Horoscopes

Submitted anonymously

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Never be the person to tell yourself no, let someone else do it. Apply for a salaried job you aren’t qualified for. Let the manager tell you no. Buy something that you can’t afford. Run your card and if it gets declined, it just wasn’t meant to be. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Fall is creeping up on us quick, dear Libra. Take a walk through a flower garden while you still can! Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22): New opportunities are beginning to present themselves to you, dear Scorpio. For the past several months you have been manifesting abundance be it in material wealth, love, or health. Your manifestations are about to come to fruition, but you need to take action while you can to receive them. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): I feel that you deserve an overpriced drink from a pretentious coffee shop. Buy yourself an expensive drink from a pretentious coffee shop. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Have you ever played Stardew Valley? I highly recommend it as a great way to unwind. Definitely a game that matches your Capricorn vibes. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19): Block your mom on Facebook to start some family drama. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You are permitted to do one bad thing today. You ’ ve got a lot of options and ideas, so choose wisely. Aries (March 21-April 20): There’s lots of stuff going on in the world right now to protest or fight for. I know you ’re always down for a direct action, dear Aires. Start a letter writing campaign. Taurus (April 21-May 20): You don’t need to feel existential dread when you have no survival skills for the impending apocalypse anyway. Watch a post-apocalyptic show or movie and ask yourself, why do they want to live so bad? Gemini (May 21-June 20): Stay away from people whose names start with C this month. If your name starts with C, then I’ ve got some bad news for you. Cancer (June 21-July22): If something goes wrong this month, ask yourself, “is it beets?” Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): By this stage in your life, you should have an idea of if you have a green thumb or not. If you don’t, try a pothos. If you do, time to give orchids a try.

Officer Positions: This Could Be You!

The following are positions at each house that need to be filled (except Toad doesn’t owe office labor). Speaking of office labor - we’re figuring out how to reinstate this practice for the benefit of the co-op and its members. You ’ll be hearing more about the return of office labor and expectations soon.