ParentMap Magazine: January 2020

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PRESCHOOL PREVIEWS! Find the perfect fit for your child

See p. 10

Make Fresh Tracks in the

New Year

Habits we wish we’d started years ago (and will now!) 16

A CHEAP WINTER SPORT FOR ALL AGES Our first-timers’ guide to family snowshoeing 33

UNFORGETTABLE BIRTHDAYS ON A BUDGET Bashes for science-mad kids and fairy-tale fiends 44

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ABOUT DR. MOGEL Dr. Wendy Mogel, is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author and international public speaker whose mission is the protection and promotion of self-reliance, resilience, accountability and exuberance in children.

inside

JANUARY 2020

,cause parenting is a trip!

Parenting

6 DEAR READER

Tomorrow, we start with a clean blanket

8 CRIB NOTES

Pregnancy pubic pain: What to watch for and how to ease the symptoms

WELLNESS 10 Gallbladder 101: Why this ‘accessory

organ’ acts up during pregnancy 14 Under the influence of you: How parents

can help prevent teen marijuana use

12 IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

This local youth advocates for equity in education

39 AGES + STAGES

‘N’ is for negotiating: How to avoid power struggles in heated moments

44 BIRTHDAYS

Brilliant bashes for science-mad kids and fairy-tale fiends

47 PARENT DAY JOBS

This doctor’s orders? Learn how to ‘show up’ for your kids

Feature 16 20/20 HINDSIGHT VISION

33

FOR 2020

Healthy habits we wish we’d started a decade ago (and will now!)

Out + About 22 JANUARY CALENDAR

Advertising Sections

33 FRESH TRACKS: OUR FIRST-

21 Pediatric Dentistry 28–35 S chools + Preschools 36–42 C amps + Activities

TIMERS’ GUIDE TO FAMILY SNOWSHOEING Talk ‘shoulder to shoulder’ in the beauty of the wilderness

43 NWAIS 44–46 Birthdays

Good Growing newsletter p. 23 SPONSORED CONTENT

parentmap.com • January 2020 • 5

note

YEAR OF THE RAT

Here’s to making fresh tracks in 2020

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hen I was a kid growing up in a small mountain town in Colorado, I had categorically different chores than my own city-born offspring — their only consistent bar for chores (at home, at least) seems to be literally picking up a towel from the floor to hang on a bar. Unevenly.

This month’s Out + About feature, Making Fresh Tracks: A First-timers’ Guide to Family Snowshoeing (p. 33), puts me sentimentally in mind of one of my more rewarding childhood chores: trundling out on many a sub-zero, white-out winter morning on snowshoes to feed my family’s small herd of sweet-tempered horses. Whatever aggrieved feelings I harbored at the outset of those nostrilseizing, tootsie-freezing outings dispersed as quickly as each mini cloud of frozen breath. The palpable happiness of those abiding beasts — communicated with welcoming head bobs and gentle nickering (one of the most soothing sounds I know of) — at seeing me make my awkward, snail-slow approach is perfectly etched in my memory. For me, those frosty mornings were an early lesson in accountability and the empathy-cultivating rewards of caring for dependent creatures.

The dawn of a new year (and decade!) inspires a tendency to telescope backward and forward in time: We reflect on the path behind us in order to project our intentions forward on the unbroken ground of the future we envision for ourselves, our families, our communities, our world. Where in our lives do we need to make fresh tracks? This intentional and pensive process of course-setting anchors the theme of our January feature, 20/20 Hindsight Vision for 2020 (p. 16) — committing to those productive habits we wish we had started a decade ago that will put us “on track” to achieve our personal, financial and professional goals.

To paraphrase the inspirational motto of my favorite philosopher of love, Linus — that security-seeking sage of the Peanuts gang: Tomorrow, [we] start with a clean blanket. From perfectly practical to aspirationally ambitious, the New Year’s goal we set for ourselves mobilizes a transformative purpose, and research shows that simply making a resolution increases our chances of reaching that goal by tenfold.

We hope this month’s issue of ParentMap will inspire you to commit to those practices, values and activities that will guide your family on healthier, happier and more connected tracks in 2020.

Happy New Year!

— Patty Lindley, ParentMap Managing Editor

To paraphrase the inspirational motto of my favorite philosopher of love, Linus — that security-seeking sage of the Peanuts gang: Tomorrow, [we] start with a clean blanket.

ParentMap

January 2020, Vol. 18, No. 1 PUBLISHER/EDITOR Alayne Sulkin

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From Recent Research to Gaga Gear

The Pregnancy Pain That Comes After Multiple Kids Pubic pain: What to watch for and how to ease the symptoms

By Sarah Bradley

I

skated through my first two pregnancies relatively free of pain: I was in my twenties, active and (mostly) well-rested. But when I got pregnant again, it was my third time in five years. I had just turned 30 and was parenting a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old.

My third pregnancy looked — and felt — nothing like the previous two.

My sciatica flared up constantly. Round ligament pain (a jabbing pain felt in the lower belly or groin area on one or both sides) struck spontaneously, doubling me over in the middle of making dinner. And an aching, burning pain in my pubic bone — which intensified after a night’s sleep or even after simply lying down on the couch for more than 30 minutes — saddled me with the classic, embarrassing pregnancy waddle.

Wondering if this was a common problem, I mentioned it to my midwife at a checkup. She smiled patiently and said, “Welcome to the wonderful world of the third pregnancy.”

Is pubic pain really more common during third pregnancies?

According to OB-GYN Christine Masterson, M.D., chief of the women and children’s service line at Summit Medical Group in New Jersey, pubic pain can happen during any pregnancy, but is definitely more common in subsequent ones; she likens the effect to that of a rubber band being stretched out over and over.

“Your body remembers what happened before,” she explains, “and that laxity can set in earlier. With every pregnancy, the give in your ligaments might happen more and sooner than the last time.”

It’s also worth noting that by the time most women reach their third pregnancies, they are older and more physically taxed than they were the first time around. When you can’t rest at the end of a long day because you have other

8 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

children to care for, your body may feel the fatiguing effects of pregnancy more intensely than it did before.

That said, Masterson admits there are several factors that determine whether or not you’ll experience pubic pain during pregnancy; in theory, you could have pain with your first pregnancy but not your second or third one if you become more physically fit between pregnancies, improve the strength of your pelvic floor, or if the baby is in a different position.

Why does pubic pain happen?

Masterson says pubic pain during any pregnancy is perfectly normal and part of

WHERE KIDS GROW the body’s preparation for labor.

“In the third trimester, hormones like progesterone and relaxin increase on purpose to open up the pelvis and create more room for the baby to be delivered,” she explains.

Because your pubic bone is actually two bones joined together by cartilage, it’s something of a weak spot. When your body begins to produce those relaxing hormones, many of your joints and ligaments loosen and stretch. Masterson says that can cause stress or downward pressure on the pubic cartilage — which, in turn, causes pain.

What does pubic pain feel like?

Masterson says that most people experience pain along the lower half of their midline. It may be a tearing feeling, an ache or a burning sensation. Some women waddle, while others feel a deep sense of heaviness or pressure in their pelvis. Masterson adds that some women may even see or feel swelling in the pubic area, noticing that their clothing or underwear fits differently.

What can be done to relieve pubic pain symptoms?

Pubic pain is uncomfortable and inconvenient, but thankfully there are a number of pregnancy-safe options for relieving it. According to Masterson, you can: • Wear good shoes with arch support • Perform Kegel exercises or pelvic tilts to strengthen the pelvic floor • Wear a pregnancy belt for support • Place a pillow between your legs while sleeping • Keep your bladder empty and your bowel movements regular • See a chiropractor or physical therapist (with permission from your health-care provider) • Try different sleeping or sex positions • Rest and get off your feet as much as possible • Avoid taking the stairs or performing other movements that exacerbate the pain When will my pubic pain go away?

The good news for pubic pain sufferers is that most women experience relief within the first six weeks after delivery.

“By six weeks, the hormones are getting back to normal, even if you’re breastfeeding; the pressure is gone from your pelvic floor; and your posture reverts back to normal,” says Masterson.

However, if the pain persists, Masterson recommends using your six-week postpartum checkup as a time to inform your doctor that you’re not feeling 100 percent. She says there are some diagnostic tests that can be done (such as X-rays, to check for a fracture), or your provider may prescribe physical therapy to get you back on track. ■ Sarah Bradley is a freelance writer and creative writing teacher from Connecticut, where she lives with her husband and three young sons.

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wellness

2020 Preschool Previews

Goodbye, Gallbladder Why the gallbladder acts up during pregnancy

By Malia Jacobson

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radling her 2-week-old son in an infant carrier, Kadee Tuttle was starting what she thought was a typical Wednesday. Suddenly, her chest was gripped by pressure so intense that she thought she might be in cardiac arrest. She quickly called her doctor, who told her to go to the nearest emergency room.

At the hospital, Tuttle was relieved to learn that her heart was fine. But the news wasn’t all good: The source of the pain and pressure, and the likely cause of the heartburn she’d experienced during her pregnancy, was her gallbladder. “I remember the pain when the doctor touched the area below my right breast,� she says. “That confirmed what he suspected — gallstones — which I then learned are more common during pregnancy than at any other time in a woman’s life.�

Tuttle’s gallstones and GI symptoms meant she was a candidate for cholecystectomy, i.e., gallbladder removal surgery.

The next day, she followed up with her primary care provider and researched natural remedies online, thinking she had more time to decide. But just two days after her emergency room visit, her pain level intensified and she began vomiting bile, the neon-green digestive liquid produced in the liver. “I woke very early Friday morning in excruciating pain,� she recalls. “My husband rushed around the house to pack up our 2-week-old and 3-and-a-half-year-old, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Hopped up on pain meds with breast pump in hand, I drove myself to the hospital.� A few days later, her troublesome gallbladder was surgically removed.

Hormone fluctuations during pregnancy can predispose women to gallstones.

Gallbladder 101 Most people don’t give their gallbladder a second thought, and with good reason.

Considered an “accessory� organ, the gallbladder helps with digestion but isn’t part of the digestive tract. Instead, it’s a storage vessel of sorts. About the size and shape of a small pear, the gallbladder sits under the liver, where it stores and concentrates the bile that helps digest fatty foods.

After a fatty or high-protein meal, the gallbladder is stimulated to release bile into the small intestine, explains Adel El-Ghazzawy, M.D., a board-certified general surgeon who practices at Overlake Medical Center. “Normally, the entire process is pretty seamless,� he says. But inflammation or gallstones — small, hard masses that can form in the gallbladder or bile ducts — can interrupt this process, resulting in pain, gas, nausea, cramping and diarrhea.

How pregnancy affects the gallbladder

10 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

Women are at a higher risk for gallbladder problems overall, and pregnancy increases

the rate of complications. Twelve percent of pregnant women have gallstones, and gallbladder removal surgery is the second-most-common non-obstetric procedure performed during pregnancy.

There are a lot of theories regarding why gallbladder problems are more prevalent during pregnancy, says El-Ghazzawy. “Hormone fluctuations during pregnancy can predispose women to gallstones. During pregnancy, there are also changes to the abdominal cavity that lead to stresses on the digestive system,” he says.

When the gallbladder can’t function normally, stored bile builds up and digestion is affected, particularly after eating fatty or protein-rich foods. A gallbladder attack is a sudden bout of pain, often radiating from the sternum or right side of the abdomen through the back. “Gallbladder attack or pain is often in the right upper quadrant of the abdomen, and can be 7 to 10 on the pain scale,” says Jovanni Neblett-Blackmon, M.D., a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist with eMediHealth. “The pain can often gradually get worse, but it comes and goes intermittently.”

Gallbladder surgery during or after pregnancy Some women experience pain so intense that their gallbladder needs to come out during pregnancy, usually during the second trimester. Some, like Tuttle, don’t experience a gallbladder attack until after pregnancy. “We try to postpone the surgery until after six weeks postpartum if possible,” says El-Ghazzawy.

Pregnant women with gallstones or inflamed gallbladders can manage their symptoms by eating smaller, more frequent meals and avoiding foods high in fat, says Neblett-Blackmon. Acetaminophen is safe to take during pregnancy and can help ease mild gallbladder-related pain.

Gallbladder removal surgery is typically a same-day procedure; new mothers can expect to be home the same night. After a week or so of rest, most can resume their regular routine — within reason. Lifting and carrying a small newborn is safe, but lifting a boisterous 30-pound toddler may have to wait. Allow a bit longer for the digestive tract to adjust. Within two to six weeks, most women can go back to their regular diets.

