Family visits need not wait for holidays

EMILY WALLS RAY

Contributing columnist

Nowadays commercialism has made a holiday for events as commonplace as eating a grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, did you miss that event? It was in April. Those kinds of manufactured holidays seem trivial in comparison with the ones we celebrated in my home state of Alabama.

My childhood is filled with memories of celebrating major holidays with family, accompanied by all the traditions included with them. The big ones included Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. The second tier included the Fourth of July, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day weekend, May Day (although few seem to celebrate that day except girls’ schools), and Homecoming.

Of course, any game played by the University of Alabama or Auburn University had a special place on the schedule (in our household we supported both). I suspect there are many UVA.-Va. Tech households with loyalties on both sides as well.

However, it seemed our celebrations were skewed in terms of which side of the family we celebrated with. Both lived nearby, but we gathered with one side of the family more often than the other. I have observed this happening often, even in families situated within close proximity of one another.

As a child and adolescent, I knew and accepted this. As a more mature adult, I find it interesting and a bit revealing about how families function.

I was blessed with three aunts and an uncle. On my mother’s side, there was an aunt who lived with her family (three cousins about my age) in Demopolis, Alabama, about an hour and a half’s drive from Tuscaloosa. They visited Tuscaloosa at least once a year as kids.

On my father’s side, two of his siblings lived in Tuscaloosa, while a sister lived in Maryland. where her husband was connected to the Naval Academy. As a result, I lived in close proximity to most of my extended family.

It was my fraternal grandmother and aunt who lived locally that I saw less often than my maternal grandmother, who did not drive, and after her husband’s death, depended on my parents for rides. We attended the same

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church as my maternal grandmother, and went together to services, potlucks, and Wednesday night suppers. I felt very comfortable in her home as well.

One might think my memories of times with the side of the family I saw less would be fuzzy: not true. The following that painted a less than favorable picture of life in the castle. Maybe the bubble broke with Prince Andrew and Fergie’s misguided exploits, or perhaps we overdosed on Prince Harry and Meghan’s public pursuit of privacy. In any event, our lack of interest in Charles coronation wasn’t an exclusive American viewpoint. Surveys showed large number of Brits also didn’t watch the event, and big name performers like Adele, Ed Sheeran and the Spice Girls turned down invites to perform at the gala. In any case, the who cares attitude may be a sign of things to come for monarchs universally. As one commentator said, “People just aren’t that keen on Kings anymore.”

To this day, some war stories still confound

JACK AGNEW

Contributing Writer

Editor’s note: The following is part of a continuing series in which we ask readers to share a true story with us—any story—as long as it happened to them or a family member. Do you have a story to tell? Send it news@powhatantoday.com.

One of my good friends in the late seventies was a former Marine infantry sergeant named Terry. He was leading a six-man squad on night patrol in Vietnam, when they were fired on from a village, with a machine gun. They were surrounded by rice paddies, and hiding behind the gravestones in a small cemetery on a little knoll outside of the village. They were exposed and had basically no cover. Rice paddies obviously being flat as water, and Terry was a great big guy.

The rules of engagement that Henry Kissinger negotiated (and the DC politicians agreed to) included maps designating certain villages as “friendly”, and therefore it was against policy for the US to hit them. Terry radioed for an air strike on the village, but the operator said, “I can’t, it’s a friendly village.” You can imagine how Terry reacted, he went berserk. A different voice got on the phone and said, “Son, I’ll have you know you don’t talk to my radio operator like that. I’m a full-bird Marine colonel! Don’t use language like that!” Terry shouted, “I don’t care if you’re God Almighty!

If you don’t hit that village with an air strike, I’m going to kill you with my bare hands if we live through this. THEY’RE FIRING ON US!”

He threw the radio away and hollered to his squad, “They’re not coming!”

