ParentMap Magazine June 2020

’cause parenting is a trip!

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Give Me Shelter

Essays from the trenches of pandemic parenting p. 16 9 ideas for making your birthday buddy feel loved on their special day 12

15 SUREFIRE BETS TO KEEP BOREDOM AT BAY IN JUNE Father’s Day fun, forest therapy, virtual adventures and more 22

SOLE SURVIVAL: RAISING AN ONLY CHILD IN QUARANTINE Best ways for parents to support onlies during social distancing 27

JUNE 2020

CHEAP AND CREATIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE YOUR SHUT-IN

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JEWISH DAY SCHOOLS ARE CREATING MODELS FOR DISTANCE LEARNING AND BUILDING STRONG COMMUNITY CONNECTIONS

When Gov. Inslee’s March 12 announcement prompted school closures across Washington state, local Jewish day schools were already prepared for distance learning. By that day, Seattle Jewish Community School, along with other Jewish day schools in the Seattle area, had soft-launched their remote learning program, seeking feedback from students, parents and teachers and getting everyone up to speed.

“It was like I had hired 12 brand new teachers despite the decades of seniority and experience they had,” says Head of School Ron Waldman. “In this format, all bets are off. None of our educators had ever been trained for this type of teaching and learning, and not all children can easily adapt to continuous learning.” Even though they’ve had their challenges, Seattle Jewish Community School — along with Northwest Yeshiva High School, Jewish Day School and Seattle Hebrew Academy — are making it work, teaching students important lessons and forging strong communities at the same time.

It started with surveying everyone’s needs. On their first day, NYHS held an orientation for distance learning, where all classes met for 15 minutes each and there was a check-in to make sure students had access to technology.

They also conducted troubleshooting with teachers so that the following day regular classes could start.

Schools are continuing to seek feedback throughout this crisis. According to Waldman, SJCS is sending out surveys at least once a week, while JDS is adjusting practices as they go. “We have made revisions to our remote learning schedule and instruction along the way, based on feedback from families,” says JDS Head of School Vivian Scheidt. “Our teachers have reached out individually to each family to get their input on how their child is doing with remote learning.”

The schools, which already participated in a tech cohort Community of Practice led by Dr. David Wicks, Seattle Pacific University’s chair of Digital Education Leadership, also made sure they had the right tools to conduct classes, including Zoom, Edpuzzle, Google Meet, Kahoot!, Camtasia, Screencast-O-Matic and Seesaw. Since traditional teaching won’t work on these platforms, NYHS Head of School Jason Feld says they’ve encouraged teachers to come up with exciting new methods. “The charge to the faculty was to be brave in experimentation and to really let learning objectives drive the technology, not the other way around.” Teachers at NYHS have drawn on what they learned during Seattle’s 2019 “Snowmaggedon,” such as using flipped instruction, a blended learning strategy that allows the students to see the material before the class and then dive deeply into it with their classmates during school hours. “That experience really did serve us quite well in preparation for this year,” says Feld.

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As schools try out different modalities for remote learning, they are discovering the value of using a variety of formats, including full class groups, small groups and individualized meetings, as well as instructional goal reassessment.

“Beyond the objectives of getting through a syllabus and finals, we are finding that instruction has become learner-centric, with students increasingly driving their learning and building community in a more thoughtful and intentionally deeper way. This has really been the silver lining of distance learning,” says Feld.

SHA Head of School Rivy Poupko Kletenik emphasizes that learning is the focus, but community building and engagement are vital as well. SHA has organized a drive-by food drive and held virtual events for Jewish holidays and days of remembrance. Each of the schools is engaging with people inside and outside of their school community by hosting open virtual classes, celebrations and commemorations.

“Our Jewish day school partners have been doing an incredible job making sure students stay connected and continue receiving exemplary academic instruction in these unprecedented times,” says Connie Kanter, CEO of the Samis Foundation, an organization that provides grants to support K–12 Jewish education in Washington state and initiatives in Israel. Samis supports scholarships, tech education, special needs and professional development for seven Jewish day schools in the Seattle area. The foundation has put a particular emphasis on supporting the schools’ technology needs for the past decade. “We hope other educators in the public and private sectors can benefit from our schools’ models.”

While schools and families are taking this tough situation one day at a time, 10 years from now, some are optimistic that students will look back at this moment with reflection. “I hope that they will remember this as a time of personal growth, and as a time where a lot of what we talk about in our dayto-day learning of grit, resilience, kindness and community was tested in a real way during this crisis,” says Feld. “My hope is that instead of feeling isolated, they will have some meaningful memories.”

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inside JUNE 2020

,cause parenting is a trip!

16 Parenting

6 DEAR READER

What matters when every day is Whateverday

8 IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

Teen author explores the experiences of marginalized students in Seattle schools

WELLNESS 10 How to prepare for your child’s telehealth doctor’s visit

14 Why quarantining is especially

tough on teens and how to help

Feature 16 GIVE ME SHELTER Essays from the trenches of pandemic parenting

Family Fun 22 15 WAYS TO BUST

BOREDOM IN JUNE

Father’s Day fun, forest therapy, virtual adventures and more

22

23 AWESOME OBSTACLES!

Keep your crew entertained with DIY indoor and outdoor challenges

27 AGES + STAGES

Best ways to support an only child during social distancing

31 PARENT DAY JOBS

This chef and mom of three makes beans the star of the dish

Advertising Sections 12–14 Birthdays 18–21 Schools + Preschools 24–28 Camps + Activities

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What matters when every day is Whateverday

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ne day early on in the coronavirus lockdown, I trundled the few steps from the small, messy home office where I work, seeking televised distraction from the teeming worries that were multiplying at a tribble-like rate in my restless mind. I decided to watch a movie, something guaranteed to make me feel better: the 1993 classic “Groundhog Day,” starring the brilliant Bill Murray (personal hero, lifelong celebrity crush). For the benefit of the smallish handful of people who maybe haven’t seen it, “Groundhog Day” is about an acidly misanthropic Pittsburgh weatherman named Phil Connors who travels upstate to Punxsutawney What would you do if you to cover the annual Groundhog Day festival sighting of the town’s famed were stuck in one place season-prognosticating marmot. Phil and every day was exactly is bitter and condescending about the whole thing, loathing what he feels the same, and nothing to be an assignment that demeans that you did mattered? him. When a blizzard grounds him in Punxsutawney, he enters a time loop: Triggered like (alarm) clockwork each morning, he is condemned to repeat Groundhog Day overandoverandover until he passes through various redemptive stages of self-awareness.

In one scene in the film, as Phil’s compounding despair overwhelms him, he laments to two small-town barflies, “What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?”

In the protracted monotony and strain of these house-arrested days of pandemic parenting, I’m sure most of us can relate. Despite different circumstances — and solemnly acknowledging that this pandemic thuggishly harms some more than others — we are all facing a similar existential murk that pools ever deeper as our concerns mount for the safety and future stability of our family, communities and economy.

Self-doubts about how we are coping — or not, so much — have most of us gripped in our own loop, an unspooling of time where the days feel oddly undifferentiated from one another.

“What day is it, even?” my son asks. “Pretty sure it is Whateverday — does it matter?”

I reply.

Murray’s Phil and “Groundhog Day” of course have been meme-ified to death these past weeks of sheltering in place — gallows humor is, after all, a natural human response in times of desperation, threat and hopelessness. And, to be clear, I invoke Phil’s redemption story not as some blithe encouragement to seek silver linings or grind out gratitude: What I take from his and our skipping-record experience is that our actions do matter, even when every day feels exactly the same.

This month’s issue of ParentMap features a collection of parent essays (p. 16) aimed at exploring a gamut of relatable emotions and reflections about imperfect parenting in a perfect-storm crisis. We hope they will serve as a reminder that getting through this will require us to be a little kinder to each other and a whole lot kinder to — and more forgiving of — ourselves.

It’s 6 a.m. on Whateverday — when we wake up, there’s no need to look for our shadow: It’s time to parent again, and that matters a whole lot.

Happy Fathers’ Day to all you dear dads out there!