Most people adjust to life sans gallbladder without a problem, says El-Ghazzawy.

“The body adjusts quite well. The gallbladder doesn’t produce bile; it stores the bile that’s produced in the liver. Because our ancestors probably ate much less frequently, this type of bile storage was important. Today, we eat more often, so it’s less vital to have bile stored up.”

Following a few days of lab work and hospital tests, Kadee Tuttle’s gallbladder removal surgery went off without a hitch, she says. The intense, radiating pain is gone, and she’s able to eat normally. Despite the stress, she wouldn’t do anything differently. “It’s nothing you can plan for,” she says. “If you ever find yourself in this situation, I would just say to accept all the help that comes your way.” ■ Malia Jacobson is an award-winning health and parenting journalist and mom of three.

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| Urgent Care | parentmap.com • January 2020 • 11

it starts with you(th)

Meet Kidist Habte This local youth advocates for equitable funding of Seattle Public Schools

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By Patty Lindley

“S

ay it loud, say it clear, equal education here” is the rallying cry of Black & Brown Minds Matter, an equitable education advocacy movement launched in protest — literally — by local high school students at the outset of the current school year. Kidist Habte, its co-founder, is a 16-year-old junior at Rainier Beach High School. She helped conceive of and organize the group’s inaugural Sept. 4 rally to raise awareness of funding inequities across the district, many of which are caused by the under-projection of school enrollment numbers that results year after year in budget cuts and underresourcing of Seattle Public Schools serving students in South Seattle.

For her meaningful work to ensure that all schools in the district are equitably funded, Habte is being recognized as one of 100 local youth changemakers featured in the Gates Foundation Discovery Center’s “We the Future” exhibit (discovergates.org).

We caught up with Habte to learn more about Black & Brown Minds Matter.

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You’re their world

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How did the Black & Brown Minds Matter movement evolve?

I came up with the idea during the last week of school last year. A few friends and I were talking about the lack of funding at our school and how we feel very unprepared for the real world, and how we see that there’s such an obvious disproportion in resources available for predominantly Black schools and low-income schools versus wealthier schools. Our school has been fighting against inequitable funding for a couple of decades now; it was almost shut down in 2003 due to lack of resources and low attendance rates. Parents and the staff and community members had to fight very hard for our school to become what it is now. We’ve been improving for the last seven years; I talk a lot with the teachers at my school and they’ve shown me the progress our school has been making, both academically and population-wise.

We were frustrated. Why is it that we’ve been fighting for so long yet we haven’t been heard? That’s when the idea of having a protest on the first day of school came to mind, because the idea of having a walkout on the first day of school was supposed to be a statement to show that we refused to start the new school year with the same lack of resources. Then, after the protest, we thought, this can’t be a one-time thing. It has to be a continuous effort and we have to continue to fight and bring awareness into this issue. We started an Instagram page (@black.brown.minds.matter) so we could reach out to a larger audience and connect with organizers at other schools. So, that’s where the idea of Black & Brown Minds Matter came from.

What are the core demands of your platform?

We want full years of courses in all core subjects, because a lot of students right now at Rainier Beach only have half a semester of history class. The second one is having a culturally responsive curriculum and staff. There needs to be a stable number of teachers of color. For me personally, the first time I had a Black teacher was just last year. Growing up, it was very hard to see all these teachers who didn’t look like me; it instilled a message, “Oh, you’re not capable of being a teacher.” You can’t only have a culturally responsive curriculum — behind those curriculums there has to be a culturally responsive staff. People who understand us, our backgrounds and what it is exactly that we’re asking for.

The third one is smaller class sizes. A lot of the teachers at our school are teaching classes well above the legal number. We don’t have enough teachers.

There are a lot of students in the class and a lot of people asking for help, and there is only one teacher. You can only help so many students at a time — that disconnects the essential connection that a student and teacher need to have in order for that student to be successful in that subject.

Do you have any words of wisdom for other young people who are trying to figure out how to make a difference?

I’ve always known that I wanted to be an advocate for other people, because growing up I didn’t really have an advocate myself. But no one is going to fight for your future as much as you’re willing to fight for your own future. That is in your own hands.

So, it’s about finding what it is you’re passionate about and taking that and saying, what change is it that I’m trying to make? What message is it that I’m trying to get out to the world? After you have come up with that, as soon as you discover what it is that you want to do, everything falls into place. You find your right resources. Just take it very slow: I think sometimes activism tends to be rushed and our masterpiece isn’t as effective or efficient as it can be.

What advice do you have for parents when it comes to supporting their children to become changemakers?

Use words of empowerment: A lot of times we think about materialistic things, but a kind word, a kind phrase — “Hey, I see what you’re doing and I’m so proud of you” — that could mean the world to a kid. And just taking those little things into consideration and encouraging your child to be someone who can look at every angle of a situation, not just from their own perspective but from someone else’s. And teach your child that it’s okay when people don’t agree with you — just listen and try to educate them. n

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parentmap.com • January 2020 • 13

health

Under the Influence … of You

What you need to know about preventing teen marijuana use

By Gemma Alexander The Washington State Department of Health recently launched Under the Influence … of You, a statewide campaign encouraging parents of teens and other influential, trusted adults to talk with youths ages 12–17 about the risks and consequences of using marijuana.

The campaign reminds adults of the positive impact they can have on teens’ lives; encourages them to have simple, frequent conversations with their teens about marijuana; and offers tips on how to talk with teens about making healthy choices.

R

aising a child to healthy adulthood is every parent’s goal, but the path is littered with the obstacles of peer pressure, vape advertising and confusion over marijuana legalization. Fortunately, decades of research confirm that parents do shape their teens’ perceptions of drug and alcohol use, and that they can successfully steer their kids away from high-risk activities and toward healthy behaviors.

Bonding with your kids, setting boundaries and monitoring kids’ activities are causally linked to better outcomes, including avoidance of marijuana.

Despite all apparent indications to the contrary, your teen really is under the influence of you.

reasons to experiment with substance use. And the idea of supervised experimentation at home? Not only is it still illegal, but it doesn’t actually reduce risky behaviors.

Monitoring Monitoring is about safety and courtesy, not about suspicion. That said, “It is very preventative to know the families of their friends and to check in with them. Feel entitled to pick up the phone for reconnaissance,” says Kastner. She identifies five pieces of information that parents should require their kids to share with them — no excuses: 1. Where they will be 2. Who will be with them 3. When they are coming home 4. How they are getting there and back 5. When there is a change in plans

Tips for having ‘the talk’ Conversations about risky behaviors such as marijuana use are powerful; they demonstrate to kids that you care and really do influence their choices. But talking to your kids early and often without lecturing or threatening is easier said than done.

Gender, age, temperament, previous parental use of bonding, boundary-setting and monitoring strategies, and maybe even what they ate for lunch that day will affect how different kids respond. But some approaches are generally more effective than others.

Bonding matters Moodiness and squabbles come with the territory of adolescence, and bonding doesn’t mean you never have problems. “Frequency, intensity and a pattern of problems at school, with friends and with house rules are red flags,” says Laura Kastner, Ph.D., a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. It’s great if your kid likes you and you do things together for fun, but what matters most is that your child knows they can count on you. “Are you the person they come to in a crisis?” asks Kastner.

Setting boundaries “Household rules do not impede bonding,” says AnaMaria Diaz Martinez, assistant professor and a youth and family regional specialist at Washington State University Extension. Just because kids protest against parental rules doesn’t mean that they would be either happier or better off without them. Kastner concurs: “Kids who know their parents absolutely do not approve of substance use and will have consequences [for it] don’t use as much as other kids.”

The more explicit you are about your expectations, the better. Diaz Martinez says kids are often confused about marijuana. “What youths perceive about legalization can be very different from reality,” she warns. Parents should make sure their kids understand that marijuana is illegal for minors, regardless of whether it is smoked, eaten, vaped or consumed in any other way devised by creative users.

“Structure sets you free,” says Kastner. Busy kids — kids who get exercise and who are academically and socially engaged at school — have fewer opportunities and fewer 14 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

Keep it light Kastner calls this approach the “swirl-in.” Casually starting a conversation about a news article, something that happened at school or other people’s stories keeps kids from getting defensive. Asking personal questions and taking an approach that’s too serious risks turning a conversation into an interrogation.

Gamifying the discussion can work well with younger kids. Kastner suggests prompting kids with “What if …” scenarios to practice skillful refusal and decision-making. “There are so many interesting hypothetical situations — and kids are riveted,” says Kastner.

Stick to the facts Lengthy lectures on the hazards of marijuana use are not helpful or necessary. You’re going to be talking about this often, so keep it short and simple. Dispense facts one or two at a time.

“It’s good to use stories, but if you overplay the drama, you lose credibility,” warns Kastner.

Studies show that kids have questions about marijuana. By all means keep trying different approaches to draw them out, but don’t feel like you’re failing if they don’t ask questions. “Don’t expect a ‘kumbaya’ moment,” says Kastner.

For more information (in several languages) about preventing youth substance use, visit the Start Talking Now website (starttalkingnow.org).

Suggest your teen check out You Can (youcanwa.org) — a website for young people in Washington that provides information about the health effects and consequences of using marijuana. It also features videos, blogs and other content that offers healthy ways to deal with stress and boredom.

Don’t hesitate to get help. Call the Washington Recovery Help Line (warecoveryhelpline.org) for 24-hour emotional support, referrals and information: 1-866-789-1511.

What to say Your message is always much stronger if you model the behavior you require from your child, and lying only risks your credibility. Even if parents use marijuana themselves, “Some rules apply differently to youth and adults,” says Diaz Martinez. Just as kids can understand why toddlers can’t drive, they can be made to understand the important reasons for youths to avoid experimentation with marijuana.

Teens are less likely to use marijuana when they spend time with the adults in their lives.

Key talking points for parents about why marijuana use is bad for teens: • Using marijuana can change the way a teen’s brain develops and have lasting effects on memory, learning and intelligence.

• Marijuana is more addictive for teens than adults. One in six people who start using as teens will become addicted. In Washington state, most teens who get treatment for substance abuse report that marijuana is the main or only drug they use.

• Using marijuana can affect coordination and reaction times, and is related to an increasing number of fatal vehicle crashes in Washington state, especially when mixed with other substances.

• Marijuana use can lead to unpredictable behavior and poor decision-making, which can put the user and others in harm’s way.

• It is against the law for people younger than 21 to use marijuana, and getting caught could impact their ability to get a job in the future or obtain financial aid for college.

Start talking now It is never too early to start teaching your kids about substance use. Kastner likens it to sex education. Teaching toddlers the proper names for body parts, then providing more information as they grow is both more effective and easier than sitting a teen down for “the talk.” Similarly, teaching kids about marijuana use is easier if you’ve been talking to your kids all along about what makes bodies healthy and making safe choices.

It’s never too late to start talking. Even if it’s awkward and cringey, “Initiation of communication is critical,” says Diaz Martinez. “The longer we delay, the harder it becomes.” ■ Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about the arts and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet).

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parentmap.com • January 2020 • 15

feature

Hindsight in 2020

Habits we wish we’d started a decade ago (and plan to start now!)

By Malia Jacobson

T

hink back to 2009, if you dare. It was a time when many of us had fewer gray hairs, fewer pounds, possibly fewer kids to care for. If you made New Year’s resolutions at the dawn of the fresh new decade that followed, chances are those well-intentioned plans got lost in the ensuing years of sleepless nights, sick days, soccer games and sack lunches as you raised young kids.

The fact is, even without adding children into the equation, most people don’t stick to their grand Jan. 1 plans — but that’s okay. Research shows that simply making a resolution increases your chances of reaching your goal by tenfold, and that those who ultimately succeed make progress in stops and starts. In other words, it can take a few tries to finally launch a lasting habit.

And if change doesn’t take hold right away, keep trying.

A new decade is upon us, and with it a golden opportunity to unearth some long-abandoned goals, make new ones and begin mapping out our next steps.

We’ve brought together some experts to help you create habits with sticking power. Whether you want to save more, get in shape or find more joy, here’s to a happier, healthier you in 2020 and beyond.

Focus on fitting in fitness Hit the gym in January and you’ll have plenty of company. According to a 2018 survey conducted by NPR and the Marist Poll, a third of resolution makers set fitness goals, with “exercising more” being cited as the most common New Year’s resolution. Here’s how to help those resolutions outlast January.

