The Adoption Issue

Forever Families Take the adoption option

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july – august, 2011

WANTED:

Lloydminster Oct 21-22 Montreal Oct 28-29 Lethbridge Nov 4-5 Mississauga Nov 18-19 Winnipeg Mar 9-10 Edmonton Mar 23-24 Ottawa Apr 20-21 Additional cities and dates to be announced.

Visit www.PromiseKeepers.ca for more info.

contents

july – august, 2011

on the cover

Adopted: Chosen, Not Forgotten SEVEN explores the great idea of adoption. About 30,000 children in Canada are currently wards of the state who would benefit from stable homes. Meanwhile, thousands of would-be parents are eager to have children to care for.

Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White Associate Editor: Jerrad Peters

advertising account executives:

features 14 Meet the Clemengers Before they married, Bruce and Tracey Clemenger decided they would be adoptive parents. Now they’re leading a national effort to streamline the adoption process and find more good homes for children.

18 Champions for the children Followers of Jesus should be eager and willing to foster and adopt children. Pastors can help this movement to multiply.

WILLIAM LEIGHTON: william@christianweek.org DARRELL FRIESEN: darrell@christianweek.org JIM HICKS: jhicks@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.

editorial advisory board KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Gracepoint Community Church SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek Distributed by

22 Crazy love?

Meet a family who is giving a child away.

promise keepers canada 1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1

24 Senator promotes adoption A pastor and activist is now working politically to strengthen families.

ISSN 1916-8403 Cover: iStockphoto

columns

departments

5 PK Podium Fathering the fatherless

8-12 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.

6 Man to Man God’s great adoption plan

13 Reviews Make everyday living extraordinary

26 Money Matters More than just insurance 27 Out of My Depth Adoption: Our journey of faith

28 Power Play Tools. Toys. Technology.

30 What Women Want Refocus your marriage by making time for each other

SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer,

and obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit. two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.

Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4 Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com

four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values.

six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.

five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).

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PK@HOME RESOURCES

Visit our new website for the latest info, videos, audio messages, men’s articles, books and other resources.

Men of Integrity Devotional Especially written for men, personally challenging, eternally rewarding.

Available in a 60 page booklet or as an email devotional.

SEVEN Magazine Men. God. Life.

A Christian magazine for Canadian men.

Relevant, exciting and biblical.

Visit us online at www.PromiseKeepers.ca and

Equip

PK Podium

Fathering the fatherless Christian men can make a huge impact in the lives of desperately needy children.

by Kirk Giles

Two hours after I returned home from South Africa last October, our family received a phone call that would dramatically change our lives. We were asked if we would consider taking a twoyear-old boy and be foster parents to him. After agreeing to this opportunity, we were asked the next day if we would also take his three-year-old brother.

This began our journey of really investing in children that are not biologically our own. These two boys stayed in our home for six months before returning to their own family. It was not always an easy experience as we had to learn to adjust to them and they had to adjust to us, but it was filled with many rich rewards along the way. Now that they are home, we are grateful to be able to continue to build our friendship with their family and to help encourage these boys as they go through life.

One of the most heartbreaking realities in this journey came when it was clear that the “father” of these boys was not around. Sadly, this is a reality faced by too many children in our nation today.

Several months ago, the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada began to challenge the Christian community to respond to the needs of more than

30,000 children in Canada who are adoptable. Focus on the Family also ran a series of concerts across the country to bring the same message. At Promise Keepers Canada, we are excited to add our voice to theirs.

Many of the children who need to be adopted or need foster parents come from homes where there is no father.

There are men in this world whose choices hurt these children and their families. We believe it is going to take men who choose to follow Jesus to undo the impact of men who have chosen to walk in darkness.

As men who have experienced what it means to be adopted as God’s children, we can appreciate the impact of a Father’s love. As men, we have the opportunity to step out and represent our heavenly Father to children who desperately need a father.

I do not know what that this will look like for you and your family, but as you read through this edition of SEVEN, I want to urge you to begin the process of praying together and seeking how God would have you be a voice of hope and love to the fatherless of our nation.

Fatherless children are a reality.

Together, we can be part of the solution.

Kirk Giles is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. He and Shannon have been married for 17 years. They are the parents of four children, ages 8-15.

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man to man

God’s great adoption plan Not only has God adopted us, but He did it with love

by Rick Verkerk

Promise Keepers Canada’s recent Legacy conferences each concluded with a challenge to go tell the story.

But I wanted to share a personal story, a “first” that I’m really excited about.

It happened at the Saskatoon Legacy conference on March 19. We had a great conference that weekend. As all of the attendees were leaving and I stood in front of the stage, I noticed a group of men huddled at one end. Curious, I wandered over to check it out. There were about 35 men, young and older, standing in two circles with the younger men in the middle while one guy stood on a stage stair riser talking to them.

This man was tearfully telling the young guys how much he and their fathers loved them and how much they wanted to see these young guys become the men God intended them to be. Then all the fathers and older men laid hands on the younger men and several prayed for them. It was an emotional moment for everyone, including me. I have three sons myself and to see a group of fathers blessing their sons at the end of a PKC conference is something special.

I’m sure there have been many other fathers who have blessed their sons at PKC events but it was a first for me because the group of men was all from one church. I have to think their five-hour plus bus ride back home was a great trip and wonder what this has done for their church since the conference.

Imagine what it would look like if men

seven – issue nineteen july – august, 2011 page 6

all over Canada started gathering around their sons and blessing them in the name of Jesus Christ. How many more stories would be told if this happened?

When Promise Keepers presented the Legacy conferences across Canada, the messages were intended to teach men that we are working every day on our legacy and the best personal legacy is a godly one … tell the story, tell God’s story!

But there is another story that really precedes us telling the story. It’s the story that God Himself told. You see, in order to really tell His story, it’s important you and I understand how much God loves us, and as our heavenly Father, how He has adopted each and every one of us as His sons and daughters.

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:5 NIV). God knew me before I existed? Wow! This defies human logic, doesn’t it? If I didn’t exist then how could I be known?

It gets better…not only has God adopted us, but He did it with love. “In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Ephesians 1:5 NIV).

God loved me before I was created?

This revelation from God is incredibly amazing, isn’t it? So what does this love and adoption look like?

God entrusted Wendy and I with three sons. We readily adopted each of them the day we came to know them. Nothing

has changed since then. No matter what they say or do, they still remain our adopted sons. So it is with our heavenly Father, nothing has changed. He loves each and every one of us as much today as when He adopted us before we were formed in our mother’s womb. No more, no less! No matter who you are, what’s going on in your life, where you have been…nothing can get in the way of your adoption by our eternal Father…nothing!

Now how’s that for a blessing!

Knowing this, go with confidence and passion and tell the story—to your sons, daughters, friends, co-workers, anyone that will listen. We are all God’s adopted children and there is no better blessing we can receive than this! This is the legacy of an awesome God whom we serve. I am His adopted son and I am proud of it!

As pastor Lennett Anderson stated at several of the Legacy conferences, if we are living it, then let’s lip it. Got a story to tell? You sure do!

One final note since we are on the topic of adoption…Wendy and I are ready to adopt a few daughters-in laws now and then some grandchildren. It would be great, Lord, if you would send the young ladies soon (or again) since you know who they are too!

Rick Verkerk is Promise Keepers’ national manager, events and field ministry.

MISSIONS Join us on a mission trip to help give children an education and hope for the future.

