SAMPLE COPY // Valentine's Day Devotional: The Marriage Promise

The

MARRIAGE Promise Making Good Marriages Even Better

The Seven Promises 1. A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Spirit.

2. A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing Christ-centred friendships with a few other men, connecting regularly, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.

3. A Promise Keeper is committed to practicing biblical integrity: spiritually, morally, ethically, and sexually.

4. A Promise Keeper is committed to strengthening families and marriages through love, honour, protection, and biblical values.

5. A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

6. A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond racial, social, economic, generational, and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.

7. A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing the world by his fervent love for God while loving his neighbour, seeking justice for the poor and oppressed, and making disciples of Jesus Christ.

Contents SECTION 1

A LIFELONG LOVE by Gary Thomas

We will explore how to strengthen our marriages so that we live out our marriage promise. This more than simply staying together. God wants to refine us, bless us and transform us into the image of His Son. Marriage is one of the ways He works to accomplish these changes.

3 Devotion 1 4 Devotion 2 5 Devotion 3 6 Devotion 4 7 Devotion 5 8 Devotion 6 9 Resources

Heavenly Father-in Law She’s Going to Be Okay Got Mission?

Selfish Players Difficult is Good Sin Leaving the Soul

SECTION 2 HAVING A VERTICAL MARRIAGE by Robbie Symons A healthy marriage is so much more than just a relationship between two people; it is a spiritual covenant between you, your spouse and our Heavenly Father. This week we will discuss what it means to make Jesus the foundation of your marriage.

10 Devotion 7 12 Devotion 8 14 Devotion 9 16 Devotion 10 18 Devotion 11 20 Devotion 12 22 Resources

A Vertical Marriage A Grace-Filled Marriage The Worship-Filled Marriage Weight of Words A Prayer-Filled Marriage A Brilliant Marriage

Making Good Marriages Even Better 1

SECTION 3 FROM THIS DAY FORWARD by Craig and Amy Groeschel Shouldn’t there be more to marriage than flipping a coin to see if it will last? Is it possible to grow more in love with the person you’ve committed your life to?

Craig and Amy Groeschel offer single adults pursuing marriage and all married couples five commitments to fail proof their marriage.

23 Devotion 13 24 Devotion 14 25 Devotion 15 26 Devotion 16 28 Devotion 17 29 Devotion 18 30 Resources

From This Day Forward Seek God Fight Fair Have Fun Stay Pure Never Give Up

SECTION 4 THE MARRIAGE PROMISE by Jeff Stearns God truly wants to bless us through the promises we made to each other and to Him in our wedding ceremony. Your marriage is a divine gift and worth protecting, nurturing and celebrating.

31 Devotion 19 Wedding Photos 32 Devotion 20 Canada’s Worst Driver 33 Devotion 21 Yeah, But… 34 Devotion 22 Even If… 35 Devotion 23 Rejoice 36 Devotion 24 Celebrate 38 Resources

2 The Marriage Promise

SECTION 1 A LIFELONG LOVE

DEVOTION 1

by Gary Thomas

HEAVENLY FATHER-IN LAW See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God. 1 JOHN 3:1

D

uring prayer, I sensed God reminding me that Lisa wasn’t just my wife, she was also His daughter and I was to treat her accordingly. This was a moment

of revelation for me. If you want to get on my good side, just be good to one of my kids. Conversely, if you really want to make me angry, pick on one of my kids. I’d much rather you mess with me than with one of my kids.

So when I realized I was married to God’s daughter everything about how I

viewed marriage changed. God feels about my wife—His daughter—in an even holier and more passionate way than I feel about my own daughters. Suddenly, my marriage was no longer about just me and Lisa; it was very much a relationship with a passionately interested third partner. I realized one of my primary forms of worship would be honoring God by taking care of a woman who would always be, in His divine mind, “His little girl.”

We often contemplate the Fatherhood of God, but if you want to change your marriage, spend some time meditating about God as Father-in-Law. When I disrespect my wife or am condescending toward her, I am courting trouble with her heavenly Father, who feels passionately about her welfare. In a positive sense, when I am actively caring for my wife, loving her, and seeking opportunities to showcase her beauty to others, I am pleasing God on about as high a level as He can be pleased.

Daily Reading: 1 John 3

Making Good Marriages Even Better 3

DEVOTION 2

A Lifelong Love SECTION 1

SHE’S GOING TO BE OKAY Husbands…be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect…so that nothing will hinder your prayers 1 PETER 3:7

T

hree decades ago, my soon-to-be father-in-law broke out in tears during our wedding rehearsal dinner. Much later he explained, “Gary, when you married

my daughter, I thought to myself, I don’t have to worry about Lisa. She’s found a guy who will take care of her. She’s going to be okay.”

Now that I have two daughters in their twenties, I can empathize. It’s almost

scary to me how desperately I want my daughters to be loved, which helps me understand that the best gift I can give a father-in-law is to take care of and even spoil his little girl. Viewing God as Father-in-Law has helped me understand Peter’s words when he urges us to be considerate with our wives and treat them with respect so that nothing will hinder our prayers.

I used to think I needed to pray for a better marriage, but Peter is telling me I need a better marriage so I can pray. Looking at God through the lens of Fatherin-Law makes this entirely sensible. If a young man praised me but I knew he was making one of my daughters miserable through abuse or neglect, I’d frankly have nothing to say to him except, “Hey, buddy, start treating my daughter better, and then we can talk. You say you respect me? Then take care of my little girl.”

We can never begin to repay God for what He has done for us. But we can love one of His precious children with devoted excellence. We can make Him smile by the way we take care of His daughter.

