Horoscopes

Leo(July23-Aug.22): This month is all about you, dear Leo. I know you think that every month is, but this time it’s for real. Don’t deny yourself anything, and if anyone has anything to say about it, fuck ‘em. But not literally, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Virgo(Aug.23-Sept.22): Many people admire you for your level-headedness and the humor that you find in difficult situations. This sounds more like a one-liner from a fortune cookie than a horoscope. Doesn’t Chinese food sound delightful for dinner tonight? Libra(Sept.23-Oct.22): As I’m sure you’ve seen by now, the entire Twilight series has been added to Netflix. I know you’re thinking what I’m thinking. Draw those blinds, make a big ol’ bowl of popcorn, and open up a bottle of wine. We’re marathoning, baby! Scorpio(Oct.23-Nov.22): You’ve been feeling restless lately, dear Scorpio. The monotony of your day-to-day life is beginning to take its toll on you. It’s time for a break from your routine. Take a trip, try a new restaurant, go to your Spotify discover page; I don’t care what you do, but make it out of the ordinary. Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.21): Time for a new tattoo, piercing, or hairstyle. Don’t think, only do. Capricorn(Dec.22-Jan.19): All of your friends really appreciate your perspective and advice even when they don’t take it. Trust me, they hear you and agree with you, they’re just dumb bitches, and that’s okay! Aquarius(Jan.20-Feb.19): Rose quartz is on the menu this month, my Aquarius friend. You’re probably a little down lately or feeling a bit insecure, but you shouldn’t be! Rose quartz is the perfect stone for manifesting an abundance of love, including self-love. Just beware, it may also attract some weirdos. Pisces(Feb.20-March20): It seems like everyone has a side hustle nowadays. What happened to just vibing? Don’t let capitalism trick you into thinking that every day of your life needs to be monetized. Do things just because you enjoy them. Money is fake anyway. Aries(March21-April20): Stop spending so much time thinking about people who wouldn’t give you the time of day. Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. You’re blocking yourself from accepting something far greater when you hyper-focus on relationships that have failed. Taurus(April21-May20): Time to clear out your email inbox. That is all. Gemini(May21-June20): You probably believe in Sasquatch, but don’t believe in yourself. Well, I want to tell you that those things aren’t mutually exclusive. You can, and should, believe in both. Cancer(June21-July22): There’s something going on with you that feels like a rock in your shoe, but like, on an emotional level. Time to confront that.