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” l a i r o t i d E y “The Edg Happy November everyone!

It’s November! It will be Christmas next month. There it is, I’ve said it. Where on earth did that year go? We have a jam-packed magazine for you this month (what’s new, we hear you ask!) with all the usual talented writers providing their content for you and the regular, occasional and new advertisers taking up the rest of the space. We constantly strive to evolve the magazine, and by popular demand we are introducing a What’s On in Essex page. Chloe will be researching and sharing her monthly guide to what and where you should visit with your family and friends. We are very excited by this because we have been thinking of doing this for a while now, and then Chloe (in a virtual sense) walked into OTE HQ and offered her services. Look out for What’s On in Essex on page 41. We have mentioned here before the Condron family who handdeliver 2,000 magazines to letterboxes all over Chelmsford; well, they will now be assisted by Hollie, who will take on Beaulieu and Channels. Hollie has run 30

marathons across the globe, so expect Beaulieu and Channels to be done in under 20 mins! Alex, Jane and the girls will continue to deliver to Springfield Road and surrounding letterboxes and the businesses in the town centre. We hope you enjoy our humble little offering this month. Please keep the nice messages coming, continue sharing your jokes with us and also your photos of the magazine being read around the globe. We would also welcome any memories of any local pubs, which have now closed, for our Ghost Pubs article. You, dear reader, really do provide a lot of the content in this wonderful little magazine, so thank you for that. This magazine will hit the streets a few days before Halloween, and with fireworks on the 5th November and the Christmas lights being switched on before the month is out, we really do have a lot to look forward to. Thank you for your continuing support. Over the Edge graham@overtheedgemag.co.uk

HAVE H AVE Y YOU OU O OUTGROWN UTGROWN Y OUR W EBSITE? YOUR WEBSITE? I rrecently ecently d designed esigned tthe he n new ew w website ebsite for Over The Edge. business ffo or O ver T Th he E ddgge. IIff yyour our b usiness has but website h as eevolved volved b ut yyour our w ebsite hasn’t, wee sshould h asn’t, w hould ttalk. alk. Hi, Shannon Kate Murray H i, II’m ’m S hannon K ate M urray - a web llocal ocal w eb ddesigner esigner & ddigital igital aadvisor dvisor hhelping elping eestablished stablished ssmall mall bbusinesses usinesses sstrengthen trengthen hhow ow tthey hey sshow how uup p oonline. nline. Best way w ay to o reach rea ach me: hello@highflyingdesign.com hello@h highfly y gdesign.com ying WhatsApp WhatsA App me: m e: 07763863466 0 •

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The Literary Corner by Kat de Naoum It's not actually my job to read books, although you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise. It's more of a passionate pastime, one I've had for considerably longer than I've had an actual job. It's also vaguely related to what I do for a living (writing and editing), and I might actually take it rather more seriously than I do my actual work. I often hear fellow readers say that as soon as they finish a book, even one they've thoroughly enjoyed, it seems to leave their heads immediately after they’ve read “The End”. I'm much the The End same, although there are, of course, books that stay with you long after that point. I've also discovered recently that while I might think I've forgotten everything about a particular book, the moment I start talking about it, my brain somehow retrieves all the information it seems to have been storing away for future use. Which is rather handy, although I do wish it would extend the same courtesy to other, arguably more important things, like bills, appointments, and commitments. Sometimes, particularly when I'm reading a lot of books in the same genre, e.g., psychological thrillers, the stories start to blend into one another. I might remember characters and twists, but I haven't the foggiest which happened in which book. Which is why, when I come across two books that feel remarkably similar and yet somehow manage to remain entirely distinct in my head, I know I've found something special. And that's exactly what happened with the two books I'm recommending this month: My Husband by Maud Ventura and The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante. Somewhere in my brain, these two novels are twins. They have such a similar vibe that they could have been written by the same author or narrated by the same woman. But despite their similarities and shared domestic setting, I could never confuse one with the other. Each protagonist is her own special brand of zany. And who doesn't love a book narrated by an unhinged protagonist? These women come across as slightly (and sometimes utterly) loopy, but at some point you find yourself wondering: are they really off their rockers, or have they been driven to it? And finding out was so much fun. Enjoy!

Book of the Month — November 2026

Oldie but Goodie

My Husband (2021) Maud Ventura

The Days of Abandonment (2002) Elena Ferrante

The unnamed narrator in this one is in love with her husband. No, you don't seem to understand. The woman is head over heels, off-the-charts in lurve with this man.

Olga is 38, married, and the mother of two young children when her husband announces, seemingly out of nowhere, that he's leaving her. She might not have

Nuts about him. Bonkers. Insane. Remember the Overly Attached Girlfriend

been as obsessed with her partner as the protagonist in My Husband, but she does

meme? Well, she's got nothing on this woman. On the surface, she has everything she could want: she's got her man, plus a successful career, two children, a comfortable home, a social life, the works. The trouble is, she's not entirely convinced he loves her quite as much, and she's driven herself insane trying

become obsessed with what he has done to her and the chaos he’s caused. It's man-related obsession, but of a different kind. Olga used to be a composed and capable woman, but she soon finds herself unravelling, consumed by rage, jealousy, and humiliation, all while struggling desperately to keep herself

to work it out. Every word, gesture, and passing glance is scrutinised for evidence of his affection, or lack thereof. She keeps meticulous records of his behaviour, devises little tests, and occasionally administers punishments for offences he

together. At one point, she finds herself trapped in her apartment with her two children, a dog, and perhaps her biggest enemy of all: her own brain. She begins to lose her grip on the ordinary routines of life and, seemingly, reality itself. This book is a trip inside Olga's head, and what a rollercoaster her increasingly chaotic thoughts turn out to be. Olga has a full-blown psychological breakdown, but what's interesting is trying to work out whether she's mourning the man she loves and the relationship she's lost, or whether it's more about having the rug pulled out from under her. Because when that happens, it's not necessarily just you who goes tumbling. Anyone and anything in the vicinity risks becoming collateral damage. This book reminds me of the saying that life isn't what happens to you, but how you choose to deal with it. And Olga…

doesn't even know he's committed, all in the hope that he'll learn his lesson and love her, or at least show it. Ventura's debut novel, originally published in French in 2021 and translated into English in 2023, is short and sweet (in a slightly psychotic sort of way) and a pleasure to read. You'll laugh, you'll be infuriated, and you'll also be surprised (whether pleasantly or otherwise remains to be seen). My lips are sealed.

About Kat Kat de Naoum (BA (Hons) Eng Lit & Phil, MA Creative Writing) is a writer/author, editor, mother, and avid reader. Since starting out as a staff writer at a local London paper in 1999, Kat has written for many print and online publications. When not writing or parenting, her head’s in a book (or plugged into an audiobook).

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well, let's just say she takes the lemons life throws at her, turns them into grenades, and forgets to let go.

katdenaoum.com

PSA: Both this month’s books are available at your local Essex library and on the BorrowBox app. For free.

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CITY CENTRE UPDATES FROM SARA TUPPER AND YOUR BUSINESS IMPROVEMENT DISTRICT, CHELMSFORD FOR YOU r I feel like we can officially talk about Christmas Now that it’s November, r, Y u, we've Yo without getting shouted at! Of course here at Chelmsford For You, w planning plenty of festive w, been busy behind the scenes for months now, fun to get everyone into the Christmas spirit. First up, Saturday 15th November sees the return of our Christmas Lights Switch On, and this year we're once again handing over that all-important job to some very special people – our Community Heroes! We want to celebrate the wonderful individuals who go above and beyond to make a difference in Chelmsford so make sure you head over to our website to cast your vote and help give someone deserving a moment in the spotlight. Then come along y soak up the atmosphere and join us as we officially kick off Christmas in the City! on the day, y,

And the festivities certainly don't stop there. We've got a brand-new event joining the calendar this year, r and I'm r, particularly excited about this one! On Saturday 5th December, r we're bringing you our Festive Fun for Farleigh, in r, support of the wonderful Farleigh Hospice. We're taking over the city centre for a whole day of FREE family entertainment, festive activities and plenty of Christmas cheer. It's a chance to enjoy everything our city has to offer, r make some lovely r, memories and support a fantastic local charity along the way. Y Yo u'll also be able to enjoy a Christmas market at Chelmsford Cathedral, perfect for a spot of You'll festive browsing, and I'm delighted that Santa's Post Room will be making its return too, ready for the little ones to send their all-important letters to the man in red! And between you and me, we've still got a few more festive surprises up our sleeves that we're not quite ready to share just yet… As always, the best place to keep up with everything happening across Chelmsford this Christmas is our website and social media channels @chelmsfordforyou. We'll be sharing full event details, announcements and plenty more reasons to visit the city throughout the festive season. So get those dates in your diary, y dig out your Christmas jumpers and come and join us. W y, e We c an't wait to celebrate with you! can't Get in touch with me: Instagram @_saratupper_ Website: www.chelmsfordforyou.co.uk Page 8

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Rightsizing for the Life YouWant to Live Discover a world of possibilities at The Beacons, a beautifully designed community where independent living, connection and wellbeing come together, with flexible ways to own your home.

The apartments themselves have been designed with comfort and practicality in mind. Bright, spacious interiors, quality finishes and thoughtful layouts provide everything needed for modern living, creating homes that are both stylish and easy to maintain.

For many people, the next chapter of life is an opportunity to focus on what matters most. Whether that’s spending more time with family and friends, pursuing new interests, or simply enjoying life at your own pace, rightsizing is about choosing a home that supports those ambitions, offering the freedom, flexibility and peace of mind to make the most of every day.

However, choosing to right size is about far more than the home itself. The Beacons has been designed to help residents make the most of each day. Enjoy a coffee in the welcoming café, spend time with friends in the residents’ lounge, or relax in the beautifully landscaped gardens. Additionally, our dedicated guest suites make it easy for family and friends to stay close, while the on-site hair and beauty salon brings added convenience to everyday life. Whether you’re looking to downsize, plan ahead, or simply enjoy a simpler way of living, The Beacons provides a secure, welcoming environment where you can spend less time worrying about household upkeep and more time enjoying the things you love. Backed by more than 60 years of experience, Anchor understands what truly matters in later life. That’s why every detail at The Beacons has been carefully considered, helping residents enjoy greater comfort, confidence and independence for years to come.

At Life in Place from Anchor, The Beacons has been thoughtfully designed for people who want to embrace the future with confidence and enjoy a lifestyle that reflects how they live today. Offering beautifully designed 1 and 2-bedroom apartments exclusively for over 55s, the development combines contemporary living with a welcoming community in one of Essex’s most desirable locations.

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Inspiration for the Population

Design

The things nobody noti ticces | Until they go wrong

Where does all the stuff go? | The reality behind the photographs Look at almost any photograph of a newly completed workplace and something is missing. Coats, bags, boxes, stationery, deliveries, cables, recycling and cleaning equipment, and quite possibly somebody's half-eaten packet of biscuits. Real workplaces accumulate stuff. Storage may not be the most exciting part of a design, but without enough of it even the most beautiful workplace can quickly begin to look chaotic. And as businesses grow, the amount of stuff rarely gets smaller. Lockers, cupboards, shelving and bespoke joinery therefore have a rather unglamorous but essential job to do. They make everything else look better. Good storage quietly keeps the workplace working as it should.

There are things in a workplace that immediately catch our attention. A beautiful chair, an impressive reception or a clever piece of furniture. But often the most important things go unnoticed. Space to move, somewhere for our coat, the sound from the next desk or simply where to plug in a laptop. Until, of course, somebody gets them wrong. Getti ttin ng from A to B | Space that simply works ...the best storage often succeeds by making everything else disappear. Nobody arrives at work and compliments the circulation. But make a route too narrow, position a chair in the wrong place or allow a door to open into The last metre | Where design meets the person somewhere it shouldn't, and suddenly everybody notices. A little extra Eventually, every drawing, specification and design decision arrives at the space can make the difference between comfortable and awkward. same place. The person actually using it will ask… Good space planning is not simply about fitting everything in. It is about • Can I adjust the chair? understanding what happens when people arrive, sit down, stand up, walk • Can I reach the power? past one another and actually begin using the space.

