Dear DAVID

Renewed Focus

Q

I went on a coffee date with a guy a year ago, and we got along pretty well. We talked for about two or three hours, and I thought we made a connection. But when I tried to hang out with him again, he just ghosted me. Now I see him from time to time at the gym, and he stares at me from across the gym but never comes over to speak. I still like him and would like to get to know him better, but I feel like he does not want anything to do with me. So, when I went up to him at the gym and started a conversation, he seemed kind of resistant, but he answered and had a short conversation with me. Now I’m confused; does he like me or was he just responding to me sor is it all in my head. I want to know him more or go on a date, but should I just give up on him entirely?

A

From the ghosting over the glances at a dis- tance to the hesitant conversation at the gym, I’m afraid it’s pretty clear that this guy isn’t in- terested in you. I also see why you would ini- tially like this guy because in a world with a multitude of dating apps and casual hookups, having an actual date that turns out to be an hour-long conversation is quite rare! So yes, there was a connection, but perhaps not a ro- mantic or sexual one. You say it’s been a year since you met his guy, so clearly, he has made an impression on you to a point where you have even struggled through awkward con- versations with him – but it’s been a year, so it is time for you to focus your energy and at- tention on all the other guys out there. Maybe for a while, start going to another gym, so you can avoid bumping into him and start checking out all the other men at the gym. Use the skills you have perfected in the past year of catching looks through the room and even starting con- versations but do it with other guys. This guy is not worth your time, but with a renewed focus so many other guys are.