— Patty Lindley, ParentMap Managing Editor

ParentMap

June 2020, Vol. 18, No. 6 PUBLISHER/EDITOR Alayne Sulkin

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it starts with you(th)

Meet Azure Savage This teen author explores the experiences of students of color in Seattle schools

By Patty Lindley It is no secret that Seattle Public Schools, one of the biggest school districts in the United States, has had a spotty track record narrowing disparities — the so-called achievement gap — between its black and white students for decades. As a biracial student progressing on an advanced learning track, local youth Azure Savage discovered firsthand what it is like to try to bridge that educational and cultural divide, and he decided to write about how schools handle race and gender in the classroom.

Part memoir, part oral history, “You Failed Us: Students of Color Talk Seattle Schools” candidly explores the experiences of the author and those of 40 other students of color in relation to how Seattle’s K–12 education system and accelerated learning programs, such as the Highly Capable Cohort, continue to hinder equitable achievement for all students.

The 18-year-old author and activist, who identifies as transmasculine, graduates this year from Garfield High School, having completed credits through Running Start at Seattle Central College. We spoke with Savage to learn more about his education journey, the book and what he has planned for after the pandemic.

What motivated you to write “You Failed Us”?

Looking back, I would say it really came from years of my life noticing and being angry at a lot of the inequities that I faced within school being the only black student in my [honors program] class up until essentially eighth grade. I wasn’t able to name what the problem was until I learned more about what racism was, what racism in education was.

How has the reception for the book been?

I would say, overall, the reception was positive. I mean, there are people who disagree with what I had to say, but that’s always going to be the case. There are people in the district, specifically from the ethnic studies department and the advanced learning department, who value the work that I did and want to use it to inform their work. That was really cool, to

GETHER O T S T N E M O M Y MIL CELEBRATING FA

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DISCOVERY CENTER @HOME see that my book was able to be a tool in the conversation and in making decisions within the school district.

One of my main goals with my book was that I wanted students of color to feel heard and validated by what I wrote. So, even if no teacher read it or no one from the district cared what I had to say, just the fact that I had a lot of students come to me and say, “Hey, this made me feel like everything that I’ve experienced is valid and matters” — at the end of the day, that’s all that really mattered to me.

Do you feel that writing the book has given you more comfort and power in your identity?

I definitely feel like my book has made an impact on my life, but I think that for me, coming out and also coming out as trans and then also finding community with students of color, they both came more out of places of real necessity. I just could not live like that anymore. And they both occurred before the book, but I feel like the process of writing the book and getting that all out on paper was very cathartic. It was very difficult, but in a lot of ways, processing it was important.

What do you conclude are the key things that need to change in the administration of our public schools to uproot institutionalized racism?

I would say some things that need to change are the processes of discipline and accountability within schools to not be punitive, but rather be restorative. I would say the curriculum of education needs to be more all-encompassing of different students’ stories and histories. Because it’s really disempowering to not be taught about yourself and to be left out of your own education.

Of course, I think the tracking system needs to be dismantled entirely just because creating a hierarchy of students isn’t necessary. It is harmful, not just in the immediate environment of being in school, but creating that hierarchy has long-term effects of who feels more powerful in society overall. Removing any sort of hierarchy of students based off of perceived ability I definitely think is necessary to eliminate some of the inequities.

What’s next for you?

I’m going to be working on my second book, which will be similar to this book, but will cover the nation as a whole from some slightly different angles. And then, whenever the pandemic decides to stop, I’m going to The New School in New York City. I’m going to be attending the Eugene Lang College, which is their liberal arts college. I’m excited about that. n

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parentmap.com • June 2020 • 9

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Stay Vaccinated!

wellness

Staying Healthy at Home

What to know before your child’s virtual doctor’s visit

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e’re following recommendations to stay healthy at home, but bumps, scrapes and sick days still happen. Thankfully, it’s never been easier to see a doctor without leaving home. As health-care providers and families adapt to COVID-19 and social distancing recommendations, more medical visits are taking place remotely via telehealth (also called “telemedicine” or “virtual care”).

Prior to COVID-19, telemedicine was already trending; virtual visits were projected to increase 16.5 percent by 2023, according to a report by Market Research Future consultants. Then, the coronavirus pandemic hit, and telehealth surged. In March 2020, telehealth visits spiked 50 percent.

The growth of telehealth in pediatric health care is good news for busy parents, many of whom are now juggling work and home-based schooling, says Nawal Alkharouf, M.D., a pediatrician with Washington-based health-care provider Pacific Medical Centers (pacificmedicalcenters.org). “One of the main benefits we’re seeing for telehealth is convenience, especially in times like these. If families don’t want to come into the clinic or can’t make it in, this is another way to care for their child’s health,” she says.

Virtual care works best with your regular doctor.

Although telehealth can work well in urgent-care scenarios or help people who don’t have a regular primary care provider, it works best in an established doctorpatient relationship, says Dr. Alkharouf. “Telehealth is most beneficial if it’s your own pediatrician or someone who has seen the child before, because that provides the greatest continuity of care,” she says.

Some conditions are better suited to virtual care than others.

Virtual visits work particularly well for certain types of pediatric care — for example, managing some chronic conditions, such as asthma and diabetes; follow-up appointments; behavioral health; and mild cold and flu symptoms.

Other situations, such as a suspected ear infection or broken bone, warrant an in-person visit. “Telehealth doesn’t work for every condition or all situations. If the provider needs to look into the child’s ear to diagnose an ear infection, they’ll likely need to go in,” says Dr. Alkharouf.

You don’t need any special equipment (but some advance prep won’t hurt).

There’s no need to buy an otoscope, a special thermometer or any other medical

MOM TAKES CARE OF

equipment for a virtual well-child visit, says Dr. Alkharouf. But taking 10–15 minutes to prepare for an appointment paves the way for a productive virtual session. Check your email or your provider’s online patient portal for instructions, complete any screening questionnaires, update your child’s health history (including making a list of all specialists or other health-care providers your child sees, and assembling any medications), fill in insurance and pharmacy information, and make a list of questions or concerns you would like to discuss with the doctor. In preparation for the visit, take basic measurements (height and weight, and head circumference for children ages 2 and younger) and check vital signs (temperature, pulse rate).

Your provider still wants to ‘see’ your child.

“Telehealth” can be a misleading term, since most virtual visits include a video component. And even though your provider may be miles away, they still want to get a good look at your child. For video visits, find a quiet spot in the home with good lighting so your provider has a clear view of your child. “For babies and small children, placing your laptop or device on a bed can work well,” says Dr. Alkharouf.

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You may still need an office visit.

A sick-child appointment (say, for a rash or pink eye) can probably be carried out completely online. But a well-child visit may have two components: Caregivers can complete screening questionnaires and other paperwork virtually, then come in later for a physical exam and vaccines. “A good physical exam is an important part of a well-child visit, so it is important to bring your child in,” says Dr. Alkharouf.

“But the good news is that you don’t necessarily need to come in right away unless your child needs a vaccine. So, you could do the virtual component of the exam now and wait until the summer, once things have calmed down with the pandemic, to come into the office.”

Behavioral health care at home has special considerations.

Behavioral health care can work well via telehealth since it usually doesn’t require a physical exam and can be easily carried out via video phone or video chat.

But virtual health care makes it harder for providers to ensure patient privacy, an essential component of behavioral health. “Privacy is a major concern for behavioral health care at home, especially for our adolescent patients,” says Dr. Alkharouf. “If a private bedroom isn’t an option, some families have their teenager do their virtual health care in their car, so [the teen] can have complete privacy.”

Even after social distancing ends, telehealth will keep growing, says Dr. Alkharouf. “PacMed just launched virtual pediatric care, and the response from parents has already been very positive. Parents appreciate that they can take care of their child’s health, keep them safe and save time.” ■ Malia Jacobson is a health and family journalist based in Tacoma.

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parentmap.com • June 2020 • 11

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9 Creative Ways to Celebrate Kids’ Birthdays During Social Distancing This year, my son’s birthday happened to coincide with the peak of a horrific pandemic sweeping across our planet. Honestly, I hadn’t intended to do anything big for his birthday this year, but even the small celebration we had in mind wasn’t going to be possible. We’d planned to decorate the house a bit, have a few friends over for a playdate, or go out for dinner someplace where they will sing and bring out a free dessert. All these simple ideas are no longer an option, with party stores now closed, social distancing in effect, and “stay home, stay safe” the order of the day.

One thing is clear: Celebrating our kids’ milestones during the coronavirus crisis is going to take some creativity. Here are nine ideas to make the day special.

