Seattle Weekly, January 25, 2012

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VictOria JACkson went from the

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inside» January 25-31, 2012 VOLUME 37 | NUMBER 4 » SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM

»8

»25

up front 6

8

»32 25 FOOD

25 | TERRA PLATA | Tamara Murphy’s

NEWS

unbent optimism.

Same-sex-marriage foes play the religious-freedom card. Plus: cleaning up the ferries and Eastsiders on the lam.

Seattle, cauliflower’s in decline.

THE DAILY WEEKLY

FEATURE

27 | FIRST CALL | A winter warmer.

28 | A LITTLE RASKIN | Except in

31 MUSIC

31 | JESSE SYKES | A musician’s

BY GUS GARCIA-ROBERTS | In her six

perspective on the SOPA/PIPA battle.

seasons on Saturday Night Live, heliumvoiced songstress Victoria Jackson never quite found her niche. But she has now— as a Muslim-loathing online pundit and the Tea Party’s quirkiest icon.

32 | ALABAMA SHAKES | “They could

17 THE WEEKLY WIRE

Kid flicks on Cap Hill, an appreciation of Graham Greene, and Honey Badger continues to do what it damn well pleases.

18 ARTS

18 | OPENING NIGHTS | Phone-sex

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19 | EAR SUPPLY | Nico’s newest.

20 | THE FUSSY EYE | A family about to be made homeless again.

21 FILM

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Liam Neeson vs. the wolves, Glenn Close in drag, and murder in Seattle.

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33 | REVERB | Banner Pilot’s Minnesota

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34 | THE SHORT LIST | Ambulance, Avicii, Filastine, and much more.

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news»Best of the Daily Weekly »dispatches from our news blog

Make Me

Gay-marriage opponents’ odd objection to the coming law.

J

riage unless the organization offers those facilioe Fuiten, one of the region’s leadties “to the public for a fee” or sells goods and ing evangelical pastors and a forservices to the public. In Fuiten’s call to arms, mer organizer for George W. Bush, he suggests that many churches would be subweighed in recently on Washington’s ject to that exception—even if they did no more gay-marriage bill that, with the support of than maintain a pop machine or sell coffee.

Gov. Chris Gregoire, looks like all but a sure Fuiten can relax. After his missive went thing. Yeah, he’s against it—to put it very, out, the sponsors of SB 6239 and HB 2516 very mildly. (the companion bill in the House) decided The head of Bothell’s Cedar Park to change the wording, Rep. Jamie Pedersen, Church issued what he called “an urgent prime sponsor of the message” through House bill, tells Seattle his e-mail and Web Weekly. Pedersen says the newsletter. “This is a language in question was deceptive and dangerprint is great. aimed not at churches but ous bill,” he wrote of But if you want to see video at religiously affiliated SB 6239. (Actually, of the dumbest comments businesses that regularly he mistakenly referfrom this week’s gay marriage rent space for weddings: enced last year’s bill, hearings, you’ll have to check it “a wedding-chapel kind SB 5793, but we know out on The Daily Weekly. of thing,” he says. “We what he means.) “It is SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM/DAILYWEEKLY didn’t want to create an the setup for a knockopportunity for [those down.” businesses] to discrimiWhy a “knocknate.” But, he says, “we want to make sure that down”? Because of language in the bill that, any concerns that are even remotely reasonable he says, labels excluding gays from marriage have been addressed.” as “discrimination.” In Fuiten’s mind—and, Of course, this leaves Fuiten without you might extrapolate, the minds of many of his rationale for fighting the bill. Somehow the state’s evangelicals, along with those of we think he’ll manage to find a new one. the National Institute of Marriage, which has pledged $250,000 to fight any Republican who NiNa Shapiro votes for the bill—that is the first step toward opening up churches and pastors to discrimination lawsuits. And that, he says, is designed to coerce them to sanctify gay marriages against their will, thus undermining religious freedom.

“The Gay Marriage Equality bill will not be satisfied until virtually every church in Washington is forced to allow gays to hold their weddings in church sanctuaries,” Fuiten wrote.

Not so, says bill sponsor Ed Murray: “[Fuiten] is trying to confuse the issue.

The bill clearly states that churches and religious organizations cannot be forced to marry anyone.”

Well, to be precise, it clearly says that religious officials cannot be forced to do so. But same difference.

So the lawsuit theory, as far as church leaders go, is a red herring. For the churches themselves, though, there is one exception. Religious organizations will not be required to allow the use of their facilities for gay mar-

6

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Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

[

Cough It Up

Damaged Goods

When the Bentley convertible, Steinway baby grand, fur coats, and 25 Chihuly glass pieces are auctioned off along with most of his other worldly goods this week in Palm Desert, California, Michael Mastro will be the man least likely to be there. The 86-yearold bankrupt Medina real-estate tycoon is on the lam with his 61-year-old wife.

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Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

Not all news out of Olympia is as controversial. Some of it is just plain puzzling.

San Juan Island lawmaker Sen. Kevin Ranker recently unveiled a punishing piece of legislation designed to make one’s ferry voyage as free from bad behavior as a trip on the Good Ship Lollipop.

Under Ranker’s proposed law, urinating and defecating in places outside the bathroom would not be tolerated and could result in a maximum 90-day jail sentence and a $1,000 fine. Sounds reasonable. But then there’s this: That list of no-nos also includes smoking and spitting.

It goes on from there. Ranker also wants misdemeanors doled out to those who dare to roller-skate, skateboard, or let Spot off his leash. Play the radio too loud? That’s on the list too.

A final no-no: No one will be allowed to pass themselves off as ferry workers. One has to wonder how often someone masquerades as a ferry employee. At least we did.

“Well, actually it has happened a few times,” Ranker tells Seattle Weekly. “They’ll do it to get ahead in a ferry line or walk on the boat without paying the fare.”

Ranker, who lives on Orcas Island, said he’s been approached by ferry workers who are concerned that rude behavior is growing more frequent and more egregious. “We’re seeing situations where people have really been harassed and the Washington State Patrol doesn’t have the power to make an arrest.”

Capt. Jason Berry, legislative liaison for State Patrol Chief John Batiste, told the Kitsap Sun that troopers have arrest powers on other forms of transit, but not on ferries.

For their part, troopers, added Berry, are frustrated that dog owners must keep their pets on a leash in Seattle, but when they get to Colman Dock, they don’t have to. “A lot of times when we’re dealing with things at a lower level, we can control it before it ever gets to that point,” said Berry. “If somebody’s behavior gets so out of control or somebody is doing dangerous things, we can arrest them and immediately remove them, and that will stabilize things.” Ellis Conklin

As a getaway saga, it’s a nursing-home version of Bonnie and Clyde. The two were last seen six months ago en route to Canada with the feds hot on Mastro’s Testoni loafers. (A few months earlier, the old-timer had been in a coma, for godsakes). U.S. marshals missed the elderly duo by just a day or two in midsummer when they rushed into what turned out to be the Mastros’ just-vacated Canadian apartment hideout.

Now the FBI has joined what is likely a worldwide search for the Mastros, known for their globetrotting skills. Even after declaring bankruptcy and as much as $570 million in debt, court records show, the couple vacationed in Italy, Switzerland, Paris, New York, and Palm Springs, plus kept up $8,000-a-month payments on a Rolls-Royce and the Bentley.

(Mastro’s lawyer said poor old Mike was just trying to keep his wife “happy in a difficult situation.”)

Though they’ve lost a fortune, including an elaborate Medina mansion sold at auction for just $8 million, and owe unsecured creditors more than $275 million, Michael and Linda Mastro are still thought to be millionaire fugitives. They absconded with Linda’s two diamond rings (27.8 and 15.93 carats), worth $1.5 million, which they’d been ordered to turn over to the court. They also could have stashed millions more in secret accounts prior to their getaway.

The Mastros’ last reported contact was with Michael’s sister, Gloria Plischke of West Seattle. He called her twice during the summer, she told The Seattle Times’ Eric Pryne.

“He said he would not tell me where he is,” Plischke said. “I don’t want to know.”

In the process, the vanished Mastros stopped paying their attorneys, effectively limiting if not ending their legal challenges to the bankruptcy case, which has left some of their creditors high and dry. They’re fighting over the remains of a once far-flung Mastro real-estate empire of condos, apartments, and office buildings. Investors are expecting to get back as little as one percent of the amount they put into Mastro’s deals.

This week’s auction will provide a small bump to the debtors’ pot. The luxury items being sold off were taken from Medina and from a 4,200-square-foot California home the Mastros had been renting. James G. Murphy Co. is handling the auction, which will be live January 25 online and at the Embassy Suites in Palm Desert.

The goods are being held in a nearby storage facility in the desert, the area where the Mastros were last seen in June, supposedly packing for a return to Seattle and a court appearance. But this will be no low-rent Storage Wars, as seen on TV. Besides the Bentley, the Chihulys, the baby grand, and the five furs and one mink, the other leftovers from a swell life include a collection of luxury handbags and costly household furnishings, a queen sleigh bed and dining sets, sculptures and an ivory tusk, and assorted crystal and china, among other things.

There is also one electronic safe, presumably empty. RiCk AndERson E

7

VictOria JACkson went from the

big leaguEs oF comedy to The

rABid Right of

mOdern Politics

Giulio Sciorio

Tea pArty PrincESs ictoria Jackson M V

Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * By gus gARcia-roberts * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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doesn’t want to meet at her house. “The Nation of Islam wants to kill me,” she explains apologetically in her inimitable shrill voice. Instead, she picks up a reporter at a Miami-area strip mall. Her weathered Honda Civic is adorned with “Nobama,” Marco Rubio, and Tea Party bumper stickers, and inside it smells like it’s been fumigated with sweet incense.

Jackson hurtles through intersections and down side streets, holding a Flip cam to her face with her left hand.

Steering with elbows and the occasional pinkie, she opens a Bible inscribed with her name and quotes scripture. Then she turns the camera on a reporter riding shotgun, whom she suspects is a socialist. “Don’t you think that some people are on welfare from cradle to grave,” she demands, ploddingly, “because the government is encouraging them never to work?”

“Leaving on a Jet Plane,” her ringtone, blares from some unknown recess of her purse, and she’s suddenly burrowing through loads of makeup cases to find it. “What if we crashed and died on video?” she says, laughing wildly. “That would be the most viral video of the world! You’d be dead, but you’d have a really viral video!”

At age 52, Victoria Jackson bears little resemblance to that lithe and sweetly dopey girl with the grating voice on Saturday Night Live. And you wouldn’t recognize her from those eight mostly forgettable ’80s and ’90s feature films such as I Love You to Death and No More Baths. These days, she cuts a more snowman-esque figure. Or as Howard Stern recently put it, she “looks like she ate Victoria Jackson.”

Her comedy career, which took her from Johnny Carson’s

stage in Los Angeles to 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York City, long ago squeaked its last breath. She’s now a Miami-area suburban grandmother and wife of a buff local cop with a Bad Boys-esque career full of shootouts and commendations.

And to some Christian conservatives, she is a seer of truth.

The daffy actress—about whom The Washington Post once mused “If you opened her head, it would be filled with cotton candy”— is now a bizarrely riveting semiregular political pundit on Fox News.

She’s no Keyboard Cat. But videos uploaded of her—on cable news programs, on her online talk show, or filmed by her own erratic hand—have in just the past few months amassed more than a million page views. She has strummed a ukulele while harmonizing that Muslims “like beheadings and pedophile weddings.” Even Bill O’Reilly laughed at her when she compared Barack Obama to “Castro in Cuba, or the guy in China, or Saddam Hussein.” She has declared, in protest of a gay kiss on Glee, that homosexual children need to “pray the gay away” and that there’s a “spiritual war in America.”

But calling her the lunatic fringe is at most half right.

Victoria has been invited to the office of Florida Republican congressman Bill Posey, who commiserated when she said Obama has “the fakest birth certificate I’ve ever seen in my life.” She has gained a sympathetic audience with nearly every GOP candidate of the 2012 presidential campaign (excluding the guy she calls a “fake conservative,” Mitt Romney). She rode the Tea Party Express bus with Herman Cain and joined Michele Bachmann at a D.C. rally where the crowd chanted, “There’s a communist living in the White House!” If not the captain of the S.S. Tea Party, she’s at least the screeching mermaid strapped to its bow.

arlene Jackson pulls out a throne-like seat for a male visitor to the family’s modest Miami Shores home.

“That’s the master’s chair,” Victoria’s mom declares cheerily. “The man is the master.”

Then she delivers cookies and Coca-Cola in old-timey bottles, just the way Victoria’s dad likes them. Eightythree-year-old Jim Jackson is a strapping, boyish former gymnast in thick spectacles. A squiggly triangle of pale flesh, left over from a melanoma graft, mars his left cheek.

Along with Victoria, barefoot with cherry-red toenail polish and recording video as always, the little family gathers around a high-top table.

Soon Jim begins with booming recollections of his youth as a champion gymnast. “I’m homophobic,” he announces while describing why he doesn’t like to strip in male locker rooms. “I also don’t like fat people. Every time I see a 300-to400-pound lady or a man sit down to stuff her face, I want to say, ‘No, you fool! You’re killing yourself!’ ” Then he adds for good measure: “Our son is 300 pounds.”

Marlene and Jim met around 1950 in Chicago, where he was raised and she was studying to be a nurse. Victoria’s mom came from a family of Baptist zealots near Windom, Minnesota, a plains town about three hours southwest of the Twin Cities. During the Great Depression, the whole family went door-to-door preaching the evils of alcohol, caffeine, movies, music, dancing, dice, and cards.

Marlene’s much-adored sister, Angeline Rose, had developed schizophrenia as a teenager and died in a state hospital.

Marlene blamed God. In revenge she married the happy-golucky, gymnastics-obsessed Jim, whose only religion was Fred Astaire and Burt Lancaster movies. They moved to Miami in

Intrigued, he took Victoria to lunch, and on the way she did a handstand on a fire hydrant and a tractor tire. Jeez, Crawford recalls thinking.

There’s nothing like this girl. “I felt like I had discovered something really special.”

When he offered her a one-way plane ticket, she quit school to live on his couch in the Hollywood Hills. (Victoria finally got her bachelor’s degree in theater in 2010, at Palm Beach Atlantic University.) She was the impossibly high-pitched queen in a production of Hamlet at the Variety Arts Center in downtown L.A., and Crawford introduced her to his friend Hugh Hefner. At the Playboy Mansion, Victoria stood on her head and recited poetry while half-naked Bunnies looked at her quizzically.

That strange shtick became Victoria Jackson’s comedy act. She was upside-down, warbling a song about a mugger, when screen agent Dolores Robinson first saw her in a tiny upscale Beverly Hills wine bar called Englander’s. “I’d never seen anything like her before,” Robinson says.

“Some people thought I was a genius,” Victoria recalls. “Some people thought I was retarded.”

N

ow that she’s a Fox News proselytizer, there’s an element of heavy-handed parable to Victoria’s life story: good girl corrupted by Hollywood. And it’s no mystery in what role she has cast Nelson “Nisan” Eventoff, whom she met when she was 22. She used to publicly refer to him—until he threatened to sue her for it—only as Satan.

They worked the same venues. He was a fire-eater and sword-swallower who played the piano in blackface. She was smitten. Victoria claims Nisan rolled the first joint she ever smoked. “It made me very creative, horny, and paranoid,” she says. Then he brought her to the Silver Lake home he shared with several other hippies, dogs, finches, and a ferret. There she lost her virginity to the fire-eater.

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“My hands were ripped.

My hip bones had bruises on them. My knees are permanently injured. I mean, doing 200 situps is not fun.”

Dusty Christian bells must have started clanging in Victoria’s head. “I had a nervous breakdown,” she says. She flew back to Miami and confessed to her mother, who took Victoria on her first visit to a gynecologist. Assured she was not pregnant, she then pondered her premarital predicament. If I married him, it wouldn’t be such a bad sin, she thought. If I don’t marry him, God will say “She’s a slut.”

The couple wed in Los Angeles in 1984 and two years later had a daughter they named Scarlet. The slightly demented acrobat act plowed an unlikely road to comedy’s big leagues. Victoria bought a Laurel Canyon bungalow with paychecks from Half Nelson, a quickly-canceled sitcom in which she played Hollywood detective Joe Pesci’s dotty secretary. She was a regular performer on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, where one night she channeled Patti Smith, singing about being an “angry woman” while doing tricks on a balance beam.

» Continued on page 11

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the early ’50s, partly because Jim was inspired

by Clark Gable’s Mutiny on the Bounty.

Born in 1959, Victoria lived in the shadow of her tormented aunt. Marlene was convinced her daughter could avoid schizophrenia only if she became an extreme extrovert.

So Victoria was banished from doing any “woman’s work,” her mom says—no household chores or cooking.

She became attached to her dad, a physical education teacher at North Glades Elementary, near Carol City, where they lived. Jim Jackson believed his family had a gene that inclined them toward obesity. “He said I was ‘genetically inferior,’ Victoria says. “I think it made me nuts. That’s probably where my eating disorders came from.”

Her childhood was spent on balance beams and parallel bars. From age 4 she could do a handstand, a move that would make her famous on SNL. Nearly every hour not spent in school or church, she practiced in their yard or at a nearby gym. She would tumble on gravel until her hands were bloody. “I did not like gymnastics at all,” Victoria says. “My hands were ripped. My hip bones had bruises on them. My knees are permanently injured.

My neck got cracked once. I mean, doing 200 situps is not fun.”

Her brother, Jim Jr., one year younger, was too introspective and ruminative for his dad.

“We thought he was stupid,” Jim Sr. says of his son, now a Los Angeles architect. “I was a disappointment at birth,” Jim Jr. says.

The children were trapped in their father’s cinema-inspired fantasy world. Jim Sr. had Victoria flip through rings of fire. Or her brother would hang upside down over a burning log while she threw torches at it. “The flames started licking at my hair,” Jim Jr. recalls. “I was frozen stiff, frightened out of my mind.”

In 1974, Jim Sr. paid $52,000 for a more upscale three-bedroom place in Miami Shores.

Victoria, a cheerleader at the private high school Dade Christian, dated a perfectly postured Baptist boy named William Paul Wessel, so straight-laced he carried a briefcase to class.

By the time Victoria graduated in 1977, Saturday Night Live had premiered its star-making rookie cast, including Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, and John Belushi.

She had never watched the show. The family had no TV set. The only movies she knew were The Sound of Music and The Love Bug. When her dad asked what she wanted to do with her life, she remembers earnestly replying, “I’d like to be Julie Andrews on the top of a mountain singing with my children in matching outfits with a ukulele.”

But freed from her dad, the gymnastics Gestapo, “Vicky went a little crazy,” says her brother. She broke up with her beau, Paul, and bounced from Broward County’s now-defunct Florida Bible College to South Carolina’s Furman University to Auburn University in Alabama. The summer before her senior year, she took up an art she had been raised to believe was one step above the occult: theater.

It was in Birmingham in 1980, just before her senior year, when she first tried out for a professional theater production. She won three minor roles. Her pay: $600.

It was at a rehearsal in Birmingham for Meet Me in St. Louis that her impromptu acrobatics and helium voice caught the attention of the production’s celebrity draw. Johnny Crawford had played Chuck Connors’ son on the TV Western The Rifleman 20 years earlier.

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Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

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cornered her once, Victoria says. He said he was “offended” by her “ditsy” act. “Maybe I’m overcompensating,” she retorted, “because everybody here is dying and going to Hell, and But when she flew to New York in 1986 to I’m supposed to tell them about Jesus.” audition for SNL, executive producer Lorne Franken went white, she says. “He never Michaels, she remembers, curled his lower lip talked to me again.” and lamented her lack of comedic characters.

