Kitsap Veterans Life, January 02, 2015

Veterans Life

The Voice for Kitsap’s Veterans and their Families

January 2015

Silent no more Speaking out about — and against — sexual assault in the military Published monthly by Sound Publishing Co. | Updated regularly online on KitsapVeteransLife.com

Members of Congress are pushing to make the DoD accountable in stopping sexual assaults in the military and in ending retaliation against those who report it. Because of recent legislation, more military personnel and veterans are coming forward.

In this story, Mary McLeod Parmenter, USMC 1960-61, shares her story of survival, empowerment, and advocacy.

One Marine private’s story

By RICHARD WALKER

Pvt. Mary McLeod Parmenter, USMC, after she graduated from boot camp in 1960. She felt deeply shamed after she left the Corps, and never told her family about her rape.

Veterans Life

B

REMERTON — Mary McLeod Parmenter was traumatized after only seven months of service as a Marine. She found hell not on the battlefield, but on base.

Parmenter is a survivor of sexual assault, diagnosed with PTSD and deemed by VA to be 50 percent disabled.

She’s proud to have been a Marine. And she’s committed today to ensuring Marines — women and men — are able to serve in uniform without fear of sexual assault or reprisals.

Her story of her stint in the Marines sounds more like an episode from “Mad

Courtesy of Mary McLeod Parmenter

Men” — male-dominant, promiscuous and boozy — than a recruiting film.

Vincennes University is a Servicemembers Opportunity College consortium school

Born in 1940, she grew up in Michigan on a farm, where she listened

to Edward R. Murrow, read Life magazine and dreamed of being the next Margaret Bourke White, the first female war correspondent and the first woman allowed to work in combat zones during World War II. On Sept. 8, 1960, Parmenter enlisted in

the Marines against her father’s wishes and went to Parris Island for boot camp. She had to be fished out of the pool during the must-pass swim test, but a training sergeant whispered in her ear that he would pass her if she dated him.

After 16 weeks of secretarial training, she was assigned to the base newspaper at Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point, North Carolina. She showed early promise as a journalist; for her first assignment, she produced a two-page story on a childcare center. Then, she landed an interview with Mercury astronaut Scott Carpenter.

In preparing to fly backseat in a military jet, she

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learned to eject from the plane and earned her “Oh my ass” card. However, when she was advised by other female Marines that she’d have to “put out” for the pilot in exchange for the flight, she gave up her dream of experiencing jet flight.

Soon after a female staff sergeant convinced Parmenter that in order to have a successful career she would have to have the support of officers and should get to know some.

The sergeant suggested a double date and offered to make the introductions.

Parmenter said her date raped her that night.

She went to her staff sergeant the next day to See PARMENTER, Page 3

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Parmenter

Continued from page 2 report what happened and was told she had violated the UCMJ by fraternizing with an officer. The veiled threat of an NJP compelled her to back off. But she sought safety the way many women did at the time: She married.

She and her husband, a Marine MP, had known each other since Parmenter reported for duty at Cherry Point. He was kind — “a nice guy,” she said — and he was a police officer. “I thought, if I marry him, I’ll be safe,” she recalled. They married in March 1961.

When her birth control failed, Parmenter reported to her commanding officer — a female captain — that she was pregnant, and the officer told her she was “a disgrace” to the Corps.

On April 14, 1961, Pvt. Parmenter was discharged for “convenience of the government” — honorably, but mustered out nonetheless.

“The shame was really strong,” she said. “My parents were strict. I wasn’t allowed to date till I was a senior in high school, and then I only had one date.”

She felt deeply shamed and internalized the sense of disgrace to the Corps.

She never told her family about the come-ons and the rape.

She began drinking.

Then, her husband decided he wasn’t ready for marriage and fatherhood, moved out of their off-base apartment and asked for a divorce. Based on the law at the time, Parmenter had to go to Kentucky, her husband’s home state, to file for divorce.

‘The look in my sons’ eyes hit me’ Parmenter worked at the base cafeteria — she

“Therapy is a wonderful thing.

It helps you to become who you were meant to be, to reach your potential.”

— Mary McLeod Parmenter

was fired for giving black customers seconds on coffee — and then managed a bar in town. She married again, in 1964, to a career Marine who later became a warrant officer. They were stationed at Long Island, New York; Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii; and El Toro, California, and had a second son.

Her experience during her stint in the Marines still haunted her and she continued to self-medicate — drink. She filed for divorce from her second husband in 1971 because of his alcoholism — and because “I wanted to control my own [drinking] and go to school,” she said.

She lived in Santa Ana, raised her children, attended college, worked at a post office, then returned to Michigan in 1973 where she met her brother’s friend. He became her common-law husband.

