Dear Peakie

Dear Peakie,

This question has drawn curtains upon my complexion, colouring my world a bland shade of . . . blah. I rely on you to tell me the answer, and to free me at last from my haunting, yet, beautiful prison. Yes, I need you to tell me what kind of sharpener you use for #3 pencils!!

Sincerely, Drawing Blanks

Dear Peakie, Why can’t we have nap time in classes again? I am very sleepy. I am sleepy all the time. I think it is so mean that in this perilous winter, I have to get out of my cozy little bed, out of my cozy little pyjamas, and into “school clothes.” It’s nonsense. I should be able to sleep anywhere, anytime! What do you think? Is there a solution for a person like me?

Sincerely, Sleepless in SFU

Dear Peakie (if that’s who you really are) . . .

I know your type. You take in the questions that we submit here as a way to survey SFU student life! Yeah, that’s right. This isn’t some innocent advice column existing in the Humour section, it is state surveillance at its most obvious. Tell me I’m wrong! I bet your real name isn’t even Peakie.

Sincerely, Suspicious Student