August 2019

MEET SEATTLE

Public Schools Superintendent

’cause parenting is a trip!

DENISE JUNEAU PAGE 38

BACK to

SCHOOL

50 Ways to Rock It PAGE 16

How to keep diet culture from consuming our kids 12

OH, BABY — WHAT A TRIP!

3 creative ideas for a Puget Sound “babymoon” 10

GREAT SUMMER ESCAPES Savor summer’s end with these cool outings 29

AUGUST 2019 SS

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JIAYING GRYGIEL

inside

,cause parenting is a trip!

AUGUST 2019

Parenting

6 DEAR READER

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

10 CRIB NOTES: OH, BABY —

WHAT A TRIP!

3 creative ideas for a Puget Sound “babymoon”

12 BEYOND TOLERANCE: THE DIET

DILEMMA

How to keep diet culture from consuming our kids

14 WELLNESS: UNSAFE IN ANY

AMOUNT

Clearing the air about marijuana use during pregnancy

26 IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

Two teens launch mentorship program for adopted youth

35 AGES + STAGES: Z IS FOR ZEAL

A case for this underrated ‘miracle grow’ of selfhood

38 SOMEONE YOU SHOULD KNOW Meet Seattle Public School’s newest superintendent

Feature

16

50 Ways to Rock the Back-to-School Transition

16 BACK-TO-SCHOOL COOL

50 ways to rock your back-to-school routine

Out + About 20 AUGUST CALENDAR 29 GREAT SUMMER ESCAPES Savor summer’s end with these cool outings

Advertising Sections 13–15 Camps + Activities 22–25 P ediatric Dentistry 30–39 S chools + Preschools Cover photo by JiaYing Grygiel

29 parentmap.com • August 2019 • 5

note

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

T

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here may be no more poignant adage to describe the bittersweet passage of the early parenting years than this quote, credit for which goes to writer Gretchen Rubin. And as I contemplate the imminent back-to-school season, that tell-tale mix of trepidation and anticipation that always attends that transition is hitting me particularly hard.

My baby Maya just turned18 — the last of our brood to launch after over 33 years of parenting (could this possibly qualify us for “Guinness World Records” status!?). Maya heads east to college this fall, and while I am thrilled for her impending adventure, I am neither ready nor prepared for it, to use Maya’s high school graduation speech theme with a mama-bear twist on the concept.

I read chef-mama Jackie Freeman’s top 10 ways to feed your back-to-school crew (50 Ways to Rock the Back-to-School Transition, p.16), and found myself suddenly in tears. Her rockin’ foodie recommendations read as prophetic lessons for life. But how can I possibly plan ahead (Jackie’s #1 tip) for this moment when my gregarious, binge-TV-watching, yoga-class buddy is now heading out the door?

I can’t.

No doubt, we’ll both survive and thrive in this next phase of our lives. I get a euphoric feeling when I imagine the extraordinary academic and life learning that awaits her. I’m also ecstatic that my husband and I aren’t panicked about empty nest syndrome. We plan to hit every babymoon destination listed in Oh, Baby – What a Trip (p.10), but we’ll just be the wise old “Bubbie-mooners” instead!

Fast forward to Jackie’s #10 tip: Foster independence. Check! Maya has demonstrated fierce independence since birth. She’s deeply rooted in our family’s values, while being spirited, empathetic and outrageously hilarious — all qualities seamlessly laced together with a golden thread of zeal that has progressed her to this moment and will continue to catapult her into the future.

Reading Dr. Laura Kastner’s piece, Z Is for Zeal (p.35), had me steeped in reflection.

As a 4-year-old, Maya’s precocious goal-directedness had her dictating every word of each person’s speaking part in her directorial-debut theatrical performance of “Flamly,” a play about our family. Dr. Kastner wisely encourages us to appreciate the gift of our kids’ zeal — what she calls the “‘miracle grow’ of selfhood” — while helping to safely direct youthful exuberance toward their most positive and productive aims.

And now, my parenting is done: My kids are launched.

Denise Juneau (Someone You Should Know, p. 38), however, has 53,000 kids to watch over. Our newest Seattle Public Schools superintendent mesmerized me when we met to learn more about her focus and passion to improve learning outcomes for all students in the district. Her calm optimism, insightful message of commitment, clear-minded vision for success and seemingly mystical powers have us cheering her on. “There are no broken children — there are only broken systems,” says Juneau, who should be applauded for her tenacious efforts to fix those systems.

ParentMap

August 2019, Vol. 17, No. 8 PUBLISHER/EDITOR Alayne Sulkin

EDITORIAL

INTERIM MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR

Nicole Persun

OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

Dora Heideman

COPY EDITOR Sunny Parsons CONTRIBUTORS

Gemma Alexander, JiaYing Grygiel, Malia Jacobson, Laura Kastner, Ph.D., Elisa Murray

DIGITAL MARKETING DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER

Lindsey Carter

SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGIST + TRENDING EDITOR

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MARKETING + OPERATIONS ASSISTANT

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ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS SENIOR ADVERTISING AND PARTNERSHIPS MANAGER

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ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES ADMINISTRATION

Angela Goodwin

MARKETING/EVENTS EVENT OPERATIONS Brenna McCown EVENT COORDINATOR Mallory Dehbod MARKETING + EVENTS ASSISTANT Taryn Weiner

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PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD Benjamin Danielson, M.D.

ODESSA BROWN CHILDREN’S CLINIC

Joan Duffell COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

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VICE PRESIDENT AT DOVETAILING, LLC

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LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTS

Ron Rabin THE KIRLIN FOUNDATION Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.

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parentmap.com • August 2019 • 7

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Keep your baby as healthy as possible. Avoid cannabis while pregnant or breastfeeding.

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When it comes to cannabis, safety is essential. While there’s more research needed, there are health risks around cannabis for both you and your baby. THC, the chemical that makes you feel “high,” can be passed to babies during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Cannabis can also impair your judgment, alertness, and reaction time—skills vital to tending to your child’s needs. If you need help managing discomforts or handling stress, ask your doctor about safer alternatives.

For more on how cannabis impacts pregnancy, visit KnowThisAboutCannabis.org

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* Source information for statements can be found at KnowThisAboutCannabis.org/Sources

parentmap.com • August 2019 • 9

all about baby Find Your Village Being a new parent can be really isolating, but baby, we’ve got your back.

ALLI ARNOLD

Notes From Recent Research to Gaga Gear

Sign up for our weekly eNews for the best in outings and advice, ’cause parenting is a trip!

h

parentmap.com/enews

Oh, Baby — What a Trip!

Best babymoon destinations around Puget Sound

By Gemma Alexander

T

here’s so much to do before a baby arrives: birthing classes to attend, work schedules to plan, so many things to buy. Is there even time to think about getting away? Yes, there is. A few quiet days to focus and mentally prepare for the marathon of infant care ahead may be just what the doctor ordered.

Here are three creative ideas for taking a “babymoon” not too far from home.

For the romantics: Snoqualmie Falls There are plenty of good reasons why Snoqualmie Falls is a classic choice for a babymoon. It feels a world away from the city, but is only a short drive from Seattle. Did you know that the falls are sacred to the Snoqualmie people, who believe mist from the falls carries prayers to the creator? Could there be a better place to connect with your partner and express your wishes for the miracle you’re creating?

Stay: Staff members of the Salish Lodge (salishlodge.com) are as attentive to new parents as they are to new lovers. The lodge’s one-night “Babymoon at Salish” package includes a room with rose petals sprinkled on the bed, along with sparkling cider, a special pregnancy pillow and a baby gift. Parents also receive two spa treatments and a $50 dining credit.

Relax: In addition to its other offerings, the on-site Salish Spa has an entire maternity services menu, and visiting couples have the option to spring for an in-room couples’ massage.

Eat: Enjoy a romantic dinner in The Dining Room or a more casual meal in The Attic. Naturally, you’ll want to ask for a table with a view of the falls — unless you decide to stay in and order room service.

10 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

For the introverts: the Olympic Peninsula It’s easy to forget the Olympic Peninsula has more to offer than vampire tourism. In fact, people travel from all over the world to visit the peninsula. While a pregnant mama might pass on the more strenuous hikes or kayaking, there are still plenty of beaches, tide pools and walking trails to explore at her leisure.

Stay: Consider these two classic choices for parents-tobe: the “Babymoon Getaway” offered at Lost Mountain Lodge (lostmountainlodge.com) in Sequim (room rate includes a one-hour massage and a special memento for baby); and Alderbrook Resort & Spa on Hood Canal (alderbrookresort.com; its spa features a Maternity Menu of soothing services, including a “Maternal Bliss” massage). For something a little bit off the beaten track, visit A Hidden Haven Forest Cottages (ahiddenhaven.com), a tranquil 20-acre property near Port Angeles.

Relax: Unlike Lost Mountain Lodge and Alderbrook Resort, Hidden Haven doesn’t have an on-site spa, but gentle walks afford plenty of deer and bird sightings, and the private cottages offer comfort in the form of deep, heart-shaped bathtubs.

Eat: Guests at Lost Mountain Lodge can order breakfast on-site, and there are also a number of charming restaurants in Sequim. Meanwhile, the restaurant at Alderbrook specializes in “shore to plate” local seafood. Stop for brunch at the eclectic Chestnut Cottage (chestnutcottagerestaurant.com) in Port Angeles on your way home from A Hidden Haven.

For the artists: downtown Seattle Few cities have an art scene as family-friendly as Seattle’s, but let’s face it — you’re going to miss a lot of gallery openings, performances and concerts over the next

couple of years. So, why not get your fill ahead of time with an arts-focused weekend in downtown Seattle?

Start early with an afternoon at Seattle Art Museum (seattleartmuseum.org), followed by a gallery walk around Pioneer Square or a visit to Chihuly Garden and Glass (chihulygardenandglass.com) at Seattle Center. Hear live music at one of dozens of downtown music venues catering to every taste, from the symphony at Benaroya Hall (seattlesymphony.org) to rock at The Crocodile (thecrocodile.com).

Or check the Seattle Theatre calendar (seattle-theatre.com) for just about any other kind of performance you can think of, including plays, dance and opera.

Stay: Spend a stylish couple of nights at the Kimpton Palladian (palladianhotel.com) in Belltown.

Count on clawfoot tubs and pillow-top mattresses, along with comfortably chic details, which include throw pillows featuring pop culture icons. When you book, add fresh flowers from Pike Place Market (pikeplacemarket.org) or contact the hotel concierge for a more elaborate special arrangement.

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Relax: Book a “Mother-to-Be Harmony” massage from the hotel’s in-room spa services; only organic oils are used for this indulgent and relaxing massage.

We’ve been helping mothers deliver healthy babies for decades—close to home, in a place dedicated to you and your baby’s safety and comfort. It’s your birth, your way.

Eat: Expecting mamas don’t have to pass up happy hour at Chan (chanseattle.com). This Korean gastropub in Pike Place Market has a menu of nonalcoholic, housemade drinks. Brunch on high-end comfort food in Kimpton Palladian’s on-site restaurant, Shaker + Spear (shakerandspear.com), or keep things simple with an inexpensive sammie from Biscuit Bitch (biscuitbitch.com), which offers vegetarian and gluten-free biscuits and gravy in addition to the old-fashioned, gut-busting kind. ■

Equally important, you can rest easy knowing you have access to some of the region’s top experts who support complex pregnancies, should the need arise.

Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters.

Take a virtual tour at chifranciscan.org/birthvirtualtours, or to find an obstetrician or midwife near you, call 1 (888) 825-3227.

Franciscan Family Birth Centers Burien Highline Medical Center 16251 Sylvester Road SW Enumclaw St. Elizabeth Hospital 1455 Battersby Ave. Federal Way St. Francis Hospital 34515 9th Ave. S Silverdale Harrison Medical Center 1800 NW Myhre Road Tacoma Midwifery Birth Center 1708 S. Yakima Ave., Suite 10 St. Joseph Medical Center 1717 S. J St.

Learn more at chifranciscan.org/baby SS • parentmap.com • August 2019 • 11

beyond tolerance

The Diet Dilemma

How to keep diet culture from consuming our kids

By Malia Jacobson

“D

avid’s mom is fat. She needs to go on a diet.” When my sweet kindergartner innocently uttered this line after school one day, I couldn’t hide my shock. After experiencing my own body-image ups and downs, I’d tried to protect my young kids from talk about weight loss and dieting. Faking composure, I countered, “Oh? Um, where did you hear that?”

She explained, unfazed. “David’s mom said it herself. She was at school today and said to my teacher, ‘I’m fat and I need to go on a diet.’ She said she doesn’t like her butt.” With a throwaway shrug, she skipped off to join her friends on the swing set. I was left swinging between anger that my 5-year-old had been introduced, albeit accidentally, to the idea of dieting for weight loss and relief that she hadn’t come up with the “too fat” judgment herself.

Mostly, though, I felt powerless. I’d tried to shield my child from diet culture and failed. Despite my efforts, the world’s message that our bodies are never good enough had found her.

How diet culture hurts kids The term “diet,” of course, isn’t necessarily a dirty word. But equating thinness with virtue and encouraging the pursuit of a physical ideal through food restriction — the ideas central to “diet culture” — are problematic, says Amee Severson, RDN, a registered dietician in Bellingham whose work focuses 12 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

on body positivity, fat acceptance, intuitive eating and social justice.

Though diet culture often passes for “wellness” or “clean eating,” it’s actually unhealthy, because people stop tuning in to their own body’s signals about hunger and satiety, says Severson. By elevating thinness as the ideal physical state, moralizing about food as good or bad, and promoting rule-based eating, diet culture disconnects people from their bodies’ actual nutritional needs. That might be why despite widespread dieting — one-third of Americans are on a diet at any given time — nearly all dieters regain lost weight within a few years.

Like any effort toward self-improvement, dieting is well-intentioned. It’s also completely normal and accepted in our society, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for our bodies or minds, says Severson. “Even when it’s called ‘clean eating’ or ‘wellness,’ making food choices that don’t come from your own body’s cues [but instead from] food choices that come from rules or moral judgments about good food or bad food is considered disordered eating.”

Whether we like it or not, kids are exposed to this type of disordered eating along with ideas about the right kind of body to have. Even well-meaning comments about body size, from “She’s really trimmed down! She looks great!” to “I’m just worried about his health,” can breed intolerance and exclusion at school and on the playground, says Severson. “Kids notice when we judge bodies — others’ or our own. Being fat is still viewed very negatively, and fat people are still the butt of jokes.”

Not surprisingly, kids quickly turn this type of judgment on themselves. According to research, the idea that other people’s fat bodies are inferior is linked to what researchers call “shape dissatisfaction,” or unhappiness with one’s own body, along with

Body-Positive Media to Share With Kids WEBSITES AND SOCIAL MEDIA Chrissy King (chrissyking.com) Body Posi Panda (bodyposipanda.com) YoursTrulyMelly (yourstruelymelly.wixsite.com) Food Psych Podcast (christyharrison.com/foodpsych) BOOKS AGES 0–5 “Shapesville” by Andy Mills “Your Body Is Awesome: Body Respect for Children”

by Sigrun Danielsdottir AGES 6–11 “Amanda’s Big Dream”

by Judith Matz “Meet ClaraBelle Blue”

by Adiba U. Nelson AGES 12 AND OLDER “45 Pounds (More or Less)”

by K.A. Barson “Dumplin’” by Julie Murphy dieting behavior in young children, disordered eating behavior and eating disorders.

Kids aren’t the only ones harmed by diet culture, of course. By marginalizing people who fall outside the societal ideal — in our culture, it’s white thinness — diet culture harms the mental and physical health of transgender people, people with different abilities, people with larger bodies, and people of color, per Christy Harrison, R.D., host of the Food Psych podcast (christyharrison.com/foodpsych).

For Ivory Bruinsma, a certified fitness instructor in Tacoma who shares her journey with body acceptance through her Instagram account (@vibrantbrowngirl), rejecting diet culture meant rejecting the white standard of thinness.

“I had to stop chasing white thinness and what white beauty looks like, because that’s what I mostly

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see in our culture,” says Bruinsma.

Unlearning diet culture can take decades, says certified health and running coach Rose Coats, so it’s worth trying to prevent kids from absorbing it in the first place.

“I was raised in diet culture, with Tab, SlimFast and the whole thing.”

Now a race director who organizes inclusive Sporty Diva run/walk events (sportydiva.com) from Seattle to Orting, she models a healthier approach to food, one that doesn’t involve counting calories, for her twin granddaughters. “It took me awhile to get here, but I’m trying to show them a healthier way,” she says.

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Fight back against fat shame One way to fight diet culture: Teach kids that “fat” is simply another descriptor, not a bad word, says Severson. “Guide your kids [to understanding] that fat is just another descriptor; I have brown hair, you’re short, I’m fat. It’s just a body size and not a moral indicator of a good or bad human. The more we can teach kids that, the more we can fight back against diet culture.”

When well-meaning friends or relatives comment on a child’s size or food choices, a simple “Please don’t comment on our food or our bodies” is in order, says Severson. “As parents, we’re the protectors of our children’s bodies.”

Families can prioritize health in a way that doesn’t promote restrictive eating, says Bruinsma. A few years ago, her doctor advised weight loss after she survived stage 3 colon cancer. She resolved to find a way to heal her post-cancer, postchemotherapy body without succumbing to diet culture or exposing her kids to restrictive eating. “I was really hyper-aware about talking about weight loss in front of my kids,” she says. “They would ask why I was working out and I’d say, ‘Mama wants to be strong and play with you.’ If they saw me weighing myself, I’d say, ‘I’m checking how strong I am!’”

Even if we don’t think they’re watching, kids pick up on our deeply held beliefs about fat and thin, good and bad, and who is worthy of love, says Bruinsma. And before parents can keep diet culture from consuming their kids, they might need to heal themselves. “When I started my body acceptance journey, I literally stood naked in front of a mirror, at 200 pounds, and named each body part and why I loved it. I love my legs because they carry me where I want to go. I love my stomach because it carried three babies. No matter what my body looks like, I’m worthy and I’m enough.”

For my part, I’ve found stronger footing since my daughter’s innocent introduction to dieting in her kindergarten classroom. Though I know I can’t completely shield her or her siblings from diet culture, now I know I’m strong enough to fight back. And David’s mom — if you’re reading this, you’re strong enough, too. ■ Malia Jacobson is a health and parenting journalist in Tacoma.

Extra Credit: Balancing Extracurricular Activities To raise a kid who excels in school and beyond, think outside the classroom. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, extracurricular activities are linked to better grades and school attendance, and kids who participate in such activities are more likely to go to college than those who don’t.

The time required for extracurricular activities can vary — anywhere from an hour per week for an after-school club or class to 10–12 hours per week or more for a sport — but the payoff can be an increasingly mature, responsible child who learns to manage time wisely.

Whether your child leans toward sports, music, art or a STEM-related extracurricular pursuit, asking the right questions of program leaders or coaches can help you prepare for a smoother, less stressful experience: • What credentials or background do the coaches or leaders have?

• For sports, does the coach have training in concussion protocol?

• What weekly time commitment can be expected?

• Are there summer or off-season expectations for participants?

• Are there fees or costs for equipment, uniforms or other items participants need?

Beyond Tolerance In 2019, ParentMap is dedicating consistent thoughtful coverage to cultivating tolerance. We will rally partners and experts to help us deliver practical and powerful tools, perspectives and tips to parents and educators for teaching empathy, equity, acceptance, respect and inclusion to our children. Read more at parentmap.com/beyond-tolerance.

• How do coaches or leaders communicate with parents?

• What’s the most common complaint from participants and their parents?

• How do coaches or leaders resolve conflicts between participants?

What are grounds for removal from the team or club?

• How can parents connect with parents of other participants for information about carpools or other general questions?

And remember that no choice is ever permanent. If a club, sport or creative outlet isn’t a good fit, families can begin their search anew, armed with newfound knowledge about their students’ needs.

— Malia Jacobson

parentmap.com • August 2019 • 13

health

Marijuana and Pregnancy Here’s what the science says

By Malia Jacobson

F

or decades, pregnant women have been urged to quit smoking and drinking alcohol for the sake of their baby’s health.

The messaging worked: Today, fewer pregnant women smoke or drink, and rates of tobacco and alcohol use during pregnancy continue to drop. Meanwhile, more pregnant women are using marijuana, and many aren’t sure how the substance impacts their baby’s health.

It turns out that what we don’t know can hurt us — and our babies. Although only about 1 in 20 pregnant women report using marijuana during pregnancy today, this rate has nearly doubled since 2002.

Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the psychoactive chemical in marijuana, may cross into the placenta and can remain in a mother’s system for weeks.

THC also has been linked to low-birth-weight outcomes.

Studies show that babies born to mothers who use marijuana during pregnancy experience changes in thinking and behavior into childhood and beyond, suggesting that cannabis may impact developing brain cells long after the pregnancy and postpartum phase. Longitudinal studies indicate long-term behavioral consequences of exposure to THC during pregnancy and/or lactation, including problems with feeding, learning and other delays in executive functioning.

The message is clear: Higher THC levels mean higher risk Today’s marijuana is about four times more potent than it was a generation ago, when many of the studies of marijuana use during pregnancy were conducted. That higher potency translates into more prenatal exposure to THC; a recent study found that among babies born to 14 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

mothers who used marijuana during pregnancy, levels of THC in the newborns’ meconium (the substance forming a newborn’s first feces) increased by 69 percent between 2012 and 2014.

Because many women who use marijuana during pregnancy also use tobacco or other

professor in the University of Washington’s Fetal Alcohol and Drug Unit.

“While the research around marijuana and pregnancy is complicated, the health message isn’t,” she says. “If you want the healthiest baby possible, don’t use marijuana, alcohol and tobacco.”

But despite strong recommendations from the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine to avoid cannabis during pregnancy, views among pregnant women about marijuana use during pregnancy seem to differ from their views about alcohol or smoking. In a 2019 study of pregnant women who used marijuana, many said they believed marijuana was safer and more natural than tobacco and alcohol, and used it to help with pregnancy discomforts such as morning sickness.

They also expressed uncertainty about the risks of marijuana use during pregnancy.

