Sights unseen

by Steve Lange

On back-to-back days last month, while on an East Coast motorcycle trip with my dad and little sister, we experienced the following:

On Thursday, we watched a mother humpback and her calf swim alongside our whale watching tour boat for 45 minutes.

On Friday, we saw a bear ride a Segway.

Not some guy in a bear suit. An actual bear. Riding a two-wheeled personal transportation device that recently starred in Paul Blart: Mall Cop (see page 14).

“Less than one percent of all humans,” according to the whale tours website, “have ever seen a whale in its natural habitat.”

We couldn’t find any statistics about the number of humans who have seen a bear ride a Segway. The odds of seeing these two things happen on consecutive days are—and we’re quoting a statistician friend here—“What in the hell are you talking about? What do you mean, a bear riding a Segway? Like one of those stand-up things with wheels? And do you mean a guy in a bear suit?”

The whale watching took place in the Atlantic Ocean, a dozen or so miles offshore from Gloucester, Mass.

The bear-on-a-Segway was just one scripted bit from the Bear Show at Clark’s Trading Post in New Hampshire, one of those one-of-a-kind, classic roadside attractions from America’s Golden Age of Tourism. Other bits included a game of “bears”ketball and something about the right to “bear arms” and a reference to the trainer and his “bear behind.”

Sure, wild whales and balancing bears are relatively interesting, and seen by relatively few humans. But I have also personally met Mr. Crispy, a celery-headed mascot at a celery interpretive museum. I’ve been attached to a Psycograph—an antique phrenology machine designed to read a person’s head bumps and depressions to determine personality—at the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices. I’ve seen—but turned down the tour guide’s offer to handle—a collection of historical contraceptive devices (that looked like something out of a tackle box) at the History of Contraception Museum. It may sound braggy, but it’s really a cry for help.

I’ve never passed a Mustard Museum (“See 5,000 jars of mustard from 50 states!” in Mt. Horeb, Wis.) or a Vinegar Museum (“See vinegars from all over the world!” in Roslyn, S.D.) or an Ed’s Museum (“See Ed’s gallstones in a glass jar!” in Wykoff, Minn.) that didn’t lure me in to spend anywhere from “donations accepted” to $10 to tour.

At the Celery Interpretive Center in Portage, Mich., our tour started with a question. “Celery,” asked our tour guide, pausing dramatically, “just a crunchy green vegetable?” The question was rhetorical. And the answer was no. Hell no. On the tour, we witnessed celerying tools, a roll of celery tape (used for “binding stalks for shipping”), and a poster touting Dunkley’s Kalamazoo Celerytone (a “celery tonic aphrodisiac,” containing “20 percent alcohol”). That’s where we met Mr. Crispy.

At the Postal Museum, in Marshall, Mich., we stepped into a room designed to look like the inside of an old train car, and we stood in front of a table stacked with envelopes that needed to be sorted. “Squint your eyes,” said our postal-hatted tour guide, “and just pretend.” We were pretending, it turned out, to be postal workers sorting mail on one of these trains.

It should be noted that, when I visited Toronto’s History of Contraception Museum (a half dozen or so display cases in a hallway of a large pharmaceutical company), it was for a magazine story. Though I should have told the tour guide, who probably found my furious notebook scribbling and constant photo-taking a bit disconcerting. Anyway, when I left, the female tour guide, apparently sensing my unbridled interest in the subject, gave me a “special edition” coffee table book with photos of the various displays.

And, really, what are the odds of that?

STEVE LANGE slange@rochestermagazine.com

NOOD REYNOLDS nreynolds@rochestermagazine.com

MEGAN MALUGANI mmalugani@rochestermagazine.com

JAMIE FITZGERALD jfitzgerald@rochestermagazine.com

GERMAINE NEUMANN KRISTY MINTZ (507) 281-7469 kmintz@rochestermagazine.com

VICKY KRUGER (507) 285-7775 vkruger@rochestermagazine.com

CLAIRE LEMPKE ANNA STEVENS

SCOTT JACOBSON MICHELE JOKINEN KEN KLOTZBACH ELIZABETH NIDA JERRY OLSON

POST-BULLETIN COMPANY, L.L.C. 18 FIRST AVENUE S.E. P.O. BOX 6118 ROCHESTER, MINNESOTA 55903-6118 (507) 285-7770

VOLUME TEN NUMBER NINE

Rochester Magazine is a monthly publication produced by the Post-Bulletin Co., L.L.C. and distributed at hotels and on racks throughout Rochester, MN. No part of this publication may be reprinted or otherwise reproduced without written permission. Editorial correspondence: Editor, Rochester Magazine, 18 First Ave. S.E., P.O. Box 6118, Rochester, MN 55903-6118 or e-mail to SLange@rochestermagazine. com. Comments, additions, or corrections may be sent via e-mail to: SLange@rochestermagazine.com. what’s happening where

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Organizers of the Rochester hope to draw 600 walkers and raise $60,000 at this year's event on September 12 at East Silver Lake Park.

