ParentMap September 2022 Issue

33/

Tea for Two Sweet afternoon teatime outings around Seattle

42/

How to Move Away From Fear-Based Parenting Three simple ways to counter the urge to overprotect

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 | PA R E N T M A P. C O M

PNW INSIDE + OUT

FREE 2022–2023 PARENTMAP LIVE TALKS SEE THE ALL-STAR LINEUP P. 23

Happiness Habits What science tells us about raising happy kids 10/

L FE

Primary Care for the Whole Family 7 Snohomish County locations

Locall y Owne d

OUTDOORS

Accepting new patients for: Adult & child well checks · Immunizations · Sports physicals Developmental milestones tracking · Mental health support

wwmedgroup.com/parent-map

Reset Your Child’s Brain Minicourse Did you know that screen time can make your child irritable, unfocused, and defiant? Arm yourself with the truth about how video games and other screenbased activities impact the nervous system.

Visit wdfw.wa.gov/ life-outdoors for more information

Learn why technology overuse can result in symptoms that mimic those of ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder or depression.

drdunckley.com/videogames

2 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M 0922_victoria_dunkley_w logo_1-4.indd 1

8/5/22 1:18 PM

SWIMMING

Swim lessons for kids and adults of all levels. Swim team, teen and family float-in movies and much more!

FITNESS

Try something new like yoga, dance, HIIT, TRX, or personal training. Fitness inclusive memberships are available.

WELLNESS EDUCATION FUN

Come join us at Seattle’s Green Lake Park for the

Washington CeaseFire 5k Run/Walk Sunday, October 2, 9:30 a.m.

SAMENA

SAMENA.COM

This is a great way to show support for reducing gun violence in our schools and communities.

Scan to register:

CHILDREN’S PROGRAMS Preschool and Before and After Care programs include swimming, snacks, games, and so much more.

Or go to: washingtonceasefire.org Since 1983, Washington CeaseFire, a nonprofit organization, has been working towards implementing reasonable solutions to reduce the toll of gun violence in Washington State.

0922_WA_ceasefire_1-4.indd 1

425.746.1160

NEW EXHIBIT

8/9/22 10:15 PM

Discover a world 75 million years in the making!

Presented by

Featuring: • Interactive robot nest with eggs • Pangea puzzle and tracing tables • 2 dinosaur fossil sand excavation digs and more!

Additional ticket required.

GREAT FOOD!

GREAT FARM!

GREAT FUN! SEPT. 2 - 25 CLOSED TUESDAYS & SEPT. 7

Get tickets at THEFAIR.COM for the best price.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 3

JUST ASK Asking Saves Kids Before your child visits another home, just ask one more important question: “Is there an unlocked gun in your house?”

It’s a simple question, but asking it can save your child’s life.

Learn more at EndFamilyFire.org.

We Deliver

0922_just ask1_1-8v.indd 1

8/16/22 8:58 PM

For a limited time, subscribe to an entire year of ParentMap magazine for just $12.

We are a family dentistry practice that provides preventive, restorative, cosmetic and orthodontic services, including dental implants.

Sign up for home delivery –

Our patients range in age from as young as 1 to as old as 98 years old!

12 issues for

$12

Breeze Dental

919 124th Ave. NE #201, Bellevue, WA 98005 • (425) 454-1622

breezedentalbellevue.com email: breezedentalbellevue@gmail.com ParentMap.com/subscribe 4 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

0922_breeze_dental_no special_3-4.indd 1

7/29/22 1:04 PM

C ONTENTS

September 2022 PARENTMAP.COM In Every Issue Dear Reader Play List

6 20

Local Resources Birthdays Schools + Preschools Camps + Activities

15 27 39

Parenting

Feature

WELLNESS

Habituating Happiness 10 Yes, you can dramatically increase your child’s chances of being happy

The Age of Angst 8 How to spot the difference between everyday worry and anxiety Vaccine Eligibility for Children Younger Than 5 18 When making decisions for your family, consider several important factors BEST BIRTHDAYS

5 Unusual Party Games Your Kids Will Love 16 Awesome activities to make their birthday parties memorable EDUCATION

Taming Testing Anxiety 27 Knowing what strategies to employ can make all the difference 8 Creative Ways to Celebrate and Display Kids’ Artwork 40 Transform those kid masterpieces into artful accessories and keepsakes VOICES

How to Move Away From Fear-Based Parenting Simple ways to counter the urge to overprotect

42

Family Fun OUT + ABOUT

10 Photo by Feasible Photography/feasiblephotography.com

September Play List 15 still-summery things to do this month

20

Tea for Two Sweet afternoon teatime outings around Seattle

33

42

33

“Research shows that people who are happiest have more people in their lives and deeper relationships with those people.”

AGES + STAGES

10 Ways to Protect Your Child’s Brain From Daily Screen Time 45 Evidence-based strategies to prevent overstimulation

p. 13

Photo by Natasha Dillinger

16 40

45 As part of your BTS reset, consider these 10 strategies to counteract the overstimulation cause by excessive screen time.

Cover photo by Feasible Photography/feasiblephotography.com PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 5

DE AR R E ADER

What Charlie Brown can teach us about a habit of happiness Our heartening guest feature (p. 10) by Laura Markham, Ph.D., explores the fundamentals of raising happy kids, that holy-grail parenting objective.

By her expert measure, happiness should not be confused with those fleeting moments of celebratory delight when we “get what we want.”

Lasting happiness of an emotionally bedrock quality is actually a much more complicated affair — also a much more rewarding one, she says.

While our genetics certainly contribute to our baseline temperamental contentment, the greatest determinant of our reliable storehouse of happiness, Markham asserts, turns out to be our own mental, emotional and physical habits, which co-coordinate the body chemistry that regulates our ultimate “happiness quotient.”

Now, parentals, as the de facto CHOs (Chief Habit Officers) of your households, this means that you can dramatically boost your child’s happiness quotient (and I mean the sustaining lifelong kind, not the transitory, transactional kind) by cultivating the home-front habits that will set your child’s happiness “set point” for life.

As we head into the annual hurry-scurry return-to-school season, Markham’s advice inspires me to suggest a totally doable happiness habit plucked straight out of my childhood, and it is based on my family’s love of the Peanuts Gang and that heart-squeezing musical for all ages, “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.”

In a classic ode to everyday “Happiness,” Charlie reflects upon the simple things that make him joyful, despite a long and challenging day/ week/life that hasn’t gone quite to plan (natch, it’s beloved, beleaguered, but eternally optimistic Charlie B. we’re talking about).

After a long day at school and work, I encourage you to take five minutes as a family to gather and be like Charlie. No matter your experiences of ease or struggle, share your uncomplicated answers to this prompt: “Today, happiness, for me, was: ­­ .”

The sillier the answers, the better (and bonus points for singing your responses*). Let Charlie and the gang show you how it’s done.

“Happiness” Music and lyrics by Clark Gesner

Happiness is finding a pencil. Pizza with sausage. Telling the time.

SEPTEMBER 2022, VOL. 19, NO. 9

PUBLISHER

What is your family’s favorite back-to-school tradition?

Alayne Sulkin EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney

Waffles with faces

DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Kari Hanson OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Julie Dodobara COPY EDITOR Sunny Parsons CONTRIBUTORS Heidi Borst, Nancy Chaney, Natasha Dillinger, Victoria Dunckley, M.D., Stacey Feasel, Tiffany Doerr Guerzon, Laura Markham, Ph.D., Vicky McDonald, Kellie Schmitt, Lenore Skenazy

Grumpy-face first-day photo shoot

DIGITAL MARKETING DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER Gina Ryan EMAIL MARKETING SPECIALIST Devon Hammer

Schultüte

DIGITAL MARKETING COORDINATOR Taryn Weiner SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST Emily Feely

ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS SENIOR ADVERTISING AND PARTNERSHIPS MANAGER Ida Wicklund ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES MANAGER Jessica Collet ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES ASSISTANT Angela Goodwin CLIENT SERVICES PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Mallory Dehbod

Play RuPaul’s “Supermodel” while the kids model their back-to-school duds

EVENTS EVENT OPERATIONS Brenna McCown

ART + PRODUCTION SENIOR DESIGNER Amy Chinn

ADMINISTRATION

Photo at front door with my daughter holding a sign showing her new grade

BUSINESS MANAGER Carolyn Brendel

Happiness is learning to whistle. Tying your shoe for the very first time.

Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band.

And happiness is walking hand in hand.

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream. Knowing a secret. Climbing a tree.

Happiness is five different crayons. Catching a firefly. Setting him free.

Happiness is being alone every now and then.

And happiness is coming home again. …

Happiness is having a sister. Sharing a sandwich. Getting along.

Happiness is singing together when day is through, And happiness is those who sing with you. * Happiness is morning and evening, daytime and nighttime, too.

For happiness is anyone and anything at all That’s loved by you.

— Patty Lindley, managing editor

6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

CONTACT INFORMATION

Benjamin Danielson, M.D. CLINICAL PROFESSOR, UW SCHOOL OF MEDICINE PRACTICING PHYSICIAN, UW MEDICINE

Advertising information 206-709-9026 or advertising@parentmap.com Fax 206-709-9031

Joan Duffell RETIRED EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN

Calendar submissions calendar@parentmap.com

John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Laura Kastner, Ph.D. PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Bea Kelleigh VICE PRESIDENT, DOVETAILING, LLC Yaffa Maritz, M.A. FOUNDER, LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTING

Editorial submissions editor@parentmap.com Distribution distribution@parentmap.com Administration 206-709-9026, parentmap.com Subscriptions subscriptions@parentmap.com Subscription rate 1 year: $12

Ron Rabin EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, KIRLIN CHARITABLE FOUNDATION Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE ParentMap is published monthly. PMB #190, 7683 S.E. 27th St., Mercer Island, WA 98040 | All rights reserved; reproduction in whole or part without permission is prohibited. © ParentMap 2022 • printed in Oregon

Little clothes can make a big difference.

The Power Petite, a luxury children’s resale destination, promotes sustainability by reducing fashion industry waste.

Start shopping today!

0920_state_WA_dept_commerce_1-8h.indd 1

thepowerpetite.com

8/17/20 12:49 PM

A flexible and A convenient way for people living flexible and convenient waywith disabilities to invest in their quality of life.

for people living with disabilities to invest in their quality of life.

Plan website: www.WashingtonStateABLE.com Customer Service Center: 1-844-600-2253 or 1-844-888-2253 (TTY)

WashingtonStateABLE.com • 1-844-600-2253

0420_wash_state_dept_commerce_1-8h.indd 1

Wired and Tired: Screen Time and Behavior Disturbance in Children

Where Luxury Meets Sustainability PRESENTING SPONSOR 7/18/22 10:48 AM

3/6/20 12:26 PM 0822_power_petite_1-4.indd 1

GOLD SPONSORS

With child psychiatrist and author

Victoria Dunckley, M.D. Tuesday, Sept. 20

Register now: ParentMap.com/live

FREE!

MEDIA SPONSOR

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 7

Wellness The Age of Angst How to spot the difference between everyday worry and anxiety; plus, help for struggling kids

By Heidi Borst Since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, the world has seen a 25 percent uptick in rates of anxiety and depression. What’s more, a worsening crisis in child and adolescent mental health has resulted in a declaration of a national youth mental health emergency by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and Children’s Hospital Association.

