Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine September 2019 by Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine

THE LEGACY OF E VA WA L K E R

SOUTHERN FAUQUIER SPOTLIGHT: DIRTWORKS CERAMICS

LOCAL EDUCATORS SHARE THEIR STORIES

NEW LOOK

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FAUQUIER HEALTH

THE PARENTING ISSUE

HEALTHY HAPPENINGS

LOCAL EXPERTS WEIGH IN:

NAVIGATING LIFE WITH A BLENDED FAMILY PARENTING IN A DIGITAL WORLD

the Gore family RAISING

LEARNING TO DAD WITH TYLER ROSS

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LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

PUBLISHER Dennis Brack dennis@piedmontpub.com

from the E D I T O R

EDITORIAL

Pam Kamphuis pam@piedmontpub.com

s a parent, how many times have you said, “If you two don’t stop that fighting right this minute, I’m going to stop this car!” How many times have you made good on it and actually done it? I have. Once on the way home from school, my stepsons were fighting in the back seat and actually came to blows over top of the — occupied — car seat of their newborn sister, who was in between them. And I do mean newborn; she was only a few days old. I’ve never been so angry. I pulled the car over — it was a quiet side road — and actually made them get out of the car and stand on the side of the road. I even put the car in gear and drove away a few feet. Then there are the parenting fails. Once my daughter came home from the second grade in a bout of angry tears. She was so mad at me. Turns out I sent her to school with an empty lunchbox. Starting the next day, I was removed from lunch-packing duty — apparently I was not to be trusted — and she packed her own lunch for the rest of her school career. There are the times you help them out of scrapes that they’ve gotten themselves into even though you could see it coming and warned them away from whatever brilliant plan they were hatching. My oldest stepson and his best friend decided in their sophomore year in college to get a dog. I was horrified. I told him, in no uncertain terms, three things: First, getting a dog while you’re in college is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, and I forbid you to do it. Second, if you do get a

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ON THE WEB www.PiedmontLifestyle.com Facebook: @PiedmontLifestylePublications Email Newsletter: Sign up at www.PiedmontLifestyle.com The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine is published monthly and distributed to over 11,500 selected addresses. While reasonable care is taken with all material submitted to The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine, the publisher cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage to any such material. Opinions expressed in articles are strictly those of the authors. While ensuring that all published information is accurate, the publisher cannot be held responsible for any mistakes or omissions. Reproduction in whole or part of any of the text, illustration or photograph is strictly forbidden. ©2019 Rappahannock Media LLC.

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dog, don’t get a puppy. Don’t buy a purebred from a pet store, rescue an adult dog from a shelter. And third, if you do get a dog and it doesn’t work out, under no circumstances is this hypothetical dog coming here. So off they went and ignored all of my advice, purchasing an expensive purebred sixweek-old pug puppy from a pet store in the mall — on a credit card, no less (thankfully not ours!). And guess where this dog lives now? Parenting — and stepparenting — is fraught with joy, and with obstacles. And fear for your children, and uncertainty about whether you’re doing this parenting thing right. I like to think on the whole I’ve done a good job of it, although I’ve certainly made mistakes. My husband and I have had the joy of raising a daughter, and of raising two stepsons in conjunction with their mother and stepfather. It wasn’t always smooth sailing — those boys were a handful — but in the end we did it, and I think all four of us are proud of what they’ve achieved. Welcome to our first parenting issue. Such a challenge...such a big subject, what to include in the limited space in the magazine? Parenting has so many sides, so many facets, so many questions. I hope you enjoy — and possibly learn from — the topics we’ve selected to present this issue. Happy parenting!

PAM KAMPHUIS EDITOR

Congratulations

Nicholas R. Sicina

for being named to the 2019 Forbes Top Next-Generation Best in State Wealth Advisors Nicholas R. Sicina, CFP® First Vice President - Investments

Gerrish & Sicina Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors 70 Main Street, Suite 31 Warrenton, VA 20186 540.347.0111 nicholas.sicina@wfadvisors.com gerrishandsicinawmg.com

The Forbes Top Next-Gen Wealth Advisors ranking algorithm is based on industry experience, interviews, compliance records, assets under management, revenue and other criteria by SHOOK Research, LLC, which does not receive compensation from the advisors or their firms in exchange for placement on a ranking. Investment performance is not a criterion.

Investment and Insurance Products: • NOT FDIC Insured • NO Bank Guarantee • MAY Lose Value Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member SIPC, a registered broker-dealer and non-bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company. © 2017 Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC. All rights reserved. 0819-03308

contents 14

24 24

A Twinless Twin

The Inspiring Story of a Community Restaurant

Southern Fauquier Spotlight Dirtwords Ceramics BY CHRISTINE CRADDOCK

Ledo Pizza BY WILL SCARING

Brenda Payne

African American community leader during segregation

BY HANNAH SAMLALL

BY GARY CARROLL

Identifying signs of risky behavior in teens

BY HANNAH SAMLALL

BY WILL SCARING

Just Ask

With Tyler Ross

BY STEPHANIE OVERMAN

Step By Step Navigating life with a blended family BY FRANNIE BARNES

Embracing Adulthood Raising kids to be responsible adults BY MICHELLE KELLEY

Preventing human trafficking

BY FRANNIE BARNES

Warrenton’s Eva Walker

Local Realtor Profile

Hidden in Plain Sight

Brandon and Chrissi Gore’s story raises awareness of Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome

How to Dad

Parenting in the Digital Age BY KLAUS FUECHSEL AND MICHELLE KELLEY

Creating Lesson Plans for Life Kristy and Jerry Hull of Brumfield Elementary BY NATALIE ORTIZ

The Last Game BY PAM KAMPHUIS

ON THE COVER: The Gore Family. Photo by Kara Thorpe

The Lifestyle magazines are sister publications of Northern Virginia’s Leading News Source, INSIDENOVA.COM TWITTER.COM/INSIDENOVA FACEBOOK.COM/INSIDENOVA

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VISIT US today for the latest news, sports and features from Fauquier, Prince William, Arlington, Fairfax, Stafford and throughout the region.

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The Inspiring Story of a Community Restaurant Ledo Pizza celebrates its 10th anniversary STORY BY WILL SCARING PHOTOS BY KARA THORPE

any people in town know the place: a pizza shop at the top of the hill, on the opposite end of the shopping center from the town’s Harris Teeter. Known for its signature square-shaped pizzas, Ledo Pizza just recently celebrated its tenth anniversary on August 17. Entering the restaurant, a visitor is struck by its comfortable atmosphere: tidy, open, and well lit with plenty of comfortable seating. But the true charm of this place comes not just from the excellent food, but the people behind the scenes. The owner, Tony Edwards, greeted me at the door with a firm businessman’s handshake. He’s got quite the fascinating story of how this place came to be. Edwards has spent almost his whole life working in the restaurant industry, starting as soon as he was old enough. In his early twenties, he left the restaurant world briefly, promising himself that if he returned it would be as a restaurant owner instead of an employee.Eventually, he pooled his resources together and decided to bring the great taste of Ledo Pizza to Warrenton. As we chatted, he drew my attention to the photos of the youth soccer teams on the walls. Ledo Pizza is very involved with the local sports teams of the area, offering discounts to teams and hosting many of them for post-season parties. Edwards talks about the team with a hint of pride in his voice. He has two boys of his own, both of which play basketball at Highland. Serving the sports teams of the community, he said, “was always a part of the mission. Making that connection with the community, making our name and our reputation as a community

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restaurant – that was always key to our success, financially and beyond.” One of his associates, Grace Timmerman, entered midway through our conversation, arriving to help prepare for the work day ahead. Like Edwards, she is very much self-made; a graduate from local high school and community college, she herself rose through the ranks of the company, from server to general manager in Warrenton, and then recently opened her own branch as a partner in Front Royal. She manages both locations to this day. Edwards commended her work ethic during the interview, along with the work ethic of his other employees as well: “It’s great to inspire other young people in the community to work hard and see them build themselves up. I’ve watched a lot of my employees basically

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

grow up here, and it’s wonderful to see.” Timmerman had a similar note about her experience working at Ledo Pizza: “I love knowing that I’m making connections with such wonderful people, and I love being a role model as a businesswoman to younger girls. Working here, it’s never been entirely about the money for me.” The restaurant owning business isn’t an easy path to go down, they warn – “You have to be perfect 100 percent of the time, because it’s your reputation on the line, and you don’t want to let anyone down.” – but it’s a sort of perfectionism that Edwards and Timmerman both seem to take great pride in. They serve great food, and have a soul behind the business as well. ❖

“I love being a role model as a businesswoman to younger girls”

Ledo Pizza offers their signature pizza as well as wings, pitas, sub sandwiches, calzones and strombolis, salads, and pasta entrees. Open daily 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. (until 10 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays). 504 Fletcher Drive, Warrenton.