16 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

Work the floor: The pelvic floor — muscles spanning the bottom of the pelvis that support the bladder, bowel and uterus — is a foundation of fitness.

About a quarter of women have weak pelvic floor muscles, which make vigorous exercise uncomfortable, if not downright embarrassing. Happily, these muscles respond to the right types of exercise, and a few sessions with a pelvic floor physical therapist can work wonders. Even better, physical therapy is often covered by insurance.

Enlist your partner: According to science, women with supportive partners get more physical activity, eat healthier foods and are more likely to lose pounds gained during pregnancy. After having three children in four years, Overlake Medical Center family physician Frida Pena Benitez, M.D., enlisted her partner’s support when she decided to train for her first marathon. “I talked with my husband about how important this was to me,” she says.

Explain the reasons behind your goals, be transparent about your routine and return the love by asking your partner how you can support them.

Find a tribe: Research shows that working out with a group benefits fitness and weight loss practices, and it’s never been easier to find a group to join.

Check your local running store’s website or social media pages for free group runs (most host at least one per week) or find workout-related meetups on Facebook or meetup.com.

Bring the core to the fore: Pena Benitez’s advice to moms (and dads) who want to get back into shape: Don’t ignore the core. “Our core muscles are vital

to overall fitness, and spending time strengthening these muscles is extremely valuable when it comes to preventing back pain and injury,” she says. “I also recommend seeking out a coach so you can learn to do core exercises with correct form.” If you can’t bring yourself to do another plank, mix up your routine with core-strengthening classes focused on yoga, Pilates and tai chi.

Get the app: Turn your smartphone into a pocket-size trainer and motivational coach with a few fitness-focused apps. Using an app to track your exercise increases motivation and commitment, according to research. Pena Benitez uses Strava (strava.com), Runcoach (runcoach.com) and TrainingPeaks (trainingpeaks.com).

Focus on family finances Want to feel less financially strapped in 2020? You’re not alone. According to a 2019 survey conducted by Experian, 38 percent of Americans will start the new year feeling stress over holiday spending, and nearly 60 percent of 2020 resolutions will involve spending and debt. Cultivating a more prosperous future starts with small steps and isn’t nearly as scary as most people think, says financial coach Mindy Crary, owner and founder of Seattle’s Creative Money (creativemoney.biz). Here’s how.

Relax: “A lot of parents come to me with a mixture of relief and guilt,” Crary says. “Relief that maybe they’re not putting so much of their income toward child care anymore, but also guilt that they haven’t been prioritizing long-term goals.” She counsels parents to relax — it’s normal to focus on immediate financial needs such as child care and diapers in the early years of parenthood.

“Many people aren’t in as bad of shape as they think they are,” she says.

Take inventory: Together with your partner, gather three months’ worth of bank statements from your family’s primary spending accounts to see where your money is going. Many banks and budgeting apps offer online tools that help customers visualize spending patterns in chart form. While this isn’t most people’s favorite part of the process, it’s an important first step. “It’s akin to stepping on the scales after a long vacation,” Crary says. “It provides clarity and context, which can help as you begin to think about financial goals.”

Identify areas of overspending: It’s hard to fine-tune your family finances without context. Find data on average household spending online or by consulting a financial coach to learn how you might shift spending toward short-term and long-term goals. “The most common areas of overspending are grocery shopping, dining out and impulse shopping — or Amazon shopping,” says Crary. “When people want to make financial changes, seeing what you spend compared to other families creates a more compelling context for how day-to-day decisions impact long-term goals.”

Set a specific goal: Making a vague decision to spend less overall, or even cut back in a specific category, is more effective when you know why you’re cutting back, says Crary. Setting specific goals for the upcoming year, such as

Research shows that simply making a resolution increases your chances of reaching your goal by tenfold.

parentmap.com • January 2020 • 17

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feature

Hindsight in 2020 continued from page 17 having enough cash to pay for a new roof or a nice vacation, is much more motivating than a vague “spend less” mandate, and research shows that short-term rewards like these are more likely to spark long-term change.

Make a date: While one member of a couple usually handles more of the financial busywork — monitoring the checking account and making sure bills get paid — both partners need to be in the loop. Set up a weekly 20-minute date to log into your banking or budgeting app and see where you are, Crary says. “This also prompts discussions about day-to-day spending and longer-term goals. One couple set their weekly check-in for 30 minutes before ‘Game of Thrones,’ which was perfect.”

Consider college: Checking in with a financial pro can help ease parents’ worries about not saving enough for their kids’ college education. More parents are getting creative about ways to pay for their children’s education without derailing their own retirement, says Crary. And Washington families may soon get relief from the college crunch, thanks to the recently passed bill providing free or reduced tuition at community colleges and public institutions starting in 2020.

Focus on personal growth Feeling a bit lost in the hustle of #parentlife? When your life is consumed by caretaking and other responsibilities, it’s easy to lose sight of your personal goals, says life coach Lena D. Meyer of Seattle, founder of Gratitude6 life coaching (gratitude6.com).

Here’s how to get back on track.

Find your voice: “One of the main things people say to me is ‘I feel like I’ve lost my voice. I don’t know what brings me deep joy, so how can I connect with what I really want?’” says Meyer. She helps clients make this connection by taking note of any stirrings of inspiration you might feel, she says. “Whenever the Before parents can heart says ‘I wish,’ that points to what the heart and soul are calling for.” regain a sense of Chart a heart map: One of the personal purpose, most powerful ways to define and prioritize personal goals takes just 20 many need to give minutes, says Meyer. “Use the time to themselves permission answer this question: ‘What do I most want to experience in my lifetime?’ to pursue joy.

Then let whatever’s inside come out onto the page without judgement.”

Take the exercise even further by highlighting a few high-priority items and writing down a simple step to take toward each one.

Create a daily practice: Maybe you’ve tried journaling or daily meditation and couldn’t make the habit stick. The key to consistency is finding a calming, centering daily practice that works for you, not for someone else. “Take three minutes at the beginning of the day to set an intention for the day, and three minutes at the end of the day to reset,” says Meyer. “You can meditate, you can write down what you’re grateful for, you can make note of something that inspired you or something that challenged you.”

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Make it fun: Bringing more joy into your life shouldn’t feel like drudgery. What if it could be fun? “That’s my advice for a first step to take. What’s fun for you? Start there,” says Meyer.

Think about how you like to learn, and then add a new podcast, video series or TED Talk to your lineup to begin increasing your daily dose of inspiration.

Banish guilt: Before parents can regain a sense of personal purpose, many need to give themselves permission to pursue joy. “Many parents who come to me have mixed feelings, sometimes intense guilt,” says Meyer. She helps her clients “get curious” about their guilt: What is the guilt telling you? “Once you identify that statement, like ‘I don’t have a right to pursue personal dreams,’ then you can ask yourself if that statement is really true,” she says. (Spoiler alert: It usually isn’t.)

Focus on professional progress Maybe you’ve been plodding along a predictable career path without giving much thought to the big picture, or maybe you’ve been out of the game for a few years or longer. If you’re feeling behind and not sure where to start, Seattle-based career coach Elizabeth Atcheson of Blue Bridge Career Coaching (bluebridgecoaching.com) can help.

Book it: Not sure where to start? Atcheson recommends a visit to a university bookstore, which are plentiful in the Puget Sound area. “Spend time taking note of topics that speak to you.” While you’re at it, pick up a book like “HBR Guide to Changing Your Career” by Harvard Business Review, “The 10 Laws of Career Reinvention” by Pamela Mitchell or the classic “What Color Is Your Parachute?”

by Richard Bolles to spark more ideas.

Focus ruthlessly: Elevating your career takes time and energy, two things in short supply for most parents. The key to creating momentum is strategic focus, says Atcheson. “I advise parents to focus ruthlessly on the things that are important to them and ignore everything else.” That could mean delegating household tasks, eating more freezer meals or limiting social media time so you can balance parenting and professional growth.

Volunteer strategically: Once you have an idea of what you’d like to do next, find a way to volunteer in that field or connect with a dream employer through charitable work. Match your volunteer efforts to your desired job, says Atcheson.

“If you want to work in accounting, volunteer as PTA treasurer or help develop budgets for a capital campaign. And keep in mind that you never have to put the words ‘volunteer’ or ‘part-time’ on your résumé. Work is work.” u

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feature

Hindsight in 2020 continued from page 19 Visualize change: Carving out time to advance your career is easier if kids know about schedule changes in advance. Atcheson advises parents to post a big wall calendar on which they can write down the family schedule, including their own career commitments. “Explain that you’re taking a class every Thursday night because you want to learn how to do something new, and put it on the schedule for everyone to see. The visual cues of a family schedule are very helpful to kids.”

Set mini goals: Creating a habit of setting small daily goals is one of the most powerful things people can do to create momentum in their lives, says Atcheson. “I have people take neon 3-by-5-inch index cards and write down the three most important things they’re going to do the next day, before they go to bed each night.” This helps identify personal values by showing people what’s most important to them, she says. “It’s astounding how much more productive people are once they adopt this habit.”

Focus on physical health If you dutifully drive kids to their medical appointments and dental cleanings, but you haven’t had a checkup in ages, it’s time for some self-care. Staying on top of preventive care saves time and money by warding off expensive medical and dental emergencies; it also models healthy habits for your children.

Build your team: If you’ve been avoiding checkups, maybe you haven’t found the right providers. Consider your current stage in life and whether your primary care provider, dentist or OB-GYN still meets your needs; if they don’t, then ask friends for recommendations. “After women finish having children, some choose to transition from their OB-GYN to a family physician who can serve as their primary care provider,” says Overlake Medical Center’s Pena Benitez.

Get checked out: Scheduling a physical is a simple two-for-one — you can meet and try out a potential primary care provider while checking off any recommended tests or screenings. (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website provides an interactive tool that shows recommended health screenings by age and gender; cdc.gov.) “Go see a primary care provider to have your blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol checked, and get up to date with vaccines,” recommends Kevin O. Hwang, M.D., MPH, medical director of the University of Texas General Internal Medicine Center.

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20 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

encourage kids to brush and floss is by modeling healthy habits yourself, says holistic dentist Carla Yamashiro, DDS, NMD, of Ecologic Dentistry in Bonney Lake. Upgrade your family’s dental health by switching to electric toothbrushes, installing a toothbrush holder in the shower so you can combine brushing with another daily habit, and rinsing your mouth with water when you can’t brush after meals. (See 6 Nifty Ways to Get Kids to Brush Their Teeth, p. 21.)

Move your multivitamin: Nobody loves choking down a daily horse pill. But research suggests that daily multivitamins ward off heart disease, colon cancer and breast cancer. Vegans and those on specialized diets may need to supplement, too.

If you buy vitamins but forget to take them, throw out any old bottles of vitamins past their expiration dates, move a new bottle to a spot where you’ll notice it daily and consider whether a different form — such as powder, chewable or gummy — might be more appealing.

Consider cutting back: Part of establishing a trusting relationship with a primary care provider is opening up about substances you use, from an occasional joint to a nightly cigarette to a two-glasses-with-dinner wine habit. Ask your provider for honest feedback about whether shifting your habits could improve your health. “Be honest with yourself about habits involving alcohol and drugs,” says Hwang. “If you smoke, cutting down and eventually quitting smoking will be one of the best things you could ever do for your health.” ■ Malia Jacobson is a health and family journalist and mom of three.

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6 Toothsome Ways to Get Kids to Brush Their Teeth What is it about getting kids to brush their teeth that is the perfect setup for a power struggle? In our house at least, the, ahem, toothiest tantrums happen just before bedtime as I wrestle the end of a hot pink (with glitter!) toothbrush into the screaming mouth of my strong-willed 2-year-old.

Or perhaps for you, it’s your hygiene-averse middle schooler or a broody teen who shuts the bathroom door in your face at the mere mention of brushing. It seems no matter what their age, the more we force the issue, the harder they resist.

It’s never too late to start modeling good oral hygiene by brushing and flossing together as a family and by scheduling regular checkups to familiarize your kids with a dentist who can be an additional source of encouragement. And if you still find yourself in dental duels, employing some of these motivational strategies to make oral health more fun should help:

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Take your kiddo to the toothbrush aisle and let them choose their own, or surprise them with one of these awesome options: The Brushies fingerpuppet toothbrush and matching book sets (thebrushies.com) will capture the attention of babies and set a positive tone for brushing. Gum’s Crayola timer light toothbrush (gumbrand.com) or Jack n’ Jill Buzzy Brush electrical musical toothbrush (iherb.com) will mesmerize your toddler. And when it comes to techy teens, try a subscription for a trendy colored Quip electric brush (getquip.com) or the Oral-B Genius Pro 8000, which connects to Bluetooth.

