Seattle Weekly, July 18, 2012

JULY 18–24, 2012 I VOLUME 37 I NUMBER 29

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DOWNTOWN STEAKHOUSES, THOROUGHLY VETTED PAGE 29 | THE LAST SONG TO HEAR BEFORE YOU DIE PAGE 37

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TWO YOGIS BATTLE OVER THE FATE OF A TRADITION (AND A VERY LARGE PILE OF MONEY).

The Hot YogaWar

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»29

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up front 7

NEWS

11

FEATURE

THE DAILY WEEKLY | The trouble with gribbles; judges get judged; and Phoenix Jones strikes back.

»37 37 MUSIC

37 | EXIT MUSIC | What would you want to hear as you depart?

38 | REVERB | We announce our REVERB Festival lineup! Plus light reading from Duff and Kithkin in the woods.

40 | THE SHORT LIST | Chris Isaak, Florence + the Machine, and more.

BY REBECCA MOSS | You might think

45 | KARAOKE KORRESPONDENT

of yoga as an oasis of Zen serenity and inner peace—unless you get on the wrong side of Bikram Choudhury, who’s suing an ex-student for bringing Bikram’s “hot yoga” method to the masses.

Not quite remembering a great evening.

in back 17 THE WEEKLY WIRE

Bob Saget curses, John Pizzarelli croons, and Cary Grant flees through a cornfield.

18 | STAGE | Intiman is back!

20 | STAGE | The good outweighs the

bad in Gilbert and Sullivan.

21 | EAR SUPPLY | At Benaroya, music once forbidden.

22 | THE FUSSY EYE | Book-carving.

24 FILM

THIS WEEK’S ATTRACTIONS

Other than Batman, Margaret Atwood warns of doom and Freida Pinto falls into a bad romance.

29 FOOD

29 | HAPPY HOURS | Scrutinizing downtown steakhouses for the best deals.

32 | FIRST CALL | Tea-infused gin makes a Rickey a Ricardo.

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news»The Daily Weekly »Dispatches from our news blog

Living on Burrowed Time

Gribbles have put Seattle one earthquake away from disaster.

G

observed at a forum last week. While he was ribbles are destroying Seattle’s reluctant to name names, the latest report seawall. And it’s serious. So serifrom the state body that disciplines judges ous, in fact, that the Seattle City provides some pretty interesting reading.

Council on Monday unanimously Over the last couple of years, the state Comvoted to stick a $290 million bond on the Nov. mission on Judicial Conduct has sanctioned 6 ballot to rebuild the seawall and two cityjudges for patronizing and threatening a prosowned piers. All this, of course, raises the titute (former Pierce County Superior Court question: What the hell is a gribble?

Judge Michael Hecht), doing a hit-and-run First, a bit of wormy context: The seawall while driving under the influence (Judge John has protected Seattle’s waterfront for more than 70 years, according to the city. But major Lyman of Tenino and Tumwater municipal courts) and making wildly inappropriate and parts of it have been eaten away by saltwater even frightening comments (various judges). and marine borers like gribbles, making it For example, Judge John Henry of Garfield vulnerable to earthquakes. Were the seawall County District Court. From a 2010 stipulato fail, “our city’s front porch,” as the city tion that discusses a conversation between puts it, could be severely damaged.

Henry (“respondent”) and a female attorney Sounds scary, right? And it is. But Dr. (“attorney A”): “The Megan Dethier, a topic of camping arose. research professor who Attorney A recalls studies marine intertidal Print is great, but if you want to see . . . that she casually told ecology at the Univerour carefully curated collection of respondent that she did sity of Washington’s ridiculous Mitt Romney memes, you’ll not enjoy camping and Friday Harbor Labohave to check out The Daily Weekly. that he replied, ‘Oh, if I ratories, says gribbles, SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM/DAILYWEEKLY got you stripped naked despite the dangers they in the lake and soaped pose to wood, are actuyou down, you’d like it.’ ” ally “amusing critters.” An isopod crustacean Henry, naturally, “does not recall his comfrom the family Limnoriidae with roughly 56 different species, the gribbles wreaking havoc ment exactly this way,” according to the stipulation, but recognized that he made on Seattle’s seawall eat wood in and around some kind of “incautious” and “sexually sugocean water. Dethier says there are three spegestive” remark. Then later that month, he cies of gribble locally, and the wood-devourtook another female attorney riding on his ing creatures are likely “very prevalent.” motorcycle, parked at a “rural, remote locaRemote relatives of shrimp and crabs, tion,” and, according to the attorney, asked if Dethier points out, gribbles are also related to the run-of-the-mill pill bugs, roly-polies, or he could kiss her. (The judge “does not recall asking that,” according to the document.) potato bugs found under rocks in your yard.

The Commission also admonished King Typically measuring only a few millimeters, County District Court Judge Frank LaSalata gribbles are the creatures responsible for the burrowed holes found in most pieces of drift» Continued on page 9 wood. “They can basically make [wood in or near the water] crumble,” says Dethier. She estimates the time it would take gribbles to devour an untreated piling or pier as “years, not decades.”

Freakier still, Dethier says gribbles can’t be stopped altogether. They can, however, be slowed by wood-preserving agents like creosote. Or engineers can just use a material like concrete.

Despite their ferocious powers, Dethier reports gribbles can’t eat concrete.

“The bottom line is gribbles are serious pests,” says Dethier, “especially for old wood.” And seawalls. Matt Driscoll

& August 8-9

[

Dan Carino

As arbiters of justice, judges are often viewed as beatific creatures, immune from the foibles that plague the rest of us. Wrong!

Judges behave badly too, as King County Bar Association president Richard Mitchell

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news» The Daily Weekly » from page 7 in 2012 for “engaging in discourteous and intolerant behavior” toward an intern serving as a deputy prosecutor. According to the intern and a defense attorney present at the time, the judge threatened to “rip her head off” if she ever interrupted him again.

(LaSalata’s not-so-exculpatory version: He said he would verbally rip her head off.)

The good news? Such findings by the Commission are relatively rare. The Commission sanctioned 13 judges in the past three years, even though it had received hundreds of complaints. Most of those came from people who lost in court and blamed the judge for bias, according to Commission executive director Reiko Callner.

Then again, the Commission may not be hearing from some of the most credible sources. As a recent judicial-candidates forum underscored, judges and lawyers are often reluctant to tattle on their peers. NiNa Shapiro

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156TH

Last time we wrote about self-proclaimed superhero Phoenix Jones, it was when he was wrongfully accused of pocketing money intended for a domestic-violence nonprofit. Now another fundraiser— a campaign to raise $10,000 to make over his costume—has critics questioning his motives.

For the past month or so, Jones has been soliciting donations online to finance the construction of what he’s calling his “super suit.”

His old black-and-gold getup was confiscated (and later returned to him) by Seattle police after an infamous pepper-spray incident last year, and is apparently a little worse for wear.

He wants his new outfit to include all sorts of cutting-edge technology and materials, and as a result it comes with a $10,000 price tag.

Jones, aka mixed martial arts fighter Ben Fodor, writes on his website that he wants to upgrade the “bulletproofing, functionality, and redesign of my current superhero suit.”

He has convinced a company called Nightmare Armor Studios to donate their time and labor (worth $100,000 by Jones’ estimate) assembling the ensemble, but he still needs cash for the raw materials.

His wish list includes a “ballistics shield used by SWAT teams, police officers, and superheroes to shield themselves from bullets, breach houses, and protect citizens caught in crossfire,” which will reportedly be installed within the costume. According to Jones, the cost of this contraption “is in the $80,000 range,” but the manufacturer has agreed to give him a drastic discount.

He also wants a bulletproof face shield and

a high-definition live-streaming camera to broadcast his crime-fighting exploits on the Web in real time. The gadgetry and armor are necessary, Jones claims, because he has had “over 30 bullets shot at him or in his general direction” and “been threatened with murder and stabbed.”

Jones is asking for donations via his Facebook page, and also embedded a PayPal donation button on the website for the Purple Reign Campaign, the nonprofit initiative by his superheroine girlfriend to benefit victims of domestic violence. As of Friday, he had already banked more than $1,600.

The hefty price tag, request for handouts, and Jones’ use of the nonprofit’s website seems outrageous to some of Jones’ superhero peers. A San Diego man who calls himself Urban Avenger penned a blog post last week entitled “Phoenix Jones Sells Snake Oil, Calls It a Supersuit.” It lambastes Jones, calling him “an egocentric glory hound, who really only wants to propel himself further into the limelight.”

Reached by phone last week on his way to Comic-Con in San Diego, Urban Avenger explains that his own costume cost less than $400 to assemble. Avenger says Jones ought to spend his own money on the “super suit” and give the donations to a worthy charity. “What pisses me off about this guy,” Urban Avenger says, “is that he’s entirely focused more on the appearance and the prestige of being whatever it is he wants to call himself.”

Avenger’s takedown of Jones was seconded by others, including filmmaker Matt Harrison. Once a staunch Jones supporter who spent more than a year accompanying Jones on his nightly Belltown patrols for a documentary slated for release later this year, Harrison now says Jones is “manipulative, deceitful, controlling, and ignorant.”

But responding to his critics during a phone interview last week with Seattle Weekly, Jones says the body-armor upgrade is what’s most important to him. “I’ve been getting guns pointed at me way more than I feel comfortable with,” he says. As for the costume controversy, Jones believes it’s the result of jealousy and personal differences.

“It’s literally people don’t like me, and they’re not going to like me, and I just don’t care anymore,” Jones says indignantly. “They don’t agree with my crime-fighting methods, and they could go fuck themselves about that.”

Jones maintains that his suit-fundraising has been completely transparent, and that people know exactly what their money is going toward when they donate. “Even if I’m unethical,” he says, “I couldn’t be unethical publicly because it would ruin being a superhero . . . I don’t know how many times people will accuse me of doing things before they realize that’s not in Jones’ character.” KeegaN hamiltoN E

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Gumucio’s hotter hot yoga until last September, when a Bikram studio in Manhattan was forced to close due to competition from two YTTP studios thriving nearby. That’s when Bikram decided to sue Gumucio for copyright and trademark infringement, unfair business practices, and breach of contract.

Though yoga is a centuries-old tradition, Bikram had copyrighted his particular version under the same protections afforded choreographers. And he had used it to bat down competitors from practicing it without paying franchise fees. But Gumucio proved the greatest threat to his multimillion dollar empire.

Bikram’s lawsuit asserts that Gumucio not only stole his intellectual property, but jeopardized the success of other Bikram studios.

When placed head to head, his studios struggle to compete with Gumucio’s discount pricing and populist practices. And since YTTP teachers are trained by Gumucio, Bikram contends that the entire field has been cheapened by the selling of a lesser product, just as Chinese knockoffs damage the reputation of Louis Vuitton purses.

For Bikram, a man who believes he saves lives through his yoga, any alteration to his method not only devalues his product, but defiles his legacy. He sees his life’s work on grand terms, and having his business undermined by his former protégé isn’t just a legal battle, but a moral one.

“I always forgave my students, like Jesus,” he says. “But I reached a point where I have to protect my regular legal schools.”

Bikram Choudhury.

B

Two yogis battle over the fate of a tradition (and a very large pile of money).

The small, svelte man from Calcutta runs his hands anxiously through thin, wiry hair that falls from a mostly bare crown past his shoulders. Despite his diminutiveness, his presence clearly commands the room. Heads flick in his direction from other tables, eager for proximity to—and attention from—the man they consider their personal guru.

Everyone here practices the Bikram method of yoga, a series of 26 postures and two breath-

ing sequences performed for 90 minutes in a climate-controlled environment of 105 degrees. It’s the only correct way to practice yoga, Bikram insists. Everything else is “shit.”

I have been granted the seat of honor beside him. While everyone else is discussing yoga, we are talking about one of the ugliest lawsuits to occur in this otherwise tranquil world.

“I am going to go to trial to get him punishment, to make him an example, so no one will

R e b e c c a

M o s s

ever have the guts to do that same kind of shit,” says Bikram, a man so synonymous with yoga that people are often surprised to learn he is still living and not a mythical icon.

In September, he sued Greg Gumucio, his former student and right-hand man, for copyright infringement. Gumucio once occupied the chair where I now sit. But for the past several years he’s distanced himself from his former mentor, starting his own chain of competing studios, Yoga to the People (YTTP).

Since 2006, Gumucio has been growing a strong business on the coasts. While a standard Bikram class costs between $15 and $25, Gumucio charges only $8—resulting in a billowing client roster. A total of nearly 1,000 students pass through Gumucio’s four New York City studios each day.

Bikram originally turned a blind eye to

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

I

n a large Chinese banquet hall in Boston, hung with open-mouthed dragons and bulbous red lanterns, the hot yogis have taken over. Seventy Bikram yoga teachers are sprawled among the tables. At the helm of it all, clad in a black silk suit, a rhinestone tie, and a diamond-encrusted Rolex, is one of the world’s most famous yoga instructors, Bikram Choudhury.

B y

courtesy of Bikram choudhury

The Hot Yoga War

ikram moved to Los Angeles in the early 1970s. His first book, published in 1978, preached that his hot-yoga sessions could heal everything from knee injuries to obesity and arthritis. Through the years he appeared on programs like The Tonight Show and 60 Minutes. His message remained the same: Kill yourself for 90 minutes a day, and he would singlehandedly transform your life.

In health-crazed Hollywood, this small man from Calcutta seemed to have the key to the fountain of youth. Over the next four decades, his clients would include three presidents—Nixon, Reagan, and Clinton—in addition to George Harrison, Charlie Sheen, Prince Harry, and Jennifer Aniston.

“Lady Gaga listens to me,” he boasted to a Boston audience this summer. “Her mantra is only one word—Bikram—because Bikram makes her what she is today. It works.” Today, his success has earned him celebrity and the wealth to match. He lives in the Hollywood Hills with his collection of Rolls-Royces, earning an estimated $7 million annually. “I kind of run this city,” he says. “They depend on me.”

It wasn’t until 1994, however, that he began training new teachers en masse in his fabled method. At that point, there were only four Bikram studios in the world, all in the United States, and Bikram was still training teachers one-on-one, the traditional method in India.

But as part of his new approach, he began to school larger and larger numbers of people at a time, eventually working his way up to 400 people in one session. The 10-week courses (which include room and board) haven’t been cheap—today they run $10,900 per student. He was training so many students that, eight years later, he decided to copyright his method. If someone wanted to teach his style of hot yoga, he or she had to sign a

» Continued on page 13 11

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The Hot Yoga War » from PaGe 11 franchise agreement—with the requisite fees kicked back to Bikram.

There are now more than 330 studios in America—600 worldwide—with the greatest concentration in California, where Bikram yoga is offered at 86 separate locations. Over the years, a handful of former students have attempted to set up unaffiliated studios.

Bikram successfully sued a few of them. But none of these insurrections have been as big, painful, or lengthy as his current battle with Gumucio, his former favorite student.

The various suits have sent a palpable chill through the world of hot yoga, considered the field’s largest and fastest-growing segment.

Bikram claims that 35 million Americans practiced his brand of yoga last year alone.

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ike his former mentor, Gumucio has dark, shoulder-length hair, though his flows in luscious waves. Heavy eyebrows and a large Roman nose accent a ruddy, usually unshaven face. If Bikram seems like the energizer bunny, a constant stream of nervous energy, Gumucio is his counterpart, exuding a slow, cavalier confidence.

They first met in Los Angeles in 1996.

Gumucio had quit his job as a radio announcer in Lincoln City, Ore., and moved to L.A., somewhat on a whim. He’d taken only three Bikram classes when his sister convinced him to enroll with her in the teachertraining program.

That first day, he attempted to stand in the half-moon pose: feet together, arms pressed tight overhead, torso stretched to the right.

Ideally, the body curves into an upside-down L shape, which requires the sides of the body to stretch farther than feels humanly possible and leaves one’s abdomen shaking. Yet the novice strained to tilt more than a few inches to the side. As his eyes focused on his posture in the mirror, Gumucio says, Bikram approached him from behind.

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Gumucio says he decided to take matters into his own hands. He signaled to one of the girls that he wanted to take over. “I decided to massage the evil villain in my life,” he recalls, laughing. According to Gumucio, Bikram was impressed.

“From that day forward he was nice to me,” says Gumucio. “But I had to pay a different kind of, you know, penalty. Because then he made me massage him, like, every single day for, like, four hours a day. I would be dripping with sweat all over, just from working on this crazy man.”

All that fawning worked. By the end of Gumucio’s training, the men had formed a close friendship. Six months later, says Gumucio, Bikram trusted him to return to Los Angeles to run his world-headquarters studio and stay in his home while Bikram and his family vacationed in India.

Gumucio had been welcomed into the inner circle of one of the world’s foremost yogis.

“He is a very good disciple at the beginning,” Bikram would later say. “He was my good student.”

Their relationship would remain solid for five years. Gumucio helped with teacher training and speaking engagements. The

men vacationed together and stayed in each other’s homes.

Gumucio would go on to open four studios in Seattle, but none were called “Bikram yoga.” Instead he used generic names like “Yoga Fitness.” (Gumucio is no longer affiliated with active Bikram studios in Bellevue and Kirkland.) The field had yet to see the popularity it has today, and Gumucio believed that greater success could be had by appealing to a wider, more athletic audience than the “New Age, tree-hugging” type Bikram attracted.

Yet their friendship began to strain in 2000.

That’s when Gumucio met John McAfee, a software billionaire-turned-yoga teacher, and visited his Colorado estate. The pair immediately clicked. Soon McAfee was inviting him to teach at a retreat, spending several days in nature practicing yoga in complete silence.

By the time it was over, Gumucio decided he wanted to teach multiple forms of yoga, incorporating McAfee’s Kriya method, which focuses on the spine.

“That’s when things started to go south,” Gumucio says. Bikram felt a sting of betrayal at seeing his protégé take on a new mentor.

» ConTinued on PaGe 15

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“What the hell are you doing here?” the teacher asked quietly.

Gumucio smiled. “Well, I’m here to do your teacher training.”

Their eyes locked in the mirror, Gumucio still struggling to bend his body sideways.

“Good luck,” Bikram said, giving him a look of slight disgust before moving on.

“So for the next eight weeks he literally tried to kill me,” Gumucio says. “I mean, maybe not literally, but he made it, like, uncomfortable, because I think he couldn’t believe this guy with so little training would go to the teacher training.”

To the uninitiated, a Bikram class can seem like a cult. It’s not uncommon to see girls brush the guru’s hair or massage his body as he lectures, as if he were a deity.

One day, while struggling through class,

HEART

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“He made me massage him, like, every single day for, like, four hours a day.

I would be dripping with sweat all over, just from working on this crazy man.”

MON SEPT 10

13

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The Hot Yoga War » from page 13

“I hate that—the ‘We are better people because we do yoga.’

I think that’s dumb.”

The

New York Bikram studio owner Tricia Donegan claims Choudhury is “not copyrighting to make money. He just wants everyone to do his product the right way, because it is the right way.”

The 19 62 World ’s Fair

s

dy nne

Ke

Swing ing Sixtie s

Dr. No

The space race

It’s a gas!

Benefiting

Yet while philosophy remains the outer crust of the dispute between Bikram and Gumucio, at heart it’s a battle over money.

Lots and lots of money. The industry is growing so fast, it’s expected to reach $8.3 billion in sales by 2016.

With that much at stake, it was only a matter of time until the lawyers showed up.

P

ractitioners describe hot yoga as if it were as powerful—and addictive—as any drug. First-timers enter a studio with empty stomachs (if they are smart), but nothing prepares them for the wave of 105-degree heat that refuses to subside.

Anxiety begins to gather in their chests well before the first water break at the 20-minute mark. By the sixth of 26 poses—as they try to balance on one leg while pulling the other leg into a standing split—black spots start to pop before their eyes. At the end of the class, students are left flat on their backs catching their breath, hair matted and clothes soaked.

Outsiders might consider it a torture only a fool would choose to endure. But for true believers, something euphoric is delivered: They feel amazing.

Yet the Bikram/Gumucio feud has caused a nationwide divide, dividing the country’s yoga practitioners into two schools of thought. Much like warring religious sects, they practice almost exactly the same form of yoga, but speak slightly different dialects.

In the end, it’s not a battle over questions great and eternal, but over the interests of two charismatic leaders whose followers are forced to choose sides.

Many Bikram students feel profound respect and admiration for their yogi. And they invoke the yoga code: the belief that followers must respect the lineage and leader of the specific style of yoga they practice. Without properly trained teachers, students won’t get the proper benefits. And if the Bikram method is allowed to be diluted, a great tradition will be lost.

“I just know I wouldn’t be able to do that,” Tricia Donegan says of Gumucio’s discount studios. She owns a Bikram studio in New York

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“Yoga studios make pretty damn good money,” says Gumucio. “What I did with the $8 yoga, you just get more people . . . So it’s math. The price point is lower, so we get a bigger volume.”

But it wasn’t just the pricing that allowed Gumucio to gain so much ground on his mentor. If Bikram’s theory was based on rigidity and obedience to an ultimate authority figure, Gumucio took the opposite approach, branding his studios with an everyman’s populism.

His mission statement: “There will be no right answers. No glorified teachers. No ego, no script, no pedestals. No ‘You’re not good enough or rich enough.’ This yoga is for everyone.”

“Yogis can be very elitist and give you attitude at the front desk when you walk in,” says Ted Caine, who has taught at YTTP for four years. “I hate that—the ‘We are better people because we do yoga.’ I think that’s dumb.”

beehiv

Mod Men

Sara KerenS

“He said, ‘You cannot be a fucking prostitute.