• Where does my laptop plug in? • Can eight people genuinely use this meeting table? • Is there somewhere sensible to put my coffee? These are tiny details compared with designing an entire workplace, but they are often the details we experience most directly. At WDL, we sometimes refer to this as the last metre: the point where the design stops being a drawing and starts being something somebody has to use. And that final metre can make an enormous difference.

...good circulation is something we rarely notice, until it isn't there.

Can everybody hear us? | The sound of a workplace Workplaces are noisy places. Phones ring, conversations happen, Teams meetings begin, coffee machines grind and somebody inevitably decides to have a conversation beside the person trying to concentrate. The answer is not necessarily to make everything silent. Different activities simply need different environments. Acoustic materials, screens, booths and meeting rooms can all help, but sometimes the most important decision is simply putting the right activity in the right place. When acoustics work well, we probably don't notice them. When they don't, it can become the thing we notice most.

...the smallest details are often the ones we interact with every day.

What matt tte ers most | Good design does not always announce itself. Sometimes its greatest success is that nobody notices it at all. The door opens, the chair fits, the room sounds right, there is somewhere for everything and the power socket is exactly where you need it. Perhaps it is only when something goes wrong that we realise just how much thought went into getting everything else right. Thanks for reading :)

| Design Dude | Inspiration for the Population | Email: DesignDude.20@gmail.com …good acoustics are about where things happen, not just what goes on the walls.

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Essex Essex Food Food Review

The Anchor TheDanbury Maldon Danbury Smokehouse Maldon Maldon

There’s something special about a proper village pub, and The Anchor in Danbury is one we’ve been returning to for years. 10 minutes from central Chelmsford, tucked away in the heart of This place has been on my radar for a the village, it has that lovely traditional while now and since there was a break in feel that you want from a cosy lunch or the heat wave we decided now was the dinner. It’s the perfect venue as the time to go! It was a Sunday afternoon, weather gets colder and has that after arriving in Maldon, we drove down timeless, old-fashioned charm that we a little road towards the river and don’t often see from venues in a time full reached this place. A quirky, rustic but of minimalist style. In summer, there’s welcoming little restaurant sat right on plenty of seating out the front, and they the waters edge awaited us. *PS, there is always decorate it with beautiful flowers a brilliant antiques shop next door filled in the pub garden. There’s also a play with vintage pinball machines and Our grandparents have been visiting for area in the garden, which is always a restored jukeboxes! years, and whenever we come together, bonus for families. the staff are always so friendly and make a real fuss of them. It’s such a lovely personal touch and exactly what you want from a local pub. You can tell it’s somewhere people return to, not just There was smoked duck, ham, smoked for the food, but for the people and cheeses, an assortment of seafood, the atmosphere too. The Anchor is types a great olives, pickles and a bag of all of allbread. rounder, with comforting food, The crevettes and salmon pate interesting specials and a welcoming were particular highlights. The fries feel that works in every season. were also delicious. It was a wonderful, Whether you’re looking a cosy chilled afternoon by thefor river Blackwater winter lunch, a summer meal outside and or with great food, wine and company somewhere family friendly for a catch we thoroughly recommend. Book first up, a Danbury favourite that’s well to it’s avoid disappointment! worth a visit.

Luckily, we managed to get the last The menu has puband classics you’d table next toall thethe water ordered expect, from fishare and chips to lasagne, quickly. There a selection of benchand ploughman’s, which alwayslounge like tochairs see on tables outside, plusI some the menu at a proper traditional pub. and also seating inside. The menu is In addition, theybut always haveidea a different range quite small the main is to get oftheir specials on. If you enjoy dishes that are a sharing board and try their in house little morefood. seasonal mostof of smoked Theyand do make have athe couple fresh ingredients, there’s always something dishes, a beef and veggie lasagna for worth out for. thoselooking who don’t eat fish. On our most recentand visit, we hadtothe We had calamari halloumi start seabass & mushroom gnocchi and a accompanied by the house Sauvignon. chicken burger kimchi For mains, wetopped had thewith Mixed Deli and Board. served with coleslaw both as specials. This was huge, and at £55, we shared between 3 of us with a side of fries. Page 18

Two besties dishing up Two bestieson dishing up the details Essex’s the details on Essex’s best restaurants cafes, best restaurants cafes, pubs and pop-ups. pubs and pop-ups.

Best friends Hannah and Issy, both born and raised in Chelmsford Best friends Hannah and Issy, both decided to turn their love for food born and raised in Chelmsford and eating out into Instagram decided to turn theiran love for food page dedicated to reviewing and and eating out into an Instagram recommending eateries across page dedicated to reviewing and Essex, alongside helping food recommending eaterieslocal across businesses and events Essex, alongside helpingwith localtheir food marketingand andevents social with media. businesses their Get and in touch: marketing social media. Get in touch: @essexfoodreview

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ESSEX ROOTS / GLOBAL EXPERIENCE

Introducing

Essex Housing Solutions Essex roots. Global experience. Housing the people building our future.

Wahid Ali

Founder, Essex Housing Solutions

As Essex Housing Solutions approaches its first anniversary, Basildon-born founder Wahid Ali is bringing experience gained in Dubai back home - connecting landlords, contracting agencies and the people working away from home. Behind every construction project are the people making it happen. But when those people are working away from home, another question matters: where will they live? For Wahid Ali, that question became the foundation of a journey stretching from Essex to Dubai and back again. Today, Essex Housing Solutions brings together property owners seeking dependable rental arrangements and contracting agencies needing suitable accommodation for their workers. Refurbishment, relationships and coordination sit at the heart of its approach. From Basildon to Dubai Born in Basildon, Wahid moved to Dubai around five years ago and established Emirates Capital, specialising in refurbishing rundown villas and preparing them to return to the market. Working with construction teams arriving from India, he encountered a recurring need. Projects could last six months, and workers needed accommodation throughout their stay. Finding the right people was only one part of delivering a project; finding somewhere suitable for them to live was another.

Bringing the idea home Wahid recognised that the underlying need was not unique to Dubai. With an established team overseeing the Middle Eastern business, he returned to the UK last year to develop Essex Housing Solutions. Here, the focus is on working with contracting agencies that already have teams to accommodate. Construction, port-related work and other projects create practical housing requirements, while suitable properties can offer landlords a new route to rental income. A practical property model Wahid describes the approach as “rent-to-rent 2.0”. A landlord has a property, an agency needs accommodation, and Essex Housing Solutions coordinates the connection. Each arrangement starts with understanding the property, its intended use and the people moving in. Some homes are ready for occupation. Others need furnishing, redecoration or agreed refurbishment. The business brings preparation into the arrangement from the outset, identifying what is needed and organising the steps to bring a property into service.

Landlords receive agreed rental payments under their contracts. Agencies secure accommodation matched to workforce requirements, while EHS earns an agreed margin or fee for arranging and managing the service. For workers, the objective is a properly prepared place to return to after the working day. The next chapter in Southend The latest project is a 20-room hotel on Hartington Road, near Southend Pier, secured on a rent-to-rent basis. EHS plans to refurbish the currently non-trading property for contractor accommodation, bringing teams now housed across separate locations into one base. The project reflects a wider challenge: preparing properties requires funding, planning and coordination before they can welcome occupants. EHS is developing a refurbishment-funding model, with investment terms and security arrangements to be documented separately. For Wahid, the ambition is to apply international experience to a business with local roots: connecting well-prepared properties with a mobile workforce. Buildings need people to bring them to life. Those people need somewhere to call home.

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PART 1 - ‘WHEN I WAKE UP...’ JOHN O’ GROATS TO INVERNESS By Jon Read

s we all experience from time to time, life can throw many curveballs at us along the way – and we try to bat them away as best we can. Sometimes by throwing ourselves into work, or by a new distraction. Maybe you’ll reinvent yourself, spend more time with friends, or it could be a plain old holiday. At the beginning of 2023, I was hit by what felt like the curveball from hell, and I began to seek my own personal distraction. Choosing solitude, nature, scenery and new experiences has always been my escape valve and coupled with a hefty back catalogue of extreme hikes in my locker – along with the gnarled toes to go with it – a plan to hike the famous John o’ Groats (JoG) to Land’s End route quickly took shape. I’d do it alone, a pilgrimage for my sanity, time for self-appraisal, all the word salad that a man could explain if asked. My phone app, OutdoorActive, became my regular evening pastime; I planned the route according to where I wanted to visit, plotted what I thought I could do in a day, where I felt there’d be options for a bed and – most importantly – a nice pub at the end. After all, no man is an island, or a dry island at that. It took me around 6 months to plot the route; I’d got it down to 66 days, which included just under a dozen rest days. I’d do it next summer. After I excitedly gabbled my ideas to my mate, Gavin, he messaged me within hours – he’d love to join. Hmm, I initially thought, this had started as a bit of a redemption arc, a way to bung a stopper in my leaking hull. Then, the realisation of what 66 days hiking the UK could mean, the loneliness, the potential to mess up big time, a drinking buddy, I’d be crazy not to tick this off with him. Gavin is pretty experienced in the hills and dales; we’ve walked countless hundreds

of miles together, we’d even reached Everest Base Camp together, but he’d had an increasingly painful hip which wasn’t getting better. We put the 2024 attempt off, hoping his hip would settle down; nope – how would he fare climbing stiles and walking 18 miles a day? 2025, our plans changed again. Gavin decided to have a hip replacement, and he duly went under the knife in October 2025. The plan was to see how his recovery and rehabilitation went, then possibly have the green light for summer 2026. Go peak summer, we may have the midges, but we’d at least have the sun in our faces as they bit us. Secretly, I thought there was no way…… The op went well; Gavin was walking a month later and hiking a half dozen miles after Christmas. Incredible, I really couldn’t quite believe it. I immediately chucked myself at booking accommodation for the first two weeks. We’d decided we were far too old for wild camping, especially with a new hip to pamper, and as we were walking inside the school holiday summer break, we’d need to pre-book beds. I got carried away, gradually booking.com took hold in my life and all of a sudden, I’d booked the lot all the way to the end. Gulp. This meant we had a proper schedule, a rest day once a week, and no room for manoeuvre. Finally, we visited the Essex & Herts Air Ambulance site at North Weald at their suggestion, where we heard the sobering statistic that each ‘mission’ costs, on average, £2,500. But what price is that to a family? Having witnessed a tragic death on a cricket pitch when perhaps, perhaps an air ambulance may have made all the difference, and having seen it land first hand in Central Park a week before we left, gave us both a steely edge to do whatever we could. On July 10th, three and a half years after the kernel had initially formed, we ﬂew from Luton to Inverness and grabbed the

rattler bus to Wick. Both of us had never walked with a full kitbag before; mine actually weighed in at 10.2kg at the airport, and the thought of lugging that around on my back was weighing heavily, excuse the pun. We’d chosen north to south (the opposite to 90% of most attempts) because we just fancied ending in Cornwall. Little else. I had an old Chelmsford work colleague who had coincidentally returned to her childhood home of Wick, and we’d arranged to meet the evening after our first day’s walk, from JoG signpost back into Wick – Carol had always extolled the virtues of Wick, but I’m afraid that Friday night as we roamed the streets of Wick looking for our last supper before the big off, no virtues were in sight. Devoid of any life, it felt like a frontier town but with crisp bags blowing through the high street rather than tumbleweed. The next day, we caught Woody’s Taxi’s to JoG, and the adventure began. Bedecked in our ‘Cirque de Sore Legs’ t-shirts, with QR code and band t-shirt style dates of venues on the back, we immediately visited the gift shop and bought a tiny JoG pendant to hang on our bags – classy. We both held on tight to the signpost, almost too tight, then strode out up a long, long straight road south. Within four miles, we waved

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at a young guy just about to walk past us heading north. He was an Aussie, and due to finish in those four miles’ time. He told us he’d started in Eastbourne and had decided to walk to Land’s End – but when he got there, he decided on a whim to turn around and walk to JoG. He’d done nearly 1300 miles and looked as fresh as a newly mown lawn, whilst we’d done four miles and were sweating like a Manchester City Press Officer. Soon after this, we decided to head to the coast and walk the actual coastal trail – big mistake. Within 20 minutes, the trail ended, the sea took over, and we’d have had to swim to carry on. It seems the JoG Trail is patchy, to say the least, and we later heard and read horror stories of mud-strewn stretches, overgrown gorse and crumbling cliff-top passes. We swiftly turned back to the trusty, busy, ‘tarmaccy’ A9 and continued on our way with cars and lorries zooming by. In fact, the first week was all about the A9 and the A99. It’s quite wide in places, but ultimately the lifeblood of trade up in the wilds and so full of lorries. We must’ve walked all bar a few of the first 100 miles on the main road in the first week to Inverness. Was this what we faced ahead?

