Solace in the Mundane Joy Baik

I find myself overcomplicating life, rushing through the days to grow up a bit faster, start my day a bit sooner, feel a little bit better. But despite it all, I am grounded in the small things. How the sky looks when I open my eyes. How the breeze feels across my face through the blinds of my window. How a car wash looks like a watercolor painting. The way the sunlight melts into my backyard. It’s comforting to know that I am alive in time. Time has been a fear of mine. I always feel it slipping through my fingers like sand or a melting ice cream cone. No matter how quickly I try to grab ahold of it, it still passes.

Time moves forward with or without me. I am learning, though. I’m learning to take in each second and to miss the world only by a blink. Let time flow and do its thing. Don’t worry about it. It’s not your job to panic and run in a race that has no end. I was running full speed ahead and I just forgot. I forgot the direction I was going and why I was running so fast when all I needed in life was exactly in front of me. I had everything I needed at that point in time.

So, no rush. Life will take its course. Let yourself feel for once, sit in heartbreak, culminate feelings for that new someone, laugh as hard as you can, live without judgment - be happy. To be happy. I want to be happy. And... I will be.

So, no rush. If you’re toiling over a past lover, just let it happen. Cry when you need to. Talk to someone when you’re missing them. Feeling down is not going to be easy. Nothing really is.

As the days pass and you live on, you’ll realize that fresh breakup was a month ago, two or maybe even three.

Sometime down the line, maybe you’ll find a new special someone. Not everything works out even when you want it to, but it’s okay. You’ll be okay.

Don’t be afraid of new love. I get it. You’ve been broken before, why would you do it again? Maybe out of all the crap and shitty situations you’ve been through, someone comes along and makes all of that worth it. At least that’s what we can hope for. A girl can dream, can’t she? If I could change my past self, I wouldn’t. I loved as hard as I could. I gave it my all and I wouldn’t do it any other way. I don’t regret loving the person who I spent part of my life with. They deserved my time during that moment in my life. They made me happy but fear got in the way. Even loved ones can hurt you. Maybe even hurt you the most.

I’m sorry if I hurt you.

We grew while we were together but the world showed us different paths. Our growth came to an end. If anything, we were just growing apart holding each other by the thread of denial. It was bound to end even if we hated to admit it. And that’s okay.

We can’t always have an ideal situation of being friends again – maybe if more time passes you’ll understand why I left the way I did. I still loved you when I left but I understood that you needed your own time without me. It was difficult for me to bear the weight of the friendship on my shoulders. I hope you’re doing well. It’s always nice to see you’re smiling. It’ll be okay, okay?