“We also know that women may use marijuana during pregnancy to manage stress, but there are healthier and less risky ways to manage stress during pregnancy,” says Kathy Lofy, M.D., a health officer for the Washington State Department of Health.

Sign of the times substances, drawing conclusions about which effects are caused by which substance is complicated. Still, there’s enough evidence to support a clear recommendation: It’s safest not to use marijuana, tobacco or alcohol while pregnant, says Therese M. Grant, Ph.D., a

Washington health officials are working to increase awareness of the risks of using marijuana during pregnancy. As of June 2019, Washington’s marijuana retailers are required to post new signs warning of the dangers of marijuana use during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. It’s an important step toward helping women make informed health decisions while they’re expecting,

The Washington Recovery Help Line offers anonymous, confidential support for quitting or reducing marijuana use. Call 866-789-1511 or visit warecoveryhelpline.org. says Lofy. The signs make reference to a Washington State Department of Health website, Know This About Cannabis (knowthisaboutcannabis.org), which was initiated to educate adults 21 and older about the risks, rules and responsibilities of retail (nonmedical) cannabis use in Washington state.

“If women are uncomfortable during pregnancy or have morning sickness, they should talk to their health-care provider about safer ways to deal with those issues,” she says. Exercise, spending time in nature, socializing with friends, even getting more sleep are all proven ways to reduce stress without the risks linked to cannabis use.

Open, honest communication between women and their providers is best for moms and babies, whether a mother uses marijuana or other substances, says Grant. “We don’t want women to be scared to tell their doctor that they’ve used marijuana. If a pregnant woman wants to quit, but is struggling, she’s not alone, and her provider can help.”

“It’s not about judging, blaming or scaring women,” says Grant. “It’s

C A M P S,

A R T S

about [asking], ‘How can we help you have the healthiest baby possible, starting right now?’” n Malia Jacobson is an award-winning health and parenting journalist and mom of three.

Sponsored by

The Department of Health works to protect and improve the health of all people in Washington state by leading changes in policies, systems and environments to prevent illness and injury; promoting healthy families and communities; encouraging healthy lifestyles; and focusing on places where people live, learn, work, recreate, seek healthcare and worship.

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feature

50 Ways

to Rock the Back-to-School Transition

By Gemma Alexander

K

ids go back to school every year in the fall. So why does it seem like this annual event never gets any easier? One reason may be that so many things change all at once; from mealtimes and bedtimes to the addition of homework and new activities, all of our routines have to change when kids go back to school. We’ve talked with five local experts — a chef, a tutor, a professional organizer, a parent coach and a sleep coach — to get their top back-to-school tips. Whether you practice them all or focus on the areas you care about most, these tips will make your family’s back-to-school transition more successful than you thought possible.

Choreograph your BTS routines to be in step with these expert tips

Three Squares:

Jackie Freeman

“I love my kids and I want to feed them healthy meals, but I have other things to do, too,” says professional chef and food stylist Jackie Freeman. This mom of a 15-month-old daughter and two stepsons, ages 7 and 11, has worked in restaurants and catering; developed recipes for PCC Community Markets; and hosted an online cooking show for ParentMap called “Healthy Kids Cook.” She is presently working on developing recipes for a new cookbook, due out in the fall of

16 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

2020. Here are Freeman’s top 10 tips for feeding kids healthy food they’ll actually eat three times a day (plus snacks) while leaving room in your schedule for the other things you have to do.

1. Plan ahead.

It takes more time up front, but Freeman plans her family’s meals for the entire week in advance. The hour she spends on Sunday nights making a meal plan and grocery list saves her from making multiple trips to the store during the week and eliminates the

stress of figuring out what to make at the last minute. She keeps it real by planning for restaurant takeout or rotisserie meals from the deli once or twice a week on the days she knows will be busiest.

2. Shop smart.

Freeman says, “Always shop with a list.” She organizes her shopping list by grocery store section — meats, produce, dairy, etc. Then when she shops, she only makes one pass through the store and has everything she needs for the whole week, with no backtracking for forgotten or overlooked items.

3. Stock up.

“I keep pantry staples on hand at all times — tomato sauce, chicken stock, pasta,” she says. That way, she’s always prepared when things don’t go to plan. Another fail-safe: making double batches of planned meals and freezing the extra portion. Whether you keep those extra meals frozen for emergencies or plan to eat them next week, “cook once, eat twice” is just good math.

4. Prep ahead.

When she has time on the weekends, Freeman will chop a week’s worth of onions (she knows how much she needs because of the meal plan) and fill the rice cooker. She also makes school lunches the night before, at the same time she’s making dinner.

Her kids don’t like leftovers for lunch, but she can

JIAYING GRYGIEL

prep extra fruits and vegetables for the lunch boxes while she’s preparing a dinner sauce or salad, and make sandwiches while dinner is in the oven. That way, she only has to clean up the kitchen once.

5. Use bento boxes.

Bento boxes with four or five compartments are perfect for building lunches, because they invite variety and help control portion sizes. “The biggest compartment should just hold half a sandwich,” says Freeman. If you put anything bigger in a lunch box, kids probably won’t eat it. Put a different food group in each of the other compartments and you’ve got a balanced meal.

6. Make food bite-size and leave it unwrapped.

It isn’t a time-saver, but it is a sanity-saver if throwing away your kids’ uneaten lunches at the end of the day is driving you crazy. Make sure everything is bite-size and unwrapped. Cut sandwiches into quarters, peel fruit, even open the string cheese wrapper. Kids are in a hurry to get to recess, and the faster they can eat, the more likely they are to do it.

7. Find a formula that works for breakfast.

Freeman says, “Save the smoothies and waffles for weekends. We do the same thing for breakfast every day.” Her kids know the formula: They have to eat a protein, a carb and a fruit. She keeps two or three easy choices in each category on hand and lets her kids pick from among the options.

8. Maintain a snack stash.

Keep a supply of healthy snacks hidden in the car for emergencies. Also, store the snacks at home in one designated space. Freeman has a “snack cupboard” in the kitchen where she keeps all the permitted snacks in one place. Her kids can help themselves at snack time, and they know that anything they find elsewhere in the kitchen is off-limits.

9. Talk about food.

If your kids aren’t eating their lunch, ask them why.

You might learn about their day (“I didn’t have time because my friends were playing”) or you might learn something you can use to make lunch better. Maybe your kid likes strawberries but not blueberries, or prefers sandwiches without mustard. Picky eating

parentmap.com • August 2019 • 17

feature

Back-to-School Cool continued from page 17 can be its own problem, but as long as your kids’ food requests conform to the protein/carb/fruit rule, try to accommodate their preferences. “It’s very satisfying when they come home with an empty lunch box,” says Freeman.

10. Foster food independence.

If you keep a handful of preapproved items in each of the protein/carb/fruit categories available, you can let kids pick among the options. “It gives them independence and eliminates fighting,” she says. If that means sliced turkey and Goldfish crackers at breakfast, so be it — as long as they also eat a fruit. It won’t take long before you can remove yourself from the breakfast and snack equations entirely.

Homework Helper: Paul Schurr Paul Schurr has four kids — one each in elementary, middle, high school and college — so he’s had a fair bit of practice getting kids to do homework. For the past seven years, he has also been co-owner, with his wife, Mona, of Firefly Tutoring (fireflytutoring.com), where they help kids from kindergarten through high school with science, math, reading and test prep. Here are Schurr’s top 10 tips for making homework helpful, instead of hellish.

1. Don’t wait for the back-to-school crush.

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You don’t have to turn summer into an extra quarter of school, but to avoid the summer slide, don’t abandon learning altogether. “What I like about summer tutoring is that it’s less frantic,” says Schurr. Without homework deadlines, learning can find its own steady pace and follow kids’ interests.

2. Don’t overschedule.

If the only time left for homework is the last 15 minutes before bed, everyone will be in too big of a rush to just get it done. Squeezing homework into the leftover cracks between scheduled activities leaves kids too tired to focus and parents too stressed to be helpful.

3. Make sure homework is useful.

There’s a lot of discussion about how long kids should spend on their homework, and controversy over whether homework is even appropriate for lower grades. Schurr isn’t sure those are the right questions. “Homework shouldn’t be figuring out the hard stuff — it’s practice,” he says. “Homework exercises should be focused on practicing what they know to develop fluency. For some topics, especially math, even 10 minutes of practice makes a world of difference.”

4. Know your kid.

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Schurr prefers a schedule of coming home, eating a snack and then doing homework before having free time. “But kids are different. Know if yours needs dinner first or gets too sleepy if they wait that late,” he says. The important thing is not when they do homework, but that they have a fixed time and place for doing it. “Draw a line around the time and place where homework happens,” says Schurr. It helps with time management skills and it’s psychologically easier to not have homework hanging over their head for the rest of the day.

5. Let kids do their own work.

Some kids want you right there with them on every problem, and it’s tempting to check their work and fix mistakes. But it’s more useful for teachers to see kids’ mistakes, so they know what they aren’t getting. It’s better for kids, too. “Unless they are really lost, it’s good for kids to struggle a bit and earn the accomplishment,” explains Schurr.

Freeing up your own time is a fringe benefit.

.

6. Do your own work.

Kids should do their own work, but you also want to keep an eye on their progress. Not to mention the screams of injustice if you plop them at the kitchen table with a stack of worksheets while you plop on the couch to watch “Chopped.” Most of us have work that we usually put off until the kids are in bed, whether it’s spillover from our paying jobs, making meal plans or paying bills. Sit down next to your kids when they are doing homework and work on your own tasks. That way, you’re modeling the behavior you want from them and making a dent in your own to-do list. And you’re still close enough to see when they are struggling and answer questions when they need help.

BE CURIOUS. TO THE MOON AND BACK.

7. Answer questions with questions.

It’s good to let kids work, but “it’s not productive if kids are upset and the experience is negative,” says Schurr. When kids are really stuck, it’s right to help out. But instead of rescuing them with an answer, try asking leading questions that will help them reach the correct answer themselves. “I try to help kids understand why what they are learning is interesting. It’s not just about getting to the answer.”

8. Know when to back off.

We’ve all seen that deer-in-the-headlights look. The near-tears face that says a kid’s body is in the chair, but their mind has left the building. That’s when it’s time to back off. “Stop talking about that thing,” says Schurr. Don’t try to work through their anxiety and your frustration. Take a break, eat a snack, talk about something else for a few minutes. “Try to remember when you were young and didn’t understand things that are obvious now.” When you go back to the homework, start on solid ground and build from what they already understand and work up to the problem.

9. Talk to the teacher.

Bad homework days are inevitable, and there’s no need to get worked up about a single failed assignment. But if not understanding the homework is becoming a pattern, talk to your child’s teacher and make a plan to help get him back on track. Especially at the elementary level, teachers know their students really well and want to work with parents to make sure kids excel. For older kids, it may be a more appropriate first step to encourage them to talk with their teachers themselves.

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10. Get help.

“You have a limited amount of time with your kids every day. Sometimes it’s better to do something together and let someone else do the homework help,” says Schurr.

Tag-team with another parent, or hire a tutor if necessary. But if tutoring is not accessible, get creative. Is a grandparent good at math (or just very patient)? Many schools have free before- and after-school tutoring programs, as do public library branches. “The most important thing is for kids to have a positive relationship with learning,” says Schurr.

