surrender

he says he is stabilizing now and i can see the ghost of Carl Solomon in the blithe smile and the wash of death in his eyes he is milk spilled on the concrete

how can i say that i am with him when i myself have never been but i am scared to look at him now the specter of a smile on his lips belongs to someone else

for one moment i can see why he eighty-sixes the meds in the sink he thinks they have stolen everything that makes him peculiar and intoxicating

we do this again and again i beg him to wear shoes next time he runs alone at night through the trees and i know he will not

i could love him in a different timeline i think i love him anyway his eyes are blue like the shoreline we sit silently and watch the waves