Seattle Weekly, December 12, 2012

DECEMBER 12–18, 2012 I VOLUME 37 I NUMBER 50

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A HELLUVA LONG HOBBIT PAGE 21 | MARVELOUSLY MUGGY MUGS PAGE 25 | SMALL BAND, BIG FRAUD PAGE 31

E S & BO O Z

monsonseason CRUSTY AND CONSERVATIVE, DORI MONSON IS A TEMPEST OF OUTRAGE THAT SEATTLE CAN’T TUNE OUT. BY ELLIS E. CONKLIN

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Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

inside» December 12–18, 2012 VOLUME 37 | NUMBER 50 » SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM

»9

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up front 5

NEWS

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FEATURE

THE DAILY WEEKLY | Sure, pot’s legal— but where can you get it? Also, considering a pay-as-you-drive tax and booze delivery.

BY ELLIS E. CONKLIN | Pro–old Seattle

and anti–nanny state, radio host Dori Monson drives Northwest liberals nuts— but keeps people tuning in.

15 THE WEEKLY WIRE Apocalypse movies, kiddie rock, and Canadian radio.

16 ARTS

16 | STAGE | Holiday shows old and new.

17 | OPENING NIGHTS | The heirs of a

hoarder, and a Latino Oedipus.

20 | FUSSY EYE | The taxonomy art of Gregory Blackstock.

»cover credits

PHOTO BY: KEVIN P. CASEY COPYRIGHT © 2012 BY SEATTLE WEEKLY, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT PERMISSION IS PROHIBITED. ISSN 0898 0845 • SEATTLE WEEKLY IS PUBLISHED WEEKLY

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21 FILM

21 | FILM | A huge-ass Hobbit.

22 | THIS WEEK’S ATTRACTIONS

Bill Murray plays FDR, Elliott Gould gets old, and Alan Cumming seeks to adopt.

25 FOOD

25 | RUMBA | Do you know the difference between “rum” and “rhum”? You will here.

27 | FIRST CALL | Bourbon Italian style.

28 | A LITTLE RASKIN | Olive oil: the truth revealed.

31 MUSIC

31 | KASEY ANDERSON | An elaborate

scam goes all the way up to the Boss.

32 | B-SIDES | The Bubbleator lives again!

33 | REVERB | Farewell to the Gasman,

and COC’s musical incitements.

34 | THE SHORT LIST | A folk-music

archivist remembered, and much more.

other stuff

18 | PERFORMANCE 20 | VISUAL ARTS 23 | FILM CALENDAR 27 | FEATURED EATS 37 | SEVEN NIGHTS 39 | KARAOKE KORRESPONDENT 40 | DATEGIRL 41 | TOKE SIGNALS

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news»The Daily Weekly »DISPATCHES FROM OUR NEWS BLOG

Off the Map

The law that legalized marijuana makes it impossible to sell across most of Seattle.

DAN CARINO

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

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are more spaced out. ith Initiative 502 now in Livingston—who has shown his map to the effect, it is now officially state Liquor Control Board, which is charged fine and dandy to smoke pot. with regulating marijuana businesses—finds Buying pot, though—that’s this troubling. “In order to have legal cannaanother question. Marijuana stores don’t bis, you need to allow retailers to service the become legal for another year. And even populated areas. You shouldn’t have to drive when they do, there will remain the tricky out to Snoqualmie,” he says. question of where they can be located.

Former I-502 campaign director Alison Pot activist Ben Livingston illustrates just Holcomb, now back at her old job directing how tricky that is. A longtime member of the the ACLU’s drug-policy project, does not Cannabis Defense Coalition and the recent contest the map. In fact, she calls it a “great founder of a one-man operation called the graphic.” But she expresses no regrets about Center for Legal Cannabis, Livingston has the paradox it represents. In writing the been working on a map of King County that relevant provision of I-502, she says “the includes big, colorful dots over all the spots key thing” was adhering to federal laws that where pot shops are banned. A provision in upped the penalties for drug operations I-502 prohibits such shops from operating within 1,000 feet of schools and other faciliwithin 1,000 feet of schools or other facilities ties. It was a strategy aimed at trying to stave that cater to kids. off a backlash from the feds.

On Livingston’s map, schools are repreAnd while Holcomb recognizes that the sented by red dots, parks by orange, and pools legislature might tinker with the law if it or arcades by blue. While the project is still becomes too difficult a work in progress, the to site pot stores, she gist is clear from the big, PRINT IS GREAT, but if you also observes that presometimes overlapping want to see great photos of election surveys done bubbles that almost same-sex marriage ceremonies across by the I-502 campaign completely cover the town, go to The Daily Weekly. indicated that “voters map. “Ninety-five perSEATTLEWEEKLY.COM/DAILYWEEKLY weren’t as concerned cent or more of the city with making marijuana of Seattle is a prohibited really available as they were with ending zone,” Livingston says. Aside from a few marijuana prohibition.” blocks here and there, about the only allowThose who do want readily accessible pot able land can be found in SoDo, he notes. stores can be gratified about one thing. Unlike Otherwise pot entrepreneurs will have to head for the suburbs, where the no-pot zones » CONTINUED ON PAGE 6

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in Colorado, which has also just legalized marijuana, cities will not be able to enact blanket moratoriums on pot stores. That’s because I-502 will be incorporated into the state’s overarching drug law, which prohibits local jurisdictions from enacting their own conflicting laws. If potrepreneurs can find a sliver of land that passes muster with I-502, they’ll be free to set up shop. NINA SHAPIRO

How Far You Going, Brother?

discussed road-usage charges. Oregon went so far as to introduce a bill that would charge drivers of electric vehicles $0.85 per mile through 2015, accelerating to $1.85 per mile by 2018. That legislation is stalled.

Hammond, meanwhile, said on KIRO Radio’s Ross + Burbank last week that WSDOT is “going to start engaging with the public and try to understand what people think about the risks, the opportunities, and some of those things.” ELLIS E. CONKLIN

Distilled Delivery

Liquor retailers could make the holiday season saner for harried hosts if they took advantage of new state rules, which went into effect last weekend, legalizing home delivery Is there no end to user fees in this state? of spirits.

The answer is simple: No. Internet sales, shipping, and delivery were The latest stunt by our revenue-starved previously restricted to leaders involves chargbeer and wine. The new ing drivers for every I didn’t encounter any rule—filed last month mile they creep along deteriorating highways issues when I tried to order despite opposition from Washington Beer and pothole-strewn a bottle of Jack Daniel’s the & Wine Distributors byways. They’re actually to my office. Association and a few serious about this—so citizens who argued serious, in fact, that the change could make the Washington State liquor more accessible to minors—allows Department of Transportation plans to ask consumers to order spirits remotely from the legislature in the upcoming session for licensed retailers. $3.5 million to study whether this scheme is At least one retailer is already shipping worth pursuing. spirits to Washington customers: According Behind WSDOT’s move are grave concerns to Total Wine & More’s FAQ page, the seller that fuel-efficient cars are putting a major ships “wine, spirits, and gifts” to six states, dent in the transportation kitty. In short, gas including Washington. Although I stopped taxes are drying up because motorists are short of entering a credit-card number, I didn’t guzzling less gas. encounter any issues when I tried to order a Some might argue that being asked to bottle of Jack Daniel’s to my office. pay a so-called “road-user charge” is an According to the rule, existing spirits licensunfair penalty—for cutting consumption, ees are required to notify the state liquorno less. But WSDOT maintains that the control board before offering online sales. state’s reliance on the gas tax (currently the Board spokesperson Mikhail Carpenter says ninth highest in the U.S., at 37.5 cents on there’s “no way of knowing” how many retaileach gallon purchased) to meet much of our ers will ultimately opt to process orders online, transportation needs is not a viable solusince “the rule change has not taken effect yet.” tion for the long haul. The possibility that But what’s perhaps most intriguing to the electric vehicles could someday account for state’s drinkers is the possibility of free home a substantial percentage of cars on the road makes it even more imperative, road officials delivery, a standard amenity in other jurisdictions where the service is permitted. New say, to decrease reliance.

York Times readers are accustomed to ads According to a report prepared by the from spirits retailers offering to bring bottles Washington State Transportation Commisto Manhattan customers’ doors. And earlier sion, it wouldn’t be all that difficult to figure a this year, Booze Carriage—an on-demand person’s road charge, what with all the fancy delivery service hawking “your favorite beer, gadgetry available these days: in-car GPS wine, or liquor for the same as you would pay units, smartphone apps, and sensors that can in your local store, all without having to leave detect engine run time. the couch”—opened for business in New Of course, critics—with good reason—are York City. sounding the alarm that this smacks of Big A BevMo! publicist didn’t have any informaBrother, with government tracking our every tion available about the retailer’s home-delivery trip to the grocery store. Transportation plans, but the service hasn’t been ruled out Secretary Paula Hammond pooh-poohs such at Total Wine & More. According to Edward concerns, saying most of us are already moniCooper, Total Wine & More’s vice president of tored by our phone companies. And besides, public affairs and community relations, “Home she adds, it will take at least five to 10 years delivery is something we’re seriously looking to implement the road-usage charge—and in into, but have no plans at this time.” any case, there are all kinds of ways to ensure Whether the new rules will be extended people’s privacy. to cover craft distilleries is still under disHammond is acutely aware that trying to cussion; the state liquor-control board is wean the public off the gas tax and replace it accepting public comments through Jan. 15. at some juncture with a pay-by-the-mile plan is one tough sell. To date, only three states, HANNA RASKIN E Texas, Minnesota, and Oregon, have openly news@seattleweekly.com

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Crusty and Conservative, dori Monson is a teMpest of outrage that seattle Can’t tune out.

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n a late-October morning, The Dori Monson Show, or The Big Show, as Monson refers to his three rollicking, ranting, and often riotously funny hours at the microphone, is in its final stages before liftoff. He moves gingerly into the Eastlake studio, a Diet Coke in one hand, his gym bag in the other.

Monson’s just finished a hunk of cold chicken breast, and now, after showering off the sweat from his daily workout, he straps on his earphones as the noontime CBS News on the Hour winds to an end.

As usual, Monson’s been up half the night prepping for his next day’s radio talk show on KIRO-FM (97.3) and watching reruns of Seinfeld and M*A*S*H. His need for stimulation is constant. When at last he turns in for a few blessed hours of shut-eye, he invariably tunes to Howard Stern to get him through the night.

“It’s always been this way,” says Suzanne Monson, the talkradio host’s radiant, blonde wife of 25 years who thanks God earbuds were invented. “He’s a bad sleeper. When we first married, he was listening to Larry King in the dead of night.”

The one time he took a sleep aid, KIRO Radio newswoman Ursula Reutin recalls, he overslept and arrived late to the Seahawks pregame show he hosts with former Seahawks linebacker Dave Wyman. He burped into the mike, Reutin says, then proceeded to refer to the Houston Texans and the Houston Reckons. So now he just subsists on minimal sleep and a constant supply of Diet Coke.

A couple of hours before showtime, KIRO’s six-figure insomniac arrives at the studio and descends a flight of stairs into a former storage area that KIRO has turned into Monson’s cluttered basement hideaway. This is where Monson and his 28-year-old producer Jake Skorheim huddle each weekday morning, putting the last touches on the noon-to-3 p.m. program.

Monson stands 5 foot 9 inches. He has dark brooding eyes, a running back’s compact build, and a laugh that ranges from a giggle to a window-rattling gale. He’s 51 years old, and keeps

» Continued on page 10

by ellis e. conklin • photos by kevin p. casey

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

monsonseason

himself in shape with two hours of full-court basketball at Shorecrest High School every Thursday evening—“My wife says it’s cheaper than a psychiatrist”—and 20 minutes of cardio each morning near his Lake Forest Park home before coming to the studio. When he arrives today, he’s still in a T-shirt and blue gym shorts that reveal thick, muscular calves.

He’s sleep-deprived, and the soda isn’t helping.

Over the din of FOX News emanating from the flatscreen, Monson peruses his favorite websites—Drudge, Blaze, Gawker, Yahoo, TMZ, and the London Daily Mail, looking for possible show-stuffers. Monson is always on the hunt for shocking, hilarious audio feeds or “trending” stories told around the proverbial water cooler—those man-bitedog goodies that are the stuff of the viral Web. “If I don’t have enough to do a show, I can’t sleep,” Monson ruminates as he continues to surf for something madcap.

Past fodder has included the lady who’s addicted to drinking her own urine, which he had a field day with one March afternoon, or, more recently, ABC’s Diane Sawyer’s boozy election-night behavior, which he treated with with a playfully wicked segment, complete with game-show music, that he dubbed “Diane Sawyer: Drunk, High, or Really Tired?”

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Nassim Nicholas Taleb: ‘Antifragile’(12/12) From Island Press: Our Regional Response to a Warming Climate (12/13)

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

EMG: The Baltimore Consort (12/14)

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Seattle Girls Choir: Annual Holiday Concert (12/15) Magical Strings: Celtic Yuletide Concert (12/15) Short Stories Live: (Another) Rogue’s Christmas (12/16) ChefSteps’Chris Young & Grant Crilly: The Everyday Science of Cooking the Pike Place Market (12/17) The Minimalists: 2012 Holiday Happiness Tour (12/21)

townhallseattle.org

Monson can’t resist rehashing the breathless news that the Elmo puppeteer was relieved of his duties on Sesame Street for an alleged relationship with a 16-year-old boy, and that an Arizona Obama-hater had hopped in her Jeep and run her husband over for not voting for Mitt Romney.

For this show, Monson is working up a fullon rant about longtime Snohomish County Judge Timothy Ryan, who, it has been determined, will not face DUI charges, despite police reports that his speech was slurred and his eyes bloodshot.

Monson is a master chef when it comes to taking these slabs of news, capturing their essence, turning them upside down and inside out, and roasting them thoroughly. “Judge Ryan judge claims not to know the law!”

Monson will fume during the show. One can almost hear his fans in radioland applauding. “He was asking the cop to do something illegal! I say this guy is not fit to be a judge! He behaved in a sleazy manner!”

No Monson performance is complete without something “creepy” to impart. The most entertaining shows invariably involve a “perv” or “a whack job,” or a you-gotta-be-shittingme tale that’s “horrific,” “insane,” “sleazy”— or, best of all, just plain “sick, sick, sick!”

“I never say anything on the air that I don’t believe,” says Monson. Then, with a mischievous grin, he cracks, “I may exaggerate, but that’s for dramatic effect.”

“He’s a respected professional,” says Michael Harrington, editor of Talkers Magazine, a nonpartisan trade publication serving the national broadcasting community. “He’s a solid performer. He can be brash and controversial, but compared to the Michael Savages, the Limbaughs, well . . . I mean, 17 years with the same show. That’s an accomplishment.”

Professional, dramatist, performer, whatever. High ratings for The Big Show make clear that the crusty and conservative Monson—revered by some, reviled by others—is an on-air tempest that Seattle can’t tune out.

M

onson takes palpable pleasure in skewering anyone he perceives as abusing his or her authority. In recent years, he’s directed much of his wrath toward the political left, reveling in irritating the hell out of them. As local media watchdog BlatherWatch puts it, “Monson’s shtick is sustained outrage.”

The website—whose motto is “Listening to talk radio so you don’t have to”—has been harshly critical of Monson through the years. Serving red meat to the anti-Monson crowd, the site’s writers have penned dozens of blistering posts, many of them mocking what they say is the host’s penchant for puerility: repeatedly playing audio clips of flatulence and the like. Contributor Stephanie Miller called Monson a “media whore” who’s become a “Lars Larson wannabe.”

But it’s his shift to the right that’s brought most of the scorn from critics like BlatherWatch. Monson had been a centrist Democrat, voting for Carter, Dukakis, Clinton, and Gore. But following 9/11, he became an outspoken supporter of the invasion of Iraq, voting for George W. Bush in 2004 and then libertarian standard-bearer Bob Barr in 2008.

“I started to become more devoted to a belief in self-sufficiency, and that government

wasn’t the answer to all our problems,” Monson, a Romney supporter this time, says of his change.

Sound Transit is a frequent Monson target these days, as is the city’s obsession with high-density development, road diets, and bicycle lanes. Most anything to do with public employees’ or teachers’ unions is also a common target. And he has nothing but scorn for King County’s “critical areas ordinance,” which requires rural landowners to leave up to two-thirds of their property untouched.

“I think our government leaders are more interested in creating a dependency on their benevolence,” says Monson, who once asked a startled state Democratic Party chief Dwight Pelz if he was a communist.

Gov. Christine Gregoire has been an ongoing recipient of Monson’s fire, along with Rep. Jim McDermott and former King County Executive Ron Sims—all shameless caretakers and defenders, Monson argues, of the dreaded “nanny state.”

At the 2008 Democratic convention in Denver, Monson sparred with then–Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels. “I asked him whether he could give me one example of how freedom and liberty for the people of Seattle had been expanded on his watch. Finally, he answered, ‘Well, we’ve been leaders in trying to stop global warning.’ And so I pressed him, and he just stormed off. He was pretty mad.”

Nickels says he has no recollection of the encounter, but adds, “I have a hard time taking him seriously. This guy is not a newsman, and he’s not a journalist. He’s an entertainer.”

Indeed he is. He once went live on the air, his voice quivering, as he stepped up to the ledge for a bungee jump in Nanaimo, B.C. He’s broadcast his skydiving exploits live on the air, as well as zip-lining, hang-gliding, and driving a stock car 140 mph at a Las Vegas track. Famously, he had himself Tasered by a cop years ago, right there in KIRO’s Eastlake Avenue studio, treating loyal listeners to realtime shrieks and moans.

Monson’s show has changed in tone and direction over the years, easing off political stories in favor of more widely palatable fare, prompted by the show’s April 2009 move from AM to FM. Switching bands made Monson accessible to a younger demographic more receptive to the off-the-wall, the oddball, and the outrageous than the government-run-amok stories of years past.

Dori Monson in his eastlake studio.

In early October, a German liquor company, G-Spirits, launched lines of rum, vodka, and whiskey with a sexy guarantee—all its beverages had been poured over a glamorous model’s naked breasts—to be had for up to $177 a bottle. On his show, after teeing up the spirited tale, Monson pulled off his shirt and poured a can of Diet Coke over himself, promising listeners that the erotically charged soda running down his bare chest could be had for a whole lot less than $177.

What prompts him to pull these crazy stunts?

“Ratings,” he deadpans.

M

onson has a reputation as someone who often runs hot and shoots from the hip. But he is always well-prepared and “shockingly informed,” as one colleague describes him.

“Dori has a native Seattleite’s mentality,” says KIRO Radio news director Pete Gammell, “and he has struggles with all the changes—going from blue-collar town, where we had a lot of maritime industries and so on, to a more high-tech culture.”

The Seattle markers that were important to Monson, adds Gammell, have vanished: the Fun Forest at Seattle Center; J.P. Patches; the Jetsons-style Denny’s on Market Street; Zesto’s and the Dog House; the Seattle Pilots playing ball at Sick’s Stadium. “Dori is sort of an historian of old-Seattle pop culture, and he has a profound respect for institutions.”

“I do despair for the qualities we’ve lost as a city,” says Monson. “The things I saw as a kid, the fierce independence, and hardworking people who didn’t rely on government.

I’m disappointed that we’ve lost that spirit.”

Monson was furious when in early April a group of protesters calling themselves the Seattle Solidarity Network marched on the nearly 90-year-old Borracchini’s Bakery in the Rainier Valley. The SeaSol demonstrators demanded that owner Remo Borracchini pay nearly $8,000 to a worker whom he’d axed for repeatedly being rude to customers— money, they claimed, she was entitled to for breaks she supposedly had been denied.

Armed with surveillance videos showing the woman in question taking 10- or

15-minute breaks, a livid Monson took to the airwaves and implored his listeners to head to the bakery the following Saturday morning and show their support. Hundreds heeded Monson’s call, sparking a tense standoff between protesters and people buying a lot of doughnuts.

One of the host’s most legendary potstirring displays took place in the fall of 1998 during the Clinton impeachment hearings.

Monson, who voted for Clinton in ’92 and ’96 and still thinks he was a fine president “and brilliant man,” thought the hearings were nothing more than a witch-hunt. “So I decided to do a parody of the Senate prayer that the chaplain would give before any kind of Senate proceeding would begin. And I said something like, ‘Oh, Lord, please help us remove that scumbag Bill Clinton from office,’ ” Monson recalls. “Our senators [Patty Murray and Slade Gorton] got hundreds of calls—and then the Senate chaplain actually called into the show, and he demanded an apology. And I wouldn’t give him one.”

The Senate chaplain at the time was the Rev. Lloyd John Ogilvie. Reached by phone in California, Ogilvie, now 82 and a parttime inspirational speaker, would only say of Monson’s knee-slapping blasphemy, “Oh, yes, I remember, but I’ve tried to block it out of my mind.”

There’s one show that Monson might never completely empty his mind of. A 14-year-old girl named Yvonne called—a day after the April 20, 1999 Columbine massacre in which 12 students and a teacher were murdered by a couple of deranged social outcasts at the Colorado high school. “She said she was thinking of doing the same thing,” Monson recalls. “She said something like, ‘Oh, I know where the guns are.’ We ended up talking for 20 minutes. We blew out the commercials and the CBS News and just kept talking.”

Monson said he reached out to listeners that afternoon, asking if they might find someone who could offer the girl professional help. “And finally we were able to connect her with someone who came on the air—and then we put them together.”

Says Monson, “It was the most chilling call I’ve ever had.”

was a conscious decision, he says. He’s never smoked a cigarette or a joint or snorted a line of coke. “I’m not sure I’ve ever even had the equivalent of a full beer.”

He grew up poor. The power was shut off regularly at his house on Sunset Hill. For a time, the family—an older brother and sister and Sylvia, his stay-at-home mom—got by without a water heater. She’d get the water boiling on the stove and pour it into the tub.

He can’t remember if his dad ever wired money from Alaska. He loved going to friends’ houses, “friends who had traditional homes,” and he’d later vow to have a stable home of his own.

In the absence of his father, other men stepped up to guide the young Monson, men for whom he still feels immense gratitude.

When Monson was 9, Gene Caruso drafted

him to play for his Loyal Realty team, buying the boy a glove when he saw the one Dori had couldn’t catch a ball. Monson kept the glove until he left it behind at a ballfield in Issaquah eight years ago—a heartbreaking mistake to this day. There was also Earl Kelly, his highschool drama teacher, who first taught him the wonders of a great performance and who implored Monson to go to college before becoming an actor.

Monson was a precocious child, attending kindergarten at the Evergreen School for Gifted Children—when he was 3. Between riding his bike to the Dog House, hanging out at Golden Gardens, and playing pinball at Zesto’s, young Dori spent three years reading a complete set of the World Book Encyclopedia. He moved quickly through school, taking accelerated programs at Whittier

Elementary, James Monroe Junior High, and Ballard High, from where he graduated at age 15. A year later, Monson was taking classes at Shoreline Community College and working as a manager at a Capitol Hill warehouse, where, for a while, he thought of making a career of it.

But one day at the warehouse, Monson heard a radio ad for the Ron Bailie School of Broadcasting, which Bailie had started in his garage while working at KJR in 1963. For a kid who’d taken a liking to acting and who used to fall asleep listening to Larry King, the naturalborn storyteller whom Monson dreamed of emulating, the Bailie school was enticing.

With a student loan, Monson paid $3,495 for the one-year program at Bailie—whose founders in 2006 would be sentenced to

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 12

I

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

t’s a late Monday afternoon, two days before Halloween, and Monson is drained, as he often is when he finishes his show. He takes a seat at a table in the food court at Third Place Books and sips his Diet Coke. Off the air, Monson is engaging, warm, surprisingly laid-back, and “devoutly nonconfrontational”—in dramatic contrast to his gusty on-air persona. “I never talk politics off the air, because there are a lot of people here who can’t just stop at just disagreeing with you,” Monson says. “No, they have to say ‘I disagree with you, therefore I hate you.’ ” Monson was born on October 2, 1961, and raised “on the mean streets of Ballard,” as he often regales his audience. It always sounds like he’s kidding—and really, he is, for the most part—but wrenching memories do linger from those early days.

His father, a paratrooper, lost a kneecap at Normandy. A drinker, he was hardly ever around. Not an angry or abusive drunk, he’d just grow silent, distant. “He was a grocerystore worker, when he had a job. He was up in Ketchikan, mostly,” Monson says. “I never tried to understand him.”

Monson was a teetotaler until he was 40. It

11

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several years in prison for embezzling student-loan repayments. “Biggest waste of money in my life,” Monson says with a grin.

But questionable as it was, it was at Bailie, located on Denny Way near the Pacific Science Center, where Monson one day met a special guest speaker, longtime radio man Bill O’Mara—and that changed everything.

T

he Monson home, where they’ve lived since 2004, is tucked away in the woods of Lake Forest Park. It’s a lovely Northwest craftsman, big and airy. On this late-autumn morning, the icy-blue skies are vast, cluttered with slow-moving clouds that throw rolling shadows over the surfaced sports court where the ever-competitive Monson plays horse with his best buddy Wyman, who confides that Dori “has a really ugly shot.”

The backyard is three-quarters of an acre of richly maintained grass, which Monson mows on a rider, Springsteen blasting through his earbuds. Here, Suzanne Monson square-danced the night away on her 50th birthday. Bird feeders are attached to a shepherd’s pole, near the rope swing which dangles from a towering black walnut.

Suzanne, a former Seattle Times writer who continues to freelance, figures she tunes into The Big Show about 60 percent of the time. “If I listen to it, then when he comes through the door, I won’t have to ask him how his day went, because I’ll know. It’s a bad day when maybe he didn’t have enough material that got him jazzed up, or he put a lot of work into a segment and it fell flat and maybe didn’t get a good rating. Or when he gets beat [in the ratings] by a competitor like [Michael] Medved [on KTTH 770 AM, noon to 3 p.m.].

He really, really hates that. He wants to win.”

Out on the deck, where Dori decompresses after the show before racing off to coach his varsity high-school squad, the Shorecrest Scots, Suzanne cheerily shows off the barbecue and smoker—the closest he gets to vegetables is an occasional Caesar salad. This is also where he engages in his newest hobby: bird-watching. An accomplished pianist, Dori finds tension relief, says Suzanne, by retreating to the library, dominated by John Grisham novels and horse-racing books, and “attacking Billy Joel” on the grand piano, where he pounds out “Piano Man” and other hits.

Monson grew up in Ballard, and mourns for Seattle’s blue-collar past.

Suzanne says that what drew her to Dori, and what continues to happily fuel their marriage, is his “childlike, boyish spontaneity. He’s a big kid. And in our real life, he’s the most useful, enthusiastic person I know . . . It was on our second date when I told him ‘You are the best storyteller! Just the best.’ ” A deeply emotional family man, Monson hasn’t been able to pass the former bedroom of their second-oldest child without crying since September, when she left for a University of Washington sorority house. He wept in front of close friends at his 50th-birthday celebration last year. He gets teary-eyed when a winner is crowned on American Idol.

“He gets choked up pretty easily,” says Wyman.

Dori’s home office is a tangled mess of old shoes, gym bags, basketballs. There’s a stack of Sports Illustrateds, back issues of Forbes and Fortune. There’s also a worn copy of his beloved Ball Four, ex–major leaguer Jim Bouton’s subversive memoir of his 1969 season at Sick’s Stadium during the Pilots’ only year in existence. Dori rereads the book every year.

A blinking “Welcome to Las Vegas” light is fastened to one wall; another is covered with sports paraphernalia: framed photos of Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, and Willie Mays and a gallery displaying many of the players, his own daughters included, from his 17 years of coaching. Encased in glass atop a bookshelf is a model figure of Baltimore Orioles great Brooks Robinson.

“He’s a numbers guy,” notes Suzanne.

“That’s why he loves Vegas so much. He can’t remember names to save his soul. I can’t even send him to the grocery store; he won’t remember the neighbor’s name. I have to tell him the names of his cousins. But he can tell you Brooks Robinson’s stats for every year he played.”

Says Monson: “When I was 10 or 11, I knew every batting average of every majorleague player at the end of the season.”

Monson often demonstrates on-air his prowess with numbers. On a recent show, when producer Skorheim noted that Angus T. Jones, who plays the kid on CBS’ Two and a Half Men, makes $250,000 per episode for

34 episodes, Monson immediately replied, “Well, that’s $8.5 million.”

Marvels KIRO’s Gammell, “When it comes to probability and statistics, he’s like Rain Man.”