Daily Reading: 1 Peter 3: 8 - 18

4 The Marriage Promise

DEVOTION 3

SECTION 1 A Lifelong Love

GOT MISSION? Seek first the Kingdom of God… MAT THEW 6:33

M

arried couples are often asked: “Are you praying together?’

“Are you having sex frequently enough?”

“Are you going on date nights?

I don’t have a problem with any of these points of advice; it’s just that what is

often most lacking in such lists is one of the most crucial elements of all: mission.

If our call from Christ is to “seek first the Kingdom of God” how can a successful God-honoring marriage not be marked by mission? We’re not told to seek first an intimate marriage, a happy life, obedient children, or anything else. Jesus tells us to seek first one thing, and one thing only: His Kingdom and His righteousness.

Without a sense of mission—how are we serving God together?—we frankly will grow bored with each other. None of us is so fascinating that we can keep someone enthralled for five or six decades. If you sense you and your wife have hit a “plateau” start dreaming about how you can reignite your passion by seeking something outside your marriage—building God’s Kingdom God has so made us that He won’t let us be satisfied with a selfish marriage.

Re-imagining your joint purpose in Christ is a wondrous way to turbo-charge your relationship.

Daily Reading: Matthew 6: 19 - 34

Making Good Marriages Even Better 5

DEVOTION 4

A Lifelong Love SECTION 1

SELFISH PLAYERS I will bless you…so that you will be a blessing. GENESIS 12:2

E

ven if he’s a superstar, no player wants to be known as “selfish.” He might be the highest scorer on the team, but getting the moniker “selfish player” isn’t

something anybody wants to hear. It’s like one of the worst things a commentator can say about an athlete. It’s supposed to be all about the team.

Would that we feared selfishness in marriage as much as we do on the basketball court. Like Abraham, we are “blessed to be a blessing.” We are to receive

God’s blessing so we can pass the blessing on. Our spiritual “job” is to find places and ways to bless other people, beginning with our families.

What if you came home from work the next time, praying all the way, “Lord, how can I particularly bless my wife this evening? How can I particularly bless each one of my children?” What if we woke up on weekends or vacation days and prayed, “Lord, how can I be the biggest blessing today to my family that you love so much?”

When we live to be blessed, we’re going to feel taken for granted, slighted, and sometimes unappreciated. That leads to bitterness and resentment. When we realize our job is to receive God’s blessing and then bless others, we live with a sense of adventure and purpose that leads to greater fulfillment. Don’t look to fallible people for your blessing—look to God. When you look to others, look to bless, not to be blessed.

Daily Reading: Philippians 2:1 - 11

6 The Marriage Promise

DEVOTION 5

SECTION 1 A Lifelong Love

DIFFICULT IS GOOD We all stumble in many ways. JAMES 3:2

W

hen Sacred Marriage came out, one of the truths that most hit a chord with people was that I openly spoke of marriage as a difficult relationship. Prior

to that, many Christian books downplayed this reality, promising that with six

steps you could have an easy marriage with rainbows every morning and a full moon every night. I came along and said even the best of marriages will have difficult moments. If we accept the truth of James 3:2, marriage consists of two people who “stumble in many ways” trying to make a relationship work. That can’t ever be “easy.”

Human experience teaches us that all noble efforts involve struggle. You’ll never learn to play an instrument well if you stop when it gets hard. It takes a long time to master a golf swing. I’m thankful Steven Jobs overcame excruciating financial challenges and near bankruptcy early on, years of litigation, and constricting government regulation to lead Apple to produce some of the most life-transforming technological gadgets we could ever imagine.

Looking at marriage in this light, why would I even want to downplay the difficulty behind every intimate union? Marital oneness, while glorious, while totally worth fighting for and praying for, doesn’t come on the first anniversary and not even usually on the tenth.

Thirty years in, my marriage to Lisa feels easier than it has ever been. That’s not uncommon for recent empty-nesters, but we’ve had to work on it for three decades.

If your marriage feels difficult to you now, don’t get too unsettled. A difficult marriage doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your marriage, it just means you’re married. But difficult can be a hard path to a very good thing.

Daily Reading: James 3: 13 - 18

Making Good Marriages Even Better 7

DEVOTION 6

A Lifelong Love SECTION 1

SIN LEAVING THE SOUL Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 2 CORINTHIANS 7:2

I

f you’ve ever run marathons, you’ve likely seen the handmade sign that says,

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.” It’s a cliché in running circles, but like many

clichés, this one has a lot of truth in it. And when training, you can swallow the

pain a little easier if you remember it’s making you stronger.

Just as physical pain shapes our physical muscles, so relational pain can shape our spiritual muscles. Instead of looking at marital pain as simply negative, what if we saw the positive benefit behind the occasional tension? If pain is “weakness leaving the body,” then marital frustration can be the mark of impatience leaving the soul. Marital conflict can lead to self-centeredness leaving the house. A spouse’s sickness—responded to appropriately--can be selfishness leaving the spirit. Financial challenges can be a lack of faith leaving our heart.

Do we think something as noble as becoming more like Christ is supposed to be easy? Do we expect two selfish individuals learning to adore and cherish and serve each other should take about as much effort as placing an order at Tim Horton’s?

If God designed marriage in part to make us holy even more than to make us happy, then I’ll embrace those marital moments that grate on my selfish, arrogant, entitled soul, just as a runner with an Olympic dream accepts his coach’s workout with relish all the while knowing how much it will burn his legs and scorch his lungs.

If physical pain is weakness leaving the body, then marital pain can be sin leaving the soul.

Daily Reading: Hebrews 12: 1- 3

8 The Marriage Promise

ADDITIONAL READING RESOURCES from Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas’s bestselling book, Sacred Marriage, spoke of the character God builds in us through marriage; A Lifelong Love addresses the intimacy that God promises us.