We want to make sure that our kids are okay, and that starts with supporting their mental health. With the increasing prevalence of anxiety, it’s more important than ever to recognize its signs. Here’s what parents need to know about anxiety, plus practical ways to work through it.

family member at home to check. They tell you it’s off, but you just can’t shake those anxious feelings. “With worry, I can turn it off. With anxiety, it’s not that easy. You just can’t turn off the distress that you’re feeling — emotionally and physically,” Skoterro explains.

Anxiety is an active state that is very noticeable. If you’re seeing any of these signs in your child, anxiety is likely at play: • Difficulty concentrating • Elevated heart rate • Inability to complete normal tasks • Excessive crying • Feelings of being out of control • Rocking back and forth • Increased perspiration

What ‘everyday’ worry looks like It’s troubling when our kids experience angst, but mild anxiety is normal. In fact, our brains are hardwired to worry, notes Sarah Skoterro, LPCC, LADAC, a practicing therapist and director of business development at THIRA Health (thirahealth.com). To put that into perspective, think about how much time you spend fretting over little things each day, or “micro-assessing,” as Skoterro calls it. For example: Did I pay that bill on time? Am I going to be late for work?

Where did I put my phone?

To help kids calm down when they’re feeling this way, Skoterro recommends diaphragmatic breathing, or “belly breathing.” It’s a quick way to reset the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for activating your body’s fight-or-flight response.

The good news? This common form of everyday worry typically doesn’t last long, Skoterro says. It’s specific to a situation, and it’s generally short-lived.

You can be having a pretty decent day, and it just comes on out of the blue, Skoterro says. “There’s no prompting event, like I just saw a spider and now I’m having an anxiety attack. It literally hits you like a ton of bricks. You have a fast heart rate, sweaty palms, flushing of the skin and a racing mindset. It feels like instead of you getting anxious, anxiety got you.”

How to tell the difference between worry and anxiety When it comes to anxiety, worry persists even after a situation is resolved. Say you thought you left the oven on, so you call a 8 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Generalized anxiety disorder Some people may have a lot of anxiety surrounding one specific thing, such as a fear of being in an elevator. But for people with generalized anxiety disorder, there is no specific precipitating lead-in, says Skoterro.

Spotting extreme anxiety and panic attacks If anxiety is like being halfway up an escalator, with panic attacks, you’re all the way at the top, Skoterro explains. A full-blown panic attack is paralyzing. “It’s like the whole sprinkler system gets turned on. You may lose part of your vision. You’re hyperventilating, your heart is racing, you’re sweating.”

There are three main components of panic and anxiety: 1. Physical sensations: Symptoms such as a rapid pulse, nervous stomach, sweating, shaking and restlessness, among others, can last for minutes or even hours.

2. Thoughts and beliefs: These include scary thoughts, such as I am going to faint, I am having a heart attack, or general thoughts about bad things that could happen in the future.

3. Behaviors: These could include pacing, fidgeting or fleeing from an area when the feelings of panic occur.

Parents should look out for a cluster of these symptoms in their children: • Intense racing heartbeat • Shortness of breath • Chest pain or tightness in the chest • Trembling hands • Bouncing foot or leg • Constricting throat • Excessive sweating • Feeling light-headed • Changes in body temperature (hot or cold) • Nausea or digestive distress • Feeling detached from reality

How to help kids manage mild anxiety If you or your child experiences everyday worry or mild anxiety, it’s usually manageable to handle at home.

Skoterro recommends the following actions to alleviate mild anxiety when it occurs: • Take a break from social media • Practice mindfulness or meditation • Get some moderate exercise • Talk to friends about your feelings • Try progressive muscle relaxation • Put something cold on your hands or face • Do a deep breathing exercise Skoterro also suggests parents should make a habit of taking intentional timeouts. “Unplug every day on purpose and make it obvious. Even if you have a surly 15-year-old who’s like, ‘I am not going to sit on the patio with you.

That’s gross,’” you’re still modeling the behavior.

Treatment for severe anxiety General anxiety disorder and more severe forms of anxiety are tougher to treat, so if you or your child is struggling, it may be time to reach out to a professional for help. THIRA Health utilizes a research-backed cognitive behavioral therapy called dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, which focuses on mindfulness, acceptance and emotional regulation skills.

“DBT is a therapy that teaches people how to respond and be effective in all sorts of situations, so they learn how to have their emotions, but not let their emotions have them,” says Skoterro.

For resources on DBT and what to do when you’re feeling out of control due to fear, anxiety or suicidal thoughts, Skoterro recommends visiting DBTSelfHelp.com (dbtselfhelp.com) and Now Matters Now (nowmattersnow.org).

■

Heidi Borst is an active mom, journalist and nutrition coach with a strong affinity for nature, sarcasm and extra sleep.

Sponsored by

Treating Eating Disorders Anxiety & Depression Anxiety, depression, mood disorders, and thoughts of suicide or self-harm DUH DIŴLFWLRQV WKDW DOO WRR PDQ\ ZRPHQ face alone. ,I \RXōUH ZDU\ DERXW VHHNLQJ WUHDWPHQW RU XQVXUH ZKHUH WR JR 7+,5$ +HDOWK can guide you and provide support at HDFK VWHS VR \RX FDQ PDNH GHFLVLRQV DERXW \RXU KHDOWK ZLWK FRQƓGHQFH and understanding.

The mission of THIRA Health is to support women and girls living with mood disorders by using comprehensive approaches that address the whole self, along with an emphasis on community support. This is made possible by a team of trained, certified experts skilled in using dialectical behavioral therapy, art and movement therapies, nutrition and more.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 9

FE ATUR E

Habituating What science tells us about raising happy kids

By Laura Markham, Ph.D.

For many parents, raising happy children is the holy grail of parenting success. But too often, we think happiness is about those fleeting moments of getting what you want.

Lasting happiness is actually much more complicated — and much more rewarding.

And yes, you can dramatically increase your child’s chances of being happy just by the way you raise them.

So, what makes a happy child who grows into a happy adult? The latest research on happiness gives us some surprising answers. Once survival, safety and basic comforts are ensured, external circumstances don’t impact our happiness level much. Our genes certainly contribute to our happiness quotient, but their influence can be ameliorated to ratchet up our happiness set point. The greatest determinant of our happiness turns out to be our own mental, emotional and physical habits, which create the body chemistry that determines our happiness level.

a “happiness set point,” which doesn’t change unless we work at it.

Happiness is closely linked to three kinds of habits: 1. How we think and feel about the world, and therefore perceive our experiences 2. Certain actions, such as regular exercise, eating healthfully, meditating, connecting with other people, savoring “what’s good in life” and even regularly smiling and laughing 3. Character traits such as self-control, industry, fairness, caring about others, contribution, courage, leadership and honesty In practice, the character traits mentioned above are actually habits, tendencies to act in certain ways when confronted with certain types of situations. And it makes sense that the more we exhibit these traits, the better our lives work, the better we feel about ourselves and the more meaning we find in life — so, the happier we are.

We all know that some of us tend to be more upbeat than others. Part of this is inborn; it’s just the luck of the draw from our family gene pool that gives us a happier mood. But much of our mood is related to habit.

Some of the habits that create happiness are visible and correlate to the ways Grandma told us we ought to live: work hard, value relationships with other people, keep our bodies healthy, manage our money responsibly and contribute to our community.

It may seem odd to have happiness referred to as a habit. Yet it’s likely that by the time we’re adults, we have settled into

Others are more personal habits of self-management that insulate us from unhappiness and create joy in our lives,

1 0 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Happiness

Photo by Feasible Photography/feasiblephotography.com

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 1 1

LIBRARY CARD

FOR YOUR REPORT CARD

Access online tutors, get your card today!

SNO-ISLE L I B R A R I E S sno-isle.org/get-a-library-card

Tenacity

F E AT UR E

continued from page 10

such as managing our moods and cultivating optimism.

But once we make such habits part of our lives, they become automatic and serve a protective function, making us more resilient.

How can you support your child — and yourself — in developing the habits that lead to happiness? These tips will get you started.

1. Teach your child constructive mental habits that create happiness.

Managing our moods, using positive self-talk, cultivating optimism, celebrating life, practicing gratitude, and appreciating our connectedness to each other and the entire universe are all habits that make us happier. Build these into your life together so you model them regularly and talk about using them. Over time, your child will follow your lead.

2. Teach your child self-management routines that create happiness.

Regular exercise, healthy eating and meditation are all highly correlated with happiness levels. But you and your child may have your own, more personal strategies. For many people, music is an immediate mood lifter; for others, a walk in nature always does the trick.

3. Model a growth mindset and a habit of positive self-talk.

We all need a cheerleader to help us over life’s many hurdles. Who says we can’t be our own? In fact, who better? Research shows that happy people give themselves ongoing reassurance, acknowledgment, praise and pep talks. Talk to yourself as someone you love would, aloud so your kids can hear you. Make sure your response to “failure” is “I just haven’t figured this out yet” or “I just haven’t practiced this enough yet.”

4. Cultivate optimism.

Optimism inoculates us against unhappiness. It’s true that some of us are born more optimistic than others, but we can all cultivate optimism.

5. Help your child find joy in everyday things.

Studies show that people who notice the small miracles of daily life and allow themselves to be touched by them are happier. Daily life overflows with joyful occurrences: The show of the setting sun is no less astonishing for its daily repetition; the warmth of connection with the man at the newsstand who recognizes you and your child; the joy of finding a new book by a favorite author at the library; a letter from Grandma; the

The authors draw on research, clinical experiences, and their 30-year collaboration to offer insights into parenting practices to help children thrive, strive, and survive.

Available from all booksellers today.

TenacityInChildren.com 1 2 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M 0821_dr_robert_brooks_1-4.indd 1

7/12/21 10:20 AM

first crocuses of spring. Children learn what’s important in life by our example.

As Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is a miracle.”

There are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted. (Hint: Think modeling, not lecturing.)

And the old saying that laughter is the best medicine turns out to be true. The more we laugh, the happier we are! Laughter actually changes our body chemistry. So, the next time you and your child want to shake off the doldrums, how about watching a Marx brothers movie?

6. Support your child in prioritizing relationships.

Research shows that people who are happiest have more people in their lives and deeper relationships with those people. Teach your child that while relationships take work, they’re worth it.

7. Help your child develop an attitude of gratitude.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” — Friedrich Koenig Many people think they can’t be grateful until they’re happy, meaning until they have something to be grateful for. But look closely and you’ll find that the opposite is true: People are happy because they are grateful. People who describe themselves as consciously cultivating gratitude are rated as happier by those who know them, as well as by themselves.

Children don’t have a context for life, so they don’t know whether they are lucky or unlucky, only that their friend Brendan has more expensive sneakers than they do. But there are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted. (Hint: Think modeling, not lecturing.)

AT PAT H L I G H T, W E C O N N E C T A L L T H E D OT S Seeing and Treating Your Child as a Whole for Life-Changing Recovery Is your child struggling with a mental health condition? You’re not alone.

Our expert team is here to help you connect the dots of everything they’re struggling with. From looking at behaviors and symptoms to their overall life experiences, we’re here as your family’s partner in care.