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Well, back in March I thought I had managed to nail seats for Mrs Polak and myself; however, because I picked the free tickets option, we then discovered, after queuing for two hours at BBC Studios, we weren’t guaranteed seats but were merely on standby to fill up any empty spaces. As we got closer to the front, it turned out they only needed 70 more audience members, and we were sadly numbers 76 and 77. So, feeling a bit sorry for ourselves, we headed home.

TASKMASTER

We were quite late to the party with Taskmaster; in fact, had it not been for Covid, we might not have got into this great show. Thanks to being stuck indoors like everyone else, it was a time when streaming sites and catch-up TV box sets were an absolute blessing, especially for finding your next go-to favourite easy entertainment show and bingewatching it. If you’ve never watched or heard of Taskmaster, it’s basically a show where five celebrities often make

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clowns of themselves whilst taking on tasks set by Alex Horne and judged by Greg Davies. It’s a bit like I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, but without the jungle or extensive air time dedicated to watching Z-list celebrities eating animals’ testicles and knobbly bits. Tackling these tasks can often be a case of thinking outside the box to win the points, and it’s fun watching the madness unfold as the celebrity comedians all try to be the quickest, smartest and often the most surrealthinking contestant to be crowned Taskmaster champion after ten weeks. Whilst watching it, we always said it would be interesting to watch them film an episode to see what it’s like behind the scenes. So last year I signed up to the newsletter as this was a way to get notified about obtaining tickets for a show.

Fast forward to August and I got a notification one morning that due to being unlucky last time round, we could have early access to tickets for Series 23. So, with memories of the mistake I’d made in March, this time round I went for the £15 tickets which guaranteed us seats (and also the money goes to charity). And with a few clicks of the mouse,

I had secured them for the end of September. Was it worth it? Simply yes. Three hours whizzed by, and watching bits that definitely won’t make the final edit due to reasons I can’t go into due to the embargo (I can’t even tell you who the contestants were) made it feel even more special. All I will say for Episode 8 is that how they included the part featuring a silver brick with what looked like a certain German symbol on the back of it, for the prize round, is beyond me (this is where the contestant brings an item for Greg to judge as the best to win the top points). I guess we will have to tune in to find out. Till next time

The Polak xx

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WON'T PASS THIS WAY AGAIN

CANADA - CALGARY TO VANCOUVER fter four tremendously enjoyable days in Toronto, we headed west on a four-hour flight to Calgary, Alberta, the Gateway to the Rockies and home of the famous Calgary Stampede. As luck would have it, our stay coincided with this annual celebration of all things cowboy. Our downtown hotel put us just around the corner from ‘Pub Street’ aka Stephen Avenue, the city's pedestrianised downtown thoroughfare, where much of the evening revelry took place.

Stampede is multi-faceted. There’s rodeo, an agricultural show, a huge funfair, a western-themed festival, live music (both kinds, Country & Western!), and everyone wears cowboy boots and hats for the duration. The bars certainly got ‘lively’. After a couple of days of Stampeding, the Rockies beckoned, and we collected a hire car to head further west, stopping initially in Banff, which claims to be the most beautiful mountain town in the world. That’s quite a boast but, in all my travels, I can’t recall a view to beat that from Sanson Peak atop Sulphur Mountain. I hired a mountain bike one morning and enjoyed a blissful few hours sucking in mountain air and soaking in the scenery along the Legacy Trail by the Bow River towards Canmore. Banff itself is a year-round outdoor adventure resort and the centre of Canada’s oldest national park. Curiously, the hospitality and outdoor adventure businesses were awash with Aussies employed courtesy of the International Experience Canada (IEC) youth mobility programme that enables youngsters from participating countries to live and work in Canada. Our next stop was Lake Louise, its turquoise glacial waters set against a dramatic mountain backdrop and a must-see spectacle on this tourist route. We chose to get a bit closer to nature and the full outdoor experience by hiking the trail from our hotel up to the lake and were rewarded for our efforts. We then headed to Jasper, stopping en route to walk up to the spectacular Athabasca Glacier, which is fed by the Columbia Ice Field, the largest in the Rockies. On the walk up to the Athabasca Glacier, a series of markers showed how far the ice had retreated over recent decades, an alarming reminder of the impact of rising global temperatures. Jasper is a small and lively community set in the natural brilliance of Jasper National Park. It was a fun place to be for sure, and from there we headed out to walk some of the local forest trails and visited the beautiful Maligne Lake.

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Sadly, Jasper is still recovering from the devastating wildfire that destroyed a third of the town’s structures in summer 2024. We continued west into British Columbia, stopping to admire Mount Robson, the highest peak in the Canadian Rockies. The long final stretch to Vancouver took us through the Fraser Valley where towering mountains gave way to the flatter expanses of agricultural floodplains. We concluded our adventure treating ourselves to a stay in a rather opulent city centre hotel, a perfect location from where we walked many miles exploring the downtown districts of Vancouver, a city which prizes its reputation as one of the most liveable cities in Canada and in the world. On our last day, we crossed the Lions Gate Bridge to Ambleside, a stylish waterfront suburb, where we took part in the second parkrun of our trip. The pre-run briefing included a land acknowledgement: a formal recognition of the Indigenous peoples who have traditionally inhabited or cared for the land on which an event takes place. I was unfamiliar with the practice and found it fascinating. I subsequently learned that such acknowledgements have become increasingly visible in Canadian public life since the 2010s, as part of wider efforts towards reconciliation between Indigenous and non-Indigenous communities. Inevitably, the practice has become a politically sensitive issue. Canada’s western provinces of Alberta and British Columbia are breathtakingly beautiful, and they’re populated by friendly, polite and hospitable people. I feel privileged to have visited, and it’s somewhere I’d recommend to everyone. But every country has its historical scars and contemporary crises, and this vast region of Canada is no exception. I don't dwell on the darker aspects of a country's past and present when I travel, but I do try to understand them; context is always enlightening. Reading about the abuses and lasting legacy of Canada's residential school system left me feeling both sad and angry. In Vancouver's Downtown Eastside, witnessing the human cost of the opioid crisis brought a different kind of sorrow. And in Jasper, the blackened remains left by the devastating wildfire of 2024 offered a final, sobering reminder that disaster is no respecter of a location’s beauty. Canada is vast, and for a visitor from crowded western Europe, its serenity evokes something approaching the spiritual. After driving nearly 800 miles, I was once again left with that all-too-familiar sense that life is short and there is so much beauty still to discover, coupled with the melancholy acceptance that I won’t pass this way again.

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s k l o f o l l He I do try not to get political in this magazine, and this here column isn’t about taking sides, as frankly all governments have been as bad as one another in my memory, but as the owner of this little old magazine and part-owner of Coffee at the Mill (see opposite page for the best coffee in town, the best homemade sausage rolls and freshly made sandwiches, wraps and bacon and Monterey Jack cheese baguettes. Did you see what I did there?) I think I’m entitled to have a little moan about the treatment of independent business owners. As I say, in my opinion all governments have been shameful in raising more and more taxes on hardworking folk in this country, but it does feel like the current crowd have upped that burden to fund their bird-brained schemes that I’ll wisely avoid going into just now! I’m a big fan of Jeremy Clarkson, and he has expressed, perhaps mischievously, his intention to open another pub abroad, and in doing so, questioned why he or anyone would choose to open another business in the UK? He has been vocal about the challenges he faces in the UK, including high employment costs and uncertainty over business rates as well as tax, national insurance rises, VAT and, of course, inheritance tax. Clarkson’s comments come as the hospitality sector continues to contend with these issues, and he has suggested that opening a business in the UK may not be worth the hassle due to the current red tape and tax burden. Simply scan the QR code to sign up or head over to overtheedgemag.co.uk/subscribe IT’S TOTALLY FREE! r

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Well, I agree with Jezza, frankly. If he can’t make The Farmer’s Dog profitable with queues out of the door, then what chance do the rest of us have? Coffee at the Mill is regularly full, takings are up, and our customers love the place and keep coming back, but all we are doing is funding the government. We have invested money, we employ people, and we pay our taxes (we just wish that was a little less!), but what is the point if the business is not making any money? Unless something is done, there will be no hospitality sector in this country. Ignore that at your peril, this and future governments. I truly believe that Over the Edge magazine and Coffee at Mill would be sorely missed by tens of thousands of people in Chelmsford, and it’s not because the public do not support the businesses or advertisers and suppliers do not support us; it is because the tax burden, in common with all of us personally by the way, is too high, be that direct tax or indirect taxes on goods, fuel and other essentials. I reckon in my lifetime in full-time employment since 17 years of age I’ve paid 60/65% of my earnings in tax if you take into account income tax, national insurance, VAT on everything I buy, road tax, beer tax, dividend tax, council tax, stamp duty, capital gains and of course, still to come, inheritance tax when I snuff it. Have I missed anything? HMRC won’t tell you that because they only show Income Tax + NI on your payslip. The rest is hidden in what you buy, own and die with. The UK has one of the highest lifetime tax burdens in the world when you count everything. Someone recently said to me on social media, let’s call him Nobby, that he begrudges paying £4 for a coffee in a coffee shop when he can make coffee at home for 50p. Well, Nobby, yes, there is that, and presumably you will

visit o webs ur ite @ www . o v edgem erthe ag.co .uk also choose to crack open an 80p can of beer out of your fridge rather than pay a fiver in a pub? Fair enough, you pay your money, you take your choice. I am sure most of you will know, however, that the government will take the first 20% of our coffee, so of the £4.00 charged for the best coffee in town, the first 67p goes to HMRC. Then we have the ingredients, with another 90p going on coffee beans, milk, sugar and the cup and lid. Then you have the coffee shop running costs. Nobby, that coffee won’t make itself, and I can share with you that a mighty £1.93 goes on staff; that includes more tax in the form of NI, of course, and rent, business rates and utility bills- yep, you’ve guessed it Nobby, all containing more tax going straight to HMRC. What is left is about 50p profit on a cup of coffee. Enough, Nobby, to make a cup of coffee at home! My little rant makes me feel better, but I don’t expect it to change a thing. I am not even sure a different government will change anything. It’s such a shame that no one is prepared to do anything. I promise I’ll try to be more positive next month. TTFN Deaks Over the Edge graham@overtheedgemag.co.uk Over the Edge 07803 422808

Please follow our little independent coffee shop! Follow us on @coffeeatthemill or scan the QR Code

Being a parent of children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities can be lonely. But it doesn’t have to be. Fuelled by coffee, cake and community spirit, @bright_ futures_essex are a friendly bunch of local parents of Neurodivergent children, supporting one another on the SEND journey, one cup at a time! They meet once a month at various cafés in and around Chelmsford to chat, eat cake, drink tea and coffee whilst supporting and signposting parents to local SEND services. Local SEND parent Danielle Tyler runs the group. Danielle is Mum to amazing twin boys with Autism, ADHD and a range

of Special Educational needs. Passionate about improving opportunities for local children and young people with SEND, Danielle actively engages with local organisations and services to help bridge the accessibility gap for families. If you’d like to find out where they are popping up next, please get in touch to book your spot. Danielle and her group look forward to meeting you. Tia Jordan, manager of Coffee at the Mill, pictured with Danielle, commented, “It was lovely welcoming Danielle and her group to Coﬀee at the Mill, and we hope to see them back again soon.”

07915 649329

@bright_futures_essex

https://www.overtheedgemag.co.uk

mrsdltyler@gmail.com

Don’t wait until the new year to get fit, get yourself down to the arches and join up with this wonderful bunch. Under The Arches Running Group is a growing group of runners of all paces and abilities that love to run and to socialise. Formed in September 2025 by the lovely Dommy, this is a growing community that often joins up with other running groups to create an impressive mass of moving limbs! Check out their socials, link below, why even Chi Chi the dog has a group of canine runners! A small group of the gang popped into Coffee at the Mill to sample the coffee and cake on offer and Tia tell us they’re a lovely bunch. Come back again guys and bring your friends and Chi Chi of course!

