization, fear, and disgust of sexuality in marginalized communities is a thread of control that connects us all. If you aren’t a straight white man, all overt sexuality is forbidden and often criminalized, but you are welcome, or demanded, to be recipients of that other’s sexuality as deemed permissible. The severity, strictness, and form by which this is enforced is entirely based on the acceptability of those who express it. It’s an object/subject relationship with oppressed peoples on the losing end. Or in words I can actually understand 4 beers in, “different marginalized communities experience sexual restriction differently, but it’s still a common tool of oppression directed at (and often used by) all of us.” We are villainized because of our (the object’s) expression of unacceptable sexuality on the terms of the subject of sexuality, and objectified because that’s our “place.” I’m sure, by now, my queer friends out there have been squeezing your thighs together, aching to tell me about your... lightbulb that just turned on, and how it relates to this. Too bad. It’s a paper, and this isn’t really two way conversation. But gimme a call, and we can figure out what to do about those thighs. Years ago, I observed the object/villain relationship manifest in the public and media perceptions of trans women. I never liked Julia Serano’s incomplete look at this

phenomenon as “pathetic/deceiver” in her unfortunately named book “Whipping Girl” and knew there had to be a better, or at least more distilled way of talking about the way trans women exist in cultural consciousness. It goes like this: Trans women are only to be recipients of sexuality, albeit secret and shameful. Regardless of being the object of shame we’re expected to take table scraps, no matter now demeaning, disgusting, or violent they are, whilst saying, “Thank you,” for the honor of sucking their pathetic and smelly dick. And for those of us that possess our sexuality openly, we are painted as a threat, villain, violator, criminal, or rapist. Sound familiar to anyone? It should, because this is one of the core methods of control utilized by society. Control the clit, control the clique. Control the dick, control the politic. File this in: Why I have become more open, in recent years, about being a human being who enjoys sex — I know. Wild, right? Including my start as PQ’s new sex columnist: Which is a whole lot like me at 19, shorter, less feminist theory, and a nicer ass. [Insert plug here.] The near universal perceptions even among the queers is that trans women as a class are a stuffy mood killing curiosity devoid of independent sexuality, and those who express one are often characterized as threatening. Object/Villain. For those of us who try to live queer we often see our sexuality described as devoid of queer context/ value. If a trans woman fucking a man is straight and so is fucking a woman, we’ve have been written out of our queer story before it even started. I believe it’s a story we should be a part of and to get there we’ve gotta resist this thread of sexual restriction. I reject the idea that I am not allowed to have a sexuality. I reject that I’m some sort of anti-queer, or antisex being. As a result, for my 15th “coming out” in my life. I’m a skilled/dexterous pianist and DJ who likes nice arms and butts. I’ve got a pension for screaming, gyrating, and pillow biting, [available tuesdays, llllaaadies] and sex is pretty damn great. Until the only thing we can think to call a woman with a penis is back for a second date — am I right!? — it’s a good bet I’ll be stuck talking about fucking and being fucked for a fucking while. [sarcasm alert] Oh no.

Monika MHz is a queer trans Latina who makes her way as a Portland-based House music producer/DJ, activist, and writer. Practicing radical love through music, she believes in the transformative nature of music and its real substantive and cultural power to save lives. You can find Monika online at monikamhz.com and @MonikaMHz.

14 • December/January 2013-2014

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FEATURE

BEAT DOWN, JACKIE-STYLE By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

There aren’t many queens who can boast references like Joan Rivers and Roseanne Barr on their resumes. Fewer still are those who’ve recorded hit CDs, starred in films (remember “Flawless”?), made cameos on “Sex and the City,” and had, you know, 18-month show stints (a record) in New York City. Jackie Beat has more talent in her hip replacement than the whole cast of “Drag Race” (pick a season) has in their collective drag closets (her writing credits could gobble up another full page). Hint: “Fashion Police” and “Hello Ross,” for starters. This queen is elite, on point, and bringing her annual (raunchy) holiday show to our fair city, where she’ll wow you with her sultry vocals. (Oh yes, she sings all her own numbers.) She’ll also decimate every single holiday tradition you hold dear. But before she does, she wants to gossip with you. PQ: First off, your inaugural Portland performance was at the Eagle. How did it feel going from the prestigious halls of “Fashion Police” to those gorgeous Portland digs? Jackie Beat: Well, as a whore, I go anywhere that offers me money! And as a whore, I don’t like it when I am not being paid properly.  Which is why myself and all the other writers for “Fashion Police” are on strike! PQ: This was before your very public hip surgery. (And just before the big benefit Mario Diaz put together in L.A.) How much did the pain and body troubles affect your creativity? Mostly, how in the hell do you stand-up and make people laugh when your body is giving you fits? JB: It’s hard, but it’s my job.  And there are much harder

jobs, trust me.  I always say, “People work much harder and make much less,” so I try not to complain.  But yes, it’s much easier to be funny and creative when you’re not in constant pain. PQ: Is Ross Matthews as flamboyant privately as he is publicly? I like to imagine he’s this super butch daddy who just puts on a flaming show for people in the Midwest. JB: Ha! That’s what we joke about all the time. That he’s really this straight pussy-hound douche-bag creep, but that’s not the case, he’s as gay in real life as he is on TV. He’s also a total sweetheart. We essentially get paid to hang out and laugh all day. It’s a dream. PQ: I’ve read some accounts about the writers’ strike (especially on Vulture) that outlined some pretty tough times surrounding y’all joining the Writers Guild — was it as difficult as written accounts describe? I think we all imagine Joan as all-laughs, but to survive and thrive as long as she has, you probably have to channel your inner bitch more often than not. JB: “Channeling your inner bitch” is one thing, but paying the people who write your jokes nothing but peanuts is bullshit. I’ve read every book she’s written and they’re all about how she had to scrape and fight and was underpaid and taken advantage of, so you’d think she’d know better.  But the case is being settled any day now, so I probably shouldn’t discuss it further. I will say this: I felt a real maternal energy from Joan so that’s probably the most disappointing part of all this. Every little kid just wants to make mommy happy, you know? PQ: Is she still your career idol? Who inspires you? JB: I really love Roseanne.  She came to see me perform and came back stage and said, “You’re hilarious, I want to work with you!” Needless to say, living and performing in Hollywood, I had heard that from a lot of celebrities. Well, Roseanne was the only one who called the next day. I ended up going on tour with her and we made some really great videos together. She’s amazing. Very smart, too smart, actually — it’s very hard for smart people. I also adore Sandra Bernhard. She’s the reason I’m a performer. I live for Sandy.  And I really appreciate Sarah Silverman’s courage. So I guess I just love funny, mouthy Jewish women! PQ: Is Mario Diaz as kind as he is sexy?

JB: Mario is my favorite person on the planet and, yes, he is one of the world’s great beauties — inside and out. PQ: What’s the best thing about living in L.A.? JB: I love that I have an orange tree in my backyard. I always joke when I go to New York, I say, “I have an orange tree in my backyard in Los Angeles! All you New Yorkers are going to die of scurvy. But not me!  I’m going to die of boredom.” I think that sums it up — and you take the good with the bad.  I love the pace and the weather the fact that I can just hop in my car and drive wherever I want. The irony is that there’s nowhere I want to go! I’m kidding, of course. PQ: You’re always funny, but you seem to shine most during the holidays. What is it about Jesus that gets your creative juices flowing, even after 15 years? (Congratulations on 15 years, by the way.) JB: Thank you! I think it’s the mash-up of the reverence surrounding the holidays and my sick, twisted sense of humor and my nothing’s-sacred song parodies. That’s a great combination, I think. PQ: P.S. Thanks for choosing Portland as one of your cities. I know your tour is limited this year. (It’s really fucking cold here right now — pack your furs.) JB: I go wherever they pay me to go. Can you say, “Hooker?” PQ: All of my drag queen friends (hi, Margarine!) want to know about your look inspiration. What/who inspires them? How long does it take to beat your face and get ready for a show? JB: It takes over two hours to get ready. I’m exhausted and then, guess what? Time to do the show!  I am easily bored, so I am always doing different looks.  Lady Bunny is always a blonde, Varla Jean Merman and Coco Peru are always redheads, but the whole point of being a drag queen to me is doing whatever I want, doing it all. PQ: Any final parting words for Portlanders? JB: Yeah, take a break from making your own granola and come to my fucking show! Go to missjackiebeat.com to read her column, where she opines about life, love, and drag. Her site is also where you’ll find her CDs and merch. She plays Portland on Saturday, Dec. 21 at Crush. Show starts at 8 p.m. (sharp). Check our calendar for complete details.

RE-EMERGENCE OF HIV IN HARVARD PATIENTS BELIEVED TO BE FUNCTIONALLY CURED By Ben Burwitz, Ph.D., PQ Monthly

In June, two physicians at Harvard medical school reported on a pair of HIV+ patients who no longer had detectable HIV in their blood following discontinuation of their antiretroviral drug therapy. The finding was published in the Journal of Infectious Diseases and believed to be a significant step forward in the search for an HIV functional cure. However, the mechanisms that contributed to this unprecedented viral clearance were then, and remain now, entirely ambiguous. What we do know is that both patients also suffered from lymphoma and received a therapeutic stem cell transplant, pqmonthly.com

a risky procedure, but one that has shown promise as a last resort against cancers of the blood and lymphatic system. Stem cell transplantation is preceded by chemotherapy and radiation, which destroy the recipient’s immune system, paving the way for the donor stem cells to divide, mature, and reconstitute the depleted immune cells. As the donor cells expand, they kill remaining recipient immune cells that avoided elimination by chemotherapy and radiation, a phenomenon known as graft-versus-host disease. The doctors at Harvard have speculated that graft-versushost disease may be an important mechanism by which the patients’ remaining HIV+ infected immune cells are cleared by the donor derived immune cells, but much more research will be required to determine the processes governing the unexpected HIV clearance from the blood. It was recently reported on December 6 that HIV has re-emerged in both patients, following months of undetectable HIV in the blood. Many saw this as a huge blow to HIV cure research. However, the extravagant headlines that this is a decisive blow to HIV cure research are unfounded. Dr. Timothy Henrich eloquently summarized the study in an interview with CNN:

“The return of detectable levels of HIV in our patients is disappointing, but scientifically significant. We have demonstrated HIV can be reduced to undetectable levels by very sensitive research assays and the virus persists. Our results also show that the immune system can play a major role in reducing the viral reservoir, but may not be able to do the job alone. It is likely that a combination of drugs and immune therapies that target the reservoir will be needed to establish long-term remission of HIV infection.” Indeed, while we all hoped this was the silver bullet against HIV, we must remember that not all is lost. We take away knowledge on the HIV reservoir that directs future research into how best to eradicate the final sources of virus, and that is good news. The other good news? Both patients are back on antiretroviral drugs and are responding well to their therapy. Ben Burwitz is an HIV researcher at Oregon Health and Science University. He received his Bachelors of Science in molecular biology in 2004 and his Doctor of Philosophy in cellular and molecular pathology in 2010, both from the University of Wisconsin. December/January 2013-2014 • 15


PERSPECTIVES

GUEST OPINION: WHY SKIPPING THE RED BUCKETS IS A GOOD THING By Konrad Juengling, Guest Opinion

