The Cosmo Issue

PLUMBER’SFAUCET

The Cosmo Issue VOLUME XXXII ISSUE III October 28th, 2015

Three things that happened at Blues Pub that will restore your faith in humanity P.69

SEX SLICES SECRETS

Tell-all stories from your hottest peers

SPOOKY DIET TIPS P.28

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

CONTRIBUTERS

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Editor-In-Chief

Malcolm McClintock

“What’s that? This is a humor magazine? But that beautiful chunk of human on the cover.... I thought it was going to be a lifestyle magazine!”

Fear not reader! This issue will cover all of your carnal needs, just as expected! The Faucet has taken the initiative to answer all and any questions your seventh grade health teacher was too timid (or perhaps uneducated) to address! Yes its true, we had to hire a hand model for the cover, but consider it a trail of breadcrumbs rather than false bait. We’ve got a disambiguation of the different exchange students you will meet, the revitalized “Ask Foss” advice column, and a brand new Whoreoscopes section.

Writers

John Karpuk Grace Weinstein Greg Cooke Anita Hagh Jacob Garrah Soraya Mamiche Daniel Galef Malcolm McClintock

Illustrators

Matt Wolf Manon Chiorri Ké Smith Daniel Galef Malcolm McClintock

Support

Camille Warner Ashkaan Mohtashami

Disclaimer

The Plumber’s Faucet is a Publication of the Engineering Undergraduate Society of McGill University. The opinions expressed in the Faucet are not necessarily those of the EUS nor of any other university body, unless such opinion appears over an authorized signature of a representative of the said body. The Faucet does not print works which are sexist, libelous, racist, homophobic, or violating the copyright laws of Canada. It should be noted that some content is meant to be satirical or humourous in nature.

For general enquiries, contact faucet@mcgilleus.ca.

Complaints

The EUS takes complaints very seriously. All complaints should begin with the heading “Official Protest to Content in The Plumber’s Faucet”, and should be sent to vpcomm@mcgilleus.ca, publications.director@mcgilleus.ca, and faucet@ mcgilleus.ca.

The Plumber’s Faucet vol. 32 no. 3

Some of you may be wondering about the lack of celtic harvest festival content. Well to them I say spook you, go spook yourself. Hallow’s Eve occurs every year, and for the most part is well understood as a culture. We thought our time would best be spent trying to explore the world of the Cosmopolitan, trying to better understand and reach out to a long misunderstood demographic.

I also feel compelled to issue a public warning.

There is nudity everywhere, and I’m afraid it’s not going away anytime soon. Trees are dropping their leaves like crazy, their wild streaker self certainly is taking over. Not that there’s anything wrong with nudity, in fact, we encourage it! However, those new to Montreal aren’t aware of how longterm this will be. Go outside on the remaining sunny days and bask in the light of Apollo, for it is fleeting.

The beautiful spectum of autumn leaves is only indicative of a darker time on the horizon. Hide your loved ones, winter is coming.

Malcolm Mc clintock

Wednesday, October 28th, 2015 ISSN (print): 1707-7478 ISSN (online): 2291-3513

An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

WHAT’S IN THE ISSUE Lifestyle: p. 22 seven Fruit you can’t Believe aren’t Men p. 24 Professors, They’re Just Like Us

Sex Life: p.69 5 Orifices you haven’t tried yet p.69 DIY Fleshlight p.69 How to make your condoms last longer p.69 10 Sex Positions to Spook your Partner p.69 six safewords that will leave you speechless Why are these women overjoyed by salad?

Find out on P.69

(just the tips) How do you know if he’s into you?

The Plumber’s Faucet is recruiting!

Quick Tips!

We need YOU, comedic genius and master of all things phallic. If you can find the three deliberate typos in this issue, then you are fit to be an editor!

If you have any interest in joining this non-commitment organization, or just drinking beers at Gerts on a weekly basis, contact us at faucet@mcgilleus.ca

Just Sneezed

totally into you

Does he make eye contact?

He wants to take it a step further

Does he only look at his phone while typing?

He’s going to propose in the next week!!

Does he have a boner?

Printed at Copi-EUS

He needs some space.

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

The 6.9 Types of Exchange Students You’ll Sleep with at McGill

by Chills W & J.F. An essential part of the McGill experience is to make international friends. But what is a friend really?