In A Lifelong Love, Thomas focuses on three key elements to having a strong marriage: a magnificent obsession with God (creating a marriage that blossoms through worship), a passion to pursue a deeper kind of love, and intentionally pursuing oneness. The end game? Closer to God, closer to love, and closer to each other.

Whether readers are feeling discouraged about their marriage or simply want to infuse their relationship with greater spiritual and relational passion, A Lifelong Love offers the guidance they need to embrace the eternal intentions that God has for them.

Making Good Marriages Even Better  9

DEVOTION 7

A VERTICAL MARRIAGE Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

MAT THEW 22:36

W

hat is the first or primary priority in your marriage relationship? Some times we act as if the priority of our marriage is to meet the needs and

wants of our spouse. Someone once told me, “a happy wife means a happy life.”

Other times we can become so focused on ourselves that we are lulled into believing and acting like the priority in my relationship with my spouse is the meeting my own needs and wants. In both of these instances we are thinking and acting as if the first priority in our marriage is a horizontal relationship with our spouse.

In Matthew 22:36-40 Jesus was asked, “Teacher what is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus answered this question saying, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” In other words when Jesus thinks about our relationships He thinks vertical first.

What does this mean for your marriage?

The first, central and primary priority in your marriage must be your vertical relationship with God. If you are going to love your spouse the way that God intends you to it will require a growing, complete, and hold nothing back love for God. Husbands and wives let me encourage you to cultivate your relationship with your heavenly Father. First, find time on your own daily to spend time with Him reading and meditating on God’s Word. Submit yourself to the authority of the Bible, God’s message to and for you, in your life. Confess and repent of your sin. Talk to God with a heart full of thanksgiving, anticipation and expectation knowing that your heavenly Father delights in you. Second, pray for your spouse

10 The Marriage Promise

HAVING A VERTICAL MARRIAGE  SECTION 2

by Robbie Symons

and their relationship with God. As you know, it is easy to get distracted from what is really important in life. Pray for a persevering spirit for your spouse. Third, develop a relationship with one another that expresses your love for God. What you desperately need to do on your own do with one another.

Daily Reading: Matthew 22:34-40

Making Good Marriages Even Better  11

DEVOTION 8

A GRACE FILLED MARRIAGE For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. EPHESIANS 2:8-9

A

s strange as this sounds, sometimes when we talk about God’s love for us expressed through Jesus Christ we talk as if it is an abstract statement

of fact. Jesus’ sacrificial death for us, God’s grace in our lives, is a very concrete reality that impacts everything about our lives, including your marriage.

I am convinced that one of the greatest things you can do for your marriage is to every day meditate on and celebrate God’s grace, His love given to you through Jesus death, burial and resurrection. Grace is God giving to us through Jesus what we don’t deserve.

How does grace impact your marriage?

God’s grace reminds us that we, husbands and wives, are sinners. I am a sinner and my wife is a sinner. We are not perfect but we are in process. When we were married God brought two sinners together “until death do us part” to work out our sanctification together. As many of us know this does not always go as well as we hope for or plan. We have our moments, our days, and our seasons because we are sinners.

We are sinners that need God’s grace. I don’t deserve God’s grace but I desperately need it! Without faith in who Jesus is and what he alone has done, experiencing God’s forgiveness is not possible. It is good to remember that we are sinners forgiven by a loving God. Just imagine how much God loves you.

12 The Marriage Promise

Having a Vertical Marriage SECTION 2

Because I have experienced and continue to experience God’s grace through Jesus Christ I can extend grace to my spouse. Today you and your spouse may have spoken harsh words to one another. Tomorrow you or your spouse may act selfishly instead of lovingly towards each other. God’s grace empowers us to extend grace and forgiveness to one another. The Apostle Paul said, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Today remember God’s grace in your life and marriage. You don’t deserve it but you need it!

Daily Reading: Ephesians 1:3-14

Making Good Marriages Even Better 13

DEVOTION 9

THE WORSHIP-FILLED MARRIAGE But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth JOHN 4:23-24, ESV

P

eople often talk about finding their “sweet spot” in life, doing the one thing they were meant to do, like Wayne Gretzky playing hockey, for example, or

Albert Einstein being a physicist. However, as the crown jewel of God’s creation, there is a sweet spot in every person that will only be filled as we glorify God through our worship of him (see Isaiah 43:7; Romans 11:36; 1 Peter 2:9).

In John 4, Jesus determines our sweet spot. He says that God seeks after us so that we will worship him in spirit and truth. All aspects of our lives need to be given entirely to God in worship of Him… and that includes our marriages.

So, how do you worship God in spirit and truth in your marriage? Four ways: First, REALIGN your heart to God’s plan for your marriage. A worship-filled

marriage begins with two hearts that are fully surrendered to the will and the way of Jesus Christ. Repent of sin. Ask for forgiveness. Love selflessly. And worship passionately in a Bible-preaching church that loves Jesus and His gospel. It begins with your heart. God wants all of it because when He gets all of your heart, He gets all of you.

REVIVE your marriage by reading God’s word. Psalm 19 says, “The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart” (Psalm 19:7-8a, ESV). Read classic Christian books like Mere Christianity (by C.S. Lewis) and The Pursuit of God (by A.W. Tozer). Not readers? Watch or listen to sermons from faithful Bible preachers. The point? Fill your mind and your marriage with the only thing that will revive it: Biblical truth.

REMEMBER what God has done for you. Psalm 103:2-5: “Bless the LORD, O my soul and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you

14 The Marriage Promise

Having a Vertical Marriage SECTION 2

with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Remember how God has provided for you spiritually, physically, relationally, etc. Maybe your marriage has been marked by hardship. By his grace, you can look back at difficult seasons of life and see how he provided for you when nothing in this world ever could.

