VULKAN Awakening - Spring 24 (ABRA cover)

VULKAN Spring 2024

ABRA

Awakening Photographed by Savanna Ruedy

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06 Letter From The Editor

08 AWAKENING

Katty Ukhanova Colleen Cole & Jayla Ford Photographed by Fiorella Occhipinti

30 Awakening Letter by Isabela Costa

32 ABRA 56 LAUREN RUTH WARD 70 SHATTERED ILLUSIONS 80 Vulkan Focus DAPHNE BLUNT 90 NISKA 102 VULKAN Eruption

130 ISABELLA LALONDE 142 Ruby Raphsody 156 Lettre D'Amour

Legacy of a Sculpted Poet

160 LITERARY PAUSE

to the knives i have known by Solomon Joy Leone

Hailey Dahl Kara Jackson

108 CAYLEE COWAN 122 Vulkan Focus TYLER SANTANGELO

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Welcome to the latest issue of VULKAN, titled "Awakening."

In today's world, where uncertainty and doubt often overshadow the beauty and potential for growth that surrounds us, it's all too easy to lose sight of what truly matters. We find ourselves bombarded with messages of fear and division, as major outlets amplify the noise of chaos and confusion.

Yet, amidst this cacophony, there exists a quiet but potent force—an energy driven by the creative spirit of artists and visionaries. They courageously challenge the status quo, question norms, and illuminate the beauty and complexity of the human experience through their art.

Their creations offer us a glimpse into the rich tapestry of emotions, experiences, and perspectives that shape our world.

During these times, we must heed the wisdom of those who swim against the current, who rise above the surface to seek truth, authenticity, and connection. They are the ones reminding us that change is not to be feared but embraced, as it is an inherent part of our individual and collective evolution as a global society This issue serves as a celebration of the myriad ways in which awakening can manifest in our lives. We invite you to cultivate the power of self-awareness, mindfulness, and inner reflection as tools for overcoming adversity, embracing change, and nurturing a deeper sense of purpose available to all, equally.

A special thank you goes out to all of our dedicated teams who poured their creativity and passion into bringing this issue to fruition. A heartfelt thank you also goes to Isabela Costa for her invaluable contribution in bringing the vision of "Awakening" to life.

Her talent, insight, and dedication have enriched this edition in profound ways.

We are grateful for her remarkable contribution to our publication.

Stéphane Marquet Editor In Chief

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Colleen + Jayla + Katty Full Look ATELIER CILLIAN @ateliercillian Earrings BURKINABAE @burkinabae Hair Bow ADIBA @adiba.official

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Katty Ukhanova @kattyukhanova Colleen Cole @colleencoleofficial Jayla Ford @itsjaylaford @wilhelminaLosAngeles Photography Fiorella Occhipinti @fiorella_occhipinti Assistant Photography Andres Melo @melosaurus Styling + Fashion Director Michael Fusco @mikeystyles MakeUp Artist Luis Casco @luiscascomakeup for Cloutier Remix Hair Stylist Louise Moon @louisemoonhair for Cloutier Remix Producer + Creative Direction Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Location + Production Maison Privée BELLO Media Group Studios LA

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Dress ADIBA @adiba.official Pants CHARLES & RON @charlesandron Shoes SYLVEN NYC @sylvennewyork

Awakening might be a slow transition between a dreamspace and the raw reality imposed upon us once we open our eyes. It is our constant desire to insert the poetry of our sleeping fantasies into the material space. The result is a life curated by personal reverie and the expectations that this attitude could bring to the collective.

Awakening is an unstoppable enthusiasm for more that subverts the idealistic romance from a classic spectrum. In this VULKAN issue, you are invited to dive into this concept through fashion,

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photography and insightful written pieces. In this cover, models Katty Ukhanova, Colleen Cole and Jayla Ford embody the birth of art. Among many possible interpretations, for us, art is born once a woman leaves paradise. This revelation flirts with Lilith’s myth, Ana Mendieta’s visceral artwork or Isadora Duncan’s mesmerizing choreography.

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Dress HASSIDRISS @hassidrissofficial Headpiece ADOLFO SANCHEZ @asanchezfashion

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Top CHARLES & RON @charlesandron Skirt JOANNA HADFIELD @joannahadfield Earrings CHARLIE LAPSON @charlielapson Shoes A PERFECT JANE @aperfectjane

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Jumpsuit FORMIDABLE @formidable_bymina Cape VERDAVAINNE @verdavainneofficial Earrings ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA B. @atranova_by_sheilab Boots JONAK Paris @jonak

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Cape VERDAVAINNE @verdavainneofficial Earrings ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA B. @atranova_by_sheilab 19

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Top CHARLES & RON @charlesandron Skirt JOANNA HADFIELD @joannahadfield Earrings CHARLIE LAPSON @charlielapson

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I’ve decided that every single day is somehow related to the dream space dominating our minds before we open our eyes in the morning.

Dreams don’t come with the regulations and impositions of reality; their laws are based on our hidden desires or avoided matters.

Their messy and puzzling nature survives the limitations of time and space. As soon as we open our eyes, we are invited to piece together the fragments using our intuition or a sixth sense. Recently, I’ve caught myself lost in this task only to find out that I won’t make any sense out of it. So, I had an obvious insight: logic shouldn’t be the goal. Often, knowledge doesn’t have a comfortable start. It is constituted from striking new information that culminates in a new understanding or opinion of everything we learned and unconsciously absorbed.

Awakening is the curious and brave step outside the invisible borders built to limit our minds and impose a life direction upon us. It is realizing that we accept rules and concepts without previous contemplation. Awakening might start in a personal dream space, but the result is inherently attached to the collective.

We are organisms in the middle of millions and millions of living forms, transforming and revealing a new dimension every day. By waking up to our visions, we break structures and build new shapes. We are less and less worried about the material sphere and we discover that reality is designed by the mind. Awakening is full of contradictions: rupture and construction, rage and romance. The ultimate goal is poetry converging with protest.

In this VULKAN issue, you are invited to dive into this concept through fashion, photography, and insightful written pieces. The models Katty Ukhanova, Colleen Cole, and Jayla Ford embody the birth of art, which for us started

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once a woman left paradise. This revelation flirts with Lilith’s myth, Ana Mendieta’s craft, or Isadora Duncan’s choreography. We leave the universe of Eden and nymphs to visit the other side of paradise, as Lauren Ruth Ward guides us through Sunset Strip’s Rock ‘n Roll Golden Age. Lauren reshapes the maledominated counterculture movement, and the result is refreshing and cool. Abra takes us to the Y2K Los Angeles, where everyone is the main character and fashion choices remain bold until today. It gives us old-school Aaliyah and what The Idol could be if a woman led the show. With a little jetlag, we can follow the acclaimed French rapper Niska through the streets of Paris. Distinct and unique fashion choices are part of this story, in which the body overcomes the environment as the artist takes over the European city. Finally, we are back in Los Angeles for a post-party introspection with Caylee Cowan. Delicate and personal are the words used to describe the actor’s editorial. It is a morning of self-reflection and meditation.

Our vision for this issue was also possible with featured guests such as Isabella Lalonde, Daphne Blunt, Jasmine Dampier, and Tyler Santangelo. Vulkan Awakening inaugurates our first Literary Pause with a visceral piece by author Solomon Joy Leone. We also invited writer Elio Christos for our first Lettre D’ Amour and notable musicians Haley Dahl and Kara Jackson for our VULKAN ERUPTION Q & A. It is our pleasure to invite you into a new shape, atmosphere, and dimension of a magazine that just lived an awakening process.

Isabela Costa Guest Editor

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ABRA Abra @darkwaveduchess Photography Savanna Ruedy @savannarruedy Styling Nzinga Watts-Harper @nzingawattsharper MakeUp Ghost Artistry @ghost_artistry_ Hair Coree Moreno @theonlycm123 Production + Creative Direction Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Article by Maxen Olvera @maxo_4203 Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Landscape Photography by Stéphane Marquet @alekandsteph Production + Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la

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Dress + Boots D IESEL @diesel Eyewear AKILA Bracelets/Cuffs: @akila.la Rings ARIANA BOUS NEVER NOT @ SARD RIEFEL never_not Earrin @arianaboussard g: ZENA @zena riefel _nao

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Top WITH JEAN @withjean Thong I.AM.GIA @iamgia Denim BOY LONDON @boylondon Bracelet: ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Rings RARE ROMANCE @rareromance Earring ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BONNIE CLYDE @bonnieclyde

Earring ZENA @zena_nao Dress + Boots DIESEL @diesel Eyewear AKILA @akila.la Rings NEVER NOT @never_not Bracelets/Cuffs ARIANA BOUSSARD RIEFEL @arianaboussardriefel

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Top WITH JEAN @withjean Thong I.AM.GIA @iamgia Denim BOY LONDON @boylondon Bracelet: ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Rings RARE ROMANCE @rareromance Earring ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BONNIE CLYDE @bonnieclyde Bag PRIVATE POLICY @privatepolicyny

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Top WITH JEAN @withjean Thong I.AM.GIA @iamgia Denim BOY LONDON @boylondon Bracelet: ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Rings RARE ROMANCE @rareromance Earring ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BONNIE CLYDE @bonnieclyde Bag PRIVATE POLICY @privatepolicyny Shoe SIMON MILLER @simonmillerus

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Jacket I.AM.GIA @iamgia Chain link Bra HONEY BIRDETTE @honeybirdette Denim Jorts BOY LONDON @boylondon Boots DR. MARTENS @drmartensofficial Gloves UNCUFFED LEATHER @uncuffedleather Ring ARIANA BOUSSARD RIEFEL @arianaboussardriefel Earrings ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BIG HORN @bighornrhino

, Echoes of the Future Abra s Musical Odyssey Artcile by Maxen Olvera and Isabela Costa

The music you choose everyday to commute between home and work creates an extraordinary form of trust between you and the artist. The more you listen, the closer you feel to this creative who is, in fact, a stranger. The illusion of proximity is exactly where the room for interpretation lives. If your commute artist is Abra, the room for interpretation could be attached to her introspective confidence. The silent and gentle self assurance that Abra reveals immediately caught my attention during the photoshoot. Gabrielle Olivia Mirville comes across as the kind of person who leaves questions unanswered for the sake of mystery or simply self-preservation. Still, among all the unanswered questions there is a clear truth: Abra is a mystical music artist who will change every aspect of music-making and a visionary with music that can take listeners toward the stratosphere.

as the record label wanted a rapper to hop on that space. Playboi Carti heard the song and loved it, so he immediately took a stab at the second verse and killed it. The 2021 song hit is still praised in an industry that pushes new musical trends in a blink of an eye. The song “fruit” has a similar enthusiastic reception. It is always included in their setlist, something that could feel repetitive for the performer. Abra has a love/ hate relationship with this track, but can’t escape the amazing sensation whenever the audience sings along.