“Alcohol played a major part in our relationship,” Parmenter said, but one day “the look in my sons’ eyes hit me and I decided to stop drinking.” The relationship ended and she returned to Hawaii with her sons.

Living in Hawaii with her two young sons, she was assaulted two more times. She escaped a rape attempt, and in another instance was grabbed in her room by an intruder as she slept. Each incident contributed to her growing paranoia.

Then, one day, she saw a sign for a National Organization of Women

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meeting and decided to attend. She remembers standing up to speak — she doesn’t remember what she said — but after the meeting she was stopped by three women from NOW. She had been drinking and the women told her she needed help.

They offered to take her to therapy and to watch her children for her.

“They saved my life,” Parmenter said. “They mirrored to me that I had value.”

A new life began. She founded Women Against Rape, a rape crisis center, in Honolulu, Hawaii, and directed it from April 1975 to December 1976.

She returned to the States, working alternately as a chef, a restaurant manager, and a real estate agent. Then, two events pushed her over the edge: Her second son died of cancer in 1991. Then, while watching TV coverage of the Tailhook sexual assault case, the questioning of the veracity of the victims’ testimony brought her own experience to the fore. (In one famous brush-off of allegations, a rear admiral commented that “a lot of female navy pilots are go-go dancers, topless dancers or hookers.”)

“I knew they weren’t lying because it had happened to me,” Parmenter said of the women’s testimony.

Her experience came up during a visit to her doctor, who was concerned about her rise in blood pressure.

Thirty years after her assault in the Marines, she was diagnosed with PostTraumatic Stress Disorder and began therapy.

‘I was outraged by the stories I heard’ She returned to school, earned a bachelor’s degree at Metropolitan State University in Minnesota and a master’s at United Theological Seminary of the Twin Cities. She worked for the Family Violence Network in Lake Elmo, Minnesota and conducted background

On the cover A U.S. Marine poses for a photograph designed to raise awareness about reporting sexual assault, at Camp Foster, Okinawa, Japan, April 6, 2011. The image was created as part of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Photo by Lance Cpl. Jovane Henry, USMC

“It doesn’t take much to trigger my anger. It doesn’t take much to trigger my fear.”

— Mary McLeod Parmenter

investigations for a Nuclear Regulatory Agency contractor.

She worked as a veterans representative with the Minnesota Department of Employment from 19982006.

“It had been more than 30 years since I was assaulted [in the Marines].

I thought, surely that doesn’t happen anymore,” Parmenter said. “But every woman veteran I saw in those years had been sexually assaulted.”

She met one female veteran who had been threatened with demotion because she didn’t open the door to her quarters to a senior NCO who was making advances.

“I was so outraged by the stories I heard,” she said.

She focused her energies on ensuring women victims received therapy — and empowerment.

“After I had that job as

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a vet rep, I could be blunt [about therapy] – ‘You’re going to have to deal with it, so you can do the things you need to do.’

“Therapy is a wonderful thing. It helps you to become who you were meant to be, to reach your potential. That’s the purpose of life — to actualize your potential and contribute to the universe.”

She moved in 2006 to Bremerton, where she founded and commanded the Puget Sound chapter of Women Veterans of America. She served as a guest minister in a Unitarian Universalist congregation. She couldn’t participate because of health reasons, but she sent a delegation of Women Veterans of America chapter members to join other women veterans marching in a King County Veterans Day Parade, carrying a banner on behalf of military sexual assault survivors. The banner declared, “I Am Not Ashamed.”

She lobbies regularly for improved accessibility to VA health care; she once called the White House and talked to an aide about the need to allow veterans to get care closer to home, even if the health care facility is not VA. (She has been waiting since August for a diagnosis related to pain in her right leg).

When she’s not lobbying or advising survivors of sexual trauma, she reads the New York Times and walks Sheila, her 75-pound

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female Doberman, a rescue dog she adopted.

She has a son in Houston, Texas; a son in San Francisco; a daughter in Raleigh, North Carolina; and a grandson.

She wants survivors of sexual trauma — women and men — to know this: You didn’t do anything wrong.

You are not responsible for the assault on you, the perpetrator is.

And you deserve help.

The trauma doesn’t go away, but you can learn how to live with it, Parmenter said. “It doesn’t take much to trigger my anger. It doesn’t take much to trigger my fear.”

Now 74, there’s a part of Parmenter that is still Marine tough.

“I still believe I can do whatever I want to do,” she said.

POSTSCRIPT: According to a recent report in the New York Times, an estimated 26,000 rapes and sexual assaults took place in the armed forces in 2012, but only one in seven victims reported the attack and only one in 10 of those cases went to trial.

The Service Women’s Action Network, or S.W.A.N., is a good resource for information regarding advocacy, assistance, legislation and policy. Go to www.servicewomen.org.