REJOICE in God’s grace and extend grace to each other. The Lord said to the Apostle Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV). God’s grace has brought you to this point in your marriage and God’s grace will carry you forward, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5, ESV).

It could be that you’re reading this by yourself because your spouse is not yet interested in the things of God. As you pray for them, pray also that God will shape your heart around these values so that “as you let your light shine before others … they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, ESV).

Making Good Marriages Even Better 15

DEVOTION 10

THE WEIGHT OF WORDS

I

grew up with two younger brothers. On many occasions I would hear from one of them is a moment of disobedience, “Mom said!” or “Dad said,” or any other

form of tattletale on behalf of my parents. Like any child, I could never listen to my siblings because the weight their words carried was not the same as hearing the warning directly from mom or dad. How many times as a child do we remember hearing the phrase, “you’re not the boss of me!” The truth is, words carry weight and the weight words carry depends on mouth in which the words come from.

Many of us would say the Bible claims it contains the exact words of God. But how many of us are actually convinced that this is true in our marriages?

In a court of law there are various witness types. When was the last time a third-hand witness was held in higher regard than a first-hand witness? When was the last time we opened our junk mail before opening that cheque from the government. When was the last time we read our spam mail before opening that email from a life-long friend. We prioritize certain word in our lives because we recognize it carries weight over less weighty words. As a culture we desire to hear things, as the saying goes, “straight from the horse’s mouth” because it has authority and accuracy.

One of my favourite Psalms in Scripture is the very first one. I often pray that as a husband my “delight is on the law of the Lord.” But why delight on his word?

David recognizes that this person, “…is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” He recognizes that God’s word is truly rewarding in life, life-transforming.

That couple recognizes that God’s word is the life-source to their marriage. God help me believe that this can be true in my marriage. I want my heart to delight in God’s word because I recognize not only will God bless this desire, but that the very word I delight in comes from the mouth of God. I want God’s word to be central in my marriage through the decisions my wife and I make, by how we live, parent, worship and work.

So what can it look like for our marriages to hold God’s word authoritative today? When we hear what love, commitment, honesty, intimacy and trust look

16 The Marriage Promise

Having a Vertical Marriage SECTION 2

like in our world, how does God’s word trump culture and guide our marriages?

My prayer is that our lifestyle and desires would not be based on what the world says “is” or “should be,” but that our desire would be to follow God’s word above all things. The ways we love our spouse and sacrifice for them come only by way of how Christ modelled to his bride, the Church. My prayer in our marriages is that God’s word would be seen as a life-line, vital to staying alive and necessary to grow and flourish, that marriages would reflect the weight of the words coming from Scripture as the ultimate authority in life.

Daily Reading: Psalm 1

Making Good Marriages Even Better 17

DEVOTION 11

A PRAYER FILLED MARRIAGE Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer ROMANS 12:11-12

I

believe it was Bill Bright who said, “A couple who prays together, stays together.”

It’s the truth!

For the Christian, prayer is the glue that bonds us daily with God. Therefore,

prayer must also be the glue that holds a marriage together under God. After all, there is no greater plea for dependence then the action of prayer. There is no greater level of intimacy that occurs with our God then pursuing Him in prayer.

Consider then, the impact of a husband and wife seeking the Lord together, with power, through prayer!

Let me put it another way that I pray will be helpful to you as you consider the importance of prayer within your marriage. The very basic definition of prayer is “an earnest plea”. Prayer is supplication; it’s crying out “I need help!” When we use the phrase “I just threw up a prayer”, we’re really saying that we’re helpless in and of ourselves. Therefore, prayer in its most basic form is “I NEED YOU, GOD!” But please stop and think about the opposite, as well. A prayerless life then, is a life that is saying, “I don’t need you, God”. A failure to pray as an individual and as a partner in a marriage is telling the Lord that you are okay on your own: “Thanks, but no thanks God... I’ve got this one.” This kind of thinking is, of course, utter foolishness and I don’t believe that any of us would desire to be accused of such prideful comments. Consider then the impact of prayer… passionate prayer! consistent prayer!... within your marriage.

Of course “a couple of who prays together stays together.” Because this is a couple who from the start is saying, “God, without you we’re done.” So therefore, they seek Him for the strength, love, purity, devotion and desire to honour Him with their lives and therefore, their marriage. This takes humility but it also results in humility, which the Lord promises to give great grace towards as well (James 4:6).

18 The Marriage Promise

Having a Vertical Marriage SECTION 2

Too many marriages allow pride to prevent them from God’s grace. Choose today to grab your spouse’s hand and begin with a simple prayer, just “We need you, God.” Imagine doing that each morning to start your day. It might take all of 30 seconds but it also just might be the difference maker in your life.

Remember, the essence of prayer is “I need you God!” Give your marriage to God today and you will see His grace upon your union.

Making Good Marriages Even Better 19

DEVOTION 12

A BRILLIANT MARRIAGE And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, ‘Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent’ ACTS 18:9

T

he Gospel is transformative. This message that Christ has died for our sins, and that he offers us forgiveness and life in him through faith and repentance is a

truth that should shape everything we do, and every relationship to which we are a part. Where then should the gospel most on display than in our closest human relationships: our marriages? But once it’s changed us in our homes, how can that light be turned and shared outside our homes?

Today’s reading takes us to the ancient cities of Corinth, Antioch, and Ephesus where the apostle Paul would meet the brilliant marriage of Pricilla and Aquilla.