For their latest single called “Gold on Me”, Abra collaborated with Groupthink to bring an out-of-thisworld listening experience. The piece sounds like a track from the year 3003, with its futuristic beat surrounded by Abra’s heavenly voice. Released in February, the track is Abra’s single after a long time and the artist recognizes the increased expectation of their fanbase. For Abra, creative breaks are designed to recharge artists and their result is beneficial to longevity as well as spark of creativity. I personally appreciate Abra’s point of view on that matter. It is important to normalize breaks as an act of respect for artists spending energy and care on their practice. The fast pace of the industry and desire to generate capital can’t dictate the minds of creatives.

In their perspective, “awakening” is a deep word that packs a heavy spiritual meaning to it and everyone runs through the stages of awakening constantly in a lifetime.

For Abra, humans are always changing throughout their lives and you must trust the process in order to successfully live your life. I believe that this panorama is somehow connected to the musician's style, which they describe as neat, spacey and futuristic. In fact, they are still figuring it out with a certain nostalgia for In a reflection on the current music market, Abra points something new. out the lack of urgency to make something different or unique. However, the singer shows admiration for the Crafting music from a very young age and constantly music scene in 2015, in which artists weren’t afraid to surrounded by music in their upbringing, Abra take risks with their work. They described that moment developed a unique sound that could astound audiences as experimental and unpredictable; people were worldwide. Child of missionary parents, Abra’s first making music and working hard to create something music-induced experience was in the church built by completely new. Abra’s desire for innovation could be them in London. After their family found a home in the related to a musical taste that navigates many genres. heart of Atlanta, Abra’s first music studio was designed Some bands that inspire Abra are Bee Gees, Nirvana in their house. For the singer, Atlanta doesn’t inspire and Slipknot. There is also a place for pop music, pressure on them to make music. Making music there especially Rihanna and Britney Spears. was a fun experience, helping them to exercise their creative muscles. When comparing Atlanta and Los Abra plans to venture further into the musical ethos.

Angeles, Abra points out the sense of community as At the end of the day, anything and everything inspires a main difference. The competition in Los Angeles them to make music. They go through life with an open culminates in a hyper fixation on work, while Atlanta mind , picking up little things and building a creative inspires a team effort. monument off of them. Abra wants to make music with a plot twist: the listener should feel like they are on a The teamwork ethics cultivated in Atlanta along with psychedelic journey or heart pounding rollercoaster.

Abra’s distinctive sound - which combines angelic vocals with euphoric musical compositions - led the singer into collaborations with a vast number of music artists, from Bad Bunny to Playboi Carti. Abra wrote “Unlock It” leaving room for a possible second verse,

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Shoes FEMME LA @femme_la Top + Skirt SAMI MIRO VINTAGE @samimirovintage Gloves UNCUFFED LEATHER @uncuffedleather Rings + Earrings ARIANA BOUSSARD RIEFEL @arianaboussardriefel Eyewear BIG HORN @bighornrhinov Necklace PRIVATE POLICY @privatepolicyny

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Jacket I.AM.GIA @iamgia Chain link Bra HONEY BIRDETTE @honeybirdette Denim Jorts BOY LONDON @boylondon Boots DR. MARTENS @drmartensofficial Gloves UNCUFFED LEATHER @uncuffedleather Ring ARIANA BOUSSARD RIEFEL @arianaboussardriefel Earrings ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BIG HORN @bighornrhino

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Shoes FEMME LA @femme_la Top + Skirt SAMI MIRO VINTAGE @samimirovintage Gloves UNCUFFED LEATHER @uncuffedleather Rings + Earrings ARIANA BOUSSARD RIEFEL @arianaboussardriefel Eyewear BIG HORN @bighornrhinov Necklace PRIVATE POLICY @privatepolicyny

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Top WITH JEAN @withjean Thong I.AM.GIA @iamgia Denim BOY LONDON @boylondon Bracelet: ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Rings RARE ROMANCE @rareromance Earring ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BONNIE CLYDE @bonnieclyde Bag PRIVATE POLICY @privatepolicyny Shoe SIMON MILLER @simonmillerus

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Jacket I.AM.GIA @iamgia Chain link Bra HONEY BIRDETTE @honeybirdette Denim Jorts BOY LONDON @boylondon Gloves UNCUFFED LEATHER @uncuffedleather Ring ARIANA BOUSSARD RIEFEL @arianaboussardriefel Earrings ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Eyewear BIG HORN @bighornrhino

rdriefel a s s u e o g b a a t irovin @arian m i L E m F a s E I @ R SSARD VINTAGE U O O B R I A M N I s ARIA rt SAM i g k n i S r r + a p E o licyny la T gs + o _ n p i e e R t m a r m v e i e h r f t ICY @p ffedlea E LA @ L u M c O n P M u E E @ F T s A R Shoe ce PRIV LEATHE a l k D c E e F N F v U NC rnrhino o h g i Gloves U b @ HORN G I B r a e Eyew

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Lauren Ruth Ward @laurenruthward Photography Jen Rosenstein @jenrosenstein Styling Marisa Espinoza @mars.attks Beauty Amanda Thorsson @thorssonamanda Production + Creative Direction Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Interview Collaboration between Maxen Olvera @maxo_4203 and Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Production _ Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la

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Self Love & Authentic Connection A Vulkan conversation with Lauren Ruth Ward Intro by Isabela Costa Questions by Maxen Olvera and Isabela Costa

“It’s me, in the minivan!” chanted the sound of Lauren’s voice, as I tried to find her on Sunset Blvd. for our photoshoot. That quick moment made me laugh, because it already defined someone super unpretentious and spontaneous. During the interview, Lauren described herself as a semi independent artist. She explained to me during the set how she, as a musician, navigates the current music industry. I could sense the complex mixture of nostalgia for the way music was distributed back then and also an excitement for its future. Lauren’s enthusiasm seems tightly attached to her respect and love for her fans. Recently, she shared a video entirely spoken in Spanish for her community of admirers in Latin America. Lauren was even somewhat apologetic about possible mistakes in the language. My only reaction as a Brazilian consumer of foreign music is to praise her for creating an atmosphere of intimacy with her fanbase that clearly comes out of care and affection.

VULKAN’s interview with Lauren navigates many subjects such as music, fashion and creative direction.

In some way all the answers came back to her innate desire to express herself: “I acted as I did, because it is who I am and that is my ‘religion’: authenticity”. You will find this quote in Lauren’s answer about her comfort level with nudity and her body. I cried in the photoshoot, something that never happened before.

I cried, because 15-year old me, who was listening to rock music in her bedroom, witnessed the rockstar attitude that inspired her to carry on and become an adult. The fashion story with Lauren was based in the Sunset Strip Golden Age. This praised moment in history channels the soul of counter culture in rock music, which is embodied easily by Lauren. However, her portrait of this time is even better, because now we have space to demystify the male legends belonging to that period and understand the humanity and creative energy expressed by girls, perceived only as groupies. Lauren probably has a nostalgic soul, but I can also say that she is the future.

Recently, Lauren Ruth Ward gifted us with the EP titled “SELF ELECTRIC”. The piece balances vulnerability and acoustic subtleness of songs such as “Babysitter” with the thrilling feeling of a rock anthem like “Heaven Electric”. The melodic start of “This is What I get” keeps building up to the point you need to stand up and move freely with your own personal choreography. The first track to be released is “SELF LOVE”, which transported me back to my pop punk era in the 2000s. Elegant and catchy, it has the best of both worlds. You can’t help it but repeat the spell within the title words with Lauren. I suggest you stream the EP as you dive into Lauren’s brilliant and honest responses.

I am really moved by your involvement in fashion and in every creative decision during our collaboration. How has that desire to participate in multiple areas manifested in your experience as an independent artist surviving in the music industry? Thank you. And thank you for allowing me to have an integral say in the looks for the shoot. It truly made me feel so comfortable. I've known for a long time, since I was little, that in all things I do I must be able to express myself. I think my desire to use my voice, wear colors / textures based on my mood

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and my thoughts. Those actions came first. Being a musician, or a stylist are the results of that desire.

We talked briefly about the freedom artists used to have up until the 1990s in comparison to nowadays. Could you expand on that subject? There are pros and pros. Right now, as I am preparing for a tour as a semi-diy artist, I know that I am begging via email and IG dm for many of these venues to pretty please share any of the photo/flyer/video content I made as a promotion. That falling 99% on the artist

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sucks. I've read in autobiographies and seen in documentaries that it didn't use to be that way. However, the accessibility granted between myself and my fans all over the world is a 2024 privilege I do not take lightly. I'm grateful for it daily.