General Manager Grace Timmerman and Owner Tony Edwards.

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Paul Morrison

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BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT:

o some people, working in real estate is a job. To Brenda Payne, it’s a lifestyle. Brenda, who was born and raised in Fauquier County, had her first job at a real estate firm in Middleburg as a secretary and loved it so much she has been in the industry ever since. Having been in real estate since 1991, Brenda has found herself on both ends of the real estate spectrum, working both as a real estate agent as well as in closing and settlements. Brenda said, “This makes me a better comprehensive resource in the industry. I’m not only familiar with the buying and selling aspect of real estate, but I am also able to be proactive and foresee what could arise before you get to the closing as well.” Brenda recently retired from her settlement and closing position but considers herself blessed to be able to assist the people of Fauquier and the neighboring areas with all of their other real estate needs. “I have to make a living and I am blessed that people allow me to assist them, but their happiness is the biggest goal I have. It’s also the most fun! There is nothing like witnessing a first-time homebuyer receiving the keys for their very first home.” And she is patient with her clients, and will spend as much time as necessary in finding the right home. “If you want to see 500 houses before you decide on a home, I’m not going to push you to choose a house. I never want to pressure anyone into something that doesn’t feel right,” she said. While her expertise is real estate, Brenda never shies away from

LOCAL REALTOR BRENDA PAYNE BY HANNAH SAMLALL

being there to lend a helping hand. “If you just want to talk, maybe not even about real estate, I’m here. I want to help you get what you want. I love serving the people of the community,” Brenda said. For Brenda, serving is a huge reason why she does what she does. When she’s not working with real estate clients, you can find her out and about in the community. In the past, she has worked as a literacy volunteer. Currently, you can find her volunteering at the Marshall Fire Department as well as serving as the Treasurer and a Board Member on the board for the Fauquier County Fair. “I love to get out in the community and serve. It all just goes back to making sure that the people I’m helping are happy. When I was growing up, my parents always told me that the best way to be a good person is to give, so they instilled this passion to serve in me at a young age. Growing up in Marshall, my brother and I had a lawn mowing business. Sure, we were getting paid a little bit for it, but really it was our way of being able to help people in the community.” Brenda feels extremely fortunate to be part of the community. “It’s so nice being able to feel at home wherever I go. It’s something that I want everybody to feel in the community. I am so blessed, with everyone here at Long and Foster, my clients, my friends and family, my work associates, and my husband. I could say thank you to everyone thousands of times a day and wouldn’t be able to thank everybody enough.” ❖

“MY CLIENTS’ HAPPINESS IS THE BIGGEST GOAL I HAVE”

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Highlighting the people, places, and businesses in BEALETON • REMINGTON • MIDLAND • OPAL • GOLDVEIN & points between

Turning Clay Into Magic Dirtworks Ceramics is a Southern Fauquier gem STORY BY CHRISTINE CRADDOCK | PHOTOS BY KARA THORPE

hen Ahnalisa Reavis goes into town for errands, inadvertently carrying hints of her current pottery project on her clothes, she is often mistaken for someone who works in construction. Which isn’t quite untrue. But her version of construction is something so strikingly unique and beautiful, it’s no wonder her business is so successful. Owner of Dirtworks Ceramics in Bealeton, Reavis is living her best life: running her shop full time along with her husband Matt and little assistant Oliver. While she envisioned a career in photography when she began her studies at Virginia Commonwealth University, the blessing in disguise came when she connected with pottery. “The universe knew better,” Reavis says. Although she had experimented with all kinds of mediums in art, and had always loved crafts, she found that pottery’s appeal was its difficulty, especially as a beginner. With an aunt who has been a lifelong potter in Alaska, Reavis saw her and others around her creating amazing pieces. “I was determined to figure this out,” she says. She did... and thus began a path towards small business owner and happiness. What began as a hobby and side business became the family’s sole income when Reavis’ husband was laid off from work. But instead of panicking, Reavis says her thoughts were: “This is good news!” and she

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knew it was pottery’s time to shine. It just felt right for both of them to be able to be home with their son and live this type of life as a family. A typical day for Reavis begins with “Oliver time” in the morning and “throwing [clay] all day” in the studio, sometimes while listening to Game of Thrones on audiobook. (Reavis highly recommends it to those of us suffering GoT withdrawal after the finale.) Dirtworks’ bestseller is the zodiac mug, a piece unlike anything found elsewhere. Always

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into astrology, Reavis desired to incorporate this into a custom mug using a galaxy glaze. To watch Reavis craft these mugs is like seeing magic come to life. Once the mug is formed, the handle is added, which in itself was a process of taking criticism (from loved ones) and putting it into practice until she created the perfect one. Reavis then adds layers, constructing the 3-D element, and the individual zodiac art piece with blades. These layers are sculptural and this is part of what makes Dirtworks’ pieces stand out from others. The pieces go through their first firing in the kiln to prepare them for color. The tedious work begins with painting and glazing, sometimes adding luster colors for the elements to the zodiac design. All the pieces are loaded into the kiln and then the waiting begins. Even though she has a hard time not opening the kiln to peek at the result, Reavis knows that some glazes need a slow cool to truly bring out their beauty. But this mug isn’t the only piece that shines from Reavis’ collection. Scrolling through Dirtwork’s Instagram feed reveals

pottery featuring toadstools, fairy doors, enchanted forest, tarot cards, suns and moons, cats, eyes, stars, an occasional glimpse of Oliver, and behind-the-scenes shots of Reavis in her element. But Reavis is in a constant state of evolution, always seeking new processes and products to add to her shop. She has made jewelry, incense burners, ring holders, colanders, pie plates, and so much more. Reavis does not have a storefront; all her sales are done online. But don't worry if you see the products are sold out. Stay tuned for her once a month release notifying customers of restocking. The announcements are put out on her website, social media, and to her email subscribers. When it came to naming her business, it was pretty simple. “Clay is just dirt,” says Reavis. But her customers would beg to differ. Dirtworks is a true gem in Southern Fauquier, and Reavis has a unique ability to turn clay into magic. Check out her work on Facebook and Instagram to see for yourself. ❖

DIRTWORKSCERAMICS.COM FACEBOOK.COM/DIRTWORKSCERAMICS INSTAGRAM.COM/DIRTWORKS_CERAMICS

Learn Learn Learn Learn more more more more atat at our our at our upcoming our upcoming upcoming upcoming open open open open houses houses houses houses September September September September 26th 26th 26th 26th October October October October 8th 8th 8th January January January January 13th 13th 13th 13th September 26th October 8th8th January 13th - 12:00pm 12:00pm 12:00pm 12:00pm 12:00pm - 2:00pm - -2:00pm - 2:00pm 8:00am 8:00am 8:00am - 10:00am - -10:00am - 10:00am 10:00am 10:00am 10:00am 10:00am - -12:00pm - 12:00pm 8:00am 12:00pm - 2:00pm 2:00pm 8:00am - 10:00am 10:00am 10:00am - 12:00pm 12:00pm RSVP: RSVP: RSVP: RSVP: www.wakefieldschool.org/admission www.wakefieldschool.org/admission www.wakefieldschool.org/admission www.wakefieldschool.org/admission RSVP: www.wakefieldschool.org/admission oror 540.253.7600 or 540.253.7600 or 540.253.7600 or540.253.7600 540.253.7600