At McGill we learn that you’ve got different categories of friendship. We’ve got frosh friends, rez friends, those friends that you become hyper aware of after a drunken night out on the town and you’re not actually sure if you can consider them a friend or not, class friends, friends of friends, etc. The possibilities are endless!

But the most important friends of all are those you treat like your pinkie toe; you bang them on a table.

Even more important though, is when they have a silly accent – which realistically doesn’t matter because if you’re having an extensive conversation whilst in bed, you’re doing it wrong.

Heteronormative Ladies and Platinum Gays, we’ve taken the liberty to list out for you the 6.9 types of exchange students you’ll sleep with during your time at McGill.

THE VIKING: Country of Origin: Daneland Major: Lubricant Engineering Penis Size: Longboat Kink: Minding their own business Best Feature: Height (vertical, and horizontal) Rating: 7.8/10 (added points for low fertility rate)

THE SPICY MORTADELLA: Country of Origin: Italy Major: “Management” Penis Size: Rotini Kink: Priest role-playing Best Feature: Excellent cooks Rating: 9/10 (not influenced whatsoever by the mob)

THE LUCKY CHARMERS: Country of Origin: The End of The Rainbow® Major: Economics of Alcohol Consumption Penis Size: A Pint Kink: Excessive dirty talk Best Feature: They probably personally know Bono Rating: 5.8/10 (whiskey dick is all too real here)

An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

THE BAGUETTE: Country of Origin: Euro-Quebec Major: Useless Philosophy Penis Size: Escargot Kink: Speaking in French in front of English speakers Best Feature: Exotic natural scent (cheese) Rating: 4.2/10 (maybe if they spent less time choosing a scarf, and more time pleasing their lady)

THE BANGERZ AND MA$H: Country of Origin: The Tea Factory™ Major: Erotic Literature Penis Size: One Nautical Mile Kink: Domination Best Feature: Not French Rating: 7.2/10 (points for not being French)

THE ONES THAT GO DOWN UNDER: Country of Origin: The Tea Factory™ Prison Complex Major: Criminal Justice Penis Size: Too big, like every other terrifying creature in that country Kink: BDSM Best Feature: They’ll kill thqt spider for you Rating: 7.42069/10

THE FRIEND OF A FRIEND FROM OUT OF TOWN: Country of Origin: Queens University Major: Undeclared Penis Size: Eh Kink: Clothed sex (Queens merch) Best Feature: $$$$ Rating: –3 /10 (their daddy’s money couldn’t buy them knowledge on how to please a lady)

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

The Search for the Origins of the Plumber (Concluded)

by Daniel Galef

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PART II (OF III): THE MIDDLE BIT

This is the second installment of the Faucet’s spectacular threepart technicolor series on the history of the ancient organization, the Plumbers. The Ledger, as you know , is compiling a similar historical article series, but theirs is boring and stupid because it’s factually correct. When we last saw our plucky heroes in Volume 32 Issue 1, they were condemned by Nero and living in persecution during the final darkling days of the glory that was Rome . . . why, I think I see them now . . . .

At the time of the Fall of Rome, the Plumbers were living in exile on the outskirts of the Empire, scratching out a humble existence among the barbarians of Magna Germania and spending their days pillaging villages, villaging pillages, and heartily quaffing both mead and their hair.

The semiregular packets of humour writing that had once been the Libri Saturarum continued to be 1 published on a rolling basis , and the remaining humourists passed this stretch sketching crude caricatures of the various Valentinians and coming up with insulting nicknames 2 for the Goths and Vandals .

An academic society without an academy, the Plumbers floundered for some time. After all, with the fall of the Classical world, so, too, fell the Platonic Academy, Aristotle’s Lyceum, the Mouseion at Alexandria, the libraries at Rome and Pergamum, and even ultimately

the great pornographic archives of Gaza, burned by the Byzantines for espousing pagan views. With hundreds upon hundreds of years to wait in benighted medieval ignorance until the establishment of the first modern universities, the Plumbers did what they always had done and always would do: drink (more to avoid water-borne illness than revelry), poke fun at the Man (then still a young boy), and produce reams of written material that would be read by absolutely no-one.

togas of its bygone heyday. These would eventually spawn the creation of the “lab” coat worn to this day (abbreviated from the Latin labasco, ‘I am drunk’). Civic plumbing and running water was seen as a prime example of the type of technological advancement and quality of life lost in the Fall, and the Plumbers wished to associate with this image of past grandeur.