While these trade centers of the Roman Empire were important cities and bastions of ancient paganism, nevertheless we read that in each the gospel breaks through with the power of changed lives. Specifically we see three truths about the gospel that if cherished with our spouse also, will see a marriage brilliantly reaching to the lost.

First, the gospel reminds us that God controls. Despite the opposition and the mistreatment, the Lord moves through the difficulty of the world to reach the lost in each city (v7-8). Second, the gospel reminds us that it is God calls. God himself reminds Paul of this very truth in verse 10, when he says that he has “many in this city who are my people.” Finally, the gospel reminds us that God commissions.

Having just met Paul, we find Pricilla and Aquilla at the end of the chapter ministering gently to, and correcting the soon to be greatly used Apollos (v24-28).

That God would commission them for such an important task to teach one who would in turn preach and teach was a ministry I’m certain they didn’t see coming.

What’s the point? The point is, when in our marriages we understand that God is sovereign even on the hard days, when we know that it is God’s word to regenerate and ours is to declare, and when we see that it is God who sends us

20 The Marriage Promise

Having a Vertical Marriage SECTION 2

out — when we understand these truths — our marriages begin to be dynamic glowing lights for the gospel. Enduring the difficult days with joy and peace and hope, trusting in the saving work of the Lord, and then speaking with boldness to our friends, our family and our neighbors, causes a marriage to burn bright as it’s transformed by the gospel.

Daily Reading: Acts 18:1-28

Making Good Marriages Even Better 21

SECTION 3 FROM THIS DAY FORWARD

DEVOTION 13

by Craig and Amy Groeschel

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD by Craig Groeschel But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9

M

My wife, Amy, and I don’t have a perfect marriage — far from it. But we love each other now more than when we said “I do” more than twenty three

years (and six kids) ago. We’ve discovered that the key to a successful marriage is something you’ve heard before. But you may not have thought about what it means.

Your key to a joyful, life-giving marriage begins with your completely understanding this one simple phrase: “I, (your name here), take you, (your spouse’s name here), to have and to hold, from this day forward.”

Those four little words are packed full of hope, brimming with promise: “From this day forward.”

We say, “I take you for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, I will be faithful to you for as long as we both shall live, so help me, God.” I think the problem for a lot of us is that we say that last part in a monotone voice, like it’s some kind of pledge we memorized in school, like we’re about to be cross-examined in traffic court: “so help me, God.” Instead, we need to think of it as a request to the only one who can save us: “I’m deciding to do all of these things, and I really, really mean it. So please! Help me, God!” When we think of it this way, we allow God to take his rightful place in our relationships. We acknowledge our weaknesses, admitting that we know it’s impossible for us to keep our commitments unless we choose to honour him at the very center of our marriage (2 Cor. 12:9). Our commitment to each other is mirrored in our holy covenant before him.

Daily Reading: 1 John 4:16-19

Making Good Marriages Even Better 23

DEVOTION 14

From This Day Forward SECTION 3

SEEK GOD by Craig Groeschel But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. MAT THEW 6:33

I

t is really hard to fight with someone you pray with regularly. You really can’t get into the whole drama of, “You’re such a jerk! I can’t stand you! You only think of

yourself!” when just a few hours ago you were praying together for a friend whose child has cancer. When you’re pursuing consistent, spiritual intimacy, you’re a lot less likely to click on that porn ad on the internet, or to start an “emotional affair” by returning a coworker’s flirtatious advances. Things change. You change. You start getting to really know God and what he’s about. You start serving him with your life. And when those traps pop up that ensnare so many other marriages (oh, say, fifty percent or so), you spot them immediately and you shut them down.

Finally, here’s one last one: Imagine how hard it must be to divorce someone you’re genuinely seeking God with. What are the odds that God’s direction to you is going to be, “Yeah, you should just split up”? Not Likely.

Matthew 6:33 tells us to “seek first (God’s) kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

We should seek God first. “So help us, God!” Maybe you haven’t been doing that.

Then you can start doing it “from this day forward.”

We should be centering all our relationships around God, seeking him through prayer and through his Word. Maybe you haven’t been getting along. Maybe you don’t like each other very well right now. The hardest part is always starting. Get over your excuses. Start going before God “from this day forward.”

So I challenge you, right now, to pray. Pray by yourself and pray with your spouse. Pray aloud if you’re comfortable doing so… But just pray.

Daily Reading: Matthew 6: 5-15

24 The Marriage Promise

DEVOTION 15

SECTION 3 From This Day Forward

FIGHT FAIR by Amy Groeschel “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. EPHESIANS 4: 26-27

T

here are two things that I think have really helped us fight more fairly now. I would say both of them are tied to how much we have matured over the years

in our relationship, not just with each other but with Christ. The first is that we both really know how to love each other better. Like I said, we’re different — very different. But instead of letting that be a source of tension between us, we’ve learned not just to accommodate our difference but actually to cherish them.

I no longer try to change Craig to become more like me. Why would I want to have to deal with another me anyway? Craig is Craig. I accept him for him.

Jesus does, so why shouldn’t I? We don’t just make allowances for each other’s weaknesses of differences; we’ve learned to be strong for each other. We’re better as a team than either one of us could be on our own. Our blended uniqueness creates a sweet harmony when we choose grace over pride. Just as God’s Word describes marriage, we really are two halves of one person.

The second thing is we’ve learned to use self-control by holding back our first thoughts during critical moments. If you’re upset, it’s so easy to just let those angry words fly. God really changed this in Craig’s life first, and then his godly example led me to a better place too. If you can patiently and prayerfully hold back until your head clears and your heart calm, the passion of that moment just kind of dissipates. It’s amazing how much easier it is to talk things through if you can just wait until a little later.

