PNW Bainbridge Fall 2024

HOW TO HELP NEURODIVERGENT KIDS? Coach Their Parents.

Island Behaviorist Works to Pave a Path into Adulthood

BY ISABELLE HAINES PHOTOS BY ANNIE GRAEBNER

Dr. Narinder K. Dhaliwal doesn’t do one-size-fits-all solutions. In her work with neurodivergent youth—meaning kids diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) who may also have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)—it’s all about finding the individualized pathway and services that help her clients succeed. “It’s my geeky area,” she said.

Earlier this year, Dhaliwal launched her new educational consulting business, K-College Ed Consulting, which coaches the parents of neurodivergent kids. Dhaliwal advises parents on everything from sleep schedules and feeding to noise sensitivity to the transition from high school to higher education. The consulting business has been in the works since she began a PhD program in Applied Behavior Analysis at the University of Washington. Even back then, the goal was always to work with parents.

“Parents are the captains of the ship—their voice is so important,” she said. “Even if your child goes to therapy for a few hours every week, it can take 900 hours of practice for them to learn and generalize a new skill set. And most of that time is spent with parents.”

Dhaliwal also wanted to focus her efforts on the Kitsap Peninsula, a largely underserved region compared to King and Pierce Counties. “I didn’t want to live in a tower where parents can’t access care and don’t know what to do after their child receives a diagnosis,” she said.

Many of the parents she meets are wading through the long list of recommendations that follow an ASD or ADD diagnosis. Others are in the Googling phase, or maybe reading books, and that truth with her ever since, even as her work has expanded beyond a child’s youngest years.

More recently, Dhaliwal has turned her focus to the transition to higher education and the preconceived notions therein. Dhaliwal explained that many autistic kids are overachievers in school, leading the adults in their lives to expect a smooth transition to college and career. But the research tells another story: Many autistic young adults struggle with finishing degrees and finding employment in a world that doesn’t accommodate their differences.

More recently, Dhaliwal has turned her focus to the transition to higher education and the preconceived notions therein. Dhaliwal explained that many autistic kids are overachievers in school, leading the adults in their lives to expect a smooth transition to college and career. But the research tells another story: Many autistic young adults struggle with finishing degrees and finding employment in a world that doesn’t accommodate their differences.

“All these academically bright students are going to college and struggling early on,” she said.

Those struggles could be social, such as feeling lonely or having roommate issues. There are also the living skills challenges that come with leaving the built-in structure of home and high school.

These challenges can lead young adults to pursue a diagnosis in the first place, or to seek out a neurodivergent community that affirms and advocates for them. Regardless of whether followup services are needed, parents may suddenly learn that their child is autistic, 18 years in.

As with any of her clients, Dhaliwal knows that these parents can help their children succeed in college—and everything that comes after. “College preparedness underlies certain skill sets, like self-determination, including selfadvocacy, what we call the soft skills,” she said. “That means social adaptability, social connectivity, communication, living skills and family support systems.”

Whether parents are preparing their kids for college or for the first day of kindergarten, Dhaliwal is continuously blown away by their commitment. She sees it in everyday conversations with clients—and in their follow-up emails.

“These parents are so invested. There’s so much love there,” she said. “I mean, what could be a bigger blessing than that?”