BABOON TAILS

BABOON TAILS Stories my father told me

Written by H.M.S. Fysh.

Illustrated by Philip Scarrold.

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BABOON TAILS Stories my father told me My father, H.M.S. Fysh, created these and many other stories for his children. That was in South Africa in the 1950’s.

So even though they may not mean much to the younger generation, I would still like to give my family and their children the opportunity to hear some of them.

A big thank you to Phil Scarrold for bringing the stories to life.

Maggie Forde.

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Contents: BILLY THE TEST PILOT.......................................Page 5 BANKROT AND THE WHEELBARROW...........Page 8 BILLY AND THE WIRELESS (RADIO)..............Page 10

The characters in the stories: Billy – young baboon always getting into trouble Bankrot – also young baboon and often partner in crime Bessie – young cousin Uncle Albert, Jacob and Andries – older baboons Oupa Tottie – the patriarch Mr and Mrs Steenkamp – the baboons live on their farm and are always raiding their crops.

Skottletje – the baby baboon

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BILLY THE TEST PILOT

The six younger baboons were sitting on the edge of a large rock, watching some swallows swooping and diving after flies and little flying insects.

“I wish I could fly,” sighed little Skottletje.

“Well why not?” asked Billy, who had just been thinking about the same thing. “ I’ll teach you to fly.”

“Cooo! Can you really,” chorused the other little baboons.

“Of course I can, “ boasted Billy.

“Oh please show me how,” begged Skottletje.

“No I can’t show you now. We’ll have to wait till the Steencamps go to town.”

Billy swaggered off, very pleased with the impression he had made – they all thought he was simply wonderful.

As soon as he got out of sight he sat down and scratched his head hard. Why on earth had he told them that he would teach them to fly when he hadn’t the faintest idea where he was going to get wings from, let alone how to use them.

He went off to Oupa Tottie, but he just told him not to be silly, so poor old Billy was left all alone to puzzle it out, and how he wished that he hadn’t shown off like that.

The next morning early while he was snuffling around in the Steencamp’s vegetable patch, he had a brilliant idea – cabbage leaves, and he could hardly wait to try his idea out.

Going along to the farmhouse, he noticed that the Steencamps were getting ready for their weekly trip to town.

As soon as they had left, he tore up the kopje to fetch the others. He led them down to the old cowshed. He gave them each two of the largest cabbage leaves he had been able to find in the vegetable garden and told them to climb up to the Baboon Tails

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roof.

The Steencamps coming back to fetch something they had forgotten were most amazed to see five little baboons all standing in a row along the edge of their cowshed roof, flapping cabbage leaves for all they were worth.

“Now jump,” said Billy when he thought they had wound themselves up enough. He hadn’t heard the Steencamps coming back and the little baboons had been concentrating much too much on what they were doing to take any notice, even if they did hear.

Flapping the cabbage leaves wildly the five little baboons jumped into space – not even two seconds later there was a loud bump and howls of rage and disappointment. Then five baboons tore round the yard after Billy, who was getting used to this sort of treatment and out of the yard they tore and cannoned straight into Farmer Steencamp, who was coming round with his big sjambok to see what was happening. They hit him in his middle, leaving him too breathless to even wonder what had hit him. Belinda, Bessie and Co. got such a fright that they quite forgot why they had been chasing Billy, who really did not feel like reminding them, because as he said to himself afterwards, it wasn’t his fault, how was he to know that the silly things wouldn’t fly.

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BANKROT AND THE WHEELBARROW

One day Bankrot boasted that he could push a wheelbarrow along a piece of rope tied between two trees.

“Agh, I bet nobody can push a wheelbarrow better than me.

Ho, ho, ha, ha.”

Billy got tired of all the boasting so one day he said to Bankrot, “You think you can push a wheelbarrow better than any other baboon here.” So Bankrot said, “ Agh yes.”

So Billy said, “tomorrow evening you and I will both push wheelbarrows across some rope. Uncle Jacop can get in your wheelbarrow and Uncle Albert in mine.” So Bankrot said, “Oh, alright Billy.”

So the next evening just before the baboons gathered in the shade of the kopje, Billy made Bankrot’s rope slanting.

Later Bankrot came banging his chest, “now you are going to see a great thing”. So Billy and Bankrot climbed the tree and got ready to start. Uncle Albert got into Billy’s wheelbarrow and Uncle Jacob got into Bankrot’s barrow. Uncle Jacop said to Bankrot, “Bankrot, if you let me fall, you see this stick, I’ll give you such a walloping.” Poor old Bankrot was shivering and shaking so much that he could hardly keep his balance.

