2021-05-31-Pine-Press

Spartan Housing Cooperative Pine Press May 2021

Spartan Housing Cooperative

Pine Press May 2021 Brought to you by the Education Committee TABLE OF CONTENTS Cover design by Chrystel Lopez of Miles Davis 01 Note from the Editor 02 Meet the Executive Committee 06 Physical Development Grants 06 Casey Paskus’ Americorps VISTA Service Wrap-up 08 COVID-19 Updated Guidelines 08 The Muppets Ranked by How Much Danny Wants to Have Sex with Them 11 Horoscopes 13 Phoenix Class of 2021 & Mock Election Results 15 Stank Memes 16 Expansion, in the Future for Our Co-ops? ***vintage content*** 18 Complete Classification of Cooperative Cleanliness ***vintage content***

Note from the Editor Howdy do, fellow cooperators!

It’s the end of May already; summer is just around the corner! I have a good feeling about this summer. As greater and greater numbers of people become fully vaccinated, we tentatively feel a “return to normal” on its way. Already I’ve been able to have conversations with members in person, rather than through the screen, and lemme tell ya, it makes all the difference in the world.

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Spartan Housing Cooperative Pine Press May 2021

Speaking of conversations with members, now that I myself am fully vaxxed, I’ll just throw it out there that if any members ever wanna chat about house stuff, co-op stuff, or just chat in general, feel free to HMU! education@msu.coop I’m itching to talk to folks and make more connections in our co-op than the past 15 or so months allowed.

This Pine Press has quite a wide variety of content. We’ve got some relevant co-op stuff, as well as plenty of fun stuff as well. I hope you enjoy reading through it!

Coop luv, Emily Tyler Vesta haus Vice President of Education, Executive Vice President

Meet the Executive Committee Erik Berg, President, Orion Hey SHC! I’m Erik, resident co-op historian and SHC President. I discovered the co-ops completely by accident in 2016, toured Orion in 2017, immediately fell in love with the house, and moved in in 2018. At the start of 2019 I became Orion’s Board Rep. and House President, and found myself in a multitude of other roles in the process.

That continued up through spring of 2020, when I became SHC President. Now it’s 2021, and I constantly wonder, “How the hell did I end up here?”

Reflecting on my personal timeline over the past year is a trip, but it’s nothing compared to the events we’ve collectively experienced over the past year. I became President just as the first COVID-19 cases were cropping up in Michigan, and served throughout the entirety of the pandemic in the US. To call it difficult would be an understatement. We’ve come a long way in just one year, but we still have a long way to go. 2021 marks the 50th year in the story of SHC, and it’s a story of hardship after hardship. The miracle to our survival is simple cooperation. When we work together, the things we’re able to overcome are nothing short of incredible. This past year — and the past 50 years — are a testament to this truth. As our houses open up and our co-op community is able to flourish once again, I’m happy and honored to continue this legacy as a member-owner and as President for the upcoming year.

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Claire Hibbard, Vice President of Membership, Orion Howdy! I'm Claire (she/her/hers) and I'm your Vice President of Membership. Here's a bit about me...

Haus: Orion since '19 Current Anthem: Se a Cabo by Santana Passions: ● Hiking, Camping, Skiing... being outdoors! Come find me on Orion's porch ^_^ ● Music ~ love live music & exploring genres. My favs are reggae, experimental bass, and psych rock. ● Dabble in writing, painting, dancing. Love to move and keep my mind and body busy. ● Cooperative living, duh! The SHC has opened my eyes to the joys (and stresses) of co-operative living, and now I can't imagine housing any other way.

Big plans during my term: ● ●

Combat our potential vacancy crisis going into the 21-22 contract year - outreach, advertising, and engagement.

Increased transparency and communication between houses; current members & prospective members. (SHC discord server, anyone?)

Smaller plans during my term: ● ●

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Planning and executing IN PERSON events! Yea, you heard that right!

