Brain Stew '17 / '18 - Issue 5

BOO! Teehee, did we scare you? We got a spoopy stew hot and ready for ya! Zach and Nicole put the “honor” in “honors college” at the UMSL Founder’s Dinner. Emma shares a super fall-y prog rock album with us and puts the “beautifi” in “beautification. Mike lends a tirade about online dating apps (TL;DR: just buy real apps, like, you know, chicken wings or something.) Zach enlists some friends to help him get to the bottom of bisexuality and pansexualiy. Nicole gives us an update about the dean search. (Our money is on Spooky Ann.) Plus the usual propoganda advertisements for PLHCSA, a personal ad, some otters, and smattering of memes. BOO! (Now did we scare you?)

Why did Zach almost forget to write the understew this week??

Holly Pope

Kim Baldus

Well, I saw Zach on Tuesday, and he needed to use my office phone to call the Apple store because some Russians hacked into his iCloud account? I dunno, sounds spooky.

But you better change your passwords, just to make sure. You don’t want to forget about the Understew either, I’m sure.

Well, I’m sure Zachary has a lot on his plate right now: presenting at a conference this weekend, writing a journal article on comics pedagogy, apply to grad school, taking the GRE... gosh he sure sounds busy. I hope he doens’t get sick and miss his presentation on Saturday. I don’t think I can pull off purple as well as he can.

Who’s this fascinating creature? find out on page 12 !

Geri Friedline LMAO have y’all seen the sheer number of prose submissions we’ve had in Bellerive this year? He’s probably wading through if not drowning in a pile of it now. He’ll never escape!! Prose forever!!

Mwahahahahaha!!

A Precious Otter Baby

Nooo, sillies, he’s been busy looking at pictures of me on the interwebs!!

And when he’s not doing that, he’s searching Facebook for the many otter videos posted on the many otter websites that Zach follows. We’ve got him trapped, and we don’t intend to let him go for a while. Toodle-loo!

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a column for exploring the intersections of sex, gender, and sexuality

inqueeries

by zachary j. lee

“bisexual/pansexual” Hey folks, and welcome to another exciting inqueeries column! I’ve invited four of my dear friends onto today’s column to help parse out bisexuality and pansexuality. These word mean several things to many different people, so this episode is less about trying to pin down exactly what each word means and more about understanding that language is slippery, especially when talking about sexuality. I don’t identify as either bisexual or pansexual (for the record, I identify as Queer), so I’ve called on some of my friends to help us out. So without further ado, please enjoy my interview with Kristy (Kr), Kevin (Ke), Jenna (J), and Ellie (E)!

Q

Q

Q

Z: How do you identify your sexual orientation?

Kr: I consider myself to be pansexual.

Ke: I am bisexual.

J: I am/identify as a bisexual.

E: I actually have complex feelings as to how I identify my sexual orientation, as sexuality to me is something that’s always fluid and changing, and as such I try to avoid labels when I can. However, if I were to label I would consider myself somewhere in the zone of pansexual, which is kind of like bisexuality, except more inclusive than just the two genders that bisexuality allows.

Z: How much does your orientation matter to you?

Kr: My orientation is an integral part of my personality; I don't feel as if anyone can completely understand Kristy the person until they understand that I am pansexual. Also, the amount of puns related to kitchen pans is also a large part of my personality.

Ke: Growing up in a predominantly Catholic community, I spent the majority of high school closeted. Nowadays, I can really appreciate the ability to be open about my orientation. In that sense, it's important to me.

J: My orientation is important to me because it is who I am but I don't want it to define me. I am much more than someone who is attracted to both genders.

E: My orientation matters to me a great deal, but also doesn’t matter to me one bit, which is an odd thing to say, I know. What I mean by this is that I try to not limit or restrict myself into the confines of a declared orientation. I find that doing so can lead to a lot of confusion, or policing who you think you can or can’t be attracted to, which seems counterintuitive to how sexuality works. I’m attracted to all different types of genders and people, and as such this does impact my life and personal identity, but I’m not quite sure how much a declared label of orientation factors into that identity.

Z: What do others (close friends, family, society, etc.) think about your orientation?

Kr: Some of my closest friends also consider themselves pansexual, and anyone else outside of that group rolls right with the pansexual puns.

Ke: My immediate family and close friends have always been supportive. I keep the less tolerant people on the periphery of my life, so I can't tell you much about what they think.

J: No one has had a problem with my orientation as far as I know. My family has been very encouraging because, unknown to me, it was pretty obvious to them. I've had a few encounters with people who don't agree with my orientation, but everyone is entitled to their opinion so I don't let it bother me.

E: I think pansexuality can be somewhat confusing for people who aren’t necessarily as educated on sexuality and gender, as it’s not necessarily something that is as discussed. It’s also not as straightforward as something like heterosexuality or homosexuality, as it involves being attracted to multiple genders, which people may not understand or have an open mind about.