B

After working for a time on The Pat Cashman Show on KIRO-AM, Monson was given his own show, now in its 17th year.

O

n Halloween morning, Monson is all business. The show is minutes away, and he runs down the stories he’ll use for his opening nine minutes—The Big Lead, as he calls it.

“OK, we got the DUI judge, the liquor-store thefts, and let’s go with the audio of the little girl crying about the presidential race,” he tells Skorheim, moments after settling into his chair and adjusting the mike. The Diet Cokes are kicking in now. He’s ready to roar.

For the 12:45-to-12:53 segment, Monson has penciled in audio of a young drunken woman who enters a store and starts talking trash to the customers. It ends with

her getting the bejesus beaten out of her by a female patron who can’t stomach her insane ramblings a minute longer.

Monson lets out a hearty laugh as he listens to a portion of the audio, in which the vanquished woman, now sounding sober as a church mouse, whimpers, “I got hit, like, 47 times. My head hurts really bad . . . Goddammit, that sucks.”

“Yeah, that’s going to be good,” Monson mutters happily. “We bleeped a lot of that out, right, Jake?”

At 12:03, the local news concludes and Monson is set to begin his rabble-rousing communion.

“It’s another gray day in the great Pacific Northwest,” Monson gleefully begins.

“Welcome! Welcome to The Big Show!” E econklin@seattleweekly.com

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ill O’Mara began his remarkable radio career in 1939, and in the late 1940s headed west to become the first sports director at KING-5 TV. He did it all: worked TV and radio in San Diego, served as the Seattle Rainiers’ play-by-play man, called Seafair hydroplane races in the ’50s.

At age 90, O’Mara, the country’s oldest working sportscaster, was still broadcasting high-school football and basketball games on KLKI in Anacortes.

“In 1979,” Monson wrote in a blog post several years ago, “God decided to send this strange, toupee-wearing, tough-talking, grizzled angel into my life. He was a broadcast lifer working at KWYZ ‘Radio 124’ in Everett. I was a 17-year-old kid who had no direction in life.”

Monson was one of 31 Edward R. Murrow wannabes at the Bailie School when O’Mara came to speak. For some reason, O’Mara took a liking to Monson and offered him an internship. “But he said he’d give it to me on one condition: I’d have to enroll at the University of Washington and get my college degree,” Monson recounts.

He did so, but at $600 a quarter, the dirtpoor kid from Ballard’s mean streets soon was broke. “I told him I was out of money after that first quarter, and had to quit and go back to work full-time,” Monson goes on.

“So one night, I’m living at home still, and he comes rolling up in his old Renault, and he bangs on the door. He says he wants me to reconsider. And then this old guy, who was so poor himself that he was sleeping at KWYZ, peels off six $100 bills.” Later, O’Mara would introduce Monson to King Broadcasting Company owner Dorothy Bullitt, prepping his launch onto the Seattle airwaves.

Shortly before O’Mara died in August 2009, Monson visited him at the hospice ward at Stevens Hospital. “I held his hand and I thanked him for my life,” Monson whispers. “I told him I’d have never gone back to school without him, and so I wouldn’t have met my wife, and wouldn’t have had three daughters. I told him that without his help that night, I wouldn’t have met Dorothy Bullitt, which led me to get an internship at KING-5—and which would lead to my talk show at KIRO. I don’t know, but I think he heard me.”

As a hungry kid hoping to break into the profession, Monson’s first encounter with the powerful Bullitt couldn’t have gone much better. He recalls with a laugh the first thing Bullitt ever said to him: “ ‘Kid, you got nice eyes. I want you to work here someday.’

Those were my Forrest Gump days.”

At KING-TV, Monson moved up the ladder to executive sports editor. He also did a morning sports show on long-gone KINGAM (News Talk 1090). Though the money was far better in TV, he knew radio was the best vehicle for storytellers like himself.

Soon he was forced to choose paths. “One day the TV news director comes to me and says I have to quit the radio job,” remembers Monson. “He was just pissed at Tony Ventrella [at the time, sports director at KINGTV] about something, and he knew I was

good friends with him—so that was his way of getting back at him.”

Monson went to KING-AM program director Steve Wexler and told him he was quitting the TV gig and wanted a radio show on the “Mighty 1090.” “He said no, that we’re probably going to go with someone else.” Growing desperate, Monson went back and said, “Just give me 30 days.”

Wexler, now executive vice president at Journal Broadcasting in Milwaukee, recalls Monson’s plea. “I remember I said, ‘OK, let’s see how it goes.’ I remember, too, that he was different. He had a real good way of telling a story, and a sense of humor about everyday life.”

After the Bullitt family sold KING-AM to Salt Lake City–based Bonneville International in 1994, Monson moved to KIRO.

13

2012/2013

University of Washington PUBLIC

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January 22 - 6:30pm Paul Steinhardt

Professor of Physics Director, Princeton Center for Theoretical Physics, Princeton University Once Upon a Time in Kamchatka: The Extraordinary Search for Natural Quasicrystals

February 12 - 6:30pm

Geoffrey Pullum

Professor of General Linguistics School of Philosophy, Psychology and Language Sciences, University of Edinburgh The Scandal of English Grammar Teaching; Ignorance of Grammar, Damage to Writing Skills, and What We Can Do About It.

February 28 - 6:30pm

Raquel Rivera

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

Author, Scholar and Singer-Songwriter Liberation Mythologies: Quests for Roots, Spirit and Justice in Afro-Puerto Rican, Afro-Dominican and Mexica Music and Dance

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ALL LECTURES TAKE PLACE IN KANE HALL RM 120 ON THE UW SEATTLE CAMPUS

Earshot Jazz PrEsENts

Seattle Repertory Jazz Orchestra and Northwest Chamber Chorus w/ Special Guest Vocalists Everett Greene and Nichol Eskridge

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saturday, December 22 town hall seattle, 7:30 pm 1119 Eighth ave, Seattle, Wa EarshotJazz 206.547.6763 www.earshot.org

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the»weekly»wire wed/12/12 Film

For those sick of glad tidings and goodwill during this holiday season, SIFF is offering nothing but gloom, famine, and global destruction in its Apocalypse Film Festival.

Twelve features include classics (Dr. Strangelove and Invasion of the Body Snatchers), crowd-pleasers (War Games and Waterworld), and comedies (Delicatessen and Shaun of the Dead). Of special note is Children of Men (Wed., Dec. 19), released so late and with so little studio support in 2006 that it was criminally overlooked by Oscar voters.

Alfonso Cuarón’s adaptation of the P.D. James novel envisions an infertile, environmentally blighted planet, with Clive Owen as possibly the last decent man on Earth. Britain has become a near–police state, and selfishness reigns supreme. It’s Ayn Rand meets Gitmo, with some of the most astonishing long-take action scenes ever put to film. The fest begins tonight with Terry Gilliam’s underrated 1995 time-travel dystopia flick, 12 Monkeys (starring Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt), preceded by the famous French short that inspired it: Chris Marker’s 1962 La Jetée. (Through Dec. 20.)

SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave. N., 324-9996, siff.net. $5–$10. 7 p.m. BRIAN MILLER

thurs/12/13 Stage

Whose Child Is This?

Move over, Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe. There’s a new(ish) satirical law firm on the block, with a

Jaap BuitendiJk/universal

Holiday Despair

celebrity paternity case fit for Gawker or TMZ. In Wisemen, Mary Christmas has a bouncing baby boy, but her virginal husband Joseph is pretty sure it isn’t his. (“The only hump he ever had was on his camel,” says one skeptic.)

Mary concurs, but instead of copping to copulation with any of the likely suspects—including gangsta E. Bunny, a neighbor, and maybe even Joseph’s own shrink—she pins the pecker on God Himself. In response, since Mary insists she’s the wronged party, Joseph hires the Wisemen Law Firm to find the child’s real father.

What ensues in this musical holiday revue is goofball humor, rap, klezmer, puns (some creaky, some smart), and rapid-fire dialogue. Created

by David Bestock and composer Eli Rosenblatt, Wisemen has its roots in a 2006 holiday show at the Tractor; they expanded it for last season’s debut at ACT; and now they’ve added some new

An Early Circus

BaBypantsmusic.com

Black Friday brawls and rumspiked eggnog aside, the holidays are all about the kids, who, God bless them, truly do believe this is the most wonderful time of the year. To celebrate with some rockin’ quality family time, parents can fuel up their young’uns with hot chocolate and take them to Teatro ZinZanni’s Big Top Rock. Each morning show starts with circus performers like hand-balancer Christopher Phi and ballerina Ariana Lallone (we predict tutus and ballet slippers will be added to many a girl’s Christmas list after seeing her graceful hula-hoop and contortionist act). Afterward, musicians from local kids’ music collective Kindiependent will perform. Children are encouraged to dance along—and so are you, if you want to be a fun parent. The first two shows will feature Seattle’s favorite children’s troubadour Caspar Babypants, who just released a cheery new album, I Found You!, featuring songs about crickets, kangaroos, and the traveling adventures of a ball of lint named Fuzz. (Six shows run through Jan. 6.) Teatro ZinZanni, 222 Mercer St., Seattle, 802-0015, dreams.zinzanni.org. $19–$24. 10 a.m. ERIN K. THOMPSON

fri/12/14 Stage

Canadian Invasion

Long a favorite among KUOW listeners, The Vinyl Cafe has also become a publishing and podcasting phenomenon, thanks to its droll host, Stuart McLean. (We think of him as the Canadian antipode to Garrison Keillor, unless it’s the other way around.)

In this touring Christmas show, McLean offers new stories featuring Dave and Morley (the husband-and-wife proprietors of a used-record shop, with all parts read by McLean) and holiday tunes from the Vinylettes and Reid Jamieson. The Paramount, 911 Pine St., 877-784-4849, stgpresents.org. $30–$53. 7:30 p.m. BRIAN MILLER Film

Shape-Shifter

Returning after a short run at the Varsity last month, Leos Carax’s Holy Motors is unclassifiable, expansive, and breathtaking. It stars the simian, sinewy Denis Lavant as Oscar, who inhabits nearly a dozen different personas over the course of a day. Chauffeured through Paris in a white stretch limo, Oscar consults a dossier for the particulars of his next “appointment.” These scenarios require him to play, among others, a homeless old woman shaking a tin cup, a performer bending and contorting for a motion-capture

MELISSA ANDERSON

Stage

What About Bob?

Charles Dickens’ holiday perennial gets the Mad Libs treatment in A(n Improvised) Christmas Carol , with the Unexpected Productions improv crew taking your audience suggestions. During a recent show, this meant that a newly divorced Bob Cratchit labors away at Ebenezer Scrooge’s gynecology factory, while Tiny Tim sits at home with a debilitating case of Restless Leg Syndrome. Scrooge meanwhile resides on a houseboat, where he nurses a pretty serious weed habit. Over at ACT, the straight version of A Christmas Carol is now in its 37th year, but this Choose Your Own Adventure– style show is a holiday tradition in its own right, first performed in 1985. It’s a practiced and funny rebuttal to the usual Yuletide redemption tale. Two different casts perform on alternating nights. During my visit, Tim Tracey ’s Scrooge imparted just the right amount of contempt as that moody, tightly wound, walking heart attack of a man. Portraying the three ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, Michael Bils vies for your attention with finely executed comic relief. (Through Dec. 30.) Unexpected Productions Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 587-2414, unexpectedproductions.org, $5–$15. 8:30 p.m. TERRA SULLIVAN

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

*

saturday:Music

sex scene, and a feral leprechaun terrorizing a fashion shoot. (There, he absconds with a model played by Eva Mendes.) Oscar pursues this exhausting work for “the beauty of the act,” as he explains to a mysterious exec (Michel Piccoli).

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” the suit responds—to which Oscar asks, “And what if there’s no more beholder?” As Oscar’s night begins to wind down, he sees Jean (Kylie Minogue, transcendent), a woman he once loved, now engaged in the same Owen and Julianne Moore as kind of shape-shifting Children of Men detainees. work as he. Jean breaks into song: “Who were we/When we were/ jokes and songs—even more sacrilegious, we Who we were/Back then?” The lyrics circle hope. (Runs Thurs.–Sat. through Dec. 22.) ACT back to an ever-present past; the song’s Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676, acttheatre.org. opening lines seem, like Oscar himself, to $20–$25. 8 p.m. MARGARET FRIEDMAN be in constant flux, always slipping just out of our grasp. If there’s no more beholder, how will we know what we were? SIFF Film Center, 305 Harrison St. (Seattle Center), 324-9996, siff.net. $5–$10. Call for showtimes.

15

arts»Stage »REVIEW

Special GueSt Star

BeBe WinanS Dec 21-23 only!

The Tried and the Tuneful

Two Christmas shows take opposite tacks for the holidays.

BY KEVIN PHINNEY

I

Directed by Jacqueline Moscou

Choreography by Jamel Gaines Musical Direction - Pastor Patrinell Wright

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DECEMBER 6-23, 2012 THE MOORE THEATRE STGPRESENTS.ORG

16

eSt. 1907 2nd Ave & virginiA St

CHRIS BENNION

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

(877 ) 784-4849

As you’ll recall from the movie, Buddy (Matt Owen) is raised as an elf after accidentally crawling into Santa’s bag as an infant. Once Buddy learns he’s human, Santa sets him to find his birth dad in New York, only to discover that Papa (Allen Fitzpatrick) doesn’t believe in Santa and

TRACY MARTIN

Written by Langston Hughes

opened my presents early. Last weekend I saw not one but two Christmas stage offerings. ACT’s 37th revival of A Christmas Carol delivers a traditional take on Ebenezer Scrooge’s redemption.

Just around the corner at the 5th Avenue, there’s Elf: The Musical , New York’s most secular contribution to the holiday since Macy’s turned a Thanksgiving parade into the starter pistol for Christmas shopping frenzy.

While everyone over age 5 knows the Charles Dickens story, ACT is hardly coasting in this production, directed by John Langs.

Having seen everyone from Mr. Magoo and Patrick Stewart to Jim Carrey play the infamous curmudgeon, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen it done as well as by Jeff Steitzer, whose every “Bah, humbug” bears the sting of a real tongue-lashing. (R. Hamilton Wright shares the role in alternating performances.) As the reason for his bitterness is made clear by the visiting spirits (Sylvie Davidson and Leslie Law make heartwarming Ghosts of Christmases Past and Present), Scrooge’s turnaround becomes all the

Steitzer brings the grump to Scrooge.

more magical. And if that performance isn’t enough to melt your heart, just watch Galen Joseph Osier’s Bob Cratchit grieve for his lost son, Tiny Tim. A concession stand providing Kleenex would mop up here.

Two blocks away, they’re having none of that Victorian sentimentality. Based on the hit 2003 Will Ferrell film, Elf: The Musical has a moral at its juicy nougat core, but it’s so papered over with Christmas wrap, holiday cheer, and bustling Broadway glitz that any message becomes ancillary to the unfolding extravaganza.

Kassebaum and Owen make with the sweet in Elf.

has no Christmas spirit or time for those who do.

It’s a fish-out-of-water comedy that gets many of its yuks (and there are plenty) from Buddy’s naiveté and facility with all things Christmas. He meets and falls in love with an ingenue (Kendra Kassebaum) who doesn’t believe in Christmas but does believe that Buddy has a heart of gold.

Hilarity and hijinks ensue, abetted by a busy and tuneful score. (The book is by Thomas Meehan and Bob Martin; Matthew Sklar composed the music, with lyrics by Chad Beguelin. Eric Ankrim directs the mostly local cast.)

Amid the mayhem and bombast, there’s nearly as much cheese as cheer in this two-hour romp, which debuted on Broadway two years ago and returned there last month. Andy Grobengieser leads the turnon-a-dime orchestra. A whip-smart supporting ensemble helps Buddy joke, sing, tap-dance, and even soft-shoe his way into the hearts of his disbelieving family.

So whether you like your Xmas oldschool or new, there’s something under the tree for theater lovers of every stripe. E stage@seattleweekly.com A CHRISTMAS CAROL ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676, acttheatre.org. $27–$55. Ends Dec. 30.

ELF: THE MUSICAL 5th Avenue Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave., 625-1900, 5thavenue.org. $15–$75. Ends Dec. 21.

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act thEatrE, 700 union st., 292-7676, actthEatrE.org. $15–$20. 7:30 p.m. thurs.–sat., 2 p.m. sun. Ends dEc. 16.

Sophocles’ Oedipus the King is only one version of the infinitely pliable and resonant Greek tragedy. Luis Alfaro’s 2010 adaptation

is set in “the borderland,” an East L.A.–like barrio suffused with poverty, violence, and searingly poetic images. In its first full-length production, eSe Teatro beautifully extends the magical-realism vibe through Gwyn Skone’s occult lighting and Kyle Thompson’s vivid, plot-advancing soundscapes.

Upon this promising conceptual foundation, the cast builds a succession of powerfully raw moments under the direction of Gisela Cardenas, even as Alfaro’s story drifts pretty far from Sophocles. (The English text is peppered with bits of Spanish and slang.)

In a California prison, orange-clad inmates ask “Who is this man?”, referring to Oedipus (Erwin Galan). We learn how Oedipus’ supposed father, blind Tiresias (Carter Rodriguez), got himself incarcerated to be with his son— one of many poignantly plausible real-world details. Upon release, Oedipus heads to L.A., murdering a stranger en route (Thompson’s

Alfaro’s adaptation feels modern, relevant, real, and timeless. ominous sound design coveys what we don’t see). Upon arrival, he seduces a drug kingpin’s widow, no-nonsense Jocasta (the spellbinding Rose Cano), and takes over the dead dealer’s turf. Images of them lying together—first on a table (to the plaintive strains of a bandoneón), then against a wall, then on the floor—are shockingly tender and rehabilitating to both, which makes their unwitting incest all the more horrific. Cano’s features transform from broken witch to radiant muchacha, raising the emotional stakes to a towering height. The fall is brought by news from her brother Creon (a wonderfully volatile Fernando Cavallo).

The world of this play, menacing and addictive, is hard to leave at the end. Oedipus El Rey seems unresolved, perhaps because, unlike in Sophocles’ version, this king doesn’t have the guts to do his own eye-gouging.

The fate is the same, but there’s less personal responsibility—and hence less catharsis. This Oedipus is more a cog in an endlessly grinding criminal-justice system. Still, Alfaro’s adaptation feels modern, relevant, real, and timeless. MARGARET FRIEDMAN E stage@seattleweekly.com

Starring Jerick Hoffer “[Jerick Hof fer’S] not just ‘one to watch.’

He’s the one to watch.”

–Seattle Met

Directed by Ian Bell MUSIC directed BY DAVID RUSSELL In partnership with:

JAN 15-27, 2013 I THE MOORE THEATRE Groups of 10 or more call (206) 315-8054 Single Tickets Available At: STGPRESENTS.ORG (877) 784-4849

eSt. 1907 2nd Ave & virginiA St

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

An actor’s dream: You’re cast in a lead role that has you onstage for most of the show. The part requires you to exercise virtually every emotion in your repertoire at least once. Your character is intelligent and likable, but has enough flaws to keep you and the audience interested.

You even get a few monologues.

For Rebecca Olson and Hana Lass, this exact scenario came to pass when Seattle playwright Paul Mullin wrote Ballard House Duet for them. It’s the inaugural production of the Custom Made Play Project, which matches playwrights with specific Washington Ensemble Theatre performers. The tall, animated Olson seems 110 percent comfortable in the skin of Heidi, an ambitious, ethical, but manipulative woman who uses her charms to advance her career as a TV-show host. Lass plays Heidi’s born-again sister Holly, who for a week has been cleaning out their dead aunt’s junk-filled Ballard home. When Heidi finally arrives to “help,” she announces she’s brought a crew to film the mess (just like on the A&E show Hoarders); then she complains the place is “no longer enough of a dump for my purposes.”

The sisters bicker and reconcile many times, interspersed with scenes from their childhood. As children, the girls sing raucously and take turns interacting with their creepy unseen Uncle Ken. They also grapple with drugs, boys, and disease. Olson embodies Heidi as the sister from hell—gorgeous, privileged, and unwittingly condescending, magnetically drawing all eyes to her. As the lessglamorous, God-smitten Holly, Lass mainly exhibits fatigue and disappointment, her slack face shunning attention. Clearly the two are designed as foils, but Lass gets the short end of the stick. Her Holly is consigned to blocking and reacting to Heidi’s energetic initiatives.

Though not much actually happens onstage, Mullin packs heaps of detail into the conversations and monologues—betrayal, men, sibling rivalry, and a genetic curse that only one sister has inherited. MARGARET FRIEDMAN

Ballard House Duet: Olson (rear) and Lass as rival sibs.

17

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B Y G AV I N B O R C H E R T

Stage OPENINGS & EVENTS

HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS Make the yuletide gay with

this drag cabaret. Oddfellows Hall, 915 E. Pike St., 800-8383006, brownpapertickets.com. $20–$25. Opens Dec. 14.

7 & 10 p.m. Fri.–Sat. plus Dec. 23 & 24. Ends Dec. 24.

LAND OF THE SWEETS: THE BURLESQUE NUTCRACKER Lily Verlaine and Jasper McCann give

the ballet a bawdy makeover. The Triple Door, 216 Union St., 838-4333, landofthesweets.com. $28–$45. Opens Dec. 11. Runs Tues.–Sun. plus Xmas Eve; see thetripledoor.net for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 27.

PLAYWRITING PROJECT PERFORMANCE Four new 10-minute works by student playwrights from Roosevelt High School. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Seattle Center, 443-2222, seattlerep.org. Free. 7:30 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 13.

SLEEPING BEAUTY AND THE PEA The Fremont Players’ annual traditional British panto: fairy-tale spectacle, saucy humor, audience participation, and more. Hale’s Palladium, 4301 Leary Way N.W., 800-838-3006, brown papertickets.com. $6–$12. Opens Dec. 15. 4 & 7:30 p.m.

Sat., 1 & 4 p.m. Sun. Ends Jan. 13.

WISEMEN SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

THE VINYL CAFE SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

CURRENT RUNS

• AVENUE Q Gratuitous nudity, graphic sex, toilet humor,

and pervasive cynicism: Balagan’s take on the hit puppet musical is perfectly timed for the holidays. Director Eric Ankrim has polished it to a sparkling sheen, so that even when the show isn’t funny, it’s surprisingly tender and tuneful. KEVIN PHINNEY Erickson Theatre Off Broadway, 1524 Harvard Ave., 329-1050, balagantheatre.org. $20–$25.

8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 15.

BALLARD HOUSE DUET SEE REVIEW, PAGE 17.

•THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER/THE

SANTALAND DIARIES Xmas favorites running in reper-

tory through Dec. 24. See seattlepublictheater.org for exact schedule. Seattle Public Theater at the Bathhouse, 7312 W. Green Lake Ave. N. BLACK NATIVITY The annual gospel celebration. The Moore, 1932 Second Ave., Seattle, 877-784-4849, stgpresents.org. $22.50–$37.50. 7:30 p.m. Tues.–Fri., 2 & 7:30 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 23.

A CHILD’S CHRISTMAS IN WALES Dylan Thomas’ reminiscence adapted for the stage. Stone Soup Downstage, 4029 Stone Way, 800-838-3006. $18–$20. 7:30 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sat.–Sun., plus more matinees Xmas weekend. Ends Dec. 24. See stonesouptheatre.org for exact schedule.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL SEE REVIEW, PAGE 16.

THE DINA MARTINA CHRISTMAS SHOW The incomparable entertaineress is back with an all-new show and Chris Jeffries on the keyboard. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St., 800-838-3006. $20–$25. Runs Thurs.–Sun. to start, oftener as the holidays approach; see brownpapertickets.com for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 31.

ELF: THE MUSICAL SEE REVIEW, PAGE 16.

FALLEN ANGELS A 1925 Noel Coward comedy about two married women who discover they’re having separate affairs with the same man. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave., 324-5801, schmeater.org. $15–$23. 8 p.m.

Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 15.

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF Based on Sholem Aleichem’s stories of imperiled Russian shtetl life. As Tevye’s daughters slip away from his control, so also is his familiar patch of earth yanked from beneath him. MARGARET FRIEDMAN Village Theatre, 303 Front St. N., Issaquah, 425-392-1942. $22–$63. Runs Wed.–Sun. plus some Tues.; see village theatre.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 30, then moves to Everett Performing Arts Center Jan. 4–27.

HAM FOR THE HOLIDAYS: HAM-AGEDDON The annual sketch/music campfest from Dos Fallopia (Lisa Koch & Peggy Platt). Theater Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave. S., 800-838-3006, heylisa.com. $15–$35. 7:30 p.m. Wed.–Sun., 3 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 30.

HOW THEY ATTACK US Writer Kevin McKeon stars in this new one-act conspiracy thriller/comedy, playing phlegmatic Roy, who comes home to find estranged ex-stepdaughter Lacey (Meg McLynn) in black-op duds, armed with a gun. Her friend, Lacey tearfully relates, has disappeared after an Exorcist-like bout of indigestion, and it’s looking like an alien plot. Some story details don’t quite jibe; but happily for us, into the narrative gridlock shambles Blaine (Robert Kriley), Roy’s neighbor, who amusingly contributes his encyclopedic knowledge of sci-fi movies to the search for truth. MARGARET FRIEDMAN New City Theater, 1404 18th Ave., 800-838-3006, newcitytheater.org. $16. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 15.

A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

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arts»Performance INSPECTING CAROL Daniel Sullivan’s comedy riffs on

ACT’s rival Dickens production. Seattle Rep, Seattle Center, 443-2222. Runs 7:30 p.m. Wed.–Sun. plus lots of matinees; see seattlerep.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 23.

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET: A LIVE RADIO PLAY

Twelfth Night Productions asks once again if this guy’s really Santa. Kenyon Hall, 7904 35th Ave. S.W., 800-8383006, twelfthnightproductions.org. $12–$15. 7:30 p.m. Fri.– Sat., 3 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 16.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS In Sean Griffin’s play, Santa considers hanging it up. TPS Theatre 4, Seattle Center, Center House, 4th floor, 800-838-3006, pokeybaby productions.org. $10. 8 p.m. Fri., 4 & 8 p.m. Sat. Ends Dec. 15.

OEDIPUS EL REY SEE REVIEW, PAGE 17.

OWEN MEANY’S CHRISTMAS PAGEANT Book-It’s holiday favorite. Center House Theatre, Seattle Center, 216-0833. $23–$45. See book-it.org for exact schedule.

Ends Dec. 23.

REALLY ROSIE Maurice Sendak’s characters come to life, with music by Carole King. Youth Theatre Northwest, 8805 S.E. 40th St., Mercer Island, 232-4145 x109, youththeatre. org. $10. 7 p.m. Thurs.–Fri., 2 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 16.

•

ROSEBUD: THE LIVES OF ORSON WELLES

SCAN T H I S CO D E

TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE

SEATTLE WEEKLY

Mark Jenkins’ play about the acclaimed auteur. West of Lenin, 203 N. 36th St., theparadisetheatreschool.org, westoflenin.com. $20. 8 p.m.

Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 15.

SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE CASE OF THE CHRISTMAS CAROL John

FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT

Send events to stage@seattleweekly.com, dance@seattleweekly.com, or classical@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings. = Recommended

•

mieres Daniel Tarker’s play about a 50-year-old Seattle mystery. Annex Theatre, 1100 E. Pike St., pacificplay company.com. $5–$15. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 15.

See seattleweekly.com for many more Current Runs.

Dance

• PACIFIC NORTHWEST BALLET: NUTCRACKER

PNB’s production, with choreography by Kent Stowell and set designs by Maurice Sendak, pulls out just about every theatrical trick in the book, mixes them with nonstop dancing, and wraps them all up in Tchaikovsky’s beautiful score. SANDRA KURTZ McCaw Hall, Seattle Center, 4412424. $25–$130. Performances run near daily through Dec. 29, see pnb.org for exact schedule.

INTERNATIONAL BALLET THEATRE: NUTCRACKER

With Vera Altunina’s choreography. Meydenbauer Center, 11100 N.E. Sixth St., Bellevue, 800-838-3006. $25–$50.

Opens Dec. 14. Runs Wed.–Sun.; see ibtbellevue.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 23.

DASSDANCE: NUTCRACKER An abridged one, offered with breakfast. And balloon animals. Washington Hall, 153 14th Ave., 622-6952, dassdance.org. $15–$20. 11 a.m. Sat., Dec. 15–Sun., Dec. 16.