1

Camp out. Sure, state campgrounds are closed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t camp out! You can still set up a tent in your back yard (or even your living room) and roast marshmallows at your fire pit (or even in the oven). Don’t have a tent? Blow up some air mattresses or lay out the sleeping bags, then gather all your blankets and pillows in the living room and snuggle up as a family for the night.

2 Bake together. I went to the grocery store to pick up my son’s

custom Mickey Mouse birthday cupcakes, and lo and behold, there was a sign telling me all custom orders have been canceled until further notice. I should have known, but it was still disappointing.

Since we all have a little extra family time on our hands right now, why not spend it baking a cake together? Can’t find flour? Try making homemade ice cream (foodiecrush.com). (You don’t even need an ice cream machine.) It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Kids will love participating and getting the chance to put on as many sprinkles as their little hearts desire.

3 Make your own decorations. Birthday supplies are hard to come

by right now, and going out to get them isn’t what I’d consider an “essential” errand. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of luck. You can make lots of decorations with items you already have at home, or find free, easy printables online (parentmap.com/printables). Get your kids involved so they feel included in the fun. DIY tissue paper garlands are one of my favorites, and homemade party hats make even a quarantined party festive.

4 Steal from other holidays. Not much of a do-it-yourselfer? No

worries. Dig out some other holiday décor and make your kiddo feel extra special on his or her big day. String Christmas lights around the interior of your home. Hold a post-Easter egg hunt. Put every Valentine’s Day decoration that you have in your child’s room so that they feel the love. If your kid is into spooky things, grab all your Halloween spiders and bats and hang them from the ceiling. Just adding a bit of extra glam to the house on their behalf will make them feel fêted.

12 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

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Plan a scavenger hunt. Whether you are trapped in your house or are still able to venture outside for walks, spend a little time creating a unique scavenger hunt for your birthday kid. Make a list of items they will be required to locate around the neighborhood. When they find them all, it can be cupcake time! If you are at home, hide clues around the house that lead your child to their gifts. Print out or draw pictures of the items if your little one is too young to read. You can even involve neighbors by asking them to leave special items in their windows or yards for a drive-by scavenger hunt adventure. For more ideas, see parentmap.com/treasures.

6

Set up a custom obstacle course. Use items around your home to create a long and intricate obstacle course for your child. Place pillows across the floor for kids to jump over. String yarn or streamers along hallways for the birthday kid to maneuver through without touching (like the laser mazes in “Entrapment” or “Ocean’s Eleven”), or make them run up and down the stairs a thousand times to get all that birthday energy out. The winner gets the first piece of cake! For more ideas, visit parentmap.com/obstacle.

7

Devise a bounce house. Remember those air mattresses from your campout? Keep those out and on your kid’s special day, let them break the rules just this once and jump until they just can’t jump anymore. The novelty of being able to do something that is normally a no-no will make their day truly memorable.

8

Write a song. My kids are always humming and singing to themselves. Why not write down their lyrics and add some of your own about how cool your child is? If you are musically inclined, put your new song to music and jam out as a family. Just be sure to keep it focused on the birthday boy or girl so they feel important on their big day.

9 Splurge on a fun family activity. Unfortunately, it looks like

we’re going to be in this for the long haul. So, if you’re financially able to splurge, consider buying a gift that keeps on giving. Indulge in some fun soccer bubble balls and play a family game as a birthday celebration (and throughout the stay-at-home order). Consider this your excuse to invest in that summer water slide a little early this year.

Or for older kids, consider a slackline; then challenge the fam to hone their balancing skills to walk the entire length of the line before the stay-at-home order ends.

Whatever you end up doing for your child on their birthday during this bizarre and uncertain time in our lives, don’t forget to make the day all about them. Really pay attention to your kid and what they need. It might not be what you originally had in mind, but with a little creativity, you can still make their birthday celebration memorable for them.

Erin Smith is an accountant turned writer and stay-at-home mom based in Peoria, Arizona.

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parentmap.com • June 2020 • 13

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s hard as COVID-19 social isolation is on parents (and it’s plenty hard), this stress-inducing scenario may be harder on teens. Research shows that social isolation is particularly difficult for adolescents — lonely teens are more likely to be depressed and have an increased risk of obesity and cardiovascular disease in adulthood. As the coronavirus closures stretch on, health experts expect to see an increase in suicides.

“Among teens and young adults, we’re seeing an increase in depression, anxiety and also in non-suicidal self-harm behaviors, such as cutting, along with more irritability, temper outbursts, and a profound sense of hopelessness and helplessness,” says Mehri Moore, M.D., chief medical officer and founder of THIRA Health (thirahealth.com), a mental health treatment center for both adolescent girls and women with anxiety and depression in Bellevue, Washington.

Development on hold Social isolation and loneliness undermine everyone’s physical and mental health, not just that of teenagers. But certain key characteristics of adolescence make quarantine particularly damaging, says Moore. “The highlight of this developmental stage is separation from the family of origin, being their own self and beginning to understand who they are in the context of their peer group.”

Developmentally speaking, teens’ brains are hardwired to resist everything about COVID-19 sheltering in place, from slashed social connections to nearconstant interaction with parents to a sudden lack of privacy and autonomy.

“Being forced back into the bosom of the family at the time when they developmentally need to separate creates this significant reverse dynamic,” says Moore. “It not only adds to the stress of isolation, but it dampens natural psychological development. In effect, their development is put on hold.”

The resulting strain breeds fear, anxiety and a crippling loss of control for adolescents, notes Moore. As a result, caregivers and parents complain that teens are more anxious, moody, unpredictable and unmotivated.

Honesty and transparency Supporting adolescents through COVID-19 closures means reaching out with honesty and letting them know that their reactions are normal and okay. “Families are under tremendous stress right now, so it’s not just teens who are suffering,” says Moore. “It’s helpful to open a dialogue with teens and let them know that we can talk about this together. Nobody has been through this before, and we don’t have to experience it alone.”

Expect withdrawal (but keep checking in) Don’t freak if your teen wants to spend hours holed up in their bedroom — withdrawal from parents is developmentally normal for adolescents, notes Moore.

But that doesn’t mean parents and caregivers should abandon a consistent family routine or regular check-ins. Establishing family norms, such as a screen-free family mealtime, a morning walk around the block or a weekly family movie

night, helps create the type of nurturing family boundaries that protect against the damaging health effects of social isolation for teens, according to research.

Encourage setting goals School closures and activity cancellations have left teens without achievements to strive for and the beneficial social feedback that follows, says Moore. Helping teens set manageable personal goals, even if the milestones don’t resonate with parents, helps combat hopelessness and helplessness. Logging 10,000 steps per day, taking on a fundraising challenge or a letter-writing campaign, even tackling a big task like organizing the garage (for pay, if parents can swing it), keeps teens active and focused on the future.

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Keep regular social (distancing) dates Don’t assume your tech-savvy teen has their social bases covered in the age of social distancing. “Online social interactions usually originate from face-to-face connections, and now those face-to-face interactions are gone,” says Moore. Ask your teen whether they’ve been on FaceTime with a friend today, and inquire about friends who seem to have fallen off their radar. And even if teens don’t admit it, they may be worried about grandparents and older relatives. Establishing regular check-ins and social dates via Zoom can help provide reassurance and a sense of normalcy, says Moore.

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Monitor media Now’s not the time to let your teen go nuts with news reports and scroll endlessly through social media feeds. Overconsumption of virus-related reporting can fuel anxiety. Instead, use extra time spent indoors to catch up on movies or shows you wouldn’t otherwise have time to watch with your teen.

Maintain your own social connections Keeping up your own Zoom coffee dates, text exchanges with friends and overthe-fence chats with neighbors may benefit your teen’s physical and mental health.

A new study from Washington University in St. Louis shows that socially isolated parents have an increased risk of poor health for themselves and their teens.

Know what’s normal for your teen While it’s normal to see some withdrawal from parents and siblings during this unprecedented set of social circumstances, new or unusual behavior in a teen may be a red flag indicating a mental health issue, says Moore. “If you see changes in physiological functioning, like sleep disruption, new phobias, unexplained fears, lack of appetite, oversleeping, concentration problems, excessive preoccupation with death or any signs of non-suicidal self-injury, call your child’s health-care provider.”

As hard as this situation is, coping with the coronavirus ultimately benefits teens, notes Moore. “Teens are learning day by day how to deal with a situation beyond anyone’s control. It’s an unbelievable opportunity to build resilience.” ■ Malia Jacobson is a health and family journalist based in Tacoma.