Victoria struggled to make the leap to film So the next time she was on Carson’s show, acting. Her biggest role was as a costar in she continued the audition by doing impres1988’s Casual Sex?, an insipid rumination on sions of Diana Ross and Edith Bunker and sexual relationships in a post-AIDS world. It inventing a character: a glum boss interviewflopped. “The movie is exactly like the real ing Carson for a job. She joined the SNL cast thing,” The Washington Post opined. “Kinda that season. With a fire-eater and a new baby empty, kinda unfulfilling, and you feel just in tow, she bought a four-bedroom Colonial in awful afterward.” Victoria also played Weird Weston, Connecticut, hired a nanny, and comAl Yankovic’s love interest in UHF. Again, not muted to Manhattan by train. a Brando-esque turn.

But Michaels’ trepidation had been spotBesides the film proceeds, Victoria was on. Victoria’s castmates formed a comic making $20,000 per episode of SNL, according Murderer’s Row—including Chris Farley, to divorce records. In Phil Hartman, Adam 1991, her ill-conceived Sandler, Mike Myers, marriage to the fireand Dana Carvey—and eater finally ended. she couldn’t keep up. “I “He hated me more lived on pure adrenaand more each day,” line,” she says. “You she says. “One night he always think you’re was fumbling around going to get fired. You’re in the gun closet and always competing with he was drunk, and I your cast members for thought, ‘Is he going to air time.” kill me?’ ” Coming up with A Connecticut judge characters and premises ordered Victoria to pay for skits was a supreme Nisan alimony: 15 perstruggle. She confesses cent of her income, but that one of her funnier Pesci and not less than $3,000 a sketches—“Victoria’s Jackson month, for three years.

Secrets,” in which in a still He also received a porshe wore lingerie and from their tion of the residuals throatily fumbled at short-lived from her films and, less being sexy—was a prodsitcom. financially momenuct of begging castmate tous, her catalogue Jon Lovitz and writer of ditties such as “I Conan O’Brien for ideas “I lived on pure adrenaline.

Am Not a Bimbo” and as they walked down an You always think you’re going “I Wanna Be a Slut.” office hallway.

(Victoria sells her Her nasal voice nixed to get fired. You’re always songs on a self-pubnuanced impressions. lished CD called Use competing with your cast Besides doing backbends Me. “Even my friends and reading poetry on members for air time.” haven’t listened to it,” the “Weekend Update” she admits.) news desk, impressions Nisan declined to be interviewed for this of Roseanne Barr and Zsa Zsa Gabor were her story. Still in Connecticut, he’s now known only recurring gags. as “the Magic Genie.” His website boasts Critics and former castmates haven’t been he “offers quality magic tricks at discount kind. Nerve.com recently ranked her dead prices . . . He can even levitate one of the chillast among the show’s 92 all-time cast memdren! Fire effects are optional.” bers, writing that her “cute-ditsy-idiot act got After the divorce, Victoria reconnected with pretty thin . . . it turns out it wasn’t an act.” her former fiance from Miami, Paul Wessel, And in the 2002 book Live From New York, an who had become a badass Miami-Dade Police oral history of the show, castmate Jan Hooks SWAT officer. In 1984, according to Paul’s persniped, “I just have a particular repulsion to sonnel file, the tip of his pinkie was shot by his grown women who talk like little girls. It’s own partner in a firefight with a drug suspect. like, ‘You’re a grown woman! Use your lower In 1991, with a single round, he killed an Oparegister!’ ” (Victoria, by the way, claims her locka man who pointed a revolver at officers. weird voice is the result of a medical defect: a At an inquest, the man’s widow beseeched, “congenital palatal insufficiency.” ) “Why did they have to shoot him in the heart?”

Look, I’m not qualified for this, Victoria Paul’s lethal actions were ruled justified. One recalls thinking. Maybe this is my mission year later, he used a shotgun to obliterate a pit field. I’m supposed to tell my cast members bull that was attacking his partner. To date, about Jesus!

Paul has been honored with 71 department But Hartman didn’t want to talk about the commendations.

Son of God. And Lovitz asked how Jesus, “a But Paul had a competitor. This potential grown man,” could have fit in his mother’s couple would have been the insane D-list womb to be born again. When Victoria left Brangelina. “I kind of had a crush on Weird audiocassette box sets of the Bible in each Al Yankovic,” Victoria confesses. “We kind of castmate’s mail slot for Christmas, they were went on a date, but I don’t know if he loved angrily returned. me or not.”

Writer and performer Al Franken, now a Democratic U.S. senator from Minnesota, » CONTINUED ON PAGE 13

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tea party princess » from page 11 In Victoria’s brain, “there was this fork in the road.” Down one path: Paul Wessel and Jesus, with their matching abs, and life as a poor, pious housewife in Miami. Down the other: Weird Al, SNL, and loads of sinful showbiz cash.

After making up her mind, she got a tattoo of Paul’s initials on her lower back. “Because he’s the one that ruined my life,” she explains without irony.

That’s why she quit SNL in 1992, she says.

She headed back to “the swamp”—as she calls Miami—to marry Paul. Two years later, they had a daughter named Aubrey. Victoria’s movie career quickly dried to a crust.

But there’s one problem with her morality tale, in which she sacrificed riches and fame to make the perfect God-fearing family.

“No, no, no,” agent Dolores Robinson clucks when told of her former client’s claim that she quit SNL. “They dropped her.”

O

utside a Miami Lakes Starbucks in the pouring rain, Victoria sits under an awning that provides only partial cover.

Water soaks her bare legs and pools on her Mac laptop and cell phone. With her Flip cam balanced on a stack of conservative books—Marx & Satan, Shakedown Socialism, The Manchurian President—she recounts taking her youngest daughter, 17-year-old Aubrey, to a “gay party” held by Victoria’s “newest gay friend, Seth.” (Victoria claims to have three gay friends—Seth, Alex, and Glen—and she makes frequent mention of them.)

“After we left, I asked my daughter what

she thought,” Victoria says, her eyeglasses missing an earpiece and tilting down her nose. “She said, ‘It felt like they were sad and ashamed.’ ” Out of the mouths of babes!

“If you get killed because you’re gay, the murderer gets extra time. It’s hilarious! Alcoholism is a sin too, but you don’t see an alcoholic pride parade. Alcoholics hide in little rooms in basements and they go, ‘Hi, I’m Fred.’ ” A pair of women taking refuge from the rain gape at her. Victoria sometimes wonders why she can’t get a mainstream gig. Is it her weight? “It’s OK to be a liberal and be fat,” she complains. “You’ve got Oprah, Rosie, you’ve got Joy Behar, you’ve got Whoopi, you’ve got the other ones on The View. [Or] if you’re black, you’re allowed to be fat, and that’s sassy, sexy. But if you’re white, you’re not really allowed to be fat.”

Victoria often blames Democratic policies for her modest, Honda-driving life. Her family lives in a $200,000 town house with a concrete dock on a murky green pond. Her husband, now an MDPD helicopter pilot, makes $120,000 annually. But, she says, alimony to the fire-eater left them broke. Public records reveal that Nisan sued her in 1995, claiming she owed him $89,000.

The cash shortage spawned a sad, short stand-up comedy career. In the early ’00s, Victoria worked clubs around the country while the couple raised two daughters. She made about $4,000 a weekend, she says. Her material was mostly riffing on hating Miami.

She did gigs with SNL alumni Lovitz and Kevin Nealon, as well as forgotten former cast member Joe Piscopo. That last pairing was called “the most depressing Saturday Night Live reunion ever” by The Onion’s A.V. Club.

In 2004, she released a self-produced full-length documentary about the grief of being away from her family. It debuted at the Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival.

“Nobody watched it,” she says. Much of it is close-up footage of her sobbing in hotel beds.

But then she discovered something lifechanging: When she talked about Obama being a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, people watched—and cared. Then job offers came.

In 2007, 15 years removed from SNL, she traveled back to Tinseltown for a last-ditch stab at becoming an “airhead on a sitcom.”

She explains, “I liked the idea of getting $100,000 a week for having five lines that someone else wrote, and I could do airhead better than anyone. That’s my specialty! It would be effortless.”

“If you get killed because you’re gay, the murderer gets extra time. It’s hilarious! Alcoholism is a sin too, but you don’t see an alcoholic pride parade.”

Victoria says she knew nothing about politics and rarely voted. But because “everybody in Hollywood is liberal and Jewish,” the best way to network was through a cagey group of industry conservatives.

She refuses to name what she calls a “secret organization,” but Victoria is clearly talking about Friends of Abe (FOA). Celebrities who have confessed to being among its 1,800-plus members include Pat Boone, Jon Voight, Kelsey

Grammer, and Gary Sinise. Started in 2007 by “two guys in their trailer whispering that they respected Bush,” Victoria says, it’s something like a support group for conservatives who fear being blacklisted for their beliefs.

She joined these new friends at film screenings. They watched Blocking the Path to 9/11, which claimed Bill and Hillary Clinton squelched a muckraking documentary. And then there was Hype, about the radical Chicago connections of then-candidate Obama.

For Victoria—though she wouldn’t appreciate the metaphor—it was a Malcolm X-pickingup-the-Koran moment. This is Orwell! This is 1984! she says she thought about the movie.

“And I was like, ‘No!’ I gave a copy [of Hype] to my agent. She never thanked me.”

The conservatives asked her to speak at a gathering in a Mexican restaurant in Burbank.

That first political speech’s talking points: “The Ten Commandments have been kicked out of schools. We’re killing 37 hundred-something-thousand babies a day . . . I don’t know, 37 hundred a day or something like that. A million a day, I don’t know. I’m not good with numbers. We’re killing lots of babies every day.

It’s infanticide. It’s genocide. We are . . . How can God bless our country, seriously?”

She then attended what she says was L.A.’s first Tea Party rally, on the Santa Monica Pier in February 2009, carrying a sign reading, “We don’t want no socialism.” She read to the crowd of 50 the definitions of capitalism, communism, and socialism. A week later, she was waving a Bible on The Sean Hannity Show. Soon she recorded a new song, “There’s a Communist Living in the White House,” in both English and inanely broken Spanish.

» Continued on page 15

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Tea Party Princess » from Page 13

V

ictoria’s mom, Marlene, had only one doll when she was a poor kid in Minnesota. So she has overcompensated in adulthood by clogging her daughter’s old bedroom with hundreds of them. Most are from Goodwill. Heaped on shelves in

Victoria’s dad doesn’t seem to put much stock in what Marlene says, though she’s often an acute judge of her daughter. When the question of Victoria’s motivation arises, she remarks, “I think she has tried to impress her father.”

The conversation swerves to Obama’s chances for re-election. “I think he has a good chance,” Victoria says, “because the Latins will vote for him. The illegal aliens will vote for him.”

“Illegals can’t vote!” her dad interrupts.

“How can they?”

Victoria is stumped. “Because . . . because of cheating.”

Tomorrow morning, she’s headed to New York City to be on Fox & Friends. She’ll plug Marriage Retreat, a Christian film about the sanctity of matrimony. Her small role, even

she admits, “isn’t going to win an Oscar.”

The demands of her new career, she laments, keep her away from her daughters and granddaughter. In a couple of weeks, she’ll go “on a conservative cruise for [her] journalism job, and [she’s] gonna do a handstand next to the Mayan rock that says the world is going to end in 2012.”

As Victoria gets up to leave, father and daughter continue the list of who will vote for Obama: The liberals. The gays. The Muslims.

Says Jim: “Those who were aborted would if they were alive.”

The family bursts into manic laughter.

“Jim!” Marlene says. “You made a joke!” E Gus Garcia-Roberts is a staff writer at Miami New Times, Seattle Weekly’s sister paper in America’s cocaine capital. news@seattleweekly.com

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

Victoria returned to Miami for good in 2010 to be with her pregnant (and married, she states pointedly) 25-year-old daughter, Scarlet.

That airhead sitcom never panned out. Instead, she became a self-described “conservative journalist.” Early in 2011 she began writing for the right-wing website World Net Daily. She received loads of attention for her editorial on a kiss between two male actors: “Did you see Glee this week? Sickening!”

Around that time, she met Brandon Vallorani, founder of the website Patriot Update (motto: “A free press for the conservative revolution”; Chuck Norris is a columnist), on the Tea Party Cruise for Liberty, a weeklong boat ride. “We hit it off immediately,” Vallorani says, and he conceived of an online show for her and three other mostly unknown conservative female contributors: PolitiChicks. It’s billed as The View for right-wingers, and Victoria says she earns a “modest” living from it.

The show has tackled the mystery of Area 51, with Victoria earnestly wondering whether Jesus died for aliens’ sins. Then there was the episode titled “Who’s More Racist, Blacks or Whites?” in which the discussion centered on a conversation the hosts had with a black airport baggage handler.

Also: “Can Christians Vote for a Mormon?”

(Answer from a co-host: “As long as he’s not a Muslim, I think that’s fine.”)

The PolitiChicks videos that have gone viral have been roundly mocked on mainstream websites such as The Huffington Post, Gawker, and Comedy Central’s Indecision.

“A drugged-up 7-year-old” was how the site FilmDrunk described her oratory style. “She must have been dropped on her head,” wrote a Daily Beast commenter. “This is so bizarre it seems satirical.”

Though Victoria has switched to low-cal Frappuccinos because of all the fat jokes posted on her YouTube videos, she’s mostly hardened to derision. Her co-hosts aren’t. “We do want to be relevant,” PolitiChick Ann-Marie Murrell says. “We don’t want to be laughed at.

That’s something we’re working on.”

But in today’s highly charged political climate, few Republican politicians are bold enough to declare her beliefs abhorrent.

Brevard County congressman Bill Posey, the author of the so-called “birther bill” challenging Obama’s citizenship, recently welcomed Victoria into his office to film an interview. The footage ends with a barefoot Victoria kicking a stack of congressional bills while yelling, “That’s what I think of Obamacare! We the people!”

Victoria was a Michele Bachmann fan until she was knocked out of the presidential race.

Now Rick Santorum is her fave. And one day she might become a candidate. “I would run for office,” she says casually. “I mean, especially since I’m getting old. I don’t really want to be in front of the camera, but I kind of like to be around people.”

Later she says, “I feel like I’m the only person who has reason, common sense, and sanity.”

Victoria’s darkened room, they’re in various stages of disrepair and hair loss.

On a reporter’s recent visit, Marlene digs out one of her favorites, and while Jim and Victoria talk about gymnastics and politics around the table, she makes it kick and punch. It’s a Barack Obama action figure. “I just think Obama is a very nice person,” she explains matter-of-factly. “I like his wife and children. I think he’s a good family man.”

She also likes Oprah Winfrey, she adds.

That sends Victoria into a spiel about how Oprah “brainwashed an entire country of housewives into the new-age movement—the oldest false religion in the world.” (Yes, she’s talking about yoga, karma, and nag champa.)

Jim punctuates her statement with his thoughts about Oprah: “I don’t like her because she’s fat.”

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the»weekly»wire

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BOOKS

VISUAL ARTS

Greene With Envy?

We-Don’t-Care Bears

SCAN

Don’t hug me, brah. Out-of-towners and transplants always complain about the “Seattle Nice” freeze-out effect; and though Troy Gua is a local, that’s also the subject of his N/ICE Teddy bears. The little fellas, plus one larger cousin, have been wrapped in duct tape. No child would ever clutch them for security or take them to bed. Warmth and fuzziness have been encapsulated inside a hard plaster shell (the eight-inch figures are actually cast from molds, then painted).

Whatever succor they might’ve offered is now trapped within a carapace, unreachable. It’s all metaphoric, says Gua: “Breaking through the surface to forge a real friendship is a difficult task. We really are those warm and open folk, if you can manage to break through the chilly protective barrier.”

Or, in a lighter mood, he joked of the bears during the show’s opening, “They’re my poor-man’s Jeff Koons.” (Ends Jan. 28.)

Soil Gallery, 112 Third Ave. S. (Tashiro Kaplan Building), 264-8061, soilart.org. Free. Noon– 5 p.m. BRIAN MILLER FILM

A Passport to Capitol Hill

*

storytelling, played out in the theater of the imagination. Ocelot uses a CGI version of the cut-out silhouette technique used in Lotte Reiniger’s pioneering The Adventures of Prince Achmed, with a vivid use of background color. The eager energy of the film’s two young storytellers buoys this episodic collection of exotic folktales and modern attitudes. Among other highlights: Friday night features a pajama party with Caspar Babypants (aka Chris Ballew), and Saturday morning brings an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast followed by a screening of selected shorts. Other worthy titles include EEP!, a feature from the Netherlands about a little girl with wings for arms and an instinct to fly, and the 2011 Oscar-winning animated short The Lost Thing, part of the “Once Upon a Time” program (both play this Saturday and also Sun., Feb. 5.). Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th Ave., 267-5380, nwfilm forum.org. $6–$10. 7 p.m. SEAN AXMAKER

CONTENTS ARE FRAGILE

MAIRA KALMAN/LITTLE BROWN

Kalman helps put the fizz in Handler’s teen romance.

FRI: BOOKS

Maira Kalman is one of The New Yorker’s iconic illustrators—she’s done dozens of covers, including the famous “New Yorkistan” map you may have hanging in your shower. She has a soft, painterly style that dulls the sharp edges of the modern world.

Though she also designs children’s books and ballet sets (for Mark Morris, even), she has a knack for journalistic assignments, where she removes the packaged severity from our products, cars, clothing, and cities. An immigrant (from Israel), she transmutes our concrete-hard American sensibilities and shapes into gentler, more whimsical form. In the young-adult novel Why We Broke Up (Little, Brown, $19.99), she illustrates Daniel Handler’s tale of high-school love gone sour. It’s written from a girl’s perspective, in the form of one long letter—what, no Facebook?—accompanied by mementos from the fizzled romance: bottle caps, movie ticket, matches, a comb, etc. The note and artifacts arrive on the dumpee’s doorstep in a box marked “Fragile.” The cardboard is a little lumpy and misshapen, but Kalman’s choice of color is unmistakable: Tiffany blue. Seattle Central Library, 634-3400, bookstore.washington.edu. $5–$22. 7:30 p.m. BRIAN MILLER

fri/1/27 BOOKS

Look at That Freaking Badger

He doesn’t have a last name, but if you own a computer, you’ve probably heard his voice.

Randall is the guy who loads snippets of old nature documentaries onto YouTube, with his narration added—a droll, knowledgeable, sometimes squeamish, and slightly fey voice that would never be welcome on the Nature Channel. You may already know the meme, own the T-shirt, and play the iPhone app. Now you can read the book, Honey Badger Don’t Care: Randall’s Guide to Crazy, Nastyass Animals (Andrews McMeel, $14.99). Besides

the titular African badger (which has “no known predators”), the book includes chapters on sloths, possums (“a cat-rat . . . they fucking hiss!”), and the famed Tasmanian Devil—a creature Randall dubs “Satan’s best friend.”

Admittedly, the videos first seemed like a joke, but the guy knows his zoology. According to his publisher, “Randall started narrating at an early age. Randall’s father was a cameraman for Marlin Perkins’ Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.” And then he studied at something called the Exotic Animal Training and Management Program at Moorpark College, which certainly qualifies him to talk shit about the animal kingdom. With luck, beyond more videos, maybe he’ll create a ringtone, too. (“Eeew, what’s that in its mouth . . . ?”) University Book Store, 4326 University Way N.E., 634-3400, bookstore. washington.edu. Free. 7 p.m. BRIAN MILLER

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

The tagline for this year’s Children’s Film Festival is “It’s Story Weather Outside”— more fitting than even the organizers could have foreseen. This is the season to come in from the cold and slush, when the seventh annual CFF invites kids to immerse themselves in stories from other climates and cultures (possibly sunnier ones). More than 100 features and shorts represent almost every continent during an expanded 11-day schedule (through Feb. 5). Opening the fest tonight is Michel Ocelot’s animated feature Tales of the Night, a spirited French film about (appropriately enough) stories and

BRIAN MILLER

Having literary idols is generally a bad idea.

