jb’s 2cents
10 Things they’re Hatin’ On
W
e’ve been doing the “sex issue” for five years now, and I’ve finally come (cum?) to realize the drawback. Although it might offer some cheap thrills vicariously, the bigger OZONE gets = the more time I have to spend in the office for endless weeks drinking CRUNK!!! and editing while everyone else is free to be out having wild sex in creative locations that I might ask them about one day in an interview. OZONE’s sex issues are classic, so each year has gotta top the last. I seem to have a knack for getting artists to talk about fucking, so I do damn near all the interviews, consuming the time I would rather be using for up-close-and-personal research.
This month we decided to let our sex issue interview subjects bring the hate! 1. STANKIN’ ASS PUSSY “I had a gal that I had really, really wanted to fuck with, and then once I did get that pussy – or was ‘bout to get the pussy – man, that shit was stankin’! I was like, gotdamn, man, a nigga went through all this to get to some gotdamn stankin’ass pussy? I told her ass to jump in the shower, and while she took a shower, I left. Like a real G.” - Young Buck
I’ve been interviewing rappers for so long now I could do it in my sleep (sometimes I actually do). They all say basically the same things (“my music is universal,” “I’m real,” so on and so forth) anyway. So it’s pretty rare that I have any sense of anticipation, and I haven’t been starstruck since I ran into Lenny Kravitz years ago on South Beach. Not to sound arrogant, but these days, artists are usually more excited to meet me than I am to meet them.
2. MUSIC INDUSTRY SEX “The industry is like high school — everybody seems like they’re doing each other and if you’re not doing it, people think something’s wrong with you. I have the right to be selective, and that’s what I do.” - K-Foxx
4. FOURSOMES “Sometimes I’ll be at the hotel and just wake up looking around, wondering, who are you? Who are you, you, and you? You can’t make love to three people, you know what I mean?” - Lil Wayne
TERRENCE TYSON
3. GROUPIES WHO SAY THEY’RE NOT GROUPIES “The top groupie line is, ‘Hey Big Kuntry, you’re cute, [but] I’m not a groupie.’ You can’t top that. When you say you’re not a groupie, I’m already thinking that you are.” - Big Kuntry
Damn, I look good
Lil Wayne wears glasses. Who knew?
5. SEX IN THE STUDIO “People seem to forget that the engineer is right there and knows what’s going on even though the lights are off. My boy is an engineer and he has a recording of Foxy [Brown] giving someone the whap in the studio.” - Amanda Diva 6. UNCIRCUMCISED DICKS “You just can’t give head to an uncircumcised dick without a condom — and that sucks. Plus, they look funny, and it stinks! I recommend all guys out there that have uncircumcised cocks to go get surgery. It’s never too late.” - porn star Roxy Reynolds
8. EATING PUSSY “I don’t suggest men should eat pussy. I don’t condone it, but I do it because I’m a freak. I’m not gonna tell the next man to eat coochie because that’s just not a safe thing to be eating everybody’s coochie.” - Ray J 9. DRUNKEN SEX “Man, this one night I was drunk and I had to settle for a fat girl. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with big girls, but she was probably about 190 pounds and I’m only 160, so that was a whole lot of cushion.” - B.O.B. 10. BIG DICKS “I ask them niggas, ‘Do you got a big dick?’ Because we need to start looking at folks’ dick, inspecting they dick, grabbing the dick. You don’t need to let nobody fuck you off-guard, or gotdamn give you no dick and surprise, and then the muthafucka got a 10-inch, 12-inch dick up in yo’ ass. That’s ridiculous.” - Alexyss Tylor (the Vagina Power Lady)
TERRENCE TYSON
Beauty & the Beast? Sorry, Trick, but I couldn’t think of a better caption
TERRENCE TYSON
7. MY FIRST TIME “He wasn’t a grown enough man to recognize that a woman needs to be treated delicately, at least for her first time. Once you know each others’ bodies, you can get into the rough stuff, but as a virgin? Naw.” - Deelishis
Dipset!
Eric loses a lot of bets here at OZONE Magazine. I finally got him to pay up
So after two weeks of rescheduling, when I finally ended up in Lil Wayne’s tour bus at like 5 AM for our interview, it was weird to realize that I was actually nervous. Wayne isn’t the easiest interview subject, and asking rappers if they’ve ever measured their dick is a little more difficult then asking when their album is gonna drop. Anyway, the interview went so well that his three page feature turned into seven (pg. 76-82) and I am now officially a Lil Wayne fan and might possibly even have a slight crush on him. I learn a lot about myself by doing interviews too. Sometimes you can’t put it into words til you hear someone explain it, and it clicks because you can relate. I had been feeling burned out on the industry shit so last month I took some time to do regular white people things that are in no way rap-related. I went fishing in the woods in the middle of nowhere (not by choice, but by force - a family vacation of sorts), ran a half marathon (13.1 miles - painful), and read a bunch of books. I’ve always had some weird fascination with books about great tragedies, serial killers, drug addicts (had to stop reading those when I dreamt there was a syringe in my arm), drug dealers, pimps, and lots of other unsavory things. I also dug through boxes of stuff that I’d had in storage since high school, an unintentional time capsule, and realized how much of a freak I was back in the day. Not to say that I’m not still a freak, but I’d like to think I have a little more discretion now as a CEO. :) In the spirit of the sex issue I was gonna write about celebrities I would fuck, but went with my better judgment and kept those thoughts to myself. I’ve turned down a lot of celebrity dick. For most people, sex is ultimately about power. Some women are proud of all the famous men they’ve fucked but I’d rather turn on BET and laugh seeing all the ones I could’ve had, but chose not to, because it didn’t feel genuine. I usually have more fun turning ‘em down. Like Trina, I’m single again, back on the prowl. Or something like that. I guess I’ve developed sort of a rapper’s attitude towards relationships. Baby daddy (figuratively, not literally) finally got tired of my bullshit and left me, so now all I’ve got is a few friends, ex-boyfriends from back in the day trying to marry me because they saw my magazine in a 7-11, a therapist with a big dick, a guy sending me love letters from prison, hoes in different area codes, and groupies who bore me. Young Buck says I’m a player and Too $hort says I’m a pimp (and Lil Wayne says I appear in his dreams with my camera flashing like Where’s Waldo?) but truthfully I’m too fucking emotional to be either one. It’s just that relationships take time, and right now OZONE Magazine is my bitch. I am a beast! Feed me XXL or feed me Source. Whenever you guys start shooting, retouching, and [halfway] designing your own covers and interviewing, writing, and editing your own cover stories, not to mention signing your own checks, holla at me. We the best! - Julia Beverly, jb@ozonemag.com
Lil Wayne “PMW (Pussy, Money, Weed)” T.I. “Public Service Announcement” Jay-Z f/ Beanie Sigel “Ignorant Shit” Styles P f/ Swizz Beatz “Blow Your Mind” Alicia Keys “Like You’ll Never See Me Again” Timbaland f/ One Republic “Apologize” Cassidy f/ Kanye West, Ne-Yo, & Swizz Beatz “My Drink N My 2 Step” remix Juice “The Illest Rapper Alive”
RE’Splaylist
randy.roper@ozonemag.com Scarface “Girl you Know” Plies “I Am The Club” B.G. f/ T.I. “G’s On Deck” Chris Brown “You”
OZONE MAG // 17