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feature

GIVE ME SHELTER Essays from the trenches of pandemic parenting

What follows is a trio of personal essays by parents in which they reflect — with humor, honesty and insight — on their challenges and observations during these “Groundhog Day”-like weeks of pandemic parenting that feel both ceaselessly long and virtually indistinguishable. We hope their voices will spark in you a comforting sense that, while we might not win any medals for homeschooling or maintain any habits of highly effective people near-term, we can be “good enough” parents who will help our families get through this worrisome time with our hearts, minds and relationships intact.

One Dad’s Social-Distancing Diary Highlights from the first month at home

By Ryan Weber

A

s a father living through this historic time — and with a bunch of time on my hands (ha!) — I wanted to record the universal (I mean uppermiddle-class) experience of parents stranded at home with their kids during the COVID-19 pandemic. I assume that 100 years from now, scholars will vigorously study and teach my account of the time. You’re welcome, future historians! Oh, and far into the future, if someone makes a movie of our experience, take note: I would like to be played by Kit Harington’s great-grandson.

Day 1: Sun’s out, fun’s out!

There may be a global pandemic, but it’s beautiful outside. The sun shines. Birds sing. My wife and I take our 8-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son to ride their bike and scooter through the nature preserve. Then we walk the dogs around the neighborhood, and our neighbors ask after our well-being from an acceptable distance. We have a cookout, and I drink a craft IPA on the deck while the sun sets. This quarantine will actually be great!

Day 2: Sun’s going, fun’s going.

It’s cloudy, but we still take a great hike. The kids love this break from school, and they’re in great moods. This quarantine might be okay. Sure, the kids spend half the afternoon playing a game they call “Baby,” in which they pretend to be babies, alternating between fake crying and actual crying until I cannot tell the difference. But at least they’re keeping themselves entertained!

Day 3: Yo, sound the bells, homeschool is in session (sucker!).

Time for some homeschooling! Who needs worksheets or textbooks or the entire infrastructure of the public school system? The world is our classroom! For

16 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

today’s science lesson, I plan to download an insect-classifying app to identify a weird bug the kids found on the deck. But it takes me 10 minutes to remember my iTunes password, at which point both children have left the room.

(It was a leaf-footed bug, in case you were interested, because the kids sure weren’t.)

Day 5: Working hard from home or hardly working from home?

My wife and I try to get our university teaching done online. The kids seem distracted, so now seems like the perfect time to fire off a mass email to check in with my students.

Dear students, My daughter interrupts: “Dad, do you have any questions about Minecraft?”

“Not now, sweetie. I’m working.”

I hope this email …

My son interrupts: “Dad, do you have any questions about Star Wars?”

“Not now, son. I’m working.”

I hope this email finds you …

My daughter: “Dad, are you sure you don’t have any questions about Minecraft?”

“Not now, sweetie. I’m working.”

I hope this email finds you safe and health …

My son: “Dad, why don’t you have any questions about Star Wars?”

My daughter: “Dad is working! Don’t bother him!”

My son bursts into tears. My daughter bursts into tears. They both run crying into separate rooms. I accidentally send the unfinished email.

Day 8: Ring the bell, homeschool’s back in session.

Lacking guidance from me, the kids decide to play homeschool themselves. Ten minutes later, I hear my daughter yell, “State capitals are fun!” as my son runs sobbing from her room. Fortunately, my wife steps in and gets the kids crafting Pinterest-worthy art projects and reading Ray Bradbury stories.

I drink an Aldi-brand American ale while sitting in the front porch rocking chair. It is 3:30 in the afternoon.

Day 10: Get your game faces on.

The family breaks out some games, and I entertain myself by mentally writing honest game slogans: Kerplunk (“15 minutes of setup, 30 seconds of fun”), Pie Face (“Russian roulette for toddlers”), The Sneaky, Snacky Squirrel Game (“A child’s first introduction to thievery and the cruelty of fate”), and Hide and Seek (“It’s only fun when your kids aren’t good at it”). My son takes all of the chips off the Sequence board and declares, “I win!” My daughter knocks the board off the table and counters, “No, I win!”

The governor closes schools for the rest of the year. We all lose.

Day 13: “Alexa, quiet!”

The children discover that Alexa will make farting noises. As irritating as it is to hear Alexa’s robot voice produce and then describe farts (“That was a cheekrattling one.”), I momentarily consider buying something Alexa advertises as the “Extreme Fart Pack” in a desperate attempt to keep the kids occupied. I narrowly avoid this temptation, but only because the kids ask Alexa to play “Barbie Girl” by Aqua. Even they cannot make it through the whole song.

Day 16: We’re keeping it 100.

While we walk the dogs, my son asks me to count to 100 over and over again, but to rush through the counting, I deliberately skip numbers. So, we’re actively regressing on the homeschool front.

Day 19: Seeking silver linings.

A major accomplishment! I found the stuffed caterpillar toy my son lost yesterday.

Wait, never mind. He lost it again.

Day 21: It’s important to keep a consistent schedule.

We finally settle into a comfortable, manageable quarantine routine: 7 a.m.: Wake up.

8–10 a.m.: Screen time while I regularly shout, “Only five more minutes of screen time!”

10 a.m.: Pre-homeschool fit by my daughter.

10:30 a.m.: Homeschooling resumes.

11:45 a.m.: Post-homeschool fit by my daughter. Full-on existential crisis for me.

Noon: Lunchtime! Argue with my son about why he can’t eat chicken nuggets for the fifth day in a row. Listen to his well-reasoned counterarguments. Make him chicken nuggets.

1–2 p.m.: Educational screen time … if you define “educational” as learning about the social structures and behaviors of Oddbod culture. (Spoiler alert: I do.)

2 p.m.: Talk about doing something outdoorsy and active. Look at Facebook for an hour.

3 p.m.: Listen to the kids make a bunch of noise in the house, insist they go outside, then listen as they run back inside making even more noise. Repeat. ?: Lose all track of time. Vow to make a better schedule tomorrow.

Repeat again tomorrow.

Day 23: Quarantine hygiene slips.

My son actually licks the cat to give her a bath. Then he starts licking himself. I can’t remember the last time he bathed, so I let him continue. #science Day 26: Or maybe it’s day 28? Time is a flat circle.

I remind myself that I’m lucky. None of our close friends or loved ones has contracted the coronavirus. My wife and I have salaried jobs we can do from home. My kids have been 73–89 percent well-behaved, and my wife is amazing.

My latent hypochondria keeps me vigilant against getting sick.

I repeat these affirmations as I hide in the laundry room and drink a Keystone Light I found in the fridge behind a jar of curry paste that expired in 2014. The sound of the dryer muffles the children’s argument about who is making the more annoying sound with their nose.

Day 30: We embrace the new normal.

We made it through the first month. Only an unknown and potentially endless expanse of time left. But if Olympic athletes, NBA fans and whoever planned on attending Third Eye Blind’s Screamer Part 2 Tour can be patient, so can we. We will use this quarantine to have fun and grow closer as a family.

I see a headline about how social distancing could last until 2022, so I head for the fridge in a desperate search for another Keystone Light.

Ryan Weber grew up in the Seattle area and now lives with his family in Alabama, where he teaches writing. continued on page 18 parentmap.com • June 2020 • 17

SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS

feature

GIMME SHELTER continued from page 17

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By Laura Wheatman Hill

W

hen I wake up, my son is next to me, finally peaceful. My daughter is curled up at my feet like a dog. Their father has been sleeping in the basement since we began sheltering in place. We say it’s because he has a higher chance of exposure since he still goes into work as needed, but it’s because everyone sleeps better with this arrangement.

The boy, 3, didn’t fall asleep until after midnight. He screamed at 9 p.m. when I tried to leave him to watch TV and fold laundry. I got in bed with him, and he used my squishy mom bod as a pillow, pulling my 20-pound weighted blanket up to his ears. As he calms down, he begins to fill the blanket with little-boy farts. He’s been so stressed, he hasn’t properly pooped since he was last at preschool more than a week ago.

The girl wanders in around 4 a.m. She’s 6. She’s been handling being at home with more grace than the rest of us. She accepted that her birthday party was canceled and that she wouldn’t be seeing her friends and teacher for a while. But at night she gets scared.

“I’m afraid of the coronavirus,” she says.