A gentle reminder

Kids who are at least 6 years old — typically old enough to brush their teeth without supervision— may respond better to subtleties, in which case, a wall decal (search on Wayfair or Etsy) could be the perfect way to drop the hint.

Merely keeping their toothbrush and toothpaste visible, rather than tucked in a cabinet, also serves as a consistent reminder. You can’t go wrong displaying them in a fun holder; Urban Outfitters (urbanoutfitters.com) stocks a number of cute options, such as a glow-in-the-dark Smiski toothbrush holder.

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Make a game of it

Apps such as Colgate Magik, Brushing Hero and Disney Magic Timer all turn tooth brushing into a game, offering an augmented-reality, videogame-like setting suitable for kids ages 4–12. Habitica (habitica.com) is a productivity app that makes a game of setting goals — perfect for older kids and teens who need some serious motivation.

The magic of music

Transition songs work wonders for easing kids from one activity to the next without feeling forced. For wee ones, a simple ditty like “Brushing, brushing, clean, top and bottom, in between” might suffice. If not, enlist help from YouTube! Raffi’s “Brush Your Teeth,” Super Simple Songs or “This Is the Way We Brush Our Teeth” are all fun and easy to learn. The Brush DJ app is great for older kids and teens who have their own music preferences; it plays a two-minute song right from their playlist or the cloud and has a reminder feature to boot!

Books for babies

It sounds basic, but for babies, one of the best ways to introduce good oral health habits is through reading. There are volumes of books about brushing out there, but in this case, the simpler the better. Rhyming and repetition come to your aid in these tried-and-true favorites: “Brush, Brush, Brush,” “Tooth” and “Pony Brushes His Teeth.”

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january

SUNDAY

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day events, Jan. 16–20

46th Annual Model Railroad Show, Jan. 18–20

ANGELA STERLING

PICKS

Family Night Skate, Jan. 8

Dr. Dan Siegel on the Power of Showing Up, Jan. 14

22 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

TUESDAY

PNB’s ‘Cinderella,’ Jan. 21–Feb. 9

Loads more family fun activities at parentmap.com/ calendar

ParentMap Preschool Previews, Jan. 11, 18 and 25

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ArtVenture: Shape of Family. Experiment with sumi ink and other art supplies to make unique family portraits. 1–3 p.m.

FREE; preregister. Henry Art Gallery, Seattle. henryart.org Wildlife Tour. See birds, amphibians, beavers and other small mammals on this interpretative tour of the wildlife habitat at Juanita Bay Park. First Sundays, 1–2 p.m.

FREE. Ages 6 and older. Juanita Bay Park, Kirkland. eastsideaudubon.com

Play and Learn. Have fun playing, creating art, telling stories and singing songs together. 10:30 a.m.–noon. FREE. Ages 5 and younger with caregiver. Mill Creek City Hall, Mill Creek. millcreektourism.com Pajama Story Time. Come to the library for stories, songs and crafts. Wear your pajamas and bring your stuffed animals! 6:45 p.m. FREE. Queen Anne Branch, Seattle. spl.org

Story and Yoga Stretches. Bring your tot for yoga poses, stories and songs. Tuesdays, 10:30–11:30 a.m. FREE. Ages 3–6 with caregiver. Gig Harbor Library. piercecountylibrary.org Naturalist Hour. Explore regional insects, animal pelts, seeds and plants. Tuesdays, 3–4 p.m. Included with admission.

KidsQuest Children’s Museum, Bellevue. kidsquestmuseum.org

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Toddler Time at the Aquarium. Stop by for fishy fun and marine-themed activities for little kids. Jan. 12–14 and 26–28; 9:30 a.m.–noon. Included with admission. Ages 0–5 with caregiver. Seattle Aquarium. seattleaquarium.org Family Dance Story Time. This story time for preschoolers includes learning new dance moves. 10–10:30 a.m. FREE. Ages 1–5 with caregiver. Renton Public Library. kcls.org

Dr. Dan Siegel on The Power of Showing Up. Join ParentMap and the best-selling author for a talk on the importance of being present, not perfect, as a parent. 7 p.m. $25 advance. Eckstein Middle School, Seattle. parentmap.com/siegel PowerParenting Sleep Workshop. From babies to teens to parents, how does everyone get the sleep they need? 6–8 p.m. FREE; preregister, child care available. Hands On Children’s Museum, Olympia. hocm.org

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46th Annual Model Railroad Show. Bring your train enthusiasts to meet dozens of model railroaders and admire their intricate displays. Saturday–Monday, Jan. 18–20.

Included with admission. Pacific Science Center, Seattle. pacificscicenecenter.org Ice Adventures. Dig into all kinds of icy activities during this weekend of frozen fun.

Saturday–Monday, Jan. 18–20. Included with admission. Hands On Children’s Museum, Olympia. hocm.org

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day Rally and March. Gather with the community to honor the work of Dr. King with the theme “20/20 Vision: What does it mean to you?”

11 a.m. rally, 12:30 p.m. march. FREE. Garfield High School, Seattle. seattlemlkcoalition.org MLK Day at Washington State History Museum. Free admission, performances and activities in celebration of the vision of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 10 a.m.–5 p.m.

FREE. WSHM, Tacoma. washingtonhistory.org

Indoor Playground. Connect with other parents while the kids scoot, ride and slide on all kinds of indoor toys. 10–11:30 a.m.

FREE. Ages 5 and younger with caregiver.

Faith Church, Kent. kentmops.org Story Time at the Curious Bear. Enjoy a story, songs, snacks and more surrounding a weekly theme. Tuesdays, 11–11:30 a.m.

FREE. The Curious Bear Toy & Book Shop, Fircrest. curiousbeartoys.com

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Winter Discovery Walk. Join a watershed guide for an all-ages exploratory nature walk. Select weekends, Jan. 26–March 8, 1:30–3:30 p.m. FREE; preregister. Cedar River Watershed Education Center, North Bend. seattle.gov/util/crwec The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Follow the Pevensie children to a magical world. Saturday–Sunday, Jan. 18–Feb. 9. $10. Ages 5–12 with families. SecondStory Repertory, Redmond. secondstoryrep.org

Indoor Gym. Tots explore sensory, make-believe and STEM-based activities.

Monday, Friday; 9:30–11:30 a.m. $4. Ages 6 months to 5 years. Federal Way Community Center. itallhappenshere.org Mental Health and Our Kids. A talk by Jason Reid about the importance of caring for your children’s mental health. 6:30–9 p.m. FREE; preregister. Adults and teens.

Phinney Neighborhood Center, Seattle. pnwparented.org

Indoor Park. A traditional outdoor playground brought inside. Tuesday–Thursday, 9:30–11 a.m. (check website for closures). $2. Ages 10 months to 4.5 years. Kent Commons. kentwa.gov Wacky Wiggle Tuesday! Come get your wiggles out and join in on an arts and crafts class. Tuesdays, 11 a.m.–12:30 p.m.

Included with admission. WiggleWorks Kids, Bellevue. wiggleworkskids.com

Kindie West Music Series: Harmonica Pocket. Come jump, jive and dance to great music with the whole family. Select Sundays through March 8, 10:30 a.m. $10/ adult; $5/child. Fauntleroy Schoolhouse, Seattle. fauntleroyschoolhouse.org Mini Maestros: Fiddler on the Hoof. A concert specially created to engage young children. 2:30 p.m. $10/adult; $7/child.

Ages 2–8 with families. University of Puget Sound, Tacoma. symphonytacoma.org

Free Family Sleep Workshop, Jan. 14

MONDAY

A Seattle Children’s Publication | Winter 2020

Does Your Child Get Enough Sleep?

Here’s a fact that has parents, teachers and doctors concerned: less than half of all schoolage kids get enough sleep most weeknights.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children ages 6 to 12 get between 9 and 12 hours of sleep each night, and that teens get 8 to 10 hours. But a recent study revealed that only 48% of school-age kids get at least 9 hours of sleep per night during the school week.

Quality sleep provides huge benefits.

Children who regularly get enough sleep have healthier immune systems and better overall mental health. They have sharper memories and better behavior, which are key to success in school.

Kids who do not get enough sleep are more apt to suffer from physical and emotional

Should My Child See a Doctor?

The next time your child has symptoms of a minor illness or injury and you’re trying to decide whether to go to their doctor or if it’s safe to treat them at home, consider checking our child health advice. Bookmark the URL below and find information on everything from abdominal pain to wound infection.

Of course, you know your child best. If you think or feel that your child needs to be seen, call their doctor. And always call 911 if you think it’s a medical emergency.

problems. A lack of sleep affects mood and concentration, and can lead to health issues like headaches, obesity and depression. Not getting enough quality sleep makes it tougher for kids to cope with life — both at home and at school.

to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/ conditions/symptom-index.

The good news is that parents can ensure their kids get enough sleep by helping them practice what’s known as ‘sleep hygiene.’ Sleep hygiene refers to tried-and-true habits and routines that make it easier for kids to fall asleep and stay asleep. It includes keeping a consistent bedtime and wake time, and ensuring a child’s bedroom is dark, cool, quiet and comfortable. And for younger kids, it helps to have a soothing ritual before bed such as taking a bath, putting on cozy pajamas, brushing teeth and reading a story.

For kids of all ages, getting plenty of exercise and spending time outside during the day can help them get a deep and restful sleep at night. However, in the hour or so before bed, avoid exercise or high-energy activities, including rough-housing. Give your child a chance to unwind and relax.

Also avoid screen time starting an hour before bed, and don’t allow screens in your child’s bedroom at night. This includes TVs, computers and phones. Many families find that having their tweens and teens surrender their phones at night really helps their kids get to sleep faster and stay asleep.

For your family’s overall happiness and wellbeing, healthy sleep habits are a worthwhile investment! to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/globalassets/ documents/for-patients-and-families/pfe/ pe1066.pdf.

Sledding Safety Snow sledding is fun for the whole family, as long as it’s done safely! Ski areas offer the best sledding thanks to long, thrilling runs that are wellmaintained and free of obstacles. For neighborhood sledding, be sure there are no collision hazards like trees, poles, fences and parked cars. And of course, a sledding path must never intersect a street with car traffic. Helmets are a must: a winter-sport helmet is best, but a bike helmet is better than

nothing. And always sled feet first, never head first.

Be sure everyone has clothing and gear that keep them warm, dry and comfortable. Sledding is an all-ages sport, so be sure you’re there to supervise and take some runs yourself! to learn more:

Visit kidshealth.org/en/parents/safety-sledding. html.

Cook Up Some Fun with Your Family The kitchen has always been a place where families connect. And today, the popularity of YouTube videos and TV cooking-competition shows (including some that feature super-talented kids!) have encouraged many families to use meal planning and preparation as a way to enjoy time together. Plus, creating a menu, grocery shopping and cooking all require organized thinking, careful reading, math calculations and following directions. These are all critical skills that benefit kids for the rest of their lives. Preparing a healthy meal also makes children aware of the basic food groups. And it’s fun to see how some kids prefer the science of baking

— which requires precise measuring and following directions — versus the art of cooking, which often allows for more improvisation and creativity. So why not invite your child to select a cooking or baking show that you can watch together, or choose a recipe from a kids’ cookbook or an internet recipe site? Try letting them be in charge. You’ll help your child build life skills while you make something delicious and create lasting memories! to learn more:

Visit heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-eating/ cooking-skills/meal-planning/kids-help-cook.

Understanding and Treating Fevers A fever is a higher-than-normal body temperature, which is the body’s way of fighting an illness. Normal body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit; anything above 100.4 degrees is considered a fever. If you suspect your child has a fever, take their temperature with a thermometer. Keep in mind that in general, you don’t need to give medicine for a fever itself, unless it’s making your child uncomfortable.

When should you see a doctor for a fever?

Do seek medical care if an infant younger than 3 months old has a fever. Regardless of age, a child with a fever higher than 104 degrees should see a doctor, as should any child whose fever lasts more than three days, or any child with a chronic health condition. For more

reasons to see a doctor for a fever, follow the URL below.