Z: Are there any common misconceptions about your orientation?

Kr: I feel as though society tends to smudge that fine line between pansexual and bisexual often; I remember throughout high school defining myself as bisexual and not feeling quite comfortable with the term. I can never find the words to explain the difference, other than the idea that calling myself "bisexual" felt somehow exclusive.

Discovering the term pansexual somewhere between my junior and senior year just seemed to fit my personality like nothing I've ever experienced since.

Ke: A lot of people think the "bi-" in "bisexuality" refers to two, or attraction to two genders, which might imply a gender binary. In a contemporary sense, the "bi-" typically means both, or having both same-sex and different-sex attractions. "Bisexual" is a lot closer to "pansexual" or "omnisexual" than most people think.

J: There are a few misconceptions that I know of. People think that as someone who is bisexual I am out to steal their significant others from them. People think that bisexuals are indecisive and should just choose a side. There are people in the LGTBQ+ community and outside of the community that think if bisexuals date someone of the opposite gender they aren't really bisexuals. I've read a few things where people think bisexuals are sex freaks and can't stop having sex.

E: I think pansexuality is a little less stigmatized by the mere fact that it has virtually no representation within the mainstream media. I would guess that a lot of people are not even super aware of its existence. So I guess one misconception that could be cleared up would that it exists, and is a valid sexuality.

Z: What do you wish others new about your orientation that you don't think they already know?

Kr: I wish that the actual definitions of both bisexual and pansexual were a little more widely known to the general population. If sexuality comes up in conversation, I don't mind explaining what I know and how it works in terms of my sexuality, but I feel like if that became more common knowledge then many more people would find a deeper understanding of themselves and their sexuality.

Ke: Not everyone who identifies as bi has an equal attraction to all sexes and/or genders. Everyone experiences attraction in their own way.

J: I wish people knew that I am exactly the same as everyone else. I fall in love the same way, I argue with significant others the same way, and I struggle with love in the same way. None of the misconceptions above are true. We are all human and we all go through life. I just so happen to be able to fall in love with different people.

E: I know that it can be easy to lump bisexuality and pansexuality together since they both exist in the realm of

being attracted to multiple genders and just a touch more complex, but they aren’t the same. You could say that they are similar, and that there are ways in which they can overlap, but to say that all bisexuals are pan and that all pansexuals are bi is false.

Thanks again so much to everyone who agreed to being interviewed for this issue’s inqueeries! If you have any questions about bisexuality and pansexuality, or about any kind of Queer topic at all, send it on over to zjlmr5@mail.umsl.edu, and we can learn together!

hey folks, zach here i ran out of stuff to put in brain stew while doing layouts, so here’s a bunch of hot otters and one husky pupper

please submit to the brain stew!!

Straight from the pumpkin-spice desk of Emma Daues!

THE PROG CORNER! --A music column-Salutations, all of you spooky Brain Stew readers! I stand here before you today in the midst of the best month of the year: Halloween October! We’ve finally toughed it out through those harsh, sweltering summer months and have landed in a bed of colorful leaves while bundled up in lovely fuzzy sweaters! It’s Fall, y’all! Get pumped!

In honor of October, it’s time to bring out some prog that will get everyone really in the fall mood and that celebrates the greatness of October!

Octoberon -- Barclay James Harvest (1976) Barclay James Harvest may not be as well-known as the other prog groups we’ve talked about here, but they are still pretty rockin’. While their songs have a structure very rooted in progressive rock, Barclay James Harvest is known for giving it a bit of a rural, folk twist. It’s like...Prog Rock for Farmers. Additionally, it makes for some pretty good music to listen to as you get your Autumn on.

As with a lot of prog bands, the band’s lineup has gone through some crazy shifts over the years. At the time of the release of their seventh album, Octoberon, the band consisted of John Lees (vocals, guitar), Les Holroyd (bass, additional vocals), Mel Pritchard (drums), and Stuart “Wooly” Wolstenholme (keyboards, additional vocals). The art for this album is pretty wacky, with the fairy king Oberon depicted front-and-center in a style that makes him look like he’s covered in mother-of-pearl. But hey...I’d be the first to confess that I’d totally dress up as a giant iridescent butterfly given the chance. Maybe this will be my Halloween costume this year.

The album starts out gentle, with the soothing opening lyrics & guitar of “The World Goes On”. The whole song keeps the gentleness throughout, even with the addition of electric guitar riffs later on. The lyrics are soft and dreamy, urging the listener to not worry about their troubles, and to “leave it all behind and spread your wings”.

