REALITY THEATER

INTERVIEW Reality Theater

Our new friend Nikki Glaser needs little introduction.

INTERVIEW BY COLIN W. SARGENT

Youknow Nikki Glaser. When the group of friends in Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck plays Skeletons in the Closet, her uptight character confesses she’s uncomfortable because her children have just seen Glee. Glaser is a powerhouse: reality TV star, writer, producer, podcaster, Comedy Central host, Net ix luminary, and standup standout. A master at saying that which should not be spoken.

When you’re warming up an audience, what’s your cleanest dirty test joke? My niece is four, and I was visiting her while my brother-in-law was taking pictures of her. She said, “Ooh, get my good side!” Which made me so sad... Because she doesn’t have one.

Lobsters have been quiet for too long. If you wrote an opening line of dialogue for a lobster, how would a lobster break the ice? Well, I’m a vegan, so I would say, “ ank you so much for boiling us alive instead of just hitting us with a hammer. Who doesn’t like a slow death! at hiss you hear is us screaming. Don’t make us crawl to our death just to be in your TikTok.”

Actually, the hardest thing about being a vegan is not eating lobster. Because. I. Love. It. Never. De nitely scratching o the last few states I haven’t visited and performed in!

But you’ve been close, recently, with a stop at Mass General last month. So how will you know you’re in Maine if you haven’t been here yet? e accent. You can hear it from Pittsburgh.

What’s the funniest thing you didn’t get a chance to say and thought of later? e roast of Alec Baldwin where [attack comic] Je Ross was one of the other roasters. My seat was up on the dais beside the microphone stand. While Je was doing his roast he got really parched, so I gave him my water...I really regret not pouring his water behind me when I got it back!

Oh, it would have been so good. I was distracted just thinking about the missed opportunity. I’d spent a lot of my roast joking about how repulsive I found him.

What’s your favorite 30 seconds of “you” in a movie? I’ve never acted more than 30 seconds in a traditional movie!

I’m not proud of my acting back then [she played “Woman in LL HC” in 2018’s I Feel Pretty]. I cringe when I look back. I don’t really consider myself an actress. ose two early lm appearances happened because of my friendship with Amy Schumer.

You were an English Lit. major. Considering your fun reality show, did you ever read Thomas Wolfe’s You Can’t Go Home Again? No. Unfortunately, I didn’t read much in college. I’d already decided to write comedy before I began my English pursuits. My parents thought I needed a degree. ey were wrong. I was too consumed with writing jokes to read e Canterbury Tales.

We’ve seen Bangin’. You could have written The Canterbury Tales! One day I may return to it.

COVID is forcing people to explore Plan B and try to fnd some love in it. Returning to your roots in St. Louis to get closer to your parents and your chihuahua in Welcome Home Nikki Glaser? seems unscripted and real. How’s the show going? I love reality shows, but cable networks are up in the air. Network networks are up in the air. TV is a confusing place, even if your show is good. It has not been picked up for a second season. Huh. So there is a second season—it’s just that it’s not being lmed.

So how’s it going with Chris Convy, your romantic ex and co-star from the show? Chris and I have recently moved to L.A. We’re in counseling together and getting closer every day.

What’s your 30 most embarrassing seconds doing standup? I like people’s tattoos. I do. One time I asked