Production Manager Denine D’Angelo ddangelo@mechlocal.com

Classifieds Cindy Adams cadams@mechlocal.com descriptions of celebrations with them show detailed recall of events on the impressionable curly haired girl I was. I credit a very creative aunt for making those times fun and memorable. I wish she could read about how much

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During those years in the military, we had a grenade launcher that was lethal. You could put a grenade down a rat hole, it was really effective. Terry hollered to his grenadier, “I’m going to run forward and throw a grenade, and in the flash you better hit that gun, or we’re all dead!” He jumped up and went splashing through the rice paddies. Terry was 6’3” and weighed about 250, he was a big guy. Once he got to where he thought he was close enough, he planted his feet, threw a grenade, then heard a splash.

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Backpacks of Love, a nonprofit committed to eliminating hunger in schoolage children by providing nourishing food for their weekend, is looking for volunteers to help every week to pack food bags for the children, deliver the bags to schools, help with fundraisers and special events, and help provide food and monetary donations. the food donations we are looking for is single serve raviolis or spaghetti and meatballs, 16-ounce jars of peanut butter, apple sauce, small boxes of cereal, cookies, crackers and more. Contact Matt henke at director@backpacksoflove.org for more information. young people in the 4-h community learn leadership, citizenship, and a vast array of life skills that benefit them for the rest of their lives. through schoolbased, after-school, and community clubs as well as camp settings, 4-h members pledge to build a better community, country, and world. the new 4-h year starts oct. 1 and runs through sept. 30, 2022, so this is a great time to join a 4-h club!

In Powhatan County, 4-h sPIn and project clubs include the following designed for youth ages 9-18: Livestock, archery, they (and she) meant to me. I hope they inspire readers to think how to be inclusive of all who are important to them.

He was going to try to throw two of them, so when he heard the splash, he thought he had dropped the second one. When he looked down, he saw a flash, and that’s the last thing he remembered from Vietnam. He woke up in a hospital in the States three or four months later, in a body cast.

My Aunt Sara, who took care of my fraternal grandmother, was a woman ahead of her time. She was a writer and editor, and headed up employee news magazines and newsletters for equine, dairy Judging, and shooting education (waiting list). For our younger youth, ages 5-8 years old, we’re seeking new club leaders interested in starting a second Cloverbud 4-h Club in Powhatan. the Friends of Powhatan County Public Library’s Bookshop is open during library hours and accepting donations again. the bookshop accepts books, movies, audiobooks, C d s, and magazines. Materials can be given to a library staff member or placed in the book shop corner (tuck them by the file cabinet in the back), which is at the end of the passageway once you come in the front door. Proceeds from the book sale are used for additional library programming.

4-h school enrichment programs are also available for homeschool groups. Reach out to Cathy howland, Powhatan 4-h extension agent, at 804-598-5640 or chowland@vt.edu for details about the 4-h opportunities listed, and/or information on starting new 4-h clubs or programs.

Powhatan Food Pantry is currently seeking volunteer drivers who can pick up food from the local Food Lions on different days between 8:30 and 10 a.m. and transport them to the nonprofit at 2500 Batterson Road. Contact the pantry at 804-372-9526 or powhatanvafoodpantry@gmail.com.

One day (after he had come out of the coma and was halfway on the mend), his grenadier came into the room laughing. Terry said, “What in the name of conscience is so funny?” “Do you remember that night in Vietnam?” he asked. Terry answered, “Yeah, everything right up to the flash between my legs.” He told him, “Yeah, well, they saw you coming, and they got you with a grenade right after you threw yours. But the reason I’m laughing is

