post- 12/02/2022

In This Issue

Luci Jones

Samira Lakhiani

2

Older Brothers

Knock on Wood

3

Siena Capone

4

Anyway, Don't Be a Stronager AJ WU 5

Transcript: Interview with a Grimm Archetype 7

Sarah Kim 8

Sean Toomey

Evan Gardner 6

Dark Academia, Fast Color Me [x] Fashion, and You

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Her Loss

postCover by Lucid Clairvoyant @l.u.cid

DEC 2

VOL 30

— ISSUE 10

FEATURE

Knock on Wood superstitions and their infallibility

By Samira Lakhiani Illustrated by Hannah Zhang Tears well up in my eyes the instant the plate hits the

or wishing on a wishbone, have less obvious or well-known

Even as a kid, I knew the expression was nonsense. Yet I

ground. It shatters on the kitchen floor beneath me, its

explanations. People may not actually believe in these

adhered to it almost religiously until high school. It was

pearly ceramic fragments blending in almost seamlessly

superstitions or take them seriously, but they are hardly

like a game, where knowing that the consequence was not

with the tile. I’m six years old, and my dinner plate has

ever sincerely challenged. I like that we have a blind faith

legitimate made it feel like I could win every time.

slipped out of my small hands en route to the dishwasher.

in them. We are constantly questioning ideas in realms

Most superstitions’ foundations lie in culture or

My dad picks me up, moves me to the living room, and

like in politics and science, yet without batting an eye, the

religion. I grew up with plenty of those. Some I had no

checks to make sure my skin is free from any of the shards.

entire world has welcomed knocking on wood to avoid a

problem with: If I was ever gifted money from a relative

He and my mom sweep up the formerly intact plate, then

jinx.

for a birthday or holiday, there would always be an extra

reassure me that accidents happen; I just have to be very

A poll conducted by Research for Good in 2019

dollar included, apparently for auspicious reasons. The

careful when I am holding something fragile. Being the

indicates that the superstitions regarding good luck are

checks I would deposit read “fifty-one dollars,” never 50.

overly sensitive child I am, I continue to sob over this

widely observed among Americans. Roughly half believe

The origins of the superstition stem from the fact that

inconsequential incident. My parents are used to this. My

in good luck resulting from picking up a penny or a four

round numbers, like 50 or 100, have a finality associated

mom lovingly takes my hand and says, “Darling, did you

leaf clover, and 40 percent believe in the sanctity of a

with them. The extra dollar, called shagun (from Sanskrit),

know that breaking a plate is actually good luck?”

lucky number. Yet superstitions involving bad luck, such

signifies prosperity by offering the money room to

My tears come to a sharp halt. I look at her, befuddled

as seeing a black cat or breaking a mirror, are not followed

continue to grow after receiving the gift.

by the association of something so arbitrary with good

nearly as rigorously. Only 20 percent of responders

Other superstitions in my household were slightly

luck. But the conviction in my mom’s voice makes me

expressed belief in these more inauspicious occurrences.

more ludicrous. Growing up, I was told to never cut my

believe her without asking for an explanation. I feel better,

It’s hard to believe that this discrepancy is coincidental.

nails past sundown. Both my parents were raised to abide

hopeful. Eagerly anticipating something good coming my

There is a romantic element to this—perhaps as a society

by this, so I complied without ever asking for its rationale.

way.

we have a tendency to hold onto hope, by any means

Recently, I discovered that this superstition, common

possible.