The next song, “May Day”, is a brighter-sounding song that tells the story of a man confused about whether it’s night or day. His confusion is due to the people around him telling him what he sees is wrong, and eventually they lock him in an asylum. While the song is fairly basic in structure, it uses lots of light/shadow imagery and hints at some parallels to oppressive governments, à la 1984. As a grand finale, the track ends with an extended chant-y chorus bit, which may represent the chorus of people who tell the protagonist that he’s crazy.

Anyway, it’s a cool song, and my favorite on the album. It’s just really fun to sing the refrain, “I stopped a man on the street today / and I asked him, ‘Sir, is it night or day?’...”

Things take an even more mysterious turn with the next track, “Ra”. The instrumental intro is long and synth-riddled, but the vocals finally make an appearance around 2 minutes in. The lyrics are sung very light and floaty, with a basic premise of praising Ra, the Egyptian sun god. Each of the verses are separated by a faster instrumental bit, which provides some contrast. The song ends similar to how it started, with synths grand enough to give the impression of a sunrise.

Next are a few short n’ sweet songs, starting with “Rock ‘n Roll Star”. The song grooves in its own simplicity, with a repetitive structure and lyrics about someone travelling the tough road of show business. Afterwards is “Polk Street Rag”, another funky tune that, fairly explicitly, describes the story of a one-night stand…eugh,

okay. “Believe in Me” is next, which contrasts the previous songs with a cute uplifting message and a bit of happy counterpoint singing during the bridge. After experiencing the first three songs on the album in all their epicness, these three seem to breeze by like nothing, and don’t leave that much of a lasting impression.

But hey, let’s make things more proggy, alright? For the final song, Barclay James Harvest brings it home with an 8-minute ballad called “Suicide?”. The melancholy song tells the story of a man who awoke to see that his lover has left him. Overcome with grief, he walks to a local club and takes the elevator up to the roof, where he stands on the edge ready to jump. As a crowd gathers below, he hears a voice behind him say, “Just in time!”

Then he “Felt the quick push, felt the air rush / felt the sidewalk, fell in line”. Kind of a heavy and mysterious way to end the story; was it suicide or not? However, the song doesn’t end there. As the music fades out, we then hear the sound of footsteps as the story is retold through acted-out sound effects. We hear the sounds of people making merry as the man makes his way through the club, and the whirring of the elevator as he takes it to the top of the building. The sounds of a breezy day outside signal that he’s made it to the roof, and a voice whispers “just in time” before we hear a whoosh and a sickening thud. It’s a jarring and macabre way to end an album, but certainly one that sticks with you.

And that’s Octoberon, a ‘Fall af’ album with just the right amount of funky, hazy, and spooky! Both Dan and I are still taking requests for punk and prog songs to go head-to-head in our Ultimate Prog vs. Punk Showdown, coming next issue! Join the cause by shooting one of us an email and get your voting fingers ready for next week’s issue! Seeeeeeee ya!!

Brain Stew presents:

PLHC PERSONAL ADS HELLO, what do you and me have in common with penguins? Lemme tell you, it’s not that they mate for life.

My name is Nicold Shivers, and I’m looking for that special person to keep me warm on these blustery nights. I know that I can just keep my windows closed to keep out the chill, but why do that when we could chill together instead? I enjoy warm cups of hot cocoa spiked with rumchata and even warmer bodies—sorry zombies, step aside! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy normal people things too: chewing on ice until my molars bleed, eating ice cream fresh out of the deep freezer, and taking my blankets to the laundromat every couple of weeks. (When you live in these babies like I do, you gotta treat them like clothes, you feel me?) So tell me—do you think we’ll make an ice pair? I’m ready for a sleet-over with Mr. Right.

Dating apps are a waste of most people’s time, and other dating facts you might not know

People in their mid 30s have been around for the explosion of Tinder, and the numerous associated and similar smartphone applications that have given rise to the idea of internet dating. The majority of it is total bullshit. Not many people meet on these platforms, or at least they don’t make meaningful connections -- at least in the unpaid versions. Let’s take for instance, OKCupid. They offer a free download, and then don’t push you to sign up for anything extra at first. It doesn’t take long, however, before numerous types of advertisements begin to interrupt your usage of the app. Your swiping may be abruptly ended, or your email inbox might show a new message from OKCupid, reminding you to swipe. What makes this whole ruse worse, is that the people who do pay, are excluded from being seen by those who don’t pay the monthly fee. The app will lead you to believe that there are loads of people out there interested in knowing you, but you have to join their cult in order to be able to interact with the interested people through the app. The monthly fee doesn’t even guarantee that you’ll meet anyone. No thank you, OKCupid. My account has been deleted. I’m not down with that.

I am totally down with meeting people in real life, and making meaningful connections.

I think I’m done with dating apps. I’ve given it a solid effort. Real world, watch out.

Shit’s about to get real.