Treatment for: Anxiety Disorders • Bipolar Disorder • Depressive Disorders School Refusal • Trauma-Related Disorders 3 SEATTLE LOCATIONS

VIRTUAL TREATMENT AVAILABLE

Call 1-877-825-8584 for a free consultation with an experienced master’s-level clinician • Learn more at PathlightBH.com Most major commercial insurance accepted

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 1 3

FE ATUR E

continued from page 13

8. Accept all emotions.

Life is full of joy, but even for the happiest person, life is also full of loss and pain, and we have daily reasons to grieve, both significant and small. Acknowledging our sad feelings isn’t focusing on the negative; it’s opening ourselves to the full range of being human.

Accepting those uncomfortable sad feelings actually deepens our ability to take joy in our lives.

So, choosing to be happy doesn’t mean repressing our feelings. It means acknowledging and honoring all of our feelings, and letting ourselves feel and move through them.

With your child, simply empathizing when they’re feeling upset will allow them to feel those emotions, and will help those feelings start to evaporate so they can move on. This is not a process that can be rushed, so give your child (or yourself) whatever time you need.

9. Help your child learn how to manage their moods.

Most people don’t know that they can choose to let bad moods go and consciously change their moods. Practice in doing this can really make us happier. You can practice this by: • Monitoring your own moods • Allowing yourself to feel the emotions while you hold yourself with love • Noticing any negative thoughts that are giving rise to the emotions (My child shouldn’t be acting this way! They’ll grow up to be a terrible person if they do this!)

• Choosing a thought that makes you feel a little better (My child is acting like a child because they are a child. They won’t always be like this.)

Of course, the hard part is choosing to change a bad mood. While you’re in it, it’s hard to take constructive action to change things. You don’t have to go from desolate to cheerful. Just find a way to help yourself feel slightly better.

Doing so empowers you to actually face what’s upsetting you and try to resolve it.

Sometimes just changing the way we’re thinking about a situation really shifts

1 4 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier, too. things. So, instead of thinking How can they be nasty to me like that, with all I do for them? you might consider thinking of it this way: It’s normal for children to get angry at their parents. They’re struggling right now and they need me to try to understand them.

How to help your child with their moods? Some day when they’re in a good mood, talk with them about strategies for getting into a better mood: What works for them? Share what works for you.

Then, when they are in a bad mood, start by empathizing. After they’ve had some time to feel upset, ask them if they want help to change their mood. Even if they’re able to choose a better mood only one out of 10 times initially, they’ll soon start to notice how much better their life works when they do it.

10. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.

As parents, we need to remember that we are not the only ones teaching our children about life. They are bombarded by the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and acquiring more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell them will matter more, but we need to contradict those destructive messages directly.

11. Help your child learn the joy of contribution.

Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier, too. Our job as parents is to find ways for our children to make a positive difference in the world so that they can enjoy and learn from this experience. So, it’s worth it to give some thought and effort to family volunteering opportunities and ways to lend a helping hand to neighbors.

And here’s a wonderful way to shift your own mood to feel better while contributing to others. Try beaming love to the people around you while you and your child are walking down the street.

This practice shifts your mood into an uplifted, loving state because as you send love, you feel love. We’re always broadcasting what we feel without even intending to. Why not make your “channel” uplifting to those around you?

■

Laura Markham, Ph.D., is the founder of Aha! Parenting and the author of “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids,” “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings” and “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.” This article was originally published on the Aha! Parenting website (ahaparenting.com).

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / BI RTHDAYS

REGISTER NOW!

KINDER INDER SKA SKATE SK KAT ATE

WEEKLY PROGRAMS BIRTHDAY PARTIES DAY CAMPS AGES 3-18

Ages 3-6

Sno-King is excited to introduce a new 6-week program for kids to experience FUN on ICE and get familiar with a variety of ice sports and activities.

SEPT 12TH – OCT 17TH MONDAYS 10AM TO 10:50AM Week 1: Intro to Ice Skating Week 2: Bubbles & Balls Week 3: Disney Day Week 4: Games Day Week 5: Wiggles & Giggles Week 6: Ice Painting Party and Bring a Friend Fun Day www.SnoKingIceArenas.com

INDOOR !

FALL FUN

• Kids Track for Ages 6-10 • Fast Go-Karts for Ages 11-18 • Book Online to Skip the Wait!

• Drop-In Racing Available

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 1 5 0922_traxx_1-4.indd 1

8/10/22 3:05 PM

LO CAL R ES O UR CES / BIRT H DAYS

Start by wrapping the main gift. Next, add another small gift on top (candy or trinket), wrap again, and so on, adding a small item to each layer of wrapping. Add enough layers so that everyone in the party will get a prize. If this all seems like too much for you, there’s always the option to buy the parcel wrapped and ready to go. (Check Etsy and Amazon.)

How to play: Sit the children in a circle and start playing some music. Ask the kids to pass the parcel to the person beside them and keep passing it along. When the music stops, the person left holding the parcel can open one layer of wrapping paper and keep the revealed gift. This continues until the final layer of wrapping paper is removed and the last child holding the parcel receives the big gift at the end.

Bonus tip: Use stickers rather than tape to hold the parcel together, as it’s much easier (and fun!) for kids to open.

What’s the time, Mr. Wolf?

5 Unusual Party Games Your Kids Will Love Awesome activities to make their birthday parties memorable

By Vicky McDonald

I recently hosted a birthday party and we played pass the parcel, which is a classic birthday party game that’s very popular in the United Kingdom and Ireland. I was surprised to discover that this party game is not so well-known in the United States.

Unsurprisingly, the kids all loved this fabulous party game in which everyone is a winner.

Here’s a list of some favorite childhood

1 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

games from across the pond that will be a hit at your next birthday shindig.

Pass the parcel

Pass the parcel is a perfect party pleaser for preschoolers. You will need to prepare the parcel (gift) in advance.

What you’ll need: A group of kids, one decent gift (e.g., a small book or toy), some tiny trinkets or candies, wrapping paper, tape and music.

This is a classic game of tag with a slight twist — terrific fun for the younger set.

What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids and a large playing area.

How to play: One child is chosen to be Mr. or Mrs. Wolf, and that child walks about 12 feet away from the other kids and stands with their back to them. The other kids stand side by side in a line, and together they call out, “What’s the time, Mr. Wolf?” Mr. Wolf will respond by saying a number between one and 12. One o’clock means everyone takes one step forward toward the wolf, and 5 o’clock means everyone takes five steps forward toward the wolf. This is repeated a few times, resulting in the players getting closer and closer to the wolf. When Mr. Wolf is ready, he can answer “Dinner time!” instead of giving a number. Mr. Wolf then turns quickly around and chases the kids to catch his dinner. The player who is

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / BI RTHDAYS

caught becomes the next Mr. or Mrs. Wolf and the game continues.

Bonus tip: Use face paint to decorate Mr./Mrs. Wolf’s face or give them a Halloween mask to wear.

Blind man’s bluff This game was originally known as blind man’s buff, but the name somehow got lost in translation over the years!

What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of

kids, a large playing area and a blindfold.

When we were kids, we used my dad’s tie or a scarf.

get to continue playing in the next round; the kids who freeze too late are out of the game. The last kid standing wins a prize.

How to play: Choose one kid to be “it” and blindfold them. Have all of the kids stand in a circle around the blindfolded kid. Turn the kid with the blindfold around a few times to make them a little dizzy and disoriented. The kid with the blindfold then tries to tag one of the other children. Whoever is tagged will then become “it.”

Bonus tip: To add some fun, hand out stickers to the kids who bust the most creative freeze poses.

Bonus tip: Before taking off the blindfold, ask the kid to try to guess the name of the party guest by feeling their face and hair.

Musical statues

This is a great game to burn off all that sugarfueled energy from the party treats and get everyone dancing together.

What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids, a large playing area, some music and a prize.

How to play: Play some disco music and get everyone dancing. When the music stops, the kids must freeze. The kids who freeze on time

Sardines

This is a version of hide-and-seek that’s just a little bit different.

What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids and a large playing area with multiple places to hide.

How to play: Choose one child to be the first “sardine” and ask them to go and hide while the other children count to 20. Then, let the kids split off and go hunting for the sardine.

When a child finds the sardine, they must squeeze in beside the sardine in the hiding place as quietly as possible. The last child to find the hiding place becomes the first sardine for the next game.

Bonus tip: This game is likely to end in a screaming gigglefest or a screaming wrestling match, so parents should stay close by to keep control.

■

Vicky McDonald is ParentMap’s digital editor.

When not working, she can be found running after her two kids or cooking up something tasty in the kitchen.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 17

Wellness Vaccine Eligibility for Children Younger Than 5 When making decisions for your family, there are several important factors to consider

By Kellie Schmitt

When the COVID-19 vaccine got the green light to be administered to the youngest age group this past June, pediatrician Amy Carter, M.D., recalled children coming to vaccine drive-through clinics dressed up in special outfits. She remembers one small child in particular who yelled out the window, “Give me the shot!”

“No 3-year-old does that for any other shot,” says Carter, who is chief medical officer of Allegro Pediatrics (allegropediatrics.com). “Really, what they’re saying is, ‘Now I get to go to preschool!’”

For many Washington state families, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s longanticipated authorization of Moderna and Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccinations for kids ages 6 months and older inspired a huge sigh of relief. Families could begin to plan more social engagement activities, knowing that their youngest family members would be protected from severe illness or the risk of death due to a COVID-19 infection.

Even though many kids among this youngest vaccination candidate group may have already experienced a COVID-19 infection, the vaccine is still the best defense against reinfection, Carter notes. Immunity from an earlier omicron infection wanes over time, and there is some evidence that omicron subvariants may be more efficient at infecting — and re-infecting — children.

What’s potentially more concerning is that the health impacts of repeated infections

1 8 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

are still not fully understood. Each time a child experiences a COVID-19 infection, there is a risk for developing multisystem inflammatory syndrome, a rare but serious condition associated with the disease.

Plus, the vaccine reduces the risk of experiencing long COVID, studies have found.

It’s still unclear how many children are impacted by the virus beyond the initial illness. A recent report in the journal Nature found that up to 25 percent of children may experience long COVID symptoms, such as mood swings and fatigue, while another report published in JAMA Network Open has suggested that figure is closer to 5–10 percent. With so much still unknown, the safest choice is to provide your child with as much protection as possible, Carter advises.

“I am much more scared of the side effects, both short and long term, of the infection than I am of the vaccine,” she says.

Lesser dose, fewer side effects Both the three-dose Pfizer-BioNTech and two-dose Moderna COVID-19 vaccines are now authorized for children ages 6 months and older, and recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. While it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact protection from evolving variants and subvariants, health officials say both vaccines are highly protective against severe illness and death.

The vaccines have gone through the most extensive safety monitoring in U.S. history,

according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Most of the side effects are mild, the most common being soreness and redness at the injection site. Very few children experience a high fever that lasts longer than a day or two.

In her own experience, Carter has also witnessed very mild effects, something she attributes to the lower dosage as compared to the adult dosage.

Underestimating risk When Carter looks at the young patients sent by her pediatric practice to Seattle Children’s Hospital for treatment of severe COVID-19 infections, they’re not always the ones people might suspect. Some are immunocompromised or have had an organ transplant, but others have had only mild asthma or were overweight. Still others had no apparent risk factors.