in Indian culture, dates back centuries. Long before nail

~~~ Superstitions are curious. Some seem sensible, like

In elementary school, I was introduced to a more

clippers existed, people trimmed their nails with makeshift

abstaining from walking under ladders; the potential

meticulous way of walking: without stepping on the cracks

blades, so it was best to do it in sunlight to increase

precarity of the ladder falling provides a logical association

of the sidewalk. This habit emerged from an absurd rhyme,

precision and avoid injury. It’s incredible that even though

with bad luck. Others, like throwing salt over your shoulder

“don’t step on the crack, or you’ll break your mama’s back.”

this practice belongs to the past, it has sustained itself for

for everything. Sometimes I think the biggest part of

years editing at this magazine, at the conclusion of

my job is being grateful.

a long string of weeks spent waiting for Thursday

Letter from the Editor Dear Readers, I really do love writing that. Dear Readers. I usu-

It is such a difficult beast, saying goodbye. In

night. Our lovely prods, our little jokes, our scavenged

ally eschew “dear” as a term of address, finding it

Narrative this week, one of our graduating post- edi-

pizza and spontaneous icebreakers and collabora-

oddly intimate yet simultaneously stilted in the con-

tors also writes about goodbyes, approaching the

tive playlist a thousand miles long. I love post- for

text of, say, an email or letter. But in cases such as

concept as she does all things: with poetry and love-

the people who were here when I began, curled on

this, there’s just no other word for it. Because you are

liness. Our second Narrative writer imagines what

the Copy Couch in 195 Angell. I love post- for the era

so dear to me. Every part of this magazine is dear to

her older brother would have been like, if she had

of Zoom prod nights, each lovely face rendered a

me, from the writers to the illustrators to the editors

one. The Feature looks towards superstitions, both

pixelated postage stamp. I love post- for its future:

to the copy editors to the layout designers to you,

personal and cultural. In A&C, one of our writers con-

I am so happy to be leaving it in Kimberly’s capable

the readers. I’m thinking awfully hard about all the

siders Drake as a figure in the media and discusses

hands. All there is left to do now is say goodbye as I

things this magazine has meant to me—laughing over

his recent album. The other contemplates a possi-

do at the end of every prod night: with the deepest,

Top 10 list contributions and staying up until the wee

ble interview with a Grimm fairytale archetype as a

deepest appreciation.

hours of the night and workshopping sentences in

means of processing the Club Q tragedy. Lastly, our

sprawling Google Doc comment chains and saying

Lifestyle writers think about fashion, friendship, and

endless thank-yous over the course of a night. Thank

colors.

you for your edits. Thank you for coming. Thank you

2

post–

Well, here we are. Here I am, at the end of three

Thank you for everything,

Kyoko Leaman Editor in Chief

FEATURE ages. And this is certainly not the only one.

I was also raised to lay shoes flat next to each other (never stacked), to face all beds in the house to point north, and to never wear henna in the month of August. All of these superstitions are intended to prevent bad luck. My grandparents and their grandparents regarded these as valid truths to adhere to, not just obscure superstitions.

Older Brothers

as imagined by an only child

by Luci Jones Illustrated by Josephine Hostin

fluffy brown hair, a little lanky. “He definitely majors in something like film or media at Brown or somewhere.”

My cool-but-approachable, Tarantino-loving older brother. When he comes home to North Carolina from college for winter break, his tufts of hair tickle my cheek as we hug. We open Christmas presents with our

People think I have an older brother.

parents and our dog, Oreo, around the Hanukkah bush,

Growing up continents away from my grandparents

Maybe, they are picking up on my tomboyishness,

inside jokes abounding. We take long walks on the Eno

has always made me feel detached from my culture, so

an unexpected fluidity. The way that, during elementary

River trail, pine trees and monkey grass lining the

I hold on dearly to anything passed down through the

school recess, I played football with the boys instead of

paths. Set a backyard fire, eat gooey marshmallows and

generations. While I may not believe in the validity of these

dress-up with the girls. The way that I wore oversized,

semi-burnt Eggo waffles that have been sitting in the

superstitions, I believe that upholding these practices

masculine clothes that looked pre-worn by someone

freezer for a little too long. He is my family, but also a

tightens the knot that connects me to my family. Logic and

larger. A new friend said she could picture him—tall,

friend. We shoot each other conspiratorial looks when

practicality aside, I can’t see myself ever abandoning these practices. ~~~ It is a rarity to find things that are agreed upon in just one place, let alone multiple parts of the world. While superstitions vary considerably across nations, some have a certain near-universality. Several airlines, hotels, and hospitals all over the world lack a 13th aisle, floor, or room to keep misfortune from befalling their occupants.

And, around the world, it is common in countries such as the United States, the United Kingdom, China, India, and Turkey to knock on or touch wood as a good luck ritual.

Many ancient cultures believed trees to be the homes of spirits and gods, so this was a way of communicating with higher powers and petitioning good fortune. In Italy, however, the lucky material is not wood. Rather, they say “tocca ferro”, meaning “touch iron”. This practice comes from the notion that evil can be repelled by horseshoes.

Regardless of the material, it is clear that the longing to govern our own luck is universal.

The ubiquity of superstitions is a product of our human desire to seek control over our lives and our fates. They allow us to create our own certainty, albeit a false one. Within control exists comfort, and psychology researcher Jane Risen proposes that this universal blind faith “can help us manage the uncertainty, and the stress and tension that comes from not knowing what’s going to happen.” Avoiding sidewalk cracks to spare our mothers’ spinal cords is a wonderfully altruistic sentiment, but also one motivated by an underlying desperation to claim control where we have none. The happenings in our lives are unpredictable, and if there is an opportunity to control even a morsel of our destiny, we will seize it, no matter how irrational it may be.

In a world where practically everything is dictated by logic, I view superstitions as a way to keep the magic in our everyday lives. Whether that might be crossing my fingers as I open Canvas to see a test score, letting myself get rained on for a brief second so I don’t have an open umbrella inside, or smiling instead of crying after accidentally breaking a plate, I’ve found that superstitions offer glimmers of hope and excitement in the most arbitrary of circumstances.

Bottoms 1. Iykyk ;)

“I thought, ‘Hotttt!’ And then I was like no, that doesn’t make sense for you.”

2. Bikini 3. -less mimosas!!!!

4. Bottom (TV Series 1991–1995)

“Happy Spotify wrapped week to all that celebrate.”

5. Mine 6. Yours 7. Rock

“Can’t you just let me enjoy a nice double standard?”

8. Of the barrel 9. Text 10. Ladies you are the tops… and bottoms… of the week

December 2, 2022

3