You cannot have your feet in two holes.’ ” At the same time, other students had begun to rebel against Bikram. They formed Open Source Yoga Unity (OSYU) “to get out from under his brain,” says Gumucio.

For a $500 membership fee, hot-yoga teachers could join OSYU anonymously, in the process gaining an advocate who would help them “teach yoga freely.”

In 2005, the group sued Bikram for sending its members cease-and-desist letters, only to lose the case. Though the settlement remains confidential, California U.S. District Judge Phyllis Hamilton granted Bikram a summary judgment, agreeing that OSYU had violated his copyright.

(OSYU declined comment for this story.)

Gumucio was invited to join OSYU, but passed. His life had once again taken a new turn. When his girlfriend got a job in New York, he sold his Seattle studios and followed her east to start a family. He also severed his relationship with Bikram.

Gumucio removed himself from the yoga world until 2006, when he rented a small space in Manhattan and began teaching a donation-based class each Sunday. His role model at the time was Bryan Kest, who’d launched donation-based power-yoga studios in Santa Monica, Calif., and who believes in making yoga accessible to everyone.

Gumucio’s first class had just 10 students.

By the third Sunday, so many people showed up they couldn’t all fit in one room. Yoga to the People was born. Over the next six years, Gumucio opened five studios in New York, and expanded to Seattle (at 4511 Roosevelt Way N.E. in the U District), San Francisco, and Berkeley.

15

The Hot Yoga War » from page 15 and is best known as Lady Gaga’s instructor. “I wouldn’t be able to pay the teacher the standard I want, pay for the heat system, the amenities, the shower, the space, the rent—keeping it the way it should be so the studio is not completely packed and crowded . . . If he [Gumucio] makes it more affordable to people who can’t afford it, I am all for that. If it starts to bring down the value of a yoga studio . . . then I think it becomes a problem.”

To Donegan, this isn’t a fight over money or market supremacy. It’s a moral fray, a clear contest between right and wrong. “He’s not a businessman,” she says of Bikram. “He’s a terrible businessman. He’s not copyrighting to make money. He just wants everyone to

do his product the right way, because it is the right way.”

This is the legacy Bikram hoped to protect by suing Gumucio. But as he has brought his foe’s business practices into the limelight, his own are being scrutinized more than ever. For the past nine months, the validity of Bikram’s copyright has been called into question repeatedly, most recently by the U.S. Copyright Office itself.

While the various yoga practices belong to the long tradition of Indian culture, the specific arrangement of these poses can be uniquely organized, and thus potentially owned by an individual—or so it was previously thought. But on June 22, the Copyright Office seemed to reverse itself. Deputy General Counsel Robert Kasunic issued a clarification, declaring that if yoga postures

improve health, they cannot be copyrighted.

He added that any prior yoga copyrights were “issued in error.”

The announcement threw the dispute into the air. Now the question isn’t just whether Gumucio violated a copyright, but whether Bikram’s copyright is valid at all.

This would appear to leave Bikram on thin ice. The healing of ailments has always been his primary selling point. Or at least that’s how Gumucio sees it. “Not only does this get me out of my legal mess, but it critically and unequivocally says yoga cannot be copyrighted,” he says.

Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple.

Nothing to do with the federal government ever is. While Kasunic admits that Bikram’s copyright was likely issued in error and that no new copyrights will be issued to yoga,

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

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he also says his office has no plans to reevaluate the ones already issued. In other words, it’s a quintessential government mea culpa: Yes, we probably messed up. But you don’t expect us to actually do anything about it, do you?

Instead, Bikram and Gumucio will have to wait for a judge to settle their war when the case goes to trial in Los Angeles some time next year.

T

o most of the country, the yoga war may be nothing more than another mercantile fight between two titans wrestling over the spoils of their industry. Yet back at the banquet hall in Boston, Bikram frames Gumucio as a villain on par with the all-time greats.

“If you have a sick body, a screw-loose brain, you will only be surviving—that will be a man like Greg, Hitler, or Osama Bin Laden,” he says between bites of plump scallops.

Bikram now claims “zero feeling” for his old disciple, and believes that the American courts will eventually decide that rectitude is at his side, where it rightfully belongs. “You cannot steal somebody’s intellectual property. Law and justice protect,” Bikram says, leaning close to be heard amid the roar of conversation, his small brown eyes red with exhaustion. “Because I’m a sweet, kind guy, everybody think I’m an idiot, I’m weak. Now I have to protect my franchising. If I don’t, nobody will buy my franchising anymore.”

Suddenly a butter knife chimes against a wine glass, signaling for quiet. It comes from one of Bikram’s close friends, who is standing with his arm around the guru’s wife, Rajashree. “Today is Bikram and Rajashree’s 23rd wedding anniversary,” the man announces proudly as the room erupts in applause.

“If you have a sick body, a screw-loose brain, you will only be surviving—that will be a man like Greg, Hitler, or Osama Bin Laden.”

“Oh, I forgot! Shit!” Bikram exclaims as a large mango cake is wheeled to the center of the room. “I forgot completely! Shit! Why you didn’t remind me? Shit! You keep me too busy!”

The yogis sing “Happy anniversary” to the tune of “Happy Birthday to You.” Then Bikram announces that far from forgetting the occasion, he has bought his wife one of the world’s most expensive cars, an $800,000 Rolls-Royce convertible.

Bikram seems to inflate with energy as he addresses his followers. “You work hard to make me famous,” he says. “Something I did right all over the globe.”

“Brainwashing!” someone calls out.

Bikram laughs. “Nobody in the world ever did this,” he continues. “Nobody built a family like this.”

A family—with all the usual exclusions and estrangements.

When he returns to the table, Bikram turns to me. “Greg Gumucio, he’s finished,” he says.

“He’s ass in the grass.” E news@seattleweekly.com

the»weekly»wire thurs/7/19

Saget embraces his inner grump.

COMEDY

Outlasting the House

STAGE

No Shelter From the Storm

A Big Leap

emotional boundaries are breached in each of the four Pinter classics being performed.

Two frustrated hoods-for-hire wait out a dubious job in the cramped room of The Dumb Waiter; waxing nostalgic turns into a battle at a farmhouse near the sea in

*

Abandoned at a young age by his Egyptian father, Khosi Saqr is stigmatized by his name while growing up in the polluted and provincial old mining town of Butte, Montana.

Apart from a trip to Seattle, he’s never left. In his mid-20s, he’s OCD, works in a museum, and tends to his mentally unstable mother.

Escape is one big imperative of the novel Evel Knievel Days (Crown, $24), named for the festival honoring Butte’s most famous son.

But Khosi’s other project is recovery—to find his father in the squalid heat of Cairo and, by extension, rewrite the script of his complicated family history. While that quest isn’t autobiographical, writer Pauls Toutonghi also has an Egyptian father, though he grew up in Lake City and graduated from Garfield before moving east for college and a Ph.D.

Fresh Partnerships

For all the derivative tendencies in pop music today, you’d think the kids would have picked up on the most important trait of the old school: to be entertaining! Those interested in a primer on how to give a gin-sipping audience every penny’s worth of their cover charge have two nights to get schooled.

John Pizzarelli’s quartet exists to give the audience—not the artist’s ego—what it wants, and that’s fresh interpretations of familiar tunes. Backed by his brother Martin on bass, pianist Larry Fuller, and drummer Tony Tedesco, the guitarist and crooner has made pop/jazz mashups the subject of his latest album, Double Exposure. In pairings like the Beatles’ “I Feel Fine” and Lee Morgan’s “The Sidewinder,” or Tom Waits’ “Drunk on the Moon” and Billy Strayhorn’s “Lush Life,” Pizzarelli renders standards with a swing entirely his own. Dimitriou’s Jazz Alley, 2033 Sixth Ave., 441-9729, jazzalley.com. $26.50.

7:30 p.m. (repeats Wed.) CHRIS KORNELIS

WED: FILM

Travels With Cary

Alfred Hitchcock’s wonderful 1959 chase movie North by Northwest is one of his absolute best, an

espionage romp for the ages. Criss-crossing the country from cornfield to Mount Rushmore, Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint embody every sly, sexy nuance of Ernest’s Lehman’s excellent script. Sample dialogue exchange: Grant—“When I was a little boy, I wouldn’t even let my mother undress me.” Saint—“Well, you’re a big boy now.” So cool. So hot. Then, beyond the famous crop-duster sequence, there’s that priceless final train shot, still guaranteed to raise a hoot. The film plays as part of the Wednesday-night Summer Classics Series, projected scratch-free from digital prints, which concludes next week with Cabaret. Sundance Cinemas, 4500 Ninth Ave. N.E,, 633-0059, sundancecinemas.com. $8–$10.50. Call for showtimes. BRIAN MILLER

MGM

Although it was the loaded brevity of his dialogue and the weight of the in-between silences for which playwright Harold Pinter (1930–2008) is arguably best known, his biographer Michael Billington notes a more interesting thread you can follow through ACT’s Pinter Festival: “There is no such thing as a harmless sanctuary.” Physical and

mon/7/23

MUSIC

tues/7/24

Grant on the run in North by Northwest.

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

fri/7/20

(he now teaches at Lewis & Clark College in Portland). Toutonghi gives his smart, selfaware hero a host of neuroses, but also some unexpected resources. Among them is the ghost of Khosi’s great-grandfather, an advicedispensing copper baron ( just imagine Sam Elliott in The Big Lebowski). A generous and generally comic novel, Evel Knievel Days even contains a few recipes, but it’s mainly concerned with family and place. Far from Butte, Khosi realizes, “Inhabiting a place doesn’t require being in that place. It lives in you long after you leave it.” Elliott Bay Book Co., 1521 10th Ave., 624-6600, elliottbaybook. com. Free. 7 p.m. BRIAN MILLER

BOOKS

ROBERT SEBREE

Consider all the things that have happened in the world since Full House ended its eight-year run in 1995: Princess Di died, a black man was elected president, and Seattle finally made a decision on the viaduct.

And since then, how much have we heard from those identical Olsen sisters? Not very much. Yet Bob Saget has not only endured, he’s thrived. He’s mocked his nice-guy persona on Entourage, talked dirty in The Aristocrats, and done HBO specials. Even if he never received the Seinfeldian acclaim (or paycheck) of a true sitcom hit, Saget’s been a working comic for more than 30 years, and his durability stems in part from his regular-guyness and lack of a gimmick. No funny voices, no props, no reliance on politics. He’s just Saget being Saget—now middle-aged, divorced, and a bit curmudgeonly. His Full House fame is part of his routine and even the basis for a song, a little ditty called “Danny Tanner Was Not Gay.” The show gives him a ready punch line and an excuse for his constant cussing: “I did so much family television that I have Tourette’s now.” The Moore, 1932 Second Ave., 877-784-4849, stgpresents.org. $30.

7 & 9:30 p.m. T. BONILLA

Old Times; the manor house in No Man’s Land becomes a kind of oblivion; and Celebration, Pinter’s last play, makes a swank restaurant nobody’s idea of a good night out. The fest, however, looks to be just the opposite, with evenings enlivened by many of the best actors ever to tread Seattle stages (including Frank Corrado, Peter Crook, and Anne Allgood), as well as directors who’ll know what to do with them (for example, Victor Pappas, who helms Old Times, was the man behind Intiman’s luscious staging of Pinter’s Betrayal many seasons ago). Film screenings and rare short works round out the fest, which begins tonight with previews of The Dumb Waiter and Celebration. (Through Aug. 26.) ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676, acttheatre. org. $5–$55. 8 p.m. STEVE WIECKING

17

arts»Stage »REVIEW

Under the Knife

Intiman’s short summer season is a success— and perhaps a harbinger of its slimmed-down future.

CHRIS BENNION

BY MARGARET FRIEDMAN

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

T

18

raveling back east this spring, whenever I mentioned living in Seattle, theater folk would ask in a funereal tone, “So how’s Intiman?” The 40-year-old theater’s closure last year, owing to overspending and lax board oversight, was a national story, covered in The New York Times. A year later, Bart Sher is safely ensconced at Lincoln Center; his hand-picked, short-lived successor, Kate Whoriskey, is also back in New York; and young Andrew Russell is now running the show. Aided by consultant Susan Trapnell, who saved ACT from a similar situation in 2003, his big gamble is the Intiman Theatre Festival—one new play and three old, performed by the same stock company. The stakes are high, since the fest depends on ticket sales, not subscribers. And if theatergoers don’t bite, the old World’s Fair building could become just another trinket shop at Seattle Center—perhaps an outlet mall for cracked Chihulys.

But having seen three of the four plays last week, I am here to tell you: Intiman is back! The patient is not only alive, but sentient, coherent, and engaging. Dirty Story and Romeo and Juliet I loved. Hedda Gabler felt tedious, but still has interesting aspects worth seeing. (Sorry, Dan Savage, but I didn’t have time for your Miracle!) The pleasure here is a company of artists working together intimately in several shows, so we get to enjoy their mastery in multiple roles. One night you have the absurdly talented Quinn Franzen as a fat American cowboy in Dirty Story; the next, he’s the lovelorn swain of Verona.

For Romeo and Hedda, designer Jennifer Zeyl transforms the mainstage into utterly

Yeeh-haw! Franzen (left) and Fitzpatrick in the allegorical Dirty Story.

distinct universes. The action is thrust into the foreground in Romeo, emphasizing the overpopulated, favela-like world director Allison Narver conceives for Shakespeare’s tragic love story. The cast is hemmed by a claustrophobic backdrop of corrugated metal stall-fronts. Every element of Narver’s interpretation serves that hyper-fertile world—from animalistic, Mardi Gras-like

Intiman is back!

The patient is not only alive, but sentient, coherent, and engaging. masked revels to interchangeably partisan photo memorials of the dead (whose images are likewise echoed as emblems on costumer Deb Trout’s gangsta whites). Come back later, and the set becomes a deep, vacuous dream-space for Hedda, hung with brass chandeliers and gossamer curtains, conjuring a vision of beauty in ruin.

The two plays’ emotional worlds are just as different. Where Romeo’s teeming cauldron of life squashes characters into urgent situations that plausibly reflect an urbanizing planet, the static vacancy of Hedda’s Norwegian mansion dissipates any humanity inside it, no matter what Ibsen wrote. Director Russell forces his players

into urgency, which can be strident and hollow. To represent the bourgeoisie’s spiritual bankruptcy, he offers an aptly superficial style (e.g., Erik Andor’s trendy high-fashion outfits), but that’s a quick, easy point to score. Only Hedda (Marya Sea Kaminski) is exempt from the sartorial slavery that binds the others, and she wears odd outfits—like high green platform shoes with grape tights—that presage her departure from society. Kaminski boldly externalizes Hedda’s brewing revolution. We watch her become physically possessed by demonic forces—fingering the furniture near the outset and finally performing an anguished interpretive dance. Still, this Hedda drags and leaves you feeling hungry. It lacks the current relevance Narver has found for her Romeo.

It’s fun to watch Kaminski morph from Hedda’s vicious vixen to Juliet’s nurse, a role that showcases her knack for no-holdsbarred comedy. Splay-footed, black-toothed, hunched and saucy, she conveys heaps of character in such quick gestures as kissing her own fingers then pawing the air, as though finger-painting her love on Juliet.

It’s gross, hilarious, and authentic. Übertalented Michael Place also straddles the two plays, but whereas his astonishing Mercutio dazzles like a firefly on speed, barely burdened by a body as he scales poles, prances, flits, and cavorts through the Queen Mab speech, his dissolute genius Lovborg

Kaminski’s heroine starts a revolution in Hedda Gabler.

in Hedda is unremarkably solid. One of the treats of repertory is seeing the same actors raise and lower their respective talents to fit the roles of the moment. Unfortunately Fawn Ledesma’s Juliet is as shallow as her ingénue in Hedda, but thespian polymath Franzen’s Romeo easily picks up the slack.

INTIMAN THEATRE FESTIVAL Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St. (Seattle Center), 800-982-2787, intiman.org. $30. Runs Tues.–Sun. through Aug. 26.

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

CHRIS BENNION

John Patrick Shanley’s 2003 political comedy Dirty Story needs less doctoring to be contemporary, so director Valerie CurtisNewton hews closely to the ingenious original script. I shouldn’t say too much about what it’s about, because it’s so scrumptious to discover en route. (Suffice it to say that not one detail is random, however absurd each scene’s setup may initially seem.) As the couple from geopolitical Hell, Brutus and Wanda (Shawn Law and Carol Roscoe) convey all the right nuances: He bitter, impotent, and dangerous; she sycophantic, neurotic, and tyrannical. Zeyl cages Brutus in a bare-studs apartment that becomes ever more cramped. Amplifying the razor-sharp allegory are Franzen and Allen Fitzpatrick as American and British caricatures, respectively; each has a stake in the domestic quarrel, for reasons gradually guessed. This two-act is so hilarious, I’m going back to see it again.

Is the festival flawless? No. To its credit, it takes risks, albeit smarter ones than Intiman did in its 2010–11 season. (Then, the success of Ruined and A Doctor in Spite of Himself was offset by the uninspired flops The Thin Place and The Scarlet Letter.) Most of the current risks pay off. As for those that don’t, they fail in mostly interesting ways—which is what we ask of theater. If enough tickets are sold this summer, another festival is planned for 2013. Whether Intiman will return to a traditional season is unknown.

Does Seattle need three full-season theater companies? Can they be supported? Unlike 1972, when Margaret Booker founded her itinerant company, and unlike 1987, when it finally found a home at Seattle Center, Intiman isn’t competing with only the Rep and ACT. Today there’s the Internet, cable, video games, and a thousand other excuses not to leave home. In which sense, the festival’s pay-as-you-go, flat-fee scheme is a necessary wake-up. It’s a move away from the traditional subscriber model—which, like a gym membership, puts the same price on fitness and couch potato-dom.

Whether you go or not, the gym/theater just keeps billing your credit card.

Intiman is now asking you to exercise your theatergoing muscles more directly. Those who like a challenge may respond to the first rep by adding a second, third, or even fourth during the festival. Afterward, a leaner theater and a more intellectually buff audience are likely to result from this summer’s crash diet. E�

19

arts»Stage »REVIEW

Peerless

Skewering the 1 percent, tunefully.

PATRICK ANDRÉ

BY GAVIN BORCHERT

Ross with fairies Annette Dennis (center) and Miranda Troutt.

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

A

20

t the Saturday matinee of Iolanthe, I finally filled my punch card— I’ve now seen the Seattle Gilbert and Sullivan Society’s productions of all 13 G&S operettas. The Society does them in more or less regular rotation, hitting the popular The Mikado and HMS Pinafore slightly oftener. (My guess is The Yeomen of the Guard should be up next summer.) Their Iolanthe is typical of their considerable strengths and slightly-more-than-niggling weaknesses.

In the former column: a fine company of regulars—Dave Ross, William J. Darkow, Alyce Rogers, John Brookes; an endless supply, it seems, of charming sopranos for the ingenue roles (this time, Hayley Gaarde); a set designer, Nathan Rodda, who always provides for pretty stage pictures out of what must be a severely limited budget (one word: bridges); a costume designer, Candace Frank, who does the same (Rogers, as the Fairy Queen, looked like a cross between a Valkyrie and a marshmallow sundae); and best of all, a deep love for these operettas as G&S left them, giving them bright and imaginative but never self-consciously updated stagings. You get the impression they’d rather lose a limb than cut a line of dialogue or a bar of music.

In the other column: occasional pacing and diction issues and some dicey goings-on in the pit. Which, however, didn’t seriously compromise the delights of Sullivan’s score.

In Iolanthe, Gilbert took pure fantasy and X-Acto-knife political satire and set them to collide head-on, sending a fairy—well, half a fairy, the shepherd Strephon (Brookes)—into Parliament to wreak havoc. But the climax turns from farce to pathos when Strephon’s miscegenating parents finally reunite: Rachel Brinn, as the title character, gets one of Sullivan’s most heartrending arias, and Ross, as the periwigged Lord Chancellor, shows he can handle drama as expertly as comedy. E IOLANTHE Seattle Repertory Theatre, Seattle Center, 800-838-3006, pattersong.org. $16–$40. 7:30 p.m.

Fri., 2 & 7:30 p.m. Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends July 28.

arts»Performance

OPENINGS

BELLY NIGHT FEVER Belly dance meets disco, cour-

tesy of Fleurs d’Egypte. Can Can, 94 Pike St., 652-0832, thecancan.com. $10–$15. 7:30 p.m. Thurs., July 19.

CAT PACK This improv variety show stars “four swingin’ cats and one lovely kitten.” The Rogue & Peasant, 3601 Fremont Ave. N. #207, unexpectedproductions.org.

Free. 9:15 p.m. Wed., July 25.

DEMONIC PHENOMENA Blood Squad and Balagan Theatre collaborate on a trilogy (over three Saturdays) of improvised tales in the vein of Paranormal Activity.

Balagan Theatre, 1117 E. Pike St., 800-838-3006, balagantheatre.org. $10/$25 for all three. Opens July 21.

11 p.m. Sat. Ends Aug. 4.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM You can do just

TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE

SEATTLE WEEKLY

IPHONE/ANDROID APP FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT

seattleweekly.com

• PINTER FESTIVAL SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 17.

• BOB SAGET SEE THE

WIRE, PAGE 17.

evening will benefit the newly formed Puerto Vallarta Men’s Chorus, the very first gay-men’s chorus in Latin America. Egan’s Ballard Jam House, 1707 N.W. Market St., 800-838-3006, dragchanteuse.com. $20 + two-drink min. Sat., July 21, 7 & 9 p.m.