Carter encourages all caregivers of her pediatric patients to get the COVID-19 vaccine for their child. Yet, surprisingly, enthusiasm for the vaccine authorization for this age group seems to have waned, compared to the early days of the vaccine rollout when parents eagerly raced to get the first available appointment they could for their child.

Now, there seems to be more hesitancy, more nervousness, and more questions.

As of late July, just 900,000 children ages 6 months–4 years had received at least one vaccine dose, or nearly 5 percent of that population. That’s compared to 37 percent of the 5–11 age group who have completed at least one dose, and 30 percent who have completed the two-dose series, according to CDC data.

The lower figures might be a side effect of pandemic fatigue, Carter surmises.

“It has changed and evolved from this logical, scientific conversation to this very emotional gut reaction that people are having,” she explains. “I completely

acknowledge that as humans, we’re all so sick of the pandemic.”

At the same time, she urges people to consider the facts. Nationwide, 14 million kids have tested positive for the disease, thousands have been hospitalized and nearly 500 children ages 0–4 have died of COVID-19.

That’s a dramatically higher figure than the death counts for other childhood illnesses, such as chickenpox, hepatitis A and meningitis, yet parents rarely have concerns about their children receiving those immunizations, Carter notes.

“Those numbers aren’t even close,” she says. “Yet parents will say they’re more scared of meningitis than COVID-19.”

All childhood immunizations are important and prevent complications, disability, hospitalization and potential death from disease, Carter adds. The COVID-19 vaccine should be seen as another mechanism to prevent negative outcomes from a serious illness.

Don’t go it alone Many exhausted parents might not want to evaluate these figures and weigh their child’s personal risk.

Instead, it feels safer to rely on personal stories of friends and family members who have had COVID-19 and recovered. Taking action — even doing something that could benefit your child — may seem riskier than choosing to do nothing.

That’s why Carter recommends having a conversation with a trusted health-care provider. These conversations can help a family understand the risk to its own members and the factors that might make its choices and decisions different than those of a neighbor or friend.

“Come in, tell us what you’re thinking — we won’t get angry — and we’ll discuss the options,” says Carter.

■

WHAT WE KNOW:

The FDA has authorized the COVID-19 vaccine for children ages 6 months and up.

WHAT IT MEANS: The vaccine is ready to help protect kids from COVID-19.

The vaccine is their best protection against serious illness from COVID-19.

It’s been through rigorous clinical tests showing the vaccine is safe.

Children under 5 get a smaller dose than older kids and adults, EXW LWȇV VWLOO DV H΍HFWLYH

Kellie Schmitt is an award-winning health and science writer.

Sponsored by

WHAT TO DO: Talk to your child’s health care provider or go to VaccinateWA.org/kids to

The Department of Health works to protect and improve the

learn more.

health of all people in Washington state by leading changes in policies, systems and environments to prevent illness and injury; promoting healthy families and communities; encouraging healthy lifestyles; and focusing on places where people live, learn, work, recreate, seek health care and worship.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 1 9

FAM I LY F UN

September Play List 15 still-summery things to do in September

By Nancy Chaney Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.

When September arrives, there’s one thing at the top of the agenda: school. We transition back to school and attempt to reestablish calming, productive habits.

But we also typically (please, weather angels!) enjoy bright blue skies and near-perfect weather. So, what are families to do? Play, that’s what! While getting into those schoolyear routines, you can also get your frolic on at the beach, among the sunflowers, and while oohing and aahing over wee pink piglets at the state fair. These sweet distractions and more make our Play List this month.

� Quick! Squeeze in some leisurely beach time before school rolls around to mess up all our fun. Hop aboard the ferry for a quick ride to one-ofa-kind Jetty Island, where your kids can play in the sand and splish-splash in the warm(ish) water, through Sunday, Sept. 4.

Reserve your ferry time online. parentmap.com/jetty

� Who doesn’t appreciate ul-

� Romping among giant, gor-

� Improve those summer

geous sunflower blooms is a September family tradition you don’t want to miss. Pick a farm, pick some flowers and snap picture-perfect photos of your fam. parentmap.com/sunflowers

tracool tugboats? No one who matters. (Just kidding.) Turn up at the Olympia Harbor Days Festival to build your own Lego tugboat, cheer on your favorite vessel in the tug races and watch dancing pirates (what?).

This free event takes place Friday–Sunday, Sept. 2–4. parentmap.com/harbor-days

Sept. 2–6 and 16–19; free. parentmap.com/bicycle

� The beloved Washington

State Fair is back in full form for 2022! Book a visit to enjoy your favorite carnival rides,

pedaling skills on a family bike ride during the last two sessions of Bicycle Sundays, when a section of Lake Washington Boulevard is closed to most vehicle traffic from Friday evening to Monday morning.

Ballard Locks

2 0 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Highlighted Events for September

Sept. 2–25 | select dates

Sept. 20 | Tuesday

Sept. 24–25 | Saturday–Sunday

Washington State Fair

Touch-A-Truck

The Italian Festival

Washington State Fair Events Center, Puyallup parentmap.com/the-fair

Sprinker Recreation Center, Tacoma parentmap.com/truck

Seattle Center parentmap.com/italian-festival

“Wired and Tired,” which will explore the impact of screen time on children’s brains and behavior. Join us online on Tuesday, Sept. 20, 1–2 p.m. Sliding-scale fee $0–$15; preregister. parentmap.com/wired

fair treats and animal exhibits, plus awesome special events, such as “Expedition: Dinosaur” and the rodeo. Do the Puyallup Sept. 2–25 (closed Tuesdays as well as Wednesday, Sept.

7). Gate admission $12–$18 (discount for online purchase); ages 5 and younger free; shows and rides cost extra. parentmap.com/the-fair

� Visit Seattle’s famous Ballard

Locks to spy salmon swimming through the fish ladder. These finned friends are just beginning their journey from Puget Sound to their Cedar River spawning grounds. Stop by any day, or learn from a ranger on Saturdays, Sept. 3, 10 and 17, 10:30 a.m.–3:30 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/ salmon-journey

� Motor on over to a truck lov-

er’s paradise at Sprinker Recreation Center in Tacoma. At this free Touch-A-Truck event, kids get to climb on, “drive” and honk the horns of many of the awesome big rigs they see out on the roads. Saturday, Sept. 10, 10 a.m.–1 p.m. (hornfree hour, noon–1 p.m.). parentmap.com/truck

� Reserve your free spot

(ASAP) to get out and stretch your legs on the enchanting trails of IslandWood on Bainbridge Island. Your crew will love the sky-high canopy tower, tree houses and other delights. Sunday, Sept. 11, 1–5 p.m.; preregister. Donations are welcome. parentmap.com/happy-trails

� The annual fun-filled

Wallingford Wurst Festival

� Stretch your

Wallingford Wurst Festival

features inflatables for kids, a beer garden for grown-ups, live music and lots of the wurst things to eat … get it? Free entry; pay for food and some activities, Friday–Saturday, Sept. 16–17. parentmap.com/wurst

� Rainier Beach Urban Farm

& Wetlands welcomes the community for a close-up look at local food, city farming and healthy living. Farm Fest features crafts, storytelling, food trucks and more fun for families. Free entry; food for purchase. Saturday, Sept. 17, 10 a.m.–3 p.m. parentmap.com/farm-fest

Sunday, Sept. 24–25. Free. parentmap.com/italian-festival

� (Re)stock up for cozy fall

evenings at home by gathering up puzzles your family has already enjoyed and taking them to Blue Highway Games’ monthly

summertime fun in nature into fall by visiting one of our state’s beautiful wild places on Saturday, Sept. 24, a fee-free day at our state and national parks.

Entrance fees to national parks are waived, and you can park in a state park without a Discover The Italian Festival Sept. 24-25 Pass. parentmap.com/free-day

� Bring your appetite and gather with other enthusiasts to partake in the culture, arts and (especially!) food of Italy.

Additional features of The Italian Festival include a car show, dog show and the popular grape stomp. Saturday–

puzzle exchange. Bring a puzzle, take a puzzle. Yay! Sunday, Sept. 25, noon–3 p.m.; free to participate. parentmap.com/puzzles

■

Nancy Chaney is ParentMap’s Out + About editor.

� Celebrate the varied cultural

traditions and cuisines of Latin America that are represented in our local community. Sea Mar Fiestas Patrias welcomes all for food demos, kids’ activities, folkloric performances and more. Join the party at Seattle Center, Saturday–Sunday, Sept.

17–18. parentmap.com/fiesta

� Are you worried your child

is addicted to screens? Join ParentMap and Victoria Dunckley, M.D., for a talk titled

Fee-free day at state and national parks Sept. 24

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 2 1

the

history and culture

of the Tulalip Tribes

CRAFT EVENTS AND MORE! :MWMX SYV [IFWMXI JSV MRJS

HibulbCulturalCenter.org ȰȏȦȉ ȶȴVH &ZI 3* 8YPEPMT ;& ȟȁȶȮȦ ȴȰȉ ȮȦȰ ȶȰȉȉ MRJS%-MFYPF(YPXYVEP(IRXIV.SVK

2 2 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

12

must-watch talks for parents

ParentMap’s ParentEd Talks series returns in September with a fresh lineup of expert speakers!

We see you putting in the work to be an amazing parent and want to help. Talk topics include overcoming trauma and overwhelm, ADHD as a gift, intimacy as you age and much more. Parenting is a trip, but ParentMap is with you every step of the journey.

Turn the page to see the full lineup of all-star speakers and topics

Don’t miss out!

One quick registration gains you access to the entire lineup.

Register now: ParentMap.com/live Attendees will be eligible to win a $100 Amazon gift card at each ParentEd talk.

Attendees of the Nov. 17 and March 22 events will also be eligible to win a SNOO Smart Sleeper Bassinet (valued at $1,695) or a $300 Happiest Baby gift card, courtesy of Happiest Baby.

Presenting Sponsor:

2022–2023 ParentEd Talks Wired and Tired: Screen Time and Behavior Disturbance in Children | Sept. 20, 2022 Dr. Victoria Dunckley specializes in the impact of electronic screen time on children’s brains and technology as a trigger of a variety of stubborn youth mental health and development symptoms. Her solution? An intervention that can produce a life-changing shift in brain function, leading to marked improvements in mood, focus, sleep and behavior.

The Extraordinary Power of a Resilient Mindset | Oct. 12, 2022 Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., and Robert B. Brooks, Ph.D., co-authors of “Tenacity in Children,” have made a decades-long study of what components and skills contribute to the dynamic development of a resilient mindset, and will share strategies parents can employ to nurture this mindset and resilient behaviors in themselves and in their children.

What the Neuroscience of Spirituality Reveals About Our Capacity for Health, Happiness and Resilience | Nov. 1, 2022 In this ParentEd talk, award-winning psychologist and researcher Lisa Miller, Ph.D., will share the groundbreaking and surprising neuroscience of spirituality and how to engage it in our lives and parenting to enhance grit, optimism and resilience in ourselves and in our children — providing insulation against the ills of addiction, trauma and depression.

Curious Children, Wise Elders: How Childhood and Elderhood Shape Intelligence and Learning* | Nov. 17, 2022 Drawing on her own cutting-edge scientific research, Alison Gopnik, Ph.D., will reveal fascinating insights into how caregiving relationships in childhood and old age evolve distinctive capacities for cognition. Gopnik will explain how these two developmental life stages are related, and how the relationship between children and grandparents, in particular, is key to human culture.