NARRATIVE our parents say something embarrassing in front of

be the favorite because he would have had an extra few

the neighbors. He plays soccer, like me, and we sneak

years to make a good impression on my parents. “Not

into our old elementary school playground to take

fair, but that’s my lot,” I’d think.

some warm-up shots on the miniature goals. He always

But now, suddenly, I think about how I’d feel once

teases me about girl problems when we first reunite

he left for college years before I graduated high school.

but offers gentle advice as we warm back up to one

I am alone. I have become Oreo’s favorite sibling. We

another. We are thick as thieves.

don’t eat at the dining room table anymore, because

Anyway, Don't Be a Stranger a farewell

by Siena Capone Illustrated by Talia Mermin

I am an only child, but I like the idea of a sibling,

there’s enough room for our small huddle of four—

of being part of a family sub-unit. One of two. A part, a

three humans and one dog—at the island in the kitchen.

The number

piece, of the bigger family puzzle.

My brother doesn’t check in much, perhaps because he

of hours

My dad has a brother who lives in Southern

is busy learning guitar to try out for an indie band in

we have

California, where they grew up. As the younger

college that is inspired by the Velvet Underground and

together is

brother, my dad was a nuisance. He would fart into

has a spunky one-word name. Secretly, he is afraid of

actually not

the bathroom while my uncle was peeing and then pull

being forgotten. I don’t check in because I am “busy

so large.

the door shut so that the smell got caught inside. One

with school,” and similarly afraid that he has forgotten

Please linger

time, he short-sheeted my uncle’s bed— folded up the

me.

near the door uncomfortably

top sheet so that my uncle wouldn’t be able to stretch

Over the past few years, I have gone out with

his legs out beyond the middle—and replaced the legs

two people with older brothers. One’s brother was

instead of

with pencils, which collapsed as soon as he tried to get

infamously kicked out of summer camp for breaking

just leaving.

in bed. The best story of all is when my dad dared my

into the girls’ cabin and stealing all their underwear.

Please forget

uncle to eat a live sand crab off the beach. He actually

The other’s used to fling ping pong balls at her in the

your scarf

did it. He shoved the writhing mass of crab into his

basement of their house for fun. Another time he made

in my

mouth, at which point my dad immediately clamped

her eat flour, which made her choke so badly that he

life and

my uncle’s jaw shut to keep him from backing out of the

had to pull the wet clump out of her throat with his

come back

bet. I imagine a sandy esophagus and potential organ

hand.

later for it.

damage, but mostly it just sounds gross. All I know is

What would it be like to talk to my older brother

that my uncle’s payback was just as devilish. Easily

on the phone? Everyone I know seems to talk to their

affected by motion sickness, my dad had to get on one

older brothers on the phone. By now, he would have

of those hellish theme park rides that strings you up

graduated college and moved to Brooklyn to make a

Of all the parting phrases, “see you around” has always

like a Vitruvian Man and spins you upside down. Four

documentary film about the dangers of gentrification

been my least favorite. It’s bereft of intention, leaving things

times. My uncle then forced him to drive home while

in urban areas, or something else socially impactful.

up to fate; “see you around” suggests that if or when you see

answering math questions. Needless to say, my dad

His hair would still be floppy, but he would probably

someone again, it’ll be by accident. It’s a maybe. And from

threw up. Multiple times.

cover it with one of those hipster snapbacks that all

people I like, I’ve always wanted certainly. There doesn’t need

My mom does not have a brother. She is an only

the people in Brooklyn wear now. He would go to the

to be a false promise of soon. Just eventually.

child like me. She did have a poodle that she cleverly

neighborhood pickup soccer games and have advice

This is why I’ve always said “see you later” instead—

named Poochie. She painted Poochie’s nails bright

on the local food scene. We would call to talk about

there’s that promise nested in the middle of it, that singing

colors and attached clip-on earrings to her ears,

the pitfalls of online dating and that thing mom said

note of certainty. Maybe soon, maybe not. But definitely, and

redubbing her Princess Poocheskela. I think of her

yesterday on the group FaceTime and I would ask

eventually.

chosen stoop siblings in Park Slope; the adopted family

about his job at the new studio. In a few months, we

But graduation feels like running out of see you laters,

of kids on the block who she gathered with late into her

would both be home for summer vacation. It’s been too

watching what was once a bountiful reserve of years dwindle

high school years, smoking, drinking, getting up to all

long since we’ve seen each other, we’d agree.

down to months, then weeks, then days. See you later, see you

of the typical things high schoolers do.

On a roadtrip to Lake Lure in North Carolina one

— “For M” by Mikko Harvey

later, see you later, and then, suddenly—

In my mind, my brother and I go to the Eno trail

summer, my family decided to take a pontoon boat out

and cloister ourselves in a thicket of trees off the main

onto the water. In the boat was my mom, my dad, Oreo,

For as long as I can remember, I’ve said goodbye to my

path. I’m nervous about stepping in poison ivy, but he

and me. Oreo is scared of moving vehicles, but she was

bedroom at home before I leave it. It’s a silly ritual, formed some

doesn’t really care how I feel, excited by the knowledge

trying her best to be brave and my mom was cooing at

time before I left for a family vacation, but it feels necessary,

that he has and I do not. I’m tripping over my shoes,

her in that special, indecipherable way that dog owners

like an act of respect. The kinships we have with places—be it

trying to keep up with his long strides. We settle into

do. A sudden thought hit me.

bedrooms, kitchen tables, cities, lakes, yards, fire escapes—can

the forest as the sunlight fades and the air cools. He passes me a handmade joint with a crooked smile. I

There are only four of us, and someday, I will be the last one left.

+

be as dynamic and formative as the ones we have with people. I believe it’s important to honor that.

choke nervously on the smoke and am not really sure if

This is my family unit. I am one of four, but I am

My childhood bedroom has housed sleepover dramatics,

I’m high or not. But I am so glad to be there with him,

also one of one. An only child, and eventually, the only

middle school sulks set to the soundtrack of Marina and the

eating animal crackers and Gushers in the middle of

one left.

Diamonds, sluggish high school early mornings where I would

the woods, that for once, I don’t mind the ambivalence.

It is strange to feel the loss of something before it

literally groan out loud upon waking. I spent endless evenings

I lived in New York this summer. My grandparents

has gone away. It is more strange to me than feeling the

as a teenager watching the sun lower into the sparse Michigan

presence of a brother who does not exist.

winter trees, hoping everything would turn out alright. My

and I got dinner one night in Harlem. Somehow, the topic of family genealogy came up and we got to

I see the details on his face so clearly. The dimples

room watched me turn seven, turn sixteen, turn eighteen—like