If someone would have told me a few years ago that I’d be advocating for people to skip supporting the Salvation Army, I would have called them crazy. Salvation Army executives wishing gay people dead and the organization only helping select groups of people sounds like the plot to a bad movie — why would I have taken that seriously? Worse than that would-be movie, though, is the fact that this is actually happening. The Salvation Army is one of the most recognized charities in the United States. Each holiday we see the bell ringers outside of businesses collecting change in pots while the bell ringer shivers in the cold. It’s a regular part of the shopping experience while we rush about to get the presents that we need. When I was a child, I always asked my mom for change so that I could give it to the bell ringers and feel like I did something that made a difference. The difference people are making when they donate to the Salvation Army, though, is a difference for a very select population of people: heterosexual Christians. What a lot of people, myself included until recently, do not realize is that the SA is actively and institutionally homophobic and works against people in the LGBTQ community. In 2004, New York City enacted an ordinance that stated companies would have to provide health insurance for gay employees’ partners. The SA threatened that if it was forced to comply with this law it would shut down all New York City offices and projects. To appease them, Mayor Bloomberg acquiesced and let them operate without offering the required healthcare that other businesses were required to provide. The SA would have abandoned helping thousands of homeless and needy people

just to prove that they are against treating people equally. For being a Christian organization, it seems antithetical that they would rather let people go hungry than treat minorities the same way they treat their other employees: with respect. In 2012, Major Andrew Craibe, a SA media relations director for the company, implied (at the very least) that gays should be put to death. It’s one thing to hold a city hostage, saying you’ll abandon the homeless you’re helping because you have to treat people equally, but to say you believe in death for LGBTQ people is just a whole different realm of bigotry. Australian journalist Serena Ryan had interviewed Craibe, asking, “According to the Salvation Army, [gay people] deserve death. How do you respond to that, as part of your doctrine?” Craibe said, “Well, that’s part of our belief system.” A surprised Ryan asked, “So we should die?” Caibe, ever the perfect media relations director, answered, “You know, we have an alignment to the scriptures, but that’s our belief.” Unfortunately, these aren’t isolated incidents. These are representations of SA’s belief system at a corporate level, showing how they feel about homosexuality. What about at a more micro level with how people are treated when they come in off the street looking for help? Isn’t that what people are really donating their money for? Mark Oppenheimer ran a 2011 story for the New York Times solely about the SA turning away people because they are homosexual. While the SA has denied this, with their culture of discrimination and continued media reports, it’s a slim-to-none chance that people aren’t experiencing that discrimination when they look for help. This inequality is built into the very structure of the SA. For this self-styled “evangelical part of the universal Christian Church,” the homophobia is literally written into its

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handbook. For their position statement on LGBTQ individuals,” The Salvation Army believes, therefore, that Christians whose sexual orientation is primarily or exclusively same-sex are called upon to embrace celibacy as a way of life.” Telling people that they are not entitled to love another person because of their sexuality is degrading and inappropriate. One could argue that they are only staying true to their beliefs, but what if one of their beliefs was not to help African Americans? Or the disabled? Is it appropriate for a tax-exempt organization to discriminate against a certain population of minorities? Donating to an organization that actively works against LGBTQ rights supports the belief that heterosexual people are worth more than LGBTQ people. For those that believe that people are all equal, tossing your coins into the red bucket is in direct contrast to that. For those that donate to the Salvation Army, you’re saying that it’s alright to discriminate and to turn needy people away because they are different than the majority. These aren’t the values that Christianity, America — or common sense — ascribe to. Instead of donating to SA, donate to the American Red Cross if you’re looking for a large organization. If you want something a little smaller, there are any number of local shelters that would be grateful for your support. When shopping, remember how you choose to spend (and donate) your money shows support for that organization; just make sure you’re supporting the right cause. Skip the red buckets and support an inclusive, non-discriminatory organization that truly wants to help everyone that comes through its doors. Konrad Juengling is an Oregon native who currently lives in Beaverton with his boyfriend and three cats. He works full time in the financial industry, but has a Bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in women, gender, and sexuality studies. After finishing the post-baccalaureate work he is currently doing at Portland State University, Konrad will be pursuing a master’s degree with the goal of working with juvenile sex offenders. An avid collector of literature, Konrad also helps to run a gay men’s book club at Pivot in downtown Portland.

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16 • December/January 2013-2014

pqmonthly.com


FEATURES

pqmonthly.com

December/January 2013-2014 • 17


FEATURES FEATURE

YOU CAN’T JUST FUCKING SLAP SOME MAKEUP ON YOUR FACE By Andrew Edwards, PQ Monthly

Spencer started doing theater in middle school; by high school he was performing at theaters around his hometown Deep in southeast Portland, below a cozy home on Mt. of Youngstown, Ohio, three or four times a week and rehearsTabor, down a weathered flight of two-by-four stairs, I’m ing “every fucking day and night.” He received his bachelor’s struggling to help Shitney Houston fasten a black under- degree in theater and dance from Kent State University, which bust corset around her nearly narrow-enough waist. The led to work in Cleveland and then New York, until he moved to piece will finish her “American Horror Story: Coven”-in- Portland and received his master’s degree from Portland State. spired look (think Stevie Nicks and Wednesday Addams do It’s her theater background that taught Houston the Studio 54)—if we can get it on. importance of hard work and prepara“It’s gonna be hard work,” Houston tion. “I’m used to a lot of prep time and admits. “Maybe I should soak it in water rehearsal,” she says. “Even before the and stretch it out a little first. Ryan got first time I went out in drag for those this on me in the middle of the store!” I shows at Embers, I was down here [in wonder if Ryan [Sager, aka PQ Monthly the lab] every day just walking in heels— cover model Margarine Powers] is a superliving in heels around the clock, just gethero as well as a drag queen. ting used to that. I was always practicing I’m spending the morning in Houston’s makeup, which I’m still trying to figure basement—affectionately and appropriout, and working on numbers, looking ately dubbed the “Drag Lab”—helping her for songs, putting headpieces together— sort through a veritable department store you know, just anything. I did that for a of wigs, gowns, jewels, and heels to assemgood six months.” ble the costume for an upcoming show. But after years of theater involveOnce the outfit is complete, it’s obvious ment Spencer says his interest in the that all the digging and yanking and cinchfield waned, though his love of pering were worth it. Hard work, perhaps, but forming did not. “I’ve just been trying this queen looks good. to figure out for awhile, ‘What am I gonna And therein lies the fool’s gold-plated do with this thing I have?’” The drag key to this Portland drag performer’s sucseed was planted, he says, while watchcess. Houston—known out of drag as ing Portland’s Drag Race at the old Red Joshua Spencer—is arguably one of the Cap Garage. “I was like, ‘Oh my god, this most dynamic divas in recent Portland Houston has been a mainstay in Portland nightlife of late. would be so much fun.’” memory, not just because she’s got the “Drag queens are so cool, you know?” charisma and moves of a Jackson, but because she’s also says Houston. “My first drag experience was at a club in one of the hardest-working queens in town. Cleveland called Bounce, and the queen that hosted the “I’m proud to work hard,” says Houston. “It pays off. You night was one of the funniest people I’ve ever seen in my can’t just fucking, like, slap some makeup on your face. You life—she was working the crowd like Poison [Waters]—and can’t just roll out of bed and into the club. We’ve all seen ever since then I’ve been like, ‘Drag queens are radical.’” those girls—they come and they go, you know?” Her other light bulb moment was seeing Portland queen A relatively new character on the Portland drag scene, Serendipity Jones perform the gospel number “Goin’ Up Houston made her debut performance at Onalicious Mercu- Yonder” by Tramaine Hawkins at the 2012 Queerlandia. ry’s Beyond the Biodome show at Embers in January 2013— “Seeing that performance, I lost my mind and was like, ‘I less than a year ago. “Do you know that my first couple of have to do drag now. It’s official. I really feel very strongly shows at Embers they took me sight unseen?” Houston asks. that I have to do it.” “I thought it might be a good spot to get my feet wet and they Houston says she’s always been drawn to gospel, soul, just said, ‘Yeah, come whenever you want.’” and Motown over pop, which she attributes to the way she A month later, she won best all-around performer at was raised. “The first two houses I lived in [in Ohio], we were the Eagle’s Love Ball PDX, a drag extravaganza in the some of the only white people in the neighborhood. And when tradition of 1980’s New York ball culture that showcased I was growing up, my parents were paying Motown, Diana the cream of the Portland drag crop. Since then, her Ross, et cetera. When I heard Diana Ross or Patti Labelle or dance card has never been empty. She has performed Gladys Knight, that’s when my ears would perk up, not when with RuPaul’s Drag Race luminaries Alaska Thunder- the Beach Boys or, you know, Frankie Valli came on.” fuck, Latrice Royale, and Michelle Visage, and will share This affinity shapes Houston’s art, to which anyone who’s the stage with Drag Race champion Jinkx Monsoon and seen her perform can attest. Her roster mostly features soon-to-be contestant BenDeLaCreme at Genderfucking artists like Hawkins, Labelle, Knight, and of course, WhitTakeover’s Hello/Hello event later this month. ney Houston, and rarely—if ever—a pop or top-40 star. “I “Can you believe it?” Houston muses. “I gotta say, I feel think it has to do with the guttural thing that comes out of really lucky. I really do. But here’s the other thing I have in a black woman when she’s really singing, you know?” she my corner: I have a really strong theater background, and says. “That’s really raw and sincere—you can’t fake that. It’s that taught me how to perform. That’s what I know. That’s the honesty and sincerity that appeals to me.” all I know.” Drag might not seem like an art that has much to do with

honesty, but for Houston it all comes back to doing what you love. “My numbers are always kind of silly…but even when I know people are laughing, to me it’s very serious business. Because I love that shit. I think if you love something, you should do it. I don’t think you should do just the latest hits from whoever—if you love it, go for it—but if you don’t, then don’t do it.” If the dollar bills littering the stage after she performs are any indication, Portland feels the love, as well. “Shitney eats up the stage,” says local drag visionary Gula Delgatto. “When she stomps out on that stage with fierce shoulder pads made of wigs, you can’t take your eyes off her! Every queen should take some notes.” Says Margarine Powers, who made her Portland debut at the first Love Ball alongside Houston: “Shitney is very experimental. You should see her when Forever 21 puts a new collection on the floor! She goes mad with desire. I have been shopping with her and she can literally go to Lloyd Center and buy 27 outfits for $6.57.” When asked why Houston has been successful, she quips, “I think the most successful queens have a way of relating to people…I absolutely think Shitney has what it takes. She is one of the strongest black girls in this city. I think Alexis Campbell Starr needs to watch her back.” In all seriousness, it’s this community of artists and performers to which Houston attributes the lion’s share of her recent success. “I’ve been really welcomed, really quickly,” she says. “There are so many queens around town that have helped me with tips, encouragement, and getting me shows: Neeta McLean, Mia Hull, Poison Waters, Alexis Campbell Starr, Kourtni Capree Duv, Sheniqua Volt, Isaiah Tillman, the Superstar Divas, Felicity Carmichaels, Gula Delgatto, Pepper Pepper, Carla Rossi, DieAna Dae, Daniel Pulver, Angel Hanson, Serendipity Jones, Stacy Stl Lisa, and too many more very kind people that I’m forgetting.” Houston goes on: “And there are bookers and promoters that have encouraged me and offer me work—Ross Milam, Samuel Thomas, Kevin Kauer, Justin Buckles, Michael Shaw Talley. This town nurtures people.” So what’s next for Houston? “I’m doing Shitney’s Valentine’s Day Special in February, which my goal is to make really funny, because Valentine’s Day is a silly holiday. I want it to be like a drag variety hour, or just a variety hour in general.” Beyond that, she says she hopes to become more present on the regional drag stage and perform in places like Seattle and San Francisco. “It’s fun to do these really big shows with famous people. It pushes you to want to be excellent around them. Not necessarily to impress them, but you have to rise to a level. When you get booked for a show with Latrice [Royale] or whomever, you have to rise to their level or you’re gonna look stupid. I don’t wanna look stupid.” But don’t get the wrong idea. Ultimately, she says, it’s about entertaining. “I don’t have an extreme desire to be rich and famous,” she says. “The goal is always to delight people. That’s always number one.” Hopefully you caught Shitney on stage with Michelle Visage at Gospel last Sunday. Check our blog for Shitney’s exclusive oneon-one interview with RuPaul’s right hand lady (Visage). Watch our weekend forecast’s to find Shitney and her latest and greatest club appearances.