Get Your Shop On: Julianna Poplin Julianna Poplin is a professional declutterer who helps her clients tame their stuff in order to live more intentionally — and frugally.

She blogs at The Simplicity Habit (thesimplicityhabit.com), and has two daughters, ages 8 and 6. When it comes to back-to-school continued on page 22 shopping, Poplin says, “The biggest thing is

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parentmap.com • August 2019 • 19

august

SUNDAY

MONDAY

THE EVERGREEN STATE FAIR

PICKS

Caring for your teeth can be fun!

Meet the Delta Dental Tooth Fairy – and get a free toothbrush.

The Evergreen State Fair, Aug. 22–Sept. 2

See our calendar for events near you DeltaDentalWA.com/ToothFairy 4

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Seafair Weekend. Speed and tricks rule during hydro races, the Blue Angels’ air show, wakeboarding competition and more. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 2–4. Lake Washington, Seattle. seafair.com Eagle Passage Grand Opening. Admire regal white-feathered heads soaring above at opening weekend of this immersive new exhibit. Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 3–4. Included with admission. Northwest Trek Wildlife Park, Eatonville. nwtrek.org

Live Animal Show. Join Twiggy, Scooter, Sheriff and pals for a wild, green-themed show. Daily, noon and 3:30 p.m. Included with admission. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org Eric Ode: Space Dog. A musically poetic space adventure performed by author/musician Eric Ode entertains the whole fam.

2:30–3:30 p.m. FREE. Gig Harbor Pierce County Library. piercecountylibrary.org

KidsFirst! Xakary the Magician.

Enjoy fun family entertainment. Tuesdays through Aug. 13, 1–2 p.m. FREE. Various Sammamish parks, today at Klahanie Park. sammamish.us National Night Out. Neighbors gather to keep communities safe. 6 p.m. FREE. Multiple cities. natw.org From Hiroshima to Hope. Moving lantern-floating ceremony promotes peace.

6–9 p.m. FREE. Green Lake (northwest shore), Seattle. fromhiroshimatohope.org

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Brigade Encampment. Get a taste of 19th century family life. Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 10–11, $10.50–$15.50; ages 3 and under free. Fort Nisqually Living History Museum, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org Othello Park International Festival.

Celebrate our community’s diverse cultures with music, art activities, dance and more.

Noon–6 p.m. FREE. Othello Park, Seattle. othellopark.org

Jetty Island. Play on the beach and splash in the warm, shallow water. Daily through Sept. 2. FREE; $1–$2 suggested donation for ferry; $3 parking. Everett. everettwa.gov Under the Sea Sock Skating. Create your own sea creature crown, then wear it while slip-sliding on the outdoor sock-skating rink! Daily, Aug. 9–18, 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Included with admission. Hands On Children’s Museum, Olympia. hocm.org

The Brian Waite Band. Rock out to upbeat music designed to educate kids about astronomy and space travel. 11 a.m. FREE. Kelsey Creek Park, Bellevue. brianwaite.com Lunchtime Concert Series. Kindie fave Caspar Babypants is back for the last show of this lunchtime entertainment series.

Noon–1 p.m. FREE. Cromwell Park, Shoreline. shorelinewa.gov

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Party on the Plateau. Brand-new celebration of community with face painting, bouncy houses, yard games, live music, a food rodeo and tons more family fun! Friday–Sunday, Aug. 16–18. FREE. Sammamish Commons Plaza. sammamish.us Sandcastle Contest. Bring your buckets and tools and make your best sand sculpture or just watch others’ creations take shape. 11:30 a.m.–3 p.m. FREE to participate or spectate. Richmond Beach Saltwater Park, Shoreline. richmondbeachwa.org

Remlinger Farms. For first-timers and old-timers, this part-farm, part-amusement park is a must-visit for your summer bucket list. Daily through Sept. 2. $16–$18; under 1 free. Carnation. remlingerfarms.com Molbak’s Butterfly Garden. Walk among flowers and amazing free-flying butterflies.

Daily through summer, 9:30 a.m.–6 p.m.

Included with zoo admission. Woodland Park Zoo, Seattle. zoo.org

Downtown Movies in the Park. Enjoy free popcorn, pre-show entertainment and the movie “Wonder Park” (PG). Tuesdays through Aug. 27, 7:30 p.m. (film shown at dusk). Bellevue Downtown Park. bellevue.com Caspar Babypants. Head to the beach to play and dance to live music, then go for a swim. 10–11 a.m. FREE. Juanita Beach Park, Kirkland. kirklandsummerconcerts.com

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FREE Entrance to State and National Parks. Head outside to enjoy our country’s treasured nature places for FREE today in honor of the National Park Service’s 102nd birthday. nps.org, discoverpass.wa.gov Kidz Kraze Children’s Festival. Head to the park for some good old-fashioned field games, an inflatable obstacle course and more. Noon–4 p.m. FREE. Ages 3–12 with families. Chambers Creek Regional Park, University Place. co.pierce.wa.us

miniMOHAI. Last chance this summer for interactive pop-up exploration. Drop in 10 a.m.–1 p.m. Included with admission. Ages 3–5 with caregiver. MOHAI, Seattle. mohai.org Tacoma Spraygrounds. Beat the August heat in one of the many spray parks all over the city. Daily, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., through Sept.

2, then weekends through Sept. 29. FREE. Various locations, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org

Colman Pool Public Swim. Take a dip in Seattle’s most scenic outdoor pool. Daily, 1:45–4:45 p.m., through Sept. 2. $4–$6; $1 extra for slide; under age 1 free. West Seattle. seattle.gov/parks/aquatics Concerts on the Green. Pack a picnic and enjoy free, family-friendly live music for the last day of this summer series. 7–9 p.m.

FREE. Issaquah Community Center lawn. issaquahwa.gov

0819_delta_dental_cal.indd 1

DAN OX VIA FLICKR CC

Pacific NW Chalk Fest, Aug. 16–18

METRO PARKS TACOMA

Umoja Fest and Parade, Aug. 3

Family Campout at Owen Beach, Aug. 23–24 KING COUNTY PARKS

TUESDAY

Chomp! at Marymoor Park, Aug. 17

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THURSDAY

WEDNESDAY MICK BARR/PIXABAY

Seafair Weekend, Aug. 2–4

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

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Nordic Stories. Peek inside the new museum and hear stories by Scandinavian authors. 10 a.m. FREE. Ages 2–6 with adult.

Nordic Museum, Seattle. nordicmuseum.org Tiptoe Through the Tidepools. Pack up the fam for a low-tide beach trip with naturalists guiding the exploration. 11 a.m.–2 p.m. FREE. Titlow Beach, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org

Garden Tots. Visit a lovely garden for exploration and a craft. Fridays through Aug. 30, 10 a.m.–1 p.m. $10/family. Ages 3–7 with families. Kruckeberg Botanic Garden, Shoreline. kruckeberg.org/kids-only Summer Sounds & Cinema. Have a family date night with food trucks, inflatables and live music, followed by a showing of “Ralph Breaks the Internet” (PG) at dusk. 7 p.m. FREE; food for purchase. Sunset Park, Auburn. auburnwa.gov

Global Playground. Join this summertime celebration with interactive performances, games and entertainment at the Artists at Play playground. Aug. 3, 10 and 17; 2–5 p.m. Ages 7–12 with families. $5/person suggested donation. Seattle Center. nwfolklife.org Umoja Fest. Celebrate our AfricanAmerican community with a parade, music, culture, yummy food and kids’ fun. Friday– Sunday, Aug. 2–4. FREE. Judkins Park, Seattle. umojafestnw.com

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Federal Way Kids Day. Enjoy an afternoon of fun for the whole family; swimming, inflatables, crafts, live entertainment and more! 11 a.m.–3 p.m. FREE. Steel Lake Park, Federal Way. itallhappenshere.org Beat the Heat Splash Day. Enjoy this water carnival with sprinklers, bubbles and the highly anticipated firetruck arrival (2:30 p.m.). 1–3 p.m. $2 donation. Issaquah Community Center. issaquahwa.gov

Pierce County Fair. Celebrate Pierce County’s agricultural roots with livestock encounters, entertainment and more.

Thursday–Sunday, Aug. 8–11. $3–$7; ages 5 and under free; $1 admission for kids ages 6–15 on Thursday. Frontier Park, Graham. piercecountyfair.com Picnic Performance. Pack your lunch and groove to kindie rockers Recess Monkey. 11 a.m.–noon. FREE. Town Square Park, Kent. kentwa.gov

Festival at Mount Si. Play in the Fun Zone, enter the cherry-pie-eating contest and more. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 9–11. FREE. Si View Park, North Bend. festivalatmtsi.org South Lake Union Block Party. Fabulous live music, food trucks, design-and-printyour-own-poster activity and more.

Noon–11 p.m. FREE. Westlake Ave. N. and Denny Way, Seattle. slublockparty.com

In the Spirit NW Native Festival. A cultural experience of song, dance, art and more. Noon–7 p.m. FREE. Washington State History Museum, Tacoma. washingtonhistory.org Arab Festival. Kids’ activities, traditional food, music, dancing, marketplace, strong coffee and more illuminate Arab culture in the Northwest. Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 10–11. FREE. Seattle Center. seattlecenter.com/festal

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All-Ages Science Dome Show. Check out this interactive planetarium show that all ages can enjoy! Wednesdays during summer, shows at 1 and 2:15 p.m. $6. Pierce College, Lakewood. pierce.ctc.edu/dome-shows Sounds of Summer Concert Series.

Tackle errands and grab dinner while enjoying live local music; tonight it’s DoctorfunK. Wednesdays through Aug. 21, 7–8:30 p.m. FREE. University Village, Seattle. uvillage.com

Kids, Maker, Artist Fair. A special market that showcases the creative process and entrepreneurial side of kids. 4–7 p.m. FREE entry. Tacoma Art Museum. tacomaartmuseum.org Summer Cruise-In. Zoom over to Les Gove Park for classic cars and music; bring a picnic dinner. 4–7:30 p.m. FREE; food bank donations accepted. Auburn. auburnwa.gov

Big Truck Day. Explore all the big rigs up close at this fun day at the park. Noon–1:30 p.m. and 1:30–3 p.m. $15–$18; preregister.

Ages 1–11 with caregiver. Farrel-McWhirter Park, Redmond. experienceredmond.com Pacific NW Chalk Fest. Watch as famous chalk artists create amazing 3-D art on the pathways of Redmond Town Center.

Friday–Sunday, Aug. 16–18. FREE. pnwchalkfest.com

CHOMP! Families eat and live well with live music (Caspar Babypants!), chef demos, Farmer Village and more. 10 a.m.–6 p.m.

FREE. Marymoor Park, Redmond. chomplocal.org Big Day of Play. Sports, music, dancing, performances and fun for all at this community celebration. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. FREE. Rainier Community Center and Playfields, Seattle. bigdayofplay.org

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Green Lake Bat Walk. Meet on the hill above the Bathhouse Theater and enjoy an interactive guided sunset walk to see and learn all about our flying, furry friends. 7 p.m. FREE. Ages 8 and up with adult. Green Lake, Seattle. batsnorthwest.org Summer Movie Express. Last chance to catch Regal’s bargain summer movies.