talking about my grandfather’s mother, Janet, and his

that curve on the sides of his mouth are just like mine.

a family member. Thus, saying bye, room, before I head off back

older sister. I didn’t know my grandpa had a sister. My

The dimple on the right side is always just a bit deeper

to school after yet another break just feels polite.

grandma weighed in on their tense relationship: “He

than the left. I see the patch on his eyebrow that

Walking through my neighborhood in Providence lately,

was always the favorite. As soon as you came along,

matches my own, the place where we both rub too hard

I’ve begun to feel the impending goodbye like a shadow falling

your parents forgot about her,” she said quietly. “I

when deep in thought. The toenail that mom always

over me. Its cold shade is visceral: I remember taking turns

don’t think she ever stopped resenting you for that.”

tells us to stop picking is finally growing back.

down Transit Street as a first-year and thinking it was some

He smashed his face between his palms, stuck in a

He’s right next to me. Back for the summer.

great detour. The area was like a brand new pair of boots, and I

past he’d like to forget. I was struck by how deeply

He dips his toes into the muddy lake water off the

laced them up four years ago and set out to break them in. Now,

ingrained this resentment is, between my grandfather

side of the boat and tells me if it’s warm enough to wade

they’re familiar and worn, wrinkled with Four Seasons Market

and his sister, his sister and his mother, his mother

in. He smiles at me as my mom mutters softly in Oreo’s

visits with my roommates and walks over the bridge, the gray

and his sister and him. A complex spider web of bitter

furry ears, flicking some water at my dad to distract

cityscape to my right watching me grow older and happier.

threads, spun with love and hate. I asked my grandpa

him from his seasickness. I feel his rough palm before

The blisters of first heartbreak, impending loss, and crushing

how long it has been since he talked to his sister, whose

it lands on my skin.

disappointment have all become tough calluses, keeping me

name I still don’t know. Nearly 20 years, he told me.

When Janet died, he reached out to his sister about the funeral arrangements, but she had no interest in mourning their mother.

I’ve always thought my imaginary brother would

4

post–

He taps my arm lightly to say, “Hey, let’s jump together.”

safe amid the coldest winter winds and the rockiest ground. + This week, my roommates and I started making a list of Providence favorites to hit for the last time before we leave.

“This is going to make me depressed,” Sylvia said as we started.

ARTS & CULTURE She was right. The thought of leaving Providence is usually

How fitting, all those years after writing about feeling

a flame too hot to touch—I’ve tried to become practiced at

lost, to bring in a piece on feeling found. And I won’t even need

hovering my hand just above it, feeling the abstract warmth of

Google Maps to get to the office.

the idea without burning myself.

Talia threw out suggestions, and we picked and chose the crucial ones, as if every single one didn’t feel precious, as if we’re

+ This is the part of the piece where I start lingering uncomfortably near the door, resisting the bye, room.

not a little terrified of the nameless territory stretched out in

In a way, that’s what taking this last extra semester was—

front of us. That’s what scares me the most about what comes

my friends and I forgetting our proverbial scarves and coming

next: how unlabeled it is. It’s become a point of pride to know all

back later for them. Laughing sheepishly as we found ourselves

the street signs in my neighborhood, what turns to take, what

back here, in our beloved yellow house, like kids asking for one

spots are worth going to for good books or good coffee. I wasn’t

more bedtime story before sleep. And Providence is generous,

ready for my world to become amorphous and encrypted by

so we got one.

unfamiliarity again.

Seaweed’s, Xaco Taco, Hot Club, Ellie’s, Louis Family Restaurant. Each potential future visit summoned all the past

Transcript: Interview with a Grimm Archetype Club Q, 11.19.22

by AJ Wu Illustrated by Jasmin Lin Insta: @sasha_art_0201 CW: Homophobia, Violence, Club Q Shooting

When we retrace all our past steps these next few weeks,

“The End of the World was a nightclub... The End of

we’ll be telling it and retelling it to ourselves—here I was, here

the World was loud. The End of the World leaked music like

I was. Here I am.

radiation, and we loved the neon echo, even though it taunted us

ones in my head—celebrating Jane’s 22nd birthday on the

I realize now that it took running low on see you laters for

back patio of Seaweed’s, a heart-shaped sparkler illuminating

me to finally understand the value of see you around. It took

her laugh; sitting at Xaco Taco with Addie and her parents

meeting these people that I love, and then learning what it is

sophomore year, pleased to find that her parents are just as

to miss them, be it over an indefinite pandemic or a summer

warm and fun as she is; eating fried pickles at Hot Club with

break.

or maybe because it taunted us…”

Saeed Jones, Alive at the End of the World “‘I would get up at one or two a.m. and I would call every gay bar I had the number to from the 1940s. I wouldn’t say anything.

The later is important, but turns out the around is just

I would just stay on the phone and listen to the sounds in the

On nights I’m feeling particularly sentimental, it feels

as crucial. Because I’ve been spoiled with it—the around. The

background. I would stay on until they hung up, and then I would

cruel that the conventional life path is set up this way: carefully

domestic, the daily, the constant companionship. Being able to

call another one of my numbers, until I had called all the numbers

knitting ourselves into the fabric of a place, only to be asked

watch Sylvia sit on the floor with her growing pile of crochet, to

I had… That phone. Those numbers. That was my lifeline… It

after a set amount of time to extricate ourselves and start again.

sit with Mary on Wriston underneath our favorite tree, to listen

meant there was a place somewhere—even if I couldn’t go there—

+

to Maya and Talia’s singing voices weave into one another in the

that place was out there. I could hear it. Freedom.’ She called the

The first time I ever wrote for this magazine, I was a first-

kitchen, to eat challah that Hannah just took out of the oven,

bars two to three times a week like this—for fourteen years.”

year. I wrote a Narrative piece about feeling completely and

to lose terribly to Peter at Wingspan. When the around we’ve

utterly lost. This was in the geographical sense (I couldn’t get

always known is taken away, we’ll have to make it ourselves.

Nat and my roommates, watching the city lights on the water.

anywhere without Google Maps), the emotional sense, the intellectual sense, the fashion sense—you name it, I probably didn’t know what was going on.

+

An interview with Myrna Kurland in Baby, You Are My Religion: Women, Gay Bars, and Theology Before Stonewall by Marie Cartier.

The night that first post- piece was published, I was told I could come to prod for 9-spot. At the time, the BDH office was

Where are you?

This Thursday, I will squeeze into the little upstairs

on Angell Street (but the post- room was still just as cramped).

conference room at 88 Benevolent Street for the last time. I

It was hot inside, rolling office chairs jousting for space, greasy

love the people who make this magazine, who were here before