Increased engagement in our communities; donating time and resources to local organizations and strengthening community ties. (i.e. underfunded schools, housing/food shelters, being a voice and ally for underrepresented groups in our community) Awesome Spartan Housing Co-operative swag

Emily Tyler, Vice President of Education, Vesta Hey! I’m Emily, your Vice President of Education as well as your Executive Vice President (the latter means I’d take over as prez in the case of Erik’s inability to do it). This is my second term in both of these positions, and I’m thrilled to have another go around it. I have lived at Vesta since August 2018, but I originally started in the co-op at Toad Lane in December 2017. Some of my favorite things include coffee, writing in my journal, reading, writing letters, and spending time with my friends. I have a bachelor’s degree in English from MSU ’19, and I’ve been around East Lansing since fall 2015.

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Some things I’m eager to accomplish in my second term as VPE include maintaining a buff and regular Pine Press, hosting in-person events that are both educational and FUN, and engaging with other co-ops in Michigan/the Great Lakes region in order to learn from each other and benefit from Principle Six, cooperation amongst cooperatives. I’m also over the moon for the prospect of more house to house interactions than were possible during the pandemic, for both social and cooperative purposes. MAC block party anyone??? We’ll see! I’m so happy to continue serving our co-op community, and ready to see where the next year takes us!

Leah Rogers, Corporate Treasurer, Vesta Leah is the SHC’s Corporate Treasurer for the 21/22 Executive Committee. She graduated in Spring of 2020 with a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science from Michigan State University. Most weekends and weeknights she can be found making good use of her degree behind the bar at Hopcat. Leah lives in Vesta Cooperative with her moose Pillow Pet and extensive CD collection.

Zach Crewes, Vice President of Facilities, Vesta My name is Zach Crewes and I graduated from MSU with degrees in Political Science and Statistics. I've worked construction and as a private contractor for the past few years and am very excited to be doing facilities work for the SHC. I am very into politics (I'm an Anarcho-Syndicalist), I love camping and backpacking, and I am a somewhat active disc golfer. My favorite animals are snakes and any time I'm in woods or fields I'm scanning the ground for a legless friend. I pretty much always have either the TV on or music/podcasts playing because my brain can not function without constant stimulation. I am super into history and could talk for hours with anyone willing to listen to me ramble about dialectical materialism.

I just recently moved into the coops in late October, but I have already found myself to be incredibly enthralled by the cooperative movement. I hope to be able to ensure that the SHC will be able to have safe and sturdy places for members to live and grow, and I would very much enjoy teaching anyone about house maintenance or just talking about politics, history or the state of the SHC! I am very much looking forward to this upcoming term.

Dale Kruithoff, Corporate Secretary, Howland

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Dale is from Grand Haven, MI and recently graduated from Michigan State University with a bachelor's degree in Economics. He found the co-op’s online and moved into Vesta in the summer of 2019, before moving to Howland that fall, where he is currently living. He has been on the SHC Board of Directors for almost two years, serving on the Governance Revision Committee, and then as the SHC’s representative for the Associated Students of Michigan State University. He enjoys playing tabletop RPG games and camping in his spare time. During his term as Corporate Secretary, he plans to ensure transparency and easy access to corporate documents for members as well as make the responsibilities of the Corporate Secretary role clearly defined.

Holly jo Sparks, Executive Director I’m holly jo Sparks and I’m extremely good at one thing: Cooperatives.

Seven years ago, I was the winning tribute in a Hunger Games style hiring process for the SHC, and have been a non-voting member of the Executive Committee and cooperative chief of staff and advisor to SHC’s Co-op President(s) ever since. I moved into Sojourner Truth co-op in Ann Arbor in 1993 and my life has never been the same. Since then I’ve lived in eight other housing co-ops in five different cities, and have helped start or “save” dozens more. These days, I’m a part of Genesee Gardens Co-housing Community in Lansing, where I live with my almost-two-year-old rockstar kiddo, Celyn Weaver.

I’m a lifelong learner and co-op board junkie: I’m board president for Oryana Community Co-op (in Traverse City) and Campus Cooperative Development Corporation (CCDC); I also serve on the Shared Capital Co-op Board. I received a BA in History of Art from University of Michigan in 1997; and have since studied nonprofit finance, law, housing, economic development, and city planning at UC Santa Barbara, MIT and UNC Chapel Hill.

