Seattle Weekly, June 19, 2013

JUNE 19-25, 2013 I VOLUME 38 I NUMBER 25

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CrossFit Diaries•

Michael Stusser spills ink, sweat, and tears during a month inside America’s hottest fitness fad.

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inside» June 19–25, 2013 » SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM

VOLUME 38 | NUMBER 25

Are antidepressants negatively affecting your

Sex Life? »25

Taking an antidepressant can negatively affect different aspects of your sex life.

It can diminish your interest in sex, lower your libido and/or reduce your sexual performance. If your depression has improved on your antidepressant but you are experiencing lowered sexual function as a result, you may qualify for an investigational medication research study.

To qualify, you must be: · taking paroxetine (Paxil), sertraline (Zoloft) or citalopram (Celexa) for at least 8 weeks · between the ages of 18-55 For more information about this antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction study, please call:

»09

up front 6

NEWS

THE DAILY WEEKLY | Dysfunction in the

school board; shifting mayoral alliances.

9

FEATURE

BY MICHAEL STUSSER | The

absolutely true diary of a CrossFit noob; or, how burpees kicked my ass.

in back 15 THE WEEKLY WIRE Nude cyclists in Fremont, Bill Maher at the Paramount, and more.

16 | CLASSICAL | A marine premiere

from the Seattle Symphony.

25 FOOD

25 | CROISSANTS | Rethink everything you thought you knew.

26 | WINE | Tips for beginners on restaurant ordering.

29 | FOOD NEWS | The week’s events.

www.SummitResearchCares.com

SexDys - SRNW - SW Qt Page

31 MUSIC

31 | JUKEBOX JURY | The members of Rose Windows opine on music new and old.

32 | THE SHORT LIST | Emily Wells, Horse Feathers, Kris Orlowski, and more.

32 | REVIEWS | What’s new from Fin Records.

other stuff 18 19 24 34 37

| | | | |

PERFORMANCE VISUAL ARTS FILM CALENDAR SEVEN NIGHTS TOKE SIGNALS

17 | OPENING NIGHTS | Rival

televangelists and an Afghan obsession.

18 | THE FUSSY EYE | Menace in the backyard.

21 FILM

THIS WEEK’S ATTRACTIONS | Sofia

Coppola’s celebrity stalkers, Austrian sex tourists, and Shakespeare in Beverly Hills.

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The Picture of Dysfunction

Anything can start a war among our school board’s bitter members. Even a reporter’s e-mail.

M

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

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ichael DeBell, the longest-serving member of the Seattle School Board and for years its president, exudes weariness as he sums up his tenure in an organization recently labeled at risk for becoming “the poster child of a dysfunctional” board. “It’s a job that didn’t get any easier the longer I did it,” sighs the real-estate investor and former high-school PTSA president, who is not seeking re-election this November after an eight-year run.

After an evaluation of the board came out last week, prepared by consultants and based on interviews with board members themselves and the district’s senior staff, it’s no wonder why. The 70-page report is astonishing in its negativity, going way beyond the periodic gripes heard over the years about board bickering and unproductivity.

That comment about being a poster child of dysfunction? It’s a quote from the report, like others cited anonymously. And there are many of that ilk, revealing divisiveness so deep that board members can’t look each other in the eye and relations with staff so strained that employees feel threatened.

“Every day, I am embarrassed,” one board member told consultants from the Mercer Island Group, which prepared the report.

And as some see it, it’s not just board members’ self-esteem at stake; the board’s perceived toxicity may be driving away talent.

At a U District coffee shop last week, DeBell said that based on conversations with former interim Superintendent Susan Enfield, he believes the board led to her mysterious withdrawal from contention for the permanent position. After Enfield withdrew, so did two other candidates, leaving only current Superintendent José Banda in the running.

What exactly is causing this malaise? Part of the problem is a power struggle on the board, which has split into two factions labeled by some members as the “old” and “new” guards. The old guard: DeBell, Sherry Carr, and Harium MartinMorris. The new: Kay Smith-Blum, Marty McLaren, Betty Patu, and Sharon Peaslee.

After she was elected president in a 4-3 vote, Smith-Blum gave the old-guard members one committee assignment each, while giving those who’d voted for her three—a move she said was meant to allow the board’s senior members to take on other time-consuming tasks besides committee assignments, like legislative advocacy. To DeBell, though, it felt like a way of marginalizing the long-serving members, and still evokes bitterness.

Over coffee last week, DeBell called Smith-

BY NINA SHAPIRO

Blum “not very trustworthy” —a comment that drove the board president, upon hearing it, to send an angry e-mail to DeBell, other board members, and the superintendent, demanding a retraction.

Another point of contention is the perception of micromanaging, a charge that has dogged the school board off and on for years. In the evaluation, a number of those quoted say board members have taken demands to top district staffers and school principals, who felt their jobs were at risk if they did not acquiesce. The report does not say what these demands were, although it refers to board members’ involvement with personnel issues, such as telling the superintendent that he “has to get to rid of this person.”

Even with the passage of a DeBell-sponsored resolution that defined the board’s role last year—one that includes setting policy and overseeing the superintendent but not the day-to-day management of the district—the problem persists. “Yes, I know it is not my job to meet with principals,” the report quotes one board member saying. “But sometimes you have to do things to make change.”

Such a viewpoint is undoubtedly fed by some real problems in the district, like the lack of oversight that allowed former manager Silas Potter to oversee a personal fiefdom, doling out small-business contracts to people who did no work and offered kickbacks. (He pleaded guilty this spring to 36 counts of theft in King County Superior Court.) The scandal led to the firing of then-Superintendent Maria Goodloe-Johnson, and likely contributed to the 2011 defeat of two

school-board incumbents by McLaren and Peaslee, both reform-minded activists.

During the 2011 campaign, charges arose that members were too hands-off, whether in asking questions about finances or dealing with perpetual complaints that the district is not listening enough to its families. Has the district now swung too far in the other direction?

Even some members of the new guard seem to allow for this possibility. Although she asserts that the evaluation paints too negative a picture, McLaren says she wants to understand her role

better and to get “clarity on the transgressions” she is guilty of.

“There’s plenty of missteps to go around,” concedes Smith-Blum. She says new members inevitably face a learning curve in figuring out their roles, and suggests—somewhat ironically, given the recent tension between the old and new guards—that “mentoring” should be available to help new members. Unless board dynamics improve dramatically, though, they’ll likely need not only mentoring but a strong stomach.

Murray Camp Becomes a Nickelsville

BY ELLIS E. CONKLIN

A

by Nickels loyalists—many of whom, according mong the small army of campaign to multiple sources, believe Murray has the best operatives, consultants, and policy chance of any of the eight contenders to defeat advocates who have attached themMcGinn and take city hall. selves to the fate of leading mayoral One of them is former Mayor Charley Royer, candidate Ed Murray, nearly all share a trait that Mayor Mike McGinn’s campaign considers more a longtime Nickels supporter who served, on least one occasion, as his campaign surrogate in than a coincidence: They once worked for the 2009. Also expected to play a major role on the man McGinn vanquished, Greg Nickels. committee is Lisa MacLean, who worked in all To name a few: Christian Sinderman, whom three of Nickels’ mayoral campaigns.

Nickels hired to coordinate his ill-fated camDemocratic political consultant Dean Nielsen, paign for Secretary of State last year, will be overwho created the independent campaign commitseeing the mailing effort for Murray. tee, pooh-poohs the extensive connections, citing Sandeep Kaushik, the ex-mayor’s communicathe fact that he’s worked on a number of camtions director during the 2009 campaign, is a paigns against Nickels. “I really find the assertion partner in Soundview Strategies, which has to that this is some kind of Nickels thing is kind date been paid $6,000 by Murray for political consulting services. Kaushik is the spokesman for of bizarre. I just beat Nickels in the Secretary of State race with Kathleen Drew . . . I was with the Murray campaign.

[Paul] Schell in 2001, and didn’t support anyone Murray’s pollster, EMC Research—which in the 2009 primary. I personally haven’t spoken conducted a large voter survey in May to the to Greg in at least five years, maybe longer,” he tune of a $30,000 fee—was Nickels’ pollster in wrote in an e-mail. “Politics is a business. People 2009. go where the work is.”

New Partners Consulting, which performed Indeed, several Nickels department heads who opposition research for Nickels in 2009 and found themselves out of work when their boss helped with crisis communications in the afterwas ousted have attached their fortunes to Murmath of the December 2008 snowstorm, is also ray. While they all initially supported Tim Burnow in the Murray camp. The firm has been gess for mayor, Patricia McInturff, former Seattle paid $9,790, according to campaign disclosure Director of Human Services; Adrienne Quinn, reports. former Seattle Director of Housing; and Ken Meanwhile, Nickels’ former deputy Tim Ceis, Bounds, former Seattle Superintendent of Parks, who earned the nickname “The Shark” for his have now endorsed Murray. hardball tactics during his tenure as Nickels’ No love is lost between Murray and McGinn. enforcer, is helping out by, as he put it, “just tryMurray seriously considered mounting a write-in ing to raise a little money for Ed.” campaign after Nickels Mayor McGinn’s lost in the 2009 primary. campaign manager, John PRINT IS GREAT, but if you Earlier this month, MurWyble, maintains this want to read . . . why 911 isn’t ray told Seattle Weekly that is all about payback by so helpful for many immigrants, see if McGinn survives the Nickels loyalists who SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM/DAILYWEEKLY August 6 primary—which found themselves on the he fully believes McGinn outs after McGinn beat will—“I think this is going to be the ugliest camNickels in 2009. “I think some of these people weren’t ready to leave. They liked running the city paign Seattle has ever seen.”

To which Wyble responded on his blog, “Ed, and they want to do it again,” says Wyble. you would be better served to keep your sleazy Counters Ceis, “I think these people are more attack dogs on a leash, get your campaign out of motivated by their business interests. Wyble the gutter, and join the rest of us in a rigorous shouldn’t be personalizing the campaign this debate about the future of this city. way.”

“We can all waste our time taking potshots at Ceis’ involvement in the campaign comes each other. But I think the voters would appreciby way of the independent political committee ate if Ed Murray told his consultants to pull their People for Ed Murray, created earlier this month heads out of the gutter and focus on why Ed to raise funds (the senator is barred from raising should be the next mayor.” E money himself when the legislature is in session). The committee is chaired almost entirely news@seattleweekly.com

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How big will THE BIG ONE be?

FULL RIP 9.0 The Next Big Earthquake in the Pacific Northwest Sandi Doughton

Seattle Times science reporter Sandi Doughton delves into the fascinating and terrifying world of “The Big One” and examines how a mega-quake will affect the Pacific Northwest.

EVENTS June 18th, 7pm Seattle Public Library 1000 4th Ave, Seattle Featuring more than 70 artists, the exhibit celebrates women as engines of creation and change in popular music, with iconic artifacts and nonconformist costumes such as Joan Jett’s leather jacket from the video “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll,” Kim Gordon’s 1977 Ovation Magnum bass, and Lady GaGa’s meat dress.

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SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

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PTON FRAM PETERY WA YNE SHEPHERD & KENN

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T U L A L I P C A S I N O . C O M

Surviving a month inside the world of CrossFit, where burpees reign, pleasure is pain and the fanatics eat like cavemen .

By Michael Stusser• DOGS ARE BARKING WILDLY at the doggy day care next door as I peer into the CrossFit West Seattle gym. Inside there is what looks like a deranged beef-

THE CROSSFIT DIARIES

cake’s mad laboratory: indecipherable scrawlings on a whiteboard mixed with military flags, ropes and metal bars of all kinds, punching bags, dumbbells, and a black plastic floor that could just as easily catch pig guts as blood, sweat, and

-

tears.Then there is the music—thumping Metallica crotch-rock.

n n

CrossFit

has become wildly popular; the Admiral gym near my house opened in 2009, and now there are four in West Seattle alone and over 140 statewide. Nationally, the number of licensed CrossFit gyms grew from 13 in 2005 to over 6,000 today. In a group bootcamp setting, the gyms provide varied—and often bizarre—workouts including high-intensity lifting, tumbling,

-

cally everything I hate about working out.

n n

I’ve walked by this space a

hundred times and watched people squat and grunt inside, with the occasional guy sprinting out the door while hefting a sandbag or flipping a giant tire. Peering into the gym—converted from an old auto-detailing shop—I figure I might

as well give it a shot.

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 10

Photography by% Rick Dahms

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

sit-ups, rope-climbing, pull-ups: basi-

9

» FROM PAGE 9

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

Seventeen men and women, ages 19–59, show up for my first CrossFit meeting: something called “Foundations,” an intro series to understand the language and core movements necessary to be able to subject yourself to torture.

Welcoming us all to initiation that day was the gym’s owner, Rob Martin. If you could pick one teammate for Survivor, it would be Martin. Ruggedly handsome, the 47-year-old is calm, cleareyed, clearly strong as shit and a family man. His 17-year-old daughter, Lexi, runs the back office (and could probably lift me over her head). His son, Nate, 14, is also a gym rat, and frequently demonstrates proper gymnastic technique.

As two trainers swing their sculpted arms and twist their perfect torsos, Martin speaks briefly about the CrossFit philosophy. “As you can see,” he explains, “we don’t really use any machines in our gym. It’s an open space, and we use all of it in a million different ways to work out each time you are here.” As he speaks, I look with dread at the nets, rings, and heavy weights that litter the cavernous room.

“The key to CrossFit is variety—we emphasize competency at all physical tasks, based on functional movements you do in your everyday life.” I don’t know about this fellow, but I don’t do a whole lot of pull-ups or rope-climbing at my house (though I have thought about bringing in a stripper pole). The rest of us spend more time lifting lattes to our pie-holes than hefting ball-and-chains great distances. Still, I get it— building your core muscles is a big part of Pilates, yoga, and any cross-training. It’s important to keep a healthy spinal cord.

“Look at the Olympic athletes,” notes Martin. “Who’s the most fit, or in the best shape?

It’s not the marathoner who has a slender frame, or the weight-lifter, it’s the guy who does the decathlon—someone who can cross over into many activities.” So Bruce Jenner’s my role model now, just without the plastic surgery.

“Don’t worry,” Martin told us, “we mix it up, and we make it fun.”

As Martin runs through the 10 CrossFit fitness “domains,” my mind drifts to The Hunger

10

Games (or if you want, the original it was stolen from, The Running Man): strength, power, speed, flexibility, cardiovascular and respiratory endurance, accuracy, agility, balance, coordination. Then we did some burpees.

Burpees are a way to warm up, and something trainers use as a sort of bitch-slap if members arrive late, fail to put their names on the board, or aren’t listening. The burpee consists of flopping down to the floor, doing a push-up, then popping up and clapping your hands above your head. (As it turned out, the burpee would be my favorite activity of the entire experience . . . ) The three Foundations series trainers are articulate, attentive, and mellow. But more important, they are the most superb human specimens you’ll ever see: Ramrod-straight, perfectly propor-

tioned—basically what you get when searching Google Images for “hot hardbody.” (Not that I’ve ever done that . . . ) Rob, Zach, and Danielle trade off explaining how to perform even the most basic human tasks, which, sadly, I am performing sub-optimally: standing, for example (too far back on my heels), breathing (too shallow), and bending over (pooched stomach, shoulders scrunched).

The trainers consistently preach about how any CrossFit activity can be tailored to a specific person or limitation. Before the group does a dozen push-ups, for example, Danielle shows us how to do them the prescribed way, one that’s less strenuous (knees on the ground), or the oldfolks’ version (standing with your arms extended against the wall and leaning in and out). By the time she’s demonstrated the granny push-up,

Lexi, daughter of CrossFit West Seattle owner Rob Martin, shows up Stusser on the kettle bell.

I’ve been holding a standard for five minutes and am feeling my elbows begin to decay. Twentyfive jumping jacks here, 10 pull-ups there, some sit-ups, a jog around the block, and I’m already breaking a serious sweat.

That first day, it takes me a while to wrap my

mind around what the hell is going on at CrossFit. Why is there a countdown clock on the wall?

What does the scribbling on the whiteboard mean? (“RX: 5 Burpees, 5 SU, Five Squat, 200m X 4/15 minutes.”) With only 20 minutes left in our first session, I believe we’ve made it out easy.

at 15 flat, and a fairly out-of-shape gent a few years older than me takes 19 and a half minutes to get ’er done. We write our times next to our names, and during our cool-down stretch, Rob tells us to drink plenty of water and expect some soreness.

Talk about an understatement. I have not, apparently, used a majority of my muscles on a regular basis during my pre-CrossFit life. On the days between workouts, I can barely move, and it takes every non-sore fiber of my being even to think about attending subsequent sessions.

Shockingly, the entire group returns to the second Foundations class (which probably has something to do with the $249 fee), each of us as sore as the next (even the kid). Trainers laugh off our aches, suggesting ice, massage, aspirin, and growing a pair. And we all agree it’s a good kind of sore—the kind that says, “How ’bout you lay off the Doritos and finally live up to all those New Year’s resolutions you’ve been ignoring?” There are entire blogs devoted to what CrossFitters call Delayed Onset Muscular Soreness, and as one states: “We all know you kind of like it.”

Weight Pain

Then it hits me: These bastards are going to start the clock and we are going to do the entire series, right then, four times in a row. Five burpees, five sit-ups, five squats, and a run to Bartells and back . . . four times in a row. While being timed.

