Autism and Kink: Why Are So Many Autistic People Kinky? Article by Talisan Switch

Autism and Kink: Why Are So Many Autistic People Kinky?

Authors Note: You’ll notice that throughout this piece I use identityfirst language, ie: autistic person, as opposed to personfirst language ie: a person with autism. The community prefers this way of referring to autistics as autism is often an integral part of our experience of being in the world. I also talk a lot about kink in the sexual sense. Of course, many people, both autistic and not, engage in kink in non-sexual ways, and all things spoken about in this piece are applicable in sexual and nonsexual settings.

A 2018 study on the BDSM community found that the autistic population in kink is five times more prevalent than the amount in the general population. What’s more striking, when finding participants for the study, there was no mention of autism in any of the advertising materials (Boucher, n.d.). Society at large has a long history of infantilising autism and other disabilities, insisting on the idea that anyone who isn’t able-bodied and neurotypical is naive and couldn’t possibly be a sexual creature at all! The fact that there is such a high percentage of autistic people in the BDSM community not only shows this idea as mythology, but also shows this community as somewhat attractive to autistic people.

By Talisin Switch

To understand the appeal of kink to an autistic, you need to understand what autism is and how it affects us. Autism or Autism Spectrum disorder is a lifelong developmental disorder. The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) describes some key experiences of autism are: - Deficits in social communication and interaction - Restricted, repetitive behaviours, interests, or activities - Sensory aversion or sensory-seeking behaviour. As it is a spectrum, autism looks different in everyone (just as no allistic [non-autistic] is the same). With this in mind, let’s break down some of the factors that make kink particularly inviting to autistic people. Explicit Communication

More often than not, there is a sense of subtlety in vanilla people – innuendo and metaphors are commonly used to describe (and ask for) what you’d like to do with another person. For many autistic people, this communication style is practically useless; some of us may be more skilled in these social nuances, but many of us find the non-direct language of vanilla courtship

a minefield to navigate. Here is an all-too-common conversation that may happen when an allistic tries to invite an autistic to have sex. Allistic: Would you like to come inside and have some coffee? Autistic: Oh, thank you, but it’s too late for coffee for me - I won’t be able to sleep. Allistic: Oh... Okay… Would you like to come inside anyway? We could watch a movie? Autistic: Um… We just finished our date, so I’m gonna have to say no this time; maybe we can watch something next time? Allistic: Uh, okay. What happened here was the allistic wanted to have sex without saying, ‘Would you like to have sex?’ and the autistic did not pick up on this. Instead, they took the questions for their literal meaning. This kind of beating around the bush does happen in BDSM relationships, but plain and honest language is also highly valued in the community when discussing what you want to do. Negotiating a scene lays out all the pieces for the autistic mind; there is no question of ‘Okay, you say we’re gonna hang out and “chill”... What does that mean?’ Instead, it’s ‘Okay, so you’d like me to spank your ass and then degrade you verbally while pegging you. What things do you like being called when being degraded?’ And so on, and so forth. Stimulation

A significant factor that draws many autistic people to kink is that it allows for the incorporation of more stimulation or less than you might see in vanilla intimacy. Autistic people use self-stimulatory behaviour – commonly known as ‘stimming’ – as a way to self-regulate emotions and sensations (Kapp et al., 2019). Everyone does this, including allistics: think of a time that you were impatient with someone in front of you, and you found yourself bouncing your leg or foot to get some of that impatient energy out; that’s stimming! For autistic people, it’s a physical need to self-regulate, and often we need to do it more than allistics. Stimming presents differently but some common presentations are making noise, body movement, listening to things, looking at visually interesting things, or feeling certain textures. And kink is a very fun and sexy way to meet these needs. The rhythmic hits in an impact scene are perfect for someone who may need more bodily sensation. Repeating degrading or praising phrases over and over can be so satisfying to someone who verbally stims. Watching hot wax drip on the body can be a mesmerising visual stim. The connection to stimulation doesn’t end there. All lovers of sensory deprivation know that what can be given can also be taken away. Autistic people take in a dizzying amount of information all the time; because of this, sounds can be too loud, light too bright, and bodily sensations too much. We get overstimulated easily, and in vanilla, intimacy this can be challenging to navigate when things are feeling way too much to handle. BDSM provides easy, accessible, and accepted ways to reduce that input through blindfolds and headphones, and what is bondage if not a sexier version of a weighted blanket? Acceptance of Inappropriateness

Due to many reasons, autistic people may not react to things in the same way an allistic person might. Those of us with flat affect may not express our feelings on our faces very well, many of us are non-verbal or have periods of going non-verbal, and our stims may cause us to move or make a noise that is unexpected in the context. Within the kink community, it’s well understood that people will react to things differently. The noise someone makes when having a fantastically great time may sound exactly like another person’s horrible time. If someone goes non-verbal after a scene, it’s hardly ever questioned other than a check-in to ensure they’re okay, as we know people need different things. As someone with a fairly flat affect at times, I’ve personally noticed very different reactions from kinky allistic people when I explain this as opposed to vanilla allistics. Kinky people have taken it on board and established ways of checking in if my lack of facial expression concerns them. Vanilla people have followed up by asking if I even like them if I’m not going to emote with my face when having sex. Obviously, these examples are very general and are only some people’s reactions, and not all kinky people will be understanding of these things, and not all vanilla people will be put off. Everyone is different, and communities are full of very diverse experiences. Considering that autistics are represented five times more in the BDSM community than in the general population it would make sense to assume that something draws us to this community. Also, suppose we continue to grow as a community with autistics as a significant population factor? In that case, the community will continue to develop to be more socially, emotionally, and practically accepting of autistic ways of expression. With all this in mind, it’s not hard to understand why autistic people find themselves drawn to the kinky side of life. https://talisinswitch.com https://twitter.com/TalisinSwitch Sources:

Boucher, N. R. (n.d.). Relationships between characteristics of autism spectrum disorder and BDSM behaviors [Undergraduate senior honors thesis.]. Ball State University. Kapp, S. K., Steward, R., Crane, L., Elliott, D., Elphick, C., Pellicano, E., & Russell, G. (2019, February 28). ‘People should be allowed to do what they like’: Autistic adults’ views and experiences of stimming. Autism, 23(7), 1782–1792. https://doi. org/10.1177/1362361319829628