The Invisible War website is another good resource for information: www.notinvisible.org.

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EDUCATION

Education helps U.S. Army couple prepare for post-service careers

By MARGO MYERS

SPECIAL TO VETERANS LIFE

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s thousands of veterans leave the military to launch a new career, education is playing a key role to ease their transition. And the return to college can happen at any age.

Take for example, Terry Bradshaw and Cheryl Montgomery, a couple who, between them, have two full U.S. Army careers, service in the National Guard, a 22-year marriage and three children raised to adults.

The couple, who are both in their 50s, are pursuing university degrees to advance their post-military careers. In fact, Bradshaw believes he’s getting more out of his studies now than he might have at a younger age.

“The good thing about school is that I went later

Terry Bradshaw and Cheryl Montgomery are pursuing university degrees to advance their post-military careers.

Margo Myers / Contributed

in life,” Bradshaw said.

“Once you get started with classes, you start putting

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being more innovative and creative for yourself, more doors open up and you have more choices.”

Bradshaw and Montgomery are planning for what some might consider their second careers. Bradshaw graduated from Brandman University at the Joint Base Lewis-McChord campus with a bachelor’s degree in organization leadership in June 2014. He’s working on his master’s degree at Brandman in the same major.

With roles in the Army that included human resources and truck driving, Bradshaw retired from the Army in 2011 as sergeant first class, and knows he has more to accomplish in life.

“I’m 58 years old, and I’m pondering my next step and looking at my options,” he said.

Bradshaw’s wife, Cheryl, is considering her future, and pursuing her university degree to expand her options. She retired from the Army in 2005 after a career in personnel, and currently works at Gray Army Airfield at JBLM. “I’m working towards my bachelor’s in organizational leadership at Brandman,” Montgomery said. “Once I get my BA, my plan is to get a master’s in human resources and pursue a job in that field.”

With both of them in school, plus holding down jobs, Bradshaw and Montgomery know what it’s like to juggle a busy schedule. And then they decided to add yet another challenge: buying a house during the school term.

“It’s crazy,” Bradshaw said.

“Crazy is right,” Montgomery added.

“Juggling work, classes, buying a house, painting and moving all at the same time with the final week of classes.”

Bradshaw said, “I don’t know how we did it. But we did.”

Having classes at Brandman that are both online and in person helped the couple manage the stressful period.

Montgomery said the See COLLEGE, Page 5

On- and near-base programs are designed to help active duty, veterans earn their degrees These colleges have a presence on or near military bases in Kitsap County. The contact information for the college’s veterans service office or liaison is listed. n Brandman University, Naval Base Kitsap — Bangor. Call 800-746-0082. Email acadadvisorBN@brandman.edu. Go to www. brandman.edu/bangornbk/contact#sthash.

4Bw1Ulb7.dpuf n Old Dominion University: Naval Base Kitsap — Bangor. 1042 Tautog Circle, Building 1042, Room 103. Contact Duane Sharpe, associate director of military and veterans education, 360479-5114, dsharpe@odu. edu.

College

Continued from page 4 Brandman staff checked in often, too.

“The staff will actually call and check with me and ask if I need any help,”

n Old Dominion University: Naval Station Kitsap — Bremerton. c/o Navy College Office, 120 S. Dewey St., Building 491, Room 214, Bremerton.

Contact Duane Sharpe, associate director of military and veterans education, 360-479-5114, dsharpe@odu.edu. n Olympic College, Naval Base Kitsap — Bangor. Navy College Office, Building 1042. Call 360-473-2821. Email vetcenter@olympic.edu. n Olympic College, Naval Base Kitsap — Bremerton. Navy College Office, Building 491. Call 360-473-2821. Email vetcenter@olympic.edu. n Olympic College, Bremerton campus.

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Montgomery said. “They see how I’m doing and whether I need tutoring.

A lot of schools don’t do that.”

Bradshaw and Montgomery are using their Post- 9/11 GI Bill benefits to help pay for

360-792-6050. Email prospect@olympic.edu. n Olympic College, Poulsbo campus. 1000 Olympic College Way NW, Poulsbo. Call 360-3942700. Email poulsbocampus@olympic.edu. n Vincennes University: Naval Base Kitsap — Bremerton.

Contact Jeff Dobson, site director, 120 S. Dewey St., Building 491, Bremerton.

360-478-7202. Email jdobson@vinu.edu. n Washington State University: Olympic College Poulsbo, 1000 Olympic College Way NW, Poulsbo. Call 360-3942700. Email poulsbocampus@olympic.edu.

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“It’s a competitive world out there,” Bradshaw said.

“But with my degrees, I’m going to make sure I have choices about my next career.”