@underthearches_runclub Page 33

OONNLLYY JJOOKKIINNGG!!

A chap is given the job of painting white lines down the middle of a road. On his first day, he painted eight miles; his second day, painted Ithree I gotonfired from my jobhebecause kept miles; askingand my oncustomers his third day, he painted one prefer mile. The boss or whether theyjust would ‘smoking’ was not pleased, and he enquired, “Why is it that you ‘non-smoking’. Apparently, the correct terms are are painting less each day?” and the chap replied, cremation or burial. “Because each day I get further away from the can of paint.” Husband: “When I get cross with you, you never argue back. How do you control your anger?” To the person who stole my bank card and spent all Wife: “I clean the toilet.” my money on ancestry.com - you know who you are. Husband: “How does that help?” Wife: “I use your toothbrush.” I remember thinking, as I taped a piranha to my boomerang, this could come back to bite me. A copper pulled me over for speeding and said to “IfMurph you cansays give reasonable excuse I’ve Myme, mate tome me,a “How long can you keep never heard let you go.” maybe 3 or a chicken in thebefore, fridge?”l’ll I reply, “I dunno, I said,why “Several ran off with 4 days, do youyears ask?”ago, andmy he husband replies, “Because mine hisaft secretary. thought you were trying to bring him died er only 2 Idays.” back to me.” Thebodies copperturn replied. slow down a bit and on have a Three up at “Just a mortuary, all with smiles nice day The madam.” their faces. cop asks the coroner, “Why are they all smiling?” and the coroner replies, “The first guy died Grandfather died,love, he told methe that he got of Before a heart my attack while making hence smile; see theguy Titanic andlott that beginning, thetosecond won the eryfrom andthe diedvery of alcohol he told them getwas on board poisoning, hencethe thepassengers smile; and shouldn’t the final guy struck heThe knew was going to sink. Butsmiling?” nobody and by because lightning.” copitasks, “So why was he he repeatedly told them he right uphaving to the thelistened, coroner and replies, “Because he thought was they kicked him out of the cinema. hisminute photo taken.”

My local barber gotto arrested forﬁselling drugs. I think my wife has just started show the rst signs of I’ve been his for 6remember years, andwhat I hadshe no idea Alzheimer’s. Shecustomer said she can’t ever heinwas saw me.a barber. A man takesthe hisother dog to theand circus tells the I went to bed night sawand thieves stealing ringmaster his dog can speak and that he from my shed.that I called the police, and English they said they had be in the circus. The ringmaster says, “That’s noshould one available to send out. Provea it.” So,rubbish. I called back minute later and said, “No need to Thenow manbecause says, “Ok, he asks his dog three hurry I’veI will’ shot and them.” questions: Within minutes, there were a dozen cop cars, a “What isoverhead on top ofand a house?” helicopter a fully armed unit swarming the The dog replies, “Roof”

“Good boy!” and then he asks, “What is the opposite of smooth?” Dog replies, “Rough” “That’s my boy!” the guy says and pats him on the head. “Who was the best Scotland goalkeeper of all time?” “Rough” barks the dog. The ringmaster says, “Get out of here and stop wasting my time!” and pushes them out of his office and slams the door. Whilst walking back to the car, the dog looks up at his master and says, “Do you think I should have said Jim Leighton?”

www.jamiesale-cartoonist.com Phone: O7743443981

A man has been shot with a starting pistol and then beaten with a relay baton. Police believe it may be a neighbourhood. “I thought you said you had shot them”, race-related attack. said the sergeant. “I thought you said you had no one available”, I replied. My therapist said I get an emotional animal. So, lso got Ashould man suspects his wife issupport losing her hearing, he a chicken. Deepout fried. It le came a chocolate decides to carry a litt test.with He stands thirty feet milkshake. feel better away in the Ihallway andalready. asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner tonight?” No response. I was getting out of the shower when my girlfriend He moves twenty feetfat, closer asks “Honey, said, “You’re getting justand look at again, that belly. When what’s forlast dinner was the timetonight?” you saw your pecker?” I replied, Sti ll nothing. “It’s been a long time to be fair.” She said, “Why Finally, he steps behind“Why, her inwhat the kitchen don’t you diet?”right I replied, colour and is it asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner tonight?” now?” His wife turns around, sighs heavily, and says, “For the third me, chickenyesterday and chips.” I wastiat a funeral when I asked the vicar for the WiFi code and he shouted, “Please, have some Everyone wish me luck. I have a meeti ng at“Is the bank respect for the deceased,” and I replied, that all later in today, it all goes well, I will be out of debt for the lower and case,if vicar?” first time in years. I’m so excited I can barely put on my balaclava. If you are attracted to both women and men, but neither of them are attracted to you, that means you Aare policeman stopped an old lady carrying two large bi-yourself. carrier bags. One was full of £50 notes. “Where youthe getAmazon all that driver money?” theto copper asked. I told mydid wife claims have slept with every woman in our street except one! My wife said, “It’s probably that stuck-up bitch at No.14.”

www.jamiesale-cartoonist.com Phone: O7743443981

A husband died, and a few years later the wife died. When she got to heaven, she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. “Darling, oh how I’ve missed you,” she says. The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him, “Steady there woman, the contract was until death.” When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ+ stands for? Nobody is giving me a straight answer.

visi brandt our we new wwwb. site @ edgem overthe ag.golfers co.uk “My garden backs onto a golf course, and keep peeing through a hole in my fence and killing my

ﬂowers, so I grab their dicks and demand £50; otherwise I I’ll asked the lass at the chemist cut it off.” says the old lady. The policeman laughed ifand they’d got anywhat’s Benylin. said, “So, in the other bag?” “For shepays”, said. replies the old lady. “Notcough?” everyone I said, “Whoa, I only asked.” A bloke woke up from a six-month coma, and the doctor says, “I’ve gotone goodwho news andabad news, but I’ll give you Am I the only buys dozen reusable the bad newsshopping first. Unfortunately, we hadthem to amputate supermarket bags and leaves in the both of your legs.” car every single time? Nope, I thought not. “Oh no”, sobs the bloke, “What’s the good news?” “You see the bloke in the bed opposite, well he wants to My wife asked me, “What would be the female buy your slippers”, replies the doctor. equivalent of a man cave?” I Isaid toto her, “That wouldtoday. be a kitchen.” went a psychiatrist She told me I had a split By the way, does anyone have a place canconsultati stay for aon. I personality and charged me £180 for Ithe few nights? gave her £90. like to thank all of you who took part in Sober October. AI’d wife’s prayer; It was much easier to get to the bar. Dear God You gave me a childhood... I got sacked from my job at the garden centre today. You took it away... My boss brought a customer to me and said he wanted You gave me youth... decking. You took it away... You gave melast a husband... I was bored night, so I decided to text my exIt’s been years now, justwas saying. girlfriend. I asked herI’m if she free, and she said yes, she was. I said, “See, I told you no one liked you.” The police came to my house today and said, “It looks Myyour therapist sayshas I have a preoccupati on with like husband been hit by a bus.” We’ll about I vengeance. said, “I know, but see other thanthat. that, he has a lovely personality and he’s great with the kids” A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?” My local coffee shop has a sign that reads, “No Wi-Fi, just pretend 1973.” Hard work pays offit’s in the future; laziness pays off now. So, I paid 15p for my coffee and lit up a cigarette. I intend to live forever ... So far, so good. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

visit o w ww ebsiteur edge w.ove @ mag rthe .co.u k

Readers can take comfort in the knowledge that all of our jokes retire to the care of the OvertheEdge Old Jokes Home. Please visit them at www.overtheedgemag.co.uk/old-jokes-home Page 3430 Page

Overthe the Edge 07803 422808 Over Edge 07803 422808

Plan’ environment. So, are we now facing a backward step? The office community have always been quite precious about who they sit with and it seems that more and more companies are bringing back offices, which I do not agree with – this is a movement away from collaboration in the workplace. Good day everyone and thanks for reading my column this month. Firstly, I would like to say congrats to Deaks for all of the great work over the last 3 months, pulling together some amazing features. This month’s interview with the legendary Joe Cole on page 26 is amazing. What a sublime piece of fortune, to be able to interview such a star of WHUFC.

The office environment is a simple one but complicated by so many people having a different view, which is good, but as a Designer, it can be frustrating. Of course, nobody wants to be told what to do or to be dictated to, but imagine if we had spaces which were so disjointed that an eclectic felt dizzy!

Office environments are certainly becoming more ‘homely’ and comfortable. The placement of Boxed-In elegant leather sofas, comfy armchairs I suppose all of my columns to date and footstools etc help this along. are focussed on the new norm since However, the introduction of PODs, the pandemic. More and more people if used as they should, and NOT are working from home with ‘Agile’ as makeshift individual offices will and ‘Hybrid’ solutions popping up certainly work and adds further everywhere. interest. If the whole community could see these as another space Interestingly, over the last 5 years, to enjoy when they want to ‘focus’ or furniture manufacturers have really Call 01245 478111 07710 358347 take some time to work remotely it pushed the concept of smaller VisitPODs lkgdaughers.co.uk would be great. Last month, I spoke individual onto the design about having our place of work for industry for placement into commercial everyone, not7SY just the chosen few and space. On the flip-side, Designers, West Hanningfield Road,as Great Baddow, Chelmsford, Essex, CM2 the introduction of PODs means that we have spent 20 years working towards a more collaborative ‘Open anyone could have their ‘15 minutes’.

Local Plumbing & Heating Engineers, Supporting Local People (and Pets)

https://www.overtheedgemag.co.uk Page 10

Some can be elegant, whereas some are downright ugly. What are the criteria for having the right POD? For those of you that are not familiar, I have shown an image of something which we are installing into our projects currently. Many designers in the industry will take Style over Substance, but there is a balance, each requiring compromise.

Many managers were losing their offices and were being allocated a desk in the open plan with their teams. One of my rebellious customers showed great creativity to build his own pre-millennium POD using cardboard. So, on the Monday morning after the move into the new facility, there he was with 2m high cardboard walls surrounding his desk, he had even constructed a cardboard roof with a sliding cardboard door which he taped shut! I think if we had smartphones back then, it would have gone viral – it FUSEBOARD CHANGES OR UPGRADES was amazing!

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In 1995 I designed the offices for XeroxUK with a concerted shift away from cellular space, which Contact Us I can state, for this particular community was Thanks for reading Phone/Text/WhatsApp: enormous. Once, one of the most 01245 699128 successful companies in the world 07852 867042 Design Dude and cash rich until the patent for Inspiration for the Population Social Media or Email: their devices ran out (c1975) thereby Encore.Electrical luke@encoreelectricalservices.co.uk Please feel free to email: allowing Cannon & Ricoh et al to clamber all-over their market share. DesignDude.20@gmail.com

35 Over the Edge 07803Page 422808

h c a e R l a b lo G e g Over the Ed

Hold my Beer

A New Social Scene Is Getting Tails Wagging Across Essex There’s a new social scene, and this one comes with wagging tails, pup cups, funfilled activities and plenty of four-legged friendships. Tails Together is a local dog-events business that brings dogs and their owners together through themed socials, celebrations, and community gettogethers. Founded by Chelmsford dog lover and “dog-mom” Kirsten Hopkins, the idea grew from a simple observation: while there are plenty of dog-friendly places to visit, lovely walks to enjoy and training classes to attend, there are fewer opportunities for dogs and their humans to enjoy organised social experiences together. “Dogs are, now more than ever, considered part of the family, and people want to share experiences with them, not just take them for walks,” explains Kirsten. “I’ve made so many wonderful new friends through activities with my own dogs, and I wanted others to have that opportunity too”. “The idea was to create something just as enjoyable for the humans as it is for their dogs- a chance to meet like-minded dog Page 36

We love sharing the photos our readers kindly send in, and this month we have some belters from Rio de Janeiro, Singapore and Mexico. Wow, what an amazing spread!. Please continue sending your photos to graham@overtheedgemag. co.uk and we will share them here.

lovers, make new friends and have a bit of fun and a laugh together.” Since launching earlier this summer, Tails Together has hosted a series of socials both in Essex and London, welcoming dogs of all breeds and sizes. From lively social gatherings to personalised birthday pawties, the events give owners the chance to celebrate their dogs, enjoy some quality time together and do something a little different from their usual routine. And it’s not just the dogs making friends. The events are building a growing community of local owners who enjoy getting together, sharing stories and, of course, talking about their dogs. Next up is the Howl-o-ween Pawty, taking place at The Courtyard on Saturday 31 October. Expect Halloween costumes, spooky treats, fang-tastic activities, special guests and some very unserious Doggie Awards. Last-minute tickets may still be available. Looking further ahead, Tails Together is getting ready for Tinsel & Tails, a festive Christmas doggie social on 12 December, followed by Doodle & Dazzle in January - a special New Year celebration just for doodles and their humans, organised in collaboration with local dog community The Cockapoo Corner. Plenty more opportunities for dogs and their owners to celebrate, socialise and have fun together! Find out more at www.tailstogether.uk Follow Tails Together Events on Instagram and Facebook, or visit the website for event bookings.