Other than nerding out about co-ops, I enjoy vegetarian dinner parties, wine Wednesdays, Feng shui, cardigans, Woody Guthrie, audiobooks, and lately, a lot of NYTimes & Cocomelon. I’m a proud member of Team Tea, not to be confused with the Tea Party or Team Coffee (although I don’t mind associating with the latter !! <3 ) Being a part of the Spartan Housing Cooperative and working with its Executive Leadership motivates and inspires me — not only because of how far we’ve come in the past 7 years, but how much more we have yet to accomplish in the years to come!

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Physical Development Grants

By Zach Crewes, VPF, Vesta We only have three more months left in the contract year, and as this year winds down, so too do the funds in the Physical Development Grant account. Or at least they should be. But they are not. But they could be.

We have a lot of money to spend in the next three months and I need your help to do so. If you go to the Forms and Documents page under the members tab on the SHC Website (spartan.coop), you can submit a proposal for your House’s Physical Development Grant. PD Grants are meant to supply funds for members to improve their own houses doing the labor themselves. For any grant that is approved by the facilities committee, the SHC will reimburse your house for materials as long as you all promise to do the labor for your project. The SHC also has tools that can be lent out to your houses while you are working on your project.

The process for obtaining a PD Grant is as follows: ● Get an idea for a project (new garden, fixing a sidewalk or patching a driveway, making a bike shed) ● At your next house meeting, have your idea approved by a majority of your membership and make sure you have enough people willing to work with you on the project ● Make a cost table like the one below of all the materials needed and make a write-up containing the details of your project, pictures of the current state of the area, and estimates of how much labor you expect your house to do and the tools you will need

Purchase the materials with House Funds, borrow any needed tools, and complete your project ● Get reimbursed by the SHC The above cost table is one that is for a currently proposed Grant for a garden bed on the north side of Vesta. We will be voting to approve this grant at the next Facilities Committee meeting.

Tell your facilities officer to check their email for the next update and submit your PD Grants before the next meeting on the 10th! ●

A thank you letter to the SHC community - yes, you too!

By Casey Paskus, former AmeriCorps VISTA serving with the SHC and current member of Rivendell Hello all you lovely co-opers! Casey Paskus here, formerly of Bower and currently of Rivendell!

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I am here to say thank you for welcoming me into the SHC community as an AmeriCorps VISTA, and getting so excited about my sustainability and Left Bower projects! Maybe you know me from the Green Team, or from the time I crashed your house meeting to talk about Left Bower, or from my many, many posts in the SHC Facebook group. Doesn’t matter - thank you all from the bottom of my heart!!

I’ve got a couple favorite memories and stories to share, that I’ll carry with me beyond this position: Invasive species pull with the Green Team - damn, the Green Team members kick ass. Some members trooped out to saw down invasive trees after a snowstorm - Carrie was our designated tree-sawing person, and they really fucked up those trees!! Buckthorn trees found DEAD!! It was always fun to shoot the shit with the Green Team while saving the Earth at the same time. Can’t wait to get up to more green fun at future Green Team events!

Left Bower meetings with my housemates at Bower - early on in my VISTA career, I held a community design meeting with my old housemates at Bower. You may remember this from a Pine Press article I wrote about it!? I had never facilitated a meeting like it before, but my housemates were jazzed about the activities I had planned and some even thanked ME - after a two hour meeting?! What a rush.

Compost buckets dropped off at Howland - okay I wasn’t here for this, but I was told that when Patrick and Anna from Raft Hill dropped the food waste buckets off at Howland for the composting program, they were greeted with cheers by the members sitting on the porch. And even offered cigarettes!!

So, I will have to pretend I was there at this moment so that I can claim it as a memory :) Trash Empire film screening - now this was a fun event. Even though my computer was BADLY lagging (shoutout to anyone who was watching!) I had such a great time connecting with members from SHC houses (especially Orion’s fire room!!) and the presenters, Will and Julia!! The best part of VISTA service is all the connections I've made - not in a “networking / LinkedIn” type of way. Like, real connections with people who are doing amazing work across the country!! Including Julia from Punks with Lunch Lansing, and Will from DC Food Not Bombs.