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18 • December/January 2013-2014

pqmonthly.com


GET OUT!

PQ PICKS

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19 PQ Monthly Press Party: Mix and mingle with the makers of your favorite queer newspaper. This goes down every third Thursday, at rotating venues. You’ll never know who you’ll gaze at from across the room, maybe it’s your new soul mate. This month: Scandals. (Such a glamorous locale!) 5pm, 1106 W Burnside. Free, clearly. Free HIV & STD Testing: Committed to the health of Portland’s community, Hawks PDX offers both free HIV and STD testing, twice monthly. Presented in conjunction with Cascade AIDS Project and Multnomah County Health Department, you can check your status to protect your health and those you play with, as well as speak to counselors if you have questions. Hawk’s PDX, 234 SE Grand. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20 Fannie Mae Darling presents her seventh annual Queer Quistmas: Fannie returns to bring you “what you’ve waited for all year long.” She’s teamed up with SHINY presents, Michael Talley, and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to make your holiday a bit brighter. Bring your coats and non-perishable food items to help get yourself in the holiday spirit. Bolivia Carmichaels, Isaiah Tillman, Cheralyn Michaels, and many more headline the festivities. 7pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison. $7, $5 with donation. Queertopia, Comedy VS. Drag: Belinda’s at it again, folks. From her lips to Satan’s ears: “Anyone who’s met me can attest I am part comedian, part drag queen. That’s why I am teaming up with Adam Pasi to queer it up this holiday season.” Lineup includes Zora Phoenix, Valerie DeVille, Crystal Davis, Alex Rios, and many, many more. They’ll play the hot hits until the wee hours, too. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21 Jackie Beat! Drag superstar rips the holiday season a new one with her sick and twisted song parodies. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, or The Winter Solstice, Jackie will mock and destroy everything you hold dear. Featuring a heaping helping of classless classics and plenty of new crap, “O Holy Hell” will have you tapping your toe, slapping your knee, and scratching your head. (Oh, and laughing your asses off.) 8pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison. $20. Gaycation Winter Formal: (Gaycation all you ever wanted.) DJ Mr. Charming welcomes Bridge Club’s Hold My Hand and Dirt Bag’s Bruce LaBruiser. Be early so you can actually get a drink. Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party. Pretend it’s gay prom and bring your shiniest, dressiest duds. Slow dance to a hot jam. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $3. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27 Tropical Holiday Dance Party with DJ Anali and the Incredible Kid: Dance, Astoria-style. Come heat up the New Year — DJ Anjali & The Incredible Kid take the sultry vibe of the Latin American Tropics, combine with the rhythm of India (“Taal”) and stir in Tropitaal, a Desi/Latino Soundclash where the hottest club sounds from India and Latin America go head to head, in an all-night dance-off of epic proportions. Does that make sense? Just feel the music.

9pm, Astoria Arts and Movement Center. $10. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 28 Blow Pony, babies. Fierce holiday faggotry is afoot. They’re calling it Christ-Mess. (See what they’re doing there?) Carla Rossi, Kaj-Anne Pepper will share their “gifts,” with the usual two floors + outdoor patio of revelry and merriment and disc jockeys. Portraits by our beloved Michael Horwitz. 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third. $5 to ride the Pony. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 31 Poison Waters and Friends New Year’s Eve Happy Hour Show: A message about this event from Ms. Waters: “My ongoing relationship with the McMenamins folks has given me a great opportunity to bring my Poison Waters and Friends Shows to a bigger audience with more frequent shows. I would be wasting this great opportunity if I kept the ‘friends’ the same each show. Inviting out-of-town guests, old and new friends and live singers, I’ve been able to offer entertainers this added exposure and increase the entertainment value of my shows for the audiences’ pleasure.” This time around brings you Maria Peters Lake, Margarine Powers, Vanessa Vail Peters Lake, and Diva Simone Slaughter. This show is always a joy and it’s always, always no cover. 5:30pm, Al’s Den, 303 SW 12. Lumbertwink PDX — New Year’s Eve edition: Count down to 2014 with hundreds of furballs, furball-adjacent, and sans-furball (and plenty of beautiful dykes)— grab your flannels and head to this beard-friendly social where you’ll find drinkin’, dancin’, and mutual beard-rubbing. And music. If you participate in the PNW fantasy (and wear plaid or a union suit), you get in on the cheaper. 8pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11. $5 w/ plaid, $7 w/o. Blow Out — Queer NYE dance party. Out with the old, in with the new. Everything must go: inhibitions, pasts, all the things. Troubled Youth, Ill Camino, and Beyondadoubt will make you make with the dancing. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5. LAVISH: Scandals Annual New Year’s Eve Party—this year, they are inviting all their friends to come to Lavish for a no cover party. They’ll be hosting an Absolut Tune Toast at midnight. This year, the entertainment is you. That’s correct, karaoke with a twist. (There’ll be a band, too.) The party starts at 9, and they’ll also be giving away a specialty PBR Limited Edition Electric Guitar. 9pm, Scandals, 1125 SW Stark. The Intimate Butt Plug Club: It is not a “club of butt plugs,” but the name of your NYE destination. Basically the Blow Pony kids throw another party and don’t call it Blow Pony. So you know, music, live performances, all the usual suspects. Boy Funk and Rap Girl will perform. 10pm, The Blue Monk, 3341 SE Belmont. $5. MONDAY, JANUARY 20 Gay Skate, sponsored by yours truly (PQ Monthly). Every third Monday. Join Sock Dreams, the Rose City Rollers, and all the amateur skaters in the city at the one and only queer skate night. Work muscles you never knew you had — I know this is where you’ll meet your next life partner. Innocent, yesteryear fun at one of the last all-ages, booze-free events. 7-9pm, Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6. All ages.

PERS{ECTOVES Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and peruse photos from your reporters-about-town. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only. --DANIEL BORGEN

pqmonthly.com/get-out

DANCE IT OUT (CHEERFULLY PAY YOUR COVERS; DEEJAYS GOTTA EAT, TOO.)

FIRST SUNDAYS Bridge Club. A slew of stellar deejays play music on the city’s most treasured patio. Old Boys Club regularly welcomes special guests. Snack, mingle, get down. Bridge club is delighted to announce its permanent new home— Vendetta! No winter hiatus this year, lovelies. 3pm, Vendetta, 4306 N Williams. Free. Every Sunday. Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Ginger Lee (who’ll soon retire), and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, and country hits. (I. Love. These. Queens.) Dance floor opens after the show. Competition to find the Next Superstar Diva is on! I’m calling it the Drag Queen Hunger Games. 8pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free! FIRST THURSDAYS Dragathon (every Thursday). Sponsored by Smirnoff, this Drag Race-esque competition features 11 queens and celebrity judges, hosted by Ecstacy Inferno. Goes down early enough you can still make the late show. 8pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh. Dirt Bag. Keyword: Bruce LaBruiser. She’ll make all your musical dreams come true. Indie, pop, electro, all of it. Dance to the gayest jams. 10pm, The Know, 2026 NE Alberta. Free. Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hiphop-heavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. 9pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free. FIRST SATURDAYS Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks. Keywords: Soul, polyester. 9pm, The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5. Maricón! Ill Camino rotates special guests and reinvents Crush with his beloved once-monthly dance party. (Moisti will still make cameos.) For homos and their homeys. 10pm, Crush,1400 SE Morrison. $3. SECOND THURSDAYS I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul. Three keywords, the most important being: DJ Beyondadoubt. Others: soul, shimmy. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5. SECOND TUESDAYS Bi Bar—thank our friend Cameron Kude for pointing this out to us. Bi Bar is every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/Fluid/Queer. 8pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. Beat It at Black Book: Rotture’s new booking manager, Samuel Thomas, just made Tuesdays a whole lot gayer. A monthly event celebrating everything from beards and tattoos to butch queens. 9pm, Rotture, 20 NW Third. $5/$3 if you get in the spirit. SECOND SATURDAYS Mrs.: The queen of theme welcomes its new hostess, Kaj-Anne Pepper! And dynamic DJ duo: Beyondadoubt

and Ill Camino. Costumes, photo booths, all the hits. 10pm, Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi. $5. THIRD WEDNESDAYS Comedy at Crush: Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle up some funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus. Donations, sliding scale. (Comics have to eat and drink, too!) Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. THIRD THURSDAYS Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press. 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12. Free. THIRD FRIDAYS Ruthless! Eastside deluxe. DJs Ill Camino, Rhienna. Come welcome new resident deejay Rhienna and listen to the fiercest jams all night long. Keyword: cha cha heels. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $3. THIRD SATURDAYS Gaycation all you ever wanted. DJ Charming always welcomes special guests. Be early so you can actually get a drink. Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5. FOURTH THURSDAYS Monsteroki. You read it right. Gula Delgatto hosts an evening involving her own special brand of karaoke. Sometimes she decides the song, sometimes you do. (She sings! She dances!) 9pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison. $3. FOURTH SUNDAYS Gender Abundant Square Dance. All-ages goodness. No experience necessary! 7pm, The Village Ballroom, 700 NE Dekum. All ages! $7. FOURTH FRIDAYS. Twerk. DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your twerk. The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/ R&B party--where artists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, and move on the dance floor. Established fun, all night long. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5. FOURTH SATURDAYS Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty. 9pm, Rotture/Branx, 315 SE 3. $5. Filth: (Formerly Hey Queen!) For the party girls. The more intimate, shoulder-to-shoulder Saturday night choice. Bruce LaBruiser and special guests. 9pm, Beulahland, 118 NE 28. Free. LAST THURSDAYS Laid Out, Bridgetown’s newest gay dance party. Seriously, the posters read: “gay dance party.” Deejays Gossip Cat and Pocket Rock-It, with photos by Eric Sellers. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $3 after 10pm.

FRIDAY, DEC 27: TUESDAY, DEC 24: SATURDAY, DEC 21: Hello/Hello with Jinkx Monsoon and BenDeLaCreme Some people go to sleep early, others descend Control Top, your quarterly “gay ass dance party.” (yes, one word now). All the goodness of last seaupon Embers for what’s become a beautiful Aside from the slew of exquisite disc jockeys, these son’s “Drag Race” champion paired with a glimpse Christmas Eve tradition. Queerlandia is back two headliners: NYC’s Cakes Da Killa, the “self-deof season 6. It’s a lot of drag: Carla Rossi, Artemis to bring warmth to your dark winter days — and scribed gully cunt” who fuses ballroom culture, Chase, Margarine Powers, Shitney Houston, Nandi La your seasonal affective disorder. There are so hardcore hip hop, and raw vocal talent into an infecSophia, Kaj-Anne Pepper. (Maybe more!) Says Jinkx: many deejays and vendors and queers, they’re tious witches’ brew — along with Bomb Ass Pussy, “I always say that for me there’s no theater without all sure to fill up that entire sprawling complex. transplants from LA, drag, and another planet of drag and there’s no drag without theater. Even when On the agenda: Bruce LaBruiser, Ill Camino, Hold fierce queer creatures. BAP tells stories of queer I’m playing male roles in theater I tackle them the My Hand, Troubled Youth, HufNStuf. Plus: Carla identity and celebration through hip hop — take same way I would one of my drag personas. I think Rossi’s gender non-specific holiday recital. (Did a look at what the PNW is creating in terms of hip characters have to have whole, fully realized personas we mention you can shop, too?) Also, the good hop and we promise it will be more interesting than any– they can’t just be talking heads that deliver lines.” Come see folks at Queerlandia are having a food drive for thing Macklemore has to say. Roy G Biv, Ill Camino, II Trill what she’s talking about. 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third. $12/$20 Esther’s Pantry. So you can drink, party, shop, and be a do-gooder. make the sweet musics. Control Top is a destination. 9pm, VIP. Stranger tickets. 9pm, Embers, 110 NW Broadway. $5, $4 with canned food donation. White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8. $7.