boxes of pizza laid open, the room full of chatter and joy. I was

and who are here now and who will be here after I leave. I love

nervous, because there was nothing I did my first year with

our hodge-podge playlist of everyone’s combined music taste,

a resting heart rate. But everyone was kind and welcoming,

the Rina Sawayama and the Hungarian songs. I love that post-

telling me their name and asking for mine even though we

used to be called Fresh Fruit and had a sex advice column. I love

knew we’d both forget. I instantly wanted to be a part of it,

A woodpecker pecks at my coffin like a persistent boy

seeing what funky earrings Kyoko will wear each week. I love

this easy rapport, this space of fluorescent light and clattering

pulling on his mother’s sleeves. Sometimes the light dances

chatting with her and Alice and Joe and Aditi and Kimberly and

keyboards carved out in the middle of Thursday nights. I left

along the edges of the glass. I feel like dancing with it. Most of

the collection of people who gather to read and chat and sigh

a few hours later with a small smile on my face, excited for my

the time it is so quiet and the only sound is weeping that comes

and scroll throughout the night. I love reading writers’ stories

very first piece to come out the next day.

in faint droves. They say someone is coming for me soon. I’m

about Minnesota loons and ghosts and country music. It’s an uncomplicated, simple love.

An hour later, I got an email from my editor at the time. I

I’m inside a box on a grassy hill.

You’re literally inside a box on a hill?

Yeah, I’m literally inside a glass box, resting on a hill.

Wow. Tell me about that.

dubious.

had left my scarf at the office.

December 2, 2022

5

ARTS & CULTURE

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Her Loss

how celebrity and the sneak diss escape popular morality and endanger women

by Evan Gardner Illustrated by Connie Liu “Draaaaake?...Aubrey Graham in a wheelchair?”

This quote from rapper Soulja Boy on the morning radio show the Breakfast Club lives forever in the rap industry. In the infamous interview, Soulja Boy objects to Charlamagne’s claim that Drake is more successful than I’ve never interviewed a person in a glass coffin.

playing, no one is allowed to die.

It’s transparent as all display cases are. When the stranger I’m waiting for comes, he’ll stoop and brush the hair out of my

Soulja—an objection so loud and off base that it inspired endless social media memes. Clearly, Soulja Boy is wrong

Last thing you ate?

about Drake’s success; he is the star of our generation.

face. “I’m finally here, have you waited long enough? Have you

Day-old potato salad. Humpty Dumpty, made omelet. A

What Soulja Boy was correct about, however, was that

had enough of resentment yet?” He will be decorated in his

legion of soldiers decorated in their harms, one by one, spitting

Drake’s riches, fame, and celebrity all began with acting.

number of previous kills (stars across a sash). He’ll permit me

out their red and gold jackets and stupid fur caps. A biscuit that

Drake first came into the public consciousness by playing

to rejoin the rest of them (I’ve learned my lesson this time) and

shrunk me down and allowed me access to another world, with

a boy in a wheelchair on the coming of age teen drama

take me away to his high-walled palace.

only the price of never being able to look back and be content.

Degrassi. And ever since his first role, Drake has been

As a child I ate communion wafers and prayed to God to look

playing a character: on diss tracks, he is a gangster rapper;

out for all of us, listing the names of everyone I loved; and then,

on Certified Lover Boy, he is a lover; on Scorpion, he is a

after I’d exhausted that list, everyone I knew or had run into at

father and a son; on Honestly, Nevermind, he acts as a DJ in

one point or another. Now I’m older and know better.

a club; through all of these ventures, he varies his language

How does the remainder of the story go?

We settle down, have the right number of kids. Baseball practice. A porch to sit on. Sunday service, picnics in July, church plays at Christmas and Easter. Mulch sales. A terrible beast is buried beneath our green lawn. Suntan lotion slathered on heavily for days at the community pool. Barbeques for every

and accents to fit each persona.

Who is responsible?

Who isn’t?

occasion. A wooden rocking horse and a freshly painted mint

It is fitting however, that his music and public interactions are filtered through acting because he requires the audience to generate meaning. Although

green saddle. A weighted silence after it rains. Goldfish you can

How will you get revenge? If you’re comfortable sharing.

characters may feel like real people living, breathing, and

buy with pennies, fried dough in copious sums. Our children

Chopping off their hands, like how the vengeful kings used

feeling on the screen, in reality, they are merely personas.

to do it. Proofed and baked in an oven inside my gingerbread

In the absence of a true human subject, meaning comes

home. By way of bird, dropping a heavy stone. At last, their ends

from the audience’s interpretation. While the actor may

still can’t imagine what it’s like to grow old.

Who or what are you afraid of?

will correspond to their deeds (2 Corinthians 11:15). We yell get

portray emotion, the audience member is the one who

The light on the floor, seeping in. Nowadays I’m afraid of

up get up and our dead friends do get up and reclaim their seats

identifies it and feels it, making acting fundamentally

sleep. I didn’t use to be an insomniac, but being cursed to sleep

at the table, their places already set. There are no more vigils

dependent on the consumer’s gaze.

for one hundred years can do that to a person. I try different

in parks. We stop all this nonsense of losing, and the stories

Drake’s success is rooted in the actor’s masterful

remedies—counting sheep, counting blessings, warm milk,

are true; the dragons can be killed. I hold my own close to me,

command of this gaze. Through acting, Drake learned

cold showers, mixtures of pills, calisthenics—but none of them

carefully, tightly, and somehow that is enough.

how to cultivate a specific response from his audience.

help. I read the news and my chest hurts. I can’t stop reading the news even though getting closer makes it worse; they want to make ghosts out of people I love.

He ascended the ladder of pop culture not with artistic How long is August anyway?

It’s late summer. We fly kites all afternoon. You row us out to the middle of the lake, and we listen to the mix of loons and

Who or what do you love?

genius, but with his spectacular ability to hold the public gaze hostage. Drake went from icon to iconic: he is, as he tells us in a song with DJ Khaled, a POPSTAR.

coyote calls from every shore as the sky gets dark. We fish out

As he approaches his 40s, Drake has sat atop pop

Moonlight carried home in hats. Crumbling church spires

from the bottom of the lake an old amulet, arrowheads, and

culture’s highest throne for over a decade, and he has

as they fall into the sea. Numbers that end in three and seven.

a few gold coins from previous adventures. I tell you a story

become increasingly self-aware of his positionality. Age

The hunter, sent on an interminable mission, sees something

about us and—because this is still fiction—we make it and stay

has brought the pop star a perspective that is at once

she wants for the first time, so she spares my life. A tundra

in love forever.

retrospective and introspective. This insight, however, is a double-edged sword: as Atlantic staff writer Spencer