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E VA WA L K E R :

community leader nce upon a time, a little African-American girl, born in 1934 in rural, racially segregated Fauquier County, grew up to be a multi-talented entrepreneur and a fashion model at the New York World’s Fair. During her 48 short years, she became a community and civic leader, developed and operated her own business, and created recreational and training opportunities for black youth. Through her lifestyle and accomplishments, she became a role model for a generation of African-American women. Eva Walker in the early ‘80s

BY GARY CARROLL

But this is not a fairy tale; it is the story of Eva Walker, for whom Eva Walker Park in Warrenton is named. How many motorists entering downtown Warrenton via Alexandria Pike have glanced at the open green area with playground equipment off to their left and wondered, “Who is Eva Walker and why is there a park named for her?” Robert Walker, Eva’s 91 year-old husband, recently welcomed me into their home on Fourth Street overlooking what is now Walker Park. There, I had the opportunity to listen, transfixed, as he and his daughter, retired teacher Robyn Thompson, reminisced about their memories of Eva’s personal and community achievements. Asked what he remembered most about his wife, Robert immediately said, “She was not afraid to tackle anything.” This was a quality she learned as a child. Eva’s father, a successful stone mason, taught her she could become whatever she wanted to be, and Eva clearly took his advice seriously. Entering Routts Hill School when she was four years old, she quickly impressed her teacher with her energy and intelligence. Eva graduated as salutatorian of her class at Routts Hill and later graduated as valedictorian from Rosenwald High School, receiving a college scholarship from Virginia State College. But life had other plans. It was her intelligence, beauty, and confident personality that caught the attention of

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CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: Eva at a photoshoot; Eva on the runway at Top of the Fair at the 1964-65 World’s Fair in New York City; Eva at the Ophelia DeVore School of Self Development and Modeling; a cocktail napkin as a souvenir of the World’s Fair; Eva in her beauty shop which was built as an addition to their home in Warrenton.

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Eva commuted to Washington, D.C. to attend the famous Ophelia DeVore School of Self Development and Modeling, which was devoted to training African-American women, setting her on a course to become a model and designer. She then used her own personal studies and training to benefit her community. She studied cosmetology and became a certified cosmetologist, allowing her to open her own beauty salon in her home which she named La Petite Sherobyn, after her two daughters, Robyn and Sherrie. She also produced her own line of cosmetics. Back home in Warrenton, she taught etiquette and charm classes to neighborhood girls and even helped to organize them into a majorette group to march in local parades, making most of

PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE WALKER FAMILY

Robert who, when a friend introduced them. They married in 1951, and as it turned out, Virginia State College’s loss was Warrenton’s gain. As Eva and Robert started to build a family with two daughters, they also started to build a better environment for their community. The couple converted the basement of their home into a youth community center where neighborhood kids could spend time playing games, enjoying cold sodas, and listening to music supplied by the Walkers’ large collection of 45 and 78 rpm records, a collection that Robert maintains even today. The Walkers allowed their home to be used for parties and money-raising projects. Eva was always looking for a cause and eager to accept a leadership role, whether it was holding a carnival to raise money for muscular dystrophy or organizing young people to clean up their community. She persuaded the Town Council to upgrade streets, sidewalks and housing in the area. Looking out her kitchen at the unkempt field where children played caused her to dream of one day converting that field into a proper park. She began the process of making that happen by approaching the owner of the land and encouraging him to donate it to the town. Today, the park is a welcome oasis for children in the community.

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BY KARA THORPE

their costumes herself. Eva also organized fashion shows to raise money for charities and helped raise funds for the Heart Fund, while volunteering to work as a “gray lady” at the Fauquier Hospital. One of the greatest impacts of Eva and Robert Walker on the community came during the years of the Civil Rights movement in the early 1960s. Both were leaders in the movement and were active in promoting racial integration of schools and businesses, working closely with other elements of the community to break down racial barriers and promote more equitable treatment of all residents. They both participated in sit-ins at local restaurants and lunch counters that had previously refused service to African Americans. In part because of the work of Eva and Robert Walker with local government and civic leaders, the racial integration process in Warrenton went more smoothly than in many areas of the country. Leaders in various parts of the community worked together to advance

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

ABOVE: Robert at their home on Fourth Street.

}

the inevitable social and legal transformation in Warrenton and Fauquier. Sadly, Robert and Warrenton lost Eva in 1982 when she died suddenly at the young age of 48. She left behind her husband Robert, who still lives in their home built some 60 years ago, their two daughters, and a godson, DeShawn. Her daughter Robyn spent many years teaching in the Fauquier County School System, and Sherrie owns Sherrie’s Stuff on Main Street in Warrenton and has recently opened Eva’s Alley on Center Street in Manassas. Sherrie is currently researching her family’s history and hopes to publish a book on their story. Even in death, Eva continued to make a statement about racial equality. When Robert was shown the “Black” section of Warrenton cemetery for Eva’s burial, he said “No, thanks,” and insisted that she be buried at a spot near the current county Sheriff’s Headquarters. There she rests today as a lasting symbol of her commitment to make Warrenton the unified town it is today. ❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

a twinless twin

Warrenton family seeks to raise awareness of Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome STORY BY HANNAH SAMLALL | PHOTOS (CURRENT) BY KARA THORPE

hrissi and Brandon Gore’s story started out like so many do: a budding high school relationship that they hoped would turn into something more. After Brandon received a full scholarship to play football at Virginia Tech, it was decided that he and Chrissi would go their separate ways. Chrissi kept in touch with Brandon’s family and they reconnected

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

when he returned to Warrenton sometime after college. Seven months later, they were engaged. After getting married in June 2014, they were excited at the possibility of starting a family together. Unfortunately, life had other plans. After losing Brandon’s father to cancer shortly before their engagement, Chrissi had her first miscarriage a few months after their marriage.

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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“It seemed like every few months we were going through something, but we’re both very positive people,” Chrissi said. “We knew we were going to have a family eventually.” Three years and several miscarriages later, their next option was In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). They ended up going through their first round, which unfortunately failed. In November of 2016, they tried IVF once again.

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At their first ultrasound in December, they found out that not only were they pregnant, but that they were pregnant with identical twins. “Brandon had always wanted twins for some reason,” Chrissi said. “But we also found out at that appointment that there was a chance that I could develop something called Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), and we were referred to a high-risk doctor.” According to the TTTS Foundation, TTTS is a disease of the placenta that affects identical twin pregnancies. The common placenta may be shared unequally by the twins, and one twin may have a share too small to provide the necessary nutrients to grow normally or even survive. TTTS affects about 15 percent of identical twin pregnancies. “When I was 16 weeks pregnant, we found out that we were having identical twin girls,” Chrissi said. “We did a gender reveal with our families and put up on our social media that we were pregnant with twins because many people knew our journey with miscarriages and how difficult it had been for us.” Chrissi and Brandon were so excited to share the news with their families and TTTS wasn’t even on their mind at the time. “At our first appointment it was mentioned as a possibility, but it never entered my mind as something that would happen to us,” Brandon said. “We had been through so much already with IVF and multiple miscarriages.” However, at their first visit to the University of Virginia’s high-risk OB/GYN clinic the following week, they learned the twins were affected by TTTS. “They let us know at UVA that, in the event that we would need to have some intervention, such as laser ablation which would correct the TTTS, we would have to go to Johns Hopkins,” Chrissi said. They were fortunate to have the Johns Hopkins Center for Fetal Therapy only a couple hours away in Baltimore because as they learned more about TTTS, they also learned that not many high-risk OB/GYNs have the capabilities to perform the surgery necessary to correct it.