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December/January 2013-2014 • 19


PERSPECTIVES

NIGHTLIFE SPORTS

WHISKEY & SYMPATHY

Dear W&S:

I try not to obsess over my single-ness. I try not to think about the fact that I’m pushing 40 and I am as single as I was when I was 17, cruising the old City Nightclub for love and affection, marveling over baby Bolivia Carmichaels and baby Poison Waters. Back then it didn’t take much more than eye contact and a Sade album to get me lubed up and naked. I still have plenty of sex. Sex isn’t my problem. In fact, I don’t necessarily think I have a “problem,” but my closest friends say I can’t “try so hard” to find love. I just have to sit back and let it come to me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing what I want (a monogamous relationship) and being open about it/pursuing it, no matter how many duds I meet on Match. com. (And there are so many.) Does that make me reek of desperation? I’m not proposing on first dates, but is there something fundamentally wrong with being up front about the fact that I want more than the typical, tired, classic “casual” Portland fling? (Our town’s really good at those.) Is it so bad I spend half my day on Grindr, Scruff, and Match? I need some straight talk.

--Questioning on Quimby

QQ,

Kelly Stafford

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20 • December/January 2013-2014

Monika MHz

I’ll resist the urge to declare less QQ and more pew pew, only if we can both agree that Proud Queer might be the worst place to look for straight talk. Contractually obligated jokes outta the way, this isn’t an uncommon problem, and it isn’t uniquely Portland. Gay men from all over lament the “hook-up” and “alcohol” culture. We advicers hear this one so often there are reruns of Drag Race/stars of a Summer’s Eve commercial that are fresher than this problem. “The guys at the bar only want a hook-up, and the guys I meet online either don’t click, lie or just want a hook-up.” The elusive and mythical LTR gay man is bullshit. Not because he doesn’t exist, but because he’s everywhere! He keeps asking me this question! I swear to gay Jesus, if all of the guys who complained about this to me this year got into a room with each other, the end result would be two marriages, three fights, 50 complaints about incompatibility, and another 50 reiterating the exact same complaint about “no one wanting a LTR.” Ok, so here’s the deal (whoops, wrong column!): Even straight folks find themselves single well into their forties, and for gay folks the dating pool is much smaller. Listen to your friends. Calm down a bit, instead of reeking of your wedding plans on the first date Teddy Westside, and you’ll meet your match. Spending half your day on a dating website isn’t just bad, it’s unhealthy and a likely saboteur in your real life. “What are your hobbies? Dating.” is never the sort of conversation that got me ready to spend more time with someone than it took to wrap my legs around them. At the risk of sounding cliché: Suit up, hit the bars, hang out with your friends, keep getting fucked (many relationships do start as one night), and seriously, maybe slow it down a bit on your dates. “So, where is this relationship going?” early on is a surefire way to send the guys running. People like confidence and aloof sexuality. You’re fantastic just as you are. You don’t need them to lead a fulfilling life, but they could share your adventure with you. He should complement you, not complete you. You’ve gotta complete yourself, first. Live for yourself, not “the one,” and you’re more likely to not only get filled by a guy you love but lead a fulfilling life. Life is a ride, and more than a really boring dating game. Focus on the ride, cowboy. Or reverse cowboy.

Love, MHz

Dear Questioning:

Gula

I wish I had a magic ball that could tell when you will find the love of your life. I could make a fortune going around telling old biddies their cat-filled futures — or I wish I had that ball to tell me the Powerball numbers. It’s fate I guess, and you have to wait for it and hope it happens. If you want the straight talk, here we go — you started out this questioning in your twenties hitting the bars that aren’t even there anymore and watching the drag queens (the ones who now remind us all of our youth.) Now you are spending every day on the Internet and phone, scanning for your next love. “Sup?” “Into?” Now step back and look at yourself as a stranger that might have been around in your twenties watching you from afar—what do they think of you? You are out every night, having a great time cruising. You might be putting off the “I don’t need a boyfriend, I like to be single and don’t need a relationship, just some hot action vibe.” Then that stranger gets online to see you there again — can you see what you are starting to look like? Like most of the guys here in this town who just want a hookup. Always listen to your friends’ advice, but remember they want you around and a relationship will pull you away. They might be saying you’re too eager and a little excited puppy is cute for a minute. (But maybe your friends want their cake and to eat it, too.) I say you cut out some of the bar cruising, get off the phone-sex sites and stick to lunch dates. People around might see you in a different light. One they might want to be in with you. In my late twenties, my best gay friends moved away and left me with a few girlfriends who didn’t like to go out. I had no outlet for my gay life until two years later when they moved back. I was new, people asked, “Who is that?” Stepping back might build a little mystery, because sometimes being a fixture at the bars is troublesome. (Or a fixture in any part of the “scene.”) Alter your routines, try new things and places, sign up for a cooking class. Go to gay coffee! And stop name-dropping wedding planners on your first dates. The “trite” is usually trite for a reason— it’s also sometimes the tried and true. Good luck, Questioning. Magic ball said “signs point to yes.”

--Gula

Need some advice from Monika and Gula? Send your query — with “Whiskey & Sympathy” in the subject line — to info@pqmonthly.com. Monika MHz is a DJ, queer trans Latina, and a feminist/Xicanista whose relationship status is “it’s complicated” with dubstep. Kinky, prudish, sexty, or cyber; survival, straight queer, gay, double queer (with a trans woman), or lesbian — if it’s sex, or a mistake, she’s been there, done that. Monika is an activist working hard for marginalized populations and runs a program offering in-home HIV testing for trans women. When not writing, she’s probably off somewhere making a dick joke or peeing while sitting down, like a champ.

Gula Delgatto’s life began in a small rural farming town in Romaina. She was scouted singing in a rocky field picking potatoes by a producer of a “Mickey Mouse Club” type ensemble. While touring the Americas the group fell apart due to jealousies and drugs. She later transitioned from Vaudeville to starring on the big screen to woman’s prison, and eventually advised the Dali Lama on fashion n-stuff. Currently she’s taking her life knowledge and giving back in an advice column for PQ.

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CALENDAR FEATURE

PAULINE MIRIAM’S HOT FLASH Giving Back Has Been My Greatest Joy By Belinda Carroll, PQ Monthly

I hate to break it to you, but sometimes lezzies break up. We have the relationship bonding power of super glue and yet, at some point, we have to admit that it’s over. When that happened to Pauline Miriam ten years ago, but she did more than move on after a breakup, she created a movement. Enter Hot Flash/Inferno dances. The dances are held once a month in Portland, currently at Jones Bar (there have been several locations over the years) and cater to an over-35 crowd — unless you’re a young buck who likes her meat a little more seasoned. They currently have dances in four cities and they are the highlight of many a queer-tastic month. I stepped foot into my first Hot Flash a few years ago — I met Miriam and Joyce Schiltz, and Miriam looked familiar to me. Where did I know her from? It hit me. Back when I was a wee gayby of 19 I had a stint as a BDSM bottom. (Try to hold back your s h o c k . ) Mi r i a m w a s then the head mistress The end of an era; Hot Flash changes hands. of Bad Girls, a BDSM s o c i a l c l u b. I k n e l t at her feet back then, and I didn’t know that was to be the harbinger of our relationship. She’s a force. I met my girlfriend Aly through Hot Flash about a year and a half ago. One of Miriam’s known talents is as a matchmaker; she has an uncanny ability to look at you and steer you toward who you’ll probably be interested in. Many women have walked into Hot Flash single and come out coupled, including Miriam, who met her partner, Schiltz, at a dance.  So last month, when Miriam announced that she was turning over Hot Flash/Inferno to new owners, DJ Wildfire (Jenn

Davis) and Armida Hanlon, I wondered how Hot Flash/ Inferno would change and what was next for Miriam and Schiltz. Is there life after Hot Flash? PQ: When did you decide to retire from Hot Flash/ Inferno? Pauline Miriam: Our decision was made in September 2013 and we had several people who were interested in purchasing and continuing our parties.  In October 2013, we chose DJ Wildfire (Jenn Davis) and her wife, Armida Hanlon, to continue the important work that we have begun.  Since I build long lasting groups/organizations/ parties, I am sure that our new owners will take the dances to new heights. PQ: What’s next for you two? PM: The first thing we are doing is resting.  We believe we have good reason to take a little break after 10 years!  We’ll be taking off to the desert (Arizona) to regroup and meditate on our next venture.  We’ll be back in Portland in mid-April when there is half a chance of sunshine again.  At that point, I’ll decide on my next venture.  Current considerations for new ventures include: One is working in academia to illuminate the history of the second wave of feminism and the beginnings of the lesbian liberation movement; we would organize groups of women to speak in universities.  For example, I was a participant in the Lavender Menace and my collective, Dyketactics, was one of the most powerful collectives on the East Coast in the late 70s and early 80s.   Twenty years ago, two (female-to-male) transsexuals adopted me when they left their biological families.  I am considering beginning a foundation with the intent of placing LGBTQ-youth with LGBTQ families who are interested in raising LGBTQ teenagers.   I would also like to do speaking tours on Successfully Using the Law of Attraction for Worriers and Pessimists.  I would utilize the history of Hot Flash dances as the focus of these speaking tours. I’ll be checking into Hot Flash Dances and assisting our new owners as they continue the herstory of these parties.   Or, I may just decide to knit a blanket.  PQ: Do you have a favorite memory from your years of running the dances? PM: It is impossible to pick out one favorite memory from running the dances.  There is so much good to be reduced to a single memory.  I am most thankful, of course, that I met Joyce at one of my parties six years ago. I am most thankful for the women whose lives have been

saved after finding their way out of isolation and into Inferno.  No joke, Belinda, not only has Inferno enriched the lives of happy women who have come to meet friends and lovers but even more important is the suicide prevention work that we’ve very silently done in the lesbian community. I also will remember all of the fundraising efforts that Inferno has supported.  (A small sampling of charities have included funding for Uganda relief efforts, Haitian relief efforts, Sexual Minority Youth Connection (SMYRC), Pride Northwest.) It’s not about me or Joyce, Belinda. I’ve always said, “We do it because we love you.”  I have never lied.  Giving back has been my greatest joy. PQ: Anything else you’d like to say to the community? PM: What started out as a personal need for connection to the lesbian community blossomed exponentially into a household word and a must-do event on the calendars of women in seven states (Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Arizona, Texas, Pennsylvania).  In the past ten years, Hot Flash Dances has enriched the lives of over 17,000 women from Seattle to San Diego, from Portland to Phoenix  and beyond. As I retire my status as founder, I leave Hot Flash into the very capable hands of Jenn Davis and Armida Hanlon, a wonderful couple who are committed to bringing joy to the women we serve. In tremendous gratitude and appreciation for the best 10 years of my life, thanks for the past decade of Hot Flash Dances! I also had a chance to briefly catch up with DJ Wildfire, Jenn Davis, about taking over the Hot Flash Dances. She’s been a regular for over seven years and has long been a fan favorite. PQ: What do you feel will change once you take over? JD: Not a lot. I really love that it’s a safe space for women, so that will stay the same. We decided to give up Phoenix, so we will have Portland, San Diego, and Seattle. We will also have occasional dances for men and women called Wildfire. That’s how the San Diego dance is run, but as long as it’s Hot Flash it will be dedicated to women. There may be things that change along the way, but you can still expect a Hot Flash experience.  January will mark Hot Flash’s tenth anniversary as well as the kickoff for the new ownership. Hot Flash is always the fourth Saturday of the month so it’ll Jan. 25, perhaps at Jones Bar, but we are looking at different venues, so look out for the announcement. Be sure to follow PQ online for all the latest and greatest.