Finally, in search both of sanctuary and patronship, the Plumbers found both and a new home in the drinking-houses and breweries of the Hanseatic city3 states of central Europe.

The cities’ many pubs and taverns served as convenient and highly mobile publishing headquarters, and the Plumbers would spend long afternoons bibbling pfennigale and bandying pitches for a parody parody mass or a horrifically sexist

The Plumbers partly retained their vestigial ties to their long-lost imperial roots via the tradition of wearing long, flowing white robes vaguely reminiscent of the classical

1.

This rolling basis worked for some time. However, in 527, one of the wheels broke, and it became necessary to find something to write on that was stationary.

2. A little more success was to be found thinking of rude monikers for the Bastarnae tribe, the cleverest surviving being “the Bitch-starnae” and “the Best–no-wait-actually-you’re-not-the-best-you’re-the-worst–starnae.”

3. Via an unfortunate misunderstanding of the word “humourist,” the society was first placed under the jurisdiction of the Honorable Hanseatic Guild of Barber-Surgeons, where the out-of-place writers and proto-engineers proved to be real cutups. That is, they really killed. They had ’em in stitches. Bloody hilarious. They definitely had the ears of the public. A finger on the pulse of society. Always sharp. Never snippy. Occasionally on the nose. They sure knew how to razor spirits. Not leeches on society, no-sir. Hardly two-bit fellows. No, really knife chaps. They honed their skills well.

Oh my gauze. Someone please strop me.

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

The drinking society the Plumbers partied like it was 999, which it was. cartoon of Argula von Grumbach.

In turn, the taverns and breweries got free advertising, both by the fantastic publicity of the pseudocelebrities at their tables and by controversial native advertising in vulgate listicles such as “The seven best Mainz artisanal brewpubs to wait out a pogrom in.”

However, the favorite of the Plumbers was always the tavern known as Die Blaue Kneipe, a.k.a. the Sign of the Dragon, owned by Johann Throckmorton. There the writers’ group set up shop and waited out the Dark Ages, irking local authorities and keeping up a friendly rivalry with the Goliards. At the advice of Gertrude, a serving wench at the pub, the Plumbers agreed to labor at the bar for one week out of every year in thanks.

This new venue as headquarters also supplied the Plumbers with a new name for their writings; modeled after the small tap hammered into new casks of beer so ubiquitous in their places of meeting, the loose pages of satirical social commentary and (occasionally) occasional poetry composed by the group became known as the Spigot.

The Spigot also helped to redevelop n e w s p a p e r production technology, moving from primitive woodcuts to aiding Gutenberg in inventing the printing press by rediscovering (underneath a palimpsest manuscript of biblical fanfiction) Dionysius’ seminal treatise on the Comic Sections, which allowed for the mass production of images, sequential narrative, and sled-ride conversations between two philosophers who hadn’t yet 4 been born.

In the absence of a sufficiently sophisticated subscription system and in the heat of a blood feud with the House of Thurn and Taxis, issues of the Spigot were initially distributed by being nailed on 5 church doors.

Later, as science returned to the land and Marin “Martin” Mersenne organized

the first proto-scientific-journal (complete with stolen copyright and exorbitant printing charges for fraudulent or nonexistent pere review), circulating news of new ideas and experimentation among staunchly individualist and far-flung members of an eccentric band of thinkers and tinkerers under the nose of the See, one enterprising editor stole his mailing list and sent copies (as well as potted salt pork as incentive) unsolicited to the greatest minds in Europe, in the first historical instance of spam mail.

Circulation was in the high dozens or even scores (though sluggish from the salt pork), but it was far from an ideal situation for the magazine.

With the Renaissance, however, came salvation. In Britain, the Invisible College was being secretively formed amongst the underground community of dissident intellectuals, and every college needs a college humor magazine. The Spigot was heartily adopted and adapted to its new environment, haranguing the Invisible College administration, reporting on Invisible College sports, and generally giving it the old invisible college try. The magazine continued to be popular among members of the College after its transformation into the Royal Society.

