The Trials of Trick or Treat

The scariest part of Halloween has been putting together six costumes each October. There are two types of parents: those who love collecting and creating Halloween costumes and those who do not. Unfortunately for my children, I do not. But like many quirks of family life they were blissfully unaware of this up until they had other standards to compare to.

Long ago an enthusiastic costume creator gave us two different sized adorable Dalmatian dog costumes she had made.

For about ten Halloweens in a row someone in our family was dressed as a dog, as in “who wants to be the Dalmatian?”, again made possible by the fact my kids did not know that some children dress up as different things each year.

The black gown and face mask combo was always a reliable basic option, which later became less ideal when our youngest child became terrified of all face masks, let alone intentionally scary ones. It got so bad that I had to keep secret which room I hid the masks in, because she would be unable to enter if she knew.

Our daughter’s fear of masks led to some authentically scary Halloween experiences. One year I opened the front door to greet a garden-variety group of trick-or-treaters. As observed by our two year old crouched on the stairs, one was wearing a mask. Our daughter’s continuous blood-curdling screams began and did not stop throughout the greeting and candy exchange. Initially the trick-or-treaters were suitably impressed by our fabulous sound effects but rapidly became alarmed. A bumble bee began to cry. They all ran down the driveway terrified.

The entire exercise repeated itself in reverse when we went out later. A gentleman answered his door wearing a mask. He must have thought it quite a “trick” that we greeted him with a happy, polite chorus of “trick or treat!!” combined with incessant terrorized screaming. Savvy kids will notice that it becomes very unlikely you will be asked to sing a song for your candy if one member of your group is screaming without breathing. Just FYI.

The costume deficit was aided by various donations: a pirate hat and accessories, a large duck outfit, a Darth Vader mask/helmet combo ( horrors!). Otherwise we have had some fall-back basics: princess variations and the ever-helpful “which-what-who,” the non-sensical combination of random items creating a unique character. For example our older son mixed the Dalmatian headgear (score one again for the Dalmatian), one boxing glove, a furry vest, heart-covered boxer shorts, leggings and cowboy boots. The answer to the question “what are you?” was simply: “Dressed up for Halloween!” I realize these lame costumes were brought about by maternal apathy but I like to consider them “child-centered creativity.” Some degree of neglect is good for our children: Halloween costumery seemed a convenient place for some neglect.

Besides in Vancouver even the most epic costume becomes pathetic when one has to wear a raincoat over top. “Are you kidding?? Of COURSE Batman sometimes wore a raincoat!” Try rationalizing with an irrational fairy bawling because she has to wear rainboots instead of plastic high-heeled slippers with fur.

We live on a naturally scary street. It’s a quiet dead-end and on Halloween night there are few people out, owls hooting on branches and the odd coyote spotted standing silhouetted through light fog against the forest. Actually spooky. Our kids loved it: running down the street in the dark, dressed up, terrible costumes dragging along, collecting candy from SEVEN HOUSES!

Imagine the joy upon returning home to sit around the table and regale about the magical evening.

But in mid-elementary school our eldest was allowed to join a friend to trick-or-treat in the festive atmosphere found in the heart of Dunbar, on the rows and rows of tree-lined streets swarming with parades of kids in excellent costumes and entire families out, homes and yards lit up and decked out with thrilling decorations... and many, many houses to visit. She arrived back home, struggling under the weight of her heavily laden candy bag, stating in an definite, accusatory tone: “Okay, now THAT’s how you do Halloween!”

And thus it all evolved. Halloween falls on a Friday this year: good for schools, worse for parents. The only advice I am qualified to give is to start working on the costume before the Thursday.

Happy Halloween!