MOBILE WEST PDX , OLD SCHOOL SERVICE, NEW SCHOOL GEAR

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MOBILE WEST • 140 NE Broadway • 503-257-0488 • MOBILEWESTPDX.COM December/January 2013-2014 • 21


NIGHTLIFE FEATURE

ANONYMOUS PQ READERS SHARE TRASHY TALES OF LOSING THEIR VIRGINITIES doms over to his house and asked him to fuck me. I didn’t tell him it was my first time, and told him I had been doing this for years. The experience was so out-of-body that I can’t even tell you if I had a good time. However, I do remember that I bled everywhere afterwards. Once we realized that the sheets were stained we had a moment of truth: he saw me as scared girl, and I saw him as just another person that was paradoxically insignificant yet everything to me. We didn’t exchange words. I left his house immediately and went to my home; I never spoke to him again. This sent me on a decadelong spree of screwing men that were both terrible and disposable to me. It wasn’t until about six years ago, when I came out as a dyke, that sex became something that was interesting and not disassociative to me.” “When I was 15 I had a friend named Tom, who was two grades ahead of me, but who had P.E. the same period. Every day I watched him changing. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, we became friends. One night while drinking forties in the elementary school near his aunt’s house, we admitIf you recognize that bed, you win a special prize. On this page, Joe, Tom, Andrew, Sasha share intimate (and maybe a little tawdry) ted to each other that we were ‘bi.’ He said, ‘If you can reach out to tales. another guy, then you really know “His name was Joe. He was 21, had really cool ‘mi vida how to please a girl.’ Flash forward two hours and we’re in loca’ face tattoos, a long trenchcoat, and a vast knowledge of his bedroom, his shorts around his knees and I trying to astrology. I was 13, recently expelled from all public schools, get my shampoo-lubed dick inside of him. We were not and was on my 2nd felony conviction for drug possession. successful. And it looked so easy in the grainy GIFs downWe had met at a continuation high school and we had been loaded through AOL! Sigh.” dating for a good 2 months. Witchcraft, heavy metal, and chain smoking connected us. He lived in a trailer outside of “I was 14, and I was thoroughly and consciously done his moms trailer. I lived in a house at the time, but it was a with childhood and everything associated with it. I went functioning meth lab, so we crashed his place most of the on Gay.com and met a guy named Andrew; he asked me time. I wouldn’t fuck him without a condom, and as a result to come over the next night. I took the bus by myself — my he dumped me. In an effort to get him back, I brought con- first solo bus ride — to his house, which was a converted

garage granny unit. When I arrived, he looked different, older, than his pictures; I had claimed I was eighteen, and he nineteen, and in retrospect it was clear that we had both lied about our ages. He had no idea I was a virgin. He put on a Tori Amos album and we smoked a joint; as soon as we were done, I literally jumped him with a kiss, my first with a man; four minutes later, he slid his dick into me. He lasted precisely as long as the song ‘Cooling,’ five minutes and nine seconds, then rolled over and took a nap. The next morning, he called me a cab, then kissed me goodbye at the door, marking the last time I would ever see or speak to him. As I sat in the leather bench in the back of the cab — my first cab ride ever — I looked out the window and thought that I had done it, that it was a success. Just as I had set out to do, I had ended my childhood.” “I lost my virginity in front of 5 people to a 14 year old named Sasha. Looking back at it I am shocked by how trashy it was. I was 17 and hung out with a group that was as menacing as my little town could provide. The group never did anything particularly ‘bad’ (the only time we almost got arrested was because Josh had a lighter in his pocket) but the promise of trouble was there. We mostly hung out in basements and watched movies. We were primarily guys with a few girls who came and went. You’d expect a group like that to be obnoxious about sex but there was a very strong asexual bias in the group. It must have been a holdover from the small town mentality. Sex wasn’t discussed, or acknowledged and I even remember regularly fast-forwarding through sex scenes. We were all pretty prudish. So when I started making out with a girl it was ‘gross’ and frowned on. We kept doing it because of hormones and eventually their disdain turned into the silent treatment. And we got a way with a lot and one night we managed to have sex under her long dress while everyone else watched a movie. Everybody sat on the same long couch and it became ‘obvious’ when she started howling. This was the breaking point for the group and we all got into a big fight afterward and the girl and I stopped seeing each other a few weeks later. I am wincing as I write because so many things were driven by hormones at that point in my life. The number of things that I needed to block out to go so far in front of so many people. Ugh. The only positive thing that came out of it was at least one of the guys was turned on by all of this and I got to make out with him about 6 months later. Privately.” --Compiled by staff writers

Always have supported LGBT rights, Always will.

22 • December/January 2013-2014

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PERSPECTIVES

ARTS ARTS & & CULTURE CULTURE

THE BI CYCLE CONTINUED

By Cameron Kude, PQ Monthly

Last year, my first guest column was published in PQ Monthly’s December sex issue. Activist Robyn Ochs, whose definition of bisexuality has been largely adopted by the bi community, came across the column and contacted me. She thanked me for being a strong voice for the bi community and shared with me a call to writing that would become part of an anthology written by bisexual men. I submitted my personal coming out story and it appears to be included in the collection, which is scheduled for publication sometime next year. I suggested they title it HARD PROOF. WE EXIST. 2013 has been monumental for the bi/ pan/non-monosexual community — both globally and locally. This year in Tel Aviv, feminist, bisexual, and genderqueer activist Shiri Eisner published a book called “Bi: Notes On A Bisexual Revolution,” which has been praised as brilliant and groundbreaking. Eisner takes readers on a journey through the many aspects of the meanings and politics of bisexuality, specifically highlighting how bisexuality can open up new and exciting ways of challenging social convention. The revolution is happening on Tumblr, Twitter, and YouTube as we speak. This September, on Bisexual Pride Day (yes, that really is a thing), The White House held a closed-door round table session with activists from the bisexual community to discuss issues of importance to bisexuals. Maybe they caught wind of Shiri Eisner’s revolution and were taking precautions against an uprising. I’m guessing my invite got lost in the mail, but I have a pretty good idea of what may have been discussed. For anyone who thinks that it’s a bit extreme for The White House to take time to talk about bisexuality, consider this: Bisexuals are more than twice as likely to be closeted than gays and lesbians; they have higher instances of suicide, mental health issues, and drug and alcohol abuse — not to mention higher rates of rape, domestic abuse, and stalking. Bi organizations get little to no funding from LGBTQ organizations, and there are still prevalent prejudices against bisexuals in both gay and straight circles. Yeah, I’d argue that deserves an afternoon of discussion with some top-brass politicians. Also this summer, sex advice columnist Dan Savage came out as bisexual. (Just kidding.) But he did dedicate an entire chapter of his latest book to atone for the biphobic things he has said throughout his career. Lady Gaga came out as bisexual (again), along with other figures such as Clive Davis, Olympic swimmer Tom Daley, actress Maria Bello, American Idol Crystal Bowersox, uh, that one girl from Lost, half the cast of True Blood, Loki, and pretty much anyone who watched Orange Is The New Black more than once. Okay, I admit that I don’t watch TMZ... but I am totally addicted to Netflix. But what’s happened with Portland’s

bisexual community this year? For starters, Bi Bar was born. Its stint as a dance party for the bi/pan/genderqueer community was brief, and the organizers decided to tone down the dazzle and create a more casual space for socialization. Bi Bar is exactly what it sounds like: an event where you leave your assumptions about the patrons’ sexual orientations at the door. It’s quite refreshing to walk into a bar and feel like you can flirt with anyone you want to without automatically questioning whether or not they might be into your gender. This mixer takes place every second Tuesday at 8 p.m. at Crush in SE Portland. Come out for happy hour until midnight and make some new non-mono friends! Speaking of non-mono friends, I’ve been making tons of them. Between almost two years of leading a bi/pan convo group at Q Center on Mississippi Ave. (every fourth Tuesday at 7 p.m. — we like Tuesdays, OK?) Organizing and implementing Bi Bar, starting a blog (bisexualsaregreat.tumblr.com), and attending my first Radical Faerie gathering (basically a pansexual utopia), I am finding myself surrounded by people who openly express attraction to not just more than one gender, but often, more than one identity. Sometimes it’s bi, sometimes it’s pan, sometimes it’s mostly gay or straight, sometimes it’s queer, sometimes it’s fluid, sometimes it’s no labels, and sometimes it’s embracing all of the labels simultaneously. Regardless of differences in identity, bi visibility/acceptance makes it easier for anyone who lives within a sexual gray zone. The bisexual umbrella is big enough for everyone to stand under. It’s not easy advocating bisexual community. Bisexuals are constantly being erased, ignored, and belittled by a culture that is very black and white in its thinking. Despite the fact that bisexuals are the largest part of the queer community, they tend to be invisible unless they are vocal about their sexual identity. When bisexuals do assert themselves as such, they’re often thought to be confused, lying, going through a phase, or threatening social order. In reality, they’re just being honest about their desire to love without gender restrictions. And, seriously — the world’s got some problems, but too much love is not one of them. What’s been most rewarding for me is seeing bisexual people come together and feel, often for the first time in their whole life, that they’re surrounded by like-minded people. Finding community that’s specific to one’s identity, a very basic human experience, is generally foreign to bisexuals outside of the Internet. I am doing everything in my power to change that. Cameron Kude is a bisexual community advocate, aspiring filmmaker, and non-fiction writer. He has lived as a total cliché in Portland, Ore. since 2011. He can be reached at c.cameronkude@gmail.com.

Cameron Kude is a bisexual community advocate, aspiring filmmaker, and non-fiction writer. He has lived as a total cliché in Portland, Oregon since 2011. He can be reached at c.cameronkude@gmail.com.

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Look, I have a lot of gay dudes as friends. But I am not a hag — I am a lesbian, and it rules. For those of you who don’t know anything about me, let me tell you: I am a highly extroverted loud-mouthed party girl. I am angry, ugly, fierce, broke, weird, gay, femme, and feminist. During the day, my real job is a shy horny accountant posing as a square. During the night, my fake job is running parties that I think are pretty alright, writing, making art, deejaying, being obnoxious, and overall trying to live the tacky femme lifestyle and posing as a queen who has class. My family is a mixed bag of queermos and they keep me alive — and sometimes I keep them alive too. But every once in a while, when the parties turn to afterparties, we get to conversations about how we like to get it on. And goddamn it, these dudes really know nothing about me and how I do it. The conversations I’ve had over the years have made me want to write a guide for gay men about how people like me screw. I have been reluctant to do it because I don’t want to say my experience is everyone else’s, so I will say this now: This is my experience regarding how I get it on and I realize there are many other queers and dykes with whom this will ring hollow. Rest assured: I am not speaking for you or eclipsing your experience by speaking about mine. This is also not to assume that all people with cunts are lesbians or all lesbians are people who have cunts. It’s complicated and nuanced. But here’s a short glossary, with extra snark for your reading pleasure: Blow Jobs. I think this is what straight people call cunnilingus. If you have the female-assigned genitalia, you might like getting a blow job. I haven’t heard anyone in the queer community call it “eating out,” so let’s not start calling it that. Condoms. We use them. On our sex toys. Sometimes for safer sex, but most of the time because cleaning dicks (no, they are not called dildos) is a pain in the ass. And we use them to protect us from the copious amounts of cat hair that gets stuck to our toys. Obviously. Fish. Pussy does not smell or taste like fish, so don’t say that. And don’t tell me it smells like fish when I enter a room. Fisting. This is like what gay men refer to when they talk about anal fisting. In the dyke world, there is a differentiation. Fisting refers to having your cunt fisted. And anal fisting is, well, anal fisting. Gloves. Lesbians also have to worry about STDs and various sex-related injuries. For me, I am a wild woman who does what she wants. This means I need to take care of myself and other people. Thus, if I am going to put my hand in a cunt, I will