It’s called, grossly, a WOD: Workout of the Day. “You guys ready?” asks Rob with an sly grin.

He grabs the remote control for the stereo, cranks up the AC/DC (to 11), then counts it down: “Five, four, three, two, one . . . GO!”

Cue a workout maneuver we’ll call the “scramble and thrash.” The quickest to finish his WOD is a kid who floats through the workout like a mailman on a Segway on a Saturday (12 minutes and 29 seconds). I am in the middle of the pack

Heavy, unruly objects line the racks in the front hall of the gym. Some look like they belong in the gym, others like branding irons for a T-Rex. But for the majority of the introductory class, we’re assigned a far less glamorous piece of equipment: a wooden broom handle—aka a dowel.

Zach, a bearded Ben Affleck look-alike, tries to lighten the mood with stupid puns and gags throughout his demonstrations. Zach’s jokes con-

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 12

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sistently fall flat, and he has trouble understanding why. Though I don’t mention it, the main reason is because, in the spare moments we aren’t gasping for air, each of us are marveling at his flawless physique.

“It’s not a relaxed motion,” Zach says about the Dip ’n’ Drive, a technique for getting a heavy weighted bar from your knees to high above you.

“It’s a violent act. You are dipping down and EXPLODING into a locked position above your head!”

We dutifully imitate the action, “exploding” the broom handles skyward, either dreaming or dreading the day we’ll have to do the motion with something heavier than household cleaning supplies.

Danielle, one of the kindly trainers, often assists during workouts with adjustments and tips. “Can you lift your elbows higher? No? OK! That’s a flexibility issue! We’re going to work on that! Can you squat a little lower so your butt is below your knees for this? No? OK! Hamstrings!

I’ve got something for you we can work on later!”

Always a sympathetic smile, and a bit of amazement deep within her that a human is unable to do such a simple movement . . .

I am trying not to be a smart-ass, but have to ask about all this emphasis on Olympic lifting: the explosive “sumo deadlifts” and “military presses” using barbells with weight plates on the ends. (Couldn’t we just leave it to the Russians or something?) “The lifts we do in class are all functional, stuff you do in your everyday life,” Martin advises. “When you pick up a box, that’s a dead lift. When you get out of a chair, that’s a squat. Trying to put something away high on a shelf? That’s a push press. The stronger you are, the longer you can keep doing these movements safely.” (I now consider my position playing Candy Crush on the toilet a “deep squat.”)

Though I view myself as being in fairly good shape, I have never done any real weight-lifting.

The calloused hands and unruly nature of barbells and chalk and pumping iron always took a back seat to playing hoops or tennis or, over the past decade, a regular yoga practice. But if lifting is a part of becoming an elite athlete, I am willing to give it a heave.

Graduated from the dowels, we’re told to go to the rack of weights and select what’s known as a kettle bell. “The suggested weight for men is 25 pounds,” Zach mentions as we clumsily grab the bomb-like objects, “and women typically start with 15 pounds.” As I lean down to grab a 35-pound bell (“Hulk STRONG!”), I feel my lower spine seize and twist and scream, “Oh, hell no!” As I grip a 25-pounder, the base swings out of control and embeds itself in my shin. I set it down and grab a 15-pounder as two fellow male students look at me as though I am sitting in a child’s car seat. (I watch them hide grimaces as they drag their 25-pounders to the circle.)

For the next 20 minutes, we are instructed on the proper way to lift, hoist, and swing a kettle bell back and forth between our legs. The stance has to be just right so as not to strain the lateral knee joint; the neck and shoulders mustn’t overcompensate for the force that is supposed to be generated from the hips; and the spine has to

remain straight and long so as not to herniate a disc or three.

It is during the kettle-bell swing that I first realize CrossFit may not be for me. Regardless of the weight or my strength, repeatedly swinging a large steel object up and down and between my legs is not something I feel is a good idea.

Could it strengthen my back and firm my core?

Yes! Could this herking metal glob also throw me out of alignment at a moment’s notice? Uh, yeah. (While we are being instructed on a “limited” version of the swing, the long-term goal is a move called The American in which the bell swings all the way overhead—which should be christened the Mr. Yuk movement for back surgeons everywhere.)

The Caveman Cult

Eric Renn, the co-owner of this CrossFit, runs the last few Foundations classes. With an upbeat personality and abundance of health-spun knowledge, Renn is like Opie on Super Green Algae Supplements. “The CrossFit program is more than a workout,” Renn notes, as we cool down after our WOD. “We talk a lot about the cross-training and the proper technique, but we also need to discuss what you put into your body,” Renn says, staring at my midsection.

“Everybody’s different, and you can obviously do what you want, but we suggest only eating what cavemen ate.”

For those who don’t know about the Paleo Diet, it’s basically all the meat, fish, seafood, eggs, and vegetables you can get your incisors around; some fruit; and none of the grains, legumes, dairy,

starchy veggies, processed foods, sugar, or sweeteners. (Basically, death.) I’m old enough to understand this, but have no interest in giving up coffee and cheesecake and vodka tonics. Still, it makes sense that diet is part of the game plan. “If you do this, we’ll turn your Fiat into a Ferrari.” Knowing my history, I’ll be driving something more sensible, like a Volvo station wagon filled with unleaded wine and Ben and Jerry’s in the tank.

The diet and devotion to treating your body like a temple plays into what’s known as the Cult of CrossFit. Like any sweaty group activity that gets your pheromones racing and involves hard bodies and muscle milk, CrossFit has fanatic fans, as evidenced by the explosions of gyms around the world (called “boxes”), the CrossFit competitions, and a plethora of websites (like The WOD Shop, which generates daily workouts; Metcon Radio, a podcast; the magazine WOD Talk; the photo blog Crossfit Killers), all devoted to the pros and cons of the organization.

I personally want my exercise regiment to be over and done so I can move on to the other elements of my life (which include less-healthy activities such as smoking ganja, sipping martinis,

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and single-handedly keeping Cupcake Royale in business). But while I didn’t take part, I saw many of my fellow modern-day cavepersons build new social lives around the phenomenon: Members are enjoying post-WOD brewskis together (PALEO FAIL), inviting friends and family to the gym, and joining team-building competitions of all kinds. Almost half the members participated in a recent 30-day paleo detox, and even more took part in a fundraiser for American veterans called the Maltz Challenge.

And given the coed makeup of CrossFit (I’d estimate a 60/40 male/female ratio), there’s no doubt some cleaning and jerking goes on between consenting hunks and boombalotties, which I did not have the opportunity to enjoy.

Unless you’re a teenager, a supermodel who lives on cigarettes, or a bike messenger, you need to do something to stay in shape. While the aforementioned caveman may have remained in tip-top condition chasing muskrats or foraging for berries, we must now burn calories some other way. The ingenious part of CrossFit is how they continually change up the things you are doing and the muscles you’re using. Every day it’s a completely different WOD, done at maximum intensity (usually no more than 20 minutes), so that before you know it you’re mopping your sweat off the floor and high-fiving some other sweaty dude, so you can both go on with your day of not chasing buffalo.

The End Is Near

Dread. Fear. Madness.

I never saw anyone injured in any of the workouts I attended. But frankly, I’m surprised every single person who goes into CrossFit doesn’t wind up with a blown disc, a pulled hamstring, an ACL injury, or just flat out breaking their necks. The conditions at CrossFit are littered with opportunities to have toes broken from dropped weights, retinas snapped from overly zealous close-talking jump-ropers, and ankles sprained as barbells roll under the area for box jumps and bar-hanging pull-ups. I was constantly anxious and often subjecting others to terror—swinging my barbell dangerously close to the women doing sit-ups underneath me, and the like. Each and every time I worked out, I had some near-injury: a tweaked

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

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We wrap up the Foundations course with a Workout of the Day that consists of boxjumping, wall balls (crouching down and tossing a medicine ball as high as possible against a wall), kettle-bell swings, and sprints to Bartell’s and back. Four times! My time is decent, it was a helluva training session, and I’d survived the Foundations series. I went home and slept for two days.

After the six Foundations classes, members can attend any CrossFit workout on the schedule. (Two additional weeks are included in the price, and then memberships are $165 per month for unlimited classes.) My own ability to get to classes is more limited than the schedule, as I rarely wake before noon.

All the kindness of the Foundations series is ruined in my first real class by a tattooed meanie with a little-man’s complex named David, who is constantly dissatisfied with my low weight level and poor form. “You’re really being difficult,” he tells me, while once again showing me the proper

grip position for a clean-and-jerk—emphasis on the jerk. I understand and enjoy being pushed by trainers, but can do without the disappointment combined with a “Hustle it up!” attitude. The worst part is that I am practicing proper form not with a bar laden with weights, but once again with a mop handle.

It turns out I can’t lift a ton of weight. (Perhaps, by that definition, I am weak.) My ability to squat deeply or snatch a weighted bar with my spindly wrists are serious limitations in the Olympic lifting arena. And because of this, during the actual WOD, David rightly assigns me to the kid’s group . . . thank God. I am placed with two teenage boys who somehow are able to power-lift what seems their entire weight.

The kids are super-sweet, helping to spot me, take weight off when it’s my turn, and give me tips on how to pin my wrists back and grab the bar only with my “fuck you” fingers. The squats are awkward, and seem not only dangerous for my low back, but unnecessary. I watch members repeatedly add more and more mass until they are straining to the point of having to ditch the weighted bar in an erratic fashion and toss it wildly to the floor with a giant clank that goes perfectly with the thundering death metal blaring in the background.

As I am re-racking my weights and toweling off my bar, angry David begins yelling my name.

“Michael, what was your score!?” In my pain and exhaustion, I’d forgotten to keep track of the number of squats and box jumps I’d done in this session. “I’ll mark you down for 135,” he notes, once again incredibly disappointed in my performance. Behind his back, I consider using my nowstrengthened-for-everyday-use middle fingers.

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» FROM PAGE 13 hamstring, an elbow almost dislocated, my back wrenched awkwardly, my neck kinked. (Maybe they’ll come up with a CrossBarelyFit series for less-motivated athletes.)

Thing is, I have no beef with CrossFitters in particular—in fact, I think massive repetition of anything, weighted or not, is probably not great for the human body. I know waiters and bartenders who are having shoulder surgery from hefting trays and kegs for too many years. Hell, if you loaded up my computer mouse with a few more pounds, I’m sure my wrists would be mangled and swollen with carpal tunnel syndrome.

The men and women who attend (and survive) on a regular basis are unbelievable specimens, all with solid, lean, and surprisingly proportionate bodies, pictures of the physique that can be attained through CrossFit. As for the trainers, they’re clearly going to live forever.

Including David.

During a class, my little tormentor is running the warm-up and going through each element of the daily workout: some pull-ups, some lifts (loaded with appropriate weights), and a section that involves skipping rope. CrossFit teaches what’s called a “doubleunder”—where you flick your wrists at a rapid speed, and the rope circles around you twice before you hit the ground.

David noted that the WOD required 30 doubles (X FOUR!), or, for those those who can’t do double-time, “Well, you’re just a pussy.” He then mentions that if you absolutely had to, you could substitute 30 doubles for 60 normal jump-rope cycles (X FOUR!).

Which brings me to my final point. When it comes to CrossFit, I am indeed a pussy.

Time and time again, when it came to doing anything, I took the low road: In box-jumping, I took the low box; in wall ball, I took the small ball; in weight lifting, I took the ladies’ bar.

In the end, my problem is that I am weak at practically everything. And while I might learn all these skills over time, my mind is as weak as my core. Or maybe I just don’t buy into the fierce sense of competition that seduces many devotees, that drives them to compare and best their WOD times with themselves, other gym members, and studs across the globe. (Since 2007, members have competed in the CrossFit Games, in which individuals compete in grueling tests of endurance to be named the FITTEST ATHLETES ON EARTH!) By my thinking, if you look good in your jeans, you clean up nice, and your blood pressure and cholesterol are in order, you’re doing pretty well.

Conversely, CrossFit founder Gary Glassman threw a well-publicized fit when Outside magazine named a triathlete, Mark Allen, as “the fit-

test man on earth.” He wrote, “What title do we bestow on the decathlete Simon Poelman, who also possesses incredible endurance and stamina, yet crushes Mr. Allen in any comparison that includes strength, power, speed, and coordination?” Yeah, weakling!

Heading to my last class of my month of membership, I felt a combination of fear, joy, and sadness. I knew it would be my last WOD—it wasn’t for me. But I also knew that if I didn’t find something else, I’d die sooner rather than later.

David (not again) is once again the class trainer. He warms us up with a combination of odd humor (“I can’t fucking watch Gwyneth Paltrow. She’s just a skinny bitch who doesn’t realized people can’t afford grass-fed beef and personal trainers . . . ”) and disdainful glances, then redeems himself with something unexpected: He lines the group against a wall, and after asking us to broadjump across the gym floor and then mule-kick on the way back, tells us on the final leg to—get this—do cartwheels. A lovely ex-gymnast demonstrates, and the rest of us lamely follow, flipping and falling and halfheartedly tumbling to and fro. The ice is broken, the warm-up has ended, and I understand the true benefit of CrossFit. Mix ’em up, keep ’em guessing, and before you know it, it’s over and you’re—in my case—FairlyFit. Rob Martin breaks it down this way: “For those who like the mentality, they get hooked.

They love the group atmosphere and the competition. They make CrossFit their sport.” And as for me?

“CrossFit’s not for everybody. Workouts are difficult—that’s why it works. It’s also not what you’ve been practicing. Think about if you tried to tango—you’re not going to show up and be perfect. CrossFit exposes things you’re weak at,” Martin explains patiently. “Some guy comes in and can dead-lift 450 pounds, but then we hand him a jump rope.”

Clearly I am going to need to do something to stay in shape and fight off heart disease, osteoporosis, muscle atrophy—and death. I’ve already bought and sold so many NordicTracks, P90X DVDs, and crappy Thigh Master Systems, I might as well run a Curves out of my basement.

(Hey! That’s actually not a bad way to meet the ladies! But I digress . . . ) I was hoping there might be some magic formula for getting into perfect shape. Correction: I was hoping there might be some fun, easy magic formula for getting into perfect shape. There is not.

The “magic” is eating right and working your ass off in a way that, if you’re lucky, distracts you from the strain and pain you must endure to stay fit.

One thing’s for certain: I’ve blown my WOD; this pussy needs a new workout. E

PR O M O TI O NS

EV ENT S

A R T S A ND ENTE R TA I NM E NT

MICHAEL STUSSER

NI NG

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the»weekly»wire fri/6/21 FILM

Straddling the line between documentary and performance art, the 1967 Portrait of Jason is like a stream-of-consciousness character study of Jason Holliday (aka Aaron Payne), a gay black hustler filmed by Shirley Clarke in an all-night extemporaneous monologue. With his round Coke-bottle glasses and collegiate blazer, Jason plays to the camera and skeleton crew (heard just off-camera, though never seen), telling stories and doing impressions. It is an act, all performance and outsized personality, with Jason playing the raconteur and would-be nightclub headliner.

Yet between his paroxysms of laughter, puffs of a joint, and endless glasses of vodka, he offers a glimpse of how one grows up and survives as a flamboyant queer in ’60s America. It’s a scruffy little movie that got scuffed up over the decades.

Milestone’s new 35 mm restoration, built on materials found in a worldwide search, recovers lost footage and visual detail but leaves the rough texture of the original 16 mm shoot intact. “You’re always walking a fine line between cleaning up too much and leaving in too many scratches,” explains Milestone’s Amy Heller, to which partner Dennis Doros adds: “There is still a lot of dust and scratches . . . because it was that way on the opening premiere.” (Through Thurs.) Northwest Film

Anderson rehearsing his crane in Trash Dance.

our Emerald City might one day be sooty, not green. The parade starts 3 p.m. Saturday; the fair continues through Sunday. Downtown Fremont, free, fremontfair.org. GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT

sat/6/22 COMEDY

Full of Him

Bill Maher has been around long enough, and pushed himself forward with such serene egotism, that opinions about him tend to be polarized. He’s full of himself, yes, not like his self-deprecating rivals on The Daily Show. He’s a louche libertarian liberal, someone Seattle fans may find politically sympathetic even while cringing at his Playboy Mansion antics. Maher is never short of opinions, never lacks confidence in those opinions, yet he also puts his money where his mouth Forum, 1515 12th Ave., 267-5380, nwfilmforum. is—famously giving $1 million to a pro-Obama org. $6–$10. 7 & 9 p.m. SEAN AXMAKER super-PAC during the last campaign. He delivers, he’s not a dabbler, and his comedy is likewise redFAIRS meat direct. It’s not enough, as in his recent movie Religulous, to mock organized religion—he’s got Whether or not you care for—or participate in— to crush organized religion, to make its adherents look like fools. He wields his wit and influence tomorrow’s naked bike ride, the 42nd annual like a hammer, but that’s how he survived the ’80s Fremont Fair offers far more than this critical comedy boom and its post-Seinfeld collapse. He mass of body-painted cyclists (who are not an then invented a left-wing cable-TV persona for official part of the solstice parade). The threehimself, much as Bill O’Reilly and Stephen Colday event, which claims to attract over 100,000 bert today play exaggerated characters. It’s worth souls, also features a dog parade, group yoga (for remembering, too, that Maher’s Politically Incorrect the solstice, of course), tonight’s pre-party with debuted on Comedy Central in 1993—six years live music and lots of Redhook (4–11 p.m.), before Jon Stewart took over The Daily Show. His art activities for the kids, and an art-car show. present perch on HBO’s Real Time may not reach Another art vehicle on display this year is the so many households, but it has clout, as proven by Sierra Club’s “coal train,”a living float populated his roster of A-list guests. His influence can also with performance artists, solar panels, puppets, be measured by other numbers: two million Twitand costumes—intended to “Stop Coal and ter followers, which you don’t get by being subtle.