Every fiber of my being wants to be asleep. My body is pulling me back to my pillow, but her little voice is shaking.

“You’re safe at home, honey,” I say.

“Okay.” Her voice quavers.

“Come here.” I hold her in my arms and cover her with my boy-fart-smelling weighted blanket. It’s the most popular of our three weighted blankets because it is the heaviest. Eventually, her breaths become long, and she scoots into her own space in the bed.

Most of the time, my kids go through the world with their disabilities unnoticed. They can be invisible in that way. When their anxiety, sensory issues or ADHD begin to show, though, is when you realize these kids are not neurotypical. Nothing is middle ground for either of them. The girl is either elated or miserable. The boy is either shaking with joy or with rage. They feel all the feelings.

If they have a routine, they “pass” for normal. If they have a good breakfast, including all the foods they like in the correct order, if they’ve slept well on top of that, then, only then, can we make it into school with shoes on and a smile.

They singsong when they’re scared, and lately, the classic plague song “Ring Around the Rosie” has been making a comeback in my house.

The first week of sheltering in place, the boy cried most of the time. “I miss my friends! My Legos need me! I want to go somewhere!”

I tried to make a plan that first week. I tried to make it like school. The girl was all for it. The boy tried to sabotage my efforts at every turn. I had a telehealth session with our occupational therapist (OT). She suggested using the

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www.sammamishmontessori.com 425-883-3271 method she does in her hour-long sessions of making cards with the activities drawn on them and letting the kids choose their schedule.

It was going okay. The weather was very nice, which helped.

In week two, it started raining and it hasn’t stopped. They don’t like to go out in the rain. The girl wants to climb and jump and crash, and she can’t do that if the ground is all wet and the trees are all slippery. The boy doesn’t like his boots.

It’s bare feet or nothing.

These kids don’t have significant support needs. But they both received OT services at school. A special education teacher would check in on them. My daughter had a pull-out class in social skills. My son got support from his very understanding teachers. They had other adults helping them navigate their needs. They had same-age peers to practice on. Now, they only have each other and their parents. I can’t blame them, but they are pretty sick of us at this point.

What will happen to their hard-earned social goals? Will they stop coming into my bed at night, scared despite all the preemptive measures we take to make them feel safe? Do they know that, as much as I tell them I will take care of them, I really can’t promise them anything? I can’t promise them a playdate “soon.” I can’t promise they won’t get sick or hurt. Is that why they’re dysregulated?

I am trying. I am asking for help. I am trying to be sympathetic to them when they act out. I am co-regulating. They are safe at home. I am sheltering them.

Laura Wheatman Hill lives in Portland, Oregon, with her dentist and two children. She blogs about parenting, writes about everything, and teaches English and drama when not living in an apocalyptic dystopia.

A Mom Realizes That Chaos Can Lead to Something Good The kids might be going feral, but they’re learning in a whole new way

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By Nikki McCoy

M

y boys, a fifth-grader and an eighth-grader, have been out of school for many weeks now. Each day I’ve provided inconsistent guidance, asked for unfulfilled assignments and fought to provide a “schedule.” Each night, I’ve lost sleep fretting about how to keep my kids educated. I’m not going to lie: Most days have consisted of about 45 minutes of haphazard schoolwork and six hours of unadulterated video-game playing, interrupted by the occasional late breakfast

PRESCHOOL — ELEMENTARY — MIDDLE SCHOOL — HIGH SCHOOL parentmap.com • June 2020 • 19

feature

GIMME SHELTER continued from page 19 and hasty shower.

My husband and I are working from home now. Just managing work has been bonkers, so, of course, the children are going full-blown feral. As much as I can joke about it, it was really weighing on me that I might be failing my children, especially during these intense times.

And then my 14-year-old shocked me. He was the one I was especially worried about. The B, sometimes C, student, was already slipping into teenage angst. How was this affecting him? The most I could extract from him through gentle pestering was an “I’m fine” or “I’m just going to take a nap” or “Can I game online now?”

But something changed one recent Saturday morning when he lumbered into my room, yawned and stretched far and wide, and proclaimed, “I think all this rest is helping me grow.”

Maybe this is just what my kids need — what all our kids need: time to rest, to free-fall, to grow.

While I’m sure he meant he was growing bigger, I began to recognize the colossal amount of emotional and intellectual growth this period of rest can offer.

I started paying more attention to what they were doing when they weren’t on

video games and on forced Google classroom check-ins. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to our school district staff for making an online system work for all.)

Once I started using my lens of compassion, I realized that my idea of what education means no longer applies — their independent learning was taking place regardless of my agenda.

The journal I thrust at my son at the beginning of the school closure with the instruction to “document your days of quarantine” had turned into a sketchbook

SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS 6 Simple Steps to Creating a Reading Culture in Your Home Central & North (Greenwood) Central & North (Greenwood)

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NIDO (1–3 Años) CURSOS VACACIONALES KINDER a 7° GRADO PreK • Kinder a 7º Grado info@seattleamistadschool.org Actividades despues de(206)325-3172 clases Cursos Vacacionales

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info@seattleamistadschool.org 206-325-3172 Central & North (Greenwood) 20 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

1. Establish a reading tradition. Building a strong difficult at first, making up stories is a great way to teach Central & Northis (Greenwood) Central & North (Greenwood) reading tradition a great way to incorporate reading your kids about creativity. It’s important to involve kids into your family activities. Choose a comfortable reading in this process, as doing so develops a multitude of skills: space and a regular reading schedule and try to stick creativity, critical thinking, imagination and others. If you to it. Start with short reading sessions and vary your have trouble starting, try using creative story cards. Or you reading material. If they stop paying attention, it means can be creative and make some story cards of your own. it’s time to stop. Don’t insist.

5. Buy books for your kids. If you can afford it, buy your children books, magazines and comic books, and keep them visible and readily accessible. Keep in mind that it’s the www.seattleamistadschool.org Bilingual, biliterate & quality rather than quantity that matters. bicultural education Books hidden away will get forgotten, so Educación bilingüe y Educación bilingüe y display books on a bookshelf. Choose the 3. Get into it.

Sometimes parents are so bicultural bicultural books to buy with your kids. One tip is to obsessed with “the idea of reading” that they NIDO (TODDLERS) AFTER SCHOOL NIDO (TODDLERS) AFTER SCHOOL determine beforehand which books are suitable fail to explore how reading helps kids. Getting PreK CAMPS PreK CAMPS for them depending on their age; then let them into it means being aware of what you’re K-7 reading and of K-7 GRADES GRADES choose from your list. Keep in mind that not all books what It means encouraging their ACTIVIDADES DESPUES ACTIVIDADES DESPUES NIDO (1-3your AÑOS)kids understand.

NIDO (1-3 AÑOS) DE CLASES DE CLASES are equal — choose quality. comments on the stories or illustrations in the books: 2. Be a model. Kids learn from example.

Children whose parents read and seem to enjoy reading are more likely to become www.seattleamistadschool.org readers themselves.

Talk about what Bilingual, biliterate & you’re reading with your partner and kids. bicultural education

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PreK CURSOS VACACIONALES KINDER 7° GRADO KINDER a 7° GRADO What ado they understand? How do they feel?

What do

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6. Follow your rhythm. It’s not always easy to find the (206)325-3172 time to read with your kids. Don’t get into the trap of thinking there’s just one way to do things. Work around your schedule, talk to your kids or make up stories in the car or over dinner.

— Sanya Pelini, Ph.D.

they think? For younger children, illustrations can be info@seattleamistadschool.org (206)325-3172 info@seattleamistadschool.org powerful. What do kids see when they look at them? Can they identify the animals, colors, food items, etc.?

4. Don’t forget the power of making up stories.

Made-up stories are powerful tools. While it might be Central & North (Greenwood)

Central & North (Greenwood)

for cosplay ideas and learning a new language: “Aurebesh.” Albeit a sci-fi language, it was new and impressive. And, most importantly, these were his ideas.

Self-directed breaks from video games began happening. I even overheard this astonishing statement from my eldest: “I’m going to get off, guys. I’m kinda burnt out on gaming.” He then ran to his bedroom, where I assumed the next screen would take its place. But when I opened the door, a fort was being built and Legos were scattered about.

And it was happening with both kids. During a Zoom work meeting, I spied my 10-year-old digging in the fridge for ingredients to make his own scrambled eggs.