“Scissoring: Stop asking if it’s all we do. We don’t.” be using gloves. They can be purchased at female-friendly sex stores, stolen from the doctor’s office, or in bought in bulk at beauty supply stores. Gloves come in all kinds of colors and materials that are not just latex. I prefer mine black and my material vinyl. Hand Jobs. This is what most straight folk refer to as “fingering.” Please don’t call it that. It’s a hand job. Hitachis. This is a clitoral vibrator that is normally sold as a back massager. Keep this in mind when you see the end caps of back massagers at Fred Meyer. Lube. We need it, too. We use it, too. A lot of it. Processing. This means we are talking about our big gay feelings. Yes, feelings. Turns out you can get them if you take off your clothes with someone long enough. People have feelings and dykes are notorious for talking about them. You all should try it sometime. It’s actually sweet when done in small doses. Scissoring. No one does this. I did it once as a joke while watching TV and eating pizza. Stop asking if that’s all we do. We don’t. Squirting. This is female ejaculation. It’s not a myth. It’s like a weird reality for a lot of us and requires tarps, liberation blankets, and other instruments being integrated into our fucking, lest we be covered in gallons of pussy fluid. No, I am not exaggerating. Gallons. Katey Pants lives, loves, works, fucks, cries, and DJs in Portland. Check out her quarterly party, Control Top, coming December 21. Head to Seattle the first Saturdays of every month for Mooseknuckle at Pony. Ask her to do your bookkeeping. Tell her she is going to be OK. pqmonthly.com


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PERSPECTIVES

ID CHECK

A BAD EDUCATION By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

During the summers of my early adolescence, I had to work with my father, riding next to him in his un-air conditioned van for hours, listening as he recounted stories of the sexual conquests of his youth and dispensed immoral relationship advice. Sex, as he told it, was play, he and his friends were players, and I was the age-inappropriate recipient of their oral history. The stories had an outlook familiar to Esquire readers. The greater the number of partners, the more successful was the man. Seduction was synonymous with deception. Bros came before hos, etc. Advice was dispensed along with highlights. A person shouldn’t date one woman exclusively; one for each day of the week was better. One shouldn’t marry until they’ve done everything they could possibly want to in life, so that they wouldn’t feel unfulfilled. If you impregnate a woman, have your friends say they slept with her, also, to escape responsibility. I hated him, and listened to his monologue, which played endlessly while my ow n t rau mat ic, gender-i ncong r uent puberty occurred, with a mix of scorn and confusion. I was attracted to females, like him, but felt none of the confidence he was broadcasting. I desired to love someone, and to learn how to do so; he, on the other hand, was prescribing pure hedonism. Why did he keep talking? I didn’t want to be around him and his smothering enmeshment, and didn’t care about his business, which I’d been conscripted into assisting. The sexual monologue felt like a prison, the metaphor for the ongoing, literal molestation at his hands that I was suffering, and my mind was blocking out. In the monologue he was a popular stud, who had hobnobbed with movie stars and musicians, trading his charisma for their abundant supply of young women. His charm, about which he was cynical, seeing it a parlor trick to fool the gullible and earn an easy living, was real, and made the stories seem possible if dubious. Those summers made sex seem like a raw deal. An asshole like my father could trade a well-developed personality trait for the life of an MTV star, while I . . . was stuck in a transphobic world, separated from my true gender, shy, and sliding into a depression that would last years. Sex didn’t seem like play to me. Sex seemed like something violent, dangerous adults did with each other. It was titillating, but presumably life risk-

ing, particularly in the ‘80s when I came of age. These are the ideas I formed as I combined on some level his unending “tales of conquest” and the incidents I was repressing. I hated my body and the thought of anyone being close to it. At the same time, sex excited me. I was attracted to classmates, and desirous of them. I wondered why what was so easy for him was so unattainable for me. In the memories I’ve recovered from his attacks, most ended with him calling me a “f-ggot.” The encounters were violent — coercive rather than manipulative, and abusive in every sense. There were times earlier in my life when I felt inadequate, wondering why male conventions felt so foreign to me, and sex was paralyzingly dysphoric. Now, my anger is directed outward, toward a society that, in its ignorance and prejudice could not accommodate and affirm me, and a person whose words and deeds made sex something abhorrent to me. I’ve always been prude, and have lately wondered whether that was my natural default or the outcome of my mangled coming of age experience. I suspect it’s the former. That said, images of him lounging around the house in only his underwear, visits to pornography distribution sites for his work in my early teens, and the horror of a misdeveloping body during puberty must all have taken their tolls. We can’t choose our families or control how our relationships with them when we’re children, and utterly dependent, impact us. The same is true of the culture we’re raised in. The values my father expressed around sex were echoed in much of the culture, which probably made it easier for him to boast about them. “Stud” is not an insult. I don’t like the fact that being raised by him impacted me at all, or that the transphobia I see all around me today is something I internalized on every level. Defining sexuality for myself, separating it from old wounds and ugly stereotypes has been tedious and painful. I assumed sex was supposed to be all fun. Don Juans present it that way because that’s how they see it, perhaps. The stories my father told were awful, and full of deception, a total lack of intimacy, and abandonment on his part of anyone else. To him they were hilarious. Mine are different . . . and I tend to keep them to myself.

Leela Ginelle is a playwright and journalist living in Portland, OR. You can write her at leela@pqmonthly.com. 26 • December/January 2013-2014

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“THE BIO-DOME AND THE VIBRATOR” by Nick Mattos

My father stands in the dooway, a vibrator in his hand. I am sitting at the table, surrounded by the kitchen of the house I grew up in, the California sunlight streaming in through the open window. “What the hell, dad?” I say, incredulously. “You said your neck hurt!” he says. “This’ll help.” “Dad! What the hell?” “Super!” he says, calling me by my childhood nickname. “This is for tight muscles, you’ll feel better.” He unwinds the cord from around the handle, the text “Hitachi Magic Wand” revealing itself printed along the white handle. For the first time in what seems like years, I’m back in the tiny town I grew up in. When my friends in Portland ask me why I opted to go back for several weeks, I have perfectly legitimate reasons to tell them: there has been a death in the family. The family business needs an extra hand. My parents are getting old, and my nieces and nephews are starting to forget who their uncle is, and my sisters need someone to drink with while we make up silly songs. “No, dad, it’s fine,” I say. “I just spend too much of my time at a desk these days.” “Are you just playing on the computer too much?” “Well, no, I’m working.” “What kind of work do you do sitting at a computer?” “I’m a writer, remember? I showed you those newspapers?” The reality of my trip, though, was that I was exhausted. Portland in the winter is very much a bubble, a city covered in the great grey dome of the cloudy sky; I had become overwhelmed by my stale breath within the bubble, the condensation which had formed on the inside of its surface to make it opaque. I had to get out, even just for a few weeks, because I had lost the ability to see the world outside of it. My father plugs in the Hitachi, clicks it to the highest setting — its high-pitched buzz fills the room. “Dad… that is a sex toy.” “Supes! It’s not a sex toy!” “No, dad, people use those as sex toys.” “How would they use it as a sex toy?” “I don’t want to explain that, dad, but trust me, people do. Where did you get this?” “Out of the garbage.” Like many Californians, my family cannot comprehend why anyone would

move away from the Golden State. Furthermore, my father cannot comprehend why anyone would even leave their towns — with the exceptions of very rare trips to visit family, his life consistently entirely of the garbage company he’s worked at for decades and the farm I grew up on. I thought the proverbial bio-dome over Portland was small, but for my father, his dome is even smaller — the barrier descending, almost imperceptibly slowly, until its walls encompassed only the acreage of the farm, the tiny kingdom he rules over. “No really, dad,” I tell him, “people use that as a sex toy.” “Super!” he spits out sharply, “don’t make me get mad!” I know this isn’t an idle threat — if I resist, he will indeed get mad, the situation escalating to fill the house. I spent my teenage years embattled with him for this reason, each act of resistance met by him with an annoyance that quickly gave forth to rage. Thirteen years ago, I moved away and was shocked to discover that this wasn’t the case for everyone — that most people didn’t spend their lives a minor frustration away from a violent outburst, and that even more shockingly, I didn’t have to spend mine that way either. Sitting there in the kitchen filled with the loud buzzing of the Hitachi Magic Wand, in a house off the side of the highway between two tiny towns, I knew that everything I did out in the great wide world didn’t count. In that space, on the farm I grew up in, I was not a man, I was not almost thirty, I was not a writer, not a college graduate, not a saint, not a demon, none of these things I had struggled so hard to be. On the farm, time had stopped somewhere immediately after my birth; in this space, within the dome, I was simply my father’s son and nothing else. I sighed in resignation. “Fine,” I said, as my father pressed the vibrator into the space where my shoulder meets my neck. The sensation connects with a tight ligament and a numbness replaces the sting of my shoulder. Soon, I will go home; I will be back in the world I cleaved out for myself, the one full of struggle and meaning and achievement. For now, I am just my father’s son — and shockingly, that’s basically okay. My mother walks into the door, bags of groceries in her arms. She freezes, and I meet her eyes. “What the hell do you have that for?” she says, shocked. The three of us stand in the kitchen, the bright light of the afternoon streaming in the windows, looking mutely at one another, the only sound the high-pitched buzz of the vibrator.

Nick Mattos is thankful that the Hitachi did not in fact belong to his mother, and that he is now safely back home in Portland. Reach him at nick@pqmonthly.com 28 • December/January 2013-2014

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MUSIC LOCAL BUSINESS

PICKIN’ UP GOOD VIBRATIONS By Kim Hoffman, PQ Monthly

love learning about sex — period. I think our classes allow for safe, open conversations to happen around sexuality, The one-stop adult sex toy boutique continues to inter- gender, safety. While someone might come to a class to twine itself in the local community, with a new green recy- learn about G-spot play, they may leave with a new percling initiative they hope to make a reality. spective on all of these things. I really feel that what we Setting fire to sex toys — it either sounds like an ugly do everyday helps to empower our customers around sexbreakup or kinky foreplay. But if you uality and gender,” says Cowan. want to know whether your sex toy Outside of the resourceful is 100% silicone or not, you hold class time, She Bop is a purveyor a flame near it and either watch it of local support to community melt or boast with pride over your organizations like the Portland non-toxic product you don’t have Women’s Crisis Line, Bradley to return to the shop and start a riot Angle, TransActive, Bitch Media, over. t he Q Center, a nd In Ot her Here in Portland, She Bop knows Words. Fundraisers take place all about flame tests. Since the several times a year in which female-friendly adult sex toy bou10% of all sales on Tuesdays tique first opened its doors in Nov. go toward these organizations. 2009, owners Evy Cowan and Jeneen Sponsorship is equally importDoumitt have been cultivating a ant for Cowan and Doumitt, space that delivers quality prodwho help support The Strangucts — everything from vibrators er’s HUMP!, the Rose City Rollto moon cups. The fruits of their ers, Orchestra L’Pow Burlesque effort present a safe space chock and Mystery Box Show. full of body-positive, eco-friendly What takes primacy is She products for all gender expressions. Bop’s ultra-conscious approach Bonus: Their shop name is derived to establishing and continually from Cyndi Lauper’s cool 1983 song bringing in quality products and of the same title. services. Cowan suggests that Beyond the product shelves is “many people are opting to pay a vast array of classes and workmore to be sure they are getting shops, making She Bop a com- She Bop has their collective eye on 2014, and an innovate toy-recycling a quality, body-safe product” as pletely i nteract ive hea r t h for program. “The Big Book of Orgasms” is a fan favorite. opposed to spending cheaper queers to come together for some amounts on low-quality prodsexy 101s. They recently wrapped up Exploring Burlesque: ucts that likely come from larger manufacturers using Striptease Salon in November, and next up on the agenda unnamed materials — and still claiming it’s all silicone. for January is Full-Bodied Fellatio. Many of the classes “We also have a relationship with other sex positive shops range from an affordable $15-20 per student. And with across the country through the Progressive Pleasure Club classes filling up quickly, it’s hard to say if any particu- (PPC). We often have email conversations regarding new lar class is more popular than the next. “Portlanders just products and materials that may be questionable,” Cowan