CORNISH JUNIOR DANCE COMPANY: NUTCRACKER

From young dancers, the holiday fave. Shorecrest Performing Arts Center, 15343 25th Ave. N.E., cornish.edu. $5–$16. 3 & 7:30 p.m. Sun., Dec. 16.

Classical, Etc.

Meyer discusses his •COMPOSER SPOTLIGHT NealGradus: for Fux, Tesla, and

ongoing piano-improv project, Milo the Wrestler. Jack Straw Studios, 4261 Roosevelt Way N.E., jackstraw.org. Free. 7:30 p.m. Wed., Dec. 12.

BALTIMORE CONSORT Holiday music for cittern, crumhorn, rebec, and more. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., 3257066, earlymusicguild.org. $15–$40. 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14.

CAGE: AN INVITATION TO CREATE Cage’s •JOHN Steps gets a music/dance collaboration, while Jessika Kenney adapts his Fontana Mix to the Persian idiom.

Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N., waywardmusic.blogspot.com. $5–$15. 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14.

A FESTIVAL OF LESSONS AND CAROLS The Northwest Boychoir’s annual tour, with performances through Dec. 23. See nwchoirs.org for full info.

SEATTLE PRO MUSICA “Weihnachten—a German Christmas.” Bastyr University Chapel, 14500 Juanita Drive N.E., Kenmore, seattlepromusica.org. $12–$35. 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14, 3 & 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

SEATTLE SYMPHONY Messiah, led by Stephen Stubbs.

Benaroya Hall, 200 University St., 215-4747, seattle symphony.org. $24–$91. 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14, 1 & 8 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15, 2 p.m. Sun., Dec. 16.

SEATTLE GIRLS CHOIR Their annual holiday concert.

Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., seattlegirlschoir.org. $15–$20.

1:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

RUSSIAN NEW YEAR CONCERT Traditional music.

Russian Community Center, 704 19th Ave., 800-838-3006, brownpapertickets.com. $20. 7 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

MARKET STREET SINGERS Holiday music “from renaissance motets to Justin Bieber with ukuleles.” First Lutheran Church Ballard, 2006 N.W. 65th St., marketstreet singers.org. Donation. 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

NORTHWEST CHORALE Bach, Rutter, and more in “A Very Choral Christmas.” Luther Memorial Lutheran Church, 13047 Greenwood Ave. N., 522-9853, nwchorale. org. Freewill offering. 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

BEL CANTO PERFORMING ARTS SOCIETY Singers from this music-outreach organization perform holiday music. Daniels Recital Hall, 811 Fifth Ave., belcantopas. org. Free. 8 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

MEDIEVAL WOMEN’S CHOIR Early carols in “Nowell Sing We.” St. James Cathedral, 804 Ninth Ave., medieval womenschoir.org. $10–$25. 8 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15.

Tickets Make Great Holiday Gifts!

WarHorse NationalTheatre of Great Britain and Bob Boyett present

based on a novel by Michael Morpurgo • adapted by Nick Stafford in association with Handspring Puppet Company

Winner!

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ORCHESTRA SEATTLE/SEATTLE CHAMBER SINGERS

Huw Edwards, another of this season’s music-director candidates, conducts Bach, Beethoven, Vivaldi, and some holiday music. First Free Methodist Church, 3200 Third Ave. W., osscs.org. $10–$25. 3 p.m. Sun., Dec. 16.

WASHINGTON WIND SYMPHONY Music from Bach to How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Redmond Performing Arts Center, 17272 N.E. 104th St., Redmond, washington windsymphony.org. $10–$15. 3 p.m. Sun., Dec. 16.

PUBLIC OPERA Vocal favorites in an informal dinner setting. Hilton Bellevue, 300 112th Ave. S.E., Bellevue, public opera.com. 6 p.m. Sun., Dec. 16.

SEATTLE MEN’S CHORUS For their holiday extravagaynza, music evoking warmer climes. Benaroya Hall, 200 University St., 388-1400, flyinghouse.org. $27–$77. 7:30 p.m.

Sun., Dec. 16 and four more performances through Dec. 22.

EILEEN IVERS From this fiddler, “An Irish Christmas.”

Benaroya Hall, 200 University St., 215-4747, seattle symphony.org. $31–$87. 7:30 p.m. Tues., Dec. 18.

ON SALE NOW!

Feb 13-24 • The Paramount Theatre 877.784.4849 • STGPresents.org Priority seating & groups 10+ call: 888.214.6856

Tickets Available Through Tickets.com and Select Ticketmaster Locations P R E S E N T E D BY:

S P O N S O R E D BY:

Additional fees may apply. All sales final, no refunds. Prices, shows, dates, schedules, and artists are subject to change.

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

Longenbaugh’s reflective holiday tale interpolates the characters of Ebenezer seattleweekly.com Scrooge and Sherlock Holmes, the latter now a lonely misanthrope who receives three Christmas Eve visitors with a mystery to solve. In its second seasonal production, this is a confident and completely believable staging, directed by Scott Nolte. As Holmes, Terry Edward Moore has a gift for smugness, as the famed detective delivers all his quips with eyes in a permanent half-roll, nose lifted to the sky. Holmes’ bah-humbug-ery is nicely countered by Stephen Grenley’s Dr. Watson—at best an ever-loyal companion to an insufferable egotist, at worst a Stockholm Syndrome–suffering doormat to arrogant Holmes’ constant abuse. As with Charles Dickens’ source text, however, redemption is in sight when Watson’s years of selfless service are finally recognized. It just takes a while for Holmes to see the obvious clues. TERRA SULLIVAN Taproot Theatre, 204 N. 85th St., 781-9707, taproottheatre.org. $22–$37. 7:30 p.m.

Wed.–Thurs., 8 p.m. Fri., 2 & 8 p.m. Sat. Ends Dec. 29.

THREE MEN AND A BABY JESUS In Matt Smith’s satire, three corporate execs end up babysitting the Savior.

Balagan Theatre, 1117 E. Pike St., 800-838-3006, balagan theatre.org. $10. 11 p.m. Fri.-Sat. Ends Dec. 15.

A TUNA CHRISTMAS Two actors play 22 characters in this comedy set in Tuna, Texas. Burien Little Theater, S.W. 146th St. and Fourth Ave. S.W., Des Moines, 242-5180, burienlittletheatre.org. $7–$20. 8 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 16.

UNCLE MIKE RUINS CHRISTMAS Wing-It takes all that is good and pure about the holidays and violently crushes it under the stinky Timberland work boot of the night’s most unwanted houseguest, Uncle Mike.

Audience members scribble down childhood holiday memories, and from those notes the improv troupe concocts a Christmassy pageant of dick jokes, murder scenes, alcoholic outbursts, and child-marriage scenarios. Some skits succeed; others land with the thud of a gone-too-far Daniel Tosh-style rape joke. TERRA SULLIVAN Wing-It Productions, 5510 University Way N.E., 781-3879, wingitpresents.com. $12–$15. Midnight:30 Sat. Ends Dec. 22.

THE WINTER WONDERETTES Celebrate Christmas 1968 with this girl group. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave. S.W., 938-0339, artswest.org. $17–$36.50. 7:30 p.m. Wed.–Sat., 3 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 30.

THE WIZARD OF OZ A woman visits a foreign land and kills the first person she sees, then teams with three strangers to kill more. Seattle Children’s Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $20–$36. Runs Thurs.–Sun., plus Wed. over the holidays; see sct.org for exact schedule. Ends Jan. 6.

IPHONE/ANDROID APP

THE WOMAN IN THE WALL Pacific Play Company pre-

19

arts»Visual Arts B Y M A’ C H E L L D U M A L A VA S S A R

Openings & Events THE ART OF DISNEY Dumbo, Sleeping Beauty,

Tinkerbell, and other animated figures are celebrated. Opening reception, 6–8 p.m. Wed., Dec. 12. Gunnar Nordstrom Contemporary Fine Art, 800 Bellevue Way N.E., Bellevue, 425-827-2822, gunnar nordstrom.com. Dec. 12–Jan. 6.

ART@SDC HOLIDAY SMALL WORKS SALE

Specially curated, gift-oriented pieces are offered at affordable prices from EAFA, CoCA, and others.

Note closing reception, 6–9 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14.

Seattle Design Center, 5701 Sixth Ave. S., 762-1200, seattledesigncenter.com. Mon.–Fri., 9 a.m.–5 p.m.

Through Dec. 14.

BELLTOWN ART WALK Every second Friday of the month, the neighborhood galleries (including Roq La Rue, NorthWest Woodworkers Gallery, Form/Space Atelier, Art/Not Terminal Gallery, and others) and non–galleries (Cyclops, Black Bottle, Bedlam Coffee, etc.) extend their hours so you can check out work by local artists. See belltownartwalk.net for details.

Free. 6 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14.

BODY LANGUAGE Marsha Burns, Kim Frohsin, Phillip Levine, and a dozen others examine the human form in a variety of media. Opening reception: 2–4 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15. Prographica, 3419 E. Denny Way, 322-3851, prographicadrawings.com. Opens Dec. 15.

Wed.–Sat., 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Through Jan. 26.

BUY ONE, GET NOTHING ELSE Derek Erdman, Nikki Burch, and Brittany Kusa celebrate pop culture via illustration. Opening reception: 6–10 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 13. Vermillion, 1508 11th Ave., 709-9797, vermillionseattle.com. Opens Dec. 13. Tues.–Thurs., Sun., 4 p.m.–midnight; Sat.–Sun., 4 p.m.–1 a.m.

Through Jan. 15.

•

A contemporary celebration for all faiths.

DEC 23, 7PM DEC 24, 9PM

(same service both nights)

NEW YEAR’S EVE

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

5801 Sand Point Way NE Seattle, WA 98105 SpiritualLiving.org

20

Intention setting, celebration and spiritual grounding for your New Year!

DEC 31, 7PM

LUCKY GREENHOUSE & LIGHT Hydroponic & Indoor Gardening Superstore

NEW STORE GRAND OPENING!

19820 40th Ave W Suite 108.,

Lynnwood WA 98036 425 640 8833

206-682-8222 3223 3rd Ave S. #100B Seattle, WA 98134 OPEN HOURS: MON - SAT: 10AM - 7PM SUN: NOON - 5PM * Restrictions Apply • Expires 12/20/12 • luckygreenhouselight@yahoo.com

FALALA: HOLIDAY SALE OF FINE ARTS & CRAFTS Choose from a selection of handmade,

one–of–a–kind gifts from more than 30 local artists.

Schack Art Center, 2921 Hoyt Ave., Everett, 425-2578380, schack.org. Opens Dec. 14. Fri., 10 a.m.–6 p.m.; Sat., 10 a.m.–7 p.m. Through Dec. 15.

A HOLIDAY MIRACLE The theme? Gifts and giving.

Opening reception from 6–9 p.m. coincides with Thursday’s West Seattle Art Walk. Twilight Artist Send events to visualarts@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings = Recommended

•

•

SEWARD PARK CLAY STUDIO HOLIDAY SHOW

The studio’s holiday sale features some 40 local and regional artists. Seward Park Clay Studio, 5900 Lake Washington Blvd. S., 722-6342, sewardparkart.org.

Free. Sat.–Sun., 10 a.m.–6 p.m.; Mon.–Fri., noon– 7 p.m. Through Dec. 24.

STUDENT WEDNESDAYS Students of all ages can visit BAM for free on the second Wednesday of every month. Bellevue Arts Museum, 510 Bellevue Way N.E., Bellevue, 425-519-0770, bellevuearts.org.

Free. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Wed., Dec. 12.

WEST SEATTLE ART WALK Several venues showcase local art every second Thursday of the month, including Youngstown Cultural Arts Center, ArtsWest, and Twilight Artist Collective. Details: westseattleartwalk.blogspot.com. 6–9 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 13.

WHO SHOT FIRST? Star Wars is the inspiration for this group show featuring more than 40 artists and their interpretations of Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, C-3PO, R2-D2, and company. Opening reception (all-ages, bring your kids): 6–10 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 13.

Ltd. Art Gallery, 307 E. Pike St., 457-2970, ltdart gallery.com. Opens Dec. 13. Tues.–Sun., 11 a.m.– 7 p.m. Through Jan. 27.

CARLETTA CARRINGTON WILSON Her book of the bound honors “unheard voices of the enslaved” with small sculptural objects and embellished books.

Opening reception: 7–9 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15. Artist talk 7–9 p.m. Thurs., Jan. 10. Northwest African American Museum, 2300 S. Massachusetts St., 5186000, naamnw.org. Opens Dec. 15. Sat.–Sun., noon– 4 p.m.; Wed., Fri., 11 a.m.–4:30 p.m.; Thurs., 11 a.m.– 7 p.m. Through March 10.

•

TheFussyeye » by brian miller

The Taxonomist

I’m always leery of the term “outsider art,” which seems to be making allowances even before you push through the gallery doors. Whether decorative, devotional, or obsessive, such works aren’t necessarily intended for public display or sale. If anything, they can be too inside—hermetic and private in a way that excludes MFA interpretations and appreciation. Happily, none of those qualifications are necessary with the large, colorful drawings of Gregory Blackstock, the autisticsavant former dishwasher who gained local prominence about a decade ago. A shy, grayhaired gentleman who was playing accordion during this month’s First Thursday reception, he’s a cheerful explainer. His mostly tabular, annotated works are didactic in a sense; he’s teaching us something about flags and dogs and donkeys and hydroplanes, organizing and categorizing them for our edification. They’re like the rare color pages you find in an unabridged dictionary, illustrated not for the sake of art but instruction.

There’s a comprehensive quality to them that falls short of the unsettling compulsion you see

GREGORY BLACKSTOCK

CHRISTMAS EVE

Collective, 4306 S.W. Alaska St., 933-2444, twilightart. net. Dec. 13–Jan. 4.

PICTURE PERFECT Seven artists present paintings, prints, and other works considering how we interact with the wild and woolly. Opening reception: 6–10 p.m. Fri., Dec. 14. Bherd Studios, 8537 Greenwood Ave. N., 234-8348, bherdclothing.com. Wed.–Fri., noon–6 p.m. Through Dec. 21.

SUSAN ROBB She will create sculptures with local, national, and international artists, using Skype video calls in this interactive performance piece. Closing reception and final performance: 1–4 p.m. Sat., Dec. 15. Collaborating with her will be, in three calls, Lead Pencil Studio from Portland, Gary Schultz from Berlin, and Reed Anderson from New York. Cornish Alumni Gallery, 1000 Lenora St., 726-5011, cornish. edu. Mon.–Fri., noon–5 p.m.; Sat., noon–4 p.m.

Through Dec. 15.

in Henry Darger, for instance, and some religious art. Blackstock is a maker of elaborate, illustrated lists. It doesn’t matter whether he means them to be art. What makes them so appealing is their sincerity and generosity—the way Blackstock shares his knowledge and enthusiasm with us.

Greg Kucera Gallery, 212 Third Ave. S., 624-0770, gregkucera.com. Free. 10:30 a.m.– 5:30 p.m. Tues.–Sat. Ends Dec. 22.

film» »Review

The Long Tale

Peter Jackson’s new Tolkien adaptation has been supersized for three holiday seasons.

By ScoTT FoundaS

W

film@seattleweekly.com The hobbiT: An UnexpecTed JoURney Opens Fri., Dec. 14 at Cinerama and other theaters. Rated PG-13. 174 minutes.

TickeTs available aT www.cinerama.com

miDniGHT Premiere Dec 14TH 12:01am - THurs miDniGHT

Fri (Dec 14th) 2:30 • 7:00 • 11:15 Sat (Dec 15th) -thurS (Dec. 20) 10:15 • 2:30 • 7:00 • 11:15

Logos

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Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

elcome back to Middle-Earth.

It has been nearly a decade since writer/director Peter Jackson last set foot on J.R.R. Tolkien’s hallowed ground, signing off on a spectacular trilogy of films adapted from the Lord of the Rings novels. There were box-office billions and well-earned Oscars aplenty. But Jackson’s next two projects—King Kong (2005) and The Lovely Bones (2009)—suggested he might’ve been stunted by his own mega-success. So it was no real surprise when Jackson announced he would film The Hobbit, and even less surprising when he pulled a Jay Leno on his hand-picked director, Guillermo del Toro (who retains a cowriting credit).

Of course, succession is never a tidy business, nor is that of making prequels into beloved franchises. Rest assured, Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey perpetrates no Jar Jar–size transgressions. Rather, it’s reverential to a fault, with the director and his regular collaborators Fran Walsh (Jackson’s wife) and Philippa Boyens hewing so closely to Tolkien’s slender 1937 text that at the end of three hours, we’re barely 100 pages in. Mere sentences on the page have been inflated into entire sequences onscreen.

The detailed appendices Tolkien included with The Return of the King have been plundered for inspiration, and the result is a journey whose most unexpected element is just how little ground it covers. (The next two installments will be released in 2013 and 2014.)

Set some 60 years before the LOTR saga, The Hobbit tells of another unassuming Shiredweller’s grand mythopoeic adventure in the company of wizards, elves, and—this time around—a merry band of 13 dwarfs. The hobbit in question is one Bilbo Baggins—uncle of Frodo—played to great effect in the LOTR films

by Ian Holm and here, as a younger man, by the likable Martin Freeman. A fussy, pipe-smoking dandy of minimal ambition and even less curiosity, Bilbo is shaken from his life of leisure by a visit from Gandalf the Grey (Ian McKellen). And if there is one inviolable constant in this first chapter of The Hobbit, it’s McKellen’s delectable mixture of world-weariness and coquettish vanity, which might be the default posture of any

James Fisher/New LiNe-mGm-warNer Bros.

Freeman has far more personality than his dwarf cohort.

British acting great resigned to Hollywood’s inexhaustible need for sorcerers, mutants, and Jedi masters.

Gandalf wants Bilbo to join the dwarfs on their journey to reclaim Erebor, a once-prosperous kingdom long ago decimated and claimed by the fire-breathing dragon Smaug, which now lies in wait. But The Hobbit takes nearly an hour just to get out of Bilbo’s hobbit hole, with much of that time devoted to a long night of drunken dwarf merriment and song, during which you can just about feel the hair on your feet growing longer. For all their Wagnerian bombast, the three LOTR films proceeded at an exuberant clip, with lots of story to tell and spirited new characters lurking around every bend. They were generous entertainments that you didn’t have to be a Tolkien convert to enjoy—they made one out of you. The Hobbit, by contrast, feels distinctly like a members-only affair. It’s self-conscious monument art, but is the monument to Tolkien or to Jackson himself?

Even once Bilbo and company take to the hobbit highway, the pacing is leisurely verging on lethargic, fitfully enlivened by meetings with colorful beasties: giant, cockney-accented trolls that resemble talking phalli; a goitered goblin king (amusingly voiced by Dame Edna him/ herself, Barry Humphries); and stone giants that give new meaning to the expression “mountain men.” A few welcome LOTR faces also pop up along the way, including elvish royalty Elrond (Hugo Weaving) and Galadriel (Cate Blanchett) and the magisterial Christopher Lee as the wizard Saruman, not yet corrupted by the forces of darkness. Except for their noble leader, Thorin (Richard Armitage), the dwarfs never register as more than an amorphous, knee-high mass.

It should go without saying that all this is executed at an exceptional level of craft, with Jackson and his CGI wizards once more bringing Middle-Earth to life with rich, seamless detail. But the movie springs to full life only late in the day, during the first meeting of Bilbo and Gollum (once again played by the sublime Andy Serkis), a hobbit reduced to a quivering, schizophrenic mass by his fidelity to a certain gold ring. Suddenly, in one long scene consisting of nothing more than two characters trying to outwit each other, Jackson the storyteller overtakes Jackson the technocrat. The old magic returns, and for a fleeting moment, The Hobbit feels truly necessary, a triumph of art over commerce. E

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film»This Week’s Attractions SHOWTIMES Dec 14 - 20 ELF

Saturday @ 7:00pm & 9:30pm Sunday & Monday @ 9:30pm

MOVIE CAT TRIVIA Tuesday @ 7:00pm TV Dinner

HOLIDAY SPECIALS Monday @ 7:00pm Night & Day

KISS KISS BANG BANG Wednesday @ 7:00pm & 9:30pm

TOTALLY CHRISTMAS SING ALONG Thursday @ 8:00pm

Nicola Dove/Focus Features

It’s a

Wonderful Life

DECEMBER 7–27

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WINNER FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION AWARD nat’l board of review

WINNER BEST DOCUMENTARY NEW YORK ONLINE FILM CRITICS

NOMINEE BEST DOCUMENTARY INDEPENDENT SPIRIT AWARDS

THE BEST DOCUMENTARy OF THE yEAR : “

haunting, fascinating and thought provoking.

It is a ‘must see’ for every New Yorker.”

- Sandy Kenyon, WABC-TV

RIVETING. EXTRAORDINARy. “

THIS IS WHy DOCUMENTARIES EXIST.” - Jason Bailey, The ATlAnTiC

HHHH! REqUIRED VIEWING

“

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THE

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Sundance cinemaS 4500 9th Avenue ne (206) 663-0059 SeAttLe

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1x4

Any Day Now Opens Fri., Dec. 14 at HarvarD exit. rateD r. 97 minutes.

Homo history repurposed as courtroom soap opera. Director Travis Fine, greatly embellishing a script written decades ago

by George Arthur Bloom—who based it on a real-life, high-camp Brooklyn neighbor and the mentally challenged kid he looked after—has virtuous aims but horrible storytelling instincts. Set in 1979, Any Day Now concerns a part-time drag queen and his D.A. boyfriend (Garret Dillahunt) fighting for custody of a teenager with Down syndrome. It’s undeniably filled with good intentions, and as a reminder of the flagrant (and lingering) injustices of a not-sodistant past, the film might have some value as an earnest public service. But it’s hard to take the message seriously when Alan Cumming is left to keen “This is a travesty of justice!” while struggling with a Queens accent and buried under a wig fished out of a dumpster after Milk wrapped. Straining for “teachable moments,” the film has one noteworthy, unintentional function: to remind us that though LGBT rights are continually evolving, kitsch is immutable.

MELISSA ANDERSON

P The Central Park Five

Opens Fri., Dec. 14 at sunDance cinemas. nOt rateD. 119 minutes.

Co-directed by Sarah Burns, Ken Burns (her dad), and David McMahon, this documentary revives New York’s fear of crime and race paranoia circa 1989 to help explain why five teenage boys were wrongly convicted of the violent rape and beating of Trisha Meili—despite a lack of physical evidence tying them to the crime and the presence of exculpatory DNA. The prosecution’s case was built on confessions extracted from the accused after long hours of undocumented interrogation. Years later, the real rapist came forward and proved a match for the long-since-mothballed DNA evidence. The

Hyde Park on Hudson: Murray gets little support from his script.

film’s central power comes from hearing the accused finally tell their own stories.

Their on-camera statements reflect one of Ken Burns’ great strengths as a filmmaker (and interviewer), and the team effort here continues to fit the “talking-head” format to revelatory journalism, despite years of bastardization by the likes of the cable channel History. The film is built around this interview footage, complemented by reflections from journalists, relatives of the accused, defense attorneys, and former mayors Ed Koch and David Dinkins. Because the filmmakers were unable to enlist anyone from the NYPD or the DA’s office to participate, we are left with the sense that mistakes of this magnitude require those in error to hide from them. The film presents the facts of the case with a clarity that seems startling all these years later; there is no way to avoid the conclusion of historian Craig Steven Wilder: “Rather than tying [the case] up in a bow and thinking that there was something we can take away from it, and that we’ll be better people, I think what we really need to realize is that we’re not very good people.”

CASEY BURCHBY

Fred Won’t Move Out runs Fri., Dec. 14–tHurs., Dec. 20 at nOrtHwest Film FOrum. nOt rateD. 74 minutes.

Anyone still hoping that Elliott Gould will end the string of schlemiels he has been playing since Bugsy will be bummed by his newest fogey in the otherwise authenticseeming Fred Won’t Move Out. Gould is nicely nuanced in Richard Ledes’ story of two seniors being moved by son and daughter from home to assisted-living purgatory.

But Gould, once an Indelible Icon of Cool, hasn’t strutted for years. You play one fucking halfwit gangster, and you get typecast as

dorks and codgers forever? It’s not fair. The movie is another story. Sensitively written and directed by Ledes and gorgeously shot

by Valentina Caniglia, Fred is an essential corrective to flaming shit like The Bucket List. There, old age’s biggest dilemma is what sort of snappy outfit to wear while skydiving; here, Fred and wife are sick, senile, immobile. For this caregiver, the story rang true. Fred Melamed, the son, is the movie’s secret weapon, a lumbering, funny presence who delivers the line “Bagels and lox killed more Jews than Hitler” with aplomb. He and Gould have real chemistry—especially when Dad retells jokes and son endures them. Still, Fred sometimes has a stiff American Playhouse quality and the overearnestness of a writingworkshop novella. Mostly, it captures how old age decimates even the people who don’t suffer from it. As for Gould: Listen, could you be cool just one more time? There are many hip, old Jewish cats you could play. I’ve got this script about the last days of Allen Ginsberg . . . PETER GERSTENZANG

Hyde Park on Hudson Opens Fri., Dec. 14 at egyptian anD OtHer tHeaters. rateD r. 95 minutes.

It’s dispiriting that a film about the romantic life of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who cultivated a small coterie of mistresses, should exhibit so little interest in what so engaged its hero: the actual women. Instead, Hyde Park quickly introduces us (and FDR) to the president’s distant cousin Daisy (Laura Linney), and then races to a sudden hookup that takes a firm stance on the question of whether our polio-stricken 32nd president could take a firm stance. After that, Daisy—our narrator and ostensibly the story’s center—is left to haunt the edges of the film. Fortunately, FDR is played by Bill Murray, supreme in his rumpled charisma: one beloved man of preternatural selfpossession deploying everything likable within himself in order to embody another.

Murray is almost enough to recommend Hyde Park, especially as he toys with his houseguests, King George (Samuel West) and Queen Elizabeth (Olivia Colman), characters who are to each December’s award-season movies what inflatable Snoopys and Spider-Men are to November’s Thanks-giving parade. The royals want Roosevelt to pledge aid in the coming war; Roosevelt wants to talk to a king man-to-man. And Daisy—well, maybe we’ll discover what she wants in some DVD extras, as it’s certainly not in the movie. We see her hang about the house with the help while smiling timorously just outside great dinners and world-changing conferences, ready to pop into a scene if the president or the filmmakers happen to think of her.

There’s a children’s book, Ben and Me, narrated by a mouse who lived in Ben Franklin’s pocket; this mouse doles out happy endings. ALAN SCHERSTUHL E

amore » online seattleweekly.com See review of Deadfall.

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ES ID

BITES & BOOZE

2 GIFT GU 1 0

4 OF 5

T:9.83”

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THE ORIGINAL BUGABOOT® WITH OMNI-HEAT® OMNI-HEAT’S LITTLE SILVER DOTS REFLECT YOUR BODY HEAT • COLUMBIA.COM/SILVERDOTS

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StellaArtois.com Always Enjoy Responsibly. © 2012 Anheuser-Busch InBev S.A., Stella Artois® Beer, Imported by Import Brands Alliance, St. Louis, MO

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BITES & BOOZE Giftin' La Vita Dolce

by Charyn Pfeuffer

I’m gonna cut straight to the chase here. Seattle is a pretty kick-ass bites-and-booze town.

And no, we don’t need a season of Top Chef filmed here to say it’s so (although it does make me warm and fuzzy every time Seattle makes it to the national media stage). I lived in Seattle for a stint nearly a decade ago (I’ll save the relationship-gone-bad saga for another time), then headed back to California, before deciding the Pacific Northwest was the place for me to be. This city’s understated (and often underappreciated) food cred is one of the main reasons why I love this place so much.

Operation: Make Spencer Move started early one Saturday morning in Capitol Hill, where I plied him with Marination Mobile’s Kalbi Beef and Spicy Pork Tacos. No one, and I mean no one, has the willpower to say no to the Nunya Sauce.

Next up, I made a major miscalculation of Off the Rez’s route and schedule; so instead, we headed to Molly Moon’s for some pre-noon scoops. Salted licorice ice cream and a quick walk around Cal Anderson Park helped solidify our next stop: Where Ya At Matt. We loaded up on Po’ Boys at the N’awlins-inspired food truck and headed to Fremont Peak Park for an impromptu picnic and views of Ballard’s boats, marinas and waterways. I had officially played the maritime card.