Photo 1 - It’s our prickly little friend Edge Hog again enjoying a little peck beneath Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro. The little fella is living his best life! Where will he turn up next? We honestly have no idea! Photo 2 - The magazine always travels with regular reader Amy, and here she is catching up with all the news on her balcony at The Marina Bay Sands Hotel, Singapore, with a pleasing backdrop featuring the Singapore Strait and Gardens by the Bay, home of the enormous Supertree Grove. Photo 3 - And just like that, the mag appears in Mexico courtesy of Ian, who describes the magazine as essential holiday reading. Of course it is!

nearby. At some point in its history, a large sarsen stone was recovered from the pit, and it subsequently became a feature, sited as it was, near the door to the pub. I visited the site as part of my research, and I can report that the stone still stands proudly in its original position.

CHELMSFORD’S GHOST PUBS - The Beehive

Let’s head a little out of town this month, and we’ll stroll along Baddow Road until we reach number 346, where we’ll find The Beehive. The pub dates back to the mid-19thcentury. I recall it being part of the 71 pub Ridley’s estate before the brewery was sold to Greene King in 2005. It subsequently operated as a Greene King house for about a decade until, sadly, the final pint was pulled in April 2015, and last orders were called on yet another local landmark boozer. The main fabric of the pub building remains intact today, but in an all too familiar story it has been converted into residential flats.

Sarsen stones are extremely hard boulders of sandstone formed around 55 million years ago when the climate of Britain was hot, and a layer of sand beneath the surface of the ground became cemented with quartz. They are thus very resistant to erosion and have survived the rigours of the Ice Age and the era of tragic pub closures. Let us have your suggestions for next month’s Lost Inn Time. Which historic hostelries haunt you? wontpassthiswayagain@gmail.com

The pub had an interesting link with the old Beehive gravel pit Over the Edge 07803 422808

Center Parcs: An Expensive Trip to the Woods Someone once told me that you can recreate the Center Parcs experience by putting a paddling pool in a shopping centre and giving £1,000 to a squirrel. Having recently returned from a family visit, I can confirm there’s some truth in that. Center Parcs is certainly expensive. In fact, it’s probably best described as a rather pleasant, middle-class prison where you voluntarily surrender your car keys and spend the next few days cycling around a forest. But joking aside, it’s actually great fun. The swimming pool, somewhat ambitiously described as a ‘Subtropical Swimming Paradise’, is excellent. There are flumes, a wave machine and outdoor rapids, which my eldest daughter insisted we raced down nine times. Brilliant fun, although rather gruelling for a 43-year-old man whose fitness levels aren’t quite what they once were. Cycling around is lovely too, particularly without worrying about being flattened by a passing car. There’s even a Co-op, cleverly rebranded as the ‘Parc Market’, presumably so they can charge another 25% for exactly the same groceries. But what struck me most wasn’t the facilities. It was the atmosphere. There’s something wonderfully nostalgic about the place. People smile and acknowledge each other. Children cycle around happily. You can leave your bike unlocked outside the shop or your belongings unattended while you’re doing an activity, without constantly worrying that somebody will help themselves. It feels like a little hightrust society, almost a throwback to how I remember things growing up. And perhaps that’s part of what you’re paying for. A few days somewhere peaceful, friendly and relatively carefree, where the children can enjoy themselves and the outside world feels a little further away. Would I go again?

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Absolutely. I’ll just need to remortgage the house first.

Can Everybody Just Shut Up? I’ve noticed something increasingly irritating about television news programmes, particularly those featuring panels of supposedly intelligent adults discussing the issues of the day. Nobody seems capable of letting anybody else finish a sentence. I quite enjoy following current affairs. I like hearing different opinions, particularly from people who disagree with me. Occasionally, somebody makes a compelling argument that genuinely changes how I think about something. Or at least they would, if I could hear what they were saying. The format is always the same. The presenter asks a perfectly reasonable question, two panellists take opposing positions and, within approximately fifteen seconds, everybody starts shouting. One interrupts, the other shouts louder, the first raises their voice again and suddenly you’ve got three grown adults arguing over each other like children fighting over the television remote. The presenter invariably joins in, desperately trying to restore order, before announcing that they’ve run out of time. Wonderful. I’ve learned absolutely nothing. It’s even worse when politicians are involved. These are people elected to represent us, supposedly capable of debating complicated issues and making important decisions. Yet apparently listening to somebody else’s opinion for thirty seconds without opening their mouth is beyond them. I remember the American presidential debates introducing a system where microphones could be muted when it wasn’t a candidate’s turn to speak. What a magnificent idea. I’d introduce it across every television news programme tomorrow. Give

each panellist sixty seconds to make their argument, uninterrupted. Then let the other person respond. Imagine that. An actual conversation. I appreciate that heated debate makes entertaining television, and perhaps that’s precisely why producers encourage it. But surely the purpose of discussing the news should be to help viewers understand what’s happening, not simply generate the loudest argument. I’m not asking everyone to agree. I’d just quite like them to shut up long enough for somebody else to speak.

Financial Fair Play? I’m Not So Sure

BILLY HINKEN

Manchester City have finally been found guilty of serious breaches of football’s financial rules, although the club denies wrongdoing and has appealed. After years of investigations, it seems the saga is approaching some sort of conclusion. But the whole affair has left me questioning whether Financial Fair Play is particularly fair in the first place.

face appropriate consequences. Other clubs, including Everton, have already been punished for breaching financial rules. But I’m uncomfortable with suggestions that City should be stripped of their titles. Ultimately, those championships were won by eleven footballers competing against eleven others. The players weren’t responsible for the accounting arrangements behind the scenes.

I understand why the rules were introduced. Football clubs are often the heart of their communities, and protecting them from reckless owners spending money they haven’t got is sensible. But there’s a fundamental problem. If Manchester United generates considerably more revenue than a smaller club, it can spend considerably more money. So the biggest clubs retain their advantage, while ambitious smaller clubs face restrictions on how quickly they can catch up. Aston Villa, for example, have had to make difficult decisions about selling players despite their success on the pitch. How is that creating a level playing field?

Of course, money buys better players, and that’s precisely why financial misconduct matters. But retrospectively erasing sporting achievements doesn’t sit comfortably with me. And what about awarding those titles to whoever finished second? Imagine Liverpool being handed a Premier League trophy years later, long after the celebrations, the excitement and the moment itself have disappeared. Some victory that would be.

That doesn’t excuse Manchester City. If the findings survive their appeal, they should

Punish wrongdoing, absolutely. But let’s also examine whether the rules themselves genuinely make football fairer. Because at the moment, Financial Fair Play seems rather better at preserving the established hierarchy than challenging it.

Billy Hinken

Page 37

Unity is not the absence of difference,

it is the colour created when difference

is Accepted

Sometimes, the fewer words said, the better. We don’t have to be the same to belong together. When we accept one another as we are, our differences bring colour, depth and possibility to the life we share. There is room for each of us, without anyone having to become less themselves. JAG Gillan

Original artwork is on display for sale at Moulsham Mill, worth a visit just for the coffee!

Page 38

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Vic on on the Vic theTelly Telly

dragons, caused by a lie, two comedy in it too and it made me It is a Belfast based police birds of prey. It’s less a documentary, socialist.ofIt The is quite confusing; a and was on in 1972. I found it As you might have read edition Edge, me and think other TV trivia drama that is set after thein the last Targaryens siblings lead two moreabout a passion project withgame a on YouTube and watched a few simple egg and spoon race turns the Mrs changed our tv package from Virgin Media to Now TV. The shows. There was one a few troubles. Both series had 6 opposing armies. likeable host. episodes. Its premise is that the into a life-or-death situati on. It’s not Now TV package also had had Sky Atlantic included, a channel I have episodes each. Both series One brother should rightly on years ago called Paul Sinha’s villains are in prison for a botched terrible, but nowhere near as be good admired MrShowdown T: I Pity the -Fool adverti TV Paulwas Sinha of sed an arc of from otherafar. stuff. It has been the throne but is not; his brother robbery. They tunnelled from a as it thinks it is. in advance ofItitswasn’t screening Chase fame. veryongood. reviewed as a great show which having been mistakenly put disused toilet into a bank vault. I watched panel the one-off My column for Over the Edge will be talking and reviewing television andIt’s films. It will include ItNetf hadlix. a celebrity too. I agree with. There will be many there. a little slower and has Each episode follows one of the Blue Lights programme. “I pity the fool” was morevicontvandfilms. series as the BBC believes anything watchable. It will be called Since watching television and films has fantastic scenery. members of the robbery gang after INCOME a supposed catchphrase of a wellTV Showdown brought back in this series. It is worth a watch changed over the years, be included. First up is Blue Lights. First streaming PROTECTION they will escaped. It stars a who’s who known character/actor. The man memories of Telly Addicts. I was and you can see if you like it. shown on the BBC and still of actors who’ve played villains, Mr T, old aka kid Laurence awas 10 year when Tureaud, it first The first to be reviewed isincluding a controversial one, The Tattooist of Auschwitz. I had seen it available on series BBC iPlayer. Me David Daker, William who played BA Baracus in the and was near abouts House of Gentle Dragon andadvertised my Mrs saw end of the onthe television and when we changed I was able to see it. It will not be everyone’s started Marlowe (from Theprovider Touch), A-Team and Clubber LangMy in Rocky my 20’s when it ended. firstcup series in Manchester last have Bob BUY NextHoskins for meand to review is House of tea. ATO lotLET of people asked how can youArmstrong. make a drama out of the holocaust? They did! Alun A 3. This anthology takes athen lookwas at his knowledge of TV back I thought of the Dragon. I saw that Series proper 70’s grit show. Ayear. very good friendno of more ours of it till life, career and aft erwards. He is a not that great, but it has grown. earlier year when I came 2 was advertised in June. Thisthis series was based on Heather Morris’s book to of start the same name. It’s brutal, disturbing and recommended watching The tough but soft -hearted man. The This mostly had the general across it They againare and watched I watched GameLala of Thrones Mentalist. show as includes bits about histhe growing devastating. Itcurrently covers theit relationship between Sololov and Gita in the concentration camp FIRST public contestants with from the beginning. before on DVD as not have watching the series. I couldn’t up and beingENQUIRY a bodyguard and then NO CHARGE OR OBLIGATION FOR YOUR INITIAL in the televisionI did drama, switches between now and the time in occasional celebrity. It was TIME of Auschwitz. Lala, the protagonist Listening to the intro music Atlantic.with historical inaccuracies. remember if I hadLike seenallit programmes before; covers his film and television work. the camp. itSky is littered I think it is worth a watch, I hosted by Noel Edmonds. BUYERS brought back memories of Game if so,binged it wouldithave been many in two weeks. of Thrones. I missed the first series of House years ago. I decided to watch the of the Dragon but will try and pilot episode. AsEQUITY some readers watched find a way to see Another it. I have series seen box set I have Smart TV lately is True Detective. I watched the first series might know, itRELEASE stars Simon Baker and of the fourth series called the Night Country. Season one was the best of the the whole of Series 2. all House as former psychic Patrick Jane. He The third television programme twoprequel in my opinion. 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This season had two male main characters. The format is two teams of three watched shows and various and are then given tasks which are murder week, there is an arc of Red John, a beheadings, molten gold celebrities with one of them as a events. So, this show was certainly not explained to them. They have to serial killer who killed James’s wife heads etc. seasonpermanent these The has two female something I captain, would detectives watch. It’sbeing a solving the disappearance of a set of ficrowns, gure outcrushed what to do. Thefourth audience and daughter. It’s on Netflix at the main storyline of Series 2 a research and Josh Alison from centre. The flashbacks are how things happened. This one-offHammond programme on only BBC iPlayer. isThe watching people fiscientists gure out bizarre I have now watched series one moment. was the of thecharacters Widdecombe. Hamza is aLiz wildlife cameraman who one’s main are Danvers and Evangeline Navarro played by Jodie Foster situati onswarring without factions knowing the and two on iPlayer. Targaryens, the is the host. He is is passionate about birdsaoffan prey. rules. Gary Lineker Next up is an old crime drama that and Kali Reis respectively. I have been of Foster since I was little. There may be a third series next and the blacks. as ithim says, is Robthe This host, show had go round agreens Marmite character; once a beloved The got mentioned on a Porridge site year. Readyingand for now the war of the Beckett. It has elements British Isles looking for andof filming footballer a Champagne on Facebook. It was called Villains