It is the only thing I do on the apps, chat, reply, connect with them. I think it's just about shaking hands with reality, not romanticizing ‘how easy it used to be for artists’, and finding authentic ways to use the tools that exist in this moment.

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How would you describe your personal style? Is there a difference between your on-stage persona and off-stage? Personal style is a mixture of sentimentality, loving the planet, and emotion - how I feel in the clothing and the energy the clothing gives to me. This criteria is the same on stage and off stage. I ask myself, how do I want to feel? and how am I feeling?

How much involvement do you have in the music video creative process?

From beginning to end depending on the collaborator / music video. some videos i've directed, acted in, budgeted, and fully produced (wardrobe, HMU, talent hire, crafty, set design). other music videos i've outsourced mega talent for some of the above. but i'm always touching base re: the vision from concept to final edit.

I was really inspired by your adjustment of the editorial looks to fit your personality. The result was a brilliant juxtaposition of a vintage Zappa shirt over a glamorous designer blouse. As a woman, we are expected to repress our opinions and accept situations that make us uncomfortable. You didn't seem influenced by this toxic imposition.

Where does that inspiring confidence to be vocal about your beliefs and desires come from? Was that always natural to you?

You put that sad truth beautifully. It has been a practice in patience for sure. I'm grateful, I've always had my voice. I've always felt the speak up part (for the most part). It's the packaging I've had to work on. I'm a bit of a word slut. I love choosing words wisely and in order to do that you must sit with your feelings to know your message. You and everyone at the shoot were so kind and calm, no patience were needed. I was grateful for the lengths everyone went to allow me to feel comfortable.

You seem to perceive your body as something natural or simply a part of human existence. Your position in this matter combined with Jen's talent and female gaze made the topless pictures artistic and incredibly powerful. What is the secret to avoid male fetish and keep the divine freedom created in a

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moment like that? There is no avoiding it, you cannot control another person's thoughts/biases. And I've taught myself that only I can give away my power to cheap minds. I choose not to. Some days are easier than others. (in photo shoots) I do what I do based on my sense of selfexpression, not to entertain any external elements. It is my choice to allow others to deter me from this mantra. I didn't choose my wardrobe or lack of because our AMAZING photographer Jen is a woman.

I acted as I did, because it is who I am and that is my “religion” : authenticity. In less favorable scenarios, where programmed male minds are present, I take whatever action is needed while avoiding anger. I love this quote .. “Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit. Externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection.” - Brené Brown.

We talked about the lovely video you made in Spanish for you Latin American fans. You seem to carry so much respect and love for everyone supporting your music. Could you talk a little bit about the relationship you have with your fans? It was me, my words and my guitar in my bedroom from 13 years old to 25. I will remember that feeling forever. It was not until I was 26 that I started performing and releasing music. I understood only a little bit about the job of being an artist vs. keeping my writing to myself and playing as a hobby. What I knew then and now is that there is no such career or doing this work without listeners. they are in fact everything. they're a part of every choice I make and aid in every intention I set.

What drives you to craft music and how this passion entered your life? So cheesy.. but it chose me! haha i didn't make this choice. I was suicidal as a tween. I needed an outlet. I saw all the emo dudes doing it in 2003 and said, maybe I can too? and that was that.

guitarist. or I'll fully flesh it out and coproduce with a producer. These days I've been enjoying bringing it to life with a guitarist. Lightfoot, Claire Morison, David Davis, Louie Diller, The Market Recording to name a few.

What does your song "Messiah" represent? A sexual awakening. removing guilt from pleasure. giving yourself permission to be fully human.

Are there any pieces of art that have transformed? Countless. I’d say the most imprinting artist I've come across is Vali Myers. she, her mind, essence, art work, words, are endless.

Do you have a favorite song to perform?

Right now it is a tune that is new, not out. it’s called PLZ NVR CONTACT ME AGAIN. i stole the line from someone who texted that to me after I showcased a sprinkling of my shadow side. though I was provoked by manipulative tactics, i do long to keep my side of the street clean, regardless of mantra interference. the song represents the gift i give myself, alchemy. i took someones painful truth about me, and i learned, made art, grew, and it also has an insane beat that makes me lose my shit on stage. hopefully ill be able to release it next.

How do you name your songs/albums?

I've never been asked this. Some names come quick, some need to cook. I feel like it happens out of the blue, like in the shower, or when I'm driving. My new EP “self electric” came from the first single “self love” and the last one “heaven electric”. sometimes i'll erase a space between words to keep it separate from songs with the same title ex. “pullstring” and “mindseye”.

How do you go about the composition side and songwriting process of your music? I usually start by writing alone on my acoustic guitar. Sometimes it starts with no melody, coming from a poem.

Then I bring the songs to a co-producer/

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Your cover of "Love Street" for Jim Morrision’s 75th birthday is incredible.

Would you ever devote an entire album to cover songs? How do you make a cover unique, especially in the case of pop culture canons such as "White Rabbit" (which by the way I also loved)? Thank you! “Happy Birthday, Jim '' was a fun album to make. It is a full album of the doors covers. I also did “Happy Birthday, Elliott” of E.Smith songs.

Both albums were created with Eduardo Rivera. to make it mine..hmm, I just sing the way I do. I feel lucky to have a raspy textured voice. I was made fun of for it when I was younger. I'm thankful for it, it helps me sound like Me and no one else.

What musicians or types of music inspire your musical trajectory? I can tell that you are also connected to other forms of art.

Has a film or painting ever inspired you to write a song? Everything inspires me in one way or another. The theme for this issue is "awakening", what does that word mean to you?

Our taming is deep seeded. I feel like every couple months - year I have an awakening.

While my mind is expanding, I still manage to put myself in boxes. the brainwashing of the binary, and all other invented social goals did its toll on us all. “awakening” means to think for yourself. “awakening” is to need no external power, but to be “self electric”.

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Has your music provided you with any form of awakening? I think it's the awakening that informs art. the music will always come out, i’ve created since i could move. but yeah, perhaps it's more of a figure 8 that feeds each other.

What do you hope to accomplish with your music? Authentic connection.

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Top OTT DUBAI @ottdubai Pants CHARLES & RON @charlesandron

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Photography Toma Kostygina @toma.kostygina Model Ganna Bogdan @ganna_bogdan @wilhelminamodels Makeup Vlada Kozachyshche @vladaae Styling + Prop Daniella Mangakis @daniellamangakis Art Department Set Designer Denis Nikolaev @dinikolaev Light Paula Andrea @soft_when_ripe Special Thanks Justin Bordeaux @justinbordeaux Kyle Makrauer @kyle_makrauer Corey Nickols @unicornfightclub

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Photography Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Photo/Creative Assistant Anna Dória @_______elcosmosyanna Styling Jenny Kim @jennynayoung MakeUp Hannah Jaclyn @hannahjaclynmakeup Hair Kristina The Glam Tech @theglamtech Production + Creative Director Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Interview Maxen Olvera @maxo_4203 & Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic production + Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la

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Skirt used as dress KAFTAN STUDIO @kaftanstudio Second layer skirt CHARLES & RON @charlesandron Shoes VINTAGE PRADA @prada Headband & Earrings ADIBA @adiba.official Bracelet CARTIER @cartier Necklace VAN CLEEF & ARPELS @vancleefarpels Ring ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab

Skirt used as dress KAFTAN STUDIO @kaftanstudio Second layer skirt CHARLES & RON @charlesandron Headband & Earrings ADIBA @adiba.official Bracelet CARTIER @cartier Necklace VAN CLEEF & ARPELS @vancleefarpels Ring ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab

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Skirt used as dress KAFTAN STUDIO @kaftanstudio Second layer skirt CHARLES & RON @charlesandron Headband & Earrings ADIBA @adiba.official Bracelet CARTIER @cartier Necklace VAN CLEEF & ARPELS @vancleefarpels Ring ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab

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In Pursuit of Passion Questions by Maxen Olvera and Isabela Costa

Daphne Louise Blunt (born October 23, 1997), better known simply as Daphne Blunt, is an American actress, content creator, and model. She made her first television appearance at the age of ten on the CBS daytime drama The Young & The Restless. She has since appeared in various television shows on networks including ABC, Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and more.

Daphne is a graduate of Georgetown University with a BA in Fine Art and shares her passions for fashion and art via her social media. There she is well known for her multifaceted, multi-media including photography, both digital and film, graphic design and video production. She has developed relationships with brands in the fashion industry and started directing, shooting and executing creative campaigns for international brands like Giorgio Armani, Revolve, Estée Lauder, Prada, Skims and more. Having amassed over 200,000 followers across her social media platforms and continues to grow her personal brand.

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Out of all your creative ventures, which one gives you the most satisfaction? I think I came out of the womb ready to perform and wanting to be in the spotlight so — acting is definitely my strongest passion. However, having an outlet for my personal creativity. Content creation, fashion blogging, social media, whatever you want to call it has really brought a lot of joy and light to my life. I was always obsessed with fashion. I’m lucky I have a fashion mom so she raised me with an appreciation and strong interest in personal style. Having an outlet where I can express that was really important to me, as well as having something that was creatively only mine. I’m constantly using it as an outlet to heal my inner child, express my personality and just have fun! Almost nothing brings me more joy than playing dress up.

What types of roles do you wish to take on as an actress? I’m actually insanely interested in comedy.

I think a lot of people don’t expect it for me, but my dream would be to be in a show like New Girl or The Mindy Project. I look up to Emma Stone as an actress quite a bit because I feel that she’s had such a multifaceted career and is in so many of my favorite films like La La Land, Crazy stupid love or Easy A and she’s not only an amazing actress, but she really gets to express her personality and be seen for who she is. I think that's any actor’s dream.