From there, we put our name on the waiting list at Ray’s Cafe for a prized patio seat on the unusually sunny afternoon before braving the lines across the street at Paseo for an almighty Cuban Roast Pork Sandwich. Just as the sandwich was secured, my cell phone rang and our table was ready, so I stashed the greasy mess in my purse for later consumption. I waxed poetic on all the fab virtues of Seattle over oysters, margaritas and smoked salmon skewers until we were stuffed and ready for our next stop: Hilliard’s Beer.

If you want to motivate the male gender to do anything, I’ve learned that waving beer like a carrot works wonders. I’m not saying Spencer is in any way like a rabbit, but he did seem to enjoy sipping his way through the tasting-room selections. Oh, and having his photo taken with the brewery’s beer vending machine was a definite highlight. Hello, who wouldn’t like beer on demand?

All in all, my day of full-court culinary press was a success. And guess what? Spencer signed a lease and made the move to Seattle a few weeks ago. I know his professional career may have played some part in this decision, but I’d like to think the promise of tasty food trucks, cheap happy hours and incomparable seafood left an indelible impression on his mind. I only hope his constitutionals are prepared for what’s to come.

When it comes to bites and booze in our fair city, what are your favorites? I’ve shared many of my favorite consumable favorites in this holiday gift guide, but please feel free to send me a tweet at @charynpfeuffer along with the hashtag #seattleweekly. Oh, and if you feel like turning a Seattle newcomer onto something new and delicious, you can always add Spencer to the social media mix via @spencerspellman. Thank you in advance for your culinary kindness, and here’s to a tasty holiday season.

sion, discoun ts & mo re.

Get one online, at SAM SHOP 206.654 or call .3210

S w GIFT GUID E #4, B ites & Boo ze • a dv erti sing suppleme nt • DE CEMBER 12−18 , 2012

So when my dear food, life, and travel-loving friend, Spencer Spellman of The Traveling Philosopher (thetravelingphilosopher.com), confessed he was contemplating a move to Seattle, I pulled out all the show, tell and taste stops. You see, I’ve had chef friends schedule layovers in Emerald City so I could work my marathon-eating tour de force magic on them. Usually, it just takes a dozen oysters and bottle of bubbly to have them fall to their knees. The idea of having a whole day to woo a potential Pacific Northwesterner tickled me.

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and Collectibles

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Scan to Plan  your spree with SW’s interactive maps

BLUE SKIES IN DECEMBER. A HARDWARE STORE ON CAPITOL HILL. (206) 322-1717 • 1417 12TH AVENUE WWW.PACSUPPLY.COM

clothing • gifts • jewelery 905 E Pike St • Seattle • 206-324-4092 www.indeedretailtherapy.com

Holiday Flavors: Pumpkin Gingersnap Eggnog Spiced Apple Pie

Capitol Hill • 316 E. Pike St.

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Lifelong Thrift Store Clothing · Household · Books · Unique finds SHOP • DONATE • VOLUNTEER

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Since 1982

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piecoras.com

1017 E Union Street At 11th Avenue Proceeds support those living with HIV/AIDS & other chronic conditions.

BITES & BOOZE Coaster Set Don’t let wine-glass rings ruin your table — slide a stylish wood coaster under there and drink easy. These amazing, real wood coasters from Spitfire Girl come in a beautiful, readyto-gift handmade wood box with a sliding top to display your set all the time. Love it, share it and buy it for a friend, because every table can benefit from pretty accessories.

Sip and Ship 1752 NW Market St., 206-789-4488 & 8560 Greenwood Ave. N, 206-783-4299 sipandship.com $43.75

Bacon Crack

The Seasonal Cocktail Companion Despite our belief that boozing knows no season, The Seasonal Cocktail Companion: 100 Recipes and Projects for Four Seasons of Drinking is a season-by-season toolkit for stocking your bar straight from the farmers market. From rhubarb bitters in the springtime to Horchata nog in the summer, local spirits expert Maggie Savarino gives you the tools to infuse your bar with flavorful character. (Sasquatch Books, 2011) The Elliott Bay Book Company 1521 10th Ave., 206-624-6600 elliottbaybook.com $18.95

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THEY HAVE ARRIVED.

Scrappy’s Bitters Gift Box You’ve seen Scrappy’s Bitters grace the bars of your favorite fancy watering holes.

Now bring this can’t-live-without cocktail ingredient home. This perfect starter gift of old-fashioned bitters for the home or commercial bartender contains: Cardamom, Chocolate, Grapefruit and Orange flavors.

And since they want you to achieve mixology success, there’s a recipe card stashed inside each box to get your creative juices (and the cocktails!) flowing.

Wine World and Spirits 400 NE 45th St., 206-402-6086 wineworldspirits.com $25.95

Explore www.dryflydistilling.com

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Cupcake Royale has cooked up the most incredible Bacon Crack, perfect for your bacon-loving friends and family and a great topping for any ice cream sundae. Sneak it under the tree or stuff it in a stocking; this lovely jar of bacon brittle is the number one gift for salty-sweet lovers. Don’t believe how good it is? Ask for a sample at any Cupcake Royale cafe.

Cupcake Royale cafes in Ballard, Capitol Hill, Madrona, West Seattle & Bellevue cupcakeroyale.com $9.50

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Holiday Flavors: Pumpkin Gingersnap Eggnog Spiced Apple Pie

 Scan to Plan your spree with SW’s interactive maps

Visit the Bastyr Dispensary for

Gifts for Healthy Living Hours vary. Visit WholeHealth.BastyrCenter.net for details.

The Bastyr Dispensary at Bastyr Center for Natural Health 3670 Stone Way N., Seattle • 206.834.4114

Fremont • 704 North 34th Street

• Handmade Jewelry • Natural Body Care • Fair Trade Sweets • Housewares • Books • Clothing • Candles • Incense and more

Give the gift of

BITES & BOOZE Age-Your-Own-Whiskey Kit

Huckleberry Cordial

Making whiskey is a fairly simple process, and this DIY kit makes it really easy to distill your favorite brown liquor at home. The kit comes with everything you need to craft two 750ml bottles of 110 proof White Dog un-aged whiskey, including a two-liter aging barrel, pouring funnel, two tasting glasses and step-by-step instructions. Because of the small barrel size, the aging process is significantly accelerated making nicely aged whiskey available in 3-6 months (you be the judge!). Since we’re all about recycling, the aging barrel can be refilled and reused multiple times.

Woodinville Whiskey Co. 16110 Woodinville Redmond Rd. NE, Ste. 3 425-486-1199, woodinvillewhiskeyco.com $149.95

Real Washington Huckleberries

Black Heron Spirits Find it at your local retailer.

Give ’em Shell

Anything from Hot Cakes We’re on our knees for pretty much anything Autumn Martin makes at Hot Cakes Molten Chocolate Cakery. There’s no such thing as a bad holiday gift coming from her cute-asa-button Ballard shop. But if we had to play favorites, we’d ply all the sweet teeth on our list with her super-boozy Rye Whiskey Caramel Sauce (made with Old Overholt, aka Mommy Juice), in-house Smoked Chocolate Chips, Northwest Chocolate-Coated (crack!)

Hazelnuts, or for the kiddies, a S’mores Cookie Kit that would make Hershey’s cry uncle.

Hot Cakes 5427 Ballard Ave. NW, 206-420-3431 getyourhotcakes.com about $10 and up

Bainbridge Organic Distillers Usually when people talk terroir, they’re referring to where wine grapes are grown.

Not the distillers at Bainbridge Organic Distillers, who are taking full advantage of their island location to distill the state’s first USDA Certified organic vodka, gin and whiskey. Take a fun day trip to the distillery — open Monday through Saturday from noon to 5pm — for tastings and holiday retail purchases. A boozy detour makes shopping 10 times more bearable. See website for complete list of local retailers.

Bainbridge Organic Distillers 9727 Coppertop Loop NE, 206-842-3184 bainbridgedistillers.com prices vary

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Planning a party? Stop by Taylor Shellfish in the Melrose Building for all your shellfish needs. Or, if you want to send a taste of Pacific Northwest to friends near and far, visit their website for shipping options. For a real treat, try the Shigoku oysters, the suspension-grown and tumbled-by-tide pet project of 88-yearold patriarch Justin Taylor. For shipping, visit www.taylorshellfishstore.com.

Taylor Shellfish Farms 1521 Melrose Ave., 206-501-4321 taylormelrose.com prices vary

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Scan to Plan  your spree with SW’s interactive maps geT

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UNIQUE GIFTS AND FOODS FROM SCANDINAVIA Open Monday - Saturday, 10am to 5:30pm December: Open Sundays, 11am to 4pm

Come Enjoy our Cozy Cafe!

6719 15th Avenue NW • Seattle • 206-784-7020

www.scanspecialties.com

Always unique, delightfully whimsical 2206 NW Market Street 7 days a week • www.RomanzaGifts.com

handcrafted toys, classic toys, games, art supplies, science kits, bedding, clothing & furniture 5333 Ballard Avenue NW Seattle, WA 98107 CloverToys.com

ART ALTERNATIVES STRETCHED CANVAS THROUGH 12/31/2012

PAINTS, BRUSHES, PASTELS, FINE ART PAPERS, DRAWING & GRAPHIC SUPPLIES, ART BOOKS, CANVAS, PRINTMAKING, CRAFT & KIDS ART SUPPLIES, & MORE!

NOW OPEN IN BALLARD! 2000 MARKET STREET, SEATTLE 206.523.4830 ~ WWW.DAKOTAARTSTORES.COM ~ OPEN 7 DAYS

BITES & BOOZE Bottlehouse Gift Certificate

Shortbread Collection

Looking for the perfect pairing or bottle of wine to take to a holiday soiree? Ask the wine experts at Bottlehouse for a hand-curated recommendation from around the Pacific Northwest. For an impromptu hostess gift, pick up the BH Prosecco Kit. And while you’re there, take a shopping breather to indulge in small plates, cured meats and a thoughtful list of cheeses.

Bottlehouse 1416 34th Ave., 206-708-7164 bottlehouseseattle.com available in any amount

We swoon for the variety of fun flavors in the cookie|box| Shortbread Collection. Named for some sweet lovin’ friends, the Carolyn is made with dark, dense Valrhona chocolate, the Hayes is a fancy hazelnut-and-vanillabean combo, and the Emma brings the savory flavors of thyme and lime to its cornmeal crunch. Delivery is available in the greater Seattle Metro and Bellevue area for a small fee. cookie|box| cookieboxseattle.com $10 per dozen

Cutie Pies

The holidays are a time to celebrate and indulge in baked goods warm from the oven.

Unfortunately for the gluten-sensitive, seasonal pleasures such as sugar cookies and mincemeat tarts have been off-limits.

Enter Gluten-Free Baking for the Holidays.

Jeanne Sauvage, Seattleite and author of the popular blog Art of Gluten-Free Baking, has perfected 60 gluten-free recipes with all the flavors of their wheat-filled counterparts.

Now everyone can pull up a chair to the holiday table with comfort and joy.

(Chronicle Books, 2012) Whole Foods Market 1026 NE 64th St., 206-985-1500 wholefoodsmarket.com $24.95

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Cutie Pies features recipes for 40 delicious sweet and savory snack-size pies, following one of the hottest trends in food: tiny desserts. Barista and businesswoman Dani Cone presents 40 exclusive recipes inspired by the unique line of compact pastries she serves at her Seattle-based Fuel Coffee and High 5 Pie locations. Illustrated throughout with mouthwatering, full-color photographs, Cone’s easy-to-follow recipes enable bakers everywhere to create these tiny treats with big flavor. (Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2011) High Five Pie 1400 12th Ave., 206-695-2284 high5pie.com $16.99

Gluten-Free Baking Book

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Pike Place Market

Scan to Plan  your spree with SW’s interactive maps

Bavarian Meats & Deli

Come enjoy the taste of the Old Country at our newly remodeled store at Pike Place Market!

Hat design by MULUK

“I do all my shopping at Boston Street”

HOURS Mon. - Sat. 9am-5:45pm, Sun 10-5 1920A Pike Place, Seattle, WA 98101 206-441-0942

MILAGROS Sw GI FT G UI DE #4, Bit es & Booz e • adverti si ng su pplem en t • DEC EM BER 12− 18 , 2012

FINE MEXICAN FOLK ART

12

the best of mexico is here!

GIVE A UNIQUE GIFT! • Oaxacan carvings • Religious artwork • Talavera pottery • Huichol artwork • & more Pike Place market: Post Alley (just off Pine St) 2nd location 1409 1st Ave, between Pike & Union 206.464.0490 www.MilagrosSeattle.com

:

Helping to launch and grow small local businesses

THE

STORE Pike Place Market, Mezzanine Level • 206-508-1342 • www.shopventures.org

Since 1972

Isadoras antique Jewelry

Good Tidings We Bring!

1601 First Ave . isadoras.com . 206.441.7711

BITES & BOOZE Chocolate Covered Cherries

Eating Tour

Here in the Pacific Northwest, we’re a bit spoiled by some of the world’s greatest cherries. So how do you make a terrific little stone fruit even tastier? You put ‘em in the hands of Chukar Cherries, who transform these sweet little orbs into confections covered in chocolate. This year, they’ve boxed up a Ho Ho Holiday Original Assortment, which features nearly a dozen variety of these sweet treats in flavors like Amaretto Rainiers, Black Forest Cherries, Cherry Bings, and Milk Chocolate Classic Cherries.

Chukar Cherries 1529 Pike Place, Pike Place Market 206-623-8043, chukar.com $23.95

Looking for a gift for your favorite foodie?

Let self-proclaimed “gastroguide and raconteur” Bryce Lathrop lead you on a White Moustache Urban Adventure Co. Eating Tour On Wheels. For at least two hours and a minimum of four stops, you’ll explore Seattle’s tastiest neighborhoods, stopping for substantial bites along the way.

This unique immersible experience is like seeing the city with your best in-the-know friend who only shares the best restaurants.

White Moustache Urban Adventure Co. 19011 8th Ave. NE, 206-552-0950 whitemoustache.com $200 and up

At Duffy’s Brew, we use real Craft Beer in our Shampoos, Conditioner, and Stying products. Why? Because it makes you look good. When you look good, you feel good. Things get much more interesting when you feel good. So loosen up, pour page 13 another drink, and enjoy yourself. And whatever happens...

now available at VAIN SALONS, ELYSIAN BREWING CO. AND ONLINE AT DUFFYSBREW.COM

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Pulling an all -nighter?

USE DUFFY’S BREW CRAFT BEER SHAMPOO.

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CHEERS TO NORTHWE Anticipated throughout the Fall and released on December 1st each year, Old Wooly is Big Time's biggest and rarest beer. Only 7 barrels are brewed in late June. It is aged in our cellar until the 1st day of December and then put on tap at the pub until it's gone. It will also be available in a limited number of 22 oz. bottles.

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4133 University Way NE • Seattle • 545-4509 • Minors Welcome until 8pm

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WEST BEERS!

HE’S BAAAACK.

Barrel Aged Wee Heavy

BOURBON BARREL AGED O.G. 1.070

ALC. BY VOL. 7.4%

STAY WARM THIS WINTER

Have a Diamond Knot lover on your list? Diamondknot.com has all they could ever want!

Growlers, Hats, iPhone Cases, T’s, V’s, Hoodies, Glasses and more. Don’t forget! Gift Cards make great stocking stuffers.

HALE’S ALES BREWERY

4301 Leary Way NW Seattle

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AHOY!

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all across the land, there was plenty of celebrating with Diamond Knot beer in hand.

The growlers were all stuffed under the tree with fine care, in hopes that the morning would soon be ‘nere.

We reserved a small amount of our 2011 Wee Heavy winter ale for this special bottling.

Aged in oak bourbon barrels for 6 months, the beer has flavors that bring to mind currants, caramel, and of course, bourbon.

Enjoy!

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BEER PAGES; 4.833 in; 1.5 in; Black; -; -

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CHEERS TO NORTHWEST BEERS!

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Give the Gift of Chuckanut’s Seasonal Beers! chuckanutbreweryandkitchen.com

Brewery Tour January 12th at Noon

Happy Holidays from Chuckanut Brewery!

601 W Holly St, Bellingham, WA 360-75-BEERS (360-752-3377)

Great Food • Great Drinks • Great People • Daily Specials 32 HD Flatscreen TV’s Sports Packages (including soccer) Across from Century Link Field

SEATTLE

Voted #1 - Seattle’s Best Sport’s Bar GO HAWKS! - $1 off your drink when you mention this ad (2012 away games only)

Sports Bar & Grill • 538 1st Ave • Seattle WA 98104 • 206-654-8070

Gift Certificates Available Shop online, we ship!

Growler Fills

Over 1,000 Beers!

27 Rotating Taps!

Beer, Wine, Cider & Mead

NEW HOURS: 11am-10pm Daily 16851 Redmond Way, Redmond WA 425.881.6461 maltandvine.com

BITES & BOOZE Reusable Leather 6-Pack

Give Beer

Now your recipient can walk into their favorite bottle market or brewery with a lifetime leather six-pack. Composed of leather rings riveted together and riveted to a central masonite handle, this strippeddown, minimalist beer box has been unofficially named “The Spartan Carton.”

How cool is that?

Chihuly Garden and Glass 305 Harrison St., 206-753-4940 chihulygardenandglass.com $85

As Seattle’s oldest brewpub, Big Time has been serving the UW community since 1988 and winning plenty of medals at the Great American Beer Festival along the way. Win over the beer lovers on your list with Beer Boxes, a one-gallon bag-in-box “Party-Pak,” 22 oz. bottles of Big Time’s four standard brews, or a half-gallon growler.

Big Time Brewery & Alehouse 4133 University Way NE, 206-545-4509 bigtimebrewery.com available in any amount

Belgian Ales

Uli’s Famous Sausage

PHINNEYWOOD Find it all in Greenwood & Phinney Ridge Scan to Plan your spree with SW’s interactive map

For authentic German sausages in a unique array of flavors and styles, check out Uli’s Famous Sausages in Pike Place Market.

Operated by Uli Lengenberg (with capable assistants, of course). Uli is a specially trained and certified Meister from the German region of Westphalia, an area known locally as “Sausage Country.” If you live in Seattle, you can order Uli’s Famous Sausages on Amazon Fresh. Or pick up some links in person. Praise the lard!

Uli’s Famous Sausage Pike Place Market, 1511 Pike Place 206-839-1000, ulisfamoussausage.com gift certificates available in any amount

3 MENUS

VEGETARIAN / VEGAN GLUTEN-FREE TRADITIONAL SALADS, SOUPS, GRINDERS PANINIS, PIZZAS, PASTAS GYROS, BEER, WINE & DESSERTS

www.razzis.com 8523 Greenwood ave. n SEATTLE, WA 98103 206-782-9005

3 PRIVATE BANQUET FACILITIES THE MAIN UP TO 50 PEOPLE...

THE CELLAR UP TO 100 PEOPLE...

THE PARTY ROOM UP TO 30 PEOPLE...

NO EXTRA CHARGE

15% DISCOUNT WITH THIS TICKET

page 17

Showroom

7020 Greenwood Ave. N. Seattle. WA 98103

206.783.7055 206.783.7055

Piano Moving/Storage 7000 Greenwood Ave. N. Seattle. WA 98103

206.782.4892 206.782.4592

Email: info@a-1pianos.com

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“When I think of Winter/Christmas/Holiday beers, I usually think of beers that are either a little higher in alcohol to settle in and keep warm with or that maybe have some kind of warming spice component to them. Belgian ales easily fit those characteristics. Some of my favorites are: Het Anker Gouden Carolus Noel ($11.99, 750ml). Big, rich and rummy malt body with a strong spicy anise flavor.

Rich and warming, a Bottleworks favorite.”

— Shaughn O’Keefe, manager at Bottleworks in Wallingford Bottleworks 1710 N 45th St., 206-633-BIER bottleworksbeerstore.blogspot.com prices vary

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The Year of

The Thoughtful Gift o it has been declared:

is a chance to right the

giving wrongs we’ve all been guilty of. It’s not that we didn’t care–schedules were hectic,

ran short and

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grocery stores started carrying mall store But this year will be different. We will give unique gifts of artisanal

and handmade

. ,

. We will think for no less than

about what a friend or loved one might actually want, like a one-of-a-kind custom leather

or a fresh local feast. And even better, a thoughtful

doesn’t mean we have to travel the

for one single

, and

give short shrift to others. Because thoughtful, local, meaningful for the entire extended

are at the

Visit our Pinterest gift guide to find gifts they’ll cherish. And here’s a gift from us to you: One hour free parking from 10am – 2pm at the Public Market Garage at 1531 Western Ave. Details at PikePlaceMarket.org.

18 PIKE 7606 YearoftheThoughtfulGift.indd 1

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BITES & BOOZE Rusty’s Famous Cheesecake

Gelato Gift Card

Sweeten the holiday season with the gift of a Rusty’s Famous Cheesecake. Named “Best Dessert in Western Washington 2012”

by KING-5, go for the original New Yorkstyle Esther’s Classic Cheesecake. Rusty Federman learned this recipe from his mother, and it is oh-so-good. Looking for the perfect hostess gift? Pick up a Rusty’s artisan gourmet cheesecake available in the freezer compartment at Freshy’s Seafood Market on Mercer Island.

Rusty’s Famous Cheesecake 206-708-5198 rustysfamouscheesecake.com prices vary

No matter what time of day, you can expect to wait in line. D’Ambrosio features ultracreamy versions of every flavor you’ve fantasized about, but it’s the pistachio, made from a Sicilian variety produced near the Etna volcano, that tickles the taste buds of true-blue gelato lovers. Ask any Seattleite, and they’ll tell you that the road to Utopia is paved with D’Ambrosio’s made-from-scratch gelato.

Try the Torta al Formaggio (Cheesecake).

D’Ambrosio Gelato Ballard, 5339 Ballard Ave. NW & Capitol Hill, 1542 12th Ave. dambrosiogelato.com $10 and up

Give the gift of

A Taste of Italy Made in Washington

Black Heron Spirits Find it at your local retailer.

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Lemoncello

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ONE FAMILY, DIFFERENT CHARACTERS

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Every expression of The Balvenie is related through the distinctive honeyed taste we achieve through our five rare crafts. But like any family, each one has its own individual character.

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The Marques, Balvenie Distillery (culmination of a series).

Handcrafted to be enjoyed responsibly. www.TheBalvenie.com

Facebook.com/TheBalvenie

The Balvenie Single Malt Scotch Whisky ©2011 Imported by William Grant & Sons, Inc. New York, NY.

WALLLINGFORD

SHOP SHOPLOCAL! LOCAL! PHOT

OS with

A holiday shopping mecca!

SANT PA HOTOS with DEC. 1 S 5-16ANTA

DEC. 1-2

 Scan to Plan your spree with SW’s interactive maps

wallingfordcenter.com 1815 N. 45th Street | wallingfordcenter.com Kindle_6.17x2.25.pdf 1 11/7/2012 3:24:57 PM

Shop LocaL!

Support Wallingford Small Independent Businesses!

Verity Credit Union - Wallingford 4545 Stone Way N Seattle, WA 98103

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www.wallingfordchamber.org

ford Br a nch

veritycu.com/kindle

G e t a Kindle Fire!

Federally Insured by NCUA

BITES & BOOZE Adjustable Aerator

Camera Flask

For the wino who wants instant gratification.

This handy device perfectly aerates any wine from your lightest Pinot Noir to your most robust Bordeaux. Just pick an aeration setting from zero to six hours, pour it through the nifty gadget to decant and drink it down. Best part? You’re being enabled by a Seattle-based company.

Sixth Avenue Wine Sellar 600 Pine St. (3rd floor of Pacific Place) 206-621-2669 sixthavenuewineseller.com $40

Everybody loves booze, right? Because alcohol and covert photography go hand in hand, consider this classic-shaped flask made from stainless steel. Whether your brother is a whiskey-in-the-woods kind of guy or your best gal pal is a soft-drink-spiker-at-themovies type, this flask is camera-ready for all of the imbibers on your list. Want to step up your present? Throw in a side of hooch.

Sur La Table 84 Pine St., 206-448-2244 surlatable.com $24.95

Butchery by Hand Classes

Black Heron Spirits Based in West Richland, this small Washington distillery helmed by Joel Tefft, winemaker of Tefft Cellars, specializes in hand-crafted spirits, or “Christmas in a bottle,” as their website touts. Make your favorite Bloody Mary drinker happy this holiday season with a bottle of Brushfire Pepper Vodka. In an unusual twist, they also make Brandy and Grappa. See website for complete list of local retailers.

Capco Beverages 4100 SW Alaska Ste. A, 206-933-3416 blackheronspirits.com $30 and up for spirits

FREE MOCHI ICE with this coupon!

New Menu!

New Items, New Prices.

We are increasing the number of menu items from 90 to 140!

The menu now includes our signature gourmet rolls, premium seasonal nigiri, as well as delicious side dishes.

1

$ 30

1

$ 80

2

$ 50

3

$ 20

Quality sushi at great prices!

3

$ 80

(cannot combine with other offers or promotions.

No cash value. Dine-in only. Spend $10 or more to redeem. Valid only at Genki locations in WA. Expires on 03/31/2013.)

Queen Anne 206-453-3881 Sun-Thu 11am-10pm, Fri-Sat 11am-11pm Capitol Hill 206-257-4418 Sun 12pm-9pm, Mon-Thu 11am-10pm, Fri-Sat, 11am-12am Renton 425-277-1050 7 Days a Week 11am-9:30pm Factoria 425-747-7330 page 21 7 Days a Week 11am-9:30pm Free parking at our Queen Anne, Renton and Factoria locations! www.genkisushiusa.com

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With over a decade of experience raising, slaughtering, butchering, curing, preserving, cooking, and eating grass-fed animal products, Vashon Island’s Sea Breeze Farm has developed an extensive repertoire of techniques for capturing the essence of the field in their exquisite Butchery by Hand classes. Learn time-honored techniques for stocking your pantry and larder that will impress friends, and more importantly, pop with flavor.

Sea Breeze Farm 17635 100th Ave. SW, 206-567-4628 seabreezefarm.net $95 and up

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WINES AND CIDERS Vortex Cellars

Stop by our Woodinville tasting room and give us a swirl. Bring or mention this ad before the end of January 2013 for a complimentary tasting.

19501 144th Ave NE, D500-A • Woodinville, WA

vortexcellars.com

THE PICCOLA TOTE: WINE-TO-GO IN HANDY DANDY FORMAT The Best Washington wine in eco-friendly package.

Use Promo code Gift15 for 15% off totes at online store: STORE.PICCOLAWINE.COM www.PiccolaWine.com

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WINES! Burien’s new wine shop

22

Affordable, award winning and limited production NW wines.

Tues - Sat 12 - 6 601 SW 152nd St. Burien, 206-246-WINE

Free tasting and 10% off a bottle of wine.

Expires March 2013.

New Tasting Room 19501 144th Ave NE Suite C1200 , Woodinville

www.MichaelFlorentinoCellars.com

Give the Gift of Balboa Wine this Season!

1/2 price shipping of 6 bottles or more Free shipping on a full case 4169 Peppers Bridge Road Walla Walla, WA (509) 529-0461 • info@balboawinery.com

Bainbridge Island’s UltimateWine Experience!

An easy 5 minute walk from the Bainbridge Ferry terminal.

450 Winslow Way E | IslandVintners.com

BITES & BOOZE

“Best Destination Restaurant 2012”

Sound Spirits Aquavit

Martha Stewart Living

A.J. Rathbun of Seattle Magazine named Sound Spirits Aquavit one of “5 Best New Washington Spirits.” Sound Spirits’ founder and distiller Steven Stone honors this Scandinavian favorite by keeping the recipe fairly traditional using herbaceous caraway and dill with a twist of coriander, fennel and green anise. No one flavor overwhelms making the end result perfectly balanced and charmingly complex. So raise a glass, say “skal” and savor the slight burn.

Sound Spirits Distillery 1630 15th Ave. W, 206-651-5166 drinksoundspirits.com $34.95

“Blaine Wetzel, Best New Chef” Food & Wine Magazine, 2012

“James Beard semi-finalist” Visit our website to purchase your gift certificate today!

Shave Ice and Aloha

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360-758-2620 | 888-294-2620 2579 West Shore Drive Lummi Island, WA 98262

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Japanese Mandoline Kathy Casey is always cooking up the fun so of course, we want know about this foodie’s “can’t-live-without-it” culinary gadgets.