Make Art.” For environmental-minded fairgoers, BOD_WKLY_Whiskey_6-18-13.pdf 12:40 PM A recent sample: “Battle is to #JohnMcCain what nothing’s more worrisome than the thought 1that6/18/13

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tues/6/25 BOOKS

Defeating Hitler, With Oars

With the story of gold-medal rower Joe Rantz (1914–2007), local author Daniel James Brown has found in the annals of Northwest history a hero of Potteresque proportions. As Brown relates in The Boys in the Boat (Viking, $28.95), Rantz is all but an orphan when he leaves Sequim to enroll at the UW, just as the Great Depression sets in. He’s far from the campus’ privileged elite, but there’s one place where all that matters is your grit and determination: the Quidditch field . . . er, Lake Washington. During the ’30s, the UW and Berkeley became staunch rivals of Ivy League oarsmen. Rantz’s eight-man team celebrates its victories in Hogwarts fashion, with “mountains of ice cream, as much as they could eat.” Then the rowers set their eyes upon that most evil of opponents: Voldemort . . . er, Hitler. Chosen to represent the U.S. at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, our homegrown boys would give Adolf one more thing to scowl at. Brown’s book sometimes reads like something based on a true story rather than nonfiction. That’s mostly to his credit, as his florid prose brings to life a dour city in an especially dour time. (Though it also means taking Rantz’s own memoirs as complete truth to spin a tale unencumbered by citations.) And while his book has a strongly sentimental streak, Brown has a historian’s relish when it comes to drawing out choice details about everything from the philandering of the man who designed Germany’s Olympic Stadium to the weather of 1934. The Boys in the Boat is a fully realized epic of a forlorn young athlete who does great things against great evil. And just like Harry Potter, a movie’s planned to celebrate him. Third Place Books, 17171

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SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

In 2009, Austin choreographer Allison Orr had one of those ideas that can sound awful and condescending. She went for ride-alongs with that city’s sanitation workers, wore the DayGlo uniform, helped pick up trash, and gained their trust. Then she, the privileged white artist among this entirely black and Latino group, asked them to perform a truck-and-worker dance she based on their movements and routines. She called it The Trash Project. And, amazingly, it worked— over 2,000 people came to watch the nighttime spectacle in the rain. Andrew Garrison’s documentary Trash Dance follows her through the process; both artists were granted intimate access and cooperation by the city of Austin (of course, being the self-professed capital of weirdness). Bubbly and sincere, Orr treats these blue-collar men and women as her equals, and she soon enlists about two dozen to perform her choreographed truck maneuvers—some with big mechanical arms—and group formations, which resemble Army marching drills. Orr’s star discovery is Don Anderson, a very personable barbecue lover and the crane operator. He starts the film by joking, “That lady’s crazy!”, but is soon converted by Orr’s enthusiasm. “We’re not just these dirty people,” he says, “There is some grace to what we do.” And there is: the ritualized gestures and efficient motions of the workplace; the practiced grabbing and lifting and dumping of

the discards we don’t want to touch. Orr’s Trash Project is a winning example of the sort of populist art we don’t often see in Seattle, where terms like access and community actually have some meaning. (The film screens as part of NWFF’s N-E-X D-O-C-S series, which runs Friday through Thursday.) Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th

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arts»Classical

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16 FYE 2013 KUOW.indd 1

FYE 2013 KUOW.indd 1

A Seattle Symphony premiere explores the sound of the sea.

BY GAVIN BORCHERT

I

n the top left corner of the first page of museum installations or other ambient environhis score for Become Ocean, where most ments, replanted in the concert hall. In fact, the Seattle Art Museum is concurrently presentany other composer would put a simple ing Adams’ “meditative electronic soundscape” metronome marking or an Italian direcVeils and Vesper, installed over the length of the tion, John Luther Adams wrote the single word Venturi Grand Staircase (inside the museum’s “Inexorable.” It suggests not only the steady southeast corner at University Street, free to the tempo of his new orchestral work—a commispublic through Friday). sion from the Seattle Symphony, which will “I want to inhabit the music,” Adams says. “I premiere it Thursday night—but the natural want the music to be a kind of wilderness”— processes, outside of human control, that music as something have inspired his we are in, rather approach to than something we composition.

Adams wants us to observe from outFor the 42-minprepare for the flood. side. For Adams, ute work, Adams this is not merely a divides the orchestra formal decision, but into three subpart of the work’s groups: strings, message: “We winds, and brass, human animals spatially separated have become danon the stage, each gerously alienated joined by a handful from this miracuof percussion, harps, lous planet that piano, and celesta. It is our home,” he opens on a foundasays, and the title tion—like a sea bed, (quoting a poem to extend the metaJohn Cage wrote phor—of basses for fellow composer and bass drum.

Lou Harrison) also Quiet rippling in alludes to the meltthe piano, percusing of the polar ice sion, and harps keep caps—coastal cities the surface motion like Seattle may active; trombones one day literally and bassoons join “become ocean.” the long-tone botThat’s not the tom layer of basses; work’s only connecthe upper strings tion to the city that soon enter with begat it. Naturally, murmuring figuration. Become Ocean’s breadth and serenity evokes, considering Adams’ concern with physical space, Become Ocean is a bespoke work— as Adams’ music often does, the spaciousness designed particularly for the Seattle Symphony and grandeur of nature—specifically of Alaska, and for Benaroya Hall. Elena Dubinets, the where he’s lived since 1978 and served as the SSO’s vice president of artistic planning, tells state’s unofficial composer laureate. me that the composer visited for “several onLike the waves alluded to in the title, the site meetings at Benaroya, when John had three instrumental groups move independently, the possibility to explore the hall, consider its each rising and falling at its own pace from acoustics, and make decisions regarding the pp to ff and back, one surging while another instrumentation.” Beyond that—and a request is ebbing. Even the work’s overall shape is a from SSO music director Ludovic Morlot, who wave—an immense palindrome of growth will conduct these premiere performances, that and decay, ending as it began with basses and the work somehow relate to the Pacific Northbass drum. “Like many of my works, Become west—Adams had carte blanche. He seized the Ocean folds back on itself,” Adams tells me in opportunity to produce an epic that stands to be an e-mail interview. “This creates the sense of one of the SSO’s most exciting and impressive an endless loop, a sound that could continue unveilings in years. E infinitely.”

“Over the years my orchestral music has gborchert@seattleweekly.com become simpler and more expansive,” he writes in the score’s preface. “When I first heard [Dark SEATTLE SYMPHONY Waves, his previous orchestral piece], I began to Benaroya Hall, Third Ave. & Union St., 215-4747, wonder if I could sustain a similar sound for a seattlesymphony.org. $19–$112. longer span of time.” Become Ocean is the kind 7:30 p.m. Thurs., June 20; 8 p.m. Sat., June 22; of immersive sonic experience we associate with 2 p.m. Sun., June 23.

DONALD LEE

LL II SS TT EE NN LEARN PLEDGE

Water Music

6/6/2013 2:48:30 PM

6/6/2013 2:48:30 PM

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8 P.M. FRI.–SAT. ENDS JUNE 29.

This clumsy televangelism spoof is a good example of what happens when artists try to amuse one another without remembering to entertain the audience. Tiffany Louquet’s script for the musical boasts an Avenue Q kind of simplicity, only without the self-aware broadness (sometimes called irony). Slacker Lyle (Caleb Stengel) discovers while channel-surfing that the kid he once teased in school, Hal O’Luyah (get it?), is now a Christian singing sensation with his own television show. Why, Lyle wonders? Why not him? And when you hear Hal (Ben Erickson) sing, you’ll agree. All the singers here are either untrained or inexperienced, and the group numbers sound like a bunch of barnyard animals dropped from a plane.

Interrupting Lyle’s reverie is Mitchelletto (Mike Watt), a simpleton who, without Lyle’s knowing it, has become the cue-card dude on Hal’s TV show. When Lyle’s girlfriend Astrid (Tina Hafzalla) shows up, they conspire to unseat Hal. And with no talent, practice, or motive other than laziness, that’s what they do.

With Mitchelletto to get them backstage, the pair soon encounters Hal, his pregnant wife (Gina Merchan), and the show’s producer (Michael Ferguson). This is where hilarity and hijinks are meant to ensue, but the performances are flat and lifeless, and the cast stumbles through the script. (One performer even called another by the wrong character name.)

Hoary old gags are followed by James Nugent’s tuneless songs, augmented by a trio of angels.

They also provide commentary and move the plot along when it gets stuck or murky—which is often. Along with some witty screen projections, these angels are the sole saving grace of this 90-minute train wreck, directed by Dirk Hunter. KEVIN PHINNEY E

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I like my history plays Stoppardian, full of zingers and puns, and I usually dread Tony Kushner’s panoramic historical stagings. At his worst, he’s like the perennial grad student who will never just shut up about all he knows. And Kushner certainly knows a lot about history—it’s just the packaging and parceling that sometimes escape him. (His first-draft screenplay for Lincoln ran 500 pages.) Usually performed as the two-act Homebody/Kabul, and subject to Kushner’s repeated tinkering since 1997, Homebody is an hour-long monologue whose putative subject is Afghan history, as told by an unnamed and very confiding London housewife. History is the text, and her unfulfilled personal life is the subtext constantly seeping in.

Homebody (Mary Ewald) has just returned from a shopping trip, and she wants to tell us all about it. Pausing for sips of tea, referring periodically to what she knows is an obsolete history text, she attempts to summarize 3,000 years of invasion, war, and religious conflict. A few familiar names pop out (the Taliban, Tony Blair, etc.), but we’re soon immersed in her very subjective, stream-of-consciousness history chat.

“The Greco-Bactrian Confusion? Are we still in it?” she asks. Yes, we are, all subject to history’s constant, muddy flow.

Homebody is off her meds, she admits, and she’s also popping her husband’s pills. Her tale is scattered and digressive, with one red-lit hallucination that even sends her to Kabul. Her husband’s job, which she doesn’t understand, has something to do with the Internet (new when Kushner was first writing), and Homebody proceeds by similar links, leaps, and dubious associations. Homebody herself is like a Wikipedia savant, self-educated with books from the discount bin, using her history studies as a bulwark against the uncomfortable present.

Ewald played Winnie in Beckett’s Happy Days at NCT last spring, and the connection between these two cheerful, desperate women is clear. Homebody isn’t exactly insane or menopausal, but something is giving her fits. Chaos is at the door, maybe already inside the door, maybe inside her head. (Her distant husband and resentful daughter are characters in Kabul,

which follows her ill-fated trip to Afghanistan.)

Directed by John Kazanjian in NCT’s kitchensized space, Ewald is fully in command of the text. In her affecting performance, she makes this loony autodidact lonely and sad, though not quite pathetic. Her tale is a challenge to our compassion, but it’s never a chore to watch.

17

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(7/1) Reclaiming Prosperity Building Stability & Security for PartTime, Temporary & Contract Workers

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(6/30) SNAP: Michael D’Antonio ‘Mortal Sins’

SCIENCE

(6/27) Jonathan Lyons How Benjamin Franklin Enlightened America

CIVICS

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

The Perils of Play

COMMUNITY

(6/26) Sanjay Basu The Human Toll of the Recession

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TheFussyeye

ARTS & CULTURE

(6/25) Jean Sherrard & Paul Dorpat The History of First Hill

Send events to stage@seattleweekly.com, dance@seattleweekly.com, or classical@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings. = Recommended

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(6/24) John “Jack” Horner Digging Around with a Rock-Star Paleontologist

formance-art cabaret on the theme of family. JewelBox/ Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave., 441-5823, jewelboxtheater. com. $10. 7:30 p.m. Wed., June 19.

HAIRSPRAY: IN CONCERT The Seattle Men’s Chorus presents the Broadway lollipop, starring award-winning drag queen Jinkx Monsoon. 5th Avenue Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave., 625-1900, flyinghouse.org. $23–$73. 8 p.m.

Thurs., June 20–Fri., June 21; 2 & 8 p.m. Sat., June 22; 2 & 7:30 p.m. Sun., June 23.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST Actors from SPT’s Summer Youth Program take on Wilde’s exquisite farce. Seattle Public Theater at the Bathhouse, 7312 W. Green Lake Ave. N., 524-1300, seattlepublictheater.org.

Free. Opens June 22. 7 p.m. Fri.–Sat.; also 2 p.m. Sun., June 23 & Sat., June 29. Ends June 29.

INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL OF IMPROV A showcase of troupes from Australia to Slovenia. See unexpected productions.org for exact lineup. Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 587-2414. $15/$30 pass. 8:30 p.m. Wed., June 19–Sat., June 22.

INTIMAN THEATRE FESTIVAL Four shows in repertory, including Stu for Silverton, a new musical about a small Oregon town’s transgender mayor. Intiman Theatre, Seattle Center. $70–$250. Opens June 21. See intiman.org for full lineup and schedule details. Ends Sept. 15.

LOTUS EATERS EP Reggie Watts wrote the music for this “video-heavy multimedia piece,” with text by Tommy Smith and vocal work by author Neil Gaiman. West of

SCIENCE

ARTS & CULTURE

315 2nd Ave Seattle 206.839.1300 ilove88keys.com

(6/22&23) ‘Says You!’ Live Taping *** SOLD OUT ***

OPENINGS & EVENTS

FAMILY AFFAIR Jennifer Jasper hosts this monthly per-

Out of Town guests Parent’s Night Out Quittin’ Time Reunion St. Patrick’s Day Tired of the Usual Scene Valentine’s Day Why Not? Naughty X-Rated party! (Just kidding!)

Don’t Wanna Miss Out Zany Fiends

(6/20) Brian Fagan More Humans = More Threats from Rising Seas

Stage

WWW.TOWNHALLSEATTLE.ORG

» By Brian Miller Julie Blackmon specializes in eerie, staged photographic tableaux, something like the work of Gregory Crewdson.

You know they’re all fake, but they fascinate for their weird, dark-mirror reflection of familiar domestic scenes. In the images of her new show Undertow, we often see unsupervised children in situations that aren’t inherently dangerous but that suggest unseen menace. Suburban backyards and garages are places of wildness and exploration; and anyone who recalls childhood honestly will know how kids are impelled to find the danger. Playing with fire, poking dead animals with sharp sticks, daring your buddy to jump off the roof—that’s how kids learn to deal with risks, to mentally process the notions of injury and death. In Blackmon’s Stock Tank, for instance, a backyard pool seems more fit for drowning than swimming. You can’t tell if the skinny limbs and torsos are floating or sinking

Lenin, 203 N. 36th St., 352-1777, westoflenin.com. $15.

8 p.m. Wed., June 19–Thurs., June 20.

BILL MAHER SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

OUT & IN: A PRIDE COMEDY SHOWCASE Queer (and “queer-affiliated,” whatever that means) stand-up. The Neptune, 1303 N.E. 45th St., 877-STG-4TIX, stgpresents. org. Free. 8 p.m. Tues., June 25.

TEATRO ZINZANNI: LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS A boylesque revue to celebrate Pride. Teatro ZinZanni, 222 Mercer St., 802-0015, dreams.zinzanni.org. $45–$55. Doors 10:30 p.m., show 11:15, Sat., June 22.

WORLDS’ END BURLESQUE REVUE Inspired by the works of sci-fi writer Neil Gaiman. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St., 800-838-3006, brownpapertickets.com. $20–$75. Opens June 21. 7:30 p.m. Fri.–Sat. Ends June 29.

CURRENT RUNS

ALL IN THE TIMING Experimental productions of David

Ives’ short plays. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave., 800-838-3006, seattlestageright.org. $15. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.– Sat. Ends June 29.

AN EVENING WITH GROUCHO Actor/comedian Frank Ferrante reprises his popular partly scripted, partly improvised tribute show to Groucho Marx. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676. $25–$35. Runs Wed.–Sun.; see acttheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends June 30.

CAFE NORDO: SMOKED! Their new culinary/theater experience “channels the spaghetti Westerns of Sergio Leone and the oppression of Monsanto-style agribusiness.” The Kitchen by Delicatus, 309 First Ave. S., cafenordo.com. 7:30 p.m. Thurs. & Sat. ($70), 8 p.m. Fri.– Sat. ($80). Extended through June 23.

CHICAGO Desireé Davar makes an excellent Velma Kelly, one of the two bombshells in Kander and Ebb’s musical She leads a fine cast: As Roxie Hart, Taryn Darr balances trashy and adorable as adroitly as she handles Kristin Holland’s razzmatazz choreography; Timothy McCuen Piggee has serpentine moves to match his portrayal of snake-in-the-grass lawyer Billy Flynn; and Shaunyce Omar brings a dazzling vocal versatility to Mama Morton, from puma-in-heat growls to a full-on Jennifer Hudson.