The ALS (short for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) Association hosts the Walk to Defeat ALS in five Minnesota cities and it has helped to raise more than $2.6 million for local patient services and nationally directed research.

ALS, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, is a degenerative disease of the central nervous system. There is no known cause or cure for ALS, but advances in medical technology are allowing ALS patients to lead more productive lives. In Minnesota alone, there are between 300 and 400 people living with ALS. “We have the opportunity to see our programs work for the PALS (people of ALS) when they come to the walk,” says organizer Kristina Hedberg. “Everyone who has been touched by ALS has a different story, and we have the opportunity to hear these stories when either the PALS or their family members participate in the Walk to Defeat ALS.”

Registration starts at 9 a.m.; the walk begins at 10 a.m. For more info call 888-672-0484, email kristina@alsmn.org, or go to www.alsmn.org.

Organizer Paula Graskamp had no idea what to expect last year when she organized Rochester’s first Community Walk. Despite that, it was a success; with a turnout of 130 walkers, the walk raised $27,000. Graskamp hopes to build on that success this year, expecting up to 200 walkers at Silver Lake Park’s east pavilion on September 19. Participants can register beforehand or on the day of the walk.

The 3-mile scenic stroll will kick off at 11 a.m. with speakers sharing their own experiences. Juice and snacks will be provided for walkers and raffle prizes will be awarded at the end of the event. The money raised through registration and fundraising will be used in Rochester area schools to supply videos on teenage suicide prevention.

To register for the walk contact Paula Graskamp at 507-272-8144 or email her at graskamp@charter.net. www.outofthedarkness.org event organizer Shirley Russo says to expect tears, laughter, and lots of fun at the fifth annual breast cancer awareness walk on September 20. Starting at 9 a.m., participants will walk a 10-mile loop from Mayo High School to the trail around Silver Lake and back to raise money to help Rochester area women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Participants raise a minimum of $50 to participate, often forming teams to collect pledges or donating personally. Last year’s Join the Journey raised $100,000. All registered walkers receive a t-shirt, light breakfast and lunch, fun opening ceremony, and entertainment throughout the walk. Each year breast cancer survivors join in the walk, donning pink t-shirts to celebrate their winning fight.

“The whole day is very moving for survivors and their friends and families as they share stories and support,” says Russo. “It is wonderful for new ‘survivors’ still wearing head scarves to see other survivors doing so well and getting back to the business of living!” www.jointhejourney.us have made a big name for themselves over the past ten years as country music’s grammy-nominated Montgomery Gentry, a duo whose Southernrock style of country has garnered three platinum albums and numerous American Country Music and Country Music Association awards (including 2000’s Vocal Duo Of The Year) and induction into the Grand Ole Opry. With more than 20 charted singles, like “My Town,” “What Do Ya Think About That,” and “Hell Yeah,” Montgomery Gentry will have plenty of hit songs to choose from when they take the stage at Treasure Island Resort and Casino in Red Wing on September 18.

Tickets ($45 and $55) available at www.treasureislandcasino.com or by calling 800-222-7077.

Once hyped as the “future of transportation” and a “viable alternative to urban congestion,” Segways haven’t quite lived up to their lofty expectations, and eight years after their grand unveiling on “Good Morning America” they seem to be a novelty used predominantly by sight-seeing tourists and Paul Blart, Mall Cop.

Still, when opened this spring and began offering guided tours through Rochester and Lanesboro, I was intrigued. The people I spotted gliding around downtown on the self-balancing, upright, electric-powered scooters (dubbed “magic sneakers” by inventor Dean Kamen) all seemed to be having a blast.

And so, on a sunny summer day, I untethered myself from my cubicle, escaped my windowless office building, and made haste to Ultimate Segway for a gliding experience of my own.

Owner Ken Smith gave me the basic facts: A Segway weighs 105 pounds. A Segway rider stands nine inches off the ground. A Segway’s top speed is 12.5 mph. (If it went any faster, it couldn’t be used on sidewalks, in the skyways, or on bike trails.) A Segway can usually go 24 miles on one battery charge. Segways cost $5,300 and up to buy, but only $30 an hour to rent from Ultimate Segway.