When is it OK to treat a fever at home?

As long as none of the conditions above or in the article linked below apply and the fever is 104 degrees or lower, keep your child lightly dressed and give them lots of fluids in the

form of ice chips, popsicles, water, juice or decaf tea. Don’t wrap them in blankets to warm them up or use ice water or rubbing alcohol to cool them down. If they are uncomfortable, you can give children over 3 months of age acetaminophen (Tylenol).

Children over 6 months may take either acetaminophen or ibuprofen (Advil or Motrin). Follow the dosage instructions on the label and use the measuring tool that comes with the medicine.

If you are unsure what to do, call your child’s doctor. to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/health-safety/ keeping-kids-healthy/prevention/fever.

Kid Bits

Mindfulness Meditation

Thumbsucking

HPV Vaccine Timing

Parents and teachers are discovering the benefits of simple meditation to help ease anxiety and improve behaviors in children.

Meditation offers a chance for too-busy brains to ‘unplug’ and relax. This break can help kids function better and think more clearly.

Mindfulness meditation does not have to be linked to any belief system; it can be as simple as practicing deep breathing or concentrating on a certain word, sensation or image. What does the medical community think about this? The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages parents to share meditation time with their children. Learn about various types of meditation by following the URL below, or try one of the top-rated meditation apps for kids.

While it’s natural for some babies to suck their thumbs, children tend to outgrow the habit between the ages of 2 and 4. But sometimes, kids continue thumbsucking to soothe themselves, and they need some help to quit.

This requires us as parents to be positive and encouraging. If it’s a nighttime habit, bandaging the thumb or putting a sock on the hand can help. Sometimes, we also need to identify and fix the source of the discomfort that’s triggering the thumbsucking. Since vigorous thumbsucking can cause dental problems, your child’s dentist or doctor can also encourage them to quit — and might prescribe a harmless, bitter-tasting liquid that’s used to coat the thumb.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children ages 11 to 12 get two doses of the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, with the doses given 6 to 12 months apart. For teens who missed getting the vaccine sooner, three doses are recommended. Preteens and teens need the vaccine now to prevent certain cancers and conditions when they are adults. The HPV virus is extremely common, and every year in the U.S., HPV-related cancers strike over 30,000 men and women — with 4,000 women dying from cervical cancer annually. Currently, HPV vaccination rates are low in Washington state: less than 52% of males and females between the ages of 13 and 17 have completed the vaccine series.

to learn more:

to learn more:

to learn more:

Visit mouthhealthy.org/en/az-topics/t/

Visit cdc.gov/hpv/hcp/schedules-

thumbsucking.

recommendations.html.

Visit bit.ly/385v3mn.

Quick Tip It’s not too late to get the flu vaccine this year. Flu season usually lasts until April so there’s still time to get protected.

facebook.com/seattlechildrens instagram.com/seattlechildrens

twitter.com/seattlechildren youtube.com/seattlechildrens

Regional Clinic Locations

Online Resources

• Bellevue • Everett • Federal Way

Visit seattlechildrens.org for the following: • Child Health Advice • my Good Growing email newsletter • Doctor Finder • On The Pulse and Autism blogs • Medical condition information • Health & safety information • Ways to help Seattle Children’s • Research Institute information

• Olympia • Tri-Cities • Wenatchee

Primary Care Clinic • Odessa Brown Children’s Clinic

Main Hospital Numbers 206-987-2000 866-987-2000 (Toll-free)

Heather Cooper is the Editor of Good Growing, which is produced four times a year by the Marketing Communications Department of Seattle Children’s. You can find Good Growing in the January, April, July and October issues of ParentMap and on our website seattlechildrens.org. For permission to reprint articles for noncommercial purposes or to receive Good Growing in an alternate format, call 206-987-5323. The inclusion of any resource or website does not imply endorsement. Your child’s needs are unique. Before you act or rely upon information, please talk with your child’s healthcare provider. © 2020 Seattle Children’s, Seattle, Washington.

Classes and Events These classes are popular and often fill up several months in advance, so please register early. Scholarships are available. If you would like to ask about a scholarship, use the contact information for the class you’re interested in to connect with the registrar.

PARENTING CLASSES Autism 101 This free 90-minute lecture is designed to provide information and support to parents and families of children recently diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. A portion of each session is dedicated to answering questions from the attendees.

Lectures are at Seattle Children’s hospital campus in Seattle, once per quarter, on a Thursday, from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Lectures are also available via live streaming.

View dates or sign up for live streaming at seattlechildrens.org/autism101. Email Autism101@seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Autism 200 Series Autism 200 is a series of free 90-minute classes for parents and caregivers of children with autism who wish to better understand autism spectrum disorder. Each class features a different topic.

Classes are usually offered on the third Thursday of the month, 7 to 8:30 p.m. at Seattle Children’s hospital campus in Seattle. These classes are also available through live streaming.

View dates and topics, sign up for live streaming or view past Autism 200 lectures at seattlechildrens.org/autism200. Email Autism200@seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Babysafe Babysafe is a 4-hour class for new and expectant parents and others who care for babies. Topics include infant development, baby safety, injury prevention and care of common injuries for infants from birth through 12 months of age.

Infant CPR is demonstrated and practiced, but this is not a certification class.

This class is offered in Seattle. The fee is $85 and each registration is good for 2 people from the same family. View dates and locations at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-7892306 if you have questions.

Heartsaver First Aid, CPR and AED This video-based class for parents and caregivers covers how to treat bleeding, sprains, broken bones, shock and other first-aid emergencies. Also includes infant, child and adult CPR and AED use.

Students receive an American Heart Association Heartsaver First Aid, CPR, AED course completion card that is valid for 2 years.

This class is offered at Seattle Children’s hospital campus in Seattle for $75 per person.

View dates at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-2304 if you have questions.

Youth Mental Health First Aid

Sibshops

This 8-hour class is for adults who regularly interact with adolescents ages 12 to 18. Youth Mental Health First Aid will improve your knowledge of mental health and substance use problems and will teach you how to connect youth with care when needed.

Sibshops are lively peer support groups for siblings of kids with special needs. Separate sessions are held for kids 6 to 9 years old and kids 10 to 13 years old.

This class is offered at the Sand Point Learning Center in Seattle for $20 per person, which includes class materials and lunch.

View dates at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

CHILD, PRETEEN AND TEEN CLASSES Better Babysitters For youth, ages 11 to 14. Students learn about responsible babysitting, basic child development, infant and child care, safety, handling emergencies, age-appropriate toys, business tips and parent expectations.

This class is offered in Seattle, Bellevue, Everett and Federal Way. The cost is $50 per person. View dates and locations at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

CPR and First Aid for Babysitters For youth, ages 11 to 15. Topics include pediatric CPR, treatment for choking, and first-aid skills.

Students receive an American Heart Association Heartsaver Pediatric First Aid, CPR, AED completion card, which is valid for 2 years.

This class is offered at Seattle Children’s hospital campus in Seattle for $75 per person. View dates at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-2304 if you have questions.

For Boys: The Joys and Challenges of Growing Up This class is for boys, 10 to 12 years old, and a parent or trusted adult.

For Girls: A Heart-to-Heart Talk on Growing Up This class is for girls, 10 to 12 years old, and a parent or trusted adult.

An informal, engaging format is used to present and discuss issues most on the minds of preteens as they begin adolescence: body changes, sex, and other growing-up stuff.

These classes are offered in Seattle, Bellevue, Everett and Federal Way in partnership with Great Conversations. The cost is $90 per parent/child pair; $70 per extra child. A copy of the book “Will Puberty Last My Whole Life?” is included.

View dates and locations at seattlechildrens. org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions. Content outlines and short videos are available at greatconversations.com.

Sessions take place at Seattle Children’s hospital campus in Seattle at a cost of $25 per session.

View dates online at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-4133.

EVENTS Free Car Seat Check WHEN: Saturday, March 28, 10 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.

WHERE: Seattle Children’s hospital campus, 4800 Sand Point Way NE, Seattle CALL: 206-987-5999 Come learn how to safely secure your child in the car. Child passenger safety experts will check your child in a car seat, booster seat or the seat belt and answer any questions you may have. First come, first served. We do not take reservations.

Free Bike Helmet and Life Jacket Fitting Events Visit MakeSureTheHelmetFIts.org for dates and locations and come get your child properly fit for a new bike helmet or life jacket. Kids must be 1 to 18 and present for fitting. First come, first served. No appointments needed.

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

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Polar Bear Plunge. Start the New Year with a splash — a very cold one — into Lake Washington. 1 p.m. FREE. Marina Park, Kirkland. chumpchange.org Snowzone. A winter wonderland, indoors!

Enjoy light and sound installations and partake in a snowball fight. Daily through Jan. 5, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Included with admission.

Pacific Science Center, Seattle. pacificsciencecenter.org

Toddler Story Time at the Wing. Enjoy a kid-friendly story with fun activities to follow. First Thursdays, 11 a.m. FREE. Wing Luke Museum, Seattle. wingluke.org Winter Activities at the Burke. Enter the Ice Age and try more winter-themed handson fun at the new Burke. Daily through Jan. 5, 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Included with admission.

Burke Museum, Seattle. burkemuseum.org

First Friday Open Play. Get the wiggles out before bed. Check out this play place perfectly set up for a busy toddler. First Fridays, 5:30–8:30 p.m. Suggested donation $2. Ballard Playspace, Seattle. ballardchurch.com First Fridays With Friends. First, play at the indoor playground, then enjoy stories and sing-along tunes. First Fridays, 10:30 a.m.–noon. FREE. Mercer Island Community and Event Center. mercergov.org

Family Nature Walk: Winter Wonderland. Set off on a naturalist-led walk to discover plants and animals and learn how they adapt to winter. 10–11 a.m. FREE. Ages 3 and older. Swan Creek Park, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org Pied Piper Kids’ Performance Series: Cap’n Arrr! This interactive comedy performance will have everyone in stitches. 10:30 a.m. $5. Mount Baker Community Club, Seattle. mountbaker.org

8 Baby Gym. Explore and play with your baby with guidance from a gymnastics coach. Wednesdays, 9–9:30 a.m. FREE. Babies ages 4–12 months with caregiver.

Advantage Gymnastics Academy, Woodinville. advantagegym.com Family Night Skate. For a family night on the town, enjoy discounted rates to skate the night away. Wednesdays, 6–8 p.m. $6 including skate rental. Pattison’s West Roller Skating, Federal Way. pattisonswest.com

9 Treetops Playgrounds. Get the wiggles out in any weather at this fab indoor and covered outdoor playground. Open daily, check website for hours. $7. STAR Center, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org Snowman Magic. Snow piles up, a snowman is built and something unexpected happens in this live theater show for tots.

Jan. 8–12, 10 a.m. $5 at the door; ages 1 and younger free. Ages 0–5 with caregiver.

Olympia Family Theater. olyft.org

10 Monster Jam. Watch humongous trucks perform epic stunts on four giant wheels.

You might need ear plugs! Friday–Sunday, Jan. 10–12. $20 and up. Tacoma Dome. tacomadome.org Aladdin Jr. Take your kids to see youth actors perform a family-focused version of the beloved story. Jan. 10–26. $15. Ages 3 and older. Rainier Arts Center, Seattle. broadwaybound.org

11 Seattle Preschool Preview. Explore a range of local early learning options in the Seattle area at ParentMap’s preschool fair. There will be activities for the kids! 9:30 a.m.–noon.

FREE; preregister. Pacific Science Center, Seattle. parentmap.com/preschoolpreview Daffy Dave’s Comedy, Magic & Juggling Show. Daffy Dave is part magician, part juggler, part trickster and will keep the whole family entertained! 3–4 p.m. Pay what you can. All ages. University Heights Center, Seattle. uheightscenter.org

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Lil Diggers Playtime. Giant indoor sandbox of kiddie dreams. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, 9:30–11 a.m. or 11:30 a.m.–1 p.m. $8. Ages 5 and younger with caregiver.

Sandbox Sports, Seattle. sandboxsports.net Intergenerational Brain Dance. Practice movement patterns that help to wire our brains and keep us sharp. 6:15–7:15 p.m. $5–$15. Ages 6–13 with adult. Soma Yoga Studio, Seattle. teresateachesdance.com

2020 Annual Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Celebration. Gather with the community to honor the work and legacy of Dr. King.