Tuesday–Wednesday, 10 a.m., through Aug. 21. $1. Multiple locations. regmovies.com/ movies/summer-movie-express

Children’s Concert Series. Kid-friendly sensation Eric Thurman & the Thunder Puppies closes out this kids’ entertainment series. Thursdays through Aug. 22, 10 a.m.

FREE. Thornton A. Sullivan Park, Everett. everettwa.gov Crossroads Movies in the Park. Final outdoor movie on the big screen at this Eastside park is “Mary Poppins Returns” (PG). 7:30 p.m. (film shown at dusk). FREE. Crossroads Park, Bellevue. bellevuewa.gov

The Evergreen State Fair. Carnival, competitive livestock exhibits and lots more family fun. Aug. 22–Sept. 2. $10–$14; ages 5 and under free; carnival rides extra.

Evergreen State Fairgrounds, Monroe. evergreenfair.org Family Campout. Ease into camping at this supported overnight camping experience; bring your own tent and gear. Friday, 7 p.m.–Saturday, 8:30 a.m. $50–$100 per tent space; preregister. Owen Beach, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org

Wonders of the Waterfront Tour. New event alert! Interactive nature and historical fun for the whole family on this 1.5-mile walk. 10 a.m.–noon. FREE. Donkey Creek Park, Gig Harbor.

Hike With a Naturalist. Learn what it means to have a forest in a park while enjoying the beauty around you on this family-friendly stroll. 10–11 a.m. FREE; preregister at 425-452-6993. Robinswood Park, Bellevue. bellevuewa.gov

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Arboretum Story Time. Bring your preschool crew to enjoy stories and songs among the trees. 11–11:30 a.m. FREE. Ages 1–5 with caregiver. Tot Lot at Washington Park Arboretum, Seattle. spl.org Movies at Marymoor. Cozy up with your kids and friendly pups in the grass for “The Princess Bride” (PG); it’s the last day of this summer series featuring entertainment and food trucks. 6:30 p.m.; film shows at dusk. $5–$6. Marymoor Park, Redmond. epiceap.com/movies-at-marymoor

Music at the Marina Concert Series.

Sway to Clinton Fearon’s reggae on this final night in the series; purchase foodtruck fare for a picnic. 6:30–8:30 p.m. FREE; new $2 cash-only parking fee. Port Gardner Landing, Everett. everettwa.gov Paint in the Park. Express yourself through art, then take home your creations!

Thursdays through Aug. 30, 4–6 p.m. FREE. Denny Park and City Hall Park, Seattle. seattle.gov/parks/find/downtown-parks

WildNights. Experience after-hours wonders of the zoo under the setting summer sun. Fridays through Aug. 30, 6–8:30 p.m.

Included with admission. Woodland Park Zoo, Seattle. zoo.org Summer Story Time at the Cabin. Last day this season for pioneer-themed stories and crafts. 11 a.m.–noon. By donation. Ages 3–9 with families. Job Carr Cabin Museum, Tacoma. jobcarrmuseum.org

End of Summer Blast. Three days of non-stop enriching animal fun to mark the end of summer. Saturday–Monday, Aug. 31–Sept. 2, 9:30 a.m.–6 p.m. Included with admission. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org Olympia Harbor Days. Tugboats star at this maritime fest with tours and tugboat races, plus historic ships, kids’ activities, food and crafts. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 30– Sept. 1. FREE. Percival Landing, Olympia. harbordays.com

parentmap.com • August 2019 • 21

PEDIATRIC DENTISTRY Start Early, Brush Often As with the effects of a child’s bad sunburn possibly resurfacing later in life, most parents are unaware that tooth decay in children can have effects that linger far past the loss of their primary teeth. Delta Dental of Washington explains the importance of your child’s dental health and how to keep their baby teeth healthy.

Not permanent, but not unimportant. Baby teeth (also known as primary teeth) are not permanent, and generally come in between 6 and 12 months of age. These stay in a child’s mouth until 6–8 years of age, when primary teeth begin to fall out as adult teeth emerge to take their place. Although the presence of baby teeth in their child’s mouth is temporary, a parent shouldn’t risk treating their child’s teeth as temporary. Good dental hygiene habits formed early in life can positively affect a child’s immediate health as well as prevent health issues later in life. Decayed primary teeth can affect a child’s speech, cause pain or lead adult teeth to grow in incorrectly, necessitating correction.

Teamwork makes the teeth work. Many parents are confused about how best to care for their children’s teeth. When children begin to get their primary teeth, it’s important to take them to a pediatric dentist as soon as is recommended — generally from six months to one year after their first tooth comes in. Such professionals can help parents better care for their children’s teeth while establishing a positive association for children with dental health practices and providers. Restricting their access to easily consumed sugars — such as soda or juice — can help limit plaque buildup and tooth decay.

feature

Back-to-School Cool continued from page 19 [getting overwhelmed], which comes from procrastinating. There’s a tendency when we’re stressed to overbuy.” Here are Poplin’s top tips for buying just enough of the right stuff.

1. Start early.

When you shop at the last minute, the selection is bad, you’re pressed for time, and it’s easy to get stressed out. Instead, break back-to-school shopping into manageable bits and spread it out over the summer.

2. Make a list.

Never shop without a list. Lists help you avoid impulse and duplicate purchases, and they prevent you from buying the wrong-size binder or a lunch box with the wrong superhero on it.

3. Shop at home.

Backpacks and lunch boxes don’t have to be replaced every year if they are still in good condition. If your kids’ clothes still fit, hold off on buying new ones. And if you have unopened boxes of crayons and markers in your house, add them to the school supplies instead of buying more.

All about enamel. The enamel that coats a child’s teeth is the hardest part of the human body, but that doesn’t mean it’s indestructible.

Enamel can be broken down by acids, starches or sugar, which can lead to irreversible coloring of the teeth as well as pain. Enamel is not created after a tooth erupts, so a loss of enamel can lead to permanent discoloration and sensitivity. Beyond that, much of your teeth’s enamel cannot be cleaned solely by a toothbrush — flossing, along with brushing, is imperative to protecting it. It is essential to instill in your child the importance of protecting the enamel on their “trial run” of teeth before their hygiene habits have more lasting consequences.

Don’t give in to “anxie-teeth.” A loose tooth is sure to invite fiddling, preoccupation and impatience. However, it’s important to be patient and careful, instead of reaching for the string and a doorknob. Premature extraction of primary teeth can lead to myriad issues with adult teeth, including premature or late eruptions, overcrowding and gum damage.

These issues and others can negatively impact the health of your child or necessitate costly reconstructive work or braces later in life. If a tooth is pulled prematurely, a spacer put in by a pediatric dentist is recommended to promote the growth of a healthy smile.

Dental health will be vital throughout your child’s life, but it will seldom be as fundamental as during their formative years. Proper dental health and upkeep at this stage can positively affect and promote healthy growth and development in the long run.

4. Buy ahead.

Don’t buy school clothes that fit perfectly in September or else your kid might need another new wardrobe by Christmas. Instead, get the next size up so they can wear things for the whole school year.

5. Shop alone.

About Delta Dental of Washington Delta Dental of Washington (deltadentalwa.com) is the state’s leading dental benefit provider, covering nearly 3 million people in Washington state and nationally. Delta Dental of Washington has launched The Tooth Fairy Experience, an interactive and fun dental education program that shares valuable knowledge with children age 10 and under about how they can better take care of their smiles. For a complete schedule of events, visit DeltaDentalWA.com/ToothFairy.

22 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

Shopping together for school clothes is an annual tradition, but the truth is, hardly anyone enjoys it. Especially when your kids are little, spending hours in the dressing room is torture for moms and kids alike. You probably already know their size and what they like anyway, so shop without the kids. You won’t have to wrestle them in and out of dressing rooms or listen to them beg for things that you don’t want to buy.

6. Talk about marketing.

Sometimes you have to bring the kids along; maybe they are picky about shoes, or they’ve just had a growth spurt and you’re not sure about their new size. When you go together, talk about the difference between wants and needs. Explain how advertising and store displays manipulate people into purchasing things they don’t need. Not only will it cut down on the “gimmes,” it teaches kids important lessons

PEDIATRIC DENTISTRY You shouldn’t have to choose between

for when they are old enough to shop on their own.

7. Compromise.

“Don’t fight over clothes. As long as it’s appropriate, let kids wear what they like,” suggests Poplin. “But don’t spend money on silly trends either.” Explain to your kids why your family makes the choices it does and hold firm on not buying trendy accessories or items emblazoned with brand-name logos. At the same time, don’t waste money on frilly dresses if your daughter prefers to wear sweats.

8. Give choices.

Even if you shop from a list and don’t buy a lot of extras, “Give kids choices, rather than entering negotiations,” advises Poplin. Let kids know ahead of time that they can buy three fancy pencils, or that they get to choose their lunch box. That way, it’s easier to avoid negotiating over every little thing that catches their eye.

9. Be frugal — to a point.

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Shopping the Just Between Friends sales (jbfsale.com), consignment stores and clearance sales can save you a lot of money and help you get higher-quality goods for lower prices. But don’t let the price tag be your only guide. Cheap backpacks need to be replaced more often, and cheap pencils splinter every time you try to sharpen them.

Be willing to spend a little more where it counts.

We accept Medicaid.

10. Consider your storage space.

Most dentists don’t.

“Balance the need to be frugal with the desire for simplicity,” says Poplin. “Don’t toss something if you’re just going to have to rebuy it next year.” If you have enough space, hang on to those outgrown soccer cleats for a younger sibling. Buy extra school supplies on clearance and save them for next year. But no matter how big your garage is, “If you know they won’t use it again, pass it on or donate it,” says Poplin.

Routines to Counteract Chaos: Sarina Behar Natkin

Sarina Behar Natkin, LICSW, is a parent coach with two kids of her own. Trained as a therapist, she works with parents to identify the skills they want to teach their children and to determine whether what they do actually supports their goals. “So much is out of kids’ control in their lives,” she says. “Routines let them predict what will happen and gain a sense of control.” Here are Natkin’s top tips for creating back-toschool routines that will help kids (and their parents) thrive.

1. Set yourselves up for success.

“One of our best strategies as parents is prevention. Setting things up is easier than fixing a problem,” says Natkin. So, don’t wait until kids are behind in school or sleep-deprived from late nights to start working on establishing healthy routines.

Before school starts, plan the routines you will follow.

2. Work together.

Even toddlers can be involved in setting up their own routines, and having a say in the process improves compliance. Furthermore, by helping them work through the steps of figuring out what needs to be done, you’re preparing them to manage their own time as they get older.

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3. Make it a game.

Whether you’re planning a bedtime routine or a routine for getting out the door in the morning, treat it like a puzzle. Have kids make a list of everything that needs to happen, then ask leading questions to help them put the steps in an order that works. u

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feature

Back-to-School Cool continued from page 23

4. Look at the big picture.

Don’t come up with a single, idealized routine. Instead, look at the whole week and recognize that every day is a little different. If your kid has a late soccer practice on Thursday, plan for a later, shorter bedtime. If Tuesday is the only day with no after-school activities, let kids know that’s the day to make a dent on homework for the week.

working, but don’t endlessly rehash or start judging.

