Staying Connected: a Brief Reflection on the Importance of Our Community

Staying Connected: a Brief Reflection on the Importance of Our Community Jessica E. Heller

In the summer of 2019 I was granted the opportunity to travel to Palestine through the PACC’s Homeland Project. Looking back, I was both enamored and deeply pained during my two weeks of experiencing the ancient cities, walkways, and landscapes of Palestine, Filistin. Palestine brings to mind bountiful culture, hospitality, delicious food, mint lemonade, tatreez, graffiti art, spirit, walls, border crossings, pain, loss, colonization, injustice, unearthed people… Prior to my journey there, I felt anger, despair, and sadness, especially when learning of the historic and current events taking place. Upon my return, I am still experiencing the undulations of anger, fear, and sadness – however, I also now feel a sense of hope in the coming together of community, a community empowered by the collective desire for peace and the right to thrive.

I am an Arab American of half Syrian descent. I never had the opportunity to visit Syria, especially due to the war in recent years, nor did I grow up in a

Photo by Jessica Heller

local Arab-American community. My Teta was a fundamental person in my life, and thanks to her, the customs, culture, and language are near and dear to me. It was not until my adulthood when I realized my yearning for a connection with a community beyond my family, who I shared an ancestral heritage with. I am fortunate to have found a meaningful and enriching relationship with those who are a part of PACC. Moreover, I am grateful to have joined them in the return to the homeland – a pilgrimage that unites us through heart.

Our group traveled throughout the West Bank as well as to cities beyond the wall. I learned more about the daily experience and life lived under occupation. I felt shock, despair, anger, and suspicion.

Though these feelings may have been new for me, they were not new to those who lived here. The segregation and disparity was so glaring that it made my stomach turn, especially the overt racism I witnessed. I was dismayed to learn that families kept a 18

reservoir of water in their homes as a result of the ic and physical disparities experienced by Palestinioccupation randomly turning off their water supply. ans living under occupation. The exercise was perI was afraid for the families living in refugee camps ceived by a colleague as offensive as they felt it did experiencing nightly IDF raids in their homes. I was not support their Zionist ideology. The presentation saddened when I learned that loved ones are dividwas not politically motivated, though the slightest ed by a wall surrounded by snipers and by travel indication that Palestinians experienced hardship as restrictions making it challenging to reunite with a result of occupation was perceived as a threat and their families abroad. I felt heartbroken after visiting intolerable. Before my personal account and profesKhalil (Hebron), a caged city. We walked through sional content was discussed, the presentation was several metal barriers surrounded by heavily armed shut down by unhinged emotion. soldiers, passed vacant storefronts, and walked through netted entries protecting those from being I was unable to share my voice or the Palestinian attacked by thrown objects while on their way to experience in a contained, academic, and secular prayer. How could this be? How can the world alspace. To many, this would not be a unique occurlow this to happen? There is so much beauty, life, rence, though for me it was completely unexpected. and joy here, but there is no space for it to be fully The experience of “being silenced” reactivated the expressed. familiar anger and despair following my return. I

The basis of the Homeland Project is to educate munity members was helpful and empowering durpeers, colleagues, and neighbors on the impacts living a time of “defeat.” Additionally, after having an ing under occupation have had for the Palestinian opportunity to speak at a Palestinian awareness people. As a practicing psychotherapist and art therevent, I felt these feelings lift and felt further emapist, one of my areas of focus was to educate my powered to speak out. It offered a space to share my professional network on the experience, a space to share a realities of Palestinians based “I felt overwhelmed with the reality, and an opportunity on my first-hand encounter. I wanted to reveal the truth of emotions stirred in me such as to join in the fight for a better future. Anger is an action their daily experiences under anger, helplessness, frustration, oriented emotion – it propels occupation, but also wanted sadness, and outrage.“ us forward to speak out my colleagues to consider against unfairness, to eduthe psychological and emotional impact living in cate others, and to express creatively. In short, it can such conditions can have across generations in be healing when channeled positively. hopes that it would inform their practice.

I returned home and my first few weeks back and feel grateful to be a part of a supportive collecwere difficult. I had to get back to work and I had tive. I am proud to have the opportunity to continue plans to creatively process my trip as well as prepare to speak on this subject and bring light to the injusa presentation for my colleagues. I felt overwhelmed tices we witnessed in hope to co-create a better fuwith the emotions stirred in me such as anger, helpture. It is through the support of community that we lessness, frustration, sadness, and outrage. Rather mobilize through injustice and heal from the social than tuning into what I was feeling and perhaps pains and stress felt throughout generations. I look making some art or journaling, I binge-watched docforward to collectively continuing the effort towards umentaries on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, I felt human rights and connecting with my fellow Arabmyself withdrawing socially, and felt myself becomAmericans. ing frozen. In my own reflection I realized that this short encounter elicited a temporary depression. My Teta has recently passed away. I believe that Though, my emotional response became more comas I continue to live a shared cultural experience plex after attempting to provide my colleagues an with others, whether through food, music, or advoeducational presentation two months following my cacy, I will forever be connected to her – inshallah. return. I initiated the presentation with a visual art exercise, which focused on highlighting the economfound that speaking with friends, family, and comIt has now been 7 months since I have returned