Letter from the Editor Hi co-opers! It’s the final issue of the year! Congratulations to everyone who just finished up finals or is graduating, and congratulations to everyone else just for making it through the year. As you have likely noticed by the semi-disturbing cover, this issue is Playgirl themed. I became fascinated with Playgirl last year when I found a copy from 1980 mixed in with a bunch of non-pornographic magazines at an estate sale (one has to imagine that the family did not know that it was there). If you don’t know what Playgirl is, I tend to describe it as “Playboy, but girl”, which is actually pretty reflective of the publication’s origins: Playgirl was founded by a man named Douglas Lambert, but the idea for its focus came from his wife, who suggested a magazine that could offer women what Playboy offered men. It was hailed as a feminist publication for its articles focused on women’s liberation and place in the workforce, criticized for misunderstanding what women want and lacking an actual commitment to feminism (people in positions of power at the magazine were consistently men, and some of the content is genuinely awful), and eventually generally regarded as a magazine only read by gay men. I’m going to be honest with you: after making this, I never want to look at a Playgirl again. At first I thought they were really funny and interesting from a sociological standpoint, but now, I fucking hate them. Some of the content of these magazines was so terrible that I had to take breaks from reading. I have to imagine that anyone who has ever written an article about the positive feminist impact of the magazine has never read any of the issues I read. I thought about just giving up, but because I had already gotten pretty far in the project, I finished it anyway. Plus, I had a lot of fun taking the photos for Co-opers and Playgirl: A Photographic Adventure, and I didn’t want to have wasted the time of everyone who helped me with that. I’m happy that I’ll be done soon, though. Not all the articles in this issue are related to Playgirl, however! Thank you so much to everyone who submitted. If you would like to submit something to a future issue, you can send it to education@spartan.coop. Keep Pine Pressing on, Lucinda (Orion) Vice President of Education
Pinecones to Tyler and Brandon for being the Ohaus class clowns (Sky, Orion) to tyler and brandon for the constant band rehearsals filling the house w fire music (Abby, Orion) a generalized shoutout to zack (with a k). I give you so much shit but you’ve been a great friend whilst living here and i’m gonna miss you dude (Rebecca, Howland) Aj, you send vesta some good memes on instagram (Brian, Vesta) thanks kathy for the awesome haus soup (Annika, Beal) all of raft u guys are seriously the homiessssss (Anna, Raft Hill) Jonathan and Walker for driving me to the hospital and other miscellaneous places. (Jake, Phoenix) Abby for being feral with me. RAWR (Alex S., Orion) I want to thank Juli and her finance skills and, Gabby with her help fixing this beautiful damned place. Also, kudos to All of Howland for making this house a home Vesta: You guys are the best!! Thanks for taking care of my messy ass at friendsgiving, love each and everyone of yall <3 (Conner, Raft Hill) Devang - Thank you so much for making the Haus look so nice! As always you’re a good friend! :3 (AJ, Vesta) pinecones to sam and collin for being rowdy (Mylee, Phoenix)
Could you fight a raccoon and win using only the items you've ordered online in the past month? Why/Why not? -
I think I could use the bras I ordered as sling shots, so yes (Rachael, Vesta) yes because i have recently ordered perfume (poisonous to raccoons) and a duffle bag (for trapping purposes) (Nat, New Comm) I would put my fairy wings from my halloween costume on him and make him my best friend (Sky, Orion) yes because i dont need the items (bare hands) (Bella, Orion) yes. I don't need any of the items I've ordered. I can take him in hand to hand combat no questions asked. (Abby, Orion) maybe? it was just fleece lined tights and a necktie so I could strangle it out if need be (Rebecca, Howland) Yes. I've ordered nothing in the last month and I have complete faith in my hand-to-hand combat. (Myron, Orion) No I wouldn't win against a racoon in general. (Nina, Howland) hell nah (Brian, Vesta) No, I'd be barehanded (Ryan, Raft Hill) No (Annika, Beal) yes, i ordered a set of kinves (colorful). i would win. alternatively, no if i was using the sparkly fishnets i ordered. (Anna, Raft Hill) Yeah, I got the people of Phoenix to order a heat gun online, that rat is going down. (Jake, Phoenix) No. Unless I made the raccoon OD on prep. (Alex S., Orion) i ordered ten pieces of cane (wood for my instrument essentially), and i think that i maybe could attempt to throw it at the raccoon………would it do anything? absolutely not. (AJ, Vesta)