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at any of the following locations: The White Hart, Little Waltham - The Galvin Green Man, Howe Street - Little Channels Bistro - Bang & Olufsen Channels Restaurant - Channels Café - Nationwide Building Soc - Rayleigh Hi-Fi - Park & Ride (Chelmer Valley & Sandon) - Moulsham News - Costa Coffee (Beaulieu, Riverside, Essex Regiment Way) - Coffee Squared, Beaulieu - Bond Street car park - Fête, Grays Yard - Mercedes, BMW/Mini, Land Rover & Audi showrooms - The Lion Inn, Boreham - Sainsbury’s Boreham - Longacres Garden Centre - NISA Sandford Rd - Tesco, Princes Rd - Miller & Carter - Fox & Raven - Co-Op, Bridge St, Writtle - 2MT Café, Roxwell Rd - The Ship - China City, Broomfield Parade Claremont Garden Centre & The Tin Roof Café, Woodham Mortimer - The Royal Steamer - Jamaica Blue, Bond St ACanteen, New London Rd - Mr Cavendish, Rainsford Rd Meadow Croft Garden Centre, Battlesbridge - Toast - The Cricketers - Sandwich Plus, New St - Little Waltham Social Club & Doctors Surgery - The Hub Café, Warners Farm The Rose of India, Rainsford Rd - Pontlands Park Hotel, Gt Baddow - The White Hart, Margaretting Tye - The Royal Tiger, Rettendon - The Vape Store, Broomfield Parade Tesco, Gt Notley Braintree - ASDA, Chelmer Village - The Riverside Inn - The Two Brewers - The Wheatsheaf - The Woolpack - O’Connor’s - United Brethren - The Orange Tree - The Queen’s Head - The Nags Head - The Railway Tavern - Morrisons, Maldon - Sainsbury’s, Chipping Ongar

The International Break – A Great Alternative For the football diehards, the international break that always occurs a few weeks into the season is often met with dismay, but not by everyone. Those who are passionate about their national team, whether they are those from the Five Nations or other countries, love the break; but many of the traditionalist football club supporters see it as an irritating interlude in the running of the normal season, and this year the break was extended so that each of the European nations was able to play four games. Personally, I love the break as it gives me a chance to indulge in one of my other sporting loves, that of American Football. It’s not football, I hear you cry. OK! It bears absolutely no relationship to our own beloved game, other than 11 men per team are actually playing on the field at any given time. Well, it’s true, 12 are allowed at specific times, but that’s a rarity, and the teams can field any of the 48 men that are on their active roster. There are unlimited substitutions, differing teams for the offence and for the defence, as well as for kicking a field goal, punting downfield, and for receiving the ball after a kickoff. The huge difference is the ability to block or tackle an opposing player who doesn’t have the ball, in an attempt to hold and restrain any player from receiving a pass that would allow the team to move the ball downfield to the end zone to score a touchdown. All of this makes for a great spectacle, plus the usual American razzmatazz, the marching bands, the cheerleaders, the halftime shows, as well as the frequent breaks with crowd-focused activities and live music. All of this, plus the ability to buy and drink a beer whilst watching the game. Of course, the stadiums serve up hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza and popcorn in contrast to the pies normally available at our game, and there is no embargo on drinking alcohol whilst watching the game. We’re lucky here in the UK, as annually we have 3 NFL (the official National Football League) games per season, two at the specifically designed Tottenham Hotspur Stadium and one still at Wembley. These games are not the old exhibition games, but what the NFL now call the ‘International Series’, whereby games which are officially part of

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Old Grey Silver Surfer the NFL season are played around the world to encourage and spread the game to audiences who love and enjoy both the game and the spectacle. It’s certainly loved by many, many fans; British and other nationalities, with this ‘International Series’ now including games in Germany, Australia, Brazil, and Ireland. Whilst football has over 4 billion fans worldwide, American football (via the NFL) now has nearly 500 million fans globally, and despite being the richest sport in the world, its major fan base is still in the US, and the NFL certainly wants to grow this, and now appears to be succeeding. Since Channel 4 commenced regular screening of American Football in 1982, then immortalised by the theme tune ‘Two Tribes Go to War,’ it did at the time introduce us to such NFL greats as Dan Marino of the Miami Dolphins, John Elway of the Denver Broncos, and Joe Montana of the San Francisco 49ers. It’s been amazing how the British fan base has grown since then, which, according to the NFL stats, now stands at 14 million or 20% of the UK population. Nowadays, younger fans are able to experience live NFL games not only here in the UK but in Europe as well, with games being played in Ireland, Germany, Spain and France. What is truly exceptional, apart from the spectacle of the game itself, are the fans themselves. There is absolutely no animosity between the home and away fans, often sitting together, but those British fans that travel to the game are encouraged to wear the colours of the teams they particularly support, and in the crowd that attends any of the NFL games in the UK you will see fans wearing shirts of the Miami Dolphins, Atlanta Falcons, Jacksonville Jaguars, San Francisco 49ers, Denver Broncos, well really all of the teams of the NFL irrespective of which teams are playing in the UK that week. Despite the fact that alcohol is freely available, there is absolutely no trouble, and no dissent, after all the fans are there to watch and enjoy the game that they love. Over the Edge 07803 422808

What’s on this

LETS_EXPLORE_WITHTHEKIDS

NOVEMBER in Essex?

FAMILY DAYS OUT • NEW ADVENTURES • CORE MEMORIES

1 NOVEMBER

7 NOVEMBER

Day Out With Thomas

Maldon Promenade Park Firework & Bonfire Display

East Anglian Railway Museum Book Online www.earm.co.uk

All aboard for a day of family fun with Thomas & Friends.

The Museum of Power

Book Online www.maldonfireworks.co.uk

Community bonfire, live music and a seasonal firework display

Marsh Farm Family Fireworks

Langford, Maldon Book Online www.earm.co.uk

Book Online www.marshfarm.co.uk

Music event featuring instrumentmaking workshops and an engine trail for kids

6-8 NOVEMBER

Essex Christmas Fair Cressing Temple Barns Book Online www.explore-essex.co.uk

Over 100 exhibitors inside the historic beautiful barns. Explore crafts, food & gifts.

Includes daytime farm access, children’s rides, soft play, bouncy pillows, a fire breather performance, and a familyfriendly firework display

Chelmsford’s Round Table Charity Fireworks Admirals Park Chelmsford Book Online www.chelmsfordroundtable.co.uk

Large fireworks show, live entertainment, funfair, food & drinks

12 NOVEMBER

Christmas Gift Fair Rettondon, Chelmsford Book Online www.rhs.org.uk

Get into the festive spirit, discover a wonderful selection of unique gifts, artisan food & drink, admire the beautiful grounds

The Ice Rink at Braintree Village Opens For Winter

21 NOVEMBER

Witham Christmas Fayre & Lights Switch-On Chelmsford Free Entry www.witham.gov.uk

Featuring festive stalls, entertainment, and the official Christmas lights switchon

26 NOVEMBER

RHS Garden Hyde Hall Glow Chelmsford Book Online www.rhs.org.uk

A sparkling winter festival of lights opening for the season starting November 26th - 30 t h December

27 NOVEMBER

Enlightened at Hylands Estate Chelmsford Book Online www.enlightenedmoments.co.uk

Opening November 27 t h - January 2 n d An outdoor illuminated walking trail featuring light, sound, and interactive installations

Cinderella Fairfield Road, Chelmsford Book Online www.chelmsfordtheatre.co.uk

Opening November 12 t h - January 3 r d

Expect magic & mayhem, will our Cinders ever make it to the ball? It’s very likely, but you’d better come along just in case!

8 NOVEMBER

15 NOVEMBER

27-29 NOVEMBER

Colchester Mega Fun Day

Chelmsford For You Christmas Light Switch On

Santa’s Grotto & Christmas Market

Chelmsford City Centre Free Entry www.chelmsford.gov.uk

Braintree & Bocking Public Gardens Book Santa’s Grotto www.tickts.co.uk

Charter Hall, Colchester Book Online www.tickettailor.com

Indoor inflatables arena featuring towering slides, bouncy castles, and assault courses, plus a children’s game show and disco party

Braintree Village Book Online www.braintree.icetickets.co.uk

Family-friendly activities, local stage performances & seasonal stalls

Outdoor festive market experience where children can meet Santa Claus in his grotto alongside seasonal food & drinks and market stalls

Find more local days out and family fun in Essex

https://www.overtheedgemag.co.uk

Page 41

OVERtheLINE LOCAL SPORT UPDATES

a trophy in his first season as captain, leading Essex to victory in the Bob Willis Trophy final at Lord’s. Throughout his tenure, Tom has led the Club through multiple Division One campaigns, regularly challenging at the top of the table.

ESSEX CRICKET

Essex Women Trio Selected for Under-19 World Cup Essex Women’s Amelie Bishop, Bryony Gillgrass and Clara Thaker have been selected for England Women’s Under-19s World Cup and India series squads. The 15-player squad will travel to India for a five-match T20 series in November and December before the ICC Under-19 World Cup begins in January / February 2027.

Tom Westley Steps Down as Club Captain Westley’s six-year reign as Club Captain ended following the final match of the season against Glamorgan, having been appointed in January 2020. The Club’s currently longestserving player, Westley lifted

“Captaining Essex has been, and always will be, my greatest honour. It has been a privilege to serve this great Club, and it saddens me that I haven’t been able to leave it in a better place. “I feel now is the right time for a change and for the Club to explore a new direction. To the Members and supporters, who are the reason why this Club is so special; to the past and current players; and to the coaching staﬀ, I cannot express how truly indebted I am to you all.”

seamer Charlie Bennett and Essex Women’s all-rounder Sophia Smale, seam bowler Sophie Munro and top-order batter Cordelia Griffith.

Central Contracts for Jordan Cox and Sam Cook Essex Men’s duo Jordan Cox and Sam Cook signed Central Contracts with the ECB, with Cox signing until 2028 and Cook signing until 2027.

Cook’s inclusion makes the announcement particularly special for Essex Cricket, with the Chelmsford-born seamer earning his first Central Contract after progressing

through the Club’s Academy system into the first team and establishing himself on the international stage.

Matt Critchley and Jodi Grewcock Named Players of the Year At the Essex Cricket End of Season Gala, Matt Critchley won the WeFinanceAnyCar. com Men’s Player of the Year, whilst Jodi Grewcock won the Tiptree Women’s Player of the Year. The batting all-rounders scooped four awards apiece. The full list of award winners can be found on the Essex Cricket website.