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

They ended up making three trips back and forth, between Baltimore and Warrenton, in just one week. “They finally told us that we were candidates for the surgery and we were admitted to the hospital,” Chrissi said. After suffering from complications during the surgery, Chrissi started have contractions that night, just 18 weeks into her pregnancy. After an uncomfortable stay overnight during a snowstorm, Chrissi and Brandon found out that both girls successfully made it through the surgery and they happily made the trip home. “We went for a follow-up and it seemed like things were getting better, but we were still making trips to UVA and Johns Hopkins just about every two days,” Chrissi said. Three weeks later, Chrissi was experiencing sickness, swelling of the abdomen, and other concerning symptoms, so she returned to UVA. “It turned out that although the surgery had been successful, the twins had developed something

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called TAPS,” Chrissi said. Twin anemiapolycythemia sequence (TAPS) is a form of TTTS where one baby has too much blood, and the other one does not have enough. After undergoing a second surgery, Dr. Ahmet Baschat, who is one of the leading fetal therapy doctors on the east coast, shared with Chrissi and Brandon that he was not convinced that one of the twins was going to get better. Two days later at their follow-up appointment, it turned out that Dr. Baschat was correct and that one of their babies, who at this point they had named Blair Lee, had gotten sicker. “We had to decide if we wanted to continue to try and surgically intervene again, or stop intervention altogether,” Chrissi said. “In the event that we had to have another procedure, we risked losing both babies.” Chrissi and Brandon decided that the best option was to forego intervention in order to save one of their babies. “Dr. Baschat and his partner came in and said that unfortunately, we had made the best decision,” Chrissi said. “The second surgery had most likely saved Millie’s life.” Chrissi was then admitted at UVA and on April 22, 2017, she found out that Baby Blair no longer had a heartbeat. At the time, Chrissi was only 24 weeks pregnant and severely at risk for going into preterm labor. “I ended up staying in the hospital for five weeks,“ Chrissi said. “Brandon would drive down as often as he could. At the time, I seemed to be doing okay and Millie was still doing well.” At the end of those five weeks, Chrissi was able to go home to wait out her pregnancy. After spending a week at home with her brother, who was home from the Air Force, she woke up and found that her water had broken. “My doctor came in the following morning and said they wanted to keep Millie in as long as possible,” Chrissi said. “Five days later, I was induced and Millie was born on June 8th, 2017, which was Brandon’s and my four-year wedding anniversary and also my grandfather’s birthday.” When Chrissi delivered Millie, she also delivered Blair. “I got to hold Millie for maybe three seconds and give her a kiss before she was whisked away to the NICU,” Chrissi said. “My sister went down to the NICU with her while Brandon and I took time with baby Blair. We had a wonderful nurse, who ended up taking photos for us.

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JESSICA TAPSCOTT PHOTOGRAPHY

My father worked for a funeral home at the time and was able to come to pick up Blair and bring her to a funeral home in Purcellville who cremated her for us out of the kindness of their hearts. We went and picked up Blair’s ashes after I was discharged from the hospital,” Chrissi said. Millie ended up staying in the NICU for five weeks, and was discharged on July 11, 2017. “We had to learn how to be parents and now we have an almost two-year-old who is just everything to us,” Chrissi said. “We’ve learned so much about ourselves and each other and being a family with a twinless twin.” Chrissi and Brandon have since connected with the TTTS Foundation. The president and founder is a mother who experienced TTTS about 22 years ago. The TTTS Foundation is an advocate for families who do not happen to have a Fetal Therapy Center near them. The foundation assists with many things, from lodging to food to travel and support through and after a TTTS diagnosis. Chrissi and Brandon recently celebrated the anniversary of Blair’s passing on April 22nd, which is also Earth Day. “We ended up spreading her ashes at Skyline Drive at a place that we go together as a family,” Chrissi said. “We did a memorial garden for her this past year as a healing process, not only for myself but for Brandon and my family. We want to one day be able to tell Millie what happened and how her sister selflessly devoted her nutrients and life to her so that she could survive.” “It’s difficult to talk about your personal story as a woman, as a female,” Chrissi said. “It can make you feel like you’ve failed if you can’t get pregnant or if you develop some kind of illness.” At the end of the day,

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

“We want to one day be able to tell Millie what happened and how her sister selflessly devoted her nutrients and life to her so that she could survive.”

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Chrissi and Brandon are determined to let others know that they don’t have to suffer in silence. “Sometimes it’s the hardest thing you go through that teaches you the most.” It was only after yet another miscarriage in October of 2018 that Chrissi and Brandon sought out grief counseling and found a therapist who has helped in their healing process. “That was when Brandon and I came to the decision that our family was complete,” Chrissi said. “We would live our best life as the three musketeers and carry Blair in our hearts forever.” ❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

HOW TO DAD WITH TYLER ROSS BY FRANNIE BARNES

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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But what about dads? Not so much, right? Enter local businessman, owner of Ross Real Estate, and podcast host, Tyler Ross. Tyler is an avid student of life and one of those high achieving types that make the rest of us mere mortals feel like, well, mere mortals. He’s also the father of two young children. As someone who constantly pushes himself to grow, he began to explore his role as a father and thought it would be enlightening to talk with other dads, too. Tyler has no problem connecting with other people who, like himself, push themselves, and he clearly enjoys straight talk with the new and old acquaintances alike. Lifestyle talked with Tyler recently about the kinds of people he likes to interview on his popular podcast, “Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross,” what he’s learned from those interviews, and what the future holds for the program.

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ouldn’t it be nice if, along with the delivery of your bundle of joy, you were handed a manual on how to own and operate it? Any parent knows that’s hardly the case. Don’t share this with the kids, but we parents are winging it, every single day. Just when we think we understand the stage or phase a child is in – BAM – they switch it up. And if you have more than one child, you might know to expect curveballs, but no two children, or people, are alike. The phrase “it takes a village” refers to more than just helping hands. Parents need to lean on family members, friends or colleagues for mental and emotional support and advice. Moms tend to have a larger base of support when it comes to parenting; whether it be a playgroup, books geared towards moms, or just picking up the phone to kvetch with another mom, it’s well within the social norm for women to talk about child rearing.

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BY KARA THORPE

Tyler recording a podcast at his Warrenton office.

WHEN YOU’RE CONSIDERING WHO TO HAVE ON “LEARNING TO DAD,” WHAT ARE SOME OF THE CRITERIA YOU USE?

I look for people who are wildly successful. People who are hard on themselves as well as being highly analytical, realize that to fill in the gaps, you first have to know where your holes are.

WHICH OF YOUR GUESTS HAVE BEEN THE MOST INTERESTING AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING?

I really can’t narrow that down; each guest has offered such different perspectives. If I had to give an answer, I’d say Jesse Straight, owner and operator of Whiffletree Farm in Warrenton. Jesse is the father of seven children who live and assist on their working farm and his perspective is so different from mine. He is with his children constantly and their dynamic is different. His perspective on how

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

his family interacts has incredible depth. And it might sound strange, but in today’s technology age, it was refreshing to speak with a ‘man of the earth.’

IS THERE A PIECE OF PARENTING ADVICE YOU’VE RECEIVED THAT HAS CHANGED YOUR WAY OF PARENTING?

Absolutely! When I spoke with Ike Broaddus (co-founder of Old Bust Head Brewery), he shared his philosophy of always being honest. Whether it’s about previous relationships before you met your children’s mother, extracurricular activities in your younger days, or even seeing consequences for punishments through – actually taking away the phone, or grounding if you threatened to – if you are honest with your children, they will always know that they can rely and depend on you.

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WHY DO YOU THINK THE SHOW IS SO POPULAR?

I believe it’s because there’s a lack of open and thoughtful communication among men. And we’re changing that. In a world where we have input coming at us from every direction, and constant stimulation, I wanted to share and start thoughtful dialogue. I started it in an effort to be genuine. We all have insecurities; this podcast is an exercise for me to let go of mine and be more comfortable in my own skin.

WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS FOR THE PODCAST?

I have grand fantasies, but for now my plan is to continue to expand the network of people I speak with, drawing in different perspectives and experiences and sharing them for the benefit of other parents, and myself. I get to talk to really cool people.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER DADS?