How many careers have been squandered trying to drink like Hemingway or mope like Plath? Pico Iyer is aware of such dangers in The Man Within My Head (Knopf, $25.95), which describes his lifelong infatuation with Graham Greene (1904–91), a man he never met but considers his “adopted parent.” Both can be pegged as travel writers (though Greene’s CV is longer and more diverse), filing dispatches from lonely distant places, far from halfforgotten homes. It’s too late, and certainly unnecessary, Iyer acknowledges, to write another Greene biography. Instead, he interpolates much of his own life with that of Greene, a man “often taken to be the patron saint of the foreigner alone, drifting between certainties.” The younger writer was clearly inspired by Greene to travel, but he was uprooted even T H I S CO D E earlier—his ethnically TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE Indian family moved SEATTLE WEEKLY from England to IPHONE/ANDROID APP FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT California when Iyer seattleweekly.com was 8. (He now lives in Santa Barbara and Japan.) They’re both Englishmen abroad, with home soils more acutely remembered in print than felt firsthand. The Man Within My Head is partly a head trip for Iyer, a Proustian excavation of his early influences and family life.

When he finally dares to write to Greene, and receives a reply, you’re jolted out of the book’s interiority. (Coyly, Iyer doesn’t quote their correspondence.) Following at least partly in Greene’s path, Iyer’s globetrotting leads back to the bookshelves within his own head.

(Presented by Seattle Arts & Lectures.) Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., 621-2230, lectures.org. $5–$30. 7:30 p.m. BRIAN MILLER

Gua’s bears aren’t for cuddling.

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Camp is not just a summer destination, as the talented WET ensemble proves all too painfully in The Callers, the troupe’s first attempt at an original musical (leaving aside Robopop, its 2010 homage to ’80s music videos).

Remember those episodes of Glee and Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the show’s creators scratched that itch to thrill us with their hidden talent for staging a full musical? Turns out there’s a big gulf between Broadway dreams and reality. That’s the case with The Callers, which features a threadbare book and lyrics by Ella Dorband and Ali el-Gasseir and a trove of promising but often unrealized tunes from composer Richard Andriessen. (Andriessen and elGasseir also appear in their show; Andrew Russell directs.)

As always, WET’s clever scenic design takes a thrift-store budget and concocts a set that looks as though every element ought to be just as it is. Not only is three-quarters of the room festooned with every color and cord length of Princess phone imaginable, but designer Andrea Bryn Bush has decoupaged the floor with pages from a phone book. It’s a brilliant idea, well in keeping with what should be the whimsy of what unfolds onstage.

Instead, the show is capsized at the outset by a plot leakier than the Costa Concordia.

As the lights come up, two phone-sex workers are chatting. Emma (Kate Sumpter) is schooling Bea (Claudine Mboligikpelani Nako) on how to make their clientele believe they’re hot-to-trot tartlets, because every minute they stay connected means money in the bank. Deceiving callers is their business.

How then does it make any sense whatsoever that Bea, at Emma’s suggestion, calls and falls for a pair of faux psychics at the other end of their own telephone line?

Viktor (el-Gasseir) and Kevin (Andriessen) have their own mentor/apprentice relationship, and although Viktor warns his young charge not to get attached to any of his clients, he falls for Bea’s tale of lost love and begins to woo her by convincing her he can channel her dead boyfriend. In the end, Bea finds the love she seeks, but how she gets there runs completely counter to the tone of the rest of the show.

The text veers wildly from doe-eyed innocence to comedic shtick to a closing duet that has to be seen to be believed. Elsewhere, especially in the ensemble numbers, Andriessen displays an ear for pop tunecraft and is a nimble, energetic performer. In fact, WET seldom gets a complaint from me about its casts; even with material this loopy, they’re committed to deliver each line and melody as though penned by a master.

When all is said and done, The Callers will remind you of what happens when actors decide they’re musicians. (Think of Russell Crowe’s band. No, don’t.) Does that mean they shouldn’t try? Of course not.

But for God’s sake, be aware that success in one genre doesn’t guarantee facility with another. KEVIN PHINNEY

P Project 5

ACT THEATRE, 700 UNION ST., 292-7676, SEATTLEDANCEPROJECT.ORG. $12– $25. 8 P.M. FRI.–SAT., 2 P.M. SUN. ENDS SUN., JAN. 29.

Seattle Dance Project is celebrating its fifth anniversary in “Project 5” with a pair of new works and a handful of revivals.

The program continues SDP’s exploration of material that extends traditional ballet into contemporary territory, but probably the most successful work of the evening reaches the farthest back into the classical.

Choreographer Penny Hutchinson’s Brahms Afoot is set to one of the most significant and romantic dance scores around: Brahms’ Liebeslieder Walzer (aka the “Love Song Waltzes” song cycle). The waltz was once considered a highly erotic dance, since it brought partners so close together in a series of dizzy turns. And while there’s little traditional waltzing in this staging, that romantic tension remains.

Inspired by the poetry of Goethe and Georg Friedrich Daumer that Brahms set to music, Hutchinson presents a collection of emotional events: A young girl falls for a boy and leaves her parents; a couple argues and reconciles; a young man throws a tantrum and rushes away. Regan McClellan’s minimal set suggests a drawing room with a chandelier and a table; later the table is transformed into a forest with branches tied to its legs. Hutchinson, a founding member of the Mark Morris Dance Company, shares Morris’ love of rhythmic structure and physical dynamics.

Her movement choices are full of verve, and the dancers look exceptional in them.

Brahms Afoot is a lovely work of melodic turmoil and poetic anguish, created with the singers of the Inverse Opera Company, who perform live onstage.

The other new work here takes some of its cues from our current fascination with memoirs and reality TV. Jason Ohlberg’s Departure From 5th includes taped audio interviews with the performers, who reflect on their self-image as dancers. As they describe their strengths and weaknesses (bad turnout, but beautiful arms; can dance like a straight man even though he’s not; “No teenager ever likes their body—ever”), they perform sequences that highlight all these facets. As they demonstrate their skills and deficits, we become witness to their concerns. But, unlike a confessor, we cannot really offer absolution. Departure From 5th is further complicated by a trio of women in ballroom gowns, who escort the dancers on- and offstage. They’re listed as “Fates” in the program, but it’s difficult to tell if they’re meant to be like American Idol judges, divine figures asserting their will over hapless mankind, or just a beautiful theatrical device.

“Project 5”’s revivals include Molissa Fenley’s atmospheric Planes in Air (a postmodern version of a fan dance), Edwaard Liang’s ensemble work To Converse Too, and Kent Stowell’s pas de deux B6. All three looked even more polished than at their premieres, danced by a company that continues to improve with age. SANDRA KURTZ E stage@seattleweekly.com

arts» Maybe leave the kids home. West of Lenin, 203 N. 36th St., 800-838-3006, brownpapertickets.com. $18. Opens Jan. 27. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. plus Mon., Feb. 6. Ends Feb. 11.

BY GAVIN BORCHERT

Stage OPENINGS & EVENTS

THE BELLS Theresa Rebeck’s Alaska wilderness–set

ghost story. Strawberry Theatre Workshop, 1524 Harvard Ave., 800-838-3006, strawshop.org. $30 ($15 on Thurs.)

Opens Jan. 26. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Feb. 18.

COCKTAILS AT THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH Simon Astor’s comedy is a fanciful tour of cocktail lounges.

Annex Theatre, 1100 E. Pike St., 728-0933, annextheatre. org. $5–$15. Opens Jan. 26. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. plus Mon., Feb. 6. Ends Feb. 25.

REDEMPTION Erin Jorgensen’s show explores issues of faith and intimacy.

On the Boards, 100 W. Roy St., 217-9888, ontheboards. org. $20. 8 p.m. Thurs., Jan. 26–Sat., Jan. 28.

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ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD Tom Stoppard’s play

focuses on two minor characters from Hamlet. Seattle Public Theater at the FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT Bathhouse, 7312 W. Green seattleweekly.com Lake Ave. N., 524-1300, seattlepublictheater.org.

Preview Jan. 26, opens Jan. 27. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends Feb. 19.

TARTUFFE Moliere’s satire of hypocrisy will likely be both hilarious and, in an election year, depressing, considering what little has changed since 1664. Taproot Theatre, 204 N. 85th St., 781-9707, taproottheatre.org. $22–$37.

Previews Feb. 1 & 2, opens Feb. 3. 7:30 p.m. Wed.– Thurs., 8 p.m. Fri., 2 & 8 p.m. Sat. Ends March 3.

WHITE HOT Tommy Smith’s play is “a buried cesspool of self-loathing and unseemly, sadistic yearnings in love.”

SEATTLE WEEKLY

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Dance

SEATTLE DANCE PROJECT SEE REVIEW, PAGE 18.

EYES OF THE SKIN A collaboration between the UW

Dance Department and DXARTS, UW’s electronic-media department. Henry Art Gallery, UW campus, 543-2280, henryart.org. $6–$10. Opens Jan. 26. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Fri., 2 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Feb. 4.

Classical, Etc.

SEATTLE OPERA Big voices sell Verdi’s martial Attila.

McCaw Hall, Seattle Center, 389-7676, seattleopera.org. $25 and up. 7:30 p.m. Wed., Jan. 25 & Sat., Jan. 28.

SEATTLE SYMPHONY SEE EAR SUPPLY, BELOW. THE BOX IS EMPTY This new ensemble plays Steve Reich’s Proverb and David Lang’s The Little Match Girl Passion. Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N., theboxisempty.org. $5–$15. 8 p.m. Thurs., Jan. 26.

MARK SALMAN This powerhouse pianist’s five-concert series celebrates Liszt’s bicentennial. First, music by his forebears Schubert and Beethoven. University Christian Church, N.E. 50th St. & 15th Ave. N.E., marksalman.net. $15–$50 ($60–$200 series). 7:30 p.m. Fri., Jan. 27.

SEATTLE MODERN ORCHESTRA Music by Nancarrow, Reich, and Grisey. Cornish College, 710 E. Roy St., seattle modernorchestra.org. $10–$20. 8 p.m. Fri., Jan. 27.

MARC-ANDRÉ HAMELIN Shostakovich and Schnittke from this phenomenal pianist and several Seattle Symphony players. Benaroya Recital Hall, Third and Union, 215-4747, seattlesymphony.org. $35. 8 p.m. Fri., Jan. 27.

MUSIC OF REMEMBRANCE Exploring Russian chamber works influenced by Jewish folk music.

Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N., musicofremembrance.org. Free. 2 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28.

INGRID MATTHEWS AND BYRON SCHENKMAN

Virtuosic music from the 17th century for violin and keyboard. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., 325-7066, earlymusicguild.org. $15–$40. 8 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28.

BROOKLYN RIDER This intrepid young string quartet plays music by Beethoven, Glass, Zorn, and violinist Colin Jacobson. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., townhallseattle.org. 7:30 p.m. Sun., Jan. 29.

For much, much more, see seattleweekly.com.

STG Presents

ANTHONY

EarSupply

» by gavin borchert

BOURDAIN

Obsessive and Ecstatic

Muhly stands out from the crowd.

pitches just kind of collapse into one note.”

Muhly also relished the opportunity for “large sonorities, where everyone’s playing the same chord . . . almost like listening to a crowd of people speak, a kind of ecstatic mumbling, and that’s sort of how it ends.” (The title refers to a process of constant unfolding and transformation, a central concept of the piece.) Benaroya Hall, Third Avenue and Union Street, 215-4747, seattlesymphony.org. $17–$115. 7:30 p.m.

Thurs., Jan. 26, 8 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28.

&

ERIC RIPERT

FEB 11, 8pm TICKETS AT STGPRESENTS.ORG, BY PHONE (877) 784-4849, powered THE PARAMOUNT THEATRE BOX OFFICE & 24-HOUR KIOSKS

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Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

SAMANTHA WEST

It’s emblematic of Seattle Symphony conductor Ludovic Morlot’s devotion to new music that the first commission of his tenure (co-sponsored with orchestras in Manitoba and Ontario) was given to Nico Muhly—arranger for Björk and amanuensis to Philip Glass, among other resume highlights—who’s surely the highest-profile composer of his age (30) today. It speaks to Morlot’s desire to keep SSO audiences abreast of classical music’s newest and most buzzedabout names and developments. After spending years birthing two operas (the second, Two Boys, premiered in London in June and is slated for a Met production in 2013–14), Muhly had stored up ideas for this project—a sort of bucket list for a work in which he could do whatever he wanted without being tied to a libretto. The result is the 17-minute So Far So Good, which the SSO will premiere this weekend. “I knew there were a couple things I wanted to do in the piece—all my weird obsessions.” he says. “I’ve never written anything big for trumpet, so I knew there was going to be a big trumpet thing. There’s also a kind of obsessive drone section where all the

19

FUNTASIA

arts»

BY KAT CHOW

THR-SAT, 1/26-28 UPROAR CD RECORDING

SALEEM PLUS PETE HALL HAVE DINNER UPSTAIRS, GET THE BEST SEATS

now! in act’S central heating laB:

SUN, JAN 29

CULTIVATE

HOSTED BY DEREK SHEEN

MON, JAN 30

EVERYONE’S A COMEDIAN

OPEN MIC NIGHT

Openings & Events DIANNE BRADLEY AND JIM MADARA Things We

Don’t Know showcases new work by both artists, featuring Bradley’s cut-paper collages and Madara’s concrete sculpture. Note artist reception 5–8 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28. Columbia City Gallery, 4864 Rainier Ave. S., 760-9834, columbiacitygallery.com. Wed.–Fri., noon– 8 p.m.; Sat.–Sun., 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Through March 11.

CORNISH ART FACULTY SHOW Featuring work by Judy Allen, John Overton, and others. Note opening reception 5–8 p.m. Wed., Jan. 25. Cornish College, Main Campus Center, 1000 Lenora St., 726-5069, cornish.edu.Mon.–Thurs., noon–5 p.m. Through Feb. 15.

ROBIN CROOKALL

WED-SAT, 2/1-4

the Flying karamazov Brothers

“A Triumph!”

– NY Times

DUANE GOAD

“Feh!” – Puyallup Herald

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In How Things Stack Up, Crookall uses mixed media—including taxidermy animals—to depict the absurd. Note artist lecture and reception 6–8 p.m.

Fri., Jan. 27. Call for regular hours. Gage Academy of Art, 1501 10th Ave. E., 3234243, gageacademy.org.

Mon.–Fri. Through Feb. 10.

LANDSCAPE PART I: URBAN AND RURAL

Kimberly Clark, Michael Howard, Carolyn Krieg, and Robert Schlegel are featured. Note opening reception 2–4 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28.

Prographica, 3419 E. Denny Way. First Wed.–Sat. of every month, 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Through March 3.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION Featuring photographs taken by students at the Children’s Institute for Learning Differences, which promotes social and academic development for children with special needs.

Send events to visualarts@seattleweekly.com

Students were encouraged to draw and paint with light by using Day-Glo sticks, flashlights, and long shutter speeds against dark backgrounds. Note artist reception 5–8 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28. Columbia City Gallery, 4864 Rainier Ave. S., 760-9834, columbiacitygallery. com. Sat.–Sun., 10 a.m.–6 p.m.; Wed.–Fri., noon–8 p.m.

Through March 11.

LOOKING FORWARD-LOOKING BACK Big names included in this 20th-century photography show include Walker Evans, Diane Arbus, Ansel Adams, and Edward Weston. Note the corresponding gallery talk, “Collecting Photographs,” with Michelle Dunn Marsh, 2 p.m. Fri., Jan. 27. G. Gibson Gallery, 300 S. Washington St. (Tashiro Kaplan Building), 587-4033, ggibsongallery.com. Wed.–Sat., 11 a.m.– 5 p.m. Through Feb. 18.

OBSERVATIONS This group exhibit showcases the work of 57 different local artists. Women Painters of Washington Gallery, 701 Fifth Ave. (Suite 310), 624-0543, womenpainters.com. Opens Jan. 31. Mon.–Fri., 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Through April 20.

DOUG PARRY Brooklyn Friends features three of 20 portraits of Parry’s colleagues from New York, in the form of oil paintings. Note artist reception 7 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28. All City Coffee, 1205 S. Vale St., 767-7146, all citycoffee.com. Sun., 8 a.m.–7 p.m.; Sat., 7 a.m.–7 p.m.; Mon.–Fri., 6 a.m.–7:30 p.m. Through March 4.

THESE ARE THE DROIDS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

Star Wars. That’s the theme for this group show with over 40 contributing artists. Note closing reception 6–10 p.m. Sat., Jan. 28. Ltd. Art Gallery, 307 E. Pike St., 457-2970, ltdartgallery.com. Tues.–Sun., 11 a.m.–7 p.m.

Through Jan. 29.

Ongoing

GEORGE NELSON: ARCHITECT, WRITER, DESIGNER, TEACHER This show celebrates the furniture and

design of what we now call mid-century modernism.

Yes, it’s the Mad Men era, but it’s also the postwar moment when the realigned U.S. economy began to boom, when Nelson (1908–1986) helped give form to America’s new industrial might. Bellevue Arts Museum, 510 Bellevue Way N.E., Bellevue, 425-519-0770, bellevue arts.org. $7–$10. Tues.–Thurs. & Sat.–Sun., 11 a.m.– 5 p.m.; Fri., 11 a.m.–8 p.m. Through Feb. 12.

Jan 27-29

TheFussyeye

new!

construction Zone

» by brian miller

Nuclear Family

A new play reading series

Not many murals outlast the buildings on which they were once mounted, and fewer still can survive more than one move. The old City Light building on Third (between Madison and Spring) wasn’t particularly loved, though

Jan 30

20

caught in the act Free reading of original screenplay Dodgers

Jan 30 wayne horvitz

Smokestack arias Composed by Wayne Horvitz with text by Robin Holcomb

Feb 2-12 BUy ticketS online, and See what elSe we have coming Up!

acttheatre.org | 206.292.7676 700 Union Street, Seattle

By William Shakespeare | Directed by David Quicksall

who am I without my sword?

January 4–29

Center House Theatre, Seattle Center

Final Week!

Tickets: 206-733-8222 www.seattleshakespeare.org

BRIAN MILLER

Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

theFilmSchool

from rivers, after all, but the agency was also looking ahead. Accordingly, Beall’s intensely colorful and optimistic 32-foot-wide mosaic celebrates not only the mountains and the rain that filled our dams, but the sun (though solar power was hardly discussed back then). Even more forward-thinking: Nuclear power is also glorified with an atom motif. In fact, the future $2.25 billion bond-default debacle that was WPPSS (the Washington Public Power Supply System) was chartered in ’57, with City Light to be one of its main customers.

But no one knew that then. The atom was our friend! The future seemed so bright, and it was hard not to be cheered by the happy panorama—with, yes, a nuclear family at its center. I vaguely recall visiting the lobby during some elementary-school field trip (electricity is our friend!), but the building was demolished in 1996 and the mural cut into sections and installed in a stairwell at MOHAI. Which of course is going to be demolished for the widening of 520, meaning another move for the mural—and one hopes a more prominent display—to MOHAI’s renovated armory in South Lake Union. Maybe they’ll put solar panels on the roof. Museum of History & Industry, 2700 24th Ave. E., 324-1126, seattlehistory.org. $6–$8. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Daily. Museum closes June 7, reopens Nov. 17.

its 1957 expansion brought a significant new artwork to its renovated lobby. Jean Cory Beall (1909–78) was given an inscription from Zola—“That man may use it freely as the air he breathes, the waters of the rivers, the winds of heaven”—that suited City Light’s grand sense of mission. Most of our power did indeed come

film»This Week’s Attractions Albert Nobbs OPENS FRI., JAN. 27 AT HARVARD EXIT. RATED R. 113 MINUTES.