GAVIN BORCHERT Village Theatre, 303 Front St. N., Issaquah, 425-392-2202. $24–$63. Runs Tues.–Sun.; see villagetheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends July 28.

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beneath the water’s surface. The diving board is blood-red. The lawn appears to have been burned—intentionally?—in some stunt with matches. An empty lawn chair is where a parent ought to be sitting, but there’s no lifeguard in the frame. (Perhaps Dad has gone inside for yet another beer.) Who will notice if one of the seven kids goes missing? Is there an eighth already at

DOGG’S HAMLET, CAHOOT’S MACBETH Shakespeare

reimagined by Tom Stoppard in a British school and Cold War Czechoslovakia. Center House Theatre, Seattle Center, 800-838-3006, soundtheatrecompany.org. $5–$25.

7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends June 23.

THE FINANCIAL LIVES OF THE POETS In Jess Walter’s comic novel, adapted and directed by Myra Platt, a man struggles to stay afloat. Jones Playhouse Theatre, 4045 University Way N.E., 216-0833. $25–$45. Runs Wed.–Sun.; see book-it.org for exact schedule. Ends June 30.

HOMEBODY SEE REVIEW, PAGE 17.

THE HORRIBLE LAMB SEE REVIEW, PAGE 17.

OTHER DESERT CITIES At the Palm Springs home of proud GOPers Lyman and Polly Wyeth (Kevin Tighe and Pamela Reed), the clan gathers for Christmas. At the center is the family’s Vietnam War–era shame, which daughter Brooke (Marya Sea Kaminski) summarizes thus: “It’s about our brother, who went to war with our parents, joined a cult, disappeared, and then planted a bomb in an army recruiting station before killing himself.” If the insights in Jon Robin Baitz’s script aren’t profound, his dissection of this Reaganite clan is culturally incisive.

MARGARET FRIEDMAN ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 2927676. $41 and up. Runs Tues.–Sun.; see acttheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends June 30.

SKETCHFEST A month of comedy from a dozen or so ensembles. The Ballard Underground, 2220 N.W. Market St., 800-838-3006, sketchfest.org. $10. 7 & 8:30 p.m. Fri.– Sat. Ends June 29.

TALL SKINNY CRUEL CRUEL BOYS Though the writing’s somewhat simplistic and obvious in Caroline McGraw’s one-act premiere, Hannah Victoria Franklin gives a tourde-force performance as Brandy, a children’s-party clown who doesn’t much care for kids—and who’s kept awake at night by a mangy red demon dwelling under her bed who threatens to pull her down into some hellish netherworld. In McGraw’s morality fable, sex leads just as easily to depravity as to love. Director Jane Nichols wisely substitutes a jaunty momentum and a few chills for the character development absent from McGraw’s script. It ain’t art, but it ain’t bad either. KEVIN PHINNEY The Little Theatre, 608 19th Ave. E., 325-5105, washingtonensemble. org. $15–$25. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Mon. Ends June 24.

WORLD’S FAIR No, not our 1962 affair: In this improvised crime thriller, a serial killer is on the loose at the Columbian Exposition of 1893. Wing-It Productions, 5510 University Way N.E., 781-3879, jetcityimprov.com. 8 p.m.

Thurs.–Fri. Ends June 21.

WRITERS GROUP SHOWCASE Readings of works in progress by Keri Healey, Stephanie Timm, and others.

Seattle Repertory Theater, Seattle Center, 443-2222, seattlerep.org. Free; call for reservations. 7:30 p.m. Fri.– Sat., 4 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends June 23.

Dance

• SEATTLE INTERNATIONAL DANCE FESTIVAL Cyrus

Khambatta has done it again—packing even more action into his festival. This Wednesday’s showcase includes excerpts from Umami (including its new Constellation Half Remembered) and Kate Wallich + The YC, with a peek at their upcoming 2014 program.

Consult the website to create your own mix-andmatch program—there’s plenty of dance to work with.

SANDRA KURTZ Raisbeck Performance Hall, 2015 Boren Ave. $15–$50. See seattle idf.org for complete schedule and info through June 23.

SPECTRUM DANCE THEATER The premiere of Autopsy of Love, Donald Byrd’s meditation on matters of the heart, set to Schumann’s Dichterliebe. Emerald City Trapeze Arts, 2702 Sixth Ave. S., spectrumdance.org. $20–$25.

Opens June 20. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends June 29.

Classical, Etc. JULIE BLACKMON

B Y G AV I N B O R C H E R T

the bottom of the blue cauldron? Who ought to be wearing those pink flip-flops? There’s no reassurance or clarity to Blackmon’s scenes; even the water seems opaque. G. Gibson Gallery, 300 S. Washington St. (Tashiro Kaplan Building), 587-4033, ggibsongallery.com. Free. 11 a.m.– 5 p.m. Wed.–Sat. Ends July 13.

SEATTLE SYMPHONY SEE PREVIEW, PAGE 16.

• NORTHWEST GIRLCHOIR Current members and alumnae

gather to celebrate 40 years with music from Debussy to Annie. Meany Hall, UW campus, 800-838-3006, northwestgirlchoir.org. $8–$18. 2 p.m. Sat., June 22.

OSTAD HOSSEIN OMOUMI This master of the Persian ney, or flute, is joined by vocalist Jessika Kenney. Cornish College/PONCHO Concert Hall, 710 E. Roy St., cornish.edu. $5–$20. 8 p.m. Sat., June 22.

JEAN PARKIN With pianist Michael Carroll, Italian songs and Mozart lieder. Haller Lake United Methodist Church, 13055 First Ave. N.E. Free. 2 p.m. Sun., June 23.

NORTHWEST MAHLER FESTIVAL Each summer, area musicians gather to read through Mahler’s symphonies and similar late-romantic blockbusters. The first of six evenings, featuring music by Elgar and Nielsen, is June 25. Saint Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral, 1245 Tenth Ave. E. $25 session/$75 for all. See nwmahlerfestival.org to register. 7 p.m. Tues., June 25.

•

B Y G W E N D O LY N E L L I O T T

Openings & Events • STEVE DAVIS Back to the Garden is the gallery’s

fourth exhibition of his West Coast-themed photographs, often featuring counterculture subjects.

Opening reception 6-8 p.m. Thurs., June 20. James Harris Gallery, 604 2nd Ave., 903-6220, jamesharrisgallery.com, Opens June 20, Weds.-Sat., 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Through Aug. 3.

GLENN LAMAR AND ROBERT C. JONES In Recent Work and New Work, respectively, the artists show painted, mixed-media sculpture and large, bold paintings with sensuous imagery. Reception for LaMar: 2-4 p.m. Sun., June 23. Reception for Jones: 6-8 p.m. Thurs., June 27. Francine Seders Gallery, 6701 Greenwood Ave. N., 782-0355, sedersgallery.com, Tues.-Sat., 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sun., 1-5 p.m. Through July 28.

NORTHWEST MARINE ART EXHIBIT Paintings of sailboats, ships, and all kinds of marine vessels are on view. Catered reception, 2-4 p.m. Sun., June 23. Kirsten Gallery, 5320 Roosevelt Way N.E., 522-2011, kirstengallery.com, Opens June 23, Weds.-Sund., 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Through Aug. 4.

SUARA WELITOFF Everything’s happening all the time is a collection of three silent videos containing found footage and slow looping black-and-white images that “emphasize the subtlety of human gesture.” Opening reception 6-8 p.m. Thurs., June 20. James Harris Gallery. Through Aug. 3.

Image: Junya Watanabe Comme des Garçons, polyester organdy ensemble, Autumn/Winter 2000-01, Collection of the Kyoto Costume Institute. Photo by Takashi Hatakeyama.

arts»Visual Arts

Museums

CREATING THE NEW NORTHWEST: SELECTIONS FROM THE HERB AND LUCY PRUZAN COLLECTION This survey features highlights from a

half-century in Northwest art. Tacoma Art Museum, 1701 Pacific Ave., 253-272-4258, tacomaartmuseum.org, $8-$10, Weds.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Third Thursday of every month, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Through Oct. 6.

EMPOWERING WOMEN: ARTISAN COOPERATIVES THAT TRANSFORM COMMUNITIES See how art is

changing the lives of women around the world through this traveling exhibit that offers an intimate look at the work and traditional arts of ten women-run co-ops.

Burke Museum of History and Culture, UW Campus, 543-5590, burkemuseum.org, $7.50-$10, Opens June 21, Mon.-Sun., 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Through Oct. 27.

LINKS: AUSTRALIAN GLASS AND THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST This show explores the connections

and striking differences between Australian studio glass and the glass work of the Pacific Northwest.

Museum of Glass, 1801 E. Dock St. (Tacoma), 253-2844750, museumofglass.org, Weds.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sun., 12-5 p.m. Through Jan. 5.

BENJAMIN MOORE Translucent is a selection of the his work, featuring traditional vessel forms and contemporary designs. Museum of Glass. Through Oct. 5.

MANEKI NEKO: JAPAN’S BECKONING CATS

Examining the rise of the “lucky cat” from “talisman to pop icon,” this exhibition highlights selections from a collection of 155 figures in wood, stone, paper, and ceramics, owned by the Mingei International Museum of San Diego. Bellevue Arts Museum, 510 Bellevue Way N.E., 425-519-0770, bellevuearts.org, $7-$10, Tues.Sun., 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Through Aug. 4.

heritage to serve as a reminder to the community of the contribution that the last three generations of Japanese American and Japanese National artists have made to the Puget Sound art scene. The Auburn area was known as Shirakawa by the Valley’s thousands of Japanese immigrants and their children, all of whom were removed and imprisoned during World War II. White River Valley Museum, 918 H St SE (Auburn), 253-288-7433, wrvmuseum.org, Weds.-Sun., 12-4 p.m. Through July 28.

OUTSTANDING STUDENT ACHIEVEMENT IN CONTEMPORARY SCULPTURE AWARDS Twelve

artists from across the country earned this honor in 2012. Bellevue Arts Museum. Through Sept. 22.

BUSTER SIMPSON The work and ideas of the Pacific Northwest artist who added an ecological dimension to site-specific public art in the ‘60s and ‘70s is on view in Surveyor. Frye Art Museum, 704 Terry Ave., 622-9250, fryemuseum.org, Free, Tues.-Sun., 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; Thurs., 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Through Oct. 13.

•

Send events to visualarts@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended

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Get tickets today at seattleartmuseum.org Exhibition originally conceived by the Kyoto Costume Institute and Barbican Art Gallery, London. Seattle Exhibition organized by Kyoto Costume Institute in collaboration with the Seattle Art Museum. Exhibition supported by Wacoal Corp.

Presenting Sponsor

Print Media Sponsor

Major Sponsor

Additional support provided by the Japan Foundation and the Max and Helen Gurvich Exhibition Endowment.

Contemporary and modern art programs at SAM are supported by a generous group of donors in honor of Bagley Wright.

Future Beauty features more than 100 garments that highlight the tremendous innovation of Japanese designers who revolutionized the way we think of fashion today.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

NIHON/WA: JAPANESE HERITAGE-WASHINGTON ARTISTS A range of work by artists of Japanese

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Much of Fill the Void plays out in warmly lit close-ups against backgrounds soft and fuzzy.

The style conveys the intimacy of the situation, but also the isolated, unto-itself world where the movie takes place: a strict Orthodox sect in present-day Tel Aviv. The rules of behavior within this community are old, inflexible, and ruled by men. For filmmaker Rama Burshtein—herself a member of Israel’s Haredi com-

munity—the film’s achievement is to suggest, with great delicacy, how an 18-year-old woman might carve out a tiny space for the unlikely possibility of getting what she wants. Sort of.

That doesn’t come across as a triumph, but it is an evocatively rendered process. The 18-yearold is Shira (the excellent Hadas Yaron), who modestly hopes for a satisfactory arranged marriage to an awkward but likable boy her age. Disaster strikes as her older sister dies in childbirth, leaving behind a grieving husband (Yiftach Klein) and a baby. Custom demands he remarry soon, and Shira becomes a candidate—not so much because she or the new widower desire it, but because Shira’s mother (Irit Sheleg) can’t allow the family to break up.

These practical maneuvers are as ritualized as

isn’t trying to rebel against the arrangement.

Instead, she’s truly concerned about what’s best for her family, her faith, and herself.

Of course, you may choose to feel outraged anyway, an understandable reaction. Fill the Void carries a glowing vibrancy while you’re watching it—those burnished close-ups do create an effect—but something troubling lingers in the aftermath. ROBERT HORTON

Monsters University OPENS FRI., JUNE 21 AT ARK LODGE AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED G. 103 MINUTES.

Every once in a while it’s nice to be able to declare a sequel superior to the original—even if the movie in question is technically a prequel.

So let’s tip the mortarboard in the direction

Much Ado About Nothing OPENS FRI., JUNE 21 AT HARVARD EXIT AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED PG-13. 113 MINUTES.

Mike (center) and Sully at their fraternity’s disco night.

an ancient religious ceremony or a Jane Austen plot, and they are fascinating and sometimes devastating to watch. The small facets of this world are flavorful—for example, a rabbi doling out wads of U.S. dollars to the faithful as a way of tiding them over a financial rough patch. If an outsider were giving us this story, it might play more as criticism, but Burshtein’s calm hand is showing us this community rather than telling us what to think about it. This complicates our connection to Shira. It would be easy to feel outrage if the film were condemning this antiquated system (the terrific 2001 Israeli film Late Marriage comes closer to that tone), but Shira gains layers of complexity because she

of this smoothly tailored Pixar offering. I realize the 2001 Monsters, Inc. is on repeat play in many family households, and it’s a funny movie.

But it’s the weakest of the early Pixar classics, jokier and more mechanical than the likes of Toy Story and Finding Nemo.

The prequel covers the college years of Mike (voiced by Billy Crystal) and Sully ( John Goodman), who live in the monster world and would very much like to become “scarers,” the creatures whose job it is to sneak out of children’s closets and frighten the little darlings into screaming in the night. (You will recall that these screams are responsible for generating the world’s energy.) Mike, the little green

Summer is the time for Shakespeare in the park, and Joss Whedon’s enjoyably playful comedy is staged in the yard and interiors of his Hollywood home. It’s a very nice house, paid for with all that Buffy and Avengers money, and it’s a plausible Italian castle in this modern-dress, black-and-white adaptation. Much Ado isn’t a vanity project, since Whedon’s cast members are all pros from television. Still, it has the feel of a weekend-home amateur theatrical, with everyone straining to put on a jolly good show and prove their appreciation for the Bard in his original language. Look! There’s Nathan Fillion as the buffoonish captain of the guard, Dogberry!

When did he last deliver lines in iambic pentameter—high school? Still, he heaves his shoulders and has fun with his thick-headed part.

As the quarrelsome lovers Beatrice and Benedick, Alexis Denisof and Amy Acker have a better grasp of the language, but their careful syllables don’t always match the sense of the words. Back in ’93, the Americans stood out for the same unfortunate reason among Kenneth Branagh’s mostly British Much Ado cast—poor command of the text. Absent that, there’s a lot of clowning and eye-rolling here that matches the contemporary mood. The tone is light until the overwrought melodrama of Hero and Claudio’s first (failed) wedding ceremony. Hero’s impugned virtue and faked death are treated like tragedies instead of comic misunderstandings during a long, drunken weekend’s festivities.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

OPENS FRI., JUNE 21 AT SEVEN GABLES. RATED PG. 90 MINUTES.

Watson (with Mann at right) does the perp walk.

PIXAR/WALT DISNEY ENT.

Fill the Void

MERRICK MORTON/A24 FILMS

If we lived in the days when directors cranked out a couple of titles a year—or even one per annum—then it might be less dispiriting to report that The Bling Ring is Sofia Coppola’s latest movie. But Coppola has made just three features since Lost in Translation, her 2003 breakthrough, poking along through the period frou-frou of Marie Antoinette and the art-movie lethargy of Somewhere. She’s in her early 40s now, and somehow ought to be past The Bling Ring.

But here it is. And it’s not a terrible movie, exactly. It’s even fun at times. Certainly the reallife case of teenagers who robbed the houses of L.A.’s most vacuous stars must have sounded ripe for a satirical spin around the block. The youthful thieves went on their spree in 2008–09, and their targets included Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Orlando Bloom. One senses Coppola’s interest is especially piqued by the inanity of these victims: The robbers couldn’t even pick cool dumb celebrities, just dumb dumb celebrities.

The crime spree, which comes across as more a symptom of Friday-night boredom than greed, grows naturally from the friendship of sociopathic Rebecca (Katie Chang) and easily led gay kid Marc (Israel Broussard). They execute the burglaries by Googling the busy schedules of fave celebs, which makes locating their empty houses easy enough. Their equally vapid friends, Nicki (Emma Watson), Sam (Taissa Farmiga, sister of Vera), and Chloe (Claire Julien), join the nocturnal prowls. More giggly pranks than criminal exercises, these break-ins qualify as “something to do” for idle, privileged teens.