ON APRIL 8TH, A TEAM OF 12 MEN traveled to the Dominican Republic with Promise Keepers Canada and Worldwide Christian Schools to help build classroom additions at the La Esperanza School.

They worked alongside local construction workers and got to meet the children they were helping. The following is an excerpt from one of the men’s stories:

“A

fter lunch we all decided we wanted to meet the mother. So we walked the children, hand in hand, to their home. It was really sad to see what their reality was. The alleys, garbage, sewage and a lot of other dangers that we would want to protect our children from was there in their everyday life. The mother invited us into her small apartment.

It was extremely hot in there. We prayed for her and her children and found out that she was a believer and really appreciated the prayers. I asked her for the information on her children. It became loud and clear that God had directed us into their lives for a reason and he wanted me to do something about their situation.

Prayer was not their biggest need. Food and their education were.

So I, with the Lord's provision, will help them by paying for their education and others in the group wanted to help by feeding them.

Well, we are back at home now and getting on with our everyday life. My prayer is that I will not forget what God was doing in my heart and that I will not forget the children. I hope to look for more opportunities to serve the needy right here at home.

You can create your legacy now.

TEAM DOMINICAN REPUBLIC

November 4-11, 2011 TEAM NICARAGUA

Feb 3-10, 2012 TEAM BELIZE

Feb 21-March 2, 2012

I was extremely blessed to serve with these other 11 God fearing and God loving men. Thank you Ian for inviting me into this adventure.

In Gods service. Abe” Contact us at info@promisekeepers.ca to learn more.

Impact

pulse

Curiousities. Personalities.

Ideas. Information.

by Robert White PULSE Editor

FIFTY-FIVE WORSHIP SONGS FOR MEN David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church and The Map: The Way of All Great Men, recalls a getting ready to speak to several hundred guys at a men’s event: “And the band is leading us through this song: Your love is extravagant Your friendship, it is intimate I feel I’m moving to the rhythm of Your grace Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place.”

Talking about the event in his blog on www.churchformen.com Murrow asks: “Why do worship leaders choose such girly songs, filled with romantic imagery, even when they perform at men’s events?”

Murrow asked one of his readers, Jeffrey Painter, to assemble a list of good worship songs for men—and Painter came up 55.

Here’s the first 25 he lists. For the rest, visit http://churchformen.com/worship-2/fifty-five-worship-songsfor-men/ 1. Solid Rock—Delirious 2. Our God—Chris Tomlin 3. I Will Follow—Chris Tomlin 4. Awakening—Chris Tomlin 5. Your Grace Is Enough—Chris Tomlin 6. Indescribable—Chris Tomlin 7. Holy Is The Lord—Chris Tomlin 8. How Great Is Our God—Chris Tomlin 9. On Our Side—Chris Tomlin 10. Mighty Is The Power Of The Cross—Chris Tomlin 11. God Of This City—Chris Tomlin 12. Exalted (Yahweh)—Chris Tomlin 13. Let God Arise—Chris Tomlin 14. Not To Us—Chris Tomlin 15. Famous One—Chris Tomlin 16. Awesome Is The Lord Most High—Chris Tomlin 17. Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)—Chris Tomlin 18. The Noise We Make—Chris Tomlin 19. Better Is One Day—Matt Redman 20. Come Let Us Return To The Lord—Matt Redman 21. Salvation—Charlie Hall 22. Revolution Cry—Jason Wade 23. You Are God Alone—Phillips, Craig, and Dean 24. My Hope Is In You—Third Day 25. King Of Glory—Third Day

CANADIANS CARE ABOUT POOR BUT DON’T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THEM Most Canadians care about the poor—they just don’t know a whole lot about them says a new Salvation Army study.

seven – issue nineteen july – august, 2011 page 8

Released in March, The Dignity Project (http://dignity.salvationarmy.ca/) looked at four myths Canadians believe about the poor.

“The Salvation Army believes basic human dignity is a fundamental right for everybody,” says Gary Brown, public relations director for The Salvation Army’s Ontario Great Lakes Division. “If the Dignity Project survey can do anything, it would be to get Canadians to look at people living in poverty as individuals, instead of looking at people in stereotypical categories.”

Many respondents believe poverty is a choice and the poor are the problem—with 49 per cent of Canadians believing “if the poor really want to work, they can always find a job” and 43 per cent believing “a good work ethic is all you need to escape poverty.”

“When you’re talking about an unemployment rate of seven or eight per cent, it’s very, very difficult to do,” says Brown.

More than half believed a family of four can live on $10,000 to $30,000 a year. And people in Canada who are living in poverty still have it pretty good (37 per cent).

“It’s a startling attitude,” says Brown. “I was really quite surprised to see 40 per cent of Canadians believe people who live in poverty still have it pretty good.

“These are the stereotypes of people who abuse the system, or live off the system—that’s not typical.”

A final myth the Dignity Project study proved wrong was that Canadians don’t care about poverty. Poverty was ranked as the third most important issue facing the country today.

“Canadians do care,” says Brown. “I think if we can educate Canadians and overcome stereotypes we can make a lot of progress.”

The Dignity Project survey is just the starting point for The Salvation Army’s war on poverty. A website and online events will be used to continue the education. Brown also says the Army is encouraging local communities to “come up with some type of Dignity initiative.

“It’s a project that’s going to grow and evolve,” says Brown.

per cent from the year before. In litres of alcohol, the volume of sales of alcoholic beverages increased 1.3 per cent to 229.5 million litres.

While beer is the drink of choice, more drinkers are turning to imported beer. And its dominance keeps dropping as more people turn to wine—specifically red wine. Liquor, or spirits, sales went up slightly due to an increase in the amount of vodka and rum bought. The largest share of liquor purchased is still whiskey, scotch or bourbon.

Statistics Canada is quick to point out that sales shouldn’t be equated with consumption. Only sales by licensed liquor stores, wineries and breweries are counted. Consumption includes those plus homemade wine, beer, brew-on-premises and duty free shops. And the sales figures don’t include revenues from bars and restaurants, which, if included, would show the total amount spent by consumers on booze.

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CANUCKS SPEND MAJOR COIN ON BOOZE Canadians 15 years old and up spend an average of $708.80 per person on booze per year according to the latest figures from Statistics Canada. Breaking it down, that comes to about $326.40 in beer, $207.60 in wine and $174.90 in liquor.

Residents in the Yukon, at an average of $1,271.50 per person, spend the most on alcohol while Ontario spends the least ($622.70) In total, about $19.9 billion worth of beer, wine and spirits was sold during the fiscal year ending March 31, 2010—up 2.8

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pulse

ONTARIO CHANGES LAWS TO MAKE ADOPTION EASIER The Ontario government plans to change its adoption program to help make adoptions easier reports The Record. The new legislation would remove legal barriers so that children who are Crown wards could be adopted.

At deadline, there were about 9,000 Crown wards in Ontario, with most living in foster care or group homes. About 10 per cent are adopted each year, the Ministry of Children and Youth Services says in a news release.

About 75 per cent have legally-binding court-access orders to their birth parents and relatives which stops them from being adopted. A Crown ward means the courts had them removed from their birth home due to a history of serious abuse or neglect, or their parents can no longer care for them.

Children who are never adopted are less likely to complete high school, more likely to have children at a young age, have mental-health issues, need social assistance, experience poverty and get in trouble with the law.

As part of the move to make adoption easier, Ontario also pledges to: • Reduce home studies wait-list families wanting to adopt.

