PLEASE - DON’T - COUGH - INLECTURE QUIZ

ARTICLE BY HANNAH KIM

illustrations by YUNE KIM

At the time that this article is being written, Penn is in the height of midterm season. Pret is packed, Van Pelt grows in number of students present past midnight, and the bags under students’ eyes are more prominent than the designer ones some people use as backpacks. What more could add to the stress of a student juggling all the major assignments their professors somehow coordinated to drop at the same time?

Sickness.

Speaking from someone who got COVID the day before classes started, took the full ten days to recover, then got knocked out with the flu less than two weeks later, I have gotten more acquainted with my room the past first month than I would like. This quiz is for anyone who also was miserable and surrounded by tissues and blankets during their first weeks on campus (more than one answer allowed).

The Quiz

1. What is the best food to eat when you have a fever or chills?

You likely have no appetite. Boohoo, you have to remember to eat without hunger pangs. Yeah, time perception is difficult if you’re just in your room, but look up in the little corner of your phone when watching Tiktoks in bed and check the time to have meals.

a. Warm plain foods b. Spicy hot cheetos from grommons c. $10 tiny soup from Pret d. Orange. a. True b. False a. Water bottle filling stations around campus b. Any of the Houston Market drink c. sections c. Brita d. Bio Pond gunk a. Oolong b. Anything honey based c. Green d. Earl grey a. Salt b. Cumin c. Red pepper powder d. Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel seasoning

2. Should you drink lots of water?

This is like the free one point you get on midterms for writing your name and Penn ID on every page.

3. Follow up to question 2: where or how can you get drinkable water on campus for free?

Disclaimer: Penn Appétit does not condone stealing.

4. Best type of tea to drink when afflicted with a sore throat?

I had a sore throat for three weeks straight this semester so take my expert advice on this one.

5. Which seasoning should you have handy when you have a sore throat?

Don’t show these answer choices to Niall’s chicken.

6. Why is chicken noodle soup good for sickness?

Ignore the sodium warning when getting Panera’s… a. Tastes good b. Protein, warm broth, and veggies c. It’s not good for sickness d. I wish Pret sold that

Answers

1. Answer: a, c, d. the Pret soup might be a little too overpriced; just go to Acme and stock up on instant soup or mac and cheese. As for oranges, there’s actually no real evidence that eating them will make you feel better or help get rid of your infection faster but either way fresh fruit doesn’t hurt!

2. Answer: true. Please hydrate. Like more than two water bottles a day and for sure more when you’re sick.

3. Answer: a, c. Those water bottle stations are a lifesaver. As for choice B, I personally have no comment. Britas are cool, just don’t fill one with vodka because of that Tik Tok trend because it ruins the filter permanently. Choice d is a joke. I hope you got that.

4. Answer: b. Well, technically it is all of them because any tea or warm drink will feel like God himself is caressing your neck when you have a sore throat. Honey is the best, but any tea that you can scrounge from the dining halls (or PAACH) is better than nothing.

5. Answer: a. Kind of a trick question… salt is good to have because gargling with salt water helps relieve sore throats. Don’t just like, eat salt.

6. Answer: b. A is also true, and I stand by D. Chicken noodle soup has both meat and meat broth, both of which are great for helping boost your immune system and energy. Not to mention it tastes good.

Results

If you got 0-2 answers right: How have you been surviving at this school. Are you okay? Genuinely asking.

If you got 3-4 answers right: Hurrah, you can mildly take care of yourself! Don’t get frat flu again.

If you got 5-6 answers right: So you’ve been sick a lot is what I’m gathering. My condolences.