Just figure out a new plan.

10. Don’t engage in power struggles.

“Make clear boundaries in a kind way and stick to them,” says Natkin. “Negative attention feeds the beast.” Once kids learn that you mean what you say, they’ll pick up the new routine pretty quickly. Saying, “I’ll be waiting on the porch while you get your shoes

5. Give yourself wiggle room.

Speaking of idealized routines, nothing in real life goes exactly to plan. Give yourself wiggle room in your routines, especially at the beginning, so lost minutes here and there don’t cascade into chaos. Building 10 extra minutes into the morning routine can make the difference between a mad dash to beat the late bell and a calm start to the day.

7. Think about how you communicate.

Have faith in the process. If you stick with the routine, kids will start to get it after a few repetitions. Even well-established routines will inevitably slide when holidays, houseguests or a round of colds interfere.

When that happens, adjust as necessary in the moment. But as soon as the issue is resolved, recommit to the routine and start again. Involve kids by asking, “Can you remind me how we decided to do this?”

9. Be willing to change.

Routines don’t work unless they are, well, routine. If the routine slides more often than it sticks, it might be time to try something different. “If it’s not working consistently, stop and see why,” suggests Natkin. Maybe you need to break things into smaller steps or build in more time. Reflect on what’s working and what isn’t 24 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

When kids go to bed at the right time, they fall asleep quickly and easily. Finding that magic window can be tricky, though, because many kids become wired when they are too tired and don’t act sleepy at all. “When kids are getting up repeatedly, it means they are not ready for sleep,” says Jacobson. Kids who fall asleep but wake up often or sleep restlessly are probably overtired.

Most people think about bedtime when they think about getting enough sleep. But to get your kids on a healthy sleep schedule, start at the beginning of the day. Waking up and eating breakfast sets our circadian rhythm, and no one can go to sleep when they aren’t tired yet. So, if your kids have gotten into the habit of sleeping in over the summer, start waking them closer to the time they need to get up for school, and earlier bedtimes will follow naturally.

“Starting a new school year is like starting a new job. You’ve got a new desk, a new schedule, you’re surrounded by a different group of people. It’s exhausting,” says Natkin.

Don’t panic if everything doesn’t run like clockwork right away. Give yourself and your kids a little bit of time to adjust.

8. Be consistent and flexible.

2. Know the difference between tired and sleepy.

3. Start at the beginning.

6. Give your routine time to work.

“It’s easy for kids to ignore orders barked from another room,” says Natkin. When you stay calm, make eye contact and ask questions instead of issuing commands, routines go more smoothly. (It’s easier to do those things if you’ve followed the tip to build in an extra 10 minutes.) “But don’t talk nonstop — nagging causes stress and resistance.”

amount of sleep that they need, and it can vary from published recommendations,” says Jacobson. Observe your kids and notice how much they sleep when they’re not restricted by schedules. The goal is happy, energetic and focused kids, not a fixed number of hours of sleep.

4. Get an alarm clock.

JIAYING GRYGIEL

on” might result in your being late once or twice (it goes back to building in wiggle room). But if you say, “Fine, I’ll put your shoes on this time,” then putting your kid’s shoes on for them will become part of the morning routine.

Sound Sleep:

Malia Jacobson Sleep coach Malia Jacobson is also a health and parenting journalist who has written two books on kids and sleep. With three kids of her own — ages 6, 9 and 12 — she has some sound advice for getting back to a healthy school-year sleep schedule without turning bedtime into a battle.

1. Don’t get attached to the numbers.

Pediatrician guidelines for how much sleep kids need at each age are just that — guidelines. “Each child has an

Give your kids their own alarm clock and let them set it themselves. It gives them a sense of independence and eliminates the first potential power struggle of the day.

“Using an alarm clock is easier than being the bad guy,” says Jacobson. Alexa, Amazon’s smart speaker, is a great alarm clock because it has easy controls, doesn’t emit a bright light and has no visible clockface to create stress about being awake when you ought to be asleep.

5. Take baby steps.

If summer schedules have drifted far from school-year requirements, shifting back on the first day of school is like forcing jet lag — hardly the way you want kids to feel for the first week of school. Instead, start as far ahead of time as you need to limit the time-shift to no more than 30 minutes each day.

6. Change the routine together.

Remember that your kids are older than they were last school year, so the old routine probably needs some adjusting. Whether it’s giving them time to read on their own or letting them brush their teeth unsupervised, let their promotion to a new grade level be reflected in bedtime. “Involve your child in developing the routine,”

especially the scalp, has been shown to help people sleep. You don’t have to buy a special gadget, though. An evening bath or shower, even if kids are already clean, is an effective soporific.

says Jacobson. “Research shows increased compliance if kids have input.”

7. Practice.

Don’t wait until the night before school starts, when excitement and anxiety levels are high, to try the new routine.

There are plenty of other new things to deal with during the first week of school.

Going to bed on time should already be routine by the time school is set to start.

8. Turn out the lights.

Everyone knows you have to turn out the lights to go to sleep. But that goes for more than just the light switch on the wall. The light from TV and cell phone screens can disrupt melatonin production. Instead of watching a TV show to wind down before bed, read a book together. Also, make sure older kids take care of

10. Rest easy.

those “goodnight streaks” on Snapchat at least an hour before they actually go to bed if you want them to fall asleep easily.

9. Cool your head.

Did you know that you can buy scalp-cooling devices as a treatment for insomnia? Cooling the body,

P E D I A T R I C

For most families, the hours between 6 and 9 p.m. are bedtime crunch time. If you have a lot of work to do after that, you can’t get enough sleep before the whole house needs to be up in the morning.

“Try to avoid putting all the work on yourself after the kids go to bed, so you can sleep, too,” suggests Jacobson. Enlist the rest of the family to help with chores so that you can model healthy behavior — and reap the benefits of making sleep a top priority. ■ Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about the arts and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet).

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Local Teens Launch Mentorship Program for Adopted Youth When two adopted teens couldn’t find the support network they needed, they created it

By Gemma Alexander

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hen Davon Carroll was in the seventh grade, his dads went to a workshop at Amara (amaraputskidsfirst.org), a not-for-profit organization that serves children in foster care. They explained to him that the workshop was a chance for them to get to know other adoptive parents and learn from them. Over the next few months, one thought kept bothering Carroll: Why wasn’t there a group that kids could join to get to know other adopted kids? “I talked with my dads and said, ‘I have this idea,’” Carroll recalls.

After Carroll told his parents about his idea to create a social support group for adopted kids, his dads helped him type up a one-page proposal and they submitted it to Amara. It landed on the desk of Angela Tucker, Amara’s director of postadoption services. Tucker met with Carroll and his friend, Luke Duncan, who is also transracially adopted, to develop a plan for making the idea a reality. Duncan had attended nearly a dozen summer camps for transracially adopted kids (his mom is president of Harambee Cultural Society, which exists to celebrate the value 2:31 PM of transracial families and mitigate the challenges faced by transracially adopted children; harambee.americommerce.com), and he had a lot of ideas for the program.

He recounts his vision: “[It] should be a fun, safe place for people to hang out. How we can make this stronger is to involve a lot of other adoptees.” To bring in more ideas, they held a workshop for interested mentors and teens. The result? The STAR (strong, tough and resilient) mentorship program was born.

The program that emerged didn’t look quite like the boys had imagined it initially.

After a mask-making project at the first workshop, STAR shifted from being a casual hangout format to planned activities. “Things evolve,” says Carroll. “When you bring in more people, you get various inputs. But the basic idea, the foundation, is what I wanted.”

True to the original concept, STAR is a place where adopted kids can go to be part of a group of other kids like them, have fun and — if they feel like it — talk about adoption.

STAR uses a groupBecome a STAR mentorship model that offers youth the chance to connect Parents, adult adoptees and adopted teens with both adult mentors who are interested in participating or finding out more about STAR can visit Amara’s (themselves adoptees) and website (amaraputskidsfirst.org/star) or adoptees their own age. email postadopt@amaraputskidsfirst.org.

One-on-one relationships and adoption-specific conversations are never mandatory. What is required is a yearlong commitment to attend monthly social events planned by the mentors (who are open to suggestions from the kids). While the mentors are off with the kids, parents have the option of hanging out together. The program currently operates in King County (with recruitment in the fall for a yearlong program of group activities) and in Pierce County (with spring recruitment for a group that gets together July–June). Typical group sizes are about 15 youth adoptees and five adult adoptee mentors.

DESIGN WITH THE 90% Improving Lives Around the World

From L to R: Luke Duncan, Davon Carroll and Angela Tucker

The evolution that Carroll noted continues. Each year, he and Duncan meet with Tucker to plan for the upcoming social support program and look for ways to improve it. They build on successes — both boys cite a field trip to a car show as a high point. “We should do some more trips,” suggests Duncan.

Sometimes, the adults are the ones who learn the most. Tucker discovered that many of the mentors still needed the kind of community and support they were trying to provide for the teens. Many of them grew up with no information about their birth families and in environments where no one wanted to talk about adoption. When, for example, a teen in the program would be faced with the choice of spending a day with their birth mother or playing a scheduled soccer game with their teammates, mentors struggled to provide the sort of neutral guidance the teen needed to make a decision.

Starting this fall, STAR will evolve to include more training for mentors, and possibly expand to create a new STAR-like support group for adult adoptees.

Now 16 and entering their junior and senior years of high school, respectively, Carroll and Duncan don’t participate in the group activities much anymore. But they continue working with Amara to make STAR helpful and fun for the teens.

Carroll’s inspiration is his little sister. “We’ve always been a package; it’s either both or neither. She likes coming to these events. Just seeing my sister when she comes back so excited and happy [makes me happy]. I had this idea, and it’s paying off,” he says.

Duncan adds, “I never thought of being adopted as a weird thing, but other kids here did, and they left STAR feeling differently.” For him, the best thing about helping create STAR is “knowing that those kids don’t think adoption is bad anymore.” n

Poi-In-Pot Cooler, Photo Awadalla Hamid © Practical Action

Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about the arts and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet).

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ant to savor every precious moment of our all-too-fleeting summer?

What you need is a spontaneous, last-minute August adventure. And yes, it can be done — even if smoke is in the air, even if school stress has snuck in. We’ve uncovered some great ways to explore the Puget Sound region in August without driving far, including playing tourist in your own backyard (i.e., Tacoma and Seattle); a scenic bike ride on the Olympic Peninsula; and a riverside road trip to Leavenworth. Plan one of these before September arrives, or perhaps even better, save your last hurrah of summer for September, when the crowds have beat their retreat and the glorious weather (usually) sticks around.