sprawls before us and covers us. Instead of just me, we are both entrapped. We walk for days in the snow, rendered speechless

What would you say, if you could?

Kornhaber writes, “More than ever, Drake’s superpower

by the wonderful world. We burrow in a hiding place together,

I’m sorry I forgot to water your plants that time you were

and limitation are his con man’s senses of empathy and

loving one another oddly. We die by the sword and live out of

away and they died. I’m sorry I’ve forgotten how to kill dragons;

sorts. My head keeps drumming.

I wouldn’t recognize one if it showed up and laid down at my

While Kornhaber wrote this as a description of

self-awareness.”

door now, how useless. Our favorite band came to town, and

Drake’s 2021 album Certified Lover Boy, it rings even more

What do you do in your spare time? I’m assuming you

I went alone but not really because I was thinking of you the

true in his most recent project, Her Loss, a collaboration

currently have a lot of it.

whole time. I miss eating breakfast with you. Not too long ago, I

with Atlanta rapper 21 Savage. In promoting the album,

threw a gold coin in a well and then was embarrassed I thought

Drake’s self-awareness became a PR superpower. Drake

anything would happen. Here’s how everything has changed.

and 21 Savage appeared on all of the typical promotional

Spinning fear into gold. Switching out hot and cold packs for the ache. Guessing the names of short and ill-humored baby snatchers. Fantasizing about a world in which we’re more than a cautionary tale.

Ever run away?

tour programs—except they were all fake. They did a What’s your idea of a perfect ending?

fake NPR Tiny Desk Concert, a fake Vogue appearance,

Every one of us comes home. The day bends towards us

and even a fake Saturday Night Live performance airing

and we are alive! Swimming on a hot day, we imitate the swans

on Drake’s YouTube channel at the same time as the real

Once, I took a train on a cold night. Studied my face in the

for a while, then paddle to shore. We give each other haircuts

SNL musical guest’s performance. Drake’s performative

window as the stars fell into the water below. I stood at the bank

at home and sleep through the whole night, a song drifting

promotion is sheer marketing genius—most people

of a fast river and listened to it for hours while entertaining the

out with the box fan perched near the open window. We get

consume these shows in chopped up clips scattered across

idea of falling in and staying for a while. Every story is a souvenir

ice cream and squeeze onto the carousel like kids again even

social media, making it harder to identify their lack of

of survival. Raizan wrote, I must be crazy not to be crazy in this

though we’re too big, having grown beyond our expiration

authenticity. Therefore, Drake and 21 Savage received all

crazy spring nightmare. This house spins and I spin within

dates. We hug one another and it only means goodbye for now.

of the PR benefit without actually having to benefit the

it to create the impression of stillness. As long as the music is

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programs themselves.

LIFEST YLE

Dark Academia, Fast Fashion, and You

an exploration into internet aesthetics

by Sean Toomey Illustrated by Josephine Hostin The annoying, prodding question galavanting across every purchase: What does it mean to be fashionable? It is a question unanswerable, too subjective to even approach. Yet a thousand different corners have thrown a thousand different hats in the ring.

One of the most distinguishable features of this decade’s style and fashion community, concentrated in the last few years, has been the emergence and explosion of microtrend aesthetics over social media and their influence on how we view and clothe ourselves. Group fashion has always been an indomitable aspect of social presentation, from the early days of Ivy Style at Only Drake is capable of pulling off a stunt like this:

he is. He hides behind characters, accents, and layers of

Princeton to the low-cut everything vibes of the early

not only does he have the capital to ward off Vogue’s

meaning, making it impossible to assign him any moral

2000s. But the proliferation of social media—an infinite

subsequent lawsuit, but more importantly, he has the

blame within our current framework. While his recurrent

expanse of self expression absent of group sociality—

cultural capital to make this move successful, and he

sexism is clearly a shortcoming of his own, Drake’s escape

has smashed “universal style” and instead allowed

knows it. He knows that we will believe his performance,

from meaningful scrutiny despite his transgressions

a thousand microtrends and subcultures to take its

for not only have we seen him appear on these platforms

reveals the holes in our moral analysis of the modern

place. The fashion aesthetics we see today (cottagecore,

before, but his celebrity status is such that there is no stage

celebrity. As Kornhaber writes, “Lyrics can have layered

grandpa-core, TikTok’s rediscovery of preppy and its

he could not walk across with ease. With these videos,

meanings, but it’s laughable to say that Drake, who’s as

transmutation into “old money aesthetic”) are directly

Drake is laughing at us from his perch on top of popular

calculating as a computer, didn’t intend for the words shots,

informed by social media fads and accompanying

culture: not only has he conned the media, but he has also

lie, and stallion to trigger exactly this kind of controversy.”

discourse; a trendy loop by which microtrends are

conned his fans, and his knowledge of his own celebrity

In the supposed Meg diss, Drake appears in costume once

born and feed upon themselves before multiplying into

fuels his deceit. The song he and 21 performed on fake

more: just as the actor hides their person behind their

various smaller, more specific offshoots.

SNL was even titled “On B.S.,” a sly pun on his conscious

expression, Drake hides behind layered meaning. Pop

Take ‘dark academia’ for instance, one of the

embrace of falsity.

culture’s lexicon simply cannot ascribe blame to a figure

most popular and lasting of the microtrends to rise

as flimsy and transient as a Drake character—the man

out of social media. The premise of dark academia

himself has never been present.

is simple (as are the reading lists its followers posit,

Similarly, Her Loss flies off the shelf not because of any authentic lyrical genius, but because of Drake's cultural standing. Drunk on its own consumer value, the tracks on

While we may not have the language to pinpoint

but you didn’t hear that from me), a throwback look

Her Loss are comically lacking in terms of substance—the

the nature of his wrongdoings, Drake himself does,

based around vintage silhouettes and the aesthetics

album features lyrics like “crusty, musty, dusty, rusty/

cementing his role as pop music’s con man. Her Loss

of academic and university life, particularly the

fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” or “wham bam thank

is teeming with—to return to Kornhaber’s analysis of

mysterious and esoteric avenues of such lifestyles.

you ma’am,” and, my personal favorite, “if you a dog, then

Certified Lover Boy—“the language to talk about your

Think dark, earthy tones and the use of muted colors

roof n***a, I’m a dog.” Drake’s lyrics begin to make clear

own awfulness.” On More M’s, Drake boasts, “Thought

like maroon to create a sort of Victorian and Gothic

the simultaneous superpower and limitation Kornhaber

I was a popstar, I’m Slaughter Gang, I baited ‘em.” Here,

literature-inspired dress. High-waisted trousers in

speaks of: while it may allow for bold moves without fear,