Paris Hilton is in the movie (and her actual house is used as a location), so Coppola is dipping us right into the celebrity sauce without overt editorializing. I suppose this neutral stance is meant to distance The Bling Ring from finger-shaking 1950s films about these kids today with their crazy rock and roll. Although if Coppola really wanted to take a radical position, she might try to get us in the skin of these mallgoing, designer-obsessed nitwits. Casting Harry Potter’s Watson is another insider touch, and her quick, snide delivery pays off. None of it exactly becomes satire, except for the barbs aimed at a dippy mom (Leslie Mann) home-schooling her children according to the wisdom of The Secret.

So the kids are not all right, and Sofia Coppola wants you to know that—even if it already seemed obvious from the news story itself. Coppola doesn’t add much to the headlines beyond some impressively trendy music and enough gaudy fashion to suggest that a new Roman Empire may indeed be collapsing under its own bad taste. ROBERT HORTON

beach-ball Cyclops, is woefully unscary, but he’s dedicated to learning the craft. Sully, the big blue Sasquatch, comes from a celebrated family of scarers, and is more interested in being the BMOC than in studying in class. The two don’t like each other. But they’re going to have to work something out, because mean Dean Hardscrabble—Helen Mirren, whose Britishschoolmarm presence only enhances the movie’s whiff of Harry Potter—has it in for them.

This makes for a typically endearing Pixar story arc, which—though it resolves in ways that are hardly astonishing—does offer a few surprises. Long past college age, Crystal and Goodman do their familiar vocal mannerisms; funnier still is the galaxy of supporting monsters, especially the hopelessly nerdy crew at Monster U’s least desirable fraternity. The design stuff isn’t all that outrageous (this is a G-rated film, so there are no truly scary monsters), but the gags and character quirks are delectable, especially among MU’s have-nots.

Director Dan Scanlon, a Pixar vet helming his first big animated film, keeps it going at top speed. And yeah, it’s still more mechanical than Pixar’s work in heart-melting Toy Story mode, but the studio at its best is about details, and these details are right on.

Speaking of details: In the early days of computer animation, certain bugaboos always meant photorealism would be impossible: depicting water, for instance, and hair. If Monsters U is any indication, we may be close to the impossible, because even those problem cases look mindbogglingly real. Whether photorealism should be a goal for animated films is a subject that can wait another semester. ROBERT HORTON

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 22 21

» FROM PAGE 21 Clark Gregg probably achieves the best balance of modern acting and Elizabethan verse as Leonato, the weekend’s host and Beatrice’s uncle. For all Acker’s charm, however, she still feels constrained by the old language—her feelings not quite fluent. Prone to mugging and bluster, Denisof struggles with Benedick’s soliloquies, which Whedon ought to have cut to match his movie’s breezy modern tailoring.

Besides the cell phones and Prada suits, more liberties should’ve been taken. BRIAN MILLER

An Oversimplification of Her Beauty RUNS FRI., JUNE 21–THURS., JUNE 27 AT GRAND ILLUSION. NOT RATED. 89 MINUTES.

Handmade, unique, and somewhat unclassifiable, Terence Nance’s debut feature is a film about a film about a real relationship: his, with fellow Brooklyn bohemian Namik Minter. The whole project’s related in retrospect via dense, accusatory, second-person voiceover, which dissects that failed relationship in terms that can only be called Godardian. This ought to make the movie insufferable, but instead it’s rather charming—if you can accept its solipsistic, reading-from-my-diary quality.

How Would You Feel? is the first film Nance made about his crush object. Following that is a partially realized film, Subtext, that Minter made in response. “None of this is like me,” she protests of her prior representation. Then, sev-

eral years after the two split, Minter goes back to re-edit everything together—essentially the story of how he got “friend-zoned,” which is what we’re watching now. None of the footage has sync-sound, one reason for the constant, verbose voiceover. “You have been making this movie for so long that you are starting to forget how you felt,” the narrator warns Nance.

All this relentless commentary is not a little pretentious, but the sheer artsy-fartsiness of it probably reflects where Nance’s head was at as a younger man. In way, you could compare An Oversimplification to Before Midnight, with another cute, overeducated couple at its core. Or, more accurately, Minter is like Ethan Hawke’s Jesse in Before Sunrise way back when: a young artist full of himself, full of romantic yearnings, yet unsure how to check his ego and win the girl. Full of animation and music, narrative loops and digressions, An Oversimplification is far from white mumblecore movies, far from Spike Lee. It’s an entirely sincere, overstuffed mélange that, Minter tells the director, is “all about you,” all about his flawed, romantic, admiring perception of her. And that, friendzoned or no, is not something Nance ever disputes. BRIAN MILLER

Paradise: Love OPENS FRI., JUNE 21 AT SIFF CINEMA UPTOWN. NOT RATED. 120 MINUTES.

VARIANCE FILM

film»

Rampling’s character in Heading South, the Austrian Teresa (Margarete Tiesel) travels to a sunny beach in the Third World, where young, poor, brown-skinned gigolos are available for pennies. Unlike Rampling, however, Tiesel is not a tall, striking, in-command woman of a certain age. Her Teresa is a dumpy 50-year-old special-ed teacher, no husband in sight, with a chubby, resentful teen daughter she sends to a fat camp during her Kenyan vacation. (This becomes Paradise: Hope; Teresa’s Catholicfanatic sister is the subject of Paradise: Faith.)

When Teresa strips naked, and there is a lot of frontal nudity here, she sadly tells a rent boy of her sagging flesh, “Everything goes down.”

Down indeed. Having started in documentaries, then moved to coldly clinical features (Dog Days, Import/Export), Seidl has no use for cheerful, uplifting cinema. Teresa arrives at the Mombasa resort as a naïf. “In Africa, love is forever,” she tells her female travel compan-

The first film in Ulrich Seidl’s trilogy (all recently seen during SIFF), Paradise: Love flips the usual script of sex tourism. Like Charlotte

TickeTs available aT www.cinerama.com

ions. “They accept you for who you are.” And who are these corpulent white women? ATMs for the well-muscled local hustlers. And after sex comes the sob story. My sister’s kid needs money for an operation, says one guy. “There is no Medicare?” Teresa asks incredulously, then reaches for her wallet. She’s a little bit racist (“They all look the same”), but also sad, desperate, and lonely. Back in Austria, a fat, middleaged woman has no power over men. In Kenya, she’s as powerful as her fat purse.

Teresa initially buys into the transactional fantasy romance offered by the dreadlocked Munga (Peter Kazungu, an actual beach hustler), but she gradually wises up. There are moments of grace, as when she dozes like Venus beneath purple mosquito netting, but Seidl never grants her much respect. Often framed from behind, Teresa resolutely waddles along the beach in her bikini. She’s not exactly an evil neocolonial predator, since the men

Teresa (Tiesel) on a lonely quest for love.

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Minter as the object of obsession.

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15,000 FANS AND COUNTING

Alice and Dave (Price and Edgerton) on vacation from marital pressures.

“A masterwork.” The New Yorker “Critics’ Pick! Dazzling and funny.” NY Times

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are getting exactly what they want—money, though it’s never enough. They’ll never be able to fly back to Fortress Europe with Teresa.

Still, she’s not the villain of the piece. Seidl co-wrote the entire Paradise trilogy with his wife, Veronika Franz, and Teresa is given a kind of bruised dignity. To her Austrian cohort, she says she wants to be seen “as a person, and not just a body.” All women can relate to that—and maybe some men, no matter who’s paying.

BRIAN MILLER

PSOMM OPENS FRI., JUNE 21 AT SIFF FILM CENTER. NOT RATED. 93 MINUTES.

Wish You Were Here OPENS FRI., JUNE 21 AT VARSITY. RATED R. 93 MINUTES.

Everything is easier with flashbacks. Though they can make a film harder for us to follow, with sudden introductions and elisions of story matter, a shrewd director can complicate what’s not, in the end, a terribly complicated tale. This Australian drama intercuts between a Cambodian vacation gone awry and its aftermath in Sydney. Two couples go on holiday together, but only three parties come back. One is pregnant Alice (Felicity Price, the co-writer with Kieran Darcy-Smith, her director and husband). The other is her husband Dave ( Joel Edgerton from Warrior). The third is Alice’s sexy younger sister Steph (Teresa Palmer). Back home, far from the beachside raves and Ecstasy pills, Dave’s acting furtive, holding secret colloquies with Steph, which naturally makes Alice suspicious. What are they hiding from her?

The Cambodian street and beach scenes have a pungent realism as the four giddy Aussies let down their hair and party. Only Steph’s new boyfriend Jeremy (Antony Starr) is somewhat guarded; he’s in “business,” he says obliquely, with plenty of cash to pick up every bar tab.

Back home, things become a little more soapoperatic: sexual misdeeds are confessed, Alice and Dave’s happy home (with two small kids) is torn asunder, and he’s menaced by mysterious Vietnamese gangsters. Wish You Were Here is well-played and suspenseful, but you come away wishing for deeper transgressions and guilt. Told in a straightforward linear fashion, the story would surprise no one. Darcy-Smith does a good job of disguising that fact, but the deception—like any vacation in paradise— always has to end. BRIAN MILLER E

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Reality TV and competition docs—Spellbound, Kings of Pastry, etc.—set the familiar structure for this backstage tale of four guys preparing to take the grueling master sommelier exam, basically a cram-course Ph.D. in wine.

Director Josh Wise was a friend of bartender Brian McClintic, who gave him total access over three years. The other three candidates are Dustin Wilson, Ian Cauble, and DLynn Proctor—a rare black face in the cheerfully snobby and competitive grape game. Brian, Dustin, and Ian are the California bros, who meet regularly to taste, spit, and describe.

(DLynn lives elsewhere and gets less screen time.) In addition to being a geeky celebration of wine, SOMM offers a torrent of words as our heroes struggle to articulate what’s on their tongues: truffle, chalk, skins, decay, “like a freshly opened can of tennis balls,” youthful, wet wool, lemon seeds, cat pee, granny purse, rubber hose, slate, cinnamon, nutmeg, canned peaches, etc. It’s like a free-association SAT vocabulary-building exercise as the four guys try to match blind-tasting samples with the correct vintage.

The very tolerant wives and girlfriends of these “egomaniacs” are interviewed for context, and Wise also adds helpful graphics and opinions from experts who have the sommelier exam behind them. (The star among them is the grandly loquacious Fred Dame, who deserves a movie of his own—he’s like the Jackie Gleason of wine.) The whole process reminds you of the London taxi-driver exam or Joshua Foer’s book about memorization contests, Moonwalking With Einstein (also to be a movie). Ian is the overbearing alpha-taster of the obsessive, oneupping bunch, whose group dynamics suggest a Christopher Guest mockumentary. Another

aspect of the exam is table service, so our guys also practice with surly fake customers in what’s essentially an improv comedy exercise (where, again, Dame shines).

If SOMM is overscored and too prone to cutesy slo-mo interstitials of shattering wine glasses, no matter. By the time we get to Dallas for the big exam, we’re so invested in these four funny, personable fellows that failure would be shattering for us too. Heading into the test, says Brian, “It’s like the death-row walk.” After the film’s done, however, you’ll want nothing less than Champagne. BRIAN MILLER

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23

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YOU’VE NEVER EXPERIENCED WINE QUITE LIKE THIS

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Sofia Coppola’s bitingly funny satire

THE BLING RING From the creators of Pineapple Express and Superbad

THIS IS THE END

“The wildest screen comedy in a long time.” –EW

Follow four hopefuls as they spend two years preparing to earn that most exclusive of titles: Master Sommelier.

June 21-27 | SIFF Film Center

With opening night wine tasting at Ten Mercer and Master Sommeliers in attendance!

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PARADISE: LOVE

The first film of Austrian iconoclast Ulrich Seidl’s trilogy Special Events Back by popular demand!

DECONSTRUCTING THE BEATLES June 22 | Uptown

Looking Through a Glass Onion

June 23 | Uptown

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Tomorrow Never Knows

The mosT “scandalously thrilling” movie of The summer is also The “summer’s coolest film!”

1

1. THE VillagE VoicE

2

2. TimE ouT

exquisiTely crafTed. emma WaTson’s TransformaTion is amazing!” “

David Denby,

acerbically WiTTy & arresTing.

“

sofia coppola’s ‘The bling ring’ is american youTh culTure gone mad!”

Owen Gleiberman,

Local & Repertory • BRAZIL Terry Gilliam’s grim, near-great Orwellian sat-

ire from 1985 stars Jonathan Pryce as the meek clerk who becomes an unlikely and reluctant resistance fighter in a fascist future. A big, messy, angry, and wildly inventive picture, Brazil didn’t win a popular following during the fat Reagan-Thatcher years. It argues that revolution is often accidental, and repression constant. And happiness may lie only in the memory of an old show tune. With Kim Greist as the girl of Pryce’s dreams and Robert De Niro as his more dashing comrade in arms. Sadly, this will be the last-ever midnight movie at the Egyptian—unless it’s used by SIFF next year. (R) BRIAN MILLER Egyptian, 805 E. Pine St., 720-4560, landmarktheatres.com, $8.25, Fri., June 21, 11:59 p.m.; Sat., June 22, 11:59 p.m.

DECONSTRUCTING THE BEATLES Visiting Beatles scholar Scott Freiman walks you through the intricacies of the White Album and Revolver in this lecture series, illustrated with film clips and audio samples.

(NR) SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave. N., 324-9996, siff.net, Sat., June 22, 4:30 p.m.; Sun., June 23, 12:30 & 4:30 p.m.

KUNG FU GRINDHOUSE Mutant Hunt (1987) precedes the David Carradine-starring Future Force (1989), in which our hero turns against the ranks of his own vigilante police force to protect a journalist. Go figure.

21 and over. (NR) Sunset Tavern, 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., 784-4880, sunsettavern.com, Free, Mon., June 24, 6 p.m.

LADY TERMINATOR Screened as part of the Bad Movie Art series, this 1989 possession movie has nothing to do with the famous action-movie franchise. Instead, its anthropologist heroine is possessed by the spirit of some malign being, then goes on a killing spree. (R) Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave., 686-6684, centralcinema.com, $1.50, Wed., June 19, 7 p.m.

MANBORG From Canada, this recent cheapo sci-fi flick features a hero who is, yes, half man and half machine.

It can’t be half as bad as Transformers, right? (NR) Grand Illusion, 1403 N.E. 50th St., 523-3935, grandillusioncinema.org, $5-$8, Fri., June 21, 11 p.m.; Sat., June 22, 11 p.m.

MOVIE MONDAYS Back in 1996, Doug Pray’s raucous, lively grunge documentary Hype! won the Golden Space Needle Award at SIFF. Many years later, we can appreciate that moment as a pinnacle in Seattle music history. Many of the local bands portrayed—Nirvana, Soundgarden, The Gits, 7 Year Bitch—are gone. Some persist (Mudhoney, The Melvins), and the status of others is uncertain (Pearl Jam). Well-edited and containing an amazing array of concert footage, Hype! is celebratory yet skeptical; both the director and the musicians seem aware that something so suddenly inflated (i.e., grunge) is bound to burst. 21 and over. Ticket price is your drink price. (NR) BRIAN MILLER The Triple Door, 216 Union St., 838-4333, thetripledoor.net, $3, Opens June 24, Mondays, 8 p.m. Through Aug. 19.

N-E-X D-O-C-S SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

OCCUPY LOVE Discussion follows this recent documentary about the Occupy Wall Street movement. (NR) Keystone Congregational Church, 5019 Keystone Place N., 632-6021, keystoneseattle.org, Free, Fri., June 21, 7 p.m.

PLAY IT AS IT LAYS SAM concludes its two-film salute to Anthony Perkins with this 1972 adaptation of the Joan Didion novel. Perkins and fellow ‘60s icon Tuesday Weld play casualties of Hollywood during the decade of its decline. (NR) Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave., 654-3100, seattleartmuseum.org, $8-$13, Fri., June 21, 7:30 p.m.

PORTRAIT OF JASON SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD Co-screenwriters Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s 2004 “rom-zom-com” shows laudable imagination and irreverence. Shaun (Pegg) is an utter dullard, an interim electronics store manager who frequents the same London dive bar every night, retains boorish college crony Ed as a flatmate, and can’t be bothered to disengage from PS2 long enough to accommodate easily aggravated girlfriend Liz. When a (never-explained) zombie plague commences right outside Shaun and Ed’s door, they’re hilariously oblivious. However, Wright and Pegg do share Kevin Smith’s weakness for extracting lame life lessons out of inspired lunacy. (R) ANDREW BONAZELLI Central Cinema, $6-$8, June 21-25, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

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SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

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24

• •

Written and Directed by

SOFIA COPPOLA

BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS AS REPORTED IN VANITY FAIR

STARTS FRIDAY, JUNE 21!

SEATTLE WEEKLY

Send events to film@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended

•

• SILENT MOVIE MONDAYS Concluding the series,

with music from organist Jim Riggs, is the sweeping romantic adventure A Throw of the Dice, an exotic 1929 adventure that marries German craftsmanship with Indian artistry and lore for a magnificent, biggerthan-life production. (NR) SEAN AXMAKER The Paramount, 911 Pine St., 877-784-4849, stgpresents. org, $5-$10, Mon., June 24, 7 p.m.

A TREATY Animator Justin Mata presents a short work inspired by Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridian (among other sources). Fellow artist Nicole Rathburn also presents her work. (NR) Jack Straw New Media Gallery, 4261 Roosevelt Way N.E., 634-0919, jackstraw.org, Free, Fri., June 21, 7 p.m.