We can play a better role; we can be more deliberate. It’s all work, it’s all an effort, but you get back what you put into it. Stop trying to be perfect but do be authentic. Being perfect is impossible, but when you are authentic, it exposes you to genuine love and friendship. When Tyler talks about work, he doesn’t mean that parenting is a job, per se. He warmly shares stories about his wife and children and the many activities they do together. His children inspire him daily, and were the inspiration his first children’s book, “Donkey and the Farm Team.” Tune in to the thoughtprovoking conversations Tyler gets into with his lineup of great guests on “Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross.” Visit tylerjamesross.com ❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

Marianne has walked the sometimes unsteady path of being a stepparent herself. Many think mindfulness is synonymous with meditation, but at its core it is the basic act or state of being aware of your feelings and the feelings of others. It takes time, but by being mindful you learn to respond thoughtfully without reacting impulsively. One of the steps toward creating a good relationship with a stepchild, said Maranne, is “ … to be mindful and to not feel threatened.”

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COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION

navigating life with a blended family BY FRANNIE BARNES

nyone who has been married understands the challenges of combining lives: merging finances, households, and traditions takes patience, love, and a sense of humor; it’s a constant evolution. When you marry someone who already has children or you blend families, it takes the need for patience, love, and a sense of humor to a whole new level. Being a successful stepparent requires the skill of a tightrope walker but it can be done and the result can be a wonderful and unique relationship with your stepchildren.

BE MINDFUL OF THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS Warrenton resident, licensed family and marriage therapist, and author of Peaceful Parenting: 10 Essential Principles, Marianne Clyde feels that mindfulness is a key tenet of any type of parenting. With a combined family of eight children and 17 grandchildren,

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

Marianne explains that it is important for stepparents to understand that if a child seems negative, or defiant, or hesitant to heed the rules, it’s because they are trying to determine a) where they fit in the new dynamic and b) answer the question “do you love me?” As both parents and stepparents, we tend to have our feelings hurt when faced with negative reactions from a child. She offers that it is important to include kids in the conversation — talk to them about how they feel and let them know you’re listening and that their feelings are important to you. The bottom line? It’s an evolution. “Every day will be different, and you can’t allow yourself to get in a rut where the children don’t feel allowed to grow,” Marianne said.

CO-PARENTING WITH THE EX Lisa, a local mom with a blended family of five kids — three of her own and two stepchildren, all teenagers now — married her husband eight years ago. “The biggest challenge of stepparenting is learning to co-parent with the exes,” she said. “If possible, sit down with the people you’ll be parenting

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with, even if it’s uncomfortable, and get on the same page.” Additionally, the “your kids/my kids” mentality can be tough to overcome. “It’s hard not to say ‘they’re my kids’ because I’m also one of their parents now. But sometimes the biological parent can take offense at that.” What happens when a biological parent doesn’t want a stepparent involved? “No matter what, as a stepparent, there has to be a level of respect for the office of biological parent,” Marianne said. It takes courage to step back, but if you have open communication and ask the child how you can be involved in their lives, you can come up with a creative solution without arguing. “Each parent has different beliefs and expectations,” said Marianne. “Talk about how you can both be happy. Don’t be offended by someone else’s opinion.”

BE FLEXIBLE WITH TRADITIONS A common question in merging families is how to honor new as well as old traditions. When one family has specific holiday traditions and new ones are introduced, it can be challenging to honor everyone’s wishes and make each person feel validated and comfortable. To this end, Marianne counsels compromise and flexibility. “As the saying goes, ‘the rigid reed breaks,’ but if the reed is flexible, it can withstand the wind. Traditions are important, but not more important than the relationship with your children and stepchildren.”

MAKE TIME FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP “It’s important to make time for your marriage. When you do, it makes everything

easier,” Lisa said. Unlike first marriages without children, there isn’t the free time to travel and just be with each other, but it is just as important to prioritize your partner and make time for each other.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES When Lisa married her husband, her three kids not only gained step-siblings and a stepmother, they also gained more aunts, uncles and grandparents (and more presents on birthdays!). When her kids were younger she explained to them that they now had even more people in their lives who love them. And having more loving people in a kid’s life can really enrich his or her childhood. For instance, if one household doesn’t have pets, and the other does, it gives children an opportunity to experience something they may not have otherwise. “I was very interested in history,” said Ella, another local stepmother. “So I took my stepsons to Civil War sites when they were children, which they loved. They really liked learning about Stonewall Jackson. Turns out, they both majored in history in college, and I like to think that I may have had a little something to do with that.” Thoughtfulness, open communication, and respect can smooth out the rough patches of being a stepparent. Said Ella, “Even when things seem hard and the problems insurmountable, remember that time goes by and the children get older. Every day is a step closer to hurt feelings from divorces fading a bit, a step closer to everyone adjusting to the new status quo, and a step closer to developing good relationships with your stepchildren.” ❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

Hidden in Plain Sight

HIPS is a community program administered by the Fauquier County Sheriff’s Office in conjunction with the following organizations:

Can you identify signs of risky behavior in your teen? BY WILL SCARING

COMMUNITY RESOURCES UNITED TO STOP HEROIN (CRUSH)

hat do you see when you poke your head into your teen’s room? Besides a mess, of course. You’ll see clothes, a backpack, schoolbooks, sports equipment, maybe musical instruments or ipods, surely decorations on the wall or furniture that express your child’s interests. Undoubtedly soda cans and snack wrappers. But could you spot a sign of risky or dangerous behavior in your teen’s room? The nationwide statistics for teen alcohol and drug use (both illegal and prescription) are sobering, and Fauquier County is no exception. All parents think about keeping their teens safe in the world today. But to solve a problem, you first need to know if a problem exists. If your teen is participating in risky behaviors, the signs might be right there, hidden in plain sight. At Fauquier County’s Sheriff’s Office, Captain Ray Acors and Shelly Wright are working with sixteen community partners to create a community program to help adults not only identify risky behaviors in their teenage children, but also to stop them effectively before anyone gets hurt. This program, titled “Hidden in Plain Sight,” or HIPS for short, is a presentation and participation-oriented module that helps parents identify and stop alcohol and substance abuse, as well as identify underlying associated issues like mental health problems and risky sexual behavior. The HIPS module itself is a three-dimensional mockup of a bedroom, with a bed, bookshelf, desk, and other items typically found in the average teenager room. In among the innocuous items, it includes about 100 “red flags” that indicate risky behavior. In the first interactive section of the program, which takes about 30 minutes, parents are encouraged to thoroughly search the room and identify these red flags. Captain Acors said, “We want the parents to know where to look. Kids can be very crafty about where they hide things, and our goal with the room is to get parents aware of what could potentially be going on in their own kids’ rooms.” The following educational portion of the program, taught by a law enforcement officer and an instructor from one of the program’s community partners, includes a powerpoint presentation detailing each red flag prop that the room contained and how it is indicative of — or used in — risky behavior.

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MENTAL HEALTH AMERICA OF FAUQUIER COUNTY RAPPAHANNOCK RAPIDAN COMMUNITY SERVICES COME AS YOU ARE (CAYA) BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB OF FAUQUIER WARRENTON POLICE DEPARTMENT VERDUN ADVENTURE BOUND FAUQUIER CADRE SPIRITWORKS FOUNDATION FAUQUIER COMMUNITY CHILD CARE JUST ASK — TO END HUMAN TRAFFICKING FAUQUIER COUNTY PUBLIC SCHOOLS BLUE RIDGE NARCOTIC AND GANG TASKFORCE CELEBRATE RECOVERY

It includes up to date statistics and local trends, and law enforcement officers share the types of experiences they’ve had in our community identifying risky behavior and helping to put kids on the right path to a healthy life. Resource information is available to parents directing them to local community organizations that will help them to take the next step: opening the doors of communication with their teen and working towards a solution. While the purpose of the module is very serious, and offers training on a potentially drastic measure involving invading a child’s privacy, Wright and Acors wanted to stress that the purpose of these modules is to educate and foster communication, not to make parents paranoid: “We want parents to be educated and aware. Part of our job as parents is to protect our kids, but we don’t want them to feel like they can’t trust us or confide in us either. And for these kinds of conversations, you can’t go in half-cocked either. If there are these items present in a child’s room, more than anything we want parents to feel confident in what they know and how to tackle the situation without straining their relationship with their kids.” The program will launch its first module class on September 25 at 6 p.m. at the PATH Foundation. The free class is limited to 30 adults (children and teens are not permitted), and is on a first come first served basis. Parents can register by contacting HIPS. HIPS is available free of charge to other groups such as church groups, parent groups, civic organizations, or any group that may find this resource to be beneficial. The community is encouraged to reach out to HIPS to book the program. ❖ Contact HIPS: Shelly Wright, 540-422-8664, hips@fauquiercounty.gov

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The HIPS module is a mockup of a bedroom, with a bed, bookshelf, desk, and other items typically found in the average teenager room. In among the innocuous items, it includes about 100 “red flags” that indicate risky behavior.