he explicitly says that his movement between personas

tweed and wool flannel, dark-colored turtlenecks and

self-awareness “can make you complacent.”

is often intentionally deceptive. Her Loss is one large

roll necks, button down shirts underneath chunky

However, Her Loss’s self-awareness does not just

baiting of popular culture: Drake elicits controversy while

sweaters, tweed and corduroy blazers paired with

limit Drake’s creativity; its most profound constraint is

evading accountability by returning to his acting roots: he

dark overcoats, and throwback university-wear to

the one it places on the listener. In Circo Loco, Drake’s con

presents cues that he knows will invoke a response, but

point to literary and academic roots are hallmarks of

man approach to music goes awry. He raps, “This bitch lie

he lets the listener assign the particular meaning. As he

the style. Primarily, it is a fashion aesthetic that lends

about getting shots, but she still a stallion/She don’t even

tells us in the latter half of the bar dissing Meg,“She don’t

itself to vintage clothes and secondhand ownership, a

get the joke but she still smiling.” Many listeners received

even get the joke but she still smiling,” Drake is giving us

continuation of living history from the previous owner

this line as a diss to Megan Thee Stallion, who was allegedly

language whose true meaning we will never understand.

to the next. But one look at the current state of dark

shot by fellow rapper Tory Lanez; in true Drake fashion,

Nonetheless, he gets his intended reaction out of us, and

academia and you can see quite clearly that a desire for

it does so behind the cover of performed meaning. Lil

escapes unscathed.

a vintage look has been completely overtaken with a

Yachty, a collaborator on the album, claimed that Drake

Thus in an era dominated by cancel culture, Drake’s

desire for cheap, aesthetic clothing.

was referring to cosmetic injections and using stallion as

self-awareness has impeccably guarded him against

Most of the content being produced around

a general slang term for tall women. Nonetheless, Twitter

cancellation; it is his superpower, and a glaring limitation

the dark academia aesthetic is highly virulent memes:

users and music critics alike immediately pounced on

of our moral cognition. As the album’s title suggests,

TikToks featuring all the fashion goals an aesthetic-

Drake; Megan Thee Stallion herself even tweeted in

canceling Drake truly would only be her loss: killing the

craving audience could dream of, carefully crafted

response,“Stop using my shooting for clout.”

character we see, hear, and watch leaves the man himself

Instagram and Reddit posts showcasing just how much

While cancel culture has been tossed around

unscathed and falls short of addressing the suffering of

their life is within the style and how cool they look

in political contexts as a buzzword, its true arena is

the women who fall victim to his backhanded blows. To

doing it. But the majority of the style (the aesthetic

pop culture: in today’s discourse around celebrity

address the sexist harm of albums like Her Loss, what

being dominated by clothes) is visibly cheap, produced

accountability, canceling or boycotting has become

needs to grow is our critical assessment of pop culture

from fast fashion companies marketed toward young

synonymous with moral condemnation. The main moral

accountability; this does not entail a stripping down of

audiences who crave the instant satisfaction of cheap

question I apply to public figures who have morally

lyrical layers, but instead an understanding of what exactly

and available clothes. All the posturing about the

transgressed is as follows: “Can one separate the art from

builds them. If we understand how Drake functions and

aesthetic falls apart when you realize a discomforting

the artist?” If the answer is no, the artist is condemned

the gaze that created him, then we can begin to dismantle

majority of its followers are flashing their SHEIN fits

to cancellation; if yes, however, they emerge without

the harm of his sly, evasive violence, of our own societal

and copies of The Secret History like their some young

consequence or blame.

notions, and of producing an unreachable yet dominant

scholar delving into Thomas Wolfe in the 1930s. A brief

figure.

cursory search of Reddit threads and TikTok comments

Drake holds a unique position in this dichotomy: he has never been a part of his art, so we don’t even know who

will show the aesthetic’s disciples recommending ASOS

December 2, 2022

7

LIFEST YLE

coats and other cheap alternatives to vintage clothes.

a TikTok for your middling attempt at an influencer

Color Me [x]

It should go without saying that a vastly

career. It is important to remember it is never okay

consumable, quick-paced hijacking of aesthetics by fast

to buy from fast fashion companies because all major

fashion is highly dangerous. The desire to dress in a way

brands and companies are implicit in poor labor

supplemented and marketed by fast fashion companies

practices and environmental damage, and that there

has catastrophic consequences for the workers who

is never an excuse. Even acknowledging that many

have to meet demands of consumers hungry for cheap,

modern brands engage in unethical labor practices, the

trendy clothes. Workers in SHEIN factories are paid a

sheer volume of clothes and their poor quality that are

Synesthesia: the ability to hear shapes, taste colors, or see

monthly wage of around $556 with an expectation to

being churned out of fast fashion companies dwarfs

music. For some, there is an involuntary reaction that happens

make 500 articles of clothing per day, not to mention the

the impact of many of the modern brands people might

between senses where one sensory trigger will consistently

eighteen hour work days and draconian punishments

point to. Even the progenitors of fast fashion in the early

and predictably cause an interaction with another.

for any mistakes made on the production line.

2000s, Zara and H&M, who made their name from their

I think everyone has their own form of synesthesia. I

Beyond the human cost of the demand, we have

rapid fire collection releases, are dwarfed by modern

have a friend who sees a number whenever they think of or

to investigate the environmental damage that fast

fast fashion companies, with their astounding ability to

interact with a person—odd numbers mean different things

fashion is creating. For example, the demand for

analyze, influence, and design trends and release them

from even, and a person who is a four is entirely different from

cheap cashmere has led to overgrazing of Mongolian

to market with extreme speed.

a person who is a forty. For me, months of the year follow the

The Pantone Personality Palette by sarah kim Illustrated by harshini venkatachalam

plains, leaving barren landscapes that can’t sustain the

There is nothing wrong with being part of an

outline of a rectangle in my brain (starting with January in the

vigorous production of cashmere for mainly Western

aesthetic. In fact I would be surprised if anyone was

upper left corner) so dates are physically placed in a specific

consumers. Some herders have been forced to resort

immune to it now that we are so immersed in popular

spot along the perimeter.

to buying grass and feed for their goats to prevent their

culture and social media. What is wrong, however,

While I think it would be cool to taste the color of every

starvation. The lack of available grass and healthy,

is buying into an aesthetic in a way that supports

wall I see, I don’t have synesthesia. What I tend to do though