The Plumbers played major, if underreported, rôles at several key points of history. The Spigot’s scathing review of Cardenio is thought to be directly responsible for the play’s total disappearance from record and Shakespeare’s

4. Other modern magazines with their origins in this period include Gentleman’s Quarterly (then popular among the aristocratic hunting crowd who bore arms), Playboy (originally a children’s counterpart to Playbill, Bill Shakespeare’s drama circular, for the kyds), Heat (then a Calvinist evangelical periodical on the agonies of hellfire), and, of course, Esquire, at this time titled simply Squire.

5. The Plumbers’ relationship with the Church was complex. They enjoyed relative freedom under the reign of Pope Hilarius, but were harshly persecuted by Pope That’s-Not-Very-Funny-at-All. Finally, they achieved a comparatively stable stalemate in the Late Middle Ages with Pope Hmm-Maybe-It-Depends-on-How-You-Tell-It.

An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

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consigning himself to penning bigbudget sequels and gritty reboots of the Spanish Tragedy. Later, after finally taking a position on the hotly-debated Newton vs. Leibniz issue (that both were crazy and Newton took far too long to find his true calling, alchemy), the then-editor Malvolio McFlintlock made the bold decision to sever ties from the Royal Society and find the magazine a new home among the ancient universities of Scotland, bringing the Plumbers and their publication into the modern era.

You probably don’t get it, but this was pretty vicious political satire at the time.

Be sure to tune in next week for: “The Modernity Ward” or “Scotland for Me”

Choose Your Own You meet a: Porno!

You are a well endowed: 1. Plumber 2. Pizza Navona Delivery Boy 3. Lemon Farmer 1.

2.

3.

Divorcee with rusty pipes Hungry coed who just cant find her wallet Prostitute trying to steal your lemons

You decide to: 1.

2.

3.

by Dick grillson Printed at Copi-EUS

Add an extra pipe into the woman’s life Offer the girl an “extra sausage” with her “free” pizza Teach her lesson about the economicd of the market

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

So you Want your Child to Entertain?

Last Initial:

First Initial: A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. L.

Diamond M. Bunny N. Brandy Crystal O. Randy Merlot P. Skye Misty Q. Monique Chastity R. Destiny Platinum S. Divinity Sparkle T. Charity Candi U. Clover Ginger V. Serenity Paprika W/X/Y/Z: Amber Angel Bruce

EXCLUSIVE RATES AND PRIVILEGES A few clicks away from a wide range of products and services

CAREER SERVICES Find an internship on the ReseauIQ’s job board

Refer to this handy guide so your child will have a really fitting stage name!

It’s easy: just use the first and last letters of their name, input it into our complex algorithm below, and presto! Instant adult entertainer.

A. the Ethnic B. Slender C. Johnson D. the Gifted E. Khalifa F. West G. Homewrecker H. Twerk I. Hardwood J. Phoenix K. Cherry L. Jobs M. Roller

JOIN THE ENGINEERING COMMUNITY

NETWORKING Take part in the special events and networking activities

FREE SUBSCRIPTION

JOIN THE RESEAUIQ NOW!

reseauIQ.qc.ca/student An EUS Publication

N. Lemon O. Rimmer P. Cyrus Q. Flexible R. the Sneaky S. Savage T. Cream U/V/W/X/Y/Z: Obama

October 28th, 2015

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

Dear Abby,

“ When I, an engineer, asked my new boyfriend to ‘talk nerdy to me,’ he started listing off history facts. How can I encourage my Artsie lover to get with the times and get me off? ” -Sexually Frustrated

Dear Frustrated, This is a question that gets sent in all the time: an engineer looking for some riveting pillow-banter only to be disappointed by their booty-call’s shortcomings in calculus and mechanics knowledge. The first thing you must understand is that an Artsie lacks your appreciation for curves and tan-gents.

You must therefore lead by example, using some entry-level phrases to set the mood

Have Sex With your Gum

before moving onto some Non-Newtonian loving. Eventually, given enough guidance, your partner will develop a repertoire of sexual sayings to last as long as they can.

During foreplay, make sure to use phrases like, “Show me the exponential growth of your natural log,” and “My coefficient of friction has been lowered by my natural lubricant!” This should start to set the mood for a more mentally satisfying coital encounter. Once fully aroused, you should encourage the Artsie to display the full extent of their mathematical prowess with the subtraction of clothing and addition of protection. Make sure to keep the bedding repartee going throughout this process. Once you’re into the sweaty heat of lovemaking, try out some sure-fire lines like “Shorten your period and raise your amplitude!” or “Thrust with a few more Kilonewtons!” Remember to talk quickly, as the Artsie’s stamina will be running out!