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

‘Just Ask’ Wants You to Prevent Human Trafficking

BY STEPHENIE OVERMAN

uman trafficking isn’t just a danger in distant countries. Anti-trafficking activists want parents – and kids -- in Warrenton, Haymarket and Gainesville to understand that it happens here. Human trafficking means compelling a person to engage in sexual acts or forced labor. There’s no official U.S. statistics, but estimates place the number of people illegally smuggled and traded in the hundreds of thousands. “Lots of people think it only affects impoverished areas,” said Bill Woolf, executive director of the Just Ask Prevention Project. “When I first encountered it as a police officer, I thought it couldn’t be happening here. I thought it was a Third World problem. The reality is that it is unidentified and unreported.” Northern Virginia is at risk because “traffickers want to make money. This is a very economically stable place,” he

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

said. “Money is here to be spent.” The area is especially vulnerable “because we have the attitude ‘that won’t happen here.’ It’s easier to trick young people,” according to Woolf. And in many households both parents work long hours, while technology allows traffickers to connect with kids who are alone at home. “It’s a hard thing to grapple with. It’s hard to understand how this happens. Parents think ‘you must have the wrong kid,’” he said. The Just Ask Prevention Project started in 2013 in Fairfax County but has recently taken steps to relocate its headquarters to Fauquier County. The nonprofit group has trained hundreds of professional and community-based organizations in education, prevention and intervention in suspected cases of exploitation. “The only way you will be effective in helping to end human trafficking is by being able to identify the signs and patterns of trafficker abuse,” the organization’s website states. “We know

}

that a well-informed public will decrease the ability of trackers to operate and inspire victims and survivors to come forward and Just Ask for help.” To that end, the Just Ask Prevention Project has developed classroom curriculum to teach students about the strategies of traffickers so that they can know if they’re being manipulated. The average age of exploited children is 14- to 16- years-old, Woolf said, but “I worked with a victim as young as nine. It can go even younger than that.” The organization hosts community conversations “to look at the scope of the problem, to say this is what we are looking out for, to say ‘here is how we as a community can step up and solve this, how we can engage in real solutions,’” he said. “We’ve been able to support families. Some parents have said ‘my child was a victim but I didn’t know what to do about it.’ We’ve been able to connect them to resources, get them some help.” The Just Ask Prevention Project has found “a fantastic partner,” in Rotary International, according to Woolf. The Rotarian Action Group Against Slavery also was launched in 2013. The Gainesville-Haymarket Rotary Club is just getting started with its antitrafficking program, according to the club’s president-elect Terri Aufmuth. The goal to educate parents and students in western Prince William County “so that they’re not scared but they are aware.” The group has hosted one event, which featured a woman whose daughter was a victim of trafficking. “In our area people just don’t believe it is happening. Everybody was dumbfounded by what’s happening in our community and about how her daughter was affected,” Aufmuth said. “To hear her personal story, it hit home. She was standing right in front of them, instead of being a statistic you read.” Woolf noted that plans are underway to participate in a fall back-to-school program

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ABOVE: The Just Ask Prevention Project team from left to right: Gainesville-Haymarket Rotary Club president-elect, Terri Aufmuth; Jacquelin Pinilla, Just Ask director of strategic partnerships; Just Ask executive director Bill Woolf; Susan Evans-Young, mother of a No.VA teen sex-trafficking survivor; Warrenton Rotary Club vice president, Amelia J. Stansell.

Once a teen is targeted, the trafficker’s process begins:

The best way to protect your child is to pay attention to them and their behavior. Victims can be from any ethnicity, social or economic group, gender, or level of academic achievement. Some traffickers prefer to focus their efforts on recruiting young people into their enterprises, as most traffickers are young as well. Traffickers are looking for young people who may: • • • • • • • • •

1. SCOUTING Traffickers are searching for young people to target and find teens via: • • • • •

Lack a sense of belonging to others Not feel respected or valued by family or friends Base their self-worth on popularity or relationships Be willing to keep secrets including the relationship Not have a good relationship with their parents Be looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend Be often bored with not much to do Spend a lot of time away from family or friends Be willing to take directions and believe the lies and false promises

Social media Shopping malls Bus stops School Through friends

2. MANIPULATING Traffickers relate to young people and often times seem “too good to be true.” Trafficker manipulation techniques: • • • • •

Pretend to be boyfriends or girlfriends Buy presents Treat their intended victims very well Listen and act interested in their lives Lies and manipulation

3. TRAPPING Traffickers trick or control young people into staying in the lifestyle using methods like: • • • •

False love or lies Drugs Threats of violence Physical violence

What to do? Keep an open dialogue with your teen LISTEN: Let your teen share what’s bothering them. Don’t force the issue. Listen, but be persistent. LOVE: Tell your teen that you love them and tell them often. Tell them you’ll always be there for them. SUPPORT: Show your teen you are willing to listen and try not to judge them when they share. UNDERSTAND: Never blame your teen for what is happening. Remember they are a victim, not a criminal. CONTACT: JustAskPrevention.org • info@justaskprevention.org • Call or Text 1.833.ASK2END

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}

at the Gainesville Glory Days Grill. “When Glory Days has some child entertainment, kids will be able to go to the entertainment while we educate the parents.” The Fauquier County Human Trafficking Prevention Project started a year ago after Woolf spoke to the Warrenton Rotary Club, according to Amelia J. Stansell. Stansell is vice president of the Warrenton Rotary Club and co-chair of the Fauquier County project. So far, the group has sent speakers out to schools, churches, clubs and law enforcement offices, according to Stansell. “We want to get everybody to understand that it’s not like what you see on television. We want them to realize what it looks like in communities like ours.” Last year, the Fauquier County project conducted a needs assessment “to see what is happening and what the gaps are. We wanted to see where [trafficking] ties in to homelessness, drugs, bullying,” she said. “We wanted to bring groups to the table to work together.” The Fauquier County group and Just Ask are working together to establish “safe zones,” according to Stansell. These are “places where people gather and feel safe” such churches, fire departments, hospitals, clubs and recreation centers where employees and volunteers have gone through training on what to look for and how to respond. All employees at WARF (Warrenton Aquatic and Recreation Facility) have been trained, she said. “There are a lot of kids there. It’s also a place where someone might be scouting. Employees keep an eye out. They can help [victims] feel safe until police and social services get there.” Law enforcement officials often need training too, according to Woolf. “So many people in the community expect law enforcement to be able to identify and respond. But only about 5 percent of law enforce are properly trained to address the issue. Often they haven’t had any documented cases.” Just Ask wants to train all kinds of people to recognize human trafficking, he said. “We go so far as to engage field technicians, people who install internet and phone lines, people who repair air conditioning. They have opportunities to observe” and report suspicious behavior. “Law enforcement can’t be everywhere all the time. It requires the community.”❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

In my opinion, the important thing in protecting children on the net is to cover all devices a child has regular access to, so that includes cell phones and tablets as well as desktop computers.

Time Limits

Perhaps you just want to place reasonable limitations on internet time. Many routers allow custom WiFi on and off times. Xfinity allows this easily through the Xfinity xFi app. You can set your WiFi to turn the internet off for the Teens spend an kids’ devices, for instance, astounding after 10 p.m.

average of NINE HOURS PER DAY consuming media.

