ISSUE 8 | PARAGONROAD.COM
A New Path
Rewriting Family Patterns
+ ADDICTIONS. BETRAYAL. CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR. NARCISSISM. EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT. THESE ARE SCARY THINGS TO SEE IN YOUR BLOODLINE. LEARN HOW TO CHANGE THE FAMILY WAY.
THE ART OF A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE + HOW MARC LEDER, PRIVATE EQUITY MAVEN AND CO-FOUNDER OF SUN CAPITAL PARTNERS, GOT HOOKED BY THE ART WORLD.
The Language of Heraldry + LEARN THE TRADITIONAL ART OF BLAZONING YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS WITH A COAT OF ARMS.
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Contents
8
6
Note from the Editor
Art, Changing Your Roots, and more...
8Â
The Art of a New Perspective
How Marc Leder, private equity maven and Co-Founder of Sun Capital Partners, got hooked by the art world.
10 14
Top 10 Celebrity-Related Charities
Check out the top celebrity-backed charities from Charity Navigator.
How To Pass Along Wisdom & Avoid Kicking Yourself
Lessons Brian Happel, CEO of BBVA Compass, Ft. Worth, Texas, has learned from being a professional football player, single parent, and banking executive.
16
Pruning the Family Tree
How to avoid becoming your parents.
30
22
Empowering Women Through Storytelling
30
28
Bridging the Generation Gap
32
Q&A with Sharon Reed, innovative change agent for social good and Founder of the Global Girls Project.
The truth about UHNW Millennials.
The Language of Heraldry Blazoning your achievements.
Timeless Wisdom: Erich Fromm’s Great Shams
Distinguishing the Real from the Fake.
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ISSUE 8 | 2016
Paragon Road PUBLISHER Laura Roser EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Brian C. Hailes ART DIRECTOR
Marc Leder, Co-Founder of Sun Capital Partners Brian Happel, CEO of BBVA Compass, Ft. Worth, Texas Sharon Reed, Founder of the Global Girls Project
Marko Nedeljkovic DESIGN Matthew Roser CONTENT EDITOR
Global Girls Project Paragon Road
Mike Bishop
Charity Navigator
Selwa Lukoskie J.B. Pravda Sharon E. Reed Laura Roser Matthew Roser
Share your product or service with thousands of financial professionals around the world through our digital magazine and main website. Email: advertising@paragonroad.com
Have a good idea for an article, feedback or suggestions for our magazine? Email the editor directly: editor@paragonroad.com
What is Legacy Arts Magazine?
Legacy Arts is dedicated to the journey of developing a great legacy and passing on non-financial assets (such as beliefs, values & wisdom). It is produced by Paragon Road, the leader in meaning legacy planning. 6 LEGACY ARTS Issue 8 www.paragonroad.com
Note from the Editor Blazing Your Own Trail
I
n this issue of Legacy Arts, our main article focuses on a difficult topic—how to forge your own path when you are unhappy with your heritage. There may be some things your parents did wonderfully and other things they did poorly, and so the question becomes, “How do you blaze your own trail and lead your family to a The article on Heraldry is one of my favorites. successful way of living?” In this article, I talk about As it continues a series discussing how to create a some of the challenges of changing course and family or personal coat of arms, using traditional strategies to get unstuck. practices. Here we introduce several coats of arms as examples. We also showcase our company coat As usual, we had some fantastic interviews. I’d of arms for Paragon Road, which features three like to thank Marc Leder, Co-Founder of Sun Capital acorns symbolizing the three asset types that are Partners, for his insights about art and seeing the essential to pass on to new generations: character world with new eyes, as well as Brian Happel, CEO assets, intellectual assets and financial assets. of BBVA Compass, Ft. Worth, Texas for his views on service, family and perseverance. In the coming months, we have some exciting developments for adding more structure to passing Sharon Reed, Founder of the Global Girls Project, on what matters most. Until then, thank you for provided some wonderful thoughts about her work reading and your invaluable feedback. with women around the world and the value of storytelling to uplift and inspire greatness. Family Arc, a All the best, company specializing in a digital platform for archiving and sharing family information, wrote an excellent Laura A. Roser article about how to communicate with Millennials Editor-in-Chief of Legacy Arts from the Financial Consultant point of view. and CEO of Paragon Road
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THE ART OF A New Perspective
How Marc Leder, Private Equity Maven and Co-Founder of Sun Capital Partners, Got Hooked by the Art World by Laura A. Roser
“F
or many years, I was two-dimensional—kids and work,” says Marc Leder, financier and Hamptons socialite. “That was my whole life up into my early 40s.”
Then Marc discovered the art scene. “It is such a different world than business and finance. It not only gives me a bit of a mental break from my work life, it also exposes me to new ideas and ways of looking at the world.” Marc now collects art and supports various causes related to the arts. One organization he is involved with is the Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation, which is dedicated to providing inner city youth across New York City with significant exposure to the arts, as well as to supporting emerging artists with exhibition opportunities. The nonprofit was founded by media mogul Russell Simmons and his two brothers. Marc can also be found at a variety of art events, such as Art Basel in Miami, and he is a member of the International Council Board of the Berggruen Museum in Berlin. “I’m still very new to the art world, and am still doing a lot of exploring and learning,” says Marc. “I look for individual works that I like rather than focus on any one artist. Everything I’m currently collecting is in the Contemporary genre, but at some point I could easily add Impressionists and Old Masters, as well.” One artist Marc mentions is Michael Bauer. “He creates these really distinctive pieces that have a collage-like quality with abstract images alongside recognizable items and human-like figures. They’re hard to describe, but I really respond to them. “Laura Kimpton and Alec Monopoly are two artists I also find very interesting. Laura is known for giant word sculptures—famously shown at Burning Man—and Alec uses imagery from the Monopoly game in a graffiti style. A pretty diverse group.”