New Contracts Announced Essex Cricket announced new contracts for Essex Men’s

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do love an excuse for fancy dress. Birthdays, festivals, themed parties, Halloween…! If somebody suggested we all dress as flamingos for a regular Tuesday afternoon, I’d probably be on Amazon Prime before they’d finished the sentence, and while I appreciate that not everybody shares my enthusiasm for spending money on an outfit they’ll wear once and then discover at the back of the wardrobe three years later, I genuinely think life is a little more entertaining when you occasionally make a complete spectacle of yourself. Halloween, therefore, is right up my street. Quite literally, actually, because one of my favourite things about this time of year is watching our little village come alive with pumpkins, decorations and children wandering around dressed as everything from witches and skeletons to characters I have absolutely no chance of identifying, while mine spend the entire month asking whether it’s time to go trick-or-treating yet. By the time we’re finally allowed out of the house, they’ve worked themselves into such a state of excitement that you’d think we were heading off to collect the keys to a new house rather than knocking on the neighbours’ doors asking for Haribo. It’s heartwarming seeing everyone make an effort, whether it’s a beautifully carved pumpkin, an entire front garden transformed into a graveyard or answering the door in a costume that looks most certainly like a bin bag with a couple of arm holes cut in, and the children absolutely love going from house to house, comparing their sweets and deciding which neighbours deserve a return visit next year. Of course, the minute we get home, the whole lot is tipped onto the floor for what can only be described as a confectionery stocktake, with negotiations over chocolate bars becoming increasingly heated as one inevitably accuses another of having more than their fair share. I generally stay out of it, unless there’s a particularly good chocolate involved, in which case I consider it perfectly reasonable to introduce a small amount of grown-up tax. The children are yet to agree with taxation.

Now, Halloween parties are another matter entirely, and I’m very lucky that not too far from Chez Deaks we have a hostess with the mostest who really does know how to throw a proper one. Those people who seem to have an extraordinary talent for entertaining, whose houses always look fabulous, whose drinks are never empty and who manage to make hosting look completely effortless while the rest of us are still trying to find enough matching glasses for four guests? Well, they’re one of those. There’s a wonderful atmosphere, plenty of effort put into the occasion and the attention to detail that makes you feel embarrassed about the supermarket crisps you were planning to put into a bowl and pass off as catering. I absolutely love a house party, particularly one where everyone has embraced the fancy dress and the older I get, the more I appreciate a good house party over a night out. There’s no queue at the bar, nobody is charging you £14 for a gin and tonic and, provided you’ve chosen your footwear sensibly, you can usually make it through the entire evening without needing to remove your shoes in a taxi. Although I wouldn’t go as far as to suggest I’m always sensible with footwear. A blood-orange margarita sounds considerably more impressive when you call it a Vampire’s Kiss, and a blackberry gin fizz with a sprig of rosemary looks endearing without requiring you to have any actual bartending ability. I also love the idea of a big bowl of witch’s punch, something fruity with plenty of fizz, slices of orange and a few floating blackberries, which can be made with or without alcohol depending on whether you’re entertaining the children or friends who arrive only staying for one and are still in your kitchen at midnight. For food, I think the trick is to make everything look much more complicated than it actually is, which is a philosophy I try to apply to most aspects of life. Little sausages wrapped in puff pastry become mummies, strawberries dipped in white chocolate turn into ghosts with the addition of a couple of chocolate eyes, and brownies with little biscuit gravestones stuck into them look rather fabulous arranged on a big platter. I particularly love the idea of a Halloween grazing board, with cheeses, crackers,

grapes, olives, little pumpkins and perhaps some blackberries scattered around, because it looks lovely, requires relatively little cooking and gives everyone something to pick at while they stand around discussing whose costume they love the most. There’s also the question of what to wear, which I take rather more seriously than is probably necessary for a woman with three children and a house full of things that need doing. I do think Halloween costumes are best when there’s a little glamour involved, and while I admire the commitment of people who arrive looking as though they’ve genuinely crawled out of a grave, I’m much more inclined towards something involving a fabulous dress, dramatic make-up and an excuse to buy another pair of heels. I have to admit that the older I get, the more appealing the idea of dressing as a witch becomes, particularly as it seems to involve wearing black, drinking wine and occasionally being unreasonable, which isn’t an enormous departure from my everyday life. The children, meanwhile, have absolutely no interest in looking glamorous and would much rather cover themselves in fake blood, which inevitably ends up on the furniture, the bathroom towels and at least one item of clothing that was never supposed to be anywhere near the Halloween preparations. I do sometimes wonder whether our parents put quite this much effort into Halloween when we were younger, because I’m fairly sure we made do with a bin bag, a witch’s hat and whatever face paint was left over from the school fete. I think that’s probably why I enjoy

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Halloween so much, though, because for all the ridiculousness of it, there’s something rather nice about having an evening where everyone gets involved, the children are beside themselves with excitement and the adults have an excuse to get together, have a few drinks and behave slightly less responsibly than they perhaps should. With the evenings drawing in, the heating going back on and Christmas already starting to appear in the shops before we’ve even finished September, I think we could all do with a little something to look forward to. So, this Halloween, I’ll be doing my usual combination of attempting to look glamorous, pretending I’m organised, stealing chocolate from the children’s trickor-treat bags and enjoying the hospitality of people who are considerably better at throwing parties than I am. Just don’t expect me to share the good chocolates. Happy Halloween, witches.

Jasmin Albon Over the Edge

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Soulm8te Originally intended as a spin-off from the M3GAN films, Soulm8te was pulled from its theatrical release following the box-office flop of M3GAN 2.0. Now, after months of silence, the film has popped up on Disney+, which feels like a bit of an ill-fitting home, but I guess Disney needed some content to offer this Halloween.

Tech engineer David is struggling to move on after the death of his wife, and so finds solace in an AI app that comforts him in his time of need. Desperate for a more intimate connection, David upgrades his app to a lifelike android named Sara. Feeling that his new AI companion is a bit too robotic, he changes the safety protocols to allow for a more human connection, with inevitably dire consequences, as Sara becomes both increasingly independent in the real world and super-possessive of David. Killer fembots are nothing new in films. From The Stepford Wives to Ex Machina, and Terminator 3 to this year’s Companion, they continue to be a source of inspiration for filmmakers. Soulm8te offers very little new to add to the library of beautiful but dangerous androids, but it’s well-made, has a committed central performance from the striking Lily Sullivan (Evil Dead Rise) as Sara, and features a memorable kill that will have all the men wincing in their seats. A fun time.

Digger

I recently read the book Box Office Poison, a history of Hollywood’s biggest flops in the 20th century. Well, if they write a followup book, consider Digger well and truly added to the list. At the time of writing, Tom Cruise’s misjudged vanity project has earned a paltry $35 million globally against a budget of $160 million, with marketing costs on top of that. All in all, Warner Bros. is poised to lose upwards of $250 million. Although some are sounding the alarm, none of this should come as a surprise. The film was a hard sell to the general audience. Tom Cruise in heavy prosthetics. A story marketed as a zany comedy about a man-made ecological disaster. And a half-dead-looking animatronic cat hardly had the tills ringing with pre-bookings. The film just looked odd, and the reason it does was hidden from audiences until they went to see it. It turns out the reason it’s all so wacky is that we’re watching a rehearsal for a stage production called Fossil Fools, a satirical comedy about ‘real-life’ events that destroyed the planet. Now, in the future, people live in a flooded city caused by events playing out in the production. Once you get your head around it, it goes from being frankly annoying to a thought-provoking comedy-drama that mostly pulls it all together in the last third. But it takes patience, and it’s not the type of film to spend this kind of budget on. It’s a niche arthouse film masquerading as a starstudded tentpole for Tom Cruise, clearly banking on awards, which, despite a full-throttle performance, he isn’t going to win. Page 44

The Uprising The rich elites are screwing over the poor. Our personal information is being stored in data centres. Religious leaders are committing atrocities in the name of God, and the sense of social inequality is pushing everyone to breaking point. No, it’s not 2026, but 14thcentury England, and the peasants are revolting. England struggles to balance the books after the plague has wiped out half the population, and rather than have the top 1% pay their dues, the King’s advisers decide to increase taxes on the common people yet again. For Andrew Garfield’s stoic ‘ploughman’, enough is enough. And so begins the Peasants’ Revolt of 1381 (originating in Brentwood, no less): a huge march on London, the sacking of the Savoy Palace, the burning of personal records and the storming of the Tower of London. Despite being based on true events from around 600 years ago, it feels relevant today, like a dark mirror reflecting modern times. Director Paul Greengrass brings his usual kinetic style and sense of urgency to create a thrilling, visceral depiction of a bloody and violent incident in history, brought to life on the big screen in spectacular fashion. If you know the truth, it doesn’t have a happy ending. But Hollywood being Hollywood can’t resist shoehorning one in, so we get an implied origin story for Robin Hood tacked on at the end. It doesn’t spoil the movie, though, which is a must-watch in my book.

Other Mommy The core concept of Other Mommy is not a bad one. A young child called Bela seems to have a perfect, loving family. But not all is as it seems, as there is clearly a strained relationship between her parents. You don’t have to be Inspector Morse to work out that Jessica Chastain (who plays dual roles as both Bela’s Mommy and Other Mommy) is having an affair, while her cuckolded husband mopes around trying to ignore it.

It is also revealed that Mommy (as that is the only name she goes by) doesn’t have much love for Bela and regrets having children, and that Bela’s dad, or ‘Daddio’ as he is called, isn’t even her real father. It’s a lot for a child to bear, and so ‘Other Mommy’, a demon that takes the appearance of anyone it wants to but mainly resembles Jessica Chastain with a maniacal grin, visits Bela and tries to convince her that she will only receive love by letting it into her heart. What could have been an interesting story about a child dealing with a false sense of security and feelings of abandonment, which manifest as an evil spirit in her life, quickly falls into the most dumbfoundingly stupid horror tropes imaginable. There’s no subtlety here; it’s just jumpy-jumpy, bangybangy horror of the worst kind, meaning it fails at its main job: to be scary. Jessica Chastain is clearly just here for a payday, pulling one silly face after another as ‘Other Mommy’. The

story lurches from one set piece to another with little coherence or character development, and overall, it’s a massive disappointment from director Rob Savage, who impressed so much with his debut lockdown chiller, Host. Do yourself a favour and see any ‘other’ film than this one.

Street Fighter If you don’t know your Spinning Bird Kick from your Sonic Boom, this is not the film for you. But it may not be a film for anyone else either.

The original Street Fighter arcade game came out way back in 1987 and wasn’t well received at the time. But when 1991’s seminal Street Fighter II came out, it changed gaming forever. It was, and remains, one of the greatest video games of all time, spawning multiple sequels and spin-offs and establishing a firm fan base globally. In 1994, Universal attempted a live-action film of the game, with Jean-Claude Van Damme in the lead and a guest appearance from diminutive pop princess Kylie Minogue as secret agent Cammy. It was complete rubbish, and an even worse movie focusing on fanfavourite Chun-Li several years later seemed to drive the proverbial final nail into the coffin of this film franchise. But here we are, ready for another round of outlandish characters beating seven shades out of each other. It’s a slight step up from the original two films, but with the bar set so low, that’s not exactly difficult. I’ll dispense with the plot, as there really isn’t one, and that’s the problem. The game’s characters are mostly accurate. It has the music, the moves and even references Chun-Li’s famous thighs. But narratively, it’s all over the place. I had no idea what was going on at times, and really, isn’t all we want to see an actual fighting tournament? We do, kind of, get that later. But even that is botched by having some fights inexplicably take place off-camera. I really wanted to enjoy this movie, and there were a few moments that worked, but far more that didn’t, including an over-reliance on animated flashbacks that jarred with the live action. Street Fighter has all the ingredients to be faithful to the franchise, but has no idea what to do with them, resulting in a mess of a movie. Over the Edge 07803 422808

to have his embarrassing moments forgotten. At some point when he is about fourteen, his nan or one of his aunties or uncles will bring out their phone. They will sift through a couple of million photos and videos; that’s how many there will be given the rate we are accumulating them, and drop an embarrassment Abomb!