Casey slices paper-thin fruits and veggies with one such gadget — her Benriner Japanese mandoline. Three easily-changeable blades (fine, medium, coarse) made it a breeze to shred or julienne everything short of meat.

And since we’re all about safety, there’s a finger guard included.

Kathy Casey Food Studios 5130 Ballard Ave NW, 206-784-7840 kathycasey.com $34.95

Foods Jams, Jellies & Sauces Local mom Rebecca Staffel has turned artisanal jams, jellies and sauces into musthave pantry items. Need some inspiration this holiday season? Pair some Deluxe Spiced Plum Jam with roast poultry or roast pork, stir it into yogurt and granola, or make a cocktail snack with blue cheese and crackers. Staffel’s Gingered-Rhubarb Jam was a winner of the prestigious 2011 Good Food Award ( judged by the grand dames of the culinary world, Alice Waters and Ruth Reichl).

Book Larder 4252 Fremont Ave. N, 206-397-4271 deluxe-foods.com, $12 and up

Delicious, Organic Affordable Vegetarian meals delivered to your home or work.

Go to Amazon Fresh and find some of our meals there!

307 W. McGraw Street Seattle www.LuckyPalate.com

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Shipped in from the homeland of Hawaii, Marination mai kai boasts an authentic shave ice machine. If shave ice doesn’t scream aloha, their high octane cocktails, like a lychee margarita, a jalapeno kamikaze, and a rum-laden “Mai Kai” will. We Seattleites may be faced with months of gray, but a stop at Marination mai kai will spread some sunshine — even if it’s in a delicious liquid format. We aren’t picky.

Marination mai kai 1660 Harbor Ave. SW Gift cards available in any amount

www.willows-inn.com

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©2011 Labatt Brewing Company Limited, Kokanee® Glacier Beer, Imported by Import Brands Alliance, St. Louis, MO

24 Ad Name: KOKANEE - SASQ Item #: PKO201110228 Job/Order #: 244850

Closing Date: 10.11.12 QC: SM

PUB: Seattle Weekly

Trim: 9.83x11.25 Bleed: None Live: 9.33x10.75

PA AD AM

AE CD

BITES & BOOZE Tatoosh Bourbon

Food Lovers’ Guide

Using a Southern family moonshine recipe, traditional distilling techniques, and Pacific Northwest ingredients, Seattle-based Tatoosh Distillery has crafted an exceptionally versatile liquor. Neat, on the rocks, or subbed for whiskey or rye in drinks such as a Manhattan (adjust the other ingredients to compensate for the much drier bourbon), your recipient will love this 100-year-old recipe.

Independent Liquor & Wine Westwood Village, 511 SW Trenton St. 206-402-5363, tatooshdistilery.com $49

When it’s time to take the in-laws out to dinner or your girlfriend on a sexy date, who do you turn to for a spot-on recommendation?

Why, Foodportunity founder and local gal-in-the-food-know Keren Brown, of course. This ultimate guide to Seattle’s food scene provides the inside scoop on the best places to find, enjoy and celebrate local culinary offerings.

Book Larder 4252 Fremont Ave. N, 206-397-4271 booklarder.com $14.95

GLASSHOUSE STUDIO Unique handmade glass art & gifts From Seattle’s oldest Glassblowing studio

Pioneer Square Mon-Tues: 11am - 4pm Wed-Sat: 11am - 7pm (206) 838 0339 221 1st Ave S Seattle, WA 98104

to shop!

Scan to Plan your spree with SW’s interactive maps

Fresh Handcrafted Rotating Kebab Meats Locally Baked Turkish-German Style Flatbread House-Made Sauces and Fresh Produce Come down and have a döner

311 Occidental Ave S • 206-682-9939 glasshouse-studio.com

South Lake Union Mon-Fri 11am - 9pm Sat 11am - 9pm (206) 838 5032 428 Westlake Ave N Seattle, WA 98109

www.BerlinerSeattle.com

Arundel Books Over 10,000 Art & Photo books

“A girl should be two things, classy and fabulous”

1000’s of 1st Editions • Dickens to Bukowski

Come visit our expanded new location in Pioneer Square’s Grand Central Building 214/216 1st Ave. S (lower level) Seattle 98104 • 206.624.4442

www.arundelbookstores.com

157 S Jackson St • 206-623-1408 • www.VintageAndMoore.com

Give the Gift of Chocolate! [ vintage, baby! ]

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WWW.EMERALDCITYGUITARS.COM

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Everything on sale till the end of the year 5-50%!!

99 Yesler Way in P ioneer Square (206) 405-2872 1419 1st Avenue Downtown (206) 262-9581

83 S. WASHINGTON ST PIONEER SQUARE 206-382-0231

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PIONEER SQUARE a great place

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‘tis the

SEASON OF GAME.

weekly.indd 1

BELLEVUE SQUARE

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11/15/12 2:37 PM

BITES & BOOZE Give Saké

Chef and Father Online Cooking

Hello, Seattle saké lovers. Let us introduce you to Johnnie Stroud and his wife Taiko.

They’ve brought the first premium saké shop and tasting bar to the U.S., Saké Nomi, which literally means “saké only,” and planted it in our very own Pioneer Square. Each week brings a new menu of saké. Most recently, they’ve offered two fantastic, approachable and affordable junmai: Koshi no Homare Nami (“Wave”) from Niigata, and Bijofu (“The Gentleman”) from Kochi prefecture.

Swing by, ask questions and gift your friends some delicious saké.

Saké Nomi 76 South Washington St., 206-467-7253 sakenomi.us prices vary

Greg Johnson, a Seattle-based chef & filmmaker was faced with a new cooking challenge when his first daughter turned 6 months old: How to prepare fresh, organic solid food for his little one. When she took her first bite of the food he’d prepared and seemed to enjoy it, Johnson was hooked and started crafting fun and healthful ways to cook for kids and, more importantly, new techniques to make it easy on parents. Membership to his online site offers monthly recipes, fun how-to tutorials (often featuring his sweet little girls taking charge) and an abundance of insights on how to get your kids to eat real foods.

Greg Johnson, Chef and Father chefandfather.com $1.99 per month

The Holidays and U!

 Scan to Plan your spree with SW’s interactive maps

Give the Gift of COMFORT!

Est. 1996

Check us out on Facebook

Come In & See What’s New

Be Eco-Friendly and Shop Consignment!

(206) 523-8838 • www.altstadtinteriors.com Store Hours: Tues-Sat. 12-6pm and Sun 12-5

2618 Ne 55th St. • Just North of the University Village

G i f t s y o u r i n - l aw s w i l l ta l k a b o u t. . .

206-632-4940 4550 University Way NE Seattle www.GargoyleStatuary.com

Independent & locally owned since 1988

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5030 Roosevelt Way NE * (206) 524-8554 * scarecrow.com

OVER 117,000 TITLES

Largest movie rental selection in the country

Boma Sterling Silver Jewelry featured at University Village, Pacific Place & Bellevue Square

4303 University Wy NE Seattle 98105 206-632-3254 And remember we always validate parking for all UDPA parking lots.

2-for-1 rental Wednesdays New & used movies for sale

Visit Scarecrow’s new coffee cart

Espresso * Tea * Chai * Soda * Treats

Get a VHSpresso

PUNCH CARD Buy 10 drinks & get one FREE OR get a FREE Scarecrow rental

S w GIFT GUID E #4, B ites & Boo ze • a dv erti sing suppleme nt • DE CEMBER 12−18 , 2012

Explore the U-District and U-Village this holiday season

ALTSTADT INTERIORS

Interior Design & Consignment Furniture

27

film»

BY BRIAN MILLER

Film APOCALYPSE FILM FEST SEE THE WIRE, PAGE 15.

•ELF • In the surprise 2003 Christmas hit Elf, Will Ferrell

HHHH one of the season’s hidden treasures.”

- marshall fine, the huffington post

synth score and subtitles provided for the stunned firs and pines that are being hacked and harvested for the holiday Final Solution. Needless to say, the trees will have their, er, treevenge. And when it comes, no family, cat, or child will be safe from the stomping, strangling, chopping, bough-impaling payback! (NR) BRIAN MILLER Kitchen Cinema Playhouse, 309 1st Ave. S., $15, Thu., Dec. 13, 7:45 & 9 p.m.

TRAILER WAR All the bad movies you’ve ever loved, plus many you’ve never heard of, are represented in their promo original trailers, as compiled in a two-hour program by the Alamo Drafthouse gang. (NR) Grand Illusion, $5-$8, Thu., Dec. 13, 8:45 p.m.; Fri., Dec. 14, 11 p.m.; Sat., Dec. 15, 11 p.m.

• WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

The 1971 adaptation of Roald Dahl’s novel stars Gene Wilder as the flamboyant candy-preneur. Something of an artifact of its time, the movie packs in a lot of trippy period humor and visuals. And it still beats the dreadful recent Tim Burton remake with Johnny Depp. Everyone hiss Veruca Salt! Food and trivia attend this special holiday presentation. Call for showtimes. (G) SIFF Cinema Uptown, $10-$15, Dec. 14-19.

Ongoing

ANNA KARENINA Tolstoy’s family epic has been

•

•

ALAN CUMMING

GARRET DILLAHUNT

ANYDAYNOW

WINNER

10 AUDIENCE AWARDS AnyDayNowMovie.com INCLUDING

3CRITICS’

PICK

A FILM BY TRAVIS FINE

© Southport Music Box Corp

facebook.com/AnyDayNowMovie

SEATTLE • TRIBECA CHICAGO • OUTFEST

EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT

STARTS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14 W I N N E R

twitter.com/AnyDayNowMovie

MusicBoxFilms.com

Landmark’s Harvard Exit 807 East Roy, Seattle (206) 781-5755

10 AUDIENCE AWARDS INCLUDING

SEATTLE • TRIBECA • CHICAGO • OUTFEST

smartly contoured to fit just more than two hours of 4.81" x 3.5" WED 12/12 screen time by Sir Tom Stoppard; Joe Wright directs.

SEATTLE WEEKLY As always, wife and young mother, Anna (Keira 206.324.9996 Knightley) falls madly for a Russian officer, Vronsky DUE MON 6PM (powder-puffed Aaron Taylor-Johnson). The first of siff.net this match’s tragic consequences is Vronsky’s jilting of Princess Kitty (Alicia Vikander) who, in the B story, is courted by the surly, shy, and awkward : Levin (Domhnall Gleeson). Levin is the bosom friend Fri Dec 14–Thu Dec 20 At the Uptown of Anna’s philandering brother, Oblonsky (Matthew Macfadyen)—prey to the same governing passions as AE: (circle one:) LIFE OF PI in 3D ART APPROVED Artist: (circle one:) his sister and to none of the social and legal reproach.

ARGO The most immediately striking element is the self- Aurelio Angela Maria Josh Heather Staci Freelance 2 conscious theatricality Wright’s staging. Thankfully, Wed Dec 14–Thu Dec 20AE APPROVED the men and women populating Wright’s little theater APOCALYPSE FILM FESTIVAL Tim McCool Emmett Jay Steve Philip are something more than cutouts. Knightley’s emotions CLIENT APPROVED Planet of the Apes come through with a gasping immediacy, and Jude Beneath the Planet of the Apes Law deserves special notice as Anna’s husband. (NR) Shaun of the Dead Deadline: Confirmation #: Dawn of the Dead Nick Pinkerton Seven Gables, Lincoln Square Delicatessen ARGO Ben Affleck’s third directorial effort begins with Waterworld the November 4, 1979, attack on the U.S. embassy Invasion of the Body Snatchers in Tehran. While 52 Americans are held hostage, six Children of Men embassy workers manage to escape, ultimately hid2012 ing out at the home of Canadian ambassador (Victor The Final Countdown Fri Dec 14–Wed Dec 20 | Uptown Garber). Determined to smuggle the houseguests out Post-Apocalypse of Iran by disguising them as a film crew on a location Music Video Bash! scout, CIA exfiltration expert Tony Mendez (Affleck) At the Film Center enlists the help of John Chambers (John Goodman), a One week only!

With our legendary free Wonkariffic goodie bags! movie makeup artist, and Lester Siegel (Alan Arkin), an Leos Carax’s HOLY MOTORS old-school producer. Between hokey wisecracks ribbing industry idiocy, the trio seizes on a dusty script for Mon Dec 17 SIFF Cinema Uptown FREE VALIDATED SIFF Film Center 511 Queen Anne Avenue North PARKING Command Performances in HD! a Star Wars rip-off called Argo. Affleck’s movie doesn’t Seattle Center | Northwest Rooms from 6pm weekdays / 10am weekends | Parking passes available at box offi ce BALLET: SWAN LAKE reflect who we are now so much as it argues for what Hollywood can be. It’s a love letter from Affleck to the industry that made him, shunned him, and loves nothing more than to be loved. (R) Karina Longworth SIFF Cinema Uptown, Varsity, Lincoln Square, Meridian, Cinebarre, Thornton Place, others CHASING ICE Jeff Orlowski’s beautiful yet sobering documentary visits the world’s rapidly melting ice caps. His guide is James Balog, a renowned nature photographer who has become obsessed with documenting the staggering speed with which the icebergs of Greenland, Iceland, and Alaska are crumbling into the sea. Orlowski films as Balog and a small team of young scientists go on a mad mission to embed dozens of time-lapse cameras into the rock walls above various ice fields. Those cameras take one image every hour, and when Balog and his team assemble the footage, they discover that glacier fields the size of Lower Manhattan are receding at an astonishing rate. (NR) Chuck Wilson Harvard Exit FLIGHT In this fine, melancholy character study, William “Whip” Whitaker (Denzel Washington) wakes after a bender and gets ready for work with a snort of coke. Then he swaggers into the cockpit of his passenger jet. When the plane goes into a sudden free fall, he improvises a miraculous plan that brings craft and passengers down more or less safely. Later, in order to hush up a medical report of Whip’s potent bloodalcohol level, Hugh Lang (Don Cheadle), is brought in to do damage control with union rep (Bruce Greenwood).

Also “helping” is Whip’s dealer, played with dirtbag bonhomie by John Goodman. Calm and chaos commingle beautifully in the crash-landing set piece as handled by director Robert Zemeckis. Zemeckis hasn’t lost his touch with actors; he coaches Washington into one of those rare performances that suggests much 23

WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

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Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

embraces the cutesy confection of its plot. Santa Claus doles out presents at an orphanage; a wee human crawls into his sack of toys, winds up at the North Pole, and is subsequently raised as an elf. Eight zillion sight gags constitute the first act, in which a giant-sized Ferrell bangs his head into low ceilings, squats on miniature crappers, and botches even the most remedial toy-making duties. Ferrell finally discovers he’s the bastard son of James Caan, now a distant, terse Manhattan publishing-house exec.

Innocent, syrup-swilling Ferrell then goes to big, bad NYC, meets Zooey Deschanel, and hilarity often ensues. (G) ANDREW BONAZELLI Central Cinema, $6-$8, Sat., Dec. 15, 7 & 9:30 p.m.; Dec. 16-17, 9:30 p.m.; Dec. 22-23, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE! This traveling foundfootage show takes a holiday theme, with all manner of Yuletide video oddities. (NR) Central Cinema, $6-$8, Thu., Dec. 13, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

THE FIFTH ELEMENT Luc Besson’s 1997 sci-fi flick looks great in places, but Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, and Gary Oldman are pretty much stranded in space without a script. Movie screens at midnight. (PG-13) Egyptian, $8.25, Fri., Dec. 14; Sat., Dec. 15.

IN ORGANIC WE TRUST Kiplin Pastor’s recent doc looks at the organic farming movement. (NR) Keystone Congregational Church, 5019 Keystone Place N., 6326021, keystoneseattle.org, Free, Fri., Dec. 14, 7 p.m.

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Times are tough in Frank Capra’s 1946 It’s a Wonderful Life. Banks are failing.

People are losing their homes. Veterans are returning from a bloody war abroad. Families are falling apart.

And all these stresses converge during the holidays, when there may not even be enough money in the household to buy any presents. Sound familiar? In the GI’s 42nd-annual screening of this seasonal classic, the distressed town of Bedford Falls could today be Anytown, USA. And beleaguered banker James Stewart could be any small businessman struggling to remain solvent amid our current financial crisis. If It’s a Wonderful Life is arguably the best Christmas movie ever made, that’s because it’s certainly one of the most depressing Christmas movies ever made. Our suicidal hero is given a future vision--courtesy of an angel (Henry Travers)--of bankruptcy, death, poverty, and evil, unfettered capitalism (hello, Lionel Barrymore). Call for showtimes; no shows on Dec. 10, 12, and 17. (NR) BRIAN MILLER Grand Illusion, 1403 N.E. 50th St., 5233935, grandillusioncinema.org, $5-$8, Through Dec. 27.

THE MALTESE FALCON Humphrey Bogart helped cement his screen identity playing Sam Spade in John Huston’s 1941 treatment of the Dashiell Hammett detective novel. Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet are memorable in support. (NR) Central Cinema, $6-$8, Wed., Dec. 12, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

MOVIE NIGHT DJs Jon Francois and Nik Gilmore set new music to old movies. (NR) Northwest Film Forum, $6-$10, Fri., Dec. 14, 8 p.m.; Fri., Jan. 11, 8 p.m.; Fri., Feb. 15, 8 p.m.

MUSIC CRAFT: JIMMY SMITH The famous master of the Hammond B3 organ is followed on tour in this 1965 documentary, about an hour long. (NR) Northwest Film Forum, $6-$10, Sat., Dec. 15, 7 p.m.

RAWSTOCKALYPSE A dozen-odd shorts are screened at this 21-and-over event. Local filmmakers Jason Reid and Justin Freet shoot one entry (Special Talents) as a silent movie with title cards for dialogue; in it, they introduce the novel idea of a “cock fart” during a poker game. Local bands including the Maldives are represented in a few music videos. Comedian Liam Sullivan plays three roles in the amusing Dirty Scrabble, in which a hapless suitor keeps drawing obscene letter combinations but fears offending his prospective father-in-law. A former Pixar animator, Rodrigo Blaas, created the lovely, wordless Alma, rendered via computer but with Art Nouveau flourishes and depth.

There, a little girl in lured into an ominous doll shop. (A feature-length adaptation of Alma is said to be in the works, and deservedly so.) The End strikes an appropriately black-comedic note as a hapless fellow keeps botching his own suicide. And finally, well suited to the holiday season is Treevenge, a Canadian horror spoof set in a late ‘70s/early ‘80s horror heyday, with cheesy

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film» more than it shows. (R) Nick Pinkerton Meridian, Cinebarre, Thornton Place, others HITCHCOCK Early in Hitchcock, Alfred Hitchcock (played

by Sir Anthony Hopkins with a sack of fat connecting chin to neck) asks, “What if someone really good made a horror picture?” Hopkins’ imitation of Hitchcock’s distinctive vocal cadence— the accent and heaviness of delivery, as if each word was rolled in bacon on its way out—is initially disarming, but the performance seems less convincingly human as the film wears on, failing to build on its first impression. Scarlett Johansson as Janet Leigh in Psycho looks like Scarlett Johansson, and distractingly so. More T H I S CO D E painful are the attempts to TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE transform Helen Mirren, the SEATTLE WEEKLY international gold standard IPHONE/ANDROID APP of GILFs, into a dowdy FOR MORE FILM OR VISIT woman-behind-the-man. seattleweekly.com (PG-13) Karina Longworth Guild 45th, Lincoln Square, Pacific Place, Thornton Place, Kirkland Parkplace LIFE OF PI A stacked-deck theological inquiry filtered through a spectacular Titanic-by-way-of–Slumdog Millionaire narrative, Life of Pi manages occasional spiritual wonder through its 3-D visuals but otherwise sinks like a stone. Ang Lee brings to this high-seas adventure his graceful and refined aesthetics; the result is a slavish, proficient adaptation of Yann Martel’s 2001 novel. The story concerns the upbringing of Pi (newcomer Suraj Sharma) in India, his unbelievable experiences surviving a shipwreck aboard a life raft also occupied by a Bengal tiger, and his postrescue efforts to convince Japanese officials that his tale is true—a three-part structure that’s framed by the adult Pi (Irrfan Khan), recounting his tale to a nameless writer (Rafe Spall). The story’s relentless articulation of its thematic aims proves a buzzkill, and the film spoon-

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

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feeds rather than enlightens. (PG-13) Nick Schager Sundance Cinemas, Cinebarre, Pacific Place, Thornton Place, SIFF Cinema Uptown LINCOLN Our 16th president becomes an almost 4-D character made flesh by Daniel Day-Lewis, arguably the best actor of his generation. The challenge for director Steven Spielberg is to square the Georgia white marble of the Lincoln Memorial with the fleshand-blood reality we can never really know--evoking the man without diminishing the leader. His other challenges include relating the complications and subtleties of political maneuvering, and the inherent suckiness of the biopic form. Spielberg solves that by lensing the portrait through a single event: the fight to pass the 13th Amendment. The film is studied and often somber, but it is also hugely entertaining, a fun story of political gamesmanship, influence trading, patronage, cronyism, and outright bribery. This Lincoln is quietly ironic, an indulgent storyteller, a hugely charismatic leader. Day-Lewis is just crazy good. (PG-13) Chris Packham Guild 45th, Kirkland Parkplace, Lincoln Square, Pacific Place, others A ROYAL AFFAIR The way to a queen’s heart is through Rousseau in A Royal Affair, in which church and state oppression can’t, at least for a time, quell enlightenment urges. From prostitute trysts and physicianconducted crotch examinations to wild-stallion rides through the lush countryside, everything is eroticized in Nikolaj Arcel’s historical drama about the illicit affair between Caroline (Alicia Vikander)—sent from London to Denmark to marry bonkers King Christian VII (Mikkel Boe Folsgaard)—and the free-thinking doctor Struensee (Mads Mikkelsen) who serves as His Majesty’s personal physician. Bonded by progressive notions of a free press and peasant rights, their passion and principles inevitably spell their doom. With compelling authority, Mikkelsen embodies Struensee with a conviction colored by reckless arrogance; and while Vikander comes off as a rather bland object of his affection, Folsgaard, with his random outbursts of an inappropriate sexual and artistic nature, exudes royal lunacy. (NR) Nick Schager Varsity THE SESSIONS “You were really and truly inside me,”

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Helen Hunt’s sex surrogate Cheryl assures her client, the poet and journalist Mark O’Brien (John Hawkes), who’s confined to an iron lung. Similarly, Ben Lewin’s The Sessions hopes to penetrate viewers deeply, hitting its uplift beats hard. O’Brien, who died in 1999, is depicted as an inveterate charmer; he seeks the solace of a longhair, cig-puffing priest (William H. Macy), who blesses the transactions with Cheryl. Hawkes and Hunt nobly tackle the physical demands their roles require, and there is one good line, from a male attendant of Mark’s who says that intercourse is “overrated but necessary.”(R) Melissa Anderson Sundance SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK If you took the fighting out of The Fighter, David O. Russell’s previous movie, you’d be left with a close, fractious family like the Solitanos of his hugely appealing new Silver Linings Playbook. Instead of Boston Irish and boxing, we have Philadelphia Italian and the Eagles. The family patriarch (a fine, restrained Robert De Niro) is an OCD bookie bound by strange rituals to the team; his wide-eyed wife (Jacki Weaver) is the nervous family conciliator/enabler; and their volatile son Pat (Bradley Cooper, wired) is fresh out of the nuthouse with a restraining order from his ex. Pat’s most recent violent outburst has the cops and neighbors suspicious, but he claims he’s a new—and newly positive—man. Russell keeps the film constantly off-balance, but his pell-mell approach suits the story of Pat’s mania and wrongfooted romance with young widow Tiffany. In that role, Jennifer Lawrence is a revelation: tough, proud, and even more titanic in her instability than Pat. Russell builds their uncertain courtship toward a Christmas conclusion, daring us to imagine the worst during this holiday-movie season, yet reassuring us it won’t happen. Silver Linings is one of the year’s best films, and Lawrence a lock for an Oscar nomination. (R) Brian Miller Sundance, Oak Tree, Lincoln Square, Pacific Place, others SKYFALL Daniel Craig’s satisfying third Bond film aims to flesh out the backstory of the spy, with the globetrotting terrorist hunt leading to the site of 007’s childhood trauma. Bopping from Shanghai to Macao, Bond gets up to the usual daring escapes and zipless night-

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caps. The greatest gift director Sam Mendes brings to the material is staging and imagery that artfully amplify the film’s ideas about the world in which all of this is happening. Bond’s domain is now muddied, as established institutions find themselves crippled (and, perhaps worse, rendered foolish) by stateless entities and cyber terrorists. An MI6 bureaucrat (Ralph Fiennes), trying to grasp the age of Anonymous, contends that the agency “can’t keep working in the shadows—there are no shadows.” It’s a POV contested by the film’s most visually stunning action scene, set in a darkened Shanghai skyscraper, with Bond and the bad guy silhouetted against the neon lights and video billboards outside. (PG-13) Karina Longworth Sundance, Kirkland Parkplace, Lincoln Square, Majestic Bay, Cinebarre, Pacific Place, Thornton Place, others THEATERS: Admiral, 2343 California Ave. SW, 938-

3456; Ark Lodge Cinemas, 4816 Rainier Ave. S, 721-3156; Big Picture, 2505 First Ave., 256-0566; Big Picture Redmond, 7411 166th Ave. NE, 425-556-0566; Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave., 686-6684; Cinebarre, 6009 SW 244th St. (Mountlake Terrace)., 425-6727501; Cinerama, 2100 Fourth Ave., 448-6680; Crest, 16505 Fifth Ave. NE, 781-5755; Egyptian, 801 E. Pine St., 781-5755; Grand Illusion, 1403 NE 50th St., 5233935; Guild 45, 2115 N. 45th St., 781-5755; Harvard Exit, 807 E. Roy St., 781-5755; iPic Theaters, 16451 N.E. 74th St. (Redmond), 425-636-5601; Kirkland Parkplace, 404 Park Place, 425-827-9000; Lincoln Square, 700 Bellevue Way N, 425-454-7400; Majestic Bay, 2044 NW Market St., 781-2229; Meridian, 1501 Seventh Ave., 223-9600; Metro, 4500 Ninth Ave. NE, 781-5755; Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th Ave., 267-5380; Oak Tree, 10006 Aurora Ave. N, 527-1748; Pacific Place, 600 Pine St., 888-262-4386; Seven Gables, 911 NE 50th St., 781-5755; SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave. N., 324-9996; SIFF Film Center, 305 Harrison St. (Seattle Center), 3249996; Sundance Cinemas, 4500 Ninth Ave NE, 6330059; Thornton Place, 301 NE 103rd St., 517-9953; Varsity, 4329 University Way NE, 781-5755.

food&drink»

Muggy Waters

If only all bars were as focused as Rumba.

By Hanna Raskin attitude.”

Yet a very different attitude must reign in the Rumba kitchen, which turned out only one disappointment over the course of three visits. The menu opens with three salsas—the best of which is a faintly smoky pineapple with sufficient peppery spice to distinguish it from what’s in your glass—and guacamole, doused with enough citrus to lighten a blonde’s hair and served with greaseless, undulating plantain chips. There’s also a trio of tacos bedded on stretchy, canvaslike tortillas. Eating tilapia is typically like eating your thumb, but Rumba’s fish tacos are expertly breaded and crowned with a zesty crema.

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Seattle seems sunnier with this drink in your hand.

The crusty empanadas are great. I especially liked one stuffed with chicken, peppers, and raisins that was nicely reminiscent of a wellmade country captain. Although I struck out with the jerk pork shanks, which were oddly bitter, meaty chicken wings were beautifully smoked and garlicky beans and rice were a credit to the genre.

Finally, there’s dessert: Pastry chef Joanna Chau has created a mojito semifreddo, fried bananas Foster, and a pineapple rum cake boozy enough to have been crafted by a teenager or the Jamaican tourism board. The damp cake is fantastic, and—like everything else at Rumba—a worthy celebration of the spirit the bar knows best. E hraskin@seattleweekly.com Rumba 1112 Pike St., 583-7177, rumbaonpike.com.

5 p.m.–1 a.m. Sun.–Thurs., 5 p.m.–2 a.m. Fri.–Sat.

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

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Kevin P. Casey

Kevin P. Casey

I’m not sure if the thermostat is deliberately hiked up at Rumba, but the bar is almost muggy, with heavy, fruit-scented air clinging to the swiveling captain’s chairs and booths, upholstered in shiny turquoise vinyl. Where the room’s not blue, it’s done up in dark rosewood.