The small man (Podalydès, third from left) in a big political storm.

MUSIC BOX FILMS

Fulfilling a mission that has consumed her for almost two decades, Glenn Close—as producer, co-writer, and lead—brings to the screen the titular character, a woman who passes as a man in 1890s Ireland, a role for which she won an Obie in 1982. The result of this passion project? Getting to look like Bruce Jenner in a bowler and high starched collar. Close’s prosthetic makeup renders her face too immobile, a marked contrast with her unfixed accent; both highlight the pitfalls of a star’s idée fixe.

It’s a shame, because the material—based on a novella by George Moore published in the 1927 collection Celibate Lives—deserves better. A punctilious butler at a Dublin hotel, Albert, who began his gender illusion at age 14 for economic and physical survival, can no longer remember the name he was born with. A friendship with housepainter Hubert Page (Janet McTeer), also deploying an F-to-M masquerade but enjoying a not-so-celibate life with a seamstress spouse, convinces lonely, pence-pinching Albert to pursue his dream of petit-bourgeois propriety: opening a tobacco shop and trying to persuade a pretty hotel co-worker (Mia Wasikowska) to be his bride. But the characters’ daring choices, made so as not to live “without decency”—that is, as penniless, unattached women in the late-Victorian era—are always undercut by Close’s too-conventional stunt performance. MELISSA ANDERSON

P The Conquest

RUNS FRI., JAN. 27–THURS., FEB. 2 AT VARSITY. NOT RATED. 105 MINUTES.

A brisk, fascinating chronicle of a pre–Carla Bruni Nicolas Sarkozy that time-shifts from May 6, 2007—the day he was both elected president of France and left by his second wife, Cécilia, for good—to the five years leading to his victory, The Conquest illuminates how much the conjugal, the extramarital, and the political are entwined in French life. The Conquest opens with this disclaimer: “Although based on real events and people, this film is a work

of fiction.” No subscription to Le Monde is required to make out the major players. Sarkozy (Denis Podalydès), explosive, vicious, charismatic, and short, nearly unravels after Cécilia (Florence Pernel) announces she has fallen in love with the man hired as his publicist. Humiliated, the wavy-haired, jogging Napoleon sulks before going on the offensive, pleading with, threatening, and texting Cécilia—during meetings with Jacques Chirac (Bernard Le Coq). She finally agrees to come back, but only to briefly resume her professional duties during the final months of the presidential campaign. Director

Xavier Durringer and his co-scripter Patrick Rotman don’t refrain from showing Sarko’s truly repellent side during his rise to the highest elected office. But we also queasily admire his genius for working the crowd. And we can sympathize—to a point—with an egomaniac who has been crushed by abandonment. Who knows: Sarko and Cécilia’s knotty situation might have helped him work out a strategy for dealing with the woman with whom he now has the most complicated relationship of all: Angela Merkel. MELISSA ANDERSON

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

Groups of 10 or more call 206-315-8054

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

SATURDAY | FEB 4, 8PM | THE MOORE

21

“The best ‘Underworld’ yet”

film»

- Evan Dickson, BlooDy-DisgUsTing.com

This Week’s Attractions » FROM PAGE 21 The Grey OPENS FRI., JAN. 27 AT METRO AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED R. 117 MINUTES.

- grEg rUssEll, ThE moviE show PlUs

“Unbelievably cool...”

- mark s. allEn, kmaX-Tv

“ofaslickly visual feast stylized 3D action!”

- ajay Fry, sPacE

P How the Fire Fell

Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

RUNS FRI., JAN. 27–THURS., FEB. 2 AT NORTHWEST FILM FORUM. NOT RATED. 81 MINUTES.

SCREEN GEMS AND LAKESHORE ENTERTAINMENT PRESENT A LAKESHORE ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION IN ASSOCIATIOMUSICN WITH SKETCH FILMS “UNDERWORLD AWAKENING” STEPHEN REA MICHAEL EALY THEO JAMES INDIA EISLEY AND CHARLES DANCE BY PAUL HASLINGER EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS DAVID KERN JAMES MCQUAIDE DAVID COATSWORTH ERIC REID SKIP WILLIAMSON HENRY WINTERSTERN PRODUCED

BY TOM ROSENBERG GARY LUCCHESI LEN WISEMAN RICHARD WRIGHT STORY BASED ON CHARACTERS CREATED BY KEVIN GREVIOUX AND LEN WISEMAN & DANNY MCBRIDE BY LEN WISEMAN & JOHN HLAVIN DIRECTED SCREENPLAY

BY MÅRLIND & STEIN

BY LEN WISEMAN & JOHN HLAVIN AND J. MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI AND ALLISON BURNETT chEck local lisTings For ThEaTErs anD showTimEs

22

2 col. (4.813") x 11" = 22" seattle weekly (sub ad)

thur 1/26

Margaret OPENS FRI., JAN. 27 AT SIFF CINEMA AT THE UPTOWN. RATED R. 150 MINUTES.

Shot in 2005—lead actress Anna Paquin, now 29, credibly plays a 17-year-old—Margaret was delayed first by the editing-room angst of writer/director Kenneth Lonergan, then by a court battle between its producers over Lonergan’s alleged inability to produce a “releasable” cut. Paquin plays Lisa, whose role in a fatal Upper West Side bus accident leads her to act out sexually, antagonize her

MYLES ARONOWITZ/FOX SEARCHLIGHT

“k ate is back in black and bad as ever!”

I was told there would be more wolfpunching. If you crash Liam Neeson and six disposable buddies in the frozen Alaskan wilderness, there is the expectation—nay, the requirement—that he punch as many wolves as possible. Tape pocket knives and broken glass to your fists, improvise other weapons from the plane wreckage, just do what’s necessary in the situation, OK? But despite Neeson’s recent string of aggrieved-daddy action flicks (Taken, Unknown, etc.), this is not to be. Reuniting with his A-Team director Joe Carnahan, Neeson is instead a melancholy Irish Catholic given to fits of poetry and religious doubt. He gently shepherds a dying passenger into the beyond. He provides sage advice to the motley survivors—worried by their knowledge of both Alive and Grizzly Man— he would lead on a trek to safety. He writes to a mystery woman, glimpsed in gauzy flashbacks, who provides the film’s only real jolt—when you realize the association with Natasha Richardson. Otherwise, as they systematically pick off the stragglers, too many CGI wolves go unpunched.

(Though in their defense, none morph into Taylor Lautner, so it’s hard to hate them too much.)

Compared to these furry hunters, Neeson’s pack is revealed to be frail and fearful.

The Grey’s dwindling survivors somberly contemplate the odds against them and, as the film takes a mystical turn, the absence of divine providence. There’s too much Jack London, not enough Jaws. BRIAN MILLER

fire. Something like Wisconsin Death Trip, this movie is rooted in unfathomable old beliefs and customs. Yet there’s a contemporary pull, too—the need for certainty among congregants faced with a fast-industrializing world. Beyond their pasture is a railroad, which leads to Seattle and murder. Only in the other direction, says the preacher, can salvation be had. BRIAN MILLER

“Inspired by true events” in the early 1900s, as this somber Portland indie declares, How the Fire Fell begins with an itinerant preacher (Joe Haege) humbly thanking parishioners for their ears—on a Saturday, in a borrowed church— then driving them away with his Pentecostal fervor. Wandering through the woods, he finds a more impressionable flock—six members of the large Hurt family, whose patriarch watches in silent disapproval. Soon a cult forms around the preacher, and naked bonfire-dancing erupts in the woods. He will sire a new Christ, he tells the women, but first they have to audition to be his new Mary. Set 100 years later, Edward P. Davee’s obliquely told debut feature might’ve been called Martha Marcy May Marlene, only without an identifiable heroine.

(Indeed, members of the Hurt household are hard to sort out, and its few visitors are mostly unexplained.) All that matters, really, is the way the preacher insinuates himself into the Hurt home with a combination of brimstone and guile. Maybe, according to the wanted posters, he’s a fugitive and madman. But the Hurts are impressionable, susceptible to his fierce sermons about the cleansing power of

Matt Damon (with Paquin) plays a concerned teacher in Margaret.

self-absorbed single mom, and obsessively pursue retribution on behalf of the accident victim. But is this the stuff of trauma psychosis, or is it adolescence? Lonergan’s remarkable mess of a movie—dryly funny, uniquely novelistic—spins on that ambiguity, dismantling the impulses and pretensions of the precocious Lisa with painful accuracy while making blatant allusions, both verbal and visual, to the omnipresent paranoia of justpost-9/11 New York. (I’d wager that 30 of Margaret’s 150 minutes are devoted to portentous shots of skyline, airspace, and glassand-steel exteriors.) Taking its title from the object of Gerard Manley Hopkins’ “Spring and Fall,” a poem musing on a child’s heightened emotional state and obliviousness to the ephemerality of feelings, Margaret hits those themes a bit too hard—particularly in its second half, dominated by Lisa’s mommy issues.

It’s less successful as a human drama than as a near-Brechtian exercise in what human drama looks and sounds like—a distanced but often car-crash-compelling portrait of a teen as an unfinished being. KARINA LONGWORTH E film@seattleweekly.com

ONLINE » SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM aMORE See reviews of The King of Devil’s Island,

Man on a Ledge, Norwegian Wood, One for the Money, and Sing Your Song.

film» Capsule Reviews

BY BRIAN MILLER

Local Film THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN Note

the reduced admission price for these family-friendly screenings of Terry Gilliam’s whimsical 1988 fairy tale.

(PG) SIFF Film Center, $4, Opens Jan. 28, Saturdays, Sundays, noon. Through Feb. 5.

CHILDREN’S FILM FESTIVAL SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 17.

GENERAL ORDERS NO. 9 Sometimes a documentary can be too clear—too many experts, too many graphics, too many pins in the butterfly. Previously seen here at SIFF ‘10, Robert Persons’ oddball doc about urban sprawl and Southern U.S. history is an entirely different breed. It is a poetic film of fragments and long-held images, musty relics and partially excerpted old speeches. The title comes from Gen. Robert E. Lee’s farewell address to his defeated troops, but the elegiac tone hardly seems like T H I S CO D E a tribute to the Confederate TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE South and its injustices.

SEATTLE WEEKLY What’s being mourned is the IPHONE/ANDROID APP old, simple hub-and-spoke FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT model of county seats and seattleweekly.com dusty roads connecting farmsteads. The North isn’t the enemy, but paved highways and interstates. And the old agrarian South, with its underlying economic engine of slave labor, can’t be revived or eulogized. “You are not a witness to the ruin,” we’re told. “You are the ruin.” The mood is rueful, like a a hymn sung at a funeral for someone you never knew when he was living, but you’re sad to see him dead. (NR) BRIAN MILLER SIFF Cinema at the Uptown, $5-$10, Wed., Jan. 25, 9 p.m.

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FROM THE PRODUCER OF

INTO ETERNITY Danish artist Michael Madsen’s Into

Eternity documents an anti-monument to negativity.

Admirably forward-thinking, if undeniably quixotic, Finland’s government has undertaken the task of digging a hole in which to bury nuclear waste deep in the earth. Located 100 miles northwest of Helsinki, Onkalo (Finnish for “hiding place”) is intended to last 100,000 years; the first—and, so far, the only—such tomb (which will hold only a fraction of the world’s spent nuclear fuel) is a place that, as the filmmaker puts it, humans must remember to forget. As befits its science-fiction premise, much of Into Eternity purports to address the people of the future—perhaps they will happen upon Onkalo just as a group of French teenagers stumbled upon the cave paintings at Lascaux in 1940. Into Eternity is not so much warning (although it is that) as head trip. Madsen’s crisp, coolly symmetrical images evoke both the clean lines of Finnish functional design and Errol Morris’ formalism—as does the gravitas-inducing slo-mo and ironic use of music (Sibelius, Varèse, Kraftwerk). Defamiliarizing the snowy Nordic landscape, this delicately lurid documentary has a somber beauty. It is meant to boggle the mind and inspire awe—and it does. The unknown past meets the unknowable future in a wintry ground zero. (NR) J. HOBERMAN Keystone Congregational Church, 5019 Keystone Place N., 632-6021, keystoneseattle.org, Free, Fri., Jan. 27, 7 p.m.

A LONELY PLACE TO DIE A group of mountain climbers encounters a kidnapping plot in this recent English suspense flick. (NR) Grand Illusion, $5-$8, Fridays, Saturdays, 11 p.m. Through Jan. 28.

MARROW The second feature from Seattle filmmaker Matt Wilkins is, like his 2004 Buffalo Bill’s Defunct, about the frailty of human bodies, minds beset by age and stress, and the strains on a family whose equilibrium is upset. Marrow, however, is more visually resonant and emotionally rich—in every way more accomplished. Centered on one household, almost to the exclusion of the outside world, it focuses on the fraught relationship between single mother Frances (Frances Hearn) and her often exasperatingly rude and surly son Wiley (Wiley Wilkins, the director’s son).

Meanwhile, the shadow of Frances’ recently deceased father haunts the house through her hazy memories.

Wilkins is at his best churning up the volatile emotional space in scenes that rise and fall unexpectedly and authentically. (NR) SEAN AXMAKER Northwest Film Forum, $6-$9, Wed., Jan. 25, 8 p.m.

PARENTHOOD Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Dianne

Wiest, Jason Robards, and Rick Moranis are among the adult ensemble of this fairly terrible 1989 Ron Howard family comedy. Call for showtimes. (PG-13) Central Cinema, $6, Jan. 27-Feb. 1.

SCI-FI SATURDAY SECRET MATINEES: The Sprocket Society presents a secret program of futuristic shorts and serials (the 1939 Buck Rogers included among the latter). (NR) Grand Illusion, $15-56 (series), Saturdays, 2 p.m. Through March 24.

SILENT MOVIE MONDAYS From 1928, the pre-Code melodrama Street Angel stars Janet Gaynor as a hooker trying to go straight. With live organ accompaniment

by Jim Riggs. (NR) Paramount Theatre, 911 Pine St., 784-4849, stgpresents.org, $34 (series), Mondays, 7 p.m.

Through Feb. 13.

STOLEN KISSES François Truffaut’s 1968 continuation of the Antoine Doinel saga has his hero (Jean-Pierre Léaud) emerge from the army to a fast-changing France.

Claude Jade and Delphine Seyrig are among the girls he pursues. (NR) Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave., 654-3100, seattleartmuseum.org, $59-$66 series, $7 individual, Thursdays, 7:30 p.m. Through March 1.

TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE This gleefully gory, vulgar 2004 flick—co-written by South Park cranks Trey Parker and Matt Stone and starring “an all-marionette cast”—has some unexpectedly tender moments. Like the scene where WMD-amassing North Korean dictator Kim Jong II (voiced by Parker) bursts into song, dutifully mispronouncing his Ls and Rs, as he explains how “ronery” (lonely) his life can be. But, no surprise in an election year, Parker and Stone also open up a bipartisan can of whoop-ass. Sure, the jingoistic Team America may

destroy half of Paris while pursuing some stereotypical Arab terrorists, but the movie also sends up bleedingheart Hollywood liberals. Call for showtimes. (R) NEAL SCHINDLER Central Cinema, $6, Jan. 27-30.

THE THEATRE BIZARRE Six horror shorts are included in this anthology film. (NR) Egyptian, $8.25, Fri., Jan. 27, 11:59 p.m.; Sat., Jan. 28, 11:59 p.m.

WARREN ELLIS: CAPTURED GHOSTS This new documentary by Patrick Meaney celebrates the comic-book writer of RED and other titles. Helen Mirren, Patton Oswalt, and others sing his praises. (NR) Grand Illusion, $5-$8, Jan. 27-Feb. 2, 7 p.m.

Ongoing

THE ARTIST The Artist might be the first silent film many

of its viewers have ever seen. French writer-director Michel Hazanavicius’ film opens in 1927, when preening matinee idol George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is still the top draw at Kinograph Studios. George acts as a mentor to Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), a chorine with big ambitions. Borrowing heavily from A Star Is Born, The Artist tracks both Peppy’s ascent and George’s decline as he refuses to acknowledge synchronized-sound as more than a passing fad. By 1932, Peppy’s attracting lines around the block for her latest, while George spends his afternoons passed out on a barroom floor, his Jack Russell terrier his sole remaining fan. Or so he thinks: Peppy has never forgotten him, and the film’s concluding act restores The Artist’s buoyancy. (PG-13) Melissa Anderson Alderwood 16, Harvard Exit, Kirkland Parkplace, Lincoln Square, Lynwood Theatre, Majestic Bay, Thornton Place

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

BASED ON THE BEST-SELLING BOOK BY JANET EVANOVICH SCREENPLAY BY STACY SHERMAN & KAREN RAY AND LIZ BRIXIUS DIRECTED BY JULIE ANNE ROBINSON

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OPENS FEBRUARY 10

Logos

Dangerous Method is at once a lucid movie of ideas, a compelling narrative, and a splendidly acted love story involving Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender), Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen), and Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley), the near-forgotten patient-turned-disciple who confounded both men en route to her own tragic destiny. Caught between two geniuses, Spielrein is the movie’s true and tragic subject. (R) J. Hoberman Egyptian THE DESCENDANTS George Clooney stars in this smart, affecting seriocomedy, directed by Alexander Payne.

It’s a generous study in everyday catastrophes—death, infidelity, fractured families—that artfully acknowledges the obvious without wallowing in it. His wife in a coma (and about to be unplugged), attorney Matt King (Clooney) first cries in a long shot that Payne discreetly frames from behind. King’s two daughters, ages 10 and 17, are meanwhile acting out and talking trash; and his entire extended clan, which dates to colonial Hawaii, is greedily anticipating a huge windfall from the sale of ancestral property. This duly diligent lawyer prepares for the family vote to sell, until a prick not of conscience but of jealousy: Standing to profit from the deal is his wife’s lover, a petty real-estate broker. King wants to confront the guy, so he drags his daughters on an island-hopping road trip—searching for one thing, finding another. (R) Brian Miller Alderwood 16, Bainbridge Cinemas, Guild 45th, Kirkland Parkplace, Lincoln Square, Meridian, Thornton Place DRIVE As stripped down and propulsive as its robotic title, Drive is the most “American” movie yet by Danish genre director Nicolas Winding Refn (of the Pusher trilogy).

The film is a sleek, tense piece of work that, as a vehicle for Ryan Gosling, has a kind of daredevil control, swerving the actor dangerously close to and abruptly away from self-parody. The plot could nearly be inscribed on the head of a pin: A chivalrous loner--Gosling’s Hollywood stunt driver/wheelman--participates in an armed robbery to help out the woman he loves (Carey Mulligan); the deal turns out to be a setup, and the body count explodes. Drive is nominally set in the present day, 6048_IPIC_RedmondSeattleWeeklyAd.pdf but the 40-year-old director elects to emphasize a retro

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airbrushed ‘80s vibe, punctuated by moments of gruesome splatter. (R) J. Hoberman Grand Illusion HAYWIRE Haywire’s plot is boilerplate triple-cross, cloak-and-dagger stuff—but the action choreography by director Steven Soderbergh and MMA fighter Gina Carano puts the impact back into screen violence.

Mallory Kane (Carano) goes rogue from her job as hired muscle for a private government subcontractor, looking for answers from her boss and former lover (Ewan McGregor). The rest of his network is played by famous faces, but Haywire is very much a vehicle for Carano.