-Abby P.S.: If your Artsie continues to leave you wanting more, try out an engineer.

by Dick Grillson An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

What your Drink Really Says about You

by P. Lyss Reed

Wine You get better with age.

Bloody Mary You like to have something to chew on.

Rum & Coke You need a teaspoon of sugar to help the medicine go down.

Screwdriver You’re into tools.

Cosmopolitan You use magazines to get off (see cover).

Beer you don’t mind letting things get a bit sloppy.

Printed at Copi-EUS

Margarita You like a little more salt around the rim.

Tequila You don’t mind swallowing.

Water You’re Free of Charge.

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Aries Hey there dirty girl, I hope you’re ready for a fun week cause Orion’s belt is in your stars tonight- he’s ready to use that belt for more than just accessorizing.

Don’t be afraid to ask that cute CopiEUS worker for their number, we all know you want to… sexy things could happen when you put yourself out there. Worst case? Have a sensual night to yourself, Orion would be proud.

Taurus Grab the bull by the horns because you have a busy week ahead of you- midterms, assignments, projects… a potential new lover??? Stay alert! Uranus is creeping on your cosmic chart, which potentially means something’s creeping up your anus. Remember that you miss the chances you never take, so screw your midterm and go to Gerts- your lover is waiting for you.

Gemini Some would say three’s a crowd, but you beg to differ. When Mars and Jupiter collide, you better watch out because you’re in for a rowdy night yourself. Orgies make the world go round the world go round the world go round, so it’s up to you to make sure the universe stays intact. Your future happiness, well being, and likelihood of graduating depend on it. There stars are very adamant that your celestial fate is tied to those around you, so don’t be shy.

Cancer Netflix and chill for one? You know you want to. The left upper hemisphere of your cosmic chart has collided with Saturn’s fourth moon, which tells me that it’s time for a night in. So grab your (t)rusty companion and treat yourself right.

It’s about time you develop a new skill! Learn a new language. Or learn how to whistle, if you don’t already know. Or learn the flute even, girls dig jazz flute (just ask Ron Burgundy). It’s time to expand your horizons cancer- fly birdy, be free.

An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

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Leo Time to shave your lion’s mane, it’s not winter yet Leo. Make sure you’re groomed this weekend because your cosmic map has a special plan for you! I sense a partner on your horizons. And they’re gonna be raunchy. They like it pants off, socks on. “I’ve done it before, and it was an incredible experience.

[The socks] really made the moment more special…” –reminisced a fellow Faucet bitch. So shave those pits and buy some new knit socks, like those kinds with cats on them. Or the Habs logo. Did someone say EUS socks? Guaranteed for a sexy experience.

Virgo Viiirgo. Hmm, viiiiiirgo. Viiiirr-gin? Viiiiirrr-gina? Gonna have some gin with your gina? Virgin martini? Virgin rum and coke, hold the coke? Ever been to Virginia?

West or regular. Wait why isn’t there an East Virginia? The constellations are quite clouded.

Libra You’ve been feeling constrained by social obligations and a strenuous workload; life can be a bit overwhelming. Let it go Libra, be free this week! The possibilities are endless and, to encourage 1 your newfound spirit of freedom , I welcome you to watch the US Presidential Debates. Learn about freedom™ from the nation who invented it and made it the glorious beauty it is today. Your newfound political savvy will be of use to capture that intelligent boy you’ve been eyeing from afar…

Scorpio Your claws came out this week Scorpio- maybe you got in an argument that ended poorly with your friend, partner, or family member… Pluto’s alignment with the Sun is telling me you should try to resolve it this coming week- you have enough stress on your plate with school and clubs, it really isn’t worth the struggle. Be strong Scorpio <3 the stars and I here for you, always.

Sagittarius You’ve had quite the dry spell this past year. You really gotta put yourself out there this week- Your cosmic chart is pointing to Venus, and Venus is telling me you gotta go out there and get yourself some… second base.

1. Freedom™ and all product and company names associated are trademarks™ or registered® trademarks of their respected holders. Use of them does not imply any affiliation with or endorsement by them. Only the United States and its authorized resellers and licenses may use the Freedom Logo in advertising, promotional, and sales materials. Such authorized parties may use the Freedom Logo only as specified in their agreement with Apple and any associated Guidelines and such use must always be in conjunction with the appropriate terms that define the relationship authorized by their contract with the United States.)