Plantation shutters block an alley view, and tall shelves are furnished with the hardback books, domino sets, and nautical knickknacks you’d expect a 1950s Cuban sugarcane magnate to keep. A gape-mouthed marlin is mounted on the east wall; palm-leaf fans whir overhead; uncut pineapples top the bar. It all reads as sexy rather than silly, partly because the displayed rum collection makes it clear that Rumba’s not trying to hide behind its Caribbean tribute decor.

Rumba stocks 250 rums and rhums, and its bartenders will explain the difference so patiently it’s as though nobody had ever thought to ask. (The “h” isn’t an affectation: It means the spirit was made from freshly pressed sugarcane juice instead of molasses.) Maybe it was the heat or the strong drink, but I was smitten with the men and women behind the bar: Each one who waited on me seemed genuinely enthusiastic about the cocktail list. “It’s transporting,” a bartender whispered when I asked The perfect complement to— about a punch made with Batavia arrack. Even what else?—rum. t most restaurants, a very long better, their counsel wasn’t sullied with snobmenu is worrisome. One featuring bery: The same bartender didn’t flinch when, dishes from at least three different envying another patron’s handsome drink, I continents, however, is nothing the names of American bars dedicated primarasked for something with an umbrella in it. ily to mezcal, bourbon, single-malt Scotch, or short of alarming. Maybe the guy running the The measure of a rum bar is its daiquiri. place figured he could attract more customers absinthe. But such bars are rare, and annoyRumba serves four varieties, including a taningly prone to tragic endings. To wit, this year by proactively solving the “Mexican or Chitalizingly tart concocPhiladelphia’s awardnese?” conundrum, or maybe he’s a sap who tion, Daiquiri No. 2, that buys whatever frozen gimmick his Sysco diswinning Rum Bar lost its lease, and Vandaag, Just because it’s logistically appends orange and tributor’s pushing. Either way, it’s an established to the standard a celebrated New York fact that no diner has ever browsed a menu with easy to assemble the Curaçao recipe of rum, sugar, and pictures of spaghetti, hot dogs, and California City bar which loaded its drinkable equivalent of lime, achieving a lovely cocktail list with Dutch rolls, nodded his head, and said, “Alice, we need a cruise ship’s midnight tropical balance without gins, closed forever. to get ourselves a reservation at this place!”

So long as we’re thinking about eating, we’re Cross your fingers, buffet doesn’t mean shooing rum’s distinctive flavor off center then, for Rumba, a wonsold on the merits of specialization. Yet as soon it’s a wise idea. caramel stage. The cocktail list, derful collision of fantasy as we get thirsty, our separatist notions fly out jammed with admirably the window. We expect our bars to stock tequila and skilled bartending controlled versions of classic rum drinks, modthat sets the standard for from Mexico, rye from ern rum drinks, and punches, is supplemented highly focused cocktailing.

Kentucky, whiskey from on Tuesdays by a tiki menu, the source of a Japan, liqueurs from Situated somewhere between » price guide few of my favorites. Rumba’s Three Dots and a theme park and graduate France, vodka from Finhurricane ������������������������������������� $11 salsa ��������������������������������������������������$4 Dash—originated by Don the Beachcomber—is seminar, the terrifically fun land, and gin from the Taco ����������������������������������������������$3�50 wings ����������������������������������������� $10�50 an intriguingly complicated combination of UK. That’s not totally Rumba gives guests a peek rum cake ����������������������������������� $7�50 rhum agricole, Demerara rum, housemade at how watering holes might irrational: Concerns falernum, honey, and allspice dram that tastes operate once drinkers get about a chef’s range layered and leathery. and a pantry’s size don’t into the groove of settling on a liquor before they settle on a bar. apply to a bar, where global influences are safely bottled. But just because it’s logistically easy to ll of Rumba’s drinks pair spectacuassemble the drinkable equivalent of a cruise larly well with the food, which is hen nights skew dark and ship’s midnight buffet doesn’t mean it’s a wise no more a thematic lark than the rainy, shivering sufferers of idea. Because it’s only when bartenders stop fidframed quote from cocktail histoseasonal affective disorder dling with every spirit in the world that they can rian Wayne Curtis, who in 2006 published And have two choices: embrace begin to master the history, culture, and nuances a Bottle of Rum, the authoritative rum tell-all. the season, limiting their meals out to hot-pot of one of them.

“Bourbon fanciers, who often claim for their joints, strudel bakeries, and chowder houses; The starring liquor at Rumba, the Tango tipple the title ‘America’s spirit,’ drink one of the or ignore it, ensconcing themselves in restaumost regulated spirits known,” reads the pasrants serving beachy drinks and dishes that spinoff which opened in September in Capitol sage in the silver frame. “But excessive regulapractically drip vitamin D. Rumba is banking Hill’s thriving culinary zone around Melrose tion is not the spirit of America. Unrestricted on a large contingent of Seattleites opting for Market, is rum. Rumba didn’t invent the singleexperimentation is. Rum embodies laissez-faire the latter strategy. minded saloon: Drinks devotees can tick off

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T A E N A C U O Y L L A e v e ’s r a e Y w Ne per person

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Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

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food&drink»Featured Eats City of Seattle MAGNOLIA & INTERBAY

NIKO’S GYROS 2231 32nd Ave. W., 285-4778. The aromas

from Niko’s grill fill the small shop with anticipation, because this Greek joint serves some of the best gyros in town. The souvlaki sandwiches—served, like the gyros, in a warm pita with plenty of tzatziki, lettuce, tomato, and onion—are flavorful and packed tight with juicy meat. Side orders of Greek fries (potato medallions seasoned with oregano, lemon juice, and feta), hummus and pita, and spanakopita make it onto many tables, and the specials chalkboard to the right of the counter should not be ignored. $

QUEEN ANNE

BETTY BAR & RESTAURANT 1507 Queen Anne Ave.

N., 352-3773. While its older sister, Crow, near Seattle Center, is something of a “destination” restaurant, Betty, run by the same owners, is a neighborhood joint all the way. Bear in mind, however, that the neighborhood in question is the top of Queen Anne Hill—so don’t come for budget dining. With your expectations properly calibrated, though, you’ll find Betty the perfect spot for a low-stress, high-end meal where you can hear your companion speak low and speak love from across the table. Betty handles standards like roast beet salad, steak frites, and roasted chicken with graceful ease. And the no-fuss elegance of the atmosphere makes for a great weeknight escape. $$ CAFFÈ ZINGARO 127 Mercer St., 352-2861. Spelling its name Gypsy style (Caffè Zingaro), this cute and convenient Lower Queen Anne coffee joint has quite the following from nearby artists. PNB, Seattle Rep, Intiman, McCaw Hall, and Teatro ZinZanni are all steps away, which means you may end up sharing your table or couch with a clown, ballerina, or thespian. (Don’t worry, they don’t bite.) If you’re pressed for time before

a show, Caffè Zingaro is a great quick stop for a pastry with tea or coffee (the latter are also sold in bulk). It’s one of the few little spots in LQA that we wouldn’t mind increasing in size and menu. $ ROTI 530 Queen Anne Ave. N., 216-7684. A small, warm space adorned with traditional paintings and wall hangings, Roti celebrates Indian cooking exuberantly.

Gingery and spreadable, the eggplant bharta makes believers of even eggplant’s staunchest opponents.

The prawn vindaloo is full of firm, juicy specimens, yet the sauce—supposedly a “thick onion-tomato gravy”—is a letdown. Luckily, Roti’s mattar paneer performs like a thoroughbred. The tofu-like Indian “cottage cheese” bathes in a complex red sauce seasoned with most of the spices in the Indian pantry.

It’s comfort food par excellence. $$ SHIKI 4 W. Roy St., 281-1352. At lower Queen Anne’s Shiki, the lights are bright, a homemade shoji screen separates off one corner, and the music rattling over the speakers is liable to be some form of Japanese easy listening. But you’re not here for the atmosphere, you’re here to sample chef Yamamoto’s supreme sushi.

His nigiri is all done with crisp precision and pristine freshness. Sushi sophisticates who want to venture off the beaten path should consult the white board near the door, where they might find such rarities as anago (ocean eel) or ayu (trout) flown in from Japan. In the way of cooked foods, black cod in sake is grilled to the approximate consistency of butter, and delicacies like monkfish or quail are prepared hot-pot-style. Bonus: Yamamoto is the sole practitioner in the state of fugu— the Japanese blowfish so poisonous it can kill you if it’s not prepared right. $$

RAINIER VALLEY

DAHLAK ERITREAN CUISINE 2007 S. State St.,

860-0400. A reconfigured strip joint (no joke), Dahlak exudes the air of a private club: a bit cliquey, a bit hidden, set back from the street. The perfumed room,

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 28

FirstCall

» by sonja groset

Kaopelva’s likely to get much busier.

rocks with an orange twist. Marisa likes Strega, but hadn’t worked with it prior to relocating to Seattle.

The Verdict: The strong, somewhat sweet herbal Italian digestif plays well with bourbon. The orange bitters add just enough depth to spotlight the floral notes in the Strega. Our drinks are wellmade and easy on the wallet, and the atmosphere is pleasant. But is the new Corner Bar too classy for this particular corner? As the evening goes on, the bar gets busier. The owners put up a Christmas tree, which definitely livens up the room. Once word gets out that they make tasty Manhattans and martinis at happy hour for just $6, The Corner Bar and Marisa are likely to get much busier. E food@seattleweekly.com

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

The Watering Hole: The Corner Bar, 2000 Second Ave., 448-3352, DOWNTOWN The Atmosphere: Located on the, um, corner of Second and Virginia, The Corner Bar took over the space formerly occupied by The Whisky Bar, which took over the space formerly occupied by The Corner Bar. This new iteration of TCB opened last month and bears no resemblance to its infamously debauched ’90s namesake. (If those stalls could talk!) An oval-shaped bar occupies the center of the room, but the newly finished floors, fresh wainscoting, and new tables and chairs make the room feel more like a den of sophistication than of iniquity. There are a few booths, a TV playing college hoops silently on one wall, and plenty of stools for the downtown happy-hour crowd.

The Barkeep: Marisa Kaopelva moved to Seattle from Arizona in January. She was tending bar elsewhere in Belltown when this Corner Bar job opened up. While she likes mixing cocktails and stirs an exquisite Manhattan, Marisa loves the craft beers she now has access to in the Pacific Northwest. “No bars are serving these beers in Arizona,” she says. Asked about the difference between bar patrons in Phoenix and Seattle, the 24-year-old says, “People here know what they want.”

The Drink: When I ask Marisa what she recommends to drink, she first checks to make sure I drink whiskey. Above the bar are dozens of bourbons, whiskeys, and scotches, reminiscent of the Whisky Bar era. She recommends a drink on the menu called A Good Time—a combination of bourbon, Strega, and orange bitters stirred and served on the

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food&drink»Featured Eats » FROM PAGE 27 often hazy with the smell of frankincense burned during the traditional Eritrean coffee ceremony, is awash in spice. So are dishes like zegni beghie, lamb stewed with berbere, a brick-colored blend of chiles and spices that smolders and flares in the mouth. Or the kitfo, ground raw beef stirred together with sumptuous amounts of spiced butter and peppers. Or even the prismatically hued vegetable platter, with its freshcooked greens, gingery cabbage and carrots, and creamy red lentils. $ HOANG LAN 7119 Martin Luther King Jr. Way, 722-3876.

Hoang Lan is everything a noodle house should be: tiny and marginally clean, with Vietnamese variety shows on the TV and a few families intent on vacuuming

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Since 2006, when Veronica Foods opened the first stand-alone olive-oil store in the U.S., more than 300 such stores have opened nationwide.

But what many consumers don’t realize is that at least 99 percent of them are supplied by Veronica, the brand behind an olive-oil shop readying to open this weekend atop Queen Anne Hill.

“It’s not a franchise, but it’s sort of like that,” explains Curtis Cord, publisher of the Olive Oil Times.

Veronica, now based in Oakland, Calif., traces its history to 1924, when the grandfather of the company’s current CEO began selling olive oil from Verona in his New York City shop. The business later relocated to California, focusing primarily on canned fruit and tomatoes. But Veronica shifted its emphasis to bulk gourmet olive oil in the 1990s, building a Tunisian mill to process olives from Australia, Morocco, and Argentina, among other countries. The resulting oil sold for about half of what premium California olive oil commanded.

Although sales were initially confined to the restaurant industry, Veronica later introduced a retail format in which sellers, trained by the company, keep “over 50 estateproduced, award-winning extra-virgin olive oils and naturally flavored and fused olive oils” in spouted stainless-steel canisters.

What worries Cord about the Veronica model is its reliance on heavy traffic. Olive oil kept in vessels is likely to age quickly if not purchased, and Cord says he’s never seen a customer in the bulk olive-oil store near his office in Newport, R.I., one of the many touristy areas where such stores have sprung up. “I think they’re getting very good olive oil,” Cord says of Veronica’s quasi-franchisees. “The issue is how long does it stay in the store? How is it handled? Olive oil has to be handled like fresh fruit juice, which it is.”

Larry Graham, a hydraulics-industry veteran, is opening Queen Anne Olive Oil with his brother, Gary, a commercial fisherman who was the best man at the wedding of Veronica’s owners. Before deciding to open a permanent location, the Grahams intermittently sold their friends’ products at the Fremont Sunday Market

noodles out of bowls of red broth. It’s the house specialty, bun bo hue or Hue-style beef noodle soup, and it may be the best version you’ll taste outside Vietnam.

You have to dump everything on the plate that comes with your order—shredded cabbage and bean sprouts, all of the different herbs—into your bowl, squeeze lime over top, and mix in a little of the housemade chile sauce. As the vegetables and herbs melt down, start slurping the rice noodles, lacy slices of steamed pork, jiggly cubes of congealed blood, long-braised beef, a pork hock added for good luck. The bun rieu, or crab noodles in a spicy broth, also has its fans. $ MIOPOSTO 3601 S. McClellan St., 760-3400. When Mount Baker realtors count their blessings, Mioposto must be high on their lists. The homey restaurant—coffeehouse by day, thin-crust pizza joint by night—is exactly the

under the name Olympic Olive Oil. Larry Graham says he takes all the precautions he can to keep his stock in good condition. “We like to buy every six months,” he says. “I know that doesn’t sound fresh, but that’s about as fresh as you can get.”

Graham emphasizes that the oils are of very high quality, contrasting them with the oils made on the Bay Area farms where he worked as a teenager, scrambling up thin ladders with an olive basket clasped around his neck. “The olives would sit in baskets all day,” he says.

“We know now that’s wrong. It’s amazing how far we’ve come. We like to think we have the world’s most premium olive oils.”

An olive oil’s shelf life varies according to its grade and harvest season, but most experts agree an oil can last a year from its date of pressing if properly stored. Yet many casual shoppers understandably fail to ask the pointed questions which would help them assess an oil’s prospects for longevity—especially in underpatronized Veronica stores.

Cord suspects Veronica’s strategy has succeeded because interest in olive oil is booming, but product knowledge has flatlined in the general population. Customers who would loudly object to buying wine from a vat often don’t have the confidence to challenge olive-oil salesmen. Appreciative of the oneon-one attention they receive when shopping in a dedicated olive-oil shop, they’re apt to overlook bulk-oil flaws obvious to more experienced tasters.

“The thing that nobody understands is that olive oil should be bitter,” Cord says, adding that it took years for Americans to appreciate bitterness in coffee and dark chocolate. “We’ve become accustomed to olive oil that has no flavor. You should taste green, you should taste olives. You shouldn’t taste staleness or age or cardboard.”

The Grahams’ shop will carry 30 flavored vinegars, 30 olive oils, and various balsamic vinegars. A grand-opening celebration, complete with hors d’oeuvres and olive-oil cake, is scheduled for Saturday, Dec. 15 at 1629 Queen Anne Ave. N. from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Queen Anne Olive Oil’s regular hours are 11 a.m.–7 p.m. Monday– Saturday and noon–6 p.m. Sunday. E hraskin@seattleweekly.com

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food&drink»Featured Eats sort of eatery every neighbor wants within walking distance. The food’s reliably good, and sometimes better, especially if you’re dining during clam pie season. But families would no doubt flock here even if the pizzas were floppy and under-seasoned; The park view makes Mioposto a fine place to unwind with a post-work glass of wine and trade neighborhood gossip with the highly kid-tolerant servers. $

RAVENNA & WEDGWOOD

PIES & PINTS 1215 N.E. 65th St., 524-7082. The name of

the place states its purpose, but this honesty is offset by the fact that P&P’s pies are only so-so. The underspiced curry pie and predictable burgundy beef pie do little to combat the stereotype of bland British vittles; still, a post-pie slice of Guinness chocolate cake with Bailey’s Irish Cream sweetens the pot considerably.

Service is friendly and chatty, the atmosphere is warm, and kids abound despite the proximity of pints—the comfy 21-and-over bar area is in back, and fills up fast on weekends. $

UNIVERSITY DISTRICT

CHILI’S DELI AND MART 5002 University Way N.E.,

526-9392. What looks like your typical University Way convenience store—in fact, it is a University Way convenience store—is also a South Indian restaurant that’s popular with expats late at night, who congregate at the rickety tables in the back of the store. The lovely Tamil women who run the place make decent uttapams (rice-flour pancakes studded with chiles and onions), a delicious fish fry (a tilapia fillet coated in spices and pan-fried) and great combo plates, with a mountain of rice, as much sambal (soupy, mustardseed-spiked dal) as you can ask for, and spoonfuls of three or four curries. During the school year, they also sell samosa by the piece for students who need a quick snack. $ CHIPOTLE MEXICAN GRILL 4231 University Way N.E., 547-4644. The appeal of this popular chain restaurant is that it uses fresh, high-quality ingredients. Really, how often can you say your burrito contains free-range chicken and organic beans? The limited menu, which focuses on tacos, fajitas, and burritos, attracts as many Mexican food junkies as it does health conscientious eaters. Of course, Chipotle doesn’t serve real Mexican food. But its devotees will tell you it doesn’t matter. $ COSTA’S 4559 University Way N.E., 633-2751. The closest thing to an honest, traditional diner in the U District (where there have been several ersatz imitators), Costa’s has held the same corner since 1975. The menu is Greek (duh), meaning tasty Baba Ganoush, salads, and hummus plates. Prices are within reach, and have stayed that way, for student budgets. While so many other businesses on the Ave have failed, Costa’s has made its modest formula work. And work well. $

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of the Chow Foods (5 Spot, Hi-Life) chain of familyfriendly restaurants, Joe’s hunkers down just beyond the Vashon Ferry terminal in furthest Fauntleroy. The menu is all-American with a touch of Southwest heat; every three months, a special regional menu joins the lineup. $ MASHIKO JAPANESE RESTAURANT 4725 California Ave. S.W., 935-4339. At West Seattle’s Mashiko, classically trained Hajime Sato respects the rules and flouts them at the same time. He’s one of the first American sushi chefs to source 100 percent sustainably; albacore stands in for bluefin, black cod liver for ankimo, barbecued catfish for unagi. At the bar, you can consume a parade of nigiri the likes of which you’ve not tasted, but Sato hasn’t given up his kitsch rolls named for reality shows and blockbuster movies; the Ultraman roll is like having spicy tuna and cucumber with a side of onion rings. $$

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CAN-AM PIZZA 15400 N.E. 20th St., 425-747-7777. This

takeout franchise has a number of stores, but only the Kent and Bellevue locations specialize in the one dish that makes this place stand out. Ignore the regular pizzas, the wings, the gyros, and everything else but the Indian pizza. Indian pizza, you ask? Well, the tandoori chicken and paneer (tofu-like pressed cheese) pizzas are simply American-style doughy crusts topped with tomato sauce, cheese, veggies, and spice-rubbed Indian ingredients. Order the spinach-and-paneer pizza with sides of chopped cilantro and raita. The queen of them all, the butter-chicken pizza, is slathered with chicken braised in a rich, tomatoey curry. After a few bites, you can’t think why you’ve never eaten Indian pizza before, and why you shouldn’t order another one next week. $ OLD COUNTRY BAKERY 900 160th Ave. N.E., 425-6492171. Old Country’s breads and pastries are not just from Armenia, where the Marsikyan family is from, but from Georgia, Iran, and other neighboring countries.

An Armenian sweet bread called gata has an enticing layer of vanilla in the middle. The flying saucers with holes in the center are called puri; from Georgia, the bread is warm and chewy, the perfect loaf to have with dinner or savory dips. Despite their large size, all the breads here are an incredible bargain. $ SEASTAR RESTAURANT AND RAW BAR 205 108th Ave. N.E., Ste 100, 425-456-0010. Seastar turns out great food night after night after night, food that avoids all culinary cliché while pleasing the eye, delighting the palate, and filling the belly. If you had to categorize the cooking, you’d have to call it “fusion,” but that doesn’t begin to capture the combined ingenuity and craft that goes into each delicately balanced plate of seafood.

And if you think service this smooth is easy to attain, ask yourself: When’s the last time you felt in such good hands? Throw in their astute wine adviser, and you’ve got an Eastside restaurant with no downside at all. $$$

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more than two decades, Bizzarro’s blood-red brick walls and Addams Family-garage-sale decor have fostered a casual neighborhood vibe. Mike Easton, who’s coowned the place since 2005, updates the family-friendly Italian food with a new focus on homemade pastas, sustainably raised meats, and local veggies. A strict “300mile menu” was a wash (and desserts still need work), but you’ll find beet salads with sea salt and smoked blue cheese, linguini with sweet clams and house-cured pancetta, and silky ribbons of pappardelle with a lamb bolognese. It’s also a popular spot for birthday parties without ever seeming like Buca di Beppo. $$ THE CHILE PEPPER 1427 N. 45th St., 545-1790. This cozy cantina recalls the old joke about lousy food and such small portions. The Chile Pepper is remarkably stingy with its servings: Corn chips are free, but a standard count per basket runs about a dozen here. Entrées are similarly measly, but it doesn’t matter much. The mole is thin, and meats are under-seasoned. Still, the rice and beans are better than most, and the room has a warm, family-run vibe that keeps the restaurant atop many neighbors’ lists of favorite eateries. $ KOZUE 1608 N. 45th St., 547-2008. Kozue, which has developed a following for its remarkable quality-price ratio, offers mostly staples—fairly unadventurous nigiri and rolls, tempura, teriyaki, and Japanese fried chicken and pork. Nothing gimmicky or fancy, just slightly Westernized sushi, tasty and freshly prepared.

One of the most charming aspects of the restaurant is its eclectic dishware: Food is served on fish-shaped dishes while drinks are poured in attractive mismatched glasses. $ LA BOULANGERIE 2200 N. 45th St., 634-2211. For more than 20 years, Boulangerie has been fattening Wallingford up nicely. The flaky croissants—savory ham and cheese, sweet almond, and pleasant rasp-

berry—are light and buttery as they should be. There’s also a sweet-tart apple puff pastry, an almond-kissed pithivier, fruit tarts, and dark chocolate truffles. At lunch, sandwiches such as roast beef or salami are made with freshly baked baguettes. $ WALLINGFORD PIZZA HOUSE 2109 N. 45th St., 5473663. Situated snugly between two theaters, the pizza house was indeed a house before being converted, and the old living room is now the main dining area and the front stoop has become a deck for outdoor dining.

The specialty here is Chicago deep-dish. Its trademark pie, the Dome, is best visualized as a topless calzone, or perhaps a bread bowl, with pizza fillings—er, toppings—baked underneath a mess of gelatinous, cheesy ooze. It’s heavy, ridiculous, and totally tasty. The Full-On is aptly named, with Canadian bacon, mushrooms, sausage, pineapple, green peppers, and onions. $

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music» »Profile

Nowhere Man

Does Kasey Anderson’s mental illness explain a massive fraud involving Springsteen, R.E.M., and the West Memphis Three?

A

Anderson managed to keep the lawsuit mostly under wraps until the case officially closed on October 17 with a $185,000 judgment levied against him.

Soon after, financial issues and Anderson’s increasingly erratic behavior led the Honkies to split up. (Ex-Honkies member Andrew McKeag did not respond to interview requests for this story; singer Star Anna, who accompanied Anderson on his recent West Coast tour, also declined to comment through a spokesman.) Sensing deeper problems beyond the fraud accusations, Bland and others urged Anderson to seek help.

Despite the flagrant breach of trust in their friendship, Bland holds no grudge against Anderson, and says simply, “In general, it’s a sad thing that happened and I want him to get help.”

Anderson says he underwent a medical evaluation in early November, and was ultimately diagnosed as Type I bipolar—an acute form of the disorder that, according to the Mayo Clinic’s definition, is characterized by severe mania, risky behavior, delusions, and “spending sprees or unwise financial choices.”

The bouts of mania fueled endless hours of songwriting and jamming, Anderson says, but also left him feeling “like a werewolf.” “You’re out of control for short or prolonged bursts, and the rest of your life is trying to hide that from people,” the singer explains. “It’s episodic in such a way where there’s a month or a couple months where I’m very much out of control, and the rest of my life is spent doing damage control and trying to hide what I’ve done.”

I

n early November, two weeks after the three days that left his life in shambles, Anderson seems genuinely contrite.

He is emotional, but not in the morose depths of the downer stage of his manicdepressive roller coaster. Now taking a daily dose of lithium (Anderson brought to our meeting his pills, the prescription, and what appears to be a second note from his doctor), he has since enrolled in an intensive outpatient treatment program and plans to continue counseling.

Though the lawsuit makes it seem as if he’d been intent on fleecing his investors from the outset, Anderson claims his intentions were good, and things simply got out of hand. “To the outside it looks like this guy is just mali-

Anderson allegedly concocted various “falsehoods and elaborate explanations” to dodge his debt.

cious and just bleeds people dry,” he says. “I didn’t set out to do this. I abhor the person that I was, and the person that I am. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to be a person who is capable of those things, and when I think about it, don’t know how I could be. I’m not that person in my heart.”

Anderson continues to deny some of the lawsuit’s allegations—he did not, he claims, forge Springsteen’s manager’s signature—but he admits to much of the deception, including impersonating Bland and dreaming up the star-studded list of performers he pitched to investors. He says he spent most of the misappropriated money repaying loans to his parents, and vows to make good on his remaining debts to his business partners and former bandmates. When or how he will settle up remains unclear. His music career is on indefinite hiatus, and the court-ordered judgment allows 20 years for repayment.

“My clients have not been paid back a dime,” says Anna Sortun, the attorney representing Anderson’s cadre of investors. “They feel like they were completely victimized, and just nothing happened.”

Although he has stopped performing for the time being, Anderson says he is taking refuge in music. He recently shared several new acoustic demos on his Tumblr page, songs with titles like “Up in Smoke” and “Still Breathing.” A few days after starting his lithium regimen, Anderson was hopeful for his future, but also nervous about adjusting to life without the heartbreak and benders that inspired so many of his songs.

“It’s always great to eliminate the really reckless and destructive behavior, but it will be interesting to adjust to losing the creativity that came along with it,” Anderson says. “But if I never write another song again, if I never hurt anybody again, that’s a fair trade to me.