adds, citing that not everyone needs to torch up the lighter to a sex toy if another shop has already done so. Still, it seems understandable to wander into an adult boutique and feel like a deer in headlights — perhaps even timid about asking questions. Here’s an important answer in keeping with big questions about silicone: Cowan advises that 100% silicone should not have a smell. Information is a wonderful thing — and when it comes to sex, your body and what you’re purchasing, you truly can’t know enough. “At She Bop there are no wrong questions. Any question a customer has is taken seriously and we try to provide the best information possible.” With the holidays approaching, She Bop’s gift guide is ideal for all those stocking stuffers and sexy fireside gift exchanges. The Herb Shoppe crafts organic massage oils and bath salts, exclusively for She Bop. The Lickable Love oil is even safe to eat — but they had me at cocoa and mint. Then there’s the completely innovative Lelo Tara — a couples’ massager that’s waterproof, rotates, adjusts to eight different speeds, and comes in three different colors. A full list of staff suggestions for the season are available on the She Bop blog, but I’m vying for Cookie Sutra — the book that features gingerbread cookie people in — you guessed it — plenty of positions. She Bop has their eyes on the New Year. “We have been researching starting our own toy recycling project, but it has proven to be a complicated endeavor,” Cowan expresses, welcoming any locals with experience in this endeavor to reach out with any guidance. “I think adult shops in general are moving toward being more diverse and sex positive. While there is still a long way to go, I believe the sex toy industry, for the most part, is being pushed in a positive direction. I say ‘pushed’ because it won’t do it by itself. Consumers and adult shops need to demand better quality, body-safe products. Like any positive change, it usually doesn’t happen on its own, it takes all of us working together.” Visit She Bop at 909 N. Beech Street, Portland. www. sheboptheshop.com

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PERSPECTIVES

MUSINGS OF A BLUE-RIBBON BISEXUAL

By Ginger Millay, PQ Monthly

A tall, slim, British actress clad only in lingerie lays on a bed, smiling at me. “God, I’d love to fuck you,” I smile back at her. She sits up, extracting herself from the web of beautiful people surrounding her, and purrs, “I’ve got a strap-on. Want me to grab it?” “Yes. Yes, I would like that very much.” I adore being a bisexual* woman. It’s the absolute best. My personal cocktail of femme, friendly, and forward affords me pretty much anyone I want. It is really, really good to be me. (*I prefer pansexual actually, ‘cause fuck gender.) I know that sounds cocky as hell, but don’t write me off yet. My brand of bisexuality isn’t just composed of banging beautiful women at parties. I am what my good friend, Jessie Lou, calls a “Blue-Ribbon Bisexual.” She recently came up with the term as an answer to the “Gold-Star” lesbian. It’s often thought, particularly by lesbians, that all bisexual women are actually just bi-curious straight girls. A blue-ribbon bisexual has had multiple serious relationships with both men and women; we’re clearly not just dabbling. A recently uncovered document, entitled “Homosexuals: just another minority group?” issued by the conservative American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) in 1985, listed bisexuals as one of their “six types of homosexuals.” The piece is completely bizarre and disgusting, but also almost twenty years old. Yet the ill-conceived, milquetoast Slate.com piece, published just a few days

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ago in response and entitled “The Six Types of Heterosexuals,” also lists bisexuals as one of their six. Seriously guys? Why is it that so many people believe bisexual women are really just straight and bisexual men are really just gay? Bisexual folks are never fully accepted by homos or heteros. What about the “B” in LBGTQ, people? I’ve compiled a list of common misconceptions people have about bisexuals: greedy, slutty, immature, indecisive, confused, lying, “just haven’t met the right one.” Now, I get that there’s some hanky panky out there. It just twists my titties whenever I hear a girl who’s never dated — sometimes never even slept with — a woman who labels herself bisexual so she seems more exciting. This is only a step above straight girls who make out at bars to garner attention from the dude bros they’re pretending not to want to blow. Their prevalence in American culture prevents me from being able to have a private night out with girls I date. Even in New York City, as soon as we show any affection toward one another in public — particularly at bars — the vultures swarm. They assume two cute girls kissing or cuddling must just be trying to get their attention. This shit drives me fucking bonkers. In response to the unfortunate pieces by the American Legislative Exchange Council & Slate.com, I have compiled a list of my own: The Six Types of Bisexuals (note: a person can fit more than one type). Blue-ribbon bisexuals have had multiple serious relationships with partners of different genders; Monogamous bisexuals — folks who are in a monogamous relationships, and thus not able to sleep with partners of different genders, but are still attracted to both men and women; Pansexuals, attracted to partners regardless of sex or gender, cis male or female, trans, gender queer, etc.; “The exception” bisexuals, who have only had one or two relationships or love affairs with someone who is not of their usual gender preference, may or may not choose to identify as bisexual. Social bisexuals, men or women who are happy to sleep with their friends or people at parties who are not their gender preference for dating. For example, a woman may only be interested in serious relationships with men, but might regularly seek out and enjoy intimate experiences with women. “Bisexuals” could be bi-curious straight folks, people who are afraid to come out as gay or straight, or chicks who have no real experience with or interest in women, but think identifying as bi makes them seem more edgy & interesting. But let’s get back to me. Why am I bisexual? Why haven’t I picked a side or made up my mind? Well, why the hell would I? I have options galore, and no, that doesn’t keep me from being able to create intimacy with those who are special to me. Sure, my staunch, openly bisexual existence may stray from the norm, but who gives a fuck? I’m kinky and non-monogamous, too—normal has never been my goal. I simply want to do what feels authentic for me, and be completely honest with my partners every step of the way. I absolutely believe in bisexuality, for both men and women. We find people attractive regardless of gender. That’s it, and no one can tell me that isn’t real. My name is Ginger, and I am a blue-ribbon bisexual. Ginger Millay is in love with NYC, where she works independently as an event producer, party planner & Dominatrix. This is the first article she’s written for publication in almost three years, and she’s pretty damn psyched to have been given the opportunity.

December/January 2013-2014 • 31


ARTS BRIEFS We’d be remiss if we didn’t start with this: at midnight on December 13, Beyoncé dropped her new self-titled album. It arrived with absolutely no promotion, no teasers, no word whatsoever, as though a miracle from heaven itself. Why does this merit mention in arts briefs, you ask? To paraphrase brilliant Tumblr user Desidere’s assessment of the situation: Queen B dropped this shit (which is brilliant on its own merits) with no warning and no promotion, laughing in the face of Lady Gaga’s Artpop promotional extravagance, on the night Lorde was to drop a “secret single” and Lupe Fiasco was to drop his own album, indeed the very night which happened to be Taylor Swift’s birthday, which was Friday the fucking Thirteenth because Beyoncé is clearly in league with the Illuminati and already rules over us all. It didn’t just fuck over every Top Ten Album list for 2013 — it adroitly threw shade all over the music industry’s buzz machine, making Katy Perry’s promotional bus tours and Lady Gaga’s Muppets-and-performance art television specials look ridiculous. Folks, in terms of modern pop culture manipulation, this was fucking ART. Bow down. Now that we have that out of the way: Celebrate the shortest day of the year — and the return of the sun — at Yoga Boogie on December 20. Presented by local phenomenon Roger McKeever, this two-hour blast of movement, meditation, and good ol’ fashioned ass-shaking will, as McKeever puts it, “allow these ancient truths and practices to guide you into the wise and powerful arms of the universal spirit that resides within all of us… and unleash your tribal spirit and indulge your hunger to move.” Sounds good, right? Move through space from 8 to 10 PM at YoYoYogi (1406 NW Hoyt, Portland); to register, visit YoYoYogi.com. Get dirty on December 21 when Control Top brings Bomb Ass Pussy and Cakes Da Killa to the stage. Describing themselves as a “Gully Cunt,” Cakes Da Killa fuses NYC ballroom culture, hardcore hip hop, and raw vocal talent into an infectious witches brew. Bomb Ass Pussy should need absolutely no introduction — they were on the cover of PQ just a few months ago, and have only gotten better and sexier since then. The party doors open at 8 PM and go until late at White Owl Social Club (1305 SE 8th Ave, Portland); cover is $7 and worth every penny. Have you heard about the Portland Museum of Modern Art? A gallery in North Portland set within the stairwell and basement of the Mississippi Records compound (5202 N. Albina Ave. Portland), PMOMA aims to bring diverse and

interesting shows to Portland and join the effort to enrich Portland’s art community by hosting shows of national & international contemporary art. Under the curatorial guidance of Libby Werbel, the gallery has shown such eclectic works as a collection of knit sweaters, a series of cellphone selfies from African teenagers, and “primitive-moderne” outsider art. In short: it’s one of the boldest and most fun art spaces in the city, and whatever’s happening there at a given time is worth checking out. For information and hours, visit PortlandMuseumOfModernArt.com Like to delve deep into the city’s history while meeting some of your whip-smart neighbors? Hit up the Hidden Portland Book Club, a monthly meeting of local history buffs reading some fascinating texts about the unseen parts of the Rose City. The club usually meets on the first Wednesday of the month at Dan & Louis Oyster Bar (208 SW Ankeny, Portland); however, due to New Year’s Day, their next meeting will be January 6 from 6:30 to 8 PM. During the month of December, the club will read local author Barney Blalock’s Portland’s Lost Waterfront; for January, fabulously enough, the club shall read Walter Cole’s Just Call Me Darcelle. Now that we’re in the dark part of the year, it’s time to goth out a bit. Luckily, White Bird Dance knows exactly what is up — and in honor of that, they shall present Phillip Adams BalletLab from January 23 through 25. Adams, one of Australia’s most provocative and inventive choreographers, created “Amplification” aims to examine the thresholds of the human body’s response to sound, light, and physical impact. his masterwork Amplification to examine the thresholds of the human body’s response to sound, of discomfort,” Amplification’s focus on the dark, painful, light, and physical impact. Skidding, sliding and crashing and exposed is certainly not for the squeamish or faint of into a world of body bags, pain, healing, reality, and unre- heart. The show runs from Thursday through Saturday, Janality, Amplification deconstructs and reconstructs the site uary 23 through 25, at Portland State University’s Lincoln of impact with a transfixing focus on the body in chaos. Hall; all shows begin at 8 PM. Tickets are $30 for adults, $20 Described by Australia’s Sunday Herald Sun as “a raw and for students, and available at WhiteBird.org. --Nick Mattos powerful work, which at times is confronting to the point

Nick Mattos can be reached at nick@pqmonthly.com. 32 • December/January 2013-2014