Ongoing

• BEFORE MIDNIGHT Before-ophiles already know

that Celine (Julie Delpy) and Jesse (Ethan Hawke) are now a couple and the parents of adorable twin girls. On vacation in Greece, the Paris-based family is contemplating a move to the U.S., where novelist Jesse’s teen son lives. But Celine has a career back in Paris, and she naturally takes his suggestion as an affront. Before Midnight becomes their on-again/offagain argument about who has to sacrifice what for a relationship, what sexual spark keeps it burning, and how shared romantic history becomes both a burden and a bond. Your tolerance or enthusiasm for the third chapter of Celine and Jesse’s intermittent romance will depend on your feelings about Richard Linklater’s last two talkathons featuring the same duo: 1995’s Before Sunrise and 2004’s Before Sunset. That’s really all the guidance you need: If you cherish the first two movies, as I do, the third installment feels necessary—a midlife tonic for all those foolish old romantic yearnings, a trilogy driven by fallible, relatable characters rather than franchise economics. (R) BRIAN MILLER Ark Lodge, Kirkland Parkplace, Egyptian, Sundance, others THE EAST Brit Marling teams once more with Sound of My Voice director Zal Batmanglij for The East, another intense piece that operates on a bigger scale.

Hired by a private intelligence agency to infiltrate an eco-terrorist group called The East, Sarah (Marling) rolls into the unwashed ranks of these self-styled environmental avengers. They repay corporate atrocities by visiting similar outcomes on the offending CEOs and their families—an oil company exec might get toxic sludge dumped in his house, for instance. Sarah begins to see things from the other side, and it helps that the nouveau hippies in the crowd are charismatic (Alexander Skarsgård), devoted (Ellen Page), and attractive. Patricia Clarkson adds frost as Sarah’s boss, and her resemblance to Marling is a mirror for the younger woman’s choice: Develop a conscience or become me someday. (R) ROBERT HORTON Pacific Place, Sundance, others FRANCES HA Co-written by and starring Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach’s latest is an unabashed tribute to the actress’ distinctive charms. The outline of a typical indie picture is in place, as we follow 27-year-old Frances and her New York apartmenthopping over the course of a few months. In the early reels, we mark Frances’ closeness to her BFF Sophie (Mickey Sumner), a bond that will fray as Sophie gravitates toward her boyfriend. The appeal of Frances Ha comes from Gerwig’s pluck and the film’s sprightly sense of play. Many scenes last only a few seconds, and consist of the kind of overheard conversational snippets that capture the found poetry of random eavesdropping. These bits provide a sense of Frances’ life, and perhaps hint at its disconnectedness. Shot in cheap-looking black-and-white, the film also conjures up Baumbach’s love of the French New Wave, and his soundtrack is peppered with vintage ’60s music by Georges Delerue. Frances Ha succeeds on its genuinely inventive rat-a-tat rhythm and Gerwig’s unpredictable delivery. (R) ROBERT HORTON Oak Tree, Meridian, Sundance, others THE KINGS OF SUMMER This movie doesn’t exist in a real world, but in the enchanted realm of a teenage summer. Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts layers the film with dewy inserts that would not be out of place in a Terrence Malick picture. Three high-school lads build a ramshackle house of their own in a clearing in some woods outside their suburban Ohio hometown. Joe (Nick Robinson) has had it with his ill-equipped father (Nick Offerman); both are working through hostilities connected to the death of Joe’s mother. Joe’s friend Patrick is almost as disenchanted with his parents, so he joins his bud for the adventure. With its tale of breaking away, the movie supplies its own metaphor as a quiet respite in the hustle and bustle of a blockbuster summer at the movies. (R) Robert Horton Harvard Exit, Sundance

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food&drink»Feature

How to Eat a Croissant

Seattleites are enjoying the beautiful, flaky, buttery crescents now more than ever. But are they doing it right?

BY BETH MAXEY

H

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOSHUA HUSTON

Nohra Belaid of Inés Patisserie in Madison Valley: Purists know croissants to be delicate balancing acts of flour and butter.

“I never saw anyone eat a croissant walking down the street. Even when people only had a minute, they savored what they were eating.”

A Belaid creation.

that symbolizes Islam, and then devoured them.

From Vienna the kipfel came to Paris. Some say Marie Antoinette was responsible, others say it arrived via the 1889 Paris World’s Fair. But these early croissants were not what we think of as croissants at all. They were simply made of enriched yeast-leavened dough—like brioche— without the rich, buttery flakes.

By the 1920s, Parisian bakers had begun to experiment with laminating: creating those multiple layers by interlacing butter into the dough.

Laminating makes croissant dough delicate and difficult to work with. The paper-thin layers of

dough and butter require a gentle hand and a cool environment. If the butter melts, the layers collapse. Bakers must work in a cool kitchen—a practical explanation for why croissants are baked and eaten in the morning.

C

roissants are the essence of the French breakfast,” wrote chef and author Jacques Pépin in his classic Le Technique. “They are never eaten at other meals.”

They are also the essence and standard of pastry technique. “Pépin would always ask chefs to prepare an omelet to test their skill in the kitchen,” Belaid says. “Croissants are the same.

They are so complicated because they are so simple. Croissants are the most intricate pastry to make. They require technique and they require time. But what are the ingredients? Butter, flour, yeast, milk, and salt.”

Notice Belaid did not list shortening. Traditionally, it is not an ingredient. However, in the 1970s industrial innovations allowed for machine-made croissant dough, which partially or completely replaced butter with shortening.

Shortening is less expensive and less delicate, but also less flavorful.

Croissants—or what had once been croissants—no longer required hours of highly skilled labor. They became widely available, an industrial convenience food served to-go. You could buy croissants at Starbucks day or night. Stale leftover croissants were recycled in sandwiches.

In France, bakers signal their allegiance to butter with shape: True croissants, Pépin says, are no longer crescent-shaped, but “small and

straight.” That is how you know they are made “only with butter.”

These, Belaid says, “are best appreciated with coffee, in the morning, when they are fresh. Eat them without jam, if you are a purist, so that you can enjoy the good flavor of the butter.”

J

ojo Corväiá, chef, owner, and curator of Arabica Lounge, serves traditional croissants as well as his personal innovations, including chocolate with almond and honey; bacon and maple; and my favorite, shallot and Gruyère. Along with croissants themselves, Corväiá specializes in creating a space for his customers to relax and take a few minutes to enjoy them. “I come from a culture,” he says, “where ‘to-go’ doesn’t exist. At Arabica we don’t do takeout. And we don’t offer sandwiches.”

When you look around Arabica Lounge, it feels almost like Paris. Even those who only have five minutes to spare are sitting and enjoying them with friends and food. This is all by design. Recently Corväiá introduced the French bol, a foamy, cinnamon-spiced latte that pairs perfectly with a croissant—and which also is not available to-go.

“We are a culture that is in a rush. I learned to cook and feel with my hands,” says Corväiá, whom you can see working in the kitchen hours before Arabica opens. “The bol forces customers to sit down and pick up the croissant, to experience it with their hands as they dip it in their coffee. I really get excited when someone comes here and uses all of their senses to enjoy food like that.” E

food@seattleweekly.com

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

ere’s what I know about croissants,” my friend Emily, a former Seattleite who now lives in Paris, recently wrote me, providing ground rules for enjoying that most French of pastries. “Never, ever use them as bread for a sandwich. The French have a love/hate relationship with the sandwich to begin with . . . and the idea of letting a perfectly good croissant get soggy from tomato and mayonnaise . . . no way! Which, I guess,” she continues, “is the most important thing to remember about croissants: They are only for breakfast! Or for a mid-afternoon snack.

But since mid-afternoon snacks are only really acceptable for those under the age of 10, while you may see a kid eating pain au chocolat on the playground, you won’t see an adult eating a croissant at 4:00.”

But what about the actual eating? Sylvie Nogaki, who studied at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris and runs the French-focused catering company Sylvie Cooks, says eating a croissant is an act of appreciation. “I never saw anyone eat a croissant walking down the street. Even when people only had a minute, they savored what they were eating. Usually people pull off a bite with their fingers, letting the croissant break along its own lines and eat that, rather than biting into them.

People dipped that bite into their coffee or added jam if they liked.”

Oops, I thought. I usually bite into my croissants—and get buttery flakes all over my shirt.

I’ve eaten croissant sandwiches, and I’ve eaten late-afternoon croissant snacks. I’ve spent hours crisscrossing Seattle, from Honoré and Cafe Besalu in Ballard to Bakery Nouveau in West Seattle (and now Capitol Hill) to Café de Leon in Queen Anne, sampling the city’s best croissants. But the proper, polite, or best way to enjoy them is something I’d never considered. That isn’t the case for the many Seattle bakers I spoke with.

Nohra Belaid of Inès Patisserie in Madison Valley was born in northern France. “A croissant is best appreciated just like a baguette,” she says, “a couple of hours after it is made. Customers come in after 5 p.m. and are surprised that croissants are no longer available. After 5 p.m., a croissant is no longer fresh.”

Though I think of croissants as quintessentially French, Belaid explained that they’re actually a type of viennoiserie—a category of pastry made of enriched yeast-leavened dough from Vienna. The croissant was originally based on a less-seductively named, crescent-shaped Viennese pastry called kipfel. This bread roll was supposedly created in 1683 to celebrate the lifting of the siege of Vienna, which had been started 150 years earlier by Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire.

In one popular variation on this origin story (which historians believe first appeared in the French encyclopedia of cuisine, Larousse Gastronomique, from 1938), bakers in Vienna heard attacking Turks tunneling under their city as they worked into the night. Like Paul Revere, those bakers set off an alarm. To celebrate the victory, they shaped their rolls into the crescent moon

25

food&drink»Tips Le Petit DÉjeuner

Before the Pour

Admit it. Ordering wine stresses you out.

Here are a few tips to help.

Summer breakfast is back…

BY ZACH GEBALLE

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White or red? Consider its cost—and its cachet.

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ne of the odd dichotomies of the restaurant industry is that while most patrons are capable and confident when it comes to ordering food, choosing wine to accompany it is for many a nerve-wracking affair. While there are some perfectly understandable reasons for this, a few simple tips will go a long way toward demystifying the process.

With a bit of thought and self-reflection, you can avoid most of the stress and fear associated with ordering wine, giving you more time to enjoy your meal, the people you’re dining with, and—oh, yeah—your wine. When you sit down to a meal, you should ask yourself (and possibly your tablemates) a few basic questions about your potential wine experience. I’ll unpack each one to help get you started.

What do we like? This is often where the guest/server dialogue can break down. Wine terminology can seem complicated, contradictory, and confusing. Understanding the difference between “sweet” and “fruit-forward” or what “mid-palate weight” means may be beyond you.

One way to work around this is to have in mind a few well-known wines you like. Full-bodied Washington cabernets? Subtle Oregon pinot noirs? High-alcohol fruit bombs like Australian shiraz? This is useful information for your server, so he can hone in on the right wine for you.

How much do we want to spend? This is an important consideration. For most of us, there’s a difference between the bottle of wine we order on a Tuesday night and the one we have for a birthday. Understanding that, most restaurants feature good wine for a reasonable price. One tip is to look for wines from slightly more obscure wine regions: Instead of a right-bank Bordeaux, order a cabernet franc from the Loire Valley; instead of an expensive pinot noir from Burgundy or Oregon, consider a New Zealand one. Granted, going down this road entails a certain risk, but it can also lead to a fun discovery.

Another point: Red wine is generally more expensive than white, because it’s often made using costlier techniques and equipment, requires more aging, and just generally has a cachet that white wine doesn’t. Thus, many of the best values on a wine list are going to be whites—a happy coincidence, because whites are often far more versatile food wines than reds.

Do we want to taste the food or the wine?

The “best” answer to this question would be both. That said, finding a perfect pairing is often difficult even for skilled professionals. In almost every case, you have to err on one side or the other. If you’re ordering a heavily oaked cabernet sauvignon and eating halibut, you’re just going to taste the wine. If you order a char-grilled steak and drink pinot gris, you’re just tasting the food. Of course, sometimes an imbalance is appropriate: If you’re ordering a bottle of grand cru Burgundy, the food should take a backseat to the wine.

Want to keep things in balance? Remember that bold flavors require similarly bold flavors: fatty food needs a lot of tannin, acid, or both; spice needs some sweetness; subtler foods need subtler wines. Sometimes the mood or the crowd demands a memorable wine, while other times it needs to be the pedestal upon which a great dish sits.

Do we want an old favorite or something new? For some, trying new things is an integral

part of dining out. For others, the experience is about reliving a favorite memory. Neither is right or wrong, but it’s always good to know if you’re in the mood to try something new or not.

A good server or sommelier should be able to steer you toward an interesting new wine, but he should also be more than happy to open that bottle you already love. E

food@seattleweekly.com

Zach Geballe is a bartender and server at Dahlia Lounge. He has worked in the industry for a decade as a busser, server, and bartender.

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SeattleFoodNewS A Flurry of Openings, Carmelita’s Closing » by Sara billupS OPENING

Capitol Hill Thai spot Little Uncle opened last week at 88 Yesler Way in the space formerly occupied by Marcus’ Martini Heaven. Early reports confirm that in addition to stellar noodles, the rhubarb-cherry shaved ice is beyond spectacular. Hours are 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. today through Friday and may extend until 4 p.m. in the weeks to come. Check Facebook for updates.

On Monday, June 17, Li’l Woody’s celebrated the opening of its new digs at 2040 N.W. Market St. in Ballard. The space, triple the size of the original Li’l Woody’s on Capitol Hill, includes a full-service Molly Moon’s scoop shop. Look for the first order of crack (for the uninitiated, that’s fries with a side of shake for dipping).

CLOSING

Beloved vegetarian restaurant Carmelita announced via Facebook yesterday that it’s shutting its doors for good come September 29. Eater was the first to report on the Phinney Ridge restaurant’s closure after nearly 17 years of business. The owners link the “Great Recession” to their decision to close, writing that the down economy “hit us hard as it did many small businesses and individuals. It’s been a challenge to bounce back.”

nity-supported cookbook, Lark: Cooking Against the Grain. The chat in the library’s Microsoft Auditorium starts at 7 p.m., and is free and open to the public.

Best known for its multiplex, Northgate’s Thornton Place will host a series of food trucks on the fourth Saturday of the month all summer long. This Saturday’s lineup includes mobile eatery Taco Gol (featuring homemade tamales), as well as live music and dancing with salsa instructors from the Century Ballroom. The event at 316 N.E. Thornton Place lasts from 3 to 6 p.m.

Local writer and bartender Mark Sexauer is launching his new book Aphrodisiacs With a Twist this Monday, June 24 at Batch 206 Distillery from 5 to 8 p.m. The hardcover title contains more than 100 drink recipes from the former Barrio and Artusi mixologist, from basic twoingredient cocktails to instructions on making homemade bitters. The event at 1417 Elliott Ave. W. is free, but an online RSVP is required.

In other drink news, Populuxe Brewing is hosting its first Family Happy Hour during solstice weekend. On Friday, June 21 from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m., the Ballard nanobrewery at 826B N.W. 49th St. is bringing in gym-on-wheels Tumblebus.

Ice cream and slices of pizza from Streetzeria will be on sale for the kids, alongside pints of IPA and rounds of cornhole for everyone else. E

HAPPENING

This Friday, June 21, Lark chef/owner John Sundstrom is giving a talk at downtown’s Central Library titled “Thinking Outside the (Recipe) Box.” He’ll discuss the year-long process of creating his new commu-

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Keeping the Confetti

The members of Rose Windows discuss Daft Punk, dads, and Sabbath on the eve of their debut full-length release.

BY DAVE LAKE

P

Queens of the Stone Age: “If I Had a Tail” from . . . Like Clockwork (Matador, 2013)

SW: Does anybody know it? It’s Queens of the Stone Age. Nils Peterson: I had a summer in 2001 where me and my friends were obsessed with Rated R, and we actually sought out to have a “Feel Good Hit of the Summer,” like every drug mentioned in that song.

SW: Sounds like a fun summer. What are the drugs again?

Peterson: [Singing] Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, marijuana, Ecstasy, and alcohol. Ca-ca-ca-ca-cacocaine!

The Doors: “Crystal Ship” from The Doors (Elektra, 1967)

Mahavishnu Orchestra: “Birds of Fire” from Birds of Fire (Columbia, 1973)

Cheveyo: I know this tune.

Qazi: I wish I knew this tune; it’s fucking good.

SW: It’s Mahavishnu Orchestra.

Cheveyo: Ah, that’s right. It’s “Birds on Fire” or something? I found out about them years ago because it was Mars Volta’s favorite band. John McLaughlin used to do a bunch of stuff with Robert Fripp, King Crimson, and Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

Andrew W.K.: “The Sundogs,” unreleased (2006)

David Davila: I used to listen to his records in my dad’s vinyl collection. He’s one of those guys that’s underappreciated. Not very well-known, but he’s a virtuoso.

SW: Do you guys have any songs in odd time signatures?

Cheveyo: I think the older bands I played in burned me out on that.

Richie Rekow: It’s fun to do crazy stuff just to blow people away, but if I want to use odd time signatures I don’t think about using them, I just come up with a groove, and if it’s in an odd time signature, I keep it. Like [Pink Floyd’s] “Money,” that sounds normal to the regular listener who doesn’t know anything about time signatures.