sustainable conditions have led to the overall worsening

and sustains the processes of something with such

(and I guess will settle for) is see a color and immediately

of cashmere quality over the years and—if the demand

detrimental consequences. There are so many helpful

think of a person in my life who embodies that color. Perhaps

for fast fashion continues—for the foreseeable future.

resources: guides on how to thrift, where to shop for

the discrepancy between shades can be argued according to

The quality of these clothes also leads to pieces which

which item, wardrobe guides, sustainability guides.

personal relationships with the individual, but I believe there

fall apart much more quickly than quality-made fashion.

Ignoring all of that in favor of an easy solution is being

is still a general agreement of color association. A guide to

With no incentive of quality to invest in repairs and

complicit in the environmental and human cost of fast

color-match your friends, a Pantone list of my dearly beloved:

the easier option of just buying more cheap clothes

fashion. It can be an uphill battle at first, but I promise

to replace old, damaged items a Google Chrome tab

there are always ways to dress the way you want to

away, fast fashion has led to a glut of clothes occupying

without buying into these markets of destruction, and

Different shades of green are entirely different people.

landfills and thrift stores, another nail hammered into

hell, if you’re really desperate, shoot me an email and I’ll

Forest green people are well-balanced. It makes sense why I

this climate coffin.

try my best to help.

see you the least in our suite. You are far more balanced than I

Some may think that being part of an aesthetic or

Stay warm, stay cozy, and stop buying shit.

Forest green (emerging from a dark turquoise), Pantone #3308

am, and now that I’m thinking about it, I haven’t seen you

movement makes one immune to trends and fast fashion.

since Monday. Perhaps I could’ve seen you yesterday

This does not hold up when fast fashion companies

had I not gone to the 10:05 p.m. movie showing and

are involved in the aesthetic, through marketing and

woken up at 9:30 a.m. this morning. Let’s snuggle in

production, in every level from purchasing to creating

your bed and watch The Parent Trap (Lindsay Lohan version

8

post–

LIFEST YLE only) soon, okay? I’ll roll the joint for us.

other pairs in a heartbeat if it meant I could keep you.

exception to orange-color-haters. You are the exception and

Forest green people settle into their specific shade and

Some days blues are a Pantone #2955 and other days,

lean into it. For you, everything in your life has begun to be

a Pantone #0298. If there was a set of ten markers and one

painted by those broad strokes. Forest green people probably

of them was blue, the shade might be different between each

Moss green (in the context of a medallion yellow, Pantone

run outdoors to exercise (maybe with a fanny pack strapped

brand of markers. But there will always be a blue marker—

#0130), Pantone #5767

to the waist), do puzzles on Thanksgiving Day, and eat granola

blue is blue the way you are you.

Now, moss green is important because the context of

and non-dairy yogurt for breakfast (which, of course, they

the color will change its meaning entirely. Moss green has Yellow, Pantone #3935

never skip).

there is nothing quite like my love for you.

individualized relationships with its adjacent color, whatever

“Yellow is capable of charming God.”

it might be. Moss green people can never be generalized; their

There is a physical effect with yellows. Seeing you has

conversations with one person are like moss cultivated in a

Deep fuchsia people will probably wear pants that are

the same effect as sunlight when you’re seasonally depressed.

Japanese garden, and their conversations with another like

also deep fuschia. Maybe with pearls, too, and drive a dented

You just make the world brighter in a literal way. You are just

moss as Christmas decoration.

car. Deep fuchsia is bright and loud and entertaining, and

cavalierly happy and it’s infectious. Hues of yellow will of

Let’s consider a moss green next to a medallion yellow,

indeed, deep fuchsia people are all those things. They have

course differ, but there is an undeniable radiance of yellows.

Pantone #5767 to Pantone #0130, respectively. In this

strong personalities, but everyone could use a bit of deep

So let’s crochet together and cook dinner together with the

context, moss green people send postcards on roadtrips,

fuschia in their life. Once you do, you might climb up fire

rosemary from your impressively healthy dorm plant. Or we

will have a personal connection to the word “cabin”, and

escapes with them or jump out of planes from 14,000 feet

can put on goggles and go for a dip in the sound, but it’s colder

exclusively shopped at REI and Patagonia on Cyber Monday.

together. They’ll have the dented car bouncing to the heaviest

now so maybe we can just go climbing together. Honestly, it

But that’s not to say moss greens can’t survive on their

beat when picking you up from the station at 3 a.m., and

doesn’t really matter what we do—as long as it’s with you, I

own. Moss, absent of roots and stems and leaves, can grow

maybe you’ll roam around the rainforest with them too. You

know I’ll be okay.

anywhere. In fact, moss comes alive in the rain.

Deep fuchsia, Pantone #0807

pick, it’ll be a good time regardless.

How much more sweet, tasty, and brilliant the world Orange, Pantone #0804

Blue is blue the way white is white, at least for Pantone #0293

around us becomes when colors come alive in this way.

Orange is for people who grow persimmons in their

Classic, true, honest. It’s like when people have 18 pairs

backyard, who re-wild their lawn to allow nature to reclaim its

of blue jeans in their closet, there is still a single one that is

ground. Orange is for people who get emotional at cookbooks

the classic, love-worn staple, and the perfect shade of blue.

and unashamedly read romance novels while also reading

You are my favorite pair of blue jeans. I would sacrifice all my

Moby Dick. Orange is for people who are brilliant and are the

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Kyoko Leaman

“Perhaps building a home means, instead, freely giving pieces of ourselves away, leaving them in the unexpected corners of the world.”

—Kaitlan Bui, “In The Places We Once Called Home” 12.03.2021 “I think that any reflection upon this time will inevitably unfold as a stubbornly linear narrative, defining itself through the recognition and repetition of salient events.”

—Anneliese Mair, “A Decade Undone” 12.06.2019

FEATURE Managing Editor Alice Bai Section Editors Addie Marin Ananya Mukerji ARTS & CULTURE Managing Editor Joe Maffa Section Editors Katheryne Gonzalez Rachel Metzger

NARRATIVE Managing Editor Siena Capone Section Editors Danielle Emerson Sam Nevins LIFESTYLE Managing Editor Kimberly Liu Section Editors Tabitha Lynn Kate Cobey HEAD ILLUSTRATOR Connie Liu COPY CHIEF Aditi Marshan

Copy Editors Eleanor Peters Klara Davidson-Schmich Indigo Mudhbary SOCIAL MEDIA HEAD EDITORS Kelsey Cooper Tabitha Grandolfo Natalie Chang LAYOUT CHIEF Alice Min Layout Designers Alice Min Caroline Zhang Gray Martens Jiahua Chen

STAFF WRITERS Dorrit Corwin Lily Seltz Alexandra Herrera Olivia Cohen Danielle Emerson Liza Kolbasov Marin Warshay Aalia Jagwani AJ Wu Nélari Figueroa Torres Daniel Hu Mack Ford Ellie Jurmann Andy Luo Sean Toomey Marlena Brown Nadia Heller Sarah Frank

Want to be involved?

Email: kyoko_leaman@brown.edu!

December 2, 2022

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