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Marc J. Leder, Co-Chief Executive Officer of Sun Capital Partners, Inc., has been engaged in leveraged buyouts, investment banking, and business operations for more than 25 years. Prior to co-founding Sun Capital Partners in 1995, Mr. Leder served as a Senior Vice President of Lehman Brothers in New York. Mr. Leder received a Bachelor of Science degree in Economics from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. Mr. Leder is a Director of the Berggruen Museum in Berlin and Director of the Federal Enforcement Homeland Security Foundation. Marc’s greatest desire for his personal legacy is to be an exceptional parent and to raise great children that excel at whatever they choose to do. His second priority is to be the best private equity investor he can be and serve the organizations that have entrusted him with their money. His final hope is to impact many through charitable giving.
Washing Away the Dust of Daily Life Picasso once said, “The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.” As Marc mentions, art gives us a new perspective, a new way to look at the world and connect with something deep within our souls. The artist becomes a mouthpiece, involving us in his or her vision and creating a legacy by capturing a moment, a scene, an era or a feeling that will live on in the form of sculpture, paint on canvas, video or music long after we are gone. It is this alluring quality of art that captures our attention and transcends the mundane. Surely, great businesspeople are respected for their acumen, but business schematics and spreadsheets will never be displayed on the walls of a museum and attract the same crowds as Van Gough’s Starry Night. Throughout history, artists have depended on the support of wealthy patrons. Some of the greatest works of all time were the result of churches, the aristocracy, business tycoons or influential leaders commissioning the greats—such as Michelangelo, Raphael or Dali—to create something the world would not soon forget. “Art, or why we like a piece of art, can’t always need to be explained” Leder said. “The feeling you get from a piece of art isn’t a rational analysis, it’s an emotional response that can re-frame your own experience and help you see things from a different angle.” It’s that change in perspective that opens his mind to all kinds of new possibilities. n
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Top 10 Celebrity-Related
Check out the top celebrity-backed charities from Navigator. To review ratings of other philanthropic visit Charity Navigator’s website at www.charityna
George H.W. Bush Bill Clinton Sandra Day O’Connor
1
Tony La Russa
2
Dikembe Mutombo Marc E. Platt Slade Gorton
3
Edward G. Rendell Ben Sherwood Joseph Torsella
Michael J. Fox
Visit www.charitynavigator.org for more “top ten lists” and rankin 10 LEGACY ARTS Issue 8 www.paragonroad.com
Charities
m Charity c organizations, avigator.org
Laila Ali
5
Michael Kors
Sheryl Crow Dominique Dawes
Paul Simon
6
Bette Midler
Christopher Reeve
7
8 10
Angelina Jolie
Don Imus
Mia Hamm Billie Jean King Holly Hunter
4
Martina Navratilova Geena Davis Chris Evert
ngs of nonprofit organizations.
Pink
Pamela Anderson Alicia Silverstone
9
Woody Harrelson Alec Baldwin
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How Will You Change Th Make The Most Impact With Charity
Animals
l Animal Rights, Welfare, and Services l Wildlife Conservation l Zoos and Aquariums
Education
l Early Childhood Programs and Services l Youth Education Programs and Services l Adult Education Programs and Services l Special Education l Education Policy and Reform Scholarship and Financial Support
Community Development l l l l
United Ways Jewish Federations Community Foundations Housing and Neighborhood Development
Arts, Culture, Humanities l Libraries, Historical Societies and Landmark Preservation l Museum l Performing Arts l Public Broadcasting and Media
Resources for Intelligent Giving: www.charitynavigat
he World?
International
Navigator
l Development and Relief Services l International Peace, Security, and Affairs l Humanitarian Relief Supplies
Environment
l Environmental Protection and Conservation l Botanical Gardens, Parks, and Nature Centers
Health
l Diseases, Disorders, and Disciplines l Patient and Family Support l Treatment and Prevention Services l Medical Research
Research and Public Policy
l Non-Medical Science & Technology Research l Social and Public Policy Research
tor.org
Human and Civil Rights l Advocacy and Education
Religion
l Religious Activities l Religious Media and Broadcasting
Human Services
l Children’s and Family Services l Youth Development, Shelter, and Crisis Services l Food Banks, Food Pantries, and Food Distribution l Multipurpose Human Service Organizations l Homeless Services l Social Services
How To Pass Along Wisdom & Avoid KICKING YOURSELF by J.B. Pravda
B
Brian Happel, CEO of BBVA Compass, Ft. Worth, Texas, a prominent regional banking institution might be said to have figuratively ‘kicked down’ an unlikely door to his 33-year (and counting) banking career with what he first gleaned from a ‘how to’ book. “When I was a freshman in high school, I was involved in many football competitions and my grandfather asked me why I couldn’t kick the ball farther,” said Happel. “I told him that’s as far as I could kick the ball. So, he said, why don’t you learn how to kick soccer-style like those guys do on TV?” The next week, Happel’s father found a book at a local bookstore about how to kick soccer-style. “Essentially, by reading a book between my father and I, I learned how to kick soccer-style and that led me to not only get a scholarship in college, but to play professionally for four years.” Happel recounts that if he could reach pro status from following instructions in a book, there isn’t anything he couldn’t do. Among other life lessons, his journey through college and professional football—the latter, where he spent a symmetrical 4 years 4 months as ‘goalposts’ for the New York Jets, Baltimore Colts, Washington Redskins, Green Bay Packers, and San Antonio Gunslingers—laid a lasting foundation for his entire career. In 1983 he found himself off one seemingly different field and onto another. Like his former challenge to learn the art of kicking—’field’, green, threeringer playbook binder in hand—Happel had a short period of time in which to take over
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managing an entire team at the bank. No pressure. “My kicking experience had prepared me to keep an even temperament,” Happel confided. His key asset, he allowed, was his ability to get to know his audience and empathize with their needs.