It’s not worth 15 good songs to ruin all your friendships and your relationship.” E music@seattleweekly.com

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

“I thought that was pretty much the end of hough it was years in the making, it,” Bland says. “When I found out what hapKasey Anderson’s life ultimately imploded in about 72 hours. In late pened later, it was a shock. I could not believe it. It’s just such an unbelievable scenario. It October of this year, the singer and sounds like a crime novel or something.” his band, the Honkies, had just returned here from a West Coast tour following a stint in Europe opening for Counting Crows. Home side from the ill-timed benefit in Seattle, friends traded tales of Anderson’s record, Anderson’s career was on bizarre, reckless, and baffling behavior. And the upswing. Singing with a gravwhen they compared his various explanations elly twang that sounds more like and excuses, what they found was troubling. he hails from northeast Texas than his native As Anderson himself puts it, “They unearthed southwest Washington, Anderson capably one thing after another.” wields an electric guitar and follows in the After swearing off alcohol several years footsteps of countrified barroom rockers like earlier, Anderson had fallen hard off the Steve Earle. Critics praised his 2010 record wagon and was drinking heavily. He conNowhere Nights, and he found fans in the fesses to being “dishonest” about money Pacific Northwest and abroad. He formed his owed his bandmates, and says his ex-girlown label, Red River Records, and seemed friend discovered he had been unfaithful “to destined for bigger things. a very sick degree.” Most incredible, however, “He sold pretty well, especially regionally it came to light that he was embroiled in a in Seattle and Portland,” says Frank Bandon, $250,000 federal lawsuit. operations manager for Burnside Distribution Anderson stood accused of swindling a Corporation, distributor of several Anderson group of investors by peddling a nonexistent releases. “He’s very professional, he’s got a benefit album for the West Memphis Three, good voice, his songwriting is decent, he’s got a young men widely believed to have been really good backing band he’s working with— wrongfully imprisoned for murders they did they were pretty successful there for a while.” not commit. The alleged scheme included But behind the scenes, Anderson was often forging the signature of Bruce Springsteen’s out of control. He struggled with substance manager and telling a whopper of a lie: The abuse and amassed considerable debt. InvesBoss would perform with Lady Gaga and tors from California, Arizona, and New York Arcade Fire on the phony charity record. bankrolled his 2009 European tour, and that Thin with a scruffy beard, the 33-year-old year he convinced the group to lend him Anderson wears a flat gray cap and a black $103,000, purportedly for the West Memphis leather jacket beneath a gray hoodie during a Three record, supposedly to feature cuts recent interview at a downtown Seattle bar. from R.E.M., Willie Nelson, and Tom Waits in He takes a sip of water, addition to Springsteen. pausing to consider it must have “I didn’t set out to do this. I Though the manner in which been obvious that the abhor the person that I was, benefit album would his various lies were and the person that I am.” never be recorded, exposed, and how his once-promising music Anderson claims he career came to a grindnever made a conscious ing halt. “I didn’t ever confront the enormity of decision to divert the funds for his own gain. what I’d done to people until after everybody “Once the money was raised and kept being already knew,” Anderson says. “Everybody just raised for other projects, that’s the part that I sort of closed in on me. Not in a malicious way, can’t wrap my head around,” Anderson says. but because they were worried about me. It’s “Why didn’t I just say ‘This is not going to hapnot the behavior of a healthy person.” pen, here’s everything back’?”

To hear Anderson tell it, the West MemNaturally, when the Three were set free, phis Three record began as an earnest the businessmen started asking for refunds. attempt to raise money for a worthy cause.

Anderson allegedly concocted various “falseHis close friend Danny Bland was executive hoods and elaborate explanations” to dodge producer of Free the West Memphis 3, an his debt, including claims that his checks were album released in 2000 to benefit the trio’s stolen in the mail and that he was the victim legal defense fund, which featured tracks by of identity theft. In reality, it was Anderson Eddie Vedder, Joe Strummer, and the Murder who was guilty of stealing an identity: To furCity Devils, among others. ther sell the idea to his investors, he created Bland says Anderson approached him an e-mail account and sent messages passing with an idea for a new West Memphis Three himself off as his friend Danny Bland. project, but he told his friend the timing was “It was basically me representing myself as wrong. After nearly two decades of appeals, an expert in the case and the music industry,” the Three were on the verge of freedom, Bland says of the way Anderson exploited his which eventually came on August 19, 2011. reputation in the fraudulent e-mails. “That (See Erin Thompson’s “Way West of Memcould be considered true, but it wasn’t actually phis,” SW, March 21, 2012.) me writing that.”

Hilary Harris

T

By keegaN haMiltoN

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music» »PROFILE

dinner & show

Bubble Boys

A World’s Fair attraction becomes an unlikely recording studio.

mainstage

BY DAVE LAKE

WED/DECEMBER 12 - THU/DECEMBER 27 • SHOW TIMES VARY

land of the sweets: the burlesque nutcracker FRI/DECEMBER 28 • 8PM

SAT/DECEMBER 29 • 8PM & SUN/DECEMBER 30 • 7:30PM

leroy bell and his only friends MON/DECEMBER 31 • 7PM & 10:30PM

new years eve with the dudley manlove quartet THU/JANUARY 3 • 7PM // FRI/JANUARY 4 & SAT/JANUARY 5 • 7PM & 10PM THE CAN CAN PRESENTS

elvis alive with vince mira SUN/JANUARY 6 • 7:30PM

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

barbie anaka

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next • 1/10 red molly w/ nathaniel talbot • 1/11 left hand smoke • 1/12 ian mcferon and anna coogan • 1/13 new heights w/ andie case • 1/14 chelsea wolfe w/ king dude • 1/16 80’s invasion • 1/18 vagabond opera • 1/19 pasatempo rebetika • 1/20 claire lynch • 1/25 school of rock: stop making sense • 1/26 the big gig • 1/27 tristan prettyman • 1/29 keiko matsui • 2/1 kristen ward • 2/8 nicki bluhm & the gramblers w/ brothers comatose • 2/9 shawn mullins w/ max gomez • 2/11 hot tuna acoustic • 2/13 victor wooten • 2/14 - 2/16 the atomic bombshells “j’adore! a burlesque valentine” • 2/19 habib koite and eric bibb – brothers in bamako • 2/21 ari hest • 2/22 zach fleury • 2/26 led kaapana • 2/27 robben ford

happy hour every day • 12/12 dancer and prancer // paul benoit band • 12/13 birch pereira // tubaluba • 12/14 closed for a private event until 11pm• 12/15 spyn reset • 12/16 wes weddell band •12/17freefunkunionfeaturinghosts: d’vonnelewisandadamkessler •12/18singersongwriter showcase featuring chelsea crabtree, katie jacobson and tazlyn gue TO ENSURE THE BEST EXPERIENCE · PLEASE ARRIVE EARLY DOORS OPEN 1.5 HOURS PRIOR TO FIRST SHOW · ALL-AGES (BEFORE 9:30PM)

thetripledoor.net

216 UNION STREET, SEATTLE · 206.838.4333

COURTESY BUBBLEATORSESSIONS.COM

the bobs after christmas holiday show

T

o anyone passing by, it was a surreal Elvis has seen the Bubbleator. scene: a hard-rock band performing inside a 20-foot-tall acrylicglass sphere in the front yard of a take the Bubbleator.” Schaefer, formerly a Des Moines residence. It was a sunny SepEmmy-winning writer for Bill Nye the Science tember afternoon when Trip Like Animals, a Guy, now publishes half a dozen hyper-local 6-year-old Seattle four-piece, recorded their blogs focusing on South King County, includlatest EP inside Gene Achziger’s one-of-aing Des Moines’ The Waterland Blog, where kind greenhouse. “The neighbors came out he met Achziger. And when Achziger asked to look,” said guitarist/singer Mike Molner. him to help facilitate a recording session in “I don’t even know if they’re sure about what the Bubbleator as part of the 50th anniverthat thing is in general, and now there’s some sary of the World’s Fair, Schaefer jumped at rock band in there.” the opportunity.

“That thing” is the Schaefer had just Bubbleator, Seattle’s launched SKiR (SoKing Schaefer hopes the record, Internet Radio), once-famous bubblea station The Bubbleator Sessions, that highlights area bands. shaped elevator. Built will be the first in a series To break in the makeshift for the 1962 World’s Fair, for nearly two recorded inside the studio, he invited one decades it transported his favorite local acts, converted elevator. of riders between floors Trip Like Animals, led by at the Washington Molner and his brother State Coliseum (now Joseph. Schaefer hopes KeyArena) and, later, the Center House. It was the record, The Bubbleator Sessions, which a piece of local history that Achziger, a former will have a release party on Friday, will be the Seattle P-I employee, had long been fascinated first in a series recorded inside the converted with. When the Bubbleator went into storage elevator—though a neighbor angry about the in the late 1970s to make room for the soonnoise has temporarily put plans on hold. to-be-constructed Children’s Museum, he set “We want to release this one and see what out to track it down, eventually purchasing the reaction is,” Schaefer said. “If Eddie the aging relic for $1,000—a fraction of its Vedder calls and says, ‘Hey, I want to record original $63,000 price tag, but a small amount in the Bubbleator,’ I think [my neighbor] will to pay for what Achziger hoped would change his mind.” E become the centerpiece of his new home. music@seattleweekly.com Scott Schaefer loved the Bubbleator too— riding it as a kid when his father would take TRIP LIKE ANIMALS him to Jones’ Fantastic Museum, a collection With Wes Speight & The Visual Dialog, of oddities in the Center House basement.

Ever So Android. High Dive, 513 N. 36th St., “The only way to get there,” he said, “was to 632-0212, highdiveseattle.com. $8.

music»Reverb»

DISPATCHES FROM OUR WEBSITE AT SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM/REVERB

»COLUMN

1303 NE 45TH ST

Goodbye for Now, Gas

I’m proud to call myself a fan.

BY DUFF MCKAGAN

S

eattle has long been spoiled by the quality of our sports radio broadcasters. For the most part, they are far above what is the standard fare for the rest of the country.

Our guys are smart and less provincial, and when they are open to reasonable debate from callers and guests they disagree with, it’s a far cry from the polarizing, often surly and crass jocks around the country.

KJR’s Mike “Gasman” Gastineau is a large reason we’ve had it so good. He set the high-water mark for the rest of Seattle’s sportscasters and radio personalities. Since 1991, the Gasman has kept us riveted and informed from 3 to 7 p.m.

He has mixed the passion of blue-collar Seattle with the intellect of a book nerd (I say blue-collar because when Gas started his show, Boeing and Weyerhaeuser were still the two biggest “games” in town! We were a working-class town, kids . . . once upon a time).

Not only has Mike been a trusted voice and advocate for our sports teams, he’s

departure from KJR 950. After 21 years, the thrown his support behind veterans, kids, dude is searching for other ways to express the Ronald McDonald House, local rock his views and thoughts. I hope he writes bands, crab fishermen, and dogs, just to more books. (Check out The Great Book of name a few examples from a recent show!

Seattle Sports Lists, a I started listening must-have for any local to Mike’s show when fan.) I hope he I moved back to town I was so comforted by sports stays around here. He in 1994. The Seattle the sound of his voice has been great for this SuperSonics were in their heyday with Gary that I would make town. I hope he shares views on the “other Payton and the Reign cassette tapes of his show his stuff” that he seems so Man. The Mariners to have in case I had a smart about—things made that magical lateseason push in 1995, panic attack on a plane. like compassion and heart, struggle and and President Clinvictory in life, helping ton was, uh . . . being out his fellow man, and dogs. presidential. It made for a lot of great radio You will be missed on the radio, Mike fodder, but I was particularly drawn to the Gastineau, but we can’t wait to see what is way Gastineau portrayed his stories and spoke with callers and guests. In fact, I was next for a guy like you. Seattle owes you a ton, and I am glad to call myself a fan. E so comforted by the sound of his voice that I would make cassette tapes of his show to askduff@seattleweekly.com have in case I had a panic attack on a plane.

Duff McKagan is the founding bassist of (No shit.)

Guns N’ Roses and the leader of Seattle’s The Gasman last week announced his Loaded.

»TELL ME ABOUT THAT ALBUM

BY DAVE LAKE

How does the album hold up for you?

I’m proud of it within the context of it being our first effort. It’s a little cringeworthy here and there, and there’s some power that comes through, but it’s like the band hadn’t really gelled. It was good enough at the time that it was the vehicle for us to go on tour.

And it was acclaimed at the time within the hardcore scene, and even some of the heavy-metal people who were into the faster bands like Venom and Motörhead took notice of it. It was the beginning of what was unfortunately called “crossover.” It was the planting of that seed and an interesting point, and there are a couple of songs on there that really kick ass for sure.

Do you feel like an elder statesman now? Do younger bands tell you that you were influential to their musical upbringing?

You get a little bit of people saying, “Yeah, I heard your stuff when I was 5 years old.” And that’s cool.

That means something, especially if it’s someone whose work I admire. It’s gratifying, but I think it’s a tactical mistake thinking about those things for too long. E music@seattleweekly.com CORROSION OF CONFORMITY With YOB, Saviours. The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave., 441-4618. $18. All ages. 8 p.m. Wed., Dec. 12.

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

Few bands have the longevity of Corrosion of Conformity, who formed in Raleigh, N.C., in 1982 and who, What was the scene in North Carolina like in but for only a few brief periods, have been at it ever 1984? Did you see yourself more on the hardcore since. One of the first to blend punk and metal sounds, side, or did you think of yourselves as a metal band? they remain an influential force in heavy music. 2012 All the heavy-metal stuff to us was big hair and was a busy year for the band members, who released tight pants and dressing up in lamé Spandex, which their self-titled eighth album in February and rewe weren’t really feeling. We were going up to released their long-out-of-print first LP, Eye for an Eye, Washington, D.C., going to hardcore shows, being this month. For the latest edition of Tell Me About That influenced by Void and the Bad Brains. Black Flag Album, I chatted with Mike would come through town, Dean, the band’s longtime and that was the be-all end“Even just a slow all, seeing them. bassist, about making that introduction was enough Did you play with any first record, their early days, and being an elder statesto set people off and say of those bands during that man of metal. that you were an imposter era?All of ’em. Everybody that SW: How did the and into heavy metal. It came through after a certain recording of Eye for an Eye originally come about? was very rewarding to point. We played with the Jerks at the Wilson We had heard about incite those people.” Circle Center in D.C., a big ol’ hardsome people with this core show. We played with studio, who, at the time, Black Flag in California in 1985. That’s more where seemed really ancient to us. They might have been we were coming from. Part of our approach, even 38 or something. And they had a recording studio, going back as far as Eye for an Eye, was reveling in which was basically in this guy’s family room. It was the slower parts. Even just a slow introduction was a tall order in those days to have your own recordenough to set people off and say that you were an ing studio. You had to have a 2-inch tape machine, imposter and into heavy metal. It was very rewarding which was the perfect combination of electronic and to incite those people. mechanical to make it prohibitive to maintain.

CANDLELIGHT RECORDS

Corrosion of Conformity’s Eye for an Eye

33

music»TheShortList Stephen, wishing that he’ll one day choose her. Stephen is Stephen Barker Liles, whose duo (formerly a trio) Love and Theft toured with Swift when her ode-to-a-crush was in heavy rotation, and whose single “Angel Eyes” was among mainstream country’s most infectious chart-toppers this past summer.

They recently hit the road with Jake Owen, leaving a tequila shortage in their wake. If only Swift cut loose like that, maybe she’d have a shot. With Big & Rich. Snoqualmie Casino, 37500 S.E. North Bend Way, Snoqualmie, 425-888-1234. 8 p.m. $15–$25.

MIKE SEELY

106.1 KISS FM’s Jingle Ball SUNDAY, DECEMBER 16

EPIC LABEL GROUP

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 13

It’s hard to believe that High on Fire’s set Neumos, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9442. 8 p.m. the next day probably won’t even claim $18. TODD HAMM the hardest pit of the week on the Hill, but break a taste off from any of Sacramento A Tribute to Harry Smith’s punkcore gang Trash Talk’s material and see Anthology of American if you don’t feel like smashing something.

Folk Music FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14 The show’s all-ages accessibility and the band’s association with every rebelPatti Smith’s memoir Just Kids name-drops lious teen’s favorite rap collective, Odd Harry Smith (no relation) more than a few Future, also ensure some unruly thrashing times, as the eccentric archivist of 20thon the floor. On the flip century folk music shared side, young co-headliners a residence with her and (and OF members) Melthen-boyfriend Robert Tune in to 97.3 KIRO FM every Saturday at 7 p.m. lowHype (the individually Mapplethorpe in the to hear music editor Chris Kornelis and collectively talented Chelsea Hotel. Through on Seattle Sounds.

Hodgy Beats and Left his compilation of AmeriBrain) have more of a can folk recordings—The goofy, gravity-bong vibe that should keep Anthology of American Folk Music—which feaolder audience members from having a tured the songs of artists like Mississippi John heart attack—until they listen to the lyrics.

Hurt and the Carter Family, Smith is credited as a pivotal forebear of the ’50s and ’60s folk With Key Nyata, Wreck. Chop Suey, 1325 E. revival. Outside the folk circuit, he achieved Madison St., 324-8005. 8 p.m. $15. All ages. limited recognition for his work during his TODD HAMM lifetime (though he did win a Grammy in 1991, shortly before he died), but Patti Smith, ever High on Fire FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14 the tastemaker, is among those now giving him proper due. With Baby Gramps, The Horde High on Fire’s latest album, De Vermis Mysteriis, is a low-end avalanche that barrels and the Harem, the Sumner Brothers, Led to headlong into Distortion Valley. Drummer Sea, the Washover Fans, Annie Ford Band, Des Kensel’s toms, especially, pound your Liam Fitzgerald, Atlas Stringband, Les Chattes head like bowling ball–sized hail chunks, Creoles, Canote Brothers, Jacob Miller & the and Matt Pike’s caveman bellow rides atop Bridge City Crooners, Jenny Ritter. Columbia the thunderous riff cloud like he’s riding a City Theater, 4916 Rainier Ave. S., 722-3009. steaming bronco in slow motion. It’s really 9 p.m. $10 adv./$12 DOS. GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT business as usual for the Oakland, Calif., power trio, who have by now—six albums Love and Theft in—properly carved their name into the rug- SATURDAY, DECEMBER 15 ged face of stoner rock’s Mount Olympus When Taylor Swift writes about real-life alongside the likes of Mastodon and Kyuss. dudes, she typically eviscerates them, no mat-

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

e

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This show’s a must for anyone with a taste for the abrasive. With Goatwhore, Lopan.

Britain’s sassiest pop star, Cher Lloyd.

ter their stature. (Ask Jake Gyllenhaal or John Mayer whether they regret playing with the country-pop princess’ heart.) But the song “Hey Stephen,” off Swift’s 2008 album Fearless, was something else entirely. In it, Swift sings of giddy infatuation with a boy named

*

Sheeran, 3OH!3, Owl City, Alex Clare. WaMu Theater, 800 Occidental Ave. S., 381-7555.

4 p.m. $40. All ages. ERIN K. THOMPSON

EDITOR’S PICK

CATHEDRALS 4 FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14

The great acoustics you can get in a bathroom is one of musicians’ favorite jokes (or non-joke—Paul Simon liked to take his guitar into his tiled bathroom and play “The Sound of Silence” with the faucet running). But what about a much classier and even more cavernous stone cathedral? Nathan Marion, the Fremont Abbey Arts director who created concert series The Round, envisioned indie-rock artists quietly playing in the grand space of Capitol Hill’s St. Mark’s Cathedral while audiences sat back in pews or on the floor; he’s now staged such shows with My Brightest Diamond, Gold Leaves, and Mark Pickerel, among others.

This installment will be headlined

by Damien Jurado, whose peaceful, pensive songs will sound absolutely perfect echoing off the cathedral’s high ceilings like thousand-year-old Gregorian chants. With Kevin Long, Naomi Wachira, SARAH JURADO

Trash Talk & MellowHype

The biggest score on this year’s Jingle Ball—KISS’ annual Top 40-palooza—is Cher Lloyd, the most successful British X Factor loser this side of One Direction. Lloyd, a pint-sized, tatted-up 19-year-old, released a debut album, Sticks + Stones, that features an impressive array of collaborators, including Max Martin, Shellback, RedOne, and Busta Rhymes. She had two hits in her native UK— the bizarrely catchy “Swagger Jagger” and “With Ur Love,” a sweet song that boasts a verse from Mike Posner—before breaking into the U.S. earlier this year with “Want U Back,” a taunting single that occasionally samples a savage grunting noise from Lloyd.

It’s an aggressive touch that’s meant to play on Lloyd’s cutesy bad-girl image—like the song’s accompanying video, in which Lloyd gets arrested for stomping all over a bar. Pop music loves nothing more than a bad girl, so there’s nothing stopping her from becoming a star. With Calvin Harris, Afrojack, Ed

Pepper Proud. St. Mark’s Cathedral, 1245 10th Ave. E., 414-8325. 8 p.m. $14– $18.

All ages. ERIN K. THOMPSON

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

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tractor www.tractortavern.com

DEC 31 • MARKET

Seattle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

Showbox New Year’s Eve feat.

36

PIC KWICK with special guests

RADIATION CITY and TOMTEN SPECIAL

VIP

PACKAGES AVAILABLE

5213 BALLARD AVE. NW  789-3599 Times listed are show times. Doors open 30-60 minutes before Wed, Dec. 12 • 8pm ~ $8 adv / $10 dos

BOOMING ORCHESTRAL 6-PIECE FROM NASHVILLE, TN

SQUARE PEG CONCERTS PRESENTS

COREY SMITH

KOPECKY FAMILY BAND TERRIBLE BUTTONS

HENRY AT WAR

TEN-SPEED MUSIC

Fri, Dec. 14 • 9:30pm ~ $15

THE TALLBOYS

THE MOTHER HIPS

HELLACIOUS SQUARE DANCING STARTS AT 8PM!

THE PARSON RED HEADS Sat, Dec. 15 • 9:30pm ~ $10 adv / $12 dos

Tues, Dec. 18 • 8pm ~ $10 adv / $12 dos

THE 10TH ANNUAL DOUBLE ALBUM CHRISTMAS BENEFIT SHOW FOR MUSICARES FEAT.

SIGN ‘O’ THE TIMES

BY PRINCE IN ITS ENTIRETY, IN ORDER ,

SEAN BATES, TO THE GLORIOUS LONELY, LAZY SUSAN, SHAWN SMITH, AARON DANIEL AND MORE!

BACKLINE PROVIDED BY UNION JACK AMPS • ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT MUSICARES

Sat, Dec. 15 • 8pm ~ $15

THE TRACTOR & KEXP 90.3FM PRESENTS AT NEUMOS

JD MCPHERSON THE TRIPWIRES SARAH GWEN FOR MORE INFO VISIT NEUMOS.COM

Up & Coming:

SHOWBOXAT THE MARKET 1426 1ST AVENUE :: SHOWBOXONLINE.COM

Mon, Dec. 17 • 7:30pm ~ $6

MONDAY SQUARE DANCE FEAT. MUSIC BY

ROCK, PSYCHEDELIC & FOLK

A DIFFERENT BAND FOR EVERY SONG WITH MIKE MCCREADY & FRIENDS,

Sun, Dec. 16 • 8:30pm ~ $13 adv / $15 dos

CANADIAN HONKY-TONKER

CORB LUND TURNPIKE TROUBADOURS Wed, Dec. 19 • 8pm ~ $15

STOMPING ROCKABILLY, WESTERN SWING, BLUES & OLD-TIMEY COUNTRY

WAYNE HANCOCK MARSHALL SCOTT WARNER

12/20 A Tribute To Turbonegro feat. APOCALYPSE DUDES, SAILOR MOUTH, TACOS  12/21 DAS BOOTY, COSMIC PANTHER LAND BAND, MISS MAMIE LAVONA THE EXOTIC MULATTA AND HER WHITE BOY BAND  12/22 ‘THE ROLLING STONES’ ~ Rolling Stones cover band, DANCER AND PRANCER, TACOCAT, DJ MIKE NIPPER  12/27 MILE 9, CROWN HILL  12/28 THE DUSTY 45s, REDNECK GIRLFRIEND, SIDE SADDLE, THE RAINIEROS  12/29 THE DUSTY 45s, THE ROY KAY TRIO, COUSIN HARLEY, THE WESTERN BLUEBIRDS  12/29 The Tractor presents at The Sunset CLUMSY LOVERS, BRADBURY PRESS 

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seven»nights

2033 6th Avenue (206) 441-9729 jazzalley.com

Wednesday, Dec. 12

Jazz Alley is a Supper Club

DEAR MISTER MANAGER This local four-piece plays

Thursday, Dec. 13 SNAKETOPUS A few live demos make up the entirety

of this band’s recorded output (at least what’s available online). They blend prog-rock synth textures with grave post-grunge guitar sounds. With Black Biscuit, Death by Stars. Skylark, 3803 Delridge Way S.W., 935-2111, skylarkcafe.com. 8 p.m. $5.

LAVENDER DIAMOND “Ethereal” is among the most overused words in music writing, but it suits Lavender Diamond singer Becky Stark’s voice perfectly. Her gossamer vocals complement her band’s sparse dream-pop arrangements. With Shelby Earl. Sunset Tavern, 5433 Ballard Ave. N.W., 784-4880, sunset tavern.com. 8 p.m. $10.

Q DOT The latest from this Federal Way producer and MC is July’s Declaration of Dopeness. With Silent Lamb Project, Fresh Preserves, Donte Peace.

JewelBox/Rendezvous. 10 p.m. $8.

Groove For Thought

Nashville’s Kopecky Family Band headlines the Tractor on Wednesday, December 12.

Ever So Android. High Dive, 513 N. 36th St., 632-0212, highdiveseattle.com. $8. 9:30 p.m.

Saturday, Dec. 15 DAVE BAZAN BAND Since Pedro the Lion’s 2006 disband-

ing, Dave Bazan has focused his creative energy on his solo material, but to commemorate the 10th anniversary of PtL’s Control, Bazan will perform that album in its entirety at this show. The Neptune, 1303 N.E. 45th St., 784-4849, stgpresents.org. 8 p.m. $16 adv./$18 DOS. All ages.

GARAGE VOICE This local garage-rock trio combines ragged instrumentals with gospel music’s vintage organ tones and (based on a review from Christcore.net that graces the band’s website) holy sensibilities. With Family

Delivering tight grooves “Everyday People”, “Dance to the Music”, “Sing a Simple Song” and more!

Tingstad and Rumbel Grammy award-winning

David Lanz

December 13 - 16

Solo - In celebration of two new CD’s platinum-selling grammy nominated new age pianist

acoustic instrumentalists yogether for over 25 years with 19 albums

December 17

December 18 - 19

Ain’t Misbehavin’

Tis’ The Season

The Music of Fats Waller and Harlem in its Heyday!

December 20 - 23

with

Karrin Allyson Evocative Jazz Songstress ,

December 26 - 27

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Monday, Dec. 17 ALT-J The British music press is notorious for its near-conJORY CORDY

GOOD TO DIE RECORDS HOLIDAY PARTY Seattle’s

Alt-J plays the Crocodile on Monday, December 17.

Crest. Barboza, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9951, thebarboza.com.

7 p.m. $8.

NORTHWEST FOLKLIFE’S WINTER CELEBRATION

Hand-picked artists from the 2012 Northwest Folklife Festival pack this bill of burgeoning regional folkies; they’re also featured on the Fest’s new CD, Roots and Branches Vol. 4. With Joy Mills Band, Nu Klezmer Army, Brían Ó hAirt, Eleanor Murray. Columbia City Theater, 4916 Rainier Ave. S., 722-3009, columbiacity theater.com. 5:30 p.m. $8.

RIFF RAFF In 2012, hip-hop artist Jody Christian—the apotheosis of gaudy, hyper-self-aware hashtag rap (or maybe just the male version of Kreayshawn)—released two mixtapes and an album, signed a deal with Mad Decent, and amassed more than 400,000 Twitter followers.

The Seattle Times described his most recent show at the Nectar as “lawless” and “buffoonish.” With Kush Gang

stant cries of “next big thing,” and these 2012 Mercury Prize winners are the latest to be bequeathed that title.

Their sound—which includes a cappella vocals, hiphop beats, and glassy-eyed acoustic funk—is frantic and busy, but this is a band that could transcend its considerable overseas hype. With Wildcat! Wildcat!

The Crocodile. 8 p.m. Sold out. All ages.

THE MOUNTAIN GOATS John Darnielle is touring behind his 14th studio album (and fourth in the past five years), Transcendental Youth, a collection of character studies set here in Washington. With Matthew E. White.

Showbox at the Market. 7 p.m. $24. All ages.

Tuesday, Dec. 18 CORB LUND Hailing from the ranchlands of Alberta,

Lund writes country music that mirrors his rough and rustic upbringing. With Turnpike Troubadours.

Tractor Tavern. 8 p.m. $10 adv./$12 DOS. KINGDOM OF THE HOLY SUN These woozy Seattle strummers have a little Doors and a little Dick Dale psych-surf in their sound. With Red Hex, Drinking Flowers, Adult Books. Chop Suey, 1325 E. Madison St., 324-8005, chopsuey.com. 8 p.m. $7.

VOX MAQUINISTA This local duo specializes in danceable, slightly campy electro-rock, like the appropriately named “Death by Pop.” With Imperials, Unibroz, Wicked Gloves. Comet Tavern. 9 p.m. $5.

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Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

producer Asaf Borger teams with an unexpected collaborator: Miley Cyrus, who provides backup vocals.

With 12th Planet, Krewella, Two Fresh, Dirty Byrds.

Showbox at the Market, 1426 First Ave., 628-3151, showboxonline.com. 8 p.m. $41.50 adv./$47 DOS. All ages.