Gulf States Paper Corporation, affectionately known as “the Papermill.” The pungent aroma of the paper mill wafted across the Warrior River, alerting residents and visitors alike that the smokestacks carried the stench of manufacturing as well as jobs for the community. My aunt, of auburn hair and bright brown eyes like her mother’s and sister’s, had a childlike curiosity and genuinely loved stories the Powhatan County Cooperative extension Master Gardener h elp d esk is here for yet another growing season. although office hours are reduced because of CoVId-19 restrictions, the help desk is still ready and available. email questions and detailed photos of your stricken plants to gpmastergardener@gmail.com and volunteers will try and find a solution for you. you can also directly call the Powhatan County extension at 804598-5640 and leave a message. the help desk will be in touch. If a real-life diagnosis or determination is needed, large plant samples including root, stem and leaves can be dropped off at the Powhatan County extension’s office after consulting with Master Gardener volunteer. If you have plants/shrubs/trees needing identification in your yard, or are new to the Powhatan or Goochland area, we also offer free one to two-hour site visits. available now emergency housing relief funds to assist with rent, mortgage or other housing concerns. Powhatan Community action agency has received funding for housing relief for families in Powhatan County who have been affected by CoVId-19. Contact Renee Van natter at valerie.vannatter@dss.virginia.gov or via cell at 804 814-5332. habitat for humanity-Powhatan always is looking for donations of gently used appliances, cabinets, and furniture such as dining room and bedroom sets (no mattresses or upholstered furniture). Call to drop off at 804-594-7009, ext. 1. or email store@habitatpowhatan.org. habitat also does pick-ups for a $20 donation to our Critical Repair program. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Check out our website at habitatpowhatan.org

Volunteer transportation program — free service to Powhatan seniors age 60+ who are unable to drive for basic needs. d rivers receive all information from program coordinator on rides that are requested by registered riders, and accept only rides they are available to fulfill. Call 804-698-0438 or email Raservices.PVa@gmail.com to register as a rider or apply as a volunteer driver.

Powhatan County Public Library is excited to partner with Wowbrary to offer library patrons the opportunity to subscribe to a curated weekly e-newsletter showcasing new library acquisitions. each newsletter features the latest bestsellers, movies, audio books, children’s titles, cookbooks, mysteries, and more purchased by the library. Wowbrary alerts are free and all you need is a valid email address. Visit www.wowbrary.org to sign up. a Powhatan County Public Library card in good standing is required to check out print and electronic items. to obtain a library card, visit the library or apply online at www.powhatanlibrary.net. narconon arrowhead is here to help you. narconon offers free addiction counseling, assessments, and referral services to rehabilitation centers nationwide. Call 1-800-468-6933 or log on to www.narcononarrowhead.org. a box was provided by the n ational association of Counties (naCo) to provide citizens a place to bring flags that need to be retired properly. It is located at the County administration Building in the vestibule area by the front doors. County administration is working with local groups that hold flag disposal ceremonies and will be routinely transporting the flags collected to these ceremonies. For questions, call 804-598-5612. hope Project provides free transportation for Powhatan County residents who have lost their driver’s licenses due to drug-related charges. examples include rides to court, rehab, job interviews, doctor’s appointments, and probation meetings. Contact the hope Project coordinator at 804-301-3324. Give a minimum of 24 hours’ notice.

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2A that you must have been scared to death when you threw your grenade, because it went off about a quarter of a mile behind the village.” Terry smiled at the hyperbole and said, “Yeah, I guess I was scared.” The grenadier continued, “But anyway, in that brief flash, man, I nailed them, I got ‘em all. You were so cut up, we just put you in a body bag, we knew you were dead, you were just covered in blood. But you squeaked when we threw you on the floor of the medevac chopper, so I cut your bag open with a bayonet, and the medic saved you. You came so close, we just knew you couldn’t be alive.” To this day, I still can’t believe that a Marine, or an Army officer, or anybody with a fellow American out there in a rice paddy getting chopped to death with a machine gun wouldn’t go help them. It dogged me for years, I couldn’t understand it. I think I made my peace about it, knowing he probably did it so he wouldn’t get a letter of reprimand from the politicians in D.C. and then not make general, which would cut down his retirement money. At least there was a reason, no matter how stupid. I don’t know, but they wouldn’t help them. They would not hit that village, and it’s criminal. It’s criminal what we did to those kids in Vietnam. We tied one hand behind their backs, and told them to go fight a war. It was insane. And it left 58,000 dead. about the workers at Gulf States. She wrote about them in the company publication, The News Bag. The cover looked like a paper bag, which was one of their products. I remember being photographed with my sister for one of the covers of that publication.