Haywire makes full use of Carano’s particular physical capabilities in combats of rib-cracking resonance. The film is, after a fashion, a slapstick-violent, mercenary sex comedy, with Mallory getting romantically involved with each of her major combatants in turn. This is a real war-of-the-sexes tournament, briskly paced with a tickling sense of dark humor. (R) Nick Pinkerton Lincoln Square, Metro, Oak Tree, Pacific Place, Crossroads, Woodinville Cinemas THEATERS: Admiral, 2343 California Ave. SW, 938-3456;

1

Big Picture, 2505 First Ave., 256-0566; Big Picture Redmond, 7411 166th Ave. NE, 425-556-0566; Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave., 686-6684; Cinebarre, 6009 SW 244th St. (Mountlake Terrace)., 425-672-7501; Cinerama, 2100 Fourth Ave., 448-6680; Crest, 16505 Fifth Ave. NE, 781-5755; Egyptian, 801 E. Pine St., 781-5755; Grand Illusion, 1403 NE 50th St., 523-3935; Guild 45, 2115 N. 45th St., 781-5755; Harvard Exit, 807 E. Roy St., 781-5755; iPic Theaters, 16451 N.E. 74th St. (Redmond), 425-6365601; Kirkland Parkplace, 404 Park Place, 425-827-9000; Lincoln Square, 700 Bellevue Way N, 425-454-7400; Majestic Bay, 2044 NW Market St., 781-2229; Meridian, 1501 Seventh Ave., 223-9600; Metro, 4500 Ninth Ave. NE, 781-5755; Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th Ave., 2675380; Oak Tree, 10006 Aurora Ave. N, 527-1748; Pacific Place, 600 Pine St., 888-262-4386; Seven Gables, 911 NE 50th St., 781-5755; SIFF Cinema at the Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave. N., 324-9996; SIFF Film Center, 305 Harrison St. (Seattle Center), 324-9996.; Thornton Place, 301 NE 103rd St., 517-9953; Varsity, 4329 University Way 1/17/12 4:42 PM NE, 781-5755.

food&drink»

Melrose Plate

Tamara Murphy’s new restaurant took too long to open. But it’s worth the wait.

BY HANNA RASKIN

I

t took Tamara Murphy two years to open

Terra Plata, a restaurant she thought

gies and aversions: The conversation concluded without a sigh, groan, snort, head shake, or eyebrow lift from either woman.

Had there been a problem with the order—and had the customer been able to abide potatoes and salt—Murphy would likely have sent over a serving of potato chips by way of apology. At Terra Plata, depending on the situation, potato chips say “Thanks for coming,” “Good to see you again,” or “Really sorry about the reservation mix-up.” In reply, the potato-chip eaters are apt to say only one thing: “Man, those are good.”

Knitted tightly as a porch-door screen, Terra Plata’s waffle-cut chips have more tater flavor than the surface area would suggest, and a brisk saltiness that’s a magnet for the accompanying dip. The dip’s given name is “pecorino-chive cream,” but anyone familiar with the Frito-Lay oeuvre knows the stuff better as French onion dip, the tinned sour-cream concoction served at all the best sleepovers and stocked by parents trying to win a babysitter’s loyalty. Murphy’s local, sustainable reclamation of the snack amounts to a sort of manifesto, proclaiming that multinational corporations don’t own title to all id-pleasing flavor combinations.

JOSHUA HUSTON

she’d have chugging in six months. “The build-out shouldn’t take more than 60–90 days,” the James Beard Award–winning chef assured The Seattle Times back in 2009, before she had any inkling that a dispute over a fuse box would lead to a legal showdown with Melrose Market developers.

Murphy won the case, a rare triumph for a restaurant that seemed bedeviled by bad luck from the start. Protracted lease negotiations and construction hiccups stood between the judge’s ruling and Terra Plata’s October 2011 opening.

With such a rotten journey from brainstorming to doing business, Murphy would be forgiven if she’d emerged in a sour mood, sowing her menu with lutefisk and prunes.

But far from throwing a culinary temper tantrum, Murphy, who last helmed Brasa, has instead channeled her relief into a restaurant that thrums with high spirits and goodwill. The grateful giddiness that envelops a crowd after it’s learned the hostagetaker’s gun is fake, the escaped lion’s been captured, or the pilot’s found a safe place to land is the operative emotion at the superb Terra Plata, which isn’t any less enthralling for sometimes feeling like the city’s most sophisticated slumber party.

Situated at the triangular corner where Melrose and Minor Avenues meet, the thoroughly windowed Terra Plata looks from within like an ark bobbing toward Capitol Hill. Burly wooden chairs surround wooden tables with stout wooden legs, and there’s more wood paneling on the ceiling.

If this was a home instead of a commercial endeavor, there would probably be basil growing in the windowsill. (Here the herb garden’s on the roof.)

A bar shaped like an inverted Star Trek ince it’s not inconceivable that insignia occupies the space between the dinsomeone at a table set with Muring room and the kitchen, and while cockphy’s potato chips could make tails such as a Honeymoon—a puckish Sidea case for constructing a dinner car steered in a Northwesterly direction by a from endless orders of them, it’s wise to sumsplash of calvados—are reason enough to pay mon another starter as quickly as possible.

Terra Plata a visit, most patrons who score Blistered shisito peppers aren’t unique a seat at the bar don’t relinquish it before to Terra Plata, but they’re rarely quite so ordering at least a dish of magenta-hued comely, with curling stems and wrinkled, beets aglow with a citrus marinade, or a cone glossy skins pocked with sweetness and heat. of jagged, near-perfect French fries paired For diners who want to sharpen the pepwith a garlic-bold aioli. pers’ brightness, there’s a It’s hard to go awry here, lemon wedge to the left; for but the bartenders and diners who’d rather tame » PRICE GUIDE POTATO CHIPS ......................... $7 servers are earnest in helptheir spunk, there’s aioli RABBIT LIVER ........................ $10 MARROW BONE ......................$12 ing diners make the agoto the right. I wish restauCAPPELLETTI..........................$15 nizingly difficult decision rant owners griping about SUNCHOKES ............................$13 ROAST PIG ...............................$20 between a fennel-crusted the rising cost of breadVENISON ..................................$25 tuna steak and a bowl of and-butter service would plump mussels larded consider ditching the carbs with fennel. The staffers respect both Terra and instead tossing a few salted Japanese Plata’s food, which they seem to genuinely peppers in a pan: The shisitos are a welcome enjoy, and its customers. I overheard a server wake-up call for taste buds gone dormant discuss with Murphy a litany of menu tweaks over the course of a day. requested by a guest with various food allerBut it’s not all salt at the outset. Mischief

creeps in aboard a few of the liver plates, which sound serious and savory, but are transformed into offal sweets by Terra Plata’s jolly-to-be-here kitchen. Diners may pretend they’re not jumping ahead to indulgence by beginning a meal with two rounds of satiny foie gras, but the restaurant’s having no part in the charade: The torchons are served with a mound of sweet cherry-vanilla jam and buttery bread interjected with chocolate, all of which pile together into what’s essentially a warm ice-cream sandwich. Terra Plata repeats the trick with a square of rabbit-liver terrine, pink and plucky, joined on the plate by peach mostarda and that same chocolate brioche. The sugar blots out the terrine’s peppery shades, but underscores its sumptuousness.

The most extravagant snack may come in the form of a beef marrow bone, jiggly with lubricated fat. The slender bones are served with crostini smeared with marinated grapefruit, another loan from the dessert tray.

So what, other than an appealing playfulness, unifies Terra Plata’s cuisine? Murphy’s thrown around the words “Spanish” and “Italian” when discussing what her menu is not, and—despite cameo appearances by chorizo and figs—she’s right. After my first visit, I described the restaurant as “Pacific Northwestern” before realizing the menu’s short on seafood and bereft of anything Asian. I think what I meant was that Terra Plata has a distinctly Seattle streak, likely a testament

to the two decades Murphy has spent shaping the city’s dining scene. Few dishes are as locally anthemic as Terra Plata’s glorious crimped cappelletti, tenderly filled with a froth of butternut squash and sage.

And there’s so much more: hardy roasted Brussels sprouts, shimmering with a maple glaze and flecked with rosemary; pudgy, pliant sunchokes, glanced with smoke by serrano ham; scarlet slices of venison bulging with juice; and a crusted cassoulet

If this was a home instead of a commercial endeavor, there would probably be basil growing in the windowsill. droopy with fat white beans and duck meat.

Murphy’s signature dish revolves around a hunk of roast pig, but the swine is nearly overshadowed by the extraordinary sauce it helps create, a paprika-stung broth that seeps into the steamed clams which share the terra-cotta bowl. What unites these dishes is an optimism unbent by two difficult years, confidence, and culinary mastery. E hraskin@seattleweekly.com TERRA PLATA 1501 Melrose Ave., 325-1501, terraplata.com.

Dinner: 5 p.m.–1 a.m. Tues.–Sat., 5–11 p.m. Sun. Lunch: 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Tues.–Fri. Brunch: 10 a.m.–3 p.m. Sat.–Sun.

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

S

Murphy refused to let a fuse-box dispute knock Terra Plata off course.

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food&drink» Featured Eats

BELLTOWN

BUFFALO DELI 2123B First Ave., 728-8759. Kathleen

$ = $25 or less per person; $$ = $25–$40; $$$ = $40 and up.

These capsule reviews are written by editorial staff and have nothing to do with advertising. For hundreds more reviews, searchable by neighborhood and type of cuisine, go to seattleweekly.com/food.

BALLARD

HATTIE’S HAT 5231 Ballard Ave. N.W., 784-0175. Homey

Haggerty has created the ultimate sandwich, “beef on weck”: a kimmelweck roll brushed with butter, toasted with caraway seeds and kosher salt, slathered with horseradish mayo, and covered with roast beef au jus. Her delicious, homemade green bean, garlic, and portobello salad deserves mention, and the deli also features New York penicillin, aka matzo-ball soup. $ MARRAKESH 2334 Second Ave., 956-0500. Enter a room that resembles a tent, recline on regal pillows, and watch course after luscious course emerge from the hidden kitchen. Couscous, eaten with the hands, is the humble star of Moroccan cuisine; here you can get it topped with chicken, lamb, or vegetables. The latter two choices are best, since b’steeya royale is a must: A buttery pastry (not unlike phyllo) is wrapped around delicately spiced chicken and toasted almonds. The plate is ringed with powdered sugar, begging the question: sweet or savory? $ QUEEN CITY GRILL 2201 First Ave., 443-0975. Although it easily could be mistaken for a new-money, new-cuisine nightmare, the Queen City Grill is the real deal. They do things with old-world style here: The elegant bar and dining room feel as if they belong in some sturdy old city like Boston or New York, but the casual, laid-back feel is all West Coast. The Dungeness crab cakes and their tangy remoulade are the best version in town, and the filet mignon with peppercorn sauce is classic. $$$

CAPITOL HILL

DINETTE 1514 E. Olive Way, 328-2282. Dinette’s menu has

a whole section devoted to toast. Theirs is made on Columbia City Bakery’s bread; though toppings change weekly or so with the rest of the menu, they usually include a spreadable cheese, a smoked or cured fish or meat, and some sort of seasonal herb or vegetable.

The rest of the menu is similarly rustic, comfortably at home between homey and haute, and missteps are rare.

Service and atmosphere are both top-notch, making this a can’t-miss spot for Hillsters and visiting foodies.

(Get on the mailing list and you can vie for a seat at the restaurant’s bimonthly Sunday Suppers.) $$

Your Bartender” option, which allows Fream and co. to “create a custom cocktail based on your prefer» by keegan hamilton ences,” but he opts instead for the Sweater Weather, a house specialty of his creation. He fills a pint glass with ice and pours in Old Overholt rye, Carpano Antica vermouth, Cynar (an Italian artichoke liqueur), and a dash of Abbott’s bitters. This he stirs, strains into a short cocktail glass, and tops with freshly The Watering Hole: The Sexton, 5237 Ballard grated cinnamon. “It’s basically a winter spice Ave. N.W., 829-8645, BALLARD Manhattan,” Fream says of his amber concoction.

The Atmosphere: The decor of The cinnamon grabs hold of the this latest and greatest addition to tongue at first, but gives way to a bustling Ballard Avenue is a blend luscious, lingering bite from the of old and new that’s difficult to bitters, Cynar, and rye. After a few pigeonhole. The booths and tables moments, Fream pours a separate are made of elegant dark wood sip of Carpano Antica vermouth. that makes the place feel like it’s It is dark red and delicious, tasting been around forever, while the bar vaguely of spiced cherries, chocoitself comprises dozens of white late, and Madeira. When I switch cassette tapes encased under back to the Sweater Weather, the glass, one of many modish touches. vermouth’s sweetness is much It’s also vaguely Southern-inspired, more pronounced. Fream explains Baltimore’s with mason jars serving as water that Carpano Antica is one of the booziest bear. and beer glasses. The lighting is oldest types of vermouth, and it soft, with candles and vintage “makes quite the Manhattan.”

The Verdict: The cocktail is sublime, but bulbs, and a youngish crowd trickles in early on a The Sexton prides itself on its bourbon selection.

Tuesday evening.

The Barkeep: Adam Fream, a Baltimore “We have a smaller shelf to start,” Fream says, native, moonlights as a mixologist at Belltown’s “but it’s growing every day. It seems like every faux-speakeasy Bathtub Gin. The Sexton opened time I come to work there’s a new bottle.” So as a month ago, and Fream has been on board from an encore, Fream pours a dram of Elmer T. Lee, the start. He followed former Bathtub Gin cocktail a single-barrel bourbon from the Buffalo Trace craftswoman Marley Tomic-Beard, now running distillery. Smooth and warming, this is a liquidthe show at The Sexton. blanket cure for a blustery January evening. E khamilton@seattleweekly.com The Drink: The drink menu includes a “Bet on

Ballard’s Bourbon Baron

KEEGAN HAMILTON

and comforting, Hattie’s and its finest accomplishments— the Guinness-moistened meat loaf and the chicken-fried chicken—are the stuff of good dreams. And when you wake up from those dreams, c’mon back, because Hattie’s does breakfast right, too. Sloppy, fried, and sauced with melted cheese and gravy, the breakfast menu reads like an antihangover handbook, with a crazy-good smoked salmon Benedict. Slurp it all down with a few of the best Bloody Marys in town. $ LE GOURMAND 425 N.W. Market St., 784-3463. The menus at Le Gourmand T H I S CO D E include definitions of the TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE oft-confused words “gourSEATTLE WEEKLY mand” and “gourmet.”

IPHONE/ANDROID APP Gourmets are theoreticians FOR MORE RESTAURANTS OR VISIT and abstract appreciators, seattleweekly.com whereas gourmands get lost in the aromas and flavors of food and are thus considered inferior. The restaurant’s mission is to prepare exquisite food without the highfalutin fuss. Make no mistake—owners Bruce and Sarah Naftaly (both chefs; she’s the pastry chef as well) run an upscale place dedicated to solid country-style foods: game, the woodsy fragrance of mushrooms, and the delicate flavors of vegetables cooked with care and affection. $$$

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well over 200 sushi joints in Seattle and the surrounding ‘burbs. With so much competition, these restaurants tend to microspecialize. One has the best salmon nigiri, but the tuna leaves something to be desired. Another might feature inventive appetizers, but serve bland rolls. Hana, however, is the best all-around achiever. The salmon is tender, the tuna fresh and fatty, and the rolls filled with flavor. It’s not the absolute best at any individual sushi item, but being solid across the board is important, especially when you’re eating out with friends and their varied tastes. Add to that Hana’s well-deserved reputation for outstanding service and affordability, and you’ve found yourself sushi heaven. $$ JAMJUREE 509 15th Ave. E., 323-4255. Named after a little pink flower that symbolizes the most famous university in Thailand, the immaculate Jamjuree serves a broad variety of Thai standards with a few twists. The ginger pork is supremely delicious, and the sweet, hot curries are not to be missed—especially the “special chicken” and Thai red curry. $ MACHIAVELLI 1215 Pine St., 621-7941. This is a full-on New York-style neighborhood Italian joint transplanted to Capitol Hill, with the vinyl tablecloths, waitresses who make you save your fork for your next course, and the consistently great food to prove it. The Caesar salad and pastas are excellent, pasta specials with seafood are likewise, and meats come with sides of fantastic roasted potatoes and garlicky sautéed greens. Machiavelli is a perfect date place, and has even hosted a few marriage proposals over the years. $

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Ivory Flower

Cauliflower consumption is in a steep decline, but it’s hardly evident on Seattle menus. There’s cauliflower soup at Altura, brown-butter cauliflower at Terra Plata, fried cauliflower at Purple Café and Wine Bar, and cauliflower purée on the roasted-chicken plate at Staple & Fancy. Cauliflower, which never merits a mention on trendy-vegetable lists, is suddenly white-hot in Seattle.

Locavorism is party responsible for the trend, since fresh, regionally grown cauliflower is available nearly yearround. But the affection for cauliflower may also be rooted in empathy. “It’s a totally misunderstood vegetable,” says Dana Wooten, Book Larder’s culinary director. “There’s a lot you can do with cauliflower.” This past Saturday, Wooten handled the kitchen portion of a collaborative workshop with The Yoga Tree, in which attendees learned poses and recipes designed to make winter more bearable. Wooten’s menu included roasted cauliflower.

“It’s hearty and nourishing, but not fatty,” Wooten says. “Most people’s experience with cauliflower is that it’s been steamed, which is

CHOCOLATE BOX 108 Pine St., 443-3900. Tourists usually

aren’t too thick at downtown Seattle’s premier emporium of imported candies, teas, and cocoa mixes, so when you’re done ringing up your $12 ultra-bittersweet bar and tin of cherry-vanilla tea, sit down with a scoop of gelato, a petit four, or a lemon bar. $ DAILY GRILL 629 Pike St., 624-8400. You can tell this is a chain from the shiny edges of the insta-retro decor and the massive menu, which means to please all the people all of the time. But it falls on the class end of the spectrum one step down from McCormick & Schmick’s and five steps up from the Cheesecake Factory. The grill’s classic Americana bent comes through in its dark wood booths and checkered floor, as well as its steaks, salads, and seafood. The polished service provides the executive ego with everything it needs to stay aloft. $$ ELEPHANT & CASTLE 1415 Fifth Ave., 624-9977. It’s refreshing sometimes to pretend you’re in town on a business meeting, and too spent at day’s end to venture outside of the hotel; besides, you’ve got an expense account to burn through. If this is your predicament, you can do far worse than to ingest some shepherd’s pie and microbrews at the downtown Red Lion’s sprawling, British-themed pub. $$ FALAFEL KING 1509 First Ave., 381-0857. This tiny spot’s namesake sandwich contains several extremely wellseasoned patties; if you like them well-dressed, you’ll want to ask for extra sauce. The chicken shawarma is full of excellent marinated chicken, lemony and peppery, while the spanakopita is covered in creamy garlic sauce.

On a platter of vegetarian stuffed grape leaves, hummus, turmeric rice, and salad, the tahini-rich hummus is buttery, not greasy; the bright yellow rice is flavorful and expertly cooked; and the leaves are nice and lemony. Whatever you order, don’t be surprised if it’s spicy; the flirty guys at the counter go as heavy on the paprika as they do on the compliments. $ HARRIED AND HUNGRY 1415 Third Ave., 264-7900. At H&H, each box lunch comes with a beverage, a bag of Tim’s Cascade chips, and a cookie. The falafel sandwich puts excellent, disc-shaped patties in a French roll rather than a pita, then covers them with enough hummus, feta cheese, and cucumber and tomato slices to distract you from the strange choice of bread. While the hot salami and provolone is popular, the caprese’s fresh mozzarella and flavorful tomatoes (not enough basil, though) justify making a perfectly reasonable salad into a sandwich. $

fine, but kind of gross; it’s raw and inedible, or it’s covered in cheese sauce.”

Cauliflower fans have long complained that the vegetable’s potential has been undermined by sloppy cooking. In 1891, Arthur Crozier urged readers of The Cauliflower to pay special attention to his chapter on boiling cauliflower in porcelain pots. “One reason why there is such a limited demand for this vegetable in this country is that so few here know how to cook it,” he wrote.