Raising Critical Thinkers: Media Literacy for the Digital Age | Dec. 6, 2022 Tech-savvy kids today are constantly awash in a sea of unfiltered information. Julie Bogart, author of the indispensable book “The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life,” will draw on her more than 20 years of curriculum development experience to share strategies for parents to coach critical digital literacy skills in their kids.

Past Forward: The Legacy of Racism in Modern-Day America | Jan. 19, 2023 Don’t miss this essential talk by Jeffery Robinson and Khalil Gibran Muhammad, two of the nation’s leading scholars on race, democracy, inequality and criminal justice. Their message: Forging a more equitable society now and in the future requires that the history of race and anti-Black racism be honestly represented in our nation’s classrooms.

Register at ParentMap.com/live Modeling a Loving, Equal Partnership for Your Kids | Feb. 7, 2023 Drawing on more than 40 years of research in the fields of intimacy and sexuality, Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., will speak about how couples can zest up their relationship, sharing the secrets of happy couples and depicting the profound intimacy, mutual respect and deep friendship that can be achieved in a modern egalitarian partnership.

The Shifting ADHD/ADD Lens: Moving From Disability to Ability | March 2, 2023 Dr. Edward Hallowell, New York Times–bestselling co-author of the groundbreaking books “Driven to Distraction” and “Delivered From Distraction,” will share his insights on the latest brain science behind ADHD/ADD and his strengths-based approach to identifying, developing and celebrating the talents embedded in ADHD, dyslexia and other syndromes.

The Danish Way: Insights Into International Parenting* | March 22, 2023 In this fascinating ParentEd talk, cultural researcher and author Jessica Joelle Alexander will reveal the secrets of the Danish style of parenting that will help parents of all walks of life “raise the happiest, most well-adjusted kids in the world,” applying her “PARENT” acronym: Play, Authenticity, Reframing, Empathy, No ultimatums and Togetherness.

The Habits of Highly Effective Adolescents | April 18, 2023 Acclaimed sociologist and leadership coach (and mother of four teenagers!) Christine Carter, Ph.D., will draw on scientific research to outline realistic ways parents and educators can help preteens, teens and college students find focus and fulfillment through the development of effective habit formation, goal-setting and authentic leadership skills.

Transforming Trauma and Navigating Overwhelm | May 4, 2023 In this interactive talk, trauma exposure pioneer Laura van Dernoot Lipsky will offer practical tools to help us sustain, individually and collectively, in the face of trauma, secondary trauma and overwhelm. She will discuss what the consequences of trauma are as well as strategies for supporting ourselves and each other.

The Perils of Permissive Parenting | June 6, 2023 Behavioral scientist Elizabeth Jordan thinks today’s parents lack the determination required to uphold the appropriately strict values of “traditional parenting” that result in the best outcomes for kids. She’ll expose the common pitfalls of permissiveness that result in traumatized parents and entitled teens — and reveal the power of the most crucial ingredient of effective parenting: humor. *Attendees will be eligible to win prizes, courtesy of Happiest Baby.

Harper, living cancer-free

Hope. Care. Cure.™

Seven types of rigorous treatment.

One kiddo that showed cancer who’s boss.

INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED FOR IMPROVING CARE AND CURE RATES FOR CHILDHOOD LEUKEMIA Harper was diagnosed with leukemia at six months old. She went through various treatments, including a bone marrow transplant, but the cancer kept coming back. Her parents decided to enroll her in an immunotherapy clinical trial, led by Seattle Children’s world-class leukemia experts, and it saved her life. Today, she’s living cancer-free and getting her childhood back.

Find your hope at SeattleChildrens.org

Harper, with Dr. Kasey Leger

2 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / S C HO OL S , P RES C HO OL S + N WA IS

Tackling Testing Anxiety

By Rebecca Hill The world tests us. Fortunately for kids who experience classic symptoms of test anxiety — suffering debilitating nerves, drawing a blank, forgetting what they studied in preparation for the test — knowing what strategies to employ can make all the difference.

What is test anxiety?

Test anxiety can manifest in many ways. Depending on how old the student in question is, parents and educators can witness a variety of behaviors, emotions and physical symptoms, such as an absolute refusal to go to school, stomachaches, loss of sleep, heart palpitations, and a haunting sense of dread and failure.

Sometimes, says University of Chicago psychology professor and researcher Sian Beilock, students see failure at taking tests as an indictment of who they are as a person, and they don’t feel like they have the ability to succeed. In her research, Beilock has seen kids as young as 6 manifest test anxiety. What really happens, says Beilock, is that these worries can have an impact on a person’s ability to hold information in their head via their working memory.

“The key is to figure out how to help kids manage this anxiety,” she says.

The impact of test anxiety on the working memory Working memory is our short-term memory cache, which temporarily stores information until we decide to permanently remember it. Consisting of a central executive function that controls and coordinates our auditory and visual spatial abilities, working memory can be likened to cognitive “horsepower.”

Beilock explains that our working memory is “like a mental scratchpad that helps us keep what we need in mind and other things out. It helps us remember all sorts of things in our daily life, such as our phone number or doing math problems.”

But working memory is limited: When we are stressed and anxious, our worries can coopt the working memory so we have less brainpower to tap.

Some kids have strong working memories; others do not. For instance, with a math word problem, kids must keep the numbers in their memory, figure out how to solve the problem and then write out the solution. Kids with poor working memories might have trouble capturing and keeping those numbers in their head.

But for kids with test anxiety, their worries about failure and forgetting essentially elbow out what they studied the night before.

As a result, their worries hijack their memory.

So, for students who have test anxiety, the question becomes: How can we free them from stress and anxiety when they are taking a test so that they can fully utilize their working memory?

Deep muscle relaxation and breathing One successful method is deep muscle relaxation and breathing.

Psychologist Heidi Larson, a professor at Eastern Illinois University, has conducted studies with students ranging from third-graders to high schoolers on the impact of deep muscle relaxation and breathing to counteract and treat test anxiety. She has found that teaching students to do these exercises has significantly helped to reduce their anxiety.

When she added chewing gum to the mix, she found that it also

The Sammamish Montessori School In Redmond

Call 425-883-3271 for a tour. ͻ Child-centered, joyful atmosphere with strong academic focus ͻ džƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞĚ͕ DŽŶƚĞƐƐŽƌŝͲĐĞƌƟĮĞĚ ƚĞĂĐŚĞƌƐ ͻ Preschool, kindergarten, and STEAM Enrichment ͻ Family owned and operated since 1977 ͻ ^ƵŵŵĞƌ͕ ďĞĨŽƌĞ Θ ĂŌĞƌ ƐĐŚŽŽů ƉƌŽŐƌĂŵƐ ͻ WƌĞƉ WƌŽŐƌĂŵ͕ ;ƐƚĂƌƟŶŐ ĂŐĞƐ Ϯ ПШЖͲϯͿ

in g N o w E n ro ll

www.sammamishmontessori.com 425-883-3271 PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 2 7 FD20_sammamish_montessori_1-8h.indd 1

7/30/20 5:20 PM

7/15/22 1:12 PM LO CAL R ai165791596712_ParentMap_7-15.pdf ES O UR CES / S CH O O L S , PR ES1CH O OLS + N WA IS

C

continued from page 27

M

increased students’ focus on their performance in other academic settings, in addition to taking tests.

The whole idea, Larson says, is to slow down your system, breathing through the stress so you are able to recall and remember what you have learned.

Y

CM

MY

CY

CMY

Larson believes that everyone needs to learn to manage their stress, and that teaching students how to relax their muscles and focus on deep breathing is a powerful life skill.

K

Fun in your inbox

Stay up to date with the latest family news, stories and adventures around Puget Sound — straight to your inbox.

ParentMap.com/eNews

Expressive writing Another method of reducing test anxiety was pioneered by Beilock. Patterning her research on that done with patients who struggled with depression, she found that students who engage in expressive writing can reduce their test anxiety and improve their test grades by nearly a grade point. There is a long line of research in clinical psychology showing that for depressive individuals who tend to have more physical ailments, writing and journaling can be an effective way to reduce doctors’ visits and physical consequences, says Beilock.

In the case of test anxiety, students can use expressive writing to communicate the substance of their fears and anxieties. By articulating their worries and stress on the page in written form, they reduced or eliminated their worries and were able to free up their working memory to remember what they had studied in preparation for the test.

Still, one size doesn’t fit all, Beilock notes. Every kid is different.

Larson agrees. “Each of us releases tension in different ways. I think that putting it all down on paper can have the same effect [as deep muscle relaxation and breathing]. But what I like about muscle relaxation and deep breathing is that it is a quick and simple tool that we know is effective,” she says.

For educators and parents, information about these two methods just might relieve some stress of their own. And while some anxiety is useful — because it can help a student prepare and study — too much anxiety is harmful, Larson says. Learning to employ these methods could improve scores now and help a student later on when they have even bigger life issues to tackle.

■

Rebecca Hill is a freelance writer who writes about education, literacy, libraries, parenting/family and science.

2 8 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / S C HO OL S , PRES C HO OL S + N WA IS

NOW ENROLLING! AGES 3-5

34< *37411.3,

877D 4:9)447 (1&887442

Learning Academy PRESCHOOL PRE-K A F T E R S C H O O L K I D S C LU B

)&>'7*&0 89&7 57*8(-441

Low Ratios & Small Classes Highly Qualified Teachers Integrated Technology Active Play Learn more at proclub.com or call (425) 861-6247 Bellevue, WA

OPEN TO EVERYONE. NO MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED.

GRADES K-6

F

E

EST RIDG OR

O

All-Girls, Independent, Catholic

O

1907

F T RE HE SAC

H

O

EA

SCH

L

D

Grades 5-12

Why all-girls? Because there’s no better way to build competent, confident and courageous young women.

Join us for an Open House October 22, 2022 | 10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m.

To learn more or join a virtual information session, visit www.forestridge.org

When school’s out for the day, we keep kids entertained and active.

Homework Assistance • Sports & Games

OPEN TO EVERYONE

Call (425) 861-6247 for more information.

Shuttle pick-up from select Eastside schools offered for added convenience.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 2 9

LO CAL R ES O UR CES / S CH O O L S , PR ES CH O O L S + N WA IS

FULL YEAR & SUMMER SCHOOL FOUNDATION GRADES 2-8 MIDDLE SCHOOL GRADES 6-9

Unlock Potential, Discover Community Join Us at an Open House!

High School | October 9, 2 - 4 p.m.

Middle School | November 6, 2 - 4 p.m.

Learn More & Register at eastsidecatholic.org/visit Coed, Grades 6 - 12

info@morningsideacademy.org

901 Lenora Street. Seattle, WA • 206.709.9500

LY APPAY! TOD

Rainier Valley Leadership Academy Serving 6-12th grade FREE QUALITY EDUCATION TO ALL WA RESIDENTS 70%+ Global Majority Teachers Focus on Social-Emotional Learning Emphasis on Outdoor Education Emphasis on Social Justice, Leadership, & Advocacy Limited seats available for Fall 2022-2023- accepting waitlist applications Accepting applications for next Fall, 2023-2024

SOUNDVIEW SCHOOL now accepting applications

www.soundview.org (425) 778-8572 a small, independent school in Lynnwood, WA 3 0 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Apply Today!