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>>> IN AN UNRELATED NOTE >>>

Pierre Laclede Honors College Dean Search Committee Official Report- October 20th, 2017

PLHC Dean Search Update: October 2017

This month, a committee was formed to find a new, permanent dean for the Pierre Laclede Honors College as current interim dean Dan Gerth was fired after leaving a deep fryer on in his office over the weekend and catching part of the building on fire will return to his position as Ass. Dean at the end of the academic year. After many hours of evaluating the candidates, the committee has narrowed down the list of candidates to the seven individuals listed below. We invite students to voice their opinions of who they would like to see as the new dean by taking our survey and tweeting us at @umslbrainstew.

Perry Gleason

The PLHCSA Wagon

A Harvard graduate and an acclaimed MIT professor of astrophysics, Dr. Professor Perry Eliot Gleason brings a lot to the table as a potential candidate for the PLHC Dean position. Perry specializes in research surrounding heckin’ pressing modern issues such as booping, dogology, and woofin. Perry has received a prestigious 15/10 by WeRateDogs and is critically acclaimed as a “really good boy” by his mother, Nancy Gleason. When asked why he wants to be the new dean, Perry said, “woof, woof woof woof.

Wooooooof.”

The PLHCSA wagon got its start in academia after being discovered in the abandoned LeGras Hallway of Provincial House. With humble beginnings, the PLHCSA wagon began its career by hauling trash out of the PLHCSA office and into the dumpster.

Since then, the PLHCSA wagon has taken on several impressive roles, such as hauling paint for Paint-aPalooza, carrying supplies for Are You Smarter than the Professors, and serving as a bed for Villa North RA Matt Housewright. The PLHCSA wagon will soon pursue its most impressive pursuit next Tuesday, as it will carry students for PLHCSA’s inaugural PLHCSA Hayride. When asked what it would do as dean, the PLHCSA wagon said, “I will roll with whatever comes my way.”

Pepe Pepe understands the needs of honors students, as he is currently a resident of the Villa North Honors College Living Learning Community. After being surrounded by current PLHC students and eating their food, Pepe believes that he is well-suited to take on the role of a dean. If selected as dean, Pepe plans to improve the infrastructure of the Honors College by installing more tunnels throughout the building. Pepe also hopes to incorporate innovative new classes in the Honors curriculum, such as Inquiries in the Cheese, Cultural Trapditions, and a course focused on motorcycle culture.

Bitmoji Dan While his beard may not be as long as Dan Gerth’s, Bitmoji Dan believes his persona and appearance would be well-suited for the position of Dean of the PLHC. Bitmoji Dan currently serves as the mascot for PLHCSA, where he works hard to entertain the students of the PLHC and promote PLHCSA events with dank memes. Bitmoji Dan believes that he is far superior than the current interim dean, and wishes to challenge him to a chicken wing eating contest.

Pierre Laclede Honors College Dean Search Committee Official Report- October 20th, 2017

The Schiessl Lounge The Christoph Schiessl Lounge is a strong contender for the PLHC dean position.

The Schiessl Lounge was born and raised in the halls of the PLHC and has since dedicated its life to providing comfort to the students. After pursuing a degree at Stanford, the Schiessl Lounge began a life of service, transforming what used to be a cold, depressing end of the hallway by Dr. Schiessl’s office into a space that can be enjoyed by all (except Dr. Schiessl). The Schiessl Lounge has also expanded its philanthropic efforts by welcoming the Jennifer Richardson Memorial Hallway in March of 2017.

When asked what it would do first if appointed dean, the Schiessl Lounge obviously did not respond, as it is a collection of inanimate objects and a nice rug, you idiot.

Do YOU want to be the Dean of the Honors College?

Tell us why you are a qualified candidate by emailing one of the editors or tweeting us @umslbrainstew

Ashley Taylor

While Ashley is still an undergrad, she may be the most qualified candidate, as she is going to cure cancer. Ashley is also well-known by the Honors community as the person who continually takes the candy off the bulletin board by Mandy’s office. You can read more about Ashley in her most recent UMSL Daily article, where she discusses the challenges of being the most amazing person on planet Earth. When asked why she wants to be the dean, Ashley said, “DAAAAAHHHHHH WHAAAATTT OHHH MY GOOOSSH NOOOOOO DAAAAAHH.”

Spooky Ann Beginning only as a set of googly eyes on a nameplate, Spooky Ann evolved into a Honors cultural phenomenon.

While she enjoyed the life of fame she was living within the PLHC, Spooky Ann was sad that she had scared so many students and wanted more for herself. After enrolling in the Peace Corps, Spooky Ann went on to receive many honors (pun intended) for her pursuits, including a Nobel Peace Prize and a Golden Globe ©. Spooky Ann is now looking to return to her home of the PLHC as the director of the honors program. Spooky Ann believes she will make an excellent dean because she always has her eyes open to new opportunities.

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