Ultimate Finance Champion

Now that Ishaq Dar’s name has been floated and retracted by the news media of the country, it is safe to say that Interim PM-ship is not in the future of the controversial figure. It seems like the story of Mr. Dar is straight out of a novel. From being an accountant to a witness and signatory of a confession to an absconder. The man has had more roles than a one man show and keeps sprouting up at different stages as a finance minister who is loved by a few and hated by all.

There is a famous line from ‘The Dark Knight’ where Harvey Dent who eventually becomes the villain ‘Two Face’ says, “you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”. Dar is the hero he is talking about.

Perhaps what addresses Dar’s alter ego the best is another gem of a dialogue from the same movie brilliantly delivered by the joker: “Madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little push”. For Dar, this is the case with the Rupee. Just a little push to spiral out of control into a free fall.

Fine. Make him the caretaker PM. Let’s suppose we suspend logic, democratic values, basic decency, principles, morals, ethics and common sense for a moment and suppose he does come to the helm of the country. If that is going to be the case then I propose something from my side too. Me and my colleagues would want to become a part of this absurdity. Mr. Dar is acceptable to us. Wholeheartedly and with all our support. But we have a caveat to attach with that.

We want that Mr. Dar should appoint Mr. Miftah Ismail as the caretaker finance minister. With the Musk and Zuckerburg fight not expected to happen, we need some action and what could be better than having these two giants going at each other. Who would not want to see two heavyweights of the Q block slugging it out amongst one another. Make their cabinet meetings payper-view and sell ring side, I mean, table side seats to these meetings. Forget Oppenheimer or a good Michael Bay action flick, the explosions you will see in these meetings will be epic beyond imagination. And every week you can get a new episode in this mammoth no-holds-barred mayhem.

It can be advertised as the Ultimate Finance Championship and will be streamed all around the world. Not only will all of our debts be paid off but we will actually be able to loan out money to other countries. Isn’t that what our dear PM has stated in a recent speech of his? Maybe this can be an avenue to raise some funds and destroy the party once and for all in a final harakiri.

Even though the idea might seem far fetched, hear me out. We have all the ingredients for such a face off. In one corner, we have Ishaq “Daronomics” Dar who, just like the Undertaker, keeps coming back from the dead and heading the finance ministry. Whether it is after the coup of 1999 or after being forced to run away in 2018, it seems the country cannot get rid of him.

In the other corner, we have our dear old Candyland man himself. Who would not like to see someone take that sly grin off of Dar’s face and who better to do it than Miftah. Miftah is the yin to Dar’s yang. Dar was a hero who has lost the false air of competence that was around him and has become the baddie while Miftah is the fallen hero who was discarded once he fulfilled his utility. The man who had to make way for the OG to return on a PAF chartered plane. Miftah can be the underdog who takes on the Goliath and fights for his own legacy. The man the crowd can get behind. What can be a more appropriate name for the event than “Money in the Bank”.

Miftah can have his special move where he is asked to “look into this” and he does look into it, almost like a WWE finishing move. Dar can execute the “Daronomics” and completely obliterate the ring, like he did to the rupee by using foreign exchange reserves. If we can have a former US President as a character on WWE, why not our esteemed finance minister?

With new plotlines developing every week, no one knows where the action will take us. With some much riveting drama for everyone, who cares where the country ends up? No seriously. Who actually cares where the country is going? If we are going to make a mockery of everything, then why not rope in these cabinet meetings as well. When these politicians and bureaucrats don’t care for the country, why should the people either? Good way to distract them while everything goes to hell in a handbasket. n