EL VEZ Arguably the world’s most prolific Elvis impersonator, Robert Lopez has performed as El Vez since the early ’90s. This show is part of his “Merry Mexmas” holiday tour. With Mark Siano & the Enablers. The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave., 441-7416, thecrocodile.com.

8 p.m. $16. All ages.

Send events to music@seattleweekly.com See seattleweekly.com for full listings

Global, “Aro” “the MC,” Deadly D, Matt “jarvis” Ft, Camila Recchio, Evan Christian, DJ Poindextar. Nectar Lounge.

5 p.m. all ages; 8 p.m. 21 and over. $10 adv./$12 DOS. TIME TO FLY This Port Orchard emo band’s one-and-only album was 2002’s Birth. Work. Death, released on nowdefunct record label RocketStar Recordings. They now reunite to commemorate its release. With Grenades, Colonies. Vera Project, 305 Harrison St., 956-8372, theveraproject.org. 7:30 p.m. $13. All ages.

mainstream-radio-leaning rock. With States & Minds, John Wayne Guns. High Dive. $6. 8 p.m.

STARRY-EYED SAMURAI Fronted by the golden-voiced Erin Mario, this band’s languid, electronic-tinged progressive rock recalls that of Minus the Bear. With Fellow Traveler, China Davis. Sunset Tavern. 7:30 p.m. $6.

SUNN O))) Stephen O’Malley and Greg Anderson’s iconoclastic metal collective is probably best known for its live show, which involves robes, fog machines, and pulverizingly loud drone metal, though not necessarily in that order. With Dead in the Dirt, Loincloth.

The Neptune. 7 p.m. $20 adv./$22 DOS.

BORGORE On June’s Decisions EP, all-star dubstep

SCAN

Seattle-based vocal group offering infectious grooves, stunning arrangements and electrifying solos

CAMBERED SOULS This Lynnwood band plays rootsy,

Friday, Dec. 14

hardest-working metal and hard-rock label closes 2012 with good reason to celebrate: Six of its eight bands released a record this year, including T H I S CO D E Gaytheist, this show’s headTO DOWNLOAD THE FREE liners. With Survival Knife, SEATTLE WEEKLY Mass Games, Glose. Comet IPHONE/ANDROID APP Tavern, 922 E. Pike St., 322FOR MORE CONCERTS OR VISIT seattleweekly.com 9272, comettavern.com.

9 p.m. $8.

TRIP LIKE ANIMALS The Bubbleator is a clear globe that originally was an elevator (ostensibly, an elevator from the future) at the 1962 World’s Fair. More recently it served as a recording studio for this rock group, and they’ll release the results of those sessions at this show. With Wes Sp8,

The Family Stone

December 12

PARKER FITZGERALD

melodic guitar rock with a touch of math-y fussiness, spurred by Derrick Jones’ kinetic drumming.

With Simon the Leper, Burn All the Liars. JewelBox/ Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave., 441-5823, jewelbox theater.com. 10 p.m. $5.

KOPECKY FAMILY BAND Some band names can be misleading, like that of this Nashville group, whose moniker suggests a troupe of siblings (or second cousins) playing bluegrass. In reality, the six band members are just close friends, and their folk-pop sound is more car commercial than tractor haul. With Terrible Buttons, Ten-Speed Music. Tractor Tavern, 5231 Ballard Ave. N.W., 789-3599, tractortavern.com. 8 p.m. $8 adv./$10 DOS. KREAYSHAWN As the Bay Area chirp-voiced sleaze rapper with swag “pumping out [her] ovaries,” Kreayshawn became an Internet sensation last year with her viral hit “Gucci Gucci.” With Rye Rye, Honey Cocaine, Chippy Nonstop. Neumos. 925 E. Pike St., 7099442, neumos.com. 7 p.m. $20. All ages.

PAA KOW’S BY ALL MEANS BAND Ghanaian bandleader Paa Kow sings and drums with his eightpiece Afro-fusion ensemble, writing songs in English and his native language, Fante. With Thione Diop’s Afro Groove. Nectar Lounge, 412 N. 36th St., 632-2020, nectarlounge.com. 8 p.m. $6 adv./$8 DOS.

37

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CHANGES BAR & GRILL 2103 N. 45th St., 545-8363, changesinwallingford.com. Free. Wednesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, 9 p.m.

FOUR SEAS RESTAURANT 714 S. King St., 6824900, fourseasrestaurant.com. Free. Thursdays– Saturdays, 9 p.m.

Send events to karaoke@seattleweekly.com

HULA HULA 106 First Ave. N., 284-5003, hulahula.org.

Free. Daily, 4 p.m.–2 a.m.

MARCO POLO BAR & GRILL 5613 Fourth Ave.

S., 762-3964, marcopolopub.com. Free. Fridays– Saturdays, 9 p.m.

R PLACE 619 E. Pine St., 322-8828, rplaceseattle.com.

Free. Sundays–Tuesdays, 9 p.m.

SPECTATOR 529 Queen Anne Ave. N., 599-4263, thespectatorsports.com, Free. Thursdays– Saturdays, 9:30 p.m.

TALARICO’S 4718 California Ave. S.W., 937-3463, talaricospizza.com. Free. Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, 9:30 p.m.

THE CUFF 1533 13th Ave. S., 323-1525, cuffcomplex.com.

Free. Thursdays, 8 p.m.

WHITE RABBIT 513 N. 36th St., 588-0155, fremont whiterabbit.com. Free. Wednesdays, 9 p.m.

KaraoKeKorrespondent » by jeff roman

Back to the Rickshaw

karaoke@seattleweekly.com THE RICKSHAW 322 N. 105th St., 789-0120, GREENWOOD

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

As every crooner knows by now, the Rickshaw Restaurant and Lounge, arguably Seattle’s most beloved karaoke bar, reopened a month ago. A couple Fridays back, my buddy Riggins invited me to meet him and the Surly Gourmand there. The night began as a casual return to one of my all-time favorite spots to sing, but soon turned into a five-hour, five-bar karaoke odyssey through Greenwood.

We arrived at the Rickshaw at 8:30 to get some dinner before the show started. The place was already pretty packed, but we were able to grab an open table at the entrance right in front of the stage.

Surly made some fun observations about the diverse menu. The cuisine ranges from Chinese to Mexican and everything in between. My favorite was his suggestion that they change the name mozzarella sticks to “mozzarella dicks” and form the tips to resemble the head of a schlong that diners can enjoy biting off. Joel Harvey was the KJ, and I am happy to report he’s growing his D’Artagnan mustache back. My friend Juan joined us just before showtime, and when we turned in our first slips, the singer-ticker on the TVs showed we were already 15 slots back in the rotation.

Joel opened with a sound-check song, “Big Ten Inch Record” by Aerosmith, and then a steady string of performances started to roll.

It was a typical Rickshaw night. Older performers sang classic rock and younger ones delivered showtunes. And then there was that guy in gelled-up hair wearing a sportcoat and scarf who thought he was Michael Bublé and hammed up a rendition of “Fever” that made everyone want to sock him in the gut. I sang Springsteen’s “I’m Goin’ Down.” The venue itself doesn’t look much different, but one thing that has improved dramatically is the sound quality from the overhead speakers and the microphones.

After submitting our next selections, the ticker showed we were 41 singers away. Riggins and Surly took off, so Juan and I decided to kill time three blocks down the street at Tim’s Tavern. It was around 10 p.m. and their

KJ, Katy, was managing a 20-singer rotation.

Tim’s recently doubled in size. They bought the old barbershop next door, knocked out the wall between them, and now have a really nice stage in the back corner. Juan sang Lenny Kravitz’s cover of “American Woman,” and somehow I got the inspiration to do “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers, which I discovered is the ultimate sing-along number.

At 11:30, after dousing my liver in Bombay Sapphire, we returned to the Rickshaw just in time to hear an inspired rendition of Patrick Swayze’s “She’s Like the Wind.” The place was a madhouse. All three sections were overflowing with people and the rotation was now at 56, but we timed it perfectly because our names were coming right up. Juan sang a Coldplay number, then I did “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel. There was no chance to get called up there again, so we moved on to The Ould Triangle on Greenwood Avenue five blocks away where Joel’s lady, Jen, was hosting. The Irish pub was busy but nowhere near as crowded as the Rickshaw or Tim’s.

There was about a five-singer rotation that nobody was paying much attention to. I sang some Eagles and Juan did U2. We could easily have closed the place down, but I wanted to see what was doing at Baranof, just a few more blocks down the street.

We walked in at 1 a.m. as things were dying down, and I was happy to see Patty from the Rickshaw was hosting. I told her how much of a madhouse it was at the Rickshaw, and she told me they decided not to bring her back, which I was sad to hear because to me, she is the Rickshaw. My earliest memories of that place all involve her.

I don’t remember what I sang at Baranof, but I have a few seconds of shaky video on my phone of Juan singing the Beatles’ “Don’t Let Me Down.” We closed things down across the street at Yen Wor Garden, where their rotation was still going strong. I delivered an encore performance of “The Gambler,” and once again it got everybody singing. That’s how we do it in Greenwood on Friday nights. E

39

dategirl»By Judy McGuire until a suspiciously inexpensive Rolex can wrap snugly around it.

I know all too well that it sucks to be cheated on, but the wording of your note rings warning bells. “Inappropriate interacDear Dategirl, tions,” for one thing. What exactly are you My partner has had some inappropriate talking about? (Don’t worry, I know you can’t interactions with members of the opposite answer.) Was it a dopey e-mail to an ex or a sex. I’ve discovered the indiscretions on our slightly flirty note to a co-worker? Or was computer and on my partner’s phone. it an actual plan of action involving another Haven’t you suggested cheaters give their human? There is a huge difference, partner access to their online life? though you do mention that they How does that work? My signifidid their best to cover their cant other clearly tried to cover tracks, which is suspicious. their tracks and delete their However. I know a guy history. How can one really whose wife constantly keep tabs of someone accuses him of cheatonline? Shall I ask for the ing—to the point that phone anytime I want? she barges into the Should all accounts bathroom, certain that remain open on our instead of taking a dump, computer? How should he’s texting his side I respond when the action. I am absolutely e-mail junk/spam folder 100 percent certain he is full of hookup sites? I isn’t stepping out on her, know spam is targeted, so because frankly, all his I don’t get dating-site junk friends have encouraged him mail. They do. to divorce her ass and he just I can imagine that they’re won’t. He loves her and isn’t interopening new accounts every day. ested in anyone else. Meanwhile she How does complete transparency listens in on his phone calls, hacks into his help me verify the truth? I feel like I’m about e-mail, and locks him out of the house if he’s to fall down the rabbit hole.

10 minutes late coming home from work.

—Just Paranoid Does any of this sound familiar?

Because if it does, you may just be nutty.

Before you do anything else, forget trying Are you absolutely certain something is to read anything into the contents of your going on? Has this partner’s spam folder.

I get stuff from “lonely, The only way transparency person copped to it?

Because the only way horny wives” (straight rebuilds trust is if both transparency rebuilds lady here), institutions partners agree to it. trust is if both partners wishing to “help” me agree to it and the peravoid foreclosure (I’m son who did the phia renter), and offers for landering is repentant and committed to the spendy watches (as if ). That’s along with marriage. Instead of worrying about looking offers to grow my penis (hmm) and lower at the cell-phone’s records, you should use my auto-insurance rate (no car, barely a it to dial a competent couples counselor and license). So just don’t even go down that figure out if this relationship is something road—or risk believing he’s a heavily mortyou really want. E gaged cheater looking to expand his penis

Cuckolded or Koo-Koo?

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column»Toke Signals

Back to Belfair

B

elfair, in Mason County, is not an economically thriving area; there’s not a lot of extra cash around.

But medical-marijuana patients there have to pay a premium for top-shelf medicine at either of the town’s two access points.

A few months ago I visited and wrote about one of them, Mari-Meds; one of the things I wasn’t thrilled about was their $15-per-gram donation point. Visiting the other shop, Cannabis Care Foundation, last weekend, I learned that while they do have flowers for $8, $10, and $13, there too the best strains are $15.

CCF does have one big advantage over Mari-Meds, though: They let you look at the flowers you’re about to buy. At Mari-Meds, the bud samples are encased inside a dingy plastic binder, and you’re not really able to tell much about them; Cannabis Care Foundation follows the practice of Seattlearea shops in letting you actually eyeball and smell the flowers before plunking down your hard-earned cash—certainly not too much to ask.

I couldn’t have asked for a friendlier budtender than Wes, who guided me through the menu of about 30 strains of flowers.

Wanting to smoke the good stuff, I bypassed the bargains and selected three top-shelf $15 strains: the indicas Frankenstein and Lemonstein and the sativa-dominant hybrid Snoop’s Dream.

Snoop’s Dream is an enjoyable smoke, with frosty, emerald-green nugs and an

x

uplifting, energetic sativa-inflected buzz.

The flowers quickly reveal their Blue Dream heritage when sniffed; they smell as sweet as candy and are a dizzying pleasure to toke.

But this Dream also fades rather quickly, and strains that are easily its equal can be had in many shops for $10 a gram.

Lemonstein is a mysterious Frankenstein cross with an undetermined lemon strain (possibly Super Lemon Haze, but it seems a lot more indica than that). Its refreshing, citrusy bouquet is slightly unusual for a heavy indica, but it makes this particular route to pain and nausea relief quite enjoyable. Frankenstein is a king-hell indica of epic proportions. Its beautiful, purple-tinged flowers sport a thick forest of alluring trichomes. The dense, tight buds follow through on their pungent promise with profoundly palliative, potent, pillowy pain relief, overpowering aches with the inner glow of high-THC cannabis.

CCF has a well-stocked selection of medibles, including a refrigerator full of treats and medicated sodas and a glass case of attractively presented ganja goodies.

Watch for the bright-green building on State Route 3 when you’re in Belfair looking for Cannabis Care Foundation; it’s half of a duplex, and the other half is a barbershop. E

TOKE OF THE

TOWN.com cannabis news | views | rumors | humor

S.A.M. COLLE S.A.M. COLLECTIVE

tokesignals@seattleweekly.com

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JOYFUL HOUSECLEANING

206-367-0375

ADVANCED MASSAGE For chronic pain/tension relief 17 years exp. Ballard location.

Strictly therapeutic massage.

Aubra 206-547-0420 LMP# MA00007985

605 610 615 620 625

410 412 415 423 425 430 431 432 433 435 436 437 440 445 450 455 460 470 475

445 Miscellaneous STEEL BUILDINGS: 6 only 20x20, 25x30, 30x38, 40x54, 45x74, 60x140 Must Move Now! Selling for Balance Owed!

Still Crated/Free Delivery!

1-800-211-9593x30

Employers

We can take your employment ads via email classifieds@seattleweekly.com

420 Auto-Truck **************** DONATE YOUR CAR! Tax Write-off/Fast Pickup Running or not.

Cancer Fund Of America.

(888) 269-6482

Want to win DVDs, concert tickets and more?

Check out our Free Stuff page!

Enter to win here: seattleweekly.com/freestuff

Best AsiAn Full Body MAssAge Combination of all Asian Massage.

Alternative Therapy, and Very Sweet Friendly Staff.

Bodywork for Men

102 103 105 110 112 120 125 127 140 145 150 155 160 167 170 172 175 177 180 183 185 187 190 193 195 198 130

Architecture/Engineering Auditions/Show Biz Career/Training/Schools Computer/Technical Construction/Labor Drivers/Delivery/Courier Domestic Education Financial/Accounting Management/Professional Medical/Dental/Health Medical Research Studies Office/Clerical Restaurants/Hotels/Clubs Retail Sales and Marketing Telemarketing/Call Center Salons Security/Law Enforcement Trades Miscellaneous Part-Time Jobs Business Opportunities Employment Information Position Wanted Non-Profit Entertainment

105 Career/Training/Schools AIRLINE CAREERS - Become an Aviation Maintenance Tech.

FAA approved training.

Financial aid if qualified Housing available.

Job placement assistance.

CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance 877-492-3059 (AAN CAN)

14626 HWY 99 Unit 104. Lynnwood, WA 98037 -Side EntranceLic# MA00024766

Luke

206-323-9646

Out of Town Storage Boat/Dockage Comm Rentals Rentals Wanted Miscellaneous Rental Services

305 Roommates ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://www.Roommates.com. (AAN CAN)

307 Rooms for Rent Greenlake/West Seattle $400 & up Utilities included! busline, some with private bathrooms a Please call Anna between 10am & 8pm a 206-790-5342 U-DISTRICT $400-$480 All Utilities Included! Call Sue for more information (206) 683-3783 or (206) 551-7472

317 Apartments for Rent BELLTOWN

$750-$800 Studios starting at $750 1 bedroom starting $800 2 blocks to Pike Place Market & Westlake Center.

Light and airy, views, storage. 206-441-4922

200 Real Estate for Sale 205 210 212 215 220 225

Condos/Duplexes/Townhomes Homes Lofts for Sale Open House Commercial Acreage/Land for Sale

Gilead Sciences, Inc., a biopharmaceutical company, has an opening in Seattle, WA for Sr. Biostatistician (BIOSTAT05): Provide statistical consultation on trial design and study endpoints. If interested, please reference code and send resume to Gilead, Attn: HR, #CM-0819, 333 Lakeside Dr. Foster City, CA 94404.

Real Estate Wanted Manufactured Homes Miscellaneous RE Services Home Improvement Out of Town

205 Condos/Duplexes/Townhomes for Sale 1908 Co-Op Studio The Strathmore 7 Harrison #26 Storage, Zone 13 Street Parking 0 Bedrooms, 1 Bath, Appliances, 480 Sq.Ft. Fir Softwood Flooring Located in Back of Building - No Street Traffic Lower Queen Anne - Next to 76 Acre Park Across the Street from KeyArena Next Door to Seattle Center Easy access to City by Many Busses Walk to Safeway, Bank, Restaurants, Pubs HOA is $306 mo. which includes Water, Sewer, Garbage and Taxes Requires Fixing (Painting, etc.) Electric Baseboard Heat Bicycle Storage Room Two Washers & Dryers in Laundry Room Cat Friendly Owner Owned and For Sale By Owner $92,000 - accept offers Terms: Cash, Conventional, Owner Finance (Contract) Furnishings Left if Wished Owner Offered Norma J. Webster 206-579-4010 e-mail: norma7har@yahoo.com Interested Buyers Only - Not Realtors

REACH 5 MILLION hip, forwardthinking consumers across the U.S. When you advertise in alternative newspapers, you become part of the local scene and gain access to an audience you won't reach anywhere else. www.altweeklies.com/ads

Music Text Alerts

Text SWMusic to 61721 Ticket offers, ore! presales, and m Message and data rates may apply. To opt out at anytime, reply STOP to 61721. For help, text HELP to 61721, call 1-877-291-1751 or email info@phaz2.com

Requirements:

*Vehicle & Valid DL *Cell Phone *Internet Access

Apply Online at www.evergreentlc.com

Questions Call: 800-684-8733 Jasmine Ext. 3434 or Heather Ext. 3321

bulletin board 547 Announcements

230 235 240 245 250 260

$$$HELP WANTED$$$ Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home!

No Experience Necessary!

Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-405-7619 EXT 2450 www.easywork-greatpay.com (AAN CAN)

HAVE A $1000 IDEA TO IMPROVE HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA? SUBMIT IT TODAY AT http://www.thepeopleschoice.org TO WIN CASH+TRIP TO KICKOFF. REGENSTRIEF INSTITUTE WILL CONDUCT STUDY ON WINNING IDEA.

437 Lost & Found LOST - Wedding Band Wed 12/5/12 Along Westlake Ave between Stewart & Terry, possibly inside the Medical Dental Building. Ladies ring, quite small, white gold with diamonds. Reward offered. Call (206) 922-4023

e

th D A O L N DOW APP

225 Acreage/Land for Sale 20 ACRES FREE. Buy 40-Get 60 acres. $0-Down, $168/month.

Money back guarantee. NO CREDIT CHECKS. Beautiful views. Roads/surveyed. Near El Paso, Texas.

1-800-843-7537 www.SunsetRanches.com (AAN CAN)

Find nearby restaurant listings and reviews plus music events and slideshows.

Seat tle weekly • DECEM BER 12−18, 2012

355 Roommates 360 Rooms for Rent 363 Roommate Services Apartment/Condo/Townhome 365 370 House/Duplexes for Rent Short Term/Corporate Housing 380 Manufactured Home Rentals 390 Vacation

190 Business Opportunities

185 Miscellaneous

* Travel *Cell Phone *Medical Allowance

COLUMBIA CITY Starting in the $900s NEW 1 & 2 bedroom apartments, walk to Light Rail! GreenHouse in Columbia City, Roof Deck, Res Lounge, P-Patches, Parking.

Starting in the $900s. GreenHouse-Apts.com 888-553-5621

305 307 310 315 320 330 340 350

BECOME A BARTENDER! Up to $300 a day.

No exp necessary.

Training Courses Available.

1-800-965-6520 x 309.

We provide Training, Marketing materials & Company Apparel Allowances Offered:

PLACE YOUR AD TODAY • 206-623-6231 FREE ONLINE ADS AND PHOTOS AT WWW.BACKPAGE.COM

UNIVERSITY DISTRICT $900-$1,990 1 bedroom starting at $900 3 bedroom starting at $1,990 5 min. to UW. Parking available! (206) 441-4922

110 Computer/Technical

HELP WANTED!!!

MAKE $1000 A WEEK mailing brochures from home! FREE Supplies! Helping Home Workers since 2001!

Genuine Opportunity!

No Experience required.

Start Immediately! www.mailing-usa.com (AAN CAN)

167 Restaurants/Hotels/Clubs

With almost 30% Sales Growth this year we need people immediately.

RENTALS & REAL ESTATE 300 Rentals

ATTEND COLLEGE ONLINE from Home. *Medical, *Business, *Criminal Justice, *Hospitality.

Job placement assistance.

Computer available.

Financial Aid if qualified.

SCHEV authorized.

Call 800-481-9472 www.CenturaOnline.com (AAN CAN)

Tree & Shrub Consultation Representative We are expanding our Marketing Team by Hiring Additional Reps to Generate Free Tree & Shrub Consultations Appointments for our Arborists.

425-743-3636

Soothing Hands On or Off Site

Musicians Avail./Wanted Musician’s Services Music Instruction Music Equip/Instruments Plug the Band

Antiques, Arts, Collectibles Appliances Auctions Auto Parts Boats Clothing & Accessories Electronics Garage/Yard Sales Free Furniture Jewelry Lost & Found Motorcycle Miscellaneous Pets, Pet Supplies Sports Equipment Tickets Tools Wanted/Trade

GOLDEN SPA - Deep Tissue, Swedish,

810 Health

600 Music

400 Buy-Sell-Trade

CASH FOR CARS: Any Car/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer: 1-888-420-3808 www.cash4car.com (AAN CAN)

All the best from seattleweekly.com rolled up into one sweet app! FREE! 43

GRAB SOME GREAT DEALS AT

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50%

SA VE AT LEA ST

206-623-6231 Greenwood Smile Dental Better Care, Better Smile

Dr. Hailun Wu DMD Implants, Crowns, Dentures Root Canal Therapy Invisalign Braces TMJ & Car Accident Treatment Full Mouth Reconstruction

Open Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday - 9am-5:30pm

Accepts Most Insurances

Singing Lessons FreeTheVoiceWithin.com Janet Kidder 206-781-5062

8308 Greenwood Ave. N. Seattle, WA 98103 www.greenwoodsmiledental.com

206-783-7305

BECOME A BARTENDER!

New! Increased Compensation For Egg Donors!

Up to $300 a day. No exp necessary.

Training Courses Available.

1-800-965-6520 x 309.

Get paid for giving infertile couples the chance to have a baby. Women 21-31 and in good health are encouraged to apply. $5,000 compensation.

Email Amy.Smith@integramed.com or call (206)301-5000

Southend Room For Rent...$130 a week w/no deposit! Includes Cleaning and Util. 206-762-2757 ATTEND COLLEGE ONLINE from Home. *Medical, *Business, *Criminal Justice, *Hospitality.

Job placement assistance. Computer available.

Financial Aid if qualified. SCHEV authorized.

Call 800-481-9472 www.CenturaOnline.com

HAVE A $1000 IDEA TO IMPROVE HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA? SUBMIT

IT TODAY AT www.thepeopleschoice.org TO WIN CASH+TRIP TO KICKOFF. REGENSTRIEF INSTITUTE WILL CONDUCT STUDY ON WINNING IDEA. Decisions to Make? www.SpiritualCompany.com 20 ACRES FREE. Buy 40-Get 60 acres. $0-Down, $168/month. Money back guarantee. NO CREDIT CHECKS. Beautiful views. Roads/surveyed. Near El Paso, Texas. 1-800-843-7537 www.SunsetRanches.com

Solid Repair provides all types of electronic musical instrument repair including Guitar Amps, Bass Amps, Hi-Fi, Keyboards, Vintage Synthesizers, Effects, PA Systems, Recording Equipment and more! 206-720-9921 www.SolidRepair.com Donate Your Car, Truck or Motorcycle!

Support Big Brothers Big Sisters of Puget Sound FREE PICK UP OF MOST USED VEHICLES Tax Deductible. (206) 248-5982

AIRLINE CAREERS - Become an Aviation Maintenance Tech. FAA approved training. Financial aid if qualified Housing available. Job placement assistance.

CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance 877-492-3059

Looking for that special gift?

Give the gift of dance!

$$$HELP WANTED$$$ Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home!

No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-405-7619 EXT 2450 Easywork-greatpay.com

GIVE TO SUPPORT A FAMILY THIS SEASON The holiday season can be a very difficult time of year for

individuals who are homeless or unemployed—and the difficulties are compounded for those supporting children.

Nearly one in five workers in our programs is supporting a family. You can help make the difference between a bleak holiday season and a hopeful one. Make a gift to the Millionair Club Charity today: millionairclub.org STEEL BUILDINGS: 6 only 20x20, 25x30, 30x38, 40x54, 45x74, 60x140 Must Move Now! Selling for Balance Owed! Still Crated/Free Delivery! 1-800-211-9593x30

HELP WANTED!!!

MAKE $1000 A WEEK mailing brochures from home!

FREE Supplies! Helping Home Workers since 2001!

Genuine Opportunity! No Experience required.

Start Immediately! www.mailing-usa.com ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: Roommates.com

DIVORCE from $229

LOST - Wedding Band Wed 12/5/12 Along Westlake Ave between Stewart & Terry, possibly inside the Medical Dental Building. Ladies ring, quite small, white gold with diamonds. Reward offered. Call (206) 922-4023

Debt relief agency for bankruptcy. 206-625-0460

WANTS TO purchase minerals and other oil & gas interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557, Denver, Co 80201

BANKRUPTCY from $299

ARE YOU LONELY? Beautiful Czech Women Looking for U.S. Men For Lasting Relationships.

No Visa Required. www.easterneuropewomen.com

(360) 791-9999

Friday or Monday night group classes: 6 lessons for $60!

Contact Robert Hrouda (206) 550-6461

Dancesportseattle.com DONATE YOUR CAR! Tax Write-off/Fast Pickup Running or not.

Cancer Fund Of America. (888) 269-6482

MOST CASH PAID 4 GOLD JEWELRY 20%-50% MORE 24/7 CASH 425.891.1385

WWW.KIRKLANDGOLDBUYER.COM **Adoption:** A Loving Family longs to provide Everything for 1st baby.

Travel Laughter Security. Expense paid* 1-800-831-5931 **Matt & Serafina**

CASH FOR CARS: Any Car/Truck.

Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid.

We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer: 1-888-420-3808 www.cash4car.com

KUOW KUOW Bright ideAs! Bright ideAs! in-depth news! in-depth news!

All YeAr long!

All YeAr long!

Seattle Weekly

SA s 50% OFF

DINING GIFT CERTIFICATES AND MORE!

FIND YOUR REDEMPTION AT SEATTLE WEEKLY’S ONLINE STORE! www.seattleweekly.com/promosites/50-off

Keep thethesmart and Keep smart news news and information you value strong information you value strong in 2013! Make your tax-deductible in 2013!

Make your tax-deductible gift to KUOW before December 31. gift to KUOW before December 31. to make your gift today visit kuow.org or call to206-221-2501. make your gift today

visit kuow.org or call Seattle, WA 98105 206-221-2501.

4518 University Way NE, #310

4518 University Way NE, #310

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Seattle, WA 98105