MYRVLA.ORG Call 206-226-8289 6020 Rainier Ave So., Seattle WA 98118

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / S C HO OL S , P RES C HO OL S + N WA IS

Age 3-Grade 8 Accepting Applications for 2023-2024 Learn more about our program, schedule a tour, and get answers to your questions! www.etonschool.org/admissions

Age 3–Grade 8

Age 3–Grade 3

2701 Bellevue-Redmond Road Bellevue WA 98008 425-881-4230 @etonschool.washington

@EtonSchoolWA

etonschoolwa

Preschool & Child Care Birth through Age 5 Fremont Community School proudly announces the opening of our new fully licensed childcare center.

Learn how we cultivate curiosity, friendship, and wonder through play and exploration of the natural world.

206-547-4054 fremontcommunityschool.org PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 3 1

Online Arts Programs Build your child’s confidence with online arts classes. Interlochen Online brings high-caliber arts education to aspiring artists everywhere. Whether your child is developing their artistic skill, preparing for college auditions, or simply

Through diverse online courses, you’ll thelevel. space to wants to learn our something new, therearts is a class for every agehave and skill learn something new or take your artistic skills to the next level.

COLLEGE ADVISING | CREATIVE WRITING | DANCE FILM | MUSIC | THEATRE | VISUAL ARTS • Taught by experienced arts educators • Real-time arts instruction in your home • Private lesson packages, group classes, and college audition prep • A program for every experience level

interlochen.org

3 2 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Out + About Tea for Two Sweet afternoon teatime outings around Seattle Story and photos by Natasha Dillinger

After a long school day, the last thing my daughter wants is to be debriefed about everything that happened. But the cozy, intimate setting of a one-on-one afternoon tea seems to spark conversation, so I try to schedule a regular tea date for us to catch up. If you’re hoping to get your kids to spill the (figurative) tea, read on for a roundup of Puget Sound–area spots where you can partake in this classic pastime (plus, some tips to re-create that perfect teatime ambiance at home).

If you’re headed out for tea, here are some tips to make the outing a success: • Read the rules ahead of time. Some tea services have age limits or etiquette guidelines, while others request that you preorder your tea service. Given the labor required to assemble all of those crustless sandwiches and tiny cookies, a stricter cancellation policy than normal may apply (such as a fee for cancellation with less than 24–72 hours’ notice).

• Take the opportunity to dress up if you want. Teatime tends to be a fancier affair (especially at hotel destinations). This is a great occasion to get more wear out of your sparkly holiday duds!

• Bring some themed entertainment.

Whether it’s tea at home or tea out on the town, we like to bring picture books along as they make for relatively quiet distractions while we wait for snacks to arrive.

Queen Mary Tea Room’s décor features tea cups in all kinds of places — even embedded in the concrete outside!

Queen Mary Tea Room • queenmarytea.com 2912 N.E. 55th St., Seattle (near University Village) Hours: Wednesday–Saturday, 9 a.m.–4 p.m.; Sundays, 9 a.m.–4:30 p.m.; reservations available through OpenTable or by phone (206-527-2770). Walk-ins are accepted for tea and dessert when space is available.

Cost: Afternoon tea costs $55 per adult and $28 per child, ages 10 and younger ($60 and $30, respectively, on weekends), and includes a tiered tray of savory and sweet goodies. À la carte brunch and lunch entrées range from $20 to $30.

Best for: A classic teatime experience in

this intimate venue has attracted devotees (devoteas?) since 1988. Both of my baby showers were hosted here, and I have treated both of my kids to special oneon-one teatimes here. The Queen Mary doesn’t have high chairs or booster seats (or changing tables), but ask for a booth if you’re worried about wiggly kids, since the booths give them a bit more room to move.

See if you can spot all of the fun decorative touches that make this spot unique (such as the child-size nutcracker in the hallway or the mosaic of broken teacups embedded in the pavement outside). The rainbow of sorbet palate cleansers and the lavender puff of cotton candy on the children’s tea tray are big crowd-pleasers for my kids.

Vegetarian and gluten-free options are available.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 3 3

O U T + AB O U T

Follow us on social media Discover the latest parenting tips, tricks, adventures, activities and more!

@parentmap

Purple cotton candy is a highlight of the kid-size tray at Queen Mary Tea Room.

continued from page 33

Seattle Japanese Garden tea ceremony • seattlejapanesegarden.org/tea-ceremony 1075 Lake Washington Blvd. E., Seattle Hours: Saturdays, May–October, and select Fridays and Sundays. Tea ceremony is at 1, 2 and 3 p.m.

Cost: $10 per adult and $7 per youth, in addition to garden admission ($8 per adult, $4 per youth); reserve by phone (206-684-4725). The garden requests that attendees be at least 6 years old.

Best for: A glimpse at a beautiful Japanese tradition.

The art and ritual of chanoyu (tea ceremony) has been practiced for hundreds of years, and an individual tea ceremony can last as long as four hours. Attendees at this much shorter 40-minute presentation sit on stools while a host shares the ceremony’s history and symbolism. As many as 10 guests then shed their shoes and kneel on tatami mats for a Japanese sweet, which is followed by a bowl of freshly prepared matcha (finely ground green tea).

What makes this unique experience extra special? You finally get to sit inside the Shoseian Teahouse, which is typically offlimits to garden visitors!

Matcha tea demonstration

3 4 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

BacktoSchool_ParentMapAd_June2022_V2.pdf

1

5/18/22

1:06 AM

Panama Hotel and Tea House • panamahotelseattle.com 607 South Main St., Seattle Hours: 9 a.m.–4 p.m. daily. No reservations needed.

Cost: $15–$20 for a bottomless pot of tea and a pastry or two Best for: A unique cultural experience that’s informal enough to be toddler-friendly. Order one of the many teas and sweets at the counter (Tokara, tokaragashi.com, delivers gorgeous and tasty Japanese treats on Mondays and Thursdays) and take them downstairs, where you’ll find a small kids’ play area stocked with toys and

SIgn-up

C

M

Y

CM

MY

CY

Enjoy snacks and tea while learning about Japanese American history at the Panama Hotel and Teahouse.

books. Learn about local Japanese American history by perusing the photos, newspaper clippings and dolls lining the walls. You can even peek through a glass section of the floor to see the basement of this historic hotel, where many Japanese Americans stored their possessions before being interned during World War II. When your visit is over, head across the street to the Danny Woo Community Garden to feed the chickens some dandelion greens. Gluten- and dairy-free treats are available.

CMY

K

School Year @ the club! www positiveplace org www.positiveplace.org

The Crumpet Shop • thecrumpetshop.com 1503 First Ave., Seattle Hours: Thursday–Sunday, 8 a.m.–2 p.m. (8 a.m.–3 p.m. on weekends). No reservations needed.

Cost: Crumpets cost $3–$7, depending on toppings.

Best for: One of the few places in Seattle where you can nosh a freshly made crumpet. (You can even watch them sizzle on the griddle through the windows.) We

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 3 5

O UT + AB O UT

continued from page 35

love crumpets slathered in lemon curd or maple butter, or topped with egg and cheese. The housemade chai might not be a traditional afternoon tea choice, but you’ll be comforted by its gingery spice during a stroll through Pike Place Market on a rainy day.

Pick up a to-go bag to enjoy during your at-home tea.

Most crumpet toppings are vegetarian and several are vegan, if you specify no butter.

MV Lotus • mvlotus.org 860 Terry Ave. N., Seattle (located on the northeast side of the Museum of History & Industry) Hours: Second Sunday of every month, May–November, with select holiday teas in December. Tea is at noon and 2:30 p.m. Call 425-243-9641 for reservations. Hats encouraged!

Cost: $27–$37 for an adult tea, $22 for a Tween Tea (ages 8–12), $15 for a Wee Tea (7 and younger) Best for: Tea with a view. The McMicken family built this luxurious houseboat in 1909 (it was quite state-of-the-art for its time) to travel in style between Seattle and the family’s gold mines in Alaska.

Peek into the rooms (where you can still stay) and imagine yourself as a successful prospector before heading to the covered boat deck to watch seaplanes take off before tea. This spread is more substantial than some others, and we enjoyed quiche and red pepper soup before tucking into a large plate of cookies and the grand finale: a signature almond cake studded with baked apples.

Devoted volunteers serve tea, and proceeds benefit the Lotus Foundation, which is dedicated to the boat’s upkeep, so you can feel good about supporting a historic gem.

Some gluten-free and vegan items are available upon request.

If you need more time on the water, you’ll have plenty of choices in Seattle boat tours departing from the same area (parentmap.com/boat-tours).

M/V Lotus’ signature almond cake

3 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Little Honey Tea items at Graham’s Royal Tea

Graham’s Royal Tea • grahamsroyaltea.com

10035 Main St., Bothell

Hours: Wednesday–Sunday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m. This location hosts a lot of parties, but offers afternoon tea service when an event is not scheduled. Call ahead to make reservations (425-686-7670).

Cost: Pricing ranges from $16 per person for scones with fruit and tea to $40 per person for a heartier selection of sandwiches, soups and sweets.

Best for: A tea party, of course! Whether your occasion is a full birthday affair or just a party of two, this spot has beautiful decorations and is just down the street from Bothell Landing Park (perfect for some after-tea-party playtime). Served with house-made Devonshire cream, Graham’s traditional scone was the surprisingly simple yet delicious highlight of my tea tray, and the Paris tea’s oolong blend, with its notes of vanilla, is now a favorite. Note that this venue has the most rules for decorum, so it’s best for children older than 5 who can stay seated for a while or highly foodmotivated younger children on a weekday morning. Vegetarian and gluten-free options are available. Graham’s also offers a tea-to-go option in the event an afternoon tea picnic is in your future.

Paisley Parlour • paisleyparlour.com 317 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 49, Issaquah Hours: Open daily, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. No reservations required for a simple scone and tea. Call ahead (425-395-7187) or book online for the full afternoon tea.

Cost: $30 per adult, $16–$20 per child (with or without a scone) Best for: Kids who prefer hot chocolate to tea. This Gilman Village shop (which also serves ice cream, coffee and other specialty treats, such as unicorn sodas) knows its audience — my kids’ eyes grew wide when they saw the large pot of hot chocolate festooned with gobs of whipped cream and sprinkles. The tea sandwiches are basic, but the paisley-shaped cookies are an adorable nod to the shop’s name. Paint your own cup and saucer for at-home tea at Mudhouse Pottery Painting (mudhousepottery.com), located just around the corner.

The Lodge at St. Edward Park • thelodgeatstedward.com 14477 Juanita Dr. N.E., Kenmore

Hours: Thursdays at 2:30 p.m. Make reservations for the St. Edward High Tea online at exploretock.com.

Cost: $72 per person. There is no children’s menu or pricing, but call ahead if you’re bringing kids and staff can alter some items to make them more kid-friendly.

Best for: A foodie staycation (parentmap.com/ saint-edward). Of all of the teas we’ve attended, this is the most gourmet. Hosted in the lodge’s Cedar + Elm dining room, this tea boasts tea trays piled high with savory offerings, such as beet-marinated deviled eggs and shaved cucumber tea sandwiches with herbed mascarpone, as well as entertainment provided by a

Connect with your teen #irl @seattlerep Find enrichment in the arts this fall!

seattlerep.org

MacGregor Arney, Meme García, and Meredith Aleigha Wells in Teenage Dick (2022).