The Parent As Coach/Coach As Mentor
In referencing his parenting philosophy, Happel first emphasized the ancient wisdom of the Greek Epictitus: It’s not what happens to you but how you handle it that matters. “In addition, as an adult coach of one’s offspring, balance between authority and friendship is critical.” Another paramount ‘play’ in his personal playbook. He believes in being a ‘Go-Giver’ or giving freely without an agenda. “This Go-Giver way, a kind of pay it forward attitude, when it’s consistent and without regard to the outcome for the giver sums up our philosophy.” He likened to a simple carbuying experience. Rather than trying to sell you on something you don’t need or want, Happel has a different attitude. If, for instance, you go to a car dealership and they don’t have what you’re looking for here’s what they should say: “You know, I can’t help you, but I do know someone who could...” he role-plays, illustrating another approach than the stereotypical used car salesperson ‘what have you done for me lately’ attitude.
The Sportsman & His Brain Surgery
Happel has worked with Junior Achievement, the Sportsman’s Club, and other charities for years. He has a passion for mentoring children—especially children who may not have the ideal family setting. “I was a single parent,” he says. “I know how hard it can be.” One person can make such a difference in a child’s life. One of Happel’s favorite memories is teaching children how to fish—something he does with several executives through the Sportsman’s Club. Many of the children they mentor have never been to a lake or out of an urban setting. “When you’re teaching these kids how to put a worm on a hook, they look at you like you’re doing brain surgery,” he recounts. “The focus they have is so intense.” And then to actually participate in physically throwing the line out in the water—never having had that experience—and feeling a tug on the rod, pulling in the fish, seeing the fish come out of the water and knowing that they did it is something magical. “For that moment in time, they’ve forgotten about their personal situation. They’ve forgotten about their medical illness. They are only focused on the fact that they were successful at something.” n
Mr. Brian Happel, CEO is CEO of BBVA Compass, Ft. Worth Texas, a leading U.S. banking franchise with operations throughout the Sunbelt region and it ranks among the top 25 largest U.S. commercial banks based on deposit market share. BBVA Compass operates 688 branches in Alabama, Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, New Mexico and Texas. It ranks among the largest banks in Alabama (2nd), Texas (4th) and Arizona (5th). In addition, BBVA Compass has been recognized as one of the nation's leading Small Business Administration (SBA) lenders. Brian and his wife Stacey have six children between them.
How I Spend The Summer of My Time: Brian Happel’s Legacy We asked Happel to summarize the ways and means of his hoped for legacy. Here’s his checklist: 1) Make instead of take: This can be as simple—and profound—as seeing the look on a delighted person’s face when he gives of his time as fisherman or banker. 2) Recognize others now: Whether a loved one, friend or otherwise former stranger, throw a surprise party, prepare an elaborate—or simple—meal, invested with your most precious gift, your time, as a form of loving kindness. 3) Don’t look back: No one leaves here, a.k.a. Planet Earth, without making mistakes and meeting adversity; there's no point in getting stuck, you must keep moving forward. Thus, the proverbial moral of anyone's story is just because someone errs it needn't affect his/her heirs! 4) Music’s root word is ‘muse’: “My stepson’s„ a Texas songwriter/musician... we’ll travel 3 hours to hear his stories set to music...’; enrich your story with art, music, love and good food. 5) Golf as deep sharing: “Most anyone in most relationships with you will give you an hour—with golf, you’ll share 5 hours!” That’s why Happel plays—not to improve his score, but to get face time with people he admires. It’s also why he cooks with his children, to increase quality time with them. 6) ’If’: Happel gets Kipling’s insightful poem: ‘ If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two impostors just the same...’ Postscript: Brian asks that you please remember this, in light of his humbly offered playbook: Life can go pretty fast. "Do you have the ability to touch the break pedal, slow life down and appreciate what you have?"
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Pruning the FAMILY TREE How to Avoid Becoming Your Parents by Laura A.Roser
D
o you look at your parents and become terrified about marriage or starting a family? Maybe your parents had a dysfunctional relationship—always fighting and screaming at each other. Maybe they fell out of love. Maybe they avoid each other or stare at the television rather than having a conversation. Maybe there was abuse or addiction in your home as a kid. It can be appalling for many to contemplate following the family way. According to an article written in the Huffington Post, one of the top 5 fears of getting married is the fear of emulating your parents’ marriage. When I first got married, I remember going to visit my husband’s family. We all sat around his mother’s kitchen table and she told stories about my husband’s father and his philandering ways. His father was a businessman who used his trips as an excuse to sleep around. Then she talked about when she was young and how she would go with her father and his “girlfriends” to the racetrack while her mother stayed at home. I could tell from the tone of her voice and the hurt look on her face that the cheating bothered her. A lot. But she felt helpless to do anything about it. It was just the way men are. These stories made my stomach turn. My inner alarm bells went haywire. What did I get myself into? No one in my family had ever cheated on a spouse and, if they did (they’re really good at keeping secrets), they certainly didn’t discuss it over pie and ice cream around the dinner table. My husband is different, I’d tell myself. He’s committed to me. He loves me. He’d never do something like that. And my husband played the part—sending me sweet texts, going to church and acting pious, taking me to nice dinners and weekend getaways, keeping the romance alive. He told me that he thought it was wrong to look at pornography or flirt with other women. I did my very best to convince myself his family legacy of cheating wasn’t a part of his value system.