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On the Record

It is edging (no pun intended) toward midOctober, the print deadline looms, and I need to deliver into Deaks. Last month I was wrongly outed on the submission list email as a laggard. Oh, the shame; it was only a campaign by one of my fellow contributors along the lines of ‘Justice for the Notley One’ that corrected this injustice amongst us contributors. But the digital record remains; no negatives or pictures to destroy, it’s out there in the digital ether. Motty was at one point identified as a laggard. I was told by a lawyer at business school that there is no such thing as “off the record”. It was whilst watching my grandson being cute - he is cute and as any grandparent will testify about their grandchildren - that I had a sad thought. There was much recording on phones of our little man and his actions. That record is there now forever in some form; he has no right https://www.overtheedgemag.co.uk

I started to think this through as I write this November article. We are entering the embarrassment period; it may well be called Autumn, but it’s the gateway to the most high-risk period of the year for embarrassment potential. This new season kicks off with Halloween (examined in Edge’s passim) and a dressing up opportunity. A decent chance for childhood adventures to be captured for later use by parents in revenge on teenagers wishing to be cool. This moves into firework night and chances for lots of pictures of your child self, screaming at the fireworks your parents have paid a fortune to see or purchase.

Adults are not free from ‘on the record’ and being reminded of unwise decisions and iffy behaviour. Most likely though adults will have the added embarrassment multiplier of alcohol, that most deadly ingredient of all when it comes to seasonal embarrassment. As you read this article, it will of course be November, Guy Fawkes night disappearing quicker than a five quid firework and Christmas preparations starting proper. That means that for many, by the time you get your teeth into the December article, another preparation and important date in the seasonal calendar will be looming. The ‘works do’ or office party or office Christmas big night out. Now, in my forty-eight years at work, I have been a casualty of many a good night. My first ever staff party when I was a mere sixteen saw me leave the party at The Great Eastern Hotel (a flea pit back in 1977), board my train to Harold Wood only to travel to Southend, back to London and back to Harold Wood again. A kind soul who knew me got me off at Harold Wood and put me in a taxi home. Various occurrences of this sort occurred over the years, but that’s another chapter. The office party pre proper behaviour in the workplace was a riotous and dangerous affair! Now before the post bag explodes, the 1970s and 1980s were a different time, not necessarily better in certain aspects, but different. The office wallflower would burst forth with a couple of sherries on board, and the seasonal drinker would get a couple of shandies under their belt and let their hair down. For many, it was the only thing their company gave them back apart from wages. People ‘went for it’.

camera, no best mate’s phone recording. I can let the story die if I so desire; many from that period who could ‘dob me in’ are no longer with us! Under UK law, you have a right to be forgotten or “right to erasure” on all sorts of fronts within certain parameters. We can ask that large organisations delete personal data, although they can refuse, but we can ask. Just imagine asking your best mate Degsy to delete his mobile phone footage of you drunkenly recreating, for the head of HR, your favourite rugby club game involving dropped trousers and a burning copy of the FT! “No chance”, he would cry, “you wait till the lads see this!” I feel sorry for people now as nothing is off-limits and unlikely to be recorded by someone. Gone are the days of perhaps some grainy pictures that will fade over time, the embarrassment attached fading in tandem with the images. I remember now, sixty years on, the humiliation of being dressed as a bird in some infant school Christmas production. I know a picture exists somewhere, but it’s thankfully fading away fast in a vault somewhere. I don’t even want to think about pictures of my abject failure in the 1974 intercounty schools’ cross-country hopping race.

Even at home, as the goodwill party season But, dear readers, there was one key difference comes crashing towards us, digital records will compared to now. The stories of the party would be created that will be on the record forever, no be rife the next week or so; they may have lived longer a wild story but a full HD recording of it on like some kind of urban legend, but that was all. The law provides a right to be forgotten, but largely it. Nowadays anybody careering around as far as your mates and relatives go, you have the dancefloor with a tie on their head bandana no chance! style and a pot plant under the other arm would be filmed by fifty people at the same time. If you are going to do anything reckless or The Edge 320moments, new_The Another of my finest whenEdge I passed172.qxd 17/02/2025 18:46 Page 29 remotely embarrassing, do it in style so at least out in the entrance to the London commodity you will be captured in your best glory! trading exchange, overcome and overwhelmed by the finest vintage port, just as a party of Yours aye, visiting schoolchildren arrived, was not filmed by anybody. It may live on as an apocryphal story, gaining more embellishments the more I CHOOSE to tell the story the older I get, but no absolute record exists, no CCTV, no doorman Page 45

THE HAVES AND THE HAVE-NOTS I start this month’s column with a quote from my Sunday School teacher: “He who hath shall have in abundance, but he who hath not, even that which he hath shall be taken away.” Gosh, in modern times, with the cost of living – right now, at this rate, none of us will have anything left to be taken away. But it dawned on me this month just how thin the dividing line is between the haves and the have-nots. I travelled to see family last month, and nothing brings the British class system home quite like travelling by aeroplane. Because all that divides business class from the have-nots is a flimsy curtain. That’s it. A curtain. Not a brick wall. Not an electric fence. Not even a locked door. A bit of flimsy material that wouldn’t look out of place hanging in your Nan’s downstairs toilet. On one side, passengers are reclining in their seats, sipping champagne, contemplating a three-course à la carte menu, eating from china plates with proper cutlery and cotton napkins. On the other side, the have-nots are haggling over a £20 meal deal consisting of a toasted sandwich, a packet of crisps and a can of drink. And plastic cutlery. Presumably because the airline fears that if economy passengers were issued with stainless steel knives and forks, they’d rise up, rip down the curtain, storm business class and nick the warm bread rolls.

There’s something wonderfully civilised about sitting with a coffee, reading a newspaper and watching the world go by before your flight. But some people treat the complimentary buffet as though they’re preparing for a six-month expedition across the Antarctic.

there in their socks, clutching their trousers, looking as though they’re about to undergo an emergency operation. Meanwhile, I’m behind them desperately trying to remember whether I’ve got a forgotten bottle of water in my handbag.

I watched one gentleman who had arrived in a wheelchair suddenly become remarkably energetic when he spotted the breakfast buffet. Up he got, weaving between tables, collecting pastries, crisps and cans of drink with the determination of a contestant on Supermarket Sweep. His flight bag was being filled like a Christmas stocking. Then, having completed his expedition, he returned to his wheelchair to be taken to the aircraft.

Then there’s the security officer who announces, “Any liquids?” And everyone suddenly looks guilty. You’d think we’d been asked whether we were smuggling diamonds out of Antwerp.

Now, before anyone writes in, I know perfectly well that many disabilities are invisible, people can have limited mobility and still walk, and airport assistance is invaluable to those who need it, and they most certainly deserve it because travel is not for the faint-hearted. But the sight of a man attempting to conceal enough complimentary crisps to open a corner shop was extraordinary. As he rushed around like a man possessed. I half expected Dale Winton to appear shouting, “YOU’VE GOT THIRTY SECONDS LEFT!” And it’s not just the lounges. Airports bring out a side of humanity you simply don’t see anywhere else. Take airport security. You spend twenty minutes queuing behind someone who has apparently never heard of an airport before. Then, when they finally reach the security trays, they look astonished.

A woman in front of me once started rummaging through her handbag and produced enough cosmetics to stock the ground floor of Selfridges. Lip glosses, moisturisers, perfumes, foundations, serums. The security officer looked at her. She looked at him. Neither spoke. It was like a Mexican standoff involving Estée Lauder. And why do airports make perfectly sensible adults lose all concept of time? At home, I wouldn’t dream of drinking Champagne at nine in the morning. At an airport, someone announces that the bar is open, and suddenly we’re all on holiday. “Champagne?” “Well, it is 7.45.” “Exactly. We’re running late.” Then there’s duty-free shopping. A magical place where people convince themselves they’re saving money by spending £180 on perfume they didn’t need when they left home. “It’s twenty pounds cheaper than the high street!” Yes, but you weren’t going to buy it on the high street, were you?

“My shoes?” Possibly.

And there’s always a man buying a litre of whisky at seven in the morning because apparently, it’s an absolute bargain. By the time he’s boarded the aircraft, he’s carrying three bottles, two Toblerones and a giant bag of sweets. He went to Spain for a week and appears to be provisioning a lifeboat.

By the time they’ve finished, they’re standing

Then comes boarding.

“Take my belt off?” Yes. “My watch?” Yes. “My laptop?” Yes.

It’s hilarious. And what makes it even funnier is that we’re all going to exactly the same place. The plane isn’t landing the business-class passengers in Monaco and dropping the rest off in Basildon. Yet somehow, by moving twelve rows forward, you’ve entered a different social class. In business class, the cabin crew ask, “Would Madam care for another glass of Champagne?” How about a pick of the Lindor Chocolates from the basket they hand round, smiling? In economy, it’s, “Card payments only, please. We’re out of sandwiches.” And there’s always someone who has paid for business class but still wants to know if the crisps are complimentary. Money doesn’t necessarily buy class. Sometimes it just buys you a bigger seat in which to behave badly. But the funniest place of all has to be the airport lounge. Now, I love an airport lounge. Page 46

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WHY NOT CONTACT A LOCAL TRADESMAN YOU’VE SEEN IN OVER THE EDGE? The announcement is perfectly clear. “We will now begin boarding passengers in Group One.” Immediately, 200 people stand up. Groups Two, Three, Four and Five all surge forward. One woman has her boarding pass held aloft like the Olympic torch. A man with a rucksack the size of a garden shed is attempting to squeeze through a gap between two families. Someone shouts, “WE’RE GROUP FOUR!” Nobody cares. It’s the last helicopter out of Saigon. And why? WE’VE ALL GOT ALLOCATED SEATS! The plane isn’t going to leave without you because Brenda from Chelmsford got through the gate first. And then there’s the overhead locker. Possibly the last remaining territory on Earth where grown adults will fight over eighteen inches of space. A woman places her handbag, coat, shopping bag and enormous straw hat in the locker. A man behind her asks whether she could possibly move something. She looks at him as though he’s requested one of her kidneys. “I NEED THOSE THINGS.” Yes, dear, but so does everyone else. Then comes the great armrest dispute. Three seats. Four armrests. And apparently no international treaty governing ownership. The person in the middle seat has drawn the https://www.overtheedgemag.co.uk

short straw. They’ve got neither a window nor an aisle, and they’re wedged between two strangers. Surely, they deserve both armrests? Not according to the man beside them, who’s claimed the entire thing before take-off and is now spreading himself across two postcodes. And there’s always someone who takes their shoes off. Why? You’re on an aeroplane, not in your living room. Nobody wants to spend three hours sitting beside your stinky feet. Then, just when you think the madness is over, the aircraft lands. The wheels have barely touched the runway. We’re still travelling at approximately 100 miles an hour. PING! The seatbelt sign goes off. And half the aircraft leaps to its feet. People are standing in the aisle, bent double beneath the overhead lockers, wrestling suitcases from compartments while the doors remain firmly closed. Where are they going? The pilot hasn’t even switched the engines off. A man in row 27 is attempting to climb over a woman in row 26 because he believes getting off thirty seconds earlier will somehow change the course of his life. Meanwhile, the businessclass passengers are calmly collecting their belongings. The curtain has been pulled back. For one glorious moment, the haves and havenots are reunited. And what happens? We all end up standing together in the same queue at passport control. Then we stand around the same baggage carousel watching a succession of identical black suitcases go round and round. The man who spent the flight drinking champagne is standing

beside the woman who paid £20 for a sandwich. Nobody is reclining. Nobody is being offered warm bread rolls. And nobody knows where their luggage is. Suddenly, the class system has collapsed. We’re all equal. Until someone announces that the priority luggage has arrived. And there, sailing majestically around the carousel, comes a designer suitcase belonging to someone from business class. Naturally. Mine is probably still in Heathrow. So perhaps my Sunday School teacher was right after all. Those who have shall have in abundance. Those who have not shall have even less. But after a few hours travelling through an airport, I think I’ve discovered one thing that unites us all. Whether you’ve paid £5,000 for your ticket or £50, whether you’ve eaten smoked salmon or a packet of cheese-and-onion crisps, whether you’ve travelled in luxury or spent three hours with somebody’s elbow in your ribs... WE ALL JUST WANT TO GET HOME WITHOUT LOSING OUR LUGGAGE. And preferably without having to pay £8 for a bottle of water. Mind you, my Sunday School teacher also used to say: “God helps those who help themselves.” Although I’m fairly certain she wasn’t referring to helping yourself to forty packets of crisps from an airport lounge. CAN I GET AN AMEN TO THAT?

Totally Tracie X Page 47

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