Meet SFU's new president

News

Gurpreet Kambo News Editor

Gurpreet Kambo / News Editor | Michelle Gomez / Assistant New Editor Jess Dela Cruz and Paige Riding / News Writers

January 27, 2020 news@the-peak.ca

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Gurpreet Kambo / News Editor | Michelle Gomez / Assistant New Editor Jess Dela Cruz and Paige Riding / News Writers

News

news@the-peak.ca

Paige Riding News Writer

NOTICE OF STUDENT ELECTION – SPRING 2020 CALL FOR NOMINATIONS FOR STUDENT REPRESENTATIVES Students have an opportunity to become involved in the governance of SFU by submitting a nomination form for positions on Senate, Board of Governors, and Senate Graduate Studies Committee.

Committee Senate

Positions Term of Office Seventeen students, elected by June 1, 2020 to and from the student body, with May 31, 2021 at least one student elected from each faculty and at least three undergraduate and three graduate students.

Board of Governors One undergraduate student, elected by and from the undergraduate student body.

Senate Graduate Studies Committee (SGSC)

June 1, 2020 to May 31, 2021

One graduate student, elected by and from the graduate student body.

Four graduate students (2 June 1, 2020 to regular, 2 alternate), elected by May 31, 2021 and from graduate students.

Information Senate meets once a month and is responsible for the academic governance (all matters that bear on teaching and research) of the University. www.sfu.ca/senate The Board of Governors meets six times a year and is responsible for the business (property, revenue and policies) of the University. www.sfu.ca/bog SGSC meets once a month and is responsible for making recommendations to Senate concerning graduate programs, courses, regulations and policies. www.sfu.ca/senate/senatecommittees/sgsc

Nomination Deadline: Friday, January 31, 2020 @ 12:00 pm Campaign Period: January 31, 2020 to February 10, 2020 Online Voting: February 11, 2020 to February 13, 2020 Nomination Forms and Candidate Info: www.sfu.ca/students/elections/students Questions may be directed to the Electoral Officer, Senate & Academic Services at 778-782-3168 or senate@sfu.ca.

Opinions

Jessica Garcia SFU Student

Nicole Magas / Opinions Editor

January 27, 2020 opinions@the-peak.ca

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Opinions

Nicole Magas / Opinions Editor

opinions@the-peak.ca

Corbett Gildersleve SFU Student

SINGLE? READY TO MINGLE? If you are between the ages of 19 – 26, Join

Ready, Set, Mingle

for a Speed Dating Event at the sfu burnaby campus Meet up to 20 matchable singles in one evening!

Date: FEBRUARY 12TH, 2020 Venue: the Study, Maggie Benson Building Time: 6:30PM – 9:00PM Ticket price: $40 Tickets AVAILABLE VIA EVENTBRITE.CA: SFU, WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE FOR MORE INFO CONTACT: Insta: ready.set.mingle Email: teamreadysetmingle@gmail.com

Arts

Ben McGuinness Peak Associate

Prabhdeep Dhaliwal SFU Student

Marco Ovies / Arts Editor

January 27, 2020 arts@the-peak.ca

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Kim Regala Staff Writer

Kim Regala Staff Writer

Arts

Marco Ovies / Arts Editor

arts@the-peak.ca

Sports

Dylan Webb / Sports Editor

January 27, 2020 sports@the-peak.ca

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Sports

Dylan Webb / Sports Editor

sports@the-peak.ca

Humour

Zach Siddiqui / Humour Editor

January 27, 2020 humour@the-peak.ca

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Humour

Zach Siddiqui / Humour Editor

humour@the-peak.ca

Poseidon God of the AQ reflecting pond, Concreteshaker, patron of koi fish

Zeus God of inconvenient weather and cheating Chads Daddy of the gods, Zeus oversees all of Mount Burnabus. Every day, fuckboys on campus pray to him for static electricity to zap their coifs into place. When snow falls and fog rolls in, it’s because Zeus is hiding his emotional unavailability from his lovers — and hiding them from Hera.

Hera Goddess of jealousy of all nonmountain universities and Diamond Alumni Centre weddings Queen of the gods, Hera rules by her disloyal husband’s side.

When she’s not busy tormenting Zeus’s illegitimate children from lower-elevation universities, she’s spreading her blessings at DAC weddings. No blessings for the happy couple, though — she’s there for the guest who’s sobbing into their cake, envying the newlyweds’ happiness, and wishing for a better relationship.

Dwelling in the AQ pond, Poseidon personally eats the trash in the water so the koi fish don’t. Failed quizzes, condom wrappers, Mini Mart receipts exposing your mini-Oreos diet, your devil’s-advocate ex . . .

Next time you consider jumping in, following the siren song of granola wrappers chanting “one of us!”, remember that he’s in there and it could get kinky.

Ares Lord of war and man in your history class way too comfortable asking what kind of bullets were used to massacre civilians

Dionysus God of blacking out on cheap wine and requesting the DJ at The Study play “Mr. Brightside” . . . again Always one for a good time, Dionysus bestows good vibes and cheap pre-games. Students acknowledge Dionysus by belting out one of his many prayers from the “songs that make white people go crazy” playlist. If you get a little too sloppy on a night out, Dionysus won’t judge you. (Though the people around you, watching you try to steal a pinball machine after puking all over it, might.)

Athena Goddess of galaxy-brain moments, fierce attire, and the war against bad grades The brains of the bunch, Athena is said to pass around the one brain cell that SFU students share to those she deems worthy. Rumour has it that she sprang from Zeus’ head fully dressed in Beedie School of Business-branded merch, armed with a smart pencil, ready to aid students in taking legible notes.

He’s not actually a god at all.

He’s just a random student who’s auditing PSYC 367 — he’s that guy taking it to get into the minds of serial killers who dismembered women “for academic reasons.” He was even happier in ENGL 113W telling a TA that Shakespeare was a pussy for writing off-stage murders. He keeps bickering with an underpaid sessional about irrelevant military history, as if dropping the tutorial’s first “fuck” wasn’t enough.

Humour

January 27, 2020

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16 Diversions

Yuri Zhou / Business Manager

business@the-peak.ca