“Tell me a story about the big blue house.” Once upon a time, in a dirty nasty college town, there stood a big blue house unlike any other. It had creaky wooden floors and a warm and inviting porch adorned with twinkling lights, where laughter was heard spilling into the street. Twenty-four college students, each a little lost, found themselves drawn to this house. They came from different places, pursued various paths, but a shared love for life and camaraderie brought them together. The big blue house became their haven, a place where friendships blossomed, and memories were etched into the walls. In the living room, under the ever-watchful eyes and loving embrace of Lady Howland, they held bi-weekly meetings. This was where decisions were made, conflicts were resolved, and aspirations were shared. It was a space for openness and understanding, where everyone's voice mattered. The kitchen was a constant hub of activity, filled with the aroma of shared meals and the sound of laughter. Every room told a story - from the gaiety of the nipple to the wonder of the disco spaceship. As the seasons changed, so did their lives. They celebrated victories and consoled each other during defeats. Birthdays were grand affairs with homemade cakes and elegant dances. The big blue house witnessed it all - the highs and lows, the tears and laughter. Their bond went beyond mere friendship; it was a family formed by choice. They supported each other through exams, relationships, and the uncertainty of post-graduation plans. Each individual wove something of themselves into the fabric of Howlandia, creating a tapestry as diverse and colorful as the house they lived in. As graduation day approached, there was a bittersweet feeling in the air. The big blue house had been their sanctuary, and the thought of parting ways was daunting. However, they had come to know that the love and support they had found within those walls was eternal. On the eve of their graduation, they gathered in the living room one last time. With flickering candles and nostalgic smiles, they reminisced about the memories they had created together. Each of them left the big blue house with a diploma in hand and a heart full of gratitude for those who had shaped their college years. And so, the big blue house continued to stand tall, its walls echoing with the joy and the love of the 24 college kids who had made it more than just a place to live. The memories they carried out into the world not only became a cherished legacy, but a testament to family found by those who seek it.
(photo by Maxipad)
Co-opers and Playgirl: A Photographic Adventure While researching Playgirl, I came across a number of pictures of women reading the magazines (though most of them were staged). I thought that they were really cool and I wanted to recreate them. Luckily, I had a friend with a camera, a stack of Playgirls, and a bunch of people willing to take silly pictures for me. These photos are shown on the following pages. Thank you to everyone who helped, especially Alex S. from Orion, who let us use their camera and took many of the pictures. All photos are from Orion’s 50th anniversary party on December 2nd, 2023.
Playgirl: In the Home
Emily (Orion) fanning themself from the heat of the fire room flames.
Abby (Orion) looking cool as hell (as always).
Nick and Myron (Orion), professional magazine critics from NYC, are scandalized by what they see... and can’t wait for it to hit the shelves.
Lucinda (Orion), who had the opportunity to be shirtless at a party for the first time and is honestly just running with it.
Myron takes Playgirl extremely seriously.
Ethan (Orion) doesn’t really know how to read, but he’s not in it for the articles anyway.
Playgirl: The Great Outdoors Masha thought she was coming to a party, not a Playgirl extravaganza, but honestly, she’s having a good time.
Masha thought she was coming to a party, not a Playgirl extravaganza, but honestly, she’s having a good time.
Mylee (Phoenix) taking Playgirl to the streets.
Lucinda (Orion) posing shirtless again like 30 minutes before having a breakdown over being too shirtless.
Playgirl: Distress and Horror
Tyler (Orion) sees another person’s dick for the first time. He thought he was the only one with one of those.
Alex S. (Orion) is disturbed by what he sees. Porn, for women? But women don’t have sexual desires independent of interactions with men, right? Right?!
Tyler in the early stages of penile dysmorphic disorder.
Lucinda (Orion) experiencing lesbianism.
Playgirl: Bringing a Community Together
Mylee and Kenny (Phoenix), who have actually never met despite living in the same house (with 29 people, it’s hard to keep up), bond for the first time over Playgirl.
Jon (Orion): “That thing between his legs is called a penis.” Jack (Orion): “Woaaaaaaaaah.”
Jason holds up a Playgirl so that Brandon (Orion) can use his hands freely.