• Make it easier for youth to attend post-secondary education by exempting financial support they receive from child-care agencies from OSAP applications.

• Double the number of Adoption Resource Exchange meetings that allow families to learn about children available for adoption.

• Improve online access to adoption information.

DOCUMENTARY EXAMINES REGRET OF ABORTION A new documentary lets those who regret abortions— including fathers of aborted children—tell their stories.

TenFingers, produced and directed by Rob Klaver, had its beginnings in an offhand comment about burnt toast.

“The person related this to a life experience they regretted,” says Klaver. Thinking about the variety of experiences this could refer to—and how they could be the subject of a film—Klaver finally narrowed it down to abortion.

“The main focus of the documentary is to allow people to not fear unplanned pregnancies. Rather than simply choosing what seems to be the norm—abortion—to seek out other options.”

TenFingers features stories from women like Natalie Belanger, who had an abortion when she was 17 and Linda Menon who finally “through Christ” came to terms with shame around the abortion she had. It also features Jay Williams, a young man whose various relationships with women led to abortions.

“Finding people wasn’t difficult,” says Klaver about the documentary which was started in 2009. “The difficulty came in

seven – issue nineteen july – august, 2011 page 10

finding funding.”

The project cost $150,000, of which $3,000 came from his own pockets. One of the challenges Klaver faced was dealing with pro-life organizations that were facing a cash crunch.

“Trying to extract some sort of funding was hard because they didn’t want to see their own purse strings tightened,” he says.

For more information visit http://www.tenfingers.tv.

BIBLE BIGGER THAN JUSTIN BIEBER The Bible is bigger than Justin Bieber says the digital team at the Canadian Bible Society (CBS). The team cheered when it heard the Bible’s Facebook page had outdone leading sites from the world of sports, entertainment, and politics—including Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber.

This came on the heels of news stories that: 1) the Bible has cracked the top 10 highest-grossing book iPad apps for the first time, and 2) according to Google Blog Search, the web has about 277,000 blog posts for “Bible reading,” 409,000 for “Bible verses,” and 1,650,000 for “Bible study.”

The CBS team is impressed that in a world of instantaneous, electronic communication and 140-character Tweets, young people are still impacted by two 2,000-year-old Bible portions.

“The words are still as fresh and vital as when they were first heard by an eager flock of earnest believers, and they continue to reverberate in the digital world,” says Giorgio Gori, CBS director of strategic communications, in a media release.

The task of the Canadian Bible Society—and more than 140 sister organizations around the world—is being helped tremendously by the many new digital options. Distribution methods are rapidly multiplying with the text available in digital formats, and numerous online discussions and study sites.

SATAN WARNS TEXANS TO AVOID CHURCH Inspired by LifeChurch.tv, which created the “Satan Hates Life” billboard campaign with messages from “Satan” like “LifeChurch.tv is killing me,” a Corpus Christi, Texas church launched a campaign of its own.

Bay Area Fellowship (BAF) posted the billboard “Don’t go to

Bay Area Fellowship—Satan” beside an area highway. The alarming message prompted some Christians to call a local newsroom thinking the ad was designed against the fellowship. They find out the billboard was actually paid for by the church, reports Christian Post.

“The goal of the billboard was to start a conversation in our city,” says Bryan Fiscus, BAF media director. “This is the case for most of the advertising we do.

“The reason the billboard is addressed Satan is because we believe there ‘really’ is a spiritual enemy out there that doesn’t want people in God’s house,” says Fiscus.

The purpose of the original LifeChurch.tv “Satan” billboards gave off a similar intent—giving people a literal sign from the enemy to grab their attention and get them thinking.

Response to the BAF ads have been mixed, says Fiscus.

“Some people love it, some people hate it, but everyone has an opinion. We like that.”

BAF has been using creative techniques to spread the message of the gospel since it started in 1998. According to the ministry’s site, lead pastor Bil Cornelius is called “to create a movement that is reaching into the lives of the lost and unchurched of the next generation and beyond.”

In 2010 the church gave away more than $4.5 million in cash and prizes during their Easter service. Some of the giveaways included flat-screen televisions, Fender guitars, bedroom sets, and even used Audis and BMWs. The prizes were a metaphor for the pastor’s Easter message, highlighting the ultimate giveaway—heaven—paid for by Jesus Christ. Many criticized the event as promoting consumerism or bribing people with attendance incentives.

After a while, men see Christianity as a God-and-me thing. Faith is something I do by myself, in private.”

Murrow warns that once a man thinks this way, he becomes easy prey to sin, self-righteousness and self-deception.

“I believe the most important spiritual discipline for today’s men is fellowship. Modern men are extremely isolated. Lonely.

Even churchgoing men,” he writes. “Ask any men’s ministry expert: the guys who stay close to God are those who stay truly close to a few other men. Meanwhile, the men who blow up their lives are those who serve Jesus alone.”

Murrow believes study, prayer, giving and worship are needed but that “it’s imperative fellowship be the foundation of a man’s devotional life. Spending lots of time in prayer and Bible study doesn’t necessarily lead to spiritual health

DARK SIDE OF SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES The “Big Four” spiritual disciplines—read your Bible, pray, give and go to church—are keys to spiritual growth say pastors.

So why, according to Barna Research, do women outperform men in those areas? And why do most committed Christian men, if they’re honest, admit they’re irregular in their practice of the Big Four—if they do them at all?

David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church and The Map: The Way of All Great Men, suggests the Big Four disciplines are helpful and necessary but also have a dark side.

“They tend to isolate men, like this: Read your Bible (alone).

Pray (alone). Give (in secret). And go to church (alone in a crowd),” writes Murrow on www.churchformen.com. “Week after week, pastors give men advice that contributes to their isolation.

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everywhere today and it’s critical parents and caregivers provide perspective on what they’re seeing. It’s important to remember Barbie is a doll who stands 11.5 inches tall and weighs 7.25 ounces—she was never modeled on the proportions of a real person.”

(otherwise Jesus would have chosen Pharisees for His inner circle.)”

Murrow’s now developing a new model of men’s ministry he’s calling Men’s League. Based on Jesus model of organizing men into teams before teaching them, Men’s League will emphasize team growth rather than individual devotion. For more information visit www.mensleague.org.

REAL BARBIE A FREAK OF NATURE

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If Barbie were real, she’d stand six feet tall, have a 39-inch bust, an 18-inch waist and 33-inch hips. Four years ago, as a high school student, Galia Slayen made a life-sized Barbie of wood, chicken wire and papier mache.

“I was at a friend’s house and her mom’s an artist so there were all these art supplies around,” Slayen told TODAY.com.

“She helped with the actual proportions.”

Slayen displayed the Barbie at her college, Hamilton College in Clinton, New York, at its first National Eating Disorders Awareness Week earlier this year. Slayen thinks the doll will get people talking about body image and eating disorders. She’s struggled with eating disorders in the past and dressed the lifesized Barbie in the size 00 skirt she wore when she had anorexia.

“I’m not blaming Barbie (for my illness)—she’s one small factor, an environmental factor,” Slayen says. “I’m blond and blue-eyed and I figured that was what I was supposed to look like.

“Talking about eating disorders is taboo to many people, and this made people talk about it. It’s a shocking image. A lot of people have seen it, and it’s started debates,” she says.