So don’t fight to win. You both should fight to lose the conflict and gain a closer relationship. Don’t fight each other; fight together to see the relationship restored. Redefine winning to mean that at the end of every fight, you’re closer to each other than you were when you started. That’s winning! And that’s what it means to fight fair.

Daily Reading: Ephesians 4

Making Good Marriages Even Better 25

DEVOTION 16

HAVE FUN by Amy Groeschel So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you… MAT THEW 7: 12

I

think the most advice I could offer to couples is simply this: prioritize your schedule. Quality time together is crucial for a thriving relationship. If you

neglect each other, even for just a short season, then your relationship is likely to suffer significantly for it. For your marriage bond to grow stronger, you have to be intentional. If you find yourself in a really busy season of life, understand that it’s normal. But don’t settle for normal. Accept the responsibility to invest in your romance. Make a plan. Schedule it. Then stick to it.

What was it that drew you to each other in the first place? I’ll bet it was fun, wasn’t it? No matter how things feel now, in the beginning, you just couldn’t get enough of each other. I believe the key to why that was true is that you were on a pursuit to know and be known. You have to work to keep that alive by making time for each other now, just like you did then. Creating fun moments to engage in together positively influences every other part of your marriage.

Physical intimacy is directly related to your process of growing together, and it can be a good indicator of how healthy your relationship is — or isn’t. In fact, if physical intimacy has been a problem lately in your marriage, I’d be willing to bet that you’ve neglected being emotionally connected in other ways.

The truth is that physical intimacy in your marriage is holy. It is a powerful way that you can both grow in Christ and a great way that you can minister love to each other. Avoiding healthy physical intimacy hurts both of you, and could allow negativity to creep into the other parts of your relationship.

26 The Marriage Promise

From This Day Forward SECTION 3

So make fun times a priority in your marriage. You be the change. Aim to get back to that place where you are best friends, laughing together, snuggling, looking to each other for comfort and for joy. If you can be honest with yourself, that’s what you really want anyway, isn’t it? Then what’s stopping you?

Go wants you to have fun in your marriage!

Daily Reading: Matthew 7: 1-12

Making Good Marriages Even Better 27

DEVOTION 17

From This Day Forward SECTION 3

STAY PURE by Amy Groeschel Stay away from every kind of evil. 1 THESSALONIANS 5: 22

E

arly in our relationship, Craig and I agreed that we wanted purity to be not just something we do but something that is a part of our character, a defining

quality of our relationship. God’s Word tells us we should “stay away from every kind of evil” (1 Thess. 5:22). Some of the things we’ve done over the years to guard our purity might seem silly and insignificant to someone else. They might even seem like we were just going overboard, being ridiculous. But we take this verse seriously, and we’ve always tried to apply it in a literal way, being careful about the things we allow near our home and hearts.

For example, we avoid certain kinds of magazines. We’re careful what movies we see and what we watch on television and in other media. We don’t allow culture to dictate to us what’s acceptable. We protect each other from potentially dangerous relationships.

Teaching our kids how to protect themselves from things that could lead them toward sin is essential too. I believe God has blessed our family as we’ve heeded his Word.

The other part has to do with our personal relationship with Christ. We need to stay close to Jesus. He is the source of purity and holiness. Staying close to him sanctifies us. When we draw near to him, he gently reveals our impurities.

Because I stay close to God and have trained myself through his Word about what pleases him, when an impure thought pops into my head, I recognize it instantly. I remember that I’m committed to God and to his idea of purity, which helps me quickly reject it, replacing it with his wisdom.

We need to acknowledge that purity genuinely matters to God. He’s a holy God. When he adopted us as his children, he called us to be holy too. He has set us apart to be a light in this world. Purity is truly important. What we wear matters. What we think matters. What we look at matters. What we talk about matters. Who we choose to spend our time with matters. Purity matters to God. It matters in our marriages.

We’re his kids; we should look like him. We should be holy, just as he is holy.

Daily Reading: 1 Thessalonians 5: 12-28

28 The Marriage Promise

DEVOTION 18

SECTION 3 From This Day Forward

NEVER GIVE UP by Craig Groeschel For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…” JEREMIAH 29: 11

A

s we wrap up these five crucial decisions that can divorce-proof your marriage — seeking God, fighting fair, having fun, staying pure and never

giving up — this last one is what keeps the other four going.

And the secret to never giving up? It’s easier than you think. Early in our marriage, Amy and I stumbled across a simple truth that’s made all the difference.

In fact, because it’s so simple, it would be easy to underestimate just how powerful it can be in your life. Are you ready to hear our secret? Here it is: we decided that our marriage will be as good as we decide it will be.

We have problems just like everybody else. We live in the same sin-filled world that you do. (Do you have any idea what six kids can do to a bathroom?)

But we decided we would seek God together, praying together and striving to put God first. We decided we’d fight fair, always fighting toward resolution instead of toward winning, which leave plenty of space for forgiveness and love. We decided we’d make time regularly to have fun, enjoying the gifts of marriage and friendship. We decided to keep our hearts out of trouble and to stay pure, rejecting any poison that could hurt our marriage. And of course we decided not to give up, fighting without end for the marriage God wants us to have. I hope you noticed the key words in all of those things. There are only two of them: We. Decided.

You can too! It has taken both of us working together as one. But everybody has to start somewhere. I know it is especially hard if only one of you is trying at first. But you have to keep going. You’re in this relationship together. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, if you’re married, God has already made you one. It doesn’t matter how it feels. Once God has made you one, you can’t be undone. Even if you’re the only one committing right now, you decide. You decide what kind of marriage you’re going to have. Is it going to be a bad one? Or is it going to be a good one? You decide. It can be as good as you decide.