In 1986, when cauliflower was commonly served with dip and nutritionminded eaters didn’t limit their diets to dark, leafy greens, annual per capita consumption in the U.S. peaked at 3.1 pounds. By 2009, however, the number had fallen to 1.9 pounds.

The situation’s even graver over in England, where cauliflower was once a favorite vegetable: Consumption has dropped 35 percent over the past decade, inspiring supermarket chain Tesco to cross cauliflowers with other vegetables to provoke shopper interest. Its pink, green, and orange cauliflowers went on sale last summer. E hraskin@seattleweekly.com

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music»

Standing With the Man

Artists aren’t fighting piracy to get rich. We’re fighting to survive.

BY JESSE SYKES

L

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

I

understand the concerns over the legislation, and I’m glad PIPA and SOPA won’t be passed as they were originally conceived. But I don’t want all these issues to get swept under the rug now. Things still need to be examined.

If, as many seem to think, it will be impossible ever to create a technological system on the Internet to help protect against piracy, then I guess we must resort to old-fashioned tactics: speaking out and educating people about the importance of supporting the arts in a gentle and respectful way. This new prevailing attitude—feeling all music should be free—doesn’t need to reign supreme.

People need not be so rigid in the “It’s either this way or that” sense when it comes to sharing music and art on the Internet and in real time. I can’t stress enough that on a fundamental level I love and am honored that people share and obtain my music. If they listen to it but didn’t pay for it because they couldn’t, or it was passed to them organically, or they just haven’t thought deeply about

these issues yet—well, I still love that it might move them anyway and has touched their lives far more than I mourn the loss of a sale, and certainly far more than having any ill feelings toward them as fellow humans. But the musical infrastructure has evolved monumentally over the past decade, and there are myriad options for free, legitimate exposure to music: online radio like Pandora, musicsubscription services, and tons of free music on most artists’ websites and Bandcamp pages.

It’s the collective attitude of entitlement and lack of knowledge that hurts me and perplexes me still. This new terrain, where an “aggregator” is believed to be a creator, puts artists in the position of seeming greedy and feeling powerless when they stand up for themselves. I have never in my life met an artist who did it or does it for the money (and, by the way, nobody’s getting rich off Spotify). I think it’s clear the vast majority of us love what we do for the sake of doing it.

There will always be bands that sell a lot of records and the out-of-the-gate lucky few that don’t toil away in the trenches, but some of the best albums were made by bands that never sold more than 20 or 30 thousand copies back in the day. Today those numbers would be more like five thousand or less. It’s that class or tier that is being jeopardized.

So think of all your favorite bands over the years that weren’t on big labels. Think of them in this new paradigm. Many wouldn’t see the light of day because they wouldn’t be able to sustain long enough to create a body of work and do a bunch of touring.

It’s nice when you are starting out to post your stuff up there with the hopes that things will evolve from it. But if you are ever fortunate enough to get some momentum, it takes at least breaking even to keep going. E Jesse Sykes is a singer and songwriter on temporary leave from her usual perch in Seattle. Marble Son, the most recent album from her band The Sweet Hereafter, was released independently in the U.S. CHRISTINE TAYLOR

I just want these companies to be held accountable and stop using propaganda that creates paranoia by playing on people’s fear of censorship.

I’m not blaming anyone for burning CDs or listening to music on YouTube exclusively. I’m not “hating” on you. But I’m urging you to try to see it through a lens that goes beyond what you enjoy and the ease of it all right now. I’m urging you to look further down the road, at the bigger picture that includes both the frailty of the artists out there and the dark underbelly of these seemingly benign companies—which most see as just tools, but which in reality are very much a part of what we should be fighting, or at least be skeptical of, instead of being at the teat of.

If more folks understood the consequences of illegal downloading and streaming to those who make their living doing art, and the huge profits that motivate these companies to exploit their creations, this would not be a problem. It’s a creepy, insidious thing that lives in the light behind your screen, and it begs to steal our integrity without realizing it.

Remember when Nader advocated car safety and seat belts? GM stalked and harassed him. People were up in arms about the government getting involved to establish safety regulations. Do you wear a seat belt?

Do you miss not having one? Do you make your kid wear a bike helmet? Why Artists like myself rely on music sales can’t we look at the Internet as an everfor their income, but our bands are evolving thing? It’s in danger of going dark for a lot longer not static. It’s plasthan one day if things don’t improve. tic. And so are its effects on society.

Intellectual property is being threatened, campaign. Artists like myself rely on music yet without it there wouldn’t be content sales for their income, but our bands are in for companies like YouTube or Google to danger of going dark for a lot longer than exploit. The Internet wouldn’t be filled with one day if things don’t improve. so many of the amazing things that we value.

Rather than reacting to fearmongering, I They are biting the hand that feeds them. feel we should really try to understand how This irony is what is so disturbingly sad. complex this is. I mean really understand.

et me get this out of the way first: I don’t support SOPA or PIPA, the two pieces of anti-piracy legislation that went down in flames last week after a Internet campaign that included Wikipedia shutting itself down and Google blacking out its logo for a day.

I do, however, believe artists’ rights should be protected, even on the Internet. And I am concerned that if we buy into anti-SOPA/ PIPA propaganda, the heart of the issue will fall to pieces. To whittle away, as we have, copyrights, which are there to insure creative integrity and ingenuity, is just as bleak as any of the hypothetical repercussions of the proposed anti-piracy legislation.

Freedom of speech and copyright laws complement each other to enhance creative expression by protecting the rights of those who wish to express themselves.

This includes science, music, film, visual art, photography, writing, etc. The benefit of art for American society, the desire to encourage these pursuits, and the realization of the need to protect artists from exploitation was thought to be so fundamental that the Founding Fathers included “The Copyright Clause” in the Constitution, giving artists exclusive rights to their creations.

To those who support the campaign against anti-piracy legislation, I do hope you understand that the corporations behind the movement—Google, owner of YouTube, etc.—may not really be your friends. Who is Big Brother in this scenario? They are claiming to be neutral, unaware of—and therefore not accountable for—their sites’ content, and the proposed bills would force them to filter, which they claim is equivalent to denying our right to free speech. Yet they are apparently quite happy to do just that when it furthers their own interests— blacking out websites to further economic and political interests and denying public access to info is exactly what they are saying they are against.

This screams of arrogance and hypocrisy coming from companies that profit hugely from copyright infringement. One can actually say it’s their “bread and butter.”

So of course they’re against it, and wealthy enough to wage a huge propaganda

music@seattleweekly.com 31

music» »PROFILE

Great Shakes

The unlikely conditioning of the next great American rock band.

D

about Alabama Shakes, who were at the time on tour opening for the Truckers.

It’s an odd truism that not every musician is a music fan. Whether due to competitiveness or a limited amount of creative headspace for digesting it, it’s not unusual to encounter artists who don’t seek out the work of others.

Hood, however, is downright evangelical when it comes to Alabama Shakes, a neo-soul fourpiece that succeeds brilliantly with a disarming combination of understated aesthetics and an arresting live presence that has garnered them deafening buzz even A neo-soul four-piece succeeds without Hood’s help.

“It’s the songs first and brilliantly with a disarming combination foremost,” he said to me a of understated aesthetics and few weeks after he’d sent an arresting live presence. the photo. “They’re a great band—[frontwoman] of them. This led to a greater conversation Brittany [Howard] is a fantastic singer and about what made those records so strong: incredible live performer. It’s an amazing show, the songs themselves. A few days later, Hood but none of that would matter to me if the texted me a blurry photo from the road with songs weren’t so damned good. I wake up with a simple caption: “This is the next great one of their songs stuck in my head about five American rock band.” When I asked him mornings a week. Not always the same one, more, he couldn’t say enough good things although ‘Hold On’ is especially infectious.”

Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

rive-By Truckers frontman Patterson Hood and I have a long friendship and a history of turning each other on to records new and old. Most recently, a discussion of Bob Seger led to my first spin of Alabama Shakes’ eponymous five-song EP. I had discovered Seger’s early, lesserknown work with the Bob Seger System, records Hood was closely associated with because his own father, a Muscle Shoals Studios session musician, played on many

32

BY HANNAH LEVIN “Hold On” is the lead single off their forthcoming full-length, Boys & Girls (to be released in April by ATO Records, which also puts out the Drive-By Truckers’ records). The band is currently riding a turbulent wave of well-deserved hype, with raves in The New York Times and sold-out shows in London, Los Angeles, and Austin. Hood also attributes much of their success and potential to just plain hard work.

Heath Fogg, the Shakes’ 27-year-old guitarist, confirms that though their success seems brisk (they’ve only been a band for a few years), they paid their dues on the Alabama club scene, which favors cover bands over original artists.

“In our neck of the woods, [if ] you want to play out, you have to play covers, three-hour sets, and entertain the drinking crowds,” he says over the phone. After years of perfecting their versions of Led Zeppelin’s “How Many More Times” and Otis Redding’s “These Arms of Mine” (influences you can hear in their work now), they decided to make the fiscally unfavorable gamble of focusing on finding their own voice. “We put our foot down and decided that it would be OK to not make money, play originals, and be more

DON VANCLEAVE

satisfied,” Fogg says. The gamble paid off handsomely, and a fortuitous introduction to Hood helped them get the traction they needed.

“The first time they opened for us was only about the fourth time they’d played with monitors,” recalls Hood (referring to the onstage speakers that allow the band to hear their own playing). “They had been woodshedding, literally, in the woods outside Athens, Alabama, and had their show so tight. They opened for us two months later in Winston-Salem, and were like a different band, they were so seasoned and hot. It had already transcended itself, and I suspect that they’re still just scratching the surface. If they continue to grow at this rate and don’t screw up and stunt their growth, they could be Springsteenish in their potential to move a large room with their live show.” E music@seattleweekly.com ALABAMA SHAKES With Quiet Life. The Crocodile.

Tues., Jan. 31. Sold out.

»TELL ME ABOUT THAT ALBUM

Heart Beats Pacific The story behind one of 2011’s best punk records.

BY DAVE LAKE

BANNER PILOT With Broadway Calls, the Hollowpoints, Smoke Jumper. The Funhouse, 206 Fifth Ave. N., 374-8400, thefunhouseseattle.com. $8. 21 and over. 9:30 p.m. Fri., Jan. 27.

»COMMENT OF THE WEEK

The Real Difference Between Seattle and Portland

“Think peanut butter. Seattle is corporate creamy and smooth (think Jif), while Portland is super-chunky organic. They’re both peanut butter . . . one’s just a lot more funky (and chunky!). Seattle’s label would list all the preservatives, while Portland’s label would have an 800 number to call if you find a severed finger . . . with a Zen prayer to say before disposing of it.”

Comment left by “Lothar” on a Reverb blog post titled “Carrie Brownstein Explains the Difference Between Portland and Seattle.”

»THROUGH @ 2

A Spontaneous Twitter Conversation With Kurt Loder

It Takes a Crowd Robbie Johnston on conducting a Synthony.

BY ERIN K. THOMPSON THE SITUATION I’m at Ballard’s Shelter Lounge sharing drinks and avocado fries with Robbie Johnston, who performs pop-rock music as The Synthony, and a bandmate he refers to as his “factotum,” Greg Franklin. Franklin’s played bass, drums, and guitar for The Synthony; he’s also a longtime contributor to Seattle Weekly and its music blog, Reverb. Johnston writes and records all the instruments on his recordings, but live he plays with a band that currently boasts nine members, including one brother on keys and another on the EWI (think of it as an electric saxophone), and a brand-new keyboard player whom he and Franklin both describe as “a tiny Conan O’Brien.”

SHOP TALK Synthony songs are an unclassifiable blend of guitars, keyboards, and Johnston’s fluid vocals employed to work different genres—from ragtime to electronica—from song to song. Johnston calls it “pastiche pop.”

“It really cavalierly takes from various genres in a really patchwork way,” he says. “It’s not any pristine genre . . . This band’s influenced by a lot of embarrassingly uncool music, like Genesis and U2 from the ’80s. . . ” “You gotta precursor that with ‘Peter Gabriel Genesis,’ ” Franklin interjects. “’Cause then it’s still cool, as long as it’s not Phil Collins Genesis.”

“No, but I’m talking about not-cool Genesis,” says Johnston. “I’m talking Phil Collins.”

You can hear three of the songs on the band’s Facebook page, and Johnston says he’s currently working on an EP. BTW: Franklin takes a stab at how Johnston named the band. “I’m guessing it was something you were working on at home by yourself, you were sitting around wearing a bathrobe, and you were like, ‘I’ve got so many keyboard parts on here. It’s a veritable symphony!’ ” “No, not at all,” laughs Johnston. “My brother will say a lot of malapropisms, he’ll say one thing and mean another, and it comes out wrong. And he was like, ‘Man, I don’t know about Jack White, he’s up there and he acts like he’s conducting a symph . . . thony.’ And I was like, ‘That’s it, Ricky. Thank you for talking wrong!’ ” E

“I always get carried away recording,” Johnston says, “so I need an army of people to carry out the different parts.”

HOW THEY GOT HERE Johnston, 26, shares a room in a Maple Leaf house with his older brother, works as an assistant for KEXP’s Kevin Cole, and also plays guitar in the vintage country band Side Saddle. “I honestly don’t really have roots in roots,” he says. “I have friends who lured me into it. I’ve always been doing sort of artsy Brit-rock stuff in conjunction at the same time.”

»LISSSSSST

Barton’s Best Remembering a pioneer of the Northwest sound.

BY MATT SULLIVAN To say Kearney Barton helped create the Northwest sound would be an understatement. Invented or pioneered would be more like it. Whatever the tag, we miss the man.

The legendary sound engineer, who died last week at 81, taught us about the Soul Swingers, Little Bill, the Frantics, Don & the Goodtimes, the Sonics, and so many more. The man had a heart of gold and a sense of humor that would make your grandfather proud. He was

ethompson@seattleweekly.com THE SYNTHONY With Pollens, Seven Colors. Neumos, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9442, neumos.com. $7. 8 p.m. Tues., Jan. 31.

a genuine sweetheart who loved to work and record and record some more, making his famous cookies for guests, and watching a hydroplane race now and then.

It’s a rare thing to master your craft at any point in your life. To do it in your 30s and stick with it for another 45 years, up until almost the day you die, is a beautiful thing. RIP, Kearney. We’ll miss you.

Here’s a look at three of the songs that I feel best demonstrate his work: The Frantics, “Werewolf” Arguably the greatest Northwest Halloween jam.

Originally released on the Dolton label in 1959, “Werewolf” features Kearney on the creepy vocal “snarl” heard throughout the tune. He always loved reminiscing about recording this single.

Black on White Affair, “Bold Soul Sister, Bold Soul Brother” By way of Supreme La Rock’s introduction, this is the song that opened our eyes to Seattle’s rich

kurt_loder Kurt Loder #SOPA and #PIPA may be derailed, but not government’s determination to control the Internet: tinyurl.com/74flf5h chriskornelis Chris Kornelis @kurt_loder so you don’t see a difference between control and regulation?

kurt_loder Kurt Loder @chriskornelis Regulation *is* control... chriskornelis Chris Kornelis @kurt_loder i hear that, but it sounds a lot like something Romney or the Tea Party would say about Wall Street regulations

kurt_loder Kurt Loder @chriskornelis Talking about Internet, not Wall Street... chriskornelis Chris Kornelis @kurt_loder yarr. think there should be sensible regulations for both. but the rhetoric of this debate isn’t paving the way for sensibility

kurt_loder Kurt Loder @chriskornelis “Sensible” is a term that always ends up being defined by... government regulators. chriskornelis Chris Kornelis @kurt_loder yeah, I agree, but that sounds like the Tea Party again. Are you saying the internet shouldn’t be regulated?

kurt_loder Kurt Loder @chriskornelis Yes

soul history. Recorded in February 1970 and released on Kearney’s very own Topaz label, it’s the tune that led me to Kearney’s doorstep in 2003, hoping to convince the wizard to let us license the single for inclusion on a comp of Seattle soul from back in the day, now known as Wheedle’s Groove. I remember Kearney mentioning that he’d had a great deal of interest from reissue labels overseas, but he was reluctant. The man liked the idea of working with a local label. Bless his soul.

The Sonics, “The Witch” What can you say about “The Witch” that hasn’t been said before? It’s truly mind-blowing to think Kearney cut this as far back as 1964 for the Etiquette label. Greatest all-time Northwest rock song? E Matt Sullivan is the founder and co-owner of Seattle’s Light in the Attic Records. music@seattleweekly.com

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

music@seattleweekly.com

DISPATCHES FROM OUR MUSIC BLOG AT SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM/REVERB

COURTESY OF THE SYNTHONY

Before the Minnesota quartet Banner Pilot brings its Jawbreaker-influenced brand of Midwestern punk to the Funhouse on Friday, Jan. 27, we caught up with bassist and primary songwriter Nate Gangelhoff, who gave us the story behind the band’s third LP, Heart Beats Pacific— one of last year’s best punk-rock records.

SW: Were there particular records you listened to a lot when writing Heart Beats Pacific?

Gangelhoff: Yeah, I was listening to a lot of, like, British indie rock, like Johnny Foreigner and Los Campesinos!, and more indie stuff like Archers of Loaf a little bit. Not a ton of outright punk stuff. We’re called a pop-punk group most often, but I don’t really listen to pop-punk stuff anymore.

How do you decide which songs make the cut for an album? Is it a democracy?

I think it’s pretty democratic. For Heart Beats Pacific, I wrote, like, 80 ideas, and obviously 70 of them didn’t go anywhere. So if I bring in something that sucks, we’ll just shelve it and move on to something else. I’d say we’re in total agreement by the end of the album that these are the 11 songs that were best.

The record seems sort of cold and lonely, conjuring a Midwest winter. Was that your state of mind when you were recording it?

I totally agree that that’s what the sound reminds me of. Most of the songs, and I think all of [guitarist Nick Johnson’s] lyrics, were written over the winter, and I think last year was probably the worst winter in Minnesota of my entire life. It was just brutal, a lot of snow for months, really cold, really shitty. So it kind of makes sense that it would seep into the lyrics.

You guys go full-bore for the entire record.

Have you considered adding an acoustic song to the mix, or some different textures?

We tried some other stuff, but the main thing we try and do when we’re doing something like that is take a step back and say “Is this actually good?”

We had one song that was in 6/8 time and had a way different feel to it, and another that wasn’t acoustic but had very quiet guitar. At first it was like, “Hey, this is really cool, we’ve never done something like this before.” And we played for about a month, and we were like, “Well, is that actually any good?” And in both cases they weren’t very good songs.

So I think we try and be our harshest critics.

I don’t want to force ourselves to do something new just for the sake of doing something new. E

music»Reverb »

33

music»TheShortList Ambulance

extreme control and musicianship, and where frontman David Best’s understated delivery packs a fun, subtle punch. With Yuni in Taxco,

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25

Listening to Ambulance, it’s easy to play a game of “spot the post-punk signifiers”: The local trio’s most recent album, 2010’s People in Places, features taut guitar lines, lockstep drumming, and brooding baritone vocals from singer/guitarist Sam Peterson. Combine these traits with the tucked-in button-downs and leather jackets the band dons in its press photos, and comparisons to Factory Records practically write themselves. However, Ambulance isn’t trying to put on some sort of elaborate Joy Division impersonation.

Though People in Places was recorded while drummer Dillon Christopher and bassist Spencer Miller were still in high school, it confidently melds post-punk with modern influences —think the Strokes or Interpol—in a way that amounts to far more than pastiche.

Live, these churning, driving songs should translate into nothing less than a raucous rock show. With The West, Us on Roofs.

Glitterbang. Neumos, 925 E. Pike St., 7099442. 8 p.m. $13. ERIC GRANDY

Filastine SATURDAY, JANUARY 28

Comet Tavern, 922 E. Pike St., 322-9272.

