Friendship starts with you

Navigating evolving social dynamics with empathy and confidence in Middle School

From Grades 6-8, social-emotional development takes centre stage and Pickering College’s Middle School programming is geared to help students navigate these evolving social dynamics with empathy and confidence.

“The first place students start to build friendships is through homeroom programming, particularly in the first week of school,” says Julie Clement, Director of Middle School. “That first week isn’t really focused on academics but instead focused on skill building, team building and getting to know each other through a series of different activities that focuses more on the group and the community of their classroom.”

Middle School students participate in different activities allowing them to share who they are, what’s going on in their lives and what interests them. Earlier this year, they were led through a workshop by faculty member Danielle Moore where they were tasked with writing five things about themselves directly relating to their identity, their role in the community, and words that inspire them. The most challenging part proved to be including a word they thought their friends would use to describe them. Clement says this made her realize that perhaps a greater effort ought to be made to encourage students to share with classmates what they appreciate in them. This is now a goal she has set for herself and her students.

“I want to shift that into the Middle Schoolers themselves—how do we highlight what we appreciate in each other, so that they can feel a little bit more confident in who they are and can build those stronger connections and friendships,” says Clement.

Group work is one of the aspects of the Middle School program that helps to encourage students to manage changing interests and friendships. Many of the assignments related to the Global Leadership Program involve working with students outside of their close friend group, providing an opportunity to discover what they have in common with classmates as they collaborate and share ideas. In addition, all classes participated in an off-campus excursion in the fall, to further cement these bonds through challenge-based team-building activities.

“These experiences are important in developing friendships and students’ ability to connect with each other on different levels other than academics,” Clement explains. “I think from the perspective of the school, we’re always looking for those opportunities of ‘how do we connect one student with many students in the community?’ For Middle Schoolers, there’s just so much changing and so being able to provide them with more people they can connect with helps to provide a sense that not everything is staying the same.”

Co-curricular activities offer the opportunity to diversify their friend groups outside of an academic setting. Danielle Sugar, Child and Youth Specialist, says getting involved in co-curricular activities at school, and extracurricular activities outside of school, provides students with a good foundation to meet different people and to build quality friendships with those who share common interests but also who provide different perspectives.

“In some capacity, you have to learn life skills about ‘how do we get along with people?’ and ‘how do we work in groups with people we don’t like?’ That’s a good life skill that goes well beyond high school—it’s an adult life skill where sometimes we work with people we don’t necessarily get along with but we have to find ways of doing that,” says Sugar.

Right from the start of the school year within Middle School, Clement says they model and reinforce the Quaker value that there’s good in everyone. “It allows us to remember that we can still be friendly, respectful and kind to people, even if we don’t agree with them,” Clement says. “And we also have good in us, so thinking about what we have to offer other people is part of building friendships.”

Grade 8 student Michaella Pantano joined Pickering College in September 2020 as a Grade 7 student. Her transition to the school went smoothly, as she made connections with students and faculty members who helped ensure she was comfortable and adjusting well.

“Everyone was open to answering questions I had about the school, everyone was also very kind and introduced themselves to me and I made some friends in the process,” says Pantano.

Now she’s paying it forward by ensuring new students and fellow classmates feel like they belong. “In order to make others feel welcome, I try to include them in group conversations if they seem left out, I try to lend a helping hand when I can.”

In addition to the students themselves, the school’s promotion of physical, mental, and emotional wellness has been very strong, says Sugar, especially with the added challenges presented by the global pandemic.

“Students are provided with multiple opportunities throughout the day to practice skill sets such as self-awareness, building self-management skills, increasing social awareness and fostering really important relationships with one another,” she says.

In turn, students are not only learning to self-advocate but also noticing when friends may be struggling and are helping to connect them with the support they need within the school.

“What I think has been really great is the circle of care team that we have between Middle School, Senior School, Boarding, our Health Centre, Learning Strategies and Guidance,” says Sugar. “There’s a really nice cohesiveness with more frequent meetings to update each other on how we can best work together to support our students.”

“BE YOURSELF”

Many Middle Schoolers have likely heard from their parents to “just be yourself.” It’s a topic Middle School Director Julie Clement says they spend a lot of time talking about as the need to belong becomes heightened at this age due to peer or self pressure to try to conform. “We talk to them about being true to who they are and that they don’t need to be somebody else to be respected, appreciated and to have friends. They need to be who they are and not lose that as they move through the Middle School.”