Discover the Viaduct-less Seattle By mid-August, Seattle’s elevated highway should be down for good. Though the full waterfront renovation project (waterfrontseattle.org) is still years away from completion, you can now

enjoy a stunning, Viaduct-free view from Pike Place Market, followed by an easy walk down to the waterfront (now connected to downtown) to play tourist. A suggested itinerary for the waterfront is to ride the Seattle Great Wheel ($9–$14, kids 2 and younger free; seattlegreatwheel.com) and then — right next door — to “fly over” Washington’s greatest treasures, from Snoqualmie Falls to the tulip fields, at the thrilling Wings Over Washington ride ($13–$17; wingsoverwa.com). Explore the kitschy shops — including an actual pirate lair — and ride the carousel at Miner’s Landing before spending a couple of hours with the sea otters and harbor seals at the Seattle Aquarium ($19.95–$29.95, or try to reserve passes through Seattle Public Library; seattleaquarium.org). On your way to the aquarium, look down: The waterfront’s new seawall includes many salmon-supporting features (e.g., underwater shelves, light-penetrating surfaces) that are helping to bring salmon back.

Along the way: Before or after your waterfront wandering, visit Pike Place Market’s new MarketFront area to marvel at the unobstructed view of Elliott Bay and the Olympic Mountains; and refuel with an ice cream sandwich (for the kids) and caffeine-infused chocolate (for you) at Joe Chocolate Co. (joechocolateco.com), which opened in May. You might even be able to buy your own piece of the Viaduct at craft stands.

Overnight it: Just south of Pioneer Square, the Silver Cloud Hotel Seattle – parentmap.com • August 2019 • 29

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Stadium has a heated rooftop pool and is a good location for accessing the waterfront or (of course) a Mariners game, should you want to tack that onto the itinerary. Or stay north of downtown at the Residence Inn Seattle Downtown/South Lake Union and explore Seattle’s hottest area, which is home to the Museum of History & Industry (mohai.org), the Spheres (seattlespheres.com), REI (rei.com) and more.

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Spin your wheels on the peninsula If pedaling amid views of lavender farms, mountains and coastline is your family’s idea of a summer adventure, I have a two-word imperative for you: Head west.

Over the past decade, the 134-mile Olympic Discovery Trail has slowly been pieced together, and when complete, will wind through some of the Olympic Peninsula’s most scenic vistas, from Port Townsend to Lake Crescent. The best news: Most of it is flat. You can plan several different family-friendly routes; a good option to try is the east-central section from Sequim to Port Angeles. At 26 miles long, all but 2 miles of the section is paved and separated from roads, and the route crosses nine bridges, including four that are restored railroad trestles. Fun stops include the town of Sequim itself (pop in at a cute café or restaurant for a bite); Railroad Bridge Park, which crosses the Dungeness River (dungenessrivercenter.org) and a prairie, where you can espy eagles and hawks. If you cycle as far as Port Angeles, the last 4 miles wind along the shoreline.

Along the way: If you start your journey to Sequim by taking the EdmondsKingston ferry, be sure to stop for some delicious carbs at Borrowed Kitchen Bakery (borrowedkitchenbakery.com), right in Kingston. A few miles west, stop in the historic mill town of Port Gamble (portgamble.com) to walk the old-timey streets.

Overnight it: A great access point for the Olympic Discovery Trail is Sequim Bay State Park, which has 45 campsites. Is a hotel with a pool a better option? Try the Red Lion Inn & Suites, which is also near the trail and even offers complimentary bike rentals.

Play on a ‘real-life Chutes and Ladders’ in Tacoma Tacoma’s friendliness toward families isn’t news by now — the zoo! The car museum! Ruston Way! — but the City of Destiny has another surprise up its sleeve 30 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS NOW ENROLLING! AGES 2 1/2 - 6

this summer. In early July, the 55-acre Dune Peninsula at Port Defiance Park (metroparkstacoma.org/dune-peninsula) opened, jutting out from the east side of the park. With scenic views, a pedestrian/bike loop path and a cool origin story (it’s the site of a former copper smelter and was named after Tacoma author Frank Herbert’s best-selling “Dune” series), it has many attractions. On the other side of the peninsula, by the east bridge, families will especially love the park’s six slides — described by Metro Parks Tacoma as a “real-life Chutes and Ladders experience” — from the park to the marina complex below. (And yes, if you want to act like a grown-up, there are steps, too.) From the park, it’s just a quick walk or bike ride to Point Ruston and its restaurants, cafés, ice creamery, spray park and pedestrian path along Commencement Bay. Along the way: The obvious add-on is a visit to Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium ($11–$19, if you buy tickets online; pdza.org), where you can visit with red wolves, tapirs, tigers and siamangs; see the sharks at the newish Pacific Seas Aquarium; and ride the carousel (or a camel!).

Overnight it: Just about 2 miles from Point Defiance Park, on Ruston Way, the Silver Cloud Inn Tacoma affords quiet and lovely views of Puget Sound. In town, you can try for a room at the new McMenamins’ Elks Temple Hotel, which has seven floors, an onsite brewery (of course) and cool features, such as the Secret Graffiti Hallway.

Take a riverside road trip to Leavenworth What isn’t there to do in Leavenworth? Washington state’s famed Bavarianthemed mountain town, just a two-and-a-half-hour drive from Seattle, abounds with nature, culture and adventure, as well as delish dining. Stroll the town, stopping for a lunch of brats and brews (for the grown-ups), followed by a sweet treat at The Gingerbread Factory (gingerbreadfactory.com). Outside of town, hike a scenic trail; a great hit with families is the Icicle Gorge Trail, a 4.4-mile loop along the rushing Icicle Creek, which provides a cool breeze even on a hot day. Take in a play at the acclaimed Leavenworth Summer Theater (leavenworthsummertheater.org); this year’s lineup includes — naturally — “The Sound of Music,” during which you can watch the von Trapps sing at the Ski Hill Amphitheater. As a special treat, saddle up the family for a horse ride through the hills with an outfitter, such as Eagle Creek Ranch (rides start at $27.73 each; eaglecreek.ws).

Along the way: If you take U.S. Highway 2, be sure to make time for a stop along the lovely Skykomish River. Big Eddy, just east of Gold Bar, is a tiny state park with a swimming Eagle Falls hole that is great for paddling or sunbathing.

Farther east, Eagle Falls is a shady and more dramatic spot along the river, with pools, rope swings and gorge drops. (As always, be cautious at the

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out + about

Awesome August Adventures continued from page 31 river, keeping an eye on everyone, especially young kids.)

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Sleep, Run, Play — Repeat!

3 childhood goals for summer (and fall, and the future)

One of the largest studies on childhood and adolescence ever funded is presently underway. Called the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) study, its aim is to increase our understanding of the biological, family, social and environmental factors that influence the course of a child’s life.

The study has already collected data on 4,500 9- and 10-year-old kids from across the United States. Three of the specific focal points are sleep, physical activity and screen time. Why these? Because they are so important!

For years, the American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended daily goals for kids of at least nine hours of sleep, one hour of exercise and a limit of two hours of screen time for entertainment.

• 50 percent of the children studied got at least nine hours of sleep • 36 percent had two hours (or less) of screen time • 17 percent got the one hour of exercise • Only 5 percent were lucky enough to get all three!

Preliminary findings indicate that the children who had these assets had better cognition than those who did not meet these criteria, as measured by tests of attention, language abilities, episodic memory, working memory, executive function and processing speed.

Of course, there are other important goals for raising healthy kids: nutritious food, positive parenting, a balance of free-range parenting and supervision, and support for emotional, social and cognitive enrichment.

But, for this summer, I wish for children to have fun with their families in the garden of their lives — getting plenty of sleep, exercise and screen-free play.

— Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

32 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

Overnight it: Leavenworth offers many vacation home rentals, inns and hotels. If you’re up for a splurge, Sleeping Lady (sleepinglady.com) and Mountain Springs Lodge (mtsprings.com) will keep everyone happy. Two Bavarian-themed options in town, both with heated pools, are the Alpen Rose Inn (alpenroseinn.com) and the Bavarian Lodge (bavarianlodge.com). ■

7 more quick getaways Anacortes: This historic ferry town isn’t just a stop on the way to the San Juan Islands. Soak in views at Washington Park; visit the W.T. Preston, a sternwheeler snag boat that once ran on the Skagit River; and enjoy not waiting to get onto a ferry. anacortes.org Camlann Medieval Village: The year is 1376. The town is Somersetshire, ancient realm of King Arthur. From May to September, during a festival weekend, a visit to this living-history project near Carnation will enthrall your kids. Listen to minstrels, watch knightly combat, learn archery, visit the forge and eat medieval delicacies. camlann.org Hurricane Ridge: If August skies are clear, head to the Olympic National Park’s Hurricane Ridge visitor area for free stargazing with amateur astronomers. Check the Olympic Telescope website (olympictelescope.com) for specifics and dates. Psst: The prolific annual Perseids meteor shower will peak around August 12–13 this year.

Mima Mounds: Are your kids into geology and mystery? Take them to the Mima Mounds Natural Area Preserve, southwest of Olympia, to come up with their own theories of how these giant mounds, some as tall as 6 feet, came to exist in this grassland prairie. wta.org/go-hiking/hikes/mima-mounds Northwest Trek: Arrive early to make the most of your ticket to this unique wildlife park in Eatonville. Take the tram tour first — keep your eyes open for moose and elk — and let the kids climb and swing at Kids’ Trek, one of the most adventurous playgrounds in the Puget Sound region. nwtrek.org Westport: Get a taste of Washington’s coast (without driving forever) at Westport. Climb to the top of the viewing tower or Washington state’s tallest lighthouse. Fly a kite, watch surfers chase waves, eat fish and chips, and dig up a clam or two.

Whidbey Island: This long, skinny island is home to stunning beaches and parks (Deception Pass State Park is a must), a lighthouse, military forts, charming towns and farm stands. There’s also an actual drive-in movie theater, the Blue Fox (bluefoxdrivein.com).

Want even more ideas for last-gasp summer fun? Snag your copy of “52 Seattle Adventures With Kids” at parentmap.com/52adventures.

52 Seattle Adventures

With Kids

A four season guide

Elisa Murray is a Seattle-based freelance writer and editor. ,cause parenting is a trip!

Edited by

ELISA MURRAY

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ages + stages

Z Is for Zeal

2–18

How to channel this underrated ‘miracle grow’ of selfhood

By Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

“I

’m going to start a car-washing business this summer!” “I’m writing a graphic novel that will be a science-fiction version of ‘The Odyssey’!” “I am raising money for a girls’ school in Iraq!’”

“Let’s get some beer and meet in the park!” “Let’s skip class so we can skateboard on our new half pipe!” “Everybody loves the photo of you in your underwear that I posted on Instagram!”

All of these statements express zeal. By zeal, I mean energy directed toward a rewarding experience, one that may be associated with a particular goal beyond the experience itself — or not. Of course, parents would prefer that their children pursue the first cluster of examples — and prudently avoid the second.

Oh, and by the way, the kids in the first cluster? They are the same ones as those in the second cluster, respectively. Zeal in a child isn’t always directed toward both “good” and “bad” ends, but that is usually the case.

We all know straight-arrow kids who are uncomfortable with anything but painting within the lines and directing their laser-like attention toward lofty goals, such as winning a chess championship or a medal in the butterfly stroke competition. But most kids are like garden hoses. They flail around with an inconsistent flow of energy and focus, drawn to learning how to juggle from YouTube one day, rereading a graphic novel for the umpteenth time the next day and daring to write a poem to a new love interest the day after that.