“As a pop-cultural icon, Barbie is often used as art to express one’s own personal opinions and views,” a Mattel spokesperson wrote in an e-mail. “Girls see female body images

www.promisekeepers.ca/seven

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reviews

Make everyday living extraordinary PROJECT DAD: THE COMPLETE DO-ITYOURSELF GUIDE FOR BECOMING A GREAT FATHER

By Todd Cartmell Deep down, every father wants to be a great dad. Todd Cartmell identifies five key areas that are “essential for becoming the great dad God wants you to be and that your children need you to be.”

In this easy-to-read book, he helps dads learn how to look at their children “in a way that will help them see the reflection of who God made them to be,” and how to talk to them in nurturing ways that shape how they think about themselves. He teaches how to connect with your children and establish a relationship “that will stay strong for years to come,” and how to act in ways that open your children “to the lessons and wisdom they need to learn from you.” He shows how to lead them “along the path God has laid out for them and protect them from the pitfalls and traps the enemy has laid ahead of them.” Cartmell writes with a sense of humour and offers a great deal of practical advice that to help just about any North American dad be a better parent.

CHASING THE WIND: FINDING MEANINGFUL ANSWERS FROM ANCIENT WISDOM

By Robert White In Chasing the Wind, Canadian Christian journalist Robert White offers a contemporary take on the age-old problem of discovering lasting meaning in the ordinary affairs of life. This small book is a series of short, practical

reflections on life based on the biblical book of Ecclesiastes.

It can be read at a single sitting, or mulled over for weeks in a group study.

It discusses the normal passages of life, acknowledging the inevitable twists and turns and ups and downs. It confronts the reality that many of the things we strive for the most—material prosperity, good health, accomplishments of many sorts— often prove to be less than satisfying once we have them. But the emptiness of human existence can be abundantly filled. Wealth that satisfies, wisdom that endures and accomplishments that matter are by-products of a God-centred life. Set your sights on God to experience purpose and meaning. We were created with eternity in our hearts.

WHEN LIFE’S NOT WORKING: 7 SIMPLE CHOICES FOR A BETTER TOMORROW

BY Bob Merritt Life can be hard, and some of our choices make it even harder. Veteran pastor Bob Merritt doesn’t promise a life free of difficulties, but he puts forward a lot of good advice on how to avoid making things worse. The “simple” choices he recommends aren’t “easy” choices.

Merritt devotes a chapter to each seven “strategies for intentional living” that, if followed, will

improve the quality of any person’s life.

He advises: don’t quit; do a few things well; be prepared; increase your consistency; use small tugs; stretch yourself; practice self-control. His underlying message is that people can change for the better, that hard souls can be softened and destructive patterns of living abandoned. “The choice to become more of a heavenly creature than a hellish one is available to each of us. And with God’s help, we will make the right choice—for our sake and for God’s glory.”

HEARING GOD: AN EASY-TO-FOLLOW GUIDE TO TWO-WAY COMMUNICATION WITH GOD

By Peter M. Lord This revised and updated edition of a book first released in 1988 addresses a problem experienced by many Christians who fail to connect with God when they pray. Peter Lord points out that “Jesus defined His followers as those ‘who hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me’ (John 10:27).” In Hearing God, he mines the Scriptures for a host of practical lessons in how to hear God in everyday life.

Along the way he outlines some of the traps, snares, hindrances and barriers that get in the way of clear communication with God. And he devotes a lot of space to teaching about how to tune in to God’s channels and receive God’s signals. Now in his early 80s, Lord is utterly convinced that attending to God is absolutely the main thing to be doing, and that “the more you learn to hear God, the more you will have the privilege of fellowship with Him in the ordinary and mundane matters of life.”

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Wanted: Forever Families Change a life forever—including your own.

by Mags Storey

During that pre-marriage phase when a bride-to-be is busy picking out flowers and a future groom is wondering if he can sneak a gas barbeque onto the gift registry, Bruce and Tracy Clemenger made one major life-changing decision— they were going to adopt.

“We wanted our future children to know that they were always our Plan A,” Tracy says, “our first choice, from the get go.”

So the matter was decided. Even before they bought their first home they determined they would one day be parents to at least one of the estimated 30,000 Canadian children in need of a family.

“It was a deal breaker issue for us,” Tracy says. “We both thought of adoption as a very strong expression of our faith.”

Christian responsibility Bruce is president of the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada and Tracy is a former legislative assistant in Health and Citizenship and Immigration. For them the issue was a deeply theological and moral one, and part of their larger responsibility as Christians to protect and care for the dignity of all children.

While still newlyweds, they started researching various types of adoptions and preparing their lives for their future family. Then, after 15 years of marriage, they called their local Children’s Aid Society (CAS) in Ottawa and began the adoption process. It began with a nineweek course for prospective foster and adoptive parents, followed by a series of

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interviews, both individually and separately, along with home visits.

“We had long conversations about parenting,” Tracy says, “about our aspirations, about who we were. They wanted to make sure there was a good fit between us and the children.”

Worthwhile endeavour “Some people are intimidated by the screening process,” says Bruce.

“But when you think in terms of public adoptions, it means that for whatever reason their biological parents were either unable or unwilling to care for them properly. They would have also checked within their kin group—siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents—and no one was able to care for them. It’s the obligation of the CAS to find good homes for these kids.

“So, I don’t mind the process or the scrutiny, because I know that our government is going through the process to make sure our children are placed in good homes.”

They say the adoptive process is intentionally challenging in order to “cull the weak from the strong” or at least the determined from the mildly curious. It takes “true grit” to be an adoptive parent, they say. This includes being that child’s advocate through a school system (which all too often stereotypes adoptees) and being their child’s greatest protector from ignorance, bigotry and the trauma of their own pre-placement journey.

Covenant relationship Six weeks after being accepted as potential adoptive parents the Clemengers got the call telling them CAS had found them a daughter. The entire process had taken them a little over a year.

They met their daughter Lauren when she was two years old. After a series of visits, she moved into their home.

Caseworkers visited monthly to see how she was adjusting.

“Everywhere she went she would say this is my mom and my dad,” Tracy says.

“She was so proud, like this little kid who had just got a shiny new bike.”

When the adoption was finalized, they got permission to hold a mini marriagetype ceremony in the courtroom to signify the covenant relationship of her joining their family. They held a second ceremony when their second daughter Kate joined their family a few of years later.

“Adoption is a covenant that is being established,” Bruce says. “It’s opening up our lives, hopes and hearts to this child. It’s a forever relationship.”

Go with Plan A For the Clemengers it was never an issue of whether or not they could have biological children of their own.

“We are trying to make adoption less of a fertility issue,” says Tracy. “Meeting a born child’s needs is primary.”

They see “being open to the care of any child in need” as one of the sometimes-overlooked aspects of what it means to be “pro-life,” and hope to help

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A covenant “Adoption is a covenant that is being established. It's opening up our lives, hopes and hearts to this child. It's a forever relationship..�

Bruce and Stacey Clemenger with their chosen children Lauren and Kate.

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Wanted: Forever Families

expand people’s perspective on how an adoptive child could become part of their family.

“We are appealing to families at all stages of life,” Tracy says, “be they newly formed families, early empty nesters or about to be empty nesters, to consider adoption. It’s for those with a room in their homes and hearts.

“Adoption is a plan A for Christians— because it is a social and moral issue and not just a so-called ‘fertility issue’ as culture would have us think.”

Raising the profile As a family, and as part of Bruce’s larger role with EFC, the Clemengers have been working to raise the profile of the needs of children and adoptive families in Canada.

They see adoption as just the tip point of an iceberg of social and systemic issues children are facing, pointing out that those in the system are those who someone cared about enough to call social services about.