Digital Parenting Two of our local experts, Klaus Fuechsel and Michelle Kelley, weigh in on how to raise healthy, happy, safe children in today’s high-tech world.

hen my wife and I were parenting in the nineties, modern technology was just emerging. I introduced our three little girls to simple, slow-paced but enchanting computer games such as “Grandma KLAUS FUECHSEL and me,” “Putt-Putt saves the Zoo,” and other educational TECH programs. But these were playable only on the one XP EXPERT desktop computer we owned. Nowadays, kids can play games — and get into trouble on the internet — anywhere. Let’s face it, while there are many positive aspects to the internet, such as educational sites and fun games, it can be a dangerous place for kids. And it can be a dangerous place for electronics, too, when you think of all the viruses, malware, and spyware out there. Often, hackers gain entry to your computer through kids’ sites or games, so turning your children loose on the internet without supervision is a bad idea in more ways than one.

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

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}

Setting time limits on your children’s cell phone use

Setting reasonable time limits on cell phones is also Source: Common important: one problem Sense Media a family can run into is surpassing data limits on the family plan. If your kids are watching videos, listening to music, or playing data intensive games, your so-called “unlimited plan” will quickly become as slow as molasses. Investigate apps that limit data usage — some contain parental control features as well.

Good Tech Practices for Families Make sure you have an up-to-date antivirus software and a solid firewall. The firewall should protect your system from hackers and intruders wherever you or your children surf the internet. Set up a “limited account” under the Windows/MAC Operating System for younger users, so a child does not have administrative privileges that would allow them to bypass protections and wreak general havoc on your computer. You can also set up mobile phones with limited/kids accounts that will allow limiting data and access. Since each mobile device/provider offers different features and ways to do this, it is best to consult the staff at a local store. To control and block certain websites and activities related to the internet, you need Parental Control programs/ apps. “Net Nanny” is a popular program

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(also available as an app) that has been around for over 20 years and covers pretty much all of the important areas of parental control for PCs, Macs, Androids, and even Kindles. Qustodio started in 2012 and offers comparably excellent software. Most of the big-name Antivirus providers, such as Symantec, McAfee, and Bitdefender, also offer their own parental control programs. Since each is different, do your research to decide which is the best for your you and your family’s needs. If you work from home, keep your business computer completely separate from devices that your children use. We’ve had too many units brought in which were infected through unsecure browsing, inappropriate websites, “freeware,” as well as programs and games the kids were using. Consider using an app for your child’s phone that includes “geofencing,” which provides parents the ability to keep track of the location of their children’s phones, which can be an excellent safety measure. I found a useful app called “Family GPS Tracker KidsControl” which can tell you where each family member’s phone is and even allows you to set up geographical “dangerous zones” which enables you to receive alerts when your children enter them. Since most kids are inseparable from their cell phones, this could be very helpful. Another application for this type of software is for college students. A friend’s daughter set up a geofencing app with a group of her girlfriends so they could check and make sure everyone made it home safely after a night of socializing on campus. On a closing note, I think good parenting for the “smartphone and app native” generation is a challenge, due to the rapidly changing developments in devices, apps, social media, videos, streaming, and the world wide web. Each family is unique, and there are many different approaches to dealing with these things. Feel free to share your thoughts and questions on this subject with me at Klaus@DokKlaus.com. |

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

MICHELLE KELLEY FAMILY COUNSELOR

arenting in the twenty-first century is new territory and many parents have struggled to stay ahead of the learning curve in this quickly changing world. On the one hand, technology can afford parents peace of mind, such as when a child messages a parent that he or she has arrived safely at a friend’s house. On the other hand, smartphones can cause many parents a great deal of worry and angst about its effects on — and the safety of — their children. Giving your child a smartphone with full social media capabilities and internet access is the equivalent of putting him or her on a bus to New York City and

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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letting them spend the day wandering around by themselves — scary. The prevalence of technology in our children’s lives calls for different parenting skills. The key is to stay current and connected with your child’s technology use; not only can it protect your child from the dangers and darker sides of the internet and social media, it can provide you with opportunities for meaningful conversations and personal growth. I strongly encourage parents to stay on top of their child’s technology use, all the way through high school. Having regular conversations with your child about their screen time behavior (who they are talking to, playing games with, how much time they are spending on screens) shows them that you care and you are paying attention. It’s

Technology can be just as tempting for PARENTS as it is for kids. Set a good example.

important that your child knows what your expectations are, so if you haven’t already set ground rules, now is a good time.

Tips for parenting in the digital age: Keep family mealtimes screen free. Set limits on screen time, whether it’s on a computer or a smartphone. Encourage face-to-face interpersonal activities. Be a good role model for responsible technology use. Co-view, co-play and co-engage with your child when using screens. Have fun together online...the internet isn’t all bad! Emphasize educational sites and ageappropriate games. |

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WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

local expert THE EXPERT:

Michelle Kelley HER EXPERTISE:

Licensed Clinical Social Worker Michelle Kelley, LCSW, is owner of Warrenton Women’s Counseling Center. “My passion is helping girls and women to thrive in their life and personal relationships. Together we can find balance between caring for yourself and others.” For more information go to www.WarrentonWomens CounselingCenter.com or call 540.316.6362

embracing adulthood

PREPARING CHILDREN FOR LIFE’S CHALLENGES BY MICHELLE KELLEY, LCSW

he word “adult” has recently become a verb as well as an adjective. As in, “Don’t make me adult today!” What does it really mean to be an adult? All adults have experienced times when they don’t feel as though they have it together, even though they’re living the adult life. Real adulting means facing our long-term goals responsibly and honestly; we concurrently accept the fact that our days are filled with obligations, many of them mundane. It means that we embrace the bad with the good, even when we don’t feel like we have it together. Accepting adulthood is a necessary part of growing up, and teaching our kids the skills to effectively transition into independence starts at home. For kids to maintain good emotional well-being, it’s essential that they watch their parents practice mature and

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

responsible behavior even when they don’t feel like it. When children learn to embrace responsibility, take pride in their work, and do tasks that they would rather not, then they are well on their way to developing into an effective adult. Many households have two working parents who come home at the end of the day exhausted and irritable. Meal preparation and family dinners are rushed, if they happen at all. Taking time to teach kids basic life skills may fall to the bottom of your to do list, or maybe it’s just easier to do a task yourself rather than explain patiently what your expectations are. When it comes to raising young adults, a lot of responsibility is learned by the example set by the parents, but certain things (such as cooking and budgeting) need to be taught.

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In my work with girls and young women, I often assist them in learning essential life skills such as budgeting, managing money and time management. I can’t help them with things like cooking and sewing, and some would argue these are not essential skills, but they can be character-building. My daughter took sewing classes growing up and she takes pride in being able to hem her skirt or make her prom dress. This has been a step on her path to adulthood. “Adulting” also means coming up with a plan for one’s life and identifying the next steps. Oftentimes, a person has certain expectations as to what it should “feel” like to be an adult. Many aspects of adult life are out of our control but there are numerous factors that are very much in our hands. Let’s review some “adult behaviors” which we can manage. Physical health - to optimize our physical health, we must accept the responsibility to follow a proper diet, exercise regularly, and get our annual physical exams. Emotional stability - being able to understand and manage our emotions so we can cope with daily stresses. Financial responsibility – managing our money , learning to budget and living within our means. Purpose in life – everyone has a purpose in this world but it’s up to each individual to discover their “calling.” It’s important to remember and expect that life will throw you curveballs — no exceptions. Everyone will experience hardships and heartaches. They will have to realize that being a grown up requires effort, trial and error, and persistence. They will have to accept every setback as an opportunity for growth and maturation. At the end of the day, adulting comes down to developing good habits, making wise decisions, and contributing positively to society; transitioning to adulthood occurs gradually. Preparing our children for the real world is our job as parents. Millennials who have successfully learned these skills — both practical and character-building — are passion-driven and out of the box thinkers. They make great entrepreneurs and I personally am excited about the potential of this generation. ❖