How would you explain your approach to photography? My approach to photography is so much about fantasy, creating dreamscapes and curating aesthetics. A lot of my personal interest stems from my obsession with the idea of portraying girlhood. I have an obsession with 90s/y2k films or anything that shows girlhood in a very cinematic way like the virgin suicides, lost in translation, Uptown Girls, Marie Antoinette. I’m a Sophia Coppola super fan. I love the work of Petra Collins though she’s not a filmmaker she’s super inspiring. Girlhood and femininity portrayed in elaborate ways just really speaks to me.

Are there any particular pieces of advice that you model your life or career after? Doing things that scare me, putting myself out there in ways that are scary are so important. Allowing myself to be seen by the world and perceived in a particular way can be

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terrifying but I think removing any interest of caring about what other people think about you, and just doing the things that you genuinely are passionate about or that you love will bring more joy to your life than anything.

What is your dream project to direct? I’ve loved working with friends on their projects and creating dreamscapes for them in the past few years. I’m very interested in working with vintage cameras and being as psychically close to the medium as possible. My dream would be to collaborate with Sophia Coppola I would like die to just make something similar to Maria Antoinette. It’s so interesting because I’ve been on this Sophia Coppola fandom far before it was sort of more relevant in pop culture. I’ve seen Maria Antoinette probably 50 times I could quote you the entire movie. Every time I’ve been to Versailles (which is like three times) I’m trying to make the people I’m with reenact scenes. So I would love to do a period piece in the same style where there’s a lot of modernization to it. From the score to the dialog and little easter eggs for the audience (think the converse mixed in with all of the Rococo slippers) mixed with the romantic European landscape Where do you see yourself in five years? I have no idea in actuality lol. I would really like to have my brand, Choux Louise, which is something that I’m working on right now, completely launched and possibly have a brick and mortar storefront. I would be not only acting but writing, directing and doing creative direction for my own projects. And still spending every summer in Europe. Maybe marriage, who knows!

Do you have any artists that inspire you? In terms of film, other than Sophia, Coppola, Gretta Gerwig, loooooove Emerald Fennell. I think she’s a genius. I would be beyond myself to work with her.

I’m extremely inspired by Nadia Lee Cohen, Cindy Sherman, Anna Weyant, Anne Leibovitz . I’m clearly obsessed with women and the way that women portray femininity in their own unique ways. There are also so many talented women on social media just creating their own beautiful art there’s a girl whose account is called @beautyspock, everything she posts is incredible. I’m super inspired by Camille Charriere. Cindy Kimberly, obviously anything Lana does. Alexa Ching, I could go on forever.

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What motivates you to keep working? My passion for doing creative things. I feel like when I’m not actively creating is when I feel the most depressed and I just love to play! To me creating is the most fun thing that you can do and I try to find an element of it within everything that I do in my day-to-day life, I don’t really like doing anything else.

Is there a particular art piece that has stirred an awakening within you? My favorite painting of all time is possibly The Birth of Venus by Alexander Cabanel, not Boticelli though I love that one too.

It’s beautiful, I love it. I love the exhaustionyou can see that she feels from existing and .... just being beautiful. I think it’s a great summary of how womanhood can feel sometimes. I love the work of Barbara Kruger. Her most famous work Your Body is a Battleground... it’s just revolutionary. I like that she’s throwing her femininity in your face. I’m also really obsessed with Claude Monet, I did a lot of work study on his pieces in art school. I think they’re beautiful, again they’re extremely revolutionary for the time. I love them conceptually, and depending on the way that you view them, you can find different meaning. I even went to his home in Giverny, which inspired a lot of his work and it’s one of my favorite places to visit in France. Going there you can feel the energy of creativity. It’s an extremely inspiring place.

What fashion means to you and how did you encounter your visual identity? Fashion means everything to me. I think it’s such an important way that we communicate who we are to the world.

I think it’s fun, I think it’s exhilarating, I think it makes me feel my best when I’m dressed up and doing something that I love. I like to feel sexy, I like to feel cute and I’m extremely unbothered if other people like what I wear or not. I wear anything that makes me feel joy. It might sound cliché but, I think everybody feels their best when they’re wearing something that they feel confident in which is always just going to be something that you really like. Whether it’s a vintage Prada sweater or a pair of ruffle bloomers with heart-shaped sunglasses, if you wear what you love, you’ll just have a better day.

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Your personal style evokes an alluring femininity.

Do you feel part of this ultra feminine moment in fashion with trends such as coquette, hyperpop y2k, etc? If so, what is the importance of expressing the female spectrum through fashion in your experience? I wouldn’t say that I necessarily feel a part of this ultra feminine trend — like the coquette thing. I feel that my style does align with it, but hyper femininity has been such an integral part of my personal style for as long as I can remember so I I don’t necessarily resonate it as a “trend” for me.

Girls will comment on my Tik Tok like “oh you’re so coquette” or whatever and I’m always like, I was “coquette” before “coquette” was a thing lol.

I personally love embracing femininity I’ve always been a “girly girl.” I absolutely love being frilly and fluffy and sexy and alluring and cute. I love bows, I love pink, I don’t deny it! I think it’s important to express femininity, or my love of being feminine, because for a long time it feels like it was sort of put down. It wasn’t cool to be girly. It was cool to be more you know, tomboy or more edgy and I do think it’s really awesome and interesting to see so many women, especially young women, embracing their super girly, hyper feminine sides. And not

feeling like they need to play it down. I think it’s probably very healing for a lot of women’s inner child to wear pink and bows and tutus, and just have no limitation towards the girly things that they like. I think it’s important because you should always be able to express the things that bring you joy and the things that you love without feeling any shame, or like people will make fun of you for it. No matter what it is that you like you should be able to wear it confidently.

Do you have any fashion role models? Alexa, Chung, Holly Madison in her Girls Next Door era, Miuccia Prada, Betty Boop, Vivian Westwood.

I look to a lot to vintage styles I love Dita Von Teese and her sort of pinup style or Jane Birkin and Twiggy.

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NISKA @Niska_officiel Photography Julien Cozzolino @JulienCozzolino Styling Sarah MK Paris @SarahMKParis Styling Assistant Quentin Ngak @Ngak_officiel10 BTS Video Shawna @Shwna.na Talent Mgmt Papuss Marlo @Marlo.ch Location Paris, France

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Rhythms of Resilience: Navigating Life and Music Interview by Robby Wong

What caused you to get into making music? I first decided to make music because of the love I had for it, but it was my entourage that convinced me to pursue it after telling me that I had potential after listening to my first track. So I believed in it and I went for it.

Your latest release, a collaboration with Luciano on the track, ‘Blue Porsche’, dropped recently. What was the process of making that song with him? With Luciano, the feature was done remotely. He sent me the track that I liked very much along with the chorus and the production and all that made me rethink a little about what I could do the old fashioned way and so I worked on it. It came up as a very successful track which made me really happy.

Having released six albums so far, what are some things you have learned about what it takes to make a project from start to finish along the way? What I learned is that the hardest thing is not to break through but to stay on top, to lead a complete project from start to finish you need a lot of patience, good morale, and knowledge. I learned to listen to myself and also listen to those around you at times but not all the time (ahaha). Sometimes there is an artistic side that only the artist can understand.

Your music portrays uncensored and real stories of what it is like to grow up in the streets of France. Given that the country is often romanticized, why do you think it's important to share these stories with people through music? Music is a way to express myself since I have always had a lot of difficulty communicating through social media. Music helps me to say what I'm going through and above all to explain my vision of the world and the things around me.

You’ve had a unique experience growing up struggling then becoming a successful artist. What are some lessons about life that you’ve learned along the way? I learned that patience is the best virtue, everything comes in time to those who know how to wait. Success made me understand a lot about the meaning of life, about the surroundings, and about family, and it has calmed me down a lot. Another lesson I have learned is to stay focused on the essentials.

You’re usually dressed in some crazy outfits on your Instagram. How would you describe your style? My style really varies with my current mood, my state of mind, with the context in which I find myself in.

What do you hope to see out of the French rap scene in the future? In the future I hope the French rap scene will reach even more people throughout the world to further break down the barriers we still have. I hope to influence the music industry for a long time.

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Haley Dahl Collage by Isabela Costa

Sloppy Jane is the creative and artist project of Haley Dahl. 2021 saw the release of the critically acclaimed chamber pop/rock album Madison on Saddest Factory Records. The album and accompanying visual album were recorded entirely in a cave in West Virginia and the music features stunning orchestral arrangements by Dahl. Dahl currently performs with an up-to 10-piece band and puts on a singularly captivating and frenetic live show. The band has shared stages with boygenius, Iceage, Pussy Riot: Riot Days, Deap Vally, Phoebe Bridgers, and more. An original song by Sloppy Jane ft. Phoebe Bridgers will be featured on the soundtrack for the upcoming A24 film I Saw The TV Glow, which is directed by Jane Schoenbrun and recently premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. Dahl is currently composing a short film score and working on writing the next Sloppy Jane album.