OPPORTUNITIES TO SERVE Mentors needed for Veterans Treatment Court PORT ORCHARD — The Kitsap County Veterans Treatment Court is recruiting volunteer veteran mentors for the county’s Veterans Treatment Court.

The court works with veterans with substance

abuse and/or mental health issues that impede successful reintegration back into civilian life.

The volunteer mentor assists as an advocate, guide, role model, and support for the individual he or she is working with, to help the veteran as he or she progresses through the court process.

This includes listening to concerns of the veteran

and making general suggestions, helping the veteran determine what their needs are.

An ideal mentor is a good listener, encouraging, supportive, understanding, tolerant and respectful of individual differences.

If you are interested in becoming a volunteer mentor, contact Alisha Hebden at 360-337-4457 or email ahebden@co.kitsap.wa.us

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12/18/14 10:02I AM JANUARY MONTH, 2015 | VETERANS LIFE 5

Assistance to local veterans B

Y

$150,653

T

H

E

N

U

M

B

E

R

$3,698

The total amount of direct emergency assistance the Kitsap County Veterans Assistance Program issued to local veterans in need from January to August 2014. That amount includes ...

paid to assist local veterans with their water bills ...

$70,337

paid to help local veterans pay for gasoline ...

$26,423

paid to assist local veterans with clothing needs ...

$12,118

paid to assist local veterans with burial expenses ...

$11,354

paid to help local veterans buy heating oil ...

$6,654

paid to help local veterans buy propane ...

$5,718

paid to help local veterans pay their natural gas bills ...

$1,000

paid to help local veterans buy bus passes ...

$2,370

paid to assist local veterans with their rent payments ...

$789

paid to help local veterans pay their phone bills ...

$2,130

paid to assist local veterans with their Puget Sound Energy bills ...

$590

paid to help local veterans pay for trash service ...

$2,095

paid to assist local veterans with auto repair expenses ...

$443

paid to assist local veterans with emergency shelter in hotels ...

$1,547

paid to assist local veterans with food needs ...

$300

paid to help local veterans buy needed appliances ...

$1,393

paid to assist local veterans with medical expenses ...

S

$180

paid to help local veterans pay for occupation certification ...

$1,348

$166

paid to help local veterans pay union dues — Source: Kitsap County Veterans Assistance Board, www. kitsapgov.com/hs/veterans/VA.htm

paid to assist local veterans with dental expenses ...

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NEWSMAKERS received a certificate commending him for being an “Extraordinary Nurse” to his veteran patients. The certificate reads: “In deep appreciation of all you do, who you are, and the incredibly meaningful difference you make in the

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The legal measure for firewood in Washington is the cord or a fraction of a cord. Estimate a c o r d by v i s u a l i z i n g a four-foot by eight-foot space filled with wood to a height of four feet.

Most long bed pickup trucks have beds that are close to the four-foot by 8-foot dimension.

To m a k e a f i r e w o o d complaint, call 360-9021857. agr.wa.gov/inspection/ WeightsMeasures/Fire woodinformation.aspx agr.wa.gov/inspection/WeightsMeasures/Firewoodinformation.aspx

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J A N U A R Y, 2 0 1 5

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VETERANS LIFE

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LAWN & GARDEN • HOUSEWARES • TOOLS / PAINT BBQs

Thanks to all our Military veterans and active duty members of the Armed Forces who sacrifice everything to preserve our freedom.

T.L. Driver, CDR, MSC, USN,(RET)

The helpful place.

Encourages you to use all your tools to succeed!

Your Locally Owned, Full-Service, Family Hardware & Home Store

Bainbridge Island ACE Hardware would like to wish all our military heroes and families a Happy New Year Bainbridge Island

635 High School Road NE, Bainbridge Island HARDWARE • TOYS • GARDENING • HOME DECOR

Owner/Operator Dickeys Barbecue Pit of Port Orchard

Happy New Years to Our Military Heroes and Families

AND COMING SOON Dickeys Barbecue Pit of Poulsbo

Happy New Year

WWW.TREWAUTOBODY.COM 3700 W. Loxie Eagans Blvd.

Bremerton, WA 98312 Phone (360) 479-8739 Fax (360) 479-5597

1800 Mile Hill Dr., Suite 160 & 170, Port Orchard, WA 98366

Phone: 360.602.0424 online ordering www.dickeys.com YOUR CATERING EXPERTS! BANQUET ROOM available: 10 person minimum

Happy New Year to our military and their families. We appreciate your service to our country.

Your Pet. Their Health. Our Passion.

To honor our nations military, we offer a 10% discount to active duty and retired personnel.

1601 Woods Rd SE, Port Orchard, Washington (360) 871-3335 • contact@woodsideanimalhospital.com • www.woodsideanimalhospital.com 8 I VETERANS LIFE | JANUARY 2015