Later, he wrote a recipe for “Nick’s Perfect Eggs” to add to his grandma’s family recipe collection. He decided to pick up skateboarding, and while my son doesn’t listen to me much, the neighbor shouting encouragement as he wobbles down the driveway makes me feel like he has a stand-in coach.

Once I began viewing their everyday acts of living as learning moments, I could attribute nearly every activity to a school subject. Cooking eggs was culinary arts.

Dividing diamonds in Minecraft was math. Online Dungeons & Dragons sessions were lessons in leadership and creativity. The list goes on!

The other important part of this breakthrough in perspective is that I have to offer

compassion to myself, too. I’ve surrendered to the ambiguity of our situation and take comfort in knowing that this is just one of many growing pains in the world of parenting — and that together we will get through this. My kids will not be lesser people because of a few months of social-distance schooling, and I will never be less of a parent because I let them spend extended periods in front of screens during a stressful time.

The bottom line is that our kids are much more resilient than we know. They are capable of learning in so many ways that we haven’t even explored yet. Even the kids who have milestone years (a shout-out to our seniors!) are building a new set of robust skills that we will have the privilege of seeing as they grow into adults and become our future leaders.

When we learned that Washington schools were to be closed for the remainder of the school year, my children, eyes glued to the televised press conference, reconciled themselves to the decision nearly the moment it was announced. I realized I was witnessing another instance of learning and growth, as unconventional as it may be, and seeing their resilience in action made me proud. ■ When not writing, Nikki McCoy can be found in the garden with her husband and two sons, and their chickens, Hen Solo and Princess Layer.

SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS

parentmap.com • June 2020 • 21

june play list

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weekly webinars for parents and virtual playtime activities for kids. parentmap.com/ events

By Devon Hammer

Congratulations! You’ve survived another month of quarantine with the kids. We have officially made it to June, a month that is normally full of graduation parties and summer celebrations. Navigating a new normal that is full of changes, cancellations and inevitable disappointments is one of the

hardest things you may ever do as a parent. We are here for you! We’ve compiled a list of fun things to do this month, from virtual activities and fun at home to park explorations and more.

We hope these ideas will make for an enjoyable June and a fun start to your summer.

thrilled that everyone is stuck at home: Fido. Make good use of all the extra time with your pooch and try out some of these fun activities for kids and their dogs.

6. Discover select Tacoma parks in a new

way with the free Agents of Discovery app. Engage your senses and learn new things about the environment around you.

Download the app to your phone and start your mission! parentmap.com/agents

7. Father’s Day is June 21. If you order a new kite, we bet Dad would love heading to the park to fly it with his favorite kids. parentmap.com/kites 8. Get some forest therapy without having

1. Are you finding yourself with more time to observe and appreciate the wildlife in your own back yard? What better time than now to become a family of birders? Use our backyard birding guide to get started. parentmap.com/birding state? Discover and explore five national parks virtually. Then, as a family, make your dream list of which ones you want to visit first, once traveling is safe again. parentmap.com/parks-tour 22 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

4. Get out and enjoy a Washington state park for free on three different days this month (June 6, 7 and 13) when you can park without a Discover Pass. parentmap.com/state-parks 5. There is one family member who is

9. Are the kids bouncing off the walls?

Create an at-home obstacle course to channel all that energy. Ideas range from indoor fun with tape to full-on “American Ninja Warrior”–style challenges.

See sidebar.

10. From

building bug hotels to decorating

CLASSICPLAY.COM

2. Longing for an adventure outside of our

3. Introduce your child to the age-old pastime of fishing at one of these local spots. We can’t promise you’ll catch a fish, but we’ll bet on a boatload of lasting family memories. parentmap.com/fish

to travel too far from home. These secret urban hikes are perfect for strolling with kids. parentmap.com/secret-hikes

200512 ParentMap Fun 6.5x1.66 f.pdf

walking sticks, kids can get creative and connect with the outdoors with one of the nature-inspired craft projects on our list. parentmap.com/nature-crafts

11. Turn a night of boredom into a night of board-dom! Playing board games is a sure way to boost family connection and maybe teach a few new skills while you’re at it. parentmap.com/board-games 12. Invite the kids to help make a healthy

and delicious snack with our list of tasty, “less stressy” recipes designed with young sous-chefs in mind. parentmap.com/simple-snacks

13. For a science lesson that also teaches

a great way to reduce waste, try building a worm bin with kids for some wiggly good times. parentmap.com/worms

14. Explore the Magnuson Children’s Garden with self-guided Discover Your Garden activities. Pick up a card when you get there or view the self-guided tour online. parentmap.com/garden-tour 15. Another “wheelie” fun idea for celebrating Dad on June 21: Get rolling!

Head out for a ride on a local familyfriendly bike route. parentmap.com/bike-routes Devon Hammer is ParentMap’s Out + About editorial assistant and a mother of two.

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Awesome Ideas for Kids’ Obstacle Courses Sometimes kids just need to burn some energy with physical activity. We’ve rounded up creative ways to engage kids of all ages with obstacle courses.

u Shape some fun with tape

Use low-tack tape to create a variety of shapes on the floor and allow kids to jump, walk or run to each target as you call out the shape. You can put a variety of spins on this game. Try “Animal Walk,” with commands such as “Crawl like a bear to the square” and “Hop like a frog to the triangle.” For older children, try the game with numbers or letters instead of shapes.

Mud-run obstacle course

If you or your kids really enjoy a challenge, check out the mud-run obstacle course from the blog Our Little Backyard Farm (ourlittlebackyardfarm.blogspot.com). This family built an awesome mud run for a birthday party. It took a lot of labor, but it only cost $60 to complete. Climb over hay bales, army-crawl through tunnels and, best of all, get muddy!

‘American Ninja Warrior’–style obstacle course This course is perfect for older kids and teens. The best part of this setup from the blog Frugal Fun 4 Boys and Girls (frugalfun4boys.com) is that it all breaks down and stores easily. The blog’s author made PVC pipe hurdles, sloped stepping-

stones from pallets and tons of other fun features.

Indoor obstacle course for toddlers If you have a high-energy toddler (and what toddler isn’t?), the indoor obstacle course from Little Learning Club (littlelearningclub.com), made from objects around the house, might save your sanity.

From crawling under a table through dangling streamers to walking a rolled-rug balance beam, your kids will want to tackle this course over and over.

Sensory walk

For a quieter — and somewhat cleaner — backyard obstacle course, set up a sensory walk. This gem of an idea comes from the Raising Dragons blog (raisingdragons.com).

Let kids feel the world with their feet as they walk through bins filled with water beads, shaving cream, mud and more.

Buy rather than DIY

If you don’t have the supplies or the time to create your own course at home, we found a range of sets on Amazon (search “ANW Obstacle Course”). Sets include objects such as hop sacks, jump ropes, bear-crawl posts, agility rings and twine for setting up courses in many different ways.

Find more ideas at parentmap.com/obstacle.

— Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

parentmap.com • June 2020 • 23

CAMPS, ARTS + ACTIVITIES

Online Camps and Classes for Kids If managing your kids’ schedules during this unexpected time off is running you ragged, you may want to consider online options. Apps, websites and even full-fledged virtual camps offer a wide range of learning opportunities, and they can provide the ideal activity during a “staycation” or as a fill-in between other activities. Online learning also gives kids something unique: individual attention. You, a babysitter, a grandparent or even an older sibling act as virtual camp counselors, leading — and even learning alongside — your kids. With many of the virtual camps below, you can mix and match activities to tailor the experience to your kids’ interests. Expect to be more involved if you go for the free, choose-your-own-adventure camps. But fee-based camps call for some adult participation, too. Check out these offerings:

CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE CAMPS

u Kanopy • kanopy.com

Ages: 3 and older. Cost: free As long as you have a library card, you can access a vast quantity of free entertainment and educational videos with this app. Most of the content choices on Kanopy are similar to what patrons of a well-stocked library would expect: well-selected, award-winning films; independent and foreign films; popular kids’ and adults’ TV series; educational shows. The animated books are top-quality, with classics from producers such as Scholastic and Weston Woods.

CreativeLive • creativelive.com

Ages: 14 and older. Cost: varies CreativeLive is a collection of educational video courses, ranging from photography to personal growth. The lessons aren’t necessarily aimed at teens, but most of the content is fine for kids who are interested in adding new skills, such as Photoshop, to their résumé.