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What does awakening mean to you? I don’t know. Is it possible to have a peaceful transformation or true change always comes with brutal rupture? Most real change happens in quiet moments. Fast, violent change is usually some kind of trauma response. Is the world a balance of opposite forces? Are we constantly looking for that balance in ourselves? I don’t think the world, or I, are really balanced at all. What was the last artistic piece that transformed you? I have been lucky enough to witness two very transformative pieces of art in the last week, actually. I was lucky enough to see “Illinoise”, Justin Peck’s movement/live musical based around Sufjan Stevens’ “Illinois” recently. It really fired up my appreciation for movement, for o chestration, and for the fragility of life and human connection. On a different end of the spectrum, I also saw “The Zone of Interest,” which has really really been haunting me considering the United State’s role in the genocide of Palestinian people. I think that movie should be a required viewing. How does your own artistic practice alter yourself? My work asks me to be the absolute best and most functional version of myself I can be, and I try really hard to rise to that. When it comes to artists, is there a fetishization of suffering? I actually don’t really think so. I think that creating art can be a way of taking control of your own suffering- of forcing the worst moments in your life to become beautiful and in some cases celebrated. It’s a healing, cathartic thing, and I think watering it down to the “fetishization of suffering” is limiting. Most people experience life as passage of “mandatory” rituals: school, job, marriage etc. What happens once you escape those rituals? Emptiness or accomplishment? Any path you take you will feel some amount of emptiness and you will wonder if you would have been happier on a different path. This is true of taking traditional paths and of taking non traditional ones. But life is long and you can be a lot of different people- if you put your mind to it your life could not resemble what it is right now in two months. Do you have personal rituals in your routine or during your process of making new work? I try to wake up early and do morning pages every day, I try to stay off screens until 10am. I try to be in a practice of using my body in as many ways as possible when I am not performing so I stay present in myself. I do vocal warmups. What happens once you give birth to new work? Is it a release? I don’t identify with giving birth because it’s icky- but to answer your question, creating work is amazing and releasing it is almost always just kind of stressful and nothing, even if it goes well. so it’s better not to focus on that part of it. What makes art eternal? It just is Why do you do what you do? I don’t know how to do anything else. What to make when everything has been made? That’s just something we tell ourselves so we don’t have to use our imaginations. Our world is constantly expanding. There will always be something new to make.

Haley Dahl @sloppyjanebandd Photography Sofie Milton @sofmilton Graphic Design Stéphane Marquet @alekandsteph Collage Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic

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Kara Jackson

Collage by Isabela Costa

Kara Jackson wants to be dangerous. Wielding her voice like a honey-coated blade, Kara crafts a blend of emotional folk music and poetic alt-country. With the radical honesty of Nina Simone, and the intricate lyricism of Fiona Apple and Joana Newsom, Kara’s writing blurs the line between poetry and song, demanding an attentive ear and a repeat listen. Raised by country folk and Black feminist poets like Gwendolyn Brooks and LucilleClifton, Kara's Songs have the softness and warmth of a southern drawl, while still being sharp enough to cut deep. Born and raised in Oak Park, IL, a community 10 miles west of Chicago, with a Southern sensibility imbued by their parent’s background, her innate talent was unlocked early on honing her skills for music and writing from a very young age.

Kara Jackson @karakara Original Pictures provided by The Oriel Company @theorielco Bio by Jamila Woods Graphic DesignStéphane Marquet @alekandsteph Collage Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic

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What does awakening mean to you?Awakening is something that’s always happening. For me, it’s trying to approach every day as a new, clean slate and not judge myself for who I was before today. Is it possible to have a peaceful transformation or true change always comes with brutal rupture? I don’t think change is always brutal. Sometimes it’s natural and cathartic to grow out of an old mode. I think a lot of change is heartbreaking, but bittersweet.

Is the world a balance of opposite forces? Are we constantly looking for that balance in ourselves? I’m a libra so I think a lot about balance. Something that’s been really important to me as I get older is embracing that I’m not for everybody, and resisting the urge to try to please everybody or every audience. I also believe in embracing contradiction, the way we are naturally in opposition with ourselves, because I think accepting the fact that I will make mistakes and I am still smoothing out inconsistencies allows me to have more patience for everyone around me. What was the last artistic piece that transformed you? I was really transformed by “gossypiin” by Ra Malika Imhotep. It’s a book of poems in the lineage of Ntozake Shange’s “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow is Enuf” and it deals with history and memory in such a striking way. How does your own artistic practice alter yourself? I feel like I’ve always come to art to make sense of of everything that feels wrong, whether that’s myself or just the state of the world. So when I tend to my art practice I feel like I aim to emerge realer with myself, about where I’m at, what’s hurting, what needs to get better. It’s like a diagnosis. When it comes to artists, is there a fetishization of suffering?

I’m not sure what suffering is being referred to here but I feel like there’s been less room now for earnest feeling. People are looking for fun and escapism in their work, and individualism has made people less sympathetic to suffering all around the world. Yet at the same time people are coming together more than ever to share their grief, and pain, not to fetishize it, but to unite around struggles, to face the way their suffering is a shared experience, and I think that is going to be felt in the art soon, too. Most people experience life as passage of “mandatory” rituals: school, job, marriage etc. What happens once you escape those rituals? Emptiness or accomplishment? The rigidity of the structures we live in that render these choices (work, marriage, etc) mandatory limits our imagination and as a result limits how we define success. I often think about how if we were not forced to work so much, what would we define our lives around? Escaping these structures opens us up to endless possibility in my opinion. Do you have personal rituals in your routine or during your process of making new work? I don’t know if its a ritual or more so habitual but I like to start my work with myself. I like to figure out how I feel and where I stand in my work in a room by myself before I bring other people into that room. What happens once you give birth to new work? Is it a release? When I write something new I like to bring it to people I trust. Before something ever sees the world I like for it to be in the hands of people who care about me and my work in a way the public is not obligated to. What makes art eternal? What makes art eternal is the way itwe observe it. we memorialize art and extend its life by continuing to engage with it, remarking and critiquing it. Why do you do what you do? I’m still figuring out why I do what I do but I’ve always made music because it’s what I’ve loved about the world. I love music and our inclination to make sounds, to communicate with them. What to make when everything has been made?

You have a conversation with the people who have chosen to speak already. I appreciate that I’m not the first person to speak or to do something, because that’s terrifying. All I have to do is enter a conversation that’s been happening long before me.

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Jacket NAMILIA @namilia Bodysuit SERPENTI @serpenti_apparel Tights LARUICCI @laruicci Shoes DOLCE VITA @dolcevita Necklace ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Rings ARIANA BOUSSARD REIFEL @arianaboussardreifel Glasses BIG HORN @bighornrhino

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Caylee Cowan @cayleecowan Shot on film by Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Developed and scanned by Valley Photo Service @valleyphotoservice Styling Nzinga Watts-Harper @nzingawattsharper MakeUp Daniele Piersons @danielepiersonsbeauty Hair Caitlin Krenz @caitlinkrenzbeauty Assistant Photography Anna Dória @_______elcosmosyanna Interview Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Production + Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la

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Dress MEG BECK @megbeckstudio Shoes SYLVEN NYC @sylvennewyork Jewelry JUSTINE CLENQUET @justineclenquet Gloves VEX LATEX @vexclothing

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A conversation with Caylee Cowan by Isabela Costa

Think about all the terrifying moments of postmodern society, for example an awkward job interview or instagram pictures of all your high school classmates getting married. Now, try to think about whatever you need to calm down. It doesn’t really work, right? The chamomile tea has no real effect and you are about to regret the impulsive online shopping. The truth is that the real energy capable of erasing anxiety comes from unique people with a healing aura. If you haven’t guessed yet, I am talking about Caylee Cowan. The normal set anxiety found a reason to leave as she arrived at the photoshoot location. Incredibly kind to everyone in the crew and stepping in the room like a ballerina, Caylee unconsciously offered a cleansing session to the room.

However, the actor provides more than a gentle or tender energy to whichever space she joins into. Cowan is curious and passionate about her craft. As she was getting her makeup done, Caylee manifested her interest in arthouse films with insightful notes on the topic. Cowan talked about her practice, SXSW and even her latest unfortunate experiences driving in Los Angeles. The actor’s constant study about performance and cinematic language is also shown in subjects of political stances. Vegan and a strong voice in the sustainable fashion cause, Caylee Cowan expresses her concerns for the world around us in many ways.

During one day, I decided: a word that describes Caylee well is “responsibility”.

Being responsible means honoring something or someone. Cowan honors her practice and clearly investigates her craft on a daily basis. She respects people around her, their time and their creative voices. Above all, Caylee respects and honors this world with her posture and grace when it comes to important subjects.

The actor, soon on the big screen with her upcoming film “Double Exposure”, shared with us her powerful description of awakening: “Awakening means, to me, to become aware of something that was once subconsciously understood and bring it to the forefront of your consciousness. To recognize it. To understand it.

To feel it.” VULKAN is proud to offer an interview, in which you can understand a bit of the mind, soul and heart of Caylee Cowan.

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"Awakening means, to me, to become aware of something that was once subconsciously understood and bring it to the forefront of your consciousness."

Caylee Cowan

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During the photoshoot you mentioned your interest in portraying real people or characters adapted from a book. Could you elaborate on that? Portraying a real person, or a character adapted from a book both present their own unique gifts and challenges. There is plenty of source material to draw upon, and the challenge is often how nuanced the performance must be. Sometimes the person you are portraying is still alive and, if you’re lucky, you are allowed to meet with them, which was an opportunity I was given when acting in my first movie “Sunrise in Heaven.” When the character is fictionalized It helps to read about them in the script as well was the book and, I try to see if it’s possible to meet the author of the book because that can also, in it’s own way, help to inform the character. Sometimes it’s not possible to meet the person or the creator of the fictional person I am portraying. In that case, I can only hope that there are recordings of some kind to pull from.

If those do not exist, then it is up to me to create a backstory entirely from my own imagination to justify the words and actions of the character I’m portraying.

Before starring on the screen, you have taken part in plays by canonical authors, such as Anton Chekhov and Tennessee Williams.

What is the secret to innovate and create your own interpretation of a text hugely explored?