CURRENT RUNS

ACCIDENTAL DEATH OF AN ANARCHIST Dario

Fo’s madcap political satire. Erickson Theatre Off Broadway, 1524 Harvard Ave., 800-838-3006, strawshop. org. $15–$30. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sun. Ends Aug. 4.

ASSASSINS Village Theatre’s KIDSTAGE program presents Sondheim’s cult-favorite musical. Village Theatre, 303 Front St. N., Issaquah, 425-392-2202, villagetheatre.org. $16–$18. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun., plus 11 p.m. Fri., July 20. Ends July 22.

SALLY AND THOR SAVE THE WORLD (AT SUMMER CAMP) Balagan throws myths and fairy

tales into a blender in their new family show. Free.

Plays weekends at 2 p.m. at various area parks; see balagantheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends Aug. 11.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC The Von Trapps escape the Nazis. (Barely!) Youth Theatre Northwest, 8805 S.E. 40th St., Mercer Island, 232-4145 x100, youththeatre.org. $13–$17. 7 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends July 29.

SUDDENLY LAST SUMMER Lobotomies, the closet, and cannibalism are only a few of the plot points in Tennessee Williams’ notoriously overheated drama.

Presented by Theatre 9/12. 8 p.m. Trinity Episcopal Church, 609 Eighth Ave., 332-7908, theatre912.com.

Pay-what-you-can. Fri.-Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends July 28.

TEATRO ZINZANNI: GANGSTERS OF LOVE Improv cutup Frank Ferrante is back as Caesar; Dietrich-like beauty Dreya Weber plays his long-lost amore Myrna.

EarSupply

More than a month of plays, readings, films, discussions, and celebrations of the influential and outspoken British writer.

DASSDANCE Daniel Wilkins’ new work, Untitled, 1982,

takes inspiration from NYC’s ‘80s art scene: Basquiat, Haring, and others. Washington Hall, 153 14th Ave., 800838-3006, dassdance.org. $10–$15. 8 p.m. Fri., July 20.

Classical, Etc.

ICICLE CREEK CHAMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL 8 p.m.

concerts in Canyon Wren Recital Hall. July 18 The Avalon String Quartet plays two late Beethovens in contrasting moods. July 20 Music for clarinet: the Mozart quintet and Betty Olivero’s klezmer-flavored Der Golem.

July 21 A Bach cello suite, a Brahms clarinet sonata, and Taneyev’s Piano Quintet. Icicle Creek Music Center, Leavenworth, Wash., 509-548-6347, icicle.org. $8–$20.

METROPOLITAN OPERA AT THE MOVIES Encore broadcasts of the past season’s best shows. On July 18, Anna Netrebko goes nuts beautifully in the title role of Lucia di Lammermoor. On July 25, Renée Fleming, Susan Graham, and Christine Schäfer are the three sopranos in Strauss’ Der Rosenkavalier. See fathomevents.com for participating theaters. 6:30 p.m.

SEATTLE CHAMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL Twelve recital/concert pairings (at 7 and 8 p.m.), plus special events. See seattlechambermusic.org for full schedule.

July 18 Recital: Adam Neiman plays works by Faure and himself. Concert: Taneyev, Beethoven, Ravel, and John Adams’ rambunctious Hallelujah Junction for two pianos.

July 20 SEE EAR SUPPLY BELOW. July 21, 11 a.m.

The annual Family Concert includes Peter Schickele’s The Emperor’s New Clothes. July 22 Recital: Haydn, Mozart, and Schumann for piano. Concert: Schubert, Brahms, and Walton’s Piano Quartet. July 25, 7 p.m. a free concert (Dvorak and Tchaikovsky) in Volunteer Park.

Benaroya Recital Hall, Third Ave. and Union St. $15–$45.

SEATTLE PIANO INSTITUTE Two weeks of master classes, recitals, and more led by UW faculty pianists Robin McCabe and Craig Sheppard. See music. washington.edu/pianoinstitute for exact schedule.

Showcase recitals: Students perform at 2 p.m. Sat., July 21. Master classes: Christopher O’Riley is the guest faculty pianist, 10 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. Wed., July 18. Free and open to the public. Brechemin Auditorium, School of Music, UW campus.

BURN LIST & METRILODIC Two local all-star improv ensembles. Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N., 789-1939, waywardmusic.blogspot.com. $5–$15.

8 p.m. Fri., July 20.

IOLANTHE SEE REVIEW, PAGE 20.

JEN BOYD & SUSIE KOZAWA Boyd, Cali-based, transforms found sounds; Kozawa, local, explores found soundmakers (toys, famously). Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N., 789-1939, wayward music.blogspot.com. $5–$15. 8 p.m. Sat., July 21.

OLYMPIC MUSIC FESTIVAL Chamber music each weekend (2 p.m. Sat. & Sun.) through Sept. 2. This weekend, strings only: Wolf, Beethoven, Brahms. Olympic Music Festival, Center Road, Quilcene, 360-732-4800, olympicmusicfestival.org. $14–$20 lawn, $18–$30 barn.

TUDOR CHOIR Tallis Scholars director Peter Phillips conducts Spanish and Flemish renaissance music.

St. James Cathedral, 804 Ninth Ave., tudorchoir.org. $25. 8 p.m. Sun., July 22.

EASTSIDE SINGS Informal readings of choral masterworks. This week, Brahms’ German Requiem. First Presbyterian Church of Bellevue, 1717 Bellevue Way N.E., Bellevue, 425-881-0445, kirklandchoralsociety.org. $7. 7 p.m. Tues. July 24.

IL DIVO Like the Three Tenors and N’Sync somehow interbred. The Paramount, 911 Pine St., 1-877-784-4849, stgpresents.com. $55.75–$125.75. 8 p.m. Tues., July 24.

© John Ulman

© John Ulman

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© Chris Bennion

Construction Zone July 30

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Send events to stage@seattleweekly.com, dance@seattleweekly.com, or classical@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings. = Recommended

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© John Ulman

A new play reading series.

July’s reading is A Year Without Summer written and directed by Steven Dietz.

99 Layoffs August 2 – 25

Radial Theater Project presents this new romantic comedy by Vincent Delaney about love in the time of pink slips.

© John Ulman

Icicle Creek Theatre Fest August 21 – 22

Seven Spots on The Sun

by Martin Zimmerman and My Before and After by Michael Louis Serafin-Wells.

Uncle Ho to Uncle Sam Sept 7 – Oct 7

A beautiful and powerful story about becoming a man and becoming an American. © LaRae Lobdell

See it all with an ACTPass! acttheatre.org | (206) 292-7676 700 Union Street, Downtown Seattle

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

Shock of the New/Old

COURTESY OF THE COMPOSER

polyphony, diatonic melodies, simple eight-bar phrases, [and] melody-with-accompaniment » by gavin borchert texture.” This approach was born of Kulesha’s coming-of-musical-age in a contentious time. He includes devices “that we were all taught to avoid like the plague when we were students in the 1960s,” he says. “I believe that, in “I had a vision for an ‘aerial’ the 21st century, ‘modern’ means work,” says composer Gary the ability to choose clarity and Kulesha of his Piano Quartet simplicity, as well as complexity the Seattle Chamber Music and angularity, if the expressive Society is premiering on Friday; situation warrants it.” During “I wanted the work to soar.”

Friday’s preconcert recital at To make it do so, Kulesha cast 7 p.m., Kulesha and the four his Quartet in the standard four musicians—Amy Schwartz movements, just like the Debussy Kulesha: doing what Moretti, violin; Marcus his professors told and Dvorak works which Thompson, viola; the Seattle him not to. sandwich it on the program: an Symphony’s Efe Baltacigil, cello; opening sonata-allegro, a slow Orion Weiss, piano—will talk “Meditation,” a triple-time scherzo, and a rondo us through a preview of the work. The premiere finale. But within this sturdy frame, Kulesha will be the centerpiece of the 8 p.m. concert.

Benaroya Recital Hall, Third Avenue and embedded musical ideas and devices from all Union Street, 283-8808, seattlechambermusic. over the spectrum: microtones, tone clusters, org. $15–$45. 7 & 8 p.m. Fri., July 20. jazz-flavored seventh chords, and “dense

Dance

Old Times

SUMMER FEVER WITH ARNALDO! The fabulous drag chanteuse’s cabaret

Now – Aug 26

No Man’s Land

SCAN

T H I S CO D E

about anything you want with Shakespeare’s fantasy, and Seattle Public Theater’s summer youth program is going Irish with it—i.e., using the pagan/Christian clash as a subtext. Seattle Public Theater at the Bathhouse, 7312 W. Green Lake Ave. N., 524-1300, seattlepublic theater.org. Donation. 7 p.m.

Fri., July 20, 2 & 7 p.m. Sat., July 21, 2 p.m. Sun., July 22.

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Music is provided by Francine Reed and Orchestra DeVille. And if the menu doesn’t delight, think of the food premium as protection money: We pay that price to let the show go on. MARGARET FRIEDMAN Teatro ZinZanni, 222 Mercer St., 802-0015. $106 and up. Runs through Sept. 30; see zinzanni.org for exact schedule.

WOODEN O Seattle Shakes presents Twelfth Night and The Winter’s Tale in repertory through Aug. 12. Free performances Wed.–Sun. in several area parks; see seattleshakespeare.org for exact schedule.

ZOMBIE TOWN Zombie-attack survivors tell their stories in this improv comedy. Wing-It Productions, 5510 University Way N.E., 781-3879, wingitpresents.com. $10–$14. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Fri. Ends July 20.

The Dumb Waiter

Stage

heavy-metal band Smooth Sailing collaborated on this “story of despair, violence, and redemption” set in a child-labor sweatshop. Boom! Theater, 429 Fairview Ave. 800-838-3006, bloodensemble.blogspot.com. $10.

8 & 10 p.m. Fri.–Sat. Ends July 28.

CHAPS! Brits play singing cowboys for a BBC broadcast in this 1944-set musical. Taproot Theatre, 204 N. 85th St., 781-9707, taproottheatre.org. $15–$37. 7:30 p.m.

Wed.–Thurs., 8 p.m. Fri., 2 & 8 p.m. Sat. Ends August 11.

GREENSTAGE The Taming of the Shrew and Henry VIII in repertory through Aug. 18. Free, Thurs.–Sun. in area parks; see greenstage.org for exact schedule.

HANSEL AND GRETEL Sally Gander’s British panto-style version. Volunteer Park, 1247 15th Ave. E., 324-5801, schmeater.org. Free. 5 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Aug. 5.

INTIMAN THEATRE FESTIVAL SEE REVIEW, PAGE 18.

NINE LIVES Improv troupe Fat Kid Magic takes on nine stories in an evening. Market Theatre, 1428 Post Alley, 587-2414, unexpectedproductions.org. $15. 8:30 p.m.

Thurs. Ends July 19.

PARALLEL LIVES Kathy Najimy and Mo Gaffney’s comic two-hander. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave., 800-838-3006, schmeater.org. $15–$23. 8 p.m. Fri.–Sat. Ends Aug. 11.

PORKTACULAR! The Pork Filled Players’ latest sketchcomedy show. The Ballard Underground, 2220 N.W. Market St., 800-838-3006, porkfilled.com. 8 p.m. Fri.–Sat. Ends July 28.

PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES Bellevue Civic Theatre celebrates roadside America in this diner-set musical.

Meydenbauer Center, 11100 N.E. Sixth St., Bellevue, 425-235-5087, bellevuecivic.org. $30. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.

8 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends July 21.

REPRESENT! Readings of new plays by Rose Cano, Tulika Kumar, Kimber Lee, and Dominique Morisseau.

See acttheatre.org for schedule. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676. $5 single tickets, $15 pass. 7:30 p.m. Wed., July 18–Sat., July 21; 1, 3, 5:30 & 7:30 p.m. Sun., July 22.

Celebration

BLOOD/SAILING Theater company Blood Ensemble and

BY GAVIN BORCHERT

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Openings & Events COMMENTARIES: ARTISTS RESPOND TO THE LAND

This group show features Michael Brophy, Kimberly Clark, Steve Davis Tamblyn Gawley, Philip Govedare, Paul Havas, Eirik Johnson, Zhi Lin, Laura McPhee Helen O’Toole, Glenn Rudolph, and Ren Sun. Opening reception 2–4 p.m. Sat., July 21. Prographica, 3419 E. Denny Way, prographicadrawings.com. Opens July 21. Wed.–Sat., 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Through Sept. 1.

ALAN LAU He shows large, swirling abstract canvases in where did it come from, where is it going?. Artist talk 6:30 p.m. Wed., July 25. Francine Seders Gallery, 6701 Greenwood Ave. N., 782-0355, sedersgallery.com. Tues.– Sat., 11 a.m.–5 p.m.; Sun., 1–5 p.m. Through Aug. 12.

OBJECTIFIED Michael Lorifice paints photographic studies, Liz Thomson Ophoven photographs carousels and other blurry scenes, and Amanda Michele Dellinger depicts a geisha with her lens. Reception Sat., July 21, 7–9 p.m. All City Coffee, 1205 S. Vale St., 767-7146, allcitycoffee.com. Opens July 21. Sat.–Sun., 7 a.m.– 7 p.m.; Mon.–Fri., 6 a.m.–7:30 p.m. Through Aug. 6.

OUR CHILDREN, OUR VOICES This group photography show allows local Somali youth to reflect on on crosscultural identity, citizenship, education, assimilation, and immigration. A dozen teens show 40 photographs.

Reception Tues., July 24, 3–5 p.m. in the Boards and Commissions Conference Room L280, City Hall Plaza, 600 Fourth Ave., 684-8888, seattle.gov. Opens July 24.

Mon.–Fri., 7 a.m.–6 p.m. Through Sept. 5.

KEVIN PETTELLE He gives a talk on “Bronze Age Meets the Digital Age.” Schack Art Center, 2921 Hoyt Ave., Everett, 425-257-8380, schack.org. Sat., July 21, 6–7 p.m.

MARIA REPETTO Anything Goes features her surreal and colorful murals. Opening reception Thurs., July 19, 12:30–8 p.m. EAFA Gallery, 5701 Sixth Ave. S., eafa.org.

Mon.–Fri., 9 a.m.–5 p.m. Through Aug. 24.

SUSAN RUSSELL HALL Her paintings are influenced by 27 years documenting more than 6,500 individual heart surgeries in the operating room. Reception Thurs., July 19, 5:30–8:30 p.m. Woodside Braseth Gallery, 2101 Ninth Ave., 622-7243, woodsidebrasethgallery.com. Opens July 19. Tues.–Sat., 11 a.m.–6 p.m. Through Aug. 25.

SUMMER INTRODUCTIONS Katie Anderson, Leif Anderson, Patti Bowman, Betty Jo Costanzo, Joellyn Loehr, David Owen Hastings, June Sekiguchi, Raphael Soldi, and Bradley Taylor show new work. Opening Send events to visualarts@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended

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TheFussyeye » by brian miller

Pages of History

Anyone who’s had to clear out a family estate will know the leaden, stomach-sinking horror of the library. What in God’s name are we going to do with all these old books? In the age of Amazon and Kindle, you can’t even give away those heavy hardcover dictionaries, medical textbooks, and encyclopedias.

There is no market on Craigslist or eBay. So they’re all headed . . . to the landfill? It’s so sad. And in this way, centuries of human knowledge—at least that stored in printed form—are churned back into the Earth. Yet French-Canadian artist Guy Laramée takes a different approach to unwanted old tomes. In the miniature landscapes of his sculptural series Mountains, he bores and excavates into the leather jackets and musty pages, carving terrestrial dioramas and fanciful

reception Thurs., July 19, 5–7 p.m. SAM Gallery, 1220 Third Ave., 343-1101, seattleartmuseum.org. Opens July 19, Tues.-Sat., 10:30 a.m.–5 p.m. Through Aug. 18.

Ongoing

• ANCESTRAL MODERN: AUSTRALIAN

ABORIGINAL ART FROM THE KAPLAN & LEVI COLLECTION More than 100 pieces from

Australian aboriginal artists, from the late 20th to early 21st century, will be on view. Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave., 654-3100, seattleartmuseum.org. $12–$15.

Thurs.–Fri., 10 a.m.–9 p.m.; Wed., Sat.–Sun., 10 a.m.– 5 p.m. Through Sept. 2.

AVANTIKA BAWA The India-born artist, who currently teaches at WSU, makes reference to the gallery’s past as an automobile repair shop in her sculptural installation At Owners Risk. Suyama Space, 2324 Second Ave., 256-0809, suyamapetersondeguchi.com/art. Mon.–Fri., 9 a.m.–5 p.m. Through Aug. 10.

BIG AND BOLD: AN EXHIBITION OF SIZABLE ARTWORKS Big and Bold examines the bigger =

better formula through some of the largest artworks in the city’s Portable Works Collection. Ten artists include Guy Anderson, Mike Hascall, and William Hoppe.

Seattle Municipal Tower Gallery, 700 Fifth Ave., 684-7171, seattle.gov/arts. Mon.–Fri., 7 a.m.–7 p.m. Through Sept. 28.

SOLY CISSÉ Lost Worlds, the first U.S. solo exhibition dedicated to the international artist, features paintings and drawings that examine the many conflicts between tradition and modernity. Through July 31. M.I.A Gallery, 1203 Second Ave., 467-4927, m-i-a-gallery.com. Tues.– Sat., 10:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Through July 31.

CROSSING THE LINE In the Main Gallery: new work

by Lita Kenyon, Annie Moorehouse, Matt Murray, and Hannah Voss. In the Guest Gallery, various locals are represented in Through Our Eyes: Filipino-American Artists. Columbia City Gallery, 4864 Rainier Ave. S., 760-9834, columbiacitygallery.com. Sat.–Sun., 10 a.m.– 6 p.m.; Wed.–Fri., noon–8 p.m. Through Aug. 5.

ANDREW DADSON Dadson won the Henry’s Brink Award, and he’s now showing his recent photographs and paintings. Henry Art Gallery, 4100 15th Ave. N.E., 543-2280, henryart.org. $6–$10. Wed., Sat.–Sun., 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Through July 22.

NOAH DAVIS He addresses tabloid TV culture and racism in his new show Savage Wilds (the title is borrowed from the 1988 play by Ishmael Reed). James Harris Gallery, 312 Second Ave. S., 903-6220, jamesharrisgallery. com. Thurs.-Sun., 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Through Aug. 24.

ADELE EUSTIS Bringing It Home showcases drawings of nest structures plus sculptures made of twigs and old books. Shift Collaborative Studio, 306 S. Washington St. (Tashiro Kaplan Building), 547-1215, shiftstudio.org.

Fri.–Sat., noon–5 p.m. Through July 28.

scenes into these library castoffs. Most sit on heavy display stands, like the reference tables that once supported gilt-edged atlases and the unabridged OED. Squinting at the undulating hills, little caverns, and tiny footbridges (as if in Shangri-La?), worlds are reduced to microcosm, like a terrarium or a ship in a bottle. Books are vessels after all, containers of information.

The medium is the same, only Laramée has

BRIAN MILLER

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

SUMMER OF FUN!

arts»Visual Arts

transformed these factual repositories into fictive tableaux. Foster/White Gallery, 220 Third Ave. S., 622-2833, fosterwhite.com. Free. 10 a.m.– 6 p.m. Tues.–Sat. Ends July 28.

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summer just arrived

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Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

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film»This Week’s Attractions July 20–26 | 206.324.9996 | siff.net July 26 | Uptown

Buster Keaton double feature

a combination of unearthed memories and bump-in-the-night noises. Through what amounts to an elaborate narrative detour to justify Sanchez’s signature first-person camcorder style, the POV switches between Molly’s handheld video diary of the haunting and an external “cinematic” viewpoint— which isn’t much more cleanly shot. What atmosphere the film has can be credited to Matt Davies’ sound design and post-rock stalwarts Tortoise, providing 31 flavors of ominous rumble on the soundtrack. Although such a good “Spooky Sounds” recording might suffice for trick-or-treaters, it can’t sustain interest in the endless unraveling of Molly’s psyche, which, as handled by Sánchez, has all the interest of watching an inexplicably untreated wound fester. NICK PINKERTON

Zima and Haas can’t connect in Crazy Eyes.

with live score by

Donald Sosin

July 27–29 | Uptown

INTO THE VAULTS Celebrating Library of Congress

Payback OPENS FRI., JULY 20 AT SIFF FILM CENTER. NOT RATED. 86 MINUTES. STRAND RELEASING

Your Sister’s Sister

Seattle Exclusive!

HELD OVER! July 20–26 | Uptown

The Invisible War BEST Documentary 2012

OVER! The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel HELD Uptown Opens July 20 | Uptown

Lovely Molly

Opens July 20 Uptown

Portrait of Wally

From the director of The Blair Witch Project

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

Opens July 20 | Film Center Based on Margaret Atwood’s visionary book

24

Opens July 20 | Uptown

Crazy Eyes

Payback FINAL SHOWS July 20–24 Uptown

July 21–22 | Uptown

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Frankenstein directed by Danny Boyle

July 25 | Film Center

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Hairspray sing-along July 23 Film Center Command Performance in HD!

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Crazy Eyes OPENS FRI., JULY 20 AT SIFF CINEMA UPTOWN. NOT RATED. 95 MINUTES.