Noon. FREE. Town Hall Seattle. townhallseattle.org Karshner Kids’ Club Explore civil rights through performance, activities and exhibits as Junior Curators. 4–7 p.m. FREE. Grades K–6. Karshner Museum and Center for Culture & Arts, Puyallup. karctr.puyallup.k12.wa.us

Bellevue Downtown Ice Rink. Last weekend to skate at this seasonal outdoor rink. $10–$15. Through Jan. 20. Bellevue Downtown Park, Bellevue. bellevueicerink.com Magic Show at PlayDate SEA. Enjoy an inspirational magic show by Fairy Magic featuring live animals and a bubble dance party. Fridays, 6:30–7 p.m. Included with admission. PlayDate SEA, Seattle. playdatesea.com

Eastside Preschool Preview. Bring the kids for fun activities while you explore a range of early learning options in your community at ParentMap’s preschool fair. 9:30 a.m.–12:30 p.m. FREE; preregister. South Bellevue Community Center, Bellevue. parentmap.com/preschoolpreview Tết in Seattle. Experience the spirit and energy of Vietnam through arts, music, hands-on activities and performances.

Saturday–Sunday, Jan. 18–19. FREE. Seattle Center. seattlecenter.com

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Playdate at PacSci. This special time designed just for toddlers includes a planetarium show. Wednesdays, 10 a.m.– noon. Included with admission. Ages 4 and younger with adult. Pacific Science Center, Seattle. pacificsciencecenter.org How to Be a Culturally Competent Family in 2020. Dr. Caprice Hollins provides the framework for developing cultural competence in your family. 7 p.m. FREE; preregister. Adults. Liberty High School, Renton. pinelakeptsa.org

Chinese New Year Celebration. Celebrate the Year of the Rat with a variety of crafts and activities. 4:30–5:30 p.m. FREE. Ages 5 and older. Renton Public Library, Renton. kcls.org Seattle Symphony Community Concert.

The symphony performs a free concert for all. 7 p.m. FREE; preregistration recommended. Foster Performing Arts Center, Tukwila. seattlesymphony.org

Family Nature Class. What’s happening in the woods in winter? Friday–Saturday, Jan. 24–25, 9:30–11:30 a.m. $19 per adult/child pair; preregister. Ages 2–5 with caregiver.

Washington Park Arboretum, Seattle. botanicgardens.uw.edu Coding Hackathon. Get a night to yourself while your kids try out coding their own video game. 7–10 p.m. $25. Ages 8–15. Mighty Coders, Bothell. mightycoders.io

Northshore Preschool Preview.

ParentMap invites families to explore early learning options in Bothell, Kenmore, Mill Creek, Mountlake Terrace and surrounding cities. Bring the kids for kids’ activities! 10 a.m.–12:30 p.m. FREE. Hilton Garden Inn, Bothell. parentmap.com/preschoolpreview Lunar New Year Celebration. Kick off the Year of the Rat in the I.D. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Included with admission. Wing Luke Museum, Seattle. wingluke.org

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Little Science Lab: Magnificent Magnets. A weekly STEM program for preschoolers in partnership with Imagine Children’s Museum. Wednesdays, 9:30–10 a.m. FREE. Ages 2–5 with adult. Everett Mall. shopeverettmall.org Oreo Taste-Testing. Taste-test multiple varieties of Oreos and pit your guessing skills against other participants. 3:30–4:30 p.m. FREE. Ages 13 and older. DuPont Pierce County Library, DuPont. piercecountylibrary.org

Animal Viewing at Kelsey Creek Farm.

Bundle up to visit the pigs, ponies, sheep, chickens, rabbits and goats at the farm.

Daily 9:30 a.m.–3:30 p.m. FREE. Bellevue. farmerjayne.com Free Neighborhood Night at TAM. Explore the museum with your crew. Thursdays, 5–8 p.m. FREE. Tacoma Art Museum. tacomaartmuseum.org

Family Game Night. Bring your favorite board game and challenge your friends and family. 5–8 p.m. FREE. Ages 8 and older.

Van Asselt Community Center, Seattle. seattle.gov Cinderella. A splurge-worthy performance of the classic fairy tale by Pacific Northwest Ballet. Come early or stay late to meet the artists. Jan. 21–Feb. 9. $30 and up. McCaw Hall, Seattle. pnb.org

Lunar New Year Celebration at The Wing, Jan. 25

parentmap.com • January 2020 • 27

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P R E S C H O O L S Top Tips for Honing Reading Skills Regardless of what grade your kid is in or what they’re studying, reading skills are essential to a successful academic career. But reading for pleasure and reading for study are two completely different animals. If your child’s skills could use a boost, share these few simple observations and tips.

Become a word whiz. When reading to learn, be sure to look up words you don’t know. This habit will build your vocabulary rapidly and increase your knowledge of the subject. Download a free dictionary app, such as MerriamWebster’s, so you can look up words on your smartphone while you read. You can also ask Siri, Alexa or another personal voice assistant for the definitions of words you don’t know, but be aware that their responses can sometimes be unpredictable. When writing essays, you can also ask them for help with spelling.

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ParentMap.com/education

Don’t skip the good stuff. Some students tend to gloss over the charts, graphs, illustrations, italicized words, sidebars and summary statements included in many textbooks. This is a big mistake! These elements often include critical information that will improve comprehension and ensure that you see “the big picture.” In the same vein, it’s very important to read the preface, table of contents, introduction and introductory chapters of textbooks. These sections present information on how to use the textbook efficiently, how to study the subject, unique features of the book, why the subject is important and interesting biographies of the authors, which can make the subject matter less impersonal.

Have a (realistic) plan and stick to it. Decide ahead of time what you want to accomplish so you can read with a purpose. It is a good practice (in life as well as in reading!) to keep tabs on where you are and where you are heading. If you follow a plan, you’ll find that you waste less time, and unproductive time is what you want to completely eliminate. Be realistic about your plan, though. Don’t pressure yourself to digest 10 chapters of a dense economics book in a single sitting. That’s just going to set you up for failure. Schedule your time realistically and you’ll absorb the material faster and feel more successful.

When you feel lost, start over. Do you ever find yourself in the middle of a reading assignment and suddenly realize you have no idea what you’ve just read? When you’re reading and begin to feel lost, stop and ask yourself, “When did I first feel lost?” Then go back to that point and begin reading again until you understand. If you don’t start over but simply continue to read without understanding, it will be much tougher and more timeconsuming for you to learn the material.

Limit distractions and stop trying to multitask. You may think that multitasking is the key to being a more productive and successful student because you can get more done in less time. But brain studies show that it is very difficult to concentrate well on more than one thing at a time.

Researchers at Stanford University have found that rather than being a timesaver, multitasking is actually bad for your brain and makes it harder to sort out relevant information from irrelevant data. Your brain performs better if you focus on one thing at a time. So put your cell phone in silent mode and resist the temptation to scroll through that social media feed.

— Daniel Amen, M.D.

30 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

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32 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

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ages + stages out + about

LET’S MAKE TRACKS: A First-timers’ Guide to Family Snowshoeing Talk ‘shoulder to shoulder’ in the beauty of the wilderness

By Hilary Benson and Gemma Alexander

O

ur family loves downhill skiing. My husband and I grew up doing it, and it’s one of the few sports in which we keep pace with our three boys and our middle-aged egos remain intact.

But enough friends (as well as my active parents) had raved about snowshoeing that it had piqued my interest. When we received snowshoes as a gift from my husband’s sisters — whose kids are slightly older and therefore cool — we decided to give it a try.

The first time we took the snowshoes out over a winter break, our boys’ interest stemmed mostly from curiosity: What kid (or adult, for that matter) doesn’t like to take their new holiday toys for a spin? It turns out, snowshoeing offers a few things skiing and snowboarding don’t. Here are five reasons why snowshoeing is worth working into your winter sports itinerary.

1. You can snowshoe even in cruddy conditions.

Going into the holidays, our sons had been begging to go skiing, but with the Summit at Snoqualmie areas and Crystal Mountain closed for much of December that year, we had been skunked. So, we grabbed our snowshoes and, like good snow chasers, headed to Mount Baker, usually one of the snowiest ski areas in the country.

My parents know that area well, so we picked as our destination the Heather Meadows base lot, at the edge of the Mt. Baker–Snoqualmie National Forest. Usually when we are driving in that area, we typically start to see snow. But that day, we didn’t spot any flakes. We were this close to turning around, but we stuck to the plan. And I’m glad we did, because as we quickly discovered, after getting drenched while putting on the gear for the first time, one bonus of snowshoes is that you can tromp over everything. Marginal snow conditions do not have to be an excuse for staying indoors!

One helpful tip I learned beforehand from a friend, who’s something of a snowshoeing aficionado: Snowshoers should stay on the side of the trail. “The smooth center part is actually groomed for snow skaters, and they will not be happy to find a family tearing up their track,” she advised. So, we stayed to the side to yield the way to skiers who were coming down the mountain.

2. Snowshoeing is cheap.

We were fortunate to get our snowshoes as a gift. Still, at $5–$30 per person for rentals (depending on where you go), this is as inexpensive a way to get your family into the wintry mountains as you will find. There are no lift tickets, and parking at Washington state Sno-Park lots (epermits.parks.wa.gov) for nonmotorized activities is $20 a day, or $40 for a seasonal pass, which is transferable between vehicles.

Discover Passes (discoverpass.wa.gov), which offer access to Washington’s state park parking lots, cost $11.50 for a one-day pass or $35 for an annual pass.

The ski clothes we already had were totally adequate for the outing. The only thing we needed were hiking boots. For families not wanting to invest in snow pants, layers underneath jeans would work fine — just add gaiters to keep pant legs dry.

3. You can connect with nature instead of racing through it.

While downhill skiing gets us out in the fresh air, the lift lines and crowded ski runs mean we don’t get to quietly appreciate the beauty and rawness of nature.

Since snowshoeing is basically a slightly awkward walk, my parents offered a few helpful tips on technique, but that was all we needed to set off. Being competitive brothers, my boys quickly challenged each other up the highest hills and figured out parentmap.com • January 2020 • 33

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P R E S C H O O L S

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SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS Preschool and Child Care – Birth through Age 5

LET’S MAKE TRACKS continued from page 33 how to run in snowshoes.

But after that burst of energy, they settled into a walking pace that allowed them to see trees as towering and majestic rather than as gates to ski around. In slow motion, rather than speeding by, they noticed the depth (and danger) of tree wells.

They studied the sky and clouds, the direction of the breeze and raindrops. They felt when the temperature dropped enough for the rain to transform into small flakes, and then it felt like we were a part of winter.

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4. You can connect with your kids instead of your electronics.

Over the years, I have interviewed Julie Metzger of Great Conversations (greatconversations.com) and taken to heart her advice about having many short talks with your kids “shoulder to shoulder,” not face to face. While snowshoeing, we were burning calories but we were hardly out of breath. It is the perfect activity to inspire relaxed conversation.

It’s easier to chat nonchalantly about friendships, teachers and girls (God forbid!) when interspersed with “Is anyone ready for a snack break?” My parents, who go on daylong snowshoe expeditions, shared stories of their different hikes, the peaks they had seen and the people who go with them.

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5. It’s an experience for the ages … all ages.

My kids are lucky to have healthy grandparents, and this is a physical activity that takes advantage of that; snowshoeing bridges the generational gap.

After that first trip, we shared tasty pizza and drinks at The North Fork Brewery Pizzeria & Beer Shrine (northforkbrewery.com) in Deming on our way back home, swapping war stories. My kids probably didn’t report back to their friends on the killer run or ride they had that day, but I have a feeling that their snowshoe memories will be more lasting. ■

fremontcommunityschool.org

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Hilary Benson is a Seattle-area writer and mother of three children. Her work focuses on youth health and development topics.

Family Snowshoeing 101

By Gemma Alexander

S

nowshoeing is cheaper and easier than almost any other winter sport — and it’s great exercise that the whole family can participate in together while experiencing the Pacific Northwest wilderness in a whole new way.

Safety first: Although it is free to drive out on a logging road and go snowshoeing, beginners are advised against doing so; like any wilderness activity, snowshoeing involves risks. It is much easier to get lost when the landscape is altered by snow, and avalanches are common in many areas.