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Then after six years of marriage and more lies than I can count, my husband admitted he had been cheating on me the whole time. I divorced him immediately. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And while I’d like to think that everyone has free will to become their own person, the truth is most people carry on their family legacy—both the good and bad aspects. Everyone has issues with their family. No matter what, there are things that will drive you insane. The way your father spouts political propaganda at family events. The passive-aggressive nature of your mother. How your sister flaunts her rich husband every time you’re around. Family dynamics can be interesting—even in the healthiest of families. But what about serious issues? What about deep character flaws that threaten to tear apart your home and destroy the relationships you have built? Addictions. Betrayal. Criminal behavior. Narcissism. Emotional detachment. These are scary things to see in your bloodline. Jennifer Teege, author of My Grandfather Would Have Shot Me: A Black Woman Discovers Her Family’s Nazi Past, writes about the emotional upheaval she went through when, at age 38, she picked up a book at a library and discovered her grandfather was Amon Goeth, the brutal Nazi commandant depicted in Schindler’s List. After this discovery, she began to ask questions that shook her core: Why did her birth mother withhold this terrible secret? How could her grandmother have fallen in love with a man known as the “butcher of Płaszów”? Could evil be inherited? Thankfully, Teege was able to come to peace with her past and reach a certain liberation. But what about the rest of us? Are we doomed to be marked by the actions of our ancestors? I’ve known people who have avoided having children because there is alcoholism in their families. One of my dearest friends destroyed his beautiful life—he was a self-made millionaire by the time he was twenty-four and owned retail stores in several states—because when he was a child his family idolized his cat-burglar grandfather and when my friend became an adult, he believed doing shifty things, like running scams on insurance companies, was all a part of the game. His small, dishonest decisions ended up landing him in prison for over twenty years and hurting many people. He now focuses on helping kids overcome traumas so that they don’t end up like him.
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Changing Your Path
There are two major hurtles to instilling change— especially on a family level. The first hurtle is awareness. David Foster Wallace writes a joke about two fish. One fish asks the other, “How’s the water?” The other fish replies, “What the hell is water?” Often we are so surrounded by beliefs and ways of the past that we don’t know what we’re swimming in. It’s just life.
You may know that, for example, you don’t want to end up like your alcoholic father, but there are certain beliefs, values and actions that created that path and, if you’re not cognizant about what created his habits, it’s rather easy to fall into them yourself because that’s what you know. The second hurtle is the inertia of the tribe. Even if you do have awareness and you’ve seen other ways of behaving, you’ve got years, decades or sometimes several generations of family dynamics to overcome. It can be painful, for instance, to “see the light” and understand destructive family dynamics and then try to change your mother or siblings. Just because there is another, better way, doesn’t mean anyone will follow you. To them, it can be akin to you trying to get them to join a cult. So, what do you do? The mostcrucial step is to create your own foundation of values and principles that will form the compass for your actions. Your purpose is not to try to force anyone into your way of thinking. If they are open, great. If not, you can simply step back and observe the family dynamics without being sucked in as you would have been if you were on auto-pilot like before.
Laura A. Roser is the founder and CEO of Paragon Road, the #1 authority in meaning legacy planning. For more information about meaning legacy planning services, visit www.paragonroad.com.
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Starting Something New
The good news is that if you are just starting a family or have young children, you have an opportunity to change the destiny of your family. You can choose not to repeat mistakes of the past. You can choose healthier ways. But, like anything, changing family dynamics is part art, part science and part luck. In the next issue of our magazine, we will be covering some more concrete ways to change family dynamics, but, until then, the following are some common mistakes to avoid:
MISTAKE 3: Being Too Hard On Yourself. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to do everything right. You will make MISTAKE 1: Over mistakes. You will do stupid things. You will emotionally Compensating. Let’s say scar your kids. It’s the nature of things. As long as your mother ignored you you’re doing the best you can from a place of love and growing up. You always continually trying to improve, there’s no need to beat wanted her love, but she yourself up. No one has ever had a perfect parent. That’s was too busy working or a given. We grow and learn together through persevering going out with friends. through good and bad times. So, you decide that you MISTAKE 4: Focusing are going to make sure Solely On The Family, your children feel loved. Rather Than The It’s easy to overcompensate for the love you missed from Individual. Family your mother and end up with the opposite problem: matters a lot. You smothering your children. The objective, of course, would want your family to be to make sure your children feel loved while still giving be supportive, loving them the freedom to flourish and become their own people. If, however, you’re constantly doting on them, they and loyal, but be may get resentful because they don’t feel empowered or sure the individual pull away from you because they crave independence. A doesn’t get lost. Every huge part of awareness is knowing when you are going too single person in your family has his or her far on either side of the spectrum. own passions, loves, hates and wants. It’s MISTAKE 2: Being Too imperative to make an effort to address the individuality Hard On Your Family. of each person. If everyone in your family is technical, but Change is tough. Everyone your son wants to be an artist, it should be celebrated. makes mistakes and much The point of creating a strong family environment is to more progress is made in a give your kids the courage and strength to be individuals lighthearted environment who venture out on their own and live rich lives. It’s not of fun and love. If your to insulate them or force them to follow the well-trodden kids feel like you are a drill path. The more you can understand their individual sergeant enforcing the motivations, the better you can help them become who rules, they will likely rebel. they were meant to be. n
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ENDURING There are families of enduring greatness. They have achieved excellence in times past, yet continue to pursue what made them great. They have stories to tell. They embody high character, are celebrated throughout history and loved by all who know them.