We first encounter the subject of Crazy Eyes’ character study mixing his drinks while damning the glittering void of L.A. from the privileged vantage of premium real estate. A trust-fund Bukowski who resembles the lost Carradine brother, Zach (Lukas Haas) fritters away his paid-in-full life by drinking and womanizing. “I can’t remember how many girls I’m messing with right now,” goes a typical bit of voice-over, displaying the veteran alcoholic’s usual self-aggrandizement with a self-disgust chaser. The messing-around—if not the smugly world-weary narration—is put on hold with the arrival of Rebecca (Madeline Zima), a fellow barfly whom Zach nicknames “Crazy Eyes.” (Jake Busey, the bartender at their regular, meanwhile slips off with every scene he’s in.) Rebecca exercises an everstronger hold on Zach as they spend a holiday season’s worth of nights together, nights invariably ending with her strenuously resisting what Zach terms his “strugglefuck” attempts at consummation—her resistance in contrast to his usual line of eager gold diggers. Along with the delayed fulfillment, a running joke is made of Zach and Rebecca’s inability to get it together sufficiently to make it to a Hieronymus Bosch exhibit—the idea being to liken nightlife to purgatory, though the exuberant editing and puke-into-the-camera edginess indicate a film more interested in boasting of hell-raising than in exorcising it. NICK PINKERTON

The Dark Knight Rises OPENS FRI., JULY 20 AT THORNTON PLACE AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED PG-13. 164 MINUTES.

Though a shallow repository of ideas, considered as a work of sheer sensation, Dark Knight Rises has something to recommend. Director Christopher Nolan has continued his experimentation with the vast IMAX format, and the sheer mass of what he has constructed inspires a dull awe—it is impossible not to be cowed by a

film that’s five stories tall, as a stampeding Hans Zimmer–led orchestra tramples you. If 2008’s The Dark Knight openly invited reading as the War on Terror Batman, then The Dark Knight Rises is the Occupy Wall Street installment.

“You think all this can last?” down-and-out survivor/cat burglar Selina (Anne Hathaway) says upon meeting Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) at a masquerade ball. “There’s a storm coming.” That storm breaks in the form of the living incarnation of Have-Not rancor, Bane— a villain whose visage will remind many of the unmasked Darth Vader, though his purr is closer to Vincent Price talking through a window fan. As throughout the Batman films, Nolan is at his best symphonizing second-unit footage, illustrating how the shock waves of an assault resound across the infrastructure of an entire city, a coordinated assault on Gotham’s pressure points being a particular high point here. As always, all the on-the-nose speechifying keeps the movies running long, while the drum-tight rule of schematic relevance shuts out anything resembling wit, spontaneity, and recognizable human conduct. The history of Batman’s burden is, however, increasingly cumbersome, and it’s Mr. Bane who finally makes the pertinent point: “Gotham is beyond saving and must be allowed to die.” NICK PINKERTON

Lovely Molly OPENS FRI., JULY 20 AT SIFF CINEMA UPTOWN. RATED R. 99 MINUTES.

The “name” connected to Lovely Molly is that of director Eduardo Sánchez, one of the perpetrators of 1999’s Blair Witch Project hoax, a marketing coup and major deleterious influence on much subsequent genre filmmaking. This latest development in Sánchez’s loooong-held-back sophomore slump joins newlyweds Tim and Molly (Johnny Lewis and newcomer Gretchen Lodge) shortly after they’ve moved into her secluded family home, empty since the death of her father. Tim, a long-haul trucker, is frequently away, and Molly, left alone, is driven to her wit’s end by

With its novel approach and wider-thanusual scope, this riff on Margaret Atwood’s 2008 book-length essay, Payback: Debt and the Shadow Side of Wealth, avoids the traps (chief among them a rote, bullet-point structure) of recent social-problem documentaries. But if there’s value in Payback’s all-encompassing point of view, it’s a weakness as well. Screenwriter/director Jennifer Baichwal (of 2006’s Manufactured Landscapes) pegs Atwood’s thesis—that debt is as much a philosophical condition as a fiscal one, and that its contemporary context is overbearingly punitive—on case studies like a Canadian career criminal “paying his debt to society” in prison and an Albanian family whose ugly feud with another clan boils indebtedness down to its sticky essence. Other parties weigh in, including econo-activist Raj Patel and disgraced mogul Conrad Black, who, of all people, speaks movingly about incarceration. Atwood appears, of course, to read passages from her book in characteristic deadpan. But drawing

NATIONAL FILM BOARD OF CANADA

Opens July 20 | Uptown

As Atwood warns: Scenes of environmental ruin in Payback.

on so many sources leaves Payback feeling truncated, even dilettantish; a segment on BP’s 2010 oil spill barely scrapes that econightmare’s surface, while a look at a grassroots farmworker movement in Florida recalls more thorough docs (Eugenio Polgovsky’s 2008 The Inheritors, say). Cinematic globetrotting doesn’t necessarily trump reading a good book, it turns out; then again, more movies should be burdened with the flaw of being too intellectually curious. MARK HOLCOMB

TickeTs available aT www.cinerama.com Portrait of Wally OPENS FRI., JULY 20 AT SIFF CINEMA UPTOWN. NOT RATED. 90 MINUTES.

Aside from the incalculable human cost, World War II left in its wake property-rights issues whose repercussions are felt to this day. Nowhere is this truer than in the art world, where the Nazi seizure and fire sale of state-disapproved “degenerate” art and Jewish collections has been followed by the still-incomplete and often willfully blocked process of restitution—returning lost works to victims or, more often, their survivors. Portrait of Wally deals with one of the most famous contested pieces, the titular 1912 painting by Egon Schiele depicting his mistress and frequent model, carrot-topped “Wally” Neuzil.

The painting had long been part of Austrian collector Rudolf Leopold’s holdings when it

doomed heroine. Trishna is a peasant girl in Rajasthan, educated enough to speak English and work in a hotel. Jay (Riz Ahmed) is an idle, British-educated hotelier’s son who doesn’t even speak Hindi (much less Marvadi, the local dialect), but he’s got an eye for beauty— and Trishna is a beauty. Their romance takes them from one palatial hotel to another, where caged birds sing and maids gossip; and there’s an enjoyable interlude in Bombay, where Jay tries to produce movies and Trishna takes dance lessons with Bollywood stars.

(Amusingly, some play themselves.) But we know where things are headed: Jay has all the power, Trishna has none, and he’s a shallow, easily bored sort of fellow. Perhaps because of this, and having done a straight Hardy adaptation with the 1996 Jude, Winterbottom dwells on the incidental pleasures of his story: Jay’s rowdy English friends, his blind father (Roshan Seth, excellent in his few scenes), and dinner parties in Bollywood. It’s the same digressive strategy used in The Trip or 24 Hour Party People, and for a while you can deceive yourself that things will work out for Jay and Trishna. But Hardy always closes the book on such hopes. BRIAN MILLER SEVENTH ART RELEASING

Portrait of Wally: The disputed painting.

P Trishna

OPENS FRI., JULY 20 AT HARVARD EXIT. RATED R. 113 MINUTES.

I love a good bummer as much as the next man, and Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles is certainly a good bummer— maybe even a double-bummer, now that I think of it. Roman Polanski took his crack at the novel in 1979, making a star of Nastassja Kinski; a silent adaptation dates from 1913; and you can find the 2008 BBC miniseries (starring Gemma Arterton) on DVD. So what new spin can director Michael Winterbottom possibly bring to the tragedy? He stages it in castedivided India, and even recruits the girl from Slumdog Millionaire, Freida Pinto, to play his

(Thu. midnight) IN 3D

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Showing Daily 11:00 * 2:45 * 7:00 * 11:15 SEATTLE’S WIDEST SCREEN SUPERIOR TECHNOLOGY Fresh Chocolate Popcorn, Cupcake Royale, Theo Choc & so much more

The Well-Digger’s Daughter RUNS FRI., JULY 20–THURS., JULY 26 AT VARSITY. NOT RATED. 107 MINUTES.

In one of The Well-Digger’s Daughter’s most telling scenes, 18-year-old Patricia (Astrid BergèsFrisbey) spends several minutes on the verge of tears as she defends her honor to a wouldbe inamorata (Nicolas Duvauchelle) whose lewd advances she has just spurned. An appropriate response, to be sure, but one that plays out in a way that’s too stately and reserved to get under either character’s skin— a problem the film runs into time and again.

In one of many acts of restraint, co-writer/ director Daniel Auteuil elides the offending act itself and leaves it to us to imagine the particulars. Here and elsewhere, though, this tale of an unwed mother doesn’t give us much reason to assume that what we don’t see is much more scandalous than what we do.

There’s some striking imagery—late-afternoon sunlight peeking through wheat stalks, a quiet stream running through the French countryside, bright interiors—and an airy, evocative score courtesy of Alexandre Desplat, but the characters’ dealings with one another (romantic, businesslike, or otherwise) are too routine to live up to the formal elements encasing them. Stirrings of dignified outrage via the eponymous well-digger eventually go a long way toward energizing the film, which improves markedly once it shifts its focus from the WWI-era milieu toward the speed with which a naive young girl can turn into a fallen woman and the ways in which that fallout affects her father, her family, and, apparently most important, her name. MICHAEL NORDINE E film@seattleweekly.com

ONLINE » SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM aMORE

2100 4TH AVENUE, SEATTLE WA • (206) 448-6680 Seattle Theatre Group and Northwest Film Forum Present

The Love Song of R.Buckminster Fuller A live documentary by Sam Green, score performed by

YO LA TENGO

with white border—used on dark backgrounds

Typography Helvetica Neue Condensed Helvetica Neue Extended Stymie Extra Bold Stymie Bold Condensed

SEPTEMBER 11 • THE MOORE

THE CINERAMA THEATRE

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Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

was seized by the United States while appearing at a 1997 MOMA show. Since the surviving family of Lea Bondi Jaray, a Viennese gallery owner who died in 1969, still insisted that Wally was hers, the painting’s provenance was then cast into international dispute. Andrew Shea’s documentary is a well-arranged if rather drawn-out parade of talking heads telling Wally’s story, including a trenchant and funny Morley Safer, never missing a chance to knock the art world; what prevents it from being more is the absence of the dissenting voices of its “villains”—particularly Leopold, who died shortly before the case of Wally went to trial in 2010, accused here of “playing any dirty trick in the book to get his hands on a desired painting.” NICK PINKERTON

Premiere July 20th 12:01am

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film» MASTER PANCAKE THEATRE VS. TWILIGHT The

BY BRIAN MILLER

Local Film BOLLYWOOD OUTDOOR FILM SERIES Food trucks will

be vending Indian cuisine for this Friday night series, or bring your own curry. It begins with Satyajit Ray’s 1977 political drama The Chess Players. Outdoor movies screen at dusk. (NR). Volunteer Park, 1247 15th Ave. E., seattleartmuseum.org, Free, Opens July 20, Fridays.

Through Aug. 3.

BYDESIGN See nwfilmforum.org for program info for this annual celebration of screen graphics, animation, advertising, and design. The series begins Friday at 7 p.m. with Gareth Smith and Jenny Lee, who’ll discuss and show examples of their title design work for films including Juno. (NR) Northwest Film Forum, $6-$10, July 20-25.

EXPERIMENT IN TERROR Blake Edwards scored a hit with this 1962 suspense flick, in which Lee Remick, her sister held hostage, is forced into a crime scheme. Glenn Ford is the FBI man who aids her. No late show Thursday.

(NR) Grand Illusion, $5-$8, July 20-26, 6:30 & 8:45 p.m.; Sat., July 21, 4:15 p.m.; Sun., July 22, 4:15 p.m.

FREMONT OUTDOOR MOVIES For the Coen brothers, this Mississippi-set, Depression-era adaptation of The Odyssey is a joke in their usual nudge-nudge, wink-wink sort of way. As a result in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000), while George Clooney’s Ulysses leads two other escapees from a chain-gang, their picaresque homeward journey is treated for laughs, not tragedy.

The slapdash O Brother falls into the category of lesser Coen works, enjoyable while it lasts, forgettable once it’s over. Its musical interludes are the best thing about the picture, with excellent bluegrass and spiritual standards. (The actors’ voices are mostly dubbed while singing.) John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson play the stooges to Clooney’s dapper, dim ringleader. Outdoor movie screens at dusk.

T H I S CO D E (PG-13) BRIAN MILLER TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE Fremont Outdoor Cinema, SEATTLE WEEKLY 3501 Phinney Ave. N., 781IPHONE/ANDROID APP 4230, fremontoutdoormovies.

FOR MORE FILM OR VISIT com, $5, Saturdays through seattleweekly.com Aug. 25.

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

HAIRSPRAY SINGALONG Sing along with John Travolta, Queen Latifah,

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Christopher Walken, and Michelle Pfeiffer in this quite enjoyable 2007 redo of John Waters’ original camp classic. It screens as part of SIFF’s Films4Famlies series.

We’re guessing the lyrics will be projected to help you remember. (PG) SIFF Cinema Uptown, $4, Sat., July 21, 1 p.m.; Sun., July 22, 1 p.m.

I WANT MY NAME BACK In this new documentary, members of pioneering hip-hop group The Sugarhill Gang reflect back on their sudden rise and huge influence on rap. Unfortunately, that success was shortlived, as they explain. (NR) Northwest Film Forum, $6-$10, Wed., July 18, 7 & 9 p.m.; Thu., July 19, 7 & 9 p.m.

MAGNUSON OUTDOOR MOVIES The Adventures of Tintin screens at dusk. If you missed Steven Spielberg’s CG rendition of the famous comic last Christmas, here’s your chance. (PG) Magnuson Park, 7400 Sand Point Way N.E., moviesatmagnuson.com, $5, Thursdays, 7 p.m.

Through Aug. 30.

MARYMOOR PARK OUTDOOR MOVIES Martin Scorsese’s 2011 Hugo centers on its title character, played by Asa Butterfield, a just-prepubescent orphan squatting in a train station circa 1930. When not dodging an orphan-hunting station constable (Sacha Baron Cohen), Hugo secretly maintains the station’s clocks and attempts to fix an automaton, the boy’s only keepsake from his late watchmaker father (Jude Law). Reminiscent of the robots in Metropolis, the automaton’s hand is built to grip a pen, and Hugo has become convinced that if he could get that hand to work, it would write a message from his dad. Hugo eventually discovers that the automaton was built by a silent filmmaker and special-effects innovator named Georges Méliès—which happens to be the full name of the gruff old man (Ben Kingsley) who runs the station’s toy shop. Outdoor movie screens at dusk.

(PG) KARINA LONGWORTH Marymoor Park, 6046 W. Lake Sammamish Parkway N.E., Redmond, moviesatmarymoor. com, $5, Wednesdays, 7 p.m. Through Aug. 29.

Facebook.com/CrazyEyesFilm

STARTS FRIDAY, JULY 20 SIFF CINEMA AT THE UPTOWN 511 Queen Anne Avenue North, Seattle (206) 324-9996 www.siff.net

SEATTLE WEEKLY

Send events to film@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended

• WED 7/18

first Forks-set teen vampire tale (from 2008) gets the rib-kicking it deserves from the visiting ad-lib comedy troupe. (PG-13) SIFF Cinema Uptown, $10-$15, Thu., July 19, 7 & 10 p.m.

MOONLIGHT CINEMA American Pie (1999) continues this outdoor screening series, with Eugene Levy the best thing about the hit raunch-com. Outdoor movie screens at dusk. 21 and over. (R) Redhook Ale Brewery, 14300 N.E. 145th St., Woodinville, 425-483-3232, redhook.com, $5, Thursdays. Through Aug. 30.

MOVIES AT THE MURAL Starring Elvis (like we need to tell you), 1963’s It Happened at the World’s Fair celebrates our Space Needle and pretty girls. Who can argue with that? Screening at dusk coincides with the Bite of Seattle, meaning big crowds. Outdoor movies screen at dusk. (NR) Seattle Center, 305 Harrison St., 684-7200, seattlecenter.com, Free, Opens July 20, Fri., July 20; Saturdays; Sundays. Through Aug. 26.

NORTH BY NORTHWEST SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 17.

THE PACT A musty ghost story that morphs into a sluggish serial-killer mystery, Nicholas McCarthy’s film tries to distinguish itself by minimizing dialogue and settings, a stripped-down approach that extends to sketchy characters and a script rife with convenient, easy-to-assemble clues. McCarthy’s silence-is-golden tack can’t gussy up what’s otherwise a familiar undead saga in which Annie (Caity Lotz), searching for her sister and cousin at her dead abusive mom’s home, finds herself contending with malevolent spirits, shadowy specters, and other assorted bumps in the night. While Casper Van Dien’s halfhearted Clint Eastwood impression as a grizzled cop elicits unintentional chuckles, the film’s scariest moment involves Annie thinking that, while relatives are sleeping in adjacent rooms and an unknown spook haunts the hallways, it’s appropriate to pee with the bathroom door wide open. (NR) NICK SCHAGER Grand Illusion, $5-$8, Fridays, Saturdays, 11 p.m. Through July 21.

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SCREWBALL: THE FILMS OF JEAN • QUEEN OFFrank Capra’s Oscar-winning You Can’t Take ARTHUR

It With You (1938) casts Arthur, part of a large zany family, opposite James Stewart (the heir to a fortune), in this star-crossed romantic comedy. (NR) Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave., 654-3100, seattleartmuseum. org, $35-$39 series, $8 individual, Thursdays, 7:30 p.m.

Through Aug. 9.

• SHUT UP AND PLAY THE HITS James Murphy, the frontman of self-reflexive post-punk dance band LCD Soundsystem, has never been a typical rock star, and this is by no means a conventional rock doc. Co-directors Dylan Southern and Will Lovelace condense the band’s four-hour, 29-song April 2011 farewell show at Madison Square Garden into a few full performances of “hits” (“North American Scum,” “New York, I Love You but You’re Bringing Me Down”) interwoven with excerpts from an interview with Murphy conducted before the show by pop-culture pundit Chuck Klosterman and vérité footage of Murphy shot the morning after MSG, tracing his first day as a 41-year-old rock-and-roll “retiree.”

Moments of onstage transcendence are sandwiched between Murphy’s preshow contemplations of pretension and rock-star mythology and postshow evidence of life going on at its most mundane. To Klosterman, Murphy marvels that even the most superhuman pop star “is just a dude. He has to check his e-mail.” The morning after his triumphant goodbye show, Murphy still has to get out of bed to walk the dog. Lovelace and Southern expose the psyche of a man walking away from fame, while contextualizing how that move fits into Murphy’s ongoing personal conflict between his interest in sophisticated art and ideas and his compulsion to make dance music.

The coexistence of serious ideas and genuine emotion in party songs with often hilarious lyrics—that’s LCD Soundsystem in a nutshell, and its an alchemic formula that Shut Up cinematically replicates beautifully. Note: the early show is sold out. (NR) KARINA LONGWORTH Cinerama, $15, Wed., July 18, 10:15 p.m.

• SILENT MOVIE MONDAYS Organist Jim Riggs provides live musical accompaniment for Buster Keaton’s great The Cameraman (at noon) and the original Ben-Hur (at 7 o’clock), with Ramon Novarro in the role later played by Charlton Heston. (NR) The Paramount, 911 Pine St., 877-784-4849, stgpresents.org, $5 (noon) and $10 (evening), Mondays, 12 & 7 p.m. Through July 30.

SUMMER MOVIE WEDNESDAYS Linas Phillips’ 2006 documentary Walking to Werner has the aspiring director emulate his idol, Werner Herzog, by filming his own foot journey from Seattle to L.A., where he hopes to meet the cranky German. A favorite at SIFF, which then found release and generally favorable reviews the following year, the film is based on Herzog’s own 1974 trek from Munich to Paris—an act that Herzog thought would save an ill friend’s life. Phillips’ quest is more naive and personal; he’s a likable guy looking for direction in life. But Phillips has the good sense to

film» occasionally put the camera on the tripod and open up Werner into a panoramic road movie. When Herzog finally returns his cellphone calls and leaves a message, there’s something undeniably joyous on Phillips’ face when he hears that German-accented voice, no matter how Teutonically discouraging the words. (NR) BRIAN MILLER West of Lenin, 203 N. 36th St., Seattle, $5, Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m. Through Aug. 8.

Ongoing

• THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN Marc Webb’s inexcus-

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bare the scandalous epidemic of rape in the U.S. armed forces—the war on women who fight wars. Told through an array of talking heads—including servicewomen (and a few servicemen) who recount their attacks, military psychiatrists, NCIS agents, attorneys, journalists, and obtuse Department of Defense employees—and intertitles revealing appalling facts, Dick’s film unveils an environment that, in the words of one Army shrink, is “target rich for predators.” Interview after interview, statistic after statistic, Dick’s advocacy project thoroughly incenses—and appears to be having results. Two days after Dick screened it for Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta, the DOD head announced plans requiring that all sexual assault complaints be handled by moresenior officers, not unit commanders—a change that will hopefully lead to more prosecutions. (NR) Melissa Anderson SIFF Cinema Uptown MAGIC MIKE In Steven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike, Channing Tatum’s appeal is based on working-class humility paired with otherworldly charisma, an impossible body, and the intelligence to make his use of it seem effortless. The highly calculated Magic Mike is pure Hollywood self-mythology: a neo-Depression musical, a wish-fulfillment fantasy for shitty times, another origin-of-the-star story. Tatum’s Mike is the main attraction at a Tampa strip club whose dancers cater to an all-female clientele. It’s also a self-reflexive portrait of three distinct points in the Hollywood himbo life cycle: Tatum’s 30-year-old Mike mentors scrappy newbie Adam (Alex Pettyfer), a 19-year-old rebel; Mike himself was discovered by Dallas (Matthew McConaughey), the club’s manager/main hustler. An extremely conventional backstage story is occasionally enlivened by Soderbergh’s aesthetic curveballs. But the film ultimately damns the margins and endorses the mainstream. (R) Karina Longworth Cinebarre, Lincoln Square, Meridian, Thornton Place, Varsity MOONRISE KINGDOM It’s 1965, the rainy end of summer on the rocky coast of a fictional New England isle.