I love this question. The first secret is in the research. I love to learn as much as I possibly can about the character and the playwright and the worlds they live in. I’ll learn about them through the words the playwright has written, dissecting what the character says about themselves or about how they view the world and the actions that they take to get what they want. I also learn through myself and how my experiences of the world can uniquely color a role that has been done before and will be done again. The second secret is in forgetting. Forget it all and let it go because you will never do it the way it’s been done before. I once worked on a play caller “Miss Julie” when I was 17 years old. That role is technically for a 25 year old. I fell in love with

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the story written by the playwright Augustine Strindberg. I read a couple different translations of the script because it was originally written in Swedish. It wasn’t until I finished working on it that I watch the film adaptation with Jessica Chastain and Collin Farrell. I admire them and was in awe. I was inspired, but at the same time grateful I hadn’t seen their performances before I worked on it because I probably would’ve tried to mimic her. Instead, I got the opportunity to find myself inside the role as authentically as I could. The most beautiful full circle moment of that experience was being 25 in New York City watching Jessica Chastain perform on stage in a production of “A Doll’s House” and then later going backstage and meeting with her after the show. It was really special getting to connect with someone who played the same character.

She was really specially. I’ll never forget it.

The language of theater and cinema are completely different. From one side there is the ephemeral result of a live experience and from the other the possibilities to build emotion through framing and editing. Which scenario excites you the most and why? Theater and film are equally exciting. They work different muscles for the actor. With theater, you have to run it through from the beginning to the end without stopping in chronological order, but when you’re filming a movie, it’s often out of order and there’s a lot of downtime in between takes.

You have produced The Peace Between (2019), a documentary on refugees. Why is this matter relevant for audiences all over the world and what did you learn with this project? I was 19 when I helped to produce that short film. I met the other female filmmakers at a charity event for Save the Children. I was inspired by them and the documentary and wanted to help them get it into festivals. The documentary takes a step back from the social and political rhetoric surrounding the word "refugee" by exploring authentic friendships forged between people who were once worlds apart.

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What was the most valuable advice or insightful suggestion that a director gave you?

Would you ever consider stepping behind the camera to direct projects? The most valuable advice a director has given me was probably just a reminder to listen. Active listening is a big part of acting. Fifty percent of acting is reacting. I do think about directing. I don’t think I’m ready yet, but someday I’d like to direct as well.

How do you have a preferred method to prepare for acting roles or does it change depending on the character and project? The approach is always different for me because each character requires something different. That kind of circles back to what we were talking about before.

It depends if the character is based on a real person, living or dead, or someone who is fictional.

and to pick things that aren’t just a trend but will last a long time.

What films or pieces of art have transformed you recently and why? I recently read a book called the Bella Jar by Sylvia Plath. I can’t stop thinking about it. I would like to make a movie about a girl like Esther Greenwood.

This issue’s theme is Awakening, we would love to know what this word means to you.

Awakening means, to me, to become aware of something that was once subconsciously understood and bring it to the forefront of your consciousness. To recognize it. To understand it. To feel it.

Do you fully release a character after a production is over or do you keep a piece of them in you? Which character has left a special mark on you and why? Oddly, I think I feel the most prepared for a character once the production has wrapped. It’s usually a week later, once everything been said and done, when I realize that there was so much more to that one line that I was struggling with during filming. I did an ULB movie during the SAG strike here in LA called “Double Exposure” and I only had a week to prep the role. I had to learn how to knit for my character, but I only vaguely remembered how to crochet from when I was a kid. I wish we could go back and film the first day over again because my knitting skills improved tremendously throughout the course of production along with my understanding of my character.

You are very vocal about sustainable fashion.

How did you enter that journey and what are the fashion decisions that everyone can make on a daily basis to support this cause?

Sustainability in the fashion and food industry go hand in hand. We must be thoughtful about what we put into and onto our bodies. A lot of what we wear here in America ends up in a landfill so it’s important to be mindful when we shop 117

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Shirt ICEBERG @iceberg Lingerie HONEY BIRDETTE @honeybirdette Shoes DOLCE VITA @dolcevita Jewelry ARIANA BOUSSARD REIFEL @arianaboussardreifel

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Jacket NAMILIA @namilia Bodysuit SERPENTI @serpenti_apparel Tights LARUICCI @laruicci Shoes DOLCE VITA @dolcevita Necklace ALEXIS BITTAR @alexisbittar Rings ARIANA BOUSSARD REIFEL @arianaboussardreifel Glasses BIG HORN @bighornrhino

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TYLER SANTAGELO

Full Look HIROMI ASAI @hiromi.asai Neckless ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab Belt TALENT’S OWN

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Tyler Santangelo is an artist and curator based in Los Angeles. He is the founder of ALLGORITHIM, a contemporary LA art gallery focused on emerging and established artists with collectors of all varieties. In the first year, they held 11 exhibitions, primarily consisting of painters & sculptors and established photographers. Santangelo is also the co-founder of 14 Sunset, a financial & development production company with a focal point on alternative films derived around original content. Tyler has lived in the Chateau Marmont and is the right personality to embody the spirit of contemporary artists from Los Angeles.

Tyler Santangelo @kndrgrtn Photography Andrzej Lawnik @los_anjayles Styling Maison Privée @maisonpriveepr_la Grooming Heather Weppler @heatherlurk for Exclusive Artists using ILIA Beauty and Philip B. Haircare Production Creative Direction Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Assistant Photography Filip Baleta @filipbaleta Production + Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la 123

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Full Look HIROMI ASAI @hiromi.asai Neckless ATRA NOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab Belt TALENT’S OWN

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Jacket HIROMI ASAI @hiromi.asai Pants D.RT @drtlife Shoes JEAN-BAPTISTE RAUTUREAU @jb_rautureau

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ISABELLA

Hilman dress in fuchsia shaggy TOIT VOLANT @toitvolant Heels WILLA PHOENIX @willa.phoenix Ring BEEPY BELLA (bon bon ring) @beepybella other Jewelry TALENT’S OWN

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Isabella Lalonde @isabellalalonde Shot on film by Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Developed and scanned by Valley Photo Service @valleyphotoservice Styling Jenny Kim @jennynayoung MakeUp Kelly Goldsack @kellygoldsackmakeup for Exclusive Artists using Omorovicza Skincare Hair Kristina The Glam Tech @theglamtech Production + Creative Direction Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Interview Maxen Olvera @maxo_4203 Assistant Anna Dória @_______elcosmosyanna Production + Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la

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"I create because I seek.

I create because I feel lonely or sad, and that must turn into art.

My work is extremely emotional.

Whether or not others know it."

- Isabella Lalonde

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Wrap dress in koi pond KKCO @kkco Ring BEEPY BELLA (bon bon ring) @beepybella Other jewelry TALENT’S OWN

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Wrap dress in koi pond KKCO @kkco Boots JONAK @jonak Ring BEEPY BELLA (bon bon ring) @beepybella Other jewelry TALENT’S OWN

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Graphics by Stéphane Marquet

Crafting Fantasy!

The Whimsical World of Isabella Lalonde

A conversation with Isabella Lalonde by Maxen Olvera

Isabella Lalonde enjoys growing and foraging mushrooms, practicing herbal medicine, glass smithing on the weekends and documenting her art and life. Practices that started as isolative hobbies soon became part of a solid career. Now, Beepy Bella is the jewelry line for all the cool kids and their favorite celebrities, like Billie Eilish. Lalonde marks her presence in the fashion industry with a brand which comes to life through experimentation and delivery of colors, textures and materials as if derived from that of a magical fantasy.

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Why did you choose to focus your brand on accessories?

I wanted to create objects that frame the face. It's not the only goal I have with dressing my audience though.

The face is the best place to start for me. Once I understand how to frame it perfectly, I will move onto studying dressing other parts of the body.

I am consciously taking a slow burn approach to my design work, as I want to examine every single possibility of the outcome of my work before I produce it.

Where does the name of Beepy Bella come from?

Beepy was born because I was saying that instead of "Sleepy" one early early morning at 4am. The name translated from my inner memories is actually "Sleepy Bella" which falls in line with the fairytale princess dreamland I first aspired to create with my brand.

How was your experience at The Parsons School of Design ?

I think school is what you make of it. I knew I was an artist from a very young age, so it was always my dream to attend an primarily artsfocused school. Going to the Fine Arts program at Parsons finally allowed me to accomplish that dream. It was the first time where I ever felt seen in my education, so for that I am eternally grateful for being able to have a space to prioritize my artist brain. I still miss it. Senior Year, we got our own studio spaces (which was a blessing to have in NYC). I miss the world I created there.

I painted my floors red, hung fabric on the ceilings, grew mushrooms, and fell in love in that studio space.

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Is there any particular form of art that inspires your approach to designing accessories?

Movies. I "world-build" when it comes to creating my art, so movies are the easiest recipe to follow to create a custom universe.

People who know me know that I especially love Tim Burton's kingdom.

I think the way he built his world is very impactful.

How long did it take until celebrities like Billie Elish started to add your pieces to their wardrobe?

It happened right away. That's why my journey is so magical. I was just an artist, like every other artist, in this world making their art. I used to work at Vogue, it was my first job, and they covered the brand in a solo feature before I barely had my website up.

What I was making at the time was completely new. Artists like Dua Lipa and it-girls like Bella Hadid started reaching out for pieces after that launched.

Can you detail your creative process for designing your jewelry pieces ?

I think it's quite ordinary and mundane.

It's what you would perhaps expect, or not. I create because I seek.

I create because I feel lonely or sad, and that must turn into art. My work is extremely emotional. Whether or not others know it.

What got you interested in the world of fashion ?

Self expression is the easiest creative exercise for an artist to practice on a daily basis. You have to get dressed.