What’s your legacy?
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Empowering Women Through Storytelling Q&A with Sharon Reed, Innovative Change Agent for Social Good
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artwork by Sharon E. Reed
LR: What led you to the work you do?
about character as a catalyst for empowerment and how every female, regardless of age, culture, SR: In late 2012, my ten-year-old daughter and I religious or socio-economic status, should be entitled each faced major setbacks that collectively provided to the basic human right to live her voice out loud rich fodder for introducing her to the subject of and become a leader in her own life. women’s empowerment, global development and what it means to lead from the heart and live one’s As I watched my daughter study my face, anxious own voice out loud – all subjects that encompass to offer ideas to help, I soon realized that how I some of the deepest dreams of my heart and responded to my challenges could profoundly impact, embody all of my childhood experiences growing up influence and shape how she would respond to her around the world. own. The choice was mine. The impact was ours. And out of that moment my sense of deep purpose My daughter was struggling to stand up for herself emerged, altering the trajectory of my career. in the face of relentless schoolgirl bullying, while I was struggling to find employment after an abrupt and LR: Do you believe one person can unforeseen layoff at the peak of my rebound career. really make that big of a difference? Having re-entered the workforce only a few years SR: Yes. I believe each of us are endowed with earlier – as a newly single parent at midlife and the unique gifts and talents that when combined with midpoint of my career, the ‘safe’ path I always believed others’, can be a powerful force for positive change. would be there – the one that previously enabled me to take risks in my career – seemed to vaporize before It starts at an individual level, but gains ground as we my eyes, and I found myself at an unimaginable and connect and collaborate with those who share our same values and vision. seemingly un-navigable crossroad in my career. Two years ago, for example, I was one of 44 nominated ‘Global Champions for Women’s Economic Empowerment’, serving as a volunteer with UN Women’s EmpowerWomen.org team. Encouraged to developed our own projects, five of us came together from across the world to develop and pitch an idea for a social-media driven storytelling campaign entitled, ‘I am Wo(man)’. Initially conceived by my colleague, Gesù Antonio, this seed of an idea resonated with each of us for different reasons, bound together by our core values and a shared vision for gender Further fueling the fire, these events coincided with equality. 18 months later, ‘I am Wo(man)’ became a news of my father’s terminal cancer on my son’s 14th global campaign, generating over 400 stories from birthday, and it wasn’t long before I began to see how dependent I had become on external supports and definitions of success for my own sense of worth and value, as I fought to find my own sense of footing. Deemed ‘over-qualified’ by many and geographically constrained, my daughter, concerned for her mom and eager to help, innocently suggested that perhaps if I were less smart, if I could convince others I know less than I do, it might be easier to find work. Others suggested that I minimize (or hide) my experience, though as I wrote in a previous blog post that has since garnered wide attention, ‘dumbing down’ is neither my idea of empowerment nor my definition of integrity or authenticity.
In the wake of these collective challenges, my daughter and I watched live streaming interviews with Sheryl Sandberg and scenes from Girl Rising. We talked about women’s suffrage, and explored how and why women and girls are still denied equal access to education, opportunity and/or pay. We talked at length about honoring ourselves, our voice and our talents, and finding the courage to stand up for our selves and others, too. Most significantly, we talked
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artwork by Sharon E. Reed
around the world thanks in part to story contributions from other individuals, leading NGOs, non-profits, corporations, etc., who also shared in our vision. In March of 2016, selections from the campaign were published in a book, Voices of Change, rolled out at the UN Commission on the Status of Women meetings at UN headquarters in New York. Throughout the campaign and again in New York, we heard testimonials from individuals who contributed to the campaign, whether directly or on behalf of others, and the positive ripple effect that ensued as a direct result of sharing their story. In this way, what started as an individual effort, ultimately became a collective movement, creating a legacy of change among those lives and within those communities touched. This is a powerful example of the difference one person can make when joined in community with others. I believe that when we find the courage to speak our truth; when we seek opportunities to collaborate with others who share our core vision and values, we can indeed create a legacy of change. As the ‘I am Wo(man)’ campaign so clearly demonstrates, there is real power in collective voice. The key, in my experience, is the willingness to be vulnerable… to let go of the ego-driven need to claim sole authorship of an idea or proposed solution, recognizing that creating lasting change is not a zero sum game — that when we operate from a place of love and a spirit of service to others, we all stand to gain.