Twelve-year-old Sam (Jared Gilman) disappears from the Scout camp run by Randy Ward (Edward Norton). Also 12, bad-seed Suzy (Kara Hayward) flees her distracted lawyer parents (Frances McDormand and Bill Murray).

Aided by what remains of Ward’s troop (“It’s a chance to do some first-class scouting!”), the grown-ups, including Bruce Willis’ Captain Sharp, mobilize to find the fugitive young lovers. Moonrise takes the form of old-fashioned preteen literature, but, as in everything made by Wes Anderson, does so knowingly. The escape Sam engineers for the pair is dangerous and crazy, but it’s also a way for him to exercise control, and to show off to a receptive audience. Suzy doesn’t have it so bad at home, but Sam’s flattering gaze gives her something she isn’t getting, and now won’t easily be able to live without. This utopian romance is thrown into relief by the quiet despair of the adults in Moonrise. Lonely, even—or particularly— when not alone, the grown-ups have long ago given up on the possibility of transformative love. (PG-13) Karina Longworth Big Picture Redmond, Guild 45th, Kirkland Parkplace, Lincoln Square, Lynwood Theater, Pacific Place, Thornton Place SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED This road-trip rom-com (with a light sci-fi spin) is both the first big starring role for Aubrey Plaza and also the first movie to acknowledge her hotness. Reporter Jeff (Jake Johnson), on assignment to write an exposé on a guy searching for a time-travel partner, suggests that his intern Darius (Plaza) use the fact that she’s a “beautiful woman” to get the story. A typical Plaza tough cookie (though patly softened), Darius calls Jeff out for “dangling my vagina out there like bait.” And then she does what she’s told to gain entry into the weird world of Kenneth (Mark Duplass), a hermit loner who claims to have built a time machine. Plaza and Duplass have an easy, charming chemistry, and plot contrivances aside, as indie-film nerd-mances go, this one is genuinely sweet. (R) Karina Longworth Sundance Cinemas TAKE THIS WALTZ In Sarah Polley’s second feature, five years into their marriage, Torontonians Margot (Michelle Williams) and Lou (Seth Rogen) have regressed fully into sexlessness, heat and mystery having been supplanted by baby-talking, bathroom-oversharing, and weirdly aggressive verbal game-playing. Margot meets lean, hungry Daniel (Luke Kirby) and sparks fly—particularly when they discover they live across the street from each other. Take This Waltz wobbles at times with the writer-director’s own credibility-straining choices: Daniel isn’t just a rickshaw driver but an aspiring painter; and signpost dialogueabounds in the film’s first third. But there are enough unexpected delights to keep us interested in their drawn-out, teasing, tantalizing courtship. (R) Melissa Anderson Harvard Exit TO ROME WITH LOVE In Woody Allen’s latest, a Love Boat’s worth of stars—Alec Baldwin, Roberto Benigni,

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Penélope Cruz, Judy Davis, Jesse Eisenberg, Greta Gerwig, Ellen Page, and Allen himself—breeze through four Roman tales that include farces involving prostitutes and opera singers, as well as one Zelig-style fantasy and an artful exploration of memory. Allen deserves credit for his continued ability to stage absurd set pieces, and his Rome—shot by Darius Khondji—is luminous. Still, in the same way that old men’s ears and noses develop into exaggerated, cartilaginous bulbs, his problematic portrayals of women have become more pronounced over the years: Women throw themselves in groups into the married Benigni’s bed, and Allen the screenwriter overtly states that wives understand that they have to “share” their famous husbands, and goddammit, Woody Allen, you don’t have to articulate every gross idea that goes through your head. (R) Chris Packham Guild 45th, Lincoln Square, Meridian, Thornton Place YOUR SISTER’S SISTER Seattle filmmaker Lynn Shelton’s fourth feature is another agreeable exercise in small-scale humanism, an intimate three-hander set mostly in a vacation home in the San Juans. Mark Duplass plays the an aging, grieving slacker Jack, who has an illadvised, drunken fling with Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt), the visiting sister of his good friend Iris (Emily Blunt), who arrives to find unexpected tensions in the cabin. In outline, Your Sister’s Sister could be a bed-hopping farce, but Shelton is less concerned with the sex than the emotional fallout. Hannah was recently dumped by her girlfriend.

Jack’s dead brother once dated Iris, the high achiever in the bunch. Shelton’s characters tend to be yearning

and groping toward change in their lives, and she lets her cast improvise on the three characters’ longing and confusion—resulting in meandering scenes without clever punch lines or clear end points. Feelings take priority over words; YSS is talky and naturalistic, with many moments of humor and truth—the latter often eloquently expressed with silence. (R) Brian Miller SIFF Cinema Uptown THEATERS: Admiral, 2343 California Ave. SW, 938-3456;

Big Picture, 2505 First Ave., 256-0566; Big Picture Redmond, 7411 166th Ave. NE, 425-556-0566; Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave., 686-6684; Cinebarre, 6009 SW 244th St. (Mountlake Terrace)., 425-672-7501; Cinerama, 2100 Fourth Ave., 448-6680; Crest, 16505 Fifth Ave. NE, 781-5755; Egyptian, 801 E. Pine St., 781-5755; Grand Illusion, 1403 NE 50th St., 523-3935; Guild 45, 2115 N. 45th St., 781-5755; Harvard Exit, 807 E. Roy St., 781-5755; iPic Theaters, 16451 N.E. 74th St. (Redmond), 425-6365601; Kirkland Parkplace, 404 Park Place, 425-827-9000; Lincoln Square, 700 Bellevue Way N, 425-454-7400; Majestic Bay, 2044 NW Market St., 781-2229; Meridian, 1501 Seventh Ave., 223-9600; Metro, 4500 Ninth Ave. NE, 781-5755; Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th Ave., 2675380; Oak Tree, 10006 Aurora Ave. N, 527-1748; Pacific Place, 600 Pine St., 888-262-4386; Seven Gables, 911 NE 50th St., 781-5755; SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave. N., 324-9996; SIFF Film Center, 305 Harrison St. (Seattle Center), 324-9996; Sundance Cinemas, 4500 Ninth Ave NE, 633-0059; Thornton Place, 301 NE 103rd St., 517-9953; Varsity, 4329 University Way NE, 781-5755.

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Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

ably good Spidey reboot celebrates the heartwarming arachno-genetic bar mitzvah in which a boy becomes a spider, and a spider becomes a man. Boy genius Peter Parker, played charmingly by Chia-haired Andrew Garfield, tours the Oscorp lab of Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans), where he receives a fateful spider bite. Webb (of the great (500) Days of Summer) was not the obvious debut for the director of a high-profile, big-budget action film. It’s all sharp-of-wit and sweetly sentimental for lots of reasons, including Martin Sheen and Sally Field as Peter’s Uncle Ben and Aunt May and a peroxide-haired, superbad Emma Stone as a gently ironic Gwen Stacy, a damsel in only moderate distress. Denis Leary, as Captain Stacy, father of Gwen, evinces his signature growly sarcasm and hits unexpectedly sweet notes of paternal affection. (PG-13) Chris Packham Bainbridge Cinemas, Cinebarre, Issaquah, Kirkland Parkplace, Lincoln Square, Majestic Bay, Meridian, Sundance Cinemas, Thornton Place BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD A zealous gumbo of regionalism, magical realism, post-Katrina allegory, myth, and ecological parable, this Louisiana-set debut feature by 29-year-old Benh Zeitlin rests, often cloyingly, on the tiny shoulders of Quvenzhané Wallis. Beasts strains to remind us of Hushpuppy’s wisdom and courage beyond her years. She is a motherless child: “She swam away,”explains her drunken father of Mom’s absence. He and Hushpuppy live in a grassy, overgrown expanse in a fictional bayou area called the Bathtub.

Stomping around her ramshackle, squalid domain in white plastic rain boots, this peewee heroine confidently wields a blowtorch. But in trying through incessant narration to make a six-year-old a prolix sage, Zeitlin can’t avoid falling into sticky sentimentality. (PG-13) Melissa Anderson Egyptian, Lincoln Square BERNIE In a 1997 murder trial in Carthage, Texas, Bernhardt “Bernie” Tiede, a closeted ex-mortician, confessed to the shooting of his benefactress, 81-year-old millionaire widow Marjorie Nugent. In Richard Linklater’s movie, Shirley MacLaine is Nugent, by almost all accounts a sour and unpleasant woman, clutching her purse like a floatation device. Matthew McConaughey is district attorney Danny Buck Davidson, and Jack Black plays Tiede, tackling his duties as church-choir soloist and community-theater impresario, in a performance remarkable for its ability to be at once flamboyant and remote.

Bernie is all about irreconcilable facts and foggy motives, not least the contrary demands of forgiveness written in the Bible and the stern punishment written in the law books. It is the rarest of rarities: a truly unexpected film.

(PG-13) Nick Pinkerton Harvard Exit, The Tin Theater THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL Reliable middlebrow craftsman John Madden makes neat work of Deborah Moggach’s novel about a group of disparate British retirees lured—for cut-rate surgery, low-overhead living, or reasons they hope to keep private—to India. The cast is led by Dame Judi Dench as a long-sheltered widow looking to stand on her own two feet. Marigold Hotel has that oh-so-tactful British touch, the seeming result of an industry-wide gentleman’s agreement never to go too far.

The material is ribald but, of course, never crude and sewn with “Life begins at 60” affirmations. Although the film is overextended by a few plotlines too many, you’ll look forward to Tom Wilkinson’s turn as a retired high court judge who still goes fluttery over the memory of an affair from schoolboy days and Bill Nighy as a shy, ineffably decent man, quietly surprised by how nimble he becomes in this new atmosphere. (PG-13) Nick Pinkerton Pacific Place, Seven Gables, SIFF Cinema Uptown A CAT IN PARIS A gem. The animation style of JeanLoup Felicioli and Alain Gagnol is crisp, flat, and bright, their characters rendered with line-work recalling the Matisse and Picasso of ‘30s Paris. There are even traces of Tintin, and a simple comic-book plot to suit. Her father recently murdered, her policewoman mother obsessed with the case, lonely little Zoe has an affectionate pet cat named Dino. When she goes to bed at night, Dino bounds across the moonlit rooftops and leaps from building to building, leading the honorable, rubberyarmed burglar Nico to the loot. One such outing leads to a nest of gangsters connected with the death of Zoe’s father. This is a storybook Paris of the imagination, of the artist’s easel. (PG) Brian Miller Varsity

• THE INVISIBLE WAR Kirby Dick’s documentary lays

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

K irk la nd , WA

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food&drink»

Happy Meat

Sullivan’s is the place to score a pineapple-infused martini on a Thursday.

Seattle expects even downtown steakhouses to stage proper happy hours.

Which offer bang for the buck? And which suck?

BY HANNA RASKIN & CHRIS KORNELIS

JOSHUA HUSTON

S

teakhouses with downtown locations are forced to reckon with Seattle’s insistence on happy-hour pricing, no matter how much the phenomenon might befuddle the corporate team back in Orlando.

That means carnivores can spend like paupers, but eat like kings.

Appetizers plastered with blue cheese and columnar tanks of vodka stocked with artfully arranged pineapple wedges are standard features of nearly every downtown Seattle steakhouse happy hour, as music editor Chris Kornelis and I discovered. But that doesn’t mean all happy hours are the same.

In addition to providing the prices for well martinis and the best discount dishes, we rated each steakhouse on the criteria which matter most to the happy-hour crowd. Restaurants which made physical and conceptual room for bargain-seekers rated five out of five check marks on the “How seriously does the restaurant take happy hour?” scale. Restaurants which allowed us to luxuriate in opulent surroundings and gave us a sense of the service we might receive if we returned for Chateaubriand topped out on the “How rich do you feel at happy hour?” index, which runs from oil potentate (five dollar signs) down to working journalist (one). HANNA RASKIN

McCormick & Schmick’s

The Brooklyn 1212 Second Ave., 224-7000, thebrooklyn.com Happy hours: 4–6 p.m. Sun.–Fri., 3–6 p.m. Sat. Must-order dish: Oyster of the day, $1.50 House martini: Bombay gin, $6 How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ √ √ √ √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$$ In a phrase: Great for the occasional fill-up before the symphony .

Chris Kornelis: It should be said that cheap oysters and martinis are a solid happy-hour

El Gaucho

The Capital Grille

2505 First Ave., 728-1337, elgaucho.com Happy hours: 5–11 p.m. Sun.–Mon., 5–7 p.m. Tues.–Fri. Must-order dish: Steak sandwich, $14 House martini: Seagram’s gin, $10 How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √√√√√ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$$$$+ In a phrase: The best dinner-replacement happy

Mon.–Sat. & 9–11 p.m. Sun.

Must-order dish: Burger and fries, $3.95 House martini: McCormick’s gin, $8.50 How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $ In a phrase: It’ll do.

CK: The first place I ever had happy hour in Seattle

is still the room to which I compare all the rest. But I’ll never forgive them for ditching the $1.99 half-pound cheeseburger and steak fries, and its loss is likely why we encountered such a slim crowd. Now it’s just another bar with kinda-cheap snacks and not-very-special drink specials. And what’s with all the Sounders and Bud Lite signs? It used to feel halfway classy!

HR: McCormick & Schmick’s was on the bubble when we drew up our list of downtown steakhouses, but made the cut because two last names and an ampersand are usually synonymous with decent red meat. The bar, however, feels more like a campus pub than a genteel urban steakhouse.

should walk the walk to another steakhouse. hour in the city is also its most economical.

HR: The Capital Grille’s website prominently quotes a Boston CK: I’ve been to more happy hours than I can Globe critic who wrote “We’ve never been happier in our lives” count, and El Gaucho’s is far and away the best in terms of giving diners than when dining at the chain owned by Darden. Putting that poor the full experience of their restaurant at a price the rest of us can afford. guy’s personal circumstances aside, I’d be more likely to agree with I’ve seen McCormick’s “suspend” happy hour for the evening when they The Washington Post’s assessment that the steakused the bar as overflow for the dining room, whereas I house appeals to “women who are at ease around recently saw El Gaucho’s staff bring more tables and chairs men who blow a lot of smoke.” The highfalutin to accommodate their happy-hour customers. While they DOWNLOAD shtick at Capital Grille amounts to a bunch of hot SEATTLE WEEKLY'S don’t have a happy-hour menu, there’s a reduced-price bar air. Our bartender painstakingly stuffed our martini HAPPY HOURS APP menu, which means you’re getting the same generously olives with anchovies and cheese, which succeeded on your smartphone or visit cut sirloin sandwich ($14) for half-price. happyhours.seattleweekly.com in making them taste terrible. Ooh-la-la lobster in a HR: I’ve eaten a real meal at El Gaucho and found the too-creamy salad was served on buns which hadn’t experience just plain odd. To me the room looks like a spent enough time in the microwave to cover their freezer tracks. flimsy onscreen set for Ricky Ricardo’s nightclub. But at happy hour you can laugh at it, as opposed to when you’re paying $65 for a New York CK: If Capital Grille’s full-priced food tastes anything like this, strip and everyone’s laughing at you. I loved El Gaucho’s happy hour, then their cross-country expansion is as curious as the room’s and would go back any Monday. trying-too-hard taxidermy.

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»

Metropolitan Grill 820 Second Ave., 624-3287, metropolitangrill.com Happy hours: 3–6 p.m. Mon.–Fri. Must-order dish: Beef dip sandwiches au jus, $4 House martini: Beefeater gin, $9 How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ √ √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$$$ In a phrase: The venerable Met doesn’t dis-

count its drinks much during happy hour, but doesn’t scrimp on food quality or service either.

HR: We had to ask for a bar menu when we visited The Met, since servers don’t automatically assume every casually dressed patron in the restaurant’s windowed streetside barroom is cruising for a happy-hour deal. But the steakhouse has a few marquee food deals for guests who ante up the cost of a drink (if

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

1301 Fourth Ave., 382-0900, thecapitalgrille.com Happy hours: 3–6 p.m. Mon.–Fri. Must-order dish: Cheeseburgers, $6 House martini: Martin Miller’s gin, $6 How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ √ √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$ In a phrase: The Capital Grille talks the talk, but happy-hourites

MICHAEL STOLP-SMITH

MICHAEL STOLP-SMITH

offering, and if they stopped there, we wouldn’t have any complaints. If you’re looking for an occasional venue—perhaps before taking in a show at Benaroya Hall next door—it’s perfect.

If you care more about food than drink when happy-houring, you’d better really like oysters.

Hanna Raskin: I really like oysters, so I won’t belabor the chewy frog legs (which score points for protein creativity) or the balls of mush sold as crab tater tots. And since I have season tickets to the symphony, I refuse to risk getting banished from The Brooklyn for sharing my opinion of its godawful steak bites.

1103 First Ave., 623-5500, mccormickandschmicks.com Happy hours: Daily 3–6 p.m.; also 10 p.m.–midnight

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 31 29

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food&drink» Happy Meat » FROM PAGE 29 you’re a Manny’s fan, pints are on special for $4—i.e., more in line with how that beer’s priced at all hours at most other bars). The $6 bacon-wrapped tenderloin skewers, sitting sauced and pretty atop a heap of wavy fried onions, are clearly the product of a kitchen

with highly trained cooks. Still, maybe it’s my pro-horseradish bias, but I liked the tender beef sandwiches even more.

CK: My, um, beef with a lot of happy hours is the carb-heavy menus, so the bacon-wrapped tenderloin skewers really scratched me where I itch. And The Met offers three sliders for $4 compared to two for $6 at Ruth’s Chris. I may have preferred Ruth’s sliders, but for the money, I gotta go with The Met’s.

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Morton’s The Steakhouse 1511 Sixth Ave., 223-0550, mortons.com Happy hours: 4:45–6:30 p.m. Sun.–Fri.; also 9–10 p.m. Sun.–Thurs. & 9–11 p.m. Fri. Must-order dish: Petite filet-mignon sandwiches, $7 House martini: Gordon’s gin, $8 How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$ In a phrase: Housed in an underground bunker, Morton’s has a dungeon feel, but captives

probably get fed faster.

HR: Happy hour at Morton’s has the makings of a great video game: Players would have to walk down stairs and through darkened corridors before securing a happy-hour menu from a bartender who seems not to have heard of the daily event. Everything about Morton’s is weird, including the inexplicably long time it takes for the kitchen to fill an order for French fries with a splotch of blue cheese (30 minutes after we started counting.) The filet-mignon sandwiches on toasted sesame-seed buns are really good, though. The meat is beefy and the bread tastes fresh.

CK: The red carpet, valet, and solid, perpetually closed doors have always made this the most intimidating restaurant in town. Now I know it’s just the most pretentious. Seriously, why does a place that views itself as the heir to some kind of steak-and-martini legacy carry Gordon’s gin?

Why did my presence at the bar feel like an imposition? And why was everyone whispering?

Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse

Sullivan’s Steakhouse

727 Pine St., 624-8524, ruthschris.com Happy hours: 4–6 p.m. Mon.–Sun.; also

621 Union St., 494-4442, sullivanssteakhouse.com Happy hours: Daily 10 p.m.–close; also 3–7 p.m.

9–11 p.m. Mon.–Sat. & 9–10 p.m. Sun. Must-order dish: Prime-rib sliders, $6 House martini: Bombay gin, $5

Mon.–Wed. & Fri., 3 p.m.–close Thurs.

Must-order dish: Blue-cheese chips, $5 House martini: “The Knockout,” $6 on Thursdays

How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ √ √ √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$$$ In a phrase:

How seriously the restaurant takes happy hour: √ √ √ √ √ How rich you feel at happy hour: $$$ In a phrase: If you need a piano player and servers

MICHAEL STOLP-SMITH

in fishnet tights to get you in the happy-hour mood, you need Sullivan’s.

HR: “Everyone in town knows you come to Sullivan’s on Thursdays,” the restaurant’s general manager, Ann Thibert, told me, and the crowd we encountered confirmed she wasn’t kidding. While other steakhouse bars are scarily quiet at 5 p.m., that hour finds Sullivan’s pianist banging out tunes from the American songbook and a platoon of longlegged, black-clad servers gearing up for the week’s biggest night. “Seattle is a very happy-hour place, so we adapt to our local market,” Thibert explains.

But Sullivan’s also provides a brilliant introduction to national steakhouse trends: Its signature martini is made with pineapple-infused vodka and its discounted apps come draped in blue cheese.

CK: Anytime I have to ask for a bar’s happyhour offering, I feel like I’m asking for a favor.

The waitress here made it seem like I was asking for a kidney. I had to pry the drink specials out of her. It turned out she had a more important job than attending to customers’ needs, though.

HR: Right. After we placed our order, she hopped to squeezing vodka out of pineapple chunks. Pomp-wise, that’s the modern steakhouse equivalent of rolling out a butcher cart, which works out well since we’re slaves to fancy.

Cheers. E hraskin@seattleweekly.com ckornelis@seattleweekly.com

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Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

The perfect place to prefunk before a show at the Paramount.

CK: The $6 prime-rib sliders are delicious, but a bit on the spendy side for happy hour (you only get two).

But $5 martinis balance the affordability scale. They also don’t skimp on service: The only time my table has been visited by a manager during happy hour was at Ruth’s. I’m a sucker for joints that make their happy-hour customers feel as welcome as those paying full price.

