On the Journey with Sister B Practicing the pause, with life and the mail

When I was a child, my brother and I used to race to the mailbox that sat atop a very high hill, to be the first to get the mail. It wasn’t that either of us got mail very often, but the potential of mail and being the first to touch it was a competitive opportunity that we siblings could not pass up. Should our mother be driving us home from her errands, a squabble would ensue as to whose day it was to check the mail. Sometimes it came down to who could get their seatbelt off and out of the car the fastest. The person who got the mail also got to snoop through the mail and announce to everyone what they got. As I got older, the snooping was more satisfying than being first to the mailbox.

Now, as an adult, I find the mail a bit exhausting. My brother still loves getting mail, and I am happy when I get something meaningful, but since my parents passed away, a lot of my mail became perfunctory. I am especially annoyed with the car dealership that continually sends me an “IMPORTANT NOTICE” to “OPEN IMMEDIATELY” in big red letters every few weeks, causing my blood pressure to spike – only to realize it’s junk mail about the car my father used to have and which I have no had responsibility for in over two years (and yes, I have tried to get off the mailing lists … and it’s impossible). I also get other cleverly-disguised mail to my father’s name that looks important. After being an executor of an estate, you never know what is coming next. I learned, however, to check the stamp, and anything that isn’t first class or says “pre-sorted” means junk! Nice try, but this woman is on to you, scammers!

In life there are a lot of things competing for our attention and declaring they are “IMPORTANT NOTICE”, and we must “OPEN IMMEDIATELY”, but it’s up to us to live reflectively and with a peaceful heart discern between what is pressing and what is not. If we have a reactive disposition, every “letter” that comes through the “mailbox” of our life has the potential to cause us to lose our equilibrium.

As a child, all mail was seen as good mail because it contained the excitement of new experiences. But with age, we realize that not every experience leaves us happy or thrilled. If we are willing, we learn coping mechanisms that fit our personality, sometimes setting the mail aside until we are ready to open it, having someone open the mail with us, or giving it to someone else to open for us because the mail is overwhelming. We also learn to discern between those pieces of mail that are authentically important, and those which are crafted to elicit emotional reactions we don’t need to give.

What I write about mail, we can also apply this to life in a more broad sense. I think the most valuable skill I’ve learned in my Salesian life and am still refining is “practicing the pause.” As each letter comes to me, or person, or experience, I try to pause before responding or reacting. Sometimes it’s very difficult, but that pause gives me that space to move from reaction to response, and responding is very different from reacting. A peaceful person knows how to respond, and that is what I believe St. Paul meant when he wrote, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

I pray that, as we move into Lent, we may all live from a place of power and love, responding to the mail that arrives from a place of peace and self-control, living reflectively, and responsively, on our journey towards Easter and, ultimately, Heaven.

– Sr. Brittany Harrison, FMA