9 p.m. $6. ANDREW GOSPE POST WORLD INDUSTRIES

Avicii WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25

Of late, radio’s mercilessly been beating the Flo Rida smash single “Good Feeling” into our brains. Like many Flo Rida songs, it’s annoying. But behind his gratingly shouty rapping, there’s a great sample—21-year-old Swedish DJ Avicii’s “Levels,” an aqueous, uplifting house track that in turn samples the brilliant opening lines of Etta James’ 1962 hit “Something’s Got a Hold on Me.” “Levels” has become enough of a hit in its own right to chart on iTunes and the Billboard Hot 100. Avicii’s taking advantage of the fact that nothing’s more in vogue right now than dance music—two or three months ago you hadn’t heard of him, but now he hosts a popular monthly podcast called LE7ELS; his collaboration with David Guetta, “Sunshine,” is currently nominated for a Grammy for Best Dance Recording; and his “House for Hunger” tour is taking him around the globe. Paramount Theatre, 911 Pine St., 467-5510. 8 p.m. $40 adv./$45 DOS. All ages. ERIN K. THOMPSON

Monogamy Party Recent Good to Die Records signees Monogamy Party are a riotous, punkdriven three-piece fronted by a man called “Kennedy” with more photos of his partially clothed body—nearly naked and drenched in sweat, usually—on the Internet than Channing Tatum. The group’s Facebook profile says they’re about “3 dudes getting weird, getting heavy,” and everything from their lambasting live show to their debut EP Pus City—produced by Chris Proff (Strong Killings, Mercy Ties, Ravenna Woods)— confirms this very claim. The music is driving and expansive—for example, “Hard Feelings” with its percolating bass line, metal distortion, and lyrical barrage. Sensitive indie rockers beware: You will be sweated on, pushed, shoved, and possibly crowd-surfed over. All other hard-rock lovers: Rejoice. With Dog

34

GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT

Shredder, Great Falls, Serial Hawk. Comet Tavern, 922 E. Pike, 322-9272. 9 p.m. $7.

Ex-Seattle beatmaker Filastine.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 26

An international ensemble culled from more continents than a hand has fingers, NoRey plays deeply lyrical, rangy music which defies easy—or even hard—classification. Its lead singer, Colombian expat Alejandro Garcia, is a Javier Bardem soundalike who melts panties in three words or less, and was kind enough to play the fictitious role of bloodthirsty, coke-snorting chef Lou Kohl on a Seattle Weekly cover last year. If NoRey had existed in Malibu in the ’70s, they’d have been the house band at Margot Kidder’s pad, covering “Pusherman” every time Jack Nicholson or James Taylor showed up with a few grams and passing out on shag carpets and chaises longues at the end of the night (or morning). With Tiny Messengers, Henry at War. JewelBox/Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave, 441-5823. 9 p.m. $5. MIKE SEELY

Fujiya & Miyagi FRIDAY, JANUARY 27

When Fujiya & Miyagi emerged in the mid’00s, they seemed, along with bands like Hot Chip, to be part of a minor wave of stiffly funky British music nerds, mixing up cold, motorik grooves, electro-pop playfulness, and the sort of self-aware awkwardness that gets BBC comedies remade in America. But while Hot Chip evolved and enlarged their sound through house and indie rock, Fujiya & Miyagi have largely stuck to their winking minimalist guns, right on through to last year’s Ventriloquizzing, another predictably taut and deadpan batch of lock-groove funk.

It can get to be a bit too much of a single good idea, but the band still shines in live settings, where their precise rhythms demand

*

SoDo, 1700 First Ave. S., 652-0444. 8 p.m. $20 adv./$25 DOS. All ages. ERIC GRANDY

Gift of Gab SUNDAY, JANUARY 29

Peerless lyricist Gift of Gab—real name, Timothy Parker—has seen his share of highs and lows. From surgery, rehab, and diabetes to highly acclaimed independent hip-hop albums as one half of Blackalicious—albums that cemented his reputation as one of the most lyrically dexterous MCs in underground hip-hop—Parker is no stranger to the twisting road of fortune. His fans have never lost their taste for his quick-lipped rhymes, and he recently posted a video to his website thanking the supporters who contributed financially to the making of the video for his upcoming single “Everything Is Fine.” The video is nearing completion, and his third solo release, Next Logical Progression—his smoothest, most positive work to date—is slated to drop in March. In spite of life’s ups and downs, things seem to be going just fine for Gift of Gab. With Th3rdz, Luke Rain, the Nightcaps. Nectar, 412 N. 36th St., 632-2020.

8 p.m. $12. GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT

EDITOR’S PICK

NAOMI PUNK SATURDAY, JANUARY 28

This local rock trio—two members live in Olympia, one in Seattle—can be difficult to research, discuss, or write about, partly because one of the band’s aesthetic goals is to keep an enigmatic distance from marketing and mediabased hype machines. They have an obscure website, stopandrewinddd. com, that links to some of their friends’ bands (M. Women, Milk Music), and have posted only one song, “The Spell,” on Bandcamp. The only thing to really talk about, then, is Naomi Punk’s music (and that’s exactly what they want), which chugs with heavy guitar riffs backing wispy but spirited vocals.

The band spent the past 14 months recording a full-length, out this spring, which guitarist Travis Coster inscrutably described to me as being “about waves of feelings.” With Dana Jewell & The Hungry Heart, Dude York. Cairo, 507 E. Mercer St. 8 p.m. $5. All ages. ERIN K. THOMPSON

GERARDO GUERRERO

Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

THURSDAY, JANUARY 26

NoRey

All music is “world music,” of course, and only typically Anglophilic/U.S.-centric mindsets make Orientalist curiosities out of sounds imported from other lands. But does that make world-sampling electronic acts like the Burning Man–rooted Beats Antique and Seattle expat (and Infernal Noise Brigadier) Filastine loving ambassadors, cagey appropriators, or something in between? Without guessing about anyone’s genuineness or multicultural credentials (although I know Filastine has traveled widely and well), it’s safe to say that the two acts present their globally informed beats in radically different ways. Filastine pushes polyglot bass music from a dirty, DIY rig that frequently includes him banging on a borrowed shopping cart, while Beats Antique bring traditionally higher production values, along with belly dancing.

Me, I prefer the shopping cart. Showbox

seven»nights

Concerts This Week WEDNESDAY, JAN. 25

AVICII: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

CONCRETE BLONDE: With Menkena All ages., 8 p.m.,

$25 adv./$30 DOS. Neptune Theatre, 1303 NE 45th St., Seattle, 877-784-4849.

THURSDAY, JAN. 26

TRIBUTE TO ABBA STARRING ARRIVAL: 7 p.m.,

Send events to music@seattleweekly.com

FRIDAY, JAN. 27

2012 SEATTLE BEATLES ROOFTOP DAY AND ALL STAR JAM: With Creme Tangerine All ages., 12 p.m.,

NC. Copacabana, 1520 1/2 Pike Place, Seattle, 622-6359.

WINDOWPANE: With Fall From Grace, Van Eps, Counterfist,

Superfekta All ages., 7:30 p.m., $13 adv./$20 DOS. Neptune Theatre, 1303 NE 45th St., Seattle, 877-784-4849.

SATURDAY, JAN. 28

INTERNATIONAL GUITAR NIGHT: With Brian Gore,

Adrian Legg, Lulo Reinhardt, Marco Pereira., 7:30 p.m., $35-$40. Edmonds Center for the Arts, 410 Fourth Ave. N., Edmonds, 425-275-9595.

MARTIN SEXTON: 8 p.m., $25 adv./$27 DOS. Neptune Theatre, 1303 NE 45th St., Seattle, 877-784-4849.

SUNDAY, JAN. 29

THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHER BILL MEDLEY: 6 p.m.,

$20-$40. Snoqualmie Casino, 37500 S.E. N. Bend Way, Snoqualmie, 425-888-1234.

DEE JONES

$20-$35. Snoqualmie Casino, 37500 S.E. N. Bend Way, Snoqualmie, 425-888-1234.

Elk & Boar play the Tractor Tavern on Friday, January 27.

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

35

presents at

seven»nights

DIMITRIOU’S

Club Listings Wednesday 25 2033 6th Avenue (206) 441-9729 j a z z a l l e y. c o m

Sugar Blue

Grammy-Award Winning Blues Musician and Harmonica Virtuoso January 25

WAR

Funk-Rock-Soul “Low Rider,” “Cisco Kid,” “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”, “Slippin’ into Darkness” and more!

January 26 - 29

Kim Wilson’s Blues All Stars

Harmonica Player, Songwriter and Singer - Leader of The Fabulous Thunderbirds January 31 - February 1

Peter White

Contemporary Jazz Guitarist and Original Songwriter February 2 – 5

Bobby Broom and The Deep Blue Organ Trio Celebrating the Classic Jazz Combo Configuration of the Hammond B3 Organ, Guitar and Drums February 7 - 8

Seattle weekly • Janu ary 25– 31, 2 012

Tower of Power

36

One of the Most Dynamic Groups Serving Up Horn-Driven Funk!!!

February 9 - 12

ON SALE NOW Brian Culbertson February 14 - 19 Little Bit of Jazz, Little Bit of Funk & a Little Bit of R & B

Regina Carter’s Reverse Thread February 21 - 22

ROCK/POP/INDIE

CHOP SUEY: 1325 E. Madison St., Seattle, 324-8000. By

Sunlight, with Xray Press, White Coward., 8 p.m., $7.

COMET TAVERN: Ambulance: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

EL CORAZON: 109 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle, 381-3094.

Tragedy Awaits Us All, with Anything Anastasia, Tomorrow May Fail, At Horizons End, What’s Beneath All ages., 7:30 p.m., $8 adv./$10 DOS. FUNHOUSE: 206 Fifth Ave. N., Seattle, 374-8400. Klogr, 9:30 p.m., $5.

HIGH DIVE: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 632-0212. Sean McGrath, with Dillon Warnek., 8 p.m., $6.

NEUMOS: 925 E. Pike St., Seattle, 709-9467. Fox and the Law, with Broken Nobles, Another Perfect Crime, Mystery Ship., 8 p.m., $8.

STUDIO SEVEN: 110 S. Horton St., Seattle, 286-1312.

Greater of Two Evils, with Eros All ages., 7 p.m., $7 adv./ $9 DOS. SUNSET TAVERN: 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-4880. Out on the Streets, with Keaton Collective, Pocket Panda., 9:30 p.m., $6.

TRACTOR TAVERN: 5213 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 789-3599. Tom Eddy, with Learning Team., 8 p.m., $6.

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IPHONE/ANDROID APP FOR MORE CONCERTS OR VISIT

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HIP-HOP/R&B

SHOWBOX SODO: 1700 First Ave. S., Seattle, 652-0444.

Wu-Tang Clan, with Champagne Champagne All ages., 8 p.m., $35 adv./$40 DOS.

COUNTRY/FOLK/ROOTS

HIGHWAY 99 BLUES CLUB: 1414 Alaskan Way, Seattle,

382-2171. Little Ray & the Uppercuts, with Moses & the Hilltones., 8 p.m., $5.

THE TRIPLE DOOR: 216 Union St., Seattle, 838-4333.

Jessie Baylin, with The Watson Twins All ages., 7:30 p.m., $12 adv./$15 DOS.

JAZZ/BLUES

DIMITRIOU’S JAZZ ALLEY: 2033 Sixth Ave., Seattle,

441-9729. Sugar Blue, 7:30 p.m., $20.50.

EGAN’S BALLARD JAM HOUSE: 1707 N.W. Market

St., Seattle, 789-1621. Vocal Showcase, with Jennifer Kienzle, Randall O’Dowd, Jose Gonzales., 7 p.m., $10.

THE ROYAL ROOM: 5000 Rainier Ave. S., Seattle, 906-9920. In A Silent Way: the Music of Miles Davis, 7:30 p.m., $10.

Thursday 26 ROCK/POP/INDIE

BLUE MOON TAVERN: 712 N.E. 45th St., Seattle, 675-9116.

Swingset Showdown, with Supply and the Man, Alex’s Hand., 9 p.m., $5.

COMET TAVERN: Monogamy Party: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

CROCODILE: 2200 Second Ave., Seattle, 441-7416. Alice in the River, with Panama Gold, Vox Maquinista., 8 p.m., $5.

EL CORAZON: 109 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle, 381-3094.

Authority Zero, with Voodoo Glow Skulls, Skyfox, Success! All ages., 7:30 p.m., $16 adv./$18 DOS. FUNHOUSE: 206 Fifth Ave. N., Seattle, 374-8400. Smile For Diamonds, with System and Station., 9:30 p.m., $5.

JEWELBOX/RENDEZVOUS: NoRey: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

SUNSET TAVERN: 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-4880.

Case+Ctrl, with Lowmen Markos., 9:30 p.m., $6.

HIP-HOP/R&B

CHOP SUEY: 1325 E. Madison St., Seattle, 324-8000.

Phreewil, with The Interceptorz, Suntonio Bandanaz, Greg & Jerome, Graves33., 8 p.m., $7.

Walk-ins Always Welcome!

COUNTRY/FOLK/ROOTS

All Ages • Free Parking • Gift Certificates

Troubadours at Home, with Kate Graves, Debbie Miller, Gabriel Mintz, Stephen Nielsen., 9 p.m.

HIGH DIVE: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 632-0212. Lost Dogma, with Aces Up., 9 p.m., $6.

THE MIX: 6004 12th Ave. S. #17, Seattle, 767-0280. David Mayfield, 8 p.m., $5; David Mayfield, 8 p.m., $5.

Military, Senior and Student Discounts

CONOR BYRNE: 5140 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-3640.

seven»nights TRACTOR TAVERN: 5213 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle,

789-3599. Gravelroad, with Angelo Spenser Et Les Hauts Sommets., 8 p.m., $6.

JAZZ/BLUES

DIMITRIOU’S JAZZ ALLEY: 2033 Sixth Ave., Seattle,

441-9729. WAR, Jan. 26-28, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m.; Sun., Jan. 29, 7:30 p.m., $35.

VITO’S: 927 Ninth Ave., Seattle, 397-4053. The Jason Parker Quartet, 9 p.m., NC.

FUNK/SOUL

HIGHWAY 99 BLUES CLUB: 1414 Alaskan Way, Seattle,

382-2171. Rosie Ledet & the Zydeco Playboys, 8 p.m., $15.

SMOKIN’ PETE’S BBQ: 1918 N.W. 65th St., Seattle,

783-0454. Gumbo Twins, 6:30 p.m., NC.

THE WHITE RABBIT: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 588-0155.

Marmalade, 9:30 p.m., $6.

EL CORAZON: 109 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle, 381-3094.

STUDIO SEVEN: 110 S. Horton St., Seattle, 286-1312. Enuff

Jakalope, with Left Spine Down, Fake Shark Real Zombie., 9 p.m., $15 adv./$20 DOS. FUNHOUSE: 206 Fifth Ave. N., Seattle, 374-8400. Tacocat, with Fancy Lads, Universe People., 9:30 p.m., $7.

THE MIX: 6004 12th Ave. S. #17, Seattle, 767-0280. Joel Tipke Band, with The Glass Notes., 8 p.m., $5.

NEUMOS: 925 E. Pike St., Seattle, 709-9467. Rachel Halladay Benefit Show, with Josh Heinrichs, Kyle McDonald & C-Money of Slightly Stoopid, Positive Rising., 7 p.m., $20.

Q CAFE: 3223 15th Ave. W., Seattle, 352-2525. Josh Garrels, with Kate Lynn Logan All ages., 8 p.m., $10 adv./$15 DOS. SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET: 1426 First Ave., Seattle, 6283151. Heroes & Poets, with Jake Marsh Trio, Letters From Traffic, Trace, Oh Dear! All ages., 7 p.m., $11 adv./$13 DOS. SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB: 3803 Delridge Way S.W., Seattle, 935-2111. The Hoot Hoots, with To The Sea, Ghost Lobby., 9 p.m., $5.

Z’Nuff, with Prophets of Addiction, Fistful of Britney, Palooka, Can’t Complain., 7:30 p.m., $10 adv./$13 DOS. SUNSET TAVERN: 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-4880.

The Parson Red Heads, with Tommy Keene., 10 p.m., $10.

CONOR BYRNE: 5140 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-3640.

COMET TAVERN: 922 E. Pike St., Seattle, 322-9272. Fly

Give It To Me Rusty, with The Brambles, Jon Pontrello., 9 p.m.

HIGH DIVE: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 632-0212. The Outlaws, with Jackrabbit, The Swearengens., 9:30 p.m., $7.

TREEHOUSE CAFE: 4569 Lynwood Center Road NE, Bainbridge Island, Bainbridge Island, 842-2369. The Maldives, 8 p.m., $18.

WAID’S HAITIAN CUISINE & LOUNGE: 1212 E.

JAZZ/BLUES

COUNTRY/FOLK/ROOTS

HIGHWAY 99 BLUES CLUB: 1414 Alaskan Way,

HIP-HOP/R&B

Moon Royalty, with Side Pony, Hoot & Howl., 9 p.m., $8.

Jefferson St., Seattle, 328-6493. Talkative, 8 p.m., $10.

BOGART’S AIRPORT WAY: 3924 Airport Way S., Seattle,

622-1119. Hard Money Saints, with Lil Ray and the Uppercuts, The Big Wheel Stunt Show., 9 p.m., $5.

COMET TAVERN: 922 E. Pike St., Seattle, 322-9272. Porter Jones, with Charlie Heinemen., 4 p.m., $5.

EGAN’S BALLARD JAM HOUSE: 1707 N.W. Market St.,

Seattle, 789-1621. Dan Czaran, 7 p.m., $10.

Seattle, 382-2171. Kirk Fletcher, with Kevin Selfe & the Tornadoes., 8 p.m., $14.

THE ROYAL ROOM: 5000 Rainier Ave. S., Seattle, 906-9920.

The Meter Maids, with Mike Stone, Bob Lovelace, Jeff Fielder, Wayne Horvitz., Jan. 28-31, 9:30 p.m., NC.

Friday 27 ROCK/POP/INDIE

COMET TAVERN: 922 E. Pike St., Seattle, 322-9272. Black

Breath, with Scourge Schematic, Leatherhorn, Occult S.S., 9 p.m., $8.

FUNHOUSE: 206 Fifth Ave. N., Seattle, 374-8400. Banner Pilot, with Broadway Calls, Hollow Points, Smoke Jumper., 9:30 p.m., $8.

HIGH DIVE: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 632-0212. Casey Neill & The Norway Rats, with Sassparilla, Renegade String Band., 9:30 p.m., $6 adv./$8 DOS. JEWELBOX/RENDEZVOUS: 2322 Second Ave., Seattle, 441-5823. Guantanamo Baywatch, with Unnatural Helpers, Bummer High., 10 p.m., NC. Q CAFE: 3223 15th Ave. W., Seattle, 352-2525. Fit For Hounds, with Be Honest Ruth Bryan, Allium All ages., 8 p.m., $8.

SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET: 1426 First Ave., Seattle, 628-3151. moe., 7 p.m., $20 adv./$25 DOS. SHOWBOX SODO: 1700 First Ave. S., Seattle, 652-0444.

No Ground, with Atomic Outlaws, Glass Android, Speed Wobble., 8 p.m., $11 adv./$13 DOS.

Welcome to Mariners FanFest

It’s sheer Fandemonium!

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE CHILI SHACK & WATERING HOLE: 5606 First Ave. S., Seattle, 762-7900. Vile Red

Falcons, with Enfold Stone, Dolly Shock., 9 p.m.

TRACTOR TAVERN: 5213 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle,

789-3599. The Horde and the Harem, with The Horde and the Harem, Elk and Boar., 9:30 p.m., $10.