Davila: Pulling off a 7/8 or a 9/8 that has a groove to it, that’s an art.

Daft Punk feat. Panda Bear: “Doin’ It Right” from Random Access Memories (Daft Life/Columbia, 2013)

SW: This is from the #1 record in the country right now.

Peterson: Daft Punk?

SW: Yeah, Daft Punk featuring Panda Bear.

Qazi: You can’t deny that way back in the day, “Emotion,” that’s a good song. [Daft Punk] had some good tunes. I like Panda Bear too, but this is just . . .

SW: The fusion of the two isn’t working for you?

Qazi: No. Veronica Dye: I feel like with a Daft Punk album, you have to listen to the whole thing to really get into it.

Rekow: I feel like it’s the opposite. One song at a time is all I can fucking take!

Black Sabbath: “Into the Void” from Master of Reality (Universal, 1971)

Schowe: There it is!

Qazi: We love Black Sabbath.

SW: Is this a band that everybody in Rose Windows likes?

Rose Windows

Qazi: Yes! Cheveyo: I saw them in ’99 with Pantera and Morbid Angel. I still have the confetti that rained down when they started.

SW: You kept the confetti?

Cheveyo: It said “Black Sabbath” on it. It was black confetti with their emblem printed in silver.

Qazi: My parents were Muslim so I didn’t hear them until I was 13, but Paranoid and Vol. 4 were the first real rock-and-roll records that I got in secret.

Cheveyo: My first memory of my entire life is Black Sabbath, the harmonica opening to “The Wizard.” I was walking to the record player that had these glass doors—it was my dad’s, and that was his favorite band—I was walking up to put my hands on the glass, but he stopped me. All I remember was the harmonica part.

Procol Harum: “Whiter Shade of Pale” from Procol Harum (A&M, 1967)

Peterson: Fuck yeah, it’s so good!

Cheveyo: It’s at the end of a movie, too. What’s that movie? It’s really cool.

SW: Do you know the name of the band?

Schowe: It reminds me of the Band.

SW: It’s Procol Harum.

Peterson: This song has been ripped off, like, a hundred times.

Cheveyo: Pretty sure “Lady in Red” is the same exact progression.

Peterson: This is another one where the keys are like a forefront part. You hear those keys, and you’re like, “Hey, I know that!”

Cheveyo: You put this on at the end of a party.

Earth: “Crooked Axis for a String Quartet” from Pentastar: In the Style of Demons (Sub Pop, 1996)

Cheveyo: Coolest name ever, Pentastar: In the Style of Demons.

Qazi: I love Bees Made Honey in the Lion’s Skull.

Cheveyo: I feel like Dylan Carlson was really

SW: This was written for a minor league hockey team in Arizona called the Sundogs, which is why I selected it.

Schowe: They have hockey in Arizona? It’s the fucking desert.

Rekow: I saw a video of Andrew W.K. at the Gathering of the Juggalos just getting shit hurled at him constantly.

Dye: This is fucking hilarious.

Cheveyo: I’m pretty sure that all of his songs are this backing track, and he just does karaoke over the same song.

Schowe: His first drummer was the drummer for Obituary.

SW: So this song wasn’t the inspiration for the title of your record?

Davila: Definitely not!

Peterson: We should make this our entrance music every time we take the stage.

SW: Where does your album title come from?

Cheveyo: It’s a phenomenon that happens when clouds become icy high up in the sky. It’s when the sunlight reflects off of it and looks like there’s multiple suns. And also the record that made me want to write songs—because up until then I didn’t really care about songs, I just wanted to rip super-hard—was Rain Dogs from Tom Waits.

Fleetwood Mac: “Go Your Own Way” from Rumours (Warner Bros., 1976)

Davila: Turn it up, let’s have a Mac attack!

Peterson: One of the coolest covers I ever saw live was seeing Seaweed do this. It’s straightforward, but it has that ’90s grunge feel to it.

SW: Like Fleetwood Mac, you guys are a co-ed band, which created plenty of added tensions for them . . .

Schowe: I think that was immediately mentioned as a rule of law . . .

Peterson: We keep our dicks outside each other’s assholes.

Qazi: I thought you were going to stop after “We keep our dicks outside.” E

music@seattleweekly.com

ROSE WINDOWS Sonic Boom, 2209 N.W. Market St., 297-2666, sonicboomrecords.com.

Free. All ages. 7 p.m. Tues., June 25.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

Chris Cheveyo: Ah, Las Puertas.

Rabia Shaheen Qazi: This is probably one of the best Doors songs, in my opinion.

Schowe: Good band. Rest in peace, Ray Manzarek. I don’t understand people who hate the Doors. There are people who just absolutely despise them.

Peterson: I remember studying Ray Manzarek’s playing when I was younger. I’d get sheet music and learn his lines. He definitely held a forefront in the band, which is what I really liked about it.

You see so many bands that have keys, but they’re just kind of doing pads to fill in the sound, but he wrote lead parts.

good at naming things. I still don’t know if this is a cover of a tune, but it’s a string quartet in the style of La Monte Young or Steve Reich, a counterpoint kind of thing. All of the words I wrote for [our] record, I wrote listening to this tune. It was in a mix of this, La Monte Young and Tim Hecker.

SW: You can listen to other music while you write lyrics for your own?

Cheveyo: Only drone. And I can’t write things without listening to drone because I have really bad tinnitus, so I have to counter that.

ALISON SCARPULA

sychedelic Seattle rockers Rose Windows might not be the rowdiest band on Sub Pop, but that didn’t stop the septet from draining the label’s vending machine of its entire stash of Rainier on the afternoon of our Jukebox Jury session. And why not? The band has plenty to celebrate, like the upcoming release of its debut, The Sun Dogs— one of the most buzzed-about local records of the year, a wide-ranging LP that spans genres and decades, from Eastern classical music to classic American folk, Pantera to Pink Floyd.

Fresh off a performance at this year’s Sasquatch!, the band members will head east for a run of dates in August, but not before an in-store at Ballard’s Sonic Boom Records on Tues., June 25, the day the album is released. We met with the band—Chris Cheveyo, David Davila, Veronica Dye, Nils Petersen, Richie Rekow, Rabia Shaheen Qazi, and Chris and Pat Schowe— to play some records and get some answers.

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Reverb»The Short List

Reverb»Reviews SPECIAL FIN RECORDS ROUNDUP As we officially welcome summer this week,

Every Local Release thought it best to take a tip from the eternal beach bum himself, Jimmy Buffett, with some words from his 1979 hit “Fins.” The Parrothead croons, “You’ve got fins to the left/Fins to the right”—and though he’s no visionary, his words ring eerily true considering local label Fin Records’ output of late. Here’s our take on five recent releases (and though it may finally be boating season, there’s no yacht rock here). Check them out at finrecords.com.

Brent Amaker and The Rodeo, Year of the Dragon: Seattle’s signature cowboys are back with their latest mix of country and experimental rock. Channeling a rumbling Johnny Cash, Amaker’s honest lyrics work in some comical “la la”s and “hoo-hah!”s between verses. “Country Sky” showcases all the album’s high points, as the simple mesh of keys and guitar make just the right combination of twang. ASHLEY ROE

COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

Emily Wells

Camera Obscura

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 19

SATURDAY, JUNE 22

Previously known for pairing her unique, almost mumbling singing style with violin, effects pedals, synths, toy piano, percussion, and just about any other instrument she can wrangle up, Texas-born multi-instrumentalist and singer Emily Wells took a 180-degree turn on her latest release, a completely acoustic version of 2012’s Mama called Mama Acoustic Recordings. Though still powerful, each song has suddenly become much softer, putting Wells’ voice in the spotlight rather than making it share the stage with the backing tracks she creates through looping pedals during live shows. The album’s sweet, lullabylike quality is magnified after learning that Wells recorded Mama Acoustic while others were sleeping in a nearby room. It’s the perfect soundtrack for sleepless nights of quiet contemplation.

Listening to Camera Obscura’s swooning dream rock, I’ve imagined a conversation so vividly that I could swear it’s real. It takes place in a dark Glasgow pub on a sunny August day. It’s 2001, or thereabouts. Belle and Sebastian’s Stuart Murdoch is speaking passionately in his precious brogue to a shy girl named Tracyanne who had to be coaxed out of her flat, where she’d been holed up all summer with books about love.

“Scotland needs you, Tracyanne,” Stuart coos to the mop-topped girl. “I need you.” Tracyanne only stares at the pint she’s hardly touched, so he takes a Kodachrome camera from his pocket and slides it to her. Expressionless, she picks it up, puts it to her eye, and snaps a bittersweet photo.

With that, the torch of Scottish twee-pop was passed—a flame that Tracyanne and Camera Obscura have been keeping alive for more than a decade by faithfully chronicling every nuance of modern Highlander angst. Out with their latest installment, Desire Lines, all systems are normal from the outfit—smart, hooky, and, yes, bittersweet—which is a joy for those like me who are more often than not disappointed by their cousin Belle’s hit-and-miss full-lengths.

It’s enough to draw even the most maudlin sop out of the flat for a pint. With Marissa Nadler.

With 1939 Ensemble, Whitney Ballen. The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave., 441-4618. $12 adv.

8 p.m. All ages. AZARIA PODPLESKY

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

Said the Whale

32

THURSDAY, JUNE 20

To tide fans over until its next studio album, Vancouver-based indie-rock band Said the Whale released I Love You, an EP that includes three songs the band says are likely to be on the upcoming full-length. The title track is about lead singer Tyler Bancroft’s vow to love his half-siblings unconditionally, even though they love those boring instrumentals. “Barbara-Ann” is a breezy song about true love, named for one half of a couple who runs a hammock shop in Vancouver. Closing track “Mother” is the result of a conversation between Bancroft and Cayne McKenzie of We Are the City about the balance between making others happy and doing what you want—a serious topic, but the summery beat, reminiscent of a Vampire Weekend tune, makes the song easily listenable. With Brite Lines, Ghost Town Riot. Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave. N.W., 789-3599. $10 adv./$12 DOS. 9 p.m.

21 and over. AZARIA PODPLESKY

Showbox at the Market, 1426 First Ave., 6283151, showboxonline.com. 8 p.m. $20 adv./ $23 DOS. DANIEL PERSON

Horse Feathers SATURDAY, JUNE 22

The naturally occurring sense of goodwill toward your fellow man that deepens with each beer is one of evolution’s greatest attributes—hard to improve upon, except, say, were you to donate your night’s drinking budget to charity while simultaneously soaking up a buzz.

Wonderfully, that’s the point of Noise for the Needy, the annual music festival that donates all proceeds to a local nonprofit (this year, the Ballard Food Bank). Add your good vibes to the pot

*

Cali Giraffes,

Said the Whale

at venues in Ballard and consider starting with this group, a string-based indie band with gentle, heartwarming melodies that match the spirit of the weekend. They released their fourth album, Cynic’s New Year, last year. With Case Studies, Pretty Broken Things. Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave., 789-3599, noisefortheneedy.org. $15. 9:30 p.m. GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT

Kris Orlowski SUNDAY, JUNE 23

If there’s one thing you need to know about Kris Orlowski, it’s that this guy likes to give back. Proof: The last time his band played a show in Ballard, it was with friends in a fundraiser for MusiCares. The boys return tonight for another do-good set—this time for Seattle’s Noise for the Needy. In truth, the show will be worth seeing for front man Orlowski’s booming baritone and charming disposition alone.

That it’s for a good cause, and features a bunch of Orlowski’s badass musical friends? Well, all that’s just icing on a really tasty cupcake.

With Hot Bodies in Motion, Cody Beebe & the Crooks, The Vaudeville Etiquette, Tango Alpha Tango. Hattie’s Party Lot/Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave. N.W., 789-3599. $15. 1 p.m.

KEEGAN PROSSER

Cody Simpson SUNDAY, JUNE 23

In the tradition of Justin Bieber, teen heartthrob Cody Simpson has made a career out of hanging with Ellen and playing songs to little girls who love to scream. But what’s his secret weapon?

He’s also Australian. Touring in support of his debut full-length, Paradise, the surfer-blonde pop singer is sure to deliver a slick set of romantical tunes of the tween variety—perfect for your favorite 13-year-old. Who are we kidding? He might draw a couple of sappy 24-year-olds as well. Warning to chaperones: Don’t forget the earplugs. With Ryan Beatty, Before You Exit.

Paramount, 911 Pine St., 682-1414. $15.75. 7 p.m.

All ages. KEEGAN PROSSER

All My Life 7˝: This collaboration between Kim Warnick (Fastbacks) and Mikey Davis (Alien Crime Syndicate) yields two power-pop gems, one sung by each. It’s got that familiar Fastbacks sound, only with a bit of Evan Dando thrown in (the former Lemonhead named the band). It’s the perfect soundtrack to kick-start your summer. DAVE LAKE Jack Endino, Rumble 12˝: The Seattle producer extraordinaire serves up a rocking, three-song preview of his upcoming solo record. The A-side is a down and dirty version of Link Wray’s instrumental classic “Rumble,” while the B-side includes two tracks: “Set Myself on Fire,” the riff-tastic title track from his forthcoming album, as well as a bonus track that won’t be on it, a 1996 Crocodile Cafe performance of “How Much Time” by Endino’s Earthworm. DL

*

Long Distance Poison, Gliese Translations: This Brooklyn-based drone band offers three variations on the “signal” theme (side A is home to “Signal I,” and the B-side features “Signal II” and “Signal I/II”). Members Drew McDowell, Steve Moore, and Shawn Parke harness and maintain minimal experimental sounds with an even keel, as in “Signal I” (not your typical single, topping over 19 minutes), which slowly builds on evolving, layered synth tones. “Signal II” is organic and lively, with a melody like rippling waves or steady rain.

PADMA NOLT

Pigeonhed, The Power Come Over Me 12˝: Local luminaries Shawn Smith and Steve Fisk preview a song from their “lost” third LP. The track is a soulful six-and-a-half-minute electro-pop tune anchored by an Afro-Cuban drumbeat, vintage synths, and Smith’s falsetto vocals. The B-side features an instrumental version of the same song. DL

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

33

Reverb»Seven Nights 1303 NE 45TH ST

Join us in the Trophy Room for Happy Hour: Thursday Bartender Special 8-Close Fridays: 5-8pm

COCKTAILS • TASTY HOT DOGS • LOTSA PINBALL

2222 2ND AVENUE • SEATTLE

206-441-5449

tractor Times listed are show times.

Doors open 30-60 minutes before The Tractor presents

Hattie’s

Lot Party

Join us in Hattie’s parking lot for music and drinks

gates open at 1pm

advance tix available at ticketweb.com, the tractor & Sonic Boom Records

Sat, June 29 ~ $20adv/$25dos ~ 21+

REBIRTH BRASS BAND ELDRIDGE GRAVY & THE COURT SUPREME • ORKESTAR ZIRKONIUM, RICHIE ALDENTE

Sun, June 30 ~ $10adv/$12dos ~ 21+

MARK PICKEREL AND HIS PRAYING HANDS • AMY LaVERE DAVIDSON HART KINGSBERY and special guests

Thur, June 20 • 9pm ~ $10adv/$12dos Noise for the Needy 2013 presents

SAID THE WHALE BRITE LINES

GHOST TOWN RIOT Fri, June 21 • 9:30pm ~ $15 Noise for the Needy 2013 and Soul’d Out Productions presents

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

ORGONE

34

POLYRHYTHMICS Sat, June 22 • 9:30pm ~ $15 Noise for the Needy 2013 presents

HORSE FEATHERS CASE STUDIES

PRETTY BROKEN THINGS Sun, June 23 • 8pm ~ $12adv/$15dos Noise for the Needy 2013 & Dead Nation presents

TYLER BRYANT & THE SHAKEDOWN

TBA

Up & Coming • 6/24 MONDAY SQUARE DANCE with THE TALLBOYS • 6/26 THE GLORIA DARLINGS album release show, PEPPER PROUD, JOSH PHILPOTT BAND • 6/27 Monqui presents ROYAL TEETH, AMERICAN AUTHORS, THE COLOURIST

5213 BALLARD AVE. NW www.tractortavern.com

PHIL ANDELMAN

RESERVE THE TROPHY ROOM FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT!

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

Wednesday, June 19

Saturday, June 22

CAYUCAS Zach Yudin formed this five-piece to flesh

COME Emerging while Pavement and Nirvana ruled col-

out his solo material (mercifully changing the project’s name from Oregon Bike Trails in the process).

The group’s songs are straight-up beach pop: jangly guitars, reverb-heavy vocals, and light, propulsive percussion. With JBM. Barboza, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9951, thebarboza.com. 8 p.m. $10 adv.

THE FRONT BOTTOMS Singer/guitarist Brian Sella’s clever, self-deprecating lyrics help set this New Jersey pop-punk band apart from legions of similar acts. With Weatherbox. Vera Project, 305 Harrison St., 956-8372, theveraproject.org. 7:30 p.m. $11. All ages.

THE INTELLIGENCE This bill features some of the most interesting rock being made in Seattle right now: Lars Finberg’s smart-guy post-punk, La Luz’s sublimely catchy surf rock, and Pony Time’s two-person sonic demolition derby. Neumos, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9442, neumos.com. 8 p.m. $10 adv.