After receiving assurances from Smith about the Segway’s safety (fearing more that innocent bystanders would become collateral damage than that I would get hurt), it was time to don my bike helmet and step aboard. “Most people think they’re going to crash” at some point during their first encounter with a Segway, Smith told me. But balancing on the two-wheeled machine when it was standing still turned out to be the easy part.

The bigger thrill—and challenge—was learning to glide and steer. Smith coached me in circles around the cemented lot near his business. He told me the Segway intuitively responds to its driver’s movements. (A little additional research showed that the technology is based on gyroscopes and tilt sensors.) So if you lean forward on the balls of your feet, the Segway moves forward, and if you apply more pressure, you’ll gain more speed. You turn by tilting left or right on your handlebars, and you stop by tilting backward on your heels. “People can’t believe how it works. It blows their minds,” Smith says. “It feels so natural after a while.”

After a few shaky figure eights and even shakier attempts at stopping (which usually ended with me jumping off the Segway), we were off on our tour. A few minutes into the ride, Rochester Magazine photographer Michele snapped a few pictures. All well and good, except that I lost my concentration and almost took out an immobile bicyclist perched on the bike trail in front of the Civic Center. (It’s not captured on film, although Michele commented it would have been the ultimate “action shot.”) Those lessons on turning and stopping were forgotten as I zoomed toward the bicyclist, and I had to jump off the Segway a foot or so from him and restrain the machine until my tour guide came over and got me going—red-faced—in the right direction again.

That was my klutziest Segway moment of the day. We hit the blessedly quiet bike path to Silver Lake and looped it, with me leading the way. On the way, I received comments from passers-by that ranged from the cheerful (“now that’s the way to go”) to the crabby (“I prefer to exercise, myself”) to the curious (“Mommy, look at that!”). The Segways always attract a lot of attention, Smith confirmed, adding that he worries more about cars crashing into each other while drivers are craning their necks to look at a Segway on the sidewalk than he does about a Segway/car collision.

It’s a cliche, but at my top speed of 11.4 mph, I felt exhilarated, and the wind was literally whipping through my hair (or was it just a windy day?). Going 11.4 mph while standing straight upright felt surprisingly fast, especially when my jaw shook and face contorted with every bump and jolt on the path.

Sadly, my hour was over all too soon. On the fun-o-meter, the Segway ranked way above a golf cart and a convertible. True thrillseekers would no doubt consider a Segway ride to be pretty tame, but for a workday adventure in downtown Rochester, it was about as thrilling as they come. To me, a klutzy hour touring Rochester on a Segway is better than the best hour sitting in my cube.

Ultimate Segway, ultimatesegway.com. Located right above Gilligan’s at 11 Fourth St. SE, 507-206-0988. The cost for a one-hour guided tour (which begins after you complete a brief training session) is $30 (and includes burger and fries at a local restaurant). Helmets provided, unless you want to bring your own.

How often do you return to the Mayo Clinic since your transplant?

Well, I’m there every year for an annual physical and I will be forever. So I see them annually, and if I have any problems, they see me more frequently than that. Fortunately, I’ve been doing well for the past six-and-a-half years.

How do you stay so in shape?

I play golf all winter. And although I don’t walk here on the local course in Caledonia because it’s down in bluff country and it’s very upand-down, Florida is flat, so I walk 9 out of 10 days down there. That’s about all I do, I don’t go to the gym or fitness center or anything.

You said Florida; how often are you there?

We [Ardell and his wife Maureen] live there six months out of the year. Here six months, and there for six months. We started last year, but we’ve been wondering why we haven’t been doing that for the past three or four years.

What has kept you busy since your journey around the world?

I’ve been active in doing presentations regarding organ donation, and obviously the circumnavigation as well, which comes up probably more than the organ donation part. I’ve been doing some fundraising. My wife and I have both been to Washington, D.C. trying to get sponsorship regarding some bills, mostly regarding dialysis. Insurance companies are only required to pay for the dialysis for a patient for a short amount of time, and it’s not enough time. So we’re trying to get that doubled. We really don’t know what the final outcome is. We only have a promise that they will present our information and our request to the primary person.

What was so important about your voyage?

Sailing solo around the world is done by very few people. And I say “very few,” I mean hundreds, over forever. There’s no way of coming up with any figure. Now, Mount Everest, you can come up with an exact figure on that. [An estimated 1,500 have reached the summit.] It’s a lot, lot more. I assume one reason is that [climbing Everest] doesn’t tie your life up for a year and a half. It’s something that has always received a lot of publicity.