Surviving the Family

SURVIVING THE FAMILY A Recovery Program For The Holidays

Surviving the Holidays

Surviving the holidays can be tough for multiple reasons, but family is often at the center of the stress. Some relatives may be annoying, obnoxious, or simply irritating. Maybe you spent most of the year hiding their social media posts, being “busy” when they come to town, and politely avoiding them, but the holidays are the one time you cannot get away from family. Although you may not be able to avoid those difficult family members, there are ways to minimize their negative impact on your holiday. The following techniques can help you deal with each of these stressors.

The First Stressor

The first stressor is feeling judged by family. We do a lot of things to please others and avoid judgment. Ultimately, the story playing in our own heads will determine how we feel. Even though it is not easy at times, you are in control of your thoughts, emotions, actions and words. You cannot control other people, but you can control yourself around those people. The statement that helps me keep perspective is, “Nothing in this world has meaning until I give it meaning.” Let go of the need for approval from others, particularly the ones that annoy you. Your worth comes from your view of self only. There is no meaning in another person’s judgment unless you allow it.

The Second Stressor

The second stressor is the drama that other people bring with them. When other people tried to drag my grandmother into their drama, she would say, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” This perspective that another person’s drama was their responsibility and not mine has served me well. When you have that relative that tells you their sob story about being broke with the hint of needing to borrow money, remember that you never bought a ticket to their circus. When that crazy relative wants to tell you all about how the world is out to get them, remember that those are not your monkeys. You are there to see the family, eat a great meal and celebrate the season, not to join the drama club.

The Final Stressor

The final stressor is doing things out of obligation rather than a sincere desire to help. When we do things because we think others will be upset with us if we don’t, the natural emotions are dread and regret. The best antidote to those emotions is to live in the present moment instead of dreading the future or regretting the past. We are at peace when we let go of those time periods outside of our control and live fully in the present. When you feel your mind wander, bring it back to the exact moment you are in and express gratitude for the moment.

Stress from the Holidays

Stress from the holidays, our families or difficult relatives may not be completely avoidable, but there are several methods of managing through the stress. We can begin to control the stories that play in our minds. Remember, you control the meaning that you give to any event. You control your focus within any interaction. And finally, you control whether your mind is in the present, the past or the future. You will find the peace of the holidays in the present.

Jody Holland www.jodyholland.com jody@jodyholland.com www.psycheofsuccess.com

The stress and anxiety associated with holidays is real and much of it is caused by three things. 1) We don’t want to be looked down upon or judged by family. 2) We don’t want to be in the middle of other people’s drama. 3) We feel obligated to bend to the will of others instead of voicing our own feelings.