HR: Ruth’s Chris is located in the Grand Hyatt, and whether it’s the adjoining hotel or the bar’s proximity to the street, the room doesn’t feel as much like a refuge as some of the more baronial steakhouses do. Cultivating nostalgia isn’t high on Ruth’s Chris’ list.

Instead, it’s all about five-buck cocktails (including a Jim Beam Manhattan) and good service. Not a bad choice if you’re at that end of downtown.

Jasonduilaw.com

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food&drink»Featured Eats $ = $25 or less per person; $$ = $25–$40; $$$ = $40 and up.

These capsule reviews are written by editorial staff and have nothing to do with advertising. For hundreds more reviews, searchable by neighborhood and type of cuisine, go to seattleweekly.com/food.

BALLARD

INDIA BISTRO 2301 N.W. Market St., 783-5080. Entrées

highlight regional delicacies: spicy masalas of the central region (the fish variety is super) and flavorful vindaloos of southern Goa. The bready onion kulcha is a surefire side-dish winner, filled with sautéed onions, mango, and mint. $

BEACON HILL

EL QUETZAL 3209 Beacon Ave. S., 329-2970. You can get

all your favorite tacos and tostadas here—and they’ll be good and cheap. What distinguishes the Beacon Hill favorite, perhaps Seattle’s only taqueria specializing in Mexico City-style street food, are its overstuffed tortas (sandwiches) and the huarache gigante, a sort of Mexican pizza that all but defies explanation. The chicken quesadilla isn’t a greasy flour tortilla dripping with melted cheese, it’s a T H I S CO D E hoagie-sized turnover stuffed TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE with smoky chipotle-braised SEATTLE WEEKLY meat and a smattering of IPHONE/ANDROID APP queso fresco. At this friendly, FOR MORE RESTAURANTS OR VISIT family-run place, kids are seattleweekly.com definitely welcome. $

SCAN

BELLTOWN

LA FONTANA SICILIANA 120 Blanchard St., 441-1045.

La Fontana Siciliana’s food is lovely, the atmosphere charming but not cloying, and the service amazing. The pear, prosciutto, and Parmesan appetizer is beyond

divine; the fruity sweetness and tang of the very Sicilian pasta con le sarde (spaghetti, sardines, fennel) is so unusual that it practically qualifies as entertainment. An underappreciated gem. $$ QUEEN CITY GRILL 2201 First Ave., 443-0975. Although it easily could be mistaken for a new-money, new-cuisine nightmare, the Queen City Grill is the real deal. They do things with old-world style here: The elegant bar and dining room feel as if they belong in some sturdy old city like Boston or New York, but the casual, laid-back feel is all West Coast. The Dungeness crab cakes and their tangy remoulade are the best version in town, and the filet mignon with peppercorn sauce is classic. $$$ SERIOUS PIE 316 Virginia St., 838-7388. It’s easy for Seattleites to feel a little cynical about Tom Douglas, the celebrity chef whose restaurants provide reliable refuge for out-of-town guests. But in case you’d forgotten, he also has chops. And by chops, we mean the ability to completely blow your mind with a food— pizza—you thought had run its creative course. Meats hang to your left as you walk into Serious Pie, salumi that will soon sit atop your crisp, fluffy, oval of a pizza, dreamed up by baker Gwen LeBlanc. The toppings, which include clams and eggs, are unexpected. Unlike Douglas’ other establishments, Serious Pie has a more neighborhood-bistro feel in its dark Belltown digs. And with PBR on the menu, it’s unwashed youth-friendly. $$

CAPITOL HILL

CAFÉ PRESSE 1117 12th Ave., 709-7674. The jeans are a

bit skinnier on this side of 12th Avenue, but on Sunday mornings, there are few finer pastimes than reading The New York Times while scarfing down a petite omelet and sipping on a Caffé Vita Americano, which the staff will happily refill with drip so you can finish Frank Bruni’s latest rant. $ CASCINA SPINASSE 1531 14th Ave., 251-7673. Pasta is still the focus of this neighborhood trattoria. Jason Stratton, who originally worked with erstwhile chef Justin Niedermeyer to launch Spinasse, is its new chef and inspiration. Whether you order cipollini stuffed with salt cod ($12), roasted cauliflower flan with parmigianoreggiano fonduta ($13), or fine hand-cut egg pasta with

style

FirstCall

» by julien perry

Just Say Noah

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

:30-6:30pm he "Best of" bug/logo Southern Italian last year.)

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Monday - Thursday 5-10pm, Friday - Saturday 5-12am, Sunday 5-9pm Brunch Sat - Sun 9am-2pm

Featuring Happy Hour Monday - Friday 4:30-6:30pm 5411 Ballard Ave NW 206 789 5100 www.volterrarestaurant.com

Join us April 15th - April 30th and receive a complimentary Tiramisu with entree purchase.

The Watering Hole: Monsoon East, 10245 Main St., 425-635-1112, BELLEVUE The Atmosphere: Monsoon East is one of Bellevue’s most celebrated restaurants.

Its warm lighting, beautiful accents, and cozy seating coax diners into the arms of a giant Vietnamese hug. The food is spot-on; even the tofu coming out of the kitchen is exciting. The bar is a bright distraction from the dimly lit dining room, where diners seem to be head-down, enthralled with what’s on their plate.

The Barkeep: Noah Momyer has been at Monsoon East for seven months, following a stint at Mistral Kitchen. Originally from Southern California, Momyer has been a Seattleite about three years, and the weather hasn’t scared him off. “When it’s nice, you realize all the things you have to do out here, and it’s great,” he says.

“I went to Discovery Park for the first time a couple of weeks ago.”

Another thing on Momyer’s discovery list: bars.

“I like hitting dive bars on the way home, and just having a shot and a beer after making cocktails all night. For good drinks, I like The Innkeeper. I live in Belltown, so I’ve been going there. They’re awesome. They know what they’re doing. They have a great liquor selection, which is pretty rare for Belltown. Spur is great. Of course there’s also Canon, Mistral Kitchen, and Zig Zag.”

JULIEN PERRY

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The Drink: A Ricardo, Momyer’s take on a Rickey. It’s made with two kinds of gin: one infused with wu wei tea, the other with plums (Averell Damson gin liqueur). Fresh lime juice and agave nectar are also added before the whole thing is topped with soda water and served on the rocks.

The Verdict: It may look like your average “pink drink,” but the Ricardo has more body and substance. It’s very refreshing, not overly alcoholic, and a tad on the sweet side. The tea-infused gin is the prominent flavor, which is great if you’re not accustomed to the herbal notes of wu wei. E

jperry@seattleweekly.com

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food&drink»Featured Eats butter and sage ($22), your itch for homemade Italian food will be scratched. The humble but seductive flavors and textures that Stratton creates will leave you deeply satisfied yet wanting more. And you’ll score extra points with the staff if you can pronounce the name of the restaurant correctly: spih-NAH-say. $$$ MACHIAVELLI 1215 Pine St., 621-7941. This is a full-on New York-style neighborhood Italian joint transplanted to Capitol Hill, with the vinyl tablecloths, waitresses who make you save your fork for your next course, and consistently great food to prove it. The Caesar salad and pastas are excellent, pasta specials with seafood are likewise, and meats come with sides of fantastic roasted potatoes and garlicky sautéed greens.

Machiavelli is a perfect date place, and has even hosted a few marriage proposals over the years. $$ MOLI BENTO 316 15th Ave. E., 325-8630. Join young families, scrubbed doctors, and various Capitol Hill strays at this shoebox of a Japanese joint. Photos of dishes are displayed on the wall like portraits: teriyaki shrimp, veggie yakisoba, California rolls. The weekday specials knock a couple quarters off the regular price and are good square deals. $ TANGO 1100 Pike St., 583-0382. This Latin tapas restaurant is known for its desserts, but the nightly happy hour (4:30 to 6 p.m., and all night Tuesday) make it an especially popular spot for the after-work crowd, and the big windows make it a good spot to watch the Cap Hill-climbing foot traffic go by. The tenders mix up good cocktails like pomegranate Margaritas and Greek Sidecars. The menu lists pan-Latin tapas such as green beans sautéed with harissa and crab ceviche with shiitakes. Cold dishes come off more successfully than the up-and-down hot entrées, but no one can resist the lure of El Diablo, a devilish dessert involving chocolate mousse, burnt meringue, caramel tequila sauce, and chiles. While the dining room closes at 10:30, the lounge stays open until midnight (every night) and on Monday nights the cozy, candle-lit booths are that much easier to settle into with a half priced bottle of wine. $$

CENTRAL DISTRICT

R & L HOME OF GOOD BAR-B-Q 1816 E. Yesler Way,

322-0271. Nothing fancy here; the soda comes out of a vending machine in the corner, and they don’t take plastic. But R & L sure makes a mean pulled-pork sandwich and fine plate of ribs. The Southern hospitality exhibited by the mother/daughter team who run the joint couldn’t be more welcoming. Even if the food didn’t call you back, the atmosphere—or wonderful lack thereof—would. $

COLUMBIA CITY

LOTTIE’S LOUNGE 4900 Rainier Ave. S., 725-0519.

Lottie’s Lounge is a low-key, funky neighborhood place—the gathering spot for Columbia City’s bohos.

The coffee shop turned bar-cafe serves a full dinner menu, allowing you to polish off a grilled ham-andcheddar panini or a plate of caper-studded linguine carbonara as you listen to the DJ’s set. $

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

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34

AUTHENTIC INDONESIAN FOOD IN SEATTLE

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748-9825. When Seattle eaters can’t face one more bowl of pho, but desperately need a steaming hot bowl of broth to see them through yet another chilly day, they tend to turn up at Sam Ung’s outpost of Cambodian cooking. Phnom Penh serves upstanding noodle soups, but eaters who stick around will also discover the sticky chicken wings, grilled short ribs and mee katang, which benefits immensely from a dollop of the house hot sauce of roasted chiles, garlic and dried shrimp paste. (A quarter buys an extra serving if you’re taking your Phnom Penh to go.) Like many Asian restaurant owners, Ung has a harrowing life story. More unusually, he’s written his memoirs in English. The slim book’s sold at the restaurant. $ PURPLE DOT CAFE 515 Maynard Ave. S., 622-0288.

Purple Dot Cafe looks like a cross between Space Mountain and a casino buffet. The walls are bright purple and yellow and the tables iridescent silver, and the food—well, there’s a lot of it. Purple Dot serves Hong Kong-style cuisine, meaning it’s influenced by everything. The wacky menu includes chow mein and honey-walnut prawns, baked spaghetti and pork chops, even French toast and banana pancakes. It’s a hugely popular spot with clubgoers, who come in gaggles after the bars close. (Owner Sindy Chan actually doubles her staff on weekends.) It’s the International District’s ultimate greasy spoon—you don’t necessarily want to have dim sum here, but boy, does that chow mein hit the spot at 3 a.m. $ SAMURAI NOODLE 606 Fifth Ave. S., 624-9321. An allramen restaurant with no plastic packets? Yup, Samurai Noodle does it all in-house, serving huge, redolent bowls of broth that took much longer than 90 seconds to

concoct (but still make for cheap eats). The house specialty, tonkotsu ramen, rivals a bowl of gravy in its richness. Though the recipe is subject to a nondisclosure agreement with a Japanese ramen company, Samurai’s chef simmers pork bones for hours, creating an oinky liquor with the color and creaminess of a good cafe au lait. There are other ramens at Samurai, including versions with chicken, soy, seasonal yuzu, and cold-fish broths, but none come so bundled with memories of Christmas dinner. $ TAN DINH DELI 1212 S. Main St., 726-9990. The decor at this Vietnamese deli, like so many others in the ID, is 100 percent functional: a steam table filled with stews and stir-fries, a cooler stocked with cans of young coconut juice and colorful puddings, and tables stocked with 101 plastic-wrapped delights: fried chicken legs, spring rolls, pale-green sticky rice flavored with pandan. What’s distinctive are the excellence of its sandwiches and its signature banh cuon (pronounced something like bang kuhn): slippery, translucent rice-flour crepes wrapped around ground pork, mushrooms, and fried shallots. $ TENOCH MEXICAN GRILL 208 Fifth Ave. S., 381-8994.

The reddish walls and orange floors of this bustling taqueria, named for an Aztec leader, are as spicy as the food. Tenoch’s menu brags that the cooks use no lard and opt for long preparation methods. You won’t spot their richly flavored chipotle-spiced potatoes and meats (puerco en pasilla, pollo en pipian) at your local taco truck. Just ask the person making your plate to cut down on the lettuce, rice, and other healthful stuff, which can bulk out your tacos and rice bowls without adding flavor. $

LESCHI & MADRONA

DANIEL’S BROILER 200 Lake Washington Blvd.,

329-4191. Daniel’s Broiler requires a clientele that’s notoriously unimaginative—financiers in business suits, tourists keen to eat red meat in Seattle and retirees drawn by reliable valet parking—to flex their imaginations. The Lake Union restaurant looks the part of a classic steakhouse, from the private wine cabinets to raw beef display case, but so much here doesn’t work. Guests fond of the dockside view are forced to imagine the sourdough rolls aren’t rock hard, the French onion soup isn’t greasy and the Caesar salad isn’t overloaded with garlic. But the service is kind, if corny (a middle-aged busser named Ricardo smilingly offered “more tequila?” when he refilled our water glasses.) And the steaks, thick with mesquite smoke, would be considered decent at half the price. $$$

MAGNOLIA & INTERBAY

KINNAREE THAI CUISINE 3311 W. McGraw St.,

285-4460. This intimate place, decorated with fish prints, is Magnolia’s own neighborhood Thai (every neighborhood gets one!). The menu runs the gamut from tangy, delicious tom kah soup to sweet, spicy forest curry and an incendiary basil rice. With the exception of an exceptional papaya salad, it’s pretty typical neighborhood Thai fare. $ SZMANIA’S RESTAURANT 3321 W. McGraw St., 284-7305. After years of running what he termed a “European bistro”, chef-owner Ludger Szmania (pronounced Smahn-ya) recently decided to reinvent his homey Magnolia dining room as a steakhouse. The neighborhood restaurant now turns out a mean New York strip, punched up with a proprietary seasoning blend that’s heavy on paprika. Szmania’s serves potatoes five different ways, but there’s no better match for steak than its bronzed, hand-cut fries. And for menu nostalgists, there’s still schnitzel and sausage on the menu. $$$

NORTH SEATTLE

CLAIRE’S PANTRY 12360 Lake City Way N.E., 365-4542.

Housed in the ground floor of a Lake City Way office building, Claire’s is the sort of place where Elks, Lions, and Eagles meet over Manhattans and clam chowder to determine who’s going to don the Santa suit at the orphanage this Christmas, and slices of pie are a de rigueur postscript to every meal. $ FU MAN DUMPLING HOUSE 14314 Greenwood Ave. N., 364-0681. If there’s one thing that you should order at Fu Man Dumpling House, a six-table hole in the wall in the northern stretches of Greenwood Avenue, it’s the boiled dumplings. Avoid the mushy chow mein, pass over the ho-hum stir-fried entrées. The lumpy, pinched little dumplings, plumped out with pork and vegetables, are the thing here. You’ll see families hunched over a couple dozen of them at a time, dead to everything but the slipperiness of the casing, the kick of the garlic sauce they dredge the dumplings through.

If your tablemates demand more variety, maybe branch out with a plate of cold roasted chicken or the “hamburger” (a pan-fried, hockey-puck-shaped dumpling filled with ground beef). $

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Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

music» »ESSAY

Final Boarding

If I get my way, “I’ll Fly Away.”

BY CHRIS KORNELIS

Local author and editor Mark Baumgarten collected essays from local musicians and writers that will be bound into mini-books and distributed at the Capitol Hill Block Party this weekend. Each essay is a response to a prompt: “The missiles are on their way, the plates are shifting, the aliens have landed, the meteor has breached the atmosphere . . .

You have five, maybe 10 minutes left on this Earth. What song is going to play you out?”

The following is Seattle Weekly music editor Chris Kornelis’ contribution.

I’ve been fortunate to have lived my entire life never having to wonder if my mother loved me or was proud of me. But I agree wholeheartedly with West and Smiley: There’s not a song I want to hear as I pass from this life to the next as much as a voice of comfort from a loved one. I can still hear my mother singing “Baby’s Boat the Silver Moon Sailing in the Sky,” a song she sang when I was upset as a child, and it brings me peace even now. It’s hard for me to think of a song I’d rather hear than that. But now that I have a son of my own, I don’t want to consider the idea of a parent

Bocce

Kickball

being at their child’s side when it’s time for them to go.

None of us are ever prepared to lose the ones we love. And when my grandpa was nearing his coda, nobody ever told me “Your grandpa is dying.” After the day came, we all gathered at my grandparents’ house, talking, crying, and eating a lot. As I sat at the desk of my grandpa’s office writing his obituary— surrounded by knickknacks, photos, and taxidermy that would tell any anthropologist, 100 years from now, that here sat a man who loved his family—my grandma kept me fueled with hot cups of Yuban and chocolate-chip cookies. Hours after her husband of more than 50 years had left, she couldn’t stop being the consummate host.

When the details of the funeral were coming together, my grandma asked my brothers—one older, one younger—and myself if we would perform a few songs. It was a reasonable request, but also a unique one: The three of us have played music our entire lives, but outside the requisite school concerts, we’d rarely performed together.

So we didn’t have a canned set list to turn to.

“Amazing Grace” was one of Grandpa’s favorites, so it was a given. And all three of us wanted to play “Tom Dooley.” Grandpa kept a country-and-Western compilation CD in his truck, and on trips to his ranch to catch fish or shoot vintage 7-Up bottles or targets with an ancient .22, we’d always listen to The Kingston Trio sing “Tom Dooley” and Lefty Frizzell’s take on “Long Black Veil.” But we had a feeling that “Met her on the mountain/Stabbed her with my knife” wouldn’t work with our crowd, even though Grandpa would have appreciated it. Funerals aren’t for the dead.

We settled on “Amazing Grace” and Albert E. Brumley’s gospel classic, “I’ll Fly Away,”

B

ack at the house after the funeral, I played bartender, mixing bottomless martinis well into the night. My uncle Joe, an Arizona rancher with deep lines and a hushed boom of a voice, had been unplugged from his hospital cords to make the drive up to eastern Washington for the funeral with his wife, my grandpa’s daughter. He asked me to make him a spicy bloody Mary, and I mixed him a glass of Ketel One, tomato juice, Tabasco, and olives. I handed it to him, and he looked at me calmly with the eyes of a man who’d seen more of life and death than most. He told me he’d liked seeing me give my brother a kick during “I’ll Fly Away.” “That’s what brothers are for,” he remarked. (Uncle Joe died a few short months later, and my older brother sang at his funeral. That’s what nephews are for.)

When it’s time for me to check out—on a “glad morning” years from now, if I’m making requests—I hope my brothers are up for doing me one more favor. The song, as Dr. West said, isn’t as important as the voice, and the voices I’d like to hear are those of my brothers. And if it isn’t too much trouble, I’d like them to sing “I’ll Fly Away.” If they’re unavailable for the gig, I’d appreciate it if Alison Krauss would sit in.

After the performance, I hope to make a quiet exit and join my grandpa and the creator of all things for an onion sandwich and a bottle of whiskey. Walla Walla Sweets and Canadian Hunter will do just fine. E

Softball

More friends, more fun...

ckornelis@seattleweekly.com CAPITOL HILL BLOCK PARTY With Neko Case, Major Lazer, Fitz and the Tantrums, and others. Various venues around 10th Avenue and East Pike Street. $30 daily/$85 for three-day passes. Fri., July 20–Sun., July 22.

(206) 320-8326

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

Hours after her husband of more than 50 years had left, she couldn’t stop being the consummate host.

r!

This Summe

MIKE FREIHEIT

J

aneane Garofalo said it would be the Beach Boys’ “Caroline, No”; for NPR’s Michele Norris, it would be Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” as performed by k.d. lang. According to Larry Miller, the overbearing dad in 10 Things I Hate About You, “The last song I want to hear before I die hasn’t been written yet, and won’t be for another hundred years.”

Over the past two years, many performers have told me the last song they’d like to hear before they die—it’s a question on our regular “Reverb Questionnaire” feature. But after hearing the responses from Tavis Smiley and Dr. Cornel West, co-hosts of the syndicated public-radio show Smiley & West, I’m considering retiring the question, as I can’t imagine hearing a better answer.

At first they said they were stumped; nobody had ever asked them before. But just as they were throwing their hands in their air, Dr. West offered: “I don’t think I’d want to hear a song.

I’d want to hear a loved one’s voice.” Smiley agreed: “I was about to say, I’d want to hear my mama’s voice. I’ve never heard a song sweeter than my mother telling me ‘I love you and I’m proud of you.’ ”

one of the most upbeat songs about death ever written. It approaches the end of life on earth not as a dark day, but as a “glad morning”; not as retiring to the earth, but being set free: “Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I’ll fly away.”

We decided we’d each take a verse and sing the chorus together. That was kind of a bad idea. I didn’t have a guitar to hide behind like my brothers did. It was my job to stand there and sing when it was my turn, and I drew the last verse: “Just a few more weary days and then I’ll fly away/ To a land where joy shall never end, I’ll fly away.”

When it came time to sing it, I couldn’t make the words happen.

My younger brother was standing to my left, and I gave him a gentle kick just before the last verse. He knew what it meant, and he took the verse for me.

37

music»Reverb

»THROUGH @ 2

Fantastic Four

»FESTIVALS

Inside the Kithkin universe.