Under the umbrella of EFC, they are mobilizing a network of Christian organizations and partners through the National Adoption Strategy Working Action Group (NASWAG). EFC is also putting together an Adoption Sunday resource kit for launch in November.

Tracy and Lauren have testified before a federal house committee studying the issue of adoption, and Tracy is urging the government for better research and statistical analysis on adopted children in Canada and those children currently waiting for homes.

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She is also working on a book project with more than 30 adoptive parents, looking at key issues in adoption and fostering, and how the Church can respond.

Greater narrative The Clemengers also see their own adoptive family as a small part of the greater tapestry of God’s adoption narrative.

“As Christians,” Bruce says, “we have been adopted into God’s family.

Therefore we call Him ‘Abba Father.’

Take action “For more information on adoption, just open your phone book and call your local children’s aid society,” says Tracy Clemenger. “They would love to help you!”

For more information on the Adoption Council of Canada visit www.adoption.ca, telephone: 1-888-542-3678, or email: info@adoption.ca.

For more information on the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada visit www.evangelicalfellowship.ca, call 1-866-302-3362, or e-mail efc@evangelicalfellowship.ca.

That’s the core of our theology. That needs to be core of our practice too—that children need a forever mom and dad.

They need a forever home.”

There are no unwanted teens.

Just unfound parents.

Choices Adoption and Counseling, BC

He points out that Joseph was an adoptive father to Jesus, and that the biblical focus on adoption reframes fatherhood as more than mere bloodline.

“It’s a wonderful kind of relationship,” he says, “knowing you have this little person calling you ‘Dad’. Knowing you are her father. It’s amazing the bond that develops, a growing love, a developing protectiveness, a sense of the importance of guiding and caring. It’s amazing how quickly it’s nurtured inside of you, and you know ‘she is my child.’

“There is no greater honour than to nurture, guide and protect another human being.”

Mags Storey is Ontario correspondent for ChristianWeek newspapers and author of the award-winning novel, If Only You Knew.

A new window opened Paul Abell of A Rocha, a Christian conservation organization, and his wife Jenny recently adopted their daughter Victoria. “I found it tremendously restorative to be chosen to adopt,” Paul says, “partly because of my struggle with depression and ADHD.” Jenny adds, “Adoption has opened a window that I thought was permanently closed.”

Jenny, Paul and Victoria seven – issue nineteen july – august, 2011 page 17

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Champions for the children

Pastors must be at the forefront of calling the followers of Jesus to foster and adopt.

by Phil and Jen Wagler

The New Testament writer James had an adopted older brother. It took time, but he eventually came to see that this sibling was no rival; He was Christ the Lord.

Scripture is silent on most of the dynamics within the home of Mary and Joseph, but something in James’ life experience, combined with his love of the Hebrew Law, the anointing of the Holy Spirit and his awakening to the wonder of the incarnation that came so close to home, inspired James to write: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27).

What our Father in Heaven accepts as the faultless display of the believing life

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must include the care of the fatherless and motherless.

The Christian Church has been at the forefront of providing care for parentless children for centuries, with James’ words a key spur. These words must inspire us still and, in these days of so many broken homes and abandoned children, pastors must be at the forefront of calling the followers of Jesus to foster and adopt.

Why should pastors pay attention to this issue?

First, because it is rooted in the very nature of God Himself. The Scriptures reveal a God who makes spiritual orphans His children through adoption.

The Apostle Paul writes, “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you

live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:14-15).

God is the adoptive Father of many daughters and sons. Pastors must pay attention to the needs of the orphan because, if we don’t, we are not paying close attention to the heart of God. And if we’re not paying close attention to the heart of God, we will not be speaking and teaching rightly about who God is. We will be half-baking our theology.

Second, members of your church family are living the multi-faceted realities connected to adoption and fostering. On the one hand, you have couples struggling with infertility who are desperately seeking to enter parenthood, and you will inevitably also have some

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I was adopted

who have given up a child. On the other hand, you will be preaching every week to some who are fostering or adopting and several who are fostered or have been adopted. Take even a random survey of your people and you will discover just how living a reality this is among your flock.

Further, if your church is even remotely involved in the community, you will encounter those with apprehended children and find yourself staring social instability right in the face. If you do not pay attention to this issue, you are ignoring how the reality of a sinful world hits the first place of human development—the relationship between child and birth mother and father.

Third, the statistics are stunning. In Canada more than 80,000 children are in

“Being adopted is what it is. I can’t change it, so why spend time or effort worrying about it? I was given up for whatever reason, and adopted by some people who really wanted a child. I’m glad I was adopted. It’s better than being in a situation where my parents didn’t want me, or couldn’t adequately take care of me. I’m grateful they were selfless enough to make that decision, and I’m grateful for my parents who have never questioned that I was their son, no matter who actually gave birth.”

— Mark Harris, teacher, husband and father of two

foster care—a number similar to the population of Nanaimo, British Columbia or Kanata, Ontario and larger than Fredericton, New Brunswick or Medicine Hat, Alberta. Of these 80,000 children in foster care, 30,000 are legally available for adoption. Worldwide, UNICEF reports the number of orphans is somewhere between 143 and 210 million—that’s about five times more than Canada’s entire population. Enough said.

Fourth, the opportunity is so great. If the Church takes seriously the call to live this pure religion, we could see some of the most hurting and wounded in our society brought into the healing embrace of Jesus and His Church. Fostering and adoption is an opportunity to show and tell our faith in one of the most holistic ways possible.

Further, Christians are often sought out by family and child services because of

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the quality of care they provide. Thus Christian families are providing a powerful apologetic for biblical faith in a post-Christian, secular society. In addition, it is a powerful declaration of our desire to reduce abortions.

Fifth, obedience matters. “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.

Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” Thus commands the Lord from His divine council seat in Psalm 82:3-4.

Both Old and New Testaments emphasize the charge to embrace the orphan. Therefore, we who lead God’s people and shape a biblical ecclesiology must be obedient in raising the profile of this tangible expression of the heart of God.

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But how? How do we pastors influence this type of culture in our churches?

First, preach it. It’s in the Bible; don’t avoid it. Scripture is filled with stories of barrenness and human frailty. The commands to care for the orphan are everywhere. And, don’t forget, adoption is clearly the biblical image of how we all enter God’s family by faith alone, through grace alone.

Second, expose it. Find ways to have stories of adoption and fostering told from all sides, but do it with honesty and sensitivity, and lace it with the hope of the gospel. Find space for agencies and organizations to be profiled among your people.

Third, learn about the unique challenges facing adopting and fostering families. Many adoptive and foster parents feel in over their heads

because they are dealing with wounded children who aren’t always excited that someone “chose” them. Often these parents find it very difficult to participate in what everyone else is excited about and are sensitive—rightly or wrongly—to the judging eyes of others with “normal” kids.

Don’t jump to conclusions about adopted and fostered kids when they push every button a Sunday school teacher has (and some they never knew they had). Find a way to equip your children’s ministry volunteers to respond well to the uniqueness of these great kids.

Fourth, make the care of the orphan another one of the unquestioned ministries of your church. It could be argued that this has more biblical precedence than Sunday school, youth ministry or many of the other things we

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can’t imagine not doing. Make adoption and fostering expected. It should be considered abnormal—and even heretical—for God’s people not to be about this element of faultless religion. It should simply be what Christians do.

Of course, not everyone can or even should foster or adopt, but a church family can make it easier for people with a call to open their homes to do so. Make financial assistance available to those adopting internationally or privately.