HIP-HOP/R&B

CROCODILE: 2200 Second Ave., Seattle, 441-7416.

Doomtree, 8 p.m., $15.

VITO’S: 927 Ninth Ave., Seattle, 397-4053. Lushy, 9 p.m., NC.

COUNTRY/FOLK/ROOTS

BLUE MOON TAVERN: 712 N.E. 45th St., Seattle,

DANCE/DJ/ELECTRONIC

NEUMOS: Fujiya & Miyagi: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

THE WHITE RABBIT: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 588-0155.

Mariners FanFest, this Saturday & Sunday, 11 am – 4 pm, at Safeco Field.

• Catch fly balls in the outfield • Take batting practice • Pitch in the bullpen

• Tour the clubhouse • Meet the Mariner Moose • Get autographs

Select-A-Seat You’ll have an opportunity to choose seat locations for your 2012 Mariners 16-Game Plan.

We’ll help you find the right plan and location for you.16-Game Plans start as low as $227.

For details or an appointment, call (206) 346-4001.

Adults $10 – Kids $5 – 5 and under FREE All Attractions Free With Admission.

Scheduled to appear at FanFest. (Autographs are limited to the first 500 fans per signing session.)

X-Kid, with C-Leb & The Kettle Black, Darqmatter., 9:30 p.m., $5.

JAZZ/BLUES

THE ROYAL ROOM: 5000 Rainier Ave. S., Seattle,

906-9920. Painting The Town Red: The Music of Billie Holiday, with Johnaye Kendrick, Craig Flory, Matthew Weiner., 8:30 p.m., NC. SORRENTO HOTEL: 900 Madison St., Seattle, 622-6400.

Nikki DeCaires with Kiko Frietas, All ages., 7:30 p.m., NC.

Brandon League

Jason Vargas

Brendan Ryan

introducing

Mike Carp

mariners legends

Saturday 28 ROCK/POP/INDIE

BLUE MOON TAVERN: 712 N.E. 45th St., Seattle, 675-9116.

Antique Scream, with Heaven Generation., 10 p.m., $6.

CAIRO: Naomi Punk: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

CROCODILE: 2200 Second Ave., Seattle, 441-7416. The

Good Hurt, with The Crying Spell, Ghost Town Riot, Worth., 8 p.m., $10.

DARRELL’S TAVERN: 18041 Aurora Ave. N., Seattle, 542-6688.

The Januaries, with Reji Lefleur, Secret Guest., 9 p.m., $5.

Miguel Olivo

Jesús Montero

Jay Buhner

(Saturday Only)

Dan Wilson

(Sunday Only)

For FanFest tickets, Ticketmaster Ticket Centers, or

Mariners.com/FanFest

Or at Mariners Team Stores:

Downtown Seattle (4th and Stewart)

Safeco Field Alderwood Mall

Bellevue Square Southcenter Mall

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

675-9116. Deception Past, with Weatherside Whiskey Band, Danielle Henry., 10 p.m., $6.

CONOR BYRNE: 5140 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-3640.

Bear Cove, with Town Hall Brawl, The Ames., 9 p.m.

DARRELL’S TAVERN: 18041 Aurora Ave. N., Seattle, 542-6688.

Knut Bell & The Blue Collars, with The Rainieros, The Barn Door Slammers, Brett Netson, Jefferson Angell., 8 p.m., $6.

MUSICQUARIUM LOUNGE: 216 Union St., Seattle, 838-4333. Julia Massey & the Five Finger Discount, All ages., 5 p.m., NC.

37

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The Big Gig, All ages., 8 p.m., $20 adv./$25 DOS.

AFROPOP/REGGAE/WORLD

SHOWBOX SODO: Filastine: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

THE WHITE RABBIT: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 588-0155.

Bucharest Drinking Team, with Kef., 9:30 p.m., $5.

Sunday 29

dinner & show

ROCK/POP/INDIE

COMET TAVERN: 922 E. Pike St., Seattle, 322-9272.

Jeremy Jay, with The Curious Mystery, Nuclear Aminals., 9 p.m., $8.

CROCODILE: 2200 Second Ave., Seattle, 441-7416. Keith Cook, with Fonzarelli, Bandolier., 8 p.m., $5.

EL CORAZON: 109 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle, 381-3094.

Social Club, with Really Old Airplanes, Citizen Escape, WinterSeeker., 8:30 p.m., $6 adv./$8 DOS. HIGH DIVE: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 632-0212. Flergen, with Max Pain & The Groovies., 7 p.m., NC. STUDIO SEVEN: 110 S. Horton St., Seattle, 286-1312.

Emilie Autumn, All ages., 7 p.m., $15 adv./$17 DOS. SUNSET TAVERN: 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-4880. Lost Lander, with Ruler., 9:30 p.m., $6.

HIP-HOP/R&B

NECTAR LOUNGE: Gift of Gab: SEE SHORT LIST, P. 34.

JAZZ/BLUES

WED/JANUARY 25 • 7:30PM

jessie baylin

w/ the watson twins FRI/JAN 27 • 7:30PM & 10:15PM SQUARE PEG PRESENTS

suzanne westenhoefer

DARRELL’S TAVERN: 18041 Aurora Ave. N., Seattle,

542-6688. Darrell’s Jazz Jam, 8 p.m.

TULA’S: 2214 Second Ave., Seattle, 443-4221. Fairly Honest

Jazz Band, Last Sunday of every month, 3 p.m., $5; Jim Cutler Jazz Orchestra, 8 p.m., $5.

VITO’S: 927 Ninth Ave., Seattle, 397-4053. Ruby Bishop, 6 p.m., NC. The Ron Weinstein Trio, 9 p.m., NC.

Monday 30

SAT/JANUARY 28 • 8PM

the big gig

- a ballyhoo of melody makers and shakers

ROCK/POP/INDIE

COMET TAVERN: 922 E. Pike St., Seattle, 322-9272.

Neighbors, with Chung Antique, My Life As A Dog, The Palisades., 9 p.m., $6.

EL CORAZON: 109 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle, 381-3094.

Ghost, with Blood Ceremony, Ancient VVisdom All ages., 8 p.m., $13 adv./$15 DOS. SUNSET TAVERN: 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-4880. Blackpool Astronomy, with Isis and The Ghost, Mary Abbadon., 9:30 p.m., $7.

SUN/JANUARY 29 • 7PM

lisa koch birthday bash! with roxanna

ward and jennie mcnulty

COUNTRY/FOLK/ROOTS

MUSICQUARIUM LOUNGE: 216 Union St., Seattle,

838-4333. Kate Lynne Logan, All ages., 5 p.m., NC.

JAZZ/BLUES

AMORE INFUSED: 522 Wall St., Seattle, 770-0606. JT/TK

Jazz Quartet, 7:30 p.m.

NEW ORLEANS CREOLE RESTAURANT: 114 First Ave.

S., Seattle, 622-2563. The New Orleans Quintet, 6:30 p.m.

THE ROYAL ROOM: 5000 Rainier Ave. S., Seattle, 906-9920.

teitur w/ aunt martha next • 2/3 locarno w/ nick drummond and tyler carson• 2/4 “soul salvation” ruthie foster & paul thorn • 2/5 john cruz • 2/9 kris orlowski & dawn mitschele

Tuesday 31 ROCK/POP/INDIE

COMET TAVERN: 922 E. Pike St., Seattle, 322-9272. The

Lindseys, with So Pitted, Enemy Combatants, Lindsey Rogers., 9 p.m., $6.

CROCODILE: 2200 Second Ave., Seattle, 441-7416.

Alabama Shakes, 8 p.m., $12.

EL CORAZON: 109 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle, 381-3094.

Stolen Babies, 8 p.m., $10 adv./$12 DOS. NEUMOS: The Synthony: SEE THROUGH @ 2, P. 33.

THE WHITE RABBIT: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 588-0155.

Slapbracelet, with Terabyte and the Battery Eaters, Karuna., 9:30 p.m., $5.

COUNTRY/FOLK/ROOTS

CAN CAN: 94 Pike St. Downstairs from Matts & Chez

Chea, Seattle, 652-0832. Vince Mira, 9 p.m., $7.

LITTLE RED HEN: 7115 Woodlawn Ave. N.E., Seattle,

522-1168. Roy Kay Trio, 9 p.m.

SUNSET TAVERN: 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., Seattle, 784-4880. Rachel Lyn Harrington & The Knock Outs, with The Black Crabs, Onyx., 9:30 p.m., $6.

• 1/25 charles mack • 1/26 4 outta 5 • 1/27 julia massey & the five finger discount / dirty rice • 1/28 the california honeydrops • 1/29 the new triumph • 1/30 kate lynne logan • 1/31 brad gibson and joe doria duo TO ENSURE THE BEST EXPERIENCE

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Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

The Meter Maids, with Mike Stone, Bob Lovelace, Jeff Fielder, Wayne Horvitz., Jan. 28-31, 9:30 p.m., NC. THE WHITE RABBIT: 513 N. 36th St., Seattle, 588-0155.

Michael Shrieve’s Spellbinder, 9:30 p.m., $6.

WED/FEBRUARY 1 • 7:30PM

39

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DIRTY POTS • BLACKOUT MEDIA 10PM • $8

THE PARSON RED HEADS

TOMMY KEENE • THE RIFFBROKERS 10PM • $8

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BLACK MONDAY MON 1/30

BLACKPOOL ASTRONOMY

ISIS AND THE GHOST • MARY ABBADON DJ COLDHEART 9:30PM • $7

TUE 1/31

RACHEL LYN HARRINGTON & THE KNOCK OUTS RESIDENCY THE DONE GONERS • ONYX 9:30PM • $6

WED 2/1

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CHANGES BAR & GRILL 2103 N. 45th St., 545-8363, changesinwallingford.com. NC. Wednesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, 9 p.m.

DANTE’S 5300 Roosevelt Way N.E., 525-1300, dantes seattle.com. Free. Mondays, 9 p.m.

DUBLINER PUB 3517 Fremont Ave. N., 548-1508, dublinerseattle.com. NC. Mondays–Tuesdays, 9 p.m.

FOURNO’S GREEK RESTAURANT 4733 University Way N.E., 729-5195. NC. Tuesdays, 10 p.m.

MARCO POLO BAR & GRILL 5613 Fourth Ave. S., 762-3964, marcopolopub.com. NC. Fridays– Saturdays, 9 p.m.

MOLLY MAGUIRE’S 610 N.W. 65th St., 789-9643, seattleirishpubs.com/mollys/index.htm. NC. Thursdays, 9 p.m.

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ROOSEVELT ALE HOUSE 8824 Roosevelt Way,

527-5480, rooseveltalehouse.com. Free. Thursdays, 9 p.m.

SCARLET TREE 801 N.E. 65th St. C, 523-8888, scarlet-tree.com. NC. Tuesdays, 9:30 p.m.

SPECTATOR 529 Queen Anne Ave. N., 599-4263, thespectatorsports.com.

NC. Thursdays–Saturdays, 9:30 p.m.

TALARICO’S 4718 California Ave. S.W., 937-3463, talaricoswest.com. NC. Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, 9:30 p.m.

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TUG INN 2216 SW Orchard St., 768-8852, tuginn.com. NC. Sundays, Wednesdays, 8 p.m.

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WHITE RABBIT 513 N. 36th St., 588-0155, fremontwhite rabbit.com. NC. Wednesdays, 9 p.m.

KaraoKeKorrespondent » by jeff roman

Snow One Is to Blame

karaoke@seattleweekly.com A TERRIBLE BEAUTY 4752 California Ave. S.W., 453-4066, WEST SEATTLE

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

The Venue: Tuesday night was my last chance to find a new spot to sing before the snow hit Seattle. Just before midnight with only hours to spare, I drove from my house in Greenwood all the way to West Seattle to sing at A Terrible Beauty. Taking into account the distance and the impending storm, I understood the two shots of Cazadores I usually take with my first beer to help loosen me up could not be enjoyed this night.

The Book: Many song binders were laid out on tables throughout the bar. Half were organized by artist, the other half by song title. The artist catalog was 174 pages thick.

The Setup: Just like the original in Renton, this is a gorgeous Irish pub furnished in wall-towall dark wood. They have an elevated stage in the corner, in front of the windows that look out onto California Avenue. From the stage, the performers sing out to the entire bar. There is a monitor onstage and a big plasma TV above the bar that displays the lyrics. They have a solid sound system, and the microphones sound very good.

The KJ: Karaoke Kelli hosts Tuesday nights here and Wednesdays at the Renton location.

I became an instant fan last fall during a slow Monday at the Skylark, where she, her co-host Si-err-ahh, and I wore funny hats (along with other props from her costume rack) and traded off a bunch of Beatles songs for two hours.

Si-err-ahh wasn’t there this time, but the bartender, Krystal, filled that backup role nicely.

The Audience: Around 20 people were spread throughout the room. Everyone seated along the bar had a direct angle to view the

performers, but no one was paying much attention to the show. It was a casual crowd, mostly guys drinking beers and shooting the shit.

The Rotation: Six male and three female vocalists made up the rotation. I got up three times in the first hour I was there.

The Performances: The first songs I caught were Hall & Oates numbers. A dude in his 30s named Ian sang “She’s Gone,” then a Filipino named Reg (who could pass for Manny Pacquiao’s twin) totally nailed “Sara Smile.” The proceedings were pretty good in the sense that there were a lot of creative song choices and everyone tried their best. There weren’t any jokers who got up as a goof to intentionally sound like shit. The most random number was by a guy who did the early-’80s classic “Lunatic Fringe”

by Red Rider.

My voice was solid, but my song picks were lame compared to the energized numbers performed by everyone who sang before me.

And the lack of booze directly affected my ability to grab the crowd’s attention. I delivered what I thought was a pretty good rendition of Howard Jones’ “No One Is to Blame,” but it barely got any applause.

Ian’s best number was “Love Lies Bleeding”

by Elton John. Kelli, Krystal, and this gal Lindsay took turns singing with each other. Their finest offerings were “Living Room” by Tegan and Sara, “Blister in the Sun” by Violent Femmes, and Roxy Music’s “Love Is the Drug.” The last singer was called up at 1:20 a.m. Kelli would have taken it later, but everyone was done at that point. E

41

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column»Toke Signals

Not All Authorizations Are Created Equal

BY STEVE ELLIOTT

P

atients new to the world of medical marijuana often assume that all medicinal-cannabis authorizations—the signed, tamper-proof forms that legally prove you are a real patient to whom marijuana has been recommended by a medical professional empowered to do so—are created equal.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

While there are several less-important distinctions among “MMJ” authorizations (as they’re called in the business)—for instance, discounted ones are available which are only good for six months—the most important thing about your medicalmarijuana recommendation is how easily it can be verified.

As any reputable collective will insist on verifying your authorization before allowing you to donate or procure cannabis, it is critical to understand the verification process in place at the clinic you choose. Sad to say, some authorization clinics don’t have much of a plan when it comes to verifying during off hours. In many cases, a clinic or doctor’s office is closed when a collective calls to verify your MMJ patient status—the caller gets only an unhelpful answeringmachine message.

Very few collectives—I should say almost none, especially the good ones—are going to allow you anywhere near their bud room until your authorization has been verified.

What this means in the real world is that if you have a cut-rate authorization from an outfit which does not offer 24/7 verification

services, you have a much less convenient authorization. Therefore—especially if you, like me, do most of your cannabis shopping on weekends—you are going to be very disappointed when visiting most collectives. Yes, this is the voice of experience. After being turned down at a few places during my first few months of visiting shops for “Toke Signals,” this usability difference among authorizations became frustratingly obvious to me.

There are, fortunately, a couple of workarounds, even if you have an authorization without 24/7 verification. One of these, which you should definitely do if you plan to visit a collective on a weekend, is to fax your tamper-proof authorization form to a shop a couple days before you plan to visit, enabling them to verify it on a weekday, when your health professional or his/her staff will actually be there to answer the phone.

Another strategy, equally effective but less convenient, is to stop by a shop a few days before (or the weekend before) you plan to actually get medicine. Let them copy your paperwork and verify your authorization before you come back, and then everything will be in place.

So how can you be sure if any given medical-marijuana authorization clinic provides 24/7 verification services? Ask them.

Don’t accept promises that “We’ll soon have that in place” or “We’re working on it right now.” Ask them if they have it today. E Steve Elliott edits Toke of the Town, Village Voice Media’s site of cannabis news, views, rumor, and humor.

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The Dorky Dater Dear Dategirl, I was wondering if you can point me toward a resource on . . . well, dating. Something like a “Dating for Dummies” kind of book or website that has your seal of approval. I got married way too young, and after 14 years with the same person, I was done. We divorced over a year ago, and I just turned 34 on New Year’s Day. Although I’ve worked through a lot of my own issues and think I’ve become a better person with more confidence in my identity, I am clueless when it comes to dating. It’s funny that I have confidence to be able to talk to nearly anyone and cut loose freely (you should see me karaoke sometime), but when I try to ask someone out . . . oh good gawd. So embarrassing. I’m an awkward dork. Help!

—Awkward & Alone

Obviously I’m going to recommend my book, How Not to Date, and advise you to keep reading this column. A stroll through the archives will yield plenty of helpful advice.

I’d rather have some dude laugh in my face than be forced to sing “You Give Love a Bad Name” in front of other humans.

The thing you need to remember about asking someone out on a date is that everyone finds it awkward, embarrassing, and

slightly mortifying. OK, wait, let’s amend that: If you’re fantastically handsome, incredibly rich, powerful, and/or famous— or even if you’re butt-ugly but possess those last two qualities— you probably have no trouble asking women out because you’re used to dodging all the vagina thrown your way on a regular basis. Like George Clooney probably has no problem asking people out. But for the rest of us, it’s uncomfortable.

You’ve already clarified that you have no problem talking to strangers or even doing one of the scariest things in the world next to bungee jumping: karaoke. Isn’t asking a pretty young thing out to dinner and possibly maybe getting shot down (but also possibly maybe not) a lot less ridiculous than belting out “Jolene” to a room full of drunks?

I’d rather have some dude laugh in my face than be forced to sing “You Give Love a Bad Name” in front of other humans.

As your luck would have it, most of the women who write me complain that men in Seattle are completely passive and never ask a girl out. They seem more inclined to mumble something about “hanging out sometime” to indicate interest and quickly slink away. So the mere act of walking up to a woman and offering a hey-how-ya-doin’ pushes you miles ahead of your peer group.

Add a little flirty eye contact? A total pantysoaker. Up the ante with a “Hey, wanna get coffee?” Her ankles will be wrapped around her neck. So go get ’em, Tiger. And let me know how it works out. E dategirl@seattleweekly.com WANT MORE? Want more? Listen to Judy on The Mike & Judy Show on the Heritage Radio Network, follow her tweets @DailyDategirl, or visit dategirl.net.

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Rules for acceptance of adult entertainment ads in Seattle Weekly: * Seattle Weekly does not accept ads promoting or soliciting illegal conduct. * It is the responsibility of the advertiser to conform its business activity to applicable law.

* Seattle Weekly requires a valid photo ID from the person placing the ad confirming they are 18 years of age or older as well as a signed photo/model release form. * All first time advertisers must physically come to the SW offices to place their ad so visual comparison to ID can be confirmed.

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

* Seattle Weekly will accept no adult entertainment ads from anyone other than the person being represented in the advertisement.

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S E A T T L E W E E K LY ’ S

Seattle Weekly’s Reverb Music Monthly is the authoritative source for music coming out of and to Seattle. Each issue includes a comprehensive look at upcoming shows and concerts, as well as reviews of every upcoming local release.

Sandwiched in between, our critics, reporters, and columnists such as Duff McKagan (Guns N’ Roses) and John Roderick (The Long Winters) - drill down on the happenings in one of the most vibrant music cities in the country.

Seattle we ekly • Jan u ary 25– 31, 2012

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