STRUCTURED LEARNING

Khan Academy • khanacademy.org Ages: 6 and older. Cost: free While Khan Academy doesn’t offer specific camps, it provides meaningful, step-by-step exploration of a variety of topics, including math, science, arts and humanities. Kids can sign up with a coach (a teacher, parent or tutor), who can monitor their progress and suggest lessons. Kids also can earn badges by learning and teaching. The custom dashboard includes a progress chart that fills in as kids work their way through the skills.

Brain Chase • brainchase.com Ages: 7–14. Cost: starts at $99 Created by two parents who were looking for a way to help their kids continue learning during summer, Brain Chase takes a creative approach to enrichment. Kids work on math, reading and typing, all while competing in a real-life treasure hunt.

Start with a Book •

startwithabook.org Ages: 6 and older. Cost: free This site offers a long list of themes for kids to explore. For each theme, you get book suggestions (for all reading levels), discussion guides, hands-on activities, and related sites and apps. You’ll need to shell out for books if you can’t find them at the library.

DIY • diy.org Ages: 7 and older. Cost: 14-day free trial, $15–$25/month This website offers thousands of skill-based activities (which it calls “challenges”) and video-based projects in a variety of categories — including art, business and engineering — that kids can do yearround. Every summer, DIY runs camps and shorter courses. Some of the camps have online counselors who interact with your kid. Sign up to be notified about the current and latest offerings.

Code with Google • edu.google.com Ages: 12 and older. Cost: free A wide range of projects, including making emojis, animating GIFs and composing music, is designed to ignite a passion for coding in teen girls. (There’s nothing to stop boys from doing these projects, though.)

The website offers inspirational stories from female tech mentors as well as ideas to make coding social, such as a coding party kit.

24 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

Camp Wonderopolis • camp.wonderopolis.org Ages: 7 and older. Cost: free for campers Sponsored by the National Center for Families Learning, this online camp lets kids explore topics such as health and fitness, engineering, music, the sciences and technology. Each topic includes lessons, outdoor activities, videos and additional reading suggestions for all ages.

Connected Camps • connectedcamps.com Ages: 8–13. Cost: varies For tech-curious kids, check out Connected Camps, which offers weeklong, instructor-led camps and classes in Minecraft, esports, coding and engineering, and “digital making.”

iD Tech • idtech.com Ages: 10 and older. Cost: varies iD Tech Camp offers camps and online instruction in coding, game development, robotics and graphic design. Each camp features a variety of levels and challenges as well as a dedicated instructor.

— Originally published by Common Sense Media

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ages + stages

Sole Survival

Raising an Only Child in Quarantine Parents share tips and tricks for dealing with one and onlies during social distancing

By Elisa Murray

I

n recent years, thankfully, many of the myths about only children have been debunked: It turns out that they’re no more self-centered, spoiled or maladjusted than their counterparts in multiple-kid families.

However, there is one incontrovertible fact about only children that’s been laid bare by this quarantine. There is only one of them in their families. There is no one in the home to play with but adults. In normal life, that fact is often obscured by the regular flow of school, sports, activities, playdates and neighborhood interactions.

Now, it’s as clear as the stricken look on my 10-year-old only kid’s face when we finally announced to him, a few days after school was shut down, that everything was really, truly canceled.

“Really?” he asked. Not even a one-kid playdate every now and then, where we promise not to get near each other?

No, honey. Really. Just us.

What does this mean? I’ve been reflecting on our situation ever since school ended, in between telecommuting to a communications job and trying to manage homeschooling. (I work from home; my husband still goes to his essential job.) Raised by a single mom as the middle sibling of a tight trio of sisters, I never intended to take the “one and done” approach, but age and circumstance dictated otherwise.

The pandemic has brought a fresh ripple of grief.

And my son feels it. Though he’s an introvert who plays well by himself, he acutely misses social contact. u parentmap.com • June 2020 • 27

ages + stages

Raising an Only Child in Quarantine continued from page 27 He is by turns frustrated, unmotivated and sad that the social element of school has been completely excised from his daily life.

So, I reached out to a few other families with one child to see how they were coping and connecting, especially as we look ahead to a summer that could be radically different than what we were expecting.

Screen time is literally saving us When I asked my son what he would recommend for only kids to help them cope, he had two answers: a dog (we have a 5-year-old poodle-terrier mix who has never been happier) and video games.

A couple of weeks into quarantine, my son was spending more time playing online gaming and video chatting in a day than he had previously spent in a week, or perhaps weeks. In some cases, it’s a multiplayer game he plays; in some cases, he’ll play a single-player game (such as Zelda) while video chatting with a friend who’s playing on his own device. They’ll share screens and swap stories while making progress on their individual quests.

This trend is going in only one direction: up. And as long as some schoolwork, outdoor time and other activities are happening, I’m mostly okay with it.

Becky Snider, a mom who lives with her husband and 12-year-old son in the Snoqualmie Ridge area, has a similar approach. She encourages alternative activities — family bike rides, chores, projects — but doesn’t limit screen time. “Right now, everyone is emotionally stressed, and I feel like if playing video games helps our son cope, that’s okay with me, as long as he is also doing other things throughout the day.”

Also, Snider has taken advantage of their flexible schedule to enroll their son in Outschool (outschool.com), a web-based classroom platform that she says “he loves and that helps him a great deal in feeling connected.”

Finding ways to pursue strong interests online can be a great outlet for certain kids.

A 12-year-old in our circle is deep into a Zoom-based Dungeons & Dragons course.

The group is small and focused. He has something to look forward to every week.

But video time doesn’t satisfy all social needs, especially for some children. I have a friend whose only son has been devastated by the loss of school, sports and playground time. He plays video games, but it’s often a poor substitute.

8 Cool Things for Kids to Do on Zoom Do your kids get on Zoom or FaceTime with their friends and draw a blank? Here are a few ideas that go beyond video games.

1. Craft together. Get your favorite crafting supplies, set up the laptop and paint or fingerknit together while chatting or being quiet.

2. Have a weekly comics group. If your child is more into writing or creating comics than crafting, have them do that. Kids can draw for 10 minutes in silence, then share.

3. Play board games. Certain games, such as Battleship, Guess Who and Bingo, lend

28 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

themselves to Zoom calls. If it drifts into video game territory afterward, so be it.

Friends (zynga.com) is a hit with kids who love Scrabble.

4. Teach each other. A friend’s daughter recently taught her friends how to make chocolate mug cakes via Zoom. This idea could lend itself to all sorts of spin-offs.

7. Watch a movie. Netflix Party (netflixparty.com) is great, but the chat feature isn’t a fit for all kids. We’ve also had success with starting a movie at the same time that our friends do and connecting to FaceTime while watching.

5. Build and compare. Work on a Lego structure, show each other, raze and repeat.

6. App connecting. The Caribu (caribu.com) video-call app lets kids draw and read books together. Chess By Post (gamesbypost.com/chess) is a slow-moving chess app. Words With

8. Come up with your own list. Generate a list of things to talk about and do before you get on the call.

Anchor activities help While my child is decidedly uninterested in extra classes of any sort, we have had success with screen-based versions of everyday activities. For three weeks, he’s done a virtual weekend breakfast with a friend (also an only child), which has included Battleship, showing each other their Nerf guns, parallel video gaming and even periods of silence. For younger kids, of course, it can be harder to connect online.

Jaclyn Shusterman, a We run into classmates, Shoreline mom of a 3-yearold son, is feeling the loss younger neighbors and of connections to extended parents of friends and talk, family. “The variety of time around different people is 6 feet apart, trying not to important for kids — time seem too eager. with parents, other adults, kids of a variety of ages, etc. He’s only getting this one type of in-person relationship now.” But she is grateful that her family has been doing its best to keep those bonds strong.

When her son calls relatives on FaceTime, they make time to talk with him.

He’s participated in a cousins’ movie night through Zoom. And a chemistryprofessor aunt has even conducted science projects with him through a video chat platform.

The outdoors is everything A quick glance outside tells the story of one of the silver linings of this experience: So many families are walking, biking and scootering together. After hitting some bumps, my small family has gotten into a relatively ironclad routine of going somewhere outside almost every day. My son’s stamina for longer walks and bike rides is building. The benefits of this are so expansive that I almost don’t want to talk about it, for fear of jinxing it.

Yes, we get exercise and connect with nature during this spring of all springs.