Where to go l A great, inexpensive way to try snowshoeing is to go on one of the ranger-led walks that are offered in many national forests. At Snoqualmie Pass, the 90-minute “Kids in the Snow” walk and other guided walks leave the visitor center on Saturdays, Jan. 4–March 29. Make reservations online (discovernw.org): adults $15, youths 16 and younger $10. l At Mount Rainier National Park, families with kids ages 8 and older can join 1.5mile ranger-guided walks, which happen every Saturday, Sunday and on holidays,

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once the snow conditions are good enough. Walks begin at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.

Snowshoes are included for a recommended $5 donation. If you wish to rent snowshoes without going on the official walk, you can rent them at the Longmire General Store. Or you may use your own snowshoes. Sign up in person one hour in advance at the Jackson Visitor Center. l Another option is to use the trails in the Nordic (cross-country) skiing areas of Snoqualmie or Stevens Pass; you do have to buy a day pass, at a reduced cost, for snowshoeing. Children younger than 6 snowshoe for free at both mountains.

Snoqualmie has a warming yurt on its main beginner trail that makes for a good destination. l Those who want a truly independent experience are advised to use one of the Sno-Parks, such as Hyak, Gold Creek or Cabin Creek, as a base. Sno-Parks are plowed parking lots, often adjacent to groomed cross-country skiing trails. Trail maps are provided with the required parking permit, which can be purchased online or from outdoor retailers. l If you’re near Mount Baker, you can snowshoe at Artist Point. It’s accessible from the Heather Meadows parking lot at the ski area and offers sweeping views with open terrain. You’ll likely be able to follow people’s tracks, but be sure to stop in to ask about current safety conditions and recommendations at the Glacier Public Service Center. For an easy, lower-elevation trek around Mount Baker, try White Salmon Creek, an area accessible from Salmon Ridge Sno-Park.

For longer and more advanced trails, check out the great list of snowshoe hikes on the Washington Trails Association website (wta.org/go-outside/seasonal-hikes).

and children as small as 30 pounds can wear snowshoes as long as the hike is short and flat.

2. To keep kids happy, keep them warm.

Adults will get warm from the exercise, but babies and children on sleds will need to wear extra layers; a thermos of hot cocoa is a very good idea. Kids may not be as entertained by the scenery as the grown-ups.

3. Help kids notice their environment. Spot birds, animal tracks and unique plants poking up through the snow, and talk about how animals adapt to the winter.

4. Play games! Challenge your kids to move across the snow like different kinds of animals, or pretend you are on the Lewis and Clark Expedition.

5. There is no need for adults or children to take lessons in how to walk in snowshoes; it really is as simple as walking. However, The Mountaineers (mountaineers.org) and REI (rei.com) offer lessons that teach adult beginners about the equipment and how to select safe routes. ■ Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about the arts and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet).

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ages + stages IMAGINE THIS SCENARIO: “Mom, I’m going down to Sam’s house, okay?”

“No, Trevor. Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. And you need to do your chores, which include setting the table.”

“Mom, I promised Sam that I’d help him with his magic card trick! It’s important! Please understand!”

“What I understand is that you push for an inch and then you take a mile. The answer is no. Stop badgering me, Trevor, and get to it.”

“Mom, are you deaf? You are killing me! I’ve done my homework and all I’m asking for is 20 measly minutes. Why do you enjoy torturing me like this?”

“Your attitude is really torturing me! Trevor, our rules are reasonable.

First chores, homework and dinner, and then you get free time. This isn’t new around here. Now, please set the table.”

“Mom, you only care about your rules. You don’t care about what I want! You’re so selfish!”

“Trevor, you are the selfish one. Your ‘20 minutes’ turns into an hour.

You want the whole family to adjust to your whims. The world does not revolve around you, as much as you’d like it to be so. Set the table — now!”

“You can set your own table. To hell with your dinner! I’m going to Sam’s!”

“Trevor, you brat, if you do that, there will be hell to pay!”

‘N’ Is for Negotiating Skills How to avoid power struggles in hot-button moments

By Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

D

oes the above dialogue sound at all familiar?

This mom seems perfectly reasonable in her desire to hold the line, especially since Trevor’s accountability regarding time limits is nil. It’s also reasonable to want a child to fulfill his responsibilities first in order to earn his privileges.

Furthermore, this mom deserves extra credit for even having a family dinner, insisting on chores and trying to be consistent with her policies and routines.

Then why does it feel like such a failure when he disobeys and runs out the door? Oh, sure — Mom can figure out a consequence later for his infraction.

Perhaps her banning after-dinner socializing for a while will help him learn to buckle down and take her seriously when she sets limits. But chances are he will be “playing back” his mom calling him a brat and telling him he’s selfish (deleting his side of the movie script), so that he can feel entitled to victim status. The fact remains that this power struggle doesn’t end well, even if Mom feels justified in her disciplinary actions.

We all want to be consistent in our policies.

However, this mother might have been able to do so while averting a total breakdown in cooperation.

And if she decided to negotiate instead, would it

mean she was selling out on her policies?

Here are some guidelines about negotiations and avoiding power struggles with our kids: 1. Negotiate if you think that your child will learn as much from cooperating with a compromised deal than rule compliance. You should feel good about the negotiation, or else you might take it out on your child later on. It’s hard to appreciate the merits of collaboration when a child is acting up, but almost all people are more motivated to cooperate with rules when they feel a sense of reciprocity. Learning to engage in negotiation and emotional regulation is as important as complying with policies. Here’s how Trevor’s mom could have flipped the script: “Trevor, if you set the table right now and manage to be pleasant during dinner, I’ll get you out of this house and on your way to Sam’s by 6:45. Deal?”

2. See things from the child’s perspective. When our child wants something that is diametrically opposed to what we want, we tend to lock into a mode of justifying our position. This response often results in the child getting increasingly angry as we repeat our views. Flip the script: “I know you think I’m inconsiderate to stick to the rules parentmap.com • January 2020 • 39

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Negotiating Skills continued from page 39 right now. From your perspective, I’m being selfish.”

3. Accept that children are intrinsically egocentric. Although it is a parent’s job to help their children learn how to cooperate with others, lecturing them when they are extremely irate usually intensifies the conflict. Children “grow out of” being egocentric by living in a community and family cooperatively, not by talking about it when they are upset. Flip the script: “I know that going to Sam’s house is the most important thing in the world to you at this minute.”

4. Convey empathy. Parents who merely state that they are sticking to the rules — add lecture, criticism or tit-for-tat put-downs to the mix here — stimulate emotional arousal. Empathy does not mean that you are going to give in to them; in fact, appreciating another’s feelings (sincerely) is a good way to quell the extreme anger that arises when we are not budging. Flip the script: “Helping Sam with his magic card trick is what you want right now, and our rules are standing in your way. You think I’m insensitive to you for sticking with the rules when this is so important to you.”

Staying calm when our kids are slinging mud at us can seem utterly impossible.

5. Validate the child’s feelings without “buts” (which actually invalidate your validation!). Responding directly to a child’s insults and allegations against you during a conflict will make the conflict worse. A “heart to heart” discussion about deeper matters, feelings and insults can come later if you still think it might be productive to air grievances. Flip the script: “You’re really mad at me about rules that you think are stupid. It seems unfair that I get what I want and you don’t get what you want.”

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6. Maintain your cool, even if your kid doesn’t. This is very hard to do when they are throwing poison darts at you. When we throw back insults that they throw at us (e.g., put-downs, exaggerations and criticisms), we get on their immature level and destroy our credibility. Better that we try numbers 1–5 above. At least then we are “keeping our side of the street clean,” so that there is less damage control later.

When children’s emotions start to flood, it’s important to suspend the interaction and not expect it to end on a positive note. Although a clever exit route that sidesteps overt abandonment is good (“Oh, sorry, I need to head for the john!”), the most important thing is ending it before we say things we will regret.

I have an important qualifier here. If your child is extremely distressed, these approaches may not be successful in getting him to comply, calm down or negotiate with you. But there is a good chance that he won’t spiral into complete defiance, as in Trevor’s heated departure.

When kids are as riled up as Trevor, we need to have reasonable (even low)

goals. I’d be impressed with any parent who managed to avoid counter-insults in a scenario like the one presented. If the parent either managed to negotiate a deal or stick to the policy without adding nasty remarks on her side of the dialogue, I’d deem it a success — even if Trevor was in dramatic high gear. Until Mom got into her counter mudslinging, Trevor was more emotional than disrespectful.

Just as important as parental consistency is a child’s trust in his parents.

Listening and negotiating are ways that children learn that expressing their feelings is worthwhile. Deciding when to negotiate or not is really a personal appraisal on the parent’s part — both have potential downsides.

Encouraging children to communicate their needs, learn to negotiate and give input to their parents’ decision-making are key aspects of the authoritative parenting style, which predicts optimal academic, social and emotional competence in mature adolescents.

As any good communicator would discern, all of the points in the list above are good tips for dealing with power struggles with anyone. Feisty kids push our buttons with their provocative attacks because they can “get personal” with their insults and exaggerated protestations. In a perfect world for parents, kids would cooperate, comply with policies and think of others, but that is what they learn during childhood with

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effective parenting. They are not there yet! Silly us to even expect it (yet).

Thinking of clever bids for negotiation is challenging in the fray of emotional tirades and stressful lives. Staying calm when our kids are slinging mud at us can seem utterly impossible. Even though validation works better than a rational defense of our household policies, we’ll only be able to manage it some of the time when exchanges are getting dirty.

It is natural for kids to feel their needs and wants intensely and to try to bargain, have a tantrum and threaten when they are emotionally aroused. It is also natural for parents to dislike this process. We work hard to take care of our family’s needs, only to suffer the slings and arrows of irate kids. But kids are just being kids, and we are the adults, so we’re the ones who need to be skillful with their “normal” emotional tirades about their needs, wants and feelings. Whoa! Isn’t it good we’re only going for “good enough” and not straight A’s in our parenting skills? ■ Laura Kastner, Ph.D., is an author of a number of parenting books and is a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. This article was originally published on the author’s website as part of the series “A–Z Tools in the Toolbox for Successful Parenting” (laurakastnerphd.com).

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A C T I V I T I E S 5 Camp Challenges and How to Solve Them Every year, it’s a new puzzle: Eleven or so weeks of summer stretch out enticingly, with the promise of fair weather and free time for the kids. The only catch: The adults in the family need to work during those precious warm months. So begins the business of matching kids to camps.

Here are time-tested ideas for how to cope with common camp dilemmas.

Money

Many camps offer financial aid to deserving families, so be sure to ask and apply — the earlier, the better. Others also offer discounts if you sign up early. And there are some relatively inexpensive camp options for those hoping to stretch their budgets. Options such as Boys & Girls Club camps (positiveplace.org), YMCA camps (ykids.seattleymca.org) and camps at schools and community centers around the region are among the most affordable.

Logistics

JUL 6 – 24 Asian Art Museum Monday–Friday, 8:30 am–3 pm Extended Care 3:30–5:30 pm SAM Camp is back at the Seattle Asian Art Museum and has expanded to offer more opportunities for budding artists entering grades 1–6. Each week includes a field trip to the Seattle Art Museum. Led by local art educators and inspired by work on view at SAM, each week is a new adventure.

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Photo: Robert Wade

42 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

Your schedule only has so much flexibility, so you need to find camps and locations that provide lots of coverage and many options. Often associated with schools’ after-school programs, many affordable and popular Parks & Recreation camps offered around the area provide coverage from 7 a.m. until 6 p.m. Sign up as early as possible.

If you only need coverage for a single day or part of a week, then keep a list of popular camps that offer single-day options. Steve & Kate’s Camp (steveandkatescamp.com), an ultra-flexible, kid-centered camp for kids ages 4 through grade 7 (with locations in Seattle and Redmond), allows parents to purchase day passes to use as needed. Arena Sports (arenasports.net), with multiple Seattle and Eastside locations, also offers Flex Passes.

You need to find last-minute camp spots for your kids — and fast!

Remain optimistic! Sometimes camps you’d expect to be full have room.

And even if your favorite camps are full, there may be similar ones with openings.

For example, Sounders soccer camps (soundersfc.com) often fill up, but other soccer camps, such as Peter Fewing (peterfewingsoccercamp.com) and U.K. Elite (ukelite.com), may have spaces. Some of the big camp providers, such as Woodland Park Zoo (zoo.org), Pacific Science Center (pacificsciencecenter.org) and Arena Sports, will often have spaces (sometimes due to cancellations) throughout the summer.

Your kid is in middle school

It was easy to find camps for my son up until the summer after sixth grade. He didn’t want to be one of the oldest kids in camp.