Daily Reading: Romans 8: 31-39 Making Good Marriages Even Better 29

ADDITIONAL READING RESOURCES from Craig and Amy Groeschel

Shouldn’t there be more to marriage than flipping a coin to see if it will last? Is it possible to grow more in love with the person you’ve committed your life to? Would you like to guarantee that your marriage will last? Craig and Amy Groeschel offer single adults pursuing marriage and all married couples five commitments to fail proof their marriage, From This Day Forward.

30 The Marriage Promise

SECTION 4 THE MARRIAGE PROMISE

DEVOTION 19

by Jeff Stearns

WEDDING PHOTOS Remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt.

D E U T E RO N O M Y 7:18

I

t is incredible to think of all that we put into the wedding day: the cake, invitations, bridesmaid dresses, the wedding dress, the flowers, negotiating

wedding lists with parents, deciding who to include in the wedding party, the reception meal. For a young couple with little experience planning events it can be both wonderful and overwhelming.

Then in a heartbeat it is over.

Life refuses to stand still; always bringing the next chapter: a new job, a move, kids, a health scare, and aging family members. A collage of stories; some good, some painful.

I was looking through old photos recently with my kids. Page after page was full of images that brought memories flooding back. They had a lot of questions and we had a fun time telling stories they had not heard or had forgotten. They particularly enjoyed our wedding photos. They recognized most of the people in our wedding party but had to be convinced that one of the guys was actually Uncle Brian — “That’s what he looks like with hair.”

As Moses led the people of Israel he consistently reminded them of what God had done for them. God had chosen them, built them into a nation, defeated the gods of Egypt and rescued them from Pharaoh. Later the prophets would repeatedly remind the people of their story, God’s love and faithfulness to them.

Our story is not separate from God’s story. As He weaves the tapestry of history each one of our stories becomes a small thread in the greater whole, creating a work of art beyond ourselves.

Spend some time as a couple to look at old photos, recall shared moments and thank God for His faithfulness.

Daily Reading: Deuteronomy 7: 7 - 9

Making Good Marriages Even Better 31

DEVOTION 20

The Marriage Promise SECTION 4

CANADA’S WORST DRIVER I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made PSALM 139: 14

O

ne of the more amusing elements of the TV show Canada’s Worst Driver is the damage the participants cause on set. At the start of the show drivers

get into a nice shiny car then proceed to scrape it against concrete and metal as they try to maneuver through the challenges. I sit there cringing at the sound of paint scraping off and metal bending. My favourite segments are when they try to negotiate courses between Styrofoam obstacles. Repeatedly they plow through foam mannequins and destroy foam archways with dramatic effect.

The trainer then explains the key: you go where you are looking. Our natural instinct is to focus on the problem but this results in the car hitting the danger more often than avoiding it. Once the drivers are trained to look for the opening they take the driving challenge again and the difference is stunning. With this simple change in focus most participants complete the course perfectly.

When our relationships start we naturally focus on our partner’s good points.

We minimize their weaknesses and tell anyone that will listen about their strengths. Over the years faults become more obvious and traits we once thought adorable have the potential to irritate. The greatest change lies not with our spouse but in our own perceptions. We need to change our focus.

What does your spouse do well? What are the gifts and talents God has given them? How can you encourage and support them? Spend some time thanking God for how He made your spouse.

Daily Reading: Psalm 139

32 The Marriage Promise

DEVOTION 21

SECTION 4 The Marriage Promise

YEAH, BUT… Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? MAT THEW 7:3

O

ne of my co-workers is occasionally asked to help counsel people with marital problems. I am convinced they do not know what they are getting

into. While he has never told me who they are or details of what they discuss he has told me minor details of how the first meetings inevitably go.

After an opening time where the person tells their story they will start to list some of the problems as they see them. My co-worker will interrupt and ask, “How are you loving them like Christ loves the church?”

There is usually a pause followed by some examples of how they are doing their part and then the words “Yeah, but…” and they begin to list their excuses and list of grievances with their spouse.

Again the question, “How are you loving them like Christ loves the church?”

Some catch on sooner than others. Some get the question several times.

“Yeah, but…” is a very addictive phrase. From an early age we begin practicing these simple defensive words. When our teacher asks about our unfinished homework, when our parents ask about our chores or when friends ask about promises we did not keep. Like the drivers in yesterday’s devotion we want to put our focus in the wrong place.

How are you loving your spouse?

Daily Reading: 1 Corinthians 13

Making Good Marriages Even Better 33

DEVOTION 22

The Marriage Promise SECTION 4

EVEN IF… But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. DANIEL 3:18

T

he three young men were being ordered to compromise, to worship someone other than God. Far from home and surrounded by enemy soldiers it was

made extremely clear to them that if they did not obey their lives would be forfeit.

The commander in front of them was livid and had the power to do anything he wanted to them. I can imagine similar scenes being played out in the Middle East with believers in front of Jihadists like ISIS. One of the three spoke up for the group, explaining that God had the power to deliver them from their captors “But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:18). This is an incredible statement of faith; a combination of trust in God with willingness to be faithful no matter the cost.

In the movie Fireproof, the husband begins an experiment to win back the affection of his wife. After a short while he is frustrated at her lack of response and is ready to quit. Only after he listens to the wise words of his father does he commit to loving his wife regardless of her response.

Sometimes our spouses are easy to love and sometimes they are difficult. God is asking us to love them regardless of their response. We are responsible for our own actions; even when we don’t get the response we have been hoping for.