•

Thursday, June 20

CSS These sensual Brazilian dance-rockers recently

released their fourth album Planta, produced by TV on the Radio’s Dave Sitek. With IO Echo. Columbia City Theater, 4918 Rainier Ave. S., 723-0088, columbiacity theater.com. 7:30 p.m. $22.50 adv./$25 DOS. NIGHTMARE FORTRESS A release show for the loosely Gothic Twitch and Gloam: Dark Sounds of the Pacific Northwest compilation, which includes contributions from all the bands on this bill. With Grey Gardens, Haunted Horses, Music for Evenings. Chop Suey, 1325 E. Madison St., 324-8005, chopsuey.com. 8 p.m. $7 adv.

PEEPING TOMBOYS Though it shares its name with a Kurt Vile song, this local trio’s sound is pure, unhinged psych rock. With Cabana, Prism Tats, Yeah Girl. Sunset Tavern, 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., 784-4880, sunsettavern. com. 8:30 p.m. $10.

Friday, June 21

• COLIN STETSON True virtuosos are hard to find in

indie rock—probably why bass saxophonist Stetson has found work recording with everyone from Sinead O’Connor to TV on the Radio, and played extensively in Bon Iver’s touring band. His own music is more challenging—wonky, free jazz–derived solo saxophone odysseys that sound impossible as the work of just one person. With Justin Walter. Barboza. 7 p.m. $13 adv.

THE DANDY WARHOLS The ever-eccentric Portland band is touring behind a reissue of its classic album Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia. With the Shivas.

Showbox at the Market, 1426 First Ave., 628-3151, showboxonline.com. 8 p.m. $22.50 adv./$25 DOS. GRACE POTTER & THE NOCTURNALS Potter’s rich, emotive singing voice is the locus of her rock band, whose staid, backward-looking classic-rock arrangements make it stand out even more. With Lukas Nelson, Promise of the Real. The Paramount, 911 Pine St., 467-5520, stgpresents.org. 7 p.m. $25.75. All ages.

Send events to music@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended, NC = no charge, AA = all ages.

•

lege radio, this Boston band is an underrated part of alternative-rock history, reuniting to commemorate the 20th anniversary of debut album 11:11. With The Redwood Plan, No Grave. Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave., 441-7416, thecrocodile.com. 9 p.m. $15 adv. All ages.

JULIA MASSEY & THE FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT

•

This Noise for the Needy show has a pop-rock-leaning lineup, headlined by Massey’s dexterous piano-pop workouts. With The Great Um, The Jesus Rehab, Tangerine. Conor Byrne, 5140 Ballard Ave. N.W., 784-3640, conorbyrnepub.com. 9 p.m. $8.

PURE BATHING CULTURE may be the opening band at this show, but it’ll be worth showing up early to catch the Portland duo’s immersive dream pop. Its full-length debut, Moon Tides, is out in August. With Bellamaine, Poor Moon. Neumos. 8 p.m. $10 adv.

Sunday, June 23

BERNHOFT After fronting less-successful indie bands in

the early aughts, Jarle Bernhoft has found acclaim as a solo performer, looping vocals and guitar on the fly to make modular, retro R&B. With Sun Rai. The Triple Door, 216 Union St., 838-4333, thetripledoor.net. 7:30 p.m. $19 adv./$20 DOS. All ages.

GEOFF RICKLY The Thursday frontman is one of the latest musicians to connect with fans through Reddit, but not in the way one might expect: After getting robbed in New York, an enterprising group of Redditors helped him track down his stolen phone. With Vinnie Caruana.

Vera Project. 6 p.m. $10 adv./$12 DOS. All ages.

VALLEYS The latest from Marc St. Louis and Tillie Perks, Are You Going to Stand There and Talk Weird All Night, sees the Montreal art-rock duo veering slightly away from its earlier post-rock work to incorporate more electronic elements. With Weeknight. Sunset Tavern.

7:30 p.m. $8 adv./$10 DOS.

Monday, June 24

KRIZZ KALIKO A longtime Tech N9ne collaborator,

Kaliko creates music that doesn’t fall too far from the aggro, in-your-face street rap of his Strange Music bosses. With ¡Mayday!, Stevie Stone, Cool Nutz, Jay Barz. Crocodile. 8 p.m. $16 adv. All ages.

SIMON SAYS DIE This Vancouver, Wash., band plays breakneck metalcore in the vein of Atreyu or Killswitch Engage. With A Crime of Passion, Toarn, Esoson.

El Corazon, 109 Eastlake Ave. E., 381-3094, elcorazon seattle.com. 7 p.m. $8 adv./$10 DOS. All ages.

Tuesday, June 25

GOODBYE HEART This local dream-pop band’s music

is languid, expansive, and requisitely pretty. With Ephrata, English Gardens. High Dive, 513 N. 36th St., 632-0212, highdiveseattle.com. 8 p.m. $6.

HINDER “Lips of an Angel,” this Oklahoma band’s 2006 power ballad/biggest hit, briefly made everyone forget that hair metal had died in 1991. They’ve released three albums since, most recently last year’s Welcome to the Freakshow. With Aranda, Devour the Day, Acidic.

Showbox at the Market. 7 p.m. $25 adv./$30 DOS. All ages.

W W W. S E AT T L E W E E K LY. C O M / S I G N U P

DINI NG

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M US I C

MUSIC NEWSLETTER

EV ENT S

PR OM O TI ON S

Upcoming shows and the latest reviews.

2033 6th Avenue (206) 441-9729 jazzalley.com

FI LM

JAZZ ALLEY IS A SUPPER CLUB

Benny Green - Magic Beans with David Wong and Kenny Washington

A R T S A ND ENTER TA I NM EN T

NTw.RlittleYreMdhUenS.coIC LIVE COUww m THURSDAY & FRIDAY JUNE 20TH & JUNE 21ST

Hugh Masekela & Larry Willis: Friends

Intimate evening with Hard-bop jazz pianist Grammy-winning South Afritouring in support of his first self-produced recording can trumpeter and his friend, and first trio record of all American jazz pianist original music!

June 19

H A PPY H OUR

June 20

JERRY AND THE PHILBILLYS 9PM $3 COVER - THURSDAY 9PM $5 COVER - FRIDAY SATURDAY JUNE 22ND

BULLET CREEK 9PM - $5 COVER

SUNDAY JUNE 23RD

Gregory Porter “The brilliant new voice of jazz.” - Huffington Post

June 21 - 23

Vieux Farka Touré

91.3 KBCS presents “...original guitar music of fluidity, rhythmic invention and passion, that it’s virtually unequaled.” - All Music

June 25 - 26

WES JONES BAND 9PM - $3 COVER 4PM OPEN MIC / ACOUSTIC JAM W/ BILLY BODACIOUS TUESDAY JUNE 25TH

ROY KAY TRIO 9PM

MONDAY AND WEDNESDAY

Booker T. Jones CD Release Party!

Hammond B3 soulman touring in support of his new Stax/Concord Record release, “Sound the Alarm”.

June 27 - 30

Acoustic Alchemy Contemporary instrumental jazz band embracing a spectrum of musical styles

July 2 - 3 & 5 - 7

WALK-INS ALWAYS WELCOME! Full calendar at www.jazzalley.com All Ages • Free Parking • Gift Certificates Military, Senior and Student Discounts

KARAOKE WITH DJ FORREST GUMP 9:00PM • NO COVER

FREE COUNTRY DANCE LESSONS WITH OUR HOST MARYANN AT 8PM; SUN, MON, TUES

HAPPY HOUR 9AM-NOON & 4-7 PM • MON-FRI

WELL DRINKS & DOMESTIC BOTTLED BEER $2 16 OZ. MICROS $3.50 DINNER: 5-10PM EVERYDAY BREAKFAST & LUNCH: SAT 8AM-2PM / SUN 9AM-2PM 7115 WOODLAWN AVENUE NE 522-1168

—CHARLES R. CROSS, author of Heavier Than Heaven

Paperback // 288 Pages // $18.95 Available wherever books are sold

SEATTLE WEEKLY • JU NE 19 — 25, 2013

“Whether you’re a fan of Beat Happening, Bikini Kill, or Nirvana, this book will help you understand a scene that changed music history.”

35

SEATTLEWEEKLY PROMOTIONS dategirl»By Judy McGuire ENTER TO WIN TICKETS TO buMbERShOOT WEEKEND PASS.

features Seattle bands Death Cab for Cutie (playing Transatlanticism), Heart (fresh off their induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and making their first-ever Bumbershoot appearance), and Allen Stone (who hosted the Festival’s lineup announcement party). + over 100 bands that will flock to Seattle Center this Labor Day Weekend.

ENTER TO WIN TICKETS TO OLd CROW MEdICINE ShOW @ ZooTunes, June 30th at 6pm

It is the 30th Anniversary of ZooTunes and Woodland Park Zoo proudly presents Old Crow Medicine Show with Parker Milsap on Sunday, June 30tht.

ENTER TO WIN TICKETS TO dANdY WARhOLS The Showbox Market, Friday, June21st, 21+

Featuring “13 Tales From Urban Bohemia” in its entirety.

ENTER TO WIN 2 TICKETS TO

CAMERA ObSCuRA

The Showbox Market, June 22nd at 8pm

With nearly four years having passed since their 4AD debut, My Maudlin Career, Camera Obscura’s new album, Desire Lines was released on June 4th (3rd in UK/EU).

ENTER TO WIN TICKETS TO hAIRSPRAY SEATTLE WEEKLY • JUNE 19 — 25, 2013

Fifth Avenue Theatre, June 20th at 8pm

36

Hairspray returns to Seattle in all its glorious, irreverent, John Waters-inspired wackiness! Ten years after making its pre-Broadway premiere in Seattle at The 5th Avenue Theatre, The 5th and the Seattle Men’s Chorus collaborate on an exhilarating concert version of this Tony Award winner for Best Musical.

Loyal Son Gets Mom in Trouble Dear Dategirl, Help! My ex-husband had an affair that broke up our marriage, three years ago. He was screwing his assistant—cliche!—but they’re not together anymore. I think he’s even dating someone else now. I’m not sure.

The other night my 17-year-old son was out with some friends, and I think they were drinking because they called the other woman, pretending to be looking for a prostitute. Of course the number traces back to my son’s phone. The next day my ex calls. He’s very unhappy. His ex-skank had called him and given him an earful. He blames me.

Our son knew the other woman because he was interning at his father’s office, and was the one who told me that he thought his dad might be having an affair with her. My ex initially denied it (and has been cold to our son since), but the skank confirmed it when I confronted her. I guess she thought he’d marry her. Ha. Part of me thinks this is funny and the whore deserves it. I’m touched by my son’s loyalty, but I was very careful to keep my son out of our marital problems and I know I can’t condone this behavior. I’m struggling with how or if to punish him.

Any thoughts?

—Trying to Be the Bigger Person

You’re only human, so of course your first reaction is to be touched, and maybe even a little

dategirl@seattleweekly.com

DATEGIRL » ONLINE EVERY WEEK AT aFIND SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM

gleeful, that your son pulled this. But for the sake of raising a good kid, take your personal feelings out of the scenario. Warning: PC Rant Ahead.

It sounds like your son’s dad was probably a shitty role model, but by fixating on the other woman’s behavior and slut-shaming her, your son is putting all the blame on her when it’s his dad who had a commitment to his family. And while in an ideal world his dad would be the one having this talk with him, it doesn’t sound as if they have anything close to an ideal relationship, so it’s time for you to step up and, yes, be the better person.

This doesn’t mean that I consider the other woman some lost lamb, but, tempting though it is, you want to avoid language like “whore,” “skank,” and/or “slut.”

Your son is still young, which means you have an opportunity to raise him to value women (even us slutty ones!) as human beings.

It sounds like your kid probably blames the other woman for his father’s distance, when really his dad’s just a jackass. I mean, if you’re going to cheat, don’t put your kid in a situation where he’s going to witness it (poor Sally Draper!)—and you sure as shit shouldn’t expect him to keep any secrets if he does find out (again, poor Sally!). But if you start badmouthing his dad, you’re just putting your kid back in the middle, which is a shitty place to sit.

So explain that while you appreciate his loyalty, prank-calling people in the middle of the night is stupid. It’s doubly stupid now that every single phone everywhere has caller ID, btw. As this was probably a ploy to get some attention from his dad, you would be a real menschette if you tried to bury the hatchet with your ex and convince him to rekindle a relationship with his kid.

Want more? Listen to Judy on The Mike & Judy Show, follow her tweets @HitOrMissJudy, or buy her book, The Official Book of Sex, Drugs and Rock ’n’ Roll Lists.

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So you think you wanna get into the marijuana business?

Smooth Operators

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ew Millennium North, a medicalmarijuana access point in north Seattle, opened only in March, but their smooth operation belies the brevity of their existence.

The dispensary offers a cap of $10 per gram on flower donations, with a couple of bargain strains (Top Shelf Mix at $7 a gram and “Mazatlan,” which looks and smokes a lot like street Mexican, at $5 a gram) for good measure.

Receptionist/budtender Caitlyn showed a quite welcome knowledge of the strains as I sought her input on the best indica and sativa flowers. I ended up with a $17.50 eighth of Mazatlan (sue me—I was curious); a $25 eighth of indica-dominant White Rhino (normally $35, it was on sale the day I visited); and a $35 eighth of sativadominant Bruce Banner (Strawberry Diesel x OG Kush).

The Mazatlan might make you feel nostalgic, if you fondly recall the burning sensation in your throat produced by commercial Mexi-schwag. Don’t get me wrong—these flowers are perfectly serviceable and will get you medicated, in a quite sativaish sort of way. It’s good that they’re available for patients with limited means. But just be aware that this weed, at $100 at ounce, is not the equal (nor even in the neighborhood) of the 20-odd $240-an-ounce strains Millennium offers. Avoid the bargain and get the $10 strains.

White Rhino is a 90-percent indica-dominant strain with Brazilian Sativa x South Indian Indica x Afghani in its family tree. Its subtly

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skunky flowers suggest a complex mix of terpenes, with undertones of berry and anise and pepper highlights. Rhino typically tests in the 20-percent-THC range and is strong medicine; it will offer pain relief without the undesirable side effects of opiate narcotics. The strain is also known for effectively dispelling depression and OCD. Bruce Banner, a new strain to me, was a pleasure to discover. This sativa-dominant hybrid comes on like gangbusters with a euphoric rush; a wave of stress relief washes over you almost immediately, dispelling pain and anxiety and instilling an instant case of cottonmouth. The taste is more similar to that of OG Kush—i.e., the indica side of the family—with next to no detectable strawberry terpenes.

The OG Kush side of Bruce Banner also asserts itself with a body-high component that accompanies the strong head-high from the Strawberry Diesel genetics. Developed in Colorado, the Banner strains are so tightly dense that you may at first blush think you got skimped on the weight, but don’t be fooled; they check out when thrown on the scales. After the intense beginning, the high provides a much more relaxed, pillowy finish.

Each day, New Millennium offers a different strain for $25 an eighth; ask about the special so you don’t miss out. E

Legalization of the marijuana business brings new burdens upon entrepreneurs.

According to the Washington State Liquor Board: The application for the license to operate as a producer, processor, or retailer will require complex accounting data.

• Sales must be tracked.

• Cash must be accounted for.

• Inventory must be tracked from seedling to sale.

• All Federal and State reports must be filed and taxes paid, to stay in business.

• Federal income tax has a special set of rules.

Tracking of Sales and Cash: Marijuana is a high-cash business. So strict reconciliation between cash and sales is necessary. The accounting system must support this.

Inventory: The “Seedling to Sale” rule requires specific identification and tracking for each plant. This means detailed ongoing inventory records must be kept.

You’ll need accounting Software: Presently there are a few accounting software programs for tracking the transactions and inventory of a dispensary: Denali, by Cougar Mountain; Biotrackthc; MMJmenu, 420soft. However, Quickbooks has the capacity to perform all the necessary tasks.

There are also software programs available for growers, such as: Grow Assistant, and HighGrow 4.20. This will be essential in tracking grower inventory from “seedling to sale.” HERE’S A GOOD AND FREE GROWER SOFTWARE PROGRAM you can download: Billy Bud’s Tool Kit. http:// billybudd.zappersoftware.com/software.html.

Processors: FOR AN EXCEL SPREADSHEET FOR COMPUTING BATCH AND UNIT COSTS FOR PROCESSORS, call David Belzer at 206.224.3545 State taxes: The State monthly reporting requirements include production, sales, inventory and waste, A link to the rules may be found at: http:// mjlicensing.org.

Now to Federal tax matters: The Federal income tax return of a business trafficking in controlled substances may not include expenses such as rent, utilities, wages, Newnormal Hours:expenses M-F 12:00 7:00 In the or other (IRC–280E).

Saturday – 5:00that will prove future, there will be10:00 more cases what is deductible and what isn’t. Is your Sunday 12:00 – 5:00 accountant following those cases?

New Hours: M-F 12 this ad accountants for an extra 10% offa Bring In fact, most won’t touch For weekly specials, follow us on Facebook marijuana business because they are afraid Saturday 10:00 – of Federal prosecution.

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S.A.M. COLLE

S.A.M. COLLECTIVE

tokesignals@seattleweekly.com

Steve Elliott edits Toke Signals, tokesignals.com, an irreverent, independent blog of cannabis news, views, and information.

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