Fundraising and Dating by Judy Lewis

DAY 31 FUNDRAISING AND DATING

By Judy Lewis

Editor-in-chief of Worldwide Challenge and director of communications for Cru.

@JudyNelsonLewis

As a first-time bride at 43, I did my share of dating. Blind dates, e-Harmony, set ups, you name it. And the stories of trying to make a healthy connection are endless. Like the guy who needed to know if I was feminine or a feminist? I guess you can’t like lace AND believe women should receive equal pay for equal work. Or the men who lived with their mothers but drove red convertibles. Or who insisted on taking me to the ATM so I could have the cash I needed to pay for dinner.

The stories of my friends are equally comical. Julie once showed up to a lunch date with a man who had no legs. Now, that is nothing to laugh at, but it did seem unfair that all his online photos showed him from the waist up playing basketball, on a sailboat, etc.

Poor Julie is already one to jumble her words. She calls pussy willows “wussy pillows” and sometimes confuses her favorite stores: “Bed, Bath, and Bodyworks” or “Old Time Pottery Barn.” There’s something so innocent and charming about this foible of hers. I love it.

That’s what makes her word fumble with her lunch date even more endearing. He was telling her all about how he had recently re-designed his bathroom to make it more user-friendly for him, adding handrails and such. Listening intently as Julie does, she thoughtfully said, “That must have cost an arm and a leg.” An arm and a leg. Oh, yes she did. Julie and her date both pretended she did not say that and moved the conversation along as best you can after such a “misstep.”

It’s endless, this sinkhole into awkward humor. In describing the conversation to a group of us ladies later, Julie said, “I really put my foot in mouth that time.” And on and on it went. To her credit, she told her date she felt misled and, even more sour, she felt he had not trusted her to consider his handicap in her dating decision making. Why didn’t he simply present the whole truth of who he is?

Fundraising can be a lot like dating: Both require initiative and risk. Both require a “presentation” to be considered. Both require a response, an “ask” or a next step. Both require persistence.

Not only did I spend more than two decades of dating before I got married, I’ve raised my own salary for 23 years. I’ve persistently taken the initiative to present myself and my work and required some kind of next step from perfect strangers.

The beauty of this lifestyle—and fundraising is a lifestyle—is that it requires knowing your values and value. It requires a clarity of living that other vocations may not. I must know what I am offering as well as the integrity of an honest connection with my potential partners. Fundraising can be a simple, clean way of interacting with others. Henri Nouwen defines it as: “proclaiming what you believe in and

proclaiming it in such a way that you offer the other person an opportunity to participate in your vision.”

It takes the pressure off “the dance” of fundraising, trying to get something from someone without the purity of an honest invitation to join resources toward a common vision.

So, when you take the risk to present your values and vision, relax and know that your step of faith is the presentation. The invitation can be generous and free, because you don’t require anything but a genuine response.

Step out with confidence.

What funding ask/sale do I need to make today?

Where do I need to be persistent to make my idea succeed?

Who can I invite to participate in my vision?