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CULTIVATING LIFE PURPLE ELBOWS A NEW YEAR’S COMMITMENT TO JUICING By LeAnn Locher, PQ Monthly

found using a few cubes of ice in my Vitamix blender keeps the temperature down and ensures I’m keeping as much of the Who knew a big nutrients possible. glass of green juice So what goes into your super healthy could make me feel juice? No matter which juice you’re making, w i d e a w a k e a n d opt for organic and as fresh as possible. bushy tailed? No, Wash your produce well, and consider prepI’m not a squirrel, but I have been juic- ping items (cleaning, peeling, chopping) for ing. So many options are out there if you’re several days of use to help simplify the prowanting to incorporate fresh juice into cess. But don’t make the juice ahead of time: your diet, and the beginning of the year is drink it as soon as you make it in order to always a great time to try something new get the maximum nutrient value. and make a commitment to your health. A simple ingredient equation yields Here’s what I’ve discovered: it’s as much great results: greens + lemon/lime + fruit the process as it is the produce you use. for sweeting + herbal addition = delicious and healthy. I’m also a fan of carrots, but Drinking freshly made juice from vegeta- don’t mix them with greens or you’re left bles and fruit first thing in the morning with brown juice that no matter how good allows your body to absorb the nutrients it may be for you, can be hard to get past and start the day off right. that color. Here are a few The zing of this intake is favorites: palpable. I literally feel Handful of kale or brighter eyed and awake spinach, half a cucumber when I juice, and whether (peeled), ¼ lime (with or or not it’s all in my mind, without peel), one apple I feel healthier. Whatever (cored), handful of parsley. it takes, people, whatever Peel and chop several it takes. carrots and one red beet, If you think you need 1-inch of peeled fresh to invest in an expensive ginger, ¼ lime (with or juicer, you don’t. I’ve found without peel). using a high powered If using a blender, add blender, like a Vitamix, and water and several ice drinking the juice more cubes to get the consislike a smoothie along with tency right for you. the fiber is doubly benefiOther ingredients to cial. You get the nutrients consider for fresh juicand the fibers. However, ing: freshly cut pineapple it can be thick and a lot to Ms. Locher is all about the sweet, sweet juices. can brighten any green digest. Take it a step furjuice you may find hard to ther and strain the blended liquid through drink. Test different apples: they help bring a nut bag strainer (made for making almond the sweetness as well. If you like the parsor other kinds of nut milk) or fine cheese ley addition in your green juice, you may cloth bag, squeezing the bag with your also like other herbs, especially cilantro. hands to extract as much juice as possible, Ginger is an absolutely delicious addition, but capturing the fibrous bits in the bag. and helps aid in digestion and provides It’s a little hands-on messy, but it’s easier anti-inflammatory compounds. If you’re than handling the bulk and cleaning of a watching your blood pressure, a dash of cinjuicing machine. According to some home namon is good to add to your juice. juicemakers, the chore of cleaning a juicer Drinking your produce doesn’t replace isn’t worth it, especially if you have limited the benefits of eating it, but I figure any kitchen counter space or storage. time I can increase the good of what I take But if you are thinking of buying a juicer, into my body helps to balance where I may or got one as a holiday gift, know the dif- be lacking. Plus, increased fruit and vegetaference between a cold press juicer and a ble consumption helps boost your immune centrifugal juice extractor. Cold press juic- system, which is always good, especially ers, or masticating juicers, crush and press in winter. the fruit without producing heat. Heat can LeAnn Locher is currently juicing her destroy enzymes, which you want to keep way through the holidays and a healthy as much as possible in the produce you’re new year in 2014. Connect with her and juicing. Centrifugal juicers use a spinning other domestic bad asses at facebook.com/ metal blade that can increase heat. I’ve sassygardener.

LeAnn Locher dabbles in the home arts and loves connecting with other domestic arts bad-asses at facebook.com/sassygardener. pqmonthly.com

WINE ACCESSORIES HELP SANTA PLEASE YOUR FAVORITE WINE BUFF By Richard Jones, PQ Monthly

CLAUSE CITY, North Pole – According to an informed source, Santa’s elves have worked overtime manufacturing wine accessories for the 2013 holidays. A quick check with Portland area wine stewards and Internet sites can provide a pleasing selection of wine-related gadgets. As with kitchen tools, some of the wine gear is essential, some is handy for occasional situations, and some serve mainly to occupy space. The latter, apparently, were designed by elves who have yet to sip Louis Pasteur’s “most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” In PQ Monthly’s list you should find some useful gadgets your wine-loving friends would appreciate:  CAPSULE CUTTERS In Portland you can find two styles of capsule cutters. Both work pretty much on the same idea —four rotating blades inhabit the bottom of the tool.  Wrap them around the top of the bottle and twist. These two perform about as good as the other. Somewhere on the web you might find one with a longer handle.    CORK EXTRACTORS You can choose from a number of cork screw styles ranging from $2 to more than van Gogh’s right ear lobe. Most cork screws work well, but, IMHO the ScrewPull delivers the goods with minimum energy. Some expensive rigs work as well or possibly better, but they require technical skills beyond my level — and considerably more money.    A wine waiter’s cork screw is adequate — until you encounter a rock-tight cork. Then you’ll wish you had a ScrewPull.  The thin obscenity in the picture you shouldn’t give to your worst enemy unless you’re willing to mop blood off the floor.   Technically, the two prong cork puller is not a cork screw.  It does, however, come in handy when a rotten cork threatens to crumble and fall into the wine. Not infallible, but this gizmo gives you a fighting chance to prevent your wine from looking like the Willamette full of moldy logs.  SEDIMENT FILTER If your wine has been snoring in a bottle for a few decades of aging, it’s likely the wine may have some crunchy tartaric pellets. This indicates that the winemaker has not filtered out all the flavor. That’s a good sign, but you don’t want to serve glasses of sludge to your guests.   The filter will catch the tartaric chunks but it can’t deal with yeasty sediments.  You should practice decanting young wines using a carafe, a steady hand and a flashlight. Then you can be ready when you have to decant an older wine. Don’t get nervous just because you get only one chance.

 CARAFES Pouring a sturdy red wine into a carafe an hour before chow time will usually soften the rough edges and allow the varietal flavors to show. Virtually any carafe — or clean quart jar — will suffice.  CORKS FOR CARAFES If your carafe has no screw-on lid or cork stopper — and if you get upset by flying bugs diving into your wines — you need to part with a buck or two. Go to Steinbart’s beer and wine makers shop at 234 SE 12. They will have any size cork stopper you are likely to need. While they’re not looking take a quick sniff of an American oak barrel — and whatever French oak barrels they have on hand.  (Oak for French barrels comes from a half dozen forests.) This will give you some idea where the oak your next Cabernet sauvignon came from. But that’s another story.   CARAFE BACK SCRATCHERS Pour these pellets into a scruffy carafe, add water, and shake like crazy. Cleaning an old carafe requires more patience than I have, but it does help.   WINE GLASSES (STEMS) This is important. Believe it or not, having the right wine glass can enhance the aroma or bouquet of your wines.   MARBLE WINE COOLER Contrary to what some novice wine stewards believe, dumping a bottle of white wine in a bucket up to the neck with ice and water is a bad idea. Not only does it make the bottle wet, it also makes the wine too damned cold. If you can’t taste your Grand Cru Chablis why cough up $80 or more a wine you can’t taste? (Yes, I have seen this happen.)   Fortunately, there’s a simple $20 answer. A handsome marble wine cooler simplifies the job.  Put your marble wine cooler in the freezer. Then put your white wine in the fridge until it reaches near optimum temperature — about 45°. Just before everyone sits down retrieve the white wine and introduce it to the marble cooler. They’ll be in near perfect shape all through your meal.   WINE BOOKS Travel guides and wine ratings fly off the presses and into good book stores by the hundreds. You can find volumes for beginners and some for experts. Some go out of date in a decade; others retain their insights for a lifetime.    Peek on your friend’s book shelf and see what’s there — and what’s not.  Then hit the stacks. Northwest wines. California wines. French, German, Italian wines. Canadian wines, South American wines. Memories of lives spent in the wine trade.   As for leaving a glass of milk for Santa — well, what do you think?  

“Richard Jones has imbibed a great deal of vino in his years as a winemaker, wine judge, wine writer, wine publisher, wine lecturer, and wine traveler. When he doesn’t have his nose in a glass, he works as a freelance reporter.” December/January 2013-2014 • 33


QUEER APERTURE Through his Queer Aperture project, photographer Jeffrey Horvitz has spent years documenting the LGBTQ communities of Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver, B.C. He’s well aware that a picture paints a whole mess of words, but here he offers a few actual words to better acquaint us with his dynamic subjects. What is your name? Michael Talley

Favorite book? Don’t have one

How long have you lived in Portland? 10 years

Favorite movie? Sordid Lives

What is the first time you noticed that Gayness existed? When I was 8

Favorite word? Amazing

What would you consider a guilty pleasure? Cupcakes You’re having dinner party of 6, whom would you invite? Oprah, Gula Delgatto, Daniel Borgen, Jesus, Andy Warhol, Andrew Leon Talley

PHOTO BY JEFFREY HORVITZ

Least favorite word? Fierce Favorite swear word? Fuck What is your profession? Event Production Manager at Crush

What would you consider a perfect meal? My husband’s spaghetti sauce, one of my friends homemade cakes

If you could with a snap of a finger what would be another profession you would like to do? I’ve done everything I wanted to do

What would be a perfect day off? Sitting on the couch with all my dogs, clearing out my DVR

Whom would you like to meet dead or alive? Oprah For more Queer Aperture visit, queeraperture.com

IT’S DRAGALUTION IN ASTORIA!

Marco Davis has an alter ego and her name is Daylight Cums. And she’d love it if you jetted over to the coast By Marco Davis, PQ Monthly

I’m always conflicted this time of year. Generally, I feel like I don’t want to spend money I don’t have on gifts people don’t need, and I can’t handle the thought of hearing another Christmas song. Displays in October, really? It frustrates me to no end. Having grown up in Astoria, there are things I do love about the holidays: Downtown Christmas lights don’t go up until the week of Thanksgiving; they’re lit on Black Friday, which is also our Saint Lucia Festival, 34 • December/January 2013-2014

and marks the beginning of Tom and Jerry batter, a Davis family tradition. Although everyone teases me about how strong I make them, I just laugh. How else are we to spread holiday cheer? This year, I have a surging bubble of joy I can’t contain. I have determined I will not be seasonal, and I will make my joy last year round. And I want to share it with everyone. I want to live in my innocence — the innocence of not being afraid to share, to stumble, to laugh, and to play. My therapy has led me to a place where I am able to examine my past and see how I wandered around with a chip on my shoulder for decades, which I think stemmed from me wanting to find my own path, dealing with my faith and upbringing and general fear of the world. Now that I have started to understand the workings of Marco, I am able to sort through all the suppressed issues in my life, bring them to the surface and turn them into art I can see and understand. I want to share my heart and not spend half the night figuring out just the right and proper way to do so. I am pushing myself; I am pledging to be more present in my life. No pre-thinking, just get up and go! It is this time of year I start making my list of things I like to burn on New Year’s, freeing myself from things like negative self-image, guilt, fear of living my truth, not being available for love, shame — there are usually 20-50 of these thoughts I burn, each year hoping to free myself from them. Last year, I took a huge leap. I stepped way outside my comfort zone and I began my Dragalution. I put myself out there in heels and drag and allowed Daylight to start pulsing through my veins. It has been an incredible journey; I think the high point was having a float in the Astoria Regatta Parade, in August, walking through town in 6-inch heels,

gold sequins, pink Isis wigs, and fluttering with my fellow queens and friends and winning the President’s Trophy. It was a first in Astoria Parade history. Sure, some mothers turned their children away. Some streets were more silent than others. At those moments, someone would shout out words of love or run in for a hug, and tears ran down my face. My best friend and I held each other after, and cried tears of joy. I have never felt so whole. On January 25, we’ll have another Dragalution (10pm, Columbian Theater). All new show, so many surprises — along with Daylight Cums, her men, and hopefully you! (We’ll have another in April and then in August.) Daylight is also going to be teaching a hip hop class Monday nights beginning in January at the Astoria Arts and Movement Center. She’s also continuing her cooking episodes, which have been turning into private dinner parties! (Let me know if you’re interested.) The AAMC will have monthly themed dance parties all year, and I plan on keeping the joy surging. As I write this, the sun is setting on a gorgeous, crisp Winter’s day. I’m going to teach my jazz class, then returning home to my new housemate and always best friend, Becky — then some friends and I will decorate the Christmas tree while I make too-strong Tom and Jerry’s. I like having arrived at a place where I get to enjoy doing the things in life, not feeling like I have to. I’m not ashamed to be a silly boy in a coastal town looking at the stars in the sky or into the eyes of the people passing by as the holiday lights shine and the spirit of me giggles in pure delight at merely being alive. Warms hugs to you all. Until next time. Peace, Marco You can reach Marco at Info@PQMonthly.com pqmonthly.com


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