Well that’s it from me! But not for long. Even though my VISTA service is ending, I am still a member of the SHC and will still be active in the Green Team (if you’d like to join, email me at my personal email - paskusca@gmail.com!!)

Thanks for the living, the laughing, and the loving.

In Solidarity, Casey Paskus

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COVID-19 Updated Guidelines

By Noah Walker, Harambee The State of Michigan laws under COVID-19 included a stay at home order under the Michigan Occupational Safety and Health Administration (MIOSHA). Recently under state law, Whitmer agreed to uplift the MIOSHA laws under the stay at home orders. This includes the following, beginning June 1st: ➔ ➔ ➔ ➔ ➔ ➔

There will no longer be capacity limits outdoors.

There will no longer be capacity limits at residential gatherings.

Indoor establishments will be at 50% capacity.

Social gatherings will now be regulated only by the specific venue Face masks will continue to be required for non-vaccinated individuals.

Beginning July 1st, all broad epidemic orders will be lifted.

The Muppets Ranked by How Much I Want to Have Sex with Them

By Danny Olweean, Bowie At the Bowie cooperative, we have often discussed which fictional characters we want to have sex with. Naturally, our conversation turned to the Muppets at some point. There were some differences of opinion (one housemate was EXTREMELY adamant about the hotness of Sweetums), but this is my list, not theirs. Starting from the least to most sexy in three-tiered lists, I have listed the muppets I have the most to say about.

Low Tier Gonzo, Fozzie, Rizzo

I do love these guys. Hell, this friend group would be unmatched. Fozzie the sweetheart, Rizzo the smart ass, Gonzo the bisexual fashion icon enigma. However, I can’t bring myself to feel any attraction to these guys. There’s just a platonic bond impermeable to lust between us, strong as cold iron but just as passionate.

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Old Guys What are their names? I don’t care. I never found these guys that interesting, and while old people can 100% be sexy (just look at your friend’s parents) these guys are decisively NOT so.

This is less a graceful silver elder who will pillow talk about their time frolicking on greek islands strung out on LSD and the struggles of fame (yes I would like to have sex with Leonard Cohen (RIP) and Joni Mitchell, maybe at the same time), and more the guy who’s hearing has gone bad from failing to clean his ears.

Sam Eagle I’ve heard some people call him a sex icon, and sure I can kinda see it.

Sure he’s got a strong brow, broad shoulders, and a tight-fisted demeanor that may appeal to some, even if it’s not for me. But I would like to counter by pointing out that he is in fact lame as fuck. In case you forgot, his thing is being patriotic. This dude can only get it on for red, white, and blue lingerie. You want that? No, you don’t. If you do, what the fuck are you doing in a co-op?

MID TIER Camilla the Chicken Ok, she is pretty hot for a chicken. I mean, I would go as far to say that she is the second hottest chicken out there — the first are those from Chicken Run who have an absolute DUMPTRUCK! With those eyelashes alone, I can get what Gonzo sees in her. That being said, she still is very chicken-like. Yes most of the muppets are animals, but their anthropomorphized animals. The audience can’t even understand what Camilla is saying without Gonzo translating. Maybe it’s classist, maybe it’s Maybeline, but I am opting out of this one.

Beeker I’ve thought about this one a bit, and I could only do it if I first reversed puppeted the bastard and shoved my fist down his throat to shut him the hell up. Once we got that cleared up, I gotta say he has a lot of energy ya know? It could be fun.

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Swedish Chef Not the most attractive muppet out there, but a beautiful breakfast the morning after? Yes please.

High tier Johnny Fiama Kind of an underground muppet, not talked about much. To give a rundown, he’s basically a caricature of an Italian-American lounge singer, a la Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin. So imagine this: you see him sing about some lost lover on stage and approach him in the bar. One thing leads to another and soon he’s singing YOUR name in the bed. Eh? Eh? Animal It would be a crazy time.

Janice Hot hippie chick with lips like pillows. With an impeccable fashion sense and a free spirit attitude, I wouldn’t want to spend the summer of love with anyone else. Oh, and she can fucking SHRED. Zoot Uh... woah... Uh...fuck... Yeah... like….jesus….yeah...hell yeah….