Jonathan and Collin (Phoenix), just guys being dudes.
Lucinda (Orion) prepares Emily (Orion) for their next photo. Unfolding the centerfold is a two person job.
Playgirl: Defying Categorization Lucinda (Orion) entered a dissociative state while taking this picture and does not remember what this expression was supposed to mean. Lucinda (Orion) entered a dissociative state while taking this picture and does not remember what this expression was supposed to mean.
Ethan (Orion) prays to his god (Playgirl model #37) in the hopes that he too might one day model for Playgirl (please don’t tell him Playgirl isn’t in print anymore, we think it would kill him).
Lucinda cheers on Brandon (Orion) while he licks a picture of some guy’s dick. He’s not gay though.
When Brandon reads Playgirl, it doesn’t matter who’s physically in the room... in his heart it’s just him and the models.
Snubs Though it serves its purpose well (most of the time) as a compendium for new and casual listeners to find interesting records, there are few works that short-circuit the brains of nerds as much as 1001 Albums You Must Listen To Before You Die. There’s a lot of cool, interesting and surprising inclusions on there. There’s even more glaring mistakes and omissions. This semi-recurring article highlights some albums you should definitely listen to that find themselves, well, snubbed from the 1001.
Fiona Apple - When the Pawn… (1999) Singer-songwriter, alt rock A lot of oxygen has already been needlessly converted into carbon dioxide by men explaining Fiona Apple. So much ink, so many bytes of storage space, wasted on trying to place this woman into a box, give her a label and objectify her because she refused to roll over and die for them. So I’m not going to explain Fiona Apple. I’m simply going to say that When the Pawn… is a masterpiece, easily able to contrast idyllic carefree daydreaming with the unfiltered bitterness of love, survivors’ vengeance, and the ennui of completely fucked relationships. These songs wrench open your head and refuse to ever leave until you feel just as venomous as they are. That completely fails to mention the striking orchestration behind Fiona, too-- everything from the heavy lurch of “On the Bound” to the running sprint and frantic drums of “Fast as You Can.” I’m going to contradict myself-- there is one label I’m absolutely willing to give her: one of the greatest American songwriters of all time.
M.I.A. - ΛΛ Λ Y Λ (2010) Industrial hip-hop, electropop This intro is for a very specific person: I want you to throw away your bootleg Yeezus record. Just throw it in the bin. Give this one listen and realize how much of the “groundbreaking” freakish industrial hip-hop of the early 2010s was telegraphed by M.I.A. on this (it even predates Death Grips by half a year). Right down to the power tools and shitty-earbud-ruining synths. It’s glitchy, bloody and slimy-- it sounds like watching a LiveLeak execution through the lowest fidelity speakers you can find. This album was scorned upon its release, and M.I.A. considered a pariah of the music press, but here’s the fun part: all that shit she says about government surveillance and the omnipresence of the internet (and the megacorps ruling it) was true then, and it sure as shit is truer than ever now. And here’s the deal: you are not safe. You will never be safe. So why not descend into techno hell and get utterly fucking blasted before the SWAT raid rolls in and we all go up in smoke and teargas?
Snubs
Everything Everything - Get to Heaven (2015) Progressive pop, indie rock There have been some rotten albums covered in this article, past and present, more than willing to shut the blinds and just wallow in moral repugnance. This one’s more insidious. This album invites you out into an unbearably saturated, ultra-colorful sunny day and then piledrives you into the ground. Listen to this album and let the bubbly synths and carefree guitars carry you into the horrifying realization that you’re listening to a song about urban warfare. Multiple tracks on here are about terrorist attacks, whether focusing on the aftermath or placing you right in the middle of one being carried out. Get to Heaven is rotten to its very core, but it’s smart and it knows how to have fun-- so much, in fact, that songs like the title track are endlessly replayable and annoyingly catchy even with the complete tonal dissonance.
Massive Attack - Mezzanine (1998) Trip hop The 1001 is infuriating sometimes because it is perfectly fine with giving particular bands their proper due (Massive has two albums on there!), but they pick the wrong albums. Thus Mezzanine gathers dust despite being one of the best mood pieces ever made. Trip hop is so 1990s, but this is timeless. It’s tailor-made for a miserable rainy night after the euphoria of the rave gives way to existential despondence-- a crisis that may or may not interfere with your high… or your hookup. Never has edgy been this utterly beautiful-- or imbued with purpose. By the way, the vocals on many of the album’s top highlights are courtesy of Elizabeth Fraser of the Cocteau Twins, if you needed another reason at all to listen to this.