Equip caregivers to provide respite for weary parents (because many adoptive and fostering parents just can’t hire any babysitter and even extended family members find it difficult).

Beware of making an idol of the nuclear family and instead teach what the Scriptures say about the family of God and how the local church is an expression

of that family bound together, not by human blood, but by the blood of the Lamb. The truth is, for many people, the Church is the only “real” family they know in our fractured social fabric.

Fifth, consider modelling it. Don’t do it just to be a do-gooder or martyr for the cause—the needs of these kids are too precious and precarious for that—but do pray about how you as a leader might somehow lead the way.

You might never be an adoptive or foster parent, but you could serve at an orphanage, learn about your local family and children’s services, or be a big brother or big sister. You are shaping the culture of your church; consider how you are shaping this aspect of it.

Phil and Jen Wagler are blessed with five children (four adopted) and one adopted dog.

Phil serves as senior associate pastor with Gracepoint Community Church, Surrey, B.C., and is the author of Kingdom Culture: Growing the Missional Church. Jen is a stay-at-home mom with a passion for raising awareness and support for those who have accepted the unique call to foster and adopt. © Focus on the Family (Canada) Association.

All rights reserved.

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Crazy Love Could we give our baby to our childless friends?

by John Ramsay

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My wife Ann and I have conceived and are having a child for friends of ours. It sounds crazy? Believe me, I understand.

While on exchange in Japan, Ann met a couple who had conceived a baby for their sister and her husband. Ann was always deeply impacted by the love and beautiful sacrifice of this act. She told me about the story while we were still dating.

I was not as moved as Ann was. There wasn’t anything wrong with it; it was just something I would never do.

Over the years we would occasionally talk about the story. She would focus on the love, the gift, how profound she thought it was. She would wonder if she could ever do that same thing. I knew it was something I could never do. How could I give up my child? There wasn’t anyone I would be willing to do that for.

Over the next 16 years of marriage the story would fade from discussion and was seldom mentioned.

A few years ago, our friends Kevin and Sarah asked me if I would be their reference for adopting a child. Their decision to pursue an adoption had come at the end of a painful road. We had hoped and prayed that God would give them a child of their own; that they could know the joy of pregnancy and welcoming a life into the world. Through their years of trying and disappointment God had been faithful to them and He strengthened their faith and marriage.

For me it was an easy decision. We had been good friends with them since college and I knew they would be fantastic parents. They were great with our kids, loved children, had good jobs, were responsible, involved in their church and loved Jesus. Other than an unreasonable belief that a cat could make a good pet I saw no reason why they should not adopt a child.

Short list Over the following years they made it to the short list three times. The adoption agency would phone them on the Friday and let them know a mother was

considering their profile along with two others. Were they still interested?

Definitely. They would spend a sleepless weekend praying and waiting for the phone to ring. Each time they received a call to let them know someone else had been chosen. They continued to work with several adoption agencies and with Children’s Aid in hopes of adopting a child.

Shortly after our fifth child was born, Kevin and Sarah contacted me to ask me if I could fill out the reference forms again.

The original forms were expiring and they needed another reference from me.

As I held my newborn son I was overcome by God’s goodness, grace and mercy to me. It was profound. We have five children; one every two years. Each child has been beautiful and perfect.

Each one was like their siblings but also so different. I love to watch their character come out as they grow and explore the world God created. I love saying prayers and reading to them every night. I also love the silence that comes when they finally fall asleep and Ann and I have a moment of quiet together. God has been so good to us; beyond what I ever thought it would be.

What would one child mean for Kevin and Sarah? One child would be life changing, incredible. God had given us so much. Could He use us to bless them?

God often uses His people to answer prayers. Could we conceive a child for them? I could never give them one of my kids but would we be willing to conceive and have a child for them? This is crazy but isn’t God’s love for us crazy? I wrestled with these questions and prayed for direction before I brought the topic up with Ann. Shocked She was shocked. Ann had stopped thinking about the idea years ago and could not believe that I was not only open to the idea but the one suggesting it. After further prayer we decided to propose the idea to Kevin and Sarah.

That spring we got together with them on the Saturday before Mother’s Day. After a great visit we sat down with them and I laid out the idea. There were a lot of tears. I asked them not to respond but to think and pray about it before getting back to us. What I did not know about at that time was Sarah’s prayer.

The strain of making the short list and not being accepted, the strain of the whole process had been taking its toll.

Sarah had asked God for a resolution one way or the other. She was not trying to put Him to the test. She wanted to know one way or another by Mother’s Day. If He would not answer her prayer she would accept that but she fell at his feet asking for His mercy.

As I write this Ann is in her twenty-third week. Kevin and Sarah were able to come to the latest ultrasound and see images of their healthy baby. Our kids are excited about adding Kevin, Sarah and the new baby to our family and we are figuring out how to celebrate this expression of God’s community.

I don’t expect anyone else to do what we are doing. I don’t expect everyone else to agree with what we are doing; it’s crazy, I know. I do believe that we are acting in obedience to the grace, mercy and love we have found when our heavenly Father adopted each of us as His children and I am excited to be on this journey with Him and the family He has given us.

John and Ann Ramsay both love Jesus and are still very happy to be married after 18 years.

They live with their five kids, one hamster, a guinea pig and Ann’s parents live in the in-law suite. They are looking forward to the next adventure God has for them. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the adoptive family.

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Senator Promotes Adoption Pastor turned politician says good homes reduce youth violence

by Robert White

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The passion for social justice that earned Don Meredith awards such as the Urban Leadership Award and the Toronto Police Service 13 Division Community Service Award has followed him from the streets of Toronto to the Canadian Senate in Ottawa.

Now he’s urging more Canadian families to think about adoption.

Meredith, pastor of the Pentecostal Praise Centre in Maple, Ontario (a community north of Toronto) and owner of a landscaping business, was appointed to the Senate in December 2010.

“It’s challenging. There’s lots to absorb but the support from both sides has been tremendous. It’s not like the House (of Commons) where it’s more cutthroat. The Senate is much more accommodating,” says Meredith.

The senator travels to Ottawa each Monday spending the week in committee and doing Senate work before heading home on Friday. He takes part in the Senate Committee on Transport and Communications and the Joint Senate/House Library of Parliament Committee.

One of the reasons Meredith was appointed to the Senate was his work as co-founder of the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) Faith Alliance. The interfaith group

is devoted to working with churches, police, politicians and communities organizing or taking part in rallies and community events to find solutions to youth violence.

“One of my major Senate visionary objectives is to encourage development of national strategies for overcoming the alienation of our young people and preparing them for significant family, community and leadership roles,” says Meredith on his Senate website.

“We can’t turn a blind eye to it,” he says. “We need to look at the problems and come up with feasible solutions— blueprints that work from St. John’s to Victoria.”

Part of that solution includes giving youth a good start, which is one of the reasons Meredith is now supporting Tracy and Bruce Clemenger’s drive to raise adoption awareness among Canadian couples. They particularly want to reach those who are childless and would be good potential parents.

Meredith sees a clear connection between youth alienation and violence and the difficult task of finding adoptive homes for the 30,000 children across the country waiting to be adopted.

“More churches and the community need to recognize the sense of hope a Christian home provides,” says Meredith.

“We need to encourage more Christian families to take a look and provide a good clean environment so these children don’t become violent individuals.”

While he recognizes sometimes the process can seem intrusive, he’d rather err on the side of caution—even though the process could be smoother.