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Creating lesson plans for life Kristy and Jerry Hull’s Lasting Contributions to Fauquier Education BY NATALIE ORTIZ

eachers are special, responding to a call to prepare the youth of today for the unpredictable world of tomorrow. While every educator plays an important role in the development of students, every so often truly unique teachers who leave lasting impacts on children come to light. Such is the case with Jerry Hull and his wife, Kristy. While sitting on the sidewalk in Historic Downtown Warrenton on a warm summer day chatting with Jerry, I instantly knew that I was with a local celebrity. Every few minutes a parent or student would wave or stop to chat with Mr. Hull. Each one of these folks had updates on the lives of their kids or their own, words of thanks, and inquiries about the Hull family. When Kristy is also present, the celebrity status is doubled, with students coming up for hugs, and friends of their sons’ waving. Originally from Pittsburgh but now 20-year Fauquier residents, Jerry and Kristy are both are teachers at Brumfield Elementary School — Jerry as a fifth grade teacher, and Kristy as an ESL teacher. The two have spent the entirety of their professional careers bestowing Fauquier County’s youth with the gift that keeps on giving — the confidence of being well rounded students and life-long learners. Kristy is a National Board Certified Teacher and recently received her master’s degree in curriculum and instructional design. She sees instructional coaching in her future and is looking forward to using her experience and

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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Can you tell me about your family? We have three boys, each of whom is in the Fauquier County School system. Gabriel is 13 and attends the multiple disabilities class at Auburn Middle School. He enjoys music in general and guitar in particular. Liam is 8 and is in third grade at Brumfield. He is taking drum lessons at Allegro School of Music and showing a real talent for it. Julian is 5 and begins his school journey as a kindergartener this year. He is our family comedian. He loves to entertain and amuse others.

What activities do you enjoy doing as a family?

With the ages of our boys, anything that gets us outside and lets them run and be active is a good choice for our family. We frequent our county’s various parks and playgrounds, as well as the greenway trail, and enjoy a walk through Old Town and a stop at Deja Brew when we can.

What are the challenges of raising a special needs child? Families of children with special

needs each have their own unique challenges to face, and life with Gabriel is no different. When we first realized the extent of his disabilities it was hard to hear, but Kristy and I decided that we would take each situation one step at a time. We have also surrounded ourselves with the right people to help enrich Gabriel’s life and allowed him to participate in as many things as possible. This has worked well for the first 13 years of his life, and we feel ready to take on the challenges of the future. It is important for us to understand when to encourage the younger boys to include Gabe in their play, but also to realize that they need to live their own lives.

knowledge of elementary classrooms and to make a difference within the larger community. As a musician, Jerry has been an educational songwriter for a number of years. He maintains a YouTube page called “Mr. Hull” that features his content-specific songs which include titles such as “Ocean Floor Rap”, “The Parallelogram Club”, and “The Rock Cycle Rock.” He is currently involved in a joint project with the Fauquier FRESH (Fauquier Reaches for Excellence in School Health) department and Allegro Community School of the Arts to bring songs about fruits and vegetables to the school cafeterias on a monthly basis. Kristy and Jerry are exceptional not only as educators, but as parents and spouses as well. They were kind enough to talk with me about their unique position in the lives of Fauquier children, both as parents and teachers.

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

You’ve both been teachers for over 20 years. What motivates each of you to stay in the field of education? For both of us it is the difference

we can make in students’ lives. With too much focus on testing in recent years, it is the relationships we foster that make an actual difference in their lives. Students remember those teachers who were there for them as they grew. Both of us have been invited to attend awards ceremonies, weddings, and unfortunately funerals of former students over the years.

What’s something that you wish all parents knew about being a teacher? We genuinely care

about their children and spend a great deal of time thinking about their well-being, both as a student and as a member of society. When a child joins our class they will always be our student going forward.

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From the unique perspective of being both parents and teachers, what’s the biggest obstacle most students face today? Technology has both

immense benefits for students and presents a new set of challenges. Having the whole world at their fingertips has in some ways caused their own world to shrink. We are seeing less face to face communication between children and with adults. In a world where social media “influencer” has become a job, some of the best actual influencers are teachers.

What’s one tool you’d like to encourage other teachers to use in the classroom more often?

Music is a powerful tool for learning. Being a children’s songwriter, I have seen the benefits of learning any subject with music. Years after being in my class students come back to tell me that one of the songs I wrote helped them on a test. Kristy promotes more movement in the classroom. More physical movement helps kids maintain focus and attention.

What is it like being both a parent and a teacher in the county in which you live and work? Working

in the county where we live has allowed us to get to know many community members and families, and we enjoy a positive reputation and relationship with these folks built up over many years. Parents and students know who we are and what we are about. Being parents in the school system has made us better teachers and vice-versa. We can see both perspectives, especially when it comes to IEP meetings and conferences.

You both love teaching in Fauquier County. What made you decide to dedicate the past 20 years to the education system here? It starts from

the top, with forward thinking senior staff members who seem determined to prepare our students for tomorrow’s challenges. We have worked with many talented and dedicated teachers, administrators, and support staff, who work to ensure that our school is on the cutting edge with new ideas to enrich students’ lives and education. The community atmosphere of Warrenton and the surrounding towns has a welcoming feel that is lacking in larger districts. The superintendent knows us by name, and the mayor, school board, and town and county government officials welcome interaction and feedback from teachers and other citizens. Overall, the town and county, along with the many small businesses, try to create a community for both our citizens and visitors to enjoy. ❖

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{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

The Last Game

t is a hot July morning and I am sewing. Not a good combination, since I hate the heat and I am a terrible seamstress. I am sewing my oldest stepson’s baseball patch on his baseball shirt for a tournament. I should consider myself lucky, actually. He gave me the shirts and patches this morning, and told me he needed them this afternoon. Usually it’s much more last minute than that. I’ve done this before. At home, in motels, in the car on the way to tournaments, and — truly at the last minute — on the sidelines of the baseball field as they are warming up for their first game. Why can’t they make these patches as iron-ons? Jani is 18, and has been playing on the district tournament team since he was about 10. Pete is 16, and has been playing competitive soccer as goalie since he was very small. I’m doing this for the last time. When he plays ball in college, someone else will do that. We still have two more years before Pete, my younger stepson, goes to college, but Jani is the first one leaving the nest, and it will be hard. My daughter grew up on the baseball fields and soccer fields of Fauquier County. She was born during the wintertime, so she was an infant in a carrier her first year, a toddler barely walking the next year, a two year old the next season, and then a precocious 3-year-old who captured everyone’s hearts. It’s been so much fun to watch these boys through the years, growing and developing as athletes, as men, and as members of a team. It’s a small town, still, and the teams over the years have consisted of mostly the same players, give or take a few. This baseball tournament will be the last time this team plays together. Next year they will all be in college. Not only will they lose the closeness they have as friends and as a team, but we parents, who have spent all these years together in the stands, will lose our close-knit group too. And they will all leave holes in their families. We are lucky to live almost adjacent to the High School’s baseball field, and I can hear the announcers and the crack of the bats and the shouts of the coaches and fans. It’s morning, but the tournament has started. We don’t play till tonight, though. Next to me, with his head on my foot, is Jani’s puppy, a sixmonth-old Border Collie. He is totally not going to understand this college thing when the time comes. Great. Now I’ve just noticed that I’ve been doing this the hard way, stitching from the back to the front involving multiple stabs per stitch rather than stitching from the front and placing each stitch accurately. I reverse my technique. But now I notice the stitches are getting smaller and closer together. Am I finally getting the hang of this, or do I just not want the project to end? It’s so hot because I am sitting outside on the back porch doing this. I can’t find anywhere in the house where the light is good enough for me to work my magic with the thread. I’ve also just stabbed myself with the needle for the thousandth time in my patch-sewing career. So this shirt, like all the others in the past, will have drops of blood on it. And drops of the sweat that’s dripping from my forehead. But this one will have tears, too, because I’ve started to cry. ❖

JULY, 2005 BY PAM KAMPHUIS

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

WARRENTON LIFESTYLE

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