I believe that zeal is one of the key facets of emotional intelligence. Along with a pile of other strengths, kids with zeal to burn can turn into some of our most spectacular star performers. Zeal is the intense drive that entrepreneurs demonstrate as they blaze their path to success. But as many a mother has lamented to me, “I know Janie will be successful someday — with all her high-voltage enthusiasm — but first she has to live through her childhood … and so do I!” Here are the questions parents typically ask me about zeal:

n How do I control the “bad” kind of zeal (e.g., breaking rules, acting out in class, dominating siblings) while trying to encourage the “good” kind (e.g., trying new hobbies, developing positive leadership, working hard in school)? n How will I know if I’m stifling my child’s natural zeal by overscheduling? n How do I help my child direct her zeal in productive ways so she can discover her true passions?

Controlling zeal Parents often wish they could control outlets for zeal, so that their child’s pursuits can be more productive and risk-free. Alas, it is naive to assume we can have dominion over any realm of a child’s desire. Parents guide, supervise and redirect, but we can’t completely control the energy of those garden hoses, especially when they flow as high-pressure jets. In fact, trying to control a child’s zeal too much can parentmap.com • August 2019 • 35

ages + stages

Z Is for Zeal continued from page 35

even snuff it out. Hurrying childhood and prematurely supplanting play and a natural process of self-discovery with parental goals has been the focus of concern for child development specialists for decades.

When we watch a child play in a park, we witness zeal in action. In play, children explore their imagination, experience joy for joy’s sake, discover creative cooperation with friends and exult in nature. Free play is considered to be an indispensable ingredient for physical, social, cognitive and emotional well-being and development, but it is disappearing from many children’s overcontrolled and media-saturated lives.

Goal-directedness is involved in about half of children’s play if we leave kids alone long enough to let them discover how they want to channel their zeal. Children like doing certain things playfully, and when they experience those things as rewarding, they do them again. (Dopamine is released and the “Do it again!” button is pushed.)

Zeal thus fuels exploration, and motivation flowers from there if it has been a pleasant experience.

Among teens, I consider zeal to be the “miracle grow” of selfhood.

Whatever teens find pleasurable and exciting will strongly determine their motivations. Some kids will find hip-hop dancing rewarding, others will want to play Xbox nonstop, and others will be driven to maintain a 4.0 grade point average. In psychology, this variety in behavioral motivation is called “individual differences” — a banal-sounding term for the mysterious blend of nature and nurture that creates uniqueness in all of us.

Parents can manage access to the Xbox and pay for hip-hop classes and tutoring, but they can’t control a child’s intrinsic motivation to strive for a 4.0 grade point average. However, parents can and should broker access to Xbox for time spent on homework, and that is where the parenting part really comes into play during adolescence.

Teens and their zeal have always been the rub for parents. Today’s adults worry about the excessive use of devices and digital media the same way parents in the ’60s worried about sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll. It’s been a concern from time immemorial; even Aristotle worried about young men’s overindulgence in wine, women and song in his day. Brimming with such zeal, teens require and benefit from supervision and guidance. A teen’s motivation to indulge in dopaminerich pleasures should make his parents motivated, in turn, to find and support 36 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

healthful outlets for his particular expressions of zeal.

Channeling zeal By the time their child becomes a teen, parents have usually channeled some of that teen’s time and energy into structured activities, such as sports, talent development and volunteering. Structured activities help teens to be physically active, unplug from media and discover productive outlets for their zeal. These opportunities allow teens to experience positive emotions, develop skills, and profit from character development, beneficial peer influence, and contact with adult role models. Teens with seemingly boundless zeal especially benefit from supervised activities, during which adults other than their parents can do some of the wrangling and negotiating around issues of personal freedom, boundaries and the potential hitches of irrational exuberance.

Downsides of structured activities include overscheduling and restraining free expression of zeal in straitjacketed activities.

The “overscheduled child syndrome” implies an excessive pursuit of programmed activity, which is deleterious to the child’s health or development. A child may be prematurely pressured into sacrificing self-discovery in the service of seeking super excellence in a narrowed set of goals. Children can be pressured to “specialize” by middle school, thereby losing the opportunity to pursue other activities that pique their interest.

Eager exploration of one’s internal and external worlds with or without goaldirectedness has become a thing of the past in many families. Creativity derives partly from free expression of oneself without worry of evaluation or a particular endgame in mind. I like to think that the countless hours my teens spent listening to music and tweaking their personal playlists were not only a pleasurable focus for their natural zeal for music, but also a respite from the competition and performance pressure involved in other areas of their lives.

Too little structured activity for teens is also problematic. Without opportunities to spark safe and healthful applications of zeal, teens often seek pleasure and excitement in dangerous and growth-stunting diversions, such as violent video games, drugs, sex and excessive shopping, to name a few.

Research has found that the average child between the ages of 5 and 18 participates in only five hours of structured activity per week. Averages are tricky,

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since some kids surely have too much structured activity and some too little, but the takeaway is that parents probably need to worry more about children who don’t have any activities than those kids with an excess of them.

After-school opportunities are associated with class and culture. Lowerincome parents often lack the money, time or resources to support their children’s exploration of their particular interests, and parents in rural, immigrant or traditional communities may lack access to diverse activities.

Providing teens with an outlet, direction and experience of zeal through structured activities may seem like a luxury, but I liken it to the importance of every child experiencing preschool. In most cases, missing these stimulating opportunities is a disadvantage, unless there are rich alternatives available for guiding zeal, growing brains and cultivating interests.

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Research has documented that adolescents are involved in a meandering process 15231 Lake Hills Blvd. Bellevue 98007 of identity exploration and formation all the way through their middle twenties.

Therefore, to expect that teens in high school should know what they want to excel at in life is unrealistic. It can even be harmful if the teen feels pressured and inadequate.

Most teens experience zeal while socializing, accessing media and learning about the FD16_samena_1-4.indd 1 world in their preferred ways. Some might love composing music on the piano; others may be enthralled by fantasy football. Some childhood passions are more impressive than others, but we need to remember how many super-achieving adults were once rowdy or seemingly aimless rascals without a lot of merit badges to their credit.

Anxious parents sometimes quash “free play” or zeal, because they feel as though free time equates to wasted time, compromised schoolwork or risky business.

Encouraging time for unfettered zeal is never without risk, but we need to think about the risk of not giving or making time for teens to explore their natural interests, free of worry about being evaluated, overcontrolled or expected to attain some future goal.

I believe that if parents could wave a magic wand that bequeathed a quantum of time for relatively safe, agenda-free zeal and play throughout adolescence, they would. Anxiety robs parents of tolerating some of the woolly wildness and aimlessness of zeal. We need to trust that zeal stimulates seeds of interest that will germinate and produce. Some of those interests will develop into avocations, vocations or even sources of spiritual meaning down the line.

We also need to trust that zeal, like good oldfashioned play in young children, is good for its own sake. ■

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Laura Kastner, Ph.D. is co-author of a number of parenting books and is a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. parentmap.com • August 2019 • 37

someone you should know

Meet Denise Juneau The new SPS superintendent is “building a longer table, not a higher wall”

By Diana Cherry

I

talks a lot about race and equity,” says Juneau, but her f you have a child attending school in the Seattle goal is to “intentionally, authentically engage commuPublic Schools (SPS) district, there’s a good nities of color.” chance you may already have met the district’s “There are no broken children,” Juneau insists. newest superintendent, Denise Juneau. In her office “There are only broken systems. So, we need to look at district headquarters at the John Stanford Center internally at what it is about our systems that is not for Educational Excellence in Seattle, it is community meeting the needs of communities of color and the outreach and connection that have guided much of students who are coming through our doors.” her action in her first year as leader of Seattle Public To do so, says Juneau, she’ll focus on meeting the Schools. practical needs of families.

“This past year was really a learning year for me, First, she’s focusing on improving transportation coming to a new city, a new district,” says Juneau. services, which have traditionally been a challenge.

“We’re building a longer table, not a higher wall. We “How do we play with all the mobility efforts that want to make sure we’re getting voices that traditionare already going on around the city?” Juneau asks. ally have not been at the table.”

She has already begun discussions with the Seattle In order to hear from as many community members Department of Transportation, King County, Amazon, as possible, she’s visited all 102 schools in the district; Microsoft, and even Uber and Lyft to address the formed a student advisory board composed of diverse needs of students in our city. students from across the district; and embarked on a Nutrition services are a focus, too. “We hear a lot “Listening and Learning” tour during which she spoke about cultural or religious minorities within our syswith more than 2,500 people on 21 stops. tems. So, during times of fasting, what does that look Juneau says she’ll use what she’s learned as she like for nutritional services? If students come from moves forward in working to improve learning a certain culture, how can we develop a food service outcomes for Washington state’s largest K–12 school program that provides students what they need during those times district, which serves more than 53,000 students district-wide. when they have cultural needs? If students need a place to pray If anyone can do it, it’s Juneau. As an enrolled member of the At the start every day, how do schools help address that?” she asks.

Mandan, Hidatsa and Arikara Nation and a descendant of As for instruction, the district has already adopted a the Blackfeet tribe and the Tlingit and Haida tribes, Juneau of the 2018–2019 new science curriculum and will work to improve reading attended Browning High School, located on the Blackfeet school year, over proficiency by bolstering existing reading intervention Indian Reservation in Montana. Her learning journey is an efforts. However, Juneau argues, it’s not just learning that admitted “Head Start to Harvard” story, which culminated 4,000 students were will need to happen in the classroom, but “unlearning,” in her earning a Master of Education degree from the homeless just in too. Currently, 89 percent of SPS teachers are white, while Harvard Graduate School of Education and a law degree more than 45 percent of students in the district are students from Montana State University. She was the first American SPS schools of color. There are currently few guidelines to standardize the Indian woman in the United States to be elected to an execimplementation of initiatives to diversify course curricula to be alone. utive statewide office, as superintendent of public instruction more representative. in Montana, where she garnered a reputation for working with According to Juneau, one of the primary concerns of the student community stakeholders to improve educational outcomes. She also advisory board is the importance of students seeing themselves reflected in is credited with increasing graduation rates by 5 percentage points for all their teachers and their texts. Juneau says more inclusive instruction will take time; students and 8 percentage points for Native American students. the district will have to rethink current curricula, train staff and prioritize the Yet she’s entered Seattle Public Schools at a particularly challenging time. It’s no hiring of more teachers of color. secret that the Seattle school district currently has one of the largest opportunity There’s a lot of work to do, but Juneau seems hopeful that Seattle is up to the gaps in the nation, especially with respect to the gulf between black and white stuchallenge. “Because of the city we’re in, we can actually be leaders in the country,” dent achievement. At the start of the 2018–2019 school year, in SPS schools alone, she says. “The thing about Seattle is we’re rich in money, we’re rich in intelligence, more than 4,000 students were homeless. In addition, schools in the district have we’re rich in programs. We’re rich in a lot of different ways, and we just need to been under fire for everything from cutting programming for Native American harness that and make sure that we’re working on the right issues.” ■ students to administering state testing during Ramadan.

Juneau is the first to admit there are plenty of challenges ahead and that many Seattle families are skeptical that real change is possible. “Seattle is a place that Diana Cherry is ParentMap’s social media strategist and trending editor.

38 • August 2019 • parentmap.com

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