“Safeguards need to be in place to make sure children aren’t placed into homes where they’ll be further victimized,” he says. “Some individuals are just ‘evil.’ Children are looking for a nurturing environment. We have to ask some tough questions.”

Some colleagues question whether Meredith’s focus has shifted from youth violence. He sees adoption and violence as two sides of the same coin.

“Some say we can’t support every cause that leads to alleviating of poverty or building solid communities or families.

But the fact is, they’re interlinked. And the need for adoptive families for these 30,000 children is just one good example.”

Robert White produces the Pulse section for SEVEN magazine. He is also editor of ChristianWeek Ontario and author of Chasing the Wind: Finding Meaningful Answers from Ancient Wisdom (see review on page 13).

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money matters

More than just insurance Don’t overlook a surprising source of investment assistance

by Paul Emerton

Insurance companies have changed in recent years. No longer engaged exclusively in providing protection against various catastrophic events, they are now among the leaders in assisting Canadians to build investment portfolios and reach financial goals, such as a substantial retirement income, education expenses for their children or a dream vacation.

The number of investment products available through your insurance company may surprise you. And most are RRSP/RRIF eligible. They include: Individual Savings Annuity (ISA).

Similar to a Guaranteed Investment Certificate, an ISA provides the opportunity to grow your savings through regular monthly deposits, earning interest on the balance.

Single Premium Annuity. A lump sum deposit from an inheritance, financial settlement or accumulated retirement savings may be used to purchase a Single Premium Annuity, generating a guaranteed lifetime income.

Several income options are available to ensure, for example, that a surviving spouse continues to receive payments, or that payments will extend for a fixed period. The age and number of the annuitants, and the guaranteed payment period if any, will affect the amount of income paid from the initial deposit.

Segregated Mutual Funds. Like regular mutual funds, “seg” funds invest in a selected portfolio of publicly traded stocks and bonds, chosen on the basis of their investment quality as well as industry, geographic location and other criteria. Each fund offers a specific focus, such as Canadian-only corporations, global companies or bonds, enabling you to tailor your investment portfolio according to your needs.

Unlike other mutual funds, seg funds reduce or entirely remove the risk of loss

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through market fluctuations by guaranteeing that either the total amount or a substantial portion of your initial investment. Your investment may generate impressive returns over the period, which you will earn, but you will never have less than the guaranteed portion of your investment.

Another benefit: Seg funds cannot be seized by creditors in case of bankruptcy or business failure.

Tax-Free Savings Account (TFSA).

Canadians can now save up to $5,000 annually in after-tax income and avoid paying tax on the interest or investment income it earns within a TFSA. You can also choose the type of investment made within your TFSA, including stocks, bonds, mutual funds or other vehicles.

In one sense, a TFSA works like an RRSP, because you can “catch up” on years you fail to make a deposit by increasing the amount in future years, if money becomes available. Unlike an RRSP, however, you claim no tax deduction based on your TFSA deposits. A substantial benefit arrives later when you withdraw money in your account, because none of it is subject to income tax.

Canada’s insurance companies are rated among the most secure and trusted institutions in the country. Their range of investment vehicles and qualified advice represent a unique opportunity to achieve your financial goals with exceptional security.

Paul Emerton is a Certified Financial Planner and Trainer at FaithLife Financial.

Out of my depth

Adoption: Our journey of faith Our grief could be the seedbed of self-pity or the fertilizer of new life.

by Phil Wagler

The news that we would not be able to conceive a child was both devastating and confirming. Somehow, deep down, we knew without being told. The doctor only stated the painfully obvious. After months and months of romantic nights and fireworks that just went up in smoke we were a young couple with an empty nursery, smiling as best we could as one friend after the next celebrated the wonder of birth.

You can prepare yourself for that download of unwanted information best you can, but the medical jargon of even the most compassionate physician still cuts like a knife. That knife can cut right through the heart of your marriage and even your faith.

We were Christians. Goodness, we were serving as a pastoral couple with the flock of God, shouldn’t that count for something? We pleaded like Isaac did for his barren wife Rebekah (Genesis 25:21).

It didn’t work. At least not as anticipated.

Faith is not magic. Faith is wagering your life on God and His promises. Faith is confidence to consider this with Job, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10). To be raised to new life in Christ by God’s grace is to come into the startling realization that in all things God is at work to bring about His good purposes and ultimately to develop the character of Jesus in His kids. And, that’s a key point, for faith is being sure God has acted to bring us into His family.

Faith accepts that God adopts. “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” wrote the Apostle Paul. “The Spirit you received does not

make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.

And by him we cry, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:14-15). As we cried out to our Father in heaven about our plight we found that the answer was not going to be rooted in our desires met, but in His character lived through us.

We had talked through the possibility of adoption during our dating years— never thinking that it might become our journey. We had both been primed for this adventure by experiences we never thought could be connected. Church and mission influences broadened our

Our circumstance was not unknown to the God of the universe; in fact His hand may very well be in the details of our devastation in some mysterious, and yet ultimately good, way. perspective and fostered courage.

We began to pray differently. We began praying for God to bless us with the family of His choosing and that no matter how it came about, we would give Him praise and seek to raise a generation in the fear of the Lord.

And then there were the straightshooting, pull-no-punches, rubber-meets-the-road words of Scripture: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27). Our faith needed feet. Our circumstance was not unknown to the God of the universe; in fact His hand may very well be in the details of our devastation in some mysterious, and yet ultimately good, way.

God desires that His kids reveal His heart and nature to the world. He welcomes the abandoned, lifts the head of the downcast and makes orphans His sons and daughters. Our grief could be the seedbed of self-pity or the fertilizer of new life.

And so it was we mourned our loss and stepped onto the winding, uncertain, testing road of adoption. Four adoptions and one surprising natural birth later we know ourselves more deeply, we cling to our faith more desperately, we know our God more fully and we know more personally what Job meant when he said, “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21).

Jen and Phil Wagler live in British Columbia, Canada with their five children, (four adopted) and adopted dog, Molly (feel free to reach them at jenwagler7@gmail.com).

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power play

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

Reviews by Sandy McMurray

the middleman. Reload time is always the biggest barrier to winning water gun fights.

That’s what I like about Water Stix. Just dip ‘em into a bucket of water (or a lake or swimming pool), pull back the plunger to fill, and you’re ready to go. This super squirter has a range of up to 50 feet and will get your opponents very, very wet.

HOMEMADE SPRINKLER instructables.com

WATER STIX hearthsong.com

Hot summer days are perfect for outdoor water play. One of our family traditions is to get all the cousins together in the summer for a picnic and water gun fight. Over the years we have spent a lot of money on various water guns. I think we have tried every Super Soaker brand squirt gun ever made. I’ve always been partial to using the hose myself. It cuts out

Every summer I’m also tempted to buy another lawn sprinkler. This year, I’m thinking of building my own, with a little help from the website Instructables.com Your basic sprinkler is not exactly rocket science. Water flows through a hose then sprays out, under pressure, through whatever holes are available. All you need is some PVC pipe, some glue, a drill and a plan. The trick is to build a frame that can survive being knocked over or stepped on.

With a little bit of work, you can put together something like the “KidWash” frames built by readers of Instructables.com. KidWash is like a big doorframe with small holes drilled on every side. You connect a hose, turn on the water, and presto—you have a portal to coolness. Kids will love to run through (or ride a bike through) screaming as they go. For the plans to build your own sprinkler go to instructables.com and search for “kidwash” and “kidwash2.”