NAT T E WATTE TERS TE S

SEASON SUBSCRIPTIONS START AT $95!

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 3 7

O UT + AB O UT

continued from page 37

classical guitarist. Sweet offerings include honey-accented canelés and tapioca tarts with caramelized bananas; my 6-year-old was delighted by multiple flavors of macarons and crumpets with bear ears. This would be the perfect pre-check-in activity before a food-coma-induced nap in one of the lodge’s comfy beds (followed by an energetic session at the amazing wooden playground, of course).

The Secret Garden Tea Room • sgtea.com 1711 Elm St. E., Sumner

Hours: Tuesday–Saturday, 11 a.m.–6 p.m. Call to reserve a pickup time (253-826-4479).

Cost: $30–$40 per adult, $20 for a child’s tea service Best for: A tea picnic. You don’t have to take your tea home, but you can’t have it here (just yet). This tea room in a beautiful Victorian house will expand to include limited outdoor seating later this summer, but for now, the staff will package up your tea in a stunning floral box (complete with lemon-scented fingertip towels to wipe those Beautiful floral boxes from the Secret Garden Tea Room hold all the fixings for an afternoon lifted pinkies!) so you tea picnic. can take it to go. We took our treats to the beach for a low-tide picnic, but Seibenthaler Park is located within walking distance, and Loyalty Park’s impressive accessible playground is just a few minutes’ drive away. The Devonshire cream added the perfect tang when spread on my scone, and my son loved his blueberry tart and chocolate mousse, nibbled from a tiny spoon.

Olive Branch Café and Tea Room • olivebranch-cafe.com 2501 East D St., Tacoma Hours: Café hours are Wednesday–Sunday, 11 a.m.–4 p.m., with tea service available 11:30 a.m.–2:30 p.m. (Sundays are reserved for tea only.)

Cost: $28–$61 per adult, with options for petite or cream teas starting at $16; children’s teas start at $20. Make reservations online.

Best for: The ambiance! The vibe is Victorian inn, with brocadeupholstered chairs, rich wood paneling and a volunteer pianist tickling the keys of a baby grand piano. Lovers of pink will appre-

3 8 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

ciate the special “Princess” tea room for hosting children’s teas (available for an additional fee upon request); décor includes rose-colored chairs, tulle curtains and shelves of antique dolls.

While some recent critiques suggest inconsistent food quality, the freshly baked scones garner consistently rave reviews.

Fairmont Olympic Hotel • fairmont.com/seattle

411 University St., Seattle

Hours: Saturday–Sunday, 11 a.m.– 3 p.m. Reservations are available through OpenTable or by phone (206-621-1700).

Cost: $75 per adult, $45 per child ages 12 and younger. Stickershock alert: An individual glass of champagne will set you back a whopping $35.

Best for: A fancy downtown Seattle People-watching and tea at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel outing. Formerly held in The Georgian Restaurant before it became The George, the Fairmont’s classic afternoon tea now takes place in the lobby of the Olympic Bar. (See if you can spot the hidden entrance to the new speakeasy-style bar.) This setting makes for excellent people-watching; to entertain ourselves, we sometimes make up stories about the other people wandering through.

The adult tea includes items such as Dungeness crab profiteroles and a smoked salmon bite with lemon-caper cream cheese, while kids enjoy croissants slathered with peanut butter, banana and honey, alongside cheesecake pops and chocolate chip scones.

Vegetarian and gluten-free options are available.

■

Dress up your dining room for a more budget-friendly afternoon tea with these suggestions: • Head to your local Goodwill. Grandmother’s china doesn’t hold the heirloom status or value it used to, and luckily for us, that means there are often inexpensive teacups and saucers on offer.

• Gather some backyard flowers or dandelions (we find lots near our local schools) and pop them in a vase for a centerpiece.

• Choose a treat of choice. Graham crackers and fruit work well. If you have extra dandelions from a pesticide-free source, turn them into shortbread!

Natasha Dillinger is a Seattle mom who paused a career in accounting and finance to focus on showing her two young children around the Pacific Northwest.

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / CAM P S : ARTS + ACT I V I T I ES

Family music classes for children ages birth through age 8 and the grownups who love them!

sunshinemusictogether.com

ed t i m Li sses Cla ster Regi y Toda

Studios in Greenwood, Magnolia, Wedgwood, Shoreline PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 3 9

LO CAL R ES O UR CES / CAM P S : ARTS + ACT I V I T IES

8 Creative Ways to Celebrate and Display Kids’ Artwork

By Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

Transform this school year’s haul of kid masterpieces into artful placemats, totally awesome togs, greeting cards and more!

1/ Make it wearable • akimiro.com Turn your child’s art-class masterpieces into wearable merch with Akimiro, a Seattle-based create-your-own clothing site. Each clothing item is made to order, so your kiddo’s art is center stage on a quality garment. Your pint-size Picasso can also submit their art to be part of the Little Artists Collection, a collab with Akimiro that features joyous creations everyone can purchase.

2/ Print custom greeting cards • shutterfly.com Take a photo of your child’s latest masterwork, then upload it to Shutterfly to have it turned into a set of greeting cards! Use the cards as thank-you notes or to send a fond hello to a relative.

Grandparents love to receive a custom card in the mail from their favorite little artists.

3/ Make it a ‘curtain’ call • allthingsgd.com We discovered this brilliant idea for showcasing kid art on the All Things G&D blog. Mount a set of Ikea curtain wires on the wall and use curtain clips to neatly hang and organize your child’s latest creations. What we love about this idea is that it’s simple to swap the art in and out. Also, the clips slide easily along the wire, so you can adjust them to present larger-size works. Mama Dusty, your genius is showing!

4/ Create a photographic keepsake • artkiveapp.com If you love the idea of a coffee-table book or framed mosaic that showcases all of your kiddo’s art, but don’t have the time to make one yourself, you’re in luck! Artkive does all of the work for you:

4 0 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

The company will send you a box to fill with up to 400 pieces of your child’s precious artwork; you ship it back and — voilà! — as if by a miracle, a gorgeous book or wall-mountable composition arrives.

5/ Turn their chef d’oeuvre into a stuffed animal • budsies.com If your favorite artist has presented you with an adorable drawing that you just can’t get enough of, consider commemorating it as a super-special stuffie!

Simply upload a photo of your kiddo’s whimsical little creation to Budsies, and the company will create a custom 16- or 30-inch plush toy in its likeness. Talk about an utterly unique keepsake to treasure for a lifetime.

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / CAM P S : ARTS + ACT I V I T I ES

Chickadee Music Together

6/ Enjoy art at the dinner table • kidsactivitiesblog.com Not everyone has the wall space to mount a large display, but this idea from the Kids Activities blog is a great way to showcase art right on your family’s most creative canvas of all: the kitchen table. The blog’s author produced placemats by laminating her sons’ paper-based art. If you don’t own a laminator, clear contact paper will work just as well to create one-of-a-kind waterproof placemats that will make every mealtime a tasteful affair.

7/ ‘Tote’-ally adorable (and useful!) • snaptotes.com Don’t leave the art at home! With Snaptotes, you can display your mini Monet’s work on the go. Most parents of small children need some kind of a bag to haul their kid’s stuff around anyway.

Snaptotes also creates custom wallets,

wristlets, diaper bags and many other clever, customizable totables.

8/ Everyone loves a garland • skiptomylou.org A fun way to add a dash of color and celebratory verve to any room is with an upcycled art garland. Because this project from Skip to My Lou requires cutting artwork into pieces, it is an especially good use of multiples of similar art projects, sweet scribbles and fanciful finger paintings. Another bonus is that this project uses materials you probably already have lying about the house.

■

Music and movement classes for children birth through five and the grown-ups who love them!

Join Our Musical Community

Indoor and Outdoor Classes

chickadeemusic.com (206) 334-8002

— Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

Family Fun Calendar

0922_chickadee_music_together_1-8v.indd 1

8/9/22 10:09 PM

Find your adventure today!

Our online calendar is your go-to guide for family activities around Puget Sound.

Framed mosaics of kids’ art. Photo courtesy artkiveapp.com

ParentMap.com/calendar PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 4 1

Voices

How to Move Away From Fear-Based Parenting Three simple ways to counter the urge to overprotect

By Lenore Skenazy

4 2 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

A parent’s need to protect their child from danger is a natural instinct. The problem is that parents these days seem to see danger everywhere they look. How can you learn to overcome fear-based parenting and let your kids become strong and independent? I spoke with Barbara Sarnecka, Ph.D., a cognitive sciences professor at the University of California–Irvine, to get some simple tips to help anxious parents learn to let go of the fear.

Sarnecka was part of a team of researchers at UC–Irvine that conducted an amazing study a number of years ago. The research-

ers wondered why people are often so worried when they see children on their own. As they point out in the paper’s abstract: “In recent decades, Americans have adopted a parenting norm in which every child is expected to be under constant direct adult supervision. Parents who violate this norm by allowing their children to be alone, even for short periods of time, often face harsh criticism and even legal action.

This is true despite the fact that children are much more likely to be hurt, for example, in car accidents. Why then, do bystanders call 911 when they see children

playing in parks, but not when they see children riding in cars?”

The researchers concluded that it came down to a matter of morals. In short, people felt there was something morally wrong about leaving kids on their own. That moral judgment led them to assume that those kids were automatically in danger.

Parents themselves have to overcome an internal voice that’s constantly telling them, “Don’t leave your kids alone! That makes you a terrible parent! Something awful is going to happen to them!” So I asked Sarnecka how we can counter the idea that any time a child is unsupervised, they’re automatically in danger. These are the tips she offered to overcome fearbased parenting.

Consider other tiny risks we ignore every day.

Suppose your child asks if they can walk to the neighborhood playground two blocks away with a friend. Your first fearbased thought might be But if they go on their own, they could get kidnapped by a stranger! Sarnecka points out that statistically, the risk of this is really low. So, compare it to other low-risk situations and think about how you make decisions in those cases. Here’s an example she uses: “The last time you drove somewhere and parked your car, did you choose your parking space based on the possibility that there could be snipers on the roofs of the buildings around you? Did you say, ‘Well, if I park here, snipers on that building could get me. But if I park over there, the awning will shield me’?”

Probably not, right? Now, could you really be 100 percent sure that there weren’t snipers on the buildings? No, because it’s not impossible. But it’s so unlikely that you just don’t worry about it. You would be nuts to plan your parking around such a remote possibility.

Here’s another way to look at it: The likelihood of being involved in a traffic accident is a lot higher than that of your kid being abducted. But we drive in cars with kids all of the time. No one has ever called the

police simply because they saw a parent driving with a kid in the car (assuming the parent is following safety guidelines, of course). But if parents let their kids play on their own in a park a few blocks from home, they legitimately run the risk of someone calling the police on them.

Think back to your own childhood. What did you do on your own? Climb trees? Ride bikes with your friends? Hike in the woods? Play in creeks?

All of these activities carried some risk of danger. Maybe you even got hurt. But you’re here today to tell the tale, and that’s what matters.

As a parent, Sarnecka says, you have the right to decide that your child benefits from walking to school alone, playing in a park or riding their bike with friends. If you feel the very small risks are worth the benefits, then proceed with confidence.

Measure those risks against the benefits of developing independence.