But a “daily constitutional” — as I’ve seen one person refer to it — also connects us to real people in real interactions. When you’re a three-person family, those moments are golden. We run into classmates, younger neighbors and parents of friends and talk, 6 feet apart, trying not to seem too eager. Or we spot strange things that give us stories for later: a car doing burnouts in a parking lot, a neighborhood “joy board,” a heron rookery. And we talk to each other in new ways, a welcome break in a day that is otherwise riddled with power struggles over schoolwork and screen time.

Neighbor connection Vanessa Tarantino is a Seattle mom of a 4-year-old who previously attended preschool several days a week. Like many parents of onlies, Tarantino is worried that a long-term quarantine will affect her son’s social skills. While video calls and app-driven story times with preschool classmates and friends have helped, the occasional in-person chats with older adult neighbors are also lovely. “It’s slightly bittersweet to see his bids for attention and conversation with them, and I’m so grateful for the interest and warmth they’ve shown him, willingly chatting about their gardening chores or inquiring about the books he’s been reading,” she wrote to me in an email. u

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parentmap.com • June 2020 • 29

ages + stages

Raising an Only Child in Quarantine continued from page 29

Summer Camp Central

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5/7/20 3:37 PM

Discover the

best camps and classes

around the Sound.

Explore by location and type, plus get our editor’s picks for the top local programs.

Get planning!

ParentMap.com/camps

Be part of Summer Reading at the Pierce County Library System June 15 - Aug. 31 • All Ages

Let the feelings roll Our surroundings might be unchanging, but the emotional terrain we’re collectively navigating has developed serious ups and downs. Having a sibling doesn’t guarantee a peer willing to listen, but at least it’s a possibility.

Marisol Hanley, a Seattle psychologist and mother of an 11-year-old only child, is navigating a newly remote practice, while her research-scientist husband still goes to his lab. In between sessions with stressed-out clients, she helps her extroverted daughter connect to I have noticed that for all friends, do schoolwork types of families, bragging and process her emotions on social media — expect for relating to the changes.

There have been many the occasional bread-baking hard moments, such triumph — has been toned as the announcement that schools had closed down. for the rest of the year.

Meltdowns have come in waves. “We had to just wait it out,” says Hanley. “If I had just gotten mad and impatient, it would have made it worse.”

A “we’re in it together” approach also helps. “We have more success when we can approach things like we’re a family unit,” she says.

One sign of maturity: Her daughter recently initiated a family meeting to say her piece about how she wanted things to go in the house.

Compassion instead of comparison Monica Cagayat, a Kenmore mother to a 3-year-old only child, brought up an unexpected silver lining of isolation with an only child that had not occurred to me before.

Although her family has been challenged by many things during quarantine, Cagayat, who works as a marriage and family therapist, has appreciated the opportunity to spend extra time with her daughter, who is usually in day care.

“I’ve been really encouraged by noticing all the ways my daughter continues to make strides in her language, and in learning new things developmentally,” she says. “It’s such a great time to notice this because there are no other kids to compare her to! Instead, it’s all her. I love that.”

I love that, too. I have noticed that for all types of families, bragging on social media — expect for the occasional bread-baking triumph — has been toned down. No one is taking 10-mile hikes with their kids or winning soccer trophies. Instead, parents are commiserating over homeschooling failures, how hard all of this is and — at the end of the day — how lucky many of us are to be able to huddle with our families, big or small. ■ Elisa Murray is a Seattle-based freelance writer and editor who is editor of the guidebook “52 Seattle Adventures With Kids” (parentmap.com/52adventures) and the former managing editor of ParentMap.

30 • June 2020 • parentmap.com

PB&J Smoothie All the best things about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, in drinkable form.

Get the recipe at parentmap.com/beans

Meet Jackie Freeman This chef and mom makes beans the star of the dish

By Patty Lindley

C

hef, culinary instructor, recipe developer, food stylist, writer, mom and onetime farmhand/cheesemaker are just a few of the titles that apply to Jackie Freeman. “I have sort of worked the whole gamut of food. One thing always led to another, led to another. My personal life philosophy is that if you work hard and do your best, then that effort leads to new things.” The latest “new thing” she adds to her résumé as a serial culinary tinkerer is author, with the May 5 release of her first cookbook, “Easy Beans,” with local publisher Sasquatch Books (sasquatchbooks.com).

The title, which is available as an e-book (it will be published in hard-copy format in

the fall), arrives at a time when the humble but hearty bean is having a big moment, if the ransacked bean aisles at grocery stores are any indication. “Easy Beans” presents 40 simple planet- and family-friendly recipes, covering every meal of the day, that showcase the versatility and nutritious punch of widely available — not to mention inexpensive — beans, pulses and lentils.

We spoke with Freeman to learn more about her food journey, the “magical” attributes of beans and life with her favorite little recipe testers, her two stepsons (ages 12 and 8) and daughter (age 2).

BELL LEE

Do you have a favorite bean?

I’m a chickpea, garbanzo bean kind of girl. Also, I like white beans because they blend in physically and taste-wise, and so you can mix them into things and not necessarily know that they’re there.

Why beans?

My husband is a very meat-and-potatoes kind of guy and wants to have meat at every single meal. I personally just don’t like to eat that much meat. Beans were a way I could almost trick him into eating something filling and hearty. As the person who does all the grocery shopping and budgeting, I am spending a lot less money than buying meat products every day.

I’m also a runner and so I need good, clean sources of protein.

What about the kids? How did they react to this bean-anza?

They didn’t know the difference. A lot of times I would either mix things that were familiar with beans in it, instead of chicken or beef. Or, as every good mom or parent does, I would hide the beans.

For breakfast, I would basically hide beans in their smoothies. I would do a peanut butter and jelly smoothie with garbanzo beans in it, or a chocolate, banana and black bean smoothie. They don’t even know the beans are in there, but it’s super protein-rich and it’s good for everyone.

What do you think is the most underrated bean?

Actually, I think black beans are a surprise, because you can use them in both savory and sweet dishes.

People don’t really think about using beans in a sweet application. Same thing with lentils, because you can bake with lentils, and they can be sweet or savory. One of my favorite recipes is a granola that I make with lentils in it. And then my other favorite recipe is xoi dau den, which is a sweet Vietnamese black bean and sticky rice dish that is usually served as a breakfast, but it has all this protein in it from the black beans, coconut and peanuts.

Over the course of the development of the cookbook, did you have a transformational shift in your family’s diet?

I did end up losing weight. We all felt a lot healthier because we were eating bean dishes several times a week. We dramatically cut out the amount of animal protein we were eating. But then, with the whole COVID thing, we started baking a lot. We’ve now taken all of those really good health benefits from eating a bean-based diet for the last six months and we replaced all that with sourdough bread and scones and biscuits and cookies. Hopefully, the pendulum will swing back a little bit.

Can we talk about the obvious issue with beans?

Yes, if you’re new to beans, they do have consequences on your digestive system! I think in the book I mention something about the stinky elephant in the

room or something like that. First of all, take a slow approach: Don’t go all beans or nothing. Let your body get used to it, because it is a different source of protein and fiber. Soaking beans helps to release some of the extra gas, and a lot of the flavors that we naturally cook beans with also help to reduce the tootiness factor. There’s a whole section in the book on it.

How did you pull this off with three kids underfoot?

Basically, I would research and write while my baby was napping. At the beginning, she’d nap twice a day, and so that would be my window for writing, and then after all the kids went to bed. Now I’m writing a second book and doing the same thing. When the toddler goes down for a nap, I get the older kids occupied with screens and get to work. So that’s my writing time; and then I use family meals as my testing times. Not every meal is perfect and delicious the first time around. But we always have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches available. When things go awry, there’s always a quesadilla. With beans in it.

What can we expect in your next cookbook?

The new cookbook I’m working on is about plant-based sandwiches. When I started working on this bean book, I began to feel so much better cutting out meat.

Physically I felt better, but then also I sort of felt better emotionally and environmentally — we were reducing our carbon footprint, and our food bill also went down, because I wasn’t spending as much on meat.

We’ve transitioned now from eating meat every single night to having two nights that are vegan, two nights vegetarian, two nights that are meat-based and a wild card night, which is usually leftovers or takeout. I feel that I’m making a good choice for me personally and for my family and for my community by choosing a more sustainable way of eating. ■

parentmap.com • June 2020 • 31

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