So when Oupa Tottie said, ”Go” and no sooner had they started when Bankrot started to shoot along the rope and dragged Billy after him. Plop, fell Uncle Jacob, plop, fell Bankrot and crash bang the wheelbarrow fell on top of Uncle Jacob. Billy and all the other baboons were laughing their heads off. “Bankrot, come here!” but poor old Bankrot just ran and ran shouting for help. Later that night Bankrot came back with bumps on his head and a red bottom!

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BILLY AND THE WIRELESS (RADIO)

Farmer Steenkamp and his wife had gone out and it was not long before Billy came ambling down the kopje to explore. He was an inquisitive little baboon and wanted to find out something more about this funny thing that Oupa Tottie said was called a house. To his delight they had left the pantry window open and it wasn’t long before he was scratching to his heart’s content in Mrs Steenkamp’s drawers.

Tired of that, he walked through to the dining room, Mr Steenkamp’s best hat squashed over his ears and one of Mrs Steenkamp’s chiffon scarves hooked on the end of his tail.

The first thing that he noticed was a large brown box standing in the corner of the room. Pushing a large family photograph onto the floor, where it lay in a pool of broken glass, he examined it with great curiosity, twiddling the knobs and trying to push it around. All of a sudden a great voice boomed out of nowhere, as it were – “THIS IS THE SOUTH AFRICAN BROADCASTING CORPORATION. HERE IS THE NEWS!”

Poor Billy jumped sky high, shot down the passage and out of the pantry window, bumping his head on the fridge on the way. Gibbering with fright he raced up the kopje and bumped into his cousin Bessie curled up on a sunny rock.

“Whatever is the matter with you?” she squeaked.

Billy told her.

“Let’s go down and see,” said Bessie, who did not really believe Billy.

So the two little baboons crept quietly round to the pantry window. Billy hung back looking rather scared. Yes, there was still a noise, something about “scattered showers”, 10

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whatever that might be.

They had both forgotten that they were scared. They were so curious as to what made the box talk. Bessie had a clever idea.

“I know that there must be a man inside that box,” she said but neither of them felt brave enough to go and see whether this was true.

As they stood and listened, Bessie chuckled, for she had thought of a lovely plan. She told Billy and it wasn’t long before the two naughty baboons had found a big box outside the kitchen door, that Sallypans, the maid used for putting the ash in. With a little trouble, they managed to lug it up the kopje, where they propped it up under an old camel-thorn tree.

Billy stuck one or two cotton reels, that he had picked up outside the yard, on the outside of the box, while Bessie went off to call Uncle Jacob, Uncle Andries and Uncle Albert and all the other baboons. They did not believe her and were all much too comfortable in the sun to think of moving. At last Bankrot, who could not bear anything important to happen when he wasn’t there, decided to go and then it wasn’t long before they all came trooping down over the rocks to see this wonderful talking box.

As soon as they were seated, Bessie strutted up to the box looking very important and twiddled one of the knobs.

There was a silence and then….

“THIS IS THE BABOONLAND BROADCASTING CORPORATION, HERE IS THE NEWS….”

The baboons all looked very astonished and some of them began to look rather uncomfortable as the news went on. Indeed Bankrot started wishing that he had not come at 12

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all.

“Bankrot Baboon tied an old tin onto Uncle Albert’s tail, with a piece of Quickgrass, while he was asleep yesterday afternoon. It is believed that it will not be long before justice is done.” (which meant that Bankrot would probably get a spanking now that Uncle Albert knew who had done it, because he had really been very cross indeed.)

Bessie couldn’t help chuckling behind her paw, as she saw Bankrot edging away behind an ant heap as fast as he could. He looked very scared and Bessie didn’t blame him when she saw how cross Uncle Albert was looking.

“Uncle Jacob spent a very satisfactory night in Farmer Steencamp’s land last night --- rather a pity that he is not feeling quite himself this morning, I think he should follow the advice he always gives Billy when he sees him eating something that he would like himself-----don’t be greedy my boy, always give others some.”

“Uncle Andries----“ At this moment the broadcast ended rather suddenly as Billy shot out of the box and began dancing up and down, slapping at himself and howling in fright and astonishment.

Unbeknown to Billy, they had put the box down on top of a colony of red ants and as they didn’t like him sitting on their front door, they had let him know with a few sharp nips.

As soon as the other baboons had recovered from their fright they realized that Billy had been making them all look rather silly, so before long Billy was being chased by some very angry baboons and even Bessie felt sorry for him when he was caught, but not quite sorry enough to tell them that it had really been her idea from the beginning.

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First published in Australia July, 2017.

Stories © H.M.S. Fysh 2017.

Illustrations © Philip Scarrold 2017.

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