Every day. I used to play with clothing as if it were a costume, but one that allowed my inner child to run free. Now, I dress for a different creative approach. Hence, the art of dressing innately tied to your creative subconscious, and that's why I respect it.

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Where do you think the future of fashion is going?

I think it is very easy to look at all the downsides of the business of fashion currently.

Creative geniuses get their work stolen, or go nameless in designing for others.

There's a lot that can go wrong if you pin your dreams on winning as an individual in this scary industry. But that's the risk that any creatives take when they try to enter their respective fields. So the positive to that statement is the ones who do try, who have the guts to take the risk, are soldiers for the work. I think there is a lot of courage from the underground and emerging scene of designers in fashion. I think we are the ones who are shaping the industry.

How do you incorporate elements of fantasy into your work?

A lot of my work is very childish in nature. It's as unserious as it is serious.

Paradoxes are a crucial element to the strategy of my design work, as I like to create emotional responses from my audience. Humor is a way that I incorporate fantasy into my work.

It allows people to loosen up and embrace the absurdity of some of the things I present them with. And that emotional impact is a very integral process of my art, as I want to use it to help others heal from disturbances in their lives - even if it's just for a split second.

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"I think there is a LOT OF COURAGE from the underground and emerging scene of designers in fashion. I think we are the ones who are shaping the industry."

- Isabella Lalonde Hilman dress in fuchsia shaggy TOIT VOLANT @toitvolant Ring BEEPY BELLA (bon bon ring) @beepybella

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Dress DUMEBI @atelier_dumebi Boots PLEASER USA

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R H A P S O D Y Model Jasmine Dampiér @jasmine_dampier Shot on film by Isabela Costa @isa.chromatic Developed and scanned by Valley Photo Service @valleyphotoservice Photo/Creative Assistant Anna Dória @_______elcosmosyanna Styling Kassandra Bialkowski @kasandrawithak MakeUp EJ Gregory @makeupbyejgregory Hair Abraham Esparza @thisisbabe Production + Location @bellomediagroup x @maisonpriveepr_la

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Dress DUMEBI @atelier_dumebi

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Coat SPIRITHOODS CLOTHING @spirithoods Dress JOANNA HADFIELD @joannahadfield Shoes FREE LANCE @freelance_paris Neckless ADIBA @adiba.official Ring ATRANOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab

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Corset MARTA MILJANIC @martamiljanicSkirt CARMEN MARC VALVO @carmenmarcvalvo Second Layer Skirt JOANNA HADFIELD @joannahadfield Gloves ADOLFO SANCHEZ @asanchezfashion Shoes WILLA PHOENIX @willa.phoenix Neckless CHARLES & RON @charlesandron

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Coat SPIRITHOODS CLOTHING @spirithoods Ring ATRANOVA BY SHEILA.B @atranova_by_sheilab

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Dress DUMEBI @atelier_dumebi Boots PLEASER USA

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Lace collar and pants DUMEBI @atelier_dumebi Corset MARTA MILJANIC @martamiljanic Skirt KAROLINA’S KINGDOM @karolinaskingdom Shoes SYLVEN NYC @sylvennewyork

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Lettre D' A mour VULKAN Intro by Isabela Costa Article by Elio Christos

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Being an artist or a public persona in a world sometimes cynical and other times critical is a tough choice. Maybe it isn’t even a choice; it is probably a call. Expressing yourself is being vulnerable to malicious eyes at the cost of your own freedom. Let's assume that savage art reviews come usually from a place of bitterness or lack of understanding, a lot of times mixed with blind conservatism. Fortunately, the judgmental stares or shallow criticism will never be louder than the love from all the souls impacted and transformed by the ones who speak their truth. For this reason, we invite everyone to dive into a perspective of love written by a fan of a selected artist or public figure, who resonates with our present issue. The intriguing love of a fan is sometimes platonic and other times the purest form of love: feeling understood and validated by a physically distant creator.

The imagery in VULKAN Awakening is heavenly, because sometimes there is no material explanation to the changes we suffer throughout our human trajectory. Heaven can be the literal Eden, illustrated in the photoshoot with models Coleen Cole, Katty Ukhanova and Jayla Ford. It can also be a glorious moment of counter culture, embodied by Lauren Ruth Ward in our time travel to the Rock ‘n Roll golden age of Sunset Strip. Awakening is subtle and private, ideas expressed in our collaboration with Caylee Cowan. It also comes from an everlasting exchange between mind and environment, so beautifully portrayed

by Abra.

The imagery of an ethereal heaven versus mundane desires have defined the earlier work

by Lana Del Rey. The prolific singer-songwriter has painted a nostalgic picture of Los Angeles, which impacted her work and gave us a taste of nostalgia through her lens. The mysticism in Del Rey can be a consequence of the private life of an artist whose personal life is rarely exposed in tabloids. As years passed by, Lana Del Rey allowed herself to evolve from the Vintage Goddess in Born to Die and be closer to Elizabeth Grant. Maybe this shift happened with Norman Fucking Rockwell and still matures in her latest album, Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocen Blvd. Praised by music experts and poets around the world, the album had several Grammy nominations but (unexplainable) no wins. Lana is the only one to truthfully confirm if there was indeed a pivotal form of awakening after Normal Fucking Rockwell. In any case, she defined the Tumblr aesthetic which influenced everyone who once wore a flower crown with cat eye makeup. Lana Del Rey validated the hopeless romantics and shaped the vulnerability within the feminine spectrum in a way that only a courageous woman could.

For our first ever Through the Eyes of Love, VULKAN invites Elio Christos to share with us his relationship with Lana Del Rey and a deep look into her artistic practice. Our guest is generous, kind, sensitive and has a sharp mind devoted to Lana’s work. Born and raised in Long Beach, Elio is surely “qualified to represent the LBC”.

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a f o y c a

g e L Sculpted Poet Photo by Elio Christos

In theory music and lyrics cohesively share the ability to touch a feeling, relive a thought, see a memory. In today’s market of artists, there are more unique talents who write their own stories and develop their signature tone and become hugely successful with continued presence.

Elizabeth Wolridge Grant led a chain reaction when she bursted on the scene and sculpted a poet who would define a generation of teenage girls and queer youth, attached a vintage cinematic aesthetic, and named her Lana Del Rey. This past April of 2024 she celebrated her decade long career and headlined the biggest music festival in the world, Coachella.

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For an artist like Del Rey who debuted in 2012 with her first studio album Born to Die, she was scrutinised for her glamorised portrayals of abusive relationships and toxic love stories; in her music videos and lyrics. Her cinematic quality was so unique and authentic to who she was it engulfed an entire community of ‘young depressed teenagers’ in a way that no other artist had done before. Because of how vulnerable she was with hits like Video Games and Blue Jeans it defined what would come next in her career as the face of melancholy alternative music.

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With some viewers undermining her artistic expression, she submitted herself to the career defining critics that deemed del rey’s performance as “one of the worst performances in SNL history”. Her infamous 2012 SNL performance of her best hits of the time broke her career and solidified “the greatAmerican homecoming [she] never got”. However it's how she gracefully moved on from that experience by repeatedly referencing it in her decadelong career that inspired works such as Violet Bent Backwards over the Grass (her poetry book), Did You Know that There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd and more recently her 2024 Coachella performance.

From the Billboard displaying “Has Anyone Else Died for you? Lana Del Rey SNL January 14, 2012” on the journey to the festival and the hologram projected while she sings Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman like Me to Have. A song that was inspired by her being ridiculed and crucified by critics and media for the SNL performance.

witness her ghost from the past as she sang about her legacy and what she will leave behind when she's gone. Suddenly not wanting to be forgotten, being remembered for being free and confined, it all began to make sense .

She will always be the poet and songstress that voiced a generation, her melodies of loss and forgotten comfort was present throughout her career and concluded her Coachella set. She used 20’s ballroom music (A1-It’s Just a burning memory

by The caretaker) to exit her Coachella set which left the viewers a feeling of nostalgia never known by this generation.

Connecting to her wanting to leave a

lasting legacy that could someday be forgotten. Going out of the blue, back into the black (My My, by Neil Young) is her mourning the last decade of her career and tying together the funeral theme saying goodbye to the past and appreciating the free spirited glamorous girl that would ride on motorcycles with mature men, the Instead of facing the issue publicly head aura that moulded us into shades of cool, on she instead wrote nine beautiful bodies the Lana Del Rey that entranced bliss and of work including her first ever poetry breathed heaven into her darkest times. book. This enhanced the artist she is and has maintained a commercially successful Elio Christos is a writer career that survives solely off the from Long Island with Mexican descent. melancholic vocals, her genius lyricism, As he studied film at Cal State Los Angeles, he simultaneously earned a certification of and archaic persona that resonates with Music Industry essentials from NYU Tisch who her audience is.

I was fortunate enough to be part of her audience from the beginning and to witness her live for the first time at the biggest stage of her career; to gaze at the hologram of herself exactly as she was in 2012 projected onto us. Heartbreaking to

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School of Arts. With writing remaining his sole passion, Elio has provided Vulkan with his expertise of songstress Lana Del Rey. Christo writes about Del Rey’s impact on the music industry and the legacy she's built for herself.