Miss Piggy Ok so like this is predictable but when making a list like this can you place her anywhere else?

She’s got it all: the looks, the confidence, the ability to beat up any potential assailants that may come my way. She may be the basic choice, but that doesn’t mean she’s not the correct one.

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UNRANKED Kermit Kermit is a cuck, clear as day. He’d just watch me and Miss Piggy, but wouldn’t dare participate. He’s also so faithful that I can’t see him doing anything solo with me. But honestly? Considering his personality I wouldn’t mind. I think he’d be really supportive, bring us some snacks.

Horoscopes Submitted anonymously Gemini (May 21-June 20): I feel like something good is coming your way, dear Gemini. You probably have received some bad news lately, but you’re really just being set up for something better to come of it. Stop and smell the flowers today. Smoke a bowl. Lay in the sun. Focus on being idle and letting things fall into place.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Lately I’ve been on a Doja Cat kick. Which is kind of cringe since I’m not a 14 year old tik-toker. But if you really think about it, why should we ever be embarrassed in front of ourselves? Don’t kill the part of you that’s cringe, kill the part that cringes.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): I’ve never met a Leo who didn’t have an incredibly strong energy. Someone can read your mood as soon as they enter the room you’re in. You’re so magnetic, people tend to take on your emotional state just by being near you. Try to use your powers for good this month. Or at least to your own personal benefit.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Organized chaos” is the term that will describe your upcoming month.

You’re juggling a lot of moving parts lately, dear Virgo, and it feels like one or more could drop at any time. Working on prioritizing your needs and tasks will get you through the coming weeks. Make a realistic to-do list.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Right now, my fiddle leaf fig is either dying or evolving. The lower leaves have been dropping off at an alarming rate, but also, they tend to drop leaves when there is new growth. Maybe she’s finally becoming a full-fledged tree. Keep in mind, dear libra, sometimes you must drop parts of yourself that no longer serve you in order to reach your full potential.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22): Nothing improves my day like a package being delivered. I’m sure you know the feeling. Instant dopamine hit. Better than crack. That’s why I have an Etsy shopping addiction. It’s okay to justify bad habits by saying you’re supporting small business. Buy yourself something nice.

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Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): I don’t really understand what cryptocurrency is or how it works, and at this point I think I’ve decided that I don’t really care. Despite this, I recently invested a small amount in Doge Coin. Take stock of your investments this month, dead Sagittarius. Think about investing in non-tangible things. Like rest. Or relationships. Or Doge Coin.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do you ever get jealous of little kids screaming or crying in public? It’s not like they have any REAL problems. Us adults, however, have plenty to throw a fit over. Next time you encounter a child having a meltdown, let them know, “it’s me who should be screaming. ME!” Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19): You’ve probably been feeling things lately, something I know you’re not used to. Showing genuine emotion isn’t something to be ashamed of or shy away from. Try to sit with your highs and lows this month and attempt to really understand them. But if that gets to be too much, just go smoke a bowl.

Pisces (Feb. 20-Mar. 20): Did you know that Shrek’s birthday is February 27th? 2021 is the 20th anniversary of the release of the iconic animated blockbuster film Shrek. I’m sure you know what I’m going to suggest you do in celebration. That’s right, make babies with a dragon.

Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 20): Lately you’re getting more comfortable in your life and routines. It feels like you’re settling down, but in a good way. You’re approaching stability in your life and work. Take some time to thank yourself for the things you’ve done to get here.

Taurus (Apr. 21-May 20): A nurse is at the bank cashing a check, as she goes to endorse the back, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a rectal thermometer. “Damn it,” she exclaims, “some asshole’s got my pen!”

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“Stank Memes” Submitted by Ash Dunbar of New Community

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The following is an article from a 1995 Pine Press, written by former SHC staff person Bryan Carstens.

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The following article is from the same 1995 Pine Press as the above. Writer unknown.

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Spartan Housing Cooperative

541 E Grand River Ste 4 East Lansing MI 48823 517.355.8313 | spartan.coop 19