Luckily, there are a number of camps just for middle schoolers. We ended up choosing NOAA science camp (wsg.washington.edu), which teaches incoming sixth-, seventh- and eighth-graders about marine science; Cascade Summer Sounds (cyso.us), a Lynnwood-based orchestra program for intermediate and advanced students; and his favorite, Team Ultimate Camp (teamultimatecamp.com), an ultimate Frisbee camp designed specifically for middle and high schoolers.

Your child doesn’t like camp

Is your kid shy, or impulsive, or can’t handle the transition to a new camp week after week? This is perhaps the toughest challenge of all.

One strategy is to minimize the number of camps your child attends and to sign them up with friends. Some providers offer multiweek camps, which help kids feel comfortable and develop a community. Another strategy is to find camps that are creative and nurturing by design. Examples include small craft camps offered by organizations such as Made Sewing Studio in Greenwood (madesewstudio.com) and The Moonpaper Tent in Seattle’s Roosevelt neighborhood (moonpapertent.org).

— Fiona Cohen

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parentmap.com • January 2020 • 43

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10 Brilliant ‘Mad Science’ Birthday Party Ideas for Your Little Genius Bright colors, bubbly decorations and explosive activities are the perfect formula for an amazing “mad science” birthday party.

This versatile theme works for girls and boys from preschoolers to teenagers. Decorate with a periodic table of elements banner and giant balloon molecules, serve up petri dish Jell-O and invite guests to make ice cream sundaes in an ice cream lab. But the best part of a science-themed party are the experiments, of course! Your little scientists will love conducting fun experiments using inexpensive kitchen ingredients.

DIY balloon molecules Simple to make from embroidery hoops and balloons, these adorable DIY “molecules” will provide a colorful pop to your party space! The blog Twinkle Twinkle Little Party (twinkletwinklelittleparty.com) offers great instructions for making these at home.

A banner day The blog Fun Squared (fun-squared.com) offers a stellar printable banner that spells out “science” using symbols from the periodic table of elements. (Its creator took some artistic license with the element Europium to make it work for the word science, but it’s still super cute!)

Book covers Fun Squared also offers a set of clever printable book covers to wrap books as décor. Guests will chuckle at titles like “Achieve Einstein Hair Today” and “How to Make a Monster.”

The science of cake We love the simple science cake featured on Catch My Party (catchmyparty.com).

You can make it yourself by stacking two cakes frosted in bright colors and then adding the toppers. Fill a beaker and flask with colorful candies and then add colored cotton candy for the bubbles. White lab rats optional!

Ice cream lab Instead of cake, set up an ice cream lab.

Serve ice cream in beakers and set up a test tube toppings station. Don’t forget the Magic Shell topping! Visit the Left Brain Craft Brain blog (leftbraincraftbrain.com)

44 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

for more ideas and for the secret of how Magic Shell works.

Petri dish Jell-O Fill petri dishes with Jell-O and add gummy worms and sprinkles for a lab-tastic snack! The brilliant minds behind the Hostess With the Mostess blog (hwtm.com) used lidded dishes secured with washi tape, making this “gross-in-a-goodway treat” perfect to take home as a party favor.

Self-inflating balloons This is a fun experiment that each party guest can participate in. Prep the balloons and bottles before the party and hand out one to each guest. On the count of three, guests can lift the balloon up, emptying the baking soda into the bottle. Watch the balloons inflate by themselves!

Find a scientific explanation for this phenomenal party trick and instructions on the Teach Beside Me website (teachbesideme.com).

Milk fireworks This fun kitchen science experiment, which requires only milk, food coloring and dish soap, is magical. Put a few drops of food coloring into a dish of full-fat milk and then touch the food coloring with a cotton swab dipped in dish soap. The fat molecules in the milk race around trying to attach to the soap molecules, making it look like fireworks are exploding in the dish! Steve Spangler Science (stevespanglerscience.com) offers a great tutorial and explanation.

Elephant toothpaste Steve Spangler Science delivers another STEM-tastic party trick using basic household products — this time hydrogen peroxide, food coloring and yeast. When the chemical reaction happens, the foam erupts from the bottle like toothpaste being squeezed from a tube, wowing your guests.

For an extra activity, have each guest create a custom label for their bottle using art supplies to make it look like a toothpaste tube.

Test tube party favors The DIY Candy blog (diycandy.com) shares an easy-to-assemble Halloween party favor idea that we think is pure genius for a mad science party: Fill plastic test tubes with small candies (such as Pop Rocks) or gummies. Or, for a non-sugary treat, go for bubbles or slime.

Tiffany Doerr Guerzon is a freelance writer, the mother of three children and author of “Save Money on Groceries by Going Back to Basics.”

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8 Sweet Fairy-Tale Birthday Party Ideas

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Once upon a time, a tired parent searched all the land for the perfect party theme. Luckily, a Fairy Godmother understood her struggle and delivered a collection of fairy-tale and dragon-themed party ideas. Whether your birthday child wants to channel their inner fairy princess or prince, wander in the magical woods or slay a menacing dragon, we have a party idea for you!

Fairy snack mix. The blog Sprinkle Some Fun (sprinkesomefun.com) features a video tutorial to help you make Fairy Snack Mix. With its candydipped fairy wands, owl cookies and candy toadstools, this snack is almost too pretty to eat. Make an extra batch and send guests home with a baggie of snack mix as a party favor.

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Cinderella party. Create a party fit for a princess by decorating the snack table with lots of gathered blue and white tulle as a table skirt. Serve up mini doughnuts as “carriage wheels” and cut out jam sandwiches with a glass slipper cookie cutter for fun treats. Visit Kara’s Party Ideas (karaspartyideas.com) for more inspiration!

Dragon cake. If your birthday child would like a fire-breathing dragon cake to keep watch over the festivities, try your hand at the DIY dragon cake featured on the Shorties Funny Farm blog (shortiesfunnyfarm.blogspot.com). It looks complicated, but we’ve made this one and we promise it is fairly easy!

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Castle cake. Create a fairy-tale castle cake that will wow your guests. The House of White (houseofwhite.com.au) offers a tutorial on how to make an easy (really!) castle. The blog’s author uses ready-made cakes and frosting from the store to make this stunner in just a few minutes! She calls it a “princess cake,” but you could change it up a bit and call it a knight’s cake just as well.

Fairy dust party favors. Parents always appreciate a party favor without the sugar rush. Sugar Spice and Glitter (sugarspiceandglitter.com) shares a terrific idea for making glitter playdough that is simply made by kneading glitter into a batch of homemade or store-bought playdough.

Tinkerbell party. Evoke the magic of an enchanted wood scene with a Tinkerbell-themed party à la Sprinkle Some Fun (sprinklesomefun.com). From the log-shaped cake embellished with edible flowers to the super cute cheese and cherry tomato toadstool snacks, this party will delight any fantasy-loving kid.

Dragon photo props. Target sells a fun set of dragon photo booth props for less than $5! They are perfect for a dragon- or fairy-tale-themed party and include everything from fire breath to speech bubbles. Just hang up a sheet or colored plastic tablecloth on the wall and let the kids take selfies.

Activity cards. You can thank the Cape May County Library (kids.cmclibrary.org) for a sweet set of printable fairy tale activity cards. These would be a perfect game to get the wiggles out with a preschool or earlyelementary party crowd. Kids will love standing tall like a castle, prancing like a unicorn and swimming like a mermaid.

— Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

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www.snapdoodletoys.com parentmap.com • January 2020 • 45

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46 • January 2020 • parentmap.com

parent day jobs ParentEd Talk:

Meet Dan Siegel, M.D.

Dan Siegel, M.D., Jan 14!

This doctor’s orders are to show up for your kids

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By Patty Lindley

I

f you knew there was one thing you could consistently do as a parent that would dramatically improve your child’s ultimate chances of success and happiness in life, you’d do it, right?

In their latest book, coauthors Dan Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., make a compelling case for a deceptively simple-sounding but very powerful twoword imperative for raising confident, compassionate and connected kids: Show up! “The Power of Showing Up,” which follows their other landmark best-selling collaborations “The Yes Brain,” “The Whole-Brain Child” and “No-Drama Discipline,” assures us that positive outcomes for our children are possible when at least one adult in their life reliably “shows up” for them.

Backed by the latest research in brain and attachment science, the book is an inspiring and instructive guide to understanding what particular qualities of parental presence are fundamental to cultivating children’s resilience and healthy emotional prospects. These are the mnemonic “Four S’s”: helping kids feel Soothed, Seen, Safe and Secure.

In the context of this new book, what does it mean to “show up”?

“Showing up” is a term that Tina Payne Bryson and I use to really describe what it means to be fully present — not just your body, but with your mind — and focus your attention on what’s going on in the moment. In this case, we’re talking about with your child. [It’s a process of opening] your awareness to things that are actually happening that may be beyond what you may have thought should be there or would be there; it’s a quality of being really open and receptive to things.

What are “The Four S’s”?

I’m trained as an attachment researcher, and in that research we carefully do empirical studies of how parents and children all around the world interact with each other and the ways a parent really shapes the development of a child’s mind and wires their brain.

So what the Four S’s do is help a parent basically summarize the essential part of what that research shows, which is, number one, when a child is distressed, a parent learns how to Soothe them. That means staying present and showing up for really uncomfortable feelings and being able to do something about them. The next S is Seeing. What we’re talking

At the heart of “The Power of Showing Up” is a hopeful message for those of us who experience anxiety or feelings of inadequacy in our parenting: Our history is not our destiny. While we may not have experienced secure parenting ourselves and while it is true that today’s digital distractions and existential concerns can compromise our ability to be present consistently in our relationships (uh, hey, you — nose up out of that smartphone, I’m talking to you), each one of us can be the parent that we want to be.

We caught up with Siegel to learn more about his latest book — written compassionately for all of us “imperfect parents who care deeply about [our] kids” — and get an introduction to how showing up with attention and awareness shapes who our kids become.

about here is that the inner mental life of the child is a priority and tuned into by the parent. When you’re soothed and seen, you feel like you are part of a larger something than just your private self. The third S is Safe, and safe has two parts to it. One is that you are out of harm’s way, you’re protected from danger.

The other is that you don’t have the prolonged or repeated or unrepaired experience of being terrified of your parents [in those cases] where your parents are actually the cause of your terror. That’s a biological paradox with no resolution [and] leads to what’s called disorganized attachment.

Each of these things contributes to the fourth S, being Secure, which is an internal scheme or mental model. It lets you feel like life, even when it’s difficult, can be manageable. Meaning, you can find your way out of distress towards clarity and calm.

Can you speak about the impacts on secure attachment posed by excessive screen time?

What we want to do is not condemn technology, because technology is really here to stay, but rather say, “Okay, how do we use technology in a way that’s going to actually increase how we connect with each other, how we see the mind.” What I call “mindsight.”

These are reflective dialogues about subjective experience, which includes your emotions, your memories, the things that matter to you, the sense of purpose you have in life, where your hopes and dreams are. All that is stuff of the mind. And that’s one of the main problems with our digital distractions — we’re literally making ourselves have this incredibly short attention span, this very superficial view of what’s real and what matters. And because we’re

born into a body, we’re also social creatures, so we naturally want to — not just want to, but we need to — have a sense of connection and belonging.

But that sense of connection and belonging is deeply threatened by all of the superficiality and lack of membership in community. You see this in so many ways. Modern life is built on a kind of solo self-view of what’s real and what matters. It’s a hard time to be a human being, I’ve got to say.

What are some of the best ways that parents can help their children learn to self-soothe?

When you teach your child to become aware of their feelings — and I’m here going to paraphrase Fred Rogers — when things are “mentionable,” which means when you can be aware of them and you can learn to put words to those feelings, that’s a really, really empowering process. The awareness part of it and the “languaging” of emotions.

The research out of our UCLA institute shows that when you can mention the emotions that are in the brain, they calm down from overactive, intense states, soothing you. It’s literally the process of soothing. So, that’s one thing you want to do: increase kids’ awareness of emotions. And then, basically, by showing up, what happens is you get your child to see that, if I’m feeling bad, I stay with my feelings, I can communicate my feelings, and then I can calm my feelings. These are the three C’s, I guess you could say: I’m Conscious of my feeling; I could Communicate it; and I could Calm it. And then you’re on the road to something called implicit memory — basically, teaching this skill that even when I’m distressed, I have a way to calm down. ■

parentmap.com • January 2020 • 47