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i play this game with men where i ask are you my daddy and the men either say yes or fuck me. very few times they have done both but fucking democrats is so high school so let's just go with my original proposition; i play this game with men and they either say yes or fuck me. this game is often played at parties i circle my target and then i pounce i am a hunting machine a fuckingmachine and i cant get anyone to love me once they are inside me. im sure you love me enough without being inside me but whats the fun in that? its always about fun. when its not about fun its about death anyway what im trying to say is i have this uncle and he’s a green beret veteran and two weeks after my mother is declared braindead i am on the phone with him because this is what we do now. he asks if i want a handmade knife. he asks if i'd like it in pink. a punky transexual camp queen and a patriot walk into a bar and somehow the transexual beats him at his own game and he buys the transexual a beer this is my day dream i live it everytime i finger the grooves of the challenge coin i found in my mother’s things it’s a joke i tell when im getting high at her service. i ask him to make the knife look gothic. my sister and i sit on each side of the hospital bed in the icu. my mother’s body is warm but they made her that way with blankets hooked up to wires connected to more wires connected to her. the artificial heat of my mother’s body warms our hands from the unusually cool northern californian november air. her hands feel heavy under the weight of her half lifelessness. my mother's best friend is a massage therapist and leads what my father refers to as her “healing hands’ up and down my mother’s body. she caresses serum into her face to keep her skin perfect like it always was. she offers to cut a lock of my mother's curls. i do it myself, carefully searching for my favorite curl, feathering the scissors so i leave no i do not think she would mind.

i have manic episode and call dante so we can go to the mall so i can get a new cologne. i spend 300 dollars on this endevour. dante cheers me on from the sidelines and we gawk at coach bags and loewe coats in the window and spend too much money on camo abercrombie pants. the next day on the way out from dads house my cologne shatters and i fall to the ground dopamine deprived and wanting to die, my father says if i dont cry hed buy me a new one. i oblige. i play james taylor’s fire and rain as my father and sister stand in front of me with the urn that holds my mother. “and to the earth we shall return” my father says to us. the water wades the boat up and down along its surface, the sun’s reflection and refraction dancing against my mother’s ashes. the last time i saw my mother she was falling into the san fransico bay like glitter and i didnt know why i felt so okay about it. i stare at the seattle skyline in a rented room as k gives me a hickey. its endearingly large.i nuzzle into k’s arm and kiss it up and down. he’s sipping water but his eyes dont leave me as im making my way to his chest and biting the hair that lives there i am consuming i am casting i am stealing hairs with my teeth to mix into my tea i am devouring it all without looking away. i love to make men moan with my eyes alone. it means ive won the game. k is facefucking me head between my legs my hands in his hair his tongue inside me he wants more so i give it to him. this is the image i keep returning to when i pray.

i tell my cousin n i can only write in pretty places so he buys me a ticket when my train is canceled. n's house is a mixture of midcentury modern and early punk aesthetics. there is an entire room for plants, a green velvet couch, a matching green recliner, a fixed-up hi-fi, and two large pin-up girl paintings over the fireplace, but no television. every wall is covered in framed art ranging from retro to gothic to oddities like his framed cat skull. he and i make altars of our abodes and yet nothing is held too dear, except for what is.

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when i hit n i meant to say i love you. it's him who started the row. i stood no chance against a 40-year old skinhead navy man.i was pinned to the ground under his thumb by a pressure point alone and my body said i'm familiar with this love and i think that's what scared him. i believe he almost sobbed with my head in his palms, firmly placed in his lap, when he said, “don't let anyone lay hands on you and believe it's normal”, n tells me blood means nothing to him but holds me like im a fragile thing. my uncle never uses my name but talks to me about one of his children who was like me. he calls me baby and sweetheart when i cry, i am a delicate subject personified, a basket case transexual faggot and i tell him so too. im a faggot and i smoke capris. n tells me im too shock and awe. but what happens when you stop shocking and or awe-ing? this is what some might call bipolar twink death. i adorned rubber elf ears and my mother rolled her eyes but never stopped smiling we were her own little marx brothers, my sister and i we dance and sing and sometimes even spin: it’s a triple threat. my ears follow me everywhere along with a small stuffed devil named simon peter but his name is a secret so we just call him familiar. i wonder where he went sometimes. ive been thinking a lot about fun and therefore ive been thinking a lot about whimsy: a stuffed bird in caroline and rileys apar ment, a pair of rubber elf ears, a porcelain kewpie baby from abbi thats alarmingly large. whimsy is anything fanciful like wearing a wedding dress to a 9 am lecture because i go to art school now and im doing an ‘art’ thing. wackadamia. sitting at your desk job in a tutu and teaching wearing a faux fur coat. you know… wackadamia! a chainmail headpiece that leaves a dark mask of black stains on your white collared shirts but its just so damn chic and now you know how joan of arc felt. i want whimsy in my days and games to play at night. i want a new way of thinking that takes the pain away. n sings his folk punk like a sailors song as he cooks me dinner every night. i perch much like a cat on his kitchen island and smile my cheshire’s smile. sometimes i wonder if what brings us together is holy or profane. punk music feels like both. punk is like santa claus , it lives on in the hearts of those who believe and brother i believe in punk so sue me. sometimes i just want to fall into a mass and for that mass to be a person or people blaring speakers so my ears ring while my body descends into it. sometimes, n just wants to fight. i never wonder what brought us together. my mother sent n his yearly supply of sees candies molasses chips and he never got around to saying thank you before it happened. my mother treated n like gold, my mother treated everyone she loved like gold we were her precious jewels her glass pumpkins my mother loved a delicate thing my mother had the magic touch she made plants grow full; her fingerprints are everywhere all around me; my sisters grief is enough for the both of us and i offer my altar for her sacraments. we cry alone. i hold my holy objects dear. my grandmother's mirrored silver compact is engraved with her initials, we think it may have been a gift from her wedding day. i am very sentimental about the wedding relics, as was my mother. i think of marriage as the holiest of sacrements. quincey shines it for me, enough that i can see my reflection on its shell, and n gently glues the mirrors back in place as i watch from the kitchen island again, holding my precious heirlooms in a rubber bag. an onyx ring, the challenge coin, the pearls. i adorn them, i use them as decor, everything is an altar every church is filled with holy bones, this is my body. i hold my holy objects close then scatter them. i have always known whimsy because i have always know frolicking (in my mothers garden you see) frolicking is inherently queer but theory is so dull but if you must know im thinking of muarice (1987) and by extension, call me by your name ( 2017) maybe even wilde (1997). i will never forget when anthony said of my work “i know how you know the references but you have to tell them that!” -- i will tell you in part but the rest i keep for myself. im easily eaten alive and my weakness is secrets; or rather the inability to keep them. i let them drool from my lips yet there is always a moral code im beautifying im pondering im sending warning signs how is the truth not fair. this is all to say this isn’t about secrets its about death and death’s secrets death is a portal into secrets there is no such thing as taking something to the grave when your mouth has moved all your life. i think everyone wants to die to be quite honest

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i you leaves my lips quite easily these days. i often have to stop myself from spilling onto people to soon, mom always said this about me, too much too soon, sometimes i fear my favorite type of love is the love no one else can give me but nor can i give myself this is a secret type of love one that lives in my head and often comes to mind when im praying this love could also be known as shame. i love yous are an abundance when every doorway belongs to death. the game, by the way, does not always work at parties. the man from the cohort above me touches my boot and i think this must mean he is in love with me. “is this snake skin?” an open couch appears and i invite him to sit in it (we create opportunities when we see fit) im dancing around it cause this one hurt it hurt to want to be wanted and then to not be wanted but maybe that want to be wanted was wanting for the simple act of wanting to be wanted. there is a certain defies-the-space-time-continuumness about me that really pisses some folks off but im attatched to my little whispers i enjoy my little spells i am frolicking and adventuring in my mothers garden i am digging a hole to nowhere, deep. i ate dirt as a kid to return to something familiar i think. to swallow deep something whole. mother, earth. n pointed a knife at me. no, at himself, but the knife was in my hands he put it there and the knife is pointed at his chest his hands are wrapped around mine. this is what men always do they always cry kill me kill me and they know i will never do it i would never kill what once was mine. i grew up thinking all men wanted to die.

someone at my mother’s funeral walks up to me and says that she's been thinking a lot about organ donation. she asks how many organs my mother donated. she wants to know because she thinks its weird how my mother lives on in these people. that they have mama’s soul inside them and they dont even know who she is. i tell her it’s very metaphysical. i don’t believe she understood me. n gives me an ultimatum: either he will text me every day making sure ive taken my meds or we will never talk again. i was in a chaos state. im trying to calm down nowadays but the chaos sweeps through my system so naturally and nessels under the crook of my neck. i kiss it a tender and prolonged goodbye and dutifully swallow my pills. sometimes i feel dead. the priest observing my mothers mass was the pastor when i adorned my robes and played altar boy. it’s the first incantation i can remember: casting my billowing couds of frankincense across the aisles and uttering my wishes of peace onto the congregation. the priest calls me by name and shakes my hand whispering welcome home so now i get to play prodigal son too. i’ve always believed in wild living, but this is a new type of baptism. it’s magic wears off on the plane home.

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i arrive home from n’s and pile into fiona’s car at the burbank airport. fiona invites me to a lesbian dj night and i decline, but we get taco bell and drive back to my place chatting about how cool my haircut is now. i tell them im happy to be in the company of someone who notices these things. fiona and i walk up to my apartment to find a rectangular box. my knife arrived. i looked at the label. he sent it to solomon.

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Solomon Joy Leone (@oscarsgonew1lde) is a poet and writer based in Seattle, WA. Solomon Joy Leone holds a BA in Creative writing from Seattle University and an MFA from CalArts very dearly. Focusing on themes of desire, grief, and a constant conversation with the holy other, Solomon Joy Leone worships at many altars. Solomon Joy Leone is also a pop culture enthusiast, creative director for the independent newspaper the West Seattle Bridge, and was voted “most likely to crowd surf at their own ted talk” in high school. Solomon Joy Leone also loves you

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Awakening Photographed by Savanna Ruedy