Let’s talk about those benefits. Sarnecka points out that it’s hard to measure the benefits of independence through research.

On the other hand, it’s easy to describe possible dangers. If a kid breaks their arm climbing a tree, it’s tempting to assume that means climbing trees is just too dangerous.

That’s how fear-based parenting works. But what about the physical and mental benefits of learning to climb a tree?

“Those of us who study development need to figure out how to quantify the benefits [of independence] to kids,” says Sarnecka. In the meantime, she recommends listening to expert child psychologists. For instance, Norwegian researcher Ellen Sandseter proposes the following list of things children need in

order to develop independence:

• Exploring heights. Kids need to get the “bird’s perspective,” going “high enough to evoke the sensation of fear.”

• Handling tools. Let kids use sharp scissors or knives, or heavy hammers.

At first, these tools seem unmanageable, but kids learn to master them in time.

• Being near dangerous elements. Playing near vast bodies of water or close to a fire allows kids to be aware that there is danger nearby. Then they can learn to avoid those dangers.

• Rough-and-tumble play. Wrestling and play fighting help kids learn to negotiate aggression and cooperation.

• Speed. Let kids experience cycling or other activities at a pace that feels too fast.

• Exploring on their own. Sandseter feels this is the most important of all for development.

Every item on this list arouses understandable fear in parents. But if you let fearbased parenting rule, your kids will miss out on important developmental opportunities.

Think about things you were able to do on your own as a kid.

This last idea is so simple and so powerful.

Think back to your own childhood. What did you do on your own? Climb trees?

Ride bikes with your friends? Hike in the woods? Play in creeks? All of these activities carried some risk of danger. Maybe you even got hurt. But you’re here today to tell the tale, and that’s what matters. So, forget the most recent episode of “CSI: Sex Trafficking Unit” or whatever you’ve been watching. Draw on your own experiences and give your kids some freedom.

■

Lenore Skenazy is the president of Let Grow (letgrow.org), a nonprofit that promotes childhood independence and resilience, and provides free materials for schools and parents.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 4 3

Fall Fun with PRESCHOOL CLASSES Play, sing, learn, cook, paint, and grow in our new classes for little ones!

Programs are available for ages 18 months to 6 years.

t a fa m i l i es t h , r e to g e t h . e t r a e e h c r e b r at e t o g e t cel october 2022

DANCE CLASSES Tap, shuffle, and shimmy into a new season of dance fun!

Classes are available for dancers age 4-16 and all experience levels.

Ta c o m a A r t s M o n t h . o r g This book explains how to make it work.

— The New York Times

If you feel that your relationship is unfair, 80/80 could save it.

— The Times (London)

MARTIAL AL ARTS Develop confidence, coordination, strength,, and more while learning ng the discipline and fundamentals mentals of the martial arts!

No experience necessary. ary.

Open to all age 6 & up.

LEARN MORE ABOUT ALL KENT PARKS PROGRAMS AND REGISTER YOUR CHILD ONLINE TODAY AT MYKENTPARKS.COM/REGISTER

An accessible guide for couples seeking greater love, connection, and intimacy in our modern world.

This New York Times Editors’ Choice book gives couples the insights, practices, and tools to navigate the challenges of modern marriage.

8080Marriage.com 4 4 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M 0922_klemp_1-4.indd 32

8/12/22 1:11 PM

Ages + Stages 10 Ways to Protect Your Child’s Brain From Daily Screen Time

Wired and Tired: Screen Time and Behavior Disturbance in Children SEPT. 20 FREE talk by child psychiatrist Victoria Dunckley, M.D. REGISTER:

parentmap.com/live

These evidence-based strategies can help prevent overstimulation from screen time

By Victoria L. Dunckley, M.D. I’ve written elsewhere about how screen time stresses and detunes the body clock, brain chemistry and reward pathways, as well as how tech addiction can actually damage the brain’s frontal lobe (psychologytoday.com). I’ve also shared how an electronic fast can reset and resynchronize the nervous system, improving a child’s mood, sleep, focus and behavior in a matter of weeks.

The following are 10 evidence-based practices that can act as buffers against some of the changes caused by overstimulation from screen time. These methods either counteract screen time’s effects directly (such as by helping to synchronize, strengthen or protect the body clock) or indirectly (for example, by facilitating deeper sleep or discharging pent-up energy). While this information was originally written with children in mind, it applies to adults, too.

10 strategies to counteract the effects of daily screen time 1/ Increase exposure to greenery, nature and sunlight. A growing body of research suggests that green spaces

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 4 5

AGES + STAGES

continued from page 45

enhance mental health and learning capacity, both immediately and over time, by lowering stress levels and restoring attention. Greenery simultaneously restores attention by drawing the eye while calming the nervous system, creating a state of “calm alertness” — a state considered ideal for learning. (This is in contrast to stressbased alertness associated with screen activities, which deplete attention.)

Similarly, studies show exposure to sunlight can reduce attention deficit symptoms, while abundant bright light first thing in the morning can help restore disrupted circadian rhythms, improve mood and enhance restorative sleep.

2/ Incorporate more movement, exercise and free play. While stress and screen time break down brain connectivity, exercise does the reverse — it builds connections and actually makes the brain bigger! Exercise fights depression, poor focus, insomnia, addiction and anxiety by raising and balancing the very brain chemicals and hormones that become imbalanced when using electronics. In addition, varied and regular movement throughout the day helps develop core muscle strength, stimulates the vestibular system and discharges pent-up energy — all things that foster learning and mood regulation. And free play is not just for fun: It encourages brain integration, the mastering of new skills, the ability to grasp others’ mental states, cause-and-effect thinking and the management of conflict.

3/ Practice sleep hygiene and create a “sleep sanctuary.” Numerous studies have shown that higher amounts of daily screen time and screen time in the evenings disrupt sleep. Changes include suppressed REM sleep, less time spent in the deeper stages of sleep and a blunted drop in core body temperature. Conversely, restorative sleep is reparative — it helps the brain “clean house,” reduces inflammation and consolidates learning.

You can facilitate more restorative sleep

4 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

and boost melatonin (the “sleep hormone”) by establishing a consistent sleep/ wake routine (including on the weekends), keeping all screens out of the bedroom, using a sleep mask and blackout curtains to make the sleep environment as close to pitch-black as possible, avoiding eating heavy meals close to bedtime and keeping the temperature of the room cool.

Research suggests that parent-set bedtimes are associated with better sleep and improved functioning. To visually send the brain the message that it’s time to sleep, the bedroom should be uncluttered, free of reminders of tasks yet to be done and cozy.

4/ Engage in creative play and activities. Creative activities stimulate the right brain, the hemisphere that is often underactive in our information-overloaded world. But the creative process also activates areas throughout the entire brain, facilitating whole-brain and brain-body integration. Moreover, flexing our creative muscle helps build problem-solving skills.

Studies have shown that screen time stunts imaginary play. When the brain is fed a constant stream of stimulating entertainment that saturates the senses, it deadens the creative drive, as does viewing a two-dimensional screen emitting flat, unnatural light. In contrast, reduced levels of stimulation enhance creativity, and varying fields of depth and the interplay of depth and shadow found in the natural world stimulate the mind to wonder and imagine.

5/ Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness includes activities such as yoga, meditation and breath work. While it can be tricky to get children to meditate, most will enjoy kids’ yoga once they get started, and the benefits of such practices cannot be overstated. When children start practicing a mindfulness activity, invariably they are calmer, less easily frustrated and better rested. How is that possible? Meditation and yoga quiet the brain, reduce stress and stimulation, improve blood flow and

even balance our hormones. As mentioned, electronic stimulation combined with our hectic lifestyles mean that most of us get too much stimulation.

Research suggests that meditation is associated with increased thickness of the cortex — the exact opposite of an effect found in tech addiction. Another study showed that second- and third-graders who were taught mindfulness techniques exhibited an improvement in executive functioning, particularly in those with preexisting attention problems.

6/ Bring on the bonding: human touch, empathy and love. It is well-documented that children who are held, rocked, soothed and attended to by an “in tune” parent have larger brains than children who are touched less or who are outright neglected. Eye contact, in particular, fosters bonding and stimulates brain development, and children these days receive less eye contact than ever as a result of both kids and parents being locked onto screens. Eye contact, face-toface interaction, touch and observing body language all help children learn to regulate emotion and states of arousal, develop a sense of self and build capacity for intimacy. Furthermore, healthy attachment to caregivers actually protects against addictions of all kinds, including tech addiction.

Other research has shown that feeling and expressing love and compassion help stimulate the frontal lobe and facilitate executive functioning and self-regulation.

7/ Assign daily chores to the entire family — even the little ones. The Learning Habit Study showed that kids with the highest grade point averages did more chores, had less than 30 minutes of daily screen time and spent more time with their parents. Another study indicated that children who started doing chores at age 3 or 4 were more likely to have successful relationships and careers and were more self-sufficient. For adults, daily chores have been shown to boost mood and productivity and to decrease risk of

heart disease — a condition closely tied to chronic stress.

8/ Mimic nature’s day/night light cycles as closely as possible.

Artificial light at night, such as the lighting in our homes and especially from screens, throws off the body clock as well as hormone and brain chemistry regulation, contributing to depression, impaired daytime functioning, obesity and other health issues.

To best counteract this, avoid screen activities (especially interactive ones) after sundown. And, as mentioned earlier, increase exposure to natural sunlight during the day.

Also, energy-efficient bulbs (both CFLs and LEDs) emit poor light quality and have been shown to raise stress levels and negatively impact mood. Switch to incandescent bulbs (halogens are closest to the oldstyle incandescent lights) to create a more soothing and natural environment.

9/ Tone down the brightness levels on all screens. For televisions, choose the “natural” setting and lower the brightness and contrast controls to more closely match the surrounding environment. For computers, laptops, tablets and phones, download software such as f.lux to warm and darken the devices’ screens as it gets later in the day. Although this will help block some of the melatonin-suppressing blue light, know that melatonin can still be suppressed by screens even when blue light is blocked — just not as much.

10/ Go wired and give Wi-Fi the boot. Doing so will kill two birds with one stone. First, research suggests that electromagnetic fields emitted by Wi-Fi signals may suppress melatonin and increase arousal levels, just as screen light does.

Second, using wired-only internet access automatically reduces device use while increasing productivity when you do use

it. If you can’t commit to that, at least turn off the Wi-Fi at night to give your nervous system a break.

While we can’t get away from screens entirely, incorporating these practices into our daily routine — along with taking regular breaks from screens altogether — can go a long way toward protecting the brain and bolstering its resilience, especially over time.

■

Victoria L. Dunckley, M.D., is an awardwinning integrative child psychiatrist who specializes in treating children with complex or treatment-resistant mental health conditions. This article was adapted from her book “Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time” and first appeared on the Psychology Today blog Mental Wealth.

PA R E N T M A P / S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 2 / 47

DAY SCHOOL

AFFORDA B I L I TY I NI TI ATI V E

Get an exceptional, private, Jewish day school education for less than you ever imagined.

Never pay more than 15K, or 15% of your adjusted gross income, whichever is less.

Families making up to $350K qualify.

Find out if you qualify at: samisfoundation.org/eligibility-estimator or call the Admission Office at the Seattle-area Jewish day school of your choice.

This incredible opportunity provided by Samis Foundation