BY ERIN K. THOMPSON

Reverb Fest 2012: The Lineup

Country Lips! Haunted Horses! OCnotes! The Greatest Rock ’n’ Roll Band in the World!

KITHKIN Capitol Hill Block Party, Vera Stage. $30 daily pass. All ages. 4 p.m. Sun., July 22.

H

ere in Seattle, festival season ends not at the end of summer but at the beginning of October, after Seattle Weekly’s REVERB Local Music Festival—which goes down Saturday, October 6—has wrapped up. Every year, REVERB aims to bring you a diverse and comprehensive mix of the best local music. A $10–$15 festival wristband gets you access to 10 venues on and around Ballard Avenue, all packed with live music, all day. The only rules for the lineup are that acts have to be local, and, because we like to keep things fresh, they can’t have played last year’s festival.

This year we’re pleased to announce a lineup of old favorites (Sweetwater) and young up-and-comers (Kithkin, Naomi Punk); heavy noisemakers (Grave Babies, Full Toilet) and lady rockers (Cristina Bautista, Nouela); rising rappers (OCnotes, Brothers From Another) and first-rate folk bands (Country Lips, Shivering Denizens); a mysterious cover band that’s sure to thrill fans of both the Rolling Stones and the Blood Brothers (The Greatest Rock ’n’ Roll Band in the World); and a beard-rock supergroup featuring members of the Maldives, the

Haunted Horses, prepping for REVERB.

Moondoggies, and Gold Leaves (Cosmic Pantherhead). And this is only a preliminary list—we’ll be adding acts in the weeks to come, so be sure to check seattleweekly.com/

»COLUMN

Little Black Books

Misery and suffering to put a spring in your summer.

T

his is my fourth summer here at the mighty Seattle Weekly.

We have journeyed together through a whole stack of books by this point. But the book-list columns are still some of my most favorite to write—if only because we all get to share some great insight into other literary areas that we may have otherwise overlooked. I’ll go first.

The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald): I guess there is a reason they call books like this “classics.” This is perfect fiction, and I never got a chance to read Gatsby during

This piece of fiction promises punk rock, self-destruction, and redemption. Wait . . .

I know that story. my hyphenated high-school career. A pure joy to read, and totally interesting in that I got to go to New York last week and sort of nerd-out on the places the book’s characters

reverb for updates. So without further ado, here are the acts set to play on October 6: Ayron Jones & The Way, Cristina Bautista, Erik Blood, BOAT, Brain Fruit, Brokaw, Brothers From Another, the Chasers, Chocolate Chuck, Cosmic Pantherhead, Country Lips, the Crow Quill Night Owls, Arrington de Dionyso, Deadkill, Shelby Earl, Full Toilet, Grave Babies, Rachel Harrington, Haunted Horses, Eugenie Jones, Kithkin, Lifestyles of the Poor & Unknown, Midday Veil, Gabriel Mintz, Monogamy Party, Naomi Punk, No Rey, Noeula, OCnotes, Posse, Prom Queen, Secret Colors, the Shivering Denizens, Side Saddle, Soul Senate, Spoonshine, Shannon Stephens, Sweet Pups, Sweetwater, The Greatest Rock ’n’ Roll Band in the World, Ticktockman, the Wheelies, Wonderful. E JOSHUA HUSTON

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

TATE LARRICK

38

THE SITUATION I’m spending a recent Friday evening with three-fourths of the tribal-pop band Kithkin—Alex Barr, Bob Martin, and Kelton Sears, all seniors at Seattle University—who’ve walked down from their Central District house to meet me at Bush Garden in the International District. Over green tea and sushi, they’re telling me about a “drummage” sale they just attended at the Drum Exchange, where they spent $200 on various percussion instruments.

“All of [our] songs are structured around drums and rhythm,” says Sears. “All of my favorite music comes from Africa, and all of it’s about cool polyrhythms and cool, chanty, back-and-forth stuff. We dug that, and we were like, ‘Let’s channel that through pop music.’ ” HOW THEY GOT HERE Kithkin likes to take band walks through the woods, what they call “nature-y journeys,” for songwriting inspiration. Sears says that when he saw the fantasy anime movie Princess Mononoke, about a young girl who lives among wolves and forest spirits, he wanted to write music that could soundtrack that film. “The woods can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be a spooky, creepy thing, which we dig,” he says.

Kithkin really loves fantasy—everyone in the band plays Dungeons & Dragons, except for Barr, who plays Magic: The Gathering. Sears tells me that “Kithkin” is actually a character from a Magic card, and when I laugh, he says earnestly, “It is, for real. I kid you not. It also means ‘friends and family,’ but it’s mostly from Magic.”

SHOP TALK In January, Kithkin released their first recording, an EP called Takers & Leavers, and just days before our meeting they premiered a brand-new song, a clanking, portentous track called “Peacock.” I ask if they know that there’s a Katy Perry song called “Peacock.” “There is, and it’s about penises,” says Sears, accurately. “I kind of dig that song.” He clarifies, though, that their song doesn’t pertain to the same subject matter.

BTW: Kithkin’s obsession with fantasy elements is reflected in their lyrics. One track, “Asunder,” tells the story of a village boy possessed by an evil spirit; when a benevolent tree spirit fails to help him, he’s ripped apart by his neighbors. But it all comes back to real life, says Sears—“You kind of have to get ripped apart to grow up.” He says he hopes they won’t grow out of their fantasy phrase.

“I think it’ll adapt,” says Martin.

“Maybe it won’t be so creature-y heavy,” says Sears. “[But] I like it when songwriters create their own little universes.” E

BY ERIN K. THOMPSON

BY DUFF MCKAGAN lived in and visited.

West and East Egg will be on my nextplaces-to-go list when I next visit N.Y. (Factoid about The Great Gatsby: Hunter S. Thompson typed every word in this book four different times, just to get the “feel” of writing perfect fiction).

Down the Great Unknown (Edward Dolnick): This is the epic true story of adventurer John Wesley Powell and his nine mountain-men cohorts’ 1869 journey down the Colorado River. 1865 saw the end of the Civil War and gave birth to a whole slew of young men who wanted to see the beauty in life after so much horror. A Brit friend suggested this book, and sometimes it takes that outside fascination with your own country’s history to light a spark.

Outer Dark (Cormac McCarthy): Yep. Another dark and twisted look into the American soul. Poverty. Misery. Suffering.

Loss. Nothing like a little Cormac fiction to put a spring in your step! Genius.

ethompson@seattleweekly.com REVERB LOCAL MUSIC FESTIVAL $10 adv./$15 DOS. Sat., Oct. 6.

The Power Broker: A Novel (Stephen Frey): This was suggested to me by a CBGB friend while I was in New York last week. I was asking all my Gatsby-related questions, and I got a book-recommend in the deal.

If you like stories of what makes the world turn ’round from a behind-the-scenes, power-player vantage point, The Power Broker is a very strong story.

(An aside: Has anyone noticed that you can’t yet get all you might want by certain authors on the Kindle yet? For instance, you can get The Jungle and Oil! and a few others by Upton Sinclair, but something like 30 of his works are yet to be available on e-Books. I certainly like to have a real book in my hands, but take notice that this is one area where our convenience-based lives are underserved. These times will be remembered as archaic in about five years.)

On deck: My ultra-cool book editor and NYU professor, Tim Mohr, brought me a couple of books from his local independent bookstore in Brooklyn. His recommends are ALWAYS stellar: A Visit From the Goon Squad (Jennifer Egan): This 2010 Pulitzer Prize–winning piece of fiction promises punk rock, selfdestruction, and redemption. Wait . . . I know that story.

Ten Thousand Saints (Eleanor Henderson): Again, New York City, 1980s, graffiti, etc. . . . I’m IN! So chime in with what you’ve got. I’ll let you all take it from here. E askduff@seattleweekly.com

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music»TheShortList

*

EDITOR’S PICK

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE

SATURDAY, JULY 21

SADAF HA

American Idol Live

Grimes’ wispy electro-pop, Miracles Club’s live house antics, Pollens’ polyglot rhythmic jams, SpaceGhostPurrp’s possibly terrible cloud rap.

Then there’s Diplo/Major Lazer’s populist party music, Thee Oh Sees’ scorcher garage rock, Father John Misty’s louche Laurel Canyon routine, TRUST’s goth pop, Spoek Mathambo’s globalist beats, and frankly too much other good stuff to fit here. Prepare yourself for a long weekend. capitolhillblockparty.com. $30 daily/

WEDNESDAY, JULY 18

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

e

40

Damaged from faulty memory; and collaborated with equally adventurous artists from Björk and the Roots to White Rainbow’s Adam Forkner. Previous album Bitte Orca was a dazzling work of disjointed rhythm and melody and unearthly, broken-up vocal harmonies (Longstreth’s own warbly voice backed by the trio of Angel Deradoorian, Amber Coffman, and Haley Dekle). So, yes, Magellan’s songs are less fractured and more flowing, but they’re still delightfully strange and full of unexpected pleasures. With Wye Oak. Showbox at the

Amphitheatre, 40601 AuburnEnumclaw Rd., Auburn, 360-8256200. 8 p.m. $29.50–$49.50. All ages. ERIN K. THOMPSON

Market, 1426 First Ave., 628-3151. 8 p.m. $22.50 adv./$28 DOS. All ages. ERIC GRANDY

SpaceGhostPurrp MONDAY, JULY 23

SpaceGhostPurrp, aka Miami’s Muney Jordan, lays claim to one of the most absurdly fantastic, cartoon-referential handles and regionally uncharacteristic styles in rap today.

His all-black, mainly Oakland Raider–logoed uniform isn’t exactly the casual beachwear seen in most Miami-area music videos, and his syrupy horrorcore production and slinking, night-dweller flow contains strands of the oldschool West Coast/Brotha Lynch Hung underbelly as well as new in-vogue New York haze-rap like A$AP Rocky. Hitting Vera Project with recent Odd Future signees Trash Talk, this show should be nothing short of punk.

Vera Project, 305 Harrison St., 956-8372. 7:30 p.m. $15. All ages.

TODD HAMM

COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

America’s most popular TV show has lately become more about the celebrity judges than the actual contestants. Blame it on J-Lo’s magnificent ass or Steven Tyler’s creepily entertaining comments (“Hot, humid, and happening . . . just like your daughter!”) But the show’s most recent season actually pulled in an impressive selection of talent. Viewers sensed something special when 21-year-old Georgia $85 three-day pass. All ages. ERIC GRANDY guitarist Phillip Phillips auditioned with a bluesy version of “Thriller,” performing it so Chris Isaak SUNDAY, JULY 22 intently he broke a guitar string, and they were right—he won the competition handily, with his Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” provides the sweet and folksy first single “Home” shooting to soundtrack for the sexiest music video ever #1 on iTunes. Phillips has the makings of a star— filmed. In it, Isaak—extraordinarily dashing a bashful and handsome aura that ladies love, a and aw-shucks folksy at the same time—rolls weird name, a natural ease around (mostly) naked on onstage, a unique musical the beach with supermodel outlook. It’d be nice to see Helena Christensen. There Tune in to 97.3 KIRO FM every Sunday at 3 p.m. him play those cards right are frames in which it’s to hear music editor Chris Kornelis and stick around longer clear they’ve formed the on Seattle Sounds. than that other guitar guy beast with two backs, out who won a couple years in the open, waves crashing ago. KeyArena, 305 Harrison St., 684-7200. against their bare buns. If you were stranded on Duck Island after watching this video, you’d 7 p.m. $27.50–$63. All ages. ERIN K. THOMPSON attempt to mount a muskrat carcass if it was the only thing handy. Isaak, now 56 with a voice as Capitol Hill Block Party FRIDAY, JULY 20–SUNDAY, JULY 22 lush and durable as his looks, has that effect on people. So do supermodels. Theirs is a beautiAny great summer festival compresses three ful world. With Shawn Colvin. Chateau Ste. months’ worth of shows into a matter of days, and Seattle’s Capitol Hill Block Party does Michelle, 14111 N.E. 145th St., Woodinville, exactly that, mixing local and national talent 425-415-3300. 7 p.m. $45–$70. MIKE SEELY across five stages in what has long been the city’s best neighborhood for music and nightDirty Projectors MONDAY, JULY 23 life. Indie rock and hip-hop dominate (Twin Shadow and Cloud Nothings, Aesop Rock and To call Dirty Projectors’ new album Swing Lo Nacho Picasso). Metal and general heaviness Magellan their most “accessible” or “straightmake a decent showing (Black Breath, Helms forward” is to quietly elide just how weird the Alee). Indie folk and vintage-style soul battle band has historically been. The decade-long it out at the top of the bill for most annoying, recording project of David Longstreth, a Yaleoversaturated trend of the year (the Lumineers educated lefty guitar player with a fondness vs. Fitz and the Tantrums). Decibel provides for African pop and the American avant-garde, the electronic after-parties. And as usual, the Dirty Projectors has made songs about the most interesting stuff happens in the outliers: Eagles’ Don Henley; reimagined Black Flag’s

Grimes will play the Capitol Hill Block Party’s main stage on Saturday, July 20.

Any suspicions that young British performer Florence Welch might be a one-hit wonder after the huge success of her 2009 single “Dog Days Are Over” were dispelled when last year’s “Shake It Out” became an even bigger hit. The stately, flame-haired Welch has an unforgettably majestic voice that’s more than able to carry her career, and her flowery, bohemian style has become something of a popculture fixation; she’s appeared on the covers of such fashion bibles as Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. Her latest musical output is the soaring fourth single from her Ceremonials album, “Spectrum (Say My Name),” complete with a glamorous David LaChapelle–directed music video and a club-ready Calvin Harris remix. Florence + the Machine’s current tour leans a little bit more rock than pop, though, with New York quintet The Walkmen, who just released their seventh album, Heaven, opening. White River

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WELL DRINKS & DOMESTIC BOTTLED BEER $2 16 OZ. MICROS $3.50 DINNER: 5-10PM EVERYDAY BREAKFAST & LUNCH: SAT 8AM-2PM / SUN 9AM-2PM 7115 WOODLAWN AVENUE NE 522-1168

VERBAL TIP • DEATH BY STEAMSHIP 9PM • $6

SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR AUDIOS AMIGOS CHAOS REVOLUTION THEORY 9:30PM • $8

SAT 7/21 TUE 7/24 WED 7/25

AT 8PM; SUN, MON, TUES

HAPPY HOUR 9AM-NOON & 4-7 PM

AFRAID OF FIGS

BIG WHEEL STUNT SHOW FRI 7/20

9PM

EVERY MONDAY AND WEDNESDAY

BABY GUNS 9PM • $6

SUNDAY JULY 22ND

DAVANOS

EARLY 6PM - 8PM (BRING THE KIDS)

PERPETUAL RITUAL • SO PITTED

FRIDAY JULY 20TH & SATURDAY JULY 21ST

TONY BRIDGES BAND

ELI ROSENBLATT

THUR 7/26

THE TORN ACLS (RECORD RELEASE)

CAUGHT IN MOTION • THE HOOT HOOTS 10PM • $8

GOLDENBOY

CYNIC CIRCUS • CORESPONDENTS 9PM • $7

ST. ELIAS

DOZERS • GUESTS 9PM • $6

POST ADOLESCENCE

IN CAHOOTS DEATHS THREE DAUGHTERS 9:30PM • $6

tractor www.tractortavern.com

5213 BALLARD AVE. NW • 789-3599

WED, JUL 18 • 9PM ~ $8

MON, JUL 23 • 7:30PM ~ $6

ALT-FOLK FROM NASHVILLE, TN

MONDAY SQUARE DANCE FEAT. MUSIC BY

THU, JUL 19 • 9PM ~ $7

HELLACIOUS SQUARE DANCING STARTS AT 8PM! TUE, JUL 24 • 9PM ~ $8

THE FAREWELL DRIFTERS THE WEATERSIDE WHISKEY BAND CREEPING TIME 60S GARAGE ROCK & LATE 70S POST-PUNK

PANAMA GOLD

FRI, JUL 20 • 9:30PM ~ $8

THE TRACTOR & KBCS 91.3 FM PRESENT ELECTIC ROCK & PYCH-FOLK

LUCY MICHELLE

& THE VELVET LAPELLES TEN-SPEED MUSIC, VALLEY FAIR WED, JUL 25 • 8:30PM ~ $8

COMBINING AMERICANA, ROCK & POP

ORIGINAL FOLK BLUES & TRADITIONAL SPIRITUALS

WHISKEY SYNDICATE

THE BIG MEDICINE

RORY JAMES AND THE MAJESTIC

THE BLACKBERRY BUSHES STRINGBAND

SAT, JUL 21 • 9:30PM ~ $8 ADV / $10 DOS

THU, JUL 26 • 9PM ~ $6

DIEGO’S UMBRELLA

SHANNON STEPHENS AND HER FABULOUS FRIENDS

LOST DOGMA

SAN FRANCISCO’S AMBASSADORS OF GYPSY ROCK

JONNY SONIC ETERNAL FAIR

CHARLIE PARR

FOLK SINGER-SONGWRITER

KEVIN LONG, TBA

TIMES LISTED ARE SHOW TIMES. DOORS OPEN 30-60 MINUTES BEFORE

U& PMING: COMIN

7/27 FORT UNION album release show, CATALDO, WIDOWER 7/28 Square Peg presents PROBLEM CHILD ~ AD/DC tribute band, WILL WAKEFIELD AND THE CONGRESS HOTEL 7/29 IGOR & RED ELVISES 7/31 LOW HUMS, MIDTOWN DICKENS, YOUR HEART BREAKS 8/1 JUNKYARD DOGS (Supersuckers country), MOUNTAIN SPROUT 8/2 WHITEY MORGAN AND THE 78’s, SIDE SADDLE, REDNECK GIRLFRIEND 8/3 LANGHORNE SLIM & THE LAW, KAY KAY AND HIS WEATHERED UNDERGROUND, TINY MESSENGERS 8/4 Square Peg presents MICKY & THE MOTORCARS, HENRY AT WAR 8/6 PHOSPHORESCENT, MIMICKING BIRDS 8/7 WHITE DENIM, YUNI IN TAXCO, D.EVOLUTION.AIRES 8/8 SHONEN KNIFE, THE MALLARD, TACOCAT 8/10 MURDER BY DEATH, HA HA TONKA 8/11 AYRON JONES AND THE WAY, TIP TO BASE, PHILANA GOODRICH 8/13 MONDAY SQUARE DANCE with THE TALLBOYS

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

TICKTOCKMAN THE MOTHERSHIP

THE TALLBOYS

41

seven»nights State of the Artist heads up Neumos on July 19.

Join us in the Trophy Room for Happy Hour: Thursday Bartender Special 8-Close Fridays: 5-8pm

DJ100PROOF

RESERVE THE TROPHY ROOM FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT!

Wednesday, July 18 KENNY LATTIMORE This soulful R&B singer is touring

COCKTAILS • TASTY HOT DOGS • LOTSA PINBALL

2222 2ND AVENUE • SEATTLE

206-441-5449 Events WED, JULY 18TH

Thursday, July 19

SEATTLE SOUNDERS

BIG FREEDIA & THE DIVAS This New Orleans MC

Events KIRKLAND UNCORKED

has helped popularize “bounce music,” an energetic subgenre of underground hip-hop. With Ononos, DJs Mathematix, Dewey Decimal. Chop Suey, 1325 E. Madison St., 324-8005, chopsuey.com. 9 p.m. $13.

LIMES Songwriter Shawn Cripps has remained in obscurity for most of his 10-plus years as Limes, but his melancholy pop stylings have gained a cult following in his native Memphis. With Sad Horse, Abductee. Barboza. 8 p.m. $8.

PANAMA GOLD This classic rock-leaning local five-piece put out Kill the Lights last month. With Ticktockman, The Mothership. Tractor Tavern, 5231 Ballard Ave. N.W., 789-3599, tractortavern.com. 9 p.m. $7.

STATE OF THE ARTIST This hip-hop collective headlines the third-anniversary show of local label and promotional company Members Only. With Hi-Life Soundsystem, Shaprece, Thaddeus David, Parker & Lace Cadence, Nite Owls, DJ 100proof, DJ Swervewon. Neumos, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9442, neumos.com. 8 p.m. Free.

Friday, July 20

Events

JAMES COTTON This Grammy-winning blues musician

WED, AUGUST 1ST

BEST OF BESTOFPARTY SEATTLE PARTY ’

SEATTLE ®

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1ST

PIER 66 7PM - 10PM

is virtuosic on his instrument of choice—the harmonica. Jazz Alley. 7:30 & 9:30 p.m. $26.50. All ages. (Also 7:30 p.m. July 19 & 22, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m. July 21).

DIMINISHED MEN This experimental rock group combines elements of surf, jazz, and psychedelic music into its opaque, hazy sound. With The Dream Team. JewelBox/Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave., 441-5823, jewelboxtheater.com. 10 p.m. $7.

Send events to music@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended, NC = no charge, AA = all ages.

•

the first night of the Cock Block Party, a series of free, post–Capitol Hill Block Party shows. With Country Lips.

Comet Tavern, 922 E. Pike St., 322-9272, comettavern. com. 11 p.m. Free.

Saturday, July 21 BLUE LIGHT CURTAIN On last month’s Clouds in

Our Hair, this local shoegaze group stays true to its genre while adding modern-rock touches. With the Silent Numbers, Jetman Jet Team. JewelBox/ Rendezvous. 10 p.m. $5.

DARK TIME SUNSHINE

What started as an adventurous side project for longtime Grayskul MC Onry Ozzborn and then-relatively unknown Chicago producer Alex Zavala has become one of the most highly regarded and complete alt-rap ventures associated with the Northwest. Their new album, ANX, is more of the same. With Sadistik, Mr. Hill. The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave., 441-4618, thecrocodile. 9 p.m. $10.