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For example, while access to education, capital, networks, technology and other critical resources are vital for women and girls’ advancement, there is often little understanding and/or limited emphasis on the inner journey towards empowerment. And while there are indeed many conversations about cultivating the confidence needed to achieve more, there is very little focus on the role personal accountability, integrity, gratitude, compassion and humility play in realizing one’s fullest potential. In this way, the Global Girls Project is not about whether you can have it all, but whether you can become your all. Success, in this context, is not defined by external labels of achievement, but by internal alignment of values and the fullest expression of who you are.
LR: How does storytelling become a catalyst for change? SR: One of the oldest forms of communication that predates biblical times, storytelling, whether formal or informal, is often how we pass on our ideals and values, the power of a single voice to connect with others, as well as our own personal narratives and vision for change becomes possible. the future. It is also a mechanism for connecting with To learn more about the Global Girls Project, visit others on a deeply personal level, enabling a depth of connection and understanding that often transcends globalgirlsproject.org other forms of communication. Sharon’s work can be found at www.sharonereed.me. In my experience, the most powerful stories not As well as reading uplifting blog posts and information only resonate and touch on the deeply personal about her published work and speaking topics, be sure within ourselves, but enable us to see our common to pay attention to the artwork throughout the site. It humanity too, often inciting the reader to action. In was all created by Sharon and her hope is that the art this way, stories can serve as an important catalyst within her posts and pages inspires you to dig deeper, for change. When we see ourselves in others and dream bigger, and courageously follow your heart — others in ourselves; when we begin to understand finding peace, love and joy in the journey itself. n
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artwork by Sharon E. Reed
SR: Originally intended as an inspirational motherdaughter project, over time, the Global Girls Project has evolved into a community conversation with global reach; an inclusive invitation to explore the role character and core values play in finding one’s own voice and authentic leadership style through the use of storytelling, in-depth interviews and workshops. It is also a platform to educate others on the critical role personal empowerment plays in the global women and girls’ development conversation — an often overlooked and/or undervalued piece of the conversation.
artwork by Sharon E. Reed
LR: Can you explain the Global Girls Project in more detail?
Sharon Reed co-founded the Global Girls Project with her then-ten-year-old daughter back in 2012. Since then, the Global Girls Project has reached over 60 countries, featuring stories from women and girls as young as 12 and interviews with leading foreign policy, gender and leadership development experts who have collectively shared their own perspective on why women and girls’ empowerment is such a critical issue of our times. With 12+ years of experience in sustainable global, economic and community development, Sharon is a passionate about building bridges of understanding and empowering others to make a positive difference in the world – through innovation, connection, communication, collaboration, education & engagement.
Enpowerment begins with the deep knowing that you matter
#GlobalGirlsProject
BRIDGING THE GENERAT
The Truth About UHNW
Strategies for Wealth Advisors Assumption #1: UHNW millennials have very little care for the world they live in. The Reality: They see wealth as a means to make a positive impact on society. Assumption #2: UHNW millennials are tech-savvy and therefore more likely to be attracted to robo-advisors. The Reality: They desire a more personal touch. Assumption #3: UHNW Millennials will squander their inheritance, so attracting them to my advisory is a waste of time. The Reality: They are financially conservative and risk-averse. One of the most surprising truths about UHNW millennials is how similar their views on wealth are to those of their grandparents who survived the Great Depression. Having come of age in the years between two very significant market crashes (the 2000 dot-com bubble and the 2008 financial crisis), they are actually very conservative and leery of risk when it comes to spending. According to an article in Business Insider, millennials “focus on short-term needs and tend to stick with lower-risk investments,” which is a vastly different approach than their baby boomer parents.
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here’s a lot of negative talk surrounding UHNW (ultra-high-networth) millennials. Assumptions about how they view their wealth have deterred many wealth advisors from capitalizing on the opportunity presented by this highly misunderstood generation of inheritors. It’s easy to dismiss the next generation as immature and overprivileged with an unearned sense of entitlement. But what happens when they grow up and become the bulk of your potential client base? Failure to understand millennials could be detrimental to the future success of your wealth advisory firm. Addressing a few of the most common stereotypes surrounding this generation can help wealth advisors engage millennials and ensure client retention and growth in the coming decades. According to the OppenheimerFunds and Campden Wealth study Proving Worth: The Values of Affluent Millennials in North America, millennials are a generation of do-gooders who value philanthropy and impact investing. They don’t simply want to collect a paycheck; they desire to live purpose-driven lives and will make socially responsible, values-based investments toward causes they’re passionate about, such as human rights, environmental conservation, education, and gender equality. Yes, millennials are one of the most tech-savvy generation in history. They grew up with the Internet, social media, and mobile devices, and they know how to use these tools to their advantage. Because of this, it’s not surprising that many wealth advisors would pitch the robo-advisor model to their clients’ children. However, when it comes to seeking advice on finances and impact investing, the Proving Worth study found that millennials tend to view advisors as the experts, and they
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ATION GAP:
Millennials
desire high-touch service that aligns with their long-term goals—wealth transfer and deal generation being the top two they’d like advisors to focus on. In addition, millennials value advisors who can help with family conflict resolution and “want to see more of [them], both online, and in-person,” as stated in an OppenheimerFunds article about the study. They also happen to be at a point in their lives where they experience a large number of milestones, all within years of each other. They’re graduating from college, beginning their careers, getting married, buying houses, and having children. This presents wealth advisors with a great opportunity to connect with millennials by offering relevant financial advice regarding these major life events. Moreover, a summary of the Proving Worth study in ThinkAdvisor states: “They evinced deep attachment to their families, especially their parents. Eighty-eight percent said preservation of the family’s wealth was important or very important, and 89 percent emphasized growing that wealth. Ninety-four percent considered stewardship of the family’s legacy important.” A legacy goes beyond financial inheritance to encompass the beliefs, values, memories, and stories that truly make a family unique. It’s these legacies that are likely to make the largest positive impact on future generations of society.