Daily Reading: Daniel 3

34 The Marriage Promise

DEVOTION 23

SECTION 4 The Marriage Promise

REJOICE May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. PROVERBS 5:18

J

acqueline and I have five kids. It is an understatement to say when we were first married it was easier to spend time together. In “Life Before Kids” we

could go out for supper, to friends’ houses, to the movies or even just out for a walk whenever we wanted. We could even jump in the car and go camping for a weekend just on a sudden whim; without lots of planning and packing luggage into the minivan like it was some sort of three dimensional game of Tetris. Life seemed carefree. At least that is how I remember it, if I think harder I might be off a little bit. Maybe.

One Christmas, when the kids were young, we were given gift certificates for a restaurant. It took almost two years before we got around to using them. It is hard to find baby sitters for five kids.

Now that the two oldest kids are old enough to look after the others we have started to go out more often. It is great!

I tell you this to let you know I understand it is hard to find time to spend together. When the kids were younger we spent most of our alone time together after they had fallen asleep and before we collapsed into bed. In different stages of life it will be hard to find the time. But it is worth it. Spending time with Jacqueline reminds me of why I fell in love with her and helps that love to continue to grow.

Proverbs tells us to rejoice in our wife. It is hard to rejoice in someone from a distance. You need to spend time together to create those opportunities. You need to take what moments you can.

Take some time to plan your next date.

Daily Reading: Song of Songs 8: 6-7

Making Good Marriages Even Better 35

DEVOTION 24

CELEBRATE Marriage should be honored by all… HEBREWS 13:4

A

bout half way through our yearly plan Promise Keepers Canada gathers the staff together for a mid-year update. We celebrate what God has done in the

first half of the year: lives impacted at conferences, new study guides created, new resources for church leaders, and workshops churches have put on with us. We look forward to things yet to come in the second half of the year: new live events, Valentine’s Day and Father’s Day devotionals, new online workshops, stories of men who have started to mentor father absent boys through the Fatherless Project and a new video magazine for young men. The meeting serves to encourage us with all God has done and challenge us with ministry we hope to still see happen.

Marriages are vastly different than ministry organizations but the principal of stopping to celebrate God’s faithfulness is one that easily applies in multiple situations. Take some time to stop and list all the ways God has blessed you.

Looking through old photos like you did earlier this week can help.

I believe that God has a plan for this ministry. I also believe God has a plan for your marriage. He created each of us, He created marriage and He has designed you to be better for it. That doesn’t mean everything will easily fall into place; we live in a fallen world with struggles. It does mean God desires for you to be more like His Son and to bless each other through your marriage.

Take some time in prayer to thank Him and celebrate His blessings. Ask Him to guide you, help you to love each other and live out the marriage promise.

He wants great things for you. Celebrate!

Daily Reading: Psalm 100

36 The Marriage Promise

The Marriage Promise SECTION 4

Making Good Marriages Even Better 37

SEVEN Magazine

A Christian magazine for Canadian men.

Relevant and exciting, each issue explores the things men care about from the latest gadgets to living a deeper faith in the world today.

Visit  PromiseKeepers.ca for your free copy.

PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA would like to thank the following authors for building into marriages and equipping couples across this country through this devotional.

GARRY THOMAS >> Writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston, a frequent guest on Focus on the Family and Family Life Today radio, and a popular speaker. His award winning books, including Sacred Marriage, have been translated into over a dozen languages and together have sold more than a million copies worldwide. Gary and his wife have been married thirty years and have three children. www.garythomas.com

ROBBIE SYMONS >> Robbie Symons is the founding Pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel Oakville. His greatest passion is to see Jesus Christ glorified as people realize their potential through His amazing power.

Harvest Bible Chapel Oakville has witnessed tremendous grace from God in its growth from a Bible study with 18 people in 2003 to over 3000 today, and has witnessed the overflow of His grace in the planting of vibrant churches across Canada in Brampton (2009), Niagara (2011) Toronto West (2013), Brantford (2014) and Kelowna (2014).

Robbie holds a B.A. from Wilfrid Laurier University and a M.Div. from McMaster University. He and his wife Gillian live with their four children in Burlington, Ontario.

Making Good Marriages Even Better 39

CRAIG & AMY GROESCHEL >> Amy Groeschel is a home educating mom and leads LifeChurch.tv’s women’s ministry. She is also the founder of Branch15, a non-profit housing ministry that helps marginalized women and has co-authored SOAR, a Bible study for women.

New York Times bestselling author Craig Groeschel is the founding and senior pastor of LifeChurch.tv, a pacesetting multicampus church and creators of the popular and free YouVersion Bible App. He is the author of several books, including Fight, Altar Ego, Soul Detox, Weird, The Christian Atheist, and It. Craig, his wife, Amy, and their six children live in Edmond, Oklahoma.

JEFF STEARNS >> Jeff has been married to Jacqueline for over 20 years and together they have five kids. With Jacqueline’s parents living in the in-law suite, Jeff’s parents across the street, five kids in the house, a guinea pig and a dog Jeff is wondering if they could get their own reality show. Just wait until the kids are old enough to start dating!

Jeff serves as the National Marketing and Resource Manager for Promise Keepers Canada as well as the Editorial Director for SEVEN Magazine.

40 The Marriage Promise

national men’s conferences

Coming to cities across canada

“Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.” — 1 samuel 12:24

Register today: promisekeepers.ca | 1.888.901.9700

The

MARRIAGE Promise Standing, not only in front of family and friends, but before our Heavenly Father on our wedding day we made sacred vows. We looked forward to the promise of a life together. God truly wants to bless us through the promises we made to each other and to Him in our wedding ceremony. With wisdom from several authors The Marriage Promise will take you on a four week journey to challenge and encourage you in your marriage.

We want to see your marriage strengthened through love, honour, protection, and biblical values so you can experience the blessings of the marriage promise.

www.PromiseKeepers.ca