The real fun was my aunt’s sense of play and adventure. As mentioned, we were with her less often than the other side of the family for holidays. But she didn’t seem to mind when we came in order to celebrate. For example, we hid Easter eggs in July one year after the process of dip dying them in cups of food coloring. I still remember the vinegary smell, watching the orange dye change from yellow to almost red. Then the biting sulphuric aroma of ripe eggs hidden in rocky crevices caught my olfactory attention amidst the pink and green strawberry plants. The surprise and delight of finding an Easter egg on a hot Sunday in July added to the enchantment: things were not as they were supposed to be, on purpose!

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For little girls used to wearing lace Bobby socks with white Sunday school shoes and petticoats, wearing Bermuda shorts and Keds spelled adventure. Occasional hens and chicks pecking around the pea gravel patio only added to the excitement of being in the country at Lake Wildwood, where my aunt had moved so my grandmother could fish and enjoy the outdoors with a companion while my aunt worked at Gulf States during the day.

Occasionally we would spend the night or a few days. We would walk with “Granny Walls” to a flat bottomed fishing boat, painted a deep green that reflected the hue of the fishy smelling water. Oars were found, Granny would ease herself into the flat wooden seat, and then we would fish, often while the boat was still tied up. The funny thing was, Granny always wore a dress, a widebrimmed straw hat, and sturdy pumps. I do not remember boat shoes, sneakers, and certainly no pedal pushers or dungarees. Her long, silvery dark hair was always swept up and pinned in a braid around her head. She wore cat eye glasses, and I do not remember her in makeup. I do recall the scent of lavender on her all the time. Over the years her fingers would tremble, especially noticeable when she played the spinet piano, some old tune such as “Just the Sound of Twilight,” or “Lauralee.”

Our infrequent visits to her compared with our other grandmother made each trip a bit mysterious, exotic if you will. The furniture was antique, and the house they lived in had been added onto so that an interesting configuration of balconies and stairs connected various rooms that they rearranged from time to time. The dining room furniture might have been relocated to the sleeping porch from one visit to the next, lending new spots for framed photographs. One photo that always caught my attention was of my first cousin in his dress whites at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy. I imagined match-making him with the most beautiful eligible cousin of my best friend, though they were never destined to meet. Such stories suited my romantic young girl’s fancy.

Mind you, I see the topic through the lens now of someone separated by a 10-hour drive. As a young person up until I left home after college, I was blessed to live in the same town or at least the same state as both sides of my parents’ family.

These days, many families are separated by upward mobility. Careers carry siblings and their families across state lines. Marriage into different geographic cultures within this country and with immigration introduces not only the distance factor, but also new and different ways of doing things. Economics adds another dimension to how families live, as in adult children and families moving back home or sharing living quarters to save money on rising living expenses.

The point is, celebrating and creating or observing rituals is important, and well worth the trouble and planning. Even if the celebrations don’t occur on the official calendar “holiday,” happy and lasting memories can still be made. Find creative ways to celebrate with each person important in your life.

Uncomfortable to get them all together in the same room? Use discernment and do it your way.

The important thing is knowing each one knows you care, not where or when, if that is understandably difficult. Be more like my Aunt Sara, who found ways to turn “have nots” into “haves.” Even Winnie the Pooh found ways to celebrate “un-birthdays.” e mily Walls Ray is a freelance writer, tutor, and former teacher of e nglish and creative writing from 2007-2020. s he enjoys gardening, reading, church, and sewing, but most of all, being a grandmother. to read more of her stories, visit her blog at https:// writetouchblog.wordpress. com/

Make it fun!

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