Jessie Ware - What’s Your Pleasure? (2020) Disco, dance-pop Need some instantaneous summer to pull your mind away from the frigid wind? Load up this album and instantly feel the lush, warm glory wash over you. Good God, is this fun. You will find yourself bowing to the will of its irresistible grooves and choruses that feel like their own complex dance numbers in miniature. It’s an incredible shame that this is a “COVID album” (my first taste was in the barren wasteland of Akers Hall), because this is anything but COVID. It’s desperate for contact, for the beating pulse of life you can only find outside of yourself, for the loss of the self to the party. This is the soundtrack to when you finally take center stage on the dancefloor and rock it to the point where it is your legacy.
Snubs
Jorge Ben - A Tábua de Esmeralda (1974) MPB, Samba rock Want to know a social gathering cheat code? Here’s what to do: the very moment you get a hold of the aux, should you desire to lighten the mood of the room, play this album. That serenading chorus in “Os alquimistas estão chegando” will immediately and drastically improve the vibes of the surroundings until everyone is humming and bobbing along. It’s automatic. This album is one of those that we need to play to aliens to prove that Earth is a nice place and we’re worth having around-- it’s set loose and free in the beautiful fallibility of mankind, uncovering ancient alchemical tomes just as much as it sets the countdown for rockets blasting off to Mars. It’s secretly wicked smart and well-read for how easy it is to imagine jamming away on a radio at the beach, providing the smooth undercurrent for your life. There’s even a song about a guy who falls in love with his tie, what’s not to love?
Candy Claws - Ceres & Calypso in the Deep Time (2013) Dream pop, neo-psych, shoegaze Imagine if you, like the titular Ceres, found yourself phase distorted 150 million years into the past. Imagine how thick the rainforest you find yourself in would be-- all that truly untouched nature. That is how thick and hazy the sound for this album is. It’s a crushing weighted blanket, but holy shit is it comfy. Even with that sound, it’s still an absolute rollercoaster, the inherent childlike wonder and sense of adventure clashing and mixing with the surprising amount of existential dread that comes with the concept of deep time. Have you ever thought about how much past there is? How, even as every day recedes, the amount of time we witness slip into it compared to what is already gone is a grain of sand falling into an open, galaxy-spanning desert? Wait, holy wow, forget that noise-- look at the size of that freakin’ dinosaur! Holy shit! None of these albums, according to the 1001, *must* be listened to before you die. It does think you need to listen to Devil Without a Cause by Kid Rock, though, so whose opinion would you rather trust? Snubs Archive coming soon :^)
If you didn't have to sell your labor to survive, what would you spend your time doing? -
probably attempting art projects that I have no business attempting (Rachael, Vesta) I wish I could do those media analysis video essays on YouTube (Alex, Toad Lane) probably fuck all (Nat, New Comm) Giving Ansel the life he deserves (Sky, Orion) Also giving Ansel the life he deserves (Bella, Orion) also also giving ansel the life he deserves (Abby, Orion) traveling, exist, people watch at overpriced coffee shops (Rebecca, Howland) Finishing up the many storylines I've started and publishing them for free :) (Myron, Orion) I would travel around learning everything about everything. (Nina, Howland) lay in he sun, make/listen to music, smoke hell weed, and eat yummy garden food (Brian, Vesta) I would make little puppets and make a kids show, the show would focus on social emotional skills and things that are important for littles (Lily, Beal) Probably going on road trips or making music (Ryan, Raft Hill) Build a suit of medieval armor. (Annika, Beal) gaming, art, listening to moosic, spending time with my children (cats) (Anna, Raft Hill) Probably still going to school, knowledge is important and using it is fun. (Jake, Phoenix) Art! (Alex S., Orion) Living as a nomad on the beach, teaching people how to surf and scuba-dive. (Eric, Howland) i would frolic so hard. like, i would reach catastrophic levels of whimsy whilst frolicking through various meadows, forests, gulches, and such. (AJ, Vesta) domesticating opossums (Mylee, Phoenix)