MICHAEL KAESHAMMER

With Lacosa, Saint Warhead, Aeon, The Freeman. High Dive. 8 p.m. $6.

SNOOP DOGG A hip-hop and pop-culture icon, the Doggfather will release Reincarnated later this year.

With Dyme Def, Jay Barz. Showbox SoDo. 7 p.m. $39.50 adv./$45 DOS. All ages.

Monday, July 23 MEWITHOUTYOU This Philadelphia four-piece plays

post-hardcore punk with spoken-word vocals in the vein of The Dismemberment Plan. With Kevin Devine, Buried Beds. Neumos.

8 p.m. $14. All ages.

NEIL DIAMOND At 71, this tireless icon has sold as many or more records as there are grains of sand on a shore, and he’ll probably keep touring until his legions of fans get sick of him. (So, never.) KeyArena, 305 Harrison St., 684-7200, keyarena.com. 8 p.m. $52–$117. All ages.

OWL CITY Nearly three years after becoming a tween pop sensation with “Fireflies,” Adam Young is touring behind May’s Shooting Star EP. With Jayme Dee. Triple Door.

7:30 p.m. Sold out. All ages.

This German-Canadian pianist plays boogie-woogie jazz and singer/songwriter fare. Triple Door, 216 Union St., 838-4333, thetripledoor. net. 7:30 p.m. $20 adv./$23 DOS. All ages.

ROLE ONE This electric 3D FRIENDS The selffive-piece boasts two described chillwave guitar-wielding MCs and project of Daniel Chavez a backing band that plays mewithoutyou plays Neumos Wright falls somewhere funk and reggae. With on July 23. between new wave, Black Plastic Clouds, post-punk, and indie rock.

Morning Glory Revival.

With Delenda, My Deformed High Dive, 513 N. 36th St., Pets. Comet Tavern. 9 p.m. $5.

632-0212, highdiveseattle.com. 9:30 p.m. $7.

EMMYLOU HARRIS It sounds incredibly clichéd to say a female singer has the voice of an angel, but the halo fits Emmylou Harris. She croons so purely, her vibrato unforced. Just go to this show. With THE BOUNCING SOULS Forerunners to the pop-punk Steve Martin & the Steep Canyon Rangers. Chateau boom of the late ’90s/early aughts, this veteran New Ste. Michelle, 14111 N.E. 145th St., Woodinville, Jersey punk band released its ninth studio album last 425-415-3300, ste-michelle.com. 7 p.m. Sold out.

LUCY MICHELLE & THE VELVET LAPELLES This month. With the Mezingers, Luther. Chop Suey. 7 p.m.

Minneapolis folk and country group recently released $18. All ages.

RIPYNT Pronounced “repent,” this Everett-based MC HEAT, its fourth album. With Ten-Speed Music, Valley makes music that is impassioned and deeply personal.

Fair. Tractor Tavern. 9 p.m. $8.

PRESS HERE PUBLICITY

Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

SAT & SUN, JULY 21-22

42

behind his new single, “Find a Way.” Jazz Alley, 2033 Sixth Ave., 441-9729, jazzalley.com. 7:30 p.m. $32.50.

All ages.

MEEK MILL Earlier this year, MTV named this Philadelphia rapper the “seventh hottest MC in the game,” alongside household names like Drake, Kanye, and Jay-Z. Showbox SoDo, 1700 First Ave. S., 652-0444, showbox online.com. 7 p.m. $34.50 adv./$40 DOS. All ages.

THE SOFT WHITE SIXTIES This San Francisco fivepiece was recently named one of the top 10 bands in the Bay Area by rock station Live 105. With The Grizzled Mighty, Branden Daniel and the Chics, the Mad Caps. Barboza, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9951, thebarboza.com. 8 p.m. $8.

ROSE WINDOWS The local psychedelic band kicks off

Sunday, July 22

Tuesday, July 24

’

BEST

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WENDESDAY, AUGUST 1ST

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LAKESIDE GROUP

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

TICKETS ON SALE NOW Tickets available online at ticketmaster.com, all outlets, at the Chateau Ste. Michelle wine shop or charge-by-phone: (800) 745-3000

43

SEATTLE’S MUSIC & ARTS FESTIVAL

dinner & show

SEPT 1–3 SEATTLE CENTER

THE ONLY REASON NOT TO COME IS IF YOU HATE FUN. Do you hate fun?

Come see what Seattleites have known for more than 40 years...

With over 250 performances and exhibits, you’re guaranteed to see the artists you love, plus discover your new favorite. Plan your music and arts adventure, and prepare to fall in love with Bumbershoot.

TONY BENNETT

JANE'S ADDICTION MAC MILLER M.WARD

BIG SEAN

AWOLNATION

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

44

GOTYE

SHARON JONES & THE DAP KINGS

PASSION PIT

JANEANE GAROFALO

SYMPHONY UNTUXED JOHN WATERS

M83

SKRILLEX

KEANE

BEST COAST

DOUG BENSON

songs of the naked soul

featuring lindsey pavao – semi-finalist from the voice, olivia de la cruz, valerie orth and more!

THU/JULY 19 • 8PM CD RELEASE PARTY!

geoffrey castle solo FRI/JULY 20 • 8PM SUMMER CAMP SHOW!

school of rock

performing pink floyd’s dark side of the moon SAT/JULY 21 • 7:30PM SQUARE PEG PRESENTS

michael kaeshammer SUN/JULY 22 • 8PM

ELVISTRAVAGANZA!

THE WRITERS OF FUTURAMA

WED/JULY 18 • 7:30PM

TICKETS

the bobs “30 years to life”

START AT $40 Plus fees for a limited time only.

YOUNGERSHOOT

AND MANY MORE!

Kids 10 and under are FREE!

See full lineup and buy tickets online:

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• 7/18 science! / tim “too slim” langford • 7/19 sheldon botler w/ philana goodrich / global village band • 7/20 rosie burgess trio / the fat kids cd release party! • 7/21 fly paper • 7/22 charles mack • 7/23 free funk union w/ d’vonne lewis and adam kessler • 7/24 singersongwriter showcase • 7/25 vunt foom TO ENSURE THE BEST EXPERIENCE

PLEASE ARRIVE EARLY DOORS OPEN 1.5 HOURS PRIOR TO FIRST SHOW ALL-AGES (BEFORE 9:30PM)

thetripledoor.net 216 UNION STREET, SEATTLE 206.838.4333

music»Karaoke Karaoke Listings ATLANTIC CROSSING 6508 Roosevelt Way N.E.,

729-6266, theatlanticcrossing.com. Free. Mondays, 9 p.m.

BOGART’S AIRPORT WAY 3924 Airport Way S., 622-1119, bogartsairportway.com. Free. Mondays, Wednesdays–Saturdays, 9 p.m.

BOXCAR ALEHOUSE 3407 Gilman Ave. W., 286-6000. Free. Thursdays, Saturdays, 9 p.m.

BUSH GARDEN 614 Maynard Ave. S., 682-6830, bushgarden.net. Free. Sundays, 5 p.m.; Mondays– Thursdays, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m.

CHANGES BAR & GRILL 2103 N. 45th St., 545-8363, changesinwallingford.com. Free.

Wednesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, 9 p.m.

CITRUS 1001 Fairview Ave. N., 402-6364, citruslakeunion.com. Free. Mondays, 10 p.m.

EL NORTE 13717 Lake City Way N.E., 954-1349. Free.

Thursdays, 9 p.m.

FOUR SEAS RESTAURANT 714 S. King St., 6824900, fourseasrestaurant.com. Free. Thursdays– Saturdays, 9 p.m.

FOURNO’S GREEK RESTAURANT 4733 University Way N.E., 729-5195. Free. Tuesdays, 10 p.m.

INDUSTRY LOUNGE 6601 E. Marginal Way S., 762-3453, myspace.com/206industrylounge. Free.

Sundays, 9 p.m.

Send events to karaoke@seattleweekly.com

KATE’S PUB 309 N.E. 45th St., 547-6832. Free.

Wednesdays, 10 p.m.

MARCO POLO BAR & GRILL 5613 Fourth Ave.

S., 762-3964, marcopolopub.com. Free. Fridays– Saturdays, 9 p.m.

MOLLY MAGUIRE’S 610 N.W. 65th St., 789-9643, seattleirishpubs.com/mollys/index.htm. Free.

Thursdays, 9 p.m.

R PLACE 619 E. Pine St., 322-8828, rplaceseattle.com.

Free. Mondays, Tuesdays, Sundays, 9 p.m.

ROOSEVELT ALE HOUSE 8824 Roosevelt Way, 527-5480, rooseveltalehouse.com. Free. Thursdays, 9 p.m.

SCARLET TREE 801 N.E. 65th St. C, 523-8888, scarlet-tree.com. Free. Tuesdays, 9:30 p.m.

SPECTATOR 529 Queen Anne Ave. N., 599-4263, thespectatorsports.com. Free. Thursdays–Saturdays, 9:30 p.m.

TALARICO’S 4718 California Ave. S.W., 937-3463, talaricoswest.com. Free. Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, 9:30 p.m.

TARASCO MEXICAN RESTAURANT 1452 N.W. 70th St., 782-1485. Free. Saturdays, 9 p.m.

THE CUFF 1533 13th Ave., 323-1525, cuffcomplex.com.

Free. Thursdays, 8 p.m.

WATERWHEEL LOUNGE 7034 15th Ave. N.W., 7845701, thewaterwheellounge.com. Free. Tuesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, 8:30 p.m.

WHITE RABBIT 513 N. 36th St., 588-0155, fremontwhiterabbit.com. Free. Wednesdays, 9 p.m.

YEN WOR VILLAGE RESTAURANT 2300 California Ave. S.W., 932-1455, yenworseattle.com. Free. Daily, 9 p.m.

LIVE • FRIDAY • JULY 27TH

NEUMOS

SEATTLE, WA

KaraoKeKorrespondent » by jeff roman

It’s All a Blur

by Alabama. I had high hopes for it, but midway through, I realized it was a total bore as well.

Mochi threw on a mini–cowboy hat he grabbed from Kelli’s prop shelf and got the night going with “Amie” by Pure Prairie League. Ian went up to Tony and gave him shit because he forgot to put his name on his request slip. He asked Tony if the real Kenny Rogers was going to be walking in (it’s a good thing we were all in a good mood that night, because he was really asking to be fucked with right back). Tony always comes through with gems, and his rendition of “Lucille” was fantastic. Not to be outdone by her hubby, Pauline delivered my favorite performance of the night, Loretta Lynn’s “Don’t Come Home a-Drinkin’.”

By 11 p.m., the place had filled. The sound quality was fine from the floor, but for the first couple rotations we couldn’t hear our voices while singing onstage. It was as if the mike was turned off. A guy named Ernesto sang Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are.” He had an incredibly rich baritone voice, but was never even remotely in key. He reminded us of Ted Williams, the homeless guy with the perfect announcer’s delivery. Ian sang Guns N’ Roses’ “Patience,” and it was super-choppy but pretty entertaining.

It was fun to finally come across a KJ who embraced his vocal limitations.

As midnight hit, Mochi delivered a showstopping rendition of “Ride Like the Wind” and sang both Christopher Cross’ and Michael McDonald’s parts. That’s the way to ring in your birthday. E karaoke@seattleweekly.com BENBOW ROOM 4210 S.W. Admiral Way, 922-3313, WEST SEATTLE

WITH SPECIAL GUESTS

FURNITURE

GIRLS

•THE GOOD HURT•

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

The mark of a great karaoke night is how little you recollect about it the next day. Last Monday at the Benbow Room was a huge success, because I could hardly remember shit. Luckily, I woke up to eight drunken notes I’d texted myself throughout the show, and had friends there who were able to remind me of the other key highlights.

Here’s what I recall: the three shots of Cazadores, the tallboy of Rainier, and the glass of red wine I had at my buddy Mochi’s before even setting foot in the place. It was the night before his birthday, and we were celebrating.

I also remember how much I loved the setup when we did arrive. The stage is located in the back bar, and tables are arranged to face the stage to provide the feel of a real audience.

We were there to see the Karaoke Kelli show, but she and her sidekick Sierra must have taken the night off, because a dude named Ian was hosting. He was kind of a goofball, and I remember him acting like a bit of a wiseass to Mochi and thinking to myself “We could be in for a long night,” but Moch took it easy on him. Our buddies Tony and Pauline joined us shortly after the show started, and we promptly took a shot of Jäger before and after our first songs. My last solid memory is realizing it was only 10 p.m. and thinking to myself how miserable I was going to feel the next day.

Here’s what I was reminded of: We entered to Ian singing “Old Time Rock & Roll.” A guy in his late 40s with a Flock of Seagulls hairdo in a blouse with the Catholic Sacred Heart printed all over it followed with “Mad World” by Gary Jules.

He sang it passionately, but Mochi thought it was boring. My first number was “Fallin’ Again”

45

SEATTLE WEEKLY’S

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$9 for beer sampling and pints for two ($18 value)

7/25 Island Soul $10 for $20 of food & drink

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Seattle weekly • Ju ly 18−24, 2012

$20 for a $40 ticket to Ramayana October 12 thru November 11

46

8/2 Jones Barbeque $10 for $20 of mouth-watering, award-winning barbeque

8/3 Chaco Canyon $12 for $25 of food & drink

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column»Toke Signals

The Son Also Rises

C

heers was right: Sometimes you really do wanna go where everybody knows your name. Lots of people in the Washington medicalmarijuana community use the word “community,” but a few of them actually work to build one. And while some patients prefer a place where they can get their cannabis and go, others like to combine marijuana shopping with socializing.

For the latter, it’s hard to imagine a better place than the Washington Farmers Market in Olympia, which takes place the first and third Saturday of each month. With a friendly group of vendors and regular patients I see almost every time I go, this is a real community.

Far from being insular and exclusive, though, the folks at the Market warmly welcome newcomers; from my first visit last year, I felt at home.

Sonshine Organics is a medicalmarijuana access point that operates at the same location. For patients more attuned to the grab-and-go end of the spectrum, Sonshine offers a feature I’ve not seen at

About an hour later a deep calm suffused me, and I realized that was one righteous sandwich. any other access point in the area: a drivethrough window. According to Sonshine’s Sarena Haskins, it’s open on Fridays and Saturdays for patients’ convenience—“for example, busy mothers who don’t want to leave their kids in the car,” she explains.

The Market usually includes about 20 vendor tables, which offer a variety of cannabis

BLOG ON » POT TOKEOFTHETOWN.COM

flowers, concentrates, topicals, and medibles.

That variety is very empowering to patients; competition helps keep prices low and quality high, and many vendors offer on-the-spot sampling. On my latest visit to the Market last week, I was quick to donate for some excellent Gold Jack (Colombian Gold x Jack Herer), a comely and energetic sativa, at the Blue Moon table.

I enjoyed a delicious medicated barbecued-pork sandwich prepared

by Bilbus Yeoldshire, a regular vendor at the market. The sweet, tangy flavor gave no hint of the barbecue’s potency, but about an hour later a deep calm suffused me, and I realized that was one righteous sandwich. You’d have a hard time finding a better medicated value anywhere for five bucks.

There’s much more to the Market than the vendors: The Sonshine crew makes sure patients are entertained while there. This innovative approach reminds me for all the world of an old-time “flea market” back in Alabama, except with marijuana. Almost every market features live music in the smoking lounge by the likes of Kim Archer, an absolutely stunning entertainer who combines equal parts Joan Armatrading and Melissa Etheridge. Special events also often feature magicians, comedians, and dancers; there’s never a dull moment around this place. (Yes, I said “smoking lounge.” You can consume cannabis onsite at the Market— and hear live music while doing so.)

“This is the way it should be everywhere, all the time,” my friend and fellow patient Doc said dreamily as we left the Market. I agree. E

CO

LLECTIVE

S.A.M. Collective

4023 Aurora Ave. N. Daily Specials

Non-profit collective providing quality dry meds ranging from $7 to $10 a gram and a full range of mmj products.

All top shelf (price includes tax) Free Joint for New Patients 206-722-4954 3216 Rainier Ave S, Seattle, WA 98144 253-472-0192 8236 Pacific Ave, Tacoma, WA 98408

Sunday - Free Joint Monday - 4 gram 1/8ths Tuesday - Free Cookie Wednesday - 10% off Thursday - $5 off Hash, Tincture, etc.

Friday - Free Joint Saturday - 10% off

HOURS: M-F 10:30-7 SAT 12-6| SUN 12-5 Parking Available

Follow Us on Facebook

206-632-4023

Call for Doctor recommendations.

S.A.M. COLLE S.A.M. COLLECTIVE

tokesignals@seattleweekly.com

Steve Elliott edits Toke of the Town, Village Voice Media’s site of cannabis news, views, rumor, and humor.

MEDICINE MAN MEDICINE MAN WELLNESS CENTER Walk-ins Welcome WELLNESS CENTER

SONSHINE ORGANICS 3211-A Yelm Hwy. S.E., 360-742-3669, sonshineo.com. Market open first and third Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.–5:30 p.m.

Sonshine Organics open 10 a.m.–7 p.m. Mon.–Fri., 10:30 a.m.–5:30 p.m. Sat. (Closed Sun.)

Celebrating our New Low Prices and New Summer Clinic Hours ** Starting June 28, 2011 ** New Clinic Times: Tues 4–6 Fri 12-2 Sat **starting JULY 2ND ** 10–2

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Celebrating New Low Prices Providingour Authorizations in New Hours: M-F 12 Bring this ad for an extra 10% off withClinic RCW 69.51A and Accordance New Summer Hours For weekly specials, follow us on Facebook Saturday 10:00 – Bring thisJune ad and 4023 Aurora Ave. N. Seattle, WA 98103 ** Starting 28,receive 2011 ** Sunday 12:00 – an additional $25.00 OFF www.samcollective.org Fri 12-2 New4021 Clinic Times: Tues 4–6 (206) 632-4023 Aurora Ave N. Seattle, WA 98103 Bring this ad for an ex seattlealt@yahoo.com Sat206-632-4021 **starting •JULY 2ND ** 10–2 A non-profit organization in accordance with chapter RCW 69.51A

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Doctors available Tuesday 2-6, BringThursday this ad& Friday and receive 11-3 an additional $25.00 and Sunday 1-4 OFF 4021 Aurora N. Seattle, WA 98103 4021 Aurora AveAveN. Seattle, WA 98103 206-632-4021 206-632-4021 • seattlealt@yahoo.com www.medicinemancompassioncare.org Now accepting all major credit/debit cards!

Seatt le w eekly • July 18−24, 2012

x

BY STEVE ELLIOTT

For weekly specials, follow u

4023 Aurora Ave. N. Seatt www.samcollectiv

(206) 632-40

A non-profit organization in accordance wi

47

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Social-Media Mismanagement Dear Dategirl, I need your opinion. Last night my man and I had an argument, and this morning when I woke up and checked Facebook, I had all these concerned posts from friends, wondering if we’d broke up. Weird, since I hadn’t told anyone we’d argued. Apparently, though he’d already deleted it by the time I woke up, I guess my BF had expressed his annoyance by posting: “ProTip: Sometimes you’re better off single” on his profile page.

This makes me so embarrassed and angry. He took it down before I had a chance to see it, but a lot of our friends saw it. My sister texted, asking if we were “OK.” He swears it was only up for a couple hours, but I don’t care. He said he was sorry, but I’m still fuming. Who does that? He’s 33 years old!

—Facebook Fuckup

I’m still waiting for the couple who dukes it out via Pinterest, but until that day comes, there’s always Facebook and Twitter for TMI(diocy).

I’m betting your boyfriend was drinking when he posted his passive-aggressive little jab. Not that drunkenness excuses such a dopey maneuver, but apparently the combination of alcoholic beverages and the chance to avenge a wounded ego publicly can prove irresistible to some. But at least he apologized, and presumably he’s embarrassed about being such a dweeb. You can be angry at him, but unless he makes a habit of embarrassing crap like this, I’d let it go.

For future reference, here are some couples guidelines for navigating social media:

• SMDAs are even more annoying than PDAs. You may be in the first throes of romance, but you’re going to make every one of your friends throw up if you keep clogging their Twitter feed with cute tidbits about your schmoopie.

• Speaking of which—don’t tempt fate. The most egregious offenders from the “I wuv her so much!” school tend to be the quickest to break up. People truly happily in love don’t need to bragcast it all over. See: Tom Cruise’s couchjumping spectacle.

• Please don’t make your profile photo a couples shot. That’s up there with sharing an e-mail address.

Even though you are madly in love, you are still (hopefully) an individual, and guess what—chances are you have some friends who can’t stand your partner. Don’t make us look at him/her, OK? • If you’re going to fight, fight dirty. Watching a couple bicker on Facebook is every bit as dull as having dinner with your aunt and uncle who hate each others’ guts yet refuse to divorce. It’s always boring passive-aggressive crap like “Someone better learn to appreciate his girlfriend before she says ‘Yes’ to the handsome client who’s always asking her to lunch!” If you’re going to fight, go ballsout and straight for the throat, otherwise it’s no fun for anyone. Do I want to hear that he left his wet towel on the floor? No. Do I want to hear that he weeps as he climaxes— YES! E dategirl@seattleweekly.com WANT MORE? Listen to Judy on The Mike & Judy Show on the Heritage Radio Network, follow her tweets@DailyDategirl, visit dategirl.net, or buy her new book, The Official Book of Sex, Drugs and Rock ’n’ Roll Lists.

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