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

Capricorn Your detriment is the moon Capricorn. The moon will reach its peak later this week, and you too will be finding your knees weak. Autumn is in the air, and suddenly everyone seems more attractive than they used to be. Travel to Mac Campus, take the most attractive looking cattle, and sacrifice it in front of its peers. Through this act and this act alone you will regain the strength you once had, and lady luna will recede into the night sky once more.

Aquarius By my cosmic calculations you haven’t had your eight glasses of water a day Aquarius- you thirsty girl. I see you lusting after that fine ass man on fifth floor Trottier. Sexy times are coming your way, and they’re going to be a splash. Make sure to wet your whistle with some social lubricant and lube. Maybe just lube.

Pisces Something smells fishy - everything okay down there? Make sure to take time to take care of yourself- go for a long run, eat an apple, maybe even get your nails did. Also, it’s okay to take a break from school and call your mom every once in a while. She misses you. No really, she called me the other day and told me you haven’t talked to her in two whole weeks. What’s wrong with you? That’s your mother. Call her right now.

Not Cheating If...

Daniel Galef by

It ▫▫ ▫▫ ▫▫ ▫▫ ▫▫ ▫▫ ▫▫ ▫▫

isn’t really cheating if . . .

Your boyfriend is in a coma.

Your boyfriend is dead.

Your boyfriend is asleep.

He told you so.

He looks sort of like your boyfriend.

You’re the same astrological sign.

We told you so.

It’s not the same orifice you use with your boyfriend.

▫▫ It’s not the same orifice your boyfriend uses with you. ▫▫ The moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter’s passed through Orion and come into conjunction with Mars. ▫▫ You use twelve condoms. ▫▫ You use fourteen condoms. ▫▫ God said so. ▫▫ You told your boyfriend about the affair, albeit while he was in a coma, dead, or asleep. ▫▫ You’re single.

An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

Danielâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Doodles

Printed at Copi-EUS

Math tip: always label your axes

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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. 32 No. 3

ASK FOSS

by The Gonzo Journalist

My professor gave me a 69, does that mean anything?

Yes, you need to do your absolute best to make all reports for that class as close to erotica as possible.

Emphasize on that rockwell hardness scale when you can. Drop a colloquial reference to the fluid dynamics of a bursting geyser here or there. If you’re called into their office, you know what to do.

What do you call pepople who give circumcisions?

Terrible, terrible monsters who are trying to take away mans only tool.

Do they have a tip jar?

Like most well respected occupations, yes, they have a jar full of foreskin.

How effective is the pullout method?

65% of the time it’s a halfway decent method to 30% failure, and those numbers don’t add up. Don’t be silly and wrap your willy. Unless of course it’s vaginal sex. asdasd asdasd

Is a condom really necessary with a banana?

You do NOT know where that banana has been. Everyone knows that bananas are high risk for yellow fever and potassium overdosage; your well being is not worth that succelent tree meat. asdasd asdasd asdasd asdasd asdasd asdasd

Which is the best design team vehicle to have sex in and why?

While cruising down a river in the concrete canoe sounds solid, baja has the best suspension by far. Getting a little dirty sometimes is worth it.

My boyfriend wants to go rawdog, but I’m afraid of bacteria from uncooked meat. What should I do?

It sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t respect your fears.

Dig into his past, uncover any secrets, and do your best to exploit them right as he climaxes. asdasd asdasd asdasd

submit your questions to faucet@mcgilleus.ca An EUS Publication

October 28th, 2015

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Manon with her trusty Dinosaur companion

Drinking

In a surprising turn of events, Emma quaffs her bedazzled hardhat the same day as Viggy.

As a recent froshie, Viggy inagurates his hard hat.

Game

Dollarama ESC&SEAM Adam& Eve BP

ECSESS Prom BP

l Ta y

ot BP

MEUS or Sw ift

Alas, poor Yorick! Playboyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Theatre Presents: Going Hamlet. Pour one out for the homies.

BP

â&#x2014;Ś

l a B CEUS

l

Malcolm proves an upside down umbrella is just a really big cup.

Andrew engineers his very own drinking device from DVD cases.

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An EUS Publication