FamilyArc—a team dedicated to helping families pass on their values—provides a unique technology solution to the “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves” legacy dilemma that families are experiencing today. FamilyArc’s digital archiving platform gives advisors a way to connect with tech-savvy millennials, and a collection of hightouch, concierge professional services helps them engage with their legacy. To learn more about the upcoming wealth transfer, the legacy preservation solution that FamilyArc offers to the UHNW clients you serve, and how you can take advantage of it through a partnership program, download the wealth transfer infographic at: familyarc.com/ greatwealthtransfer. What would happen if 66 percent of your best clients departed? Over the next 30 years, an extraordinary $30 trillion will be passed down from baby boomers to generation X and then to millennials. According to an InvestmentNews study of 544 advisors, sixty-six percent of children fire their financial advisor after receiving an inheritance. The data cited here confirms that millennials need an advisor who can help them avoid risk and preserve their family’s legacy. Rather than dismissing them as irresponsible inheritors who will deplete their inheritance by the third generation (a staggering statistic that some advisors may use as an excuse to avoid millennials altogether), advisors should seek to understand their goals and provide assistance to reverse the trends we’re seeing today. How can advisors engage next-gen heirs, mitigate wealth transfer risk, and improve client retention through successive generations? We believe the answer lies in documenting and archiving the family legacy. That is why FamilyArc provides a digital platform to engage families at a deeper level. When you can provide this service to your clients, you not only enhance your relationship with them, it also ripples out to the next generations—dramatically increasing the odds of the upcoming generation keeping you on as their advisor. Many people in the wealth advisor community may be missing a great opportunity to connect with the group that has already surpassed Baby Boomers as America’s largest living generation. Don’t be one of them. n
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The Language of Heraldry Blazoning your Achievements by Matthew Roser
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f you are not familiar with our previous article introducing heraldry in March of 2016, then I highly recommend you read it. Otherwise, I will try to sate your more generalized questions with a brief synopsis of the coat of arms, before delving a bit deeper into the language of the heralds of yore. Celebrated British author and expert on heraldry A.C. FoxDavies wrote in his A Complete Guide to Heraldry:
Armory is that science of which the rules and the laws govern the use, display, meaning, and knowledge of the pictured signs and emblems appertaining to shield, helmet, or banner. Heraldry has a wider meaning . . . whilst Armory is undoubtedly Heraldry, the regulations of ceremonials and matters of pedigree, which are really also within the scope of Heraldry, most decidedly are not Armory. Emblazoned arms were originally intended to distinguish commanders and generals from the common soldier. Hundreds, sometimes thousands of figures would clash on the battlefield, many of which were veiled by some form of protection. This posed a serious problem of identification that would eventually be solved through the intricate painting, imaging, and setting of ornamental patterns and devices upon the clumsy arms and flown banners. Our earliest known use of armory can be found in Egyptian artifacts dating around the time of 3100 B.C. But the idea of an inheritable emblem was not created until the 12th century during the Norman conquest of England. Henry I of England knighted his son-in-law Geoffrey V, who was bestowed a shield with golden lions. In 1151, this design became one of the first recorded inheritable coats of arms in history and was found on Geoffrey’s funerary enamel. By the middle of the 12th century, the practice of an inherited coat of arms became common and widespread across Europe. Heraldry has evolved for nearly 800 years in the form that we currently know. And over that course, it has adopted proper laws which govern its creation and proliferation. One such law is the art of blazoning. To blazon a coat of arms is to describe that particular set of arms in words. Though not an exact science because some variation exists among its disciples, the intention of the herald’s blazon is to create a record of the arms, in which it may be reconstructed in the minds of the listener or if it ever should be lost or destroyed. This description follows a set of rules which govern everything from color, division, object placement, and even the stances and poses of monsters and figures. The language of the blazon is heavily influenced by Norman-French and may intimidate a new ear, but once some
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Other colors existed, but these five colours and two metals are the most recognizable and frequently used of the tinctures. Rather than listing divisions, ordinaries, beasts, and other charges, I will instead offer some examples and then explain each blazon in an understandable way. In truth, there are hundreds, if not thousands of terms to properly describe armory. Therefore, if you, reader, are able to remember the words that embody tinctures and are able to blazon a few arms, then I think that is a gradual enough cause for congratulation!
Blazon: Argent, in the chief a tree couped and eradicated and in the fess three acorns Brown, a bordure of the same. Crest: branches of that same tree. Motto: Aere Perennius.
The shield is argent white, and in the chief (upper-part of the shield) is located a tree. This tree is couped, which means divided, and eradicated, which means its roots are shown. In the fess or middle section of the shield are three acorns. The color Brown was only mentioned once because it describes the colors of the tree and acorn. The final statement is “a bordure of the same,” which means a border around the shield of the same color (brown). The crest is the part over the shield or commonly over where a helmet would rest.
The Arms of George Washington Blazon: Argent, two bars in chief three mullets Gules. The first word describes the field, which is the entire surface of the shield. Argent implies that the shield is white or silver. Then our description carries on explaining that two bars segment the shield. The phrase “two bars” always creates these two horizontal stripes and always in the same positions. Finally, three mullets (the heraldic name for five-pointed stars) are fixated in the chief, or upper-third of the shield. That the final word is Gules means that both the horizontal stripes and the stars are all colored red.
Paragon Road Coat of Arms
Colours: Gules: the name given for red. Azure: the color blue. Sable: the name for black. Vert: the color green. Purpure: the heraldic name of purple.
Metals: Or: Depicted with gold or yellow. Argent: A silver or white color.
Blazon: Argent, an eagle displayed Gules armed and wings charged with trefoils Or. The shield is argent (or white), and an eagle is Gules (or red). Armed describes the frontal stance the eagle is taking with its wings to the side. Finally, the “wings are charged with trefoils Or,” or rather the wings carry a golden clover symbol.
Tinctures are comprised of metals, colours, and furs. However, I will omit the furs due in part because there will be no examples showing them; and secondly, because their occurrence is much less than the other components. Treat furs as the name implies – they are patterned after the designs in animal furs, and real pelts would certainly have been used hundreds of years ago to decorate a set of arms.
The Arms of Brandenburg, Germany
of the terminology is learned, many of those fears are quickly dispelled. Instead, we are given an eloquent description that modern English is unable to reproduce.
This is Paragon Road’s coat of arms. Though it doesn’t adhere to every rule (namely that colour should not be on colour), the company set out to craft its own coat of arms with a classical yet modern appeal. The three acorns represent each asset: financial, intellectual, and character. While the tree represents what grows from those three assets – a healthy, thriving family that lasts for generations. Lastly, the motto means “more lasting than bronze.” In Horace’s final poem in his third book of Odes, the poet boasts that his poetry will outlive any manmade monument: “Exegi monumentum aere perennius.” (“I have made a monument more lasting than bronze.”)
A Short Note on American Heraldry Heraldry developed in parallel across the continental U.S. The British lent their influence on the East Coast, while the Spanish and French flourished in the western areas. However, the rise of the Revolutionary War quickly dissolved many of the heraldic traditions that were becoming part of American culture. Though there are no authorities on heraldry in the U.S., the United States government still employs many images liken to armorial bearings. Yet, this lack of authority creates a unique opportunity for private entities to shake off the fetters of Europe’s conventions and rules. This is the “New World” after all, and with it new symbolism and stories to tell. The future of heraldry is young and unspoiled. Let’s make the most of it. n
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Timeless Wisdom: Erich
Fromm’s Great Shams Distinguishing the Real from the Fake
by Laura A. Roser
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Zen properly but whose authors are mere intellectuals whose experience is shallow. Their books are easier to understand, but they do not convey the essential quality of Zen. Yet I have found that most people who claim to have a serious interest in Zen have not noticed the decisive difference in quality between Suzuki and I had no idea what he was talking about. Maybe it was others. a language barrier thing? “What’s an alphabet?” I asked. “The other reason for our difficulty to discern the “You know, they read and watch the news, but they difference between the authentic and the sham lies don’t have their own opinions. They just agree with in the hypnotic attraction of power and fame. If the whatever the commentator is saying and don’t think name of a man or the title of a book is made famous by things through for themselves.” clever publicity, the average person is willing to believe the work’s claims. This process is greatly helped by Ah. I was starting to get the gist and it reminded me of another factor: In a completely commercialized society a passage written in The Art of Being. in which salability and optimal profit constitute the core values, and in which every person experiences himself When I first began reading The Art of Being by Erich as “capital” that he has to invest on the market with the Fromm, I loved it. There is something about his words aim of optimal profit (success), his inner value counts and views that cut through the nonsense and resonate as little as that of a dental cream or a patent medicine. at a deep level. But, as the book progresses, it trails off Whether he is kind, intelligent, productive, courageous into the weeds. The first half, however, is worth the read. matters little if these qualities have not been of use to Toward the beginning, Fromm writes about Great make him successful. On the other hand, if he is only Shams. He writes: mediocre as a person, writer, artist, or whatever, and is a narcissistic, aggressive, drunken, obscene headline “The public, even the educated public, has largely maker, he will—given some talent—easily become one lost its capacity to know the difference between what of the ‘leading artists or writers’ of the day....” is genuine and what is fake. This defect is caused by several factors. Foremost of all is the purely cerebral My hope is that both Mr. Fromm and my Italian friend orientation of most people. They read or listen to only are wrong—most people do have the capacity to tell the words and intellectual concepts, and do not listen ‘with difference between fake and real—but then, I think back a third ear’ for proof of the author’s authenticity. To on my experiences, especially when I was younger, and give an example: In the literature on Zen Buddhism I realize that I didn’t have a very good radar. It wasn’t there are writers such as D.T. Suzuki, whose authenticity something I was ever looking for. Sure, people would do is beyond doubt; he speaks of what he has experienced. things that seemed inauthentic or made me skeptical, The very fact of this authenticity makes his books often but I believed a lot of the showmanship. When we take difficult to read, because it is of the essence of Zen not things at face value and block off our “third ear”, we risk to give answers that are rationally satisfying. There are becoming hypnotized by the loudest voice in the crowd. some books, which seem to portray the thoughts of And, typically, the loudest isn’t the most authentic. n couple of weeks ago, my friend from Italy visited me. I took him around to various scenic spots and we chatted about life, politics and business. “The problem with our society,” he announced, “is most people are alphabets.”
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ISSUE 8
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Published on Sep 1, 2016
Rewriting Family Patterns