THE SRIRACHA COOKBOOK amazon.ca

Do you like spicy food? Do you have a hot sauce collection? Do you think “suicide” wings are for children and old ladies? You need to try Sriracha hot sauce.

Sriracha is a common condiment in many Asian restaurants but has only recently been embraced by North Americans. The name comes from the coastal city of Si Racha, in Thailand. The main ingredients are chili peppers, distilled vinegar, garlic,

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sugar and salt. Sriracha is dirt cheap and better tasting than most “I dare you to try this” hot sauces. The Sriracha Cookbook contains 50 recipes that turn ordinary meals into celebrations of spicy goodness.

Use Sriracha to add kick to dressings, mayo, and cream cheese. Prepare yourself for delicious pulled pork, lamb kebobs and, of course, homemade honeySriracha chicken wings. There’s even a recipe for really really spicy baked Mac ‘n’ Cheese. Add some rooster sauce to your day and enjoy spicy food so good it will make you cry.

STEAK BUTTON THERMOMETER surlatable.com

It’s a shame to ruin a great steak but overcooking it, but that’s what many people do. Some guys are gifted grillers but many of us need a clue to know when to pull it out of the fire. How can you tell if a steak is cooked to your preferred perfection? You can poke it with a fork, or cut off to bit to see how it’s going. Or you can use a tool

power play

designed for this very purpose. The Steak Button thermometer takes the guesswork out of grilling by showing whether your steak is rare, medium or well-done. The big, easy to read dial is nearly foolproof.

Made of stainless steel and glass, the Steak Button costs about $20 for a set of four.

SHOWER SQUID uncommongoods.com

It started with soap, then shampoo, then conditioner.

Gradually other “product” crept into our bathroom until the corners of the bathtub were full of bottles. The smaller shower stall is even worse; I find I’m often knocking things off the tiny shelves and onto the floor. How to get those bottles out of the way? Enter the shower squid, a bathroom accessory that holds the soap and shampoo in the air, under the shower head. Practical, yes, but I just think it’s fun to have a sea monster in the shower.

HYBRID ELECTRIC BIKE m55-bike.com

As the price of gas continues to soar, we need to think about alternate ways to get around. Cyclists have been telling us to get out of our cars and onto two wheels for years. We just haven’t found the right bike.

The M55 Terminus might be that beast. If Batman had a bicycle, it would look like this. The Terminus is a massive offroad bike designed for

cross-country use. Its hybrid drive combines human power with a batterypowered motor. As you pedal, sensors on the bike monitor your progress. If it feels that you need some extra torque, the motor switches on to multiply your effort. Stopping power comes from brakes normally reserved for Formula 1 cars. The weight of the motor and battery pack require “burlier components” but (good news!) that means longer life-expectancy. The manufacturer warns that it might be a little, uh, heavier than other bikes, so you will definitely get your exercise. The M55 also comes with a price tag suitable for Bruce Wayne: about $50,000 (including tax).

DORA THE EXPLORER GPS VOICE buy.garmin.com

GPS devices were simple at first. They started as electronic maps that could find your location and help you see your destination. Over time, they’ve grown more sophisticated, adding electronic voices that speak the street

names and navigation instructions. Early models used robotic computer voices but the latest GPS devices offer pre-recorded messages in a variety of real voices. You can even download language and voice packs to customize your GPS experience.

It’s like adding a special ringtone to your phone. And who better to guide you on your journey than a bonafide explorer?

GPS maker Garmin gives you the option of getting your directions from Dora the Explorer. Download the Dora voice and graphics pack to get turn-by-turn directions from the real voice of Nickelodeon’s Dora. Now you can go through the dark forest, over Blueberry Hill and into the driveway at home!

Sandy writes about games, gadgets and toys at funspot.ca.

What women want

The opposite strategy Refocus your marriage by making time for each other

by Sheila Wray Gregoire

One of the funniest premises on the sitcom “Seinfeld” was when loser George realized he made truly pathetic decisions. So he vowed that, from now on, when he faced a crossroads, he would ask himself what he would usually do. And then he would do the exact opposite! Presto! His life instantaneously improves. He gets a girlfriend. He lands a great new job. He moves out of his parents’ house.

Perhaps George was onto something.

Are you in a rut in your marriage? You and your wife live together. You chauffeur children together. You manage paycheques, bills, grocery lists, karate lessons and your parents’ doctors appointments. But you don’t seem to have any fun.

Life has become an endless to-do list, and she keeps adding more to it! You thought you were getting married to have lots of sex, lots of laughter and hopefully lots of home-cooked meals. Instead marriage has become an almost sex-free zone, because she’s too tired, too busy and too annoyed with you, though you can never quite figure out why.

When my husband was in his final year of training in pediatrics he was stressed. He worked more than 100 hours a week, stayed on duty all night and in between all that he had to study for exams. All I was doing was raising two babies, including one who decided sleep was a really dumb idea. When Keith was home, I’d want him to watch Katie so I could nap. He wanted to crack the books.

Frequently we’d end up debating who was more tired.

No one can win that fight, and that’s why when marriages get bitter there often seems no way out. Yet the

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relationship isn’t doomed; we’re just focusing too much on our areas of weakness.

Let’s say she gets defensive if you talk about your sex life or her interfering mom or the fact that the living room looks like a tsunami hit. Sure you can keep pounding away at these issues, but if it hasn’t worked until now, it’s quite unlikely that she’s suddenly going to jump up and exclaim, “Wow! You are so right. I wish I had recognized your brilliance earlier.”

A better route is the George strategy.

Instead of focusing endlessly on your frustrations with your wife, why not ask, “What do we do well together?” Are you sporty together? Are you both musical?

Are you good at painting a room together or fixing up the house? Figure out what you can do together that makes you feel energized, and that touches your interests and gifts. That’s what God put you together for, so do more of it!

Maybe she’s a horrible housekeeper, but you both laugh when you barbecue and cook together. Maybe you talk a lot when you take drives in the country.

Maybe she doesn’t like hanging out with your friends, but she really enjoys active things together as a family. For three years Keith and I played squash together twice a week, and it was great fun. He got to stare at me jumping around in exercise clothes, and I got to feel like I was winning! I forget now why we stopped.

But that’s what we tend to do: we stop the fun things so that our lives revolve around the “necessary” things, and then we grow miserable. So let’s try the opposite! When’s the last time you really laughed together? What were you doing?

Now go do it again!

So often we squeeze out the stuff that we do well together because “more important” things come along. The kids have hockey. They have homework. You have to get the family’s finances entered into the computer. But it is just as important to function well as a couple and to feel competent and capable together. In fact, perhaps it’s more important. When you have children, your marriage is now more important, not less, because other people are counting on you!

If there is something you once enjoyed doing together, and you’ve cut it out of your life, bring it back—especially if you’re having problems. If you spend some time in this area of strength, it can refocus your marriage. You start to eagerly anticipate being together again.

When we build our friendship, we tend to build a good foundation for the rest of the relationship. Work on companionship, and sex tends to improve. Work on fun, and communication tends to improve. We feel more like a couple again.

If your marriage is in a rut, then try the opposite! Stop living a life of endless errands. Stop focusing on the things you fight about, and focus on the things that made you laugh all those years ago.

Personally, I think it’s time Keith and I took up squash again. What are you going to do?

Sheila is the author of the upcoming The Good Girl’s Guide to Sex (Zondervan). You can find her at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.

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