Why Losing a Pet Can be More Heartbreaking than Losing a Relative

Lianna Champ has over 40 years’ experience as a grief and funeral care specialist and is author of practical guide, ‘How to Grieve Like A Champ’. Here, she discusses the ultimate taboo of why people are so often more grief-stricken after the loss of a pet than a relative.

By By LIANNA CHAMP, Author of ‘How to Grieve

We just love our pets so very much. They provide a constant flow of unconditional love twenty four hours a day and even when they are asleep, they open one eye when we move. They are just so reliable, they make us feel needed and foster so much love in our hearts. We can never fall out with them, but …. can we say the same for our human relatives?

Relationships in families can be very interesting and not all plain sailing. We are truly blessed if we can enjoy completely uncomplicated, perfect and loving relationships with our relatives. However, being human and not always perhaps the most patient of species, there is usually something that niggles us about most people . We have to accept this and make compromises or the battles will wage on. We see our relatives at their best and at their worse. We love them, we fall out with them, we sometimes even agree to disagree. All these things form part of our relationships.

When my mum died in 2011, I was completely devastated and even missed her telling me I was having a bad hair day which might sound funny, but when you know you are having a bad hair day, the last thing you need is someone telling you. I think of her every single day and enjoy our ongoing emotional relationship but I have to admit, I love being in charge of it now. This is something that we do not experience with our pets. Even if they chew our favourite pair of shoes, we can’t fall out with them and just blame ourselves for not putting our shoes away.

When we are having a really tough day, they can make it better. We can cry into their fur, smudge our mascara and have a big blotchy face and we aren’t even aware of it because our animals never look at us to judge us, they just look so trustingly into our eyes. They totally accept us exactly as we are. This bond is as strong as tempered steel.

We lose so much more than just our pet when our pets die. We lose that freedom of emotional acceptance, that dependency that we share with them. They create this huge big ball of love inside us and it’s quite magical. They are uncomplicated and we can’t ever ignore them as they don’t do that stuff, like the humans do.

Humans get caught up in their own dynamic. Our pets are only interested in ours. Not to mention the pleasure we have watching them play. They bring us right into the present moment and switch us off from outside noise. Sometimes we find it easier to stroke and love our pets than to hug a relative.

We give our animals unconditional love, just as they give it to us, but in relationships we often have to bargain with each other to try and retain harmony. Humans choose to carry baggage or else we wouldn’t have to bargain with one another.

Not pets. They just want to be with you regardless of whether you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube or leave the loo seat up. Also, when we hug and stroke our fur babies, we release endorphins into our bodies and this serves to deepen the human to animal bond we share.

You have to take the time to mourn your loss, lick your wounds and, when you feel better you will know when, or if, you want to give another animal a loving, happy and safe home. It’s a great feeling when your pet comes to greet you at the door. It’s better than chocolate!

Lianna Champ has over 40 years’ experience as a grief and funeral care specialist and is author of practical guide, How to Grieve Like A Champ.

They can’t tell us when they feel pain, yet when we know they are in pain, we feel it a hundred times worse for them. It really is no wonder that we feel such an overwhelming sense of loss when